Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect Joe Rogan's Texas relocation, the ethics of legalizing sex work versus trafficking, and Talib Kweli's Twitter ban over Sarah J. rumors. They debate gay identity markers, Usher's musical legacy against Chris Brown, and the cultural authenticity of "Love Is Blind: India." The episode concludes with heated arguments about Hindu wedding exclusions, global population demographics, UFO theories involving Marco Rubio, and humorous space travel mechanics before a Patreon sign-off. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Adult Ways to Bust00:03:37
What's up, everybody?
Sheltie here.
Akash Sing Alex Media Mark Gagnon in the building.
Welcome to another episode of Flagrant 2.
Yo, I busted on my girl's back in the most adult way.
Right?
Let's start the podcast again.
No, Nah, nah, nah.
This was adult.
Right.
This was mature.
Right, because the load is man small.
Not, well, yes.
Well, it was regular.
It was regular.
I'll be honest if I got a small load.
Okay.
I'll be honest.
Sometimes I'll be busting this shit be coming out like that.
Like a mummy that woke up.
Like the mummy that woke up.
Starting swimming.
It's just going like this.
But no, for real, though, I busted on my girl's back.
Yep.
I was hitting it this weekend because, you know, during the week, I can't hit it because we're working on all the pieces.
Right.
So I saved that dick for the week.
And on the weekend, you start working on your piece.
I'm still working on my piece, bro.
And I was hitting it first.
I gave her that back.
Right.
Right.
You know, I was laying on my back after I had that hard day, day, week of work.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
I had that hard day week of work.
I was laying on that back.
And then I realized I was like, yo, I went and I grabbed it.
I was like, oh, shit.
The wagon is back here.
And it's been a while since I attacked the wagon.
Right.
So you hit yourself to that motherfucker.
I had to hitch myself to the wagon, the VW, bro.
Very white wagon.
That's what she got.
So I got behind that VW.
You gave her that beetle.
I started giving that beetle.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was trying to decide if that was this little dick or what it was.
I was like, all right, win a bagel.
You gave her that win, a bagel.
I gave her that win, a bagel, bro.
I did.
Right.
So I started to give her that Winnie.
Right.
Right.
I was stroking it down.
Right.
Then I don't know if like the AC kicked on or something like that, but like she squeezed.
Oh, fuck.
And I couldn't control it.
I tried to pull out.
I pulled out in time.
Bad decision always.
Right?
Bad decision.
Agreed, but I got to do it.
Pulled out.
Right?
I'm about to book.
So I pulled out, right?
I pulled a dick out, Al.
Pulled it out.
Okay.
It's plan A. Plan A. Exactly.
That's what it is.
I pull it out, right?
And then my girl says the sexiest shit I ever heard in my life, bro.
She said, what'd you say?
She goes, bro, this shit is so sexy.
I don't even know if I can say it because y'all might get bonares if I just say it right now, right?
I literally pull out and then she goes, oh, which is going to be sexy.
When she starts doing that, she goes, oh, just get it on my back instead of the sheets.
I just took those sheets.
Oh, my God.
Has there been a more adult way to bust on your girl than you're about to go?
And instead of her be like, lay it on me, daddy, she's like, I just bleached the bed.
Everything is clean.
How do you take all the power from you nutting on her?
I know.
I almost wanted to bust on the sheets out of the principal.
But then I was like, she did.
Just watch the shit.
I don't want to sleep in no busting on bed.
You know what I mean?
It's too crazy out here.
You got to bust on a duvet out of spite.
Out of spite, but then I got to sleep in that duvet.
Because you got to think about it.
I'm starting on my back.
Why Pay Taxes in LA00:11:07
Oh, yeah.
And wherever I always start on my side of the bed because that's where my groove is set.
I got my pillow set, everything.
I fuck with one pillow behind my head, Mark.
Two is too propped up.
I got my chin in my chest.
It's too crooked.
It's too crooked.
I can't look up at her.
It's weird.
Yeah.
You're looking at where you're going to bust the whole time.
Exactly.
Wait, what?
Huh?
Just looking at her back.
Okay, looking at her back, making sure it wasn't me looking at her face.
Yo, but the fact that she said that, bro, that was crazy, dude.
That's how I knew we were mature.
That's a married ass.
And then literally, we watch eight hours of Indian Matchmaker.
Son.
Eight hours straight, we watch Indian Matchmaker afterwards.
Guys, there's been big news in the podcasting world.
Huge news in the podcasting world.
The pod father himself, the king, is moving out of Los Angeles.
That's huge.
Big time.
Joe Rogan is leaving Los Angeles.
He's moving to Texas.
And it's crazy.
I was talking to him this weekend.
He sent me some pictures of his spot.
It's going to be like a ranch, I assume.
Dude, it's sick.
Obviously, obviously, we can't show up any pictures, but it's sick.
It's the fucking dream.
He's got a studio, it looks insane because he's going to do the podcasting there as well.
And I'm pretty sure this is permanent move for him.
Yes, 100%.
And it's a really interesting thing because with COVID or Corona, you realize what the point of living in a big city was.
Right.
So the point of us living in New York City was always to chase our career.
Now we can't chase our career with comedy clubs close.
Yep.
So now we're sitting in this city.
We're paying crazy money to live in these tiny little box apartments.
We're paying crazy tax on the money that we do make because we live in the city.
How much longer am I going to keep paying that when I don't get any of the amenities?
It's like, you know what it's like?
It's like being friend zoned, bro.
Like when you're friend zoned, you got to do all the fuck shit with that girl and you get none of the benefits of being with that girl.
You're paying an emotional tax.
You're paying this emotional tax.
So it's like, if Rogan was in LA, he's supposed to make all this money in LA and not be able to go to the store, not be able to go to the impartial, not be able to do stand-up every single night and pay all the tax, which the only reason he's paying it is so that he has access to the store, to theaters, to the ocean, to the fucking snow if you want to do it, to hunting, all that other shit.
I'm willing to pay the New York City tax, the LA tax, whatever it is, as long as the city's providing me with the amenities.
That's what we're paying the tax for.
You live in one of these apartment complexes that got a pool and you're paying a pool fee.
Best believe the pool's open.
The second the pool ain't open.
I'm not paying for that shit.
Why the fuck am I paying for it?
Yo, I've never been more happy to live in Jersey.
I hate it.
I hate saying I live in Jersey, but I'm paying half the rent to not be in the city.
To be in the city right now, the grocery stores suck.
It's constant traffic.
Everything is slow.
I'm paying three times the rent, two times the rent, and I got access to nothing.
Call it out what we live in the city for.
Matter of fact, you're someone who moved to the city.
What did you move to?
For stand-up comedy.
To do what?
To be a great stand-up comedian, to have access to the comedy clubs.
And that's the only way that you could be a great Santa comedian if you have access to comedy clubs.
Only reason I'm here.
Are there comedy clubs open?
No.
So should you pay two times the amount of money per month in rent?
Absolutely.
And get half the amount of space?
Absolutely not.
And I think people are leaving New York in droves for that reason.
Sam.
Because everybody came here for, not everybody, most people came here for a dream.
Even if you're like an iBanker who works on Wall Street and that's why you came here, Wall Street, you ain't getting in a fucking, you're not getting down there.
You're working from home.
You're working from home.
If I'm working from home, why am I paying this money?
I can have a bigger home.
Bro, do you know that Barbados yesterday just put out this thing where they're giving one-year work visas?
This is genius.
This is what we were talking about first when Corona hit.
Remember when we were doing the Corona Chronicles?
And I was like, yo, people are going to do these like work communities where like eight friends who all have job different jobs, but they're all working from home are like, yo, let's go to Jackson Hole and live there for two months.
Let's go to Mexico City and live there for two months.
All you need is internet connection.
Barbados is like, yo, why wouldn't you just want to live on the beach for this year if you're going to have to be at home anyway?
Go do your work right out in your porch that overlooks the water.
They can collect all that money.
Hell yeah.
You know, it's not like if you're in New York, granted, we're good for the summer because you can eat out at nice restaurants still.
You can get delivery.
Once this winter comes, bro, what's keeping us here is the fact that this studio is here.
What's keeping us is the fact that the things that we create are here.
Yeah.
But please believe, if we were doing shit on a fucking Zoom mic, like a lot of these people do their podcasts, we could be anywhere in the world.
Yep.
I don't think the Zoom, when I meant Zoom mic, it's a different type of mic.
The Zoom calls, I think those are trash.
Awful.
I don't think that they make that good podcast.
But if we could do this in Barbados, I'm telling you, let's go to Barbados.
And if there, you might be paying tax, but the tax is for Barbados.
Before you were paying a tax for New York and New York was, my dreams are here.
You're not paying for a beach.
You're paying for my dreams are here.
I got to pursue my dreams.
When you can't pursue your dreams, what are you paying the tax for?
Some states don't have any tax.
That's why motherfuckers are moving there.
Yeah.
Why would you not move there?
I mean, look, if I just got the craziest bag.
Sorry, real quick.
Go something about Texas.
No state tax.
That's why I was about to say.
If I just got this crazy bag from Spotify, I'm supposed to give California 12% tax.
I haven't spoken to Rogan about the money, right?
But if I'm Rogan, if Andrew's Rogan, I get this crazy deal.
I'm supposed to give California 12% tax when California ain't giving me 12% amenities.
You crazy.
You are out of your mind crazy if you think I'm going to just give you money and I get nothing from it.
Now, I understand California is doing the right thing by keeping everything shut down.
I get that.
But I, as an independent citizen, have the right to do whatever I want to live wherever the fuck I want.
And it might not seem, 12% don't sound high if you're making $100,000.
But what the reported Rogan deal is, and we both think it's higher, is $100 million.
If California says $12 million so you can live here and get nothing out of it, aren't you going to be like, yo, fuck you, California?
Let's go to Texas or Florida without no state tax.
Some people think Rogan is leaving specifically because of the Spotify deal.
I would.
If, well, I will say this.
If the Spotify deal was $100 million, let's just say.
I'm not counting his pockets, but it was said he made like $30 million a year doing the podcast regularly, maybe more.
So the Spotify deal is 100 for three years.
Let's say it was.
I think it's way more.
I think it's like 200, but I don't know for sure.
If it is 100, he's really not making any more money doing Spotify.
So he was already comfortable paying that tax to California as long as he could do the shit that he wanted in California.
It's not like some people are looking at this like he's being trying to avoid taxes or something like that.
It's not that.
It's just, why would I pay this to be in a place I don't want to be?
I'll pay the tax if I'm getting my taxes worth.
Yeah.
If I'm not getting my taxes worth, I'm out.
Like, honestly, I'm thinking about this shit right now.
It's like, I wonder how many people are just moving.
And here's the other thing, man.
A lot of people move.
What this is forcing entertainment to do is decentralize.
So I don't think it stops with Rogan.
I think Rogan is kind of always ahead of the curve from what we're seeing, but it's going to become a thing where you don't have to live in LA.
We're all making our own content now.
So I can go to LA because it's like a lot of the people who want to make content live there and we can think together and brainstorm network, whatever.
But as we get more and more autonomous in the way we make content, there is no hub where we have to live.
Yeah, man.
It's interesting.
It's like you're only connected to the space where you create.
Yeah.
You know, if you're someone who just does sketches, you can go where the fuck you want.
But what happens when the clubs open back up?
We don't know when that shit's going to happen, bro.
And it just feels like it's getting pushed and pushed.
No, I'm talking about Rogan.
Like he's permanently related.
Oh, he's going to just try to build up the scene out there.
Yeah, and he can't.
And he's, I don't, I personally, as a Texan, don't really like Austin because everybody's like, Texas sucks, but Austin is cool.
Yeah.
It's like, nah, fuck you.
But Austin has a good stand-up scene already.
They have a decent scene.
Yeah.
They have a great festival, that Moon Tower.
Yeah.
I got it.
The festival is fire.
They have a legit club called Cap City.
Cap City, I heard it's super fun.
It's a legit club.
So they have a fucking scene, and he could just be, you know, the lightning rod for that.
And it's just, if you're Rogan, if you're at the level where Andrew is getting, you're not, you don't have to go to the club every night.
I'm going to drop in.
They're going to put me on stage when I want to run some material.
And then if I want to work out a longer set, I'm on the road whenever I want to be, wherever I want to be.
Every weekend, he's going doing a theater arena if he needs to.
I need, in my position, currently, I still need New York because I need access to six, seven clubs a night.
And I got to get my spots and fight for my spots.
If you are Rogan, if you are, quite frankly, where Andrew is heading, I don't, I'm going to drop in and you're going to put me up whenever I want.
So why do I have to be here when I just go work shit out in Cap City?
And then I'm flying somewhere this weekend and I'm doing hour-long gigs in theaters working my shit out.
I don't need LA.
I'll be honest with you.
When we were on the road before Corona, and we were doing shows every single weekend, I was probably going up once or twice a week because you don't, not only do you not need it, it's exhausting.
And all I got to do is work some shit out.
If I don't have new shit to work out, I don't need to go.
I'm dropping in for fun.
I still got to drop in for work and everything.
You can drop in for fun.
That's the thing.
It's like I would go up because there was something specific to do.
