Andrew Schulz and Mark Gagnon debate whether unshaved pubic hair signals a lack of love, theorizing that grooming implies an existing relationship or immediate sexual intent. They explore cognitive dissonance, leadership challenges during scarcity versus luxury, and the social contract's reliance on trust rather than fear. The conversation critiques veganism as insincere virtue signaling akin to radicalized movements, discusses Dunbar's number regarding stable social circles, and humorously suggests using stand-up jokes to survive a serial killer. Ultimately, the episode argues that happiness eliminates regret while emphasizing the need for entertainment during the pandemic. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Switching Up The Conversation00:02:54
What's up everybody?
Hope you're having a good day.
Hope your day was better than it was yesterday and the day before.
Hope we're improving.
I'm out here.
I'm a little hot.
Not because the flames are on the sweater.
You know.
Let me get ready.
Let me do this.
We're going to switch things up today.
You know, I realized that I was doing Corona's Got Talent.
You guys haven't seen that show.
It's the most dangerous talent show on the internet.
Go check it out on Instagram live.
But I was doing it.
I realized, man, I love this show for a reason, man.
I love this show because I actually get to talk to the people.
I miss talking to you.
I miss, right now I'm talking at you, but I miss talking to you and talking with you.
And so today we tried to do a little YouTube live.
We didn't have the equipment to do it right, but we're going to get that so we could do it because I want to talk to you.
I want to like see these comments and I want to respond to these comments.
And I figured today we switched it up a little bit.
I figured today we have a little conversation.
You guys can eavesdrop in on it.
I'm curious your thoughts.
You know, leave it in the comments.
We're always looking in the comments.
But I want to bring my boy Mark Gagnon on set with me and have a little discussion because I've been having a lot of free time and free time is good and bad for my brain because it lets it just ponder on the weird shit and the wonderful shit.
And I just want to I want to dig deep.
I want to philosophize with my man Mark.
He's a very smart guy, very funny guy.
And I hope we can open up this discussion to some of y'all.
Hopefully you guys got some POV on these things.
So Mark, why don't you come in here and join me?
And let's have a little convo for the people.
Look at Mark swagged out.
Had no clue he was going to be on camera today, but came ready.
It's just the everyday fit.
Bro, you know what these ladies say?
They say, stay ready so you don't got to get ready.
Have you heard that?
No, but I live that though.
You live that life, yeah.
If you ever hooked up with a girl and, well, I mean, you have a girlfriend, obviously, but you'll go to the girl and she's completely shaved, right?
Legs shaved, nails done, everything like that, but she doesn't have a boyfriend or anything else.
You're like, what?
What is the purpose of this?
Right.
Right?
Like, did you know that you were going to hook up with me tonight?
You didn't know who I was.
We just met.
Right.
Right?
You went through a huge getting ready process to maybe get dick.
But how many women are in a maybe get dick situation?
No, no, no.
Maybe get dick.
Not in terms of if they could.
Girls can always get dick.
Yes.
I'm talking about maybe get dick, meaning maybe they'll choose to let somebody give them dick.
So anytime I met a girl that was like everything was done perfectly, my theory is I'm either like, wait a minute, are you either in a relationship or did you decide that tonight was dick night?
Actions Don't Match Feelings00:02:54
I think so, right?
And doesn't that take away some of the joy of the chase?
See, you don't, you never have really had the chase.
I don't really think.
Explain your situation because I think you have a fascinating situation.
I don't even know if the chase is like a thing.
Like the whole, the whole thing to me feels contrived already.
Mark is like gay?
I think that's the term.
No, Mark is like a faithful man.
Yeah.
Who never really indulged in just fuckboy behavior.
Yeah, no.
You never really had a fuckboy phase.
Young in your years.
Not even through college.
No.
No, nothing fuckboy.
You never filled the void with pussy, if you will.
Correct.
I think, obviously, that is the addiction of the fuckboy, right?
There's a void instead of hitting the heroin or snorting a coke.
It's like, let me try to fuck some girls and that'll make me feel whole.
Yes.
Right?
You never had that.
For some people, that might be the case.
Yeah.
For others, what?
You think it's just fun?
The fuck?
Maybe it's just fun.
Maybe there's like cognitive dissonance where they think that this is like what they're supposed to do to fit in.
I think it's like probably multifaceted.
But for some people, it's probably like the desire to be wanted.
And so they just like go fuck whoever if they can.
Explain cognitive dissonance to the people.
Like it's those of you at home that did not go to psych one-on-one.
Cognitive dissonance.
It's like you believe one thing, but you operate in a different way.
And your brain needs to find a way to justify those actions.
Find justification for it.
So when you feel away, but you act differently.
Yeah.
So it's like, I shouldn't do this thing, but I'm going to do it anyway.
And it's okay because of filling in the gap.
So then your brain starts to justify the action.
Right.
Right?
Your brain goes, oh, I guess I don't feel that way.
Right.
I guess I really like doing this because I'm doing it.
Yes.
There was, I don't want to talk about Benjamin Franklin anymore, by the way.
Because I guess I said he was the fucking president.
I don't know.
I was president.
Bro.
He was the president of something.
This is the thing that bugs me.
If I invented electricity, who did he lose to?
This is the thing that bugs me is people are like, he wasn't the president.
You're like, do you even know what president I was talking about?
He was probably the president of some academic society.
He was the president of his book club.
Bail me out.
The president of his house?
Bail me out.
So what?
Like, how are you going to say you said he was a good president?
Son, I did mean president of the United States, but I appreciate you bailing me out.
I appreciate you bailing me out, dog.
But can't do anything.
I said Ben Franklin was president, which is a really reasonable guess.
Like if that shit was on the can you be an American citizen test, a lot of people would fail that one.
Yeah.
He's on the best bill.
Yeah, that's true.
Like how you put the non-president, he invented electricity.
Like that's very American.
We love electricity.
What's that?
Yeah.
Cognitive dissonance.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
I don't know if it's Ben Franklin.
Now I'm freaking out.
Maybe it's Thomas Jefferson.
I don't know.
Maybe it's Edison.
Maybe it's fucking Edison.
Presidents Of Book Clubs00:03:45
One of these motherfuckers, what they would do is ask their enemies if they could borrow a book from them.
Okay.
So say you and I hate each other.
I know you hate me.
I go, hey, Mark, can I borrow that book that you got?
And then you would lend me the book because you don't want to be a dick.
Right.
Cognitive dissonance starts to kick in.
What is cognitive dissonance?
When your actions don't match your feelings.
I don't like you, but I'm behaving in a way that I do like you.
So what does my brain do?
Your brain goes, I guess I like this motherfucker.
Oh, shit.
Yes.
Good tool.
That's tricky.
If you understand cognitive dissonance, you can flip a friendship or an enemy to a friendship, rather.
I mean, you borrow a book and then just look like a queer.
Can I borrow a book?
Or are you gay?
You eat it?
Let's go out and get some pussy like a man.
Yeah.
All right.
So you were in that situation.
Yeah.
Right.
I think we got here through what guys were chasing, et cetera.
