Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh debate parenting a trans child, contrasting radical early transition with biological caution while discussing Andy Dalton's $100M Cowboys deal. They analyze Tyler Perry versus Kenya Barris regarding black representation, critique "mask Nazis," and defend Seinfeld's realism against The Sopranos' complexity. Ultimately, the episode navigates contentious social issues through unfiltered comedy, asserting that authentic content transcends political slants to resonate across diverse audiences. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Joe Exotic Movie Bomb00:14:44
What's up, everybody?
Amazing news.
We're gonna get right into it.
No introductions necessary.
All right, just kidding.
Sheltie here, Akash, Alex Media, Mark Gagnon.
Okay, now we're gonna get right into it.
Big time news.
Not Kim Jong-un being alive still.
That's amazing.
But Joe Exotic has a movie that's coming out.
And who is playing Joe Exotic?
Who do they have signed on?
The motherfucking goat.
Who?
The motherfucking goatee, Nicholas Cage.
So real talk, and I'm being 100% serious here.
I think a lot of people judge this.
They judge this opinion, but I'm being 100% serious when I say this.
I think Nicholas Cage is the greatest living American actor.
And I know you're laughing.
You're laughing.
I'm being dead serious when I tell you this.
Nicholas Cage.
No, You guys check the facts, dude.
I said living.
I was ready to be hype.
Oh, no, I mean this sincerely.
Like, I understand he's become kind of like a joke or whatever.
But if you look at the baude of his work, if you look at the baude of his work, where do you want to start?
You want to start the titties?
Where do you want to start?
American treasure.
You want to start the titties?
National Treasure.
Whatever it is.
Oh, no.
Name it.
Look, National Treasure.
You want to start the titties, right?
National Treasure 2.
National Treasure is a fun time.
It's a fun time.
But because of him, he's doing tricks.
He's doing hijinks.
He's doing English accents to get him out of things.
Right?
He's finding a map.
He's putting on the glasses.
There's more shit in the map.
Hi, Jinx.
It's Bugs Bunny.
Bugs Bunny be doing hijinks.
Yo, that's how great Nicholas was.
He could, you know, take that.
That could be his motivation.
Real time, and I know people think that I'm crazy.
The greatest living American actor.
Marlon Brando, was he American?
He dead, though.
Dead.
Dead, though.
Dead.
There's other guys.
De Niro.
De Niro.
No, De Niro's not as good as Nicholas Cage.
Okay, all right.
I think I know where you're going.
Nicholas, De Niro's amazing at being De Niro.
Pacino's amazing at being Pacino.
Nicholas Cage can be anything.
A motorcycle guy with a skull fire head.
That movie was kind of fun.
That's what I'm saying.
Son, he makes something for everyone.
National Treasure 1, National Treasure 2.
Did they do a third?
Probably.
Maybe.
Okay.
Think about it.
Gone in 60 seconds.
Okay.
Tell me that wasn't fire.
She was fire when I was 15.
If I rewatched it, Shelby.
Shelby.
That Shelby, that GT.
All right.
The relationship he had.
Your son.
Smoked out Angelina.
Smoked her out.
Smoked her out.
He threw that fucking smoke bomb.
She came out like.
There's so much smoke in here.
Where's Nicholas Cage to save me?
Right?
Okay.
I'm not all the way on board yet, but I'm rolling.
Okay.
All right.
The plane hijack movie where they break out of Con Air.
Con Air, son.
They took out a fucking hard rock cafe sign.
Yo, Con Air is a bit more.
Steve Chappelle's in it, bro.
I've never seen that.
Okay, Con Air.
It's a bunch of.
Nah, they're flying the son.
It's a plane full of convicts.
John Malkovich.
John Malkovich is.
Cyrus the virus, yo.
Cyrus the virus.
That's the first dap since Corona.
We're back.
Oh, yeah, disgusting.
Get back out.
Don't be soft.
Okay?
Check it.
Con air.
Spider-Man into the spider-verse.
Who was he?
Get off your Googles.
Peter Parker and Spider-Man Noir.
Whoa.
Because that's something you didn't even know about Nick Cage.
That's something you didn't even know.
I thought he was the pig.
That's something you don't even know about Nick Cage.
Nick Cage will be in shit that you don't even fucking know about.
Okay?
Conair, didn't he do something with Dead Man Walking?
Didn't he win an Oscar for that?
Sean Penn?
Nah, nah, nah.
There's another one.
Hold on.
My recall, nice turn.
No, your recall is a little too much.
I'm waiting for you to say the one OG movie.
Leaving Las Vegas.
There we go.
Oh, you know what I'm saying?
I'm like, now you're just like warming us up.
Nah, because I'm just clearing the clip like that.
There we go.
Was it called in 60 seconds?
Okay.
Or it's about to be caught in 60 seconds.
Okay.
We're going to get to face off in a second.
But he did some like Las Vegas movie.
Leaving Las Vegas.
Leaving Las Vegas.
I didn't see it, but people spoke about it.
I don't know about that one, bro.
Apparently, it was good.
I think the one Oscar.
Nah, I heard it.
So every movie just went Oscar.
There's a lot of Oscar winners.
He got a lot of.
Oh, shit.
Say it.
He's got a couple critical darlings.
Say it.
He got leaving Las Vegas.
The one where he's on death row.
No, no, no.
A comedy mad people like Raising Arizona.
Oh, my God.
Son.
Oh, my God.
We didn't sleep on Nick the Quick Cage.
Nick the Quick is out here.
Put you in a fucking sleeper hole.
Like that.
This is what happens.
When you thought you were like, oh, the best actor is Robert DeNaro.
Get, He got you.
You're tapping out.
What, Mark?
Fast times of Ridgemont High.
Oh, my God.
Fuck.
You can't make that movie without Nick serving the burgers.
Son.
So you see mad Nicholas Cage movies.
No, yo, we all have.
We all have face-off.
Let me just tell you.
Loki, we all have.
Fam, how the dynamic.
I mean, how dynamic an actor are you with face-off?
You start as good guy, bad guy.
You know.
Yeah.
You start as bad guy, switch that up.
Good guy, seamless.
You don't even notice that, like, it's amazing how that acting was unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
I saw some indie movie with him, adaptation.
Oh, my God.
Give me more.
Hey, are you on his IMDb?
Just name a random movie.
Name a random movie.
You want a random movie?
I want, just go like this.
And then stop it.
The ant bully.
What?
Man, come on, Mark.
That's how I said a random movie.
That's how prolific my man is.
Go like this and then stop and then hit a good one.
All right.
A good one or stop?
Some of these are kind of bombs, bro.
Snake eyes.
He never bombs.
All right, what about Amos and Andrew?
I was probably going snake eyes.
What was that one?
Snake Eyes.
Something about boxing and casinos.
I didn't watch it, to be honest.
Look, all I'm saying is, Nick Cage gets slept on.
He is, without a doubt, Wicker Man, bro.
What?
Wicker man.
I said that already.
Listen, Mark.
You said Wicker Man.
We'd said Wicker Man before.
I would not say Wicker.
That's too long.
All right.
Listen, Al.
Look, I understand there are certain things about Nicholas Cage that you judge him by, okay?
He's had a horrible hair piece his entire career.
Oh, I know.
It looks like a tumbleweed.
That's what his hair is.
He goes like this.
Just this one movie.
I'm going to say it.
I'm going to leave it here.
You guys decide what you feel about it.
The Rock.
Oh, shit.
The Rock is hot, yo.
Escape, that movie where they escaped from the fucking Alcatraz shit.
They got to sneak in.
That shit is hot.
You got to sneak in.
You got to escape in.
The Rock and Sean Connery.
Oh, my God.
Biggest actor that made like the most straight to DVD movies.
Because I don't think these are in the movie.
These were in the movie.
The rock was a massive sensation.
It was a massive sensation, bro.
I think at some point he was making like 20 plus million a movie.
He had a lot of flops.
So we, real talk, all drugs aside, he had a lot of flops.
So we forget how many bangers he had.
He didn't have a lot of flops.
He didn't have a lot of flops.
He released movies like albums.
You know what I'm saying?
He put out nine movies, 10 movies.
That's the album?
That's the album.
He put it all at the same time.
You know, he got a couple singles in there.
He got a couple bangers.
And then he got a couple Amos and Andy's.
That's how he works.
But he can do comedy.
He can do drama.
He can do action.
He did a movie where he was like a, he did some indie shit.
He did a movie where he was like a robber.
And then this girl like says she's his daughter.
And it's like some crazy.
Ah.
Yep.
And that movie got a lot of people, bro.
You know what I'm saying, though, right?
I do, bro.
He does.
No, I do know what he's saying, huh?
No, I know what he's saying.
And then he got to get his daughter.
He got to get his daughter back.
Something like that.
He got to get his daughter back.
Something like that.
He got to stop his robbing ways.
Something like that.
Yep.
Something like that.
And yeah, I remember that.
And then he's all like, I love you.
Yeah.
And she's like, I love you.
He's like, what?
I wasn't there for you because I was robbing.
That's what I was doing.
I'll be robbing and shit.
Yeah, that's the one.
Son, Nick Cage is all boss.
Yo, which movie do you think would be a million times better?
Nah, this is important, bro.
This is mad important, bro.
I never mean it.
It's just funny time.
I never heard.
Hey, here are two boxes.
Which box has the box?
Bro, that box shit was trash, bro.
That's the best TV day.
Bro, that box shit was trash.
I had someone message me on Instagram about the box shit.
He goes, I'm not going to lie.
I'm English.
And that was scintillating podcasts.
Yo, maybe there's something about this about us, but I was loving every minute of that.
We're blowing up in London, dog.
All right, go.
Which movie is better with Nick Cage in it?
Okay, go.
Which one you think?
Oh, Godfather.
As who?
Citizen Kane.
Citizen Kane.
If he was Kane, that shit was slap.
Facts?
I got to see the Citizen K movie.
Nah, you don't.
Son, that shit is mad.
Old, son.
I thought this shit was in the 80s.
I was watching the play of it.
Yeah.
I thought that shit was the 80s, bro.
I thought it was Gone with the Wind in like 79.
1941?
Son, I didn't even know they had color.
I thought it was, is it going to be sound?
I'm watching the preview for it.
You can watch the previews because we looked at every Oscar-winning film.
Yeah.
And we were like, we were bored.
We're like running out of shit to watch.
And we saw Citizen Kane, and then there's another 12 Angry Men.
How the fuck do you think Citizen Kane was the 80s?
Time don't matter, bro.
It's like it's a flat circle.
$20 was $100 10 years ago.
I think it was, bro.
Now that I think about it, I'm doubling down on that.
I think it was.
If Snickers was five cents back then.
Back when?
Back then.
Back when.
Back then.
Star Snickers.
If Snickers was five cents back then.
And now it's a dollar.
How much was King Snickers in the 80s?
Do that, Matt.
I can't even.
You fucking Mark found.
We got to share it with the people.
Yeah, yeah.
Apparently, there was a Negro baseball team in Atlanta called the Atlanta Blackcrackers.
ABCs, bro.
The ABCs.
Yo.
Whoa.
Mark Licks jerseys.
They were really good.
They were good.
People liked them.
Whoa.
They were the best team in the league or something like that, right?
So you're saying the Crackers were busting all the other black guys.
Yeah, bro.
He was whipping them to death.
Poor Al.
What do you think is more famous now on the podcast?
Al's laugh or his exhale?
What we say something Incredibly offensive, and he knows he's gonna have to deal with 15 DMs.
Like, how you gonna look those?
Yo, Phil, you gonna hold on?
You're supposed to be silent when they make fun of every other race and religion, but when they make fun of us, you're supposed to step in.
Everybody does that shit.
That is so true.
That is so fucking true.
So, have we proved that Nick Cage is the greatest?
Living.
I didn't say dead, living.
All right, make the case.
Nick Cage is better than he's not better than Kevin Spacey.
Kevin Spacey is the best.
That's who I was going to bring up.
What?
Were you really?
Yeah.
Okay, Kevin Spacey is the best.
I will give you that.
Kevin Spacey is the best.
Kevin Spacey is because the kid diddling.
Say what?
Because the kid did.
He never touched kids.
Yes, he did.
No, he didn't.
The boy was like 14.
No.
18.
No, he wasn't.
He was, bro.
Once you say you're gay, you become 18.
Okay, okay.
That's how it works.
I didn't get that bad by the way.
Once you come out of the closet, it's like a gay bar mitzvah.
You're an adult now in the eyes of gays.
They're ready to feed.
But I think the guy was 18, huh?
Nah, he was like 15.
He was 18 or 17.
I heard 14, maybe 15.
Yeah, like what story did you know?
Mark, stop acting like you don't know this by heart, bro.
Come on.
You've been at the bottom of the story, bro.
Heart was the kid.
I can tell you exactly how old he is.
All right, go.
He was, oh my God, the kid's last name is R.A.P. Rap.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
And he said he was 14 when it happened.
But what happened?
He might have been at a party that were supposed to be.
Making sexual advances?
Yeah, that's a little crazy.
Kevin Spacey walked that back, son.
Frank Underwood, come on, bro.
Can't be out of here fucking 14-year-old.
Son, he doubled down, though, like when he came out as Frank Underwood and made like, oh, I'm going to get all the people talking bad about me.
Did you see that shit?
Son, that was the realest shit ever, son.
So funny.
Son, that was a real.
Yo, imagine, Loki, imagine who the fuck played Thanos?
Josh Brolin.
Yeah.
Imagine Josh Brolin called a Me Too and he came out there like, listen, if you don't make this disappear, I will.
That's how you gotta do it.
That's how you gotta do it.
You gotta come out in character, bro.
That's the fucking, what's that guy?
Pee-wee's Playhouse.
That's what he should have done.
What?
When he was jerking off of the movie theater?
Yeah.
He should just come out as fucking Pee-Wee.
It's been like.
Does he talk regular?
Man, get the fuck out of here.
Pee-wee talks regular?
Yeah, yo.
And you mean he just goes, hey, hello?
I like Coca-Cola and some fries.
Pee-Wee Herman Birthday00:08:28
Like, he'll say that sentence.
Not if he's trying to diddle.
He was in other shit.
I thought that's when he was putting on the accent.
When he was in blow?
Yo, he was in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
That's a slept-on fucking show, son.
Show or movie.
Another movie.
Son, that's a slept-on movie.
You know who directed that?
Nicholas Cage, bro.
Nicholas Cage directed that movie.
And you know what?
You can't argue with Nicholas Cage is like, isn't he like Francis Ford Coppola's son?