And if you can have fun at Cap City, why the fuck do I got to pay $12 million?
People don't get it.
It's like when you're coming up and doing comedy, getting those reps is so valuable.
Yes.
Those 15-minute reps.
But when you're on the road doing five shows an hour each, you can't come close to five hours of comedy doing 15-minute spots in a city.
In a week, you can't come close.
I mean, just do the math.
Yeah.
I mean, what is that?
20 spots?
Yeah.
You'd have to do in a week?
Yeah.
Something like that.
And you can do that, but also doing a longer set.
Can you?
You can breathe in a different way.
Five a night is crazy.
You're not doing five a night.
It's just crazy.
I'm sure there's some workhorses who, whatever, like Aaron Burg did, he did a fur thing, but he did like 28 a night.
You can't keep it up weekly.
Also, be realistic.
No, you cannot do a week.
You can, but even beyond that, doing 30 minutes, it feels so much different and better than doing 15 because I get to breathe.
I get to let my jokes breathe.
Hold on, you said you can do 20 spots a week regularly?
No, no, no.
You can't.
You can do it once in a while.
You're not.
Nope.
There might be a comedian or two who's trying to sustain it.
You can't sustain it.
Right, right, right.
But also, an hour-long set, even that aside, is just different than 15.
You just feel different up there.
There's a different pacing.
You're breathing.
It's like a whole different thing.
The way I look at it is three on three versus five on five.
That's fucking great.
So, like 15-minute spots is a nice little pickup game at the gym, YMCA.
You're playing three on three.
Yeah.
And when you do an hour, that's five on five with referees.
Yeah.
It's different.
It's a different pace.
It's different intensity.
And it's a different skill level required.
You could get a guy who sucks and he can play three on three and it's okay.
Yeah.
He's in a game of five on five and it's like you are exposed.
Yeah.
Can You Do It Weekly00:02:15
Big time.
But yeah, it's just interesting to see what happens, man.
Like all these different people moving, shaking.
Like what happens with stand-up?
So many people just their entire livelihood was based on live performing.
Yeah.
You know, like there's so many people who just made their money doing shows and now what happens?
Like if they don't have any other income, I don't know.
I wonder if a lot of people are out of the game after this.
Can I ask you this?
So it's like in LA, it seems like Rogan has a crew.
Yeah.
That crew, I wouldn't say they depend on him, but it's like he's like the head of that crew who do you think fills the spot.
That's interesting, man.
I don't know.
I mean, like, the next biggest pod is obviously the fighter and the kid, but it's such a different podcast.
It's a hang.
It's not like an intellectual like expose every single day.
With Rogan, you're going to have some like scientist one day, and then you're going to have like some like gambling addict turned motivational speaker the next day.
Like Andrew the next day.
Yeah, it's just so random.
Then like a comic race.
Like, there's so many, like, it's such a random thing.
And I don't know who can recreate that.
And also who has like the knowledge and curiosity.
I think one of the coolest things about a Rogan episode is that like Rogan kind of asks the questions that you would ask.
You know, you're watching and you're like, oh, okay, this is not like I, for me, it's less interesting to have like two really sophisticated like thinkers about one specific subject, like two like intellectuals that just know about evolutionary biology, like speaking to each other.
I'm less interested in that.
I want a really curious guy who's like me talking to the professor so he can ask the fucking questions I might be embarrassed to ask, or I really feel like I need to know.
Rogan is, I think his greatest gift of all is he is pretty egoless.
And I think that's perfect for an interviewer.
Either one of us, we're interviewing somebody.
We're going to try to get our jokes in.
We're going to try to get our validation in somehow.
And that's not a knock on us, but it is.
I marvel at Rogan not needing that at all.
He's just, hey, I'm already validated.
I'm fulfilled.
Let's talk about what you're doing.
Oh, this is curious.
That's interesting.
Let's talk about that.
And us as listeners, we got no ego.
We don't need to be, we just want to know.
Talk to me like you would talk to a regular person.
And Rogan allows, he's the conduit to let that happen.
Talk to me like you talk to a regular person.
I'll ask questions.
I don't need to be funny.
I don't need to gain validation.
Talking Like a Regular Person00:15:21
What's going on here?
It'll be interesting to see what happens, man.
It's just crazy.
Like, even with what's going on now in the NBA bubble, like just watching how content is being processed now through Corona.
Yeah.
It's just so wild, man.
Like, even with, even with seeing all these players leaving for family reasons or whatever, like that.
Like, I've watched a lot of, like, I've watched a lot of basketball in my life.
Yeah.
I've never seen this many players leave.
For family reasons.
For family reasons.
Like, where are these family reasons during the season?
Yeah.
Like, have you seen experiences in the past?
Like, major players saying, I need to step aside for a few days.
Granted, maybe their family member has Corona.
They want to go visit them or some shit.
I did not know Lou Williams had family at Magic City.
I did not know.
That's shocking.
So Lou Williams is on the Clippers.
And I think he was sixth man of the year last year, was he?
Yeah, and he should be any year.
Yeah, he's a beast.
And apparently he left for family reasons.
And then he went to Magic City.
He said he stopped by to pick up some wings because he loves the food.
It's my favorite place to eat.
Bro, you're there for the breasts, not the wings.
Yeah.
There is something interesting, though, though.
And I wonder if this is true.
You know, in college, when you would get like drunk and then go for late night food at a spot.
Yeah.
I know you're not like drinking, but like.
I know.
So you go.
There was this place where I went to school in Santa Barbara called Freebirds.
And it was just like this burrito spot, right?
And that was the most delicious burrito that I've ever had in my life to this day.
Yeah.
But I wonder if I'm eating the burrito while I'm feeling really good because I'm all drunk and shit.
And I'm starving because I'm drunk.
So I'm not really thinking about it.
And I'm wondering if like I'm just imprinting all these feelings on this food that's actually mediocre.
Does that make sense?
I would say can I tell you the place that that probably is in Atlanta?
Waffle House.
You already got that place.
Well, the other place is the strip club.
It's like, of course, the wings are going to seem better.
Of course, the chips are going to seem better.
Everything's going to seem better because there's pussy walking all over the place.
You're having a high.
If you're really in it in the strip club and you got money, you're not worried about throwing money, you got all this attention from girls, your serotonin is shooting through the fucking roof.
And then you take a bite of a chicken tender.
You're like, this is the best chicken cheddar I ever had.
I really wonder if low-key, Lou Williams, is like, no, I love the food here.
But he doesn't.
It's almost like when you, you know, how you like, you trick your dog into like doing things with food?
Yeah.
I wonder if like they trick people into liking the food with pussy.
100%.
There's a Mexican spot in Texas I don't think is good called Taco Cobana.
Everybody loves it because they go there drunk.
It's open until 3 a.m.
That's it, bro.
This is fucking sober.
Like this sucks.
And it sucks sober, but like I'm low-key defending Lou Williams.
I'm not saying, I'm not saying that it is the best food, but he might think that it's the best wings.
I also think even just indoor dining is kind of crazy if you're in the corona bubble.
But yeah, it's valid.
He maybe thought it was the best food buy.
In his defense, I know a strip club owner, and they actually do focus on serving good food.
Okay.
Because a lot of the times they have their strip club and restaurant.
So when people charge things there, it comes up under the restaurant name.
That's great.
So if it's like, so your girl looks at your credit card bill and she sees Jumbo's crab shack or whatever.
Like there's a place here on Magic City.
I think it's 59 and 1st or whatever, between first and second.
And it always comes up.
It might be a play.
Between first and second, if you swipe anything there, it comes up as a steakhouse.
That was scores.
Scores, yeah.
Comes up as a steakhouse.
Oh, that's on the west side, I think, right?
I think they move scores, but at one point in time, it was right there on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, by the bridge.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was a fancy strip club.
You know who worked there?
I'm pretty sure Deezus worked there back in the day.
My homie bounced with Deeus.
Oh, that's dope.
Really?
Bouncers at Eastville.
Yeah.
Dan, big dude.
He bounced with Deesus.
And he was like, yo, he was, I was on Guy Code.
He's like, yo, I saw my boy Deesus on there, man.
Tell him I said, what's up?
And then I messaged Deeus and Dees is like, yo, that's my dude.
Oh, that's why.
One time I saw a Lala there and she just came in with a bunch of women.
And I was like, this is interesting.
And like, no dude, they were there and were throwing money at the strippers and just left.
You're talking about the place you didn't know where it was?
Yeah.
Oh, I mean, explain to me this.
Why do women go to the strip club?
I'm going to piss my pants.
Lesbos.
All right, we'll pause and then.
All right, we're going to take a break for a second.
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Okay, we're back from the P. Question is, why do women go to the strip club?
I don't understand.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
Al, lesbians.
Why do straight women go to the strip club?
Buy.
Really?
I think if there's no guy present, they're not showing off for anybody.
Yes.
They enjoy the sexuality of being in a strip club.
Can I ask something?
Sometimes girls go with their boyfriend, right?
Yeah, that's right.
Because it's something that the boyfriend really likes.
And the girl's like, I'm going to show how cool I am.
I'm into this thing as well.
That's different.
That's different.
This weekend, I got a pedicure with my girlfriend.
Okay.
Is that the gayest thing you've ever done?
No.
Oh, I've done gayer things than that.
Yeah.
Hey, listen.
I came on my face.
That's pretty gay.
If we're being honest, we've all gotten pedicures with our girls.
Yeah.
But it is gay every time we do it.
All right.
I'm not saying it's not gay.
You get that foot rubbed.
I go, oh, dude, I doubled down.
She finished, and then I go, keep going.
Keep the clock on.
What do you do in 11?
You double down.
Put the little sandals, the little chunkleta things there.
Oh, no, no, I go barefoot.
Yeah, straight up.
As long as you get the nail polish, you need those.
Yeah, I don't do the nail polish, but I got that green tea scrub, rub all up into the calves, came up into my thigh.
I was like, okay, bitch.
You have to find something out.
That's what you're about to do.
Happy ending for massage.
Real talk.
Real talk.
Okay, it's been a minute.
You know what I'm saying?
I was working during a week.
I was working during a week.
Can you feel bad for her?
I already came on one back this morning.
Don't make it too.
No, seriously, don't make it too.
I can't handle twice a minute.
I'm not in my 20s, guys.
No, but is that the equivalent of the strip club?
I don't really want to be in that environment.
I don't really want to do it.
But when I'm in it, all of a sudden I start realizing, well, this is kind of fun.
I'll take part.
I enjoy it too.
I don't want to maybe admit to my friends.
I'm not going to suggest we do it all the time.
I'd never go alone.
I'd never go alone, but speak for yourself.
Yeah.
But you get the rub down by yourself.
Yeah.
I've gone.
I've gotten a pedicure alone.
Yo, can we talk about this?
We're having a conversation.
I think F.A. brought this up.
Is a happy ending, and this is my theory on it.
I don't think a happy ending from an uglier girl is cheating.
No, if you ask a woman, it is because you're happy.
And that's the cheating.
If she directly caused the happiness, you're cheating on her.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Okay, so no happiness involved.
Yeah, just fun.
That's wild.
That'd be disrespectful.
But is the act of a happy ending cheating?
Apparently, it is.
I didn't think so at first.
How'd you find out?
Oh, no.
No, this is.
We are planning our friend's bachelor party, and I went to his fiancé and asked, How much are we allowed to do at the bachelor party?
Are Robin Tugs okay?
And then she yelled at me, and then my friend uninvited me to the bachelor party.
Is that right?
Funny how people get uninvited.
You fucking Benedict Arnold.
But yeah, I really didn't think Rubin Tugs were cheating.
Because here's my thing.
I looked at it like, oh, no, you're just, it's a massage.
Let me throw something out there.
Let me throw something out there.
Right.
Massage, not cheating.
Fine.
Touching genitals appears to be cheating.
Yeah.
Okay.
If I touch my own genitals, not cheating.
Correct.
If the girl is as ugly as me, what's the difference?
It's not you.
And a doctor can touch my genitals.
Yeah, but it's not sexual in nature.
You're nutting.
It says who?
I hope you.
What if I have a female doctor and she's hot, but I don't let her know it?
What if I have a female doctor who has to rub my balls and I just happen to come?
I'm gonna be honest.
I think your girl will call that cheating.
How is that cheating?
The doctor is checking for cancer and I'm just like, keep checking, right?
And she's rubbing your balls and you nut off a ball rub?
And I nut off a ball rub.
Don't judge my, don't judge my nut.
It doesn't touch the dick.
No dick touch.
I nut off a ball rub.
If you put it like that, she still thinks you're cheating.
How is that cheating?
You were trying to inject logic into women.
It ain't gonna happen.
Okay, but what we're gonna have to do in order to have this discussion is to have some sort of base in logic.
Okay.
Okay.
Just a small semblance of logic.
It's not realistic.
If I nut off of a medical procedure, it's not cheating.
That seems valid.
You can't control it.
You can't control it, right?
So let's say I'm getting physical therapy and my thighs are getting rubbed because I pulled my thighs.
That'll make your dick move.
Maybe, and I nut off of that.
Is that cheating?
You know what it might be?
The intention.
If the intention is to come, then you're cheating.
What if I'm just like, I don't want to come.