Yeah.
Right.
Why did I bring that up?
Look ready so you don't have to get ready.
Oh, yeah.
So I wonder if it takes away a little bit of the joy.
Like I remember a girl telling me once that she hooked up with a guy because her cat died.
Right.
And that guy was probably thinking, yo, I kicked the best game to this girl.
You know, I mean, she was all over me.
She wanted so bad.
My pickup lines were amazing.
This, that, the other.
These are my lucky genes.
Right.
And this whole time, there's just a dead cat in her garbage bag.
Her pussy dies, so now someone's got to murder her pussy.
Like, that's all that happened in that situation.
Pussy dies to someone that had to bring it back to life, bro.
It's clear.
What happened?
Yes, dude.
So I wonder how much of that.
And we never think of it.
Maybe it's refreshing.
Whoa.
Here we go.
Ladies listening.
When you hook up with a guy And you have a little like, you know, growth.
You have a little that hair growth back in that, like, five o'clock shadow, that Enrique Iglesias, right?
Yeah, girls are embarrassed about it.
Yeah.
But maybe that's the best compliment to a dude.
Oh, because it's like, look, I did not expect to be in the situation tonight.
But you, but you made me feel a different type of way.
Hey, I had to switch up the whole game.
My cat is alive, thriving.
But I want you to dad.
So maybe there's, maybe there's that thing.
Maybe that's the best compliment.
Just not just keep a rank down there.
Not keep it rank, but like, don't be embarrassed if you haven't shaved because truly that means our game worked.
If you came out prim proper, ready to go, we know what you wanted.
Ah, right, right, right.
You know, when a girl's like, oh, I didn't shave my legs, but she still wants to do something, it's like, oh, okay.
So you hook up with some girl.
She's got mismatched brawn panties.
She's wearing some dude's boxers.
Wait, what?
What?
She's like, just pull the tampon out.
Get it in there.
I need you.
That's when I'll know.
Like, wow, I've met my wife.
That's game.
I'm at my wife.
She wraps the tampon around her finger, yanks it out.
Let's go.
That's like she's draining a bathtub.
Drain the bathtub, babe.
Dude, that's it.
Dude, girls need more sayings like that.
You know how, like, if you go to any working-class town, and this is anywhere from fucking like England, Ireland, Boston, the South, they have these great sayings.
The whole South.
The whole South.
But like, you know how there's these great sayings, you know, like drain the bathtub.
I don't know if that is one, but that's probably your reference.
Laws Dictating Behavior00:15:33
Not your cousin if it feels good.
Like those kinds of things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
100%.
Who's bringing that talent to Corona's Got Talent?
Wait, that's a talent.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Oh, my God.
Oh, so talented, bro.
So, yeah.
So it's like, maybe there's something.
Maybe there's something to that.
Like, maybe girls need more of those sayings.
Maybe they need those fun little isms that we've used to describe shit.
Because what sayings do we have?
We have like...
Bro, we're non-stop slang.
That's what guys do when we hang out.
We find slang.
We find different ways to say shit.
How do we make each other laugh at the same thing over and over?
There's only so many things that make grass on the field, playball.
Got the third base.
I stole first.
What?
You never heard that one?
No.
I stole a kiss.
Is that when you do like the fake cheek thing and then when you go in?
Yeah.
Really?
No, I just made that up.
Stealing fourth, though?
Stealing fourth is.
Yeah, that's not good.
You have never heard it like that.
That's Sicilian.
All right.
Okay.
So here's something that I was pondering, Mark.
What's that?
Because now that shit is kind of about to go down with Corona, I think eventually what happens is like when people run out of money, you get to see like what morality really exists.
Like I think it's easy to have morality and luxury.
Yeah.
Right?
You live in luxury.
You can say what is good, what isn't good.
Just about anything.
Like notice like the more money everybody has, the more luxury everybody has, the more rights everybody have.
Yeah.
Like we're worried about like trans bathrooms.
We're worried about all these like little fringe things, right?
Because everything is so good.
It's like we might as well make it good for you.
Yeah, leadership and luxury isn't leadership.
Go again.
Leadership and luxury.
You ever heard that?
No.
Who said that?
I forget.
I don't know.
I've heard it.
Leadership and luxury isn't leadership.
Yeah, it's easy to lead the people of luxury.
Actually, I'd give a little pushback in that.
What's that?
I don't know if everybody is on the same page.
I think in a lot of ways, it's actually easier to lead people in times of like strife because no matter what you're going through, you all want one thing.
But in terms of your actual leadership abilities is easier in times of luxury.
Go on that.
So if everything's good, it's like your leadership is like, oh, yeah, well, we don't have to worry about food.
Like the problems are smaller compared to trying to let our society or our group of people.
Yeah, you can keep the country going to keep the business going.
When times are good, I think it's easier to lead.
Hmm.
Interesting.
I think it's easier to keep things fine when times are good.
But if you notice, like, this is the, before this last month, it was the best time in history, right?
And the country's like tearing apart at the seams.
Right.
Right.
So it's like.
Which, again, I don't even know if it necessarily is or was.
That's debatable.
That's debatable.
I don't think it really is, but I think we just need something.
I just think when times are really good, you can get really specific and nuanced in terms of like how you feel about the world.
Right.
Right.
So it's harder to lead these two people who feel completely different about different things.
Right.
You're somebody who like really cares about environmental shit because you live in San Diego right in the water and you see the water rising.
Right.
Right.
That's taking up part of your property.
So you're like, fuck, I want my property.
Right.
But then there's somebody in Alabama who just wants the coal mine or whatever to be open again.
Sure.
Right.
So how do I lead both of those people?
When everybody's poor and fucked, you just got to go, hey, I'm going to make you guys not poor and fucked.
And then those two people who care about majority different things are like, all right, bet.
Right.
Lead us.
So maybe the focus is more clear and easier, but like the actual ability to do it as a leader, I think is more difficult.
Okay, fair enough.
So anyway, as you were.
Yes, that's right.
Because you need a specific guy who could get that going.
Yeah.
Right.
Okay.
So what I'm starting to wonder is, is like, why do we obey the law?
Do we obey the law because we have this intrinsic morality that dictates our actions?
Or do we obey the law because of consequence?
Right.
And now we're about to enter a situation, I think, where you're going to see way less police out there, no security guards out there.
You're going to see way more opportunities to break the law with zero recourse.
Right.
They're not punishing petty theft.
They're not punishing anything that's like not a felony, apparently, right now.
So you can walk in a CDS and steal some Snickers and walk out and they'll do nothing to you.
Right.
Because they can't, right?
We're about to see how we truly feel about the law.
What laws we think are okay breaking and what laws we deep down feel like are wrong.
Yeah.
So what do you think dictates it?
So I mean, morality or consequence or maybe a combination?
I think a combination.
This is like a thing.
I forget who it was.
I think Thomas Hobbes, you ever heard of him?
He's like a philosopher.
He says like Calvin and Hobbes, the great Calvin Hobbes.
Is that what it is?
I don't remember.
Cartoon.
Calvin and Hopping.
The Tiger guy.