That's what I'm saying.
That's good stock.
Who are these people?
Francis Ford, he made the Ford.
He made the fucking car, bro.
He's not his son.
That is not his son.
Son, you never had a, there's a Ford.
You never heard of Ford's.
Ford Mustang, Ford Coppola.
Son?
No bullshit.
The 78 Coppola is like the fucking is the car, yo.
Iconic car.
Come on, bro.
What do you think cops put you in the backup?
Francis Porcopola, dog.
And where do they take you?
A cage.
That's how he got a snake.
Mark, he's redeemed himself from the boxes.
He's back.
Telling you, greatest of all time.
Greatest actor of all time.
Nick Cage.
Big dick Nick.
Thick dick Nick.
That's what they call him on set.
Thick dick nick.
Thick dick Nick.
Thick dick Nick.
Thick dick nick.
Say it.
Thick dick nick.
All right.
Thick dick nick.
Ooh, that was kind of thick.
That shit felt thick coming out of my hand.
I'll say it.
Yo, I think I'm a housewife now.
Okay.
I thought you were going to say a different word after house.
Yeah.
Guys, I'm a house cracker.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I got to come out, man.
Well, I just like cooking and shit.
And then yesterday I got excited because a fucking vacuum came from Amazon.
Son, yo.
I just ordered a vacuum.
I'm so hyped, yo.
I feel so.
I can't explain it.
I was like, yo, my birthday was yesterday.
I was like, I'm 36.
Yo, that's it.
Your birthday was yesterday?
Yeah, I don't be talking about that shit.
Yo, what?
We were all together yesterday.
Yeah.
What you want to wish him happy birthday?
Son, you're a horrible friend.
Yo.
How do you not know his birthday?
I could not know his birthday.
Why am I supposed to know his birthday?
We live together.
And we don't live together no more.
I don't know his birthday.
Thank you.
I don't know your birthday.
It's in October.
I know that.
And it's near Halloween, but I don't know if it's on Halloween or around Halloween.
Okay.
Happy birthday.
Yo, how the fuck?
Hey, hey, I got you.
Hey, happy birthday.
Thank you.
It means so much to me.
I can't wait for my gift.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
I got a gift for him.
I got a gift for him.
Wait, Yo, it better be that.
Dick, you and you better be coming over here with that.
I can't get a new vacuum cleaner, bro.
I'll show you a Dyson.
Son, did you feel bad we didn't know your birthday?
I honestly did not care.
Truly.
All right, Al.
Because I'm so masculine.
Yeah.
Baked vegan oatmeal.
Son, you ain't got peanut butter cup.
You already ready?
Scratch.
Here's a candle.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, you sandcracker.
Happy birthday to you.
You missed the first one.
How much saliva has it come out, John?
Did you even try to use your lips?
I missed the first one.
Why didn't you use your lips?
There's mad Corona all in that area right now.
That's proof that I have bigger lips than you.
That's proof because your lips couldn't even hold in your fucking saliva.
They get in the way, yo.
They're too big.
Bro, that was disgusting.
That's why the first one didn't go.
It got me.
Yeah, it hit my lip.
I think it hit my lips.
Son, whatever, yo.
And you breathed all over the god.
Take the top one, please.
I thought you were worried about Corona, yo.
Son, Corona's gone, dog.
All right, let's see these cookies.
Let's see what these cookies are all about.
We're going to try Al's.
We're going to test Al's cookies live on air.
I made them from scratch.
Should you use some more scratch, bro?
Nah, yeah, man.
I don't know, son.
Good.
Maybe we could use them to put the glasses on or something.
Actually, the actor taste ain't bad.
Son.
What's the toughness of it?
I don't know.
You're done with that.
It's a cookie.
You're done with it?
You don't want no more?
I'm good.
Why?
I'm just, I ate too much shit yesterday.
What'd you do with your birthday?
Yeah, celebrating his birthday that we didn't know about because you're a horrible friend and didn't tell us.
Son, like, what is a birthday?
I agree.
I don't get men who make a big deal about it.
Let's just pile on here.
Oh, yeah, my bad.
Come on, son.
Yo, what's a birthday even, though?
I mean, I don't know.
Friends celebrate in love and care about each other.
Yeah, but I celebrate that every single day with you.
So every day is your birthday?
I don't know.
Should be.
You know, I text him every time I wake up in the morning.
I go, hey, bro, we're lucky for another day.
Love you, man.
Glad we're in this together.
Except he didn't on my birthday.
Damn.
So on the one day you're supposed to, you didn't do it.
Yeah, ain't that something?
Ain't that something?
Bro, this is a celebration of Akash's dad raw dog his mom, bro.
Yo, yo.
We can't celebrate that.
It's actually my birthday.
That's actually not the celebration of it, Mark.
That's not how pregnancy works.
I don't know what they told you in Christian school.
Indians have a one-year gestation period, bro.
Oh, it's a little bit longer.
I think, right?
Okay, now that is true.
Nine months ago, this day, 36 years, and nine months ago, this day, your dad unloaded a fucking mango loss right in them guts.
Up in them guts.
He was digging, bro.
He was digging.
Hammer.
Do you think he gave her that hammer time?
Oh, yeah.
You think it was pump, pump, pass?
Yo.
Ain't no passing, yo.
Ain't no passing, yo.
No passing, but lots of passion, right?
Oh, you think he would slow it?
He read off them shots like now.
What do you think?
Yeah, I be committing.
That's my folks, yo.
They should be having sex.
Yo, that's true.
You're right, man.
Damn, dog.
Alex is weirder for you because you only got one parent.
No, son.
I just gotta think about my mom diddling herself.
That's how you were born, bro.
Mom, is it really true a stork dropped me off?
Yo, whatever happened to the stork, yo.
Yo, you never hear about the stork no more.
Yo, man, that's true.
She's still learning about the stork.
Why is it a stork?
I don't know what a stork is, to be honest.
It's a pelican.
Why they call it a stork?
It's a different version.
What's different about it?
You know, they got four F-150s, they got four friends, four clubless, they got Pelicans.
They got stork.
There's a lot of different types of these things, bro.
A stork might be Alex's dad, bro.
Wait, talk to me.
Because this shit is built like Alex.
Shut it, bitch.
We gotta get the image.
We gotta get the dongle so that we can.
He's got a nice little bracelet.
I'll add it after.
He's like a little skinny.
Tyson's Last Punch00:12:22
Oh, God.
His stork.
His broth ass upper body, yo.
Yeah, they do got chest.
Like, the birds got good chest.
That's what we eat from the birds.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
We eat their chest.
Yeah.
You know?
Chicken titties.
We do eat chicken titties when you think about it.
You know?
Yeah.
But you never go to the butcher and be like, let me get a couple chicken titties.
We should start.
I get two pounds of chicken titties.
Imagine going to like a fucking church's and they ask what kind of part of the chicken you want.
The titties.
The titty.
The titty.
Oh, boys.
Okay, I had some things happen that we should discuss.
What do you think?
Whoa, happy.
Oh, gosh.
Oh, there was something I wanted to talk about.
I don't remember what it was.
Oh, Mike Tyson boxing.
Boom.
Bruh.
Am I tripping or was that fucking incredible to see Tyson boxing at 53?
If y'all don't know, there's a video on Twitter.
If you go to Mike Tyson's Twitter, here you posted it of him boxing.
And he's 53 right now and he's just doing some pad work.
And it's fucking insane to someone who doesn't know about boxing at least.
And I'm curious to know if you do know about boxing.
Is it just as impressive?
Yeah.
It's really impressive.
I mean, what was the most impressive was the last punch.
So, like, the combo, the one, two, three, I thought was kind of okay.
But the last punch, that kind of like overhand right that was really short that he threw.
I mean, you're dead.
If he connects with that, you're dead.
I mean, punch probably travels six inches.
What is unbelievable?
Why, why is the overhand right the most impressive?
Who's just positioning?
Still like this is really hard to eat, Al.
But you still eating it, though.
You going back?
Like, he's in front of the guy with the pads for the one, two, three.
Right.
Which is fine.
And then he shifts slightly and throws the last punch, not straight, but over to his left.
Like, if you watch the video again.
And basically, what that is, is like if you see him throw the one, two, three combination, it's like closing distance.
Okay, so it's two to the body and then he swings under, right?
Right.
Two to the body, two to the body.
I'm up under you, and then I'm under on the other side.
He dips under and then comes over with that right.
Watch the last right.
Yeah.
It's like it just travels from his shoulder six inches.
Okay.
All the power behind it.
Oh my God.
And he's out of your punching range.
So watch.
Boom, boom.
Under you and slip to the side.
Oh, so beautiful.
Now, granted, can you sustain this for 12 rounds?
Of course not.
You know, but it does go to show you like that muscle memory is there, even at 53 years old.
I mean, he just looks fantastic.
Bro, the guy catching pads for him.
Frightened.
He looks legit scared.
I was wondering, am I tripping or does he look legit?
His hands are shaking, bro.
Oh, yeah.
And that last punch he catches, he like it out the way.
Yeah.
Nah, bro.
I mean, just walked it off.
Those bodies.
Even with the pad, you're still feeling like body shots.
That's got to hurt.
Those body shots, even with that pad, they got to hurt.
Do you think there's another boxer in history that is punching like that at 53?
And I'm including Foreman because he was known as the fucking knockout artist.
And I think knocked somebody out at like 45, right?
Yeah.
So Foreman came back and he was back really late in his career.
Yeah.
And when did Evander Holyfield keep fighting to?
I think Evander Holyfield kept fighting until really late too.
I would say that they maintained their power.
I mean, Foreman was arguably the hardest puncher ever.
I mean, some people say Frank Bruno, who is this British heavyweight.
But I mean, Foreman, that's my pop said.
That was the hardest puncher he'd ever seen.
Like lift, he literally lifted Joe Frazier off the canvas when he hit him.
Really?
Yeah, like his feet come off the canvas a couple inches and then come back down.
He hit him with like an uppercut.
Right.
So I think Foreman would maintain it.
At that time, it's just like size and like coordination and body weight and just how you're built.
Like speed is something that you're born with and punching power is actually something you're born with.
Some people just have it.
Yeah.
I could teach you how to punch harder than you're punching right now.
Right.
But some people just naturally have amazing punching power.
It's just how they're built.
Yeah.
Nothing you could do about that shit.
Yeah.
I can 100% see that.
Oh, I guess.
I wonder if coordination's like that too.
Coordination, I think to a large degree, you get better, but you're born with it or you're not.
Like if you play tennis with somebody who's playing for one of their first few times and you're like, oh shit, you just naturally have this down.
I've never seen that with like tennis, but that quickly, but it's just again, yeah, once you learn the form, it's just a matter.
Like, you ever seen some people try to throw and they just can't fucking understand how to bring the ball back?
Yeah.
It just seems like, and it can be different in different sports.
Like, I knew, I remember I had a friend who could hoop.
He was nice, but then we tried to teach him how to throw a football, and he was in, we were 18.
He just couldn't fucking do it.
He was like throwing from here, and it's like, yo, what the hell happened?
My dad said Muhammad Ali threw like a girl.
Isn't that crazy, dude?
You couldn't believe it.
Fucking crazy.
He couldn't believe it.
He goes, this is a perfect human specimen.
Like, this is the epitome of athleticism right here.
This is what happens when everything works out.
You have size, power, speed, and he threw like a girl.
Unreal.
It's weird how coordination is so different.
Yo, do you think?
I'm scared about that.
Whether your kid might be trash?
No, I forgot how to throw.
Like, we should have throwing.
No, I mean, because I don't want to lose that shit, baby.
We should have throwing.
Like, we should all get a mitt and a base.
Fuck baseball, but you got to know how to throw.
Yeah.
So that when we have kids, we could throw with them.
Yeah.
Like, we should just go up to the roof and all of us have our mitts.
And then at least two times a week.
Just toss around.
We toss the ball for 20 minutes just to maintain the form.
That's it.
I think if you've done it enough when you're a kid, it always stays.
Yo, son, yes, but God forbid it doesn't.
And then we're out there looking crazy.
Nah, that shit gotta stay.
There's no way father-sons, white kids that learn to play cash from their dad or their dad are just like training for it.
No, but those guys back in the day were going to fucking World War II and throwing grenades and shit at people.
You were actually throwing shit for a reason.
Bro, Andrew's training for his kid, bro.
Imagine that.
I am.
You have camp for your habitual children.
I need to.
I need to go through a boot camp.
Think about the men were throwing way more shit.
You throw the fucking dishes when your girl will piss you off.
You were using your arms.
But that was like a frisbee.
That's like, whoop.
That's, you know what I mean?
Throwing it at her like odd job.
Odd job.
But for real.
Is it a thing in boxing where you can tell how good they are at a boxer based off just like how they carry themselves or like how they look or like how they walk?
Oh, you could tell if someone's a boxer.
Really?
Wow.
I think so.
There's like a little haunch that they always say.
So boxers don't have good posture.
It's because when you're in the ring, you kind of want to shell up a little bit more.
You're almost like a turtle in your posture.
And so I can tell if a guy is, if a guy has some boxing training, if he's a little bit hunched over and oftentimes the shoulders roll forward.
Like boxers don't walk around like this, like male models, that kind of shit.
That being said, they usually just walk around like that in the gym.
When they're out of the gym, it's pretty normal.
Or if you're in baggy clothes, pretty normal.
But also, boxers aren't big usually.
Lean, right?
Lean.
Yeah.
It hurts you to be big.
Unless you're heavyweight, you want to make the lowest possible weight so you can maintain the power advantage.
I remember I saw Amir Khan and he's the greatest boxer of all time, obviously.
But I remember looking at him.
I was like, oh, you don't.
It is, it's cool that you are the greatest boxer of all time.
And, you know what I mean?
Never seen anything like this, but you just look mad regular.
You're just like 5'8, 5'9, just regular ass brown dude.
Son, some of our biggest boxing heroes are smaller than Akash.
Floyd Mayweather wears, I think, like a size 7 shoe.
Maybe 7 and a half, something like that.
It's crazy.
Barely an adult.
Isn't that crazy, though?
How tall are you, Akash?
5'7.
5'7.
That's how most of our boxing heroes, that's probably what height they are.
5'7.
Not heavyweights, though, right?
No, but our heroes.
Like the Floyd Mayweathers.
I'm trying to think all the way.
Manny Pacquiao is smaller than me.
I think he's 5'6.
Manny Pack, Juan Manuel Marquez, Barrera, like all these guys.
