Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect Ben Shapiro's vulgar remix, debate Cardi B versus Megan Thee Stallion, and critique the art world as a classist marketing ploy. They analyze modern art's CIA origins, discuss The Matrix as a trans allegory, and theorize why the NBA bubble boosts performance. The episode concludes with a chaotic recounting of Mark crashing an electric motorcycle into a Latino driver, sparking accusations of racism amidst fears of deportation. Ultimately, the hosts expose how elite gatekeepers inflate value while ignoring genuine human connection. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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The Wet Ass Remix00:14:58
Yo, I know everybody's heard the wet ass pussy song that whap Cardi B Meg the Stallion.
What y'all haven't heard is the remix.
I don't even know how they put out a remix so fast.
Fire.
This shit is straight fire, right?
I know everybody's bopping to the song, but this remix is unbelievable.
I don't even know how they got this dude on the song.
I mean, it's absolutely incredible.
Just play it, Al.
Hit that shit.
Let's go.
Let's vibe to start this podcast, man.
Let's vibe.
Ready?
You ready?
Whores in this house.
There's some whores in this house.
Hold up.
I said certified freak seven days a week.
Oh.
Wet ass P-word.
Yeah, you effing with some wet-ass P-word P-word female genitalia.
P-word's female genital.
Pause.
Pause.
That's that's too much detail.
Yo.
If y'all don't know Autistic Adam Smith, that's Ben Shapiro right there.
Spitting bars, son.
Hold on, give us a little more of that.
Shapiro, come on, you nerd.
Tell us about that wet-ass P-word.
For this wet ass P-word, give me everything you got for this wet-ass P-word.
Beat it up, N-word.
Catch a charge.
Extra large and extra hard.
Who with this P-word right in your face?
Swipe your nose like a credit card.
Oh, shit.
He said nose and credit card to save.
Yo!
Oh my God, bro.
Keep it going, son.
It's too crazy, son.
Oh, he got more.
Spit in my mouth.
Look in my eyes.
This P-word is wet.
Come take a dive.
Don't do it.
They continue along these lines.
Oh!
And it gets significantly more vulgar.
What?
Oh, yo, he let me know.
He got more in the chamber.
What's that, Al?
What's that, Al?
I want to see the...
Hold on, I want to see the vulgarity.
Y'all want to see the vulgarity?
Obs.
Y'all want to see the vulgarity?
Obs.
All right.
Hey, listen, Ben.
Tuck that yammock in your back pocket and drop this second verse.
Let's go with the vulgarity.
P-word.
You really ain't never going to F him for a thing.
He already made his mind up before he came.
And now get your boots and your coat for this wet ass P-word.
Oh, my God.
Just to kiss me on this wet ass P. Right, so this is guys.
Guys, this is what feminists watch for.
This is what the feminist movement was all about.
Stop.
Whoa.
I mean, bro.
Whoa.
Meg and Cardi got to watch out, yo.
Yo, Meg and Cardi got to watch out.
Honestly, Ben might have the wettest pussy on the motherfuckers.
Let me.
Do y'all think that pussy was wet?
Oh, God.
Nah, he sounds like a P-word.
Son, that's the wet-ass pussy right there, bro.
That's different.
Yo, he's probably sliding off his chair when he was rapping.
Real talk.
Do you think it's possible?
Do you think it's possible that there is truth to this?
The verses are so fire that even Ben Shapiro could read it and it's still hot.
I mean, clearly.
Yeah.
I wasn't getting as hot and heavy as when Cardi and Meg were rapping, but I will say it had it had me feeling a type of way.
Oh, I beg to differ.
I mean, this is the illest remix I've heard.
Really?
My dick moved.
All a cappella.
Oh, man.
A cappella like that.
P-word.
Like, I was playing it from my laptop, but I have the visual of Ben here.
Oh, my God.
Oh, straight wood.
I'm straight wood right now.
Guys, look away.
That smooth ass face.
Look away.
Oh, man.
God.
I wish he did a whole album.
He might need.
Who else would you put on there?
What other songs would you like to see?
Ben Shira remix.
My neck, my back.
Oh, your P-word and your C-word?
Yeah.
Yo.
I wanted to be so many words that he just can't even say the words.
Real talk.
Yeah.
That would be the ideal.
Yin-Yang Twang's whisper in your ear.
Now we're talking.
Hey, little mother.
Allow me to whisper in your ear.
Wait till you see my oh fire, yo.
Guys, we need to get to the bottom of something very important, okay?
Who has the wettest ass pussy in that video?
My gut.
My gut is Cardi.
Cardi, Alex.
I don't know why.
I'm gonna go Meg.
Meg?
Yeah, I say Meg.
You say Meg.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Cardi kind of grows me out, to be honest, a little bit.
No, no, no.
I'm not talking about who's the hottest.
Yeah, it's not who's the hottest.
It's who has the wettest ass pussy.
And what's very interesting about this discussion.
I think Meg's still her ass pussy is the wettest.
The assistant is possible.
It's not related to looks.
Neither of you guys know what wet pussy is.
I just want to clarify that.
Oh, wait a minute.
You guys have fingered girls before that aren't your girlfriends.
So you have technically felt other pussies.
Okay.
So you would know.
You would know if your current one is wetter or drier than the other pussies you fingered.
I would.
Okay.
Right.
Okay, good.
Okay, just making sure that we can have this discussion, right?
I. What?
What, Al?
I didn't know that they fingered women before.
Yeah.
I've been giving bitches that come hither, yo.
What's up, bitch?
Y'all guys are out here fingering them, bro.
Oh, bitch, come get that come in.
I know that.
Shout out to you.
Yeah, bro.
I was killing it out of here.
I think Cardi's got the wettest pussy.
I agree.
I'm with you on Cardi's Got the Wettest Pussy because everything about her is wet.
Like, even when she talks.
Moist mouth.
It's moist mouth.
There's, right?
It's like everything is super wet about her.
Yeah.
I'm assuming wettest pussy is Cardi.
Without a doubt, wettest pussy.
Meg the stallion might have a dick.
So we're not sure, based on that, if the pussy is wet.
Meg, yeah, Meg just seems too big.
It's just now.
Moisture's going everywhere else.
There's a lot of different places for the moisture.
There's a lot of different places for the moisture to go.
It could be, you know, all throughout her body.
It could be like.
She's feeling gunshot wounds.
It's doing a lot.
Yes.
Yes.
I agree.
I think I'm going to have to go Cardi.
Now, May say.
What?
I heard the theory that he thought that she was an actual horse, so he shot her in the leg.
Oh, man.
That's what I heard.
That's so good.
You have to keep that dick.
You know, I literally thought, this is what I was told.
They were having sex, and then all of a sudden, Tori just heard and then just bucking off.
That's what I heard.
Bucking off the perfect.
Bucking off his perfect.
Before she chopped up the shit.
She thought she was a horse because of her ass.
He got the ass of a stallion.
Obviously, everyone.
There it is.
Also, horses got wet pussy.
You ever seen how big horse dicks are?
Oh, they got to be wet.
You got to be super duper wet to get that big horse dick in there.
That's why I say Meg probably has the wettest pussy.
You think?
Yeah.
Huh.
Mark?
Yeah, I agree.
Why do y'all think that I don't understand?
Why y'all think Meg got the wettest pussy?
I don't understand it.
Cardi seems like she's dried up.
She's haggard.
What?
Whoa.
A little.
Cardi grows me out.
I don't know why.
I'm not saying this with attractiveness.
It's attractiveness.
Pussy wetness doesn't have to do with like what she knows about like skateboarding.
You know what I'm saying?
Just pussy wetness exists within its own department.
You can't support the Fed and still have a wet pussy.
She's cute.
She's been stripping for years and years and years.
Yeah, that's why I feel like it's like it's just that's her gift.
Do you think that she's so detached from doesn't the well dry up after kids?
I don't think pussy gets oh, maybe it does.
I think the well's dried up.
Meg is young.
She's a stallion.
You don't know her age.
I think they're both young.
No, she's 26.
Cardi's like 30-something.
No, she's old, bro.
Old, like 36.
Old.
Cardi is.
Bro.
Yo, all right.
I'm outing you right now.
I just want to point this out.
Al is on super defense mode, and I tried to get it out before the podcast.
I tried to sit down with him because Al was posting pictures on his Instagram live this weekend about him on a boat, right?
Now, if you're new to this podcast, Al's, you know, he doesn't have sex with black women.
That's one thing that is 100% true.
That's not true.
Al said, Al does not have sex with black women.
Al does not say that.
Am I being offensive today, or is everybody just sensitive?
Al does not have sex with black women.
This is something.
And you were doing this before you made it, which is very good.
You know, my ex-girlfriend was black.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, but that was way back in the day.
And then you knew you know how JP Morgan made his wife sign a prenup when he had $15 in his pocket.
It was like he knew he was going to make it.
And he's like, this bitch ain't getting half.
That's how you were.
You're like, listen, I'm going to be a black celebrity.
So I'm going to stop fucking black women now.
You're J-T Morgan chasing all the black bitches out of your life.
No, it's true, bro.
I'm not rich enough yet, so I don't deserve to be with a beautiful black queen.
Oh, so now you're with the white girls.
Yeah, just now.
Getting it out of your shirt.
So you admit that your girl's white.
That's all I wanted.
That's all I wanted for you to admit it.
I just figured it out.
You spin it out.
I just figured it.
Okay, Al.
Oh, my God.
Come on.
Al, you got God right there, bro.
I heard plural.
Stop it.
Out here wearing one of her tote bags as a shirt.
What the fuck, this guy?
You walk in here.
You're like, that's a tough shirt.
Yeah, but now it's the podcast.
I have to make fun of you.
Okay, good.
I like your shirt, too.
No, You killed me with kindness, bro.
We're not in Cape Cod no more.
Son, your legs, nice.
Listen, sick today.
Yo.
All right.
I was working legs.
I am, bro.
I was doing some spots.
I was doing some hamstring.
You know what I mean?
That's all perky.
Hey, yes.
Oh, shit.
All right.
You think you're out?
You're not out.
Okay.
Remember that boat pic that the Giants did?
Remember, it was all like the recipients of funny things.
Right.
Al did the same pic.
Only it was just women that those giants would fuck with all types of people.
All black guys, right?
No.
Yeah.
Well, I know where this is going, though.
Hold on.
No.
He wasn't black.
Hey, you ever watch a movie and you don't, and you already know how it ends?
And the shit just started?
Yep.
I know.
This is happening.
This is good.
Okay.
Do you want to predict where it goes?
And then I told you.
All black guys.
He's already wrong on this.
Okay.
How many white guys?
One white guy.
What type of white was he?
White, white.
From where?
Your.
He got y'all on the boat.
He's a captain and he's the captain.
Oh, actually, that makes two because the captain was white, too.
There we go.
Boom.
Yes.
Like, oh, the fucking captain and first mate.
You're like, yo, get in the picture so we got some diversity.
It looks like we stole white women.
All right, so there's a bunch of black dudes, right?
There's three black dudes, two Spanish dudes, two white dudes.
Right.
Yep.
It looked like it was tons of black dudes.
