Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, and guests dissect Bill Burr's SNL dominance as the comedy GOAT, contrasting his offensive edge with Chris Rock's perceived pandering. The group debates pandemic hypocrisy, from lockdown efficacy to viral theories about race and China, while analyzing NBA leadership where Jimmy Butler surpasses Kawhi Leonard and LeBron James. They also weigh Dak Prescott's career risks against financial security, blending serious sports analysis with chaotic banter on sexual harassment, Instagram art, and Kim Jong-un's emotional displays before promoting Schulz's comedy tour. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Welcome to Flagrant 200:01:54
What's up, everybody?
Welcome to Flagrant 2.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
I'm here at Akash Sing, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon, and Taylor, who will not share her last name with us.
This is our second time starting a podcast.
She refused to share her last name like anybody gives a flying fuck what her last name is.
That shit starts with an H. Go look it up and tell us.
Come on, Reddit.
Do what you do, Reddit.
All right.
Come on, nerds.
Why did QAnon start its own shit when it's just Reddit?
Like, Reddit was just...
You just get to the bottom of shit, right?
Isn't that what QAnon is?
It's like a subreddit of a subreddit.
Yeah, but it's Reddit for Facebook moms.
Oh, it's old Reddit.
Yeah.
Because Reddit is confusing.
I don't want to start this episode on Reddit because most people don't know what the fuck that is.
That shit confuses me.
I'm just now starting to get it.
What, Reddit?
Yeah.
The idea of subreddits, I'm like, oh, okay, I think I get it now.
Now, Mark had to walk me through that whole shit.
Now I just get these random updates on my phone.
Son, we're becoming our parents with you and you were like, I got to teach my parents how to eat up a prophetic.
I've been there, bro.
I'm taking prophylactics, bro.
I'm taking vitamin C, vitamin D, zinc.
I'm taking all that shit.
Corona not fucking with me.
What's this?
Isn't prophylactic just a condom?
I don't know.
Probiotic prophylactic.
I'm taking some pro shit, man.
I might be swallowing trojans.
Who fucking knows?
But I'm doing everything I can for my health.
What, Mark?
But your vitamins are just metals, dude.
Zinc is a metal.
That's how you know you're falling apart.
I'm taking aluminum.
It's like, Jesus, dude, don't really tell me to take zinc.
I was like, that's the shit I used to put on my nose trying to get super as a kid.
Nah, it's supposed to help your sperms.
Zinc?
I think zinc is a little bit more difficult.
I'm off the zinc.
I've got this.
It is a prophylactic.
What does prophylactic mean?
I think it keeps you from reproducing or something like that.
So zinc.
If you just...
All right.
If you're phylactic, if I'm phylactic, like if my girl's like, yo, can you get me pregnant?
I'm like, girl, I'm phylactic than a motherfucker.
Zinc and Prophylactics00:15:21
Does that make sense?
The way I said that?
I don't know, Alex.
Do you know?
I don't think so.
Is medication.
I don't think so.
Because if it's prophylactic, if I'm already phylactic, why do I need to be pro?
Maybe you like amateur pros.
I like being an amateur.
I don't think I'm trying to be pro.
I'm not trying to be all-star phylactic.
I like a nice amateur-level phylactation.
Amateur phylactics is where it's at.
Right?
Amateur phylactics.
Prophylactic.
Come on, Taylor.
You got to have a friend named prophylactic or something.
Come on, bro.
Nothing.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I kind of got friends with weird names, too.
Mark, you got any friends with weird names?
No.
No.
Okay?
Just Ben.
Just father Ben.
And if you guys don't know what we're talking about, it's in the past episode.
You can get back to it.
But look, we're here.
Alex said, we're queer.
We have a lot of things that we need to talk about today.
First one, there might be a new GOAT on the block, bro.
There might be a new goat on a comedy block.
There might be a new GOAT on the comedy block.
Bill Burr did an SNL monologue in front of SNL's super like trust fund white woman audience.
Yeah.
Right.
And he did it Bill Burr style.
My man was Bill Burr all the way through.
Bill Burr through and through and killed in arguably the worst audience in comedy, murdered with his own material, didn't pander at all.
I think he might be the goat with straight skill and manipulation.
I want to break down like how he got these people that have no sense of humor to laugh at actual real jokes that are offensive.
But we got to start having a conversation.
There might be a new goat in town.
He right now might be the best.
I think he's the best comic working right now in this moment.
And I include Chappelle in that, which is lofty.
Oh, see, now I was separating Chappelle.
Whoa.
Chappelle's almost like.
Because Chappelle is kind of doing his own thing right now that isn't really stand-up in the sense.
It's like whatever his George Floyd special was, that wasn't comedy.
You can't say Hannah Gatsby's not comedy and then say Chappelle is in that special.
They are a similar thing.
They're not really comedy.
They're trying to say something.
Bill Burr, that's comedy.
So I think in this moment, right now, what he is doing is more stand-up than what Chappelle is doing, and he's the best doing it right now.
How about this?
Just for the sake of discussion, we take Chappelle out.
Okay.
We just take Chappelle out.
Chappelle's the GOAT.
Goaded on Mount Rushmore of comedy.
Nobody could touch him.
God status while he's still alive.
Very few comics get to have that.
You know, there's a lot of comics that we revere after they're dead, like a Lenny Bruce type.
You know, we've got Lenny somewhere.
There he is.
We got Lenny in the studio right now.
And Pryor probably got it while he was alive.
He did.
But definitely after he was alive, probably even more so.
He's like the Jay-Z of comedy.
Where you're getting your flowers while you're still, I don't know, rapping or you're still doing your art, if you will.
So if we're looking at just pure comics in that way, Bill Burr, what he did on SNL, if you guys haven't seen it, go watch it.
It's on YouTube.
It's on Twitter.
It's on whatever the fuck it is.
But it was masterful, man.
And the way that he came out and the way that he got this crowd on his side, I thought was absolutely brilliant.
Go ahead.
Okay.
So if you guys don't know Bill Burr, you can look up his jokes.
There is nothing likable about his takes at all.
It is maybe the least likable premises that exist.
100%.
Which you know we love.
I mean, that's the idea behind inside jokes, right?
When we were doing inside jokes of that show is like, how do we take the most fucked up premises and make them funny?
To a degree, it's the idea behind Flagrant 2.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
100%.
So we have this.
He goes up and the first joke he actually does, you think the audience thinks he's on their side.
Yes.
Right.
So the first joke is wear a mask, right?
And if you don't wear a mask, good, you'll die.
And it goes into his feeling where we need less people.
We're overpopular.
We're overpopulated.
We need less people.
So the woke audience is like, well, I don't want to laugh at people dying, but I do like that he wants people to wear masks.
And you're supposed to wear masks.
So that's what Fauci tells me.
And I just regurgitate whatever Fauci tells me.
So, okay, I can laugh at this guy.
He's good.
He's good.
He goes, we can get less people, get rid of the people.
It'll be the best possible thing in the world.
It will be...
What is the exact line he says?
I forget what he says.
He goes, it was a dream come true.
He goes, something like that.
It's a dream come true, less people.
He goes, talking about dreams come true.
Did you guys see Rick Moranis get knocked the fuck out of the way?
Oh my God, that transition was so fucking good.
Beautiful, right?
So now he's Ropa Dope.
And this is my favorite part, right?
So now the woke audience is like, am I allowed to laugh at this?
I'm not sure if I'm allowed to.
A man was punched.
Now it is a man that's punched, so it's kind of okay to laugh at him.
White man, cis white man.
This white man is punched, but he is smaller.
Can we laugh at that?
We're not exactly sure.
And then he says this.
He goes, he goes, New York is back.
That was the fucking line.
When he goes, New York is back.
All the people in the audience who identify as New Yorkers because they've still been in New York.
They didn't go back home for whatever reason.
I assume that they're not actual New Yorkers because we don't go to SNL.
Yeah.
They're state building.
You know, different people.
100% transparent.
Yeah, exactly, right?
So basically, they lose it because finally there's somebody that has their back that's saying publicly, New York is back.
You know, I think it feeds into, even if you're like the most left-wing guy, you got crazy pride in New York.
You're probably not born here, but you still really take a lot of pride in being a New Yorker.
Yeah.
And then when he says New York is back, you feel tougher.
You identify as a place you're not born in.
You have even more pride, right?
You're compensating.
Yeah, yeah.
100%.
Perfect example.
Perfect example.
I'm super Indian because I don't risk getting raped.
You know what I mean?
Like I'm just in it.
You know what I mean?
I'm here, comfy.
Love it.
And then you feel tougher when somebody says, oh, a guy got punched in New York.
New York is back.
You're like, oh, I'm from a tough city.
Me, super left-wing glasses-wearing motherfucker is tough for living here.
Fuck yeah, New York is back.
Coming on the heels of Rock's performance, which I watched.
I didn't watch before.
And I watched, I think you were hard on him.
Same.
I thought that this was a difference I saw.
I thought that he had a few really good roast jokes up front, right?
Like the first thing he said, I thought was funny, where he was like, you know, let's not acknowledge the elephant in the room.
Donald Trump is in the hospital right now with COVID.
And, you know, my thoughts and prayers go out for COVID.
Yeah.
I thought it was a funny joke.
Yeah.
Good opening.
Here's the thing.
It acknowledges what everybody's thinking in the moment in a clever way.
And anytime you do that, it's amazing.
Okay.
On the spot.
We're not talking about he worked that joke out for months.
He didn't know he was going to be in the hospital for months, but you got to open up something with whatever.
I thought he had a funny couple funny roasts in the front.
What I will say is this.
Chris Rock didn't do, and maybe he's changed, but like it seemed to me like Chris Rock was doing what he thought the SNL audience would like, not what he wanted.
He was like, what will kill in front of them?
Let's do these jokes.
Not pandering per se, but definitely not him going hard.
But maybe he's changed.
Maybe he's grown.
Maybe he's become like more mature where he cares about these things.
So I'll say like, so that was my initial feeling.
And then the other thing I felt when I was watching him was like, it was classic rock premises that were really strong, but one punchline and then move on.
If you want to talk about, if you want to talk about having to work out material for a longer time, 100%.
If he worked on material for a longer time, I think he'd add more punchlines.
But like for me, I look at Chris Rock and I'm like, this is a brilliant guy that chose to put his brilliance into comedy.
And then there are certain guys that are just hysterical guys that learn how to do stand-up.
I don't think he's like a naturally funny guy.
I think he's a naturally brilliant guy that found a way to hack stand-up.
Yeah.
I thought he had a similar issue, but it's more glaring than as Burr because they didn't have enough time to work it out.
But Burr, we've sat in a car with Burr.
He's kind of just Bill Burr.
Like he's just being Bill Burr the whole time he's talking.
You've talked to Rock more than me, but from what I know, he is not Chris Rock on stage off stage.
No, he's a very different people.
He's just brilliant.
He got to put in a lot of work off stage or like stage after stage to get to Chris Rock that we know doing specials.
Yeah.
He's got that voice.
He's got some time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just.
Like you do that when you're like, when you're looking at it almost like a scientist, you're like, what other mechanism do I need to induce more laughter?
You know what I mean?
Like he's really kind of looking.
I think Chris Rock is just an absolute genius, like an absolute genius that found stand-up comedy.
And I think Burr is just like a hysterical dude, just like a funny guy that learned the art of comedy.
I think he's a blue-collar, just dude who found stand-up comedy.
And he's funny and smart as fuck, but Rock is, it's a different level.
If he wasn't on intelligence, he'd be doing drywall.
Like, and these women think they got it, Hark.
Perfect.
Put up a fucking drywall.
White girl's at home right now doing dishes.
I'd rather do dishes than putting up this drywall.
Like, I think that that's the exact same guy, Burr.
And I think that's why he, like, things resonate so much with people on like a lizard level.
And it's so funny the reaction of it.
The exact group of people that he went after, the woke white women, got pissed.
Yep.
And who was supporting the fuck out of it?
Black people.
Bro, that was the funniest thing.
Right?
Like, all over Twitter, like, all these like black activists being like, yo, this Bill Bird thing is great.
Is it like roast?
They're two favorite things to make fun of, which are uppity white chicks and gay kids.
Like, yo, this is perfect.
Like, what's the problem?
For real, dude.
It was just, it was just a lot of people.
Ultimately, black people enjoy edgy comedy.
And so I guess I was disappointed with Chris because it wasn't that edgy.
Like normally, especially politics talks, he'll get pretty edgy with it.
And like, I kind of felt like you said, he was going for the crowd.
Chris was trying to do well.
He didn't want to bomb.
There's a moment where he was like, you know what?
I'm going for it.
That's what I'm saying.
And Chris, at that level, you should go for it.
You got to go for it.
Who was Chris's last stand-up?
Maybe a few years ago.
He came out one a few years ago.
Was it good?
One drop shot.
The first half was awful.
Last year made up.
The first half was awful.
Second half was really good.
But he's in an interesting transition where I think he's trying to shed the right.
I think he thinks it's played or whatever.
Personally, I still love it.
But I think he feels like he's too old or it's too old or something because his whole career flipped.
He used to do jokes telling in a regular voice and he was doing fine.
But then when he came out, we'll bring the pain and he started talking like this.
Whole shit is different.
Whole career changes.
The whole trajectory of his career changes.
What's so funny, Taylor?
Maybe that really works for black people.
He's talking regular and black people like, I'll get this corny skinny motherfucker in the second.
He's like, what do you mean?
It works, bro.
I ain't gonna lie.
You can't even help yourself.
What the fuck is so funny, Taylor?
She's laughing.
You're making the exact same face he made.
That shit is so funny.
One thing you're probably going to enjoy when comedies clubs open back up is that now that all the restaurants have moved to the menu on the phone, like you just scan on your table.
So now you don't have to talk to waitresses anymore.
You just order straight from your phone and they just bring it out and leave.
As if comedy club waitress jobs couldn't have gotten easier.
I mean, less talking.
I should have used to bug you out.
It's the easiest job in the world.
And the fact that they complain at all drives me crazy.
I think I've talked about it in this very problem is all the comics want to fuck them so they feed into like, oh, it's such so hard.
Thank you.
Y'all know how you do what you do.
I mean, I appreciate what you do.
I understand how it can be done.
It don't seem impossible.
It could be done with whisper.
That's all I got to say.
You could whisper.
Sometimes there's a lot of talking out loud.
Nah, it's just the times that you've gone off on.
It's just baffles my mind.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
He's hit a waitress with a bop before.
100%.
100%.
He'll be doing a bit about how white people are entitled.
And he goes, hey, ladies, shut the fuck up.
You're right.
She was very entitled.