I would like you to massage my dick.
Ooh.
I don't want to come.
Rub and tug and don't come.
Is it cheating?
Is your intention for real?
I don't want to come.
No, no, let's go back.
Let's go back.
This is actually really good here.
Rub and tug, no come.
Cheating?
Again, I think if your intention is to not nut, I think you're fine.
I could try to not nut.
That's easy.
I try to not nut every single time.
No, but your intention is, look, I don't want to come.
I just want, you know, I just want to massage.
My dick is mad, stressed.
You know what I mean?
Yep.
It's got some knots in it.
Just work out the knots.
I don't want to come.
Okay.
If you sense I'm about to come, just stop.
Okay.
That's not cheating?
Maybe not.
I don't think so.
I think that they would think anything that is touching of genitals is cheating.
Ooh, caveat.
Go.
What if it's a male doctor?
Now we're talking.
Is that cheating?
No.
Is it gay?
Yes.
Yes.
Is it gay if you get a ball rub from a male doctor and you nut on his face?
I don't see how it's not gay, to be honest with you.
I didn't even think that was a question that needed to be asked.
Now, let's think about this.
Let's think about this.
If you have a ball or dick rub not coming, it's still cheating because girls do not want another girl to touch your dick.
Yeah.
We're on the same page with that.
Right.
If you have a leg rub that you end up coming from cheating.
I don't know.
That's a good question.
You're damn right.
You don't think that your girl's going to be upset.
She busts a nut?
No, she would think it is, but how?
No, no, exactly.
There's no logic here.
I'm just trying to present a situation where we could convince our girls that we should be able to get our dicks jerked off.
Yeah.
So I think they should stop opening a massage parlor, start opening physical therapy clinics, clinics, and then we all pull our groins at around the same time.
That's what I'm fucking talking about.
It's a wellness center.
Absolutely.
Think about it.
It's our spa day.
Dude, we could flip this whole shit.
You know how, you know, okay, this is a conversation.
You want a real fucking conversation?
You want a real fucking conversation?
Girls aren't allowed to, they're not allowed to listen.
Girls are not allowed to listen, but if you are listening, just don't say you're a girl.
Look, you, this is real talk.
Being a hooker is what?
Illegal in most places, correct?
Carrying somebody else's child as a surrogate is illegal.
So you're allowed to bear the responsibility of fucking, but you're not allowed to enjoy the thing that puts it there?
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
That's a good point.
That is the best argument, in my opinion, for hooking.
You could pay a bitch, woman, 40 grand or whatever it is to carry the baby.
You just can't put the cum in there yourself.
That's crazy.
Probably a lot cheaper if you do it yourself, too.
Honestly, I don't know if that's baked into the cost.
I don't know how that shit works, but maybe in vitero or whatever that shit is called, in utero?
Yeah.
What is it called?
In utero is probably expensive.
All I'm trying to say is that's nuts.
That showcases how stupid sex being illegal is.
It's idiotic.
I never put it that way.
Or you have to be consistent all the way through.
You cannot let other women carry your kids.
That's the result of sex.
You might not be putting the dick in, but you're taking the sperm out of the dick and you're throwing it up in there, which is the whole point of fucking sex anyway.
Yeah.
You got to legalize sex or make surrogates illegal.
I'm trying to wrap my mind up.
That's hooking.
It's something like.
That's hooking.
Hooking isn't about the hooker.
It's about the people who are potentially cheating or whatever with the hooker.
My understanding is hooking is illegal because of like the black market surrounding it, right?
And the sex trafficking associated with it.
But if it's legal, can't you nip a lot of that shit in the butt?
You can.
That's what they do in a lot of these places.
But I don't know if I 100% believe that.
Because you go to Germany, not like I've been to the red, whatever in Germany, Red Light District, or whatever like that.
But you see a bunch of these Russian bitches out there and stuff like that.
And you know, you're not certain that they got a pimp.
But like, how'd they get here?
You think they filed visa papers?
They do a fucking government.
It would shrink the black market, I think, if it's more regulated.
Yo, it shrinks the black market, but you know what also it does?
It shrinks the price.
Legal Prostitution and Trauma00:08:50
These pimps hold up the value of pussy.
It's like diamonds.
If once everybody knows diamonds is just out there and easy to get, worth nothing.
Is it cheaper in Amsterdam to fuck hookers than it is?
It's like $20 to get your dick sucked.
Or like $50.
It's like nothing.
It's like, why, if you just want your dick sucked, you would go out to a bar and like try to meet a girl and then hook up with her when you could just go get your dick sucked by the exact proportion girl that you would want to get a suck by is beyond me.
It's like mind-boggling.
Like if in Amsterdam, if you hook up with a girl, it should be because you genuinely are enjoying hanging out with her.
It's like a fun night and you like are vibing together heavy.
Not like one of those things where it's like 4 a.m.
Like, all right, which lizard is left in this fucking hooking legal, a lot of these women won't go on these shitty ass dates with dudes who fuck them and don't call them back.
You'll have a better experience with men as a woman who's not a legal if it's legal.
Because so many guys right now just want to fuck you and leave and that's it.
Bust a nut and be out.
And you have a problem with that.
If it's hooking is legal, I bust a nut in this girl.
I don't have to waste your time.
Son, that is a fucking brilliant way of looking at it.
All these girls that are upset that they got one night standed.
That one night standing gets compartmentalized into the hookers.
Into a business.
Into a business.
These hookers.
Now, hopefully they don't have these pimps, so they're making the money themselves.
They do whatever the fuck they want with the money.
Who gives a fuck?
But at least these ladies that are actually looking for a relationship aren't getting one night's stand at the same level.
That's my dream, yo.
Al, would you be able to remove your prejudice against sex workers in order to have sex with them instead of having one night's stand?
I know you have a prejudice against sex workers.
You still cannot do it.
Who's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen your entire life?
Outside of your mother.
So you wouldn't fuck your mom.
Outside of that.
Nah, I mean, I just don't want to.
It's not that serious.
Like, sex ain't that serious.
Al.
It's just not.
Al.
Al, I want you to stop.
I've been on the road with you and you've gone multiple nights without sleeping so that you could have sex.
That is 100% facts.
It is 100% facts.
Yes, it is.
Multiple nights sleeping.
I've watched you on stage.
I've watched him on stage be asleep after work while he's holding the camera.
I've watched him as I'm on stage.
I've looked at him and he's asleep like this while he's supposed to be filming the show.
Okay.
Because I don't take the midday naps like you.
I don't take midday naps.
No, I don't.
You look like a pretty school child.
You get your midday nap.
I do sometimes.
But that has to do with, that has to do with me being tired from the flight on Friday.
Not chasing pusse all night long like you.
You used to chase.
Be honest.
You used to fucking chase.
Back in the day.
You used to chase.
You liked a fucking chase, Al.
Think of how much more productive you would be if you just, if you were single and you just paid bitches.
Oh, yeah.
I can see that.
It is an investment.
It is an investment into your productivity.
It will bleed into every other aspect of your life.
Now, Mark, you're very serious when it comes to...
What do you see for that abortion?
Sex with these.
You're very serious when it comes to act of sex.
Okay, you take it very seriously.
Would you engage in prostitution ever?
If you were single.
If you were single, hypothetically.
I don't know.
Hypothetically, you didn't invite me to your wedding and then God made you single because that's what would happen.
Hypothetically.
Hypothetically.
Yeah.
So he smites my marriage and then what?
Yeah.
And maybe single.
And then do I get a broken?
Would you be with a hooker?
Well, it's twofold.
I don't want to.
I don't think I would ethically want to, but I do think I could get broken down into doing something I didn't want to do.
Why would you not want to?
I think it's like.
If prostitution is legal, I have no problem with it.
No, it feels good.
She's empowered to do it.
This bitch is incorporated.
You know what I mean?
Like, she got an LLC, my pussy LLC or whatever.
She's writing off the wet wipes.
She's using wipe my gut off the silver.
That's a business.
Yeah.
I don't know.
The stigma is removed because right now it's a much higher chances.
A sex worker.
She got a pimp.
That's probably taking all her money off the top.
If she is an empowered woman who is making money on sex legally, I think my guilt would be pretty much gone.
Getting, getting, oh, because your guilt is wrapped into the treatment that she's getting.
Yeah, she's probably not empowered.
She probably grew up in some broken ass shit.
And she might still have been broken shit.
She might still, but it's less jail to the fucking brothel.
Now it's like having sex with a porn star as opposed to having sex with a hooker.
Yeah, but they're just as broken.
That's what I'm saying.
But you don't most, would you fuck a porn star for free?
For free.
No money.
I've had sex with girls for money.
One girl.
For money.
I paid money.
She paid it.
Yeah.
No, I have not been paid.
It's not as good.
You know the whole time she's just doing it as a job.
I just don't.
Yeah.
I think I told you guys this.
I feel like it.
I bet if you break it down, there's a lot of times you have sex with a girl and it's just like, all right, I just got to do this.
I'd probably go to the bottom of this.
This guy's probably done.
Yeah.
I don't see the distinction.
That is more so.
It's like.
Would you be cool if a guy fingered your girl?
Zero fucking shit.
A professional fingered your girl.
Zero fucking shit.
What about the gynecologist?
Hey, bro, that shit better be medical than the motherfucker.
If there's any insertion where there doesn't need to be insertion, that's a problem.
Yeah, so there's the distinction.
If a girl's getting rubber tugs, she's getting finger blasted, it's going to be an issue.
But if your gynecologist is deep up in there getting a swab, it's totally okay.
Yeah.
So you don't want your girl to have joy?
No.
I also don't want her to be happy without me.
Same thing.
Same to same.
I wonder if I'd be okay if she just got blasted.
But it was like completely part of the thing, you know?
A massage.
Oh.
Like if a girl gave my girl a massage and then also added a blast at the end.
Yeah.
Oh, now we're exactly being different.
You would be cool with that.
Yeah.
Would you be cool with that?
It's different then.
I would definitely allow a girl to go blast for blast on my girl, dude.
Shit.
Can I watch?
Yeah, I'm not cool with that.
It's different, but I'm not.
I'm still not cool.
You'd be what?
Intimidated or something?
Nah, I'd be like, yo, I'd feel disrespected.
What are you doing?
Why?
No, she asked your permission.
She's like, can I get this girl to finish me off so I can feel an orgasm?
Nah.
Nah, you ain't never feeling that shit.
Never in your life are you going to know what good sex is like ever.
I also remember hearing this shit in college, though, when it comes to like prostitution, and I just looked it up again to see what the deal is.
But apparently in places where prostitution is legalized, sex trafficking actually increases.
Where prostitution is legal, yeah, because more people are going there for the sex trafficking.
Yeah, and it's like becomes more of a commodity.
And then.
I'm not a big ass website you read that on, dog.
No, I believe it, dude.
When you're in Anstra, you feel that shit.
Like, it feels seedy.
Oh, the red light district felt mad.
I don't remember when we had the video camera out and dude ran out of nowhere.
Yeah.
And caught it.
What are you hitting it videotaping of?
Hey, yeah, yeah.
It's a weird ass accent.
He's like South African or some shit.
I don't think that that's the reason.
I think probably prostitution is legal for like moral, like a puritanicalism, like Americans being like, oh, we're a Christian country.
We don't do prostitution.
But apparently, according to the studies, like if it's legal, more prostitution is only legal in certain places.
So it's actually kind of like a tourist thing.
So do you think maybe the demand in those places goes way up beyond supply because it is a destination for prostitution?
No.
Whereas if it's legalized globally, now there's not as much demand.
We don't got to traffic in bitches.
It's legal everywhere.
So Amsterdam, there's a big drug trade there outside of what is legal.
Because you're already smoking weed and shit.
You're like, fuck it.
I might as well do some Molly.
I might as well do some Coke.
I might as well do it.
Because you're going there to party.
And it's rare that motherfuckers are going there just to smoke weed and nothing else.
So by making this drug legal, you've actually increased criminality because all these other characters are coming in to supply the people who want stuff along with the weed.
And I think that's what you're saying with the hooker.
It's globally legal.
If it's legal everywhere.
I don't need to go to Amsterdam to do all these drugs.
I'll do whatever I want to.
I'm just trying to say that's surrogate shit.
Yeah.
But I also, I feel some type of way, like even if it's like a relationship, if some girl's like, oh, yeah, you want her to fuck?
Like, it fucks with my head where I'm like, what?
Like, why do you think that that's?
Gay Dudes in the Park00:15:42
Yeah, you've got to hang up with this.
I do not understand that.
I don't know what that is.
I do not understand.
I'm not going to talk by yourself with that one.
No, I know.
Like, you need too much of like an emotional connection.
Kind of, but I think prostitution is just even a farther extension of that.
So that's why I'd never even.
But yeah, but the thing is, you've never gotten head from a girl who's had a horrible childhood.
The best.
Yeah, I know.
And I do think it would be great.
Oh, God.
I'm not denying that.
But I also recognize, like, oh man, I'm benefiting off of like have you ever had the soul sucked out of your body?
I don't think so.
I don't.
Yeah, she wants to get your dick stuck by an iPhone.
I mean, you're benefiting off some trauma either way.
Yeah.
This iPhone will blow you.
