Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect hygiene origins, claiming Americans adopted showers from Muslims after Spanish raids, before debating Mark's avocado toast and his girlfriend's mixed Costa Rican, Italian, and German heritage. They argue that half-Black ancestry defines one as Black under a "1% rule," contrasting this with other heritages. The duo pivots to conspiracy theories linking coronavirus strains to celebrity testing, oxygen sales as a financial hustle, and Benjamin Franklin's kite experiment as an Illuminati distraction. Ultimately, they frame quarantine as capitalist manipulation and suggest resisting the virus is the true act of rebellion. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Cultural Appropriation and Hygiene00:03:30
Yeah, we're ready to go.
We didn't do showers until like the Muslims invented it.
I think they did.
I think we're hygiene or something.
Apparently, like when the Muslims raided Spain, yo, you white people stink.
And funny how times change.
It's like we appropriated all that.
Yeah, let it never be said that you culturally appropriate.
You know what I mean?
You're not that guy.
You respect minority traditions and everything they started.
Yeah, that's what white people do.
We just appropriate the best cultures.
Like, you should be honored if we steal your shit.
You know, Mark out here with his avocado toast.
Yo, Mark has Mark brought.
I'm sorry to start the episode just trashing, Mark.
But two days in a row, Mark has brought in-glass Tupperware to work, in glass Tupperware, to work, a single slice of avocado toast.
Your girl do that for you?
She makes it, yeah.
So here's the thing.
Hold on.
I know.
When you ask you that question, what did you think?
Did your girl do that?
She makes it.
I put it in the top.
That's half the battle, bro.
Everybody's got to chip in during times of corona.
They're just going to pull your weight off, guys.
50-50 household.
I make the money.
She spends it.
50-50.
Yeah.
She just did.
Oh, fuck.
But now, Mark's girl, the sweetest girl, but she is unmistakably white.
Like, there's just that, dude.
You're getting soft, bro.
What is she?
Black.
Get the fuck out of here.
She's not black.
She's not black.
What is she?
She's Hispanic.
Yeah, she's half Costa Rican and like some Italian and some German.
Okay.
Costa Rican, bro.
That's fucking.
Yo.
Half, half.
Her mom did.
Her grandma didn't speak English, right?
The only thing powerful enough to overtake white with its halves is black.
What about Indian?
Half Indian, half white is white.
Really?
Yeah.
What about you're very coming across very 2%?
What is that?
What is that?
There's like 2% drops of blood or something like that.
Oh, 1%.
1% is if you're 1% black, you're black.
1%.
Wow.
How the term 1% has changed.
Real talk.
He's a 1%er.
Like back in the day, that conversation.
We got to get these 1%ers out of here.
It was like, huh?
Yeah.
And the 2%ers and the 3%ers?
But yeah, man.
It is.
Yeah, she's a Hispanic woman, bro.
She's not Hispanic, yo.
That's a Hispanic woman, bro.
She's from Florida.
She's from Italian and German.
Florida?
Italian and German, yo.
Yo, you know who else?
Half Hispanic?
George Zimmerman?
You don't see that motherfucker as Latino?
Yo, is he famous enough to get Corona?
Bruh, this is what's terrifying about Corona.
Yo, as famous people are getting it.
That's a thing, dude.
I'm starting to be a little skeptical of this because, I mean, we were talking about in the pod about how it's like the new blue check, but it's like it seems like everybody.
This is what I'm starting to believe.
I'm starting to believe there's a lot of different strains of this Corona.
That's possible, right?
And I think, and I think, fuck Mark.
Get your fucking avocado toast, Mark.
So I'm starting to think that there's way different straight.
Do you hear the crunch on that?
Corona as the New Blue Check00:09:22
Could you have brought a louder item?
What kind of bread is that?
Just throw some Doritos on there, would you?
So, but here's the thing.
If there's put hot Cheetos on an avocado toast, I believe she's Latina.
Now, here's the thing: if there's multiple types of strains, there's a possibility that we all have like the weak strain, or the majority of us have the weak strain.
Right.
You and I maybe have already had it.
We're still susceptible to that strong shit.
Doesn't mean we can't get it.
But this way, when all the famous people get tested, of course they got it.
Right.
Yes.
Okay.