Very entitled to the audience that we brought to that comedy.
Dude, I love it.
But you always do it in a fun way, so it's good.
I don't mean to be funny.
I mean to be funny.
I don't need to be checks on Andrew.
I had never seen him care about anything less than he does.
A set he's doing when they drop checks.
His entire energy level drops.
I mean, he's just like, fuck everything.
Burn the whole show to the ground.
I don't care.
Did I stop doing comedy during the checks with you guys at all?
Yeah.
I did that, right?
Yeah, yeah.
That's a long 15 minutes, but I sat on the side.
Wait, you just stopped?
Yeah, I won't compete with math.
I won't compete with math.
I'm not going to do that.
I've been working too hard.
I've been working too hard, bro.
Yo.
You doing calculus?
Ain't you got your iPhone for that?
Sorry.
My heart is 15%.
Oh, if he does Chris Rock.
You know, black people don't tell you.
If you do Chris Rock for Halloween, he's just a zero line through it.
Wait, wait, change my shit.
Why do they put the line, though, to make sure, right?
To make sure you know it's a zero.
I really want you to.
I really want you to be Chris Rock for Halloween.
Nobody told me it was a two-drink minimum.
I shouldn't have to favor this shit.
I want you to be Chris Rock for Halloween, but it is still considered black face, but he's still.
I'm just doing my fault.
Why do people think they got to paint their face for Halloween?
Can't he just not paint?
Because it looks closer.
Don't really, though.
How do you dress up like that?
It looks closer than not.
If you're white, maybe, but like the one that's going to be.
When you put Stray shoe polish on, like, I'd be Chris Rock, who gives a fucking shit.
How would me if I'm Chris Rock?
No, you have to be like, hold on.
How would we think Jimmy Fallon's Chris Rock?
Without the black face.
Without black face.
That's a good point.
You would never think he was Chris Rock, even if he was doing that voice.
Yeah, he's just a white guy in a leather jacket.
Looks like a greaser or something.
Yeah.
Think about it.
It wouldn't work.
Well, if he wears a mask, is that yo, that's how stupid this whole shit is.
Can you wear a black mask?
Is black mask okay?
Black mask is okay, but black face isn't.
That's fucked up to the face paint industry.
Who knows?
The face paint industry could be owned by a black family and they're not selling no black paint because of y'all.
Don't do that.
That's true.
You are killing black businesses.
We are.
There's a history of why people are not supposed to do blackface.
Yeah, because you hate black businesses.
Yeah.
That's right.
That was probably what was in Tulsa.
That was probably, Tulsa was probably just a black face paint business and it was thriving.
It was thriving.
It's not a big white face.
And then black people came through.
They burnt that shit.
Yeah.
I think he got you.
Wait, what is it?
White people burnt it down?
Well, it was probably white face paint then.
Oh, yep.
Or triangle sheets.
But it's not a problem if we do white face, though.
That's, I love being black for that.
Wait, you can.
Wait a minute.
Wait, hold on, Taylor.
Taylor, look how happy he is.
That's Chris Rock, though.
Taylor, you don't see the hypocrisy, Taylor.
Oh, so you can do white face.
This man can't dress up as Mr. T.
He can't be in the 18, Taylor.
His name is already Andrew.
White People Burned Tulsa00:02:24
Oh, my God.
Andrew.
I like that.
Hey, hey, what you talking about, Taylor?
Oh, shit, that's Garrett Coleman.
I didn't got my black people coming through.
Oh, my God.
Shut up here.
You really sound like a black dude because I can't understand you.
Yo, oh, my God.
Bro.
Oh, yo, Aka, you killed that Chris Rock, man.
Thanks, buddy.
Yo, Chris, need to bring that back, right?
That shit swept, dude.
Y'all know, nerdy ass Chris talking about his emotional problems now.
Shut up.
Talk about racism.
How fucked up is that?
Like, Chris trying to open up about his divorce and like marriage and dating again.
It's just a bunch of people in the audience.
Like, wait a minute.
Talk about white people being mean.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, I was saying.
Wait a minute.
I just got an idea.
Do you think the reason why there's not a lot of that left in his stand-up is because as a black dude that becomes like incredibly famous and incredibly wealthy, you experience far less racism like in your face?
White people get way better when you're rich.
Yeah.
You get a higher breed of white person.
Interesting.
A more evolved white.
Yeah.
So I wonder if it actually hurts his comedy.
I wonder, it's like that little Wayne shit.
Keep going.
Like they ask Lil Wayne.
They're like, Do you believe racism exists in America?
And he's like, nah, man.
Like, white people made me rich.
So like, yeah, fine.
And I'm like, what?
And he had that story about the white police officer that saved his life.
Oh, yeah.
Because he got shot.
But like, all these like dual-ass rappers, and they're like, yeah, no, racism doesn't exist.
And it's like, just because they got rich and all of a sudden they were surrounded by like white record execs trying to make money off them.
Right.
So as long as somebody's like paying you or helping you get wealthy, you're all of a sudden very sensitive about how they're spoken to.
Right.
Or like you don't see it as much relationships.
Well, they just don't care no more because it has nothing to do with their life.
But I wonder if it's kind of like, you know, when like a band gets successful, their music starts to suck.
You ever heard about like a rock band gets really successful and then the next version starts to suck, right?
And it's like, if Kirk Cobain didn't kill himself, his music would have been so bad he would have done it anytime.
His music is about how like miserable and like angsty he was.
Rock Bands Go Bad00:13:33
Oh, Lord.
Right.
Look at Eminem.
No more angst.
The music sucks.
Yeah, it's tough.
Like when RB singers aren't heartbroken anymore, like that music's trash.
Yeah, skinny Adele's gonna blow.
That's gonna suck.
You don't wanna hear Skinny Adele talk about fucking famous rappers.
Was she good when she was fat?
She was nice when she was fat.
Was she good because she was fat?
She was good because she was fat and lonely and broken up with and eating all the time.
Who wants to leave with a fat stuff?
You don't want to hear the song?
Who wants to leave with a fat stuff?
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second because y'all got to get rooted.
Hell yeah, boy.
Y'all got to get rooted.
Rooted and booted.
Rooted and booted.
I was going to go tooted and rooted.
Okay.
But I like rooted and booted too.
If y'all don't know what NeuroRoot is.
Oh, my God.
Let me tell you.
Mark, tell about that root, man.
That route got you going.
Got me fired up.
Just to let y'all know, if y'all have had fun with this podcast so far, if you continue listening, you're going to see how absolutely crazy it gets.
We were all rooted for this podcast today.
Locked in.
It's not fair to other podcasts.
It really isn't.
It's a PED.
We shouldn't even share it with them.
It's a PED.
It is a performance-enhancing drug.
It's a podcast-enhancing drug.
It's a PED.
Oh, it's a PED.
So let's tell them what the fuck it is, though.
Yo, it's like the limitless drug, but CBD.
It's basically a limitless drug.
No, what it really does is it increases focus like a motherfucker.
It promotes brain activity, function, memory, development, a positive mood, even.
If you guys think it's bullshit, it's not.
You know, there's caffeine, there's B6 in here for extra energy.
You're not going to get that same crash that you get from coffee.
Listen, clearly, we still fuck with coffee.
We're not out here telling you to replace coffee.
That's just stupid.
But it does give you an extra advantage.
You got a meeting you got to lock into, some work you got to lock into, some studying that you got to lock into, some video gaming.
You know what I mean?
You might have a long-ass tournament you got to do.
Check out that NeuroRoot.
Listen, you can get it at Neuroroot.com and use the code Flagrant.
You're going to get a 20% discount.
And again, that's NeuroRoot.
That's N-E-U-R-O-R-O-O-T.com.
Use the code Flagrant.
I promise you, it is the perfect boost.
Pick me up when you need to be able to focus like a motherfucker and not have that crash that happens later.
Would y'all agree?
Oh, yeah.
While we're all on the same page, let's keep the podcast going.
Hell yeah.
We need to have a serious discussion on whether Corona is real or not.
You all on this shit.
You've been waiting for Corona to not be real.
You've been hopping in and out of this night.
I really have.
Just wait.
Wait, like five years, all the Kroto show will be done.
And on that day, Andrew's going to go, I told you.
I told you this whole day was fake.
I was like both sides of the seesaw.
You know how like they always look back at some of those tweets?
Like right now, they're doing with LeBron.
They're like, in 2019, he said he was going to bring a championship to LA.
And it's like, well, yeah, that's what everybody else said.
That was like a year ago.
Yeah, but like also on every team, you're like, nah, we winning it this year.
But he's not like prophetic.
This is what every person thinks when they go into the season.
Nobody's like, nah, we're coming in third.
They're not like, why would you go into basketball if that was the case?
So I just take both sides so I can just cherry pick.
There's a video of Skip Bayless arguing against Skip Bayless about Aaron Rodgers.
They're going to have one of those with you and Corona.
I love it.
I love it.
And let me give them everything they need.
You ready?
Yeah.
You don't think this shit is real.
I really don't know if it's real, dude.
I know it's real because 200,000 people died.
I'm not trying to say that, you know, they faked their deaths, obviously.
Allegedly, yeah.
Exactly.
All I'm trying to say is, allegedly.
This motherfucker walks.
They did die.
Yeah, put you out there.
Now what?
Make that joke.
That's so.
Nah, they died, Al.
They died.
That's not a question.
In 10 years' time, there's going to be COVID deniers.
It's going to be fucking retarded.
We've been denying it for the last five minutes on this podcast.
Do you believe in COVID?
Yes.
Do you?
Yes.
A documentary is going to come out and it's going to have some conspiracy period.
I hate it.
Everybody, I know you don't believe in COVID.
You know how I know?
Because you started dressing like you from New York.
What is happening?
Look how Alex dressed today.
I could tell Mark lost confidence in your point.
You're so ready to co-sign, and he was like, Did I go through puberty in my ooh?
Wait, I was just telling you, what are you doing?
I was about to be on to something.
I lost confidence.
No, I still was ready.
And then y'all made me lose confidence.
No, I'm still with it.
I'm still with it.
Yeah, Al, your outfit sucks.
No, I think it's good.
Oh, no, it is really good.
What?
Mark, shut up.
I hate you, Mark.
You're fake, too.
You're the worst hype man ever.
I don't know which way he's going ever.
You know, Harkin's not his own.
I'm going to put my hands over here trying to help me out.
Trying to hide some with Mr. X.
It's impossible.
No, look.
What I'm trying to say is, I don't think that Corona is completely fake.
Right?
Go ahead.
Okay.
This is the nuance for this.
There's some Corona out there.
Let me be objective.
There's some Corona out there.
That's undeniable.
Okay.
Okay.
Corona.
Let's get to the deniable part, please.
How we've handled it.
Okay.
How we've handled it.
Okay.
Very poor.
Yes.
And what I mean by that is we shouldn't have closed anything down.
Okay.
I'm watching Wheezy's Instagram story.
I'm watching Mandy's Instagram story.
Shout out to Horrible Decisions.
They're out there in Mexico, for lack of a better word, whoring it the fuck up.
Okay, I believe that's an appropriate word based on their podcast and how they identify themselves.
Okay.
Al, am I right on that?
Yeah.
Well, these slut buckets are out there dancing.
We already bailed on Andrew in the last five minutes.
Yo, you know, if you bail, I'm going harder.
I know, but was that really that crazy?
Come on, dude.
Come funnels.
Yeah, come funnels.
That's better.
That's why.
Taylor.
That's what.
What's wrong with that?
Do we have a problem with the term funnel?
The funnel is different than Taylor.
I would never speak.
Would you prefer vacuum?
Different.
Listen, Taylor.
Taylor, we would never speak disrespectfully to women around you.
Okay?
Yes.
Keep that in mind.
Never, ever.
Ever once will we do that?
That's true.
What's happening right now?
That was not disrespectful.
We were talking about lubed up the Safa guy.
For real.
For real.
Okay.
All I want to say is they are partying like crazy.
It is unbelievable what's going on there.
Wheezy sent me a video that she told me that she's not going to post, but I'll talk about it.
It's just a party.
It's a party.
Everybody is going to Mexico to party.
Okay.
We know this for a fact.
Everybody's going to Mexico party from around the whole world because Mexico never shut down their borders.
Yeah.
Right.
We know that about y'all.
Okay.
We've been trying to shut that fucking shit down for a while.
Okay.
They don't believe in shutting down borders, not even during COVID.
People are flying there from around the world.
You win.
Do you have COVID?
No.
So, riddle me this.
Riddle me this.
Okay.
Science nerd.
Yep.
Dork.
Friend.
Wizard.
You're back on, Mark.
You're back on board.
Let's go.
Okay, so riddle me this.
If the whole world is going to Mexico, partying together, no social distancing, okay?
Smooching it up.
I saw full-on makeouts, bikinis, people coughing, breathing, dancing.
Methamphetamines all over the place.
Yes.
Methamphetamines, dude.
I saw methamphetamine.
Both of them?
Both of them.
Not just one methamphetamine.
Both of them.
Methamphetamine.
Methamphetamine.
There was red and sippi and methamphetamine.
I saw them all down there in Mexico.
Okay.
Keep going.
They should be getting corona, passing it around, if it's as contagious as everybody says, and then bring it back to their respective cities around the world.
Why is this not happening?
Why is this not happening?
How do you know it's not happening?
I can only get corona in Republican gatherings.
Exactly.
Why is it?
You can't get Corona Black Lives Matter marks.
You can't get Corona at the Lakers parade.
You can't get Taylor's parties in Mexico.
That's valid.
That's valid.
Why is it?
Does melanin kill coronas?
No, because woke white people are afraid to try to say black people are doing anything wrong because they're pussies.
I think Corona's racist.
I think Corona is racist.
Yeah, who's pussy?
Who's pussy?
Who's the woke white people who are shaming the Republicans for going to the gatherings, but won't be like, hey, guys, can we not go to Mexico to party it up?
Did you find a way to make this not fun?
Did you find a way to make something really fun not fun by analyzing like we did to Bill Hurston L for the first 20 minutes of this fucking podcast?
I thought you were being serious.
That's my bad.
I'll take that.
Carney B just had a party.
Carney B had a birthday bash.
Okay, pop in pussy in spin decks.
There should be corona all over the place, but it's not there.
Why not?
Melanin.
Melanin.
I ben said black people can't get it.
That's actually a good point.
She said that a long time ago.
You know what?
I said that a long time ago, and people got upset at me for that.
They said I was the reason that Corona was allegedly ravaging the black community because black people are trusting me and they're going out there and breathing all over each other.
That's very cheap.
You know, the only black person that got it, Herman Kane.
