Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh - Schulz's Butthole Surgery

May 28, 2019 - Flagrant - Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh

02:02:30

Schulz's Butthole Surgery

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Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh dissect Schulz's hemorrhoid surgery, detailing his painful struggle in Columbus using prescription suppositories under a friend's name. They debate NBA strategy, praising Kawhi Leonard as the best player while analyzing Klay Thompson's missed supermax contract and the Bucks' playoff inexperience. The hosts explore financial freedom, defining it as $3 million in passive income to reject unwanted work, and discuss parenting philosophies that reward effort over achievement. Ultimately, the episode blends personal hygiene anecdotes with deep dives into sports psychology and economic security. [Automatically generated summary]
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The Hemorrhoid Picture 00:14:41
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	If you don't need any sex twists, just go get some condoms.
	If you want to support the show, you're going to have to buy them anywhere.
	Now, let's get into it.
	Let's get into it, guys.
	What's up, everybody?
	And welcome to Flagrant 2, No Easy Buckets.
	And there it is, my assholes, water cooler commentary for your sports needs.
	We are here, and the time is 10.06.
	Here's the bill, motherfucker.
	Akash, Akash is six minutes late.
	We have a nice little soundtrack for him.
	Jojo is bumping on the cell phone.
	I think we should play it again so he can hear it come through.
	Hello, Tom.
	I heard y'all.
	I heard it.
	Akash.
	You got him in the penalty box.
	I put myself in the penalty box.
	Oh, you dropped the seat?
	Yeah, six minutes late.
	Six minutes in the box.
	Pass me on the titaniums right there.
	How did you get enjoyed so much?
	Fucking age.
	Got to accept your happiness.
	You enjoyed this video?
	Dude, too much.
	No.
	So, Akash, Akash was late.
	I just want to clarify that to everybody.
	Akash is late.
	Akash is late.
	You know what?
	Is that true?
	This is true.
	You got here before them?
	Nah, after.
	I'm talking about between you guys.
	Oh, okay.
	But I was here.
	That's fair.
	That's fair.
	Damn, Akash.
	It feels good.
	It feels good to be in this chair before you motherfuckers.
	Well, guys, we're here.
	How are you guys doing?
	I'm chilling, dog.
	Feel good.
	Feel good.
	I feel refreshed.
	You feel fresh?
	You feel fun?
	Yeah, baby.
	We don't have to harp on your lateness much more.
	I'll sit in the box.
	No, you can sit in the box.
	You're going to take your penalty.
	See how I'm not judgy?
	I'll just say, hey, man.
	You incredibly judgy.
	I'm going to be honest with you.
	You incredibly smart.
	All I'm saying is things happen, bro.
	I get it.
	Yo, sometimes, you know, especially if there's no work.
	You wouldn't be so judgy if this feeling wasn't so new for you.
	I'll be honest, I was shocked when I walked in here and you were sitting down on it.
	I feel like it's Memorial Day.
	Nobody's working downtown.
	It's clear.
	Nobody's outside.
	It's okay.
	I understand.
	That's false.
	It's a street fair.
	He did notify us to the street fair.
	Yeah, no, and I immediately said fuck.
	Because I was on my way out.
	Nah, things happen, though.
	Kaz was so excited when I walked in the room, bro.
	He looked like a puppy.
	I walked in the room.
	He's just looking at me like, say, this is the first time I'm on time and you're actually acknowledging it.
	Like, I'm before.
	Oh, shut the fuck up.
	Shut up.
	First of all, this is enough.
	Want to fucking acknowledge it for being on some boxes?
	Hold on one second.
	One second.
	We're not going to make this about your tardiness, okay, or on timeness.
	What is punctuality?
	Punctuality.
	Exactly.
	This is about Akash's lateness.
	Yeah.
	Because you're still very late as well.
	Matter of fact, I think the lesson we learned here is I'm the only one that cares.
	Oh, my God.
	I'm the only one that's on time.
	I think I'm still in the lead.
	I don't know.
	I think it's even now.
	Akash had how many?
	One or two?
	He had the one that he boycotted his way out of.
	No, Don't turn it on me now.
	Don't turn it on me now.
	Don't you remember when I gave y'all both one?
	And he was like, No.
	All right.
	So officially, Andrew's on three.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Kaz is on.
	Don't even count it.
	Go on.
	Oh, no, please let me know my number.
	But Akash, myself, and Alex are at two.
	And Kaz, you are at two, four, six, eight, nine.
	Oh, still at nine.
	You haven't been late since we shamed you.
	About double digits.
	Got him.
	It works.
	As long as I stay off the double digits, I'm good.
	Guys, so big news.
	I'm going to have to get asshole surgery.
	Oh.
	Wait, what?
	For the hemorrhoid?
	Son, I have a fucking blueberry hanging out of my asshole.
	I look like a cotton-tailed bunny rabbit walking around.
	Dude, you don't even realize how awful this weekend has been.
	We were in Columbus, Ohio.
	I almost went to the hospital.
	Oh, my God.
	You didn't even get to enjoy the chicken tenders.
	No, I didn't enjoy the fuck out of them.
	That's why I was in the hospital.
	I'm not sure why I got an asshole.
	Sean, it was.
	Enjoyed them too much.
	Dude, and it is awful.
	Even right now.
	Okay, so there's a girl I'm talking to, right?
	Her father happens to be a doctor.
	This is how awful this is.
	Buddy, welcome to the fucking lab with an Indian walk.
	You don't even need no insurance no more.
	Got him.
	That's huge.
	Oh, it's life-changing.
	Now, it is life-changing, right?
	Unless you have a hemorrhoid hanging out of your asshole.
	Well, she knows, so whatever.
	First of all, no, she doesn't.
	Okay.
	I had to break this information to her that I have a hemorrhoid, right?
	And then I've never spoken to her father at all.
	We've had zero communication whatsoever.
	None at all.
	The first that her father finds out about me is when she asks him for prescription hemorrhoid medication, right?
	No, no, no.
	Thank you so much.
	I appreciate that.
	There's no way you're sitting there.
	That's why I've been on the pillows for so.
	Okay.
	So prescription hemorrhoid medication.
	How do hemorrhoids even happen?
	Okay, we're going to get into all that because I've done a lot of research.
	I want to know.
	First of all, do you know how awful this weekend in Columbus has been?
	Every time we would go and sit at a restaurant, I would have to ask the restaurant if they had a pillow.
	You're going to ask for permission of your black friend.
	No.
	I mean, obviously.
	We did some wild shit, bro.
	We ate to this German restaurant on Saturday on Memorial Day weekend.
	There's fucking German flags flying all around.
	Like the troops want it.
	Anyway, but yeah, so I'm asking for fucking because I cannot sit on wood.
	When you sit on wood, it just separates your butt cheeks.
	And then your asshole starts to fall out of your asshole even more than it was already doing.
	This is what a hemorrhoid did.
	It's just a part of your asshole has fallen out of your asshole.
	It's like a vein.
	How did it happen?
	I think it's from like...
	There's getting too many things in there.
	No, it's the opposite.
	It's pushing too many things out.
	Yeah.
	Jamming things in is, I do that.
	This is a lot.
	Now, y'all want to know the real shit?
	This is a lot.
	There's a thing in my asshole right now.
	What do you mean, like a pen cap?
	What do you mean?
	I mean, real talk?
	It's the exact same size as a pen cap.
	It's a suppository.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	It looks like a pen cap, and I have to slowly push it up my asshole.
	And your asshole does a weird thing.
	Once you get like a certain amount in, it accepts it like an alien spaceship.
	Remember an Independence Day when like once you got into the zone, the mothership was like, okay, you may come in now, right?
	So literally, for the last few days, I've been taking the bunny tail and pushing it.
	Okay, so here's my butthole, right?
	I have a picture.
	Maybe we'll show it on the Patreon.
	I do not want to show you guys this right now.
	Wait, so you took a picture of your butthole?
	Say what?
	What?
	You took a picture of your butthole?
	Yeah, because I needed to see it.
	Because if it looks like really bad, they just got to chop it off and like, it's a whole thing, right?
	I'm just taking analysis by assholes, so it entirely commentator fans more.
	So here's your asshole, right?
	Okay.
	Here's the hemorrhoid.
	It's just sticking out of my asshole.
	Okay?
	So like when you poop, does it like split?
	Fam.
	It's like...
	Do you want to know what it really is like?
	It's like a teapot.
	No, no.
	You know what it looks like for real?
	This is what it looks like for real.
	You know, like, you know, those trains, a chugga, chucka, chugga, chugga, choo, choo.
	You know, they have that, like, that, like, chimney part, and the top just goes, choo, choo.
	Yeah, it's a teapot.
	Yeah, the teapot shit, right?
	So that's my asshole.
	You have a steam building before shit?
	No, but it like, it like bends it.
	It's like curvy.
	Like, you know, when you, like, you know, when you make like, um, you know, when like girls curl their hair?
	Yeah.
	You know, they like, like, they bend.
	Anyway, we have to get into it.
	Is it like Moses like standing in the river and just no, it's not parting it.
	It's not parting?
	No, it is not.
	It curves the poop.
	No, yeah, it's more curvy.
	It's awful.
	But that being said.
	Does it make wiping harder?
	Yeah, a little bit.
	And easier.
	Because it just doesn't go everywhere.
	It kind of just closes it off.
	I almost don't need to wipe.
	You still need to wipe.
	I do, but it's just like.
	It's like keep the hemorrhoid.
	You know what I mean?
	Maybe this is bad.
	Listen, man.
	Hemorrhoid's gotten a bad rap on my entire life.
	You got to look at the bright side of this shit.
	Sons, this was the bright side of this shit.
	That's funny.
	Awful.
	It's awful, bro.
	It's like, I couldn't do anything.
	What, Alex, say it?
	When you sat on stereophone.
	Oh, yeah.
	Containers.
	I didn't have a pillow on the picture.
	When we were at a German restaurant, he had steroid containers, like to-go containers?
	And he sat like a cookout plate, like a to-go boot.
	The noise that it made, it was just like, crunch.
	I got two, one for each cheek, and I just positioned it.
	Sorry?
	It's fine.
	No, by the end of the set, you know, like it starts to really kind of expose itself.
	So what I do is I push it back in.
	I push my asshole back up in my asshole, right?
	There's that blueberry thing.
	I push it back in.
	When it's in, it feels good.
	Put the blueberry back in the parfait.
	Oh, wow.
	Oh, God.
	Son.
	So I have to periodically put it back in.
	So what I would do is right before I would go on stage, literally minutes before I would go on stage, I push it back in.
	Now, I think I learned from having hemorrhoids, Akash, is all the different times in your life you clench your butt cheeks.
	I thought you clench your butt cheeks to take poops, to take farts.
	And to hold poops.
	Or to hold poops, hold farts, right?
	Yeah.
	Dude, bending down to pick things up.
	It all hurts.
	Laughing.
	It not even hurts.
	It's just like Alex would say a funny joke and be like, haha, and then boop.
	I just feel it pop right out my ass.
	Look back out.
	Little blueberry guy.
	A little bobbling blueberry.
	I really got a bobble booty.
	I literally just got a little bobble booty.
	So wait.
	So what's this?
	So this guy's been laughing at me.
	So he loves it.
	This is the funniest thing.
	This is the best thing I haven't seen in a long time.
	Let me tell y'all something.
	And I've been talking and I've been calling it prep, right?
	This is where it gets real dead.
	I was like, I'm on that prep, right?
	Do you know what prep is?
	It's a fucking drug for AIDS.
	It's an AIDS prevention drug.
	So I'm walking around like, yeah, I got to take that prep again.
	Bro, it has been.
	Yo, this is the most elaborate story for somebody trying to come out the closet.
	Let me tell you, that blueberry's out the closet.
	Son, if you like Ashplay, man, just let us know.
	It's fine, man.
	I get it, bro.
	Do they cut off the blueberry or do they shove it back in?
	No, they cut it off.
	They cauterize it or they rubber band it.
	So it's like really, you know, like prehistoric the way the surgery is done.
	I was like, how do you get rid of it?
	Twist it right off, dog.
	When is a surgery?
	Like a grip?
	Like a piece of hollow bread.
	He's probably Jewish, so it's going to be no problem for him.
	We're in Columbus, right?
	We're going to get some food, right?
	And there's this Uber driver.
	Oh, hell yes.
	That's their thing.
	A little bris.
	Circumcise my butthole, please.
	So we're going down, and I think I'm going to fuck.
	You know, I like fuck with Uber drivers and shit like that.
	So like, there's this African dude, right?
	And I'm fucking, I won't try and fuck with him.
	I was like, hey, man, what do you think about hemorrhoids, right?
	You know, he takes a bit.
	He goes, he's like, in my country, 50% of people have hemorrhoids.
	I'm like, what?
	Yeah, Alex.
	Alex, son, Alex, how long did he talk about hemorrhoids?
	Son.
	At least 20 minutes.
	Straight.
	Straight.
	I didn't interrupt him.
	Nothing.
	20 minutes of Uber ride is an eternity, by the way.
	Damn.
	20 minutes on hemorrhoids.
	The dude who's been there, he was talking about what you do.
	At one point, this was the illest shit.
	This was like the most third world reaction to it.
	I was like, so what do you do?
	How do you remedy?
	And he starts with like, there is a leaf, and we take the leaf and we make the drink.
	And I was like, what if that doesn't work?
	He goes, ignore.
	Oh, God.
	What did he say?
	I block it down.
	Now I'm scared.
	I'm like, am I going to get hemorrhoids today?
	Like, what?
	You know what I'm saying?
	I heard sitting on the toilet too long.
	And I'd be chilling on a fucking toilet, baby.
	I'd be chilling on the toilet, dog.
	Oh, that's my office.
	I'm scared.
	I thought they got my best thinking, though.
	So it's a sacrifice.
	I got to get a bidet, man.
	Oh, yeah, Alex got a bidet.
	He's all alive.
	You're going to sit on it too long, but a bidet, bro.
	No, I'd be like, hours.
Proctologist Visit Fails 00:05:06
	I'd be looking at like $200 joints.
	I'm telling you, heated seats.
	I look at this shit like it's a new car.
	I'm ready to get it.
	I said, it's life-changing.
	You got to get that.
	I'd be like, the speed bag?
	I for sure.
	Oh, so look, like, there's like different speeds to the booty world.
	My blueberries.
	The bidet just going to beat it like a speed bag, bro.
	I really got a clip.
	Like, I bet gay dudes would love me because now I got a real dude pussy, like an ass pussy.
	I got a real ass pussy.
	I got that Marisa.
	I really do got an ass pussy, bro.
	Y'all want to see a picture of it?
	It's wild.
	No.
	I'm like, no.
	I want to see it.
	Why everybody else is going to look at it?
	Can we put this on a Patreon?
	Maybe, all right.
	Maybe we put it.
	It's so repulsive when I show you that.
	Bro, when I look at it, I, dude, I took it because I was going to show it to my shorty, right?
