Andrew Schulz and Akash Singh dissect death threats over an FGM joke, relationship infidelity debates, and Bridget Kelly's transit-focused EP "The Great Escape." They critique Jeremy Lin's "rock bottom" claim, analyze NBA salary cap dynamics in Los Angeles, and discuss Blake Griffin's acting potential. The episode culminates with Akash sharing his seven-year struggle to headline Just for Laughs, proving that holding no grudges against skeptics converts critics into supporters and builds sustainable careers through gratitude rather than resentment. [Automatically generated summary]
I like how eating pork is up there with incest in their minds.
That eating pork is just as bad as fucking your sister.
Pork breath cunt.
You're a dead man.
I hope you know that.
Keep a close look over the next Somali you see.
I hope they stick a knife so deep in your jugular.
Jesus Christ.
Your slave master ancestors can smell your pork breath back to the pork since they're rotting in their grave and ending up in hell.
Yeah, yeah.
Where are they?
Yada yada yada.
Where you will be heading soon.
You white bastards think you are really doing something dehumanizing our women as if your white bitches and whores don't have filthy disease maggots-filled rotten putrid pussies.
First of all, you guys are the one dehumanizing your women, but we're not going to do that.
That was my first thought.
I will draw blood from you, you white cunt.
Your days on this earth are numbered.
Go molest some kids like the rest of your race.
About this is all the same person, same person, same person.
Or go your sister, Wils.
You're at it, you son of a white pussy stinking bitch.
I will kill you, mark my words.
So I received, this is the most like beautiful one.
I mean, this is like, it was just so beautiful.
Like, this guy's so talented.
What's his name?
It's a shame that he has to cut off clits for a living.
I was like, oh, sons, let me tell you something.
So I was receiving so many of these.
Somali Twitter got on it.
And it's so dope because.
Is there an FGM Twitter?
No, no.
FGM.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
No, no, this is afterwards, after I posted the bit.
I don't know.
I'm like, it's so funny because like you could, there's this division between woke Somali Twitter and just regular Somali people.
Regular Somali people are sending the joke.
They're saying funny jokes.
Like, honestly, I was the most offended by the forehead thing.
Like, they're just having a good time with this.
The majority of people are just enjoying it.
But then the woke Somali community got on it.
And oh my God, they were going fucking crazy.
And I had all these tweets talking about how fucking insensitive it was.
Like, how dare you?
That is so insensitive to make fun of female general mutilation.
And my flagrant thought of the week is: you know what else is insensitive right now?
You know what else has no sensitivity whatsoever?
You know what else will have zero sensation?
I will feel like a little piece of clit just sitting on a rock roasting in the Somalian sun.
God damn.
I almost feel like me laughing is going to get me a doctor.
But just the big one.
Here's the thing.
Here's the thing.
Why would you want to kill me and not the people cutting the clits off?
Like, if there's an order of operations, if there's a pin of that forward that you cut off, right?
You would definitely go first with the people that are mutilating these women, right?
Like if, and I, and I don't ever want to explain jokes to people because I realize once we explain jokes, we're playing an away game.
Yeah.
We're not playing away games.
We're just leaning into our home game.
We're comedians, is what we're joking around about.
But the fact that they could be so furious at a joke is about really, it's a big forehead joke.
Really, when you think about it.
No, no, because the joke is, the joke is actually, I mean, all right, fuck it.
We'll explain the slightest bit of the joke, just so they understand.
The joke is ladies in the West, you should be so grateful of what you have because there are women out there that are getting their clits cut off.
I'm actually using the severity of FGM.
I love that it's FGM.
Dude, I feel like obviously, bro, next time we're in Somalia, we have to stay at the FGM Grant.
And there it is.
The greatest hotel.
So the fact that they could even turn this into being worse than the act itself, people are so crazy to me.
But that was my flagrant thought of the week.
Oh, my gosh.
I don't even know how I could follow that.
Well, I was explaining to Ah Cosh before.
You don't want to come after the clip.
You know who's not coming after the clit.
So I'm kind of in the doghouse today, right?
I was kind of in the doghouse.
Can we have that as our little buzzword?
When we shit starts going down, we start tapping it.
I like it.
Jesus, so I got in the doghouse today.
I came home yesterday.
I went to a party.
Alex was there.
You're still in the doghouse.
Sort of.
I'm a little bit out now, but yesterday I was for sure at the doghouse.
So I got stupid drunk, yes.
Like, OD drunk.
Like, I haven't been this drunk in like a long time.
Okay.
And I got home around like, and day party drunk is different because you still got the whole night ahead of you.
You think it's late and it's not.
Oh, yeah.
So I got home at like 10 p.m.
And, you know, my pregnant girl's at home, chilling and watching me.
And I fell asleep pretty early, right?
Before Euphoria and everything.
Couldn't even watch my show, right?
And I woke up and I seen she was sleeping on the couch.
Right.
And I'm like, oh, shit, I must have been so drunk.
I was like spread out on the bed or whatever and like completely, you know, not regarding her or whatever.
So, you know, this afternoon, like right before I come in, she goes, you know what?
I was really mad at you yesterday.
I was like, why?
She's like, when you were asleep, you were like eating out your hand.
And I'm like, what?
Like, eating like food out of my hand?
She's like, no, like, you were asleep like going like, like, licking your hand like it was a vagina, like, in my sleep.
Like, while I was like, incredibly incredible.
How long has it been, bro?
What do you mean, how long has it been?
Since you guys bones, because that's what this is.
Nah, I mean, we still, we still.
You having pregnant sex?
Yeah.
I heard it's better like that, too.
It's great.
I hear DJ Envy swear by.
Listen, it's like, it's like Steph Curry throwing the shot up and walking her way.
It's wet.
Like, you know what's in.
But, like, what do you feel with the belly?
I'm not going to get into super intelligence.
Anyway.
I'll say all that to say.
It's just, it is a unique thing, right?
I mean, it is unique.
DJ Envy, I was on the breakfast club and he said it is his favorite time to.
How many kids does he have?
Five, three, three.
He has a few kids, but he said that he like stopped the interview.
He goes, no.
Pregnant pussy is how he described it.
Was his favorite pussy.
And he did say it was the most wet.
Fantastic.
Right.
So my flagrant thought is not so much a thought, but it's like a flagrant question.
Like, I felt bad, but then I laughed.
But like, is that cheating?
Is it?
Nah, you could have been eating hers for all you know.
I don't, like, you don't even remember.
I had no recollection of this.
And also, when she told me about it, like, I started dying laughing because I'm thinking to myself, like, in my sleep doing that, knocked the fuck out.
And I'm just like, well, she's upset.
So, like, is it sort of?
Like.
Sound.
You supposed to be subconsciously faithful.
Like, what the fuck, bro?
Come on, that's absurd.
No, I mean, she's not, she's, she's like the coolest woman of all time.
Like, so she didn't, she wasn't too bad.
Kaz girl's great.
Kaz ain't shit.
He drunk.
She at home pregnant.
It's good to know Deadbeat Kaz extends beyond this podcast.
Well, if it makes it any fairer, I went to the party because it was my boy Cam.
It was his birthday.
Shout out to him.
And another, my original flagrant thing.
Are you really asking if it's cheating to lick your palm in your sleep?
But like, what happened to black men?
Y'all were the fucking greatest, man.
Like, we looked up to y'all.
We wanted to do everything like y'all.
Y'all were the coolest people on the planet.
Charlamagne Duval pulled out one song and now you're a bunch of fucking dogs.
We don't.
She ain't sucking on your fingers and shit because you're not busy cheating.
This is what happened when black men don't cheat.
They start licking between the webbing of their fingers, man.
Go out and get some pussy, bro.
Put it on the house.
That should be reparations.
White people will pay for black men to get pussy so we have someone to look up to again.
Oh my God.
Nah, I felt I felt fucking.
I felt bad about it for some reason.
But why?
Because she felt bad about it.
And, you know, I don't know.
It's weird.
That's how she should know you're faithful.
That you're so horny.
You're eating out your hand in your sleep.
That's a valid ass.
That is a valid point.
That is about it.
Dude, she should be so elated that you're only, you're not even jerking off.
You're so faithful to her that in your sleep, you feel so undeserving a pussy in your own wet dream.
You got to please dead.
Isn't that crazy?
You're giving orgasms.
Dude, what a great dream.
Thank you for that.
I needed that.
I needed that.
She needs to know about this.
Dude, we need to make black man great again, bro.
We're really cute, man.
Whoever needs to be president in 2020.
Mabagos?
Mabaga.
Mabaga.
Sounds like a bad thing.
Sounds like a guy from Black Reader or something.
Must be African president we need, bro.
Oh, my goodness.
That was pathetic.
I'm so sorry.
I mean, my original flagrant thought was how problematic artists make all the best music.
That new Chris Brown and Drake record flames, bro.
It's different in the summertime, bro.
I literally listened to that shit like 30 times on the way here and back.
Didn't even change the song one time.
I love it.
I'm just like, fuck.
I'm so glad he got one.
I love it.
I'm so glad Chris Brown got one, dog.
I love it.
He's gone.
He's fully back.
That is the complete cosine.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
I got the Drake.
The Drake who you used to beef with over the Rihanna shit.
Yep.
And now you guys are besties.
Yeah.
You're cool with Rihanna.
We're doing videos together and shit.
The video was great.
Drake was hilarious.
It's a great video.
Drake was genuinely.
Hare Krishna Wavelengths00:14:54
There was a moment where I laughed out loud, and it was when he goes, The snake?
No, no, before the snake, he goes, he goes, how'd you get your music so loud?
He's like, play the phone.
Play it on my phone.
Put it on my phone.
But how'd you get your music so loud was a really good fucking rip.
It was just good.
People forget, like, the motherfucker could really act, bro.
Yeah, he was an actual actor.
Yeah, like, I'm really looking forward to the, you know, slow down to Espes a little.
I know, I think when he hosted the Espes, there were moments where I was like, it was good.
Yeah.
And SNL, a couple other things.
And he produces Euphoria, which is one of my favorite shows.
I didn't know.
Everybody loves Euphoria.
That's a great fucking show, man.
You got to get into it.
Now they both slap.
Yeah, and they both slap.
There you go, Edin.
That's how you contribute for it.
Akash tells you to shut the fuck up.
Okay.
Akash, what you got, bro?
I found the biggest Indian sellouts on earth.
You've seen these.
So first of all, you've seen these Hare Krishnas?
Hurry Krishna.
Hare Krishna.
It's like a cult.
They all wear the orange, like...
I saw this Indian guy on the train.
He had mad bracelets on, like prayer beads and stuff like that.
And he's chanting the whole time.
And then at the end, he starts saying shit like something maggots.
And I'm like, yo, that's not us anymore.
And then I realize he's wearing an orange t-shirt.
And I'm like, oh, maybe he's a Hare Krishna.
And then he turns around and he has a shaved head except for that one stupid ass braid.
And that is the biggest Indian sellout on earth.
When you have Hinduism, but you say, no, you know what?
Let me get the white version of Hinduism and walk around like a fucking cancer patient.
He's gentrified God.
And he is the biggest Indian.
I've never hated an Indian person more.
I don't care how many white girlfriends you got.
White?
He's not, but white people bought into him.
He's like, what's that movie about the vegans in the 60s?
The vegans in the 60s.
Oh, the cult.
That was on Netflix.
It was a documentary.
There was a cult based on this guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Baguana.
Yeah, the vegans.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're vegans, though.
Oh, show.
Oh, sure.
Most people know him from right now.
It's the same thing, though.
This is a brown guy who just conned a bunch of white people and giving them money.
And for you to go worship him instead of the actual God that he's pretending to be is so fucking crazy.
Like, it's infuriating to watch.
Yeah, that shit is.
That shit is weird.
I never really understood those people.
I used to play basketball with one, though.
Could he hoop?
Yeah, it was pretty nice.
Really?
Yeah, it was in Spain, and we had a Hare Krishna.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Fucking stunk.
He literally smelled bad, but like, he was pretty good.
And I asked him about it.
But I think some of them do it just so they have a place to stay wherever in the world.
Oh, is that what that is?
Yeah, because you can just live at the Hare Krishna house.
I read a little bit of this guy's book, and Uncle was like, hey, this guy, you should check him out.
And then I remember the third, like they did, like an interview with him.
And the third question was, you tell people to give up material possessions, but you have a lot of gold and stuff.
Why is that?
You accept gifts from followers.
He said, well, if you're giving it to me, it's like giving it to God.
And I was like, all right, fuck this entire dude forever.
That's irrational.
Yeah, that's some.
Dude, he's the first person with a Patreon when he picked up my God.
Dude, his Patreon is so lit, bro.
I mean, we're not giving you guys enough for the Patreon.
You don't get no outfit.
You don't get no haircut.
All you do is just giving us gold and you don't get no shit back.
We really need to step up our Patreon.
Hey, any captain, you get to have a full, we're going to give you a Hare Krishna outfit.
We'll send you a Shrine of Andrew outgrid.
Best way to do it.
Fuck.
My gosh.
It's fucking lit.
Yo, I had a...
What's up, bro?
I had a, I was up at this Montreal Comedy Festival, right?
And I was hanging out.
There's a couple comics named the Lucas Brothers.
You guys might be like, oh, fucking Lucas Brothers.
Yeah.
Big wrestling fans, too.
Yeah, yeah.
And they're like two twins, black kids from Newark.
And we're just talking about, you know, comedy, what's coming down, and like everybody policing it, the whole Dina Hashem thing we're talking about.
Yes.
And they said the funniest thing.
We're just talking.
And they go, you know what?
Comics, we're the biggest gangsters in entertainment.
I go, what are you talking about?
He goes, no, no, we're the biggest gangsters now.
I go, why?
He goes, when you got rappers looking at comics like, could you guys tone it down?
Like, that's a little distasteful.
You need a little distasteful.
A little problematic.
Use your words wisely.
Can you think about the message you're putting out there in the world?
Oh, my God.
And the fact that, like, that we're the only ones left just saying shit completely unapologetically, we're the most gangster motherfucker.
Comics with attitude, dog.
We really are, bro.
CWA.
We really are, man.
Motherfuckers got it.
So fucking crazy.
Brown-ish.
Brown-ish.
We are the most motherfucking gangster motherfuckers in entertainment.
I love it.
So that's what we got to put out there in the world.
That's the narrative we're going with it.
What's that?
It's kind of on that same wavelength.
Did you see Andy Cohen and that dude Titus from the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt or whatever?
Black gay guy?
Yeah, black gay guy.
Yeah?
Oh, man.
I'm his new biggest fan, bro.
New biggest fan.
Talk to me.
Wow.
So he was on, I guess he was ever the show that he hosts, Andy Cohen, Watch What Happens Live.
Watch What Happens Live?
Yeah, I bet you knew that.
No, I actually hate it, but my girl watches the other shows.
She hates him weirdly.
That's the thing.
Nope, but a lot of people don't fuck with Andy Cole because he's a messy motherfucker.
I've been saying I like him just to annoy her.
I like this guy.
What are you mad about?