Republican.
He's Republican.
They're targeting Republicans.
You want to know why?
You want, if we're going to get real conspiracy theory, you want to go real conspiracy theory?
Yeah.
You know why?
Because it's a bug controlled by China.
And you know who they want in office.
Yep.
They don't want Donnie T in office.
They want Joe Biden in office.
They want them blue coats.
They want them blue coats.
Why they want the blue coats?
Because they like China more.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Okay.
Why else?
Yeah.
I'm waiting.
Mark.
I thought you knew the answer, and I was going with you on that one.
Are we passing around the hot potato?
The hot potato's been passed.
Akash, you better be ready.
Okay.
You better be ready.
It's going tomorrow.
And what's the question again?
Mark, you should have been paying attention.
Akash.
Language orange.
Because the blue coats are pussies.
Decent.
Found a way to do it again.
Akash.
You found a way to do it again.
Bring back the Chris Rock.
You need some momentum.
Blue coats are a pussy.
They ain't doing nothing to China.
You got nukes.
All we got is nukes.
Me holding them shits up like that.
Henry?
Henry?
That man's getting there.
I thought you were going to come with a haymaker or something like that, bro.
I thought you're saying suit sword.
What?
Did you say the N-word?
No.
Can he say the N-word?
I can say the N-word.
Can he say the N-word?
No, I can say that.
Because you know what he means.
Okay.
Yo, Taylor.
That's like when he did those braids.
They were cornrows, but they looked like it.
And you knew what he was trying to do.
Devil horns.
They were what?
White devil.
Okay, just making sure.
Just making sure.
Which group you were putting horns on, Mark.
Just making sure.
Nobody touches up looking at Mark.
I'm like, and then I was like, okay.
I be feeling like, wait, hold on.
And then it's like, oh, okay.
Okay.
He's towing the line.
Son.
I'm so you looking at him sideways.
Because I missed it.
He said the N-word.
No, he didn't say the N-word.
He literally saw the N-word.
But even that, I don't know if I want him to say.
Wait, what about the N-word?
You gotta speak into your night.
What about the N-word?
I thought he was gonna say it in a Chris Rock impression.
I thought that would be offensive.
So I was making sure he didn't say it.
So I said, don't say the N-word.
Kind of like consider anyone that's my extinct plexion and like he's allowed to say the n-word.
I want to, I don't think I would care if he said it.
I don't be saying it, but I'm good, though.
I could.
No, you know what?
She makes an interesting point.
And I have an argument as to why he should be allowed.
Do you know one race?
Do you know Akash is bad?
No, no, do you know an interesting racial term used against Akash?
Do you?
Sand N-word.
So people call him the N-word too.
You know what I mean?
But I just look at like people that have minor, like, how lazy is that?
How lazy are racist that they're like, I don't know, just throw N-word at the end.
Where does he live?
The sand?
Throw N-word at the end of that shit.
That's crazy.
Start calling Hawaiians like island N-words.
Canadians.
ICE N-words.
Yeah.
Yo, that'd be crazy.
Have you heard the PC?
I mean, called the Dune Coon.
Oh, Dune?
The PC version of it?
It's even lazier.
It's like, yeah, we can't say the N-word.
Just noon coon.
There you go.
Yo, but what racist is like, you can't say the N-word?
White.
So white racists won't say the N-word, but they're still racist.
Wait, hold on, wait.
Hold on.
What?
It's like the PG-13 racial slur.
You know what I mean?
I'm just saying, if you're...
You're going to school and get away with it.
I know, I know, but I'm saying is if you're racist towards somebody, clearly you're not going to be, you know, apologetic about using the N-word.
Oh, right, right.
You would just go for it.
But we found a subset of racists who even acknowledge that the N-word is too racist for their racism.
That's true.
That's how racist the N-word is.
I could say that shit, though.
PC Racism Explained00:06:13
Did you ever give your theory why Corona is actually over?
It's not over.
I think that we're handling it the wrong way.
Sweden.
Okay.
Okay.
I saw one fucking graph on this.
Nah, I'm on record.
I'm on record in the beginning.
I wish we handled it like Sweden.
Like Sweden.
Sweden never even did the masks.
You go to a mall in Sweden, they don't got no masks.
They're just walking on normal.
Some people died.
Don't get me wrong.
They died.
But apparently they're back to the same levels as everybody else in Europe, but their economy didn't take no hit.
And in terms of death levels, their economy didn't take a hit at all.
And again, they have higher herd immunity.
Save higher herd immunity so that more, I guess, more people can't pass it on.
Yeah.
Right?
So, and that's the thing that's like, they point to certain places like New Zealand, which like blocked it out really well.
Like they just had this big, I think it was a rugby match that Mark was showing me where there are tons of people in the stands, like tens of thousands of people in the stands just watching rugby and none of them had masks or anything like that.
Right?
Here's the thing: there's no herd immunity there because nobody got that shit.
So my thing is, well, if you open up the country, eventually some people are going to come where they have it.
And now you're going to have spread all over the country.
It's not like this thing is going to go away.
The only option is herd immunity.
So you need to let motherfuckers get it.
They're probably just banking on keeping it closed until the vaccine is created.
That's a good point.
What's really stupid is the whole restaurant thing to me.
Oh, yeah, the restaurant thing makes it so dumb.
Like you can't, you have to wear your mask on your way to your table, but you don't have to wear it when you don't.
Can I tell you?
I went to Brooklyn.
I went to Brooklyn Shop House this weekend and I went up to the where you get like seated, whatever, and our seats were literally right next to us and they were able to take the mask off.
For what?
I didn't have to wear a mask at all then.
Because you don't believe in it, do you?
You don't believe in it, do you?
Tell me, tell me a little bit.
Tell me.
I felt like we're all getting on board.
Now we're starting to go out to restaurants and shit.
Admit.
Nope.
No.
Nope.
Al, you were at a barbecue infecting children.
No.
You were infecting children this time.
Alice was just telling me about the bargain.
Kids getting God if Al was around.
Family.
I'm just saying.
Alice was just talking about a bar to go to.
What's up?
This guy goes somewhere in here.
It was an outdoor bar and it's nice and spacious.
Everybody's social.
This is so stupid.
Hold on.
That shit is so stupid.
This outdoor, indoor thing.
Like, what is this outdoor indoor thing?
Come on!
Come on!
No, in all seriousness, this outdoor indoor thing, like being outside, like the wind magically takes the corona and whips it up to the sky and takes it out of there.
If you cough on someone outside, they're going to get corona.
You're going to get corona if they cough on you.
What's the difference?
It's outside or inside.
Glass screen thing.
You ever farted inside and farted outside?
Yeah, I smell it both ways.
Oh, you don't.
Yes, I do.
You're a crazy ass folks.
You've never been.
Okay, here's a better one.
You've been walking down the street, haven't you?
Yeah.
You ever go, oh, someone's smoking weed?
Yes, it's a come on.
It's a cloud of smoke being blown around the marriage.
Jay-Z, what's up?
Constantly play the healing and blow the etherpie because your boy just hit you.
Ask you a question, Jay-Z.
What's up?
I can't say it.
I got you.
Thanks, Taytay.
Go, go, go.
Can I ask you a question?
Yes.
Let's go.
So, hey.
Admit I bodied that shit, Al.
Admit I bodied.
Follow up question.
If you're outside and you smell weed, and if you're inside in a closed room where somebody's smoking weed, which one of those gets you high?
Oh, I don't believe in that.
I don't believe in hot bottles.
Oh, akaj.
Let's go.
Hey, let's go.
Got your back.
Yes, let's go.
Fuck, that one was good.
I'm not going to lie.
Yep.
So it affects you a little bit less outside.
A little bit less.
Yeah.
I think a good amount of time.
I bet that because we're going to, the whole thing demonetized.
I think what is this guy doing?
The whole episode demonetized because he played.
I know the whole song.
Yeah.
We didn't play the actual song.
Welcome to the internet, Mark.
What do you mean what?
They can't hear us over us talking.
Yes, they can.
Yes, they can.
The powers that be can.
They can hear us right now.
This whole thing is demonetized because the way I'm talking about corona with the truth, the way I'm bringing the truth to the people.
Corona is being dealt with poorly.
Is that fair to say?
Oh, yeah, we haven't handled it perfectly.
No, no, no.
And is it fair to say that people's entire lives have been destroyed when all said and done?
They didn't have to be.
And I'm talking about like their businesses were closed down.
Their businesses have been completely decimated.
People's lives have been affected.
No, no, no.
There are businesses that will never crack.
I'm just saying destroyed is a very difficult thing.
You can bounce back.
You can recover.
Here's my situation.
Can I just say one thing?
Yes, you can.
I can tell you need to say this.
I need to say this real bad.
I need to say this real bad.
I need to say it's real bad because we were looking at this shit in New Zealand, the rugby shit.
We were looking at this Swedish mall, right?
Swedish mall is the most effective one.
And you look at these people walking around the mall with no masks.
They're just walking around the mall regular, right?
And Mark goes, yo, imagine you had a business that got closed down and you'll never be able to reopen it.
Like that was your life savings completely done.
You got evicted.
No more.
Game over.
And then you see that shit.
Tell me that won't drive you fucking crazy, bro.
Tell me that won't drive you crazy.
Here's my pushback on Sweden.
Okay, go.
They got a much better infrastructure for healthcare.
Yeah.
They can handle the population that they have healthcare-wise.
It's smaller.
And there's less people coming in.
America, we didn't have the beds for all these people.
We got a much bigger population.
We don't have great healthcare relative to Sweden.
And we got mad motherfuckers coming in and out all the time.
That's where I think it might be different.
You're right, bro.
I hate him when he's around.
Murdering you.
You stealing my body.
You catch your bodies out here.
Let's go.
Catching bodies correctly.
Okay, go.
What are you doing?
No, but for real, you're right.
I think the travel aspect is huge.
Yeah.
There's a massive amount of travel in and out of America.
This is, you're 100% right.
And I think another thing is health.
You have to admit that.
Yeah.
We have the worst health.
Yeah.
Worst healthy.
A bunch of fat fucks smoking cigarettes, smoking hookah all the time.
Alexee.
You're not going to pee.
Nope.
You're not going to pee.
Hey, don't go pee, bro.
This is something serious.
Travel and Health Risks00:05:23
If you go pee right now, you're disrespecting black women.
Taylor was about to talk.
Yep.
The most disrespected, the most disrespected woman on the planet.
The most disrespected person on the planet.
And you just walk right in front of the screens.
The most disrespected person on the planet.
Oh, did he give you permission?
Did you give permission?
Yo, yo, did you grab a black woman and damn it?
Did you grab a black in a pandemic in a pandemic when you got pissed dripping out of your dick?
That's disrespectful.
Could have got you soaking wet.
Could have got you soaking wet.
Had a medium small dick.
Bro, I got a hard pee dick.
Full of urine.
Hashtag T2.
Y'all want to make my shit.
So you get half bonus.
Do we do some shit to Al's Walter?
Oh, we got a P in that.
We got a piss in.
Are you trying to hold on to it?
Tequila in here and then not tell him?
I mean, that's brilliant.
Make him happier.
I mean, he would notice pretty quickly, I think.
Put some black label in there?
Yeah.
Bro, he'll taste all of it.
Shout out to what label?
What label?
Yeah, yeah.
And then he won't know.
I'm not going to know.
Y'all are so immediate.
Let's go.
Bring it over here.
Listen, everybody listening.
Everybody listening and watching.
Just remember where he did this.
Sorry for this little.
Are we on the wide?
Hopefully.
There we go.
Oh, that's a lot.
He's not going to know this.
Okay.
There you go.
You know what?
Al's probably going to find this in the edit.
He's going to take a sept and he'll know.
Make sure you put it in the exact same place.
Okay, Taylor, this was all your idea.
That's right.
This terrorist plot against a black man is absolutely disgusting.
Here we go.
Put his absolute lock.
Okay, hold on.
All right, we're going to take a break for a second.
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But you get paid $100.
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Listen, if you got student loans, you probably got them at a time where interest rates were dumb high.
You don't have to pay that same shit anymore.
Drop them shits down.
Take the free $100.
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100%.
I mean, look at this.
We might not even be in a recession.
We out here saving people too much money.
Bro, you're right.
Ernest.com slash flagrant.
Let's get back to the show.
Let's do it.
Actually, let's do some dates.
First of all, thank you so much to everybody who came out to the Connecticut Comedy Festival.
I headline on Friday.
Mad assholes in the building.
We had so much fun.
Outside the building, rather.
Nah, it was an indoor football field.
Socially distanced.
Perfect setup.
Shouts to Emilio.
He was super happy with everybody that came out.
Mad fans, mad options.
Shout out to New York Comedy Club for absolutely murdering it during Corona, like just doing all these amazing shows.
I've been seeing you headline all these shows.
Yeah, the guys.
Yeah, man.
So tell me, where else was can people see you, man?
First date and the most important date, October 21st through the 24th.
I'm in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Ooh.
Acme Comedy Club.
Great club.
That's a great club.
Let's sell that bitch out.
It's going to be socially distanced.
Nothing to be worried about.
We're going to take care of everybody.
And it's maybe the best club in America.
It's my first time there.
I'm super excited to be there.
Let's sell that bitch out so we can come back when Corona's over full capacity.
Go check out Joe Sherra Acme.
Great club.
You're going to have an amazing time.
Al, we've been there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We had a lot of fun.
Yeah.
You're going to have a great time there.
Yeah, man.
I just got to really salute New York Comedy Club, man.
Yeah, man.
They've been killing the New York Comedy Club.
And shout out to Emilio and really everybody involved there.
But their clubs got shut down in the city.
And instead of just waiting around and doing nothing, they literally found a way to do comedy during Corona.
You know, they are the comedy club version of kind of what we've been doing.
Yes.
It's like, oh, you can't tell jokes in this way.
We're going to find another way.
They've been doing shows outside.
They've been doing shows in a football, indoor football arena, whatever.
They've been doing shows on rooftops that have been pseudo-sick.
And the only good setups I've seen in Corona, not in a park where everybody's just fucking yelling at you.
Yeah, yeah.
Legit good setups.
It's shout out to New York Comedy Club.
You go to their website and you can get all the dates of all the shows that are going on.
Definitely check that out as well.
And I'm sure you're going to be popping up on those shows.
I'm sure I'll be back.
He's super happy.
We're going to do that.
We're going to be back.
Check that out.
And also, by the way, the comedy seller is doing, and I'm going to put this under quotes: dinner.
Oh, that sounds like a delicious, really fun, maybe even hilarious.
Maybe even a funny dinner going on there.