Mikey Garcia, all these guys that we watch constantly.
Even the guys that are popping now.
What's his name?
Lomachenko.
Oh, really?
All these guys are tiny.
I was like, you probably tower over these guys.
So, you think, do you think Mayweather would be able to take on like a big bouncer, like a 6'5, like regular, just big dude?
Here's the thing.
No.
No.
Why?
Okay, it's two things.
If Mayweather connects, this is what happens.
When you box, when you punch someone, two things happen.
Two things happen.
One, you're being punched at such a speed that you're not used to it.
So you're being really caught off guard.
And two, it's really precise.
So let's say he connected with that guy.
I think he lays him down.
I think he lays him down.
If he doesn't connect, I don't think the other guy can catch him.
I think he can move around, but he's not going to sit there and swing with him.
He just can't.
It's too much weight.
6'5, 260 pounds.
Most of these guys have played some sort of like college ball, like they're used to getting hit a little bit, you know.
But it seems like if he gets you in his grip, it's a wrap.
It's a wrap.
He just grabs you, and then what's going to happen?
Yeah.
I mean, there's a cool video of Connor McGregor fighting, like sparring, fake sparring against the mountain from Game of Thrones.
Oh, yeah.
And the Mountain just can't grab him.
Connor's kicking him, punching him, keeping him at distance.
Floyd could do that.
If it was in a ring, Floyd will easily outbox that 6'5 guy.
If it's in a street fight, in a tiny little quarters, 6'5 guy's gonna eventually grab him.
I think.
Somebody had a Brian, I think, had a captain question a couple weeks ago: like, find an underrated person in each sport.
I'd be very curious to know if you had a boxer that is like, this guy's criminally underrated.
He doesn't get the credit he deserves.
And I'm also like, I was seeing on Twitter, and I didn't watch it.
I still need to, but they were showing the first round of one of these Hagler Hearns fights.
And it'd be cool to like revisit that because it just looked again.
I'm only watching like 20 seconds, but it looked like fucking crazy.
Man.
Yeah, non-stop action.
And it would almost be cool.
I'm interested in hearing your knowledge on boxing because going back and like, I don't know nothing.
There's one fighter.
He's this Dominican dude.
He fizzled out.
He failed to make weight a few times and then just kind of, you know, fizzled out.
But he was the most impressive guy I've ever seen.
He was like Roy Jones, but smaller.
Really?
I forget his name.
They called him like something Tyson or something like that.
He's a Dominican guy.
I would remember his name.
His YouTube stuff, I'm going to figure out his name.
His YouTube stuff is unbelievable.
His hand speed is unbelievable.
Georgia Reas?
No, no.
He was like maybe recent, last 15 years, 10 years.
Because when I watch old shit, there's nothing I've seen like Tyson.
It's just, it was just so devastating.
Yeah.
And again, I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert, but when I'm watching as a guy, just the way he fucking laid out, was it Sphinx where he just broke his jaw in the first minute?
And he's just prowling around the ring before the fight like a caged animal, like a nick-caged animal, ready to unleash on this roll.
And then he just fucking, in a minute, breaks a guy's jaw.
He's done.
Yeah.
It was just like, yo, I don't know if we'll ever see anything like this.
Terrifying, right?
And that's what I think about at 53.
Guzman.
Joan.
How the fuck do you know him?
No, I just go.
I thought you knew that.
Joan Guzman, and it's spelled J-O-A-N Guzman.
But yeah, you're 100% right about Tyson.
It was just mayhem.
You're watching a caged animal.
And it was the most exciting thing in the world.
Devastating, dude.
I don't, I've never seen anything like that.
Dude, 100%.
Check out this Joan Guzman guy.
It was, and again, J-O-A-N Guzman.
The speed and power, he does a lot of like mitt drills that are unbelievable.
He just stopped making weight, stopped taking it seriously.
And it just really sucks because he was so fucking talented and he could have easily been one of the best ever.
Those are always so sad to me.
LeBron vs Jordan Dreams00:05:41
And you know what, actually, though, that when you think about Michael Jordan and LeBron, it makes you appreciate them that much more.
Yeah, that's something we got to talk about.
Is a lot of times people stop progressing once they get what they want.
They just didn't realize what they wanted.
Yeah.
So a lot of these dudes that maybe come from the DR, come from Cuba, all they wanted was a fucking house and some bitches and life is good.
Yeah.
Right?
That wasn't enough for LeBron.
That wasn't enough for Jordan.
And you got to put some respect on that.
Because as sports fans, we want to see greatness.
We want to see shit that we can't even possibly fathom doing ourselves.
And when you got a guy like Jordan, who somebody on the ticket said this, he is the most well-like designed basketball player ever.
If God said, let's make a basketball player, it is Michael Jordan.
He's long, he's lean, he's super quick, massive hands, incredible jumping ability, hang time, everything is perfect.
And then he had the greatest drive we've seen of maybe any human being in American history.
Just like competitively, I will not be stopped.
LeBron is another guy.
He's a body of like a fucking tight end, but then he's quick as shit, great first step, great vision, all these gifts.
And then to not be content with one championship, to not be content with, oh, I'm making $100 million.
I'm good.
Just say, I'm going to keep going.
I want to chase Jordan.
We're really lucky that we get those guys that do both.
LeBron and Mello came in together, but you see one, a person who has a drive versus one who just is happy that he made it there.
Yeah.
And Mello's drive is to be a billionaire.
And he made his money.
He always took the biggest contract.
He went to New York because he wanted marketing.
Like, that's Mellow.
That was his drive.
And he wanted, he was content with 20 points a game.
Oh, if I got 20 and 10, I'm doing great, which is great, but it's not greatness.
Yeah.
And yeah, you got to put some respect on the guys who achieve the things that would make all of us stop.
And they keep going.
They keep setting their sights higher.
When most people, I always say this about comics, is like you get what you want, you just don't realize what you want.
And there are a lot of comics who they just want a peer group.
They just want a community.
They just want to hang out.
And the second they have that, they stop working on their act and they stop pushing forward.
And they'll complain about other people getting shit and getting the same conversations that comics will get into, but they never really wanted greatness.
Right.
And that's why they stopped working harder.
And I would see all these guys on the way up and I'd be like, why aren't they doing it?
Why aren't they trying something different?
What's going on?
They didn't want any more than that.
There's a Kevin Hart thing that we've all seen that I think people kind of clown, but it's true.
He says, everybody wants to be famous.
Nobody wants to do the work.
Nobody wants to do the work.
And I'll be honest, I think a lot of people want a lot less than fame.
Like, if you ask comics, you ever hear comics say this?
I just want to make a living at it.
Yeah.
Let me tell you something.
You're not going to.
You will only go as far as your dream.
And that is the furthest you will possibly go.
Nothing past that.
And you probably won't get there.
Right?
So you might as well dream here.
So if you get halfway, you're selling out the fucking local comedy club or something.
Also, making a living as a comic never appealed to me because it's like, yo, I want kids.
I want a family.
I want to be there.
I don't want to be, my kid is six years old, but I can't be there for whatever the fuck he wants me to be at because I got to be at Sergei Ups in Ontario.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, you know, disrespect to any club, but I'm not doing that on a Wednesday to make a living.
That's not a life that interests me.
Yeah.
So I just want to make a living.
It's like, really?
That's it?
That's all you want?
You don't want nothing else?
That's the thing about dreams is they don't cost anything.
That's why I don't understand why people are, yo.
But it's true.
It's like they don't cost anything.
So why are you so stingy with your dreams?
It's just such a weird thing to me.
You can literally say you want anything and people are afraid to say that.
You might as well say, hey, I want to be the greatest ever.
Hey, I want to sell out the garden.
So I agree with that, but just to play devil's advocate, if you set your dreams too high, you always feel like, oh, I haven't made it.
Yeah.
So it's like, even though you'll have all these successes, like, ah, damn, but I still haven't made it.
There's a gray area, I think, where you have to say, you have to like train yourself.
And I'm to be honest, I'm working on it now to say, like, yo, because I used to be, yeah, I haven't done shit.
But there's a, yo, I've, I've done a lot, but I'm not where I want to be.
And that's great that I've done a lot.
I still got a ways to go.
That's why I think you try to find that space as a person.
No, that is a really good point because oftentimes, yeah, I feel like maybe you have to balance it with, I guess what I would do is like, I'd have like check-in periods of my progress.
So I'd like force myself to acknowledge my progress.
So where earlier in my career, it's like, okay, I need to get up at the club.
So how do I get up at the clubs?
I got to get funny, but I also have to be on a TV show.
So I have something to offer the club, right?
I wasn't on a TV show yet, and I could be focused on not achieving that goal and how that was like, I guess, a failure every single day I wasn't.
But what I would do is every few months, I'd check in and go, what have I improved in the last two months?
Oh, shit, I can actually just go on stage and tell a joke and like get the ball moving and like get some rhythm.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
Actually, I wrote this other piece in like a short amount of time and it's really working.
Or, oh, my crowd work's actually getting better.
I would check in on my improvements.
And as long as I checked in on my improvements, I felt like I was getting better.
I was cool with not achieving that greater goal.
And I guess it's like having multiple goals along the way.
Hey, I wanted Flagrant 2 to reach 100,000 subs.
Sopranos Bees Honey00:12:22
Right.
I really wanted that 100.
Now, I want Flagrant 2 to have 10 million subs.
But 100,000 was a goal that was attainable.
And then there's like lifetime goals.
I want to sell out a show at the Orpheum.
Okay, that's one.
That's the beginning one.
I want to sell out the garden.
That's the next one.
And then after that, who knows?
But I feel like you don't have to have just one goal.
There can be many.
Making a living can be a goal.
That shouldn't be the last.
It shouldn't be the dream.
Yeah, it shouldn't be the dream.
That's maybe a better way of looking at it.
There's goals and there's dreams.
Goals are some shit that I want to attain.
Dream is, this is the limit of what I want to attain.
This is the sky.
And then people fail when they put the goal as the dream.
Yes.
When they're like, my one goal is to make a million dollars.
And it's like, you realize that's not a ton of money in your lifetime.
Yeah.
You're like, oh, okay.
I should have made a higher thing.
Yeah, make 10 million.
And a million could be your first one.
Yeah.
Yeah, 100%.
All right, let's take a break for a second.
Get your dicks hard.
Get them dang-a-langs thick.
Get them thick.
How thick does your dick get when you pop that chew?
Thicker for sure.
It gets thick.
Oh, yo.
Can you grab all the way around on it?
Oh.
Like when you're grabbing all the way around on it, is it like grabbing like a baseball bat or is it grabbing like a baguette?
So normally it's like a tic-tac.
Okay.
So normally you're just like around it.
But then after that, it's like a fruit stripe gum.
You know what I mean?
Real talk.
It's more three-dimensional, but with the wise, you know.
But with wise.
I got you.
I'm with you.
Point is, guys, if you're new to this podcast, we only do hard dicks on this podcast.
Simple as that.
We don't do nothing flimsy, nothing floppy.
All right.
We are going hard dick only.
And the way you do that is you pop that blue chew.
Same active ingredients as in Cialis, Viagra, all that bullshit.
Only it works twice as fast because you're actually chewing it down.
So you're not sitting there like an asshole waiting for your dick to get hard.
Okay.
You chew that up when you know it's go time.
You got 20 minutes.
Go down there.
Lick that nana.
Lick that nana.
Have you been eating box?
Yeah.
Dick game as weak as mine.
You got to be nice.
That's what I'm saying.
So we out there.
Al got the mic.
He wants to say something.
Oh, no.
I was just, he's talking about eating box.
I was like, oh, talk about it.
Blue chew make your tongue hard too.
That made my tongue like about two centimeters bigger when I eat box.
It makes everything sexual better.
Real talk.
I'm out here eating box.
I'm going D. Yo, you're going to get it.
With this tongue out.
That's how I got that pimple on my nose.
How big those nipples get, though?
My nipples?
Yeah.
Son.
Right?
Honestly, dogs.
Am I nipples hard right now?
Sometimes I'll take the chew and I'll rub it directly on the nipple before I chew it up.
I'll just press it right on the nipple.
I get a nice hard titty.
I like fucking with a hard titty, yo.
You like fucking with hard titties?
Obviously.
Real talk.
Sometimes you got to be out there.
So I take my beef.
I take that fucking top sirloin.
You know what I'm saying?
I take that prime rib and I take that chew and I make sure that shit is thick cut, thick, thick cut bacon.
Make it crispy.
All right.
You know how I get it?
I get that shit for free.
All you got to do is pay $5 shipping.
You go to bluechew.com.
You use that promo code flagrant.
Okay.
Bluechew.com promo code flagrant.
They're sending it right to your crib.
You don't even have to go out to get that hard dick.
You and your girl.
That shit gets delivered.
Okay?
So make sure you pop that blue chew, chew it up nice and good.
If you want to get that hard, extra thick tongue, leave it on the tongue for about three seconds before you chew it, right?
And then go to fucking town, dude.
That's what I do.
I think it's time to get back to the show.
But enjoy, ladies.
Enjoy, fellas.
Akasha, anything else?
Nah, you got it.
These murder hornets.
What the fuck is going on with this?
Asians coming for it, man.
There's a, I don't know if you guys heard about this, but there's an Asian murder hornet.
Yeah, from Japan, I believe.
Right?
Yeah.
Is it Japan?
Yeah.
All right, that's fine.
Wait, bro.
I wanted to pile on China, bro.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
No, so and what's the deal?
They're like kamikaze hornets.
How do they work?
Yo, they kind of are kamikaze hornets, aren't they?
Yeah.
They sting you, they die.
They're five times bigger than a regular bee.
So they eat on honey bees.
Real honeybees.
I like that.
So it's like they chop the head off and then turn their body into like a meat.
So how you like that?
You love honey.
Say what?
You love honey.
This is what I love honey.
Bruh.
You love all food and vegetables.
Like, without honeybees, you don't have that shit.
Why not?
Because they got to pollinate the fucking flowers and stuff.
Oh.
No, that's Mexican.
Yeah, you can get Mexicans to do that.
Wait, what you need?
You don't need honey bees for that.
What happens in a greenhouse?
Is that how you fix the fucking...
What happens in a greenhouse?
What?
They don't got bees in a greenhouse?
But they plant the shit in the ground.
That's what I'm saying.
Problem solved.
We really don't need bees no more.
Oh, bees are out.
Nah, but like, do we need bees?
Real talk, because I know you actually care about this.
You need bees for natural shit.
No, no.
Honey, I enjoy.
I like a little honey.