So he had Titus on the show.
And I guess they were talking about the Dolomite movie he's in with Eddie Murphy.
And, you know, I guess they were talking about it and yada yada yada.
And then he goes, oh, so you're friends with Eddie Murphy?
You hang out with him?
You talk with him?
He's like, yeah, we just did a movie together.
Like, he gave me a lot of compliments.
I was like, yeah, he's good.
He's like, oh, because, you know, I think he was a little problematic with his views on gays or whatever.
And Titus looked at him like, well, he's my friend and we were cool.
So I don't think he has any problem with gay folks.
And he was like, well, you know, I just think he's like, no, no, no, no.
He's like, do your little show, sis.
And really got that.
Yeah, like he got, like, he cleaned that shit.
Like, he cut that shit off before it could even get rolling, though.
Like he was like, nah, you're not going to, you're not coming for Eddie Murphy right now, bro.
Like, whatever the fuck he said 20, 30 years ago, like, everybody was making gay jokes on Eddie Murphy Raw and Delirious, dude.
Like, don't give me that bullshit.
Like, so, you know, and that's what he does.
That's, that's kind of like his shtick, Andy Cole.
Like, just doing like messy shit with people.
And Titus, who plays like a messy character on the show, put out a long fucking Instagram post, which I'll read to you.
And he's, he calls Andy Cohen sis and she or whatever.
He's like, quote, she can be a messy queen.
Yes, I said it.
Don't care if he knows it either.
He should remember that his talk show isn't an episode of Real House Lives of Atlanta.
It's a place where artists come to talk about art and have a little fun, not a place to rehash old rumors or bring a star negative press.
Sunday was a display of ratchet behavior by a well-connected man having blatant disregard for one of his guests.
If only time were taken to know who I am and not assuming that I'm the character I play on TV, he would know how to conduct a proper interview with at, he got messed it up over here.
I received four Emmy nominations for acting, not for being myself.
He was lucky I had my wits and Christian values that day.
Always keep it classy.
Being friends with other talented celebrities doesn't make you talented.
It makes you friends with other famous celebrities.
He should rip a page from Anderson Cooper's book and learn how to do his job.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Get the fuck out of here, bro.
Eddie's dick must be good, bro.
Hey, man.
I'm going to go grab it.
Yeah, go get her.
Go get her.
We got a guest.
It's Titus.
Hello.
Ain't it funny that he got Titan's name?
And ask.
Yeah, man.
So this guest that we got coming in, I don't know her, to be honest with you.
And I have no clue.
I have no clue.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know who she is.
Y'all just sent me a picture.
I can't fill you in.
You don't know either.
I know she's on love and hip-hop.
Okay, so she's a lovely homegirl.
Hollywood.
Hollywood.
Kaz's homegirl.
She has, I think, a song coming out, Ernie album coming out.
I should probably get my feet off the chair she's going to sit on.
What's funny is you got, Andrew got Birkenstocks the last few interviews.
You got to walk around with these all the time because it's just so misleading about who you are.
Here's the thing about the Birkenstocks, right?
I almost don't want to say it, but I'll say it.
But just don't get it.
It can't get back to Mark.
So, you know, the guy who opens for me who came in my bathtub?
Yeah.
So like, he has like this huge fear of bears because when he was a kid, his older brothers would scare him with a bear mask.
They just run up on him and scare him.
And he's like a very scary kid in general.
Like if you just go, he like really shakes.
Really?
So yeah.
So he was wearing Birkenstocks at the airport.
Right.
Right.
And Alex and I have been ripping him to the point where he stops wearing Birkenstocks.
Right.
Yeah.
One sec, one second.
One second.
One second.
Hey.
So he was wearing, so he stopped wearing Birkenstocks.
Like we were scaring him that bad.
One sec, And so he basically, so he, so he basically just stopped wearing them.
So I bought Alex a pair, only a pair, right?
And we're going to show up to the airport wearing the Birkenstocks.
Right.
And or the next time we see, we're both wearing the Birkstocks and we're going to rip him for not wearing them anymore.
He's going to think that's the prank.
And then out of nowhere, I'm going to have someone in a full barrel, scare the fucking shit out of him.
And we're going to videotape it all.
So none of you tell Mark that this is going to happen because it's going to be an amazing prank.
But I'm glad that you all know.
Okay, our guest is here.
Come on in.
Sit down.
Oh, she's injured, too.
Thank you for braving injury to come on this podcast.
Get over here, Bridge.
Yeah, I bring the brave injury.
Hi, Bridget.
Hi, Bridget.
Hi, Andrew.
Staying down.
My God.
I'm mad that Birkenstocks.
I didn't know Birkenstocks was the theme.
I would have mad.
You got Birken?
That's what's up.
Why you guys hate it, bro?
Hey, I came in late to the Birkenstock talk, so you don't need Birkenstocks.
No, not my feet.
Have you seen Kaz's feet?
No.
You got Frodo fee?
It's like that.
Frodo is generous.
I've taken steps to curb that.
No, it's too late to be.
Taking steps?
What kind of steps?
I got Frodo fee.
Kaz built like a fucking centaur for angles now.
Not good.
Wow.
And it's not a good look.
So it's just large, calloused hair.
I mean, it's not as callous anymore.
It gets soaked, but it's still got like the weird toe thing going on.
We'll get to his feet in a second.
Can you introduce our guests?
Introducing our very special guest.
Very good friend of mine, longtime friend of mine.
Singer, songwriter.
You could see her on Love and Hip Hop Hollywood.
You can see her on the Steve Harvey show as well.
Give it up for my good friend Bridget Kelly at the Flavor.
Wait, so you do Steve Harvey's radio show?
His daytime show on it used to be on NBC.
Okay.
And what do you do on that?
I'm not familiar, and I feel bad because I'm usually very prepared for this.
I was just selling Akash.
Kaz just sends us your one Instagram post.
He doesn't like break the whole thing down.
I got the email and the songs and everything.
It's just like, this is my friend.
And I feel like she was.
He can text me directly and be like, hey.
Okay.
That's all we're trying to figure out.
I just want to set the table.
Okay, so it's love and hip-hop.
Let me get this hair out of here.
I don't know whose hair that is.
Mine is green.
Okay.
So I can always tell when it's not yours.
Okay.
So love and hip-hop, Hollywood.
Yes, love and hip-hop Hollywood.
I live in LA, even though I'm a New Yorker.
I just moved to L.A.
Oh, you're from New York?
Yeah, where Chelsea.
Chelsea.
Gay.
Hello, do you not see this?
Come on.
No, okay.
Wait, really?
Chelsea?
Where'd you go to school?
I went to PS41 for a lot of people.
I probably went to PS41.
Oh, not long.
Who?
33.
Okay.
No, no, no.
I'm 35, so I'm a little older than you.
But I used to play ball at PS4.
I went to PS6, but keep on going.
Okay, PS41.
But middle school, can I guess?
No, you wouldn't guess.
You wouldn't get a bunch of people.
I got in trouble.
I went to a private school.
No, I went to a private school.
Bougie.
No, just smart.
Okay.
Not bougie.
Just really nerdy, though.
You said you were smart, Matt Bougie.
Just literally turn your fingers up.
No, just smart.
Just smart.
Which one?
Which one?
De-la Sal Academy.
It's really small.
It used to be.
It sounds familiar.
It used to be a Catholic school?
Kind of.
It was run by Franciscan Brothers, but it's not really a Catholic.
It's not really Catholic.
We don't do mass.
We're doing Franciscan Brothers.
Yeah, but it wasn't like, you know, we had to go to Mass and wear a uniform.
It wasn't that.
That wasn't.
That was like private, though.
It was just private.
Franciscan Brothers.
Franciscan Chelsea.
Teach you how to be lesbians in this school?
Is that what's happening in this?
No, I went to performing arts school.
I went to La Mardia.
That's where they teach you.
No, I'm just kidding.
Yes.
Michael Nicky?
Yes.
Oh, well, performing arts school is not gay.
So there goes the theme.
Can a fool me.
So Che was Che's what?
My age?
Che graduated.
I was either a freshman or a sophomore when Michael graduated.
Right, so Nikki.
Nikki was already gone.
She was already gone.
She was a little bit older.
She old.
How old is Nikki?
She put in 40s.
She's not old.
She's out there.
She's 40.
She's like, what?
37, maybe?
Yeah.
That ain't pushing 40?
Yeah.
Not on the business.
Once we get to our 30s, we're trying to hold on.
Let us just hold on, okay?
We're holding on.
Listen, that's fine.
You can hold on.
Okay.
Here we go.
She's a little older.
I'm all the play with Barbies, don't you think?
I want to set this whole thing up.
I want to see you understand who I am.
I didn't know I was with a New Yorker.
I thought I was with a real LA folk.
No, I'm in New York.
You know what I mean?
This is New Yorker.
And you're like New York, New York.
Like Chelsea.
Mike 212, New York, yes.
Where in Chelsea exactly?
20th and 9th, actually.
20th and 9th.
Those projects right there?
Right across the street, yes.
Where the Damon Wayans, the Wayne's brothers are from.
It's funny you mention that because she has the Wayne Head boot on right now.
I do have the Wayne Head.
I don't know.
Look at that.
How did that happen, by the way?
She's a real New Yorker.
I got run over by a Vespa in Paris.
No shit.
Bougie, bro.
That's the most bougie she is ever, dude.
We get it.
You're rich.
I got hit.
I get it.
You're rich.
We get it.
You like gay things.
Dude.
Yeah, you're not making a case for knocks at all.
I'm run over.
Sorry, that's both.
There's nothing straight or masculine about that.
So you were saying something about.
Oh, Steve Harvey.
So, I mean, I'm an artist first.
I'm a singer-songwriter.
So on Steve Harvey, I mean, that really is just a panel called Straight Talk, and we just talk about relationships.
Uncircumcised Advice Given00:15:31
It's me and two other women.
Are you in a relationship?
No.
So what the fuck you know about relationships?
Everything that I've done wrong, I want to tell everybody not to do.
Please listen to me.
I have trashed every relationship.
What are the mistakes we make?
What makes you sick?
What are the mistakes?
I'm sort of in the doghouse a little bit.
Why are you in the doghouse right now?
You can't afford to be in the doghouse.
He was in his dreams.
He was licking his own hand because he hadn't had sex in so long.
And his girl got upset because he was eating hand pussy all night.
And his pregnant wife got very upset.
Hand pussy does not sound appetizing or like a good or like a good substitute.
It's irrelevant.
It depends if you had some Joloff rice before, maybe you had.
I was home from Cam's joint super drunk on Sunday.
Okay.
And I crashed out at like, what, like 10 p.m. probably?
Oh, dear.
And I fell asleep and I woke up and she was sleeping on the couch.
And I'm thinking, you know, she was like this, though.
No.
That's how you were asleep.
She saw me.
She was like, the reason why I was mad at you is because you were eating out of your hand.
I'm like, what does that mean?
And like, I was eating food out of my hand.
She's like, no, like, you were like licking your hand.
Like, it was like a vagina.
And I was like, it was some pumpernickel.
And I lost him.
I was like, who the fuck?
And he made a great point.
It's like, yo, I'm so faithful that in my dreams, I'm having a nasty dream, though?
I don't remember.
I don't remember any of this.
Like, she told me this.
I'm just like.
You don't even remember if you were having a nasty dream.
No, I usually wouldn't remember.
Ryan, you told us what you were dreaming about.
What was I dreaming about?
You said that his child just got birth and he was just licking the afterbirth off of him.
Honestly.
Except placenta.
If that was really the case, I would have been sleeping on the couch too.
That's some bullshit.
That's some bullshit, Cash.
That's some bullshit.
That's crazy.
That's a different level.
I need some advice.
Like, what do I do right now?
How does he get out the doghouse?
But what if?
What was she really mad about, though?
Because that sounds like an easy thing.
He wasn't even pussy.
He was sucking on his finger real hard.
That's what she was doing.
So you came home, you were smacked.
First of all, FOMO was super duper smacked.
We have FOMO, right?
We're literally the fun police.
And I cannot, I don't have any children, so I don't know what it's like to be to be, you know, as far as I can.
The one thing she'll do, though, is like she'll be like, oh, go out and have fun.
And I don't know what's a farce.
I know she doesn't really want me to go out and have fun.
No.
But I call her blood.
That's not a farce.
It's a track.
No, women are the fucking tweezers.
I'm telling you.
And those farce is a trap.
You can't debate.
Nah, baby, I'm going to pretend to love you tonight.
Not pretend to love.
You literally just finished saying, like, how my girlfriend is the coolest girl for the world, which she is.
She's amazing.
And no, no, no, but I'm saying a trap.
You don't get in trouble like I got in trouble six months ago, bro.
Damn, Casmo.
Hey, I'm on something.
You got no subtle cues.
That's why you're not.
You're not helping nobody out, Cash.
One of my best friend's birthdays.
Yes, of course.
He's about 30, just 35.
Grow up.
What you still having parties for at 35?
Grow up.
You didn't have a baby since.
I'll let you tell her we pushing 40s at 35.
So we might as well have 40.
Every single year.
We got to turn all the way up every day we get a chance to.
It really just sounds like it's fun police.
So you just got to make it up to her.
Be thoughtful.
Be thoughtful.
Get her flowers, make her dinner.
You know, I'm not mad about my medical job.
I could dinner every night.
I got flowers.
Eden, you came to the crib.
Those flowers were on the table.
It was very nice.
What are you enabling this behavior, bro?
That's what I'm talking about.
I would be in a bad mood too if I got dinner every night out of it.
First of all, you need to lay the law down.
No, get the fuck out of here.
Y'all would all be pissed if you came home and your girlfriend or significant other is laying there slobbering all over her finger and not sucking you off.
You just dropped your hands on the shit.
Just cleric you.
Cut that thing out.
Put the thing that she wanted to do.
That's teetering on non-consensual activity.
No, I'm not a sexual activity.
But now just a little.
Just a little me too lollipop.
She's teetering.
Teeter.
Teeter.
Teetering.
That pussy.
That's true.
Teetering.
Teetering.
You see how often girlfriends will wake their man up with a blowjob?
This is true.
It's the artist.
It's fantastic.
It's teetering.
See?
She's not even a side of a blowjob.
I mean, how many times have you been like, no?
She already sucking on her finger.
You just substitute it like a little Me Too lollipop.
Boom.
Too lollipop.
Oh, this is a real blow pop, bro.
And some gum in the middle, too.
I cannot.
I cannot.
But that's good to know.
That's good to know that no one ever gets together.
So we need relationship advice on this show.
All three of us are in relationships.
It just sounds like she was salty that she couldn't go out with you and she felt away that you came home and you didn't just put your face in it like watermelon on the 4th of July.
You was playing around with your hands instead.
I keep pissing myself.
I don't even remember the dream.
Yeah, but she was sleeping.
You can't meet to her in her sleep, apparently, according to you.
Well, she didn't even try, according to him.
I wasn't even dreaming about it.
You're trying me too?
No.
All right.
We're not going to talk about this anymore.
This is crazy.