	And I was like, because I was going to give it to my shorty to give her a dad to see if I got like the bad one, right?
	And I took like four pictures of it.
	Hey, real talk, man.
	This might have been.
	One, two, three, four, five.
	No, I know.
	You got insurance, too, is the thing.
	So you really just being stingy.
	Yeah, I'm lazy.
	No, it's not stingy.
	I'm lazy.
	I'll pay for it.
	But I paid $384 for the fucking, what's it called, cream?
	No, the suppositories, right?
	That he had to put under her name.
	So we went to CVS and she had to get a hemorrhoid suppository.
	He put it in her name.
	Because you can't prescribe anything to someone who's not your patient.
	Client.
	Yeah, whatever.
	You say I'm your patient.
	That's weird.
	Anyway, go ahead.
	Whatever.
	It's just funnier to go up there where she's getting like hemorrhoid cream and I just sit in the back like, yeah, that's what I do.
	That's my work.
	But, okay.
	Oh, dude.
	It is.
	Oh, come on, man.
	I'm already want to throw up.
	I haven't even looked at it yet.
	All right, ready?
	No, no, no.
	I got a strong stomach.
	I look at it.
	All right, ready?
	Oh, God.
	Let's take it back.
	I'll take it back.
	I'll take it back.
	Oh, it's that bad.
	This is absurd.
	Wait, wait, wait, wait.
	I didn't know.
	Oh, yo, son.
	So you make this.
	Hold on.
	I can stare.
	I caught a glimpse already.
	It's probably out where it's pulling button.
	Yo, son, it looks like Audi Billy.
	Yo, but so here's the crazy thing.
	You see it, right?
	Real quick, one more time.
	Look, real quick, one more time.
	Look, right?
	Y'all see it?
	All right.
	So look.
	So look, ready?
	Ready?
	So this is the crazy thing.
	You know what it looks like, right?
	Yeah.
	Y'all know what it looks like, right?
	My asshole's below it.
	Wait, what?
	Yeah.
	Wait, what is it?
	It's hiding my asshole.
	That's what I'm saying.
	You can't see my asshole.
	Wait, so is that it tucked in or tucked out?
	No, that's all out.
	That's the hair down.
	It's like Legends of the Hidden Temple.
	You gotta push the rock over to get through.
	Can I tell you?
	Can I tell you?
	That is perfect.
	Oh, my God.
	Can I tell you what this is karma for?
	And I told Alex this in Columbus, but this is what this is karma for.
	We were taping Brilliant Idiots the other day.
	I'm at Starbucks, right?
	And this guy at work in Starbucks, right?
	He's going to give this chick an order, right?
	Yeah.
	And he goes out and he goes, he goes, he goes, shh, shit, shit, shoshannon, right?
	And I go, eh, eh, eh.
	Right?
	And all of a sudden, he just looks at me and goes, what?
	What was this?
	Oh, Spark.
	Oh, I'm looking at him like, oh, I thought we were partying, man.
	I thought we were at the club.
	So I didn't notice you was struggling.
	And why they make you the name, dude, if you're out of there like shit, shit, shit, shit, shoshan.
	Pass that responsibility to next person.
	You got to be on the getting the sriracha out of the back.
	You got to be on the gaming.
	You can't be the one.
	The egg white.
	You can't be the guy screaming the names out of the body.
	You got to be the egg white guy.
	You can't be the friend.
	That's just bad management.
	That's bad coaching.
	Like, you're putting somebody in the room.
	It was a party, bro.
	I'm ready to do Brilliant Ace my miss.
	Shh, shh, shh, sha, Shannon.
	I didn't miss a beat.
	Yo, don't scream too hard, bro.
	She go fall right out.
	School, so when is this surgery?
	I have to book.
	I have to book the surgery.
	But the basic, basically the situation was.
	What kind of doctor do you go to?
	Proctology.
	Proctologist.
	Yeah.
	Proctologist.
	Yo, so we were going to go to the hospital and get the surgery in Ohio.
	Son, it was bad.
	And we were going to film it and put it and drop it in.
	Yeah.
	Well, why didn't you?
	We should have called that episode dropping out.
	Drop it out.
	So yeah, I got a, I got to.
	And it's not like super invasive.
	They literally just wrap a rubber band around it and then just pop it like a cherry tomato.
	Yeah.
	Literally like how they used to take off legs in the Civil War.
	Under mortals.
Kawhi Leonard's Value 00:15:32
	Real talk.
	Oh, gosh, this is bad, bro.
	My gosh, and I have lived together.
	Like, I took a lot of poops effortlessly.
	Yeah, this one's his thing.
	It's like his point of pride.
	It was, but now it's changed.
	I don't even know who I am anymore.
	I don't even know who I am anymore.
	I don't even know who I am anymore, bro.
	I have a question.
	Yes, sir.
	So, are there certain foods you just can't eat now because you have that hemorrhager?
	I haven't been avoiding any.
	I ate a burger called the Therminator while I was in Columbus, so I haven't been really restricting my diet in any way, shape, or form.
	Pretty much everything.
	Sounds like some hot shit.
	Son, it was a lot of fun.
	That's a Thurman Thomas.
	I was thinking about Thurman Thomas.
	No, it's the Thurman's Cafe is the name of the spot.
	Okay.
	Anyway, we don't have to.
	Speaking of buttholes getting tight, the finals are set.
	Oh, boy.
	Your butthole's getting tight.
	You have any yannes.
	Oh, boy.
	Oh, boy.
	Turn the water off, huh?
	You called it.
	That faucet was turned the fuck off on Giannis, bro.
	That wasn't how Andrew said he would handle Giannis.
	You put Kawhi on him.
	It's amazing what he can do, man.
	Yeah.
	It's amazing what he can do.
	He's the best two-way player I've probably seen since Pippen.
	You know, just somebody who can get a bucket and just easily lock down and score.
	And he.
	He might be the best since Jordan.
	Jordan was a two-way player, bro.
	He's Jordan.
	I mean, listen, fucking, who said it?
	Was it Kendrick Perkins?
	He was the first guy to go on national TV.
	But it was like, yo, he reminds me of 96, 97 Jordan, where he's just mad, methodical and deliberate.
	And you know what he's going to do and you can't stop it.
	And then he locks down your best player.
	And he's on a Jordan-like run right now.
	And just because, you know, he wears new balances and has straight back braids, like, it's not the most marketable thing.
	But like watching the game, like, that's what you get.
	Like, that's how market crazy.
	That's what he looks like.
	I'll figure it out.
	I have a question for you guys.
	Raptors Warriors.
	How do you match up defensively?
	Am I crazy for thinking they match up better if KD's in the game?
	Go.
	Well, let's assume KD's not for the first two.
	And then give us the KD matchup.
	I think you got to say put Kawhi on Klay because Steph is too quick for him, probably.
	That's you.
	Go.
	But Klay also, Kawhi doesn't really guard the run around guy.
	He guards the guy with the ball.
	Great point.
	Do you want to have Kawhi wasting his energy chasing Klay around?
	I don't.
	But go on, go on.
	And I want to hear your lineup.
	Go on.
	So I don't know.
	Maybe you can try Kawhi on Steph and see how it goes.
	But I want to say they tried it a couple years ago in San Antonio and it didn't work the best.
	Okay.
	But other than that, I don't necessarily know.
	You might even just, like, at that point, throw defenders at, throw bodies at Klay, try to have Lowry hold Steph as much as he can, and then Kawhi save your energy for offense.
	Okay.
	Without KD, I don't know where to put Kawhi as easily.
	It's interesting, isn't it?
	Yeah.
	What about you, Kaz?
	What do you think?
	I think it's a little different.
	I think the Raptors have been fortunate to go through their entire playoffs without having to play it against an elite backcourt.
	Like, you know, they ran through the magic, ran through the Sixers, not an elite backcourt.
	And the fuck, the Bucks.
	Yep.
	You don't want to waste energy on Kawhi fucking chasing Steph or Klay around.
	So I just think you put Siacham and pray for the best with Kyle with Kyle Lowry and maybe Fred Flynn.
	Fred Flannel.
	Van Fleet.
	Fred Van Fleet.
	Yes.
	And pray for the best.
	And you hope that they have a plan to try and stop in Kawhi and just go for it.
	Because I don't think you don't want to waste that energy unless you're down 2-0.
	And what just happened with the Bucks?
	Unless you're down 2-0, you have no other choice, but you got to stop this guy.
	Then you probably put Kawhi on Steph.
	Other than that, I don't know.
	I like the way they match up with the Warriors.
	What about this?
	This is a little bit counterintuitive, but they kind of did with the Bucs a bit.
	Okay, what about Siakam on Steph?
	I think length bothers Steph.
	That's interesting.
	Yeah.
	And Siakam is athletic.
	Steph's going to get by him, but he's also going to get by Lowry.
	So at least when he does those step backs, you have legitimate reach.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	So you go Siakam on Steph, right?
	You have Clay unfortunately.
	Sorry.
	Lowry.
	No, no, Lowry.
	This is where it gets interesting.
	You go Kawhi on Klay.
	And I might switch that in a second.
	Mark on Draymond.
	That's a wash.
	I go Kyle on Iggy because Iggy don't want to shoot.
	Yeah.
	And Kyle's actually sturdy.
	Kyle could hold up.
	Strong guy.
	He could hold up Iggy.
	The issue is this.
	Klay going to shoot right over Kyle.
	Yeah.
	You're not even going to see Kyle.
	Kyle is going to be right there, and the shot is already.
	I mean, you know, Klay's automatic.
	You need to have some height to disrupt.
	I think we're missing one more.
	The reason why I like that is because we got what other player am I thinking, Trevor?
	I'm thinking of Bogut is in there.
	Who else is in there?
	Not Bogut.
	Marcus Ol.
	No, they got the young boy that's the one.
	Kavan Looney?
	Looney, I think, starts with them.
	Kavan Looney, yeah.
	He starts with them?
	I believe so.
	He saw the last couple games.
	Okay.
	So then, and then you could do, you know, if you're starting Danny Green, Danny Grimson's sucking it up, so I wouldn't even put him on there.
	But there's also a world where I put Kawhi on Steph because I just think he alters the game.
	He's got one length too, but I think he just alters the game in so many ways that you want to have him attacking your best defensive player.
	Do you think Steph is a harder guard than Giannis is?
	Yeah.
	For Kawhi, yeah.
	For anybody.
	Okay.
	Well, yeah, if you're like a little guy guarding Giannis is impossible.
	But what did you guys see what Kawhi would do to Giannis?
	This is what I thought was so fascinating about it: he would stand him up at 18 feet.
	Right?
	Like most guys, Kawhi will get some Kawhi gets off, like for Jason Tatum, the reason why Jason Tatum just got housed, right?
	Is let's say here's Tatum and here's Kawhi, right?
	Kawhi gets the downhill steam going, and Jason Tatum knows he's not strong enough to stop the momentum, right?
	So he chooses a direction, right?
	He goes, okay, I'm going to assume he's going to do a little Hesse or something like that and then go by.
	So I'm going to overplay right.
	And then Giannis goes, okay, Euro layer.
	And Kawhi would just go, give me what you got.
	I'm standing you up wherever the fuck you are.
	Surge, surge a little bit too.
	Surge could meet that motherfucker at the rim.
	That's the guy we were forgetting about Serge Rebaka.
	But he's coming off.
	He's coming off the bench.
	I think he's coming off the bench.
	So it's like now you don't have that like freak athletic situation.
	You have freak shot maker.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And they were giving Giannis a stop and pop 18 and a 15 footer all series and he couldn't he couldn't take it.
	Consistently hit it.
	He would never take it.
	Anytime he would drive in, he was trying to Euro and get stood up, like you said.
	Yep.
	He would either try to pass off and hit a shooter and when there was no shooter there, he would throw up some bullshit.
	And they threw the doubles at him too.
	Mark would come over and double because you didn't have to worry.
	But I'm just so excited, man, because as long as KD's not in, I think Raptors are winning this.
	You think so?
	I think Raptors in six.
	Get out of there.
	They got home court advantage.
	Also, Raptors got home court advantage, right?
	Which, you know, obviously you're playing the Warriors.
	Don't get me wrong, but Raptors have an amazing fan base.
	You started off at home, especially they got a couple guys that need a little boost.
	Kyle needs a boost, you know?
	And go.
	I thought when they got Kawhi, I picked them to go to the finals, and I thought they could take out Golden Satan.
	I've always been saying Golden State is not going to win it.
	Yeah.
	I have to stick with that, but I am nervous about Lowry in the finals.
	Yeah.
	And I also worry that Golden State could be like, all right, we're going to come in in game one.
	We're going to stomp on your fucking heart.
	We're going to take your little home court and let's see what happens.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	And that could, with someone, I worry about the fragility of the Raptors, even though Lowry's had a good playoffs.
	Yeah.
	I just worry still.
	So the question is: who are like the fragile players?
	On the I think this Fred Van Fleet is a he's been lights out since he had a kid, though.
	Not only, yeah, not only lights out.
	Once you have a kid, I feel like you got at least a month of firing.
	Yeah, of course.
	It's like, I got to do it.
	And also, you realize there's things way bigger than this.
	Why am I worried so much about this anymore?
	The kid didn't sleep last night.
	And also, everybody's like, I can't sleep.
	I'm so nervous.
	He's like, no, no, there's a crying baby.
	Like, that's why I can't sleep.
	You guys have champagne problems, right?
	So it's like, so I don't think you worry about Fred.
	Obviously, Kawhi is locked in.
	I think, sir, I think the African players, to be honest, like, this is just fun compared to what they've experienced.
	I really mean that.
	Like, they've experienced real life.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, yes, Lowry's from North Philly and he's probably seen some little, you know, violent stuff or whatever like this, but he's never seen child soldiers.
	Shit.
	Congo, you're coming from the Congo?
	You know, like, so it's like, this is fun.
	Yeah.
	You know, it's a game.
	It's a game.
	At the end of the day, it's truly a game, right?
	And then Marcus Soule, I don't know.
	Like, the Euros, it's like, they're not going to go, they're not going to go wild and give you 40.
	But I also don't see them stinking it up.
	They're like socialists.
	They're like, they're going to be middle of the road, right?
	I could see, I still got the worries taking this, but I could see the Raptors being a type of team that could slow down the Warriors enough to make it go six or seven.
	And once it goes six or seven, it's anybody.
	It's anybody's game over there.
	They definitely have a shot.
	And I'm going to stick with the Raptors.
	But here's what I would say: why I think it might be easier if KD's in the game.
	Go.
	Because then you put Kawhi on KD.
	Yes.
	That's a matchup that Kawhi is much better suited for.
	But the offense still runs through KD.
	Right.
	And when you got your best defender who's a good matchup for the guy the offense runs through, I almost think, and KD doesn't know how to operate without when he's not getting the ball.
	Katie's not sitting there.
	He's moving.
	He's not like, okay, I'll just help any way I can.
	He's not that guy.
	That's a really good point.
	So I almost think it's almost want KD to come back as quickly as possible.