I mean, definitely not comedy, but probably if you signed up on the waiting list, you might get a seat at the dinner that has food and maybe other funny things that can't be promoted.
But they can't promote dinner.
Yeah.
So, comedy seller, check that out.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's get back to the show.
Hell yeah.
Oh, here he is.
Real talk.
That's a big ass piss.
I got to be honest.
Yeah, that's crazy, bro.
Taylor has some words for you, man.
Oh, what's up?
Taylor has some words for you, Al.
What's up, Taylor?
The Comedy Dinner Show00:04:14
Talk to me.
First of all, she said she didn't like you just grabbing on her like that.
It's not the 90s anymore, even if you are wearing a Yankee fitness and Timberlands.
Okay?
You really sexually harassed her like your outfit shows.
Yep.
Damn.
I'm sorry, Taylor.
I apologize.
Do you accept that apology?
Sure.
Taylor, I respect your apology.
That just sounds like a sincere acceptance of your apology.
That shit sounded obligatory.
I respect Taylor and black women so much.
Why don't you hear what she has to say before you start talking, man?
There's a chance.
I'm going to be honest with you.
When you said 100%, that shit sounded uncomfortable.
I thought that was racist a little bit, bro.
Cool.
My older.
Yo, that's my older.
Obliga, what?
Obliga.
Should I tell him to say that?
Say it, please, at the end.
Say it, please.
Obliga, please.
Tip-toe the line.
Tiptoe the line.
I have one more comment, though, about this Corona thing.
Okay, go because you don't believe it, right?
Tap it up.
I won't shake your hand because I still believe it a little bit.
I mean, you don't think that with these little screens they have, you don't think that's kind of ridiculous either?
Oh, I love the screens, I'll be honest with you.
Why?
I've been dreaming of these screens.
Nah, the screen works, I think.
I don't care if I'm not sure.
I can't hear the people next to me.
It's at a certain length.
Yeah.
Like the Corona can't, like, so.
Corona doesn't jump.
Oh, it's aging.
It probably hangs out on the roof like in silence, but it wouldn't jump.
If it was, come on, guys.
Y'all crazy.
Can you imagine a little corona ball on a shingled roof waiting to jump down some white man's nostril?
That's in that Japanese, though.
I don't know.
Who's counting Bernard?
They are.
They're good at that.
All right.
In all seriousness, to end this Corona discussion, I think that people are starting to realize we can go back to somewhat of a normal life.
We got to open up these restaurants.
It doesn't have to be 100% capacity.
It could be 50%.
But I think that we can start to have some normal scenarios.
There is a point at which the cost is not worth it.
Explain what you mean by that.
There's a point at which the financial.
You would find that point.
Hey, hey, I'm going to look at cheap ass movies.
I've been looking, bro.
We ain't quite there yet, but I got an eye on it.
All right.
And what is it?
There is a point at which the financial cost of keeping everything shut down outweighs whatever the death toll is for Corona.
Even though it's incredibly high, the financial cost could end up affecting millions of people negatively.
And cause a lot of deaths in and of itself.
So there's a point at which we got to open it up.
You got to find that little space.
You're in between extremes.
If people are dying from starvation, and more people are dying for starvation that die from Corona, and the crime rates go up and all this other shit, like there's a wave that happens from that that could be more harmful even than 200,000 deaths, which is crazy to say, but it does exist.
That point exists.
Now, this also goes back to earlier conversations we were having where we were wondering when everything opens back up, are people going to get out there?
You remember this?
Until I saw Weezy WTF's Instagram story.
Stop doing it.
And Mandy, what's Mandy's full core pumps?
And so I saw full core pumps.
Shouts to both of them having a time of their fucking lives in Cancun.
I was like, nah, people are going to be a little bit hesitant.
If you see that shit, forget it.
And also a little alcohol.
A little out of the way.
That's what the Cardinal wedding proved to me.
That's what your wedding proved to me.
Son, we were in his wedding, right?
Literally, we were in, there was an outdoor area, too.
Nobody went to the outdoor area.
Yeah.
We was, we went a little bit, but like everybody was partying.
People were dancing.
Like people were drinking.
Like not no fist bump.
Yep.
Handshake, hugs.
Nobody corona.
In Florida.
What's Florida's rates of care though?
Exactly.
I mean, they were high in July, but like they've gone down.
And everything, everything's opened up now.
Like DeSantis opened up the whole state.
Son, it'll people are predicting it will go up in like two, three weeks.
Son, I'm sure that it will.
But people could have it and not die, though.
Right.
Like, I don't, I just don't like that.
There's no flu or no cold now.
It's just Corona.
Nah, it's a flu and cold.
Weddings and Objectification00:14:09
Get yourself.
You're not talking about it.
Call your Indian ass doctor.
Get shots, Taylor.
All I'm saying is that would have been obligatory.
That would have been the perfect situation for Corona to be passed.
That's true.
That's a fact.
What?
We just got lucky.
The Lord, bro.
That's true.
Son, Father Ben, bro.
Yeah.
Father Ben blessed us, bro.
He blessed it.
That's what I feel like with the Cardi B thing, though.
It's like you see all these people partying, and immediately I'm like, oh, yeah.
Like, as soon as this is open, like, everyone's going to be out.
Everyone's going to be open.
Like, even in Orlando back home, like, there's people, I've seen like Snapchat stories where people are like going out to clubs, fully capacity, like, going for it.
So I'm like, once it's open, it's going to be open.
Yeah, that's the thing.
Once it's open, it's going to be open.
And I think if you add alcohol to the scenario, what do they call alcohol?
Liquid courage.
Once you get a little alcohol in your system, be brave.
You ready to get out?
Prophylactic than a motherfucker.
Prophylactic.
I just feel more comfortable in outdoor settings instead of inside.
Me personally, I just feel better.
I'm in the door right now, Alex.
Yeah, and I'm mad far from you.
But you're not far from Mars.
Why?
Because she's a black woman.
Are you far from her?
Because you're afraid of her.
I respect her.
I'm not going to disrespect her.
Her having to smell me right now.
You just hugged me.
So I didn't say that.
Oh, shit.
That's disrespect.
This is too much disrespect.
Everybody need to calm the fuck down.
Okay.
Everybody need to calm the fuck down.
What are we talking about next?
Al, can we bring us back to the notes?
Thank you very much.
This is something that I have to bring up, and then we could talk about it very briefly, but I have to bring this up because it drove me fucking crazy.
Okay.
This drove me crazy, Aka.
I know.
I can tell.
I can already tell you wound up, boy.
I'm wound the fuck up.
Okay.
I thought that there is a very organic, symbiotic relationship between IG thoughts and me.
Okay?
Right?
What's that relationship?
The relationship is you thought it up and I objectify.
That seems like it's not just a relationship with you.
It seems like it's the relationship.
The relationship, right?
Yeah.
I'm a great, strong, faithful man.
Correct.
I look at a couple of these thoughts.
But you don't search for them.
They just pop up.
They pop up.
I also follow sometimes.
I don't follow anything new.
It's been grandfathered in.
Yeah.
Okay.
And honestly, some of them, they get sent to the wayside.
I've unfollowed.
Yep.
Do you know what I mean?
I only keep the top shelf looking after my relationship.
I would never disrespect my girl by following new.
Following new is crazy.
That's crazy.
But if I carried it in, you knew this about me.
It's like a friendship almost.
Except we've been together for years.
I've been following these girls in their swimwear brands.
They're trying to get off the ground for years.
Okay?
Every IG thought got a swimwear brand, Mark.
They would be so upset to lose you as a follower.
They would be upset to lose me as a follower, right?
Because I thought the relationship was you slutted up.
I objectify the sluttiness.
Ladies, listening right now, tell me if I'm off.
Taylor, listen to me right now.
Tell me if I'm off.
There's girls that are literally posting the most salacious sexualized pictures you could possibly imagine.
Okay?
I observe because they're salacious and sexual.
Okay?
That's fair.
That's fair.
Everybody's happy.
Happy.
Maybe the occasional double tap to raise their self-esteem, which is clearly low.
I would never do such a thing, but if I do, because I'm trembling as I'm looking at it, it might happen.
That's a terrifying second, bro.
When you double tap by accident, you know, when you're looking first thing in the morning, your fingers haven't woke up yet.
And you're just scrolling through.
You're like, uh-oh.
Untap before your girl wake up.
Your thumbs are mad, horny.
What are you guys doing?
You're trying to ruin my relationship.
She's right here.
Okay.
This is the problem I have.
Yeah.
When the IG thoughts can't accept their role in the ecosystem, you monetize the thoughtiness.
I'm okay if you embrace that.
Right.
Horrible decisions.
Embraces it.
It's beautiful.
It's happy.
It's great.
They own the word whore.
Correct.
I'm following these thoughts that I thought were on the same page.
Okay.
I thought they were on this.
I thought they understood.
You are objectifying yourself, and I will objectify you in return as you wish.
I see a post today from one of them.
The post says, stop.
This is quote shit.
You know, they love to leave them quotes.
They love these quotes.
It goes, stop sexualizing the naked female.
Wait for it.
Stop sexualizing the naked female.
The female body is art.
To me, showing off my body is not about being sexy.
It's about being and feeling beautiful.
There is so much aesthetic with the female frame.
I'm obsessed with that.
Sometimes it's abstract art and beauty.
I believe in being confident in every form.
The very next slide is swipe up for my OnlyFans, you fucking fraud.
Taylor, tell me if I'm wrong.
Why can't she accept it?
It's like a fish that's trying to walk on land.
Why is she?
So she thinks sexy and beautiful is two different things, obviously.
She doesn't want to be a whore, but she is.
No, no, no, no.
You're saying she's a whore because of the pictures?
No, But I don't know how many guys she fucks.
I can't say she's a whore.
But that's not saying that's a sex worker.
She's a sex worker.
You are a sex worker.
You are selling sex for money, right?
Yes.
Is it sex?
Yes, it's sex.
Why is it sex?
Maybe not penis is not going in.
Exactly.
You can't say only nudes is for sex workers.
And then when someone's on Only Nudes selling nudes, you'd be like, that's not a sex worker.
Only fans.
Only fans.
You're adorable, son.
You said like a Christian pastor.
She got Christian saddle.
Ladies and gentlemen, only nudes.
Not only quotes.
What I say.
I said only fans?
No.
Only fans.
Only nudes.
Son, that's all it is, right?
It's only nudes.
Okay.
Who's on OnlyFans sex?
Make the point.
Everybody says OnlyFans is for sex workers.
It's a safe space for sex workers.
And then when somebody tries to go that's not a sex worker, they're like, whoa, what are you doing?
You're fucking up the space for sex workers.
Then if a bitch is selling nudes on OnlyFans, how's she not a sex worker?
And I'm okay with you being a sex worker.
I'm okay with you objectifying yourself.
I'm open.
Not only am I okay with it.
I love it.
I love to take part in that relationship.
This is beautiful.
You're the flower.
I'm the bee.
I gotta pollinate you.
Isn't that what they do?
I'm not gonna really do it out there.
Of course not.
You know what I mean?
Back in the day.
Back in the day.
Every time she sees it up, is me.
Gotta get some pollen in your nose, bitch.
God bless you.
Yes, he did.
Some people getting corona out here.
So.
My point is, I'm so upset with the fraudulence.
It's art.
It's art.
First of all, let's talk about art.
Art is an object to be objectified.
Oh, shit.
If you are funny, what do we do with art?
We look at that shit and judge it.
Objectify it.
You are calling yourself art.
You're calling yourself a fucking object.
Ooh.
You're acting like art is better.
I don't beat my dick to art.
Jackson Polak looked like he beat his dick on his art.
That helps.
Maybe that's her point.
Real talk.
Maybe that's her point.
I just think it's absurd.
And it drives me crazy.
And it's this shit where like, you think you're above the thoughts.
You think you're one step above a thought because it's art.
No, you're not.
You are one of.
And that is fine.
And accept it and love it.
If somebody want to tell me, oh, yeah, you just tell dick jokes.
Yes, sir, I do.
Love it.
Happy to do it.
You're not going to find me.
All I do is intellectual social commentary.
Fuck you.
Suck my dick.
It might be part of it, but I'm a thought for this comedy, baby.
We laugh thoughts, yo.
We laugh thoughts.
Of course.
Does it drive you crazy when you see that?
You're a hardworking woman with a real fucking job.
This ain't real, but it's close.
You got other real jobs.
You got other real jobs, and you see these girls trying to call themselves artists.
That would bother me.
You got a think pad.
You think them bitches got a think pad?
For work?
Please put that in rock.
Please put that in rock.
You think them bitches got a pink pad?
They might got a maxi pad.
They ain't got a think pad.
No, but I mean, so she has a sexy nude picture up.
I'm trying to understand what the nudes are great.
She has a post that's just words like, don't objectify me.
But I'm an artist.
The female body is art.
That's why I love it.
It makes me feel empowered.
I mean, then the post before that is literally the post after it.
After it.
After.
I'll swipe up for my OnlyFans.
That's dumb.
That's bullshit.
That's what we're saying.
Come on.
But it's the same thing.
For instance, if I was to put up a picture of me in a bikini, I know the fuck I'm doing.
Exactly.
That's all we're saying.
You know what I'm saying?
That's all we're saying.
We appreciate it.
It's another thing if it's a just a portrait picture.
I mean, then they say something objective.
I don't like that shit.
Like, if I'm a sweatpant and you see that shit, that girth.
They show in the corner, the corn cups.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
If it's time to harvest.
Yeah, you got the corducopia.
The corducopia is popping.
You know, if you throw that shit in a microwave and you're a pop pop pop 30 seconds later.
Where's Orville Bredenbacher?
Yeah.
Where's Orville?
Yeah, put some butter, some salt and butter?
Because this movie's about to get started.
I know what I'm doing.
Hey.
I'm photoshopping because I ain't got it like that.
Let's be honest here.
Let's be honest.
Dick all out his sweatpants.
Who are you?
Yo, Nathan McIntosh put up a picture and somebody said it to this group thread.
And my man's dick is hanging low.
Let me see.
Let's see.
Let me see that ginger dick.
We're going to all put a picture of his face at the end of the print.
Let me see that.
Man, that's shadow, bro.
That ain't Nathan Jill.
He's a haters.
Hey, hey, Jealous, yo.
That ain't Jill.
He gave a white man a good name, yo.
Nah, he's the whitest man.
Yeah, but that's a long dick, bro.
That's coming damn near down to his knee.
Yo, yo, Al.
You think that's real?
That's not his dick.
That's light, bro.
That's why he's a dick.
That's not his dick.
First of all, I want the woman here.
