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Feb. 21, 2020 - Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh
08:23
Bombs Away
# ysl valentines day trump akasha christmas consumer behavior eden gift giving maga mexico monkey patreon political satire relationship dynamics

Andrew Schulz recounts a frustrating YSL shopping trip in Mexico where a salesperson demanded payment for an out-of-stock bag despite next-day delivery promises, prompting jokes about his ears and MAGA-themed nets. He contrasts this with manipulating his parents into early gift purchases to avoid Christmas disappointment while planning a Valentine's Day trip that left his girlfriend "presentless." The segment concludes with banter about Eden's turkey photo and advice to process weekend feelings before traveling, highlighting the chaotic nature of modern consumerism and relationship dynamics. [Automatically generated summary]

Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Time Text
Retail Therapy Gone Wrong 00:07:39
So I bought my girl a bag yesterday.
That's how she felt.
Really?
That's funny.
I'm so glad you touched this until retail therapy, if you will.
That's funny.
What kind of bag?
I know all about the bags now.
I don't know what that is.
What kind of bag?
I don't want to get into it.
I don't want to.
They didn't have it in stock, and I thought I was out.
I was so upset.
I thought I was out clean.
I was so upset when I walk in the store.
You think not in stock is a problem?
You know how I. I'm thinking it's Foot Locker.
You know, if they don't got 11, you don't get it, right?
Well, even Foot Locker would search the whole fucking country.
Son.
You don't think Gucci is going to search?
Son, I wasn't in Gucci.
It was YSL.
Oh, shit.
Yo, I caught my girl at YSL this weekend.
That's all I'm talking about.
Weekend.
We out here Maggotting.
Maggot's life.
So I'm in there.
Mag life?
Mag life?
It's not MAGA?
That's MAGA.
So I'm in there.
I go into, I walk into the store tight.
And I walk in this door.
They know I'm not supposed to be in the store.
I'm dressed all stupid.
Right?
Like, and I walk in and the lady goes, can I help you with something?
And I just look her in the face and go, I'm just here to pay.
Right?
I go, I go, where's the place where we could sit?
And then she gives me that, do you want me some, she goes, do you want some water or something like that?
I'm like, all right, finally, I get some water.
I'm just chilling in there, probably texting you guys or something like that.
My girl comes through.
She picks out the bat.
She calls me monkey.
It's really funny because I have big ears.
But it's funny when it's just between us.
When it's like in the whole store.
And she's like, monkey.
And then you come running.
Pay for bag?
Right?
So I'm fucking, you know, she gets a thing.
She doesn't have it.
They want a different one.
She's, oh, well, you know, okay, well, maybe we'll get it another time.
And then this fucking bitch.
This fucking, this fucking bitch.
Right?
No, I got a girlfriend, y'all.
I'm crazy.
I'm not talking about a girl.
You think I want to buy another bag this week?
How many bags, son?
I'm not the salesperson.
Not the sales bitch.
Okay?
This sales bitch want to hit us with, well, we can order it.
We can have it to you by tomorrow morning.
Tomorrow morning, son, they don't fuck around, yo.
That's today morning?
That's today morning.
Yo, she already got the bag, yo.
Already got the bag.
So I got to pay for this fucking bag.
And I'm in a bad mood, so I couldn't milk all the fucking affection out of her for it.
Because you paid for the bag?
No, because I was like in a mood and I had like other shit to do.
I had like videos to look over.
Why are you standing?
Oh, turn on the light?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Thank you for waiting for that, but come on.
Come on, turn on the light.
That's okay.
Or whatever that sound is.
I can't make that sound.
How do they make that sound, bro?
Hold on.
My edible noises, man.
This guy always be killing it.
Anytime we got a challenge, it's like singing.
It's so annoying.
What the fuck, bro?
You been paying for shit?
No, but I needed you yesterday.
The funny thing is that you got.
I'm getting better every day.
You got you got, like, that's when you know you're making money because the way I deal with my shorties mana just is like whoops.