I mean, hey, right?
Summertime.
Now, are you Spanish?
What does that mean?
Summertime?
You're Spanish.
You're Spanish.
I'm Spanish.
In that picture, you're Spanish or black.
I mean, it's late in the summer.
I would say I'm more so black.
You're black.
Okay.
Now, of how many full black women were on that boat?
Two.
Did they come with that white dude?
That was a lie.
That's two.
That right there is a lie, Al.
There is one.
So here's the thing.
There's one.
Don't get your corporate Al voice on, bro.
Did you see him put his corporate Alex voice on?
I said he used it to fuck all these white girls.
No, you're not on a boat no more, dogs.
Relax.
You know how we're a life preserver.
What you guys have.
What is this shirt?
Go to wide so we can see her shirt, Al.
Can you just let everybody see it?
This shirt is awesome.
I don't know, bro.
That shit looks like it goes around Miss Cleo's head so she can make psychic predictions.
I predict some white aborted babies this weekend.
Yeah, it's not you, it's not you.
It could be anybody, yo.
For real, though, no, tell us, tell us, keep up your bullshit.
Keep up your bullshit.
Go.
You know how I hate his shirt so goddamn much.
I'm not gonna lie.
I did love it when I first saw him.
That motherfucker hate this right now.
So I'm saying it fits him great.
That's so shit.
It's great.
But it's not fun to say that.
It's fun to say you look like a vase.
So I am hitting right now.
Son, but the shit fits him great.
The coloring is fantastic.
I mean, it's summer appropriate to hold it.
It goes with the roly, the little purple in the shirt.
There we go.
Yeah.
Thank you.
But Mark wants to get it.
Mark wants to get it.
Someone's sweat from being in the spin cycle.
Actual drip drops off your forehead.
That's crazy.
Son, it's okay.
Okay.
Go.
How are you saying this?
Go.
Okay.
So, you know how you guys have.
While you talk, I'm just thinking of things to make fun of this shirt.
So go on.
Just give me a shot.
Do you guys have women in your lives that you cherish?
Yeah.
Yes, and they would love that shirt.
And you choose to hide their identity on your social media.
I'll be honest.
Right now, my girl's black.
Exactly.
And you don't show her because you're protecting her.
And I protected all the black women that are on the boat.
That's why you don't see them in the photos.
Bang.
Oh, that was hard.
I don't care if you give me a shot.
Okay, that was hard.
First of all, I just want to clarify in case my girl's listening.
I know you're not black, babe.
But you got the wagon.
But, Al, Al, I think that all he was thinking about was insults.
And I got to apologize to my girl.
He didn't hear a word you said.
That reasoning was lost, yo.
It didn't hit anybody.
I really just thought that y'all were going to laugh at me saying my girl's black.
But y'all went with it.
You're like, oh, no, he's really trying to hide her identity.
They've seen her on Wow, it's Wasabi.
No, no.
They've seen her on a dog Instagram.
All right.
So you're not hiding the black girls.
No.
No, we're protecting them.
No, you're not.
Yeah, I think you protect the white girls too.
Nah, not right.
I think you do.
Nah, not right.
I think you do.
I think you do.
Like, really, what is race?
Here we go.
There we go.
What is race?
Don't listen to Mark.
It's a social.
You know what?
Let me not be judgmental to divide us up.
Now, let me not be up.
Let me not be judgmental.
You're letting the man divide us.
Who's the man?
You know what?
I agree with you, Al.
That's a great point that you're making because all lives do matter.
That's what I'm saying.
So, I was like, you're fucking yourself with this.
Is that what you're trying to say?
I'm just saying.
All lives matter and say that.
When somebody cuts this clip of you saying that, I understand.
What Alex Media is saying is that all lives matter when it comes to women.
White Women Kink Debate00:07:05
Wow.
Do all lives matter when it comes to women?
How you guys say that, though?
Al, do they?
Nah, there's a hierarchy.
There's a hierarchy of lives.
Why don't you go that direction?
Yeah, son.
This guy is lost right now.
He's fucking lost.
Let me tell you something.
When he's spinning, it's hard to find a race.
It's hard, son.
Daniel Compass in that moment.
You don't know which way is up, which way is down, bro.
Like your fucking shirt, bro.
Dude, how do you find a way to put that on?
It was weak, son.
It was weak.
You're right.
Dude, I was on a roll, bro.
All right.
Anyway, okay.
So, Chicago.
All right, for real, though, Al.
In all seriousness, we need to protect women.
That's true.
That's a very true statement.
We do need to protect women.
Yes.
Okay.
I think it breaks my heart that you cannot admit that you just have an affinity for white ladies.
It's not true.
You don't like white women at all?
I like all women.
That's you know who says that?
I just say that guys who like white women.
Yo, you know what's interesting?
If you're black and you like white women, you gotta be like, I love all women.
Yeah.
If you're black, you love black women, you just go, I love black women.
Yeah.
And then like, mad repos.
Yeah.
That is interesting.
You have to admit you love all women.
You can't just say, yo, I like white women.
Yeah.
Yo, yo.
That's the case.
Watch out.
I would say watch this, watch this.
No, no, no.
But you know, you've met girls.
Come on.
I mean, yeah, yeah.
Look, here's what I'm saying: is yo, yo, you cannot, this is actually interesting.
You cannot, nobody can admit that they like white women.
Nobody can say, you know what?
I just like white women.
You could say, I love Latinas.
You can say, I love Asian chicks.
You can say, I love black women.
If anybody goes, I love white women.
If you're black, you're a sellout.
If you're white, they're like, yo, you're a racist.
If you're Indian, you're a sellout.
If you're Asian, you're a sellout.
If you're Asian, you're a sellout.
Isn't that interesting?
White women are not allowed to be loved.
That's fucked up.
For the same reason, you can't have white pride.
For the same reason, well, why white people can't have white pride, but why other people can't have white pride, that wouldn't make any sense.
Now, here's the thing: you can't have white pride.
That's a different person.
What if you say it's a fetish?
That's a different discussion because white isn't a culture, so to say.
Like, you can have Italian pride, you can have Polish pride, you can have Russian pride.
Right.
Nobody would push back on that.
But you could say you like Russian women.
I think if you're like, yo, I only like Russian women.
I don't think people, I don't think people are.
I think it's still, no, it's still weird.
No, but it's less weird.
He brings up a good point.
It's less weird.
What if you presented it as a fetish?
It's still a little weird, but oh, it's a fetish.
It's a thing he's into.
So white women got to be a kink.
Yes.
I said kink.
Yes.
Not like my other fetish.
Oh, boy.
No, seriously, that's interesting.
So if white women are your fetish, would you allow an Indian guy to say, I have a white woman fetish?
I feel like you'd be like, oh, okay, whatever.
All right.
That's a little, I guess that's his thing.
You know what I mean?
I like feet.
Who am I to judge?
You know what I mean?
Like, that's everybody got a fetish.
His fetish happens to be white women.
Also, now that you said the thing about feet, interesting thing to point out.
Apparently, the sexual receptors in your brain are located right next to you.
You said this shit already.
It's still a bad thing.
He's saying it like he learned it.
He brought it up two weeks ago.
If I keep saying it, you all will believe me.
If I keep saying it, everyone will believe it.
I swear everybody will hold.
Can I get through it?
No, I can be real quick.
Cosine.
Can I just say it?
Cosine.
I swear to you, I heard this in my MCAT class from we had like a swear to God.
We had a med school teacher.
And I wasn't open about the fact that I like feet, but it made me feel very comfortable at the time.
I was like, oh, okay, word.
It's not completely weird.
She said this exact thing.
What do you mean she said this exactly?
She said, whatever the receptors in the brain.
Would you like me to finish that?
Yeah, finish it.
Okay.
So the receptors, your brain is mapped.
Your physiology is mapped in your brain.
Okay.
That's why, like, you know, you can poke certain parts of the brain.
You feel them on different parts of your body.
And that's right next to the sexual pleasure center is right next to the feet one.
And sometimes they get a little bit mixed.
It actually means you're evolved.
Did you know that?
Why does it mean you're evolved?
You fucking amphibians.
Don't call me an amphibian.
I am.
I'm one step ahead of you.
No.
Well, why does it mean you're more evolved?
It's because your brain is being squished.
That means it's so big.
Here's the thing.
Here's the thing.
Your brain.
Listen, your skull is only as big as your skull is.
You probably didn't know that.
Fucking retard.
Shiny escapes over here.
Okay, right.
So look, right?
Your skull is only as big as your skull is.
Your brain was like, ooh, I'm just going to be this big.
But then you got so smart that it decided to grow even within your skull.
And then it mashed the pleasure sensor, pleasure sensor, and the feet sensor together.
Now you have a foot fetish.
Maybe Al got the biggest brain because the white girl center is probably way back here.
It broke all the way.
So Al Brain's probably fucking enormous.
Bro, that's true, dude.
Do you think black people have the biggest brains?
Why are you laughing so hard?
No, no.
Not the fact.
I'm not laughing.
It's like, yo, that's fucked up.
That's a fucked up thing.
No, but do you think black people have the biggest brains?
They got the biggest, a lot of things.
I know I'm thinking, because there's not even room for their hair to be straight, right?
Like it's all squished up and then it comes out so curved.
There's so much brain.
There's so much brain.
Yo, y'all might have the biggest brains, bro.
That's a big brain thing of you to say, so you think you have to have a certain size mind level of brain of brains.
Oh, shit, bro.
Damn, dude.
Got it, dude.
Who has the biggest brains of black people, though?
If black people have the biggest brains.
Oh.
It's got to be Eastern Africans with those big fucking heads of theirs, right?
Wow.
It literally merged.
What?
He literally pushes the forehead out.
Yeah.
It goes forward a little bit.
They have to have the biggest brains.
There's no way.
What else is in there?
Why do you keep poking that?
What else is in there?
It's got to be something, right?
You ever gently press me?
Imagine using that big brains just run for a long time.
Giant fucking brain, dude.
All that brain power.
Huge.
Huge.
And it's just like, marathon.
What?
Yo, isn't that crazy that Nipsey was of Ethiopian, no, Eritrean descent?
Okay.
Right?
What are they good at?
Running marathons.
Nipsey's Marathon Legacy00:03:17
What is Nipsey saying?
Oh, shit.
The marathon doesn't stop.
All right.
The marathon continues.
There's Kenyans that are good at marathons.
Probably.
Okay, words.
I'm just trying to make it connect.
I got you.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I don't think Ethiopians are good at it.
Are they good at it?
I don't know.
Eritreans, Somalis, y'all good at running marathons?
What are Eritreans good at?
What's their thing?
Oh, God.
I think making hookah spots in DC.
I'm pretty sure that is the Eritrean specialty.
Or giving you attitude as the parking lot attendant in LA.
Do they not do they run that?
Eritrean told me that.
The ones that always give you the fucking eyes whenever they give you their change, just like you ain't shit, Eritrean.
Really?
Interesting.
Why do you think that is?
I don't know.
It's weird how people fall into certain professions, I guess.
It's just like they're just referring each other to the parking lot attendant job.
You want to know something interesting?
Yeah.