Yeah, it's true.
Dude, it's a real thing, bro.
See some cuts on her arms?
You're like, oh, it's about to be serious.
Yes, the answer to your pain is right in there.
They're going to cut this whole clip.
And they're like, look, what fucking assholes?
I was about to add to it in my head.
I'm like, ooh, this is the whole thing.
You know, they're going to do that shit, but whatever.
It is what it is.
Whatever.
It is what it is.
Ladies, if you want to learn how to give head, who you go to?
Your friend who's got a great relationship with her father?
Or the one that never met her?
Be honest, ladies.
Now, you want to learn how to suck dick.
Which one of your friends you asking?
Which one?
The one that got natural nails with no color?
Or the ones that got the thick acrylic ones that look like Cheetos?
No, Fritos.
You know, Fritos.
They got a lot of turn and they come out.
They almost like arch in.
You going to her?
French manicure.
They got about a centimeter of like the old nails showing because she hasn't done them recently.
I'm trusting you.
I don't know, but I'm trusting you.
That's the one.
Yes.
That's the one.
Maybe they look something like Sarah J. Who's that?
The porn star.
Old school porn star.
You remember her?
Oh, we talked about this.
Talib Quali fucked her, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So she says.
Yeah.
So I'll just segue it into that.
Tylib got in trouble on Twitter because he was harassing some girl who was speaking out against rappers not marrying dark-skinned black women.
Okay.
And then he happened to be married to a dark-skinned black woman, even though his wife now came out and was like, no, we've been split up for a while now.
So he looks like an idiot.
But he was harassing this girl for about like four or five days.
And then something he said got him kicked off Twitter.
And then they started some rumor about him that he fucked this old porn star named Sarah J and he can't do anything to like kill the rumor because he's off Twitter and the shit just going wild.
So he's like this super woke rapper and yeah, Tylib.
Yeah, and you're fucking this white porn star.
Oh, she was a white girl.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ooh.
It was pretty funny.
It was pretty funny.
The memes and shit are lied.
Dude, the woke ones always got skeletons.
That's why they're overcompensating for something.
They really are, huh?
That's true.
We're the wildest ones.
And y'all are virgins and shit, basically.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm damn near gay.
I've had sex with so few women.
There's probably gay dudes who've had fucked more girls than me.
Oh, most.
I would say most gay guys have fucked more girls than I've been doing.
I would agree.
They've at least fucked two.
Because you got to fuck one to be like, am I gay?
Yeah.
And then you're like, man, I think I'm gay.
Then you fuck another one.
You're like, let me just make sure.
And then you're like, I am gay.
You probably need three.
Am I gay?
Wait, maybe I just had two bad ones.
No, I'm gay.
So you still might be gay.
But you knew you were gay when you fucked your first girl.
Me personally?
You knew it.
Me personally?
I knew I was gay when I was born.
It's true what they say.
Nature's not nervous.
You were born gay.
Born gay, 100%.
But, you know, I'm going to deny it till I die, so I'm going to keep fucking this woman I love.
But if I was, you know what I mean?
If I was like free to be gay, I would fuck one girl and be like, well, that wasn't that fun.
What's going on?
I should see again.
Maybe it's that girl.
Then I'd fuck another girl and be like, oh my God, am I gay?
Let me make sure I'm not gay.
And then a third girl to be like, yo, I'm gay.
Yo, real talk.
Do you think I was waiting, to be honest?
What?
Nothing.
What?
What did he say?
I missed it.
What did he say?
Desensitized, bro.
Yeah, I missed it.
We got to cut it, though.
We do?
Why?
What was so crazy?
Nothing.
We'll tell you after.
All right.
I just do wonder if you're gay and you're fucking girls.
Do you nuts still?
Yeah.
I'm sure you do.
So pussy feels good.
Like, objectively speaking, pussy feels good.
Yeah.
Undeniable.
The physical sensation.
That's what feels means.
Yeah, but like the psychological sensation.
But you said it in a rudimentary way.
Do they even know about that?
What was that, Patreon?
But yeah, so pussy feels good objectively.
So that's what's got to be tricky for gay dudes.
Yeah.
Matter of fact, if you're gay right now, message us so we know.
Message Andrew.
What?
Message him.
Message Al, bro.
Message Al, bro.
They're going to be in you.
Remember when we had everybody send you dicks?
Yeah.
That's great.
So pussy feels good.
So you fuck pussy and you're like, man, this shit feels good.
Am I straight?
Yeah.
I think they must feel that.
I know sometimes gay dudes like to do that shit where they're like, oh, pussy's so gross.
Yuck.
How can I fuck that?
It's like, you fuck shit.
Yeah.
Like an asshole is so inviting.
Like, stop.
I fucked shit and pussy.
I fucked both.
I can objectively say pussy is better than asshole.
Objectively.
Yeah.
You don't need extra shit for pussy.
Yeah.
For asshole, you need extra shit.
You need lube.
You think a gay dude, when he's like turned on, his asshole gets moist?
And then he sucks.
Yo, that would be the gayest thing ever, dude.
And I remember our friend Thomas Dale once said, comic Thomas Dale said that to us.
He was like, he was like, yeah, my ass gets wet.
And I almost threw up to the sentence shit.
My ass gets wet.
You're like, how does it?
Like, where would the wetness come from?
He's lying, yo.
He's lying.
It's a lie.
That being said, he's gay.
He's gay.
The gay.
But he's fucked girls.
Or at least he hooked up with girls.
Yeah.
So you hook up with a girl and all of a sudden you either get head or you're fucking pussy and it feels good.
That's got to be so confusing for a gay dude.
What a struggle.
You don't think that shit's a struggle though for a struggle?
I don't think so.
You don't think so?
No.
Why not?
Because something can feel good, but you're not attracted to it necessarily.
That's like 90% of the girls you literally describing how you have sex.
Not that hard for her.
It's not that hard, right?
Like, but that's that girl, then afterwards, go, man, am I straight?
See what I'm saying?
Okay, but your hand.
And you're not going to sit here and tell me you were emotionally attracted to that girl.
You aren't even physically attracted to her.
You just want to bust a nut.
And it busted.
So I'm wondering if these gay dudes who are conflicted with their sexuality are still getting them nuts busted, but they're not emotionally attracted to them, which a lot of guys are not emotionally attracted to the girl that they fuck anyway.
That's a good point.
It must be fucking traumatizing.
Tippy, you never give yourself an amazing fucking hand to yourself hand job.
And it's like, you don't know how to say jerk yourself off just now?
No, dude, no, We got to stop it now.
Come on.
You never gave this man.
You never gave yourself an amazing hand.
That's what it is.
And he started and he started miming it.
And I was like, this guy can't be talking about jerking off.
Like, that's one thing you know what that is.
All right, go.
You've never given yourself an amazing jerk off.
I still can't say it, right?
And then now you're attracted to just your hand.
Like, that's, you don't get confused by this.
I'm going to be honest.
If I look at my hand like this for 12 seconds, my dick is hard.
You go lefty?
Yeah.
I'm a lefty.
He's a lefty, dog.
All right.
Come on.
You didn't know that?
Shit, I know that.
I still wasn't invited to his wedding, bro.
I was left.
He is a lefty.
I'll tell you that much.
Nah, but in all seriousness, no, you're not going to be attracted to your hands, but you are going to go, I enjoyed doing that.
So UFOs.
What?
Aykash, what?
So UFOs.
We got to get a gay dude on this podcast, bro.
We don't.
You're going to be jealous if we get another gay guy on the podcast.
Fuck him on the pod.
You would fuck the guy on the pod.
We should get a gay dude on the piano.
I want to ask some mad questions.
Like, what?
I bet you do, motherfucker.
Like, what?
What you want to ask him?
Nah, like, how do you figure who's the top and who's the bottom?
Like, how do y'all wonder about that?
Like, when does the switch go on your head?
Like, nah.
I'm pretty sure it's just a quick question.
Not the question.
No, It's like a vibe.
It's a feeling.
I bet you they can just tell.
Yeah.
Apparently, they could tell just like when someone's gay.
This dude of Keene, this guy in Orlando, he's like, yeah, I go to see a guy that wasn't acting gay and be like, oh, he's gay.
Yeah, it's called Gaydars, huh?
But like, that shit's real, though.
Yo, I asked these old gays.
That's so funny that Mark is explaining Gaydar.
I didn't know that shit was real.
That's like, this guy just learned about sex, bro.
He thinks he knows about Christmas.
He's not going to take real like that.
I asked these old gays, right?
These old gays, old, old school.
I said, I said, listen, I'm going to ask y'all a question.
How'd you make it this long?
No, real talk?
Wow.
That was the first question I wanted to ask, but I didn't ask it.
Hey, Akash.
You still here?
Akash.
I'm going to do that one.
That's staying in.
That's staying in, unlike the come in their asses, which is why they're still around.
All right.
But that was the first question.
Second question, bro.
I said, I know this is an odd question to ask, and I do not ask this question as an undercover gay.
I literally am just curious as a straight man.
You're an old gay from Chicago, Illinois.
How the fuck would you proposition a dude in a time where if you proposition the wrong dude, they could kill your ass.
And if you proposition the right dude, they might kill your ass.
They might kill your ass.
No, but for real, though, isn't that like...
Oh my god.
The stakes were so high.
Yo, old gay dudes are the fucking truth right there, though.
Yo, they were about that life.
You wanted to fuck.
They're the gayest.
Well, they had tells.
They're the gayest.
Yeah.
They had little tells, though, right?
That's what I want to know.
Like, how did you know?
What tells you your dad said?
I think the earring thing is the obvious one.
And apparently that was popular.
Oh, yeah.
If it was in the other ear, right ear was gay.
I don't remember what it was.
Right ear.
Yeah.
Left ear wasn't gay.
Right ear was gay.
I didn't know.
I don't know.
Yeah, like I hate it when dudes try to front like they don't know gay shit.
We learned that our whole life to avoid it.
This has been a while.
I want to make sure I was right.
Look, making the tells is interesting, but someone got to teach you the tells.
Yeah.
And it's not like you're going to have gay friends in school.
So I literally was like, yo, how did y'all even meet?
Like, were you not fucking frightened?
Even saying the same way we know the tells.
So it's just like.
It becomes part of it, right?
But then once everyone knows, then you can't do it because then people are going to be like, yo, why you got your earing right there?
And they're going to beat you up.
So I asked him, I was like, yo, can you just tell me, like, how did you meet dudes?
Literally, this is what he said.
He goes, you could go anywhere in the world walking in the park.
Interesting.
He's like, if there's another dude in the park at night, chances are he's gay.
Word?
Son?
And he was like, and then there's like a prolonged eye contact.
You ever notice like gay dudes will stare a little bit longer?
Oh, yeah, that's uncomfortable.
That's like, it's uncomfortable.
You're just trying to see if I want to fuck too.
And now, and half the time I'm looking like, are we fighting?
Yeah.
And the guy's looking at me like, am I sucking your dick?
I'll watch your dick with my mouth.
That was what I saw.
That would solve your anger.
You wouldn't even be mad anymore.
Yo.
Boy, that would fix everything.
That would fix it.
But think about that.
Isn't that crazy?
That's a little fucking.
The stakes are super high.
They would do like that bathroom shit.
What's the bathroom shit?
You like tap your foot under the other person's stall or something.
But what if you're wrong?
Well, then you go, oh, sorry, my fault.
And they go, oh, that was weird.
But if you're gay, you know what the signal is.
Oh, my.
How did they communicate that though?
This is what I'm trying to figure out.
I don't know if he's in a movie or something.
They know more about gay sexists.
How do you just went from?
Yo, how do they tell?
And that matters.
Was that when Mark Warda socks with a leotard on it?
Oh.
Is that a tell?
Probably.
You trying to tell us something?
Yeah, that was a cry for help.
It seemed like it.
How are you guys going to be like, yo, I don't like when people pretend they don't know about gay shit.
And then I bring up all these cool gay facts.
Fucking all these really cool kind of gay, gay factoids.
Facts, we said, yeah.
We got these cool gay idioms, and you guys are all mad about it.
No, we're not mad.
We just want you to be comfortable with yourself.
And if I'm going to a gay wedding, I want to know.
You're not.
Damn it.
Damn it.
I thought I was invited.
I won't zoom.
I'll zoom.
No, but for real, bro.
We got to talk to a gay dude.
What's also crazy is how do they find out?
There was no, like, there's no Facebook group.
Son, now this makes so much sense now.
Think about it.
Think about AIDS.
Let's think about it.
Ready?
You walking in the park all night trying to get some dick sucks.
Yeah.
Okay.
Either yours or you sucking.
One or the other.
You trying to get some dick sucks.
Finally, you come across a guy with enough prolonged eye contact that you know that they're gay.
He might have an earring and a suspicious ear.
You guys find a nice, quiet, discreet part of the park where you could get your dick suck sucking.
You start sucking dick.
He's like, I want to fuck.
You went through this whole rigmarole.
That wasn't anything racist, was it?
That's what I said?
All right, good.
Sounded crazy.
You guys looked as though there's some fucking rigging maroles working in the neighborhood.
You're like, whoa, you go through this whole rigmarole and then one of you doesn't have a condom.