Can I get a bunch of damage?
Damn, I don't want you to fly him off your fucking seat.
Look at this dick, bro.
That's definitely a dick.
Yo, Mark just said no.
What's wrong, Mark?
I got to type with his computer on my lab.
You know what I mean?
I can't get it.
You want that shit?
Come on, dude.
I got to have a fucking Trevue Shay in this goddamn studio.
What are you doing?
He takes one look at the computer.
What's the fuck?
Dude, the ceiling on it.
That's some Adam Sailor movie.
Just lifts up his chin, type it like that.
There it is.
All right.
Relax yourself.
Fucking chill out.
You need to chill out.
That's his dangle.
What's the verdict?
Past the Oxcourt or what?
What's the verdict?
It still looks small.
Thank you.
I was thinking the same thing.
Taylor, bro.
Yo, hey, listen.
Taylor's boyfriend.
God bless you, man.
You ruined this woman, bro.
You ruined this woman, bro.
I'm telling you.
You had to marry this guy, Taylor, because you're going to be disappointed.
I know.
Golly.
I mean, her expectations for size are crazy.
That dick is so big, Andrew thinks it's fake.
I know it's fake.
That's not a real dick.
That can't be a real dude.
It looks fat, though.
Taylor is a wild girl, yo.
That dick could die from Corona, really.
Look at that dick.
The god, the Chris Christiecock.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
That's so good.
That dick been eating Krispy Kremes.
Like a high fructose corn serving ass dick.
Oh, God.
Oh, I'm seeing stars a little, bro.
You know, you laugh hard and you see the stars a little bit.
I'm literally seeing stars a little bit.
Oh, man.
That dick knocked you out, bro.
That dick done knocked me out, man.
Nathan McIntosh, bro.
You got the hammer, bro.
You got the hammer.
Yo, what is his Instagram?
We got to shout him out.
Nathan McIntosh, I think.
My bad, Nathan.
Is it just Nathan McIntosh?
Nathan McIntosh.
Take a look at that dick, everybody.
Yo, Nathan McIntosh, go check out his dick.
And if it, let's, let's put something real on it.
What is it?
What should they put on it if they think it's real?
Oh, if they think it's real, put like a 100.
And if they think it's fake, put the crying eyes emoji.
What would you put for fake dick lengths?
Oh, I gotta look at the emojis.
Taylor, we're live right now.
Too bad it ain't no me emoji on that bitch.
All right, if it's real, put that 100.
Or if it's not real, do that little emoji.
Oh, yeah, the skeptical face.
Skeptical face, if you think it ain't real.
But if you think it's all dick, then I want you to put that.
What was the one?
I forgot already.
Just say it looks like 100.
100.
I'm still blacked out, bro.
Yo.
I was literally seeing stars, bro.
I was seeing stars, dude.
Yo, just looking at that dick you lost, boy, floating your head.
I did.
Went all to my dick.
Come on.
Was that fart?
Yeah, it was a fart.
Cutie patootie.
Farts, Clips, and Insurance00:05:47
Wow.
All right, Patooti.
Patooti.
I get you, man.
I got you.
All right.
All right.
So.
What's she saying?
do like peanuts and shrimp and stuff like that for it yo taylor black ass got excited by shrimp emoji yeah she thought we were at the boil again we got red lobsters they got the business they got popcorn shrimp shrimp bubble shrimp yo at that part of forest gumprey you just sitting there like laptop flies All right, guys.
Yo, we got some good news.
Okay.
This is very important to announce.
You know, I told y'all last week that we were hiring over here at Schultz Studios, and we announced a competition for our next social media director, maybe we'll call it social media art director.
Maven.
Social media Maven.
We got to find a fancy name for us.
Fuck titles.
You know, you're just part of the squad.
That's what it is.
Everybody got a million different roles.
And we literally got hundreds of submissions.
It took us two days to look through all these submissions.
A lot.
And honestly, impressive how bad some of them were, but also impressive how good some of them were.
I mean, like a lot of them, very good, very unique.
People went for different stuff.
They tried to, they flex their different skills.
We even got like an animated one.
It was so cool.
It's not exactly what we're looking for, but I almost want to shout the person out that did that specifically.
I forget their name, but you know who you are.
And it was brilliant usage of, it wasn't exactly animation, but basically like images that static images that with subtitling seemed almost like animation.
It was really cool, but not exactly what we're looking for, but very, very cool.
So many of these were amazing.
So many of them were awesome.
I was trying to joke around and say how bad they were.
I thought I was going to get a laugh.
I got nothing.
They were very, very good.
I was absolutely impressed.
We got hundreds of them.
We whittled them down to 10.
Okay.
We have 10.
All right.
10.
Holding it like this.
Taylor.
Sorry.
10.
You guys spread the hands out more for Taylor.
Yeah, you're right.
My bad.
No, we have 10 names.
Okay.
We're going to put all the names in the description below.
If you're watching this on the video, it's just down there right there.
You 10.
We're going to upload this episode that you're watching right now.
The way that we have to whittle you guys down is you're going to have to make another clip.
Now, let's be very clear about this.
This is not so we can like get you guys to do clips for us or whatever the fuck it is.
We haven't even really been sharing these or posting these clips.
We'll put them on the story just because we think you're amazing, but we haven't even put all the clips up that you guys have posted.
This is really the only way that we can do this job search.
Okay.
This is your callback interview.
You 10 are the chosen ones.
The link is down there, just like it was last time.
Have at it.
Flex.
Do not play it safe.
Go for it.
Have fun.
We know what we're looking for.
We're experts at this.
It will shine through.
Create, create, create.
Have the best fucking time with it.
Make sure that you send it to us.
Honestly, the easiest way to do it is kind of like tagging us in it.
What do you guys think that is?
Yeah.
Or like posting us and having us tag in the post so it doesn't go anywhere ever.
That's just for the 10 listed in the description.
Yeah, just for the 10 listed in the subscription.
Thank you to everybody that contributed.
Honestly, there's like some sick graphic designers.
We just, we need someone who can do all of it, but just the graphic design was fucking awesome.
I mean, like, I would love to do a whole different episode where we can kind of like parse through them.
But it's really cool to know that this many talented people that are part of it.
It's crazy.
And honestly, as this team grows, we'd really love to keep tabs on you guys and make sure that you keep tabs on us, especially with the new things that you're doing.
Like let us know what's going on because more positions could open up.
Right now, look at you, both of you or all of you.
I don't know why I said both, but 10 of you, go look in the description.
If you see your name in there, cook us up another clip.
Remember, under one minute, you know all the specifications.
You obviously did something well.
Trust your gut.
Go out there, cook it up.
Next week, we're going to make our decision.
Oh, well, while we're at it, while we're taking this little break, I think it's time to pay some bills, y'all.
We just keep saving you money.
It's crazy.
That's all we want to do, yo.
Because we love the assholes.
We love the army.
And in a time of pandemic and recession, we got to find ways to save you money.
And another way is policy genius.
Let's face it, insurance typically fucks you at every turn.
However, we found a way to save you money on insurance, and that is with policy genius.
Without doing shit, man.
It's literally the easiest way.
Just go put in all the different things that you have.
They're going to find the perfect program for you.
And you're going to save, what is it, on average, like $1,200 or something like that?
I think $1,200 a year.
We might need to scroll down to see the exact amount, but it gives you different options.
You can compare, see what's best for you.
They don't just give you one and blindly make you sign it so you don't know what you're getting.
They give you options, let you choose the one that's best for you.
It's like Expedia for insurance, right?
Yo, uses all the different insurance platforms that are out there and it like cross-checks to make sure that you're getting the absolute best rate.
It just guarantees you the best rate.
You're going to save on average, I think it's $1,127 a year with Policy Genius.
It's a no-brainer.
You can combine policies, group policies, so that you can get better rates.
I mean, this is what we all should be doing.
You know, like, it's no different than what's going to happen with streaming sites.
It's no different than obviously what happened with air travel, what happened with hotels, what happened with car rentals, what happened with everything.
In order to get the best price, you will have all these different companies compete on the same platform.
So you can see what's out there.
Back in the day, you just went to the first person that you tried to sign up for insurance for, and whatever quote they gave you, you're like, all right, I guess I'll pay back.
That's what it is.
That's what it is.
I'm not calling 100 different people to figure out the best rates.
These guys will filter it for you.
Filter for you.
Policygenius.com.
They do the work for you.
Go to policygenius.com, save an average of $1,127 a year.
Guys, get insurance, right?
Lakers Leadership Debate00:15:44
Get insurance.
Now, let's get back to the show.
Let's keep talking.
All right, let's talk about the Lakers, man.
Let's just do it.
Y'all want to do it?
Al, you want to do your little outfit change for this conversation?
I'm cold.
Come on, Al.
Al brought the jersey out and everything.
I'm cold.
Come on.
I'm cool.
He said, I'm cold.
Okay, so look, the Lakers won, bro.
The Lakers won dominating fashion.
Game six was dominating.
Game five, Jimmy Butler did his thing again.
Oh, beautiful.
And then game six, the Lakers were just not having it.
Bron Ron not having it.
Ron not having it.
Bron said, I'm locking up Jimmy the whole game.
Yep.
They did their fucking thing.
After LeBron and Lakers win, LeBron is being interviewed by Rachel Nichols or whoever it is.
And he says, I want my respect.
I want my damn respect.
I want my damn respect too.
Yeah, but he really just said respect everybody else.
So he's just so he can say that.
Hey, don't give a fuck about respecting.
What's up?
Rob Polinka.
Rob Polinka.
Get the fuck out of here.
Not Rob Lowe.
That's all you are to me is not Rob Lowe.
I love Rob Lowe, dude.
Fuck out of here.
Nobody respects you.
LeBron wants his damn respect.
Now, why do you think he said that?
I think he wants to be the GOAT.
I don't think he's there yet.
He's not.
Do you believe that he believes he is?
And then how is he justifying that to himself?
So in other words, you're LeBron James.
You believe you're the GOAT.
You don't have six rings.
How are you justifying you're better than Jordan with what you've done?
I think you always, whatever you do, you have to believe you are a little better than you really are.
What do you think he's doing?
I think I came back.
I never had Phil Jackson as a coach.
I never had a great coach.
Gotcha.
I don't even know if I've ever, he's ever had a good coach.
Spolstra early in his career, but Spolstra wasn't what he is now.
Yeah.
Then he thinks I never had Scotty Pippen.
I had some good teammates, but now I finally got my Pippin.
Dwayne Wade was really good that first year.
Then when we finally won the championship, starting then, he would get hurt every playoffs.
Okay.
I think he thinks I was around inept-ass Cleveland for years where the organization fucks up everything.
And I came back against arguably the greatest team ever, 73 and 9.
It's fair to say, your argument is he thinks he did more with less.
Yes, well said.
Okay.
Cut that down way better than I did.
I did what you usually did.
No, no, no doubt.
That's sick, dude.
No doubt.
So it's humbling, isn't it?
I hate it when you do that shit to me, even though I love, like, obviously saying the longest rant, and you're just like, yeah, A plus B is C. Did I just do math of letters?
I thought I killed it too.
And then he was like, more with less.
I was like, he did more with less.
So your point is, more with less, which I think is a great argument.
I think there's also something to be said with him doing with three different organizations.
I think people sleep on that.
Every new organization you go to, you got to build a new team.
Granted, the Bulls built two teams, technically, right?
Right.
But it's the same organization and the same key players.
LeBron had to go do this again in Cleveland, build the whole team around him again with the Lakers.
We could say it's easy because you're LeBron and everybody wants to play with you, but it's not that easy.
Getting everybody to have the same chemistry, establishing the culture, getting a coach that's going to run the culture that you want to have there.
It's not like the Lakers have culture.
No.
Right.
The Lakers.
LA doesn't have culture.
LA doesn't have culture.
Right.
The Lakers were Kobe.
And then when Kobe left, there was just a giant void to be filled.
Right.
So I think that's a really interesting argument.
And I think that he, and especially with the 3-1 shit, he might go, nah, I don't think Jordan could do that.
And I would agree because I don't think Jordan would let himself go down 3-1.
But that being said, there is a solid argument for his goat ship, if you will.
I don't think he's there.
Nope.
I think he's actually two more rings away.
Yeah.
In my opinion, I think in order to be spoken about with Jordan, you need the six.
But I think as far as our generation goes, he's number two and it's not close.
Yeah.
I think there used to be close number twos for our generation.
We didn't see Wilt.
We didn't see Bill Russell, right?
We didn't see those motherfuckers.
But we didn't see Kareem.
No.
We didn't even see Magic.
Really didn't see Magic or Bird, really.
Or Bird.
Yeah.
But we saw Kobe, we saw Jordan, and we saw LeBron.
And I think that we can all unanimously say number two is LeBron.
Yeah.
And if that wasn't solidified before, within our generation, again, not the old heads, within our generation, I think this solidifies him.
Yeah.
Do you think so?
And I think if you have to go public and say, give me my respect, that makes you number two.
Jordan never had to tell anybody it was given.
That is earned like he was crowned the best.
You got to go out there and tell motherfuckers then.
But you know what's interesting, Al, is that Jordan was equally upset at the disrespect of not getting MVP that final year.
Remember, they gave it to Carl Malone?
Yeah.
Was it his fifth championship or his sixth?
I think 60 also didn't get it, I think.
Yeah, so he got like five MVPs total or something like that and six championships.
But he was upset that Carl Malone got it and not him.
Yep.
As he should have been.
As he should have been.
Of course, just like LeBron this year was upset that Giannis got it.
Oh, I think it was his sixth.
I think they kept talking about it in last dance.
Like, oh, he was pissed.
Yep.
So they both have that chip, but Jordan goes about it differently.
LeBron probably has that chip because he knows that there are more things that can be criticized.
Jordan has left very few things to criticize, right?
Jordan's like, yo, anytime I go to the dance, I win that bitch.
LeBron has gone to the dance and not won.
So he knows there's always going to be something to be said about him, even though he went more times than Jordan.
Yes.
10 trips to the finals is crazy.
Yo, what's his face said it best?
I forget exactly.
Oh, Jimmy Butler said it best.
He goes, if you want to go to the NBA championship, the road is going to lead through or to a LeBron James team.
Yeah.
He's the first player in NBA history to win three finals MVPs with, or three finals MVPs with three different teams.
Yeah.
We all thought it was going to be Kawhi this year, and we all just kind of counted out LeBron.
I did.
I thought they have no depth behind him in AD.
And I think when LA went out and also when Milwaukee went out, it was just like, that's it.
It's done.
It's done.
How many years, and I want to talk a lot about Jimmy Butler because he just had this amazing bubble.