But yes, I think you're doing the right thing.
Keep doing what you want.
I don't want relationship advice from you.
I don't think you want a relationship advice.
I'm not.
Andrew, you're doing a lot.
I am.
You have all the answers.
No, I don't.
I need to get the answers.
That's why I'm an active listener.
This is true.
Is Andrew an active listener?
Yeah, yes.
Yes, he is.
All right.
That's very impressive.
No, I am.
That's impressive.
So most men are not active listeners.
We're not?
No.
We usually got to say some shit worth listening to.
You can't be just saying some dumb shit about like what Megan felt today.
I don't really give a fuck about Megan's kind of feelings.
It's true.
I mean, that's what we become.
I mean, yeah, but you just sometimes, the same way that we got to pretend to care about half the shit y'all talk about, you got to pretend to care sometimes.
What the laugh?
You do.
I will gladly train.
Let's talk about this boring.
Why are we talking about this boring?
What do guys say that's boring?
The majority of guys don't really have anything to say that's substantial in conversation.
That's to us facts.
Not to us.
Now, if I say the same thing.
Hold on.
Hold on.
This is a ton of tell us.
The reason I'm going to say, I'm not going to say it's boring because I'm not going to qualify if it's good or bad.
It's just a difference of interest and opinion, right?
Majority of women, most women, are not really into sports.
They don't give a shit about stats.
And y'all can sit and talk about sports for fucking hours.
What happens when you bring out that hammer?
What part of the conversation is that?
That's usually what ends the conversation.
Nothing else to say.
Y'all done with this small talk.
Nothing else to say.
No more small talk.
Problem solved.
Problem solved.
Is there a dick beautiful enough that it could just be brought out in mid-conversation?
You're like, all right, there is no dick beautiful enough to show one woman.
Let me ask her.
Maybe you should probably ask the woman to be a little bit more.
Is there a dick beautiful?
No, no.
Just imagine the most beautiful dick you ever thought of in your life.
I know you probably had one, at least one in your life.
I've seen a couple that are very well put, bro.
Very well kept.
Very well put together.
Okay.
Now.
Not enough to shut me up, though.
What about more beautiful than that?
Especially when you're mad.
Especially when you're mad.
What about more beautiful than that?
Even more beautiful.
You're more beautiful.
No.
Just imagine everything that makes that dick beautiful.
No.
And a little bit more.
Listen.
And women who watch this are going to be pissed off that I'm saying this.
We hate to be wrong.
Right.
Even when we're wrong, we're still going to keep talking.
Right?
This is so it doesn't matter.
It really doesn't matter how beautiful your dick is.
I could be completely dead wrong and still not shut the fuck up.
It's still, it just won't happen.
Okay, this is hypothetical, hypothetically speaking.
There's no amount of beauty that a dick is in the world, there's no amount of glisten that a dick is going to have that's going to make me shut up.
The beautiful dick comes out, right?
Okay, all right.
Beautiful dick.
You whip it out, it grows, right?
Right?
It has a song, one hand, beautiful sense, it doesn't matter.
Alexa, play bring in the pain.
It's definitely not.
That's totally did not set the mood for that.
Okay, so what if, what if, what if the dick comes out, right?
And then the guy just delicately, just taps it twice on the top of your head.
Just on the back, just where a Yamaka would go.
Just a couple little, like a little very unholy.
Very unholy.
Would that change anything?
No.
It might be unholy, but you're finna get on your knees, though, ain't you?
What?
I was just speaking Hebrew.
That was Jewish shit.
Yeah, I just went through our mitzvah.
He's annoyingly cultured, right?
So like he'll say certain shit that you would not even know.
Is that a song that's accompanied by getting hit in the head with a dick?
No.
It's accompanied by chopping the tip of your dick off.
I mean, that's a feasible outcome if you hit me in the back of the head with a dick.
It's a feasible outcome to get it chopped off.
To get it chopped off.
Have you ever wanted a guy to get circumcised and asked him if you would?
I don't deal with men that aren't circumcised.
Wow.
That was a lot of fun.
You're fucking country at it.
I am probably circumcised.
Thank you.
You say you're proudly uncircumcised at it?
I am proudly circumcised.
Oh, okay.
There we go.
Is there anybody in here uncircumcised?
Not it.
No one wants to admit it right now if they're uncircumcised.
I'm sorry.
Eden's not circumcised.
How would you know that?
Because you shot me your dick.
Didn't look like a dick.
I thought you wouldn't tell anybody.
No, his dick looked like a blunt.
Well, I don't smoke backwards either, so there goes that.
Extremely.
I'm a singer.
They're bad for my voice.
What?
No, no.
No.
I told you it's a lot.
I ain't never.
I told you it was a lie.
I mean, I might start to claim that.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I really can't.
I can't engage.
I can't engage.
So if a guy had an uncircumcised penis, it would be something that you weren't that attracted to.
No, it's like, no.
Not into it.
I'm not into it.
Hypothetically speaking, how would you feel if a guy didn't like the way your vagina looked?
If there was some of your vagina hanging out a little bit like a jellyfish.
Oh, like a jellyfish?
Yeah, would you feel a little offended that they didn't want to do that?
Like the octopus and finding Nemo.
There we go.
Just beating everything.
She was on the other foot.
And this leads to my question about accountability with women.
Wow.
Yeah, we'll get into that.
I think that's important.
I think that's how.
How would you feel about that?
I would be okay.
I'm actually very confident.
I'm very confident in the appearance and performance of my vag.
I really don't have any insecurities about it.
So, I mean, if a guy felt uncomfortable, I'd be like, okay, cool.
It's all you, bro.
I think somebody else will be okay with it.
Absolutely.
Just like, I mean, that's the response I would expect for a guy to give me about, you know, trying to wear a hoodie in the pool.
Like, that's what that feels like to me.
That's circumcised.
Wait, so have you ever experienced an uncircumcised penis and does it feel different?
I just, no, just the sight of it was just not a thing for me.
I just couldn't.
It just totally, yeah, no.
It turns the faucet all the way off.
There's nothing there for me.
Now, have you ever been in a relationship and you were okay with the guy in the relationship dating another girl?
No.
You would never be okay with that.
No.
Would you ever bring another girl into the relationship for like a little threesome action?
I think it depends.
It depends.
Really?
Yeah.
It depends.
What's the pending?
It depends.
Honestly, it depends on my trust level and transparency with the guy.
Okay.
Okay.
Have you done this before?
Have I had threesomes before?
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
What was the best?
Now, did you go, hey, we should have a threesome or did the guy say it?
So I can reference two experiences.
One, best threesome experience, honestly, was with two other women and not a guy.
I don't know.
Women eat women.
Women eat pussy better.
I'm sorry.
I do not know about this.
I believe that.
100%.
So, I mean, how did that come about?
That's a whole other story.
This is the place to tell that stuff.
No, no, no.
We'll leave that where that is.
I feel like that's the only story.
I think that's a good idea beautifully.
So I would like to know how that happens.
Because I would like to know how to do it.
It was just, it was three single women, experimental, and one, and we just.
Yeah.
Who proposed it?
One of the other girls.
One of the other girls did.
And how did she say it?
What was the line?
I don't remember, but we were.
Paint a picture for us.
No.
No, it's not a picture worth painting.
It's not a picture worth painting.
Now, was she a very feminine girl like you?
Both were really feminine.
Super femme.
Yeah.
Wow.
So if you were with the women, that's the type of woman you would be into, not like a dudely.
No, if I was being into women, it would be a really feminine woman.
Gotcha.
Hey, interesting.
The other one, though, I was the girl that was brought in, and it was a relationship situation.
And that was really uncomfortable because she was super into it.
And he was kind of left out.
Not left out, but per se, but the energy.
So he kind of felt away after.
And I felt bad because I was friends with both of them and it was a little bit weird.
So you're saying during the sex, you and her were doing it more and he was like supervising it, right?
More so.
Yeah, that's the worst.
Which was, which, I mean, he seemed to be into it.
And then when it was like, it was very clear.
There was no room for him at all.
It was like, damn.
Yeah, yeah.
Sorry, bro.
Yeah, you're just getting cucked out at that point.
Awful.
I've been there.
You're just watching Live Corn at that point.
I've worked out like that.
With your girl girl, though?
No, no, with these two girls.
And they just, like, they were really, and I was just like, I know, what do you do?
What do you do?
What do you do with that?
This is like.
Just felt like a squirrel.
You know what I mean?
I was just trying to find a little place to put the dick.
You know what I mean?
Like, where can I hide this?
Where's his nuts?
I got tomatoes like God.
Anybody need some nickels?
Just throw your nuts somewhere.
That's all.
Walking around like a hole, but I got spared dick, spare dick.
Spare anybody.
Spare dick for anybody.
They at one point, like, I just kind of sat down.
Just started tweeting shit.
Like, I was just like, what are y'all done?
Yeah, they were really into it.
That sucks.
I just wanted to go to sleep.
Oh, my God.
That sucks.
Being a boyfriend, though, is even worse because it's like, I'm with this girl.
And now you feel like there's a bunch of shit you didn't know before.
You got there.
You fucked up a relationship between two friends.
Ain't that crazy?
I actually didn't.
They actually, yeah, they stay together.
They're married a lot.
No, sir.
Yeah, they're married.
They have a baby now.
I'd maybe like use that time to get some work done.
Because my girl couldn't be upset at me.
She's like, why aren't we hanging out?
It's like, well, you get your pussy ate.
I didn't, we don't want to use that.
So I'm going to do some emails or whatever.
You should invite her off a weekly.
Yeah, this is perfect house time.
This is perfect.
Usually I have to take a shit to do that, but now.
Babe, I got a shit again.
I take four shits a night.
Is that what it takes to get some meat time for a guy with a fake shit?
Watch?
No way.
Is that true?
No.
You're taking fake shits.
Listen.
I got a hammer right off of taking fake shits.
Girl legitimately gets mad at me when I'm in the bathroom too long because I'll like take the shit and just sit up for a second and just have a shit.
I've got my phone.
I'll send emails out.
I got my iPad.
I'll do all types of shit.
Consent Matters Most00:04:37
So are you still in there?
I'm like, yeah.
So you alright?
I'm like, yeah, I'm just in there.
That's brilliant.
I just be getting in trouble.
Bro, use that bathroom, dog.
There's a reason it stinks.
So we could have privacy.
God built that in.
If it smelled good, our girl would be with us in there while we shit.
That's very true.
God knew we needed some time.
I mean, that's a big threshold in a relationship, too, when you're just watching each other's shit.
I know.
I ain't crossed that one.
I'm not going to watch that.
You haven't crossed that one?
I ain't crossed that one.
Seriously?
No.
Has she watched you?
No.
What?
Why?
Oh, my God.
Now, you know what?
They do eat Indian food, bro.
I don't know if you want to be around.
That's valid.
That's a valid point.
That's a valid point.
You can't smell that, bro.
How long have you been with your girl, though, and then that not be at the same time?
Almost four years.
And you've never been in the bathroom?
Neither one of y'all.
No, no, no.
Why would we do that to each other?
Why not pee?
You ever hear her pee stream?
Oh, pee, I don't mind.
But do you hear the stream?
That shit is strong.
That shit is strong, dog.
She's strong, bro.
When I got a follow-up game in there, I'd be pushing so hard just to try to catch her.
You gotta have more bass than me.
You know what I mean?
I'm doing a show, and she's a hungry middle.
You know what I mean?
Just crushing in front of me.
Wow.
Bladder's strong as shit.
Bro, it's even a pissing contest when it's a pissing contest.
No, I'm learning a lot of people.
That stream is different, dog.
It is.
That stream is different.
Oh, man.
Nah, but you got to watch your girlfriend.
Ghostbusters could shoot that shit out of their guns.
The proton thing.
Bladder is a fucking proton fact, dog.
Real talk.
Don't cross the streams, man.
Oh, my gosh.
But you got to watch your girl shit.
Like, you have to.
Nah, no.
That has to be a thing.
I ain't watching my girl shit.
You have to.
You've done that?
Yes.
I watched my girl shit like yesterday.
He's about to watch her have a baby.
She's about to shit out a baby.
Facts.
She might take a shit while she's having a baby.
Yeah, she told me about that.
She was like, apparently, that's why I'm going to be able to do that.
Stand at the head of the bed now.
I want to see all of it.
I want to see it.
I'm telling you.
I'm telling you.
I don't know the whole experience.
My first one.
You seen childbirth?
On YouTube, but I haven't been in a room to see the childbirth.
I've been in a room.
It's the most vile shit I've ever seen in my life.
Bro, you don't want to look because you want to still find your girl 100%.
I still will.
You know what?
The baby?
Because I'm fucked up like that.
Like, the strength that that takes turns me on to your house.
Oh, get the fuck out of here.
I swear to God, bro.
Cat cat is so in love with his girlfriend.
That's bad.
He's totally okay watching her shit and then maybe at the same time.
Dead ass.
I've known this girl for 16 years, bro.
I was like, how do you think?
He's trying to get out of the doghouse.
I mean, I'm already out of it, but you know.
Man, you ain't out of this.
I was hoping somebody would give me some help.
Thanks a lot.
We were here for you.
We're asking, you know, already.
I said, yeah, you're asking about threesomes.
That had nothing to do with cats.
You're done with Kats.
Just so we're clear.
He is having sex with his pregnant girl.
What we're not going to talk about right now.
What we're not going to do.
What we're not going to do.
I'll tell you this.
We have the line.
Right?
That's it.
Right there.
We're staying.
We're staying right back there.
No, no, no, no.
Nope.
Nope.
I will foot this table right now.
Why?
I will foot this table right now.
You know who else is probably upset?
Is your baby having to feel his dad's dick all up in his mom?
I think we should take this out while this is.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Because that's going to be constantly.
Oh, my God.
You can't.
Talk about consent.
Consent is important.
Consent is important, see?
Let's talk about music.
Let's talk about some music.
So, what is what is now?
I first met Bridget several years ago.
Yeah, yeah.
When you were having a threesome with your girlfriend, she made you sit there like a punk.
That's why you learned how to lick your fingers.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, gosh.
Anyway, I met Bridges several years ago.
You think that's why babies suck their thumbs because they're traumatized from daddy?
Shut the fuck off, yo.
Oh, jeez.
Kaz is probably huge, too.
Somebody sent us a you got to be careful, Kaz.
You remember somebody sent us Kaz's dick print?
Oh, dude, yeah, they sent it your dick print.
Oh, yeah.
That shit was as big as soft, but it was massive.
You got to be careful, dog.
You got to be careful.
There's nothing that could, nothing's going to hurt that.
That shit was a French baguette, dog.
You got Kaz's dick at Trader Joe's.
To be fair, it was more of a pumpernickel.
Kaz's dick at Trader Challenge.
More of a multi-grain.
Yeah, outside.
Kaz's Massive Dick Print00:03:02
Yeah, 100.
Honey Oats.
Okay, so.
Oh, fuck.
Not Honey Oats.
Not Honey Oats.
Not Honey Oates.
Filling?
Yeah.
That's Brom.
Okay.