Remember when that video came out of Nipsey slapping that dude at the BET Awards?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Who did he slap?
Oh, shit.
It was a parking attendant.
Parking attendant.
Yo, he probably wasn't doing his job right now.
Nipsey's every tree and he knows.
He's like, you're not going to Eritrean me.
Bop!
Back up.
All right, what's up, you big brain bastard?
What do you think?
How many of our white supremacists, Akash haters are listening right now?
And the second we said that, they're like, they jumped the shark.
You know, we got that white supremacist want to kill Akash still listening, waiting to see if they could cancel you off some shit.
All right, guys, we're going to take a break for a second.
Listen, it's very important during these times that you maintain a hard dick.
I know that relationships can be stressful.
And I know that one stress reliever, especially for the ladies.
Oh, yeah.
You got to deliver dick.
You got to walk the dog.
You got to walk the dog.
You have to walk the dog.
It is true.
And it's more than just sex.
It's like feeling validated, feeling love, feeling desired.
Yeah, excuse me.
Quality time.
It's quality time.
Just put it on the leash.
Jesus Christ.
So, Akash and I are recommending that you do it with the hardest dick possible, and that's Blue Chew.
Okay.
Blue Chew, if you're new to this podcast, they've been holding us down for a while.
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Chew It Down Fast00:15:38
Let's get back to the show.
Right now.
Yo, when we were, we were writing one of these pieces and then Mark's little fucking junior ass over here, 23 years old.
He goes, he goes, 27, dumbass.
Okay.
So he goes, so Mark goes, he goes, he goes, I don't know.
Like, sometimes like if you're old, you know, if you're like your 30s, you're like 40 or something like that.
You're like 40 years old.
Like, that's old.
You know, like, can you do the same things at 40 years old?
He's like trash and 40 years old.
Meanwhile, our boy Ben Uyeda is just sitting on the couch all 41 years of age.
Mark realizes it like halfway through and then he just starts going, yeah, or like even older or something.
Like 50s or even 60s, 40s to new 30s.
Ben texted me on the side about that.
No.
He did.
Oh, no.
He was like, yo, that's fucked up.
Like, I helped Mark so much with all these different things.
I give him so much time and I talk to him.
He's just calling me fucking old.
I mean, that's an old man ass response.
He's like, I helped him.
Yo, remember, y'all, y'all aren't listening to Patreon.
So on the Patreon, right?
I think it was Patreon where I turned into old man.
Yeah.
Right?
On a Patreon, I was an old man.
Oh, yeah.
We were talking about like shows and like responsibility to people.
So then I went full old man, right?
We're writing this piece.
I go out to the balcony because I just need some fresh air.
We've been here for fucking 12 hours straight.
I go out and I look up from the balcony and I see the water tower.
Right?
And I see on the water tower is a Latinx or Latinx, however, Latinx.
There's a Latinx on the water tower doing graffiti art on it.
Doing graffiti art on our building that we rent.
Okay.
I was in a pickle.
Are you getting older or just whiter?
Son, I think it's both.
When everyone gets older, they just kind of like fall into that like white responsibility shit.
Like I was turning into a Karen.
I also think you're getting too much money.
I didn't tell you this part.
Oh, no.
So you told me a lot.
So I know.
I'm on the balcony and then the water tower's up there.
Oh, my God.
Right?
So I know I'm not going to just go, I'm not just going to go, excuse me, do you have permission to graffiti our water tower?
I can't do that.
But I'm so enraged that somebody could sneak into the building and feel like they could graffiti up something that wasn't theirs at all.
Like it just fucking pissed me off.
And they were like all cavalier about it.
So I hid so that they couldn't see me, right?
I hid on the side so they couldn't see me and started going like this.
Woo!
Oh my god.
No.
Woo!
But I really just sound like a fucking tranny on RuPaul's track.
I'm not really executing it.
But I wanted them fucking down.
Why am I alone in this?
So then what does he do?
He films the guy.
I filmed him.
Oh my God, dog.
Comes downstairs.
This makes my stomach hurt.
He comes downstairs in a huff.
He like kicks over the door.
He's like, you guys will not believe what I saw on this on the roof.
You would not believe it.
This building.
You would not believe it.
Call the police.
Call the patty wagon.
We're going to get this man thrown in the big house.
He should be.
Who gave him permission?
Oh, man.
He just snunk in the building.
Come on, son.
Come on, son.
Did you guys see the graffiti?
I bet it looks fire.
No, this shit is trash.
It's trash.
It's block letters.
It says triumph for something stupid.
It's not even art.
Yeah, which is what he did over you.
Probably like some old-fashioned ass graffiti.
I don't like any of it.
Stay out of my neighborhood.
Yo, for real?
I'm not going to lie, bro.
After that, I just watched videos of like people kicking Antifa out of the suburbs.
Like the suburb community all united and they started like beating up Antifa and getting him out there.
I do have a fundamental problem with graffiti.
I love it.
Here's the thing.
Have you ever had it done on your property?
I don't own property.
But you did when you were a child.
Yeah.
Did anybody graffiti your house?
No.
That'd be weird.
But I don't know where you guys are?
Huh?
No, it's just like the suburb.
Like, who's going to go to the suburbs?
Yeah.
Graffiti a fucking house in a neighborhood.
Who goes to a water tower in Brooklyn?
But I honestly think of this shit.
Have you seen this neighborhood?
I don't look up.
It's gay.
You fucking stay.
It's gay, dude.
It's gay.
If you look up, it's gay.
Looking up is gay.
Yeah, it could be raining.
You're just like, oh, you know.
In all seriousness, dude.
But he also has to keep an eye out for hooligans on the street.
I'd be looking at these guys, bro.
Committing misdemeanors.
Let me be honest with you.
I've been this way my whole life.
No, you haven't.
Let me tell you.
I don't even know if you can say what you anymore.
I know.
I mean, you got to say, I must be honest with you.
I'm going to be honest with you, with you.
When I was younger, they would graffiti our building.
That shit would drive me fucking crazy, bro.
I see my parents working fucking hard as hell.
These 14-hour days and shit like that.
And my dad got to come home 14-hour day with Windex and shit, rubbing down some teenager, this little brat.
And sometimes the worst thing, it's not when they're teenagers, you're like, all right, that's fine.
When you see an adult man, adult man.
Doing graffiti.
I'm with you.
Growing up.
The guy looked 35 years old.
This Latinx.
I don't think he looked your age.
I'm going to be honest.
Son, he looked older than me.
I don't think so.
He looked older than me.
He was doing, I feel like you're adding this detail to make his face.
He was grunting as he climbed up the ladder.
He was grunting.
It was old man grunts as he climbed up the ladder to get there.
It drove me fucking crazy.
The old Andrew, I know how to handle this himself.
I don't know this guy.
I saw this guy.
Same guy.
Can I dressed up like a Banksy painting two years ago?
Yep.
And now, and Banksy got famous off doing graffiti art.
Wow.
No, he didn't dress up as Banksy.
Dressed up as the graffiti.
I dressed up even as the graffiti.
It wasn't graffiti.
Notice what I did.
Notice what I did.
Oh, it's art because a white guy did it?
Yeah.
It's art because a white guy did it.
Get into how much I hate art.
Wait, is that a bad thing?
You don't want to even get into that.
Enough to be a costume of it.
Listen.
What I was was the picture that went through the shredder.
He did not do that graffiti.
He did not do any sort of defaming of public property.
I think Banksy sucks.
I think he's an idiot and I think he's annoying.
And I think anybody who likes it is just fluffing up this bullshit prophecy.
What does he really do?
I agree.
The world is bad.
Everyone, oh, look, a little balloon is going away.
Oh, he's a fucking genius.
There's wars.
How did he figure out?
There's wars.
Oh, my God.
There's missiles blowing up.
Banksy knows everything.
There's missiles.
This guy sucks.
He fucking blows.
Dude, God.
Banksy is the most overrated artist in the history of art.
I actually don't know.
It's a marketing ploy.
I agree.
I don't know what the big fucking deal is.
You don't see his face.
That's why we're all freaking out.
Here's my question to Alex.
He's ugly.
Was he saying this two years ago?
No.
No, no, no.
I never sweated Banksy.
Oh, stop.
Wait.
Stop collaborating.
No, no.
If you don't think I'm keeping the same energy, you're not.
I'm about to prove it.
And let me prove it back.
Let me prove it back.
Let me prove it back.
Immortal Technique episode of Brilliant Idiots.
What did we argue about for half an hour?
I don't remember that.
Graffiti.
Anybody listening right now that knows Brilliant Idiots knows exactly that episode because people are upset at me about that.
Don't care.
Okay.
So we might have to cut this out.
One of the first things you said when moving to the studio.
Yo, don't you see all the dope art around the wall?
Wow.
This neighborhood.
You can see that's a body shot.
I can see that hurt him.
I can see that hurt him.
You were saying how dope that was.
I can't wait to bring people to this area.
Yeah.
He's acting like he's not hurting.
You know what a boxer smiles at him gets punched hard?
Oh, yeah.
That's exactly what that is.
That changed when I started paying rent.
All that went out the window.
I started walking down the street and I'm like, what's up with this shenanigans?
The neighborhood has gone down the drink.
This neighborhood is going down the drink.
This neighborhood is going down the bank.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You know what?
Sometimes graffiti is, all right.
I'm going to be honest.
Hey, bro.
Hey, bro.
Every once in a while, graffiti be kind of fire, bro.
Hey, let's think about it, bro.
Hey, who's got the wettest pussy, bro?
What a dog.
Motherfucker.
Nah, you know what it really is?
Y'all on his back, yo.
That was a good shot.
Hey, you landed a good shot.
Bang.
That was a good shot right there.
You did land a good shot, motherfucker.
That is true.
I did think it made the neighborhood look cool when I was a voyeur in said neighborhood.
But I do feel for the person that purchases a property and has to put their life savings up for it.
Someone comes and ruins it with their stupid name.
Yeah, but that doesn't actually really affect the property.
Let me ask one question before you make that great point.
Tell me how to do one question before you make that great point.
I have a distinction.
Okay.
You ready for the distinction?
It's more cap.
No, no, no.
This is actually the distinction.
I don't like graffiti on private property.
I don't like it.
That being said, if you do your name as graffiti, fuck you.
That sucks.
If you do some piece of art that sucks already because it's art, but if it looks cool, that's fine.
I support it.
Just your name, all ego.
All look at me.
It's the same thing as the difference.
It's the difference between writing and looting, right?
It's the difference between writing and looting.
Looting is all for you.
You're taking advantage of this struggle.
You're taking advantage of this situation and you're benefiting for yourself.
You don't really care what's going on.
Writing, I understand.
You're pushing back against some sort of tyrannical regime.
Do you know what I'm saying?
So when it comes to graffiti, when it comes to graffiti, what the fuck is going on?
No, no, no.
No, I can't.
I can't handle a stand-up comic saying, I just hate when someone wants all the credit, particularly the guy whose fucking motto in life is, I just want my credit.
That's all I want.
I just want my credit.
That's all I want.
Hey, listen, I have a modification of what I said.
You know, the distinction?