That's that's potentially valid.
Listen, I'm not a scientist.
You know, I've said that many times.
Right.
I've said that many times.
Okay.
Yesterday I had to explain to Mark about how oxygen gets into the oxygen tank.
That's actually a fascinating ass question.
Thank you, Arkash.
Do you want to know how Mark was being all fucking smug and smart about it?
So listen, because I was thinking yesterday and I'm like, how the fuck?
You just unscrew it and then screw that shit back on.
Thank you.
Son, it's how it's not in there already.
Like I'm saying.
Look, wait, wait.
Like, we're paying people to fill it with oxygen.
Go like that.
You got the oxygen, bro.
Like, how does it not have it?
That's what I understand.
I don't know.
I also feel that way about light.
I'm sorry.
But, like, I feel I should be able to bottle it.
Like, I feel, I literally do feel.
I feel like, look, like, if light is just, if life just waves, right?
Why are we paying for light bulbs?
Shouldn't we just be able to scoop up some sun like that?
Bottle that shit up, put that on your dresser, and then we're good.
Then we're good, bro.
If it's traveling here, listen.
Mark's about to walk out the park.
Mark's about to walk.
If we're traveling, if the light is traveling, right?
Hey, bro.
The light is traveling, okay?
Yo, yo.
Okay?
Yo.
What?
I actually have another question, Mark.
You smug motherfucker.
Thank you.
When they say traveling at the speed of light, do they mean light bulb light or do they mean sunlight light or starlight light?
Bro, it's the same light, though.
See light.
No, it's not the same light.
What's the motherfucker?
What on is electricity, yo?
You think electrical light is less?
Yeah, I mean, I assume.
Bro, fucking.
I'm not going to lie.
No, dude.
You think it's retarded?
No, there is a difference because sometimes you turn on a light and it goes click.
Click click click.
And then it goes on.
Yeah.
You gave it a retarded list when you did it, bro.
Son, the sun, when it rises, never goes, and then a sunrise.
The sun is also always going.
Always.
Sometimes you turn off a light.
Mark, let me tell you something, bro.
I think these scientists are lying to us.
I really do think I really sincerely, and I understand it's a stupid question.
I understand people watching right now are like, wow, this guy's a fucking idiot.
That being said.
Are you, though?
Bro, I don't think any of our engines are dumb, dude.
Guess what?
How is it if I take some light and there's light inside the glass and I just and I close it, why is the light not in there still?
Why is the light not in there still?
Can someone explain that to me?
Why?
Or here's a better question.
If I could close it at the speed of light, would it stay in there?
If I could take a jar, let the light go in there, and if I could hypothetically close that jar at the speed of light, meaning the ability to close it would trap whatever was in there, would it stay lit?
That works because light's not an element.
It's not like out in the atmosphere.
It's just something that shines and you just can't.
Can I just say one thing?
Can I just say one thing?
I know he didn't hear me at all.
I just thought of one thing.
I just thought of one thing.
You know how they're like, Shakespeare wrote King Lear when he was in quarantine.
We figured out like now.
Explain what you're saying.
Light's not an element, right?
Yeah.
It's not just in the air.
It's just a thing that shines.
That's all it is.
It's not like a thing.
It's like the byproduct of a thing.
You know what I mean?
No.
Like the sun is just so fucking bright, that's how we get sunlight.
Are we going to have a is water wet conversation right now?
No, because water wet as fuck.
That's indisputable.
Now, water, it's not wet.
You've heard that conversation on the internet, right?
No.
Water's water.
Something dry goes in water, it gets wet.
Water itself is not wet.
That's nonsense, yo.
That's nonsense.
Mark, smugs, be smug for a second.
Did you know that's what a smug sounds like?
If you listen, you go, is there a smug out there?
And you hear it.
That's what a smug is.
No, but light, oxygen's in the air.
That's why I think when you trap the bottle, you're trapping air and not oxygen.
And air is not pure oxygen.
I could see it.
It's like nitrogen and all this other shit.
I don't know.
Yeah, but your body like filters out the other stuff.
Okay, so we'll do it.
I'm just saying light and oxygen.
The tank is pure oxygen.
It's a hustle.
Dog, it's a hustle.
Motherfuckers have been selling a shit that's free.