The original Tiger King.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Calvin was a tiger dude.
He's like, motherfucker, I was playing with Calvin.
He looks like him a little bit.
He got spiky blonde hair.
That might have been the original Tiger King, bro.
Calvin.
Oh, we need to make the sketch.
Calvin is tight.
And also, why is Calvin peeing on everything?
You ever seen this?
Did he?
There's like all these stickers of like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes.
This is a complete tangent.
Uh-huh.
But like, it's like a trope or like you see like trucks down where I'm from in Florida where it's like Calvin like pissing on stuff.
Interesting.
You never seen this?
No, what do you think it is?
What does 4chan have to say?
I got to do some research.
See what you can do where you're not chasing pussy all the time?
Dude?
Just go to 4chan.
Yeah.
Now I get it, Mark.
Jason dicks.
I understand why you're so smart.
You had time to look shit up.
You're looking up pussy.
Yeah.
No, he says it's like covenants of trust.
So it's basically like all the people have to buy into the covenant of trust in order for the thing to actually work.
And then as soon as you have people not buying in, then you have like basically like a moral run on the banks.
Okay.
Ooh, I love that.
So it's like a moral run on the bank.
So it's like, why do we stop at like lights when they turn red?
Because we have this covenant of trust of like, I'm going to stop when it's red because when it's red for you, you're going to stop.
And in order for both of us to be happy, we both need to stop when it's red.
So it's not about the punishment.
You think it's about the fact that everyone else is also doing it.
Right.
So very similar to like staying indoors.
You don't feel that bad going to the park when you go to the park and pack with people.
If you go to the park and you're the only one there, then you might start thinking, oh shit, maybe we're supposed to be inside.
And then slowly, that's how like you have like moral erosion.
So obviously like going to the park is not a moral issue in the time of quarantine, depending on who you ask.
But if you have like three people at the park and then you'll have five and then you'll have 10 and then 20 and then you have a park full of people.
Yes.
And like it happens slowly, but it's also exponential.
Interesting.
But then there's the other side of it where it's like morality might be like...
This is the normalization argument, right?
Right.
Where like you normalize certain things by doing them.
Right.
Or by like affirming them or by not condemning them.
Yes.
Okay.
So I don't know exactly where I stand.
Because at the same time, like some morality has to be exogenous or like outside of us.
Right.
Because if it was completely man-made, then we'd be able to forgive our own transgressions.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Give examples.
So let's say.
If we all felt like we want to kill somebody and then someone killed somebody, we'd be like, oh yeah, I know what that feeling is.
But if we dictate our own morality, then we could be able to forgive the things that we've done hypothetically.
Go.
Like, I don't know.
Like, let's say hypothetically, the things that we say are immoral, we create it.
Immoral.
Like, like rape.
Yeah.
Like, most cultures would agree rape is immoral in pretty much all consequences in all cases.
Yeah.
So it's like, if you say that those things are immoral and then someone transgresses those things, so like they rape someone, it's an unforgivable thing.
And like, if they truly did rape them, then they should go and get punished.
Right.
But hypothetically, I think like if that came from inside of us and we're the ones that dictated the law and created the law out of nothing, out of no natural law, then we should be able to forgive it and like look past it if it is truly endogenous or inside of us.
Right.
I don't think that's the case.
You don't?
No.
What do you think is the case?
I don't know exactly.
Okay.
I don't know.
I don't know exactly where morality comes from.
Okay.
But like as far as the legal thing, I think all the civil laws will kind of go out the window once.
What are civil laws?
So like people getting tickets and like oh, but those are already gone.
Yeah, exactly.
Right.
Well, those exist in a time of luxury.
Right.
Nobody's getting tickets right now.
Right.
Right.
Like I'm, I literally ran a red light on my motorcycle, my electric bike.
Well, you can't run red lights on bikes.
I have a motorcycle.
It's a motorcycle.
Okay.
I ran a red light in front of a cop and the cop didn't go, fuck.
So when you pedaled the red light, he didn't say anything?
I didn't pedal it.
That was another thing.
I was pushing on my gas.
My gas thing, whatever that thing is.
I was gassing it.
I was gassing off the bike.
I was gassing the bike and I went right by him.
And he's looking at me like, I'm not going to get coronavirus for this fucking $30 ticket or whatever.
So, okay, so there's no punishment for it.
That makes perfect sense.
Now, laws, usually we would say are a reflection of the people.
Yeah.
I think so.
The more crazy the people, usually the more strict the law, the more calm the people, usually the more lenient the laws.
You go up to like Norway and shit like that, right?
Nobody's really doing anything wrong.
So they're like, oh, you killed somebody.
Nah, five years, you'll figure it out.
You'll be back, right?
You go down to the Middle East where you have like biblical law, right?
Which was used to basically calm down and suppress wild behavior between humans.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Like, hey, don't do the.
I'm cut.
You're stealing.
I'm cutting your fucking hand off.
Because motherfuckers were stealing out there.
Right.
Right?
So it's a reflection of the people and the behavior of the people.
Might be a reflection of trust.
Go on.
So I've heard this argument before, and I don't know if I necessarily believe it because the slippery slope of it is like real white nationalistic.
Right.
But it's like.
Can you not use the word slopes right now, bro?
It's a tough time, dude.
With the coronavirus.
Slopes?
The Chinese virus, bro.
You can't.
Oh, that's a racial term for Asians.
You didn't know?
Is it really?
Yeah.
I've never heard that before.
Yeah, for real.
They love skiing.
Yes.
I love learning new racial slurs, dude.
This is my favorite thing.
The slippery slopes.
All right, go ahead.
It's just them driving.
No.
So, like, I've heard the argument that morality is easier in places that are more homogenous.
So, like, if everyone's the same, then there's more of like a cultural trust.
And with more cultural trust, there has to be more, like, fewer laws in order to enact that trust.
So, like, if you live in a community of all people that believe the same thing as you, then perhaps it's easier to be like, I'll leave my door unlocked because everyone in my community is Christian and they're not going to steal from me.
Yes.
Potentially.
So, like, with these old biblical laws, it was like in times where you have these warring tribes and you have all these different types of people.
I assume I don't necessarily know.
But the laws were for your own group of people.
Right.
Right?
Like, Old Testament laws were for Jews.
They weren't for anybody else.
New Testament laws were for Christians.
They weren't for anybody else.
I wonder if they were living so close together.
Possibly.
Yeah.
I mean, there were laws that dictated your behavior towards somebody else.
Right.
Right?
Like, I think in the Quran, it's like treat an alien like they're one of your own.
I've never heard that.
Right?
So basically, like, you come over to this group.
If you're from not, if you're not from here, hey, treat them like they're a decent person regardless of where they are.
Yeah.
And I think you see certain things like this permeate the culture, right?
Like, you ever go to like a Muslim person's house?
Yeah.
It's the best kidnapper I ever had.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
So, okay, fine.
So, I mean, I've heard that argument where I'm like, eh.
But as far as the Norway thing, is that potentially the reason why it is like why they evolved morally the way it is?
I don't know.