Listen, if I went up and did stand-up comedy and I was like, yo, if I said this, if I said this, if I was like, yo, you ready?
Here's funny things about my name.
Did y'all get my name?
Hey, here's my name.
Hey, my name.
I'm Andrew Schultz.
Hey, here's Andrew Schultz.
Andrew Schultz, Andrew Schultz.
It'd be like, all right, we get his name's Andrew Schultz.
If I did some jokes, and then at the end of the jokes, I was like, hey guys, I'm Andrew.
Thank you very much.
That's the difference between putting that beautiful art piece.
Hey, you write your little Van Gogh at the bottom.
Van Gogh didn't just write Van Gogh.
Matter of fact, he did a self-portrait.
He did.
Just about to say that.
Yo, thank God, yo, because I was like, I got the point.
I ain't got no point.
I ain't nothing.
You earned the fucking point away with his stupid self-portrait.
Oh, my God.
You flounder of a human being.
Oh, my God, yo.
Fucking piece of shit.
Speaking of looting.
Speaking of looting.
God damn it.
Did we figure out who had the wettest pussy?
I think so.
It's two to two.
Can we talk about art for like a little quick comment?
With you.
I hate most of it.
The vast majority of it.
It all sucks.
Some of it looks good.
Like if it's a painting of people that looks good, I'm like, oh, that looks good.
I can see how there's skill in that.
Like abstract art, I'm looking at nothing.
A Jackson Polak painting, this guy, it's just mustard stains.
Yeah.
I don't get art.
It's just spin art.
I can just tell if somebody's talented, but it's like, it doesn't acknowledge anything to me that Banksy does nothing interesting or unique at all.
That's why I would never dress up like one of his paintings.
The only reason I liked and I wore that Halloween costume, what I liked about it, is it insulted the idiots that like Banksy.
So what the costume was, is he was, I guess, not, it was either him or somebody had gotten, I think it was him, right?
Yeah.
Do you remember exactly what it was?
I think it was him.
He had someone, I think, auction off, he auctioned off one of his paintings, and then whoever won, he shredded it.
So yeah, he auctioned off a painting.
And then right when the person won the auction, there was a trigger mechanism and they started shredding the painting right in front of them.
Right?
So he's like, look how fucking stupid you are for liking me.
And I agree with that sentiment about him.
I think everything he does is super overrated.
And we like it because the art community is like this.
Like, honestly, you know what the art community is?
I think it's money laundering.
Oh, a big part of it.
You said this to me one time.
It made a lot of sense.
I really think like there's these four or like three galleries in the world that decide who the hot artists are and who the next artists are.
It's all bullshit.
Right.
And I really think what it is is how rich people can keep money, right, in an appreciating asset without paying taxes on it.
So I'm going to buy a $25 million painting.
It stays as $25 million.
Actually, goes up.
You're right.
It goes up.
Skyrockets.
As long as we have a good connection with those four galleries that keep on saying that this is the thing.
Picasso's not going anywhere.
These people aren't going anywhere.
So my thing goes up in value and I don't got to pay tax.
Never.
You know what they are?
Go.
They're kind of like the Fed.
They're the monetary value.
They dictate money.
This art is worth this much.
We can inflate it.
We can take it down if we want to.
We decide the entire market of this.
Kind of like, I don't understand all the ins and outs of the feds because I'm not, you know, watching.
Yeah, they're dicating the value of money by deciding how much money is in circulation.
And the Fed and then art people do that with paint.
Now, here's the thing.
At least money you could buy shit.
This painting is absolutely worthless once we decide it's worthless.
Now, I know you guys could look at me and go, well, once we decide money is worthless, it's worthless too.
And once we decide gold is worthless, it's worthless too.
Yes, I get it.
I understand what you're saying.
At the end of the day, I could find someone who's going to take an American dollar bill.
I could find it.
And I agree with you.
If I have a fucking Picasso painting and I need a bottle of water and I'm in a neighborhood where they don't give a fuck about Picasso, I can't get no bottle of water.
Yeah, but they can sell it at an auction.
What if I need the bottle of water now?
Now you got to organize an auction, call up fucking Sotheby's, do all this shit.
If you need shit to go now, it's something you buy, though.
It's an asset, like a house, an asset, but this is what I can do in a house.
I can sleep in a house.
I can have shelter if I need in the house.
Literally what it is, it's a made-up currency that I think rich people use to exchange wealth.
And then the rest of us, in order to seem like we're rich to compensate for the fact that we're not, we act like it has value.
It's like wine.
I've never tasted that good wine.
It's all the fucking same.
Sneaker Value Currency00:06:36
I mean, like, if you drink it enough, maybe like, okay, this one is moderately better than this other one, but it's one of these bullshit.
It's a bullshit.
Yeah, like what is it?
A somalier is just fucking Sotheby's or whatever.
It's just the art dealer.
Bro, I thought you were talking about the American or something.
But yeah, a wine somalier you're talking about.
Yes, exactly.
It's, it is, granted, you might know, oh, it has beans in it.
Oh, this has a little hint of pepper and this, all this shit.
But you're making up this culture around this thing to create value with you and your friend, within you and your friend.
But that's everything.
100%.
But it's exaggerated.
Like comedy, we can split hairs and say, oh, this comedian is better because this, and we believe that and we're right.
But the average person is like, I don't give a fuck.
And if the average person was like, I'm going to pay a million dollars to go see this comedian, you'd be like, you're a fucking retard.
Nobody's that good.
And also put $1,000 bottles of wine.
That's insane.
You can still.
I don't think I'm better than you because I like this comedian.
And it doesn't make me better than you culturally because I like a specific comedian.
That exists on a smaller level.
Nothing like that.
Art's a whole culture.
There's no elitist classes thing going on with like this specific, like if I like Patrice O'Neill and you don't, I'm like, oh, you are lower class.
And then, and then if you don't get Patrice O'Neal, I don't go, oh, you do not get such thing.
Now, this does happen with some art, usually the unfunny people.
Yeah.
Right.
There is that like, oh, you have to be sophisticated to get this thing.
But again, these are people creating these cultural structures as oppressing tools, to be honest.
They're like feeding themselves, right?
They're like, look how elite we are.
Look at our cool little group.
We understand things like wine and we understand things like art.
Both those things you made up.
It's absolute bullshit.
At the end of the day, what is wine and art going to do when I punch you in your fucking street?
If your culture is monetizable, it's probably not real culture.
If my culture is an asset, it's a bottle of wine and that's how I prove I'm cultured.
Oh, I prove I'm cultured because I have this painting that's worth $10 million.
That's not culture.
You're not cultured for being into that.
I feel you.
And I've thought about this a lot because I had a bit about how I don't believe in art period.
Yes.
And now I'm like, okay, I've been to the Van Gogh Museum.
I see that's a beautiful painting.
And I'm like, I look at that.
I'm like, yo, this is beautiful.
Yes.
But I'm sure there are other paintings that are just as beautiful that people don't give a fuck about and decided was useless.
These powers that be or whatever, they're like, oh, this painting sucks.
And I'm sure there's beautiful paintings like that.
But that's the way everything garners value if enough people think that that thing is good.
Exactly.
So what you're saying is once those people die and you can't make that person can't make more of it, then those things start going up in value because there's less and less of them once people buy.
Now, what you're saying is 100% correct, right?
And in order to preserve that value, the people that don't like that thing are considered less than poor, lower class, undesirable.
And that's how you preserve the value, right?
So ignorant, exactly, right?
Uncouth is that is that a term sometimes used right?
So it's like, hey, this is top shelf art.
And then Akash and I walk in and we're like, that just looks like splatter.
Oh, you don't understand.
You don't get it.
This guy doesn't get it.
Right?
Because if you actually listen to what I said and Akash said, and 99% of all the other people that are like, nah, that's just splatter.
Yeah.
Then the people that were going to buy it for $5 million are like, oh, shit, that's just splatter, dog.
It's just splatter.
Look up his paintings.
You feel nothing.
You go to the fucking art museum in New York, the modern art.
It's just, there's literally one that says light bulbs.
Swear to God, different color light bulbs.
And people are staring at it like it's something.
So that's the thing.
That's why I and I agree with you in terms of I think most art is bullshit because I just don't get it.
There's some people that claim they get it, or maybe they're just trying to pretend that they get it so they fit in that culture and shit like that.
But classical music, for example, people rave about classical music.
And yeah, it sounds cool, but it's like, I'm not going to pay thousands of dollars to go see a symphony perform that type of music.
But to certain people, they feel something when they're sitting there feeling and listening to it.
And I can believe that.
I also believe what we were saying, which is that in all forms of art, there is a kind of little classism that forms amongst certain people who want to pretend to be elite.
And they're like, this comic or this music.
Oh, you don't get it.
It's fine.
It's not for you.
You don't get it.
I get it because I'm more evolved or whatever the fuck, more class, high class.
But I think with actual art, it's so exaggerated, so blown out of proportion.
There is an entire culture.
The entire purpose of it seems to be classist.
Is it different or is that the same as designer clothes?
Dude, sneakers, designer clothes is no different.
It just operates on a lower level in the supposed hierarchy scale, right?
I make this supposed hierarchy scale is absolutely bullshit, right?
But the idea that we could look at someone who doesn't care about their sneakers, they have stupid sneakers on, and then we could think less of them.
That's what people are doing when someone orders a shitty bottle of wine or when someone doesn't understand the fancy art.
Right.
You know, it's even stupid.
We've created, sorry, sorry.
We've created this system where we're like, okay, the highest sneaker is an off-white Jordan or the highest sneaker is this, this, that, the other, right?
And then there's a rejection of that, which is often a return to the mean.
Well, maybe not even mean.
It's like the opposite of the lowest end of the spectrum, right?
Which is like, I'm going to wear the most beat up, uncool Reeboks as a rejection of the coolest, cleanest, off-whites, right?
And, but they're both effectively doing the same thing.
How can I like separate myself from the mainstream in order to create value?
But it's a perceived fake create value.
That's why I won't wear a single sneaker that I don't like the way it looks.
I have to like the way it looks.
And if it just so happens that it's made by fucking Virgil or if it's just an old Jordan or something like that, okay, I have to pay a little bit more for that thing because it has this value we all share.
But I refuse to just put some fucking thing on because some people decided Virgil is good at designing shit.
He can make dog shit too.
And to that point, Mark was saying, that was like, oh, it's the exact same.
Here's where it's even crazier with fashion.
There can be some shit that we've all decided is whack, and then one or two people decide it's hot and it goes from being a cheap piece of shit clothing brand like champion to being designer clothes that you can't find anywhere.
Carhartt.
The prices have doubled.
Carhart, perfect example.
So it's like they'll literally, they'll try to like siphon off value from these established companies that are rejections of the mainstream thing.
Yeah.
So champion or Russell Athletic or these things that were like, you find them with Elves that anybody could buy are now, oh, why don't we do a collab with that and then it'll become cool because we're doing this thing that's not cool.
Right.
And now I'm going to add my value to it.
Again, yeah, everything is perceived value.
Yeah.
And I just want to put a button on it because it started with Benxy.
And so I get it.
You can do that button on it.
Fashion.
Oh, shit.