But like, let's talk about how many more years of championship LeBron we have.
LeBron put the team on his back.
Yeah.
Like, don't get me wrong, AD played exceptionally.
AD was huge.
He was defensively huge.
Defensively huge, especially his paint presence, massive.
But LeBron locking up Jimmy Butler and just saying game six, it's over.
Yo, if let's not forget, game five.
LeBron played his LeBron was like, we're going home.
Yeah.
And he passed up the shot to Danny Green, which is what LeBron always does.
I knew before during the timeout, I said, LeBron is going to get doubled, pass out, the guy's going to miss the shot, whoever he passes to.
Because LeBron will always make the right basketball play.
And sometimes the right basketball play is the wrong game ending play because you want that shot taken by the best player.
But the right basketball play is to pass that off to the guy that you literally signed to be your wide open three-point shooter.
His only reason for being on the Lakers is to knock down open threes and play defense.
He's a good defender as well.
I feel like LeBron is, yeah, I think it's number two.
I think it's number two.
Son.
If Braun didn't go off game five and game six, he might not have even got the MVP because AD had a better stat line for the first three games.
I wonder if that was a little motivation too.
LeBron going off game five, game six won him the MVP.
Because stat line-wise, he wouldn't have had it.
So how long do we have left for peak championship, LeBron?
That's where we were.
Truthfully, he's blacked out.
He's an abnormal, like he's abnormal.
His fucking body is crazy.
He can keep going.
Like, I can see three, maybe even four strong moments.
He's a wild boy for that.
Son, his body's a wild ass boy.
His body's crazy.
Here's the difference.
I think there will be at least one year where he's not quite peak, LeBron, but we don't notice because AD is still going to keep getting better.
And I think that will carry LeBron a little bit.
I'm with Akash in this.
I think you got one more year of LeBron can carry the team.
And then I think you have two more years after that of LeBron being a number two or three option.
So he can play this point forward position, but the game is really flowing through AD, kind of similar to how the Heat were, where there were times where Dwayne Wade was the number one on that team.
Yeah, that first year in particular.
But that, I think that's why that didn't work out the first year.
And then Dwayne Wade went to him and was like, you got to be the guy.
Right.
Right.
I think AD is good enough where he can be that.
Yeah.
And I think LeBron is actually his natural position is to defer.
Yeah.
Like he takes on the offensive load because he has to.
But if it was up to him, I think that he would slash and dish and really get other people involved.
And I think if he's going to get two more rings, it's one with him leading, and then there's another one with someone else leading, maybe AD.
And letting, and I think he's situated perfectly to do it because AD could still continue to blossom.
And I think AD likes LeBron as like a mentor.
I think that's what they were talking about in the post-game.
Like they've helped.
He's helped AD get to another level.
Yeah, 100%.
Yes, my dear.
You don't think that him playing in the bubble like this year did any difference to him winning the championship?
So I want to talk about that real quick with the bubble.
That's a really good point.
People say that there's an asterisk on the bubble championship.
Some people say.
No player says that.
Players think that this one is harder.
Yeah.
Because there's nothing that you could say that gives you an advantage.
Like if you have home court advantage and you have amazing home courts, really hard to play there.
You could go, well, yeah, we don't have home court advantage.
So game seven was in Golden State.
And of course, we're going to lose in Golden State.
Nobody has home court advantage.
Everybody's rested.
This is as fair as it could possibly be.
Everybody's eating the same food.
Nobody's getting poisoned by some random restaurant, like sending pizzas to Jordan's place.
Literally, everybody had the exact same, what is it called?
Like pregame ridiculously.
This is as level as a playing field.
Yeah, 100% level playing field.
You might never experience this again unless they do another bubble.
So to say that this is in some way, shape, or form, unfair is completely bullshit.
It is the most there it's ever been.
This is the most like Jordan, I think, he's ever been.
Because I think there's the only people who could win the championship in this bubble is that type of killer.
Jordan, Kobe, LeBron.
I would have said Kawhi, but I think the Clippers around him couldn't do it.
But it is, fuck everything.
I am completely focused on winning a championship.
I don't care how crazy the world is around me.
This is the goal, and we're all coming.
I don't give a fuck.
We're all getting there.
And that's kind of what LeBron did focus-wise, I thought.
He was like, hey, guys, this is where we're going.
Fuck everything.
We're having a season.
He was always a guy that's like, we're having a season.
Patrick Greville said, LeBron wants to play, so we're going to play.
That's what Jordan would have done.
That's what Kobe would have done.
The killers of the killers are coming out of this pandemic.
Yeah, he did look like a killer, man.
He looked like it in game five when they lost, and he looked like it in game six when it was when he was locking up Jimmy the whole fucking time.
Yeah, it is.
It is, I don't think you can put an asterisk on it at all.
Can I ask you a question?
I think maybe not an asterisk, but something has to go like you have to just acknowledge that was the bubble season.
Yeah, it is different.
Like they had a rest throughout the midseason.
Like maybe his body wouldn't have held up had they had that big rest.
So it does change something.
It changes something, right?
We all got to adjust to everything.
And I think he adjusted the best.
And that's a testament to him.
I think what I was just saying is like you can acknowledge that there are different variables here and then a regular season.
So maybe the asterisk doesn't mean it was easier, but you got to put the asterisk.
Yeah, exactly.
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
It was a level playing field, you're saying, but just different.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm with you on that.
Let me ask you a game five question.
LeBron does this, and maybe I'm biased for sure.
It's quite possible.
LeBron always passes out at the end of a game.
In my mind, that almost never works out.
I can think of Jordan passing it out, maybe because we're always shocked when he does it, and Steve Carr knocking it down, John Paxon knocking it down.
In my mind, every time I think of LeBron drawing the double and passing it out at the end of the game, the guy misses.
The closest I came, it came, I think, was George Hill against Golden Satan game one where he like got fouled and then missed one of the free throws to tie up the game.
And then Jarrett Smith was more.
What about with Kyrie for the game winner?
Kyrie, I think, just dribbled it up, right?
No.
I think he got it on the wing.
Maybe not.
I never remember.
Maybe.
But Braun had no choice because if he tries to force up a shot with a double team and you have a wide open Danny Green and then a Bron misses, everybody's saying you're an idiot because you have a wide open Danny Green.
Yeah.
So it's like he was between a rock and a hard place.
He made the right basketball movement.
He made the right basketball moves.
And he bailed Danny Green out by winning game six.
And that would be completely different.
Nobody's even talking about it.
Yeah, 100%.
All right, let's talk about another star being born in the bubble.
Like somebody maybe rising to the expectations we always had of them.
That's Jimmy Butler.
Obviously, Jimmy Butler has this amazing bubble.
And then conversations start to happen, at least amongst my peer group, and I brought them over to Twitter, where it's like, where does Jimmy Butler actually lie in the NBA rankings?
I don't think people would have put Jimmy Butler in the top 20 before the bubble.
Probably right.
If we're being honest with ourselves, right?
And I think Jimmy has easily entered the top 10.
Easy top 10.
Easy top 10.
Now, I want to do a couple comparisons here.
Jimmy, you have to make the decision.
Jimmy or Kawhi?
Who do you go with?
Kawhi.
Kawhi.
Now, here's the question.
I think you're right.
But a massive flaw in Kawhi's game was exposed during the playoffs.
Yes.
And that is at this point so far, he is completely inept in terms of his ability to lead players.
He's been very fortunate and privileged to only play for quality organizations that have amazing culture, and they do all the coaching for him.
Okay.
The Spurs, make sure everybody stays in line.
The Raptors, make sure everybody stays in line.
You don't have to do anything but go out there and ball, and everything else is taken care of.
He goes to the Clippers, which has no culture, zero organization, and a whole bunch of knuckleheads.
Yeah, he doesn't have the leadership ability to carry that team through the playoffs and get everybody on the same side.
He doesn't have enough leadership to stop Lou Williams from going to get chicken wings at a strip club.
Right?
Like, let's really call it what it is.
He's an amazing player, but I don't think he's a leader yet.
No.
And if I had to go to war, who am I taking?
It's Jimmy Butler.
Yeah.
I don't know if there's a player in the NBA if I got to go to war that I'd take over Jimmy Butler.
That motherfucker got a heart.
Is Kawhi more skilled?
Yeah.
But if I need someone to lead my team, if I got to build a team around somebody, even though Jimmy's less skilled, I don't know if you're getting, if you have Kawhi on that team, you're not getting those performances from Duncan Robinson.
You're not getting those performances from Tyler Hero.
He's not instilling the confidence in those two young players, those two rooks that Jimmy Butler did.
Ian Pop probably Bam.
Even Bam.
He's just going to go sit in the corner, mumble shit to himself, and laugh goofy.
And those other players are going to be like, well, does he like me?
Does he not like me?
Jimmy Butler is putting the battery in those young bucks' backs.
He's making them play to the best of their ability.
Go.
Pushback.
Jimmy Butler plays for a great organization.
I love this.
I love this argument.
Cowboys Franchise Tag00:15:12
It's funny that Miami is completely cultureless as a city, and then you got the most disciplined fucking team in Miami right outside of Miami has culture.
It's just not American basketball.
Tons of culture.
Yeah, I just mean in terms of like, sure, whatever.
Yeah, my point, I think you get like those cultures.
The superficial part of Miami, the plastic surgery part of Miami.
But then you got Jimmy Butler who fits right into the Miami culture, where they say, if you don't love basketball, you're going to hate basketball playing for Miami.
When he was on teams that didn't have good cultures, those teams fell the fuck apart.
I mean, Philly kind of, but they did pretty much what Kawhi did this year.
They don't have any culture.
Minnesota couldn't.
I mean, he couldn't get those guys to love basketball.
They're pussy, scared.
They're all scared.
Wiggins is scared.
They're both kind of similar in that if they're with good cultures, they're going to shine.
And if they're not, they're not.
And I think that's best hole in my argument.
Best hole in my argument.
Yeah, I think the culture plays in way more than we realize to what a team is.
And it also maybe justifies LeBron leaving Cleveland twice because their culture sucks.
Culture sucks.
I agree with you 100%.
The only thing that I would say is that Jimmy's ability to get those younger players to instill confidence in the players.
Kawhi couldn't do that.
I don't think Kawai could.
If you love basketball and you are, and then Jimmy Butler, I think, looks at you and goes, that kid fucking works.
I'm going to gas him up.
He dies for this.
I'll kill for him.
Yeah.
I don't think Kawhi would do that.
I think, to be honest, the Heat are better.
The Heat are better with Jimmy Butler over Kawhi.
But the Raptors last season would be better with Kawhi over Jimmy.
You see what I'm saying?
Like overall, skill-wise, like if we had to NBA 2K, if we had to NBA 2K a player, Kawhi's going to be better.
There's no question.
But within certain teams, I'd probably take Jimmy over and others.
Kawhi for Jimmy.
Okay.
I think that's fine.
I think that's a reasonable slice.
Here's what shit gets interesting.
Harden or Jimmy?
Who's a better basketball player?
Who are you taking?
Who do I want on my team?
Jimmy.
Kind of.
It depends who else is on my team.
Because if you don't have any other scorers, I'm taking Harden.
Because Hardin's going to get you buckets.
I don't think I care.
I think I think it's against buckets to win.
So it's like Jimmy got as far as he did because the role players came through.
But who got those role players to come through?
Granted, but I'm saying.
Tyler Hero is like a 14th pick in the draft.
Bam Adam Bay was like a 14th pick in the draft.
Duncan Robinson undrafted.
Yeah, so I'm just saying if those rogue players didn't come through, their team would have been trash.
Harden could at least get you pretty far just off a heart.
I think our point is Jimmy Butler elevates those role players games.
And Harden.
I don't think Hardin does anything to help your team outside of scoring.
And Jimmy will do all the intangibles.
I will say, so for me, it's Jimmy over Hardin without a question.
There's no doubt that Hardin's game is better offensively, but what Jimmy brings to the floor, both defensively and in terms of like helping out all the other players, I think I go with him.
You want to know the scariest backcourt or mid-court, whatever the fuck you want to call it in basketball, if you have Kawhi and Jimmy on the same team.
If Paul George wasn't on the Clippers, Jimmy was, forget it.
Jimmy runs the culture.
Jimmy will defer.
That guy just wants to win.
He doesn't care if he scores 30 or 18.
He just wants to win.
And Kawhi is just going out there and assassin.
They don't even need to talk to each other.
Jimmy will respect Kawhi because he balls.
And Kawhi will respect Jimmy because Jimmy's a real one.
You put those two together.
Yeah, that's crazy.
That's a problem.
That's crazy.
I was going to say I'd love to see LeBron with like a Jimmy, but he already got AD.
I don't know if Jimmy could handle LeBron.
I think Jimmy has a problem with ego.
I also see.
And I think that's why when he was on Minnesota, he saw Cathead some ego.
He's like, yo, you're a little bitch.
Yeah.
But LeBron is so clearly superior to Jimmy.
I think he has to give it up.
Fair enough.
LeBron has that.
LeBron has that about him, right?
And even Kyrie, who's like the most fucking egomania, egomaniacal person in the world, had to submit to LeBron's max.
And we might be victims of the moment because I think last year you put up Butler and Harden, you're not going with Butler.
You're so right.
This is recency bias.
And that's the fun thing about sports is that like you get to be caught up in the moment.
Yeah.
Like that, let's do it.
Let's get caught up in the fucking moment.
He had a great series.
I just think it's really cool to see someone who was always a fan favorite, someone who you know loved the fucking game start to get his flowers a little bit.
So I hope they do something next season.
I hope they get a pick or they can swing a trade because.
Yo, they got Capram in two years, the Giannis year, for Jimmy and I think two more Max guys.
And you still got Hero.
You still got Gordon.
What's his name?
Duncan Robinson.
Bam, you can resign.
It's going to be interesting, especially, I think it might be one, but it also could be two.
That'd be a fucking squad.
Yeah.
I just want to give some love to Rondo because Rondo played.
Rondo played his ass off, y'all.
He played his.
And he's another guy, and that's a testament to LeBron.
Nobody could ever control Rondo.
Doc Rivers couldn't control him.
The Mavericks couldn't control him.
Sacramento didn't see him.
He just seemed like he was just kind of wasting away out there.
Then he comes to the Lakers, and you don't hear a peep about Rondo's character, about LeBron and Rondo butting heads.
Yo, that's a great point.
You want to know a testament to LeBron's greatness is the lack of ego from the egomaniacal players that he plays with.
Yeah.
Right?
These guys that are always causing problems, nothing when they're with LeBron.
Because they know the real one's with them.
Yes.