	Wow, that's right.
	Because Steph, you got to run around and chase him.
	If he's not killing you off the ball, he's going to run around screens.
	There's so many different ways he can hurt you.
	KD is not going to run down to the baseline, run around four screens, come around, pick and pop.
	He's like, give me the ball and you fucking block.
	I'll get mine.
	You know what's going to happen?
	I'm going to make my bold prediction right now.
	Go: Draymond Green's going to be the finals MVP.
	He's going to be the finals MVP.
	So if they win, it's a year Draymond that makes this game.
	Yeah.
	Because, and again, I don't think they'll keep Kyle on Iggy.
	I don't think they'll keep.
	No, sorry, I don't think they'll keep Kyle on Steph.
	Steph.
	Okay.
	Yeah, no.
	Probably for the best.
	And for the best for Kyle, right?
	Like, you know, he's a solid defender.
	Like, he's not like your kids.
	And he's a tough guy.
	He's a tough guy.
	But what you want from Kyle is uber confidence, right?
	Yeah.
	I want you to feel as confident as you possibly can so that you can play this position, which is really important on the team.
	You're a disruptor, you're a pest, and you get guys involved.
	And every once in a while, you hit a backbreaking three or finish at the rest.
	Is he going to be able to do that when Steph is lighting him up for 30 a game?
	No, right?
	But it's the thing.
	It's also the finals.
	That has still been remained like as much as Steph has been killing throughout the playoffs.
	The only knock everybody's had on Spanish.
	No, last year finals, he played great.
	He played well.
	He could have had MVP.
	If he got MVP last year, nobody has a problem.
	Exactly.
	He played excellent.
	But I'm saying with this, there's a little bit more pressure with no KD, no boogie.
	You had Kawhi Leonard, who has been like the Warriors killer, even in San Antonio and even in Toronto.
	LeBron, you're not worried about Kawhi.
	I don't think you...
	Now, I think you're going to be a little bit more too.
	No, no, I think you should be.
	But in terms of beating down a boogeyman, he's done it before, right?
	Kawhi is a different type of boogeyman, though.
	He's a different type of boogeyman.
	He's the boogeyman that nobody knows is the boogeyman.
	No, he's the guy who, like, when LeBron gets it going, like, it's palpable.
	You feel it.
	Like, he's a fucking, he's a passionate dude.
	Yeah.
	When Kawhi gets it going, you don't even fucking know.
	He's just a fucking, he's just a fucking Terminator robot with no emotion.
	He doesn't know when he's up, when he's down.
	He doesn't give a fuck.
	He's going to get his.
	And he's going to lock down your best player.
	These are things that will happen.
	If they make it to six, even if they lose, there's no way Kawhi leaves, right?
	I mean, if they get swept, he might leave.
	I think he stays no matter what.
	Even if they get swept.
	Even if they get swept.
	Wow.
	I think he stays no matter what.
	I think getting swept definitely, you have to engage in some talks.
	But if it's competitive and you know KD's leaving and you know that Warriors team is in some way being blown up, you don't want that again.
	Well, if they sweep you without KD.
	Exactly.
	Yeah.
	So if they sweep you without KD, I think there's a better reason for him to leave.
	But if they get a game or two, right, and it's close, maybe they lose a couple close ones.
	I think it's like, now we got this.
	Maybe we get a nice little pickup.
	Clearly, the Raptors organization can get a lot of juice out of the fruit.
	Like you get a guy like Siakam that nobody knew was going to end up being like a contributing player.
	They develop players, man.
	Yeah.
	Shout out to that GM, man.
	Every roster move that they've made in the past six, seven months.
	Smart moves.
	Have been great moves.
	Under the radar, very good GM.
	Extremely good GM.
	And on top of that, with him, I think it's like a Paul George situation all over again.
	They roll the dice on the guy with the one year on his contract.
	They're like, hey, this is better than the Paul George situation because he went to the finals.
	So now it's like...
	Because he's better than Paul George.
	That's why I understood this as a risk.
	But to me, when they got Kawhi, it's a risk you have to take.
	And them picking them to make it to the finals, I'm going to take credit because I'm me.
	But it's not like some bold prediction.
	You had DeMar DeRose and he's good.
	He got you to the conference finals.
	But now you have a fucking dominant defensive player and a really good offensive player.
	I'll say final.
	He's an offensive player too.
	I think we had with DeRose an overrated player, and now we have it with Kawhi an underrated player.
	And sometimes those ratings are what equate to a really interesting trade.
	Like when you know the value of another player and you know no one else's value real estate was perfect storm because he was he was still coming off an injury.
	He sat down the whole spurt.
	Serious an organization.
	There was people in the media chirping about Kawhi Leonard about being a fucking distraction of all fucking guys.
	Right.
	So his value was like at an all-time low and they still got an all-star player out of it.
	And now everybody's looking at it like, yeah, why didn't we trade for Kawhi Leonard?
	Well, duh.
	He's showing you why.
	So here's the question I think we need to start asking ourselves, which is who are the top three players in the NBA right now?
	Right now?
	And is it Kawhi in that?
	Yeah, you have to.
	You have to.
	Let's have the conversation.
	Is Kawhi the best player in the NBA?
	You have to give him number one right now.
	Him or Steph right now.
Who Are Top Three Players 00:08:52
	Right this very second.
	Yes, he is the best player in the NBA.
	Let's really talk about it.
	There's nothing on the basketball court that he cannot do.
	Maybe he's not an elite passer.
	Not a bad passer, but not elite court vision like for LeBron.
	But he's a better defender.
	He's a better scorer in terms of moves.
	LeBron doesn't have many moves.
	He has a nice little kind of like step to the side, mid-range.
	Powerful fucking in-and-out between-the-legs dribble that just shifts the entire defense, kind of like James Harden does, but without the traveling.
	And less dribbles.
	Unless he does what James knows where he's.
	He's fractional to dribble.
	You can't stop him because he's so fucking strong and his hands are so big, you're not going to even try and swipe him.
	There's so little grace to his offensive game that you don't realize how good he is.
	That's a great way of putting it.
	Yeah, it's it is there is an effortlessness and a like um an economy.
	Yes, economy is the perfect word.
	If you ever watch a joke that has no fats, right?
	Exactly.
	Like, if you ever watch like an elite basketball or any basketball player, like practice by himself in a gym with like cones and chairs and like dribble and all that shit, that's exactly how he plays with defenders.
	Like when the game is on, like interesting.
	He like he'll get his fade.
	He gets the shit once.
	You know what I'm saying?
	So like he'll get his little elbow jumper.
	If he's going between the legs, if you shift, he'll hit a three in your face.
	If you come up, he'll go past you.
	Like he takes exactly what you give him.
	So Kawhi's top three, we're saying I think it's undisputable.
	Maybe top two.
	Yeah.
	We say.
	Yeah.
	And I think that's.
	So what does the NBA do, right?
	When your top two player, potentially your number one player, is not the most marketable.
	What do you do as you guys are Adam Silver?
	Right.
	What is that strategy?
	Do you lean into his lack of marketability and like call him an assassin, like a stone cold, ice cold assat?
	Like lean into the lack of emotion, or are you going to try to make this person someone who he's not so he can carry the league?
	I think it's too late.
	It's too late for that.
	It's too late to try to make him anything that he is.
	He wears new balances.
	Right.
	You got a fucking Times New Roman behind it on the font on this nigga.
	He's the most basic motherfucker we've ever had that has been this good in the NBA.
	And I think you lean into the fact that he's just the guy.
	Wives New Roman.
	That's his name.
	That's his nickname.
	You lean into the fact that he is the Times New Roman move.
	He is the Times New Roman.
	He's a Tom New Roman and shit as regular to look at, but you need it.
	Yeah, and honestly.
	It's the dominant font.
	Yes, facts.
	He's the dominant font.
	He is the Times New Roman of the NBA.
	You know, with him, it's kind of like how we had it with Stuff a few years ago before he got like almost annoyingly confident.
	Right.
	When everyone just thinks he's arrogant at the same time, like he's a low-maintenance superstar.
	Yeah.
	He's a guy.
	He's got an ego.
	You assume every guy that good has some sort of an ego, but you'll never see it.
	Yeah.
	You'll never show it.
	Yeah.
	And on top of that, you know, it's good because you have the balance of guys like LeBron, of guys like him.
	Yeah, you have enough stars, and you can almost market him as like the anti-ego guy.
	Like he just, the trade demand is where it gets a little fucked up.
	And I would still love to know the real reason.
	The actual reason that makes me that makes me respect Kawhi more because you know some shit must have went down.
	I feel like he's right.
	Like I love pops.
	I feel like.
	And okay.
	And I want to get back to, I actually want to get back to that, but there's one thing I want to say just about like the low, what is it called?
	Low maintenance superstar.
	You know who's going to love Kawhi Leonard?
	Middle America.
	Yep.
	Middle America is going to go, he doesn't do all the shoulder shit.
	He just goes there.
	He wins just like they do.
	They go to their job and they do their job.
	Here's the guy.
	And I think that if Adam Silver is smart, there's a way to wrap, there's a way to wrap that work ethic.
	He's work ethic.
	He is go there and grind.
	It doesn't have to be a lot of people.
	That's a fucking great question.
	And you will have all these dudes that are tired of the flashy, glitzy, like on my Instagram doing all this stuff.
	Semi-racist.
	I don't want to say that.
	But racist way people don't love it.
	He's going to be the first person with cornrows that they've accepted in their whole life.
	He's a guy who just shuts up and drives.
	It's an effective way to keep everybody.
	He shuts up and dribbles better than anybody.
	And he might win an NBA title for it.
	So fuck.
	Oh, my God.
	Somebody has to be careful, right?
	They have to be careful that they don't throw him under the bus or to the back of it.
	But there is something beautiful about it because you're going to have a lot of basketball, maybe basketball pure.
	Yeah, youth basketball coaches.
	If I'm a youth basketball coach or AAU or high school, I'm like, watch this fucking guy.
	Dads are going to fucking granddads, dads.
	This is how the game is played.
	You don't need to celebrate every time you score.
	I'll tell you this.
	When I was growing up playing high school ball, there were all these like recruiting sites, like rivals and like high schoolhoops.net and all this type of shit.
	And like the top of the guys, if you're a 6'10, whatever, they'd have like your NBA comparison, right?
	So everybody was either Tim Duncan, Kevin Gardner, Tuncan, Kevin Garnett, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, if you're a 6'10 and up.
	Because I was basically just saying you're a big guy who does more than just score.
	Yep.
	Right?
	Kawhi Leonard's gonna be that guy for a bunch of youth players because he is the they call I forgot what they called him on ESPN.
	They call him the little fundamental.
	How Tim Duncan was the big fundamental?
	He's the little fundamental.
	Yo, how do you have less personality than Tim Duncan?
	Isn't that crazy?
	Tim Duncan's even like, yo, light it up a little bit, bro.
	Isn't that crazy?
	They came from the same fucking franchise and coaching.
	Well, that's something they look for at the Spurs.
	They want a guy who's able to laugh at himself, who puts the team above himself.
	There you go.
	They have like personality criteria they look for when they draft players.
	Thank God he got the fuck out of there.
	Like everybody said that his uncle was the worst thing in his camp.
	So he has this uncle, I think, who's from like Newark.
	And they were like, you got to get out of here.
	He demands a trade all this.
	And they're like, why the fuck are you listening to this guy?
	He might be the smartest guy in the room.
	You're right.
	He really might be the smartest guy in the room.
	And we fucked up by assuming that he was just some like leech family member that was out here for his own personal interests.
	That one decision to get him out of San Antonio puts him in the NBA Finals and in the top three players in the world discussion.
	Yeah.
	And you got to understand.
	Do you think they make it to the NBA finals on the Spurs if he's healthy?
	No.
	You don't think so?
	No.
	I think they make it.
	I think the Spurs team could be a good person.
	I think the Rockets for them are no problem.
	I think the Warriors are a problem just because of Lamarcus.
	I think he just doesn't do.
	He's an ill-fitting piece in this NBA, which is crazy.
	I never saw it coming.
	You're taking tough mid-range jumpers, man.
	It's like you can't really defend that well.
	You're a liability on any switch off, right?
	Like, he's like dirk on any switch off.
	So it's like you just attack that motherfucker.
	Right.
	And I think he's what holds him back.
	I think, yeah, I agree with you.
	I don't think they do it.
	I think they're better suited.
	I think what's underrated is Marcus Soul's feet.
	Like, if you watch Marcus Oll's feet for a guy his size, motherfucking soccer player, bro, it's that soccer.
	All those Spanish European motherfuckers, bro.
	They got to be able to move.
	Ain't no plotting, you know, shit in soccer, right?
	Ain't no mic in the middle of the day.
	This idea of sports specialists we have growing up in America where you play one sport and you get really good at it.
	I don't think it's good.
	What do you mean?
	Like, if they think you're going to be a baseball player, that's all.
	They don't touch nothing else.
	They don't football all the time.
	Yeah.
	Football, football all the time, quarterback all the time.
	I think football players, and I think they're coming around on this from what I understand, but like football players should play baseball, should play soccer, should play basketball.
	Like all these things come in handy.
	Steve Nash, all we talk about is how his soccer background helped him as a basketball player.
	Soccer and basketball in particular.
	Hakeem Olajuan, soccer.
	Mark Gasol, probably a soccer player.
	Those two, you got to play both at the same time.
	Kakeem had great footwork too, man.
	Bro, they have the best footwork.
	The best.
	He's still teaching.
	They literally play a sport where all you do is work on your everything's with your feet.
	Dude, Kobe, even like, let's not sleep on the fact that Kobe spent his informative years in Europe, right?
	Like, you know, he was picking up some shit.
	They even say, I mean, it's a different sport, but Vasil Lomachenko, he's a boxer.
	Some say he's the pound-for-pound best boxer in the world and incredible, like intense training from his father.
	But his father took him out of boxing for two years straight and just made him do ballet.
	He goes, your footwork wasn't good enough on some like real Ukrainian, like Russian, like Rocky type training.
	But he was basically like, it's not good enough.
	Do this thing that's all footwork.
	And if you watch him, it's majestic.
	Because what work is majestic.
	Wow.
	And it's maybe Takash's point.
	It's like, yeah, we're focusing so much on keeping your fucking elbow in that you can't even move around the court.
	Right.
Kobe's Informative Years 00:05:19
	It's like, at a certain point, diversity and training is what's going to, what do they say?
	Like, you work the same muscle over and over again.
	It doesn't get bigger?
	Like, or do the same exercise?
	Yeah.
	Some shit with exercise.
	You got to put muscle memory.
	Yeah.
	So what happens?
	Your body just gets used to the exercise, so you're not working it anymore or something.
	I think that's what Pinon DX was for.
	They called a muscle confusion.
	Oh, yeah.
	They would do just other shit that your body's not used to because once you've done it so many times, it can't grow anymore.
	You got to do different shit with it.
	Yeah, switch it up with the legs, huh?
