Andrew Schulz warns of an imminent U.S. quarantine mirroring Italy's 14-day lockdown, criticizing the irrational toilet paper panic and political hypocrisy regarding voting during stay-at-home orders. He details restricted business operations, advises freelancers to save for stimulus checks via Uber Eats, and recommends specific hydrogen peroxide mouthwash for protection. Framing the crisis as a chance for Newtonian creativity while urging against risky encounters to prevent a "Corona baby boom," Schulz highlights the urgent need for financial prudence amidst gathering crowds in New York. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Italy Quarantine Reality Check00:08:33
What's up, friends, enemies, family, people?
It's your boy Schultze.
I'm here at Alex Media.
Alex, say hi to the people.
And earlier today, I got on the phone with a few friends that are in Italy currently.
I had like one of those group calls.
You ever do like a Google Hangout before?
I have.
Yeah.
That's kind of cool.
Yeah, it was cool.
So there was about like nine or ten of us on, and they are currently in Italy.
Why is this important to this emergency pod, another emergency pod that we're doing?
Because Italy is on complete lockdown.
And the entire country is shut down and quarantined for the next 14 days.
And why is this important to you if you're in America right now or if you're in another country?
Because they say that America's situation is most similar to Italy's.
We're just a few weeks back.
So before we get into that and all the information that they shared with me, what's actually happening over there, clear up some misinformation that's been said about Italy, but also bring some truth to it.
I just want to address a couple things that have happened here in America.
One is this insane obsession with toilet paper.
Alex, did you buy toilet paper?
No.
I don't understand.
I still had some rolls, and that's going to be suffice for.
It makes no sense.
Here's the thing.
People are buying toilet paper instead of food.
If you don't have food, you don't need toilet paper.
You have to shit to use toilet paper.
It makes no sense whatsoever.
I can't fathom why toilet paper is so important.
Let's say you don't have toilet paper.
You just hop in the shower and you just wash your ass.
That's how people wash their ass.
That's disgusting?
Yeah.
You really think?
I'm not touching shit.
Like, just straight on shit.
Well, push, maybe you just bidet it.
Yeah, that's what I do.
Well, in the bath.
The bathtub.
You could create a bidet.
Just go right next to the faucet.
Whatever.
It doesn't matter.
There's a lot of things going on.
There's a shit running down your leg now.
I don't need to squat in front of it, bro.
Get real Asian.
We're talking about Corona.
So there's a lot going on in right now in the States, especially that doesn't make any sense.
And I want to get to the Italy thing.
But there's a few things that are just really hilarious that are about to happen.
And maybe people don't realize it.
One of my favorite ones is this, is that every politician right now is saying, stay home, isolate, isolate, isolate, right?
Tuesday is a voting day.
So all these motherfuckers that are telling us to stay home for our safety and be careful, they're going to start tweeting probably Monday or maybe Sunday.
Hey, make sure you get out and vote Tuesday.
Probably going to get Corona and kill your grandparents.
But make sure you get out and vote for.
At least Bernie is saying, I'm going to cover the cost of your Corona treatment, right?
He's saying that?
Well, I mean, he wants to give health care.
Oh, okay.
He'll give away anything.
It's not his.
Like, he's really, he's like on ultimate dreams.
He's like, y'all, I'm paying for you to come out and vote for me.
He's not Andrew Yang.
Dude, imagine we had Yang.
We could use that fucking $1,000 right about now.
So that thing was hilarious to me.
Also, I heard a good take.
Mark had a funny take about Mexico basically said that they're going to close off the borders from the U.S.
So they're not going to allow any U.S. travel.
And Mark was like, Trump finally got what he wanted.
Closed borders officially.
It was a weird way of going about it, but I thought it was a good take.
And then finally, I was talking to Noam from the comedy seller.
He had a good take about why we shouldn't listen to Trump when it comes to infectious diseases.
And I was like, why?
He goes, this guy fucks Stormy Daniels without a condom.