Except Kyrie.
Kyrie really didn't say shit when he was with LeBron.
He had to leave.
He had to leave?
Yeah, but when he left, he was much worse than he was with LeBron.
Oh, yeah.
He was still annoying.
But at the same time, he knew like, look, I can't do that.
Without him.
Without him, so I'm going to shut the fuck up.
And now he hasn't stopped talking, but he also hasn't stopped losing.
It's tough going to practice every day and watching this guy be so clearly better than you.
Like Kyrie, we can say he's great.
He's not LeBron by any stretch.
Yeah.
That's the hardest thing, man.
Like one of the hardest things with greatness is accepting, is like checking your own ego so you can be great.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like you have to, like LeBron has an ego, massive ego, but he has to check part of that and go, nah, I need AD to get some buckets now because I can't carry by myself.
Or I need Kyrie to take this last shot.
And it's like, if you truly want to get there to the mountaintop, you're going to need a team and you're going to need a team of people that will do things better than you.
Yeah.
And not a lot of people are able to submit to that.
It's hard.
Could Jordan have done that?
Yes.
He did do it.
With Scotty?
Passing that fucking rock to Paxson.
Passing that rock to Kerr.
Okay.
Do you know what I mean?
He's like, I want to win so bad.
I will let these motherfuckers make a career off of hitting open threes.
You know, it's just an interesting thing all the way back to last dance.
They talk about that first championship.
And Phil was like, can you fucking pass it Paxon, please?
Just try it.
And then Paxon just started burying the jumpers.
And then I think Phil said like, that was a turning point in Mike's career when he was like, oh, I can trust my teammates.
You can't get there unless you do, man.
You literally can't.
It's in anything.
It's in business.
It's in common.
It's everything we do.
You cannot get there.
What's interesting about Braun and AD, though, is Braun's setting AD up to be the number one.
He's setting AD up to, I'm gassing you up so you become number one and then I'll be number two and we'll get more chips together.
That's what I'm asking if Jordan could do.
I don't know.
I don't know if Jordan could do that, but that's how it works if you want to stay in the game.
I think Jordan would rather just leave.
But if you want to stay in the game, you eventually are going to have to pass that.
You're going to have to pass that baton.
Yeah.
But that's the thing, man.
If you want to reach the mountaintop, you have to be able to check your ego and have people that are better than you in certain things around you.
Like Steve Jobs couldn't code for shit.
But that motherfucker knew what he wanted you to code.
Yep.
You know, I'm sure Bill Gates don't know nothing about half the shit that he's doing, but he knows what needs to get done.
Yeah.
You know, and I think there's a certain people that like can't get past the middle that they have such ego that they need to be the one that does every little thing.
Yeah.
Let that shit go.
And there's T. LeBron's like argument.
There's a, this is my time, and I'm going to stay on a team when it's AD's time, and then it's going to be his time, but I'm going to still win.
Everybody got their time as long as we're winning.
That's what matters.
And by then, hopefully his shit will be solidified so he's done.
Yo, let's talk about Dak's foot because that's a little crazy situation.
You got to be hurt right now.
That was hurt.
That was painful, though.
Quarterback for quarterback for Dallas Cowboys.
I'm born and raised in Dallas.
I'm a Cowboy fan watching the game.
Dak indestructible his whole career.
Like that was my big argument for Dak is this guy never gets hurt.
And I always knew it was going to take some freak shit for him to finally set out a game.
He did not get it.
And this is where it's interesting.
This is where it's interesting.
So he got franchise.
A franchise tag means you get like a guaranteed amount of money for one year and it's the top five in your position, the average of the top five players.
So the top five quarterbacks in the league, they average those salaries.
And then for one year, you get that amount of money.
Exactly.
$31.4 million for Dakota.
And a team is allowed to franchise, I believe, one player a year.
And then you can keep franchising, but the price keeps going up to such a degree that it's not worth it.
It's not worth it.
So they franchised him last year, if I'm not mistaken.
They were trying to, I think the Cowboys were offering like $35 million a year for four years.
No, five years.
Dak was like, I want four.
I'm not signing less than more than four years.
I want less years because there's going to be a TV negotiation, like renegotiation.
And the price that Fox is going to pay to carry the games is going to lift up the salary cap super high and I can cash out again.
Right.
So he's like, fine, franchise me.
I'll get 31.4 million this year.
I'm good.
And then next year, we'll get the big contract done.
Or I'll get a franchise tag for even more money, like 40 million or whatever.
Then all of a sudden, the first time in his career, he gets injured.
And it's the freak injury of the ankle going the complete, the foot going the complete other way, dislocated, broken, compound fracture, bone sticking through the skin.
And that shit, I don't think I understood how crazy it was.
He just goes down, immediately starts waving to the trainers, and his foot's just sticking the wrong way.
And he tries like plant it down into the ground and get it the right way.
And I was just like looking like this.
I don't think I understood what was going on.
And then you see the medical cart.
His teammates are all freaking out.
The fucking, his old head coach is on the other team sideline.
He's a coordinator.
He comes over, checks on Dak.
And then when you see Dak crying as he's being carted off, that's when you're like, oh, fuck.
This guy, that's when it hit me.
Like, this guy's watching his entire career pass before his eyes.
And I thought, as much as it sucks to talk about and you wish he got his money, the interesting thing is the contract negotiation.
Because next year, even if his ankle heals, you don't know how it's going to look until you see him on a football field.
This is a crazy freak injury.
Gordon Hayward is apparently the closest comparison.
Gordon Hayward doesn't look the same.
I'm a fan of Dak.
I want Dak to get his money.
I'm also a fan of the Cowboys.
I want the Cowboys to be good.
In the NFL, you can only spend a certain amount of money every year.
So my two sides of his fan of both are like, I want him to get his money.
I don't know if I want the Cowboys to pay it necessarily.
So I'll just show this screen grab because we can't play.
Yeah, this is the fucking foot is.
Can you go back a little bit, Al, just so we can see?
This is just crazy, man.
Oh, that's just freak.
Yeah.
It's a freak accident.
It's not a bad tackle or anything.
No, no, no.
Nothing dirty.
Nothing dirty.
It just so happens that the guy who's tackling him, his knee rolls over his ankle during the tackle.
Yeah.
I mean, dude, if he tackled him one step earlier, his other foot would be by that knee and it would go right.
I have been thinking about this because this is, and this Dak also, by all accounts, great guy.
Lost his mom a few years ago to cancer.
His brother committed suicide last year.
He talked about how he's been depressed.
He's been struggling with mental health.
Everybody is like, I watched a video you sent me from a doctor talking.
He's like, you really got to worry about his mental health.
He's already suffered, struggles with depression.
Now he can't play the game.
He loves people who need to keep checking on this guy.
You're worried about him.
Then there's a fan part of me that's like, do we want to pay this motherfucker?
Come on, guys.
What are we going to talk about this?
So I just thought, as fucked as it was, this is the only place I know where we could have that conversation of like, what do you do with this guy next year?
Now, what is the deal?
Like, it looked like his foot is kind of turned out.
Like, it's turned the complete wrong way.
Like, he already walked LeBron, super-footed or whatever.
Now it's super.
That shit is already.
Now it's a fucking 90 degrees.
It was a total break.
Yeah, you can, honestly, as fucked up as this is, you can't pay him, man.
I think you got to see.
You can't pay him.
You got to see.
Now, somebody else could take that gamble and you could potentially lose that.
But if you're part of an organization, and again, as fucked up as it is, this is the gamble.
This is the gamble you take.
Now you want to turn down $35 million a year, whatever it was for five years.
You have that right.
But you are playing the most dangerous sport in existence.
Yeah.
You are playing the position that every single play the other team is trying to tear down.
100%.
Right?
Not a single play offensively goes by.
Yeah.
Without the other team going, that guy's getting the ball first, and we are tying to concussion.
100%.
We're trying to kill this guy.
We're trying to kill this.
Get him out of the game.
That's it.
If we can't.
I don't want to deal with him.
You turn down 35 million because you believe you are worth more, and that's totally fine.
But that is the gamble.
And I think it's what I would have done.
I think I'd have been like, nah, fuck it.
Let's take the risk.
Who cares?
31.4 million.
I'm good with the rest of my life anyway.
I'm going to be honest with you, bro.
He must have a lot of money because the only way you could turn that shit down is if you have fuck you money already.
I don't know if this is true.
I've heard this.
I've heard it disputed.
I heard he made 50 million off advertisements already, like just being the Cowboys quarterback.
That could be a bullshit figure.
If that's true, then you're like, I'll take a 31 million.
Who gives a fuck?
But Dave Chappelle said it best.
Everybody says, What's the difference between 10 million and 50 million?
He goes, I'll tell you what, it's a staggering $40 million.
If you're Dak, what's the difference between 80 million and 150 million?
It's a staggering $70 million.
So that's just an interesting discussion.
You could live with it.
You could live with it.
You see what I'm saying?
If this was his first contract, he's taking that shit in a heartbeat.
But the fact that he's gotten 50 million, maybe in endorsements, and this year alone, he got what?
31.4.
31 guaranteed.
That's fuck you money forever.
Exactly.
So he can say fuck you forever.
If he never plays another down of football, him and his kids will be amazing.
Yeah.
And he's in Texas where you're not paying no fucking tax on that shit.
That's cheap, boy.
That shit is cheap.
That's why everybody wants to be quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys.
Nobody wants to be quarterback of the LA Rams.
I don't know.
New York Giants?
Fuck out of here.
You're paying Manhattan Burrow chat.
Shit.
Suck my dick.
Shit.
I can't believe you incorporated here.
That's crazy.
No, I'm stupid.
But that was the part that I was, I've been thinking about that financial aspect.
Moranis got punched in his foot.
But that's the thing I keep thinking about: the money because I'm Indian.
But I'm like, yo, this guy turned down $100 million guaranteed.
And he took that risk that I think I would have taken.
And he got fucking, it might be over.
How many teams are going to save money because of this in the offseason?
Quarterback Money Talk00:08:03
Because there's going to be other quarterbacks that are going to go, oh, booy.
Yeah, I'll sign.
Yeah.
I'll sign.
Because we're talking an extra 10, 20 million, whatever, but you got 100 million guaranteed.
Sign.
This guy feels like Isaiah Thomas.
You say what?
Kind of feels like Isaiah Thomas.
Remember the basketball?
Yeah, 100%.
Yeah.
There's a, do you remember DeMar DeRosen?
Yeah.
Remember him?
He played for the Raptors and he got signed.
He was playing great and he was going to get signed.
He was asking for a max contract.
And apparently the Raptors came to him with under the max and he couldn't say no to it.
Maybe there weren't other offers out there and maybe the Raptors knew that.
Who knows exactly?
Maybe other teams weren't reaching out.
But this is a guy who comes from, I think it's Compton and is being offered instead of $150, $140 million.
Yeah.
Are you really going to say no to $140 million?
Wait, he couldn't say no.
He couldn't say yes.
He couldn't say no.
He signed it.
Yeah, he couldn't say no.
Even though it wasn't a max, there was that $10 million gap.
I think when it's in front of you and you know what you came from, it's hard, bro.
You know what?
Especially when you're making you, if that's your first big.
No, no, no.
And I'm agreeing.
I'm about to agree with DeMar.
I'm about to flip positions.
I think if I'm in that position actually, I'm thinking it's $10 million.
Either way, it's fuck you money forever.
Forever.
Forever, ever.
I'm a quibble over $10 million.
Sign the fucking deal.
I'll make it up.
It's a little disrespectful.
I'll say that shit a couple times, make myself feel better.
Call it out in the media a couple times, be passive.
Or do the opposite.
I want to put that money into our offensive line.
I want guys to get paid.
You could be the good guy with it, too.
You could be, but that actually, I think I might have taken the kind.
But if you're a football player, take the goddamn money, bro.
If it's not disrespectful, take it.
And if it's guaranteed.
Oh, yeah.
That's what they care about: how much is guaranteed.
Because you could drop it.
And I think you wanted a little more guarantee, but I think they had like 100 million guaranteed.
I think.
Anyway, look, get better, Dak, man.
It's a shame, bro.
Bro, that shit was rough to watch.
That's heartbreaking, man.
And seeing a football player cry, dog, the amount of pain these guys take on a day-to-day, to see a guy like that cry, you're like, yo, he's going through hell, bro.
I feel like you were tearing up too, just talking about it.
I might have been, man.
I'm gay.
First of all, I'd be crying all the time.
Second of all, this guy's emotional, bro.
And this guy's life isn't fucking a dark place, bro.
Nah, if you lose a game you love and your brother and your mom, like, it's not completely fine.
Yeah.
This guy going through it.
Yeah, I guess if you put it like that.
Yeah, if you make it all sad, then why'd you make it all sad?
Are you talking about me crying?
I gotta make you want to cry.
Why'd you make it fun instead of sad?
Yeah.
I'm trying to point out why I'm crying.
Now his foot will make him turn directions better.
He's black.
Let's make it fun.
Let's do something.
No, no, no, no.
Just until we're clear, the dad is black.
That's okay.
He's half black.
Wait, Dad, where is the dad?
Exactly.
Where is he that?
I hate.
I hate him.
I hate him.
No, he's not.
You can't do that to me.
I actually have a father, and he's like in my life, like for real, for real.
You know that.
That's why you're you.
That's why you're so amazing.
It's like we found that.
Just because you call your boyfriend daddy, it don't count.
You probably forget shit every time he fucks you because he just never hemories out.
What the fuck happened?
Does that ever happen?
You're like, yo, you owe me $20.
He's like, do I?
$10, $5, $3.
I owe you money.
What's going on?
It's like a Mario every time you hit him.
Oh, my God.
Oh, God, that was good.
I have a great daddy.
Oh, yeah.
He'd be making hundreds of hours.
He makes her cheese.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Now my shit is stars again.
She's stars again, dude.
You have to warm up your jaw before or something.
Man, come on here.
That's crazy, bro.
Taylor's a woman, bro.
Yes.
That is 80 right here.
We can't be talking about disrespectful.
Jesus, right?
Man, she probably unhinged that shit like a Cobra who just swallows it all.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, she got peaky ass niggas talking about shit.
You're right.
Exactly.
I got DMJ now that you mentioned it.
This act really hurts.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
I see what I'm saying.
Stop faking, though.
Easy as to.
Y'all making me laugh too much.
Let me tell you something.
That's the only way I make a girl's mouth hurt.
Lester.
What about punches?
Wait, what?
What?
What happened?
What?
What?
What did I say?
What are people talking about out here, Al?
Take it away.
Hey, take it away, Al.
You want to do some feelings, no facts?