	Okay, so here's a here's a here's an interesting hypothetical I want to talk about.
	So you both got the Warsaw Raptors taking it.
	Yeah, I think.
	I think, I think, okay, I want to bring this hypothetical up to you guys.
	This was an interesting one, right?
	$10 billion.
	Okay.
	You have three chances to hit an NBA three.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	If you hit one, you get $10 billion.
	If you miss, you do one year in maximum security prison.
	This is from the ticket.
	Is it really?
	Yeah.
	We saw this on.
	I think it's actually a.
	They might have gotten it from.
	But they do one segment a week where they just think up a hypothetical as far as I know they thought of.
	Yeah.
	This is, I think, a popular one on the amount of money for a prison.
	Okay.
	Talk me through it.
	Talk to me.
	Again, look at me.
	It's the same fucking thing as taking a punch.
	Maximum security.
	That means you're secure.
	No, it's just lonely.
	When you go to the job.
	No, maximum security means the most guards because it's the illest motherfuckers on earth.
	Oh, I thought you're just by yourself in the room.
	Minimum securities.
	Oh, you're killing me.
	It's like Code Fed.
	Code Fed.
	Minimum securities.
	We don't need that much security because you're some white-collar pussy.
	That's where I belong.
	Do they know?
	That's my lane.
	My question is: do they know that's why you went to jail?
	Like, what you went for, fam?
	Mystery three.
	Mystery three.
	They got 10 billion.
	What you went for?
	Murder?
	I gotta know.
	Like, if they don't know why I'm in there, and I can just front like, yeah, man, no, I was out here catching bodies and shit.
	I look like I wasn't catching no bodies.
	I sound like I wasn't catching no bodies.
	Well, you know.
	I don't know.
	Not one at a time.
	No, I'm going to play the terrorist.
	You look like a hardest.
	It's a motherfucking thing that's going to go down, dog.
	Gasha llama, lake them.
	Akasha llama lake.
	That's going to get you killed, man.
	Are we taking corner threes, straightaway threes, any type of three?
	Any three.
	No, it's got to be full three.
	So the corner's not full.
	Do I come in cold?
	Can I warm up?
	No.
	Three threes, you just straight up.
	I mean, you could shoot the day before.
	You could shoot whatever, but there's no warm-up on that rim.
	You have three threes.
	Everybody at home, think about this.
	NBA threes.
	Three NBA threes.
	No, I'm not making it.
	I don't think I'm making it.
	NBA threes?
	Let me, let me, let me get this into context here.
	We're talking about 10 billion dollars.
	Whatever is not.
	That's a ridiculous shot.
	Can I granny shot it?
	That's a ton of money.
	What?
	Can I granny shot it?
	What?
	You would want to shoot it.
	You're going to risk a granny shot?
	Yeah.
	NBA three?
	Bro, if I could set my feet and take forever.
	It's not just cash and shoot.
	I can literally just take as long as I want.
	Three days to do the shots if you want.
	Calculate the win.
	Do whatever the fuck you need.
	Okay.
	But listen, if you hit it, you're one of the richest people on the planet.
	If you don't, it's just one year.
	Maximum security prison.
	That can't be.
	No, but I mean, we have one guy who's actually been to jail here, so we should probably ask him about it.
	How is jail, Alex?
	You went to the best case scenario, Joe.
	I went that way.
	I would do it.
	You would do it.
	I would do it.
	You would miss.
	I've seen you shit before.
	After your little battle.
	Yeah.
	Oh, you want the smoke next?
	I got one.
	I had to teach this guy how to play golf this weekend, bro.
	That shit was embarrassing, right?
	Do you really want to talk about that?
	I saw you.
	Do you really want to talk about that?
	I saw you were looking at it.
	I had to teach this guy how to play golf, bro.
	I know the jig by now.
	So I see the Instagram stories.
	So this guy can't play golf for shit, bro.
	I was teaching him how to play golf.
	You see him with this bullshit right now.
	We know.
	I was like, oh, I already know this shit where you throw the ball up and then you bounce it and then you got to hit it off the bounce.
	This guy was falling on the ground, couldn't hit it.
	Had like a thousand chances.
	You forget that I got the footage.
	I'm about to say, I'm not happy.
	You just want to start showing this type of shit.
	He has like a hundred takes of trying to hit the ball off the bounce.
	I'm going to be honest with you.
	I was impressed by how many takes I didn't hit it.
	Like, yo, I'm literally swinging.
	I did 100 takes in a row.
	You throw the ball up, it bounces once, and you try to hit in there, right?
	I did maybe 100 swings in a row.
	I'm like, I should hit it by accident by now.
	Bro, I might need 100 takes to hit it off a tee.
	Even the lady comes over and is like, hey, guys, you got to stop with the trick shots, all right?
	The moment she walks away, this motherfucker goes and tries to catch up.
	He was relentless.
	I could not hit it, bro.
	Like, everybody looked around me and they were like, at first, it was funny.
	And then by like shot 50, they're like, Sam.
	Yo, Mark was saying this at 50.
	He's like, bro, I think you're hitting it.
Relentless Chasing Moments 00:03:33
	It's just not going.
	I think it's disappearing.
	Like, that was more believable that I was connecting with the ball and it was disappearing than I could miss that many times in a while.
	I'm going to take a try.
	Yeah, but he fell the first one.
	Tiger Woods out here, baby.
	And this guy's not going to be a little bit more fucking up white girls.
	That's not going to be a problem, bro.
	You are the natural.
	You walked right into that one.
	I'll take it.
	He's the one who's going to be.
	You are Tiger.
	I'll take it.
	I'm Tiger.
	Tiger Media out here.
	All right.
	Let's take a break for a second, pay some pills.
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Original Grain Watches 00:03:05
	Yeah.
	The brands that we've continued to do sponsorships with, it's not just because they want it.
	That's all they fuck with.
	Exactly.
	It's because y'all fuck with it.
	If asshole army will use the shit and will tell people about using the shit.
	And then they're like, oh my God, this is great.
	We should keep fucking with these people.
	And if they, I mean, don't get me wrong.
	There's been situations where maybe you guys didn't like a product and then it's not worth it for us to continue doing business with the brand.
	I can do the math.
	Y'all seen it.
	Simple as that.
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	That's how I've always felt.
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	Andrew tests every product.
	Like, he's not advertising initially.
	Full sack.
	Shout out to Full Sack.
	God damn.
	They're going to get a free plug.
	That's still going to get a free plug.
	I bought some full sack for Brian.
	We ready to get back in the game.
	You know what I mean?
	You ready to go?
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	That's some triplets.
	All right.
	Also, I got some dates coming up, man.
	St. Louis, we're going to be there Friday and Saturday at the Helium Comedy Club in St. Louis.
	Holler at us.
	If you've got some cool shit to check out in St. Louis, you know, we always do dropping in, and we like your suggestions.
	So let us know.
	Any camera guys?
	Oh, yeah.
	If you got any camera guys that want to help us out at the shows, help shoot, pull up as well.
	We always love doing that.
	Then we got the 6-7.
	So June 7th, we're going to be in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
	First show sold out, I believe, at the second show.
	So make sure you get some tickets for that.
	It's at the Ann Arbor Showcase.
	Then the 8th and 9th, we're in San Francisco.
	Shows on the 8th sold out.
	Early show on the 9th is sold out.
	We got a late show on the 9th as well.
	I think it has some tickets left.
	So get that real quick.
	Gobble that up.
	Gobble that gobble that up.
	And then more shows at theandrewShoals.com, man.
	New York City date, those tickets are going.
	Get there.
	And that Toronto date, we got a second one.
	Yeah, make sure you get them tickets for that.
	The first one sold out, but the second one, we got some left.
	Chicago, man.
	Just go to theandrewshouse.com, get that.
	And also, yo, the merch.
	I know you've been seeing our fashion videos.
	I know you've been seeing the fashion videos.
	Alex and I have been playing up.
	Fashion.
	Shit is fire, but we got the new merch coming out.
	Only available at the live shows, man.
	So make sure you come get them shits.
	It's going to be only at the live shows.
	So we got a bunch of different things we sell.
	We got four different shirts.
	We'll post some videos this week of them, but the merch is just straight fire.
	Shout out to my man Mark, who's been opening up and creating all the merch and everything like that.
	So, you can get those at the live shows.
	You want to scoop them before a show, after a show, you're more than welcome to do it, man.
	But it's been so cool.
	And we're going to try to make some more.
	I know that we've been running out of shirts and running out of sizes pretty quickly.
	You guys usually gobble them shits up, and that's appreciative.
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	But again, first come, first serve.
	So get them shits while it's hot.
	Let's get back to the show.
	I don't think I said what I would do in this situation.
	I think I would take the shots for $10 billion.
	Oh, yeah.
	I think I would take the shots.
	Yeah, you're saying it like you were upset at us for not doing it.
	Yeah, because one, I believe in my luck.
	I feel like it would go down.
	But here's the thing.
Merchandise Runs Out Fast 00:15:16
	I do think in prison, you wouldn't do great at all, but you got like hands, like you box.
	Like, you're not as much of a bitch as you look like you would be.
	I am every bit as much of a bitch as I look like I would be.
	I also have a racial group to join.
	You got, yo, shave the head, put a little tattoo on.
	You know what I mean?
	Prove the brilliant idiots, fans, right?
	You know what I mean?
	All right, Andy, finally.
	Get the fucking tattoo on the forehead and shave your head.
	Bro, if you are a not-racist white guy, but you go to prison, you got to choose up.
	You got to figure that shit out real quick.
	Get your N-words out while you can't.
	If there's one safe space, it's actually safer for you to say the N-word in jail.
	Oh, my God.
	The second you need to do it.
	I want everybody to know why I'm in jail, though.
	Like, if I missed the shots, right?
	Like, I don't want nobody coming up to me like, oh, what the fuck you in here for?
	Like, bro, I just missed three, three, three points.
	Uh-oh.
	All right, bro.
	So here's my question, right?
	I'm too cute for that.
	The offer still exists when you get out.
	Oh, I'm going for it again.
	So many times do you do it?
	Right now it gets interesting.
	How many times do you do it until you go, fuck it?
	I got to stop spending years in jail.
	All right, another caveat.
	Is there a basketball hoop in the jail?
	100%.
	Oh, I'm taking it one more time.
	That's all you're doing.
	Coming in and Clay Thompson.
	I'm going one for one.
	Bang.
	Give me $10 billion.
	I'm at it.
	Not even taking off the warm-ups.
	I have a year of maximum security confinement, and I just have a basketball.
	And then when I get out, I get three shots to be a bit $10 billion.
	And you tell everybody in the gym, you go, fellas, I'm about to be worth $10 billion.
	Hold me down for this year.
	Just let me practice.
	Nobody do nothing.
	Let me, somebody, I need some rebounders.
	Hey, Mexican gangbangers, stop doing push-ups.
	Come in and get rebuffed.
	Tell them you're going to be worth a billy because they're going to come back to you.
	They're going to have an extra.
	They're going to come back.
	I'm going to be worth $100 million.
	I'll give you all the millions.
	That's $2 million away from me.
	I thought it was out here, guys.
	Protect me.
	I got you when I get out.
	Guys, I get free Chipotle for a year if I hit this three-pointer when I get out.
	That's what I would say.
	You going to bring the Comborritas way?
	So, boom, you just get the full practice.
	And I think you knocked that down.
	Oh, absolutely.
	I thought that I got another shot at it.
	But how many times do you miss before you say not?
	I think as a competitor, you just never, you just keep going until you get the best.
	Don't I know that about golf?
	I missed that fucking shit.
	Have you ever been so sure that I would just keep on shooting?
	Oh, absolutely.
	Without a doubt.
	Like, we won't see Andrew.
	We won't see him again.
	I told him he's doing his 30 and he's clink right now.
	The GoPro in his hemorrhoid.
	Put it up.
	Keep this ship of fucking.
	Man, Andrew was struggling in the bathroom.
	I went at a PFL real bad, man.
	I was like, yo, can we do this basketball game?
	He said, yeah.
	But I was like, bro, I don't know.
	Recover as you need to.
	Shit, basketball.
	I was about to say, is this going to postpone anything?
	I don't think so.
	I think it says a week recovery.
	Do we get like a.
	You got to have like a sports.
	The game is two weeks away.
	You got to have like a sports center ticker, like injured reserve, like butt surgery.
	Guys, I'm going to get butt surgery.
	How crazy is this?
	I know.
	Asshole.
	Like, literally, the whole of my life.
	When you think about it.
	I'm committed.
	This is like a turnover.
	Like, some people on assholes.
	You're keeping it tight whether you like to or not, bro.
	Asshole general getting surgery on his general asshole.
	God damn.
	Yo, it's 1115.
	I gotta, I gotta have it.
	Go, Kaz got to go to Duce Palooza.
	Some of y'all are already on the way.
	Be good.
	Good shit.
	I'll take it easy, bro.
	Let's see y'all there, man.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I want to talk to Kaz about Giannis and see how he feels about the fact that his boy seemed to just fall apart.
	Here's why I thought they would lose to the Celtics.
	Playoff inexperience.
	And I think that finally came into play here.
	I think once you run into a wall and you haven't done it a lot, you don't know how to deal with the adversity.
	Yeah, who's going to make the adjustments?
	I think there's just a lot of like the NBA more than any other sport, you have to lose a few, it seems like, before you win.
	Yeah.
	The only team that kind of bypassed it, kind of, was the Warriors.
	And even then, they got their lumps out.
	Yeah.
	But like, you need at least one playoff heartbreak, it seems like.
	Yeah.
	Can't get over the hump and then you get it.
	Yeah, yeah, to learn to like put it together.
	No, that's a good point.
	I think we just learned that the Raptors were better at making adjustments.
	And they also had an X-Factor player.
	They had Kawhi, but Jonas could be an X-Factor player.
	Yeah, I think once when I think when you're inexperienced in the playoffs, it's just like, I don't know how to adjust to the adjustment.
	Like, I don't know how this.
	But I think a coach is supposed to do that, right?
	What's his name?
	He's a good coach, Budden Holzer or whatever.
	Yeah, but he didn't make the adjustments.
	It's like you found out exactly what they were doing with Giannis.
	You know what they were going to do.
	You know that you weren't going to win with Giannis.
	First of all, you sit Bledsoe down.
	He sucked it up.
	And then you let Chris Middleton cook.
	Chris Middleton, like, he can give you 30.
	Just let him go for it.
	I think that they lived and died with Jonas, essentially.
	Yeah.
	And they didn't have any of their role guys really step up.
	Like, where was Brogdon?
	Was he killing it?
	No.
	Like, games one and two, he did great.
	The fucked up thing is, and people have said this before, but it's like playoff games are often won by role players.
	Yeah.
	Like, look at Iggy.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	Like, one of the greatest things about Golden State is they have all-star role players.
	Yeah.
	Sean Livingston off the bench is your backup to Steph.
	And like, if you're Kyle Lowry, you're barely six feet tall and Sean Livinson gets it eight feet away from the basket.