Oh, wow.
Of course, he's not taking coronavirus seriously.
So, yeah, there's been some good takes, some funny takes.
So back to Italy and back to this call.
So what's happening in Italy right now?
Whole country on lockdown.
Nobody can leave the house unless you're going to work.
But not all work is allowed.
Okay.
Basically, the only places open are grocery stores, a newsstand, and hospitals.
So if you don't work in one of those three, tough.
You're not leaving the house.
When I asked them if there's any preparation that we should have, anything we should do now, because literally what's happening in Italy now is going to be the U.S. in a couple weeks.
Now, they won't say this because they don't want mass hysteria, but I am very certain.
I don't want to say 100%, but I really truly feel that is what the U.S. is going to be like, what we're describing in Italy.
And I'm saying this right now so you guys can prepare.
And that's why I called them.
I wanted to get as much information from them as I possibly could so I could share with you guys so you guys are ready for the inevitable right but Italians are very touchy people though.
Bro, it was a tough conversation.
Double kiss on the cheek.
Boom, Corona.
Oh, exactly.
100%.
Yeah.
So it was like, so boom.
So we have a situation in Italy, right?
So you can't go out.
What I said, I said, what should we get?
Is there anything we should get?
Anything we should do to prepare?
They said, get a dog.
I go, why?
So you have something to do when you're inside?
They say, no.
If you have a dog, you can walk it.
So you can leave the apartment and walk down the streets if you have a dog.
Now, it was quite interesting.
So if you do have a dog, you have a pet, I don't know, put a leash on a fucking cat on your fish.
I don't know, whatever you want to do.
But if you want to do that so you can get out there and get some fresh air, that's good.
Listen, I don't, I'm no fucking doctor, okay?
Neither is Al.
He was closer.
He was almost a nurse, but still.
I was.
You were a nurse official?
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know.
I graduated and everything.
Oh, okay.
Well, shit.
So Al was a nurse.
But the issue isn't being outside as much as it is being around big groups of people because that's how it's spread.
Okay.
Granted, if you quarantine everybody, it works out a lot better.
So nobody's working.
Everybody's inside.
Grocery stores are open.
Basically, Italy, from what I've been reading and talking to these folks, is that they're running out of hospital beds.
When they run out of hospital beds, people start dying.
And they just start dying because they can't put them on respirators and do all this other kind of stuff.
So why do we quarantine?
We quarantine because we want to stop the virus.
We were saying on the last episode, we want to stop that virus, the spread of the virus, so that more people don't get it.
And they don't need to put more people in these hospital beds.
And they don't use up all the hospital beds.
And that's probably what the U.S. is going to have to do, even though we're taking our fucking sweet time with it.
I don't understand.
People aren't taking it serious.
Like, have you been outside?
People are going out to bars.
You were at a fucking bar last night.
I saw you on Instagram.
I was like, did you not listen to anything that we talked about?
I stayed far away from everything.
It doesn't matter where you stay.
You think you're the only person sat in that seat that day?
All right.
We probably got Corona right now because Alex want to go have a fucking mocktail by himself.
I had the people watch, man.
Man, get out of here.
It's so boring in the house, man.
What people watch are you going to do?
There's three people there.
The three retards that will go out during Corona.
That's true.
I'm going to get a dog.
Listen, if you have a one-night stand during Corona, you are dealing with the bottom-of-the-barrel IQ.
So be very careful.
You're dealing with some chick that doesn't realize there's a global pandemic going on.
If you think that she's at all concerned about giving you the herpes that she has, think again, buddy.
Think again.
All right?
People were telling me my Tinder bio has been helping them out.
Why?
What did it say?
If you just put Tinder Bio Corona free, makes them laugh, they always respond to it.
Really?
Yeah.
So you having randoms come over during Corona virus.
No, no, I'm not.
I just put it on my Instagram picture.
People actually use that in there to the bio.
They've been telling me it's been working for me.
That's funny.