Say what?
Some feelings, no facts.
I do feelings, no facts.
Just about your outfit.
Come on, Al, sing the song that's in your head right now.
What song should Al sing, Mark?
What is it?
I thought he looked like Ja Rule before.
That's good as I get.
100%.
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
I can't think of the Ja Rule song.
What's the murder?
You're literally dressed like Ja Rule.
Remember the halftime show?
Remember the halftime show where he's like in Milwaukee?
We ready.
That's just nothing.
I guess not.
All right, that's fun.
That's your outfit right now, bro.
Yo, you know what you need to, bro.
Your 90s, baby.
You need to fuck your girl on her period.
Whoa.
And then pull out and be like, it's murder.
Yeah, actually.
That's Al after you go home.
That's actually Al after he leaves it in.
He just being prophetic.
It should be like a minority report where he sees the crime in the future.
Get the little peg and she tuscles back with the plus.
That was just the job rule on.
It's murder.
Amy Coney Barrett.
You need it, bitch.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second, Pacing Bills.
Listen, NBA's over, but you know what's back?
It's foot motherfucking ball.
You want to know why the NBA ratings were down?
It's because of foot motherfucking ball.
All right.
Nothing can compete with football.
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Let's get back to the show.
Why would you want to have sex in your period?
Say what?
That's curse.
You never want to make your girl bleed, y'all?
Doesn't have to be.
Y'all be having sex with...
Free Money Gambling Scam00:04:20
Yeah.
Nah, we don't do that, bro.
Nah.
I'll do that shit.
I'll do that shit if it hasn't dropped yet.
Huh?
Knock it loose.
Wait, what?
What?
Knock it loose.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I'm with you.
Dick it down.
If that period is a little late, you dick it down.
Yeah, come on down now.
Did it with that Bob Barker?
Come on now.
Wait, is that true?
The price is right.
Yeah, when the price is wrong, bro, you can get up in there.
What are you trying to learn?
Hey, she's going over.
If she went overtime.
Okay, so if her period is late.
Period is late.
Then what do you do?
You dig it up.
Then you dig it down.
You blow it out, bro.
Knock it off like a cocoa nut.
That's pretty bad enough.
It's a cocoa nut.
That shit works.
It does work.
It does work.
But you got to go deep stroke.
Yeah.
Legs over the shoulder.
Over the shoulder.
You got to leave it into it.
It's like, you know, whose shoulders?
It says a different level of tea.
The guys told me to do this, babe.
I'm not ready to be a farm.
Oh, my God.
Oh, you're doing happy baby yoga poses.
Yo, yo, I'm about to rock your world.
Andrew said to you, because I'm scared.
You just got to be more specific sometimes.
That's why the Commissioner, they drew the pictures.
You can't just be giving vague descriptions of what you're supposed to generally do.
Bro, come on, dog.
Hold up.
Hold up.
My head hurts, bro.
Oh, no.
You got to hit somebody.
I'm backing out again.
Yo.
You need to eat something.
I need to eat something, dude.
Did I not eat anything today?
Oh, no, you got a soup.
Soup?
Dre?
Dre?
You ever been called gay before like that?
I don't know.
That was wild.
That shit hurts.
She sold your boy.
Yeah.
Soup.
Soup?
We talk about soup?
We talk about liquid nourishment.
We talk about Hale and Hardy.
Chicken tea.
Exactly.
My big dick boyfriend will never eat soup.
You gonna blow on the spoon soup hot before you eat it?
Soup.
Oh, fuck.
Put some ice cubes in it so it cools down a little.
Soup?
Bitch-ass motherfucker drinking soup.
Yo, why you out here eating soup, Al?
Why he was eating soup, bro?
You put on one table.
I was eating soup.
So I didn't eat soup, duh.
Son.
I didn't eat soup.
I had a smoothie.
But I ate it like a smooth.
I had a smoothie.
I ate it like a man.
I ate it with a fork, so I don't know.
You put a spoon in your mouth, so who?
What gay motherfucker put spoons in their mouth?
You're smoking and drinking.
Yo, spoons in the mouth, that's a little vulnerable, bro.
Right?
Because just the bottom part of it, that's gay.
That feels a little phallic.
That feels a little bottom.
It feels a little bottom, dude.
You ever eat ice cream and put the spoon upside down?
Oh, that's too crazy where it hits you on the top of you.
The ridge.
It hits your mouth ridge, dude.
You might as well just suck some dirt.
You try to tell.
He's trying to hit the dangly thing in the back of the throat.
Park with a pint of Haggin Dodgers.
Putting his legs behind his head.
I don't cook.
I don't clean.
All right.
That's all I got this cream.
That's all I did.
I hate.
Oh, man.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
Why were you so judgmental about soup?
Because, like, are you sick?
Like, I don't know what you're talking about.
You got hair?
Yeah, you all hurt me.
You are like, you got hair.
You all sick.
You're eating.
Look, I just feel like you only eat soup if you're sick or you're.
You're at an Asian restaurant.
That's all.
Oh, yeah.
At an Asian restaurant?
Yeah.
Oh, because you got that wonton.
Yeah.
You know what that is?
That's just their boogers.
What?
You didn't know that?
When they like one order soup, they're just like, they just fill that bowl up.
Soup Judgment Story00:02:58
Yes.
No.
Yeah.
It's not real.
I'm not believing you.
I'm just doing it.
It is.
It is.
It does.
Oh, maybe we should ask Chris.
It is.
All right.
We're talking about... North Korean missiles out of your nose.
Talking about snot rockets.
Talking about Asian missiles.
Wait, before we do feeling so fast, got piss or nah?
I gotta go.
How much time are we at?
Two.
Nah, because I think we're almost done.
Why are you like torturing motherfuckers?
You're right now.
No, no, no.
Literally, we're almost done.
I think, literally, we could end the episode now.
I didn't see that.
Because this was fire.
I say end it, obviously, because I got a piss.
I think we do one more thing and then end it.
Is that all right?
And I don't mean to do this to punish you.
I don't mean to do this to punish you.
You see how long I've been shaking?
I'm sharing this.
Yo, yo, if y'all listening at home, if y'all watching at home, rather.
Time how long I've been shaking my jacket for it.
If you ever want to know if I've got a pee, all he does is just rolls back and forth like that's it.
Just try.
Are y'all squeezing your dick, though?
Say what?
Yeah, I squeeze my dick.
No, because I try to squeeze the ball closed.
I just think it's interesting how y'all hold the pee and versus how girls hold the pee.
How do you guys hold the pee?
Okay, well, I don't want to talk about it.
I'm just asking y'all.
How do we hold pee?
You just talked about your period two weeks in a row.
Our body actually, our body actually doesn't, our body normally holds it.
So we have to push it to have it leave.
Yeah.
Not this time.
Does that make sense?
I just think it's...
I'm going to talk about it off, Aaron.
No, it's not.
And it's something interesting because, like, if I got hold of my pee, I'm grabbing my hand and holding it sometimes.
Do you have to hold the lips closed?
No, sometimes you don't have to.
Like, I could hold it without it.
Like, if it's really about to, if it's like...
Damn it, you damn the lips shut with your hands.
Is that what you do?
If it's at the door, yes, I'm holding it.
You have to hold the vulva closed.
You ever, like your little brother, you put him in the bathroom?
Is it like those like plastic?
No, I'm not.
No, I'm just going to say no.
What is that?
A ziplock bag.
A ziplock it.
Can you ziplock your bag?
Can you click it all the way up?
What?
What did you just do?
You had the clip button?
You know what I'm saying?
No, you know.
You look at me confused.
You know, you got the ziplock.
Multiple.
You just click and then slide.
Nah, not if you're not.
I did an ass bag.
Weave.
You know what I'm saying?
Y'all pay for the Ziploc zipper?
What you got?
Bro, you just got to push them shits together.
Yellow and blue make green.
Wait, why are you still using a twisty tie, dog?
Nah, bro.
What are you talking about?
Sandwich bags that you got pressed closed.
You got sandwich bags?
Yeah, bro.
For what?
For real.
What's the oldest?
There's two different.
That zipper shit is new technology, Taylor.
So what are you talking about?
The older technology where you got to press the ball.
North Korea Propaganda00:02:57
No, you just seal it and then like it's not.
He doesn't know.
He's an immigrant.
He's an immigrant.
Yeah, we can't afford that, Taylor.
He's an immigrant.
Thanks for laughing at our poverty.
Yeah.
That motherfucker is.
Poor.
I'm Pora.
Poor.
P-O-O-R.
P-O-O-R.
I'm Pora.
All right.
Let's talk about this, bro.
Come on, man.
You cannot say that.
Yeah, you're right.
Break that down.
Come on, no.
All right, let's talk about this, Al.
What's the story?
You really wanted to share this story with us.
So we're going to do facts, no feelings.
Did you put this down?
Who put this down?
Al, just put it up.
You saw this one?
Yeah.
Okay, so break this down to us, Mark.
So I don't really know what's going on.
I want to PEO.
This is the last story someone does.
Son, he doesn't even fucking know.
It's up there.
No, no.
Okay.
I'll make it really short.
Look at it right there.
You can see exactly what the story's about.
No, you can make it short because it's a Chinese.
Okay.
That's it.
That's foul.
That's what I said.
My bad.
All right, go, dude.
Let's go.
Okay.
I'll give it short.
So in 1948, North Korea is founded.
This is short?
Yes.
What's wrong with that?
I hate this guy.
So basically, Kim Jong-un.
He gives an address, okay?
The leader of North Korea at like a military parade, and he starts crying.
And in the speech, he's like, I'm sorry that I failed the people of North Korea.
I haven't made you all as happy and prosperous as I wanted.
That is wild, actually.
And as for a moment, this dictator of North Korea shows like real humility and vulnerability and like kind of like admits he fucked up, which kind of goes counter our narrative because we see him as sort of like this infallible like demigod that just like does whatever he wants.
And like, yo, this story says it sucks.
I'm kind of into this right now.
Go on, go on.
How violent recently?
I don't know what's going on.
Like, my understanding of Kim Jong-un is like, that'd be funny if at the end of the speech you're like, Psych, it's murder.
Start fucking all of these motherfuckers.
I'll be like, you're too dense.
He starts making me so.
All right, go.
All right, go.
I always thought Kim Jong-un is like, oh, he's infallible.
He's like, made like 18 holes in one in a row.
He doesn't poop.
Yeah, he doesn't poop.
Those are all like the stories I hear of her.
And now here he is in front of everybody crying.
So what do you make of it?
I don't know.
Propaganda?
You think it's a propaganda?
On top of that, why is this footage out?
North Korea filmed it.
Propagands.
You only see what North Korea wants to show you.
So they want to show him looking like this.
You think they green screened it?
I don't know.
Do you think they recorded a time when everybody's going to be able to do it?
I think they're sending some shit over, and this is a diversion.
Oh, my God.
Y'all better get ready.
Y'all better get ready.
As soft.
Right before the big attack.
They do it.
They potentially.
I see it coming.
Is that how it works?
I think so.
So they make, so all of a sudden, we're super desensitized.
Oh, we let our guard down.
North Korea don't seem that bad.
Yo, they're not dangerous.
This guy's going through it right now.
And then they send some shit over.
Kanye Drink Incident00:03:38
I don't believe it for a second.
I don't believe it for a second.
Don't think they have done it already, though.
Girl, why are you doing that?
I'm making a point, and then you come over here fucking it all up.
You know what I mean?
What's going on?
But as rock, though, as rock.
Taylor, what the fuck is you doing?
I'm over here trying to make a point and you always got some shit to say.
What?
A black man can't get his point across.
I got a black woman over his shoulder talking over him.
What is that?
You know what I said?
Take K.
Oh, I hope you meet.
Have you met Chris Brook?
No, I haven't.
Oh, can you please?
No, don't do that voice accent number.
Oh, you got to do it.
Just make him feel super uncomfortable.
What is America's?
Oh, God, please stop this.
Did we see this?
I've never seen this.
What is just...
This is Kanye's ad?
Yeah.
We have to think about all these things.
This is just a Kobe commercial again.
Contemplating on YouTube.
It's funny.
He posted a...
Oh, Andrew made it.
Yo, Andrew on Kanye's Twitter.
So Kanye posted a conversation that Rogan and I were having about him.
It's mostly what Rogan is saying about meeting Kanye.
But you can tell that Kanye didn't watch the whole episode because that conversation comes from me shitting all over Kanye.
So somebody just sliced that one little part out where Rogan's like, nah, he's a wild guy.
He's like a genius.
He's like, whatever.
And then immediately after, I'm like, nah, he's not.
He just like takes shit that's dorky, white people, makes it cool for black people.
And that's really all it is.
But he immediately cut that shit out.
He's like, Rogan, we got to have a conversation.
We got to do it.
I'm in Calabasas.
You in it, though.
I mean, for a second, I could give a flank fuck about Kanye.
But he's really going for this president's shit, huh?
Yeah, man.
You think people really...
I'm going to piss for him?
No.
Anyway, I think we'll wrap up the podcast.
I think we're going to wrap up the podcast.
I think this has been a great podcast.
I think that if there's one more thing that any of us would like to share.
Yeah, the contest.
Yeah, I'll see you guys later.
No, no, no, no, talk about that wild picture.
No, no, we need you here for the contest.
We need you there for this, right?
Little chicken leg.
Well, here we are again, guys.
No, gosh.
I can feel like I had the neural root or something, man.
Why?
Are you going for it?
I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
How are we going to do it?
Son, how are you going to drink that whole fucking thing if you don't drink it ever?
Son, I'm drinking it.
You barely drank any of it.
Son, I've been drinking it.
Let me see.
Look.
You ain't drink shit.
You had no excuses, bro.
You haven't even drank it.
All right.
And it's six o'clock now.
I am a little bit.
You're not even there.
Wait, why are you smiling, bro?
Why are you smiling?
Why are you smiling?
Y'all put something in my drink?
How long have you been drinking it for?
Yo, yo, hold on.
Who takes a sip of something?
Everybody in the room laughs and then goes, y'all put something in my drink?
And then takes another sip.
Wait, what do you mean?
What y'all talking about?
What y'all talking about, bro?
I don't know if it tastes off or not.
You put something in my drink?
Huh?
Son, no.
Huh?
Hey, I can't lie.
His voice will go up.
Did they put something in my drink?
Hey, Al, who's the one person in this podcast that hasn't taken a pee break yet?
Oh, guys, we'll see you on Patreon.
It's patreon.com slash Twitter2.
If you want to know what happened to Alan, what he just dropped.
Oh, my God.
Wait, is that what you meant when you said you took the NeuroRoute?