	There's nothing you can do.
	The only hope is you're just strong enough to bully him the fuck out.
	Even then he does that little turnaround.
	He has one shot.
	It's a little turnaround on the baseline and he gets his arms up so high, you can't block it.
	And the assumption is I'm going to have a little point guard on me.
	I'm six.
	What is he?
	Five, something like that.
	Minimum, six, six, like, and long.
	Yeah.
	I'm just going to shoot over you.
	Simple as that.
	So it's like that you got to be able to make adjustments.
	And I just don't think, I don't think that the Milwaukee organization was able to make them.
	I think next year they might take a step back.
	I think within the next two years, they can win it all.
	Now, the tricky thing is that's how many years Giannis has left on his deal.
	Right.
	And I don't know if he's going to go anywhere.
	The city seems to love him.
	It was pretty beautiful there.
	Did you guys see when he showed up back in Milwaukee?
	No.
	It was pretty cool.
	There were like people waiting for him at the airport just chanting MVP.
	And like, that's how you keep a star.
	No, it is how you keep a star.
	Now, Oklahoma City tried it, I think.
	And they were like, but they also had the Mr. Unreliable newspaper headline.
	That's it.
	Simple, you turn on me, motherfucker.
	I dare you.
	Like, small, I'm sorry, small market, you can't have freedom of press.
	Like, like, New York, say whatever you want.
	You're an OKC.
	He got no reason to be there.
	He's doing y'all a fucking favor.
	He's okay.
	I'll be okay.
	But for real, like, think about that.
	Like, you have to do everything in your power to keep that celeb there because he's losing money by staying in OKC.
	Right.
	He goes to the tech hub of the world.
	You know how much money he probably made just an investment?
	According to Carl Lenz, he made a lot of money.
	Like, triple his net worth.
	Yeah.
	It's like.
	Let me ask you this.
	Warriors question.
	I wanted to ask a Toronto question or something.
	I wanted to ask something else, but I forgot what it was.
	But this is something I noticed.
	Clay Thompson didn't get all NBA.
	Yeah, they made a big deal about that.
	Yeah, he was seemingly.
	What happens with that?
	I think there's some contract thing.
	If you make all NBA, you're not going to be able to do it.
	I didn't even know about the contract situation.
	All I know is, and if you guys can look into that, that'd be great.
	This is my assumption.
	I think in order to get a certain super max, I think in order to get a super max contract, you have to be on an all-NBA team.
	So if you miss the all-NBA team, you're available for the max, but not the super.
	Okay.
	So he lost $40 million.
	He lost a super max because he's not all-NBA.
	Wow.
	It's like a lot of money.
	If you're Clay, do you want KD back at all?
	Because if KD's not there, we're watching this version of Klay all season.
	Do we think he doesn't make third team all-NBA?
	He has to.
	No fucking question, you guys.
	He has to.
	Massive.
	Like, you want to talk about who's made the biggest sacrifice?
	Clay, bro.
	Like, not one step.
	Financial.
	It is $40 million I just left on the table.
	Financial.
	I saw a tweet.
	I don't know if it's real, but I saw a tweet saying that Clay was in Toronto for game six against the Bucs.
	He was like scouting.
	Really?
	Yeah, I love that.
	If that's true, I love that.
	Dude, if you are any team with Cap Room, do you go after Clay the hardest?
	Here's the thing.
	My fear with Clay is this.
	If he's the best player on his team, he'll be exposed.
	I think, like we were talking about KD, I think Steph makes Clay really good.
	I think Clay also makes Steph have to work less hard on the perimeter.
	See, that's the thing.
	Like, okay, does he?
	Like, Steph is creating his shots from being Steph, right?
	It's these crazy deep threes, these stepbacks running around with the game.
	I think the team defense is why Steph isn't exposed as a terrible defender.
	The team is the defensive team of Golden State.
	Okay, defensively.
	So Draymond and Clay.
	Defensively, sure.
	Steph is regular defender, right?
	Maybe not even good.
	Maybe put there.
	But I'm just talking about like, if you're getting Clay to be on your team, to be your best player, you need him to give you buckets.
	Here's what I meant.
	Let me reword my question.
	Because I think I came.
	I was thinking from a Mavericks point of view, because they got Luca.
	And I know Clay is already there.
	Everybody's 1A.
	If you have anything that's going to be a good thing.
	Everything you wanted with Harrison Barnes is Clay.
	Does he seem more?
	Am I being crazy?
	I think he seems more gettable now that the Supermax is off the table.
	And you could go to his ego and be like, look, man, you ate $40 million for KD.
	So, and again, I got to understand the trade more.
	You could look this up, Eden.
	But I think not getting the Super Max makes you want to stay home even more because your original team can offer you the biggest contracts.
	Still?
	Yes, because they have the ability to offer you one more year than everybody else.
	So that was the official five years.
	So if he made the all-NBA team, he could get five years for $221 million.
	Right.
	Not making it five years, $191 million.
	So he lost $30 million over the last year.
	$30 million.
	Plus, if he leaves, he gets a four-year deal, I think.
	I don't think he, I think only so he's losing.
	So your sale to him then would be in four years.
	Wait a second.
	He's losing if he leaves $70 million.
	Wow.
	So he would get what, four years for $120?
	He'd get four.
	No, he's going to get four years for $151 around.
	Right?
	Yeah, okay.
	So he's losing an extra.
	But here's what you would say to Clay.
	I think, listen, you...
	Four years, you'll get another contract.
	The salary cap will be higher.
	You can make that money.
	Sure, Which is why a lot of players end up leaving because it's like, look, I'm going to make the money back, whatever.
	Right.
	Now, it is, I think you would have to go to him with the ego play of, look, man, have you not given enough for this fucking team?
	Have you not sacrificed enough?
	Yeah, he has.
	And you have the right to go get it.
	I just don't think he can carry.
	I don't know if he can carry either.
	I think he would, I don't know if he can carry, but I think as a number two, he's one of the best ever.
	So that's the question, right?
	It's like, where does he go be number two?
	How many teams have the number one?
	How many teams have a legit number one?
	Have number one and cap space.
	How many teams just have a number one?
	Like, who's he going to be?
	He ain't going to be number two to Kimba.
	He ain't going to be number two to Jason Tatum.
	The Mucks can create some cap space.
	They have to give up a lot.
	He would be a huge step up from Chris Middleton.
	He's a super Chris Middleton.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	And don't get me wrong, he'd be getting a lot of buckets because you just put him on the same side of the floor as Giannis, right?
	Giannis can get everybody.
	They come over and double.
	Yeah.
	Now you're wide open.
	But he needs to be in that situation where there is a legit number one.
	And we're talking about Giannis.
	We're talking about one of the best players in the league, right?
	So this is kind of scary.
	As great as Klay is, he can only be saddled to a black hole of a player that's just going to have the entire defense gravitating toward him so he can get his buckets.
	I mean, if you're the Lakers, you make it crazy.
	I think you push for Clay over everyone else.
	Yeah, because you got a LeBron.
	And you got your father played here, man.
	Oh, there's reasons to go.
	There's reasons.
	If you're the Clippers and you want to get two free agents, he's the number two guy you get.
	I think if you're the Mavs and you think Luca's going to be great, which I think he's going to be really fucking good, you can say, look, man, here's a guy who can find you whenever you're open.
	Go play D, go help him out.
	We also got Chris Dabs.
	If he's remotely healthy, we're good.
	You're not going to get all the attention.
	You're good.
	Go.
	I think three teams at least should make a super hard push for Clay.
	Super hard.
	Here's a question.
	If the Mavs have Klay, does that stunt Luca's growth?
	I don't think so because Clay's not.
	The beauty of Clay as a number two, and again, I think we should talk about him as the greatest number two ever because he doesn't demand the ball other than to catch and to shoot.
	Right.
	What do you have, like, 50 points and 11 dribbles, whatever the fuck crazy stat it was?
	Like, how's that not going to help you?
	Hey, I'm just going to get you assists.
	Right.
	I don't need the ball.
	I'll guard the other team's best defender, and I don't need the ball that much.
	Just give me shots and I'll knock him down.
	I guess I just wonder if you stop seeing those step back threes from Luca?
	From Luca, right?
	You stop seeing drive into the basket with the intent to score, and you start seeing him pass to Clay coming around some screen.
	I think that's something that would work itself out.
	Maybe with a young player, but if you're LeBron, this is your dream.
	You said this years ago.
	Go for it.
	The ideal sidekick for LeBron is Klay.
	He's perfect.
	This is awesome.
	You guys are saying that Clay's always going to be a number two.
	He has no incentive to leave then.
	If he's not going to a team to be a number one, no, that's true.
	I think you would have to say to him like.
	So let's look at it like this.
	This is a great point.
	You could...
	He's staying.
	He's staying.
	Think of the Mavs.
	Think of the Mavs.
	Listen, I got talked out of this pretty quickly.
	No, I agree with you.
	I think you could make the argument he's the best number two ever simply because of how effective he is defensively.
Warriors Play All Four Quarters 00:04:26
	Like, how many number twos are that good?
	But like you said, if you know you're going to be a number two, the only reason to leave would be to get a Super Max, which Golden State wouldn't offer you, right?
	Can't offer you.
	Now it's not even possible.
	What I heard before is if they don't offer him the Super Max, he's going to test the waters.
	But maybe that was just a disrespect.
	No, no, no.
	Like, he can't get a Super Max because he's not a.
	Yeah, well, I'm saying before this happened?
	Right, right, right.
	So now he's in a situation, Super Max is not available.
	Golden State can offer him.
	They can take the cap hit, and they should.
	They can't offer him a max, which they will.
	Which he'll be a number two, which is great.
	He goes somewhere else.
	He's a number two.
	He's never going to be a number one.
	Why not be a number two at the place where you've won all these rings?
	Here's the thing.
	What he doesn't want to be is a number three.
	And what is he not going to be when KD leaves?
	Number three.
	Exactly.
	This is the ideal scenario: he stays right the fuck where he is and it's back to Splash Brothers.
	And then NBA fans, we get to have the most exciting team in the league back.
	Say what you want about the, and I've said everything about the Warriors.
	It was fun.
	Yeah.
	It was even fun to hate.
	But when you see balls going in baskets, it's hard to look away.
	That's what we want.
	When you see these motherfuckers just chucking shit up and backbreaking teams, it's what we want.
	I'm telling you.
	There's a reason why you got all these fair weather fans out here.
	There's a reason why you got girls watching the NBA now because you got these two cute light-skinned dudes chucking up threes from 40 feet.
	He's mad cute.
	It's adorable.
	If I was a girl, that's what I want to watch.
	Look how high the ball goes.
	I don't want an aggressive ass dunk.
	He could hurt his wrists.
	Do you know what I mean?
	I want to see a dude hold his hand out like he got a Manny.
	That's something I can relate to as a girl.
	Right?
	Like, this is the best thing.
	Wait for it.
	For the NBA, you break up the super team and create two more potential rivals.
	Rivals, but like real teams?
	Yeah.
	That's what the league wants.
	That's what the fans want.
	Who maybe doesn't want it?
	Golden State fans?
	Go fuck yourself.
	You've been in the finals five straight times.
	They're still going to go quite proud.
	You still got a chance.
	I still think they're the team to beat without KD.
	I mean, that's what this seems to look.
	Probably.
	Do you think they slap up on Toronto?
	Yeah, they're winning.
	I think they're winning.
	How many games do you think?
	I ain't going to lie.
	They might sweep.
	Nah, baby.
	They might sweep.
	That's a bold prediction, Ed.
	That's how you make a bold prediction.
	No, you said last week, Eddie said some dumbass bold prediction.
	I just don't think it goes seven.
	No matter who wins, it doesn't go seven.
	Damn.
	Let me ask you a question.
	Do you think the winning team is going to win four of the seven games?
	Do you think that too?
	I think the ball's going to go in the basket.
	Yeah.
	And the Victoria's going to be a little bit more than four teams.
	They're going to have more points than the loser.
	That's probably another thing that could happen, right?
	How many players do you think are going to be on the court at one time?
	I don't know.
	I'll tell you what.
	I'll tell you who can't win.
	Milwaukee.
	Bold, son.
	That is bold.
	I just don't think Milwaukee can win anymore.
	Hey, you know what I think is going to happen?
	I think if players get fouled in the act of shooting, they might shoot some free throws, bro.
	I think that might happen out here, dude.
	That is a realistic scenario.
	For real.
	No, for real.
	And I got a sneaky suspicion.
	It might be four quarters to these games.
	Bullshit, dog.
	Yeah, but it's over.
	I think they're going to play all four.
	Both teams play all four.
	I know it's crazy to say, but if I had money and I had to put my money down, I would say they're going to be minimum four quarters, bro.
	Yo.
	Shit.
	Hey, y'all want to know some crazy shit?
	I got a feeling when they dribbling the ball, they're only going to use one hand at a time.
	I really think they're going to use one In a time, bro.
	Oh, fuck.
	It's nuts out here, ain't it?
	Oh, bro.
	Holy shit.
	I hate you guys so much.
	Oh, my God.
	Tim, and then I'm paid.
	Hey.
	That's what's up.
	But that's a good thing.
	I'm going to still save Warriors and Four.
	Warriors and Four, you think it's a sweep?
	I don't think so.
	I think y'all are tripping on some shit.
Barry Katz College Gig 00:07:50
	Yo, I had a crazy thought earlier today, man.
	Because I was talking to my boy, and a lot of shit is going right from my boy, right?
	And unlike you, shit is going all wrong.
	It couldn't be going more wrong.
	Every shit hits a detour.
	Turn left.
	Please turn left.
	And I was like, yo, the assumption is that karma is a way to make people obedient, right?
	That's the Western assumption of karma, right?
	That karma operates in the same way that heaven operates.
	Right?
	A, you better do good, because if not, karma's going to come get you.
	I think that's how Westerners understand the idea of karma, right?
	But what if karma was invented, the inception was a way to handle the good things that happen in your life?
	What if here you are, this person is succeeding around so much suffering, and it's a way of processing and enjoying that success amongst all these people who are not being successful without having that success be ruined by guilt?
	What if it's a way of going, hey, yeah, maybe I did something really good to deserve this, therefore I can enjoy it instead of going, oh my God, you're living such a hard life.
	You're living such a hard life.
	I can see both lines of thinking because back in the day, I could see the one dude who's successful in the millions dying.
	Dying around him.
	Like, yo, we need, I got to think of something so I don't feel so guilty, but I must have earned this somehow.
	Hey, last life, I was the man because he knew this life you ain't, you know?
	And I could also see a bunch of people being like, yo, we don't got shit.
	This guy got everything.
	How do we incentivize him to give us something?
	Yes.
	So I can see either.
	I'm going to name drop now, but just because it is very poignant, I had the coolest experience ever hanging out with Bill Burr last night at the comedy cellar.
	Yeah.
	And he was randomly talking about karma because there's this interview he did with Barry Katz, who was this notorious manager, but piece of shit stole from everybody.
