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March 13, 2020 - Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh
07:16
Stay Humble | Patreon Sample
# turmeric social justice lawyers social isolation 311 air travel akash casper cdc covid 19 dominos pizza health ethics pandemic life patreon

Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh navigate the absurdity of the pandemic, blending personal anecdotes about quarantining with a doctor's daughter against vague CDC responses with sharp social commentary on wealth disparities in air travel. They joke about "Corona bumps" and supplementing with turmeric while mocking airline staff buying extra legroom, ultimately promoting their Patreon community for those who prefer unfiltered humor over social justice lectures. [Automatically generated summary]

Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Time Text
Quarantine That Bitch 00:07:12
Yo, how serious, and I want to be 100% honest with us right now.
Your girl gets Corona, do you get it?
Yeah, you're gonna get it.
No, that's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying you're what I'm asking.
Your girl gets Corona.
Quarantine that bitch.
Figurative, figurative, bitch.
Not a real one.
You mean the greater bitch?
The greater bitch.
Bitches in general.
If any of y'all bitches upset about that, y'all bitches need to handle that your damn self.
Corona happens.
I figured out.
Bitches.
Real talk.
No, for real.
Now I do a thing.
When my girl coughs, a quick bitch, that's what comes out.
It's quick.
It's a Corona bitch.
The second she goes, bitch.
Bitch, swallow that Corona, bitch.
Nah, I get so annoyed.
Anybody coughing near me?
I'm like, yo, chill.
You got to cut that out.
On the plane, there was one person who kept sneezing.
I'm like, yeah, I was close to speaking to the flight attendant.
Really?
Yeah.
I was like, we should check.
Check.
Even though they can't check shit, but it's like, we should check on that.
This is an interesting point about flying because flying is about to be way better.
Yo, there's a risk.
Go.
First of all, price is going to go down.
Price is down.
Indian.
Second of all, first thing I said, second of all, it's less motherfuckers on every flight.
Okay, okay, okay.
And I got one more.
Check in?
Ain't nobody in the chat.
I got even one more.
What's up?
What type of heartless animal would travel with a child at a time like this?
So no crying, baby.
Some of y'all too broke the fly listening to this.
But if you did have some real fucking money, you know what I mean?
Some real bread.
Coach money.
No, if you got that.
Poppy money.
You know how slick these motherfuckers are, son?
They think that they're not slick.
So Mark buys the tickets to the flights, right?
They think I don't know that they're buying extra legroom tickets.
They think I don't know these things.
Why are you saying they?
What do you mean?
What do you say they?
I don't buy the tickets.
Hey, you're, what is the word I'm looking for?
Slick.
No, I'm going along with it.
Black.
No.
Motherfucker out of here, guys.
No, you're, you're going along with it.
You're complicit.
That's right.
That's the law day.
That's the law Alex.
Bro, we need to have a Law Alex segment where we bring law cases to Al with all your courtroom experience.
Done, done.
Done, done.
All right.
You should also be talking the most with the health shit because you a nurse.
You were a nurse.
Yeah, but even fucking medical professionals don't know what the fuck's going on with this shit.
They don't pick up the phone, medical professionals, bro.
They don't.
What?
Because my girl coughed and I said, call, call it up.
Just call.
I said, call.
We called the hospital.
We called the CDC.
We called 311.
Do you guys know what that is?
What they said.
311.
You're not wrong, bro.
They did mention some parking shit.
And I was like, just wait till it goes.
Wait till the parking shit is done and then we'll get to the bottom of this because we can't be playing games out here, bro.
If your girl got Corona, does she got it?
What do you mean?
Me and me.
We got Corona, son.
Yo, this guy is a gay guy.
You're a gay guy.
I'd be GG.
I've already texted this to you guys.
If one of us gets Corona, we got Corona.
I don't know.
We quarantined this guy.
But nobody ever agreed.
There was no thumbs up on it.
Nothing.
Don't want a slumber party so bad, son.
He wants to spend two weeks away from his girl just with the boy so bad ordering fucking dominoes, bro.
Bro, it's like a vacation.
You want that vacation, dog?
I see you.
Two weeks paid vacation.
Two weeks paid vacation.
That's exactly what this would be.
Bruh, this is his dream scenario.
Yeah.
We all get corona.
We got to stay in the studio for two weeks.
No, I would actually hate that.
Why?
Nope.
Two weeks in the studio, ain't no place to sleep.
Nope.
But I'm not sure.
We would just order some beds.
Don't they got that ghost shit?
No way.
I never heard of no bed or rentals.
No, they got a ghost bed company that they'll send you a bed in a box and it comes back.
Yeah, Casper.
Ghost bed.
That was good.
No, but they got there, right?
That's hating brain works.
That is how it's like.
I don't remember the name.
I remember some other shit about it.
And then, like, you know how I know Akash's name, no doubt?
Because my mom would call him Oshkosh Bagosh.
And that was your shit growing up.
That was my shit.
Son.
I would only wear Oshkosh.
And now I only wear Oshkosh.
Corona death.
You know what I'm saying?
That Corona bump.
Yo.
What?
That's the fucking.
We'd be living, dog.
Corona.
That's all I'm saying.
So if my girl, my girl made me kiss her before I left today.
And I fought it.
I fought it hard.
And you gave in?
I gave in like a little hoe.
Like a little hoe.
She's coffee.
I made her call her father first.
Her father's a doctor.
And I made her call her father and I asked if it was okay.
And she goes, How do he know it's okay?
Say again?
How he knows it's okay.
Come on, bro.
Al just said medical professionals are confused.
Man, come on, bro.
Come on, bro.
Don't put me through.
He's a medical professional.
Don't put me through that, bro.
Al, who'd you just say doesn't know what's going on?
Medical professionals.
And what is a doctor?
I had a medical amateur?
I say medical professional.
I had the turmeric pill.
I had a turmeric pill, and I had an airborne.
I had one little thing of airborne, a go-gurt-looking thing of airborne.
Airborne.
Did you have goat?
I mean, cow piss?
What?
That's the new way.
Eden put me.
Bro, I'm not at Akasha's wedding.
What are you talking?
Ain't gonna be no Corona.
I'll tell you this.
Just a cow pissing on a champagne glass that goes on to more champagne snacks.
Bro, that'd be lit.
A cow piss champagne tower.
Son, I'm with it.
Some with it.
Corona cures.
God.
Say again.
Corona cures.
Now, I have to ask a question.
In Muslim weddings, in the champagne tower, do they fly things into it?
What are you feeling, man?
Oh, man, let's go.
We started out spicy.
We all gonna die from Corona.
We might as well go out.
You know what I mean?
Let's live, yo.
You know what I'm saying?
Play the fucking anthem.
Play the flagrant two anthem.
Fuck it.
You know what I mean?
We out here.
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com/slash flagrant2.
Join the illest community on earth.
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