You didn't even know you did that.
I did.
I know.
Why don't you put a button on that shirt, son?
I don't know.
Fucking chest hair.
Cardi B's tattoo.
No, that was good.
That was good.
CIA Art Mystique Exposed00:03:32
But no, but Bengsy, yeah, I do think his art is stupid.
Just like the way he's garnered attention because I kind of I like his antics.
Yeah, I got the Anti-takashi of Art.
Boom, that's just let me.
That's, that's well said.
Let me clarify that the antics are phenomenal.
Yeah, I love the mystique he's built.
I, I respect the mystique, I love it.
The art is trash and that's what enrages me about it.
Because I see these people that care so much about the art and i'm like, do y'all not realize you care about the mystique, is it that?
Is it that not?
Is it not that obvious to y'all?
The art is basic.
They act like he's some genius.
He literally takes the simplest headline you'd see on CMN and then adds it to a half existing thing that's on a wall.
If there's like an, a fireplace right, he'll like put something on top of the fireplace son, it's a bitch holding the balloon right, we're going crazy over a picture.
He'll like use what already exists within the city.
So if there's like a crack in a wall, then he'll put like Palestine and Israel on one, and then Israel on one side, Palestine on the other side.
Be like look, there's a division and people like oh, my god, how do you figure out there's conflict?
Come on bro.
Another interesting thing about the art shit is that there's evidence to believe that the CIA actually intentionally pushed modern art as a culture war against Russia during the Cold war.
So, to your point, there's a certain level of like, oh, modern art is bullshit and the CIA was intentionally propping it up and and how does it help?
How does that help?
The United States, according to Russia, would never let that bullshit fly.
According to the Independent article, they said that the CIA was supporting artists like Motherwell, Pollock and Rothko because in the propaganda war with the Soviet Union, the artistic movement could be held as proof of the creativity, the intellectual freedom and the cultural power of the?
U.s right.
So in the midst of like, a cold war where you're actually not, you know, murdering each other and killing each other, you actually have to win the culture war right, which is, who makes the coolest movies?
Who makes the best music?
Who goes to the moon first?
Like all the influence yeah, you gotta get the most followers, real talk, and that's really what it is like before.
That's a great way of looking at it.
Like before, social media countries were the page yeah, and you had to make everybody want to be like your page.
You had to be the Kardashians.
Yeah, every other country got to want to look like you, dress like you do all that kind of stuff.
So the CIA is like let's pump money into these specific art programs or this specific style because it's uniquely American.
Yeah, Russian artists were strapped into the communist ideological straitjacket at the time, and so then you have like this art movement, like that's kind of like budding, and then, in the nascent stages of it, the CIA like pumped money and like created these art shows through like proxy foundations and they're so different.
It's so different than the classic Soviet and the idea of look what you're free to experiment with.
Exactly the freedom America for you.
No rigidity here, do whatever you want yeah yeah yeah yeah, you can be a millionaire by throwing dots on a wall.
Yeah yeah, and it's who wouldn't want to move to America?
Yeah, it really idealized like the American philosophy of the time, according to the CIA, which is why they pushed it.
Interesting, interesting.
Okay, have we convinced you guys, that art is dumb?
All right guys, we're gonna take a break for a second.
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Trans Allegory Break00:07:33
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Let's get back to the show.
Talking about more dumb shit.
Dude, this Matrix co-creator confirms that the story is a trans allegory.
So the Wachatsky brothers, I think they're named.
Or now the Wachowski sisters.
Now they're the sisters, right?
But when they made the film, I believe they were the brothers.
And unbelievable filmmakers.
So fucking First Matrix is one of the best movies in my lifetime.
And so unique.
Oh, yeah.
Like, so many jokes now exist because of The Matrix, like the slow-moving thing.
Like all these things, all the ways that they've influenced action film.
Yeah.
All these things have come from the Matrix.
Literally the alt-right angle of like, oh, you got to wake up.
You got to stop fucking.
Red pill.
That's the case from two trans filmmakers.
Unbelievable.
I mean, what do you think they think about that?
That's what I guess.
Is it still red-pilled?
Is that the pill they take when you find out?
You slept with a trans person.
That's what the pill is.
You take the pill that you're going to vote for from now on.
But, dude, so it's, it's, they're these incredibly innovative filmmakers.
They did this incredibly amazing series.
I mean, The Matrix is one of my favorite trilogies of all time.
I think probably my favorite, maybe Lord of the Rings.
It's between Major and Lord of the Rings.
Lord of the Rings is mad game.
Matrix is fucking unbelievable.
And they become, or they always are trans.
They actually transition.
Right.
So now they're the sisters.
Right.
Wachotsky sisters.
I'm fucking up the last name.
Wykotsky.
You're getting sisters, right?
That's the important part.
Yeah.
Sisters, what they care about.
And now they're saying that The Matrix was always an allegory for being trans.
Right.
Which I don't understand how.
I don't think they fully thought this through.
Which part?
I'm saying, from what I see, what I read, it was like you're trapped in between two worlds and then you become who you really are in the Matrix or like when you step out of the Matrix.
So I guess that's like when you transition.
That world sucks.
It's flavorless.
It's gray.
It's drab.
There's nothing to any of it.
So if you were really trying to make trans people feel free, wouldn't you being free be lit as fuck and not boring and colorless and fucking food has no taste?
All of it's when you're pretending to be what you're not, life is pretty good.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
You get a fucking steak and wearing any clothes you want.
If that's the allegory, the allegory never transitioned.
I think that's what the point would come across as, right?
Like, we all watched the movie The Matrix, and we're like, it is way better to be in the blue pill.
Yeah.
Blue pill is way better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Red pill, you understand what life really is.
But it sucks.
You don't want to know what the sausage is made out of.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, that's why that saying exists.
Yeah.
I don't want the fucking thing in the back of my head letting me know that I was plugged into some shit.
Yeah.
Ignorance is bliss.
Ignorance is bliss.
That said that in the movie.
But what's interesting is, I wonder if it tracks, and this is something they did retroactively.
I wonder if now it's a reflection of how they feel about being trans.
Yeah.
Right?
I wonder.
My take is I think it's complete bullshit.
And they're just trying to add it.
Yeah.
You add just another layer.
It's like the J.K. Rowling shit.
Yeah, you add another layer on top of the movie, and now it's like, wow, these are the things that you'll be talking about.
It's like when they make cartoons gay and shit, they're just like, ah, yeah, the cartoon was trans.
Well, to your point, you know what they announced recently.
The Matrix 4.
So this would be good PR for that movie.
And would get you back in the headlines.
Ooh, who's going to play?
Is it going to be Neo or something?
Everybody's back.
I don't know if Morpheus is back, but The Shorty is back.
And Keanu's back.
Oh, they said Switch was supposed to be like a representation of trans.
You remember the short-haired blonde girl?
Yes.
They were like kind of playing.
They wouldn't let her fully do it, but they wanted her to be male in the real world and female in The Matrix or vice versa.
But then the studio said no.
The studio said no.
So they kind of like tried to sneak it in there that she's kind of like androgynous a little bit with the short blonde hair and she's like this badass.
There's nothing you would traditionally associate with being a woman.
Right.
Yeah.
It was, yeah, exactly.
Definitely more androgynous looking character or even acting character.
There's one thing that I will say about this.
They were transitioning while the movies were happening because I think The Matrix happened over almost a decade, right?
There's probably a new movie every two, three years.
It was after.
No, but I think it was happening during.
Like they were starting to transition.
Well, they were initially just going to do the one movie and then it was such a fucking smash that they were like, let's make this a trilogy.
Interesting.
So my feeling is maybe that wasn't the whole point of the movie, but there's no question whether it was inspired by some of the shit that they were seeing.
Yeah.
And maybe transitioning and becoming a woman when you feel like you're a woman, this is interesting, makes your life way more difficult, like taking the red pill.
But it's better to be who you are despite the difficulty.
You feel free.
You feel free.
And if that is what they're trying to say, if it isn't, they should.
We just killed that.
But if that's what you're trying to say, I do understand that because I don't think that anybody would disagree with that regardless of how you feel about trans.
Your life is way more difficult as a trans person.
You go through all this shit.
You get treated differently.
Of course.
You might not like the way you look.
You might not like the way you look.
You might not like the person that you are as a real, as you are in your real self.
But that freedom is worth it.
It's absolutely worth it.
Apparently.
Who knows?
We'll see what happens.
Yo, this is just a quick question.
Androgynous people, are they gay?
Androgyny just means they look both.
You can't tell what gender they were looking.
The gender they were born as.
Oh, I think androgyny is just about appearance.
It has nothing to do with a sexual practice.
It's a characteristic, I think, like tall or short.
Yeah, gay or straight.
Yeah, it's just like tall, short, light-skinned, dark-skinned.
Androgynous is like you see a dude that kind of looks like a chick or a chick looks like a dude.
Like a lot of these like models, have you noticed lately?
Like sometimes you'll see like a female model or even a male model that have like long hair.
And you're like, is that a guy or a girl?
Like there's no muscle tone on the dude at all.
And so androgyny is just a kind of like look that's in.
Yeah.
Cool.
Androgyny Appearance Only00:11:42
All right.
What else we got?
Kanye.
Oh, yeah.
Ooh, actually, can we come in?
Can we talk about?
Then there's two things we can do with the Kanye thing.
Can we talk about the bubble a little bit?
Oh, let's talk about the bubble.
Yeah.
So I'll come back in on.
Got this time on?
This is, I just put an ad.
Well, ad.
Yeah.
All right.
All right, man.
Let's talk about the bubble.
Okay.
It's been a minute since there's been some good stories for us to talk about in the sports world, but now I think we got one.
There's something very interesting that's happening with the bubble.
And I wonder if it's happening to you guys, both in this room and everybody at home listening.
I could not give a fuck about the NBA right now.
I'm a longtime NBA fan.
I was a season ticket holder for the New York Knicks.
I'm as invested as you can be in the sport of basketball.
I would play twice a week in leagues.
I love basketball.
In love with the game.
I haven't watched a full NBA game.
I could care less about watching it.
Now, at first, I was like, no, this is probably just because it's not part of my schedule and I'll get into it, et cetera.
That's not true.
I watch MMA.
Every Saturday almost, it seems like there's a fight on, and I'll pop in.
I'll watch some of the fight.
Why the fuck am I not watching the NBA right now?
You know what it is for me?
Are you watching it?
I'm not watching as much.
Whenever I watch it, I enjoy it.
But this is what I've always noticed about myself with sports.
I can't do low-stakes sports.
MMA, always high stakes.
You're fighting once every few months.
This is a big fucking deal if I lose this match.
NBA, you got these tune-up games.
That's great for the 9-10 seed.
And that I'm interested in.
The 8-9 seed, I mean, you can get in that play-in tournament.
These guys are fighting for their season.
Everybody else is just tuning up.
And the highlights are fun as fuck.
And whenever I see these last-second finishes, it seems exhilarating.
The moments I've seen have been fun because it's like, it's just the game.
No other bullshit.
But I can't do low-stakes sports.
I'm a massive football fan.
I can't watch two teams with nothing to play for playing for no reason.