All I'm trying to figure out is, well, maybe there's another thing where it's like they're living in luxury.
So, like, why are you even breaking the law?
Maybe it's a function of luxury.
Maybe it's a function of wealth.
It's like, what are you doing, Robbin?
Like, we're going to give you money.
You're poor.
We'll give you.
You don't have to rob the store.
The government is going to hand you a check because you are poor.
We're going to give you a house.
You literally don't need to rob.
Matter of fact, if it was up to me, I would be way more strict because of how much support you get from the government.
We're literally creating a society where you do not have to rob or steal.
So if you do that, chop the fucking hand off.
Do you think America, like in America, though, there's still a need or a desire to steal in order to survive?
Maybe, maybe not, maybe not survive, so to say, but I think people are in certain situations where like they'll need to do it on like a week-to-week basis, you know?
You know what I mean?
Like maybe.
No, like you got kids, right?
It's like you lost your job, you got kids, you live week to week, there's no money, you need to feed the fucking kids.
You go do it.
Do you think that happens?
I think so.
Maybe.
I'd be surprised about that.
No food or like no extended family.
Maybe you don't have a lot of friends in the area.
You need to feed them.
So you steal some fucking pampers, some milk from the store.
I'm not talking about like you're shooting people to make money, but you're stealing goods so you can survive.
Now, does your kid need to wear pampers?
No.
She could shit in an old white t-shirt.
Right.
But we like and are accustomed to like, you know, certain luxuries.
Maybe.
Yeah.
I would be surprised if that was the, like in any way, a significant minority even.
It's small.
You just ask if anybody.
Right, right, sure.
It's a small amount of people.
My thinking is, I think when times get rough like this, and I'm concerned, but I think you start to really test a culture.
Right.
Right?
Like, you were saying, like, leadership, right?
Yeah.
Gets tested.
It's really hard to lead when times are rough.
I think culture gets tested when times are rough.
Oh, yeah.
Like, what do we really believe in?
Like, it's easy to be like, oh, Americans, we're hardworking.
We're this, we're that.
Like, we believe in freedom.
Like, we're all about this freedom shit.
We're like, freedom, you know, there's no price on freedom.
$1,200 is the price.
Yeah.
Go inside.
No.
Here's $1,200.
Okay.
Yeah.
Like, we want security number one.
Even if you go to prison, you just pay a certain amount of money.
You don't go to prison anymore.
What do you mean?
Like, if you get bailed out.
That's what bail is.
Yeah.
Whereas, I mean, obviously, you go through, you get prosecuted, but it's like, if you go to prison, they're like, you're in jail.
And you're like, well, can I be free?
They're like, yeah, just pay.
You know what I mean?
Like, freedom is negotiable.
Freedom is negotiable.
What I'm saying is, I think that we exaggerate how much we love it and want it.
Oh, yeah.
Like, I think we really want security.
Yeah, probably.
Way more than freedom.
And given a situation where you can convince us that our security is at stake, we will hand you our fucking freedom over in a heartbeat and we'll start snitching on other motherfuckers who are out there trying to be free.
Yeah.
Terrified By Sensationalism00:02:46
Like, have you seen people on Instagram like crying about how their neighbors are having a cookout?
Their neighbors are having a cookout.
And it's like, bitch, shut up.
You fucking snitch.
Yeah, I don't get it, dude.
I mean, to me, these are just people that are like so terrified and they've bought into everything that they've been told and they've been like, like, they've just been like fucking IV dripped this like sensationalist like narrative and they're terrified.
Right.
And then when they see people breaking the laws or like the social laws that have been enacted, they see that as like a, they're trying to kill people.
You know what I mean?
They treat it like it's murder because they've been told that they're murdering people.
Right.
I think they see it as like a drunk driver.
Like if you were to see a drunk driver, you'd be like, that person is so wildly negligent.
We need to stop him.
Like if I saw someone like driving down the street like drunk, I'd like try to stop the car.
Yeah.
And I think that's the way they see people having a cookout.
So if you truly believe that this virus is like going to kill everyone you know, I don't think they're operating out of a place of, I mean, they're dorks.
Don't get me wrong, but I don't think they're operating out of a place of like delusion.
I just think they've been input information and also are predisposed to like behave in a way.
To hysteria.
Yeah.
Like they're anxious people.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And then it's now being fed and validated by this like constant media cycle and they're like, fuck.
Yeah.
Those people are going to try to kill my grandma.
Like, that's what's happening.
Well, that is the tricky thing about the virus is that your freedom is costly if everything is true what they're saying.
Right.
Right.
That you being out in the world and interacting with people could end up killing tons of people.
Like all these reports are coming out now.
Like there was one man in South Korea that was responsible for 400 people contacting the virus, right?
And if one person dies, that's on him.
That's on him.
That's at least manslaughter.
100%.
So it is a genius way to restrict your freedom because if you don't, you're killing people.
Yeah.
Matter of fact, you can't be free.
If you want to take away a country's freedom or a people's freedom, this virus shit is genius.
An airborne virus?
Yeah.
Hey, bro, if you go outside, you're committing manslaughter.
Yeah.
And if you're pissed about and you want to get a rally together to protest, you can't.
Genius.
That's what, I don't know, was I telling you about that?
What?
That's what, so like Putin, there's going to be some re-election thing where they're going to switch the Constitution so that he can do another 12 years.
You mentioned this.
Yeah.
And so he's like completely using the coronavirus thing.
He's like, guys, there's no large groups.
You can't form any large groups.
And then in April, when they switch up the Constitution and all these people are going to want to go protest, they'll be like, well, you'll be arrested if you try to protest.
Regret Is A Function Of Happiness00:10:01
Do you think anyone's done that like a small scale?
Go.
A guy that's like afraid of getting married or something.
He's like wrapped up in this loveless relationship.
And he's like, look, guys, we got to call off the wedding.
It's just, there's no way.
And they're like, it's not for a year and a half.
It's like, well, you just want to be safe.
You know what I mean?
I wonder if it's happened on like a little scale yet.
Akash is doing this right now.
Listen, this corona thing might spill into November, December.
You never know.
Yeah, we can't honeymoon.
And it's like, what's the point of that?
We're going to have our family there.
I mean, it's going to be old people.
This thing kills old people.
You want to kill our parents?
Yeah, it's kind of smart.
I wonder what the smallest scale someone's used it on.
Corona.
Yeah.
Like, like the whole, like, in the way that Putin's hijacking for political means.
What's the smallest scale?
What's the smallest scale someone has used Corona?
Yeah.
Maybe to break up with someone?
I probably see that.
Oh, I mean, this is the easiest ghosting.
Yeah.
There needs to be a new term for corona ghosting.
Let's ask Jared Freed.
He's already figured it out.
Right?
Like, you don't have, I guess you can text.
I guess you can FaceTime.
But if you just don't see somebody that you're dating for a month, that's over.
Yeah, bro.
You just sanitize them out of your phone, bro.
And that's it.
You just got pure el, bitch.
Like, you're out of it.
You got wiped.
Yeah, you got wiped.