How are you going to tell me it costs me a certain amount of money to fill up a tank when I go and it's free every time I take a deep breath of it?
How is a tank of oxygen?
I can understand paying for the tank.
You know?
But you can't charge me to fill it because it's free.
Yo.
What are you charging me for for the tank to go?
No, but I'm saying that's pure oxygen.
I didn't ask for pure oxygen.
I'll take whatever we got.
But some people need pure oxygen.
For to breathe?
Yeah, if you got emphysema and shit.
Or if you got crohns or something.
Yeah, yeah, you got the corona.
I'm talking about for scuba diving in the Atlantic.
Oh.
That's a good ass point.
Oh, you thought that I was referring to like people on ventilators?
Do you think if you get nitrogen in your in like if you yeah, what the fuck, yo?
Thank you, bro.
This whole shit is a hustle.
And we didn't realize it because we weren't quarantined long enough.
Once you're quarantined, you start to see all the bullshit that's out there.
Light, Edison, hack.
Thomas Edison, is he the guy who did light?
Or is that Alexander Graham Bell?
Nah, that's the phone.
Phone is the best.
Edison is light.
But Edison did that shit on demand.
I was like, I didn't like that when his wife was calling him all the time.
Like before that, she'd be writing letters and shit.
She couldn't write all her fucking.
Probably was illiterate.
Women couldn't fuck her.
Do you think that's why men cheated so much back in the day?
They just forgot they had somebody.
Letters took three weeks.
It's like, oh, I still got it, bitch?
Bitch, I'm in Maine.
It's going to take a year to get back to Virginia.
I got to get some pussy.
I got to get some pussy out here.
Now, this bitch is calling him.
You got to jam some shit into his fucking ear the whole time.
I'm trying to get this gold to buy you shit.
I'm on the other side of the country.
Come on, it's a boolean.
Isn't that what they call a gold?
A boolean?
Isn't it?
A bullion, right?
Isn't that the shit that you put in the soup?
No, a gold bullion.
What's the shit you put in the soup?
The cube you put in the soup?
Chicken bullion.
I think.
I told you to reuse this shit, bro.
It's a farce, dog.
This whole shit is a farce.
Oxygen's free.
They're charging us for oxygen.
But if you get nitrogen in your lungs or some shit, isn't that something when you scuba dive?
Niten makes it go quicker.
You don't watch Fast and Two?
You've never seen that before?
Nitrogen is with.
Hey, bro, nitrogen.
If you scuba diving with nitrogen, bro, you coming back.
You're coming back up, guaranteed, bro.
Bro, you're launching out the water like a whale, bro.
Dude, it's fine.
Chargers can't catch you.
Can you make a tank where you inhale and then breathe out nitrogen and then they store that in the tank?
And then when you're ready to pop back up, press a little button, zoom.
Ah, gosh.
Zoom, zoom.
If they did that, they would be admitting that their whole thing is a farce.
Just like electricity is a farce.
Okay?
What is electricity?
Say it.
Say it.
You don't know, right?
Yeah.
No one even knows.
Do you know what it is?
They figured out how to put the light in the jar.
That's all electricity is.
Is they figured out how to put the light in there?
But it's artificial light because it looks different.
It's a nod.
You think some fucking loser with a kite is going to figure this shit out by himself?
He had to throw the scent off the trail.
Some loser with a kite.
Didn't he do it with a kite?
Didn't have some fucking dork.
Who is, first of all, what man is a kite, you fucking nerd.
If I saw a man by himself with no kids with a kite, there's a dead child somewhere around there, right?
That should be an episode of The Outsiders.
You just murdered a kid.
You murdered a kid.
Oh, my God.
And they caught you and you're like, oh, no, no, no, there's an experiment.
And then you just have to kick it.
Didn't you look a little petty?
Son.
Who did the kite thing?
Benjamin Franklin?
Benjamin Franklin, yo.
He looked like the king of the petties.
Hold on.
So Ben Franklin not only is on the $100 bill, was president, also discovers electricity.
Illuminatio.
Son.
Illuminati, yo.
Son.
The Virus Wants Your Freedom00:09:17
Bruh, that's how you get away with that shit.
Fucking all the kids he wants taking kites, and they're just like, he's fucking kids.