	Hilarious.
	And he did his podcast, Barry Katz Podcast, and apparently he just scorches Barry Katz to his face.
	I need to hear this.
	Dude, I got to go.
	I was just complaining about the Barry Katz podcast two weeks ago.
	And when Burr gets in the zone, he locks in.
	It's Jordan.
	It's just like everything's dropping.
	It's Steph, right?
	So it's like comedically, he has a bit.
	So he was telling this story.
	He goes, he's like, he's like, yeah, I believe in karma.
	Is he comedian Clay Thompson?
	Underrated.
	Dude.
	Underrated.
	Knockdown.
	And when he's on fire, it's not.
	Does not miss.
	Does not miss.
	He definitely has his own team, though.
	Oh, he could carry a step.
	He's an alpha.
	Yeah, he's Steph.
	Yeah, he's Steph.
	Okay.
	So it's like, or Reggie.
	Oh, shit.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, Jordan.
	Look why Jordan's next.
	Yeah.
	So it's like, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, yeah, I believe in karma, but I think it only works if you believe in it.
	I'm like, what do you mean?
	He's like, because this guy, Barry Katz, he just doesn't believe in it.
	So he's a piece of shit.
	And it works out.
	The guy was so notoriously awful, dude.
	He kept going over thing after thing how we would fuck over comics.
	He would do this thing where he'd book a college gig, right?
	For like 10 grand.
	Oh, no, he was doing this for years with Chappelle.
	He would book Chappelle to play to college when he knew Chappelle wasn't able to play the college because he was doing an acting gig.
	And then the day before, or sometimes the day of, he'd call the college back, Chappelle can't make it.
	Wow.
	And then he'd call up Bill Burr, Bobby Kelly, or these guys, like, hey, I got 300 bucks for you if you want to do a college.
	Wow.
	Right?
	So the only reason they found out that he was keeping the other like $10,000 for the gig is because sometimes the college kid would fuck up and give him an envelope with the check and they'd open the check and they'd be like, 15 grand.
	Wow.
	We're getting 500 bucks.
	Fuck.
	And they'd be like, how much are you getting 500?
	So they'd be like, dude, and this is a perfect example of Barr Katz.
	So they'd be like, what's up with this $15,000 check?
	We're only getting $500.
	And then Barrett gets just like, all right, you got me.
	I'll give you an extra $700.
	He just had no, he was like, even in the interview when I'm just roasting, leaving in, he's just kind of laughing along with it.
	And then as somebody's laughing, you're like, I guess it's not that bad deal.
	Wait, he's saying this to the guy's face?
	To his face.
	Holy shit.
	In the interview.
	Oh, I got to see this.
	That's crazy.
	He doesn't give a fuck, dog.
	Oh, he don't care.
	He don't care.
	And just like going at him, relentlessly going at it because the guy stole from everybody, Barry Katz.
	How is he still like?
	So he had an explaining to me, he had an amazing amount of real estate within the comedy business.
	So he was a manager, a booking agent.
	So he was double dipping on clients, right?
	So he'd get his 10% deal as a manager.
	And then it was college booking, so you pay college bookers 20%.
	So he's taking 30% off of college, you know.
	Manager, booking agent.
	And then I think he also had a production company or something like that.
	And then he had all these like one-nighter gigs up in New England and he had a fucking comedy club, the Boston Comedy Club.
	I thought that was his name.
	Was his.
	Yes.
	So like, if you're a comic, especially in the New York area, you're like, well, if I want to work, I got to.
	You got to go with Barry.
	I can't ruffle the feathers.
	Yeah.
	You know.
	And, but it was amazing to hear these comics say the fucking dirtbag things at this guy.
	And I said, how did nobody punch this guy in the face?
	Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
	And he's like, it was close.
	It was very close.
	A lot of people were very close, but he just kind of smiled his way out of it.
	Wow.
	And now he's having this resurgence with this podcast.
	I can't handle listening to the podcast.
	I fucking hate his voice.
	Really?
	Yeah, it's just so like sad.
	Who'd you try to listen to?
	I tried to listen to the Russell Peters interview.
	Okay.
	And then off jump, he's saying, like, I saw you with Torgasm.
	You were there, and Dane was there.
	And I said, this guy's going to be the next star.
	And I was like, he didn't say shit.
	Why didn't you sign him if you thought he was going to be so fucking big?
	Fucking loser.
	I'm so irritated.
	I just turned it off.
	I was like, I can't handle this bullshit.
	I never listened.
	What's up with Russell?
	What's he up to now?
	I don't.
	I opened for him like a year ago.
	Right.
	And he was engaged at the time.
	And now he's not.
	So I don't know.
	But Russell's somebody I have the utmost respect for.
	I haven't heard anything but good things about him as a dude to comics.
	Like if you're with, if you're a comic and you're opening for Russell and you don't have like a, like he'll just buy you like a laptop or a cell phone if you don't have a good cell phone.
	It's like, yo, just take it, go to the Apple Store, give him my name, you're good.
	Right.
	Like, just took care of people.
	Yeah.
	Do you think he's managing his money well?
	I don't know.
	I remember after the show, he took like, like, Melly Mel was there.
	Like, he's like, loves old school hip-hop.
	You know, Russell's a DJ.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So, like, Melly Mel came through.
	Somebody else came through, some old school hip-hop dude.
	I don't remember which one, but like, we all went to a bar afterward.
	He took the whole Caroline staff, paid for everybody's stuff, I assume.
	But he seems like he's still doing all right.
	Yeah.
	I asked him about that clip, and I said, like, I don't remember what I asked him.
	This is a year and a half ago now, but I was just like, what was that like?
	Whatever.
	And then he said, it's crazy.
	That one clip made me millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars.
	It was a nice little flex from him because he doesn't like to flex super hard with me at least.
	But it was just cool to, I don't know, just cool to talk about it a little bit.
	It's just interesting when you think about like money.
	Like I was talking to I was talking to a buddy of mine and we were talking about like freedom.
	And like I'm at a certain point in my career.
	We're both at these different points in his career where he is more wealthy than me, but he still has a boss.
True Financial Freedom 00:08:40
	Right.
	Right.
	Still somebody that he has to do his job or else he could potentially get fired and there are certain protections that he has, et cetera.
	He likes his job?
	Loves his job.
	And you know him.
	Yeah.
	And but in like I'm in the situation where you know I'm not making as much as him, but I'm very comfortable, but I also don't have a direct boss.
	Like I, you know, I was saying to Alex, really what we are is we're like farmers.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	Like every bit of content we put out, that's seeds that we're planting.
	And then hopefully this grows.
	Tour is the harvest.
	The tour is the harvest, right?
	And these different things, right?
	But like even the podcast, right?
	We're harvesting.
	We're getting ads now.
	We're doing these things, Patreon, and all this stuff.
	But it's like we're really sowing these seeds and then recouping what we put out.
	But it's up to us to put it out.
	And hopefully we have a connection so you guys listen in and then you guys spread the word and fuck with us.
	And there is a freedom that comes from that.
	But there's another level of freedom.
	The next level of freedom is, and it's true freedom, is financial security.
	Meaning, what is your nut you need to hit?
	Say it's 20 grand a month after taxes, whatever.
	That's true, true freedom.
	You can do whatever you truly want to do in your life.
	You do the jobs you want to do.
	I'm very fortunate that I was able to create jobs out of the things I love.
	And I don't want to do anything that I don't love doing.
	But there's a version of that freedom, right?
	And it's a freedom that rich kids have, the kids that grow up wealthy, that they, and the weird dynamic of life, like how confusing life is, is oftentimes that people that have things did not earn them, so they cannot appreciate them.
	Yeah.
	So these kids who actually have true freedom because they're financially set never value it because they never understood what sacrifice it takes to get there.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	So we're talking about like, how do you get to true, true freedom?
	What is what is the best way, right?
	And it's obviously you can make a whole bunch of money.
	Financial freedom?
	Well, I think true, true freedom requires it.
	Fuck you.
	All my business friends call it fuck you money.
	Yeah, fuck you money.
	Craig.
	To me, 3 million and 3 million in an account.
	Yeah.
	So you can just make money off safe investments.
	Right.
	5%.
	It's a pretty safe return.
	Right.
	I think the stock market average is $8.
	$600,000.
	That, yeah.
	No, $150,000.
	Yeah.
	$150,000 a year.
	Yeah.
	You can live off of that.
	And then any money, any job you give me, if I don't want it, I'm good.
	I have my money to live.
	Fuck you.
	Fuck you.
	Fuck your money.
	And then you can do whatever you want to do.
	You don't have to worry about being censored.
	You don't have to worry about anybody saying anything, anybody taking what you have, you know?
	Because even if they take what you have, you still have.
	Right.
	Right.
	So we were talking about ways to do this.
	And for some people, probably listening right now, the idea of just having $3 million is like, what are you talking about?
	I make $50,000 a year.
	How do I get $3 million?
	And there's another way I think to get there.
	And it is backing into your nut.
	Right?
	So let's say your nut is $10,000 a month.
	Right?
	You can have passive income back you in.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	So you can have, let's say you found a way to buy a house and now you're Airbnbing it or you're renting it.
	And let's say you have, you know, your wife also has a situation like that.
	Or let's say you guys do some online content where you're getting this different thing.
	You just got to get to that 10 grand.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	Via passive income.
	What if you only get to five?
	Okay.
	But now you're only five grand in the hole every month.
	That's different.
	That's part-time.
	Yeah.
	Or whatever it is.
	So side hustles are very important.
	And what happens is you can get to a point in passive income where you just need a side hustle for the rest of your life.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	So I guess what we were trying to do is break down this task and make it less big.
	And he told me about this thing.
	I got to get the right thing, but it's this like investment app.
	And these people, what they've done is they've done all the math, right?
	And you choose the amount of risk you want to take.
	Something like Made Simple or some shit like that.
	There's a few of these.
	Yes.
	But what they do is they.
	My best friend works for one of those companies, but I forget which one.
	We got to talk to him.
	We got to talk to him because, Al, you farted?
	I did.
	All right.
	So we got to, mine don't sound like that no more.
	We got to talk to him.
	And because what it is, is I'm a fucking idiot.
	I just keep money in my fucking bank account because I have this like.
	Everybody's been telling you this.
	I know.
	I'm financially literate because I have this broke person mentality, right?
	Like, which is just like I bought my apartment because my parents bought real estate, but they didn't, they weren't financially illiterate.
	They didn't know about stocks or anything.
	Yeah, but you like stumbled into a really good investment.
	I did, but the only reason I went to buy it is because my parents had one.
	My parents didn't have it.
	Then I wouldn't have.
	I just, you know, but my boy was explaining to me.
	He's like, dude, if you just put 50 grand away and you're making 10% on that in this program.
	It's like, think about that.
	For the last eight years, you could have done that.
	Yeah.
	I mean, 10%'s high, but yeah, just for math's sake, that's five grand a year.
	Exponentially grown because you're adding to it.
	Oh, there's a book.
	It's written by an Indian dude, so I have no problem plugging it.
	It's called, I will teach you to be rich.
	If you're in your 20s, you have to get this book.
	If you're in your 30s, I've read it at 33 and then almost went broke at 34, so I couldn't invest anything.
	But it is a good book to read, and it will just teach you basics of money.
	And like, this is how you save for retirement.
	I will teach you to be rich.
	That's what we need to do in this podcast.
	I feel like on some level, not only like financially, we just need to teach, you know, optimization.
	You know, we talk about like all the companies we want to be involved in.
	We want your balls to be full, your dick to be hard, all that kind of shit.
	But like, we need to do simple shit because motherfuckers is eating steak well done.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, there are still people out here eating steak well.
	Let me just say that pisses me off here.
	No, but Alex is quiet because he used to eat it like that.
	Do you?
	It used to.
	He used to.
	No, but I'm not talking about white people.
	But real talk is like there are people out listening right now.
	They're like, wait, you're not supposed to eat it well done?
	Right?
	So like on some level, we got a little responsibility to be dropping jewels.
	I'm just saying, you show up to a business meeting, right?
	And you guys are at a steak restaurant, you order your steak well done, you're not closing that deal.
	Unless you sign a deal with Salamonella, you're not closing that deal, right?
	Because they're going to look at you like, what the fuck is this guy going on?
	You fucking idiot.
	Yeah.
	Like, so, and now I know there's people listening right now.
	They're like, I don't get it.
	What does it matter?
	It doesn't matter.
	You can have your steak however you want to have it, but there are little cultural implications, right?
	Yeah.
	Rich people also in particular have a specific set of rules that they use to judge you because that's.
	That's how they keep their class structure.
	Yeah, that's their shitty way of thinking, but it is their shitty way of thinking.
	So like code switch on them.
	Like, all right, I'm at this restaurant with this old white dude.
	I'm going to get a steak, medium or medium rare or whatever.
	So we got to do that.
	We got to like think of fun.
	Like it could be funny ones too, but it's like a lesson that we teach, like how to tip.
	Like there's motherfuckers listening that don't know how to tip.
	And the tipping system is idiotic.
	We've talked about this at length.
	Oh, absolutely.
	20% of total bills just fucking infuriated.
	I was thinking about it.
	I swear I was thinking about it this weekend.
	Why?
	I don't even know.
	Just randomly pissed me off.
	You're so Indian.
	You're so Indian fam.
	Life's going well.
	Everything good.
	About to be the NBA Finals.
	This guy has one moment of clarity.
	That's why they need to meditate, son.
	They were just pissed off about tipping.
	That's what it was.
	That's where fucking Hinduism started.
	Some waiter was like, oh, so you're not going to leave 20%.
	They're like, ooh, I need to pray.
	I need to pray before I kill this motherfucker.
	Yo, in eighth grade, I lost $10 and I literally could not sleep the entire night.
	I swear.
	I woke up in the middle of the night at like 2 a.m. and I couldn't fall back asleep.
	I was thinking about this $10 so much, man.
	That shit ate away at me.
	I got up early, went to school early, and looked in the place.
	I walked into an all-teachers meeting to the classroom where I thought I lost my $10.
	I was like, guys, I'm sorry, but I got to see if it's in here.
	It ate away.
	You got to find that $10.
	No, man.
	That shit still followed him.
	That shit still followed him to this day.
	To this day.
	To this day.
	Oh, man.
Washcloth On Your Ass 00:06:03
	I'm going to pay for it.
	Every time I lost money, dog.
	So, you know, if I lose $10, son, son, you know how often I just buy some shit that don't fit?
	And I'm like, man, I guess I got some shit that don't fit.
	I don't even be returning shit, bro.
	It's fucked up.
	Yo, I actually done that a couple times too, which is an odd juxtaposition with me or whatever.
	But like, I'd be fucking, I'd be, I remember every time I lost actual cash.
	That shit, every time I think about it, I'm like, God damn.
	I remember one time I found 40 and lost 15 and still bothered me.
	That could have made my net profit is affected.
	My net profit, son.
	Son, just think about this.
	No, no, think about how much he's emotionally affected by losing money, right?