So outside of concern, you know, for like safety issues, I do want to get back to music.
Yes.
Okay.
You have a single that's coming out.
When you release this single, can you do me a favor?
Can you just release every song as a single and be the second artist to do that with great success?
I mean, that's what Takashi did, right?
He would just release a single.
Every month.
The album, who cares?
Just release the single.
Every month.
Make it a thing.
Make it something that we look at.
Make it something we want to digest.
Something we're looking forward to.
Why the whole album?
Well, I'm not doing a whole album.
I'm doing an EP.
How many is that?
Five.
Oh, okay.
That's fine.
But still one more.
And the single is one of the five.
So technically, there's only four more that come after that.
And we're doing a short film around it.
So it's just going to be this cool little project with this.
Well, yeah.
It's just going to, it'll be a visual that covers all the songs and then there's the actual EP and then I'll do another EP in like a couple months.
Nice.
Nice.
So it'll be like five songs, four or five, four.
We just keep dropping little things that go.
So constant content.
Constant.
Constant.
Okay.
Music videos for these or no?
Yeah.
Does the music video?
There was a time where the music video dropped off in popularity.
Now it almost feels like with YouTube and Vivo, Instagram TV.
Instagram TV.
Did a YouTube, did a video can promote a song again?
I think there was a time where it was meaningless.
Right.
And now.
I think because directors got lazy after a while.
Well, the budgets went down.
The budgets went down because you were able to film stuff on like an iPhone.
Because people could make videos on an iPhone.
Right.
No, because everybody got creative.
I don't think the industry realized Vivo was going to be a big thing or YouTube was going to be the big thing.
Right.
So they were like, we're not spending money on this.
Right.
So now they do.
Like your company, your record label or whatever it is is like, hey, this is an important part of the rollout.
Because I'm doing an EP, I feel like I wanted to, I mean, we're doing literally just one long form video with all the songs in the video.
Okay, so yeah.
So it'll just be like a consistent story.
And I mean, it's for me, it's nostalgic with a lot of different videos that I love from when I was a teenager and a little kid.
So like Amarie, Why don't we fall in love?
Ah, one of my favorite videos.
Kelly Roland and Nellie's Dilemma.
You know what I mean?
Like there's some cute little.
Here we go.
It was just like it's some cute, romantic, fun, sexy summer shit.
So that's vibe.
Britain.
Wait, wait, wait.
For me, when you do this video, there's a part when Kelly Rowland is trying to text Nellie through an XL spreadsheet.
And she gets a music.
I remember that.
Please keep that scene in the video.
I'm just so mad that we don't have sidekicks anymore.
No.
That really would have been the ultimate to like flip.
Remember the sidekicks?
Yeah, get one.
You got a button and then you have to find one.
Go to Connecticut.
Kelly Rowland Remixes00:04:58
They got them still up there.
Like Hartford, they still have to be able to do it.
New Haven, I guarantee you.
New Haven outside of Yale.
They're like a good like 20.
Outside of Yale.
Yeah.
And I'm Bougie?
Yo.
Indians.
That's supposed to know the fucking Disneyland.
That's where my girl honeymoon.
That's where I was born in Yale, John.
Hardware.
We're going through Hogwarts all the time on the vacation.
That's our hogwarts.
It's hardware.
Oh, man.
Okay, so you release it.
Go.
Yes.
So, like I was saying before, I met you several years ago when you were singing with Jay-Z for Empire State of Mind when, you know, Felicia Keys wasn't there.
We're coming up on 10 years since then.
Almost 10 years since then.
Almost 10 years since the Yankees last one World Series 2.
Yes, I know.
Just tell me a little bit about that experience because I think that kind of like first got you to the outside world and like people kind of starting to notice you.
It was kind of fucked, honestly.
Really?
Because for that to be my first, like my first experience, my first show ever as an artist was at Madison Square Garden with Jay-Z.
Oh, so you're spoiled, you think?
You came out the gate, like, it's going to be like this all the time.
Right.
I was like, I had my own, went on tour, got to, you know what I mean?
And it was, it was a priceless experience, really incredible memories.
And I love, I mean, I love all those guys still.
But yeah, it set the bar really, really high.
So it was kind of like for that to be my first show, it's like, am I ever, you know, most artists, most artists want to get to a place where they're constantly topping everything that they're doing.
Yeah.
Never going to top that.
So it was like, okay, well.
But you can headline it.
Yeah, of course.
Well, that's, I mean, that's always the goal.
But I think in my mind, like for me to have, for my career to have started so backwards that way, it was kind of like, damn, okay, well, it gave me something to look forward to, but also kind of like, it did spoil me a little bit.
Was it shitty to go back to much smaller venues?
No, I actually enjoy smaller venues.
I enjoyed smaller venues more than I did bigger venues because it's more intimate.
Well, I mean, yeah, it's more intimacy, but I'm a singer too.
If I was a rapper, maybe it'd be a little different.
But being a singer, it's like you actually get to see people's faces.
You get to see which songs people respond to more.
Yeah.
I mean, and you know, it's doing R ⁇ B music is always about like, it's always about relationship shit anyway.
So it's easy when there's women in the crowd.
Everybody, everyone's just like connected.
Everybody's vibing.
Everybody's in their feelings.
So it's a great intimate crowds are definitely the one.
When you're doing a live show, you do songs from other artists as well in your set.
And that's pretty common.
Yeah.
Do those artists ever feel away about that?
Or is that completely accepted in music?
Covering another artist's song?
I think if you do it during a live show, like in a transition, so like my band and I will transition from my song into another song and then back into, like, I have a song called In the Gray.
And the same, it's the same chords.
Like the melody is the same as Music Soul Child's Just Friends.
So it's easy for me to transition into that song and then I go back into my song.
So in a live set, it kind of feels like we just kind of did it on the fly.
Like we give like a jam session vibe.
I mean, I would never record it and put it out that way.
So most, I mean, most artists don't care.
They kind of, they're flattered and honored when you pay homage in a way that's live and you do it well.
Interesting.
Most artists.
I'm curious about that.
Some artists don't.
Some artists take it personally, but I mean, nobody's ever taken anything I've done personally.
Wait, some artists will be like, hey, don't play my songs during that time.
Well, I mean, I think LMA got mad at Jack Wees about that.
Yeah.
When like Jack Keys put out the remix for Trippin', which was really dope, honestly.
It was actually a really dope remix.
It was a great remix to LMA.
She didn't really appreciate it.
Why do you think?
I mean, for a while, it kind of did better than her version for a long time.
I mean, it brought more attention to her version.
Exactly.
Exactly.
But she might have been a one-hit wonder if it wasn't for that, though.
She wasn't thrilled by it.
Yeah.
Really?
But that's honestly, that's the first time I've ever seen an artist respond or react like that.
Usually it's like, okay, well, screw it.
We're all here.
Let's make a remix out of it so we can get to the bag.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
But that ended up not being the case.
What happens with remix is like if you remix a song and you put it out, but you're not the official remix, like, was there revenue there?
Or I think that they could be, but that's why they, but if it's not an official, that was part of the argument too with Elma.
Was kind of she was annoyed because he was promoting the song.
He was promoting his version of the song.
And obviously, he didn't, you know, he didn't pay the producer for the track.
The production budget came out of her budget.
So it was kind of like she had done her work, done the groundwork to secure her record.
And then somebody kind of came along and piggybacked on a song that already existed.
How do you get like tour on the records like that?
You don't even need to make the music, technically streaming it, but you can still hit clubs and hit right because those are records that play in the club.
So it's kind of, you know, he was able to go, he could go anywhere in the club and sing his version of her song and make money.
And that's like, that's, yeah, that's a little controversial.
I mean, for comedians, it's almost kind of like...
You could never do that.
Rappers Need Thick Skin00:07:26
That's probably why I asked, but you could never.
Like, you'd be out the business.
Yeah.
And then they'll take somebody else to talk to him.
He's like, hey, let's go on tour together.
I mean, that's it.
It's what happened to Mancia.
Yeah.
That's what happened to Mancia.
And then Joe Rogan approached him on stage because comics are the biggest gangsters in entertainment.
Do you know we're the biggest gangsters in entertainment?
I did not.
Now I know.
We are.
Okay.
We're the biggest gangsters in all of entertainment.
It used to be rappers, but they're all soft now.
They get offended by jokes.
Most people get offended by jokes.
Everybody's too sexy.
You know who does it?
Everybody's too sexy.
You know who does it?
Comics.
Because we're the biggest gangsters in entertainment.
We're so gangster, though, when you think about it.
God damn it.
It's true because you can really like, yeah, you got to have thick skin to be able to make jokes about other people that probably don't have thick skin.
Facts.
You'll be have thick skin to even just do this show.
Yeah.
This is a show that you got to be, that you got to have thick skin.
Yeah.
He was reading death threats today before he got here.
You get death threats all the time.
Part of the game.
All the time.
Who makes death threats?
Who makes death threats to you?
You're Birkenstocks.
I'm so confused.
Yeah, they only name it.
You guys perform in the Burks.
That's what I'm saying.
What is this?
No, this is such a vibe.
One of these days, I'm definitely going to do it.
No, I'm getting ready for Japan, yo.
Oh, hence, is this a silk shirt that we got going on?
I'm not sure what this is, but it's I feel like it's Japanese vibes.
It is.
With the Burks, it's Japanese vibes.
Nice.
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
What?
No, I had to clear something out my throat.
Call it come.
Yikes.
Oh, my God.
You're trying to read some ads.
I wasn't.
No, we will.
I wasn't going to tell this story.
Okay.
But I will tell it in defense of, you know, we were talking about how people are so offended by jokes.
And so it's very easy.
And I was not going to share it, but I will say, recently I did a joke about Drake.
Okay.
Right.
And I was saying that the reason why Kawhi Leonard went to play for the Clippers in LA is because Drake was the one telling him to stay.
And it's like, Drake can't convince Drake to stay.
And I said, like, Drake doesn't care about Toronto.
I said, the only six he's holding down is his baby mama.
That was the joke.
Right.
Good joke.
Great fucking joke.
You go yikes.
But I mean, it's funny.
It's not like.
It's funny, right?
It's not.
Absolutely.
It's a funny joke.
It's whatever.
Last night, Drake DMs me with a laughing face, with tear face, and then goes, well played.
And from immediately, I always thought that Drake had a good sense of humor.
He was willing to laugh at himself.
And like you were even saying with the Chris Brown video and everything like that.
But in that moment, I was like, oh, that's why you are 10 steps ahead of everybody here.
Yeah.
Always.
You're 10 steps ahead.
Always.
How many rappers, if I made that joke about them, would be like, yo, when you come to my city, you've already had that.
I can't go to Somalia.
If I go to Somalia, but it's like, how many?
And he understood that it was a joke.
Yeah.
And now, as like a comic, I'm like, oh, he's a good guy.
He's a good sport.
He's a good sport.
I got to like him now.
I hated Drake until 12 hours ago.
Now I can't.
I want to.
That's a comic.
I want to.
When you were talking about the video, I was so ready to hate.
Why do you hate Drake?
Why did you hate Drake until 12 hours ago?
I actually had a bit that I used to do where I was like, I like living vicariously through rappers.
I can live vicariously through DMX.
He's robbing motherfuckers.
You know what I mean?
Fucking everybody, smoking crack.
These are all things I wish I could do, but don't.
You know what I mean?
And I said, Drake.
You could still smoke crack.
I could, but it ain't worth it.
Dee did that for me.
D did that.
So hopefully.
I don't got to go through that.
But Drake is just like this light-skinned dude who's heartbroken all the time.
I can't live vicariously through him.
I am him.
He's too relatable.
This is man relationship.
He mirrors here me.
He mirrors all your shit.
I can't watch this.
That's, yeah, no, I completely understand.
But it was interesting to see.
I think, I think a lot of rappers are trying to, at least the new age rappers are trying to not take things so personally.
I think the baby is a good example of a new rapper that doesn't take personality.
But he's still going to knock you out.
He'll still knock you out, but he's down to laugh at really funny shit.
He doesn't take himself that seriously.
I mean.
But he set that bar already by knocking people out.
Right.
Right.
So it's like, you go to the other side.
So it's like we can laugh, but if you...
I mean, but, yeah, but that was like somebody that was really antagonizing him.
Like, people really.
And the guy attacked him wasn't doing his jokes.
He was actually.
It's a weird thing now that rappers kind of have to have a sense of humor or like they have to.
Yo, Tyler, there's a couple, right?
So like you look at Lil Uzi Vert, right?
He's someone I've always looked at.
Like this guy has a great sense of humor.
He knows exactly what he's playing into.
He knows exactly the sensibilities he's tickling.
You got what's it called?
Tyler as well.
Oh, the flex freestyle.
Can we talk about that?
We haven't spoken about that?
We haven't spoken about that.
Oh, my God.
Did you see this?
No.
You didn't see this.
You haven't seen this.
Oh, yes, no, I did.
Oh, he's on Flex.
Yes, yes, yes, I did.
And he's just saying a bunch of gay shit.
He was saying a lot of fun.
He's been gay the whole time.
We call that white boy fun.
This is something that we've been doing for about 20 years.
Yeah.
Like white.
Maybe a little bit longer than 20 years.
He loves it.
He loves it.
It's some good gay jokes.
But we love it.
But, you know, Tyler, he has appropriated this from us, which we're okay with.
But he has done it in such a brilliant way.
And he's playing off of the severe homophobia that a guy like Funk Flex has.
Right.
So, like, Funk Flex was so homophobic that he couldn't even entertain a hypothetical situation in a rap.
Tyler.
In a freestyle, he goes, me and Flex looking for some buff big neck.
Looking through the index of some hot butt sex.
Something like that.
Some buff dudes.
He's buff dudes for some hot butt sex.
And then Flex goes, whoa, whoa.
Rather than laugh, rather than laugh, like, he could have just the genius of Drake.
And Drake would have laughed at it.
Drake would, you know what I mean?
Like, Drake would be.
You got an index of those dudes?
Or whoever else understands that.
They would have leaned into it.
And I love that Tyler's exposing it.
And I love that Tyler's like making that humor cool for a bunch of younger kids who probably don't harbor the same homophobic sentiment that like maybe their parents are like the rappers they might have looked up to.
Because Tyler had the number one album.
And his album is actually pretty fantastic.
So he has the youth.
Maybe you don't hear it on airways, but he got the youth.
Oh, 100%.
I mean, that's why he did Hot 97.
Like for years.
He was so against doing anything with Flex, doing anything with Hot 97.
He didn't want to do anything with any of the OGs at all.
All of that shit.
Really?
Yeah.
Because they didn't get his gay jokes, son.
I mean, like, I don't know the exact reason, but like, he kind of seems like a DIY type of dude.
So, like, he was much more like reaching to youth, like, kind of doing a freaking thing.
Yeah, he wanted to do the grassroots shit himself.
I mean, he really, the mind-blowing, the mind-blowing factor for me was festivals.
Seeing him at festivals and watching how crazy kids go whenever he comes on stage, it was like, okay, this kid's a star.