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm not gonna lie, I used to whoops, right?
Just the whoops.
But and then they're angry for like a certain amount of time, and then eventually they get over it.
But purchasing things speeds up that I understand.
It's Amazon Prime for moods.
For moods.
I pay this membership.
I'll deal with this.
That is exactly what it is.
And all due respect to with all due respect to my girl, she actually took it well.
She thought it was funny.
She thought it was funny.
She said she was laughing.
I don't know.
So then, why'd you need to get the bag?
Say what?
Why'd you need to get the bag?
I said, pretty well.
I said she's a pretty well.
Nah, nah.
It was for her birthday.
You know, it was her birthday.
We were in Mexico.
Happy birthday.
My sucker ass.
I said, your birthday present.
I'm such a hoe.
You are, son.
Son, I realized how parents work.
Like, I used to manipulate my parents.
You know, like when Christmas is coming up, you know, and before Christmas, you go, well, why don't we just get it for me now?
And then we get it now.
And then your parents are not going to let you have nothing under the tree for Christmas.
Exactly.
So that's what I did for the Valentine's.
I was like, all right, boom, Valentine's, Mexico.
That is your present.
We're going to Mexico.
That's the gift.
And now I'm looking at my presentless girlfriend.
Yo, but you went bag, dog.
You went bag, yo.
I like spoiling her, bro.
You don't buy me nothing.
Look at how I dress.
Do you know what I mean?
But Christmas, she got you with the same shit, too.
I know, bro.
So I get my save.
Egypt was the gift.
And it's like, yeah, but what am I unwrapping in Egypt?
Like, you're right.
She's good.
That's how I got got present.
I'm the opposite of his girl.
So you ain't getting no gifts.
Shut up.
He tried to get on that.
He's like, yeah, that got me too, right?
By the way, I got got.
I got her something, but it wasn't on the day.
By the way, I can say whatever I want about Akasha's girl now because I got my invitation to the wedding.
If y'all can see on the video, she wrote it out herself.
I ain't getting no invite.
Son, can you please shut up right now before?
You know what I'm saying?
Cause y'all act like I wouldn't make sure that Eden even got a fucking wrote on your fucking.
Oh, dude.
Eden took the picture, son.
Eden almost took out all the cameras when he leaned over to get that shit.
Do you see him about to make a diving catch and take out the entire shit?
Shut up his own wingspan.
Fuck y'all.
Son, he went to fly and shit.
He realized it was a fucking turkey.
Oh, I hit it.
Yeah, that was hot.
You got to hit that Shakira.
All right, boom.
So let me check out this thing.
Is this a MAGA net?
Yeah.
That's a MAGA net.
That knit at the end of that?
That's cool.
It's a little risky.
It's a real risky, right there.
Son, why don't they make MAGA nets?
Why don't they?
Like Trump 2020 MAGA nets.
Like a sweater?
No, MAGA.
Like a MAGA.
Oh, that's hot.
Son, I'd be having ideas.
Look at you marketing for the other side.
Why'd you go out with some MAGA nets on your shit?
Watch Trump make bags illegal.
I'm going to vote for his ass.
If Trump makes buying bags illegal, he's going to get my vote, dog.
Let me tell you something.
No, don't.
Because then what are you going to do when you fuck up?
Word.
Learn to deal with it.
No, Literally never.
Literally never.
You got to save your fuck-ups for like Thursday because then you hit the road Friday and those three days go by.
Son, that's what you got to do.
That's girlfriend bookings.
Voting For Trump's Bag Ban 00:00:37
What?
You know the bookings?
When you get arrested on a Friday, you got to be in jail the whole weekend.
Boom.
Right?
But now you just got to deal with your own feelings for the whole weekend.
Yeah, it's like, I'm going to.
I'm going to text you while you're in Pittsburgh.
Oh well.
What will I ever do?
Yo, what's up?
This is Akash.
That was a preview of our Patreon episode.
If you want the full thing, go to www.patreon.com slash flagrantrue.
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