So basically, Italy on complete shutdown right now.
What I've been told is that there were these red zones in northern Italy where there was extreme transmission of the virus and they quarantined them.
And since the complete shutdown and quarantine, there haven't been any new cases of people with it.
So it does work.
Quarantine does work at least to slow it down.
Again, we're not trying to stop it.
We're trying to slow it down so we don't run out of hospital beds.
We spoke about that yesterday.
Other countries are also hopping on board.
France is going to shut down.
Israel, I think, shut down all restaurants, cafes, any kind of like social gathering spot.
Denmark, I think, did a similar thing with like bars, et cetera.
Basically, all of Europe is going to do this.
Delivery Jobs and Saving Money00:04:11
And we have the opportunity to prepare right now.
So is this doomsday?
No, it's not doomsday.
But if you know what's going to happen, you can be prepared for when it happens.
Okay.
This is something very important.
And I want to like express this to everybody listening right now.
Think about what's closing.
Okay.
Restaurants.
And let me clarify about closing.
Restaurants and that kind of stuff.
Taco Bell released this thing saying that they're not going to have people in the restaurants anymore, but they are still going to do delivery and like Uber Eats and that kind of shit.
Okay.
What about drive-through?
Drive-through, et cetera.
Drive-through, yes.
So you can get shit.
You can get food.
Food isn't going to be scarce.
You'll be able to get food.
Okay.
All you stoners, you can get your munchies.
Get your munchie on.
Here's the thing.
You're not going to have a job if you work in the service industry.
Remember that.
Okay.
If you're looking for a job right now, go to Uber Eats, go to Postmates, go to any of those kind of delivery services because that's how everybody's going to get their shit for the next couple of months.
Okay?
If you're a server and you're ready to leave your job, just leave and get one of those other jobs.
Because restaurants, bars, all these types of like service industry jobs are going to close down.
Okay.
You probably have two weeks.
If you're working right now, save all your fucking money.
Okay.
I know a lot of people probably listen or watching it right now.
They make their money on tips only and they probably don't even report it to the government.
I know a lot of these restaurants, they just have people working under the table.
If you at least report your tips, the government's going to do some sort of stimulus package where like people are going to get some sort of like minimum wage check every week.
Okay.
No, for real.
I think this is going to happen.
No, no, no.
I know that, but if you report your tips, you also got to pay taxes on them.
And so it cuts into that.
So a lot of people don't report their tips.
And a lot of restaurants are cool with this.
So you technically aren't working.
So you can't call the government and be like, yo, my job closed down.
They'll be like, what job?
That job you weren't paying taxes for last year?
And you'd be like, so you have two weeks.
What I'm recommending to you is save your fucking money for the next couple of weeks.
Literally every penny that comes in tipping.
And I'm telling you, everybody that's out there buying stuff, I said it yesterday as well.
Just tip extra to these folks.
Every time I get coffee, if you can afford it, I'm tipping 10 bucks.
That's what it is.
Whoa.
Honestly, these people could not have a job in two weeks by government mandate, not by the place.
You know, I was talking to one comedy club owner.
He's like, listen, we're losing money, but I don't want to close.
I'm like, have you thought about closing?
You should probably close because you don't want gatherings of people.
He goes, I would close, but I don't want, one, these comics to lose out on their spot pay, which keeps them alive.
And two, I don't want the waiters and waitresses to lose out because the owner can't afford to pay them all through this period, right?
So it's a tricky time.
If you're in the service industry, make sure, make sure that you're saving every bit of money over the next couple of weeks before it shuts down.
I think in two weeks, everything's getting shut down for a minimum two-week quarantine period.
So I think in two weeks, we'll be locked down for two weeks.
It might even be sooner.
It might even be this week.
But save your fucking money so that you have something, a little nest egg, something comfortable.
It's serious, man.
It's fucking serious.
Also, just other things that are shut down.
Parks are going to shut down.
Any kind of social gathering spot is going to shut down.