	And now imagine last year as he was going pro for a whole year, son.
	How you still got hair on your head, bro?
	No, it's not fun.
	Bro.
	I got grays out of it.
	Grays in my beard.
	Fucking out here looking like Donnell Rawlins.
	How did he not get a hemorrhoid last year?
	See, man, real talk.
	How'd that stress not give you hemmers?
	I don't know, dog.
	I avoided the hammer.
	Damn, you know, y'all need some hemis.
	That was rough, though.
	Yeah, that was rough.
	So, yeah, so we got to figure out shit.
	We got to come like once a week.
	As we learn shit, we should, you know, and as we learn that there are people that don't know about shit.
	Like, like, real talk, I learned more about like cleaning my ass from hanging out with you.
	Yeah.
	And your legs.
	Oh, yeah, and my legs.
	Like, just not cleaning my.
	So, so here's the thing we should tell them.
	We stay at black Airbnbs when we're on the road.
	That's to self-support black businesses.
	We support black business.
	We call them Air RBs.
	Right?
	And we, and so, so, so, we stay in our air RBs, right?
	Yo, you got to stay in black Air RBs, bro.
	Air RBs.
	Black Air RBs.
	We're in the Air RB, bro.
	They don't.
	Smooth living.
	Let me tell you something.
	You know how white people be having Airbnbs as like a business?
	Yeah.
	Black people still living in their Air RBs, bro.
	They didn't even move the crib.
	There was a crib with a baby.
	They left a baby quit.
	I saw that video.
	The baby's there.
	Where are they staying?
	So we babysat the whole weekend.
	Yo, the guy was like, yo, I'll be right back.
	Just watch Lil JJ for us.
	And we're like, all right, I guess.
	And like never came back in true black man trash.
	He probably legit left five minutes before we got there.
	100%.
	His laptop was still plugged in.
	His laptop was plugged in.
	One of the towels was wet.
	He put some pictures up of black women so it looked like we weren't going to fuck up the place because it'd be disrespectful to black women.
	But you know, it was just him and there.
	The craziest thing that happened, and we didn't even acknowledge this when we left.
	So check out was at 12?
	Yeah.
	Dude just walked in at 11:30.
	First time black person been early.
	But like, he didn't knock.
	He just walked in.
	It's his place, so whatever.
	But we're still there.
	It's not whatever, though.
	Still there yeah, and then he saw that we're there.
	He walked in and just started kicking it phone in, laptop and like like no like, oh god, you need a little what like?
	Nah, i'm home now.
	Yo, that was the weirdest that.
	Yeah, it got intimately.
	So that's another thing we were learning just about, like washing your legs in the shower.
	Apparently, white people don't wash their legs in the shower, which is kind of true.
	Depends on how I feel.
	Yeah, I don't i've I, i'm hit and miss with that.
	You're white too bro, I don't know.
	How do you not wash your entire bar?
	It's just listen.
	So far.
	I remember Duval had a meme about this soap, real talk armpits nuts, and the rest is like, if i'm, if i'm feeling energetic that day, if we got it yeah, only armpits and nuts.
	No armpits nuts, ass.
	I can't bend over now with my hemorrhoid because my asshole pokes out.
	All right like yeah, I mean the rest of the water yeah dirty, why?
	Yeah, I let the suds drip down, but that's a white thing.
	So now that we know that we're coming across yeah, like Eden, you shower in a river.
	So what like, so like?
	What is that experience like when you're at the mouth of a river and you're rubbing stones against your dry skin to get it out.
	He's not showering, he's just swimming across.
	Yeah, this is a freedom.
	I made it.
	I made it.
	I'm not gonna lie.
	That one got me off guard, son.
	It's true, bro yo.
	So do y'all use washcloths or y'all just do straight up.
	Soap son, black air and bs, mad washcloth washcloth, mad washcloth.
	Son, more than the hotel.
	You know how?
	The hotel got like a bunch of different size washcloths black r, b right there, right next to it.
	It's big towel washcloth.
	Alex was using them.
	Shits, they were all wet.
	Yep, I ain't ushing, I went through three in three days that poor man got a wash.
	Your washcloth has been on your ass.
	I can't believe y'all.
	Just y'all don't wash your legs.
	Yeah, your pants don't like stick to you and you don't understand.
	Like your legs it's so little soap clean.
	Yeah, like it's you basically washing a a flamingo.
	You know what I mean?
	It's nothing for you.
	You just do that.
	I think you could detach your legs.
	You got legs, you really got.
	You got removable legs, alex.
	So you just detach washable and not bend overhead.
	Real talk, that's what you built like.
	You built like an angry bird you built like an ostrich body, like this head, like this funny ass Kevin Hart joke.
	You know Comedy Central cut that out of the tv airing.
	Like you have to watch the.
	You had to watch the Netflix special to see the whole Kevin Hard Ospers story.
	These fucking idiots anyway.
Steph Is An Eye Guy 00:10:03
	Um, we should probably wrap it up man, unless there's something else you really want want to hit.
	Yeah sure, motherfucker.
	Jesus Christ, what happened?
	What happened?
	Oh on it, boy Eden, you just say, fuck this guy, he ain't shit, isn't it?
	Funny though, that every time he talks, be like yo, what the fuck man?
	I know that, love him, dog.
	It's just a funny little bit, but that was actually great.
	I'm glad you brought that up.
	Um okay, which would you?
	Okay, this is this, is this is this is a dope hypothetical that we're gonna steal from ESP, and since they steal so much from us, I saw, I think they got it from online.
	I saw it on like Rich, Regular twitter.
	I see these motherfuckers probably stole it from someone else even.
	Um okay, which would you?
	Which one would you rather have seen happen?
	Uh, Mj never retired the first time.
	Shaq and Kobe never split up.
	Lebron and Kobe faced off in the finals.
	Derrick Rose never got in, not even question.
	Derrick Rose never got injured.
	Really, you're talking about at the youngest Mvp in the history of the game, unstoppable force.
	I would love to see what he ended up doing.
	I mean, this is him young, this is him at.
	How old was he when he started getting injured?
	Something like that right, so he's that young, starting to get injured.
	Imagine when he starts developing a consistent jumper and he has that explosiveness to that basket, like you're looking at, one of the best ever.
	The guy was Mvp at 20.
	What he might be 22, I think he's injured, 22.
	I think he got hurt.
	Like dominating yeah, now that I think about it, because all the other ones are just like, all right, you want to.
	I kind of like that.
	Kobe Mj, I mean Kobe Lebron face up because the the top two, are just, you just want to see people win more.
	This is this.
	This is the only one that really shakes the course of NBA history.
	Like Mj, let's say he keeps playing or he doesn't.
	He's still gonna be the goat.
	These guys never split up.
	Okay, maybe they win a couple more rings, but Kobe end up doing it, and so does Shaq.
	Like I think it's better for Kobe they did split up.
	Of course, 100 better for Kobe's legacy if they did split up.
	But this one right here changes like every other discussion surrounding the Bulls.
	Derrick Rose point guards.
	I mean bro, this one right here fucks with Iverson's legacy word.
	Yeah, like Derrick Rose ends up having that type of career, maybe even sneaks out a ring.
	That's I that now you're talking to Iverson's.
	Now he loves Tibbs and Tibbs made him a better player.
	But I think you also got to blame Tibbs for the injury.
	I think 45 minutes a game ain't good for anybody.
	100 yep 100, and on some level, I think maybe that's why Tibbs resigned him.
	Oh, maybe Tibbs like I got to give him an opportunity.
	I got to do this right.
	I got to do the right thing.
	Maybe i'm going to sign you when nobody wants you.
	That's a good.
	That's another good discussion, which is like what happens with Derrick Rose next year?
	Yeah, he had a great season.
	Yeah, I think he wants to just stay with Tibbs.
	As long as Tibbs is in Minnesota, he's gonna stay with me.
	Tibbs out.
	Yeah, they fire Tibbs.
	They got a new coach.
	Completely forgot, yeah.
	So it's like I mean, he demonstrated skill.
	He demonstrated he could stay healthy, like yeah, he dribbles the ball a lot, but he could definitely be on a NEW Orleans OR LINS or be on one of these teams.
	That's like a championship team that needs a bench, that's your guy.
	Ew, and no ego.
	So, so that's a different discussion.
	I was like, does he start on a team that is shitty or does he come off the bench on a team?
	I think if you're him, you want to come off a bench of a team as good, right?
	That's the one thing you haven't really since your MVP season.
	Okay, this is wild.
	Maybe this is just me being self, you know, a little bit indulgent here.
	If you're the Clippers, do you make a move and then have your bench be and dude?
	Nah, real talk.
	I put him in at the same time.
	I go six and seven.
	You guys go in there and terrorize the B defense.
	Right.
	The second they sub in their B defense, I go, give them Lou, give them Derek.
	What you gonna do?
	And then just go, hey, Derek, Lou, go him.
	Back and forth possessions.
	Just go nut.
	I like it.
	I like it.
	And you, but you got to get a max guy to make that Clippers team work.
	Yes.
	But still, like, that would be, and Doc is going to respect, you know, he's going to respect Doc.
	Doc's going to respect him.
	Dude, that would be a fun.
	You're there for the second quarter.
	Like, you're showing up to the game is just when these guys go relentless crossover.
	It's and one.
	Oh, fuck.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's the number one.
	Never got injured.
	I would like to have seen the Kobe Lakers and the Miami LeBron.
	I would like to have seen that.
	You want it more than Derek.
	No, no, no, not more.
	Derek Rose, number one.
	That's number two.
	Miami LeBron.
	Wait.
	When LeBron was on the heat.
	Oh, he went up against Kobe.
	Go against Kobe.
	Yeah, Because Kobe would have relished that.
	So here's, all right, maybe, look, we're always coming up with good stuff towards the end.
	So here's an interesting conversation, right?
	There's all these, there's all these NBA players, right?
	For the first time, they're going to the promised land.
	And they've dedicated their entire lives to this moment.
	Right.
	Right?
	To winning this goal, right?
	You know, there's little goals on the way, like making it to the NBA was a little goal, but prior to making it, it was always, I'd love to win an NBA championship because that's the pinnacle of your existence as a player, right?
	So in these moments, where are you in terms of the hurricane?
	Right?
	If the hurricane is the moment, right?
	If a hurricane is this approaching thing, right?
	Are you very fewer at the eye?
	Very fewer at the eye of the storm.
	And I'm not saying I guy.
	Who's an eye guy?
	Steph is kind of an eye guy, maybe.
	Steph is an eye guy.
	Even though maybe that's revision is history.
	Kobe's an eye guy.
	Kobe's an eye guy.
	Michael was an eye guy.
	More than anybody in history, in our lifetimes, those are the eye guys.
	Larry Bird seemed like an eye guy.
	Larry Bird, eye guy.
	Magic eye guy.
	So, and then what?
	Can you prepare your child to be an eye guy?
	Can you prepare for the best?
	I mean, if you read the Tiger Woods book, I should just give it to you and let you read it.
	Just growing up.
	This is the one where it's just a good idea.
	Yeah, that's what his dad did.
	He prepared him his entire life to be an eye guy.
	And what?
	How?
	I mean, he was like horrendous.
	Like, as Tiger was on his backstring, he would like heckle him, like call him the N-word.
	Like, you are unflappable.
	I'm going to make it to where nothing distracts you from winning.
	You are going to be the toughest son of a bitch on earth.
	And then they had a word.
	He was like, if you ever say enough, I'll stop.
	Tiger never said enough.
	Tiger refused to ever say to his dad enough.
	His dad would just get meaner and meaner and meaner, crueler and crueler and crueler.
	And he said to his tiger, look, my last wife thought that her little nag with a golf club was going to do shit.
	Just chasing with a golf lug.
	You think I'm going to say enough now, bitch?
	Bitch, you think a little four-iron is going to stop me, bitch?
	Bitch, I got a navigator.
	I'm driving a navigator.
	Work on your back thing, bitch.
	Bitch, we can send you back to Norway.
	I can't send my dad away from being my dad.
	Five, bitch.
	You ain't doing nothing.
	But that's an interesting thing.
	So you think it's possible to build the constitution of an eye at a hurricane?
	Yeah, I think so.
	I mean, it doesn't always work.
	And I remember we asked Roy Jones Jr. about that, and he was like, look, I think what he said was, I was tough enough to handle that.
	He's not a lot of kids are.
	He said, Joe Jackson got treated.
	No, he said Tito got treated the same as Mike.
	But he didn't become Mike.
	And then he said, like, certain guys just weren't treated that hard and they ended up getting there anyway.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's a tough one.
	And I think he felt like he didn't need to be treated that way.
	Yes.
	I think that was his way of saying I would have rather like a cool relationship with my pops than like.
	And Tiger probably would have been great regardless, but I do think that was like an extra.
	Yeah, from what I've read in this book, that was an extra.
	Like he is unflappable in big moments because you cannot do worse to me than what's already been done.
	I have to lean into those moments, I've noticed.
	It's a choice I have to make.
	Interesting.
	Like, I have to turn the nerves to excitement.
	I have to, yeah.
	And then I can lock in.
	But it is a decision because I can be watching a fight that I'm not, you know, that I'm not in, obviously.
	I'm just invested in the fighters and I can be like so on my anxiety, nerves, et cetera.
	And then, but then there can be a moment like with like doing Rogan, which was like, to me, the biggest thing.
	Right.
	And I mean, Alex, what would you say?
	I would say I was pretty locked in.
	Yeah.
	I remember before I actually were nervous and shit.
	Like you kind of seemed like you were just in the zone.
	You're ready.
	I felt in the eye.
	I feel the seizure moment was another one.
	Like you were kind of like, oh, shit, what's going on?
	Like, you were concerned with the girl.
	You were there.
	Yeah.
	And then something just clicked and you're like, oh, shit, no one's on stage.
	And you just started playing in your head and it's like, damn, I was in the eye.
	And it's up.
	No, that is interesting.
	It was amazing.
	Not to suck your dick, but that shit was amazing.
	Bro, but no, but you know what?
	There's an interesting thing about it, which is like maybe I'm more anxious with other people's stuff.
	Like I would be more anxious.
	Like, let's say you're taping your special.
	Yeah.
	I would be more anxious for you because I couldn't control the environment.
	Yeah.
	And I wonder, like with children, like, but with me, if it's for me, like the, what's it called thing?
	The seizure.
	The seizure shit, it was so interesting.
	I wasn't nervous.
	It felt like the right thing to do.
	Right.
	And it was the eye.
	And there was a hurricane going on.
	Something that shit could have went horrible.
	Horrible.
	But it just felt right.
	Maybe that's it.
	Maybe.
	Yeah, maybe when like things are meant for you to do, you just do them.
Failure And Hard Work 00:10:10
	But it is so nerve-wracking when someone else is doing them because you're invested in that person.
	Like, I'm going to want you to do great, but I can't do great for you.
	The more people are nervous for me, the more nervous I get.
	The more I hate it.
	I'm like, yo, I just want to be in a room by myself.