Even if we don't know any, I don't, I couldn't, before this album, I could not name one Title of the Creator song.
I still totally know that one.
I'm a fan.
I love Igor.
I love Igor.
Tyler The Creator Vibes00:07:28
I'm here for, I'm here for all of it.
I'm a fan for all Nigerians.
The video where he like ate the fucking bugs or whatever.
I remember that when he ate the cockroach and then throw it up.
That was nuts.
I was like, nope, I'm cool.
I'll pass.
And now it just wasn't my style back then.
But I like the shit he's doing now.
It's musical.
It's cool.
It's creative.
I think confidence is the new confidence is the new gimmick.
Yeah.
Whatever you do, just do it.
Whatever you do, just be right.
Whatever you do, just own your shit.
Like, who's going to tell you anything?
Like, the baby could probably make the same fucking jokes, and there's not one person in the room that's going to square up with him and be like, nah, so that was gay.
That was like a young thug.
Right.
Young thug came out in a dress.
I love it.
He was wearing dresses around because he had a fucking drink.
His entire album cover, his album cover was like him in like a southern bell gown.
Like that was the right thing.
Nobody's going to make fun of a dude wearing a dress because underneath the dress, he would always keep like a fucking guns of size a little bow wow.
Like that's what he would keep underneath the dress.
That's why he wore the dress.
That's why he would wear it.
Yes.
What about a trench coat?
No, that's very a trench.
A trench coat definitely says serial killer, though.
Yo, and you check a dude with a trench coat if you're a cop.
If you're a cop and you see a black dude with a fucking sundress on, no.
I'm not patting you down.
You might enjoy that a little too much.
Have a lovely day.
Wow.
Right ahead, Miss.
Right.
Hey, let's pay.
We got to pay some bills for a second.
Will you hang out with us for a minute?
No, let's pay bills.
I like bills.
Are we paying my bills too or just yours, of course?
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Now we are back to paying bills.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Yo, so how long you in the city for?
How long we got you?
I am here for two and a half more weeks.
My EP drops on the 16th.
My single drops on Friday.
So I'm really excited about that.
It's called Lucky You.
It's kind of cool.
Can you sing some of it for us?
No, I can play it.
Yeah.
I feel like we had it.
I feel like we sent it to you.
I feel like we sent it to Catalog.
We might get flagged if we play.
We might get flagged.
Will you get flagged?
Yeah, you know how YouTube does.
Like, if you put some sharing it and all that type of stuff.
That's actually a conflict of interest because you want people to.
Right.
That's silly.
It's a weird, I guess, glitch in the algorithm like that.
Okay, can I ask you what is music for activity-wise?
I was with a guy named Paul Wall, the rapper.
Yeah.
He said he makes music for driving.
He's in these driving clubs and he, that's what he tries to create.
Me too.
So you make me for driving.
Yeah.
Interesting.
That's how I test all my records.
I play them in the car.
So you put the album on, you take a drive, and if you're vibe into it, it's the right thing.
So you're not making a club banger, so to say?
I don't make anything with the intention of being the club banger.
I can see that.
That's never the goal.
That's never the goal.
I mean, for me, each project has been different, right?
So I released a full-length album last year, and that was like me just like word vomit, therapy, emotional shit, closure, moving on to the next chapters of life.
And that was great, but that wasn't like, that wasn't like a very purpose-driven project.
This project for me, it's called The Great Escape because it's literally every single song I'm driving somewhere with each song.
When I was like making the records, I was like, okay, first song, I can imagine I'm on the West Side Highway.
Second song, okay, I'm on the PCH.
Okay, third song, I'm on a rooftop.
And then we get in an Uber and we're all drunk hanging out the Uber.
There's always something that would bring it back to a ride in a car.
Always.
Driving music.
I make music for the car.
Because, and I think that's a smart thing because most people are going to be listening to your music in the car.
I mean, if they have to listen, maybe at the gym as well, but that's a different vibe.
And obviously the club, but how often are you going to the club?
Once a week?
Tops?
Right.
You driving every day.
Yeah.
Plain and simple.
Or you're on the train or you're in transit.
Maybe that's a good thing.
You make music for me.
I make music for people that are in transit, that are always moving.
Now, there are some people that make music for lovemaking.
Okay.
And I will compliment them in this way.
What they make sure is that each song transitioning to the next isn't that stark a difference.
Yeah.
If you've noticed that too.
I don't want to hit skip.
Doing love making.
It's got a flow.
It's got a beginning to end.
I don't want to skip anything.
Because I can only imagine what it's like to last two songs, right?
But those are the people that do.
That would suck if it was like R and B, then like metal or whatever.
But it's a five-song EP.
They'll make it through the five songs.
No, with this project, all five songs are upbeat.
They just, they all have a different vibe, but every single one of them, it makes you want to move.
So whether you're walking around, you could be one of the songs you can be cleaning the house to, one of the songs you can, it's just about, it's about movement.
The whole, this project, every song is about movement.
I want to listen to your music.
Well, I sent it to Edin.
Do you have a page?
Yeah.
What's your YouTube page or Vivo page or whatever that is?
It's Bridgie Kelly Music.
Bridget Kelly Music.
Oh, there's the thing.
There it is.
I think if we talk over it, we'll be fine.
No, We can't risk it.
Sorry.
But what we could do is play it off of, because it's a direct feed.
That's a direct feed.
Gosh.
I'm only playing it from the secret.
Not like through our actual recording.
You must choose.
No, I can't risk it.
Sorry.
Don't risk it.
Don't risk it.
We have to scrap all the way to the bottom.
No, we can totally.
No, no.
We're not even going to do that because then nobody gets bills paid.
There we go.
Facts.
Can't hold up the bag.
Can we toss them deportus?
Absolutely.
Now, how long do we have you there for?
As long as you need me.
Okay.
All right.
Let's get into it.
Okay.
Can we?
I like to start with one story.
Let's go for it.
Oh, do you have to go?
Oh, where do we have to go?
Do we got time?
We got like a half album.
No, no, it's well, we're going to be here for a little bit.
So if you guys got to go, this is probably the perfect time to cut.
Okay.
And we won't feel anyway because we're very grateful for your time.
Well, see, I'll sit here and talk all day.
But I mean, but they're ready to go.
Just, you know, Warden and P.O. I want to say my album.
Warden and P.O. are like, time to wrap it up.
All right?
We just want to pick.
Eden, can you take a pick maybe while we're all sitting down?
Or are you got one right now?
And then we're going to let them get out of here.
And we're going to talk these horses high.
It's so high.
I know.
I know.
And Gia was like, maybe you should bring a slutter in case the AC is on.
I was like, AC ain't on.
Rock Bottom Expectations00:10:53
They don't pay for AC here.
It's weirdly made us our episodes the wild show.
Facts.
And we're taking a picture while recording the podcast, so I will talk because thank you so much for coming.
We appreciate you.
Tell them where they can get you.
Tell them where they can get you.
Go get it.
It's at Iam Bridget Kelly.
I'm literally on everything.
Twitter and Instagram.
The letters I am or I am.
I am.
I-I-A-M.
Got it.
Bridget Kelly.
Perfect.
Bridget1T.
No E. Yo, go support Bridget Kelly.
Throw some assholes under her pictures.
This is the asshole army.
We're the asshole armies.
We see a lot of these in your Instagram comments the next couple days.
Asshole army.
Please leave asshole army.
Be respectful in the comments.
Disrespectful in the DMs.
All right.
I love the best.
Thank you so much, bro.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Okay.
Thank you guys so much.
Thank you very much.
Appreciate you.
You guys are awesome.
We're going to keep rolling.
Guys, we need to talk about Jeremy Lynn because it really bothered me.
It really fucking bothered me.
Jeremy Lilyn, for those of you guys who don't know, had a press conference about how he can't get an offer this offseason.
His rock bottom keeps getting more rock bottom.
Okay, let me just tell you why this pisses me off for so many different fucking reasons.
Okay.
First of all, you're a devout Christian.
He's a devout Christian.
This is true.
While life is good and he's getting multi-million dollar paydays, he's getting on teams.
He's traveling the world.
He's representative for Chinese people.
Everything happens for a reason, guys.
Have faith.
Don't worry about it.
You got to do it and it's supposed to be good.
One year after you won a fucking world championship.
Three months.
After you've been literally injured every season for the last six years.
You've had to take time off minimum for the last six years.
Take some sort of time off.
You win a fucking championship and now it's my rock bottom might not be able to get more rock bottom.
I wish The Rock came out and rock bottom right on that fucking press conference.
You're Chinese.
You know you have family members shitting into the ground.
Okay?
That's rock bottom, right?
Like you've seen with your own eyes what rock bottom is.
To call your life, to describe it in any way as rock bottom, you should be slapped in your face.
You should be slapped in your fucking face.
The audacity, the arrogance to go up there and use the word rock bottom.
Heroin addicts use rock bottom for when they're sucking cocks for heroin.
That's rock bottom.
Go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
They'll talk about the selling their house so they could drink alcohol.
Was there rock bottom?
Your rock bottom is having $50 million in the bank and you can't play basketball anymore.
Oh, way more.
Guys, I couldn't believe it.
I thought he got cancer.
I swear to God.
When I just saw the video and he was crying, I was like, he must have cancer.
He must have something so, so horrifying.
You know whose fault it is?
It's our fault.
Why?
It's our fault.
It's Nick's fans' fault.
Why?
Because we gave him Lynn Sanity.
We created this monster.
He's been living.
And mind you, I get it.
If you're an athlete, when you're at the end of the road and you know it's over, you can be emotional.
I get it.
And especially as famous as he is, I can understand that being like shitty, whatever.
But.
But describe his rock.
That's my name.
He has been living an NBA lifestyle over two weeks of good basketball for the past seven years.
It was such a magical two weeks.
It was so magical.
It was great.
It was the best thing that happened to me in my adult Nick Fan life.
It was great.
Which is fucking terrible.
It was great.
Holy shit.
If he was up there crying, Kez, and he was saying, honestly, I'm just so grateful that I've had the opportunity.
And if I don't play in another NBA team, you know what?
It's been a hell of a rush.
It's been a hell of a ride.
I would look at you as the consummate professional.
I'd be like, here's a guy who seemed to be a good teammate, and he was a good sport everywhere he went.
And you know, he actually got a championship.
What an amazing career.
Let's write a 30 for 30 documentary.
I don't give a fuck what it is.
Go play in China.
You know, you're going to become the most famous basketball player in China now.
He is.
He still is.
He already is.
He's going to go.
But the fact that you said it seems like my rock bottom.
Three months after a championship.
One, really.
What?
One.
Sorry, one month after a championship.
You said that your rock bottom keeps getting more rock bottom.
I don't even know the sentence that he said.
Rock bottom keeps getting lower, I think.
Yeah.
I could not.
Someone should have pushed him off that podium.
It feels like the NBA gave up on me.
They don't believe in.
Your body gave up on you.
You can't stay healthy.
You cannot stay healthy for a season.
And even healthy Jeremy Lynn, is he one of the 430 best basketball players in the world?
Good backup point guard.
Good backup point guard.
He's probably one of the 430 best basketball players on earth right now.
Healthy Jeremy Lynn, yes.
I don't know.
Healthy.
Healthy Jeremy Lynn, yeah.
Yeah.
He is.
He is.
100%.
I can find a good 200-point guards right now, better than that.
But you can't find 200-point guards that are going to have the game IQ and the teammate ship or whatever you call that.
I give you that.
I give you that.
You're going to find more skilled guys who can get buckles.
More skills.
But you're not going to find guys who will the entire season get up every time out, high-five everybody, really be a part of the fabric of that team, be genuinely good guys.
And like we've always said on this show, culture guys are valuable.
But here's my thing.
Let me shake the table a little bit.
Okay.
Does it all come off a little phony now?
If that's, if he's thinking this is rock bottom, knowing he's one of the most famous at, despite being average at best, at his peak, being average at best.
I mean, I just, I think it's so phony, especially with the Christian stuff that he's been pushing this whole time.
It's like, you either be about it or don't, but don't the second you have a little bit of hardship.
You went to fucking Harvard.
Like, you whiny little bitch.
You achieved your parents' dream and your dream.
You know how hard that is as an Asian American to make your parents happy and you happy at the same time?
You check Harvard off so you can go to fucking Thanksgiving and then you went to play basketball.
You got everything you possibly wanted in life.
You got everything.
And you dare describe that as rock bottom.
Tens of millions of dollars.
Tens of millions.
Global fame.
If he really wants to play basketball, he could be...
You know how big Marbury is in fucking China?
He will make Marbury look like a fucking pedestrian if he goes there and goes to the Chinese basketball league and cooks.
And he'll cook over there.
He'll go over there and average like 30 and be a megastar for them.
Son, we need to sit down and talk to you.
It makes me.
I'm sorry to say it.
Kind of makes me respect Carmel Anthony that much more.
Oh boy, we always got to bring a vacation.
I guess it does.
We don't have to.
We could segue away from it.
It makes me respect them all.
I hear you.
I respect it.
Don't care.
Now.
Go, Rockas.
Go.
Yo, have you seen the video of the video of Ben Simmons?
No, no, no, no.
Your take on this whole.
It was just sad.
I want to defend the Asian guy.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
And as an Asian guy, Isn't that?
I think he says something like, guys, don't give up, whatever.
But just, what are you doing, man?
What the fuck are you doing?
Have some self-awareness.
I get everybody goes through rough patches, but like publicly.
It's a rough patch.
You're your rough patch.
Your rough patch is what you make.
Like, if you couldn't get up at clubs anymore, even if you were rich, it would bother you, but you would be a man and you would let that bother you on the inside or cry in your house.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's what a man does.
He cries in private.
Yes, 100%.
That's a real problem.
I honestly believe.
He cry in private.
That is very true.
I honestly believe, like, we're part of the problem.
Not just Knicks fans, just fans in general.
Like, he's so fucking famous that a guy that isn't really that good has to have a press conference or he's doing interviews where he's talking about potentially not being in the NBA anymore just because he's mega fucking famous and not really that good at basketball.
Like, I mean, he's good at basketball, but he's not like the fame and the skill just doesn't add, it doesn't, it doesn't even out.
No, no.
Son.
Asian privilege.
It's Asian privilege.
I mean, I just, I was fucking blown away.
It's hilarious.
Yeah, anyway.
We don't have to stay on it anymore.
Arkas, what are you thinking?
What else we got?
Ben Simmons.
You saw the video?
Ben Simmons hitting jumpers.
Everybody's moving their fucking minds.
Was anybody else really unimpressed by this?
Is there an actual NBA?
There's like a one-minute video on the Bleacher Report, I think, page, or something like that.
How's it highlight?
This is four minutes.
But it's a video of him hitting one three-pointer, one jumper from the foul line extended, and I think a couple more layups, and everybody's like, Ben's been in the gym all summer.
How low are the expectations for you when this video goes viral and you are a max contract player in the NBA?
I don't get it, bro.
You just signed the max contract.
I mean, you are a max contract player, and we are going crazy because you hit an open three-pointer with tons of time to get it off.