There's really going to just be nothing to do.
You're going to be locked in your apartment for a couple of weeks.
Obviously, grocery stores will be there.
You'll be able to get food.
You don't have to freak out about that kind of shit.
And there'll be toilet paper, you weirdos that are using 14 roll.
How are you wiping?
Are you just stuffing your hand in the middle of the toilet paper and then just wiping your pussy after you pee?
I do not understand how much toilet paper people in the U.S. are doing.
But maybe that's why we eat ass so much because we know it's clean.
We're like, yo, these girls are going through charming whole rolls per shit.
I'll dig in.
I found a helpful thing.
Stay Calm and Spread the Word00:12:07
If you live in the New York area, you can text the word COVID C-O-V-I-D.
If you see an Asian.
Stop.
Every time you see an Asian, Al, you text COVID.
Text that to 692692.
And that will give you updates in the New York area that keep you up to date on everything that's happening.
Boom.
And again, as we get more information, we're going to keep you guys updated.
You know, we want to guide you through this the best that we can.
And, you know, we're talking to our friends in Europe and we're talking to people in the finance world and then people in the medical world.
I mean, those are the three groups you want to talk to.
You want to talk to the people that are going through it currently.
That's Europe.
You want to talk to the finance dudes because they don't give a fuck about a single person.
They're literally just trying to predict exactly what happens to avoid like global economic collapse.
And you want to talk to the people in the medical field because they're the ones that are on the cusp of what could happen.
So if you can focus on those three groups and get an expert in those three groups in your circle, that'd be absolutely fantastic.
Let's scroll down a little bit more, Al.
There's a so here it is.
Everybody's freaked out.
We're not saying this to freak you out.
I'm actually saying that this is an amazing opportunity.
I know that sounds crazy, but this is an amazing once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Okay.
The government, most likely, is going to force you to stay home for a two-week period, probably.
Maybe longer.
It could absolutely be longer.
Force you to stay home.
Fucking use it.
Okay.
Use it to do all the things that you've wanted to do, but you haven't had time for.
Do you want to try writing a comedy sketch?
Do it.
You thought that TikTok app was cool?
Fucking do it.
Okay.
You want to write a book?
You want to read a book?
Is there something on Netflix you've always wanted to watch, you didn't have the time?
Remember that show Lost?
What was it?
Lost?
Yeah.
So Lost.
It was like, how do I start this thing?
Where will I get the time?
Sopranos, how do I start this thing?
Where would I get the time?
You have the fucking time.
If you cannot change a situation, change the way that you react to it.
Okay?
Shout out to Duval, man.
He put that in my head.
You can't change the situation.
There's nothing we can do that's going to change it.
If you get quarantined, you get quarantined.
How are you going to use that fucking time?
Create.
Create, create, create.
Put out some dope shit.
You have the internet.
They're not taking away your internet, not taking away your electricity, not taking away your food, not taking away your water.
They're basically putting you in creative jail.
And sometimes when you are forced, right, to create or you have absolutely nothing to do, you get the most creative.
I have my best idea is when I'm in the shower or when I'm on a plane with no internet.
I got no distraction.
I'm just sitting there, right?
That's how I know that there's been no internet on a plane.
When we get off the plane, and Al has three ideas for me.
Yeah.
Right?
I was thinking, why don't we do that?
That's what's going to happen to you.
So we can look at this like some doomsday shit, or we could look at this like, oh my God, I'm going to create my masterpiece out of this.
I'm going to, I think they said, who was it?
There was a quarantine in Europe during the Black Plague, and then Isaac Newton developed algebra after it.
I could be fucking up that.
I don't think that's the case.
Nah, maybe, maybe Google, see if you can get it up.
But like, for real, greatness can come from these moments, right?
So, like, one way to look at it is go, oh my God, it's doomsday.
We should cry.
We should be upset and we should bitch and we should complain.
I'm not saying that we got to enjoy it, but fucking enjoy it.
Why not?