We got to give him something.
Electricity.
That's it.
Holy shit.
No, that's real, dude.
He probably just had bifocal so he could focus on them small ass dicks.
Nobody talks about that.
If you're hard of seeing, what is it?
Nobody talks about that.
If you don't have good vision and you're into kids, it's actually tougher because they're so small.
Yeah.
But if you're old and you need the far sight for everything else, but you need a little sight for them dicks, for them little undeveloped dicks.
From them dang a lingole.
From them dings.
Not even the whole danger.
Not the dang a language.
Just a ding.
You got to do something.
Bifocals.
Oh, God bless that this is Patreon.
So Americans have this rebellious spirit.
It's like built into our culture.
It's built into our DNA.
All of our heroes are rebellious in some way, shape, or form.
All of our cartoon characters are rebellious.
I mean, Bugs Bunny is fucking rebellious, right?
Like it's rebellion is part of our culture.
So the way that you can trick Americans into doing shit is make it seem like it's an act of rebellion, right?
And Mark was talking just about like a little bit like your philosophy in life.
Like, like you don't buy into the well, also sucking a dick, but sucking a dick.
Sucking a dick.
But like, the so capitalism, they have a really brilliant way, like American capitalism has a brilliant way of making you think consumption is rebellious, right?
So they sell you the fucking Che Guevara tea.
Right?
So you put all that Che Guevara tea because you're like, yeah, I'm about fucking rebellion, pushing back against.
And it's like, well, did you buy it?
Yeah, from where?
Urban Outfitters?
Okay, you're super rebellious, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right?
So what we've done is brilliantly tapped into rebellion to get people to do the most, the least rebellious thing, right?
Which isn't there a company?
Was it Apple that's like think different?
Son, look up.
Oh, there it is.
Can you go to the wide?
Yeah.
I knew I seen that somewhere.
I thought I've seen that.
A podcast called Flagrant Something.
Long live the flagrant.
There's a podcast that's all about not letting you get easy buckets.
I don't know what the fuck it's about, but anyway, that's rebellion in there, right there, ingrained in the fucking...
Think different.
Think different.
So it's part of us.
So you can get someone to do what you want to do.
Matter of fact, you can get someone to conform, which is the opposite of rebellion, by tricking them into thinking it's rebellious.
Yeah.
Right?
And maybe that's what we need to do with quarantine.
Maybe we need to turn quarantine or shelter in place if we really want to market this right into rebellion.
Right?
Right.
I don't know exactly how to position it.
How would you guys position it?
Maybe they've already done it.
Go.
Where there's so many people being like, oh, these idiots on spring break at the beach, like, fuck them.
I'm going to rebel against what everyone's doing.
I'm going to stay inside.
But the real matter of fact is that everyone's already staying inside.
Interesting.
Does that make sense?
I don't think that going out to spring break is like ubiquitous to the point where we're rebelling against it.
But I do think that they really promoted that myself, including that spring break clip and seeing all the people in Florida on the beach.
I think the people that are really so fervent about the idea of staying inside think they're in the minority.
I think.
See, I'm social distancing.
We all are.
And I assume most people are in New York.
Like, I assume where we live, you go outside, there's fucking nobody.
Yeah.
I mean, I live kind of in the middle of nowhere, but like the cars, the highways are empty.
Yeah.
There's no nothing when I'm driving.
I am doing absolutely nothing different in my social interactions besides when I take a picture of somebody.
We jokingly keep six feet because it's funny.
That's literally nothing different has happened in my life because I've always been six feet from people.
I'm never close to people.
I don't hover around people.
When I'm waiting online at CVS to pay for something, I'm not two feet behind you.
I give you a fucking space.
There's no big deal.
Matter of fact, I don't really wait on a lot of lines.
And I'm not saying that on some like bougie shit, but like in my life, there's not a lot of lines that I have to wait on.
Niggas don't have lines like that.
One of the people max.
Walk in, grab your fucking kind bar, walk out.
Yeah.
It doesn't change that much.
But if you want to get Americans to do anything, you have to tap into the rebellious spirit.
What the fuck are we rebelling against?
Who is the force working against us that we can push back on?
Is it the people in Florida?
I don't know.
We need a force.