You get Lysol sometimes.
That's what happens in relationships, you know?
Yeah.
You know, we tried to rig your computer so it wouldn't sleep.
Oh, no.
But something happened to the computer.
I want to fix it up.
And it completely fell asleep.
Oh, am I in close?
Hey, what's up, everybody?
Now we're in close.
Now we'll pull back.
Now we'll pull back.
Okay.
And what time are we at?
Because we want to keep these snug.
What are we thinking?
I think we're a little over 20 minutes.
Oh, perfect.
Okay, good.
We're going to try to be at 30, guys.
We've been trying to keep it at 30.
Sometimes the combo goes long.
Sometimes we need to discuss certain things.
We had an interesting conversation a few days ago on our motorcycle ride back to our homes.
We were motorcycling and talking.
It was so hard to talk because it was so loud.
Because it was so loud.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, like, guys, you don't even know how loud we were screaming to just basically get over the rumble of these bikes, man.
Feeling in your thighs.
But the conversation was about regret.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I was asking Mark about regret if you regretted anything.
And I often sit back and I think about like, do I regret anything?
Is there anything I regret?
And because I don't want to live a life with regrets.
I don't want to be like old and go, I didn't do this or I didn't do that or I wish I did this or wish I did that.
And I do not feel regret at all.
Very little.
And I was trying to understand why that was, right?
And we basically came to the conclusion that regret is not a function of success.
It's a function of happiness.
A lot of people think it's a function of success.
They're like, oh, shit, blah, blah, blah is so successful, right?
Jay-Z is so successful, he must not regret anything.
Or Bill Gates is so successful, he must not regret anything.
Or people that almost had success that lost it, they must be so regretful.
Exactly.
You were giving the example of the guy who would have been the drummer for the Beatles, but he didn't show up or something.
So then they end up getting Ringo, et cetera.
But that's not the case.
There are tons of successful people that live with regret because they're not happy.
Regret is a function of happiness.
If you are happy, you can't really regret shit from your past because all those actions helped you get where you are.
So, while there's maybe relationships or something, I wish I didn't stay in that long.
Or, you know, maybe I. Hookers, you wish you hadn't slept with.
Never.
Never won.
And I do not regret it.
White areolas, like church wafers, bro.
I had to do it.
Chernobyl titties.
It was in the Ukraine.
Yeah, dude.
Ukraine.
That was a mutant.
Crop circle titties.
Crop circles, dog.
Mutant.
I had sex with a mutant.
Yeah, okay.
You might have started coronavirus, bro.
Hey, it's possible.
That's how it happens, bro.
That's a wet market right there, bro.
It actually wasn't that wet.
Okay, so what else do you not regret?
So, but I think it's a function of, I think it's a function of happiness, man.
A true thing's a function of happiness because if you're happy where you are in the moment, doesn't matter how successful, if you're happy where you are in the moment, you can accept all these things because they got you here.
So a shitty situation, a shitty time, you're like, oh, okay, that built character or whatever the fuck, you know, people justify with, right?
But if you are miserable, everything in your life is regret.
You're miserable.
I shouldn't have had kids.
I shouldn't have gotten married.
I shouldn't have.
It was everything is I shouldn't have because you're dealing with that misery.
Maybe that's what blame is.
Go.
Blame is just like external regret.
Keep regarding it.
It's like redirected regret.
So it's like, I regret that I didn't do something.
So.
And in order to not deal with the fact that I have to take responsibility for it, that's going to manifest as blame.
That's your fault.
And it's on you.
You should regret what you did, which is really me saying, I regret that I didn't do this.
Do you think that's the toughest thing in relationships?
What?
Blame?
I mean, maybe.
Yeah, I can see it.
It's the hardest thing to sustain without being happy.
What do you mean?
Just life.
Like, happiness is the hardest thing to achieve.
And without it, everything is so fucking difficult.
Oh, yeah.
Like, you can't be happy in your relationship if you're not happy in your life.
Yeah, it trickles into everything.
And then if you're miserable in your relationship, your relationship is obviously miserable.
How the fuck do people get through this?
Yeah.
Imagine like you're in a terrible relationship.
You're miserable.
You're not happy about your life.
You're miserable.
All of a sudden now your career is like essentially meaningless because you have all these fruits.
You have no one to share it with.
Yeah.
Or like no purpose, really.
Yeah.
Like there's no aspect of your life that isn't necessarily miserable.
Here's a question.
If you were happy, how many other parts of your life, relationship, work, et cetera, do you think you would find joy in?
I mean, I think you could, but I think it would be muted or I think it'd be dull.
If you were happy.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
No, I think happy people, like, you ever talk to people that are just like genuinely happy and they find happiness in the matter what?
In the dumbest shit.
They're like, wow, that was so cool.
I saw the thing.
And you're like, that's like how kids are.
They have like this like childlike happiness or like this like childlike innocence where like they're amazed by everything.
And I think that's just like happiness like showing up in ways that they didn't expect that human, like as adults, we don't really.
And you think you're tricking that.
This is the best thing.
You think you're tricking the kid when you say to the kid, hey, let's play a game.
Let's see how fast you can clean up your room.
And they're like, okay.
And they start cleaning up super fast and they're like out of breath.
They're like, did I do it?
And you're like, I tricked him into cleaning up his room.
But he's like, no, stupid, I'm happy.
Yeah.
You're not happy.
He had genuine happiness.
Yeah.
You're trying to manipulate me into doing some shit you didn't want to do.
Yeah.
I'm happy, baby.
I am a happy baby.
Both of those.
So how do we, so there's the question.
It's like, if we know that is the trick, that's the hack, right?
But I do think that there's an important distinction.
This is what we were talking about before, is that regret is different than shame.
Yes.
And different than guilt.
Yes.
Shame.
Go on shame.
So I think what we decided was that shame was.
The same function as regret, but if you're happy with your life where you are now.
I think shame was if you're shame is being unhappy with things that you've done, whereas regret is being unhappy with things that you should have done or things that you ought to have done.
Ah, yes.
But the way they manifest is similar, right?
So it's like you feel shame for something you did in the past, but you don't regret it because it got you here.
Right.
So Bill Gates might have felt shame, or Mark Zuckerberg might have felt shame for like fucking over those people that he did business with, but he doesn't regret it, hypothetically speaking, if he's happy.
If he's happy now, he doesn't regret it because he's like, well, look what the fuck I got out of it.
Yeah.
And I'm happy.
And I'm helping people.
And then that's where the cognitive dissonance kicks in.
Kicks in.
Now, if he's miserable, he feels regret.
Because, yes, I have all this, but I'm miserable, so it doesn't worth it.
It's not worth it.
So at the end of the day, it's still a function of happiness.
And I think you can have regret without shame.
You can have regret without shame.
Go.
Like, if you're in like a great relationship and you throw it away and you go, oh, I regret doing that.
You don't necessarily feel shame for what you did.
You just regret losing an opportunity to do something that you ought to have done.
Let's say you're happy you're in a great relationship.
You cheated.
Yeah.
You can feel shame.
Yeah, because that's something that you did do.