Come on, bro.
Yeah.
You fucking, dude.
And you know that there's no chance of pregnancy whatsoever.
Imagine there was no chance of pregnant.
Like, there's no question you're not using condoms, bro.
Oh, that's probably true.
And even if you had a condom, you fucking more than one dude that night, probably.
You're a guy.
In 45 minutes, you're probably ready to go again.
Hour and a half, I'll fuck again.
Young ass gay dude, ready to fuck.
Holy mo.
Damn, I don't get to fuck whenever I want to.
So this is like binge eating.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's like intermittent fasting, but for dicks.
Oh, but you're on a dick fast.
Yeah.
It's ramen.
This is my dick feeding period.
Yeah.
Yo, you're like a polar bear.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you got to stock up for the winter.
Bruh.
Because you can't walk in a park in the winter because it's freezing.
It's a long, hard winter.
Oh, my God.
So gay pops off in the summer.
Yeah, it's a song.
It's like crime.
Just gets more popular in the summertime.
Yo, is that the describing what he thinks gay is?
Yo, if crime is just like.
It's like Jesus hates him.
If you think about it.
Think about this.
If crime is that bad only in the summer, why don't we take all criminals?
DMX Hits vs Chris Brown00:07:24
Put them in ice.
What?
I was going to say Alaska.
No, no, that's how it's going.
Why don't we take all criminals and don't put them in jail?
Just put them in.
What?
All priminals?
Did I say that?
You said Pringles.
I said priminals?
Yeah, you said priminals.
What is a priminal?
So if you just turn the AC on that.
What is a criminal?
A primitive animal.
You went really far with it, dog.
You went really far.
Mark, you are slipping.
You got to let a rigor marole drop.
You better be careful, bro.
No, what if we took all criminals and we moved them shits to Alaska?
You just turned up the air conditioning at the jail mad high.
No, because then that's more crime.
More crime.
No, but it's like 50, 50 degrees.
Or if you turn it down, like it's a movie theater.
You turn the temperature down to make the AC more powerful.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
They get like 50 degrees.
Fucking retards both these stupid motherfuckers.
We all knew.
Everybody's listening, watching, go, look at these two apes go at it back and forth.
Primitive animals.
Priminum.
What I call it?
Primineminous?
Yeah.
Fucking, hey, bruh.
It is what it is.
You know what I'm saying?
Look, here's the reality of the matter.
I think we've solved crime.
Al, do you think that that's a reasonable answer?
No.
Yo, if a jail is mad cold, you're not going to want to fight nobody.
You're going to be bundled up.
In jail already, you caught the criminals.
No.
Al got a great point.
That's a really smart point.
Yeah, that's a good question.
Nah, but you're not going to want to go back.
You know what I mean?
The recidivism rate in prison is mad high.
I think I used that word correctly.
How you spell it?
R-E-C-I-D-I-V-I-S-M.
I think that's right.
I missed the first half of it, but that sounds weird.
Come on, Mark.
That's correct.
R-E-C-E-D-I is the first.
Yeah, that's correct.
Damn, boy.
You spelled that shit.
But the recidivism rate is mad high.
So now, once you get out, you're like, I'm going to go back to that fucking freezer.
You stay here where it's a nice moderate temperature.
Okay.
Interesting question.
Little switch here.
A little switcher real.
Versus.
Yeah.
This is not going to happen.
Right.
But people are calling for it.
Usher versus Chris Brown.
I want to see this happen.
I'll be honest with you.
I don't know if Chris is fucking with Usher.
He's not at all.
And that's why I want to see it happen.
Bro, Chris Brown.
We sleep on Usher, yo.
Kind of bugging, yo.
Yo.
Yeah, I kind of really take it back.
You're out of your mind.
Really take it back.
Think about bangers for bangers and diversity of bangers.
Usher is everything from fucking EDM music to like soulful love ballads to like half rap, half singing shits.
Come on, bro.
I don't know if Chris, listen, is Chris more talented?
Yes.
Overall, more talented.
He's a better dancer.
He's a better actor for whatever that's worth.
But he's not a better singer.
He don't have a better voice.
He's not a better.
He doesn't have hits.
Nah, Chris Brown's got a lot of hits, bro.
Chris Brown got some famous hits.
If we're talking about those hits, Chris Brown got it.
Yeah, he's got some hits.
Yeah.
What are you talking about?
Music, it's not even close, dog.
Are you forgetting my way?
My way, nice and slow.
You make me want to offer you.
You make me want to.
You remind me of 87.
You remind me of a girl.
Is this song forever?
Name, namely.
You don't have to call their confession.
8701.
No, that was before.
8701.
Here I stand.
8704.
Also, versus is not.
If you're talking about... Chris is still a bit more.
How are you going to say DMX beat Snoop and DMX hasn't come out with an album since 2005?
Mountains.
He came out with two.
He had that song.
That was a prolonged pause, bro.
That shit was pregnant.
He had that song with who's a fucking Will I Am?
Oh my God.
Will I Am.
Oh my God, was it?
That's a good one.
That's trash.
What else?
What are some other ones?
What are some other good ones?
Just play Confessions.
Play Confessions.
You play all the way through, bro.
Y'all bugging.
You guys are not naming any hits from saying he's had bangers from the start of his career till even this day.
Name a single hit.
He just had the one that's going to be a little bit more.
He started 10 years later.
12 years later.
Banging last year.
He started Madame.
He's late.
Come on, son.
You can't listen to it.
No, it's listen, right?
Right?
Come on, bro.
We're just on the same page.
If they do it, versus put somebody on it.
Akash, name some songs that's fire that Alex probably doesn't.
Just name mad songs.
Name another name professional.
Confessions.
Let it burn.
Yeah.
Endma.
Duh.
Duh.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah.
Yeah.
See, how fire is that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Asha, he's one of my favorite artists.
He has a bunch of bangers, but Chris will.
Name one song bigger than yeah.
One song.
Can I keep it a buck with y'all right now?
None of them fucking with John Mayers.
Yeah, that's a good point, bro.
Yo, none of them fucking with John Mayers.
John Mayer versus Jack Johnson versus slow dancing in a burning room.
Boom, That's a good thing no white people have.
Well, I was eating lunch at the TLG when this pretty girl came and she sat next to me.
Never think that.
I mean, she did it.
She did this.
She does that.
She doing a good ass.
You got John Mayer or Mr. AZ, Jason Moraz.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Curved side profit.
I'll just a curved side.
That motherfucker got me out of a breakup, bro.
I was in a dark place and Jason Moraz took me out.
I remember that.
He had two songs.
Say what?
He got more than two.
No, no, no, no.
Don't be disrespectful.
Don't be disrespectful.
Curb sounds like that.
Where's his hand?
Say what?
Where's his hand?
Where is it?
Curved side pop.
Put my hand in my pocket and I'm waiting for the time.
Yo, Jason Moraz slaps.
I saw him at Carnegie Hall.
Barefoot.
Motherfucker performed barefoot.
Fedora?
Fedora.
Yep.
You know what I'm saying?
Giant Hawaiian next to him.
That's kind of fire.
It's ill.
That is kind of fire.
It's ill.
That's kind of fire.
I'm saying.
But back to this, I truly believe Usher is slept on.
And this is what always fucking happens in these verses: is the older person gets slept on because there's like the relevancy bias or something like recency bias, right?
Recency bias kicks in.
You forget how many joints Usher had.
He's going to be playing songs, and literally, you're going to realize you know the word to every single one of them songs.
It's not even going to be close.
I would.
And I don't know the words to Chris Brown's.
Chris Brown songs.
Son, I just want to say that.
Explain this, though.
Explain this massive flaw in your logic.
You think DMX beat Snoop.
DMX, I love DMX.
Has not been relevant since 2002, 2003, 18 years ago, but you give a fuck about all his songs from 1999.
That's a New York bias because I didn't listen to any of Snoop's earlier albums until I was older.
Why is DMX in the battle at all?
Why do people like DMX?
Why do they think it was close at all?
Snoop was relevant for decades after DMX was.
They both made powerful music.
When?
But DMX hasn't done anything in decades.
Decades.
You got it.
No, I'm saying it's a good point.
It's going to be close.
I just think Chris takes his ass.
I think I beat him like he was Karucci.
What?
What?
Nah, he didn't beat Karucci.
You don't think he didn't beat Karucci?
Chris Brown?
I can't put two on him.
What?
Let me tell you something.
Colorism in Hip Hop Culture00:15:13
If you put one on yourself, I can put two on you.
Fair.
Didn't she file a restraining order or some shit like that?
She did?
I don't think so.
Mark, can you look into that?
She's cute, bro.
Karucci?
She's cute.
She's cute.
She's Kayuchi.
She is Kayuchi.
Nah, she's.
What's up with Usher?
What's up with Usher giving that fat girl the herp?
Oh, big deal.
That's why.
She was already ushering herself into diabetes.
Who gives a fuck?
Yeah, Karucci won a five-year restraining order against Chris Brown.
Oh, man, I'm sure he was great.
I could put two on him.
I'm going to be honest.
He probably put more than two on her.
Yo.
And she stayed around.
Yeah.
She made a whole career out of being Chris Brown's girlfriend.
Remember that joke by Chappelle where he said, Bill Clinton is famous.
That's famous.
Imagine you can suck somebody's dick and they're famous.
Yeah, somebody sucks a dick and then they become famous.
Hold on, girl.
What is it?
There's a future in it.
Suck my dick.
There's a future in it.
Yeah.
That's a different level of fame.
Like, that girl did nothing besides be Chris Brown's girlfriend, and she got a TV show.
Yeah, and be cute.
She's very cute.
I think that also helps.
Yes.
All right, we're going to take a break for a second.
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I'm not going to lie, yo.
I'm being 100% serious when I say this.
I love Indians, bro.
I thought you were unique.
Nah, son.
It's a billion of us.
I'm gonna trade your ass for your girl's dad, bro.
Oh, he's the greatest.
Yo, son.
Yo, he's the greatest.
Yo, son.
Arka's girl's dad is in the show.
Okay.
My girlfriend.
Aka's girl's in the show.
Arcada's family show.
This dude is so fucking funny.
He's hysterical.
Your girl's sister is one of the characters.
She's like the sweetest girl in the show.
She's so fucking sweet.
Yeah.
There's some monsters on this show.
Right.
She's not one of them.
She is so sweet.
Yeah.
Truly does want to meet somebody, find love.
Excited.
Didn't show her daughter, which I appreciated.
Didn't show the daughter at all.
She was married before, had a kid.
Yeah.
Didn't work out.
She's looking for love.
You got to meet the pops who's involved, kind of.
Right.
And there's an Indian matchmaker woman that's coming all the way from Mumbai to hook her up with a dude.
Yes.
She shows her a dude.
She's into the dude.
And the dad.
Not having it.
Not having it.
And she goes, but dad, I think we should just go look.
And then the dad says this, and there's no disrespect to accent.
Obviously, this is just me trying to do the best.
He goes, he goes, he looks at her.
He goes, he goes, no, no, no.
We don't want you to commit another blunder.
Don't commit a blunder has been said in my household minimum 100 times after hearing that.
Literally, after I busted on my girl's back, I was like, babe, I don't want to commit another blunder.
Don't commit a blunder.
My favorite part is when he's asking why the guy got divorced and he's like not cool with it.
And then he says, was his ex-wife American or Indian?
She says, American.
He goes, haha.
Now I know what he fucked up.
Now I know.
He's not good enough for my girl.
Uh-huh.
But gotcha.
It's hilarious because his daughter is also divorced.
Oh, yeah.
He's judging the fuck out of this dude for being a divorcee with a kid.
But 100%, he gave me the same treatment and my girl was trying to like defend me.
And I was like, bro, this is what he's supposed to do.
I am a comedian.
I'm nine years older.
I'm a stand-up.
He'd be doctored.
You know what I mean?
Like, he's mad, protective.
And he's like, don't commit.
Yo, you're not getting another shitty dude.
I'm going to be super protective.
I respected yo.
I think they were like nervous about how he was going to be portrayed.
I was like, that guy looks great.
That's a dad.
I'm telling y'all.
I know some of y'all listen to this podcast.
Maybe it's the first time you listen to this podcast and it started out a little crazy.
Right.
Watch this show.
It's the best show.
In all seriousness, I'm obviously joking, Ariana.
You know, I love you.
I think you're the most amazing fucking guy in the world.
But culturally, Indians are so fucking cool.
We're the best.
And I don't think there's been a show that's showcased.
Because every time you see Indians, like it's this version, and this is typical of minorities, but it's this version of Indians that white people explain.
It is brown people for white people.
This is the most authentically Indian show that I have ever seen that is in English.
There's Bollywood and all that, which is in India and in America.
It's in English.
It's an American show.
It takes place in both.
And it is, dog, a lot of like woke brown people are offended by this show.
I loved that this show explains us without me having to explain this.
This is the best way I could look at it.
You know how like the Jersey Short exposed a type of Italian that like a lot of the world wasn't familiar with?
Maybe we were because we live in Tri-Sideria, right?
But like a lot of the world went in there like, yo, this is super unique.
They like do their eyebrows and their hair, but they're dudes.
But they're like really into how they look.