Who's the bad guy?
Maybe you rebel against the other countries that are making their citizens stay in.
Like by force, you could be like, yo, Americans don't need that.
We'll do it by choice.
We're not like you.
We're different than fucking China.
You got to force people at gunpoint.
You don't need that.
We'll prove to you you don't need that.
We'll stay in by choice.
We will social distance with our freedom.
That's what we'll use our freedom for.
I got the freedom to socially distance.
Yeah.
Maybe, I doubt this, but maybe that's what Cuomo was saying.
And maybe the governor Callie is saying on some level, he's like, I'm not going to tell you guys you have to stay inside.
You know, you still have the right to go outside.
Just at the other end.
Maybe they know that the second they say that it's mandatory, that rebellious spirit that's inside everybody.
And you want to go to the middle.
Fuck you, motherfucker.
I'm going out.
It's like when I was a kid, the second my parents gave me a curfew, you know what time I came in?
One minute after?
One minute before.
Right.
Oh, okay.
Like, I'm going to 11.
Oh, okay.
I got you.
You know what I mean?
Like, if you say what I can't do, that's what I'm going to do right up until then.
Yeah.
Now I'm an adult.
I don't have a curfew.
I'll be in the crib at 9.
It's the best.
It's fucking amazing.
Yeah.
It's the best.
So how do you trick Americans?
What do we do?
We're in this think tank right now trying to manipulate Americans into quarantining.
Right.
How would we do it?
I mean, you got to trick them into thinking that that's what it means to be an American.
Okay.
That's one way.
That's like some Eddie Bernays shit where he's like, like the American breakfast, eggs and sausage.
And he was working for the sausage company to boost sausage sales.
Yeah.
But it's like if you can trick them into thinking that patriotism is like it's protecting your fellow citizens.
And protect your fellow citizens.
And I think tapping into the war mentality.
Like the war.
I was just about to say that we're at war.
We're at war with an enemy that's not a human being.
It is a virus.
The only way we win this war is by keeping apart together.
You know what that virus wants you to do?
Go outside.
That virus wants you to hang out with your friends.
That virus wants you to go to work.
That virus wants you to hug your loved ones so that it can use you to jump from body to body.
Do you know what I mean?
Killing your family.
Killing your family.
Attacking your kids.
Do you remember letting the terrorists win?
If you do this, you're letting the terrorists win.
In reality, to your Eddie Bernay's point, all that was was, hey man, people got to keep buying shit.
People got to keep going out to bars.
People got to keep going out to clubs or the economy is fucked.
We need transactions or the economy is fucked.
Hollywood.
Yo, you know what?
If you don't go spend money, you're letting the terrorists win.
You don't go to that football game, you're letting the terrorists win.
Don't let the virus win.
You go out there and you play your little soccer game outside.
You're letting the virus win.
Yeah.
Don't let the virus.
Fuck.
Stop positioning things as we have to save old people.
No one cares about old people.
If we cared about old people, we wouldn't shove them into these fucking prisons where they're getting beaten the shit out of by some half-nurse that's taking care of them, right?
Yeah.
Don't let the virus win.
The virus wants you to do this.
The virus is preying off your need for social contact.
It's preying off your need for connectivity.
Nobody wants you to be around the people you love more than the virus so it can infect all of them.
Really position.
The virus wants you at the bar getting drunk with your friends.
The virus thinks you can't function without that.
It knows you can't function without that.
It knows.
I like that challenge.
It is.
Challenge of challenges.
If we fall apart as a society, we can't go out to happy hour with our friends.
It knows how weak you get when you don't have that connectivity.
It knows you don't have the strength.
Even hearing that, I'm like, fuck you, virus.
Fuck you.
Suck my dick.
Do you know what I mean?
But if that's the difference about culture, because if in China, they're like, it knows you can't exist with other people.
They're like, oh, that's right.
How did it know about me?
How does the virus know all these things?
Is the virus the government?
Oh, President Xi, I'm so sorry.
It's a mickey diviry.
Oh, no.
Dude, that's it.
We figured out the virus.
The virus wants you to infect your friends.
They'd be like, let's go outside.
That's what the virus wants.
Just tell me what to do.
Stop a confusion.
Tell me how to handle.
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
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