We can make honey.
Thank you.
You know what else I like actually better than honey?
If you make honey, Andrew ain't gonna ain't gonna do it.
No, no, no.
Only what?
What do I like more than honey?
Dick.
Man, come on, bro.
Give me my cigarettes.
Nah.
Maple syrup.
Oh, shit.
That's honey without bees.
It came in weird.
Stupid show Seinfeld is right.
What a fucking dumb show.
I love it.
It came into your apartment weird.
Hey, I'm getting in your apartment weird.
Great, great character.
Why is that show zoo?
Oh, I have a beef with the fucking mailman.
Andrew hates any sitcom.
And I don't mean that as like a knock.
He just doesn't get it.
He just watches him.
He's like, I don't get it.
Did you realize that these two things that weren't supposed to happen happened?
Crazy.
You hate it, bud.
You're scared.
I know.
That's how much.
How did these two things that weren't supposed to happen somewhat get aligned and scene so stupid.
Comedy writing, son is stupid.
I watched Seinfeld.
I'm like yo, this is dumb, we might need to nah son.
Nah son, what you off on this one, bro.
I've watched it.
I've watched it that time.
That was probably the best show.
I don't think there were other shows.
I'm telling you, Andrew just doesn't like sitcoms.
I like Martin and he's that.
Yeah okay, fair enough, I like Martin.
That proves the rule.
What I like Fresh Prince Of Bel Air did you?
I loved it.
Really, dead serious, I loved it.
Okay, fair enough.
I like Beverly Hills 9020.
That's a drama.
Yeah, he likes two sitcoms.
Yeah, that's it in his life.
I like Charmed Charms.
Yo charms slap, bro.
Who is the what?
Which one is that?
That's the witches bosom?
Yeah, which one was?
That's the bitch from 902?
And oh Brenda, Shannon torch, Shannon Dorsey.
Yeah, some chess booty.
Yeah, she.
And a Melissa and a Alyssa Milano.
Yeah, she had the chicken titties bro, they had Alyssa Milano, homegirl.
Yo yeah, before all these bitches got all me too, they were getting stroked out in a magic show called Charmed.
Now um, but if we're talking about Seinfeld.
I don't.
I cannot buy that.
This show is that great.
I've watched episodes.
I've never watched an episode of Seinfeld and went, this was fantastic.
Nah, it got so good that Kramer, with his dumb way he would come into a room, you actually like got used to it and started believing it.
Like oh, that's really just how he is.
I think he's that way outside, like when he walks into a room you like Kirby enthusiasm and he says yeah, love Kirby, it's grounded.
It's grounded, there's realness in it.
Everything is too charactery.
I don't need grounded and I don't mean that as like, that's just.
I've noticed that he's like if it's not realistic, he's not into it.
I don't give a.
I can take a show.
My brain is off and I'm just let's go.
I'm in this.
I think it's because he's watching it too late.
If you were watching it in that time.
Seinfeld's real.
Elaine is real.
I watch George is semi-real.
They're all high time.
You just have to act it at the highest level.
That's all sitcoms.
George is getting irritated.
Nobody talks like that, but it's, it's funny.
I just my brain.
I don't need reality in the show, I just don't.
Oh, you know, to be funny, it doesn't have to be grounded.
Exaggerate everything you have been to the hood, because there's some motherfuckers who just get upset and they'll talk like that in the street.
Yeah, but not in like.
You did sound like Fat Albro, a little bit George getting angry.
Hey hey hey, but for real, that's real.
I I, I just watched the show.
I saw the last episode where they went to prison or something.
That's not the episode to watch.
I mean, I saw a lot of the episodes it would come on I, he would hear everybody talking about it.
Okay, at home watching Citizen Kane, you go back and watch some sci-fi yo.
Can I give you another hot take?
Can I give you another hot one?
I tried to start watching Sopranos trash.
bro that's hot hey bro yo let me Stop.
It's not trash, but it's just okay.
Yeah, Ozark's.
Or was just an okay.
I'm with you on some of this shit.
Sopranos.
Ozark's not trash.
Ozark out of here.
Ozark's only trash when they went to women's empowerment season.
Where, like, bitches can launder money, too.
You could laundry.
Bootleg breaking bad.
Say what?
Everything is going to be similar to something else, but the show independently, if there was no breaking bad, would still be good.
Sopranos, relative to shows now, I can see why it's not as good, but it no show.
Sopranos change every other show.
Before TV shows are just like, yeah, sure, you watch it, and then the next week it's some different shit and whatever.
Was the wire before Sopranos?
Yeah.
It was after.
No.
Wire was not before Sopranos.
Yo, you while it Sopranos is like 98.
So Aka's usually good with his dates.
I know he is.
That's why I got to check.
Sopranos came out in 99.
And when did The Wire come out?
2002.
Damn.
You don't know nothing about black shit, Al.
Don't worry about that.
The only thing I'll say with Sopranos is this is, and I watched the first few episodes.
They were fine.
I would keep watching, et cetera.
I imagine that as you get into the show longer and the character development is a little slower because they had more time back in the day.
Now you need character development first episode or we're not locked in.
So if I gave it more time, maybe it would end up being the greatest show ever, as some people say.
But in my honest opinion, I'm watching the first few episodes.
I'm like, this is okay.
Okay.
Your mom is annoying.
You have a bad relationship with her.
Join the club.
Like, what's the big deal, Tony?
Like, come on now.
She don't want to go in a home.
Don't let her go in the home.
Let her light the house on fire.
Who cares?
Like, I don't care.
Like, why is this such a big deal?
Oh, you have to go to a fucking therapist and talk about your emotions.
Boohoo.
Man up.
Like, you kill people for a living.
You can't handle that.
Like, you literally have anxiety attacks.
That's what's interesting about it: a guy who kills people going to a therapist, having to deal with killing people.
The rest of us go to therapy for my mom.
You know what I mean?
My dad.
My brother.
It's there.
He's like, I'm killing people and I got to deal with this.
No, he's okay with killing people.
He feels guilty about putting his mom on a home.
I think it all adds up.
It's all like a thing.
It's all issues.
But here's what I'll say about the Sopranos.
Everybody's favorite show.
Let's include Ozark's Breaking Bad, The Wire.
Ozark's not one of my favorites.
Fine, but all these shows that people talk about are great.
Westworld, whatever.
Name a show like that.
Charm slaps, son.
Charm slaps.
Yeah, but it's different than those shows.
It's like a different category.
No, it's not.
It's the same category of fucking amazingness.
Son, did you see them chicken titties?
Son, chicken titties was on point.
These bitches was doing magic.
They were witches.
Skibbily bobbily boo.
That was Harry Potter before Harry Potter.
Real talk.
Come on, son.
Yo, you didn't think them feminist bitches had Harry Potters?
Political Bias Rogan00:11:42
Put them.
Oh, man.
Go.
But go.
What are you saying?
All those shows will be after Sopranos.
Those shows didn't exist before Sopranos.
They changed like the golden age of TV.
That's Sopranos that did that.
All right.
So the chariot was the first thing with some fucking wheels on it.
Yeah, yeah.
That don't mean it's better than a Francis Ford Coppola.
It's not better than...
That's unfair.
Ain't nothing like a Francis Ford Coppola.
Nothing like a Francis Ford Cupola.
Yo, the 78 Cupola?
Dude, that 70 Coppola was fire.
Beautiful vehicle.
Unbelievable.
Beautiful.
Speaking of Harry Potters, are we going to talk about these women soccer players?
No, we're just talking about an hour.
30 minutes into your house.
Why we're not ready to have this discussion.
It's too complicated.
Oh, I completely checked out right there.
No, no, no.
I completely checked out.
Like, you talking women in sports.
I'm like, all right, Wednesday.
You brought it up.
No, you.
Just now.
Speaking of Harry Potter, because it's on the list.
So I figured you guys care about this stupid shit.
Yo, before the products are.
You produced that.
You made a producer.
No, no, no.
Before Andrew walked in the room, you talked about this woman soccer shit like three, four times.
Me and Mark.
This is when I wish we could all get naked at one point in time.
Oh, yeah.
At the exact same time, we could all zip off all our clothes and dance around the table until you shut the fuck up.
I wish all of us could just go, and then we get completely naked and you'd be like, hey, what are you doing?
And then we just start dancing around the fucking table.
Why does clothes have to come off?
I don't know.
It just seemed like if it would really get you to shut the fuck up.
If you just started dancing right now, I shut the fuck up.
But I think you just make fun of me.
You just start roasting me and dancing right now.
But if them dangs were out, bro, if my thing was out.
Start throwing them dollars.
It's like, if I'm saying what?
Start throwing them dollars.
Chuck in bucks.
Chuck in bucks at me.
All right, what else?
We're not talking about these dumb bitches.
No, we're not.
There's more to it.
No, because here's the thing.
There's a lot to it.
I think we're going to do this week's episode on it, on the Schultz episode on it.
But we just got to do all the research because there is a lot of things going on.
And unfortunately, we got to dig in and find out.
Apparently, it's not as cut and dry as the women reading it.
So the story that's being put out right now is.
All right, let's talk about it.
I was just going to be like, all right, so I guess we're talking about it.
Yeah, no, you're right.
It's not as cut and dry as what ESPN is saying.
You're right.
Basically, yeah.
I will say this, though.
I'm super excited about the last episode that we put out last Saturday.
We put out this Biden piece.
Oh, last Saturday.
And I know there's the Alex X Hale, but it's something that I'm really proud of.
The episode did really well.
I think we got over 4 million views so far on it between all platforms.
Joe Rogan retweeted, but there's a reason why I was super excited about it.
Well, no, I'm going to get it to it.
I'm going to get to it.
I mean, the reason why I got the 4 million is because Joe did.
That's the only reason I hit the high school.
I want to highlight the ones that.
Don't worry, don't worry.
We'll get there.
We're on the same page.
But the reason why I'm so excited about it is because basically when we were looking at this landscape and we're looking at the people who do shows, we thought that there was a white space in the market.
And by white space, it just means like there's a part of the market that wasn't being satisfied.
Right.
And the reality is, it's my opinion.
The reality is most people are pretty moderate.
I hate the term moderate because it sounds like there's not greatness attached to moderate.
Like I don't identify as like a moderate person.
Would you like it hot?
No, I like it moderate.
It's just such a stupid term, but reasonable, I think, is a better term.
And then one issue pulls you to either side, right?
I think it's like, okay, I'm pretty reasonable about all things, but I think abortion should be illegal.
So I'm going to vote for the guy who says abortion legal.
But I'm cool with all the other shit that you guys want.
It doesn't matter.
So when we come together and we want to put together a piece like this, I'm always like, how do I feel in my gut?
Your gut is not, is apolitical.
Right.
Right?
How you feel in your stomach when you see a fat person fall and you laugh, that's just your lizard brain going, that's funny.
It's not the Democratic Party saying you can laugh at that or the Republican Party saying you can't laugh at that, whatever.
It's just what's in here.
And I've always wanted to do comedy from gut, right?
Just a lizard brain, gut, what's funny.
And we basically came together.
We're like, we have to do what our gut is telling us about an issue every single week.
No bias, no political slant, no narrative that like a network that's tied to a political party and is really a mouthpiece for that party is telling us that we can say like the Daily Show or John Oliver or one of these guys who like they obviously have to give the left-leaning take.
We don't have to give any take.
We'll give whatever take.
And I think what happens is when you give whatever take, when people watch it, it resonates with their gut.
And when it resonates with their gut, both sides of the aisle come together and appreciate it.
And with this piece, you have Rogan, who's, I think, on the reasonable side, reposts it.
Charlemagne, who's on the left-leaning side, and at times far left leaning side, reposts it.
And then later that night, Donald Trump Jr. reposts it and we lit his pops on fire.
You can't say that we didn't have tons of jokes about Trump.
Like we fucking lit, we made sure we lit him on fire in it.
And to me, it just goes exactly to what I wanted to do when we came together to create the show.
Like what we want to do is like, we want to make something that is not politically biased.
We want to make something where the opinion is not decided before.
We just want to write the funniest joke.
We want to have the funniest take.
And when you do the funniest take, truly both sides can come together.
Yeah.
And it was just really cool to see that happen all in the same day.
You have all these people that would think they would never agree on anything come together and all agree.
Nah, this shit is fire.
This shit is funny.
Y'all got to watch this.
So I was just really proud of this.
That's why I was saying, Al, I was going to mention Charlemagne.
I was going to mention it.
But yeah.
I was, and still am super proud with what we made.
The reason why I dislike Trump Jr. reposting it, because by him reposting it, it makes it political.
It makes it like it can appear to be like, oh, hey, if I'm okay with this, that means he's flaming the other side more.
And that's what I dislike.
I love the fact that Rogan, Charlemagne, anybody in entertainment, cool.
But if a politician posts it, now it's like, ah, he could be using his energy to try to politicize this.
And that's what I'm like.
And I know we have no concern.
He's not a politician, though.
I mean, but anything he does reflects his father.
And I know, and I would say, I would say you could say the same thing about like people in entertainment.
You know, they have a certain slant, you know, politically speaking.
Yeah, but that's fine.
It's a different coming from an entertainer than it is coming from.
I understand what you're saying.
I understand what you're saying.
I just fundamentally disagree.
I'm not going to ostracize anybody from appreciating comedy.
And for me, what I focus on is not whether he liked it or not.
What I focus on is a guy like Charlemagne.
It's not like Charlemagne reposts a lot of my stuff.
Yeah.
Right?
It's like, it's rare Charlemagne reposts my stuff.
But this bit resonated with him so much that he was like, yo, I got to share this with people.
That Rogan could feel that.
Charlemagne could feel that.
And the exact opposite of Charlemagne, Donald Trump Jewel, could all feel that about the same piece.
It just shows that.
I am proud.
That shit was dope.
We're the best.
We've only made three episodes.
We're the best at it.
I decided.
Suck a dick, John Oliver.
All of them.
And you know, it's real funny because people are like, yo, you guys just stole the John Oliver scroll thing on the side.
It's like, yeah.
Yes.
Because we want you to watch John Oliver and go, oh, this is worse.
We want you to know exactly who we're coming for.
But yeah, it's cool.
Three episode in.
We're the best.
And you know how you be the best?
You just don't have a political slant.
When you have a political slant as a comedian, it's a perfect example with SNL.
It's why SNL's trash.
You're telling us how you're going to go about the joke every single time.
I know where the joke's going every single time.
So bad.
Let me guess.
You're going to make fun of Trump?