Like what's going on?
But they also fight motherfuckers.
Like, what's happening?
Like, you're just confused by it.
It has the same effect about Indians for me.
Like, and I probably know more Indians than the average person.
Yes.
But I'm still dealing with you guys as comics.
Yes.
Right.
Or like friends of you as a comic, right?
And there is.
This is no white people around Indians.
And there's Minutia that like, I don't know.
I was one of the girls on it?
Hilarious.
Minusha was this shit.
Minusha.
She was one of them.
No, absolutely not.
The one I said is trash.
Aparna?
No.
Well, that is aparna.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
There is so many little things.
Because it's Minusha.
Nice.
Oh, Parano.
She changed shit.
Her mom was worse.
Anyway, point is, there's little details.
I don't like having to explain to everybody.
Like bio data, it's just like a fucking explanation.
This show says what biodatt is real quick, and then you see them go through it.
Bio data is what I'm talking about.
It is when we were when we're making a match, an arranged marriage, it's all your stats, essentially.
You have this job, you make this much money, you are this old, you are this tall, you are this weight, this skin complexion.
The whole, the arranged marriage idea is just who's the most compatible?
Solar.
Chemistry is so fucking dumb.
What are we wasting our time with?
That being said, they do go into astrology.
They do do some goofy shit.
Here's my issue with it.
And I don't have a problem with the astrology.
My issue is a lot of people are offended because there's one or two things they don't like.
So woke brown people are like, oh, this horrifies me that this part of our culture exists.
Yo, there is a part of everybody's culture you don't like.
I don't have to hate my culture or hate that this thing comes out.
I can still love my culture, love the show, and be like, yeah, we could do better there.
Son, it's so fucking dope.
They casted it dope.
Like, there's this one bitch in India who's like super progressive for a girl.
I'm halfway through.
I don't know if I've gotten her yet.
Ankita is her name.
Okay, I haven't gotten her yet.
She's like, relationships should be 50-50.
And like, I have my own business.
I'm a businesswoman.
I need to be like, da-da-da-da.
And she does not like the match making process.
She can't connect with anybody, the whole thing.
And her parents, yo, the parents are fucking hilarious, isn't it?
But the parents are interesting because her dad goes, she's right.
Yeah.
But she might be too ahead of her time.
What is on that?
She's right that a woman should be able to have her own business and she doesn't have to like succumb to the man in the relationship and like she didn't have to be taken care of.
She can take care of herself and a man can take care of himself and they could be together.
Like she has a very like almost American perspective on dating, but the father recognizes that that's going to make it tricky for her in finding for finding a husband in India.
Yeah.
Because there are going to be certain cultural expectations of women.
So he's literally like, yo, she's probably right.
That being said, society hasn't been.
Society's not there yet, B. Like, get married, you lonely fucking bitch.
I'm just, please pardon me.
Watch the show.
Isn't it like, if you notice that about the people in your society, why don't you like push her to the forefront, like make her more popular instead of just like accepting the fact that, oh, she's too far ahead of her time.
She's just some bitch who's progressive.
She's not famous.
I mean, people can watch the show and form their own conclusions, but like my sister-in-law comes across great on the show, as she should, but it's like one person out of 12 we're making matches with on a reality show where we're going to go through another group of people next year.
Are we going to make her the, like, she's the spokesperson now for what society should be?
And I also think like, bro, we progressed a lot in 50 years.
My dad, this is why I'm going to defend us in this show always, but like, first of all, this is the most I've ever felt my culture was seen in the show ever.
Okay.
Ever.
Mindy Kaling, everything she does is brown people for white people.
Aziz, master of none, that we all suck its dick.
It is brown people for white people.
That's what it is.
Can I clarify what that is just for people listening?
Yeah, it's like...
I just want to say one thing.
It's like it's similar to when you get like if a white guy writes the script for a black guy and it's like this dude who's like hooded out and like walks like this.
Yo, yo, yo.
That's the white perspective of what a black person is.
And this is not to like, I'm not shitting on Tiffany Haddish.
Tiffany Haddish is mad funny.
She is a white person's perspective of a black woman.
Like white women die laughing at Tiffany.
Yeah, and I won't speak to Tiffany.
What I will say is when I see a lot of these shows, I'm like, yo, you didn't write that for us.
You wrote that for white people.
Like Mindy Kaling's opening show of her most recent one, Never Have I Ever.
It's a girl praying, Hindu girl who says, what's up, gods?
Ain't no Hindu ever going to say, what's up, gods.
Like, we don't, we are polytheistic if you're Hindu, but you still say God.
You still, you know what I mean?
Like, it's all one.
You know that.
This is something that white people can be like, ha ha, gods.
Also, another thing I noticed is that like, and this is something you never see Indians do in an Indian show.
Indians code switch crazy.
Interesting.
I don't notice, so tell me what.
No, not in a bad way.
No, just I'm actually curious, what did you think of this?
There's this adorable dude on the show named Vyasa, right?
He's the fucking best.
He's so sweet.
But he is the most like hippie granola, like what you think about.
He's from Texas, but he's like, you would imagine him from like fucking, what is it, Santa Cruz, dude, like wearing Tiva sandals, whatever, like the sweetest guy, the sweetest nerd guy.
When he's talking to his mom, all of a sudden his accent is Indian.
His cousin's name is Anuj.
If you're like white, you'll say like Anuj.
He says that shit properly.
He does it.
But like he was mixing the both, but you don't see that in the show, right?
And like, if you see Indians in the show, even if they're talking to them, every day.
Say what?
I see that with eye cash every day.
But you see him every day.
Yeah, but all the people who are trying to see this display.
On television.
That's what I'm talking about.
Most of these shows are brown people, white people.
The best example I can make of this is like when you see gay people on television, it's what straight people's idea of gay people is.
Will and Grace is not every gay person, right?
And that's to us, it's like, that's gay people.
That's why RuPaul's drag race apparently pops in the gay community because gay people are like, finally, we're not explaining ourselves for straight people or we're not like decorating their house or like getting them an outfit.
Like I was talking to Mateo Ling comic about it.
He was like, every show, all we do is we like make white people look better.
That's our role for gay people's role.
It's like, oh, let me spruce up your life for like a fairy godmother that comes around, like sprinkles some dust.
Now you got a new couch.
Exactly.
Boom, exactly.
And he's like, finally, it was a show where it was just like, we're not going to explain what gay is.
It'll just be for gay people.
And that's what I felt.
This was.
That's how I felt.
And that's the most fascinating thing because you're looking at some shit.
It's like every time you go into Chinatown and you look and you're like, oh, they're not even trying to mix it.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, they're not trying to make this easy for nobody.
They're basically like, yo, you want it or not?
The shit is in Chinese, bro.
Figure it out.
And maybe people don't generally know this.
I just know before I wasn't really watching the show.
I knew my girl was on it.
We watched it, whatever.
Comics are bashing it.
Brown comics.
This is so colorist, castist, whatever.
And I pulled back and I'm like, I see that.
That is an issue within our culture.
However, we're coming from my- Talk about what that is, though.
Colorism and casteism.
In Hinduism, there are castes.
And the idea was essentially supposed to be like an assembly line from what I've read.
I'm no expert from what I've read.
No caste is better than the other.
But at the same time, one caste is priests and the other cast is cleaning up shit or whatever.
So humans are naturally going to kind of make it a hierarchy.
And then it seeped into society and it really fucked up a lot of things.
Right.
So there's like casteism.
I'm a higher caste than this person.
In the show, they talk about caste a lot.
Now, also, casteism exists because it's like, there's a culture within your caste.
Like priests have a certain way of living, et cetera.
Certain things you could eat, certain things you can't eat.
It's almost like, yeah, you just, I get this person better.
But to be fair, a lot of, sorry to interrupt, but to be fair, a lot of the girls that I saw on the show say like, I don't really care what caste.
Yeah, most kids don't.
The Americans definitely say that.
Yeah.
What is interesting is that you don't see caste.
You do see people judged by geography.
Because this is funny, though.
Now, I'm curious.
I haven't gotten there, but I know I'm all about brown unity, et cetera.
But I know if I married a South Indian girl, there's no way in fuck I could understand her language.
Like any South Indian language to me, it's, I'm lost.
Right.
Because there's so many dialects.
So to me, that would matter.
This is more like, oh, yeah, they're from Kolkata.
No, Kolkata, there's good people from Kolkata.
It's just like saying, yeah, there's good people from, you know, Minnesota.
You know how you guys are.
Like, all people from Minnesota could.
Remember how you explained to me Spain has like Catalan or something?
And the other regions, every region in India thinks they're Catalan.
We're the illest.
Yeah.
That's cool.
You're here, but we're the illest.
But anyway, you keep going.
And colorism is light skin is very favorable within our society.
Every society has their version of colorism.
Every society has that, and it's fucked up.
But also, to me, it's like, yo, think about, so these things still exist.
And that's, we need to work on these things.
South Indian Dating Customs00:06:34
Absolutely.
But if you think about where our parents who have these judgments are coming from, my dad didn't know he was getting married until the day he got married.
So that's crazy even back then.
Most people, not most, a lot of people didn't meet their wife at all when they got married.
So, and to be honest, it works out about the same rate as falling in love and finding somebody.
About half the marriages I see are great and about half aren't.
But to go from that to, hey, you choose whoever you want to choose.
And if you can't find somebody, I'll help.
Like that's light years of progress in one generation.
You understand what I'm saying?
Like, we're not giving our parents any credit for how insanely open-minded they are.
The only reason my dad is in America is because his family decided you're going to marry this girl in America.
He had an ill-ass job lined up in India and they're like, yo, fuck that.
You're going to America.
And that's it.
His life changed.
So for him to say, hey, if you find somebody great, I would prefer she be Indian.
If not, that's all good.
If you need help, holler.
That's so open.
This pressure is so hilarious, bro.
There's this one mom on the show, and the kid has turned down like a hundred different chicks.
Yeah.
And the mom.
Kid is gorgeous, though.
No, no, it's a different one.
Yeah, this was all right.
And the mom starts taking her blood pressure in front of him and showing him the blood pressure and going and going, look what you're doing to me.
You see, my blood pressure is so high because we have a wedding to plan and you don't have a wife.
Because they choose the date and then they choose the girl.
Wait, really?
Son, this shit is hilarious.
In Hinduism, astrology is a...
How do you choose the venue with more like discretion than you choose the wife?
Like, we're getting married here.
Figure it out.
You got it till August.
The date is a big deal.
And I'm surprised you can do that without, because I had to match my star chart.
My parents wanted to know what time and where my girl was born so they can make sure we're compatible.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Now, if we weren't compatible, they'd have been like, yo, what can we do to make this more compatible?
But they're not going to say, find a different wife.
They'd have found like little ways around or whatever.
Cause astrology is a huge thing in Hinduism.
But find different ways around it, like in what?
Culturally, not religiously.
Just like, so my girl and I had a, there are favorable days to get married.
We had a Hindu wedding ceremony in May because on that date, according to the Hindu calendar, this is a favorable time to get married.
Yo, I didn't get invited to your Hindu wedding.
We did over Zoom.
Even easier to invite me, bro.
Yeah, I didn't want you saying nothing.
Nothing.
Yo, I'm hurt right now, bro.
I'm hurt.
He came in here.
He said, after.
Yeah, I told you beforehand.
Yeah.
Are you sure?
100%.
Was I listening when you literally said that?
I wasn't listening.
You literally said, oh, shit.
So you're like married, married after this weekend.
I remember that.
Yeah, I remember that.
But you didn't invite me.
You just said it was happening.
You didn't say you want to be there.
I got to say I want to be at my friend's Hindu wedding.
But I thought it was mainly for your wife's family.
It's for my family.
My wife is like, she's sick.
And in Sikki, they're like, yo, we don't care about like date.
We are actively.
This is the one we were supposed to do.
We were supposed to go to this one.
You're not going to invite us to this fucking shit.
Wow, son.
No, this ain't a wedding.
This is a date.
I want to go to the hospital.
A favorable date.
Yeah.
This is the thing you believe in more than anything in the world, don't you?
This is your religion, is it not?
It's the thing most important than cultural than religion.
I'm just going to set a bit of spit cycle again.
We can't.
No, no, this is fucked up.
Bro, this is more cultural than religious.
I don't give a fuck.
So marriage is cultural.
I'm going to be honest, I don't think there was any non-Indians invited.
What is that supposed to mean?
I didn't want y'all there.
I respect that.
Yo, that's foul, bro.
I don't want to explain.
Again, I don't like explaining.
I don't like explaining, hey, it's a favorable date in Hinduism.
So we're going to do it on this date.
Now, I know because you're making me.
I'm not making you explain the fucking Hindu part.
I'm making you explain the friendship part.
How are you not going to have me at your wedding, bro?
Bro, I want this to be a happy day for my wife.
It's your wedding, not hers.
She don't even believe in this shit.
The least I can do is make her happy.
For your shit?
You think she gives a fuck?
I wanted to be at that part of the wedding more than she did.
You think you're going to want to be at a Zoom wedding?
I was going to zoom in with my full outfit.
You ain't even got an outfit.
I did get an outfit.
I came all over and sit in my girl's basketball.