I can't give a fuck.
I need stakes.
I think you hit it.
I think you hit it.
I think maybe one thing is the time the games are on.
They're a lot earlier now, and you tend to have be at studio during the time games.
Most of the time.
Oh, fuck.
I never even considered we're here.
Because it's like 80 hours a week.
I've been noticing when a game is on and I happen to be home.
I'll actually watch.
Interesting.
But it's really just most of the time we're here.
Scheduling.
Yeah.
Okay, so scheduling.
I was thinking I was watching a little bit just because I was able to watch.
Okay, so scheduling, I think, is a great point.
Stakes, I think, is another great point.
Yeah.
I was talking to some of my guys at the NBA and I was like, you guys aren't doing a good enough job of creating stakes.
Yeah.
They go, what do you mean?
I go, this play-in tournament, the average person who's not like a fan fan doesn't even understand that these games are valuable.
You haven't built in.
Like, I found out that just yesterday, I think when Dame Lillard dropped 50, he kicked the Pelicans and someone else out of the playoffs.
I forget.
This is how detached I am.
So he kicked two teams out of the playoffs with that victory.
Why is that not being marketed all over social?
Why is there these are high stakes?
This is the end of some of the season.
You're off to Cancun.
You need to let people know.
And I think what's going on is my assumption is they're like, yo, once we have sports back on TV, everybody's going to be obsessed.
They're just going to watch it.
We don't need to do nothing.
We have found other things to take up our time.
It's not like sports left and there's this gap in our schedule.
We found other things to fill that gap.
We're watching a new series.
Me and my girl watching all the James Bonds in order of how good they are.
Right?
There's things that we're going to find to do.
You got to earn our fucking time again.
Make this interesting with me.
When you said the thing about MMA and how always have high stakes, there is no meaningless fight.
No.
Every fight matters.
Your life is on the line.
Every fight.
Fight, so I could watch it.
Life is online.
I can't watch guys playing a fucking pickup game, basically.
We watched the MMA fight in Kansas City.
There was somebody who was literally like, man, we lost our house.
We're like in between homes.
We're moving.
Like, he needed this to keep his, not only are you fighting, keep his career alive.
Feed his family.
Like, he's crying after he wins.
Just some regular ass undercard match.
It meant so much to this guy.
There's so much stakes.
Dame Lillard, I want to see.
This motherfucker has put stakes on it.
He's out here beefing with other players.
He's fighting for the playoffs.
Like, period.
That's the thing.
Putting up 51.
He's going at it.
Even the even putting up 50 and even like the fight.
I'm like, I'm seeing the perfect recipe for an interesting NBA season.
And I'm just not plugged in.
Like, when I see like Dame Lillard's sister go at Paul George and go at Patrick Beverly online, like it was hilarious.
Damn, what's going on too?
I didn't even see the sister.
Oh, yeah, the sister got in on it.
And then like Paul George's wife got in on it with the same.
I mean, like, it's all the hijinks you need for an exciting season.
But it doesn't have the stakes yet.
And I was telling my guys, I was like, when the playoffs hit, I'm going to be in.
Yeah.
But y'all are fucking up right now.
And this is actually an important time because this is where we get the ball rolling for the playoffs.
Yeah.
Let me lock into a team.
My team ain't there.
So I usually lock in.
You know why it's even lower stakes?
And this is, I've looked at this as like, it's just for them to warm up their bodies.
It's like an extended three season.
Yes.
Seeding doesn't really mean shit aside from who you play.
Home court advantage, there is no such thing as home court advantage.
So like the only reason I want the one seed is because it would be an easier eighth seed matchup, maybe.
Who do I match up with better?
Yeah.
That's it.
Home court meant something.
You wouldn't think it, but then whenever you get to a game seven, that's it means a lot of fucking, it means a lot.
Now it's, yeah, we're all playing in Orlando.
The only one that got home court is Austin Rivers.
He grew up here.
That's it.
Yeah.
Talking about Austin Rivers, this is really interesting.
He dropped crazy.
He dropped like 40.
Was it 37?
He dropped, you know, is it 37 last night?
I don't know what it was.
I'm guessing.
So there's another player also who usually doesn't TJ Warren.
There's a few guys that are playing exceptional basketball.
And I'm sure it's not just them, but those are the names you dropped 41, right?
So TJ Warren's been balling out of his ass.
And I'm like, why is it that certain players are all of a sudden hooping?
I'm trying to figure that out too.
I think I have an idea.
I think there are two things.
One is going to seem silly, but bear with me.
Yes, I understand these guys are professionals and it shouldn't matter at this level, but bear with me.
I think the fact that they're playing on a court that just has a black background that's pretty close to where the backboard is helps shooters.
If you're a shooter and you're shooting at a glass backboard when there's an entire arena behind it, it can throw off your depth perception a bit.
Like whenever I play in big open gym, remember we go like the basketball city of that shit down there to play.
Like I hate shooting in those gyms.
There's just so much more room.
It's hard to like calculate everything.
When you're playing in like the half court somewhere that has like a wall behind it or there's something else or even like the non-glass backbone, I know this sounds so silly, but I do think it helps shooters.
I bet if they calculate shooting percentages, I bet you players are shooting better at a higher percentage now because of the background in which they're shooting against.
That's number one.
Number two, I think the players that get nervous because of the fans.
I was just thinking that.
Yeah, I think the players get nervous because of the fans.
They get caught up in the hoopla that are thrown off by people booing them or thrown off by massive cheers and their assholes get tight.
I think those players are having the time of their fucking lives.
Just open gym.
Just open gym.
The black background, I don't buy into as much because you play 82 games a year.
So you play with that all the time.
Like if you're playing, what, once a week at open gym?
Yeah.
If you played 82 times a year, I think you'd be like, all right.
These are the best shooters in the world.
Know it sounds silly, but there's something about like, you know, when you're at like a high school gym, you're at like the practice facility, a lot of these practice facilities, it's just like backboard and then a couple more feet, and then there's the wall with like those blue padding.
Yeah, I just think there's something about depth perception that plays into it.
Who knows?
I can believe confidence.
I can believe getting out of my head because it's like, ah, this is just an open gym.
We're just, it's just a run.
Right.
No big deal.
Let's go.
Right.
I can believe that.
And maybe TJ Warren kills it in practice.
I'd be interested to know if he's like paces practice.
Normally, he's just tearing it up and then games, he tightened up a bit.
Maybe.
Because I can see your depth thing because they most of the time the practice facilities are at smaller gyms.
Exactly.
You're practicing shots in a gym that size.
Yo, that's another thing.
Nobody practices shooting in the arena.
Yeah.
You always practice on something with a closed backboard, backboard close to a straight back wall.
You don't shoot into the void like you do in arenas because the practice facility can't be on the same place.
Sometimes you got a hockey team playing there.
You got the fucking circus in town.
There's tons of other things.
I know it sounds absurd, but I do think that there's an advantage to it.
And I think the fact that there are no fans there that could be booing or even getting you hyped up or even creating those situations where your anxiety could affect your play.
That again, I believe.
I was also thinking, like, I'm sure these AAU tournaments got not crazy numbers, not thousands of people, but like you're used to playing where you're shooting and you're just seeing people behind you.
Maybe it's a much smaller thing, but they've been doing this for decades, I assume.
So, but I can definitely believe, yo, it's just, I'm free here.
There's no people fucking booing, like you said.
There's no lights.
It's just open.
And it's interesting because who knows how long we'll be in this.
You know, the election could come around and all of a sudden Corona could just go away because that's how things happen often times.
But if Corona is around for the next few years and this is what basketball looks like, you could see some stars come out of the bubble that would never have made real money play in basketball.
A TJ Warren could get a massive contract because he's a bubble star.
Them take him out of the bubble, it could be tough.
Or he kills it in the bubble and then builds that confidence.
I was thinking, dude, you get so confident in the bubble.
You're like, I can't play.
I can do this.
I can do it.
Who gives a fuck what the fans are doing?
I'm going at LeBron every night.
I'm going at Devin Booker.
I'm going at all these guys.
I'm putting up buckets.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Yeah, it is interesting.
All right, guys.
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Let's get back to the show.
Yo, what's up, guys?
The Big Daisy Energy Tour is back.
CBD Night Wrap Up00:10:35
I'm going to be at Raleigh, North Carolina, Good Nights Comedy Club, August 20th through 23rd.
Get tickets on the Good Nights website or at akashing.com.
Let's go.
We back.
Yo, go check out Akash, man.
Get out of here.
I know that y'all in the crib.
You want to get the fuck out.
I know you need things to do, man.
Obviously, they're going to take all the precautions.
This shit is going to be safe.
Go and have a great fucking night.
Get your boys together.
Get you and your girls.
And also, go in groups.
That's another great thing.
Go in groups, man, because then you can all be seated together.
Because as long as it's the same group, they can be seated.
So go do that shit.
Where can they get tickets?
Akashang.akashing.com or at the Good Nights website, God Nights Comedy Club.
Do you need to refrigerate tomato sauce after it's opened?
Like ketchup?
Almond milk might be the same.
Nah, ketchup is good.
I don't think ketchup.
Ketchup's got mad preservatives.
You're good.
Yeah.
All right.
Do you need to refrigerate like oh, eggs?
Yeah, you fucking retarded.
It's a real thing.
Why do you have to refrigerate it?
Because it's a fucking chicken.
It's a thing I have.
It has a chicken.
It's a little bit of all the time.
It's an embryo.
But does it have to be refrigerated?
Yes, it's living.
Technically, and I know this because I saw it the other day.
Eggs should be warmer because birds like to sit on the eggs.
So they shouldn't be put in a refrigerator.
Wait, what?
Birds sit on the eggs.
Yes, you guys hear that?
That's the tides turning right now.
Yeah.
Yes.
That's the sound of the tides turning.
Think about that.
We might be fucking up the flavor of eggs by keeping them cool if we just sat a fake bird on the eggs.
He'll become a bird.
What?
You think it's heat that makes him become a bird?
He needs bird cum, bro.
So if you put an egg in the oven, that's a good thing.
No, it lies out that much.
Now it got to be a perfect temperature.
Yo, put it in the bathroom.
Put an egg in the oven at 104.
Leave it overnight.
You got a full-ass motissery chicken.
Just because you're dressed like a peacock doesn't mean you know anything about fucking birds, Al.
Come on now.
I know chicken.
Are you kidding me?
Decent counterpoint for a few years.
I think the bird egg has to be inseminated by the chicken, by the rooster.
It needs bird cum.
But the bird cum, how does it?
Are you ready for the dumbest thing I ever said?
Y'all think already?
No, no, no, no.
I'm gonna.
This is so dumb.
We're gonna cut it.
Do you say it together?
This is so dumb.
I know exactly what you're about to say.
Okay, ready?
How do you get the bird into the egg?
He's a really sharp little dick.
He just fumes it open.
But he makes sure not to crack it.
For real, though.
How do you get it in?
Yeah, how?
It's an embryo already.
It's an embryo already.
The sperm got in.
No, it doesn't.
It did.
Embryos start without sperm.
I swear to God, Google this right now.