The best sketches on SNL are the ones where you flip it on us, right?
Like the Black Jeopardy thing.
That was genius.
Because you don't see it coming.
You can't show your cars as a comic.
So if we come at it every single week and you don't know where we're coming from and we literally trust our gut and sometimes our gut is going to lead liberal on something.
Maybe it's going to lead conservative, but it's just going to be our gut.
You're going to find people from all sides of the aisle come together and see it.
And that's what happened at our fucking comedy shows.
Anytime we go, you see our audience is crazy diverse, crazy diverse, right?
You see hood motherfuckers and someone with a MAGA hat in the same crowd laughing at the fucking jokes.
Same thing can happen with the piece as long as you don't decide you're going to have a political slant.
I just thought it was so fucking cool that we did it, man.
Part of the reason I think that Trump Jr. reposed it also, I feel like the Trumps just know how politics works and that it's just like a mudslinging contest like we were talking about before.
Yeah.
And that like, even if we go after his dad, he's like, all right, whatever.
Like, they understand, like, for them, they're like Teflon.
Like, the insult is like, don't.
Trump is comfy in the mud.
Yeah.
Like, and the whole family gets it.
So he's like, all right, yeah, daggers roasted, but whatever.
That's collateral damage.
Yeah.
Like, you want to mudsling with the Trumps?
They're like, we live in the mud.
Let's go.
Like, we could have gone twice as hard on Trump.
And I feel like he still would have reposed.
As long as there were some shots on Biden.
Because ultimately, like, it's collateral damage.
Yeah.
He doesn't care.
That's what I think.
Yeah.
But the reality about the piece was it wasn't meant to be political.
No.
The piece was literally, this is how I feel about Biden.
And Mark felt that way about Biden and Alex felt that way about Biden.
We didn't come together and go, how do we feel?
You and I wrote the piece, and then we always read the piece to Alex to make sure that we're not going too crazy.
And Alex will give notes and be like, hey, pull back here, this, that, the other.
Did you find that there was any issue with it when we gave it to you?
No.
I mean, you gave a couple good notes, I felt like, but like, you were like, I agree with this emotionally.
Yeah.
So I agree with the message.
I was just worried about it being like piling on on Biden.
And I was like, okay, if it looks, it comes across that way, people are not going to take the message in.
They're just going to see it as a, oh, we're just dissing Biden.
Yeah.
So it's like, I really wanted people to get the message.
So I'm like, try to balance it out.
Yeah.
Where it's like, hey, we're just showing both fucking political parties this piece of shit.
It's no bias.
We have no options.
It's, we're fucked.
That's the point of it.
And it's like, everybody feels that way.
And if you tap into things that everybody feel, parties mean nothing.
Parties are just the manipulation tactics they use.
It's like, I'm going to bully you to vote this way.
I'm going to bully you to vote that way.
And this is how we're going to create division, create separation.
And who was it that said the black vote is not for sale this year?
Was it Diddy?
Diddy.
Yeah.
And yeah, was the black vote is not?
Don't take it for granted.
And then people got mad at Diddy.
Yeah.
And it's like, well, no, he's saying exactly what you should say, which is y'all aren't just going to get our vote.
Earn our fucking vote.
And to your point, they just, everybody just wants you to pull one way or the other out of loyalty.
Son, that's the beautiful thing.
You create something that resonates, motherfuckers.
And there's been, yeah, there needs to be a place where somebody's just saying something that's not.
I'm watching Trevor Noah.
I know where the fuck everything is going.
And that's what made Jon Stewart dope is you knew he's left-leaning, but he was fair.
Kevin Spacey Loyalty00:05:36
He's got left to task, yo.
He would not bullshit.
And there's now that he's gone, there's a huge, so it doesn't, people don't misunderstand, there's a huge void in the market of somebody who's just sounds reasonable.
Reasonable, man.
This guy sounds like he's not talking to me with an agenda.
Oliver, great show, great at his job, sure, but it's all so fucking left and it's so smarmy and fucking, well, Trevor Noah, not funny, stupid.
Like, it's just, there's a huge void in the market.
It's actually cool as getting filled by a real comedian, which Jon Stewart also was.
He was a real comedian who happened to fucking know politics and love politics.
Yeah.
So I'm excited.
So hopefully, you know, this Saturday we'll talk about these soccer bitches.
Kick football bitches.
All right.
So talk to us.
What else we got, Al?
So Dwayne Rued to produce the Redeemed Team documentary.
How do we feel about that?
Yeah, I didn't.
Now everybody want to do a documentary.
Hollywood loves to be second to the fucking dance, huh?
It's like the second one thing pops, everybody in Hollywood, every producer is like, oh, an agent told me this.
He said it about LA, but it's all in all Hollywood or all like show business.
They're in a big race to come in second.
Nobody wants to be the first last dance.
Let's make the next little last dance, and it's not going to be as good.
You know, an interesting documentary: go.
Them three joining up in Miami, how that all happened.
That, I like that, but I'm talking about when they lost the U.S. team that lost.
What was going on in that locker room?
Yo, what was going on with the media?
When Alan Iverson went out there thinking he was going to win for the first time in his life and he ends up getting bronzed.
Wow.
I really thought you were going to say his kids transitioned, but that's a doc.
How do you know you're not that gender at nine?
Son, exactly.
Yeah, bro.
First dance, bro.
Son, real talk, dude.
What the fuck?
Nine years old?
That's a doc.
I feel like at nine years old, you should be able to say, cut that shit out, yo.
You should.
That was a debate.
People were like, nah, nah, nah, chill out.
Isn't that what Boosie said?
Yeah.
Don't cut that dick off.
Don't cut that dick off.
Don't cut that dick off, bro.
I ain't doing anyway.
Don't get your cut your dick off, bro.
11.
Boosie, Boosie is gut.
Boosie is.
I was just going to say, Boosie could do this show.
Boosie is gut.
And that's why we resonate with him so much.
It's gut.
This is how we, you know, who's gut?
Duval.
Gut.
Yeah.
No affiliation.
This is the truth.
This is what it is.
And Boosie says in his way, and Duval says in his way, but and Boosie, he says it with this accent and is going to be like hood, hooded up a little bit.
But if you can get past that shit and you just listen to what he's saying, it's just raw human.
Cut his dick off, bro.
Come on, yo.
You can't agree with that.
And nine years old.
And nine.
You ain't got no pubes yet.
You haven't even gone through puberty at all.
You do anything at nine years old.
They were dressing Dennis Robin's sisters was dressing Dennis Robin up as a girl at nine years old.
Remember though by fucking Kevin Spacey at nine years old.
Yeah, that's right.
Kevin Spacey tries to be aware of that.
So what you're saying is Dwayne Way's son is going to be the greatest rebounder in the history of the NBA.
Dude, honestly, if he went back to being a man, that'd be an amazing rebound.
Yo, real talk, dude.
You got to cut that shit out.
I'm sorry.
When can your kids start being who they are?
Whoa.
Hey, I'm going to be honest with you.
I'm going to be honest with you.
Go.
13.
I was insane, bro.
I mean, yo.
You could drive yourself to the clinic, motherfucker.
Hey, I ain't taking you.
I'm not driving my kids to the clinic to get their dick cut off.
Ain't going to happen.
All right.
This ain't Patriot.
Let's chip.
No.
I mean that.
What age should they be able to be themselves?
Hey, this is gut, yo.
This is gut.
We always operate through gut here.
Let me flip it though.
Let's say you have five daughters.
One of them wants to become a man.
You always wanted a son.
Oh, yeah.
Do that shit.
Four years old.
Sell a dick on this little bitch.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Sell a dick on this dick.
Have that shit flapping like the thing outside the car dealership.
Yeah, so a grown-ass dick on this little bitch.
Fucking shit.
Hey there, Timothy.
Go show your grandma your dick real quick.
Go show your brand new dick.
Hold on.
You can't get a used dick off a cadaver or something like that.
You can definitely, you know, when some bitch die and then she donates her like lungs to like save people's lives.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah.
Like they're brain dead so they can use all the body parts.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
You should be able to get a dick off somebody.
Yo, right?
I'm afraid to check that box on you.
It's your ideas.
An organ donation?
Yeah, I don't do that.
I think if I check it, boom, my organs are too good.
You think they're going to take your dick, bro?
They're gonna, oh, they want that.
I take your dick, they want that, but they're gonna take your, they're not gonna try to save you as much.
That's what I feel, yeah.
Hell yeah, no, no, that's my organs.
I came here with these organs.
But if you go naturally, you can have that.
Nah, you got it.
You don't know if you need it.
Yeah, but what if, like, they put your eyes in somebody else's eyes and then you just keep saying you're not seeing nothing.
Sam Cook Organ Donation00:12:26
Nah, but you just keep saying.
All right, what if they put you in a girl's eyes?
What did that even mean?
Then I'm just looking at my tits all day.
What?
What?
First of all, that's a good point, actually.
They put your eyes in a girl's eyes.
She's just getting nutted on all fucking day.
That's what you want your eyes to do, bro.
I mean, you got tits now.
What about them?
That's the upside.
Girls don't be looking at their own tits.
You feel them.
You can't feel your eyes all day.
It's not like your hands are being given.
Your eyes are going to be good.
You're just going to look at some dude bust.
You're going to look down a fucking urethra for the rest of your life.
That's like that VR porn.
You've been looking at the dicks.
You look down.
I got a white dick now.
That shit is weird.
Yo, I'm going to be honest.
I think I'm saying something here.
This is the least scientifically valid discussion we've ever had.
What you mean?
What are you talking about?
If you just get nutted on, and then you dead get nutted on all the time, seeing somebody selling it.
So what do you know about science, you 1320 fucking SAT having ass nah?
You don't know shit about science.
It's 9-11, bro.
You're saying the wrong numbers, an idiot.
No, Mark, it's 7-Eleven.
Yo, nothing, dog.
Supreme Something 11.
Yo, thank God they didn't do that shit in July.
I'd have never heard the end of that, boy.
I've been the fucking worst and best day of my life.
I can't get that fucking slurpy from 7-Eleven without having to deal with this shit.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, that was brilliant.
All right, let's take a break for a second because we got to shout out the boys over at Radix, man.
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You fighting with your girl, you know the thing that pisses them off the most?
Sleep?
Good night of sleep.
Get that good night of sleep.
Great night of sleep.
Knock out on that bitch.
Yo.
You ever knock out on a bitch?
Can you imagine fighting and then you go to sleep and don't wake up for 11 hours?
11 hours?
Stewing all night.
Snoring.
Snoring.
You get tired of your girl?
Give her a gummy.
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That's what's going to happen, ain't it?
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Listen, they got the pre-rolls.
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Al, you want to contribute?
I just wanted to say we're giving the CBD gummies concentrally with her knowledge.
You're not drugging your girlfriends.
Of course not.
Okay.
Concentrally with nothing.
Come on, Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
So what's Latter-day Saints?
Why these shits taking so many days, yo?
Why are these saints taking their sweet ass time coming latter days?
Yo, that's how you know Jesus was black coming three days late.
Three days late, son?
Took you three days?
Your daddy's God?
For real talk.
Wait, what does that have to do about it?
Come on, dude.
It's not the Underground Railroad, Mark.
What's that?
Mark, you be saying some wild shit.
No, we're just talking about drugging our women.
We're not talking about black people being born in the barn, Mark.
You're making it weird, yo.
Come on, Mark.
Come on, Mark.
Can you start the adult?
Radixremedies.com.
Start it over, start it over.
Nah, we're using this.
You can't have the drugging your girl shit.
Say what?
And not going to appreciate it.
No, he did it.
Now it's getting shot.
I did not know.
I said I would let her sleep.
And then he said she's going to wake up and not be able to walk.
Because you fucked her first, you stupid.
Wait, before you get it.
Chew it out.
Mike dare.
Revisit it.
Nah, revisit that.
No, no, this is what you do.
Hold on, real talk.
Revisit the ad.
What we said is revisit it.
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Discount.
Discount.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Get them gummies.
Gummies.
Night night.
Raddix Remedies, but for real.
That's what y'all got to do.
That's the end of this.
Now we're getting back to the show, even though that was the show.
You got a show within the show.
We the greatest.
I don't know, man.
I think I'm right.
About a lot of things today, to be honest with you, but I think I'm right about you should decide when your kid gets to be what they want.
Okay.
I asked my dad for a tongue ring.
He said no.
I'm glad.
Yeah.
Wow.
My dad's only said no to two things to me in my entire life.
One, playing hockey.
Tongue ring might be gayer than getting your dick cut off real talk.
100%.
I would let my kid get her dick cut off before getting a tongue ring.
Yup.
You wild for that one, bro.
Listen, I know I was wild, but there was a kid named Anthony who got girls pregnant in my high school and he had one.
And I was like, that seems pretty cool.
And then, so I wanted, I asked my dad, he goes, no.
And then he goes to me.
He goes, honestly, I would rather you get a full sleeve tattoo than you get a tongue ring.
And he's never giving me pushback or anything.
And the other thing, I was like, in like fucking third grade or something, I wanted to play hockey.
And I had a friend who was playing hockey.
Kwamana Pamford was the kid's name.
Yeah, Jamaican.
And my dad was like, no, you can't play hockey.
I was like, why not?
He goes, yeah, you just can't play it.
And later on, he told me, he's like, you're not going to be able to make friends like that growing up.
Like, basketball is a skill that you can go anywhere in the world and play.
And then you can meet and like build relationships with.
And all my friends that I had outside of comedy are from basketball.
Literally all of them.
So he was right.
But imagine that.
Only two times he gave pushback.
That's how bad tongue rings are.
Do you know what I mean?
He's like, you're not going to be able to make friends with this fucking tongue ring.
Son, tongue ring so bad they made your dad homophobic.
Real talk.
And my dad is in a fucking dance studio seeing real gay people all the time.
Oh, boy.
I've never seen a tongue ring and not think they don't suck dick.
100%.
And that's including men.
100%.
100%.
Oh, fuck.
But that's a good thing.
So it's like he made that decision that I wasn't allowed to do what I wanted.
He saved your life.
He saved my life.
Yeah, he really did.
I think that, Dwayne, we got to take Dwayne Way's kid away from him.
Stop it.
Like, this is chill.
I think we might have to see that.
Son, I took my hat off.
I know.
Like, we got to chill.
I did it.
My shit got to be.
I thought you were going to be like, thank you.
Like, finally.
So nine years old, your kid is telling you what he wants to do and you're doing it.
Nine years old?
You know what?
Tell me about me.
Who's really the bitch in this relationship?