You can feel shame.
You don't feel regret because you're happy.
Yeah.
If you're miserable because you cheated, then that's regret.
You would feel regret.
And probably shame.
You feel both.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Imagine you cheated.
You don't feel bad about it.
Right.
You never got caught.
Right.
She's not hearing it.
You might feel ashamed.
But regret only kicks it.
Do you feel regret?
You might regret it.
Regret what?
No, you would only regret it if you felt bad about it.
Yeah.
Some people cheat, and I think they're surprised that they don't feel bad.
I've talked to my friends.
They're like, yeah, I cheated, and I didn't really feel anything.
Bro, I cheated once.
I thought it was going to be so miserable.
I remember like literally like coming, like pulling out, like, oh, God, it's about to kick in.
Insincerity And Virtue Signaling00:10:34
No?
And you just went to sleep.
I was like, oh, all right.
I get it.
I get Latinos.
It makes sense now.
Great.
This is so bad.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
I think sometimes people are surprised at how little they feel when they practice certain, like, when they do certain things.
And then, yeah, they might not feel shame or regret, even though they did something wrong.
What is something you've thought this week?
What is a thought you've had this week that you've wanted to share, that you wanted to get to the bottom, that you wanted to figure out?
Well, there was a thing we talked about yesterday.
Which was?
I don't get how vegans can have cats.
Oh, this is such a good.
I almost, this is a joke.
This can be a bit.
So I don't know if I want you to give it away.
You can.
Yeah, I don't know.
Why not?
All right, give it away.
It's just maybe someone will write a comment that's really funny, and then I'll just take that and say, I thought of it.
So who knows, right?
Maybe that could happen.
The group.
What is it?
Let the group sort of.
Yeah, crowd wisdom, bro.
Crowd wisdom, yeah.
So we had this cat, and we feed it sardines all the time.
Okay.
And I was looking into it.
I was like, oh, cats love meat.
And I looked into it more, and they're what they call obligate carnivores.
Okay.
So they have to eat meat.
Yeah.
Cats can't be on a plant-based diet.
Okay.
So one.
Also, the other thing is the premise.
The premise was really funny.
The other piece of the research thing.
Yeah, yeah, fuck all the research.
Let's cut to the chase.
So vegans have a pet cat.
Well, there's three parts to this.
One, I'll start with that part.
Can vegans have a pet cat?
No.
The question is: can vegans have a pet cat?
Yeah, right?
And I go, why not?
And then you go, well, because you got to feed it meat.
Yeah.
So you might not be eating meat.
But you're giving your cat meat.
But what you, your cat has meat.
Right, exactly.
Right.
And then the second part was.
I was looking into it.
Most cats are not adopted from shelters.
Oh, no, no, not that part.
The second part was, if you care about animals, you can't kidnap one.
Yeah, that's the point.
Is you can't get an animal.
Most cats are not adopted from shelters.
They're like, you find them.
They're stray cats.
Someone gives it to you.
Right.
That's trapping them.
You trap them.
That's cat trafficking.
Yeah, you're cat trafficking.
Or you're trapping them.
Yeah.
Literally, you're trapping them.
The cage is your house.
It's a big cage.
I know.
There are girls that I know.
They're like, oh, yeah, that's my cute little cat.
I found him rummaging around in the trash.
And so I took him inside.
Yeah.
It's like, that was not a stray cat.
That's a wild cat.
That's a free animal.
That's a free animal.
Yeah.
That you put in a house.
You sheltered in place.
You didn't give it no $1,200.
No.
You're just feeding it meat.
Yeah, you're quarantining this.
You quarantined the cat.
Yeah.
Feeding it the meat.
That you're not allowed to eat, that you condemn.
Yeah.
But you give it to the cat anyway.
Yeah, it's bullshit.
You cannot be.
But then you got to go further, right?
Right.
You can't ever live a vegan lifestyle.
Why?
Because even the people making your vegan food probably are eating animals.
On some level of the production chain, you're going to get to the consumption of animals, right?
Maybe even this is the other piece.
Go.
If being vegan means that you can't consume something that's the byproduct of animal suffering.
Okay.
If you have an unhappy cook that made your food and he hates his job and he burns his hand cooking your food, your fucking zucchini rolls, that's animal suffering.
100% are consuming the byproduct of it.
Your cell phone made by some child slave in Asia.
That's an obvious one.
Right?
Your gasoline.
Like the oil in your car that you got from murdering Iraqis or whatever.
Yeah.
It's impossible.
So at what point do we just stop caring about people then?
Or animals?
Because there is a balance, right?
Like it's easy to like, the reason we punch vegans is because they're living a life that is impossible to live.
It's no different than the way the reason like why people.
You say punch vegans?
You know, we're like, not punching them, but like we're like beating up on them.
We bully them.
Ah, right.
Right?
It's like they're trying to live a pious life that is impossible to live.
It's no different than like when people attack like pastors and shit.
They're like, yeah, you say you're loving, but how do you feel about gays?
I think it's more of the virtue signaling.
Sure.
They're living this life that isn't telling you you have to also live it.
So if they didn't live it, you think that if they didn't try to put it on us, you think that we would leave it alone?
I think so.
More so.
More so, yes.
Like, you don't see people like...
But religious people aren't really, I mean, for the most part, most pastors aren't walking around trying to make you Christian.
I think that's more common than like, say, at least in America than like Hindus.
And I think Christians get more made fun of than Hindus.
There's just no Hindus.
Yeah, maybe.
It's 1%.
Yeah, fair.
Right?
You know, like, everybody here is Christian.
But it's like proselytizing as a part of Christianity where they go in your face and they're like.
A couple of them do.
I've never had any of them knock on my door.
Do Mormons go to apartment publics?
It would be so much easier.
Like, think about it.
You could get a thousand people in a block.
You don't even need a bike anymore.
Damn, bikes.
Yeah, you didn't know that?
Motorcycles?
No, no, no.
Like bicycle, bicycles?
Oh.
Yeah.
Those are chick fish.
They just roll up to your place.
Yeah, I just, I think there's something to, yeah, the proselytizing is there.
I think there's just something to people who live a life that we know cannot be lived.
But I agree.
There's a part of it where it's like, you're trying to get me to live this life.
But most vegans that I've encountered are not trying to get me to eat vegan or do any of these things.
And they still annoy me.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Like, do you know what I'm saying?
Like, most, we have a friend who has a girl that's vegan.
Do you know what I mean?
And it's still annoying.
Yeah.
I mean, it's just plain and simple.
It's just annoying.
And even though they're not judging me for the way I live my life, I feel like the fact that they do something different, maybe there's inherent judgment.
Or maybe I'm like carrying the stereotype of a vegan.
I think that's more what it is.
And I'll be honest, she's a really cool vegan because I've seen her eat not vegan just to not be annoying at dinner and just didn't care.
Yeah, because I think like a true, like the true goal of the vegan is I'm going to just try to decrease the amount of animal suffering in the world any way that I can.
Yeah, but it's God.
I think that's actually not, I think that's kind of a noble pursuit.
