Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Stay Humble | Patreon Sample
Aired: 2020-03-13
Duration: 07:16


=== Quarantine That Bitch (07:12) ===

[00:00:04]  Yo, how serious, and I want to be 100% honest with us right now.
[00:00:08]  Your girl gets Corona, do you get it?
[00:00:09]  Yeah, you're gonna get it.
[00:00:10]  No, that's not what I'm saying.
[00:00:13]  I'm saying you're what I'm asking.
[00:00:17]  Your girl gets Corona.
[00:00:18]  Quarantine that bitch.
[00:00:24]  Figurative, figurative, bitch.
[00:00:26]  Not a real one.
[00:00:27]  You mean the greater bitch?
[00:00:28]  The greater bitch.
[00:00:32]  Bitches in general.
[00:00:36]  If any of y'all bitches upset about that, y'all bitches need to handle that your damn self.
[00:00:42]  Corona happens.
[00:00:42]  I figured out.
[00:00:45]  Bitches.
[00:00:48]  Real talk.
[00:00:49]  No, for real.
[00:00:50]  Now I do a thing.
[00:00:51]  When my girl coughs, a quick bitch, that's what comes out.
[00:00:54]  It's quick.
[00:00:55]  It's a Corona bitch.
[00:00:56]  The second she goes, bitch.
[00:01:00]  Bitch, swallow that Corona, bitch.
[00:01:03]  Nah, I get so annoyed.
[00:01:05]  Anybody coughing near me?
[00:01:06]  I'm like, yo, chill.
[00:01:08]  You got to cut that out.
[00:01:09]  On the plane, there was one person who kept sneezing.
[00:01:11]  I'm like, yeah, I was close to speaking to the flight attendant.
[00:01:14]  Really?
[00:01:15]  Yeah.
[00:01:15]  I was like, we should check.
[00:01:18]  Check.
[00:01:18]  Even though they can't check shit, but it's like, we should check on that.
[00:01:22]  This is an interesting point about flying because flying is about to be way better.
[00:01:25]  Yo, there's a risk.
[00:01:27]  Go.
[00:01:28]  First of all, price is going to go down.
[00:01:30]  Price is down.
[00:01:31]  Indian.
[00:01:31]  Second of all, first thing I said, second of all, it's less motherfuckers on every flight.
[00:01:35]  Okay, okay, okay.
[00:01:36]  And I got one more.
[00:01:38]  Check in?
[00:01:39]  Ain't nobody in the chat.
[00:01:40]  I got even one more.
[00:01:42]  What's up?
[00:01:43]  What type of heartless animal would travel with a child at a time like this?
[00:01:52]  So no crying, baby.
[00:01:53]  Some of y'all too broke the fly listening to this.
[00:01:55]  But if you did have some real fucking money, you know what I mean?
[00:01:58]  Some real bread.
[00:01:59]  Coach money.
[00:02:00]  No, if you got that.
[00:02:01]  Poppy money.
[00:02:02]  You know how slick these motherfuckers are, son?
[00:02:05]  They think that they're not slick.
[00:02:06]  So Mark buys the tickets to the flights, right?
[00:02:09]  They think I don't know that they're buying extra legroom tickets.
[00:02:14]  They think I don't know these things.
[00:02:15]  Why are you saying they?
[00:02:16]  What do you mean?
[00:02:17]  What do you say they?
[00:02:18]  I don't buy the tickets.
[00:02:20]  Hey, you're, what is the word I'm looking for?
[00:02:22]  Slick.
[00:02:22]  No, I'm going along with it.
[00:02:24]  Black.
[00:02:25]  No.
[00:02:32]  Motherfucker out of here, guys.
[00:02:34]  No, you're, you're going along with it.
[00:02:36]  You're complicit.
[00:02:38]  That's right.
[00:02:39]  That's the law day.
[00:02:40]  That's the law Alex.
[00:02:41]  Bro, we need to have a Law Alex segment where we bring law cases to Al with all your courtroom experience.
[00:02:48]  Done, done.
[00:02:49]  Done, done.
[00:02:50]  All right.
[00:02:50]  You should also be talking the most with the health shit because you a nurse.
[00:02:54]  You were a nurse.
[00:02:55]  Yeah, but even fucking medical professionals don't know what the fuck's going on with this shit.
[00:03:00]  They don't pick up the phone, medical professionals, bro.
[00:03:03]  They don't.
[00:03:04]  What?
[00:03:05]  Because my girl coughed and I said, call, call it up.
[00:03:08]  Just call.
[00:03:09]  I said, call.
[00:03:10]  We called the hospital.
[00:03:12]  We called the CDC.
[00:03:14]  We called 311.
[00:03:16]  Do you guys know what that is?
[00:03:18]  What they said.
[00:03:19]  311.
[00:03:25]  You're not wrong, bro.
[00:03:26]  They did mention some parking shit.
[00:03:28]  And I was like, just wait till it goes.
[00:03:30]  Wait till the parking shit is done and then we'll get to the bottom of this because we can't be playing games out here, bro.
[00:03:36]  If your girl got Corona, does she got it?
[00:03:39]  What do you mean?
[00:03:40]  Me and me.
[00:03:41]  We got Corona, son.
[00:03:42]  Yo, this guy is a gay guy.
[00:03:45]  You're a gay guy.
[00:03:46]  I'd be GG.
[00:03:47]  I've already texted this to you guys.
[00:03:49]  If one of us gets Corona, we got Corona.
[00:03:52]  I don't know.
[00:03:52]  We quarantined this guy.