Use this opportunity.
Enjoy it responsibly because in December and January, we do not need a coronavirus baby boom.
What's that bit?
Oh, yeah.
Use the condoms.
Use the condom.
You're buying all that toilet paper so you can wipe come off bellies.
Get a condom.
Yes.
Okay?
Because that's what I can see happening.
Watch.
We're going to have a lot of December, January babies.
Everybody's a great point.
That's a great point.
Everybody in Italy is singing on their balcony.
We're stroking.
Okay?
We're landing on pipe here in America.
We don't give a fuck.
Coughing and fucking.
Corona babies.
Yeah, they're going to be a lot of babies.
Yo, you got to name your baby and lime.
You know, Corona and Lyme.
But for real, man, I think it's an amazing opportunity, man.
Start that podcast you always want to start.
How many people hit us up on a regular basis like, yo, I'm about to do something.
You know what I mean?
Like, for real, I'm about to do this.
I want to do this.
Or I want to do it.
Dude, put a fucking song out on SoundCloud.
Do you know what I mean?
Start a Corona podcast.
Start a Corona podcast.
For real, man.
No, but I mean this 100% sincerely, dude.
It's like any information that we get, we're going to share with you guys, man.
That's important to us.
And I feel like we got a responsibility, man.
You guys held us down.
You enabled us to have this beautiful space and take our careers to the next level.
So any information I get, we're going to get to you immediately.
Any information I'll get, we're going to get to you immediately.
And hopefully you can share that with your friends and put your friends in a better situation to handle this.
That's what's most important to us, you know?
And we could wait till Tuesday and Friday every single week, or we could not.
That's really what it comes down to.
We're still going to do Flagrant 2 on Tuesdays.
We're going to still have Patreon on Fridays.
But any information we get, we're going to share with y'all.
And I truly believe they're shutting everything down in the next couple of weeks, at least in specific cities, New York being one of them.
And some form of quarantine.
And I think it's a smart thing to do.
And I just want you guys to be 100% prepared for it.
You will be able to get your food delivered.
That's going to happen.
Restaurants are not going to be open for you to eat there, but they are going to get you your food.
But if you're in the service industry, make sure you take care of yourself.
And if you have the opportunity to do Uber Eats or one of these other delivery services, I think it's a great option because those are going to be blowing the fuck up.
What was that thing about mouthwash?
Oh, also, yeah, I just got a message from we have an asshole Army member.
His wife is a dentist, and she said that if you get specific mouthwash, it's with 1% hydrogen peroxide.
It has to have at least 1% hydrogen peroxide.
That kills the coronavirus if it gets in your mouth.
Now, I know a lot of you are saying, yo, if the corona got in your mouth, it's a wrap already.
Possibly, but they're saying all dentists have to use that now to be safe.
If you're going to get mouthwash, how about you just get that one?
If you already are going to buy mouthwash, get that one.
Get some gloves.
Oh, that was another thing.
Gloves, mask.
If you can get the good masks, get them.
But gloves also, because gloves, one, you're not going to do shit that I do, like touch my fucking face all the time.
I was watching that video.
All I do, I was telling people, hey, don't touch your face.
I'm just sucking on my fucking wrist.
I've got my whole hand in my mouth.
Okay?
I get whatever I do on this podcast, don't do.
It's very simple.
Whatever I do to myself, you can listen to my words.
But if you see me picking my nose and just licking my fingers, probably don't do that during Corona.
Oh, my God.
What, dude?
What, dude?
Picking your nose and licking your fingers.
That's good.
What, bro?
It's all good, man.
It's Corona, dude.
Don't be Alex.
Don't be Alex and go out people watching.
Yeah, don't stay home.
Okay.
Fuck.
Also, I want to send out a message to the weight staff and comedy clubs and also the comics that are making their money off of Spot Pay.
We're going to find a way where we can do some sort of charity event.
I don't know exactly how we'll do our charity events because what we used to do is throw a comedy show.