Yes, in the pickup game.
Yeah, I think this is the video we saw.
This is the video, yeah.
No, completely uncontested.
And it still looks awful.
His form elbow is way out.
The elbow's way out, but also the hand is like sideways.
He looks like a Q dog, bro.
That's how he shoots.
When I first saw this, I didn't know if there were other NBA players.
Devin Booker's in there.
But they ain't playing no D song.
Senator Rivers is in there.
I mean, this is a very casual game.
Yeah, it's not.
Nobody seems to be trying that hard.
Devin Booker playing defense already.
He barely tries in real games.
Yeah.
And he's 6'4.
Ben Simmons got a whole foot over him.
I mean, come on.
Oh, get crossed up.
I mean, that's his game, though.
That's his game.
He can do that all day.
Well, then he could get bounce out of the playoffs on the second round all day, too.
Because if you cannot shoot, you cannot win.
It's as simple as that.
I mean, if you're a point guard and you can't shoot, you're not going to win.
Yeah, yeah.
If he had somebody film all these, is it one game?
It's pretty sure there's multiple games.
Did he have somebody film them?
Just so he could put this clip out.
Oh, shut up.
100%.
100%.
Blake Griffin Game Analysis00:06:13
Maybe not to shut me, but.
Contabius Caldwell Pope.
That's a lot of a name, isn't it?
Yeah.
That's just a lot of a name.
I don't understand.
This looks weird.
Like, why does his arm bend like that?
I'm telling you, if you look at his palm, it's like it's not going like this.
It's like sideways.
That's an anatomy problem.
I truly think it's a physical structural issue.
And yo, when you get that big shit, it's weird.
Like, if you, it's very rare.
I saw you had Aaron Gordon on Kaz and Vic, right?
Yeah.
Now, Aaron Gordon is a physical anomaly in that he is wildly proportionate for how big he is.
Right.
If you saw him at distance, you would not think that he's 6'10.
You would think he's 6'1.
You'd see 6'1.
You'd think he's 6'1.
Blake Griffin is another one of those.
You see Blake at distance and you think he's actually a regular size guy, but he's 6'10.
And, oh, real quick, shout out to Blake.
I was up at this festival of the Montreal.
I saw that.
Yeah, yeah.
Blake was there.
Another guy with a great sense of humor.
Yo, very good sense of humor.
And He did the roast and he roasted Pete Holmes.
Oh, really?
He tied Pete Holmes, which is a massive loss for Pete Holmes because if they were playing basketball and Pete Holmes tied Blake, it's a loss for Blake.
That's a horrible loss for Blake.
The fact that they tied, now, obviously with Rose, everybody's helping out.
We had a good joke for him.
What was the joke?
It was.
You gave it to him?
I mean, like, you know, everybody's helping everybody out with the roast.
But it was, it was, it was me, Neil, and Big Jay were working on it.
And it was, you know, they say in Hollywood that Pete Holmes has what's called the it factor.
And by it, I mean he is the energy of a pedophile birthday clown that lives in the then the tag is that lives in the sewer with the ratings of his shows who had that last line, Jay, how are you?
Nice, nice.
I was talking with Van with him when I was doing the Peace Jam shit, and Griffin was there with his team, whatever.
And he was like, I legitimately, like, I've seen him do like stand-ups and shit.
Like, I legitimately think he has like, he has a career in this, like, if he doesn't want to play basketball anymore, as far as like doing movies, acting, comedy, whatever.
He has a great timing with it.
100%.
And that's why I forgot what the late show he was on.
I think that's what I'm saying.
Oh, about like how reporters ask you.
What was it again?
Was he talking about how reporters ask you dumb questions?
Yeah, it's like jocks aren't dumb.
It's just that you're asking them questions when there's not a lot of oxygen going into their brains.
So he was like, do a couple jumping jacks.
And then he asked him a question.
He's like, yeah, so what are you about to think?
And he's like, yeah, see how stupid that is or whatever.
It was good.
It was funny.
Now he's got his head on his shoulders too.
He's like, I don't, you know, I understand I'm famous, but I don't want to bump anybody.
And like, that's why I often will host shows and like have comics on the show because this way like they're getting spots that they wouldn't normally get.
And I get to go up and do it.
Do your thing.
I thanked him because when I did that film, that Winnie Cummings film, there was a line in the film which, you know, we were wrestling and I say to him, you know, the only team that wants you is your legal team.
Right.
And it wasn't a line that was very funny.
And the week before the movie came out, he got traded to the Detroit Pistons.
And so I was like, so thank you for making that line work.
Really slapped.
Yeah, that trade was good for him, I think.
It seems like it was.
I think it was.
Like his game, all of a sudden he's hitting threes.
He's a different player.
Yep.
He's a moment.
A lot of the headlines.
I think he gets a focus.
Yeah, I think that's what I mean.
I think getting out of LA is good for him.
Yes.
100%.
I wonder if that's going to have an adverse impact on some of these free agents.
I don't think it will impact LeBron or Kawhi because Kawhi's a fucking robot.
But like a lot of these guys, you're going from Paul George Paul George.
Going from Oklahoma and Indianapolis where there's not much cracking off at best to LA home.
You think it doesn't help?
Paul George like both sort of LA guys.
I think for Kawhi, he doesn't care about anything that's going on around him.
Gotcha.
But Paul is from there.
That could help.
Kawhi could watch game film and an orgy.
I'm convinced.
He would just sit in the middle and just watch a fucking iPad.
I wonder if, and Paul George, this probably won't happen because he's from LA.
He's probably used to it.
But I wonder if there's anything that happens where you're used to being the man in a whole state, right?
Yeah.
And then you go to LA where people don't really care.
There's more famous people than you.
Like if you will have a reservation at a club or some shit, and then Jack Nicholson comes, you get bumped, Paul George.
Yeah.
Right.
And I wonder if that takes any emotional toll on these guys who are like, oh, I'm not that famous here.
Yeah.
I wonder if they lose confidence.
You think it helps?
I think it helps.
Interesting.
Why?
I think it helps.
Because I think they're so used to that everywhere else that I think that's why a lot of those stars gravitate to those big markets because they could almost feel normal around a lot of unnormal shit.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, if you're a huge star in fucking Indiana, you can't go to the grocery store.
You can't do regular shit.
But, like, you know, if you're in LA, you've been to Hollywood a bunch of times.
Like, you'll see famous people all the time.
I specifically meant parties.
Like, there's so many.
Like, Blake was fucking Kendall Jenner or something, wasn't he?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now he's in Detroit, and who's he fucking there?
Nobody.
You'd rather fuck the dudes in some of those guys.
Ford Muffler or something.
Royce the 5'9.
T-Grizzly.
And now he seems like he's just focused.
I remember J.R. Smith said the same thing about getting out of New York.
It was good for him to go to Cleveland.
So I wonder if some of these guys, I don't think AD is going to have that problem because he was already in New Orleans and it's a while.
But like party-wise, I think being back home might make it like I could do anything.
Like I could go back home and do the home shit with the homies, or I can go do the LA Hollywood shit.
Like I'm it's it's all here.
And I'm not sure he will be, but it is.
It could be a thing down the road as all these guys go to New York and LA.
Yeah, I would love if they actually fucking came to New York.
No, they're going to New York, just a different borough.
Mac Weldon Underwear Promo00:03:25
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That's kind of like news.
I'm curious to know how Kyrie's going to do also because Kyrie, this is his first time getting the spotlight he always wanted.
Yeah.
Like he got the spotlight in Boston, but Boston media, Andrew, always talks about is like kind of always favoring the team.
And it's not New York meeting.
New York is the world's media capital, it seems.
So like he's here.
It's the first time he chose somewhere to go.
Yeah.
So like the pressure's all on you.
Yeah.
Being back home.
Like he's still every summer.
He still goes back to the Patrick school and goes to Jersey and does all that type of shit.
But I don't know if that's going to mount up for him now that he's there all the time.
It's possible.
It'll be interesting to see.
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Lakers Tanking Clauses00:14:40
Speaking of the Clippers, Kawhi's uncle is in a little hot water.
This happened last week, and we need to talk about it.
Yeah, what's going on there?
Stephen A. Smith said the Lakers were suspicious of activity.
I don't know if he said the Lakers were the main team snitching, basically, but like they're a little suspicious of the things Kawhi's uncle was allegedly asking for.
So specifically, I think he was mentioning a story Brian Windhorse wrote.
And Brian Windhorse is like the LeBron whisperer.
So they're all saying, like, okay, the Lakers are pretty much saying there was some shady shit that happened.
Yo, the Lakers are the biggest fucking snitches in the NBA, bro.
Real talk.
You want to talk if the story comes out?
It's the Lakers.
Of course.
They are some sore losing ass bitches.
Real talk.
That's exactly what's happened.
But what exactly were they saying?
They're just saying he was asking for things that probably weren't legal in the CBA.
So, you know what's interesting with that is that this is proof that the players are getting paid less than what they deserve.
Sorry, less than what they're worth.
Bingo.
Right?
If you had, and again, guys, we know that playing sports and making $40 million is stupid.
That being said, the market actually shows that they're worth more than that.
So what happens is when you're underpaid, there are ways that I imagine people could be paid around that.
Right.
Potentially.
That's probably what they're bitching about.
And the easy way to get rid of this is just to go no salary cap.
But then the owners stop making money.
And they don't want to stop making money.
And not only do the owners stop making money, because the owners might find a way to make money, but you will have a completely unfair league.
Oh, yeah.
There'll be no way to make it.
All the best players will be in like six teams.
That's it.
And that'll be it.
The owners that are going to be.
Well, this year is pretty wide open, but before that, wasn't that kind of the complaint?
Well, that's happening anyway.
That's the interesting thing, right?
It's like if the best players are already going to these markets, and we don't got to feel bad for billionaires, dude.
If you own a basketball team, you're a billionaire.
You have enough money to pay more.
That's not your main source of income.
This is a side channel.
I don't think I don't feel bad for the owners and say they lose money.
I'm saying the owners aren't going to allow themselves to lose money.
So salary cap.
I see.
Yes, I think there are some owners that would go, we could make more money if we just paid everybody to be on our team.
Yeah.
But I hear what you're saying.
Yeah, yeah.
So that's actually the second point I wanted to get to.
I saw an article about the Clippers building a new arena.
Yes.
And that to me confirms that Kawhi's uncle was asking for some shit, or that if he was, let's say, if he was asking for some shit, Steve Balmer paid it happily.
Because if you're building a new arena that's going to cost hundreds of millions of dollars, you don't just have money to burn, I have to sell people on the idea that we deserve not only a new arena, but a separate arena.
And it's privately funded, too.
So he's not taking money from privately funded?
Yeah, so in most cases, I would 100% agree with you.
This is a little bit unique.
It's privately funded and it's on already state-owned property.
So, in other words, they're not like taking people's houses away like Jay-Z did to all his people in Brooklyn, his lovely Brooklyn people.
Well, he didn't know.
He didn't do that.
Also, you have to keep in mind, he also drove up the property value around the arena so that everyone around it had to move out too.
Ah, yes.
You know what I mean?
He took care of New York.
He took care of Brooklyn.
Concrete jumble where you'll move out when we gentrify it.
So, is this arena supposed to be near the old Great Western Forum, right?
Near Inglewood?
Yeah.
So, owning state-owned land, so you're not moving anybody out and self-funded, so the taxpayers aren't going to be tripping up.
Now, we'll see if it happens.
But I 100% get your point, which was nobody would agree to that if they didn't have marquee players.
Yeah, but now that he has marquee players, maybe he's able to get this funding from his people.
He's trying to make a move to take the Lakers' spot.
And if you get these two, that's possible.
Bro, they're everybody's favorites.
If you want to talk about little shit that could be a little shady happening, three days after he signed, Kawhi's in a commercial for the Lion King.
True, that's Disney.
Three days after that, in a commercial.
I don't know.
Just that local.
It's not, listen, Kawhi can't act.
All right, he can't even act like a human on the basketball court.
He didn't have to.
He was just talking about, man, you know, my family.
You mean, like, reading Deontay's lines in the movie?
Goddamn.
But not, I mean, like, just the location.
If you're trying to, like, take a spot from the Lakers, like, once you fly into LAX, the first thing you see is the Great Western Forum.
And you see, like, the infrastructure of that new stadium and all that other shit.
So, if, like, as soon as you get off LAX and the first thing you see is, like, bam, the new home of the Clippers, like it's a drive to get to Staples Center.
England man convenient from the airport.
I'll tell you that.
That's a five-minute drive as soon as you get off the airport, dog.
So, but getting to the airport sucks.
It does.
It does.
But for LA, LA sucks too, don't it?
Oh, does it?
I'm pretty sure.
I mean, I never had an easy time getting there.
Probably, yeah.
Maybe it's the same amount of traffic.
Definitely.
It is interesting.
Look, it is interesting.
Yeah, I think more will end up coming out here.
Yeah, more will end up coming out here.
What else we got?
I don't know if you want to talk about Steve Kerr's comments on the AD trade being bad for the league.
Yeah, what did he say about that?
He basically, I mean, he took a stance that wasn't the hardest.
He was like, look, I am for player empowerment, which you have to say as a coach.
But then he was also like, I have no problem with a guy like LeBron playing out his contract and then leaving, or a guy like Kawhi playing out his contract and then leaving.
But I have a problem when the guys like Anthony Davis have two years left on their contract and then start demanding a trade, and then you just hold your team hostage.
Which, if it was football, all these training camp holdouts, which we could talk about later, I get it, especially like running backs.
You got to get your money.
But in basketball, the contracts are guaranteed.
So it's a little bit different in that, like, it's not about money.
It's just you don't like where you work and now you're going to make a thing about interesting.
It's kind of weird coming from him, though, because Steve Kerr always seems like the cool guy.
He's the cool guy.
So he still took the cool guy stance, which is if you're a free agent, you don't owe your team anything.
So he still played that kind of like half-nice guy thing.
But then he was like, if you're under contract, and I do see a little bit of a point, and maybe there's something huge missing.
But if the contract is guaranteed, I can see how it's like, yo, man, honor your contract.
But the part of that contract.
Part of that contract, though, is like, if I'm going to do my best to, you know, go out, go out there and play as hard, you, as a GM or the owner, you got to do your best to make sure that you're putting out a winning product or you're doing the best you get.
Well, that's not part of their contract.
That's not part of their contract?
No, all they have to do is pay you the money that you owe.
Like when you get paid by, let's say that you have a job working for WWE, right?
It's not their job to fill the stands.
Like if they want to have nobody there, nobody there.
As long as you're writing or you're doing exactly what you're doing, they've got to pay you for that.
But if I'm talent, if I'm the guy who's supposed to be the marquee there, like you better be doing your best to because it's in your best interest, yeah, of course, but it's not like the legal right.
And I guess I think what Akash was saying is I got you.
We made an agreement.
It's like, fam, like, I paid you for five years of work and I paid you an exorbitant amount of money and you're going to not do the work.
And I want to say, if we were actors, we're not going to be because we've said too much shit on this podcast.