[00:03:54]  But nobody ever agreed.
[00:03:56]  There was no thumbs up on it.
[00:03:58]  Nothing.
[00:03:59]  Don't want a slumber party so bad, son.
[00:04:02]  He wants to spend two weeks away from his girl just with the boy so bad ordering fucking dominoes, bro.
[00:04:06]  Bro, it's like a vacation.
[00:04:08]  You want that vacation, dog?
[00:04:09]  I see you.
[00:04:10]  Two weeks paid vacation.
[00:04:11]  Two weeks paid vacation.
[00:04:12]  That's exactly what this would be.
[00:04:13]  Bruh, this is his dream scenario.
[00:04:16]  Yeah.
[00:04:17]  We all get corona.
[00:04:18]  We got to stay in the studio for two weeks.
[00:04:20]  No, I would actually hate that.
[00:04:22]  Why?
[00:04:22]  Nope.
[00:04:22]  Two weeks in the studio, ain't no place to sleep.
[00:04:25]  Nope.
[00:04:26]  But I'm not sure.
[00:04:26]  We would just order some beds.
[00:04:31]  Don't they got that ghost shit?
[00:04:32]  No way.
[00:04:33]  I never heard of no bed or rentals.
[00:04:35]  No, they got a ghost bed company that they'll send you a bed in a box and it comes back.
[00:04:39]  Yeah, Casper.
[00:04:40]  Ghost bed.
[00:04:45]  That was good.
[00:04:46]  No, but they got there, right?
[00:04:48]  That's hating brain works.
[00:04:50]  That is how it's like.
[00:04:51]  I don't remember the name.
[00:04:52]  I remember some other shit about it.
[00:04:53]  And then, like, you know how I know Akash's name, no doubt?
[00:04:56]  Because my mom would call him Oshkosh Bagosh.
[00:05:00]  And that was your shit growing up.
[00:05:02]  That was my shit.
[00:05:03]  Son.
[00:05:03]  I would only wear Oshkosh.
[00:05:05]  And now I only wear Oshkosh.
[00:05:09]  Corona death.
[00:05:10]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:05:10]  That Corona bump.
[00:05:12]  Yo.
[00:05:12]  What?
[00:05:13]  That's the fucking.
[00:05:14]  We'd be living, dog.
[00:05:15]  Corona.
[00:05:15]  That's all I'm saying.
[00:05:16]  So if my girl, my girl made me kiss her before I left today.
[00:05:20]  And I fought it.
[00:05:22]  I fought it hard.
[00:05:24]  And you gave in?
[00:05:25]  I gave in like a little hoe.
[00:05:26]  Like a little hoe.
[00:05:28]  She's coffee.
[00:05:28]  I made her call her father first.
[00:05:30]  Her father's a doctor.
[00:05:31]  And I made her call her father and I asked if it was okay.
[00:05:34]  And she goes, How do he know it's okay?
[00:05:36]  Say again?
[00:05:36]  How he knows it's okay.
[00:05:38]  Come on, bro.
[00:05:38]  Al just said medical professionals are confused.
[00:05:40]  Man, come on, bro.
[00:05:42]  Come on, bro.
[00:05:43]  Don't put me through.
[00:05:43]  He's a medical professional.
[00:05:44]  Don't put me through that, bro.
[00:05:45]  Al, who'd you just say doesn't know what's going on?
[00:05:48]  Medical professionals.
[00:05:48]  And what is a doctor?
[00:05:50]  I had a medical amateur?
[00:05:53]  I say medical professional.
[00:05:55]  I had the turmeric pill.
[00:05:58]  I had a turmeric pill, and I had an airborne.
[00:06:00]  I had one little thing of airborne, a go-gurt-looking thing of airborne.
[00:06:03]  Airborne.
[00:06:04]  Did you have goat?
[00:06:05]  I mean, cow piss?
[00:06:06]  What?
[00:06:07]  That's the new way.
[00:06:09]  Eden put me.
[00:06:09]  Bro, I'm not at Akasha's wedding.
[00:06:11]  What are you talking?
[00:06:14]  Ain't gonna be no Corona.
[00:06:16]  I'll tell you this.
[00:06:17]  Just a cow pissing on a champagne glass that goes on to more champagne snacks.
[00:06:25]  Bro, that'd be lit.
[00:06:26]  A cow piss champagne tower.
[00:06:28]  Son, I'm with it.
[00:06:28]  Some with it.
[00:06:29]  Corona cures.
[00:06:30]  God.
[00:06:31]  Say again.
[00:06:31]  Corona cures.
[00:06:32]  Now, I have to ask a question.
[00:06:33]  In Muslim weddings, in the champagne tower, do they fly things into it?
[00:06:41]  What are you feeling, man?
[00:06:43]  Oh, man, let's go.
[00:06:46]  We started out spicy.
[00:06:48]  We all gonna die from Corona.
[00:06:49]  We might as well go out.
[00:06:50]  You know what I mean?
[00:06:51]  Let's live, yo.
[00:06:52]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:06:52]  Play the fucking anthem.
[00:06:54]  Play the flagrant two anthem.
[00:06:56]  Fuck it.
[00:06:57]  You know what I mean?
[00:06:58]  We out here.
[00:07:02]  Yo, what's up?
[00:07:03]  This is Akash.
[00:07:04]  That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
[00:07:06]  If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com/slash flagrant2.
[00:07:11]  Join the illest community on earth.
[00:07:13]  Unless you're a social justice lawyer, then you're just going to ruin the fun.