So maybe we'll find some digital way to do that.
I'm not exactly sure, but we're going to look out for y'all and we're going to find the best way to support you through this time.
And that's it, man.
That's it.
One other thing.
I saw our friend, Mr. Koa from Toronto.
Oh, yeah.
He posted something about like, oh, freelancers are freaking out because they're losing all this work and they're going broke and they're panicking.
And even though this was like tough love, he's like, yo, if you're a freelancer, you work for yourself pretty much.
You're an entrepreneur.
You need to handle your finances better.
You need to prepare for a rainy day.
That's the purpose of this.
You should not be check to check and work for yourself.
So, guys, freelancers, entrepreneurs, be a little bit better with your finance.
Learn from this situation and have money for a rainy day.
You a real asshole to give tough love during a fucking global pandemic.
This guy is not.
Yo, how Nigerian is Mr. He's Nigerian?
Yeah, he is.
Why did you not prepare?
Why were you not ready?
Why were you not ready for a global pandemic?
Do you not read Chinese news?
No, I don't know how to read Chinese, bro.
Dog, it's okay to have a little empathy for motherfuckers during a global pandemic.
But that's another point.
All the freelance workers out there, you know, it is a tough time.
And if you got to take another job, there's nothing wrong with that.
Like, dude, I understand we have this pride thing where like, I'm just doing my art for a living.
That's great when times are good.
When there's a global pandemic and you got to deliver some fucking sandwiches for Uber Eats, hop in the Honda Core to deliver the sandwiches.
Nobody's looking down on you.
No one's going to see you deliver the sandwich and go, oh my God, he used to make music videos.
Now he's delivering sandwiches.
They know exactly what the fuck is going on.
Okay?
Just get through it.
Just get through it.
We will get through it.
100% guarantee we will get through it.
And as long as we take precautions, prepare accordingly.
And let this be a reminder.
Shit ain't sweet always.
We grew up in the cushiest generation in the history of the world.
We grew up with literally nothing to worry about.
We had Zika a couple years ago, right?
A few chicks got pregnant.
Their baby heads came out like Edamame.
It was fucked up.
But nobody, but nobody really cared, right?
Nobody really cared, right?
Okay?
That's a fact.
Shit looking like raising nets.
Remember them little baby heads looking like raising nets?
So now it's a different ballgame.
Okay.
Now it's hit you.
It hit home.
It hit your family.
It hit all these people.
And you're going to see what survival really is.
You know what I mean?
I'm horrible with money and good with money at the same time.
Horrible.
And I don't know how to invest.
I don't know that kind of shit.
Good.
And then I don't really spend it that much.
Y'all clown me all the time on the show.
Does he have more than one shirt?
No.
But I got that money in the bank.
Yeah, there we go.
Right?
And for real, one of the reasons is to make sure that I can take care of the people that are with me.
You know what I mean?
The guys that rely on me.
And I hope you guys are playing the same thing.
If you're in a situation like that, you got people that rely on you, hey man, step up as much as you can.
You need to do that.
It's real.
It's going to get very real.
People outside the streets in New York, we were walking around today outside, right?
I could not believe how cavalier motherfuckers were.
Online at brunch.
Online.
I can understand if you went to brunch and there's nobody there and you're like, okay, I'll have brunch.
Actively waiting in a group.
Hey, just wait over there with all those people.
Oh, all those people getting Corona?
Yeah.
Okay.
Waiting in a group to go into a more packed place to get even more Corona.
It was mind-boggling to me.
I hope y'all wake up.
I hope y'all wake up because it's going to be serious.
And if you don't believe it, just call your friend in Europe because they will tell you exactly what the fuck is going on.
We wish you the best of luck and we'll be back with more of these.
I hope they've been informative.
I hope they've been fun.
And I hope they've shed some light on the world that we're living in and we're definitely about to live in, man.
I really hope you guys are the most prepared.
And spread the word, man.
If this helps anybody, just fucking spread the word.