But if we were actors in a movie and we didn't like something about the movie, they would be like, all right, well, you signed a contract or a TV show.
If you want to leave the TV show, nah, you signed a four-year contract.
You're here for four years.
100%.
If you try to leave, we'll sue you.
And theoretically, it's like if LeBron tried to leave, you could sue him in a different industry.
Dude, Tony Soprano signed a contract that said he had to maintain a certain weight to play Tony Soprano.
And then he died of a heart attack.
They want their pound of flesh, bro.
Like, if you sign on a dotted line, that is everything.
Oh, my God.
And we can say, and I know actors who are on shows and like, I hate the fucking show, but you signed a five-year contract when you got it or whatever, and they got the options.
That's what it is.
Now, if there was a winning clause in the contract where it's like, you need to surround me with X number of all-stars, all right, cool, that's in the contract.
That's interesting, too.
That's interesting about putting that in a contract, which is like now with tanking being so prevalent, I wonder if you have these big marquee players start to go start to have a no-tanking clause.
I mean, that's kind of like an unrealistic.
No trade clause, no tanking clause.
And how do you prove it?
I don't know.
How does that work?
But like, if I'm investing the next four years contractually of my life to you, I want to make sure that you're just as committed to winning as me or let me go somewhere else.
And if it's not in the contract, realistically, you should just, you're legally, you're like, you should just sit there and you sign the contract in the same way that NFL contracts should be guaranteed.
It's bullshit that an owner can be like, oh, you're not good.
So we're going to cut you.
And whatever money you got up front is yours, but that's it.
And why sign the contract?
Just because there's no competition?
Because the union sucks.
The players' union sucks.
First made up of NFL IQs.
Yeah.
That have just been CTE'd to nothing.
Yep.
You have guys that get concussions for a living.
Yeah, sure.
Sign for A-Ron or whatever the fucking game is.
God damn.
Signs a different name.
Seven working brothers.
We have seven Barry Bonds here.
It's not even the right sport.
I don't know what you're saying.
Signing players from other sports.
Yeah, baseball got the strongest union, then basketball, then football is the weakest.
I mean, I mean, in the last almost holdout that they had or lockout or whatever, they basically were like, okay, well, you can keep all the money, but just shorten our practice times and stuff like that.
No, like, no.
And the owners are no.
The owners are like, yeah, sure.
We keep all the money.
You practice it.
I don't give a fuck.
And now there's a theory that players are getting injured more because there's less practice.
Practicing enough.
So, like, I don't know if that's been scientifically proven.
That's what one study thinks.
But, like, you fucked yourselves harder.
Like, how did you lose getting less work?
You still lost.
I watched them shit.
I know they watched probably all this entire NBA offseason and be like, yo, how the fuck?
How the fuck?
Like, I think Russell Wilson's, what, the highest paid quarterback in the NFL?
35 million.
35 million.
That's Aaron Gordon money, bro.
Like, that's like that's like Chris Paul.
Like, if somebody gives that to Chris Paul tomorrow, like, he's going to tell you, go fuck yourself.
Like, that's insane to me that you could be the top of the most violent sport in the middle.
And I want to say it's just economics because there's 12 players on a basketball team and 50 on a football team, but also football makes way more money.
Way more.
So I can't even say that.
Every NFL team is worth at least a billion dollars.
At least.
As much as it would suck as a fan of a team if the contracts are guaranteed because there's so many seasoned career-ending injuries, it's like, bro, that's the least they could get.
Now, Is there some conventional wisdom that says you get paid what you're worth and NFL players unfortunately are worth less to a team than an NBA player?
In the sense that one player can't affect a team outside of quarterback, no one player can impact as much as LeBron or whoever.
Yeah, that's potentially valid.
I also just think guaranteeing the contract is like they have to in 2020 when the contract is up.
I think they have to hold out, but they're not going to.
They've been telling the players, stack your checks, get ready for a holdout.
Players aren't going to stack their checks.
They're going to try to hold out.
Players are going to be like, yo, I need to eat.
I'm broke.
So what do you think about the whole Zeke shit since he's kind of?
I don't think Zeke is worth the trouble.
As I think he's just always a distraction.
So as a fan of the Cowboys, I'm like, there's always some shit going on with him.
It's always something.
I don't want to pay him.
Also, kind of if you're running a team, running backs are pretty easily replaceable.
Yeah.
So I think I'm inclined to let Zeke go, but mainly it's a distraction thing.
But I don't fault Zeke at all for holding out.
100% you should hold out.
I just wouldn't pay it if I was the Cowboys, if that makes sense.
Yeah, I mean, like, the one thing about like Jim's being able to cut your pay is that if you outperform your contract two, you want to be like, hey, I want more money.
That's what you should be.
If you're going to make this a non-guaranteed contract, I'm not guaranteeing I'm coming.
Fuck you.
I like that.
And yeah, that's got to be the cost on their end.
And now what they also gave up in the labor agreement is every day of training camp you miss is a $40,000 fine.
And I think training camp is like three weeks.
I think they gave that up.
Gave that up.
God damn.
Wow.
Do you think NFL players are the stupidest athletes?
Man.
They've got to be the stupidest, right?
Probably.
Because they're also, if you watch the broke documentary on the 30 for 30, two-thirds of NFL players, I think, are broke after five years.
And it's like half of, or like one-third of NBA players.
Whatever, it's the biggest percentage of NFL.
I know that.
NFL is not for long, man.
And a lot of motherfuckers do not save their money.
And that's what happens.
That's what happens.
Career not for long.
Money not for long.
Contracts not for long.
It's sad, bro.
Like, fucking, one of my good.
You know, Karen Sybil.
One of my good friends, she fucking, she bought, she bought a Washington Redskin Super Bowl ring off an auction for like $800, like something like not even that crazy.
And I'm just like, God damn, somebody's Super Bowl rate, they needed $800 that bad to be like, yo.
Dog, old players got paid nothing and went through hell.
Like there was no trying to protect them.
And they got paid jack shit.
They're all burnt.
Every one of them would sell their Super Bowl ring for a fuck couple of campaigners.
That's always so motherfuckers, man.
People always think like rings mean everything.
I'm like, bro, like rings ain't going to keep your house lights on like 10, 20 years down the road.
Like, yeah, I feel bad for Mello, but I think he'll sleep well at night.
Like, knowing that he got like well over $300 million.
Oh, he'll be fine.
He'll be fine.
But a lot of motherfuckers in the NFL are not.
Right.
What we're talking about, broke Adrian Peterson broke.
Y'all read this.
This is crazy.
You sent me this.
Wait, did you send me a seat?
Yeah, I sent the seat.
This is cool.
Made $100 million in his career.
So just so everybody doesn't know, Adrian Peterson is arguably the best running back of our generation.
Yeah, I think our generation, yes.
I don't think it's disputable.
He played for many years on the Minnesota Vikings, and now he's kind of bounced around the league.
He was with the Speaker.
He had a good season with the Skins right now.
He was on the Skins.
Yeah, good season with the Saints or the Skins last year.
In his career, he's made how much?
Over $100 million.
In just contracts.
We're not even talking about other shit.
Yeah.
What happened?
Broke.
Adrian Peterson Investment Talk00:05:07
Cannot pay back a $5 million loan.
In debt.
Index.
Negative.
Cannot pay back his loans.
$5 million.
I forget from whom he got the loan.
He said, I trusted the wrong people.
And again, I talk about it on this podcast.
None of us are above it.
We're not immune.
It could happen to any of us.
We get taken.
Get a Jew.
A good Jew.
Doug, if you are Adrian Peterson, go to Goldman Sachs.
Don't try to save money.
Go to the fucking, and they could fall too.
But it's in much safer hands than some motherfucker you know.
Yeah.
Go to the Jews, Goldman, and whatever Sachs is.
It's just so if you have millions of dollars, that's who you go to.
And if you don't have millions of dollars, learn money because everybody will try to take that shit from you.
It's fucked up because I think like right after that news broke, they showed like footage of his birthday party and he had like camels like coming on on a camel, all this super extravagant shit.
I'm just like, oh my God, that's you need a Goldman Sachs.
You need a motherfucker at Goldman Sachs, and they'll do it for you to say, hey, here's your allowance.
This is what you're allowed to spend at your birthday party.
I have access to this.
You don't.
And not me specifically, Goldman.
That's it.
You trust us.
Go to a name-brand motherfucker.
Michael Vick did that.
Michael Vick and Michael Vick.
So a lot of these guys will file for bankruptcy just so they don't have to pay back the loans.
Michael Vick, after everything happened, said, I'm not going to file for bankruptcy.
I'm going to pay back everybody I owe.
And he's paid back everybody.
Isn't that crazy?
And now he's made more since then, right?
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, he got a big contract with the Spanish.
With the Eagles, big contracts.
And now he's on Fox doing NFL Fox every weekend.
Dude, for some reason, I root so hard.
Same.
Love money.
No, no, no, not Michael Vick, for athletes who have lost their money to come back and make it again.
Oh, of course.
And he is, and I shouldn't, because what fucking idiots who lose millions of dollars, and then I want you to make millions again to do it.
But the fact that he was on an allowance, I think it was like a $6,000 a month or some shit like that.
I forget.
I mean, all his teammates are multi-millionaires.
That means he's going out to dinner with them and not.
Yeah.
Or even not going out to dinner.
Like he just couldn't afford it.
He fucking slowly crawled his way back in and now he's probably a millionaire again.
But when we say that, when we say like, find a Jew, what we're really saying is there is this thing called business managers.
And if any of you guys don't have money, you don't know what that is.
And those of you who do, you do.
But if you get money, you could just hire a business manager.
I have a business manager.
They pay my bills.
Right?
And don't go to some shady ass save you percentages.
Oh, they take 5%.
I'll take three.
Don't, if you're super rich, fuck the 2%.
Go to the most trustworthy name brand people.
And shit could still go wrong, but the chances are much lower.
Because their whole business is on the line.
You need somebody losing something to be able to hurt them as well.
Like, if you fuck me over, Eddie Murphy's leaving you.
Right?
Like, you got to look at their clientele list.
Like, oh, these people are with, okay.
Because I'll say if you fuck me over, they're gone.
And you could get made off.
That's possible.
But like, go to the name.
Just go to the bank.
You're not going to get made off from your business manager.
You're going to get made off as an investment.
Right.
Like, okay.
Business manager is just, hey, I make money when you make money.
Okay.
Got you.
Right?
You still got all your money.
I'm just going to be the one that's paying your bills and letting you know, yo, you spending a lot.
Yeah.
I was talking to Josh from the Middle The Minimalists, the Middle East podcast.
It's a great podcast you guys should check out.
And he was saying that he knows a bunch of like cool money-saving techniques and lifestyle techniques because I'm serious about this 10% shit.
So maybe we'll have him or maybe we'll have some other like economists on that we can figure out little ways in our life we could cut shit off and make a little money.
Make a little money for everybody on the pod.
It would be beautiful.
Do it.
We'll get it organized, but I promise you, it is going to happen real quick.
I got a way where you can save some money.
Don't spend that exorbitant amount of money on these fucking headphones when you get some Raycons.
Okay.
Lord.
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If you ask me, you can actually work out with them without them falling out of your fucking head.
You go to Raycon, okay?
Raycon earbuds, they start at half the price of any other premium wireless earbuds on the market, and they sound just as amazing.
Obviously, the company is co-founded by Ray J.
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The Raycon E50.
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Raycon Earbuds and Celebs00:07:30
You go to buyraycon.com slash flagrant2.
You get 20% off your order when you just go to that.
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You go to buyraycon.com slash flagrant2.
That 20% is already baked into the site by raycon.com slash flagrant two.
And we're back to the show.
Bronny's kids.
Yo, we should definitely talk.
We should talk about that.
You said LeBron's kids?
LeBron's kids.
Okay.
Well, kid.
We're talking about Bronny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What are you saying?
What are you saying, okay?
I mean, you know what I'm going to say.
You are a resident high school basketball expert.
Yes.
So they had a tournament this past weekend in Las Vegas.
I forgot the actual name of the tournament, but Braun Strawford Greatness team was there.
And it wasn't a live period, so there wasn't no actual recruiting going on, but it was just tournament with where the top almost high school players go to.
And they won the tournament.
And LeBron's getting a lot of flack for doing what he usually does when he goes to LeBron's games and being in the layup line, doing dunks with the kids, getting too excited, like all this other shit.
And people are thinking he's taking the attention away from the kids and like all this other bullshit.
It's so absurd.
It's so fucking absurd.
Are you fucking kidding me, dog?
Are you kidding me?
Like, you don't think these kids aren't fucking ecstatic that the best player on planet Earth is on the sidelines rooting for these motherfuckers?
Like, come on.
What was that defense?
I think that was the end of the game.
I think they were like running the clock out and he just said, fuck it.
That was terrible defense, though.
But yeah, like, they said he was, you know, he's showing up his kid and doing too much.
And I can't, obviously, can't agree because it's like, he's, they're dead.
Like, he's dad of the year.
Like, I would kill if my dad was there rooting for me.
Skip Bayless, your dad didn't show up to your basketball games.
That's why you're.
Stop being a little bitch about it, right?
Like, you're crying because your dad wasn't there for you, Skip.
Okay?
We understand what this is happening.
Why would he?
Why would he watch you score one point a game?
You guys could both sit at home on a couch, right?
That's going to be the same activity.
That's what you're upset about.
Bam, exactly.
What?
Did you score nothing again?
I'm glad I saved some time.
Stayed home, watched Roseanne so I didn't have to waste my fucking time.
You can't have both of us sitting on a bench watching the game.
Yeah, exactly.
Get out of here.
Oh, that's why I like, that's why I go so hard for LeVar Ball.
I go hard for LeBron, especially like Dad Braun.
Like, I'm never ever going to fucking fault somebody for being too involved in their kid's life.
Like, are you kidding me?
Who does his son?
Can we watch a video again?
Who does his son look at as soon as he dunks?
His dad.
Isn't that the first person?
And don't they just flex together?
Like, it's a thing they got?
Come on, bro.
Dude, it's great.
I love it.
There's people that hate on this.
I mean, it's a different type of.
I am usually entertained by Skip.
I do not understand this from the dotted, too.
I do not understand this hate.
He starts high school this fall.
So he's a middle school.
He's a rising high school.
He'll be a freshman this year.
Oh, yo, yo.
I mean, that's absurd.
But yeah, I mean, it's just, yeah, I mean, like, Skip, come on.
There's way better takes that you could have.
This is just.
I kind of applaud Skip at this point because he's been committed to trolling LeBron since his rookie.
It still works.
Because it still works.
He's made a career.
He's made a career out of it.
It's like, fuck.
100%.
He's still doing this shit.
He had two hit talk shows where the basis is just him talking to LeBron J, talking about LeBron James.
100%.
I think LeBron should do a show one day.
I think after he retires, he should do a co-sell, Muhammad Ali type thing where they finally just sit down and just talk.
Nah, LeBron is too smart for that.
He would never impact.
It would have to be on one of LeBron's platform.