Yeah, but that's not what fun is.
It got in already.
No, it didn't.
It did.
No, it didn't.
It did.
And then the egg formed.
Egg is unfertilized.
Before you say it, you put a bet down.
Let's put money on it.
I'm going to go out to Google.
Egg is unfertilized.
Egg is unfertilized.
That's just some shit that just drops like a period.
Bop.
Boom.
Right?
And then it can get inseminated within the chicken.
And then that's a different egg.
So, boom.
I told you, dickhead.
I'm guessing for the record.
I'm guessing.
So, this is my assumption, right?
Rooster bucks off.
Buckbuck, buckbuck.
Yo.
Mad different buck jokes we had already in this episode.
Rooster bucks off in that chicken, right?
Yeah.
Fertilizes the egg within the chicken.
Yes.
Then the egg comes out.
You don't fertilize the egg after it's out, Al.
That's what you're saying.
What if the chicken?
Wait, hold on.
Did you say that shit?
Like, you figured it out.
I don't.
What I do.
I just blew your mind.
What I do.
Oh, y'all thought the egg got hatched and then the rooster fucked the egg.
What I do.
Watch what I did.
I was limping.
Like Nikki Elliott.
No.
Real first.
I just taught him how it is.
You repeated what he just said.
No, I didn't.
Did I?
Yeah.
No, I didn't.
Because I made it sound less gay and homosexual.
Okay, he did.
Hey, no funny.
I'm talking about having fun.
That way, having fun.
No, but for real.
Mark, did you figure it out?
Wait, wait, wait.
Al thought that you inseminate the egg after it comes out.
No, admit you thought that.
I got a theory.
Admit, you thought that.
I did think that.
And I got another theory.
Okay.
Take that.
What if?
Take that.
What if the hell?
You have to take that.
Because he did it.
And your explanation, it was too sophisticated.
Okay.
Al and I, we operate on a different wavelength of shit.
Okay.
I had to make it super, super rudimentary.
Yep.
You know what I mean?
Because when you were talking, I was listening.
I didn't understand a single word either.
That shit was, yeah, that shit was too short.
It was too much biology.
Okay.
But then when I put it in terms of... We just speak science.
It's different.
Ours is more science than you.
Go, Mark.
Okay.
So you were right initially that the rooster or the cock will have sex with the hen and then fertilize the egg in utero.
Yup.
And then it drops out of the cloica.
Yup.
And then they and then it forms.
But if the female is not mating with the male, though she'll still lay the eggs.
That's fine.
Every day.
That's what we eat from the grocery store.
Wait, wait, wait, what?
That's what I said.
That's what I said, right?
I think that's what I said.
That's smart, son.
Stop it.
I got same words.
What's that last part?
Yeah, same words.
All right, so if the woman doesn't mate with the male egg or with the male chicken, then the egg that comes.
Look at Al's face.
The hen always is laying eggs.
Do you have an angle on yourself, CTK?
I'm fucking stupid.
Al's pasta just got mad good and shit.
Yeah, what was that?
Sucked in his gut.
No, no, no.
I just, I don't get that.
The hen is always laying eggs.
Yeah.
Even when it's not getting fucked.
Yes.
Exactly.
That's like a period.
Akash was saying that.
The embryo.
No.
That's what that.
That's what.
It's a period.
Every day they have their period.
Every day to have their period.
That's a period.
That's the yellow part.
What?
What's the yellow thing?
That's the uterine lining.
Yeah, that's the ovum.
And I think that's like what like feedback.
Again, bro.
Again, bro, you need to stop it.
Talking about WNBA teams.
The Oklahoma ovum, isn't that what they're called?
So the yellow is just the going with uterine lining.
That's what you're going for.
I think it's part of.
I think it's part of the uterine lining.
I think it's like when a girl's period got little chunks in it.
That's the same thing.
I bet you it's basically like chicken placenta.
Probably.
I don't think it's placenta.
That's part of afterbirth.
No, but that's all part of it.
That's what's feeding the thing to live.
The yolk is the part that gets that turns into a chicken.
That's the part that gets fertilized by the chicken sperm.
Yes.
That's the egg.
All right, we figured it out.
You got it?
Yeah, I got it.
You got it now, right?
That's all.
But here's another curveball.
You could eat a fertilized egg as long as it's not.
Fuck up.
Yo, real talk, though.
Fertilized eggs are fire.
As long as they're not incubated.
Incubated.
Wait, what?
You never had a fertilized egg?
The hard-boiled Thai people?
They eat like the egg and it has the bird inside.
I did not know about that.
It just happened.
Dang.
Oh, see, I'm sorry.
I'm cultured.
Yeah, your shirt is cultured.
Nah, but yeah, they got a dish where it's like the egg.
It's like a fertilized egg and it's like they eat like a baby bird, but it's still soft that you can like swallow it and you're not eating like a badge.
Why that sounds bad for me?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bro, Asians, y'all gotta figure out your food, bro.
I had enough of this, man.
We gotta just have, we gotta have a menu.
You know how we have, I mean this sincerely.
And I think it's Filipino.
I mean this sincerely.
My bad.
We need, you know how we have like rules for the world?
Like you can't have, there's no genocide.
There's no chemical weapons.
Like, there's certain things every country just got to obey.
It don't matter what, first world, second world, third world.
It doesn't matter how poor you are, how rich you are.
You can't do these few things.
We need that with food.
There's certain food you just can't do.
That shit you described.
Honestly, you should just do the foods you can do because these fucking Asians are going to eat everything else.
They will eat everything.
That's true.
Asians, they're listening right now.
Please DM us the craziest food that you know for a fact.
Your family members eat, please.
I really want to know about this and I want to know what the limitations are.
Yes.
Not you heard about a dog festival or whatever the fuck.
That's what everybody likes to say because they saw that Vice video about the dog festival.
We're not talking about that.
What is the craziest shit that is regularly eaten?
Don't they have baby?
Can't they eat nah, you sound wild?
I think there's baby soup, dude.
I think there's fetus soup.
Okay, fetus soup, I can see.
That's what a baby is.
I thought you meant like you said that's the yellow part, bro.
That's what it is.
No, don't they have fetus, you want to call it?
Dare, no, Al.
No, I'm talking about the actual baby.
No soup.
Fetus soup.
Look up fetus soup.
You really want me to sit up.
Look up fetus.
You can do that.
I already looked this up.
Let me see it.
Look up fetus soup.
All right.
What do you fetus soup China?
Okay, snopes.com.
I didn't say that.
Snopes.com from 2001.
Yep.
Oh, bro.
They had 19 years to start eating this shit.
Are human fetuses Taiwan's hottest dish?
Okay.
They say that the answer is no.
Of course, Snopes.
What's the hottest dish?
Chicken Tika.
Because it could not be the hottest dish.
I didn't say it was number one.
I just said it was on the menu.
And we need to cut that shit out.
I saw a wild video.
Why?
What?
No, no, no.
I was just saying this is the shit I was talking about.
Yeah, that looks horrifying.
But we do need to talk.
Yo, Asian assholes listening right now, reach out.
Let's get to the bottom of this.
Okay?
For real.
Talk to me.
Are we going to talk that we have a survivor in the building?
Oh.
Yo, Mark could have got God, man.
We almost lost Mark.
Yo, real talk.
Real talk.
This is serious.
Simon Cowell.
I can't believe we're about to talk about Simon Cowell.
Simon Cowell Thumb Look00:14:54
That's an odd-looking guy.
Bro, you saw him after his plastic surgery?
He looked like a thumb.
Yeah, he's a fucking finger puppet.
Bro, yeah.
Son, don't he look like he's drawn on a finger?
Bro, remember those videos we got of like the guy on the finger skateboard or he's on like the finger scooter?
Yeah, that's what his head would look like if it was a complete finger person.
Bro, look at his fucking face.
What is he?
Yeah, I don't know what's going on with that.
What is his background?
I need to know what his ethnicity is.
British all the way through.
That's straight British?
Dude, I don't know, bro.
He looks like Artie Lang.
Do you already?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I think we look at British people how all other races look at us.
Which is?
It's kind of gross.
My mom's British.
My mom's Scottish, yo.
That's British.
Not that.
He's talking about English.
Yeah, I'm talking about England.
Oh, England specifically?
England specifically.
Oh, I say everybody's just UK.
Okay, well, yo, that's a little different.
And y'all get upset when we say that Dominican and Puerto Ricans are the same.
They don't care.
They really are.
I mean, it's enough similar.
It's enough similar where if you got it wrong, it's okay.
All right, guys, listen up, man.
Sports is back.
Okay.
When sports are back, you know, gambling's back.
I know a lot of us have been missing it.
I know we want to get that fixed.
We've been gambling on stupid shit in the crib with our friends, making up games to gamble about.
Maybe some of them, some little poker tournaments with the homies, socially distanced, of course.
That being said, now that we got real sports back, you know, we got real gambling.
If you're going to gamble, you're going to go to mybookie.ag to do it.
Telling you because they are giving free money, they are literally matching your initial investment.
Okay.
Hear out what I just said.
You put the money in, they match it, you go gamble with it.
Not only do you double your first deposit, you also get a $10 NBA future bet if you go to mybookie.ag.
I don't even know what that means.
You probably do.
You do, you gamblers.
Everybody knows.
You don't know what future bets are?
Man, that's the shit as a future bet.
Hey, gotta love future bets, bro.
Bitch ass current bet.
No current, no pass bet.
You need futures, bruv.
Future bet.
I don't know why I'm looking at the camera still.
It's just audio.
Mybookie.ag promo code flagrant.
That's it.
Dumb easy to remember.
Mybookie.ag promo code flagrant.
Go get that money.
Go get them victories and get paid out by my bookie.
Let's get back to the show.
All right, guys.
Look, we have to wrap this up.
I think that in conclusion, it's very important we talk about a tragedy.
Recently, Mark was in a rush and he needed to get somewhere, so I let him borrow my electric motorcycle made by the Super 73 brand that we should have promoted roughly six months ago.
We had a promo code, but they have since removed our promo code due to lack of use.
So there's an electric bike in quarantine, just buy a Super 73 and then just shout out Flagrant somewhere or Andrew Schultz somewhere.
Actually, buy a Huck because I bought a Huck recently.
That's my upgrade.
And I really appreciate Huck.
And my Hucks.
Thank you, Huck, my electric motorcycles.
They're the sickest ones.
I'm not going to make the same mistake twice.
Okay.
You still need parts.
Say, I still need parts.
I'm realizing while I'm saying that.
Buy a Super 73 too, guys.
Look, there's lots of good opportunities out there.
Yes, go to Super 73.
We love both.
We love both.
I do Super 73.
You do Huck.
I Huck.
I also still have a Super 73.
Boom.
Okay.
So both are great companies.
You should support both those companies.
A little trash on the brakes, but they're pretty good.
You know what?
That's bullshit.
Let's not bring that up just yet.
Okay.
Here's the thing: Mark is in a hurry.
He has a lower version of the Super 73 by me.
My house is getting broken into for the record.
His house was not getting broken into.
You always say that when your Jewish landlord comes to collect rent, and I find there's a little anti-Semitism baked in there a little bit.