It's a noble pursuit, but it's impossible.
No, I don't think it's impossible to decrease it.
Son, you realize how much more they get, how many more, sorry, how much more animals they hurt being vegan.
It's just they've decided which animals are okay to save or not.
Right.
Like pesticides and shit that they put on all their vegetables, which is the only thing they eat, kill way more insects.
We're talking about like hundreds of thousands of types of insects and like small critters and like little animals like squirrels, mice, that kind of shit.
True.
Right.
Kill way more than would be killed by killing one cow and we get some steaks from it.
So they've just decided that the furry animals that look cute need to live and insects and whatever, they're not really animals.
Like fish, they're not really animals.
Like, what is that?
It's an absurd argument that has a lot of flaws.
Right.
So maybe there's something about like flawed arguments that people double down on that we fucking hate.
But then again, why do I have a career in comedy?
So what is that?
Yeah, I don't know exactly what I think it's to me.
It's like insincerity and virtue signaling.
Insincerity.
Yeah.
It's inauthentic.
Yeah.
We know deep down you don't give a fuck.
If that's what it is.
Go.
I think some people truly think that like they're helping and like they've sort of been fed just like a different propaganda where they're like, oh, if I eat like only vegetables and grains and I'm doing something better for the environment.
And there might be there's an argument that they are.
I don't know.
Maybe they are or maybe they don't have an identity themselves and they're trying to wrap themselves around an identity.
It's like the white people that moved to Hawaii.
That's their veganism.
For real.
I think that.
You know, like we were talking about when you go to Hawaii, like we saw all these white people that just kind of like adopted the Hawaiian slang and that kind of stuff.
And I think a lot of it is like, there's a lot of white people that just never really had an identity or a purpose or whatever it is.
And they've just adopted a ritual, a behavior, a language, and a culture.
And now of a sudden they feel part of something.
Right.
Slightly as an outsider, but something they can try to achieve every single day.
Maybe one day they'll accept me as part of it.
So you get a purpose.
It does a lot of things.
You run from whatever you're facing.
And maybe that's veganism.
Yeah.
Right?
Because it's more than just eating it.
Like the fact that are there vegan options?
Like, fuck that.
Just, you know what's vegan.
You don't need vegan options.
Just say it.
Rice, beans.
Right?
Like.
Got a carrot back there?
Yeah.
But like, you don't need to overdo it.
Right?
Like, we know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think that's part of the virtue signaling that people get annoyed by.
It's like the gluten-free person that always asks for gluten-free shit.
Or it's like, they're like, is there gluten in it?
And it's like, no, it's not.
Like, you know, it's not.
Like, but you're just trying to like showcase that you have like a moral status.
Ah.
Right.
Like, I care about animals so much that when I go to this restaurant with you heathens, I'm going to operate and like order the right thing.
So you all order.
Yeah.
And I get on my fucking soap box.
That soap box?
Yeah.
I get on my soapbox and then I let everyone know, by the way, is there any vegan options on the menu?
And when I say that, I'm judging everybody else's order.
Yeah.
And because we feel judged, we act out on that.
Right.
And then I also, I think, like, PETA probably doesn't do a great job of like the PR play for vegans.
You know what I mean?
Like, if I was a vegan, I would hate PETA.
Is PETA doing the coronavirus PR?
Because I feel like there's just as much hysteria.
I feel like everybody is like Carol Baskin about coronavirus.
Hey there, Coronas and Coronitas.
Cornets?
Corona's.
The dude, Coronas, and what's the chick Corona?
Hey there, Coronas and Coronitas.
Coronas and Coronas.
Coronas and Coronas?
No, why would you hate PETA if you're a vegan?
Because it's like, if I were to be a vegan, I would say, all right, I'm a vegan because I want to reduce animal suffering in the world.
It's better for the environment, blah, blah, blah.
Like, I've even heard the argument that a lot of deforestation comes from creating land for the cows and shit.
Like, most of the deforestation in South America is for whatever.
Limiting Motherfuckers Around00:03:44
I don't know if that's true.
If that's the case and that's the propaganda I've been fed and I believe it, then all of a sudden now I'm like, all right, I have to be vegan and I'm going to reduce animal suffering in the world.
And then all of a sudden, PETA is like throwing red paint on people.
And they're like, this is what it means to be an animal rights lover.
And I'm like, ugh.
Yeah.
No, it doesn't.
You know what I mean?
Like, it's like, it's probably how a Muslim feels when there's a jihadist that kills people.
They're a terrorist.
Yeah.
Literally.
They're like, I'm a Muslim.
I believe all this stuff.
And then this guy takes one part of it out of context, blows it up unintentionally.
Literally.
Yeah, literally.
And then it makes all of us look bad.
If I was a vegan, that's how I feel.
Interesting.
So PETA's got to go.
Yeah, probably.
Doc Antel, you were right, bro.
Shout out to the Soul Patch God.
I just think radicals at any space are probably not conducive to the actual truth of the matter.
Maybe that's a good question.
Are there any radicals that are tolerable?
I don't know.
I always thought like a Buddhist extremist, like a Mormon extremist.
Yeah, but isn't a, what are those Hare Krishnas?
Are they extremists?
Because they're annoying.
I don't know anything.
I've never even seen them.
I just know they were popping in the seven.
We used to play basketball with one in Barcelona.
Yeah, and he came and played in those stupid pants.
And every time he turned the ball over, because he was trying to like cross over and those like low-hanging pants in the middle would like catch the ball.
Best defender on your team.
Son.
He couldn't go through his, but he couldn't go through his own leg.
So somehow he would turn it over.
And I remember just looking at him like, take off your stupid fucking pants.
Like, can you just be Hare Krishna outside of this?
Like, what?
He lived with like 20 other people in some apartment in Barcelona.
He was Hare Krishna in and up in his little white paint right here.
You know, he looked like Simba when the monkey painted him, right?
And yeah, he was just there hooping.
Was he good?
Yeah, he was good.
We didn't fucking turn the ball over.
He's playing in sandals.
Did he really?
He played in sandals.
It was bottom of the barrel, dude.
What are a lot of basketball players out there in Barcelona?
We accepted whoever at that point.
That's another thing about acceptance.
Like when you need someone, you just accept.
Yeah.
You know, like when you have an abundance of workers, then you get picky.
Yeah.
But when you need to build the house, you're like, who's around, bro?
Like, who's there?
Like, we don't care.
Community college, dog.
Yeah.
Community college don't give a fuck.
Nah.
Harvard?
Little picky.
Little picky.
Maybe that's the key to progressiveness and acceptance.
It's what?
Limit the people.
You want us to all love each other?
Limit the amount of motherfuckers around.
Yeah.
Like, you know, the Avengers and all these kind of shit.
It's all different genders, races, et cetera, because they're the only mutants.
So it's like, fuck it.
All right.
You think Wolverine wants to hang out with Cyclops at Dork?
Nah.
He wants to go fuck bitches in Vancouver, bro.
He's out there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You need less people, I think.
That's like, you ever heard of Dunbar's number?
You remember that shit?
That's like...
150?