Nah, for real.
How you're not going to fake invite me, at least.
You should have fake invited me.
You could have fake to be there.
You should have fake invited me to be there.
I could have not.
I don't.
You don't ask to be at someone's wedding.
That's stupid.
You didn't say, hey, what time?
Hey.
I got to ask for the details about your wedding.
Yeah.
No.
It's your wedding.
I'm going to send out.
I ain't send out an email.
Wow.
Which one's worse?
Akash or Mark?
I made Mark cancel his wedding.
Mark scheduled his wedding.
We're on tour together and he's planning his wedding.
No, no plan of inviting any of us.
Hey.
None at all.
None.
And then what happened?
And then what happened because of that?
They bullied him.
Who's spinning who right now?
No, no, no.
He's spinning these motherfuckers.
Hey, get ready.
Hey, who's in this video?
Y'all ready for the spin?
Y'all ready for the spin?
Yeah.
Hey, what happened to both of y'all wedding?
Canceled!
Cancel!
Being shitty friends!
God was watching.
Hey, what happened?
Hey, Mark, what happened to both their invites?
Canceled!
Canceled!
Can't be canceled some shit you weren't invited to.
Do you know what I'm saying?
I canceled that shit.
We kind of won on this because now we out y'all what?
Because we don't have to get married.
God planned two weddings.
He's a bad man.
Y'all lost double.
You got to plan weddings twice.
You got to do two shit y'all don't want to do.
And you didn't invite your friends.
No, I said.
You invited some fucking auntie that you don't even know that's aging like shit.
Absolutely.
Indian women, let's be honest.
When they get older, that's the ugliest women I ever seen in my entire life.
Oh, my God.
There's one.
Listen.
Just my nuclear.
No, son.
Hold on.
Let's do it.
You need to matchmake them with some fucking lotion, bro.
Because they're scaring.
I'm not a white boy.
No, no, no.
I know white people talking about aging.
Way worse than white people.
You out of your mind, bro.
Y'all see some people.
Y'all seen some of them.
That's why y'all gotta fucking.
You ain't seen some of them.
That's why y'all gotta fucking.
MyBookie AG Promo Code00:03:55
What's going on?
Y'all can't be the one fucking the kids.
No one ain't fucking no kids.
I bet Lincoln fucked all the kids.
I don't think so.
Delete it.
Like, I don't think so.
I don't think so.
You really leave me Google this?
That explains the colorism.
What is it?
You can't have one person with another person who's going to age better than the other person.
Exactly.
That's why y'all want light skin so much so you don't age like the fuck y'all do.
No.
Real talk.
I was looking at some of these ladies, bro.
Ain't no white colour.
I was looking at some of these moms in it.
Unbelievable.
No.
Indian babies, by far the cutest of all babies.
I mean that 100%.
Have I said this before?
Yes.
We've agreed on this before.
I'd be careful giving them that because you know it's about to come out.
I know.
And I can't not give them that thing.
But it's the most fucking adorable babies.
It's adorable, right?
All right, TikTok.
Indian grandmothers?
Yeah, what about you dig the ditch?
Dig the dish.
And then you throw them in the ditch.
Ain't no ditch.
And then you put it back on.
Let me tell you two things.
Number one, ain't no ditch.
We burn the bitch.
First of all, snoop your shit before you come talk to me.
Ain't no ditch.
We burned a bitch.
That's like an Indian Cameron song.
Second of all, we all age badly.
We just focus on the kids and making them doctors.
Y'all just age badly.
Don't even pay attention to it.
So, why don't you get one of them doctors to fix up their fucking faces, bro?
Because they're cardiac surgeons.
They're cardiac surgeons because they need to do classic surgery, bro.
All right, we're going to take a break for a second.
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Aggressive Wedding Planning00:04:06
Okay.
I love y'all.
Now let's get back to the show.
All right, we're back.
Akash took that urine.
And so turns out Mark's wedding is still on.
What does that mean?
You're still getting married during Corona?
He's getting married during Corona.
Yeah, that makes sense.
You don't believe the shit is real.
Oh, shit.
That was quick.
Oh, shit.
So, but that's not the only news we have.
What's that?
Apparently, Mark has something in his backpack for all of us.
Yeah.
I got invitations for you guys.
Because he knows we're not going to go.
Wait, why is that?
Because it's during fucking Corona.
When is the wedding?
Anti-vaccine fuck.
When is the wedding?
Early September.
It's early September.
You're going to go.
I'm going to go to spite you.
I'm going to go to spite you.
Have fun getting Corona to spite me.
I'm not getting Corona.
I'm going to zoom in.
I'm going to zoom in from there.
Let me know if he zooms in, Mark.
I'm going to zoom in from there just to prove that I will go to your wedding and I will do a Zoom.
Oh, you're going to be at the wedding and zoom in.
Across the street.
I'm going to be at the wedding and zoomed in.
So you're going to be there as a distraction?
Say again?
Spataku Beli.
No, I'm not going to be a distraction.
Get your mic, bro.
Come on.
I'm not going to be a distraction.
I'm not going to be a distraction.
I'm going to be there as a friend.
You promise you're not going to ruin my wedding.
I'm not going to ruin your wedding.
See what I'm saying?
Why y'all think that I would ruin anybody's wedding when it comes to love and happiness?
I'm all about love and happiness, bro.
I got a dog.
You know what I'm saying?
Say, what's up, son?
No, but for real.
Y'all need to be less concerned about that.
I know how to behave.
I have good behavior.
I do.
I wouldn't know.
I do have good behavior.
Why y'all think I don't have good behavior?
Mark, are you confident in this?
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah.
You don't have any Indian grandmas that you're with?
Because there is a chance I can see them be like, dude!
Because he'd be trying to fuck.
I might.
I might be trying to fuck.
You know what I'm saying?
Hey, Cookie.
Chris Tucker and Ice Cube, Damn.
I'm over there.
Damn.
All right.
No, I think Andrew will be good.
But I do think you'll.
You see how unsure of himself he was?
No, but you might accidentally say something.
I'm not going to say nothing, bro, unless you ask me to give a speech.
Are you going to have him do a speech?
Of course.
Mark is wow.
Loki, if I do a speech, first of all, I don't like speaking at weddings, but I always get asked to speak at weddings.
My dad's going to probably make you speak.
Okay.
If I do it, I will put a joke of mine in there from the set.
I'll try to sneak it in.
Why does your dad want him to speak?
Does he not like your girl?
Does he disapprove of it?
Yo, you know who would love me, though?
Loki?
Your girl's dad.
Yeah.
I'm not going to lie.
Yeah.
Are we on it?
Let's be honest here.
I agree with that.
I agree with that.
And this is what I love about fucking Indians, bro.
And not the woke Indians who are basically just like Americans.
I'm talking about Indian culture from India.
There is a brutal honesty.
No formalities.
We don't cut.
We don't do that.
And maybe that's why I always fuck with Indians.
There is a, it's kind, there's nice, there's a politeness, but there's also with the same politeness, oh, you've gained a little weight.
Yeah, yeah.
Like they would say that.
Yeah, you're fat.
But not even as a cut.
Like they wouldn't, you think they would know?
They'll do it as a cut.
My uncle got me to lose weight through sheer shame.
But was he like, was he being passive aggressive or aggressive aggressive?
Aggressive.
Interesting.
And hysterical, to be fair.
What would he say?
What would he say?
I would be eating junk food and he would just be like, God.
He just spitting.
Yo, yo, the funniest shit I ever saw.
You sure he didn't see an old Indian woman walking us?
Yo, because he was trying to fuck Collie.
His dick was moving.
Can we just agree that we share sentiments about old people?
You feel this way about old Indian.
No, you feel this way about old white women.
Yeah.
I feel that way about old Indian women.
What's wrong with that?
No, that's fine.
I'm just saying most people feel that way about old white women.
Alien Spacecraft Theories00:05:21
It's not about most.
And I do think.
It's not about most.
I was because white people are the minority.
That's white people are a minority.
That's a fact.
Are you?
We are.
Mark, explain it.
Global minority, bro.
Yeah, we're a minority.
So you're punching down.
You're punching down.
I love punching down.
Well, that's rude.
I love punching down.
Stop bullying us, bro.
Yeah, find me some bullying people.
I'll make fun of them.
Let's do it.
Mark, are you actually the minority?
Like, globally?
Of course we are, dog.
There's a billion China.
Two billion Chinese.
How many Africans?
That's a white person's math.
No, there's two billion in them.
A lot of them.
I don't know.
How many Africans?
A lot.
Billion Africans.
How many Africans left?
All right, we're going to get the exact numbers, but I think white people are minority.
Yeah, I ain't minorities.
We are the minorities in the world.
You're on a few continents.
That's why I'm not as sure about it.
You all of Europe, Australia, North America.
There's like 20 million people.
Oh, no, we're killing it.
I agree.
Yo, yo.
Yo, get your dog out.
Let's get Cookie out of here, man.
She's dragging her ass across this card.
All right, hold on.
Pause for one sec.
All right, we got one more, and then we got to wrap this up.
Well, I'm interested to hear about the UFOs.
I didn't do any research on this.
Market has.
Yeah.
So, what's going on with the UFOs, Mark?
So, basically, New York Times put out an article where they were talking about, they were in conjunction with the Pentagon, basically being like, the Pentagon is slowly going to start releasing information about UFOs.
Right.
Now, there's a couple things that are happening in it where it's like some of like they came out and said there's off-earth vehicles that are made that are not from or off-world vehicles not made on earth.
Right.
One of the intelligence guys said that.
We don't know what that means, but he says that it looked like that.
And so then some people were taking out of context being like, oh, it means that there's off-world vehicles, blah, blah, blah.
Right.
But then I guess it could be something they just made with the fucking rover on Mars or in the space station or whatever.
So this is the thing that Marco Rubio said.
He is the governor of Florida.
You should know that.
Yeah, I should probably know that.
No, he's a Congressman.
Congressman from Florida.
But also does the, is a head of like intelligence for the UFO ship.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he's like deep in the...
They put an illegal alien on the head of intelligence, the illegal alien.
Ironic.
I don't get it.
But I didn't even think he was that smart.
But apparently he's like.
He's nice with it.
Yeah, apparently.
And he was saying that it could just be regular shit.
So that they've had weird metallic things fall on American soil before that turned out to be like Russian or Chinese, like Russian or Chinese technology.
So we don't know exactly what it is.
No, and they haven't disclosed anything.
They haven't put any pictures.
They haven't said like, yo, we got aliens.
But they do have a UFO, like alien like arm of the military that they said was defunct.
But it's still actually.
But it still is.
So like they came out and was like, yo, we lied about it.
Shit, it's still funked.
It's funked in.
That's the thing what happens.
Like every time they get close to this pedophilia shit, all of a sudden there's aliens all of a sudden.
Like anytime politicians get caught up in shit.
The Trump presidency trying to take everybody's mind off of Corona and the economy.
That's what that's.
That might be it.
That's what he's trying to do.
I will say that.
You know, it is interesting timing-wise.
Sorry to interrupt.
They're about to end the $600 a week unemployment thing.
So people are going to be real fucking angry.
And that's something you would want to take headlines away from.
You're about to, there's the recession is going to get real when motherfuckers lose $2,500 a month.
Leo, give him something.
Let's take the mind off of this.
That's what this is all about.
I think that's possible.
I think, I mean, I had dinner with that guy, Bob Lazar, you know, who's like the guy who said he worked on the alien spacecraft.
And he did, you know, Rogan and all that kind of stuff.
And we went out to dinner.
Well, he was having dinner with Rogan.
Rogan asked if I wanted to roll.
And I believe that he believes he worked on them.
Does that make sense?
You think he's crazy?
No.
I truly believe that he believes he worked on alien spacecraft.
Now, he could be getting tricked by the powers that be, if you will.
He could be getting tricked by the government.
For example, they could find this spacecraft that came from China or Russia or some, wherever it doesn't matter, some other country, right?
And that spacecraft could have crash-landed on the United States.
And it was like a spy spacecraft, whatever the fuck it was.
Who knows what it is?
And they could be like, yo, figure this shit out.
And he could think that he was working on alien spacecraft when in reality, it was some other countries, like you were just saying.
Right.
It could be alien spacecraft.
But I didn't get the sense.
And again, who the fuck am I?
I didn't get the sense that he was lying.
Right.
Because he didn't seem to care enough.
Right.
He literally was saying, he was like, look, if it's going to be a thing where like all you're trying to do is like discredit me and that kind of shit, like I don't even care to be on the podcast.
I don't even want this attention.
I don't care.
I'm not selling a book or anything.
I don't care.
But if you want to have a discussion off of what I said, I'll talk to you about it.
So the fact that he wasn't like clamoring for credit or clamoring to be believed made me go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think he's really made any money in the last 30 years.
Yeah.
Like I think he's kind of at peace with people thinking he's crazy and the people who believe him are kind of crazy.
Yeah.
And that's a weird place to be in.
The people that you think are normal don't believe you.
They think you're crazy.
And the people you think are crazy make you feel normal.
Make you feel normal.
So he's like, where the fuck should I live?
But I don't even think he has a consumer product.
Like he doesn't really benefit from the fame.