My brother thought that the motherfucking Power Rangers were picking him up at 2 a.m.
What?
To go to the Power Ranger place when he was nine years old.
He packed a whole bag because his friend told him the Power Rangers were coming to get them at 2 a.m.
He packed a whole bag ready to go.
He was like, I'm leaving y'all.
I'm a Power Ranger now.
I'm going to the Power Ranger studio and we're doing this like and my mom and dad let him pack that stupid fucking bag and he was up until 2 a.m.
His friend ain't show up with no fucking Power Ranger and then he had to send his ass back to sleep.
Okay I don't see the connection.
My point is you could believe anything and not he believed he was a Power Ranger.
Okay.
There you go.
And my parents let him believe that and he had to deal with that fucking sadness of the Power Rangers abandoning him.
Okay.
Okay.
You don't let your kids believe they're anything.
Counterpoint.
Go.
If my son go.
If my son wanted to transition at nine years old, I wouldn't be more inclined to let him.
A comedian we know actually brought this up.
I think it's a really good point.
Okay, go.
Because it's easier to transition when you're younger if you get all the hormone replacement early.
And I don't want to have an ugly fucking girl as my kid.
Understood.
Understood.
Nobody wants an ugly daughter.
Yeah.
That being said, and I understand what you're saying.
If you have that with an estrogen in your system at that age, you'll feminize the body.
You won't have the big shoulders.
The voice will be different.
And then you get a hot daughter.
Exactly.
You have a potentially hot daughter.
You don't know if they're going to be hot.
That's what I'm going to do.
Now, valid.
But what if you're wrong?
Oh, and then you got to go back and you got like a really feminine son.
And no dick.
Yeah, I don't know if.
Yeah, cutting it off, bro.
Son, it's not happening.
It's not happening.
Y'all want hot daughters?
Say again?
You want a hot daughter?
I want my daughter getting smoked.
Dude.
Let me just get an average okay and it's like, you know, that's it.
Focus on school.
Learn to cook.
Yeah.
You fucking vacuum cleaner, having ass motherfuckers.
Focus on school.
Yeah.
Nah, bro.
I'm telling you, I think that is.
Did you just buy a vacuum game cleaner so you could try your own abortions at home?
I mean, the clinics are closed.
Come on, son.
Try it.
Oh, my God.
The social distancing scoop scoop.
Oh, my God.
Let's go in the Dyson ball vacuum, bro.
Got to vacuum up those balls, dog.
Fuck.
All right.
Let's get this.
Come on.
Let's lock in here.
Let's get this train back on the tracks.
Yeah.
Come on, man.
Why are we not on the tracks?
Okay.
You had this one thing about NBA Dynasties being miserable.
Why do you say that?
Yo, so I was listening again to take it.
This guy wrote a book.
He about to divorce.
I know, go work with a fucking kid.
I ain't taking it.
Nicky, kid, ticket.
Who are my free time?
What are we?
Bro, Arkash talks more about...
Arkash talks more about reading one book than anyone I've ever met.
Arkash talks about reading one book more than anyone I've ever met.
This is different books.
That poor dad.
I don't go find it.
She went.
She pinsy.
Shave the money.
And Lixon threw my kicky wiki so I can learn this book.
She damns.
We have to take down the fed.
I thought I could take that kid.
You need to take the red pill.
Y'all know about that different colours appearing about Sam Cook.
I'm like, I'm back at Sam Cook.
You went too far with Sam Cook.
Now you went too far with Sam Cook.
You can't talk about Sam Cook like that, bro.
They took him out.
They took his ass out long ago.
He said, Tiki Wiki, that shit killed me.
Where are you going?
All you got, P.
Oh, you guys gave him a real pee-pee.
You can't hold the pee-pee in your Puadu.
Your Puadu too fool.
Oh, fuck.
Dak Prescott Contract00:10:36
All right, man, for real.
All right, for real, for real.
We got to talk about some shit.
No, I had something I wanted to talk to you about.
Arkash, I had a in a pit.
No, no, I want to know something.
It's actually sports related.
What does the Andy Dalton signing with the Cowboys?
So the Bengals draft Joe Burroughs.
It looks like he's going to be their QB1.
He's their guy.
He's their guy.
He's the future.
They had Andy Dalton as a quarterback for many years.
He signed a very lucrative contract.
Yep.
I guess they release him or just don't sign him.
Release him.
A lot of people thought he'd go to the Patriots.
Bill Belichick would sign him.
Yep.
He'll be their starter.
Bill Belichick doesn't sign him.
Cowboys sign him to be their backup quarterback.
So I have two questions for you.
Yeah.
One, what does that mean for the Cowboys?
How does Dak feel about it, et cetera?
And two, what are the Patriots thinking?
I don't know what the fuck Belichick is thinking.
Tank, maybe?
I don't know if he's tanking because it's not that easy to tank.
Miami tried to tank and they got the fifth pick.
They still got Tua, but it's not that easy to just tank and get the best quarterback.
The best quarterback coming out next year is Trevor Lawrence Clemson's QB.
But you have to lose a lot of fucking games.
And Belichick is too good to be the worst team in the league.
Unless he like blatantly tanked.
For the Patriots to be the worst team in the league, Belichick's ego won't let that happen.
This is him and Tom Brady now.
If I'm the worst team in the league, how much better does Tom Brady look?
So I don't think he's tanking.
I think he just doesn't.
Maybe he's trying to prove you don't need QBs, really.
Oh, that would be.
QBs take off 20% of your salary cap or whatever the fuck.
And he might just be like, nah, I'm going to win without.
And that's just how great I am.
And also, you don't need him.
Wouldn't that be the greatest dig on Tom Brady?
The greatest.
If he proves the year after Brady goes that not only can he win, he can win with a bum quarterback or a nobody quarterback.
Who Jason Stiddam, he loves, apparently, but none of us know anything about him.
Even if he is really good, Jason Stidham, he has no reputation.
So it will be perceived.
As Belichick made him.
Belichick is the key.
And then you really put the chink in Tom Brady's armor, right?
Right.
Because you prove, whoa, you really were a system quarterback.
Yikes.
That is a massive.
I think that's too much ego.
I think it's too much ego, and I don't think he'll do it.
But if he can, and he's just like, Andy Dalton's not that great.
Like, why would I waste my time?
I believe in this kid.
Let's do it with this kid.
Fuck it.
Bro, okay, break down to me the cowboy situation.
And is this a move against Dak?
I don't think it's a move against.
I think there might be something to listen.
So Andy Dalton's not a good QB.
What happened with Andy Dalton is he showed some potential.
And this is kind of the position Dak is in right now.
Dak is better, but you haven't really proven anything yet, but your contract is up.
So we have to pay you because you're too good to just let go back then.
And then he didn't get any better and he's done.
That's kind of a similar position that Dak is in with the Cowboys.
And Dak is basically saying, I want to be the highest paid quarterback in the league, more or less.
Cowboys might be saying, all right, listen, let's sign this guy to a cheap contract.
And if you want to hold out, we're not fucked anymore.
So your leverage has gone away a little bit.
You can't just say like what Ezekiel Elliott did last year is he held out and was like, look, if I'm not there as your running back, you got nothing.
They're like, okay, we're not going to be in that situation again.
If you want to hold out, cool, we have someone.
And if not, the Cowboys have just not had a good backup quarterback for years and just kind of banked on Dak is going to be healthy.
Excuse me.
And that doesn't always work out.
So they're saying like, all right, if Dak does get hurt, we got a good backup quarterback.
The Eagles proved how important a good backup is two years ago.
So why don't we just sign him to a cheap deal?
And, you know, if Dak wants to hold out, we got a little leverage.
Did they get him for cheap?
Yeah, $3 million guaranteed, which is nothing.
And then if he wins the Super Bowl, he gets $7 million.
Like the most he could possibly do.
So there was no market for him whatsoever.
It seems like there wasn't.
But he said, I want to play with Mike McCarthy because I know McCarthy essentially makes QBs better.
I think Andy Dalton's play is I'm going to sign for one year.
I'm going to get better.
And then I'm going to go sign a bigger deal elsewhere, hopefully.
And hopefully McCarthy tells other coaches, yo, he was killing in practice.
He's actually better than Teddy Bridgewater, what he did with the Saints.
But he had an opportunity to play with the Saints.
He didn't know that he would, but he was like, I want to, because he signed two contracts with them.
One year last, like year before last, didn't play.
Then signed with him again, I'm pretty sure, to be the backup again.
And he had starting offers, I'm pretty sure.
And he said, no, I'm going to stick here one more year.
I'm learning a lot, whatever.
And then he got his chance to play, went 5-0, 6-0, whatever it was.
So now he got his contract.
And then he got his contract.
Okay, so that's a smart move by Dalton.
So I think it's a smart move by Dalton.
And he went to college in Fort Worth, which is right by Dallas.
So he's comfy there.
Yeah, this is a convenience move.
I made my money.
He probably, what, made a decent, I mean, what did the contract he signed was over $100 million for the penny?
But he didn't get paid.
He got paid most of it, I'm sure.
I mean, he got a big signing bonus.
He probably has $50 million in the bank or whatever.
So he's set no matter what.
He's good for life.
I'm going to be, this is the marriage of convenience for me right now.
If it works out, great.
If it doesn't, I'm fucking in Dallas.
I've got family.
I've got friends.
And being a backup QB is a great job.
$3 million to not get CTE.
Fuck yeah, let's go.
I'm just in practice, whatever.
And the Cowboys might also sign him because they're playing his old division this year.
They're playing the entire AFC North.
So he can tell me something about these guys.
He can give me a little bit of intel on these guys.
He played them twice a year.
I haven't played them in three years.
There's been a change in scheduling.
Just the way the NFL schedules work is they rotate.
You play your division twice.
Then you play one division from the NFC and one division from the AFC, and that switches every year.
And then it goes back.
And then you play two or three random games.
But like 14, 13 games, whatever it is, are set.
That's smart.
Great for scouting.
You spend $3 million and you get someone who's got expertise.
Scouting.
Great insurance policy if Dak gets hurt.
And if Dak holds out, we're not fucked anymore.
Whereas before, they had a seventh round draft pick and then another undrafted guy that sucks as the only backup.
And if he does end up playing some games and sucking, we know exactly what Andy Dalton is capable of because he's got weapons.
Yeah.
He's got weapons with the Cowboys now.
Oh, yeah.
He's got weapons.
Yeah.
Now, is Witten coming back?
Witten is gone.
He was signed with the Raiders.
Done.
Oh, he's going to.
He signed with the Raiders.
He was kind of washed anyway.
He came back and he just, he already probably needed to retire, retired for a year, came back more washed essentially.
Like no yards after the catch.
The Cowboys got it tied in.
They've got some promise.
So they're like, just go.
McCarthy came in.
He was like, I'm not tied to you.
And the Raiders picked him up?
Raiders picked him up.
I think maybe a leadership thing, a character thing, maybe.
He doesn't start, but he controls the locker room.
He's going to maybe start for some reason.
But yeah, just you're a leadership guy.
Be right.
Cowboys let him go.
Quick question.
What leverage do the Cowboys have if they place the exclusive franchise tag on Dak?
So if they're not going to be able to do that.
So what that means is you get a one-year contract.
Anybody wants to take you from me?
I think at that point they have to give draft picks.
Actually, I don't even think that's the case.
It is, we are guaranteeing you $31 million.
And if you don't want to play, you don't get any of that money.
If you want to play, you get $31 million for this year.
And then we can hopefully work out a long-term deal.
And if not, we can tag you again for even more money the following year, usually, because that money is based on the market and the salary cap.
If he's forced to take that, like if he doesn't want that, no other team can get him.
No team can get him and he doesn't get paid.
Or he could sit out.
Oh, so he's fucked.
He's fucked.
The argument is he's fucked, but he'll also get, I believe you get the $31 million.
But why is it $31 million?
It's based on.
It's based on the top five highest paid quarterbacks or something.
It's the average of the five highest contracts, something like that.
So you get the average.
He wants more.
He wants he's holding up.
That being said, you're going to get 31 million for one year, where he would never get that a year.
So the argument is you're going to get guaranteed a much larger amount than you would get if we gave you a contract.
No, but the thing is, the contract they offered already, the whole disagreement, they offered him something like $33 million a year for five years.
He wants four years because TV money is going to kick in soon, like a new TV contract that's going to be crazy.
And the salary cap should jump up a bunch in the next four years, three years, whatever.
So he's like, no, I want four years.
I want another big deal when that salary cap jumps, which I'm, yeah, I get you got to do that.
If I'm the Cowboys, their point is take a little bit less for a little bit longer.
You also make a lot more being the Cowboys QB than you would anything else.
I think you can't say that to someone in a negotiation and expect them to be like, you're right.
Let me take less money.
They're right.
But what you got to do then is this kind of shit.
You got to have insurance policies in place.
It's like a Belichick move.
Look, you want to play hardball?
We're going to be fine.
You can sit out, sit out your 31 million.
You're not getting any of these endorsements because you're not the Cowboys QB.
Look what we're doing.
I think Dak made something like 50 million in endorsements, apparently, over his four years with the Cowboys.
You're not making that with the fucking Cleveland Browns winning one playoff game in four years.
This seems like a very reasonable debate for both sides.
Yeah.
Neither one is really asking for too much.
And if either party acquiesces, you can't be that critical of their decision.
Like, okay, if the Cowboys end up paying him, they were going to pay him after that fourth year anyway, if he's actually good.
And if he doesn't take it, he goes, look, I'm going to make so much more money anyway, just being the quarterback here.
I mean, this, like, as long as you stretch this on, you know, it's interesting.
It's a waste of fucking time.
You know what's interesting, though?
If you franchise him and then he plays the full year, next year, whatever that franchise tag number is, this year, 31 million, it's based on the salary cap.
The salary cap is based on revenue.
TV contracts make up most NFL revenue, but you know what else goes into it?
Ticket gate.
Like, how many people come to games?
If Corona's still going and the NFL is like, look, we're going to play games with no fans.
That's going to drop the salary cap.
I heard 10%, but maybe more.
So if the salary cap drops, then the franchise tag drops.
So if it goes from 31 million to next year, 25 million or whatever.
I actually think it'll go up because I think people are going to be watching way better.
But the TV contract is locked in.
Oh, yeah.
You got paid.
Now it's not going to go by views.
The network pays.
I'm going to pay you.
It's like licensing.
I'm going to pay you $100 million so I can play your games.
Then I get the advertisement.