	I don't want because I'm dealing with my nerves.
	I also think people can get closer to center.
	I think some people can't, but like, I think Kobe early on wanted to be an eye guy, wasn't quite an eye guy.
	I remember he airballed two shots against the jazz in the playoffs or something like that.
	But then as you get more used to it, you're like, oh, this is the hurricane.
	I want to be at the center.
	I'll get there.
	This is the center.
	Everything's fine.
	I've been here.
	Build towards it.
	I think a lot of it is kind of boring.
	But yeah, I always notice when people are nervous for me, I'm like, oh, stop.
	I don't want that.
	Let me deal with this.
	That's why it's often, you don't want, like, at least for me, like, my parents or like close friends at shows.
	Hate them at shows.
	Because it's an, it's like, I know that this, I know you're concerned for me.
	Yes, man, I don't want that.
	And I don't want that.
	And I'm not calm like the storm guy, whatever, but I know the worst thing for me is when everybody else gives a fuck.
	Then I'm like, yo, I don't need that.
	I'll handle this.
	Because I got this, and then if something happens, I'm okay with that.
	But I'm also like creating this environment.
	I'm not going to say I'm okay with it, but like, I extra don't want.
	Now you're let down.
	Now I'm like, oh, fuck, here we go.
	Yes, you came in.
	And you don't understand the dynamic that's happening here.
	Like, you don't understand, like, yes, I know this joke does that, and it happens 50% of the time.
	And I'm working on making it happen 0%.
	But right now, it's a 50-50.
	Right.
	You're just like, oh, boy, that joke really doesn't work.
	It's like, you don't get it just yet.
	You know?
	Yeah, that's interesting.
	It's fascinating.
	Like, it's something that can be built.
	And what a tricky thing with being a parent.
	Like, I bet there's people listening right now that you have kids and like you're making these tough decisions on how to raise them.
	And it's like, how far do you push your kid to prepare him for the eye?
	Like, is it worth sacrificing your relationship with your kid?
	I think no.
	Emphatic no.
	Right?
	Because we can't.
	Matter of fact, you said this to me.
	We're talking about the mom's relationship with the son versus the dad's.
	Right.
	And you're like, I think that with any kid.
	I think the dad's relationship is more important.
	Right.
	Until a certain age.
	I think dad's like is like meaningless until like in like until you're like 13.
	I think, yeah, in terms of how you turn out as a man or woman, I think it's more important your relationship with your dad.
	That has a bigger impact on it.
	Yes, for both male and females.
	I think so.
	Yeah.
	But especially as you get older, because it's not unconditional.
	Your mother's love is unconditional, and we know that.
	And we take advantage of unconditional.
	Your mom will forgive you for whatever you do.
	Yeah.
	I think I'm, and I think to that.
	You never see a dad pick up their kid in jail.
	Right?
	You watch all those jail shows.
	It's never the dad, like, ah, so great to see you, Todd.
	Yeah.
	It's the mom.
	Right.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	Like, how often does the dad just go, you're cut off?
	You're out of this family.
	Because we're more objective, right?
	The baby doesn't come out of us.
	Yeah.
	You know, but that motherly love, which is valuable, it's so important.
	Right.
	You know, this is this is.
	Oh, shit.
	Yeah, I didn't see that.
	This was a good debate because I'm more leaning towards the side of pushing them, like pushing them even risking the relationship up.
	Because look, all right, me as an adult now, if my dad pushed me to be great, I can appreciate it now.
	Our relationship might have been fucked up, but I think as an adult, in retrospect, I'd be like, yo, I see what you were doing.
	I didn't get it in the moment.
	But if you don't push them, you never know their full potential.
	Right?
	Like, I think part of the reason why you're so good is like you talk about how your parents pushed you to be confident and they always wanted to hear what you had to say.
	Yeah, but they didn't push me.
	They were so confident.
	I mean, like, they were encouraging.
	Right, right, right.
	They were very involved.
	So it's like now you're in during a profession where you talk all the time.
	Right.
	And so it's like they curated that.
	100%.
	Without even knowing they built that.
	They said they planned the scene.
	I'm going to probably push as much as I could.
	Because, yo, if you have a Jordan or Serena Williams or something like that, it's like at the end of the day, they're going to, they all have good relationships with their parents as they got older.
	It might have been rough.
	So Tyler Rick fucked with his dad.
	Roy Jones seemed fucked with his dad.
	Yeah, no, there are people.
	Jordan didn't seem like he got pushed a ton.
	So that's the thing.
	I think in some of us, I think I have a relentless competitive nature.
	Yeah, I think it has to be in you.
	And I think that you're born with that.
	I think some people are born with it, some aren't.
	But I think that if you're not, you can push and get manifest it.
	Like get his clothes.
	Like, you know, some people have natural like ability, athletic ability, and then some people got to work for it.
	But oftentimes, the people who work for it end up being more effective, right?
	Yeah.
	Like Tim Duncan was not the most athletic player, but he got the fundamentals down in the game.
	He was one of the most effective guys, et cetera.
	It's just an interesting balance.
	It's like, how much of your relationship with your kid will you sacrifice so that they can be safe in the world and succeed in the world?
	Because whoa.
	Yeah.
	Because think about it.
	Tiger mobs, not to be stereotypical, but they're fucking killing it.
	Ask Indians.
	Asians are killing it in America, and their parents don't accept anything less than an A.
	Well, ask, so Akash.
	I don't, well, yeah.
	Hold on, what's this?
	It's John Morant signing a deal with Nike.
	But go on.
	I don't.
	Well, here's what I was going to bring up.
	I don't know if this seems like it applies, but I do think it applies.
	I always remember this study that said that parents that praise their kids for achievement don't, those kids don't do as well as the parents who praise their kids for hard work.
	Like if parents are always like, yo, you work so hard, man, great for you.
	You work so hard, great for you.
	Those kids tend to do better than the ones who are like, oh, you got straight A's?
	Oh, you got this first place trophy.
	Oh, you got this.
	That's interesting.
	And I was always rewarded for hard work.
	And I'm not.
	Regardless of outcome.
	Yeah, and I'm not naturally the academic achievement kid.
	I wasn't, but it's like, okay, fine.
	Well, I can't fucking outwork all of you.
	Let's go.
	Like, you won't stop me from working.
	And that's the thing I feel good about internally when I'm working hard.
	Because it's something.
	Oh, that's it.
	You have to.
	I mean, look at all of us.
	None of us have kids.
	We're talking about parenting.
	But you have to reward something that is in their control.
	They cannot control outcome.
	If you're saying that your kid played horribly because he didn't win, right?
	It's not rewarding losing, but if he played hard because he didn't win, his whole life will be based on this structure of win and lose.
	And often he might avoid the big challenges because those challenges come with potential loss.
	But if hard work is what is rewarded, a relentless attitude will be applied to whatever you do because you understand that is the key to success.
	And then you won't be afraid of those big challenges because when you don't achieve them, you go, well, I guess I got to work a little harder.
	There's always more that can be done.
	And watching, like, I got little brothers, little sisters, whatever.
	My little cousin, he's two years younger than me, but he like runs marathons.
	He finishes like at a pretty good clip.
	He's a fast runner.
	But the thing I always am impressed by, and I'm saying it'd probably be easier to praise your kids for this, is like his discipline is insane.
	Every macronutrient that he eats before the race is measured out perfectly.
	He runs, you know, like it's incredibly disciplined.
	And that's what I'm always like, yo, man, fuck.
	That's the thing I marvel at.
	And I assume when I have kids, if my kid is not really working hard and getting straight A's, I'm going to be impressed, but I'm going to be proud of my kid when I see him busting his ass.
	Even if he gets a B or two, I'm going to be like, yo, I saw you put in work, and I promise that will pay off.
	I'm proud of that.
	I'm impressed by straight A's if you don't work.
	I might have a genius, but like, I'm proud of the hard work.
	Yeah.
	That's the thing it's easier for me to praise just off pride.
	Like, I have no clue how hard the test is, what the competition is.
	It's a stupid thing to reward just the A's.
	But what if he's working super hard for a D?
	Hey, man, maybe this is not for you, but you keep working.
	Yeah.
	Something will work out.
	This is the beauty of America.
	If you apply it to some other shit, we'll be an A in the other shit.
	This is the privilege of America.
	And I'm not even saying this in a condescending way.
	I'm saying this is how we're blessed.
	If you work your ass off, you might not be super rich, but you will be okay.
	You will be fine.
	You will be comfortable.
	You can hit middle here.
	Yeah, but devil's advocate.
	What if you're teaching your kid to be okay with failing?
	It's like, oh, I work hard.
	Real talk?
	I encourage my kids to fail.
	Yes.
	If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
	Accepting failure.
	No, no, no.
	That's the other tricky thing, right?
	He makes an interesting point.
	The idea of accepting failure.
	That's something you got to navigate.
	That's something you got to balance, right?
	It's like you shouldn't want to fail.
	And it shouldn't be okay.
	Right?
	It is.
	Yeah, yeah, it's tricky.
	You understand what he's saying, right?
	I do.
	In my mind, the thing I think I try to say to who, and again, kids are different than little brothers, sisters, whatever, but like little cousins, I'm like, yo, there's no failure.
	There are learning experiences.
	Learn from this.
	Yes.
	Learn from this what you can.
	Move forward.
	And now, if you keep failing at this thing, we really need to re-examine some shit.
	Right.
	But like, this is not, it's okay to fail as long as you learn something.
	Yeah, I'm not, we're not proud of failure.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	We're not like patting you on the back for failure.
	Right.
	But there are ways to fail that are better than others.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	And when you've done all the work, if you prepared the best you possibly could prepare, and you still don't get the grade that you want on that test, you can't be too upset.
	Yeah.
	What can we do differently?
	We'll find different ways.
	Yeah.
	But we did everything we thought we could do.
	Yeah.
	Now you just learn.
	That's what this was.
	And then we learned from this.
	Yeah.
	I think that's it.
	So now when you apply that to sports, all right, they're in the gym shooting.
	They're just not gifted.
Learning From Mistakes 00:03:48
	That's going to happen.
	So now they just keep going because you have rewarded their hard work.
	So it's like a SoundCloud rapper now.
	No, we problem solve.
	Right?
	You go like this.
	I mean, this is what I do.
	Like, listen, you can always work on shit and get better, but it's like we problem solve.
	What am I working with?
	What do I have you as?
	What do you, oh, you can't shoot for shit?
	All right, that's fine.
	Can you play D?
	Can you rebound?
	What parts of the game, shit, can you coach?
	Are you good at it?
	Are you a good teammate?
	Are you good at filling up space?
	You good at working off the ball?
	Can you pass well?
	But now you're like kind of redirecting what they want to do.
	100%.
	Instead of just encouraging them to do that.
	Yeah, man.
	No, We got to be honest with who we are.
	I mean, don't get me wrong.
	I'm going to tell my kid he can do anything he wants, right?
	But you got to go for it.
	And if you ain't going to go for it, I'm not the one to force you to do a sport.
	You got to play a sport because you love it.
	What I'm trying to say is you find a way to be effective in the game.
	That's what I would always try to do.
	I find a way to be effective.
	We're never raised.
	You can do anything you want.
	That's not it.
	General Eastern.
	You can do anything you want.
	You want to be a doctor.
	Yeah.
	Or an engineer or an NBA.
	Yeah.
	That's what you want.
	Yeah, that's what we want.
	No, it's a good.
	Yeah, that's a different.
	This is a Western thing.
	You can do whatever you want.
	Yo, Andrew, go have a kid.
	And let's try this out.
	Who had a kid?
	It's Hemery.
	Oh, God.
	Excuse me.
	Yeah, man.
	I don't know.
	We'll figure it out.
	When I have some kids, we'll have another discussion about this and we'll see who we are.
	I might be a complete softy, to be honest with you.
	I'm concerned I'm going to be a softie.
	I'm going to have to put hard shit on my wife.
	Oh, 100%.
	Yeah.
	Yo, kids get away with everything for me.
	What?
	What do you mean?
	If you guys are already thinking you're going to be the first one.
	Of course, if I got a fucking daughter, that's on wifey.
	Yo, 100%.
	Like, what if I got a daughter and she got a mustache and like her dad got to tell her, like, guys think that's gross?
	Son.
	I got to tell my wife to do that, right?
	Like, yo, wax your mustache.
	Why is your head was going to be so hairless?
	You know what I mean?
	And you could barely even grow a mustache.
	So, like, you fine.
	She might have a hairy ass.
	She might have a crate, a wild hairy ass.
	God.
	She might have a wolf ass, but you're not going to know.
	I'm going to have to have my wife do all that shit.
	You're going to have to tell her everything.
	I'll tell my son shit.
	I'll tell him what's up.
	I'm stepping to the plate for it, all that.
	Really?
	The daughter?
	I could be tough on a son.
	Because I hate that when parents or anybody, adults speak to kids with that kid voice.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I hate it.
	I've been doing that the most.
	When I'm around babies, kids, I speak to them straight up like an adult.
	Right.
	And I think they respect that more.
	You look right at the belly and you go, you gonna die in there.
	All right, this has been an episode of Flagrant 2.
	Guys, damn, we didn't even get to a fourth episode.
	What's it called?
	Yo, man, some shows coming up, man.
	That's why you're so heartless, fam.
	Can you throw these in the beginning?
	Matter of fact, I'll give some shows and you guys can put them in the beginning.
	But listen, this has been another episode of Flagrant 2, No Easy Buckets Analysis by Assholes, Water Cooler Commentary for your sports needs.
	Thank y'all so much for listening.
	Patreon, we're going to see you Friday.
	I might show you my hemorrhoid.
	I might not.
	We're going to see.
	You know, I'm going to see how generous I feel.
	But I know it's bad.
	It's bad.
	It's super bad.
	Maybe I'll do like a really zoomed in version so no one really knows what it is.
	We'll figure it out.
	Anyway, man, we fuck with y'all so much.
	Thank you for spreading the word.
	Thank you for growing this podcast.
	It's amazing what we've been able to accomplish.
	We will speak to you very soon.
	Go out there, be great, get your steak done medium, maybe medium rare.
	I don't go medium.
	Wash your legs.
	You know what I mean?
	Stay at Black Airbnb's.
	Use up all their cocoa butter.
	It is what it is.
	It's been Flagrant 2.

Chapters

00:00:00 The Hemorrhoid Picture
00:14:41 Proctologist Visit Fails
00:19:48 Kawhi Leonard's Value
00:35:20 Who Are Top Three Players
00:44:13 Kobe's Informative Years
00:49:32 Relentless Chasing Moments
00:53:05 Original Grain Watches
00:56:11 Merchandise Runs Out Fast
01:11:27 Warriors Play All Four Quarters
01:15:53 Barry Katz College Gig
01:23:44 True Financial Freedom
01:32:24 Washcloth On Your Ass
01:38:28 Steph Is An Eye Guy
01:48:31 Failure And Hard Work
01:58:42 Learning From Mistakes