Oh, it could be on LeBron.
Yeah, you come on my shit, but he can't go on his shit.
Of course.
But I mean, look, we would all love it.
Skip would do it all.
Skip would do a heartbeat.
It would be a win for Skip, too.
Hold on, guys, he's the bathroom real quick.
Yeah.
We'll be right back.
Keep going.
Keep going.
Go ahead.
Nah, it would be a super win for Skip.
But I just think at this point, like, that's the only kind of comparison I could give it to.
Like, Muhammad Ali, Howard Cosell, how they're just so tied to each other through good times and bad times.
I don't know.
I'm a Skip hater.
You've given Skip a lot of credit.
To call him Howard Cassell and to say they're tied together.
I have never once thought about LeBron and then Skip.
I thought about Skip and then LeBron.
I never once thought about Kyle.
Remember LeBron on the heat and what Skip was saying about him?
Wasn't that crazy that Skip still give him credit?
You got to give it to Skip, though, because it's like for what he does, there's only a handful of people that have been more successful than him.
You know, Skip, decades ago on the ticket that Station I was listening to when it started, he was the first guy.
He was like a host on the ticket.
Really?
Yeah, none of the guys, he had a horrible relationship with all of them.
He was humorless, whatever.
And then he obviously went on and now he's this troll that's like made million dollars what they like.
I remember him because he used to write like all the Big Jordan articles.
Well, here's what's funny is, I mean, there's who these guys are to a large degree.
Stephen A. Smith does it hating the Cowboys.
Skip loves the Cowboys now.
When he worked in Dallas, he hated the Cowboys.
Never had a good thing to say, always trashing them.
So I look at these guys like, you're not a human being.
You're just a robot that's trying to upset me.
And I'm not going to give you the attention to let you do that.
Yeah, no, I remember reading something.
I forgot where I read it, so forgive me for that.
But I remember him reading, like, he doesn't even check his mentions on Twitter.
He just checks the analytics.
So if something spikes, that's the way he's going to go.
He's a robot.
I don't even know if he likes sports.
I really don't.
I think he's just like, what can I say that will upset sports fans?
These are people I can upset without worrying they're going to kill me.
It's not like XXX.
You know what I mean?
I can make jokes about LeBron and LeBron fans aren't going to come try to murder me.
I'm not talking about X, I'm talking about his fans.
It's like rap fans are going to try to get me.
You ain't going to run up on Skip.
Skip got brawling.
I don't think he was always this brawling.
I don't think so.
I've seen him recently.
I'm like, yo, Skip Browser.
He's trying to let motherfuckers know he's brawling.
Have you seen that commercial with him and Shannon?
Yes.
Like who gets their day done first?
Doing the same thing.
Make sure you see him lifting weights.
But yeah, he's a weird dude who I don't honestly even know if he likes sports.
I just think he knows this is a good way, easy way to make money.
You know, it's also crazy.
His brother is like a world-class chef in Chicago.
Oh, yeah.
He has a restaurant.
I forget what it's called.
My homie Brian, we met Brian.
He went there.
He said it was fantastic.
And Brian's a professional chef.
And he was like, Skip Bellis' brother, great food.
I kind of want to go.
It's weird because food is like this passionate thing that you got to love for.
And Skip is a fucking mutant of a human being who doesn't think anything except let me look my analytics on Twitter.
He's made millions of dollars.
He's made a career out of antagonizing.
That's why I don't want to give it the credit of like, fuck Skip.
I'm like, I see what he's doing.
Yeah, I mean, I get the game.
I know what he's doing.
Like, I ain't gonna be pissed at that, but just like, at this point, I more commend the commitment that he has to that.
Oh, he's a disciplined motherfucker.
It's insane to me.
Insane to me.
Skip's Antagonizing Career00:13:56
Well, guys, this has been going pretty long.
This has been a long-ass episode, sure.
What's it called?
I want to close.
First of all, I know that we got some dates.
Akash got a tour coming up.
Kaz, I'm sure you got something.
And I can always tell you guys about some things.
Do you want me to start?
Go for it, bro.
Okay, guys, Matador tour in full effect.
Make sure you come check us out.
I'm going to Japan next week, and we're situating things for the podcast.
So don't worry.
We're going to have some good content for you.
But I'll be in Japan next week.
And then the week after that, I'm going to be in the DC at the DC Improv, the 15th through the 18th.
I'll be at DC Improv.
And then August 23rd, I'm going to be at Chicago.
And the DC shows, three of the six already sold out.
So go get those tickets immediately before you miss out.
And then the Chicago show, first show sold out, second show we added.
So those are going to be going quick too.
So I will get on that immediately.
Akash?
The Big Disse Energy Tour, the BDE tour is starting.
September 6th, we're at the Secret Group at 8 p.m.
September 7th, we're at the Fallout Theater at 7 p.m.
We're back there at 8.30 p.m. on September 8th.
September 13th, we got two shows in San Francisco at Piano Fight, 8 and 10.30.
September 19th, we're at the comedy store in the belly room, 8 p.m.
I know 40 people already bought tickets of that, so that's dope.
Yes, sir.
September 20th, Portland Curious Comedy, 7.30 p.m.
And then October 11th, Sisyphus Brewing two shows, 8 and 10.30.
October 11th.
Nice.
August 18th, we're back in Brooklyn for one day only, combining with the good folks at Brunch Bounce, doing one last party to end off the summer.
You can get ticks on DucePooza.com.
That's August 18th at the Brooklyn Mirage.
This week, you can go check out my interview with Aaron Gordon of the Atlanta Magic on slam.com.
We also have another interview coming up with Ronnie 2K from 2K Sports, if you guys are into that.
And this weekend, I want to say the second season of Cast and Effect kicks off on Revolt TV.
Shout out to the boy Eden.
We got that going.
So shout out to the boy Eden for, you know, producing, directing, all that type of stuff.
And yeah, so keep supporting all the platforms and all that good shit.
So before we end, I want to do a I want to tell you guys a cool story that some of you probably know quite well, but it has hit a new plateau of sorts recently, and I want to keep you filled in.
But about three, I think it's probably three years ago now, or maybe a little bit more, I decided to film my own special, right?
And that was a special a lot of you guys saw as 441.
And the reason I did it, obviously, I wasn't getting any opportunities in the business.
I feel like the business kind of blocked me out.
So I was like, I'm going to at least do everything in my power to get myself out there.
And obviously they said no.
And I found this new way to kind of deliver content.
And I started putting up these clips and all that kind of transitioned into some buzz.
Not just some buzz.
Well, yeah, we definitely transitioned the business and we transitioned how you put out content in the business.
I'm doing it now.
We've never done it if it wasn't.
Amazing job.
And I think that you'll continue.
I hope to continue.
We have to.
You changed.
There's a paradigm.
I remember the term paradigm shift I learned in college and it's like changing the way people think of something.
Right, right.
For some reason, it's just term I always remember, but that's actually what you've done.
It's fucking crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
White Kanye, man.
Says he's going to change some shit, and then he does it.
My buddy said this.
He called me, he was like, it's like Steph Curry, what he did to the NBA.
I was like, what do you mean?
He goes, the game hasn't changed.
It's how the game is played has changed.
And I think that's kind of what people are doing with content now.
Now, maybe more than five years ago, seven years ago, I don't know, I went to the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal.
It's the most prestigious comedy festival in the world.
as a new face.
And even to get a new face, I already had a network deal with MTV and I had two of my own shows coming out.
So like I had had to go like above and beyond to get what many people had to get, you know, got just because of heat.
Right.
And it was, I just had that relationship with the business at the time where they weren't like, I don't think they all looked at me and saw he's going to be something.
Right.
And so I went and I, you know, had an okay festival and then I didn't get offer to come back for like five years.
And we would email them and ask them to come and we wouldn't get any response, whatever.
Last year, after you guys sharing all my clips and selling out these shows and all these cool things happening with me, you know, we got this offer to come to the festival and we said, we're not going to come unless we could do our own show, my own headline show.
And they acquiesced and we went there.
We had a cool festival.
It was fun.
My first time back.
This year, they asked if I would come back to do this show.
And I said, we'll only come back.
We get to do the Nasty Show, which is one of like the most prominent shows at the festival and a show that I used to watch Patrice O'Neal on.
And that's why I thought it was so important for me just a comic walk in his footsteps.
And I want to do inside jokes and unsafe sets there as well.
And they were down.
And I went up there and I did the nasty show.
And again, this is like the same festival that hadn't thought that I was going to be something.
They didn't think that I was going to need to, you know, they didn't think they needed to invest in me per se.
And I was up there and I had some really good shows at the Nasty Show.
And all these reviews started coming in and people are saying great things.
And they put me on the biggest thing at the Just for Laughs is a gala.
A gala is they usually have a celebrity, like a comic or a even like a just like a superstar, like famous actor will host it and they'll write jokes for them.
And then they bring up maybe eight or 10 other comics that think are going to do things.
And you perform in this venue, it's like 3,500 people.
It's like fucking Carnegie Halls.
It was unbelievable.
And they asked me while I'm up there because the reviews have been going well for these nasty shows.
And they're like, do you want to do this gala?
It's Anthony Jeselnick's gala and Anthony Famous Comic.
And I was like, yeah, sure.
I'll fucking, I'll do it.
That's, that's pretty awesome.
Thank you so much.
And so I go to this moment where I'm at the gala.
I go up second.
And here we are, you know, maybe seven years ago.
It was the first time I was able to go there.
And then like this big gap with nothing.
And then I, you know, we built this fucking machine and you guys sharing these clips and making these things go viral.
We change a business.
And I'm at this moment where I'm at like the highest stage of the most, I guess, prestigious festival.
Right.
And there's a little bit part of me that's there, like, okay, I know I have this hype, but I'm sure there's a lot of people watching.
Like, am I going to live up to the hype?
There's still a lot of people there.
They're like, you know, is he good?
I know we hear the clips and we see him on Rogan, but we don't know if he can really, you know, do it.
And I went up there and I have a seven-minute spot.
And I went up and I fucking laid in.
And what happens is you walk off the stage and they make you walk back on because it's a TV taping.
And I walked off the stage and I walked back on and fucking 3,000 people are standing up.
Wow.
And it was unreal, man.
It was like.
I got a little emotional.
And it was like, the reason I share this story is because it's like in that moment, I didn't feel validated by them.
What I felt was proud that like, one, I knew that I could do it, but two, like, we found a way to it.
Yeah.
You know, like, I'm sure there's so many people in, regardless of what your situation is, you're going to hear no and you're going to hear, or people just not believe in you, et cetera.
And it's like, we found a way around everybody that said no to the point where they all believed so much that I was given this opportunity.
And then given that opportunity was like, this is what, what are you going to do with this opportunity?
Right.
And to like deliver in that fucking moment.
Like there's rarely in life are you going to be given moments where you've got to deliver.
Yeah.
And it was just so, I was just, it was a sense of pride.
And I was very grateful, obviously, for you guys for building this and for everybody listening for spreading the word.
You know, and I want to share that story because I think we had a big win this weekend.
I get the weekend.
If you were going to say you're grateful to us, you did it.
I mean, you did it.
I'm going to talk to myself, everybody.
But like, it's just, it was a big win.
I think some cool things will happen after it because I think the difference is I went from like a guy who was on, you know, some podcasts and like talking in terms of the industry's mind to a guy who they like saw deliver in the moment.
And again, I went there with the mentality, like, I have what I want and we're building what we want outside of this.
Yeah.
If things come cool, they don't come cool.
Yeah.
But do you want their things still?
No, it's not like for me, what I wanted to come out of this story also was, and you said it so, you know, brilliantly, Kaz, when you had no issue with WWE after you got fired, you're like, yeah, there's no, it's okay.
And now you're back doing your own show on WWE.
And like, it was one of those things that I realized.
I was like, it's all good.
No, we said it.
Yeah, we did.
We did.
We did.
Yeah, yeah, we said it.
For those who don't know, but Kaz is doing the morning show on WWE.
He has his own show now.
But like, and that's what you happen when you have a disposition like Kaz, which is I'm not going to hold a grudge and be angry and say, fuck you, this, that, the other.
I'm just going to go, thanks for the opportunity.
And like, I'm sure, I'm sure so many people were maybe expecting me to talk about JFL or these types of things.
Like, how could they not?
For me, there is no, there is no grudges in business.
If it's good business, we do good business.
It's simple as that.
I'm not going to let you not believing in me stop me from doing business with you.
Let me tell you, man, anytime we're in a business, we're all in the business of we need some sort of validation as far as like, you know, getting on certain places, stages, whatever.
One, you never want to burn a bridge.
And two, you never want to be at a point where, you know, you're not grateful for that moment because this podcast, your stand-up, your tour, Palooza, everything, like all that shit could be going tomorrow.
And I'm like, yo, at least I did that shit.
Yo, gratitude, man.
And if you keep that attitude to anything you have in life, man, I guarantee you, it may not happen immediately, but eventually shit will start to pile up.
And then people will notice it, man.
People notice.
And, you know, to put a little bow on this, last year, and people will notice and people will start to change.
And you have to be ready for their change.
You know, F.A., I think it said to me once, he's like, profits let people convert.
Right.
Now, this is not me calling myself prophet.
What I'm saying is you have to let non-believers become believers.
If you resent every person that didn't believe in you, then you'll never have anybody to take.
Yeah, you'll never have anything.
And the reality is, in a weird way, I'm so grateful because they forced me to create this thing, this monster that can move the business.
Right.
So it's just like, I'm grateful for the nose because they expose me to who I am and what I can do, right?
If I just got every opportunity in my face, I wouldn't be close to as strong of a comic or close to as strong as a podcast or any of this type of shit.
So to put things in perspective, last year for the New York Comedy Festival, we were supposed to do a Flagrant 2 live show.
And the New York Comedy Festival, for whatever reason, had a beef against me.
And then I guess a couple of weeks before, they just canceled the Flagrant 2 live show from the festival.
They said you can still do it, but it can't be part of the festival, which is why we're really.
And it's just like, I have no fucking clue why.
That exact guy a few days ago, emailing my agent, how do we get Andrew Schultz at the New York Comedy Festival?
Now, it's very easy for me to tell my agent, tell him to go fuck himself.
You know, it doesn't do anything.
It gives you nothing in that situation.
You already won.
When they make that call, they know that they're swallowing their pride to make the call.
And on some level, I even respect it that you're able to have business.
There are certain networks out there that they still can't deal with the fact that they were wrong about me.
So they want to block, continue the block.
And it's purely ego.
And that's not how you make money.
That's not how you do business.
Remove the ego from business.
Now, the New York Comedy Festival this year, I already booked the show at Town Hall a week after, and that was my fuck you to them.
It's like, you're not going to keep me in your festival.
I'll do the show the week after and I'll sell that shit out just to let you motherfuckers know.
But all, I guess I'm trying to say is it was a cool moment in my career to like fully come around that blockade.
And yeah, I wouldn't be able to do it without you guys.
It would be nothing.
So I'm very grateful for everybody here.
And I hope that maybe there's something you guys took from that story.