We're going to get X amount of people watching a game, and then I can get ad dollars based on that amount.
So, yeah.
The networks could be really happy because everybody's going to watch if there's nothing else.
But that's not going to affect the salary cap of the league.
Park Concerts Nazis00:07:24
Gotcha, gotcha.
The ticket gate is going to be a part of it.
And if that drops, if I'm the Cowboys, I would wait to see what the NFL decides and how it goes.
That's a risky game Dak is playing, though, because if the dude that they signed, Andy Dalton, if he like balls out one game, people are going to be like, all right, Dak, you could sit out.
Every game, if he plays right now.
All it takes is him having a fucking, what's the Asian guy on Knicks that Jeremy Lynn?
Yeah.
All he has to have is a Jeremy Lynn season.
He got to get the opportunity.
You mean you got to have one of the greatest seasons of all time?
He got to drop 38 on the Lakers with Kobe.
Dak doesn't sign, then boom.
Yeah.
Football season, we should be ready to go.
I mean, people are going to come up.
Yo, dude, you know what?
You was wilding this weekend.
Son, it is what it is.
It is what I do.
You were around your parents and you acted.
I hugged my mom.
I hugged my dad.
You wild.
Said goodbye, bro.
Wow.
No, no.
I hugged him.
We did dance lessons.
Like, bro, we're back, man.
We're fucking back, baby.
We need to have a name for these fucking mask Nazis.
You know, these people like post the picture of Central Park on their Instagram.
I can't believe that people are still going outside.
You know, these people?
Yeah.
Well, how'd you get the picture?
Oh, no, they got it off of someone else's Instagram.
This, that, the other.
But, like, we need to find a name for them that is appropriate to how much I hate them.
And also, they need to keep this same fucking energy.
All these people who are coming out right now saying, stay inside, you know, put your mask on, all this fucking nerd shit.
I want you to keep that exact same energy when everybody's back outside in a month just going on business as usual.
I want you to keep up your quarantine.
I want you to keep up your fucking mask.
I want you to keep doing that same shit you said you're doing, treating Fauci as fucking Jesus Christ, whatever that guy says, right?
Oh, now Fauci's not your guy anymore, so I never liked Fauci.
Oh, my God.
Son, you were on your Corona podcast saying how he's the GOAT.
No, I never said that.
Yes, you did.
I never said that.
Can someone send us a clip of Angela?
I know, please.
Because you remotely, I know.
I know Biden.
Calm down.
Take that down.
Take that clip.
Nah, I feel like the energy that I had was.
He could come out with a Schultz episode in a month being like, Biden is great, guys.
Honestly, this is the guy to beat Trump.
Might be the guy.
I mean, to be honest, that was the episode that we put out.
Yeah, you're right.
But in all seriousness, I feel like the energy that I had initially was very important.
And the energy has to change.
The energy addressed the issue at hand, which was flatten the curve.
Curve is flat.
What does that even mean?
Flatten the curve.
Explain what it means.
Remember, I said that shit and you'd be like, everybody said this shit, flatten the curve.
What's that even mean?
I told you what it means.
Flatten it.
It's flattening it.
No, it means decrease the amount of deaths per week.
Yeah.
And make sure that it's at a manageable amount for the hospital system, right?
You couldn't articulate that.
You fucking idiot.
So, right?
Happy birthday.
So now that we have that, it's time to go back outside, baby.
It's time to kick it.
It's time to have some concerts.
Concerts are back for Missouri.
I'm ready to do shows in Missouri tomorrow.
They said Monday concerts back on.
Missouri, what's up?
You going to St. Louis?
I'll go to St. Louis.
Yo, let's do a show.
Go St. Louis, yo.
I'm with it.
I really would do a show tonight.
Oh, you on board with this shit, bro.
Of course he's on board with this shit, son.
We're not pussy ass bitches.
Allie Scott put on 14 goggles just to fucking bike to work.
Yep.
I'm responsible.
Nah.
Cut it out, bro.
Stop taking pictures of people in the park enjoying themselves.
Go inside.
I agree.
Oh, my God.
Stop it.
Snitching.
Michael Rappaport crying about this shit.
Go inside, you fucking idiots.
Stay disruptive.
How are you disrupting from inside?
What you disrupting inside?
Go outside.
Get some fucking sunshine.
Say hello to people.
Play some basketball.
Michael Rappaport is just a dork-ass you, ain't he?
Son, I'm a dork me.
Just a brash-ass New Yorker, but like kind of dorky about it.
I mean, look, all I know is it's time to go outside.
I agree.
Start opening shit up.
There we go.
Start opening shit up.
I think concerts are a little wild.
Yeah.
You know, phases.
I'm about phases.
I think we should only have Mosh Pitts.
I don't think we should even have chairs.
I think it should be Mosh Pitts.
That's what I think it should be.
I'm being dead serious with you.
Let's go.
Let's take the subway.
Y'all want to take the subway back?
Nah, bro.
Let's take the subway.
I'm good.
Son, let's do it.
You wouldn't take the subway before the crack.
That's true.
Yeah.
At night, during the day, I always took the subway.
You go Uber here.
You know what I mean?
First of all, nah, you took Uber fucking everywhere, bro.
I did.
I've saved a lot of money now that I don't Uber.
It's amazing.
I love looking at my Amex at the end of the month.
What's up?
Ain't no points coming in.
But in all seriousness, I think we need to find a name for the mass Nazis.
What should it be?
What should we call them?
Mark, what should we call the mass Nazis?
I was trying to think about like the Mastapo or something.
The Mastapo.
Something about taking the pictures of people enjoying themselves and going, stop this.
Stop.
Having fun in a park.
You fucking losers.
What a fucking loser sees a bunch of people having fun in a park and goes, stop it.
Hey, what are we doing?
We're not taking this serious.
Shut the fuck up.
That's who you want to be in history?
That's who you want to tell your kids who you were.
I remember the corona pandemic.
I was the one taking pictures of people in the park, telling them to stop doing that.
Yeah, it's a snitch move.
It's a dork move, bro.
Just exactly.
Be on the right side of history.
You know what I'm saying?
You don't want to be one of the motherfuckers saying, hey, Aunt Frank's in the attic.
Do you know what I'm saying?
You want to be eating lunch downstairs?
Like, I don't know who's in the attic.
Someone's in the attic?
Yeah.
No, I agree.
You can't snitch.
Don't snitch.
Yeah, that's whack.
That's whack.
Yeah.
Enjoy yourself in the park, bro.
Play game pickup.
Hey, dog.
It's so funny.
You keep touching your nose, and I can't stop looking at this giant red dot right dead set on your nose.
I'm sorry I had to do this.
Bro, you really.
I had a pimple, bro.
It looked like you got an infrared beam.
I had a fucking pimple, dog.
You look like Akash if his dot falls.
That's what I was thinking.
That's what I was thinking.
It's all good.
I understand it.
I got a pimple on my motherfucking nose.
How are you going to snitch on his pimple right now, bro?
We're talking about snitches.
Dude, there's nothing I could do about it.
Okay.
I popped that shit.
That should have started bleeding a lot.
Why'd you pop it?
Say again?
Why'd you pop it?
It was white at the top.
Yeah, you're white.
You can still see it.
Nah.
You can still see it.
White or white.
Yes, you can.
You got your own push to start.
Dude, I push that shit.
He's going to start talking about big banks.
Hold on one second.
Did I take the scab off?
Magic Spoon Cereal Sugar00:07:41
Look, it is what it is.
This is the life I've chosen.
That's how I know we started recording.
He just looked at me and I saw the red dots.
All right, bro.
Come on, bro.
That's not funny, man.
Hey, man.
It's not funny, bro.
It wasn't Seinfeld, bro.
Seinfeld would never make a joke like that, right?
This would be the episode of Seinfeld.
He'd be like, oh, wow, that's so weird.
There's something red is there.
Something else red happened in this episode.
Let's let these two storylines come together.
The jokes on him.
That ain't got to be a hater.
Whoa.
Your nose is red, Seinfeld.
Whoa.
All right, we're gonna take a break real quick because we gotta we gotta tell y'all about the best motherfucking cereal on the planet.
You know about magic spoon, bro?
Hell yeah, yo.
Do you know why they call it magic spoon?
Why?
Tastes so good, you think the spoon magic?
Oh, shit, yo.
It's gotta be the spoon.
It's just like Michael Jordan was so good at basketball, it's gotta be the what?
Shoes.
The cereal is so good, you're like, it gotta be a spoon.
There's no way cereal could taste it good and be actually healthy for you.
I mean, that's really what's going down with this magic spoon.
Bruh.
It's literally healthy cereal that tastes delicious in all the best flavors.
What's the best flavor?
The frosted one.
Frosted.
They got frosted.
What else is mad good in flavor and cereal?
Cocoa.
Oh, yo.
Cocoa.
Yo, they got cocoa.
They got cocoa.
They got cocoa.
Cocoa.
Cocoa.
Bro, you know what cereal they eat in charmed?
What's that?
Magic spoon.
We don't even know what part of the episode is going in.
It could be before, it could be after.
But Mark might have had a premonition.
Oh, Mark killed that.
You know what I'm saying?
Son.
We out here.
Yo, Magic Spoon.
Honestly, no bullshit.
Absolutely delicious.
I start the day.
Sometimes when I want to get my sugars, sometimes when I want to just get a little sugar pump, but not too much sugar because it's a healthy cereal.
You know, low carbs, got low, all the other stuff.
It's low-ass sugar.
It's no like artificial sugar, right?
Son, this shit, you want me to tell you exactly what's in this shit?
Yeah, please do.
Dude, Magic Spoon, it's literally, it's the best cereal that I've had, bro.
It's not even.
It's so good, I assume it's mad sugars.
Son, it's not, dog.
There's no way it's keto-friendly.
Son, oh, it's keto-friendly, son.
It's keto-friendly?
It's keto-friendly, son.
Get out of here.
Son.
Get out of town.
Son, I can't get out of town.
I'm being dead serious.
Let me tell you about this right now.
Let me get this up right here.
Look at this.
Zero sugar.
Zero fucking sugar.
What?
Zero.
What?
Okay.
Okay.
Right?
12 grams of protein.
12.
What?
I'm going to be brolic.
What?
I'm going to be Brolic on cereal.
What?
Okay.
Okay.
Only three net grams of carbs.
It's so many, so few carbs you needed to net.
They was going to slip through every other way.
You ever try to catch fish in a river with your hands?
You can't do it.
How do you do it?
A net?
You get a net.
That's how little carbs are.
You need a net.
Hold on.
God, I'm not even done yet.
I can't believe it.
How are you not done yet?
I'm not done yet.
How are you not done yet?
It's gluten-free, though.
Gluten-free.
Gluten-free.
Yo, they done set the gluten-free.
Ain't no gluten in that mug.
You free, yo.
Free at last.
Free at last.
Thank God Almighty.
We're gluten-free at last.
Oh, my God.
Keto-free.
Oh, gosh.
Yo.
That shit got no keto, son.
I can't believe that kids.
No, keto-friendly.
Not free.
It's friendly.
They love keto.
They love keto, bro.
They love the keto.
Dude, my.
Listen, I had a dream.
Son, y'all said the cylinder.
I was moving back way too much to this emotion.
I had a dream.
I had a dream.
The young Coca-Cola kids and young fruity kids and young frosted kids and young blueberry kids were all playing together in a cereal bowl.
I forgot about blueberries.
I had a dream.
I had a dream that you could add.
Oh, milk, macadamia, milk.
We just lost.
All the mills.
We just lost five black lizards.
Keep going.
I had a dream that I'll have a keto-friendly, gluten-friendly grain, free soy.
Free local jewelry.
Oh my God.
Hey, come on back, fellas.
Come on back.
All right, we're up to 20.
Keep going.
Come on.
Hey, hey, hey.
All you got to do is go to the bag.
You didn't land on Magic Spoon?
Magic Spoon landed on us?
That's a fact.
We're officially a white podcast.
Oh, yeah, we a white podcast.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
What's the bat?
Best black strip club in the motherfucking world.
Which city?
Atlanta.
No.
What's the name?
Magic City, motherfucker.
What kind of cereal do you think they serve in Magic City?
Magic Spoon.
Magic Spoon.
How do you think they scoop out the yeast infections of them girls in there?
With a magic spoon, too.
Let me tell you something.
Shut the fuck up.
Y'all are idiots right now.
Hey, magic spoon.com/slash flagrant.
You get a variety pack and try it today.
And be sure, use our promo code flagrant and check out.
You're going to get free shipping on that ass.
Free shipping all over that ass.
Wait, hold on.
Where is the shipping?
That shipping is going to be all over that ass.
And it's going to be free.
Yeah, it is.
All over that ass.
Let me tell you something.
This is how confident Magic Spoon is in the product.
This is how confident Magic Spoon is.
I can't believe I'm about to say it.
I got to take my hat off.
I got to take my hat off.
Magic Spoon is so confident in their product.
It's backed by a 100% happiness guarantee.
God damn.
It's a spoonful of happiness right there.
That's a spoonful of happiness.
That means when you take a spoonful of it, all you're going to feel is happiness.
Little magic.
Little magic is on the spoon.
Hence the name, Al.
So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money.
No questions asked.
No questions asked.
If you don't like it, if you don't feel magic on that fucking spoon, you get your money back.
Think about that.
Is there a better deal than that?
That was pretty magical.
You keep that motherfucking cereal.
That wasn't magical.
You get to still keep the cereal, then you get your money back.
That's crazy.
You'd have to be a stupid person not to take that bet.
That's actually for real.
You'd have to be stupid.
You have to be real stupid.
You have to be Alex level stupid.
You have to be Al level stupid.
You have to be.
That's the only way.
All these people donating food to the food bank of LA.
Oh, just Magic Spoon.
Bruh.
If you don't find yourself being happy afterwards, they're going to give it back.
I don't even know what else I have to tell you besides go to magicspoon.com slash flagrant and use the promo code flagrant.
Tyler Perry Blackness00:14:19
Are we done here?
I feel like we killed it.
Let's get back to the show.
All right, so we'll talk about something important like Killmonger versus Loki.
Like, why do you put this shit?
All right, let's end episodes.
All right, guys.
I put mad topics.
You guys can see it.
Yeah, but you can't.
I'm not alone.
Hey, the black topics are not.
Don't worry about that.
We're talking about you right now.
That's right.
I was scared to talk about his black shit.
Oh, yeah.
You don't want to be represented on a podcast?
You don't want to talk represented on the podcast?
After you watch some black art, and then we can.
I watched it.