Maybe bake was the wrong word to use.
Now, it's great.
Now, Mark's saying that there are people breaking into his home.
So I say, yo, use my motorcycle electric bike.
We can use those words synonymously to go to your house even faster.
Okay.
To go to your house even faster.
Right.
I go, go, go for it.
He takes it.
Literally two minutes later, I get a call from Mark in his awesh voice.
He has an awesh voice.
What is the awesome voice?
He goes, Ah, Andrew.
He says all like four times before he says anything.
Oh, don't be mad, man.
Oh, don't be mad, man.
Man, he puts like whys and everything.
Man, don't be mad, man.
Girl, Seance.
Yo, I got hit by a car and I just got hit really hard by this car.
And like, I, I, oh, man, the bike has totally ruined me.
And I just, oh, man.
And I go, oh, my God.
I go, what do you mean by ruined?
That's what I did.
I did phrase it like that because he seemed like he was talking fine.
You were talking.
Yeah.
We go out there to go get him.
Yeah.
Actually, my first reaction, I laughed and then asked if he was okay.
No, he laughed, then he answered, and then he said this.
I was like, we got to go get him.
And then Al goes, yo, you shouldn't go because if they see you, they might try to sue.
So don't go just in case you don't get caught up in the lawsuit.
Also, Al called me.
He goes, yo, whose fault was it?
And I was like, it might have been my fault.
And he goes, well, then run, motherfucker.
Get out of there.
You got to say that publicly, but it's all right.
So we go over there, right?
There's the bike is fucked up.
Right.
Mark said he landed on the fucking hood of the car.
Yeah.
You got hit T-bone.
Flies onto the hood.
Yeah.
Okay.
Poor kid who's driving a car.
Terrified.
I think so.
Yeah.
Kid look 18 years old.
Short little Takashi 6'9 looking kid.
In the car with his shorty.
With his girlfriend.
A baby seat is in the car.
Laundry is in the car.
Like the kid was literally supporting his family, trying to do laundry.
I got by a car.
We're going to get to that in a little bit.
The kid is doing his best.
I can't believe you guys.
Do you know what I mean?
Probably lives in some dangerous part of Bushwick.
Wait, why do you think that?
I was being racist.
So, so, so, listen, their whole Latinx family is so concerned at this moment.
There could be deportation issues.
Mark is standing over this guy's car like a fucking tyrant.
We literally pull up.
Literally, hands on his hips.
Standing on the hood.
Standing on the fucking hood of the car.
And he's saying this.
He goes, you're not going anywhere, buddy.
You said that to him.
You said, you're not going anywhere.
We're going to get the authority.
You said, we're going to get the authorities over here.
Talking like he's a graffiti artist.
Like he's a fucking graffiti artist.
He's an artist.
Real talk, dude.
And it was very telling.
When we were looking at you, it was telling, bro.
What else was happening?
Because I made up this part.
I didn't think of anything.
I didn't think of anything past this.
So we get what else?
We get down.
He's like, yo, Mark, get off the car.
Get off the car.
Hey, Mark, get off the car.
Yeah.
And then we went to the guy first.
Yeah, yo, but he literally, he didn't want to jump off the car.
He makes the guy's girlfriend get out of the car and lend him a hand to get down from the car.
Like he was stepping off a throne or something like that.
He conquered the car.
It was unbelievable.
The guy was asking Mark if he was okay.
I'm asking the guy if he was okay.
He was like, are you okay?
Are you frightened?
Do you know what I mean?
Like, what is it?
This must be so horrifying for you to experience.
Right?
And Mark was like, what about me?
I just had to touch a Puerto Rican's property.
I believe they are Mexicans.
I believe that they are Mexicans.
Get it straight, though.
Go, Mark.
What happened next?
Well, I recovered.
Thank God.
I felt bad for his car.
Yeah.
Why?
Because a Mexican drives it?
No, because when he hit me.
Jesus.
Gosh.
Swinging with pure racism.
It's not me saying it.
It's Mark.
You know what I mean?
No, I felt bad because he hit me.
And the way he hit me, like my, the hood got all dented when my bicep hit the side of it and it got a dent in it.
And he was like, yo, bro, my car, your bicep is too big.
And I was like, oh, my fault.
Is that your Mexican accident?
Yo, bro.
No, that wasn't Mexican.
This is what he happened to sound like.
Exactly.
But yeah, so then after he hit me, I was like, oh, dude, like, he was like, well, do you want to do anything?
Like, you want to get the authorities on the bottom?
Say exactly what happened.
The guy goes like this.
He goes, yo, I don't want to get you in trouble or anything like that.
Then he goes, I think my dad can fix it.
And Mark literally looks at him and goes, shocking.
I could not believe it, bro.
I could not believe it.
The guy's basically absolving Mark of the guilt of running the red light, destroying his car, giving PTSD to his Latinx girlfriend for the rest of her life and child.
We did mention that he ran the stop sign.
He ran the stop sign.
And he's the only one out of the two of them that speaks English.
And he was the one that didn't respect style.
The other guy didn't even speak the language.
He knew to Estall.
Now, let me just say, though, that when I was struck by the vehicle.
Yeah.
I think you struck it.
No, I got struck.
I think you struck it.
That's a white-ass way to say it.
I was struck by the vehicle.
I was struck by the automobile.
And after I was struck, I looked and the stop sign was nowhere to be seen.
There was no stop sign there.
There is a stop sign for you on that block.
And what showed up three days after I got struck by the automobile?
A giant stop sign and a bunch of paint on the ground that says, Hey, stop.
This is not true.
Slow down.
This is not true.
There's been a stop sign there the entire time, and you know it for a fact.
Oh, how shocking.
The white guy's rewriting history.
Who saw that coming?
Who saw that coming?
All right, you back, Arkas.
Who saw that guy?
Damn, bro.
No, I was no, no, that's foul.
What you did to that fucking Mexican family, dog.
That's foul.
What did I do?
You robbed them of their American dream, dog.
Which was what?
His dreams probably hitting a white kid on a bike.
No, so he got his dreams.
He was finally doing his own laundry.
Not some fucking white people's.
And then you stole that from him on a fucking Saturday.
Was it Saturday?
Thursday.
Thursday.
Yeah.
It's unbelievable, bro.
There was no stop sign.
I went and I was distracted.
And after he hit me, I got off.
I was like, yo, I'm sorry, dude.
Like, no.
Can I give you some money?
Maybe I can help you fix it.
Well, we don't have to get the cops involved.
No.
And he said, all right, let me call my dad.
And then you guys came down and Andrew's on the smoothie drinking a fucking beach smoothie or like a banana peep smoothie.
He's like, so what's going on here?
He tried to pretend he didn't know what was going on.
So he's like, so what's the deal, guys?
What's up?
And then he's like, oh, he just hit me.
I hit him with the bike.
Remember when he kept speaking English and I kept speaking Spanish to him to relate?
You did?
You don't remember that?
I don't remember.
He's like, he's like, perfect English.
He's like, he's like, yeah, yeah, we got it.
I was like, oh, que sel problema.
Well, no, no, he hit me.
Oh, quiasco.
No, but the kid turned out a good deal.
I was like, yo, I'll give you like a couple hundred bucks.
Like, there's a little dent on the front of it from when I was struck by the autobiography, almost died.
Yeah.
And I was like, yeah, I don't mind paying for part of it.
And he was like, honestly, dude, let me just call my dad.
And then after he talked to his dad, he was like, hey, man, if you're cool with the cops not coming, like, are you okay?
Is everything fine?
And he left.
And I was thinking about it.
I think he was speeding.
Oh, I've seen a lot of cars come down that road.
Oh, it's his fault, huh?
You were scared.
I got hit by a car.
He was falling out.
I get the joke, Mark.
It was a joke.
Speedy Gonzalez.
I see everything's a joke to you.
I bet he said on delay, on the lay, arriba, arriba.
When he blew that stop sign, huh, Mark.
Racism's got to stop.
The buck stops here.
There's another buck for you.
Buck, By bucks.
That's he was telling you to contribute.
You guys took words right out of my mouth.
What did I say?
So, what did you learn from this, Mark?
What did you learn from?
I'm lucky to be alive.
You are.
Yeah.
And I, I don't know.
Like, I don't like getting political on this show.
And you guys know that about me, but I do think the country could benefit from stricter policies on the border.
It's a little, right?
I don't know.
I just, I've never been hit by a white guy.
White guy never hit me with his car.
All you're trying to say is, is that if instead of a wall, we put stop signs at the border, it wouldn't work.
That's all you're trying to say.
You're not trying to get any more political in that.
No, yeah, I don't like getting political, but I just, I don't know.
It's just, I play soccer with a lot of Mexican kids.
Yeah.
And I don't know.
Sometimes I ask them and I say, hey, you ever drove by street?
Go on.
Just to see if they've been in the neighborhood or they know because I swear I've seen this kid 10 times since I got hit.
That could be true or kind of range.
No, I think I saw the kid.
He was graffitiing on the roof.
Was it him?
If it was him, honestly, would you take back everything you've said?
Trying to decide how I would feel about this.
No, this guy was far older than I saw.
This fucking adult.
But if the guy graffiti on the roof, if he had not only destroyed Mark, but also my bike and my water tower.
He did destroy the water tower.
I can't even look at it, dude.
I go up there, like, take like a breath and be calm.
It's the water tower.
Ain't that the whitest shit ever is?
He just got here and now it's his water tower.
Son, that's the whitest you've ever been on this podcast.
That's my water tower.
I've been renting here for coming up on seven months now.
Let me tell you something.
We didn't reduce rent for Corona.
I paid good money.
We have a water tower unsullied by these hooligans.
Son, that is some hooligan ass shit, bruh.
Vanilla.
That's a grief, graffiti a water tower.
Fucking piece of shit.
Nah, but I did feel really bad for the kid.
Yeah?
Yeah, I actually did because he was really nice afterwards.
And he was like, even after him, he was like, oh, dude, are you okay?
I'm sorry.
He's terrified his entire family is going to get thrown back over the border.
That's why I felt bad.
Graffiti Water Tower00:01:04
Yeah.
So why did you put him through that experience?
What else should I have done?
Stop.
Not run the rest of the night.
Yeah.
There was no stop sign.
Yes, there was.
I'm going to post a photograph tonight.
That way everyone can see that there was no stop sign and how much they hide it.
You see how these people are going to be able to do it.
Wait, you just said there was no stop sign and how much they hide it.
The stop signs hidden and then on the road after I got there.
What is it about comedians that they don't listen when people say stop?
What is it about that?
What is it about people at entertainment when the word stop is there?
It just disappears from the situation.
I listen.
Okay.
Matter of fact, we're stopping this podcast right now.
Okay.
All right, y'all.
We love y'all.
Listen, we'll see you on Patreon this Friday.
Patreon.com slash flagrant2, man.
Asshole army growing.
It's amazing to see.
Appreciate y'all spreading the word, telling your friends about it, playing this episode loud at your bike shops, at your work, at all these places, man.
You might have the fastest growing Patreon in the world again.
Oh, 100.
Yo, last month we grew more than we've grown any month, including the first month we started.