Nope.
He does like nuclear testing and stuff.
I don't know what he does for a living anymore.
Yeah.
But it was just, that was the takeaway from it.
I said, I cannot say if UFOs exist or not.
I don't know.
I do believe this guy believes he works.
Gravity and Outer Space Physics00:12:58
Do you think they exist?
Do you think there's alien life?
Sure, maybe, maybe not.
Like, sure.
I don't think they've come here yet.
Yeah, they exist somewhere within the timeline of history.
Whether they exist right now at this moment and they exist close to us or they have the technology that could get them here in enough time to continue to survive.
That I do not know.
I think it's very conceivable they've come here.
But we're all pretty much on board saying they probably exist, right?
Probably at some point.
If you believe in random circumstance, they have to, right?
And in like, in an ever-increasing or ever-expanding universe, you have to at a certain point.
It's insane to think the universe is so big.
We are an infinitesimally small percent of that universe, and this is where life is.
The only place.
Yeah, I'm even interested in the theory that they could be humans from the past that have gone and formed their own or like colonies.
My brain can't even wrap my mind around this.
Have you heard that theory before?
What you said, my brain quit.
It was like, no, okay, time travel, sure thing.
No, not traveling.
Just evolution.
Ancient civilizations that were able to get to space.
And then all that shit got wiped away.
Nah, I don't believe that shit.
You think these knuckle-dragging motherfuckers built a spacecraft?
No, like, like, you don't look at human progression as this linear thing.
Like, maybe, you know, how like ice ages pop up and like everything gets wiped and then we start all over again type shit.
Right.
Right.
Like, maybe there was, and maybe it wasn't even this planet.
Maybe it was another planet.
Right.
Right.
There were humans or human type people and they eventually evolve and they progress to the point where they have space traveling technology and then they start traveling and then they go check out some other shit and then they die out.
They literally could just die out in the way the rhinoceros is dying out.
I feel like we say that because we want to fuck those aliens.
And it's easier if they look like humans.
But if there's some weird looking ass people, you're like, nah, there's no sex appeal in that.
No, but that's the other thing.
Like, why do they got to be people that walk around?
Like, yo, they don't.
Right?
Like, if you have a planet that's all gas, they could be just as gaseous.
The only reason we walk around is because the Earth is fucking hard.
Yeah.
If it was just water, we'd be swimming.
Yep.
You know, like.
Good point.
I don't know.
It's just, it's crazy to think there's nothing out there, but I think what is out there might be boring to us.
I think what's closest is probably boring.
Yeah, I could see it being like microorganisms.
Yeah, like some fucking insects or some shit.
Yeah, which would be sick.
It'd be dope to know there's other stuff.
Dude, even if it was a plant, a little fucking space tree.
Cool.
It'd be nice to know.
That being said, are we going to have some conversations with aliens?
I don't know, bruh.
Maybe though.
I think shit is going to get so advanced here with AI and everything.
If anything can figure out if there's artificial or if there's life on other planets, it's going to be AI.
And then that might be nice.
Well, the cool thing about AI is it basically accounts for the limiting thing in space travel, which we have, which is life expectancy.
Right?
So the reason why we can't go to fucking the next galaxy is because it's 25 million light years away or whatever it is.
I don't live light years.
Yeah.
I can't live long enough to go there.
That's another concept I don't even understand.
What the fuck is a light year?
It's the amount of time, amount of distance it takes for light to travel in a year.
Okay.
Yeah.
So if you go at the speed of light for a year, that's how far you go.
But speed of light's the fastest shit ever.
Yeah.
And for a whole year, that's how long that is.
AI going to be faster.
AI going to be pump.
Shout out to JV Smooth, bro.
But for real, dude, think about that.
Like, we can't even fathom that speed.
So if you can't even go close to that, like, what are we going?
What do we think fast is?
300?
Yeah.
I got the electric bike today.
They said that shit goes 50.
I was like, yo.
That's fast.
Yeah.
It's just going to be me going.
Yo, how weird is that that we have a sound barrier?
Yeah, like that.
Imagine the first person to break the sound barrier.
Like, you were just going mad, quick, and something.
You just heard an explosion.
Imagine the shit that must have been in his pants, bro.
Because why should there be an explosion when you break it?
Yeah, no, I don't get that shit.
That used to happen all the time over Florida.
Every time the space, like the there was like the Kennedy Space Center, Cape Canaveral, yeah.
And they would send off like spaceships all the time, and it would like shake the windows and windows would break and stuff.
Really?
Where you lived?
Yeah, my neighborhood got a little bit, but if you lived in like Cape Canaveral, like they would have to get special windows because like the windows would break.
How often are we sending shit up there?
Seemed like all the time.
Growing up, it seemed like every other month or some shit.
Really?
Yeah, I don't know if it actually wasn't.
What are we putting up there, bro?
I don't know.
I don't know what there is to see.
Huh?
But what do you, I mean, like.
What you gotta send supplies?
Every two weeks?
Every two months.
But you need a whole fucking spaceship to do that, though.
My girl buys tampons like every six months.
And we can send a balloon or something.
Like, if you just let it go till it got high enough and then you had a motor take over, you do it.
You gotta just fix it.
A little more inconspicuous.
Why?
You don't need all the shaking the windows.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Nah, think about it, dude.
That's a good point, though.
Think about it, bro.
That's what they just make a whole big deal with all those explosions.
Three, two, one.
Yeah.
Balloons, bro.
Yeah, you go balloons.
No, that's a good thing.
Balloons, bro.
Think about it.
It's balloons, dog.
What about wind, yo?
Say again?
What about wind?
What about it?
It's gonna take that shit somewhere else.
Yo, why don't you just get a long rope?
And you hold it to where it is.
Yeah.
Matter of fact, you let the balloon go all the way up to the space station with the rope attached, and then you just attach a real z-zuzz, and then you could just have it go there.
A pulley motor system?
You want to send some stuff back down?
Tie it to the rope.
Tie it to the rope.
Hey, here you go.
Check it out.
You know, those like, why don't they do it, right?
Because they're not fucking smart like us.
Listen, you never been in the mailroom?
You never been in the mailroom of a fucking company where you throw that shit in a socket and how can we do that?
Yeah.
How can we, hey, Cape Canaveral?
How come we, Houston?
Here's the problem.
Get the fucking cylinder shit.
How does Costco have it, but you guys don't have Costco has it?
Thartergut has it.
Okay.
Yo, the rope is so lit.
The one issue with the rope is planes flying into the rope.
Oh, make it orange.
Make it orange, dude.
Yo, just do it out of Christmas lights, real talk.
Just do it out of Christmas lights, real talk.
That's it, dude.
What?
Hey, when we need electrical wiring, what do we do?
It's just a fucking wood thing up, electrical.
At first, I thought, oh, the problem was that the space station would go around the earth.
You thought.
And then it would wrap up the saturation.
It might just keep it there and then it fixes two problems.
Exactly.
Because guess what?
That thing right there?
Yeah.
It's got gravity.
Yep.
It's spinning with the earth.
But what do you do when you get into space and there's no gravity?
Come on now.
Yeah, that's for that rope.
Come on now.
There's gravity.
No, no, no, no.
Nana.
Nada.
Nana.
Nah, nah, nah.
We're accounting.
We're going to keep it there.
We've accounted for it.
It's a kite.
Look, It's a kite.
Look.
I got you.
It's a world, Papy.
I got you, Papi.
Look, come here, Papi.
Look, it's a Christmas lady.
Listen, you are not rotating around the Earth dumb fast.
The Earth and you are rotating around the Sun.
So you're just going to keep that same rotation around the Sun perfect like that.
Done.
Yes.
The fact that you suddenly hopped off board makes me think you were taking it seriously the first time.
We gotta bring some entertainment to this shit.
Now you suddenly not be on board.
No.
No, no, no.
Stop protecting yourself.
You did believe it.
Fucking stupid idiot.
Dumbass clearly saying some shit that's wrong.
And then you believed it.
I still believe it.
I'm not going to lie.
I worry.
I'm committed.
I'm fucking pot committed to this shit, dog.
I'm coming up with this idea.
Yeah, the rope might work.
I think the rope works.
Look, bare minimum, this is what the rope, this is what the rope provides.
Bare minimum.
If there's an explosion, Mark, in the space station, bare minimum, you put on your thing, and then you slide down.
It's like the beanstalk in Mario 2.
Yes, I'm going to ask you this question though.
You know what I'm saying?
The beanstalk in Mario 2.
Now you have to answer this, though, because a lot of people will.
Please, I want to answer.
The biggest issue with the rope situation is that it's attached to potentially like billions of dollars, right?
Yeah.
How are you going to stop someone from just climbing it?
Mark, that's the question.
A lot of people are wondering about security.
Putting it in America.
Mexicans can't even come here to climb it.
And they are the best climbers in the world.
They are.
But what if they have a big pair of scissors and then they cut it off?
Okay, that is a real problem.
If they have like scissors that you cut like for a moment, that is a very, very, very big problem.
What do we do?
If Mexicans are climbing in a beanesto and they have scissors for a grand opening.
And they have the schizer.
Yeah.
The grand opening scissors would be a thing.
Dude, the grand open scissors.
And they chop that shit off.
And then that would be a problem.
That's how Russia would win.
Yes, but you could also protect it just like you protect everything else with security.
Oh, interesting.
Well, also, you were saying it's a tube.
So what if the rope is in a tube?
Yeah.
And that takes a little bit of time.
I didn't think about the fact that Russia could fly real high and then they could sabotage it.
That's a French word.
Okay.
Oh, two ropes.
We could just do two ropes.
You could do a secret rope.
Actually, what I would do, can I be honest with you?
I would have a decoy rope.
I'd be like, here's our rope.
What if you pass?
Can have a rope.
If you paint the rope black, that's going to blend in with the rest of outer space.
It blends in with outer space.
It's camouflage.
Camouflage.
You don't even know.
Another French word.
Another French word.
We're doing a lot of French stuff here.
What I would do is I'd have a fake rope and I'd be like, oh, this is the most important rope.
Like, this is like where all of our shit goes down.
This is how we get everything up and down to space.
I'd have fake astronauts up and down that shit on the daily, on the daily, up and down astronaut, right?
All the while, I put the real rope in Boston.
You know what I'm saying?
You never would know it.
And everyone would be like, what's that rope coming out of his box?
Hey, watch that rope up there.
Why aren't you climbing?
Real talk.
I mean, you could climb right into it, guys.
Yes, all up in that rope.
You figure it out.
Real talk.
That could trick Russians.
Yeah.
Y'all have any other questions?
I think, yeah, no.
Did we cover it?
How are you getting the rope up there?
Say again?
How are you getting the rope up there?
Dragging it?
Through what?
You're pulling it.
You never been to a basketball game and they have the guns with the shirts?
That I can see.
But the rocket, the problem with the rocket is the fuel is fire and then she'll burn the rope.
No, you didn't think right.
Drop it down.
You drop it down.
You put a heavy thing on it.
Yeah, like, hello.
You know what I'm saying?
Come on, bro.
Answer this.
When you're in space, it's gravity.
It's not going to fall down.
But if you keep it heavier.
If you push it, then it'll go until it gets there.
It's even heavier than that.
Now it won't just float like that, bye.
No, it'll float in a direction until you have to do it while you're still in the gravitational pull of Earth.
There's another way that you could do it.
If you shoot a gun in space, you move back.
Yeah.
You didn't know that?
I don't even see how that applies.
You just keep moving forward.
You keep moving.
As long as you go.
Yeah, I don't expect you to know a lot about space, but look, here's the thing: if you put it, if you put a rock or something, yeah, you tie the rock to the end of the rope.
Yeah.
And then once you're in space, you throw the rock down.
Yeah.
And you throw it and aim it.
You got to aim it.
What's going to stop them floating back up, though?
That thing.
It's already going back up.
Why would it go back up?
Because there's no gravity.
Gravity is the thing that keeps us down.
There's a force behind it.
If there's no force pushing you down.
You don't know space?
Yeah, you don't know space, dude.
Bro, if you're in space, you throw a rock.
What happens?
What happens to it?
You go back, you fall up.
There's no up there.
There's no up, there's no down.
It's space.
There's the point at which your force runs out.
It's not new.
This is the point.
There's no point where you throw a rock.
The second rock leaves your hand, you fly back with that space.
Son, that's how you move around in space.
You just throw in rocks.
It's like you're literally Iron Man in space.
Throwing Rocks in Zero G00:00:56
Yeah, right.
Play that cricket.
Space cricket is lit.
Space cricket.
For real.
You said cricket, so I'm interested.
Yeah.
So I'm just saying that's how we could do it.
Once we get the rope down, now we're the first country that's ever had a rope right to space.
Right.
So lots of pedestrian or civilian boys.
Wait, you fart.
You can travel around space dummy easy.
I thought about that as well.
And it's like, what is it called?
Thrust.
Yeah.
I could thrust.
That's dope.
100%.
I could thrust.
And then you just got to breathe in to stop.
And you can expose your ass to space.
Why?
Why is that?
Nothing can go in it.
I think we're doing this episode.
Yeah, I think we're done.
All right, y'all.
Look, listen, if y'all are still here, we love y'all.