No, you didn't.
I did watch it.
What happens in the episode?
Some black ass shit.
No, it's black as fuck.
So, Alex saw this black as fuck show.
Nah, let's just talk about it.
It's a good discussion.
Let's say that.
So then start the discussion.
Why would you watch it?
I got to watch the whole episode.
I watched episode one.
The show was mad boring.
Nah, the show isn't that great, but every once in a while they have a couple of.
It's five, six episodes.
What do you tell them every once in a while?
10, 10 episodes.
Oh, my God.
The full season.
Son, just tell us the argument.
Let's just wrap it up.
Let's wrap it up.
Tell us the argument.
It was something about Tyler Perry versus Kenya Barris or whatever.
Next week.
What is the argument?
Next week.
I want you to watch it.
I'm not going to watch it.
I've already put myself.
We could do I'm not gonna watch it now.
I'm not gonna watch it, but I like the argument and I'll have the discussion.
Nah, Kenya Barris is the guy who made blackish, brownish, all the ish shows.
Tyler Perry is the guy who made Tyler Perry Studios based off of the millions and millions of dollars he's made off of Medea and all the other like movies and television shows that he's made.
And the argument is that Kenya Barris is making television for white people to indulge in black culture, and Tyler Perry makes television and movies for black people to indulge in their own culture.
Is that more or less?
It's pretty good.
Good thing.
And so what is the discussion that another layer to it is that black people can't speak out negatively about other black art because we have very little opportunities in Hollywood.
So if you knock black art that's currently out, it lowers our chances at more opportunities.
But the downside to that is by not knocking the shit that's whack, then you'll never get the shit you want.
Exactly.
And we'll create whack shit.
And another side to that is that white people can't say anything bad about black art.
Also, so you'll have like a black movie, won't mention names, and then I'll have a 99 Rotten Tomatoes.
Like it's the best thing that's ever been created.
Right.
But it wasn't that fucking revolutionary, but it's just because if a white person comes out and says, oh, this movie wasn't that good, now it's like, oh, you're just knocking it because it's which one was Get Out?
Was that the one, the upside down one?
No.
That's where they kidnapped the black people and turned them into white people.
That's the movie about Jordan Peele's life.
That was Steph for Wives, right?
That's Jordan Peele every time he's been attracted to a woman.
Right.
So when he that's Jordan Peel making a movie about how awful white women are while only dating and marrying a white woman.
White woman, of course.
This is him projecting or something.
But yeah, for me, I don't think there's anything revolutionary about the story.
It's Steph for Wives, right?
That has existed.
This is the story that's got 99 on Rotten Tomatoes because nobody would ever get it.
That's a great point.
That white people are not allowed to criticize minority art because out of fear, like it would be perceived as racist.
That's why any female Ghostbusters got like an 85% from the critics on Rotten Tomatoes.
And everybody was like, what is true?
Yeah.
Okay.
I think that these are, and then the same thing with the Asian movie.
What was it?
Something.
Oh, Crazy Rich Asians.
Not a good movie.
Not a good movie, but white people are like, oh, I love Crazy Rich Asians.
Same thing when Nanette and then the Chappelle special was inverse.
Yeah.
Where like Rotten Tomatoes was trash on it, but the audience rating was super high.
So has Chappelle transcended his blackness?
Now Chappelle is just a.
Because Chappelle is going at quote-unquote like lesser minorities or like people who are more minorities than black people.
Right.
I understand.
Trans, whatever.
I understand why the criticism, right?
But he's not going along with like the way Hollywood sets up its ideals.
But why is he criticizable despite his blackness?
And I think it's because he's transcended his blackness.
I think Chappelle has just become Chappelle, not black comic Chappelle.
Let me just make the point.
So it's like, once he's become that, now you could criticize him if his opinions are not in line.
Because the argument that they're making right now is you can't criticize black art because of blackness, not because of the opinion within the art.
Yeah.
Right.
So Chappelle was highly criticized and he was knocked for his special because he went after these groups.
But maybe he's transcended his blackness so that you can criticize him where you couldn't do that with somebody else.
I think there's like a like unspoken hierarchy of minorities within like liberal white people's mind.
Right.
So when Tracy Morgan says some shit that's not a good joke, but he's like, if I have a gay son, I'm going to kill him, whatever.
Yeah.
Oh, you're a black person, but you're going at gay people.
They are more minority or whatever, however, whatever the word is.
They're like, they're more oppressed.
So you can't say that.
It's just, you can't punch down is this ideal that's been beaten into their minds.
And if they feel like you are punching down to a more oppressed minority, then whoever you are, it's not okay.
So to the Chappelle point, those white people that were being critical of Tracy Morgan, they see him as Tracy Jordan from 30 Rock.
Those are the same white people that watch 30 Rock.
Those are the same white people that have maybe propped up Tracy Morgan to be this character.
And all of a sudden, that character, character, was saying things that didn't align with who his character was on the show.
I think there's, I mean, this is a slur, so it's different.
And I'm just trying to think of whatever examples pop into my head at the moment.
I'm just saying, like, they hear the same rappers say, like, those white people will not criticize Jay-Z or they'll criticize like any rapper for saying, you know, homophobic lyrics, this, that, the other.
I think they're only willing to come at the people who've kind of transcended their blackness in a way, who became these like family names.
And like.
Rap is hard because I think there's like a weird, white people are so afraid to talk anything about rap that they let them get away with stuff they would never let a comic get away with.
That rap is like its own.
Like white people are scared to even delve into those waters of what's offensive lyrics and what's not right.
But if a rapper said some shit not on a rap song that was homophobic or whatever I think they'd be like, yo, you can't say that.
You know what I mean.
Does that make sense?
Like, if they say something on their social media or whatever the case is, people will come for them, but if they say that same thing in a song, it's like, oh, for some reason, it's untouchable.
It's untouchable.
Yeah maybe yeah, it is interesting.
I, I don't know, I don't know.
Like yeah, I don't know.
I just feel it's like.
It's like a weird unspoken thing that everybody just abides by, which is all the things that I listened before.
Like, white people can't knock black art, black people can only uh, show appreciation for other black art.
Or before, up until like a year and a half ago, black people used to shit on everything.
Tyler Perry, like if you were woke black at all you would shit on all Tyler Perry.
I remember Red Tails coming out years ago and all my like woke black friends are like yo, don't watch I think a Medea movie come around the same time.
They're like, don't watch that shit.
Watch Red Tails yo, that's a movie about black people.
Blah blah, blah.
Red Tails was like a Steven Spielberg movie.
You're just giving money back to a white guy, Tyler Perry.
That's trash.
Don't go see that.
That's going back into a black person's pocket who has a black studio in Atlanta.
But somehow that's not cool to you.
And then twitter just caught on to what Tyler Perry does.
So I I I wouldn't say I vocalized it publicly, but I used to think on that same sentiment and I was like I don't like Tyler Perry films because like, the characters in there are very stereotypical and like not Coonish, but like like dance, you know, and their extra hood, extra all the negative connotations whatever that word is uh, that associated with black people.
But then we felt that oh okay, if he gets popularity with making those movies and those are going to be the only roles for black people.
That's why we knocked that shit because, like I can still watch a Tyler Perry film and laugh at it, but Medea is a hilarious character.
I'm hoping that that's not the only movies i'm gonna see.
Yeah, but you know, what helps is black movies doing well, and also the people.
I know that, like Tyler Perry, movies were black.
So if my market like, if my people like this, who am I to shame them for liking anything we put out?
Like I hear people try to say Russell Peters is like offensive because he makes accents Indians, I know, growing up we all loved Russell.
So if he's making shit for us, who the fuck are you to tell him he's wrong?
Or us we're wrong for liking someone that looks like us doing stuff that makes us laugh.
Yeah, that's why I don't understand, like the wokeness of it.
Definitely my.
I've switched sides since, like you know, I appreciate what I like and I knock what I don't.
Is Tyler criticized by southern blacks?
Uh, as strongly as he's criticized by like, I think you're criticizing Oak whack.
Oak blacks.
That's what I'd be mad.
So it's like, but depending the money.
The woke whacks kind of exist in like New York and California.
They're more here.
They're there, but they're more.
I'm just curious because maybe their black, maybe their life within blackness is not relatable to what Tyler talks about.
And maybe the characters that Tyler talks about seem cartoonish to these like New York and California blacks, but maybe they're like really relatable to figures in their lives to the Southern blacks.
Like maybe they have an uncle that's like that.
They have an aunt.
They have a big mama.
They have these people that operate really similarly.
And they're like, this isn't that crazy.
You think it's cartoonish, but to us, it's not.
Like that Duck Dynasty show, I bet in New York and California, white people are like, ah, he's a bunch of hillabillies.
I bet if you go down south, it's like, nah, I got an uncle that wears, what is it called?
Army fatigues or whatever that shit is.
Oh, shit.
Forgot to go.
Wears army fatigues or whatever every single day, just like that.
So I wonder if it's just a lack of relatability.
And one of the problems with like looking at blackness as a monolith, like looking at one type of blackness.
And then when you don't live up to that type of blackness, you're like, oh, yeah, this doesn't make sense.
I think the most interesting thing about like the black-ish show or like the Tyler Perry show, et cetera, is that I think oftentimes the way that people appreciate things are when they live up to your view of them.
Right?
So it's like maybe the people that appreciate the Tyler Perry movies, they're going, oh yeah, this is how I see black people.
And maybe the people that appreciate the blackish shows are like, oh, this is how I see black people.
I think that's where black people get offended, though, is they think white people look at black people like Medea.
And that's the thing is like white people aren't watching Medea.
White people are watching blackish, right?
Because maybe that's closer to how they see black people.
They're like, okay, I see black people existing in these white spaces and I see them acting quote unquote black within these white spaces, but I also don't see them being like a stereotype that Medea would be.
That'd be a little too far-fetched.
If anything, I'd feel a little bit guilty enjoying that because it's like, is there some sort of, you know, leaning into like the extreme of cultural stereotype?
Yeah, something I was afraid of happening was that Hollywood would see the success of Medea movies and be like, oh, let's make our own.
Yeah.
That's what I was worried about.
That was my biggest issue.
I was like, oh, no, we're not going to be able to do that.
I mean, is that Big Mama's House?
I think Big Mama's House is...
Medea wasn't popping when Big Mama's House.
Okay.
Yeah.
I think it might have been plays.
I think that shit started as plays.
I know Meet the Brown started his plays.
Like, this motherfucker is a monster.
Oh, yeah.
Plays to movies, to TV shows.
Creative genius and business exec.
Yeah.
No, he's a beast.
Yeah, shit changed in terms of perception of Tyler Perry when he built his own studio, huh?
Yep.
Second you see that studio, people are like, shit, I might have to put on one of them fucking costumes, right?
Even when he had it at first, though, all of a sudden he had to literally just start doing some Oprah shit and being like, yo, Walmart, everything y'all got on layaway, I'm paying for it.
Like, that's what it took for people to be like, oh, Tyler Perry's doing it.
But it is really funny.
It's like, you don't, you do need a show.
You can't just tell, right?
Like, there was this common thing you'd hear, like, a lot of black entertainers saying, like, I'm not going to put on a dress.
And I think Dave Chappelle got it in people's heads that, like, that's what the Hollywood industry tries to make you do is put on a dress.
They want to emasculate black men.
I don't think it was about emasculating black men.
I think there is, you could add racism into it by going, what's funny are comedic juxtapositions.
So what is the most masculine thing some nerdy exec sees?
Probably the black male.
And then what is funny to some corny exec is seeing the most masculine thing look feminine, right?
Schwarzenegger in a dress sounds funny.
Schwarzenegger dress.
Can't even knock it.
Right.
Michael Sarah in a dress?
Not funny.
There was actually a movie where Schwarzenegger got pregnant.
He, I don't think he wore dresses and shit.
Yeah.
There's a movie where he got pregnant.
So we're seeing Mr. Olympia, whatever that shit is, Mr. Universe, dressed as a girl, right?
Or pregnant as a girl.
There's a comedic juxtaposition there.
Now, there's an element of race in everything.
You could go, why do they see black males as this hyper masculine thing that would be funny if you made them feminine?
Okay, maybe you look at black males in a little bit different light.
Maybe you're a little scared.
Maybe you're whatever.
There you go.
And that is your, what is it called?
Bias.
Yeah, subconscious bias or something.
You know, that is that subconscious bias that they have.
But I don't think it's as simple as there was a meeting where a bunch of execs were like, hey, why don't we get black people to wear wigs and dresses?
That would be fun.
We'll emasculate all the blacks like that.
Yeah, I don't think it's happened.
And then I think they touch on that too, because they're like, look at, there was a movie, Tootsie in 1982, where, I don't know, Michael Dorsey, some guy, he dressed up like a girl.
And then you have, of course, what's the comedy, Mrs. Dow Fire.
Like, it's been done.
It's the corniest version of comedy.
It's like, what, if you look at Instagram comedians, right?
Not to knock them, but like, what is the first thing they go to when they're trying to make a funny skit?
Someone who doesn't really have any like comedy writing skill.
What do they do?
They throw a fucking wig on.
They throw a dress.
This is how girls act, right?
It is the lowest common denominator of joke, right?
Like back in the day, every comic would just do a gay voice as a joke.
Mike Feeney Wrap Up00:01:18
Yeah.
And it was hilarious because it's a person who you do not see as gay acting gay.
Right?
It's just the easiest way to make a joke.
If we're making fun of each other, we're going to do it in an emasculating way.
This is what happens in a locker room.
Just a funny thing to do.
But it is an interesting discussion.
It's cool to see them talk about it.
I'd love to see them do it out of a scripted, like, I'd love to see them have a podcast about it.
And maybe both of those things are important.
Maybe there's like a Martin Malcolm thing there.
It's like, hey, I need to do this for us, the Malcolm approach.
And then that scene really felt like that.
It felt like that.
And then Martin was like, I know you need to do that, but I also need to make sure there's an integration play as well.
So it's like, we should watch this episode, guys, having to eat.
I really think this is...
There's something valuable here.
Oh, that was good.
Yo, we got to wrap this up.
I totally forgot we were supposed to call Mike Feeney.
Yeah, we could have called Feeney and put this discussion next week.
Well, what are you going to do?
So, Mike Feeney, we're going to have to, let me call Mike Feeney right now.
Nah, let's do it when we could do it right and put him on the screen and all that shit.
All right, bet.
So, Mike, we're going to call you next week.
Our bad.
But you don't know that it's our bad because you're texting me thinking it was your bad.