Yeah.
Whereas like the amount of people you can have that like...
In a functioning society.
Yeah, it's like how many people you can basically know in a society.
150 people.
Yeah.
And there was that business that tried to operate using 150 people in one building.
And then when they got over 150, they opened another building and they started building another 150 people.
Is this Sim City?
What are you talking about?
Yeah, for real.
Yeah, there was a guy who basically ran his business based on it.
And the idea was if you know everybody, well, his use of Dunbars was if you know everybody, then you'll treat them with respect and you'll do your job.
Right.
Right.
Sharing Stuff With Serial Killers00:06:50
So if you're in a business with like a thousand people and you're like, I'm not going to refill the printer because.
You have cracks to fall through.
Boom.
Exactly.
You don't know the person who works the printer.
But if you don't refill it and Pam comes over and Pam's like, hey, Tom, I saw you at the fucking printer.
Why didn't you refill?
I had to do it.
And you're like, yo, my bad, Pam.
If you know everybody's first name, you're not going to do something to affect them unless you actually really hate them and you want to affect them.
They started doing that shit at like universities and stuff.
Okay.
Where they put the cleaning staff in the bathroom.
And they're like, hi, my name is Marta.
I moved here from Guatemala.
Genius.
And I'll be cleaning up your bathroom today.
So keep it tidy or something like that.
Now you're not pissing on the seat.
Now you're not throwing the paper towels on the ground.
Now it's like, all right, Marta's going to have to come in here.
Like they'll even throw like a little factoid.
People have said that this is how you survive a serial killer.
Have you ever heard this?
No.
It's like if you get kidnapped by a serial killer, the first thing you should do is start sharing personal stuff about your life.
Why?
Because they're forced to empathize.
But they don't have empathy.
They're serial killers.
If you're a true psychopath, maybe not.
There are serial killers that are not psychopaths?
Like sociopaths.
But they lack empathy as well.
Yeah.
But they have just enough.
They have some.
These are people, to my understanding, is like a sociopath, someone's like mostly normal.
And then you just get abused and your life is tumultuous.
And then you become like this cold.
So what you're trying to tell me right now is that someone who is willing to murder multiple people.
Yeah.
Right.
That if you sit down, you're like, well, hey, I went to Bronx High School of Science and my dog's name was two kids.
Yeah.
I like playing.
Your odds of surviving, I think, are higher.
Marginally.
There you go.
Are your odds even higher if you try to escape?
Number one, it'd probably escape.
Yeah, probably escape.
Right?
I mean, if you're just standing there with him.
Yeah.
Big run.
Because he's going to kill you anyway.
That's what I don't understand.
He might not, though.
How many of these serial killers have decided not to murder?
I don't know.
You got to try to escape.
Yeah, that's probably goal number one.
Try to escape.
Yes.
What do you have to lose?
If you're tied up in the back seat.
No, you can't do anything.
You might as well just start talking.
Talk about your personal life.
Let them empathize.
Say your hobbies.
What if he was like, dude, I wasn't going to kill you, but you are one of you.
But then you get killed faster, I think.
And that's better.
I think that's better.
Yeah.
Even if you get killed, I think it'd be a little quicker.
I was literally just kidnapping you.
Like he's explaining to you.
He's like, no, you don't understand.
I was literally just kidnapping you.
That's all I wanted to do with you.
Okay.
I was hoping that we'd get some money from your grandparents.
They got a ranch.
Drive you to an ATM or something.
But you are so annoying.
I'm going to do your family a favor.
I'm going to fucking murder you right now so they don't have to, so no one else has to listen to this shit.
I think it depends on what you share with them.
That's probably important.
Are you going with jokes?
Like, if you got kidnapped, are you testing material?
Are you going to be like, funny thing about vegans kidnapped?
I do not want to bomb in the last moments of my life, dude.
Why not?
Dude, if the joke gets you out of getting murdered, like, what if he's driving Stonefold and then you just hear him go?
Yo, that'd be crazy.
That'd be great.
Both of us are killers.
Yo, we're murderers, bro.
I wouldn't let him put that on my tooth.
I'm like, he died the way he lived.
Killing.
No one laughing.
Now, you gotta, if you know you're gonna be murdered, you gotta at least try a bit to see if you can get him to chuckle.
What do you think?
The bit you would pull out.
What is your go-to?
Yeah.
What is your go-to?
Let's go with a street joke.
Oh, really?
All right, go.
I don't even know which one I'd pick.
Oh, no.
I'm going.
My ego is going to be big.
I'm going with, I'm going with material.
I'm going with material, dude.
I got to see if I got this.
If I could laugh my way out of this.
You do crowd work with him?
No, material, bro.
So where are you from, dog?
Because I'm not going to get anything out of him.
You know what I'm saying?
Right.
I'm going jokes.
I'm going material, relatable shit.
Ted Bundy.
Dude, I think I might try to laugh my way out.
Yeah, if there was a person to do a serial killer bit for, it's probably serial killer.
That's it.
Yeah.
Who loves Puerto Rican jokes the most?
Puerto Ricans.
There we go.
So that's actually not a bad idea.
It would be pandering, but I think in the moment, you have to be okay with that.
Yeah.
In that moment.
Maybe you spite you for pandering.
You have really high comedian expectations.
You're saying that just because I'm a comedian.
Or just because I'm a serial killer.
Come on, dude.
Nothing else.
I can't help but feel that this joke is specifically targeting me and the people that also murder.
Yeah.
Me and my coworkers do not appreciate this kind of humor.
He's going to write a blog about it.
Just because we murdered this way.
That's how that Chappelle joke.
Just because I'm dressed this way.
That's what?
Maybe that's how they catch him, though.
He writes some blog post being like comedian Andrew Schultz panders to serial killers.
And then they're triggered by it.
And then he writes a blog post, they find him.
Well, that's how we get to the bottom of it.
All right, guys.
We probably went over again.
We're trying to keep it at 30.
We love y'all.
We're going to figure out live.
We're going to do the live.
We hope you guys had some fun, some distraction.
We hope we got those brain cells jumping around in that noggin of yours.
Yeah, man.
We'll be back again.
You know, tomorrow we got Flagrant 2.
Oh, also, very important note: Alex does not have Corona.
Okay.
I know some of you guys have been asking about Al having Corona.
He does not have Corona, but what he is doing is he's at the crib and he is putting together all the stand-up clips that we possibly have.
We haven't been on the road, obviously, so we haven't been able to put new clips out in the YouTube channel.
And that pisses us off because here's a time where people actually need the entertainment.
They need the distraction.
So we're like, you know what?
Fuck it.
Al said he's going back to the crib.
He's grinding, literally going through hours and hours and hours of footage going back through every city to see if there's things that we missed, things we skipped over.
You know, we're very busy.
We might not have had it.
And we're putting out new clips every week.
We're doing that now.
Every Sunday, we're putting out a new clip.
So you can go check out the new one that's out today.
We dropped it.
And you'll be looking forward to more every single week.
So go say what up to Al.
And then Al should be back next Monday.
We think we'll be able to have enough backlog by then.