Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, and Edin dissect Kawhi Leonard's clutch Game 7 performance against the Sixers, critiquing TNT's camera angles and debating his legacy compared to Duncan and Kobe. They analyze Chris Paul's supermax contract with Houston, mock a Frank Thomas eugenics commercial, and debate Portland's food culture versus New Orleans. The episode concludes with trash talk about an upcoming one-on-one game, promoting upcoming wrestling shows, and mocking each other's appearances via Snapchat filters. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Flagrant 2 Push with Manscaped00:03:47
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No easy buckets analysis by assholes.
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Promo Code for Free Shipping00:14:47
What an amazing weekend of contents.
What an amazing weekend of basketball games.
I mean, I think it's important to start with one of the most glorious, one of the most glorious clutch shots in the history of playoff basketball.
I know for a fact Max Kellerman was texting Stephen A. Smith and Jay Williams.
I don't know.
I understand that Kawhi is better than Kobe or more clutch than Kobe.
But Max got a couple. a couple percentage points back on the power meter after that shot dropped for Kawhi.
That's Kobe RMJ has never done.
Which is.
When a buzzer beater game seven in a game five in the first round back when it was best of five though.
Yeah, but is that game five against Cavs?
It was game five first.
So it was a deciding game.
Game five, game seven, the same to me.
I didn't think that anything could top like the Dame Lillard logo three-pointer.
But like the fucking drama of that ball bouncing for, it was like, you see it in the movies.
Yeah.
And like you always see like, the ball never bounces that many times in a round.
That makes no sense.
Like it was the first time I've really seen that shot.
The only time I've ever seen that happen on a game-winning shot was when I beat Jay Williams with the hesitation.
It was an almost identical bounce.
I wish we need to almost bring it up and put them side by side.
I call that a champions bounce.
It's a championship.
I call that a champion that bounce.
The shooters touch amazing.
Never in my life.
If you look at Kawhi, I mean, I think everybody in the internet has spoken about this, but it was really cool to see Kawhi actually show emotion.
What was hilarious was this.
If you watch the clip, and I know we're not watching with audio or anything like that, right?
But if you watch the clip on TNT, right?
I think it was TNT game.
TNT, yep.
If you watch a clip on TNT, the ball goes in.
This is not going to be it.
Actually, pause this for a second.
So if you watch the clip on TNT, right?
The ball goes in.
Now, my first reaction is, oh my God, I'm going to get to see Kawhi actually emote.
I'm going to get to see him go crazy, right?
I'm going to get to feel what it feels like when he finally gets excited, right?
And the shot is wide.
You see Kyle grab the ball and run towards him, right?
And the shot goes in close.
And right when you're about to see his face get crazy, like Marcus Hole's head goes in front of him.
So they switch to another angle.
And right when you're about to see him go crazy, then all of a sudden Kyle's head goes in front of him.
They should have never shown it.
They should have never seen it.
Dude, like Wilson on home improvement.
Remember, you never had to see Wilson's face?
Dude, it's the headless horseman.
This exactly...
No, let's look at it.
Look at it from this angle right here.
Yeah, I think this is the angle.
Yeah, this is right here.
Okay, so he goes up, shoots, and sits it down.
And covered.
Good.
Covered.
Wait for it.
So now you have no clue what's happening.
That's just the angle.
Covered.
And now we're looking at the back of his head while he's screaming.
Okay.
So what's again?
Covered.
It's constantly covered.
You can't, for a fraction of a second, you'll see him yelling.
And the next time.
By the time you see him, it's over.
He's done.
By the time you see him, he's in the post-game interview, and he's like, yeah, just like.
You see him at the very end of this clip.
You see him, but he's like, dude.
He's like, it's back to normal now.
So what was obviously an amazing shot, but what was so clutch about the shot is he missed the free throw to steal the game.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which I didn't see coming.
I mean, like, mind you, I think he had like 15 points in the fourth quarter or something like that.
He had like nine out of the last 12, too.
I mean, it was sad.
40 shots.
It went up 40 shots.
Dude, it's game seven.
You put up as many shots as needed.
Look at that crouch waiting for the bounce.
And it's such a great fucking photo.
It's like a fucking Renaissance photo because everybody kind of knows it's going to happen, but they don't want it to happen.
I feel so bad for Joel and B.
But how stupid do rich Canadians dress?
This is the front row at the whatever center in the Scotiabank Arena now.
It's not your Canadian moment.
Oh, the Scotiabank Arena.
Okay.
Here you've got Steven Seagal, or what looks like Steven Seagal.
Yeah.
Right.
I see two John Goodman, to be honest with you.
Everybody's a John Goodman, right?
Here's Brian Seagal, Stevens' brother manager.
These are not actually the equal four.
Four members of OVO.
Yeah, somewhere.
This guy put a lot of money on the Sixers.
This guy looks like Hannibal Burris in the top.
God damn it.
Look at these idiots looking on the Jumbotron.
They're five feet away.
I know.
Oh, this is crazy, dude.
And poor Jimmy, man.
He almost had that.
He almost had his heroes moment right there when he tied the game.
Yeah, yeah.
So it came really close.
But at the same time, man, like, I feel for you.
Oh, you all saw Joel and Beat cry like a baby afterwards, right?
We'll get into that in a second.
God damn, it was hyped up.
Like, these entire conference semis were hyped up as like, quote unquote, like the greatest conference semis ever.
Like even before the games.
You don't need LeBron.
You don't need to.
Don't be able to not leave me LeBron.
Matter of fact, it's even better without LeBron.
And let me tell you this.
I know this is going to sound wild.
Don't need KD either.
Honestly, I never doubt the superheroes.
I'm with you on that too.
Because right now, I was talking to somebody today, and I was like, yo, this is the first time the team's as constructed.
I like all of them.
Everybody can win.
Everybody knows.
You know why you might not need LeBron or KD?
Because they might not be the two best players in the league anymore.
Ooh, pump the brakes, but make your argument.
Yeah, okay.
Giannis.
Yep.
This year, best player in the league.
Okay.
We all slept on Kawhi.
But we're looking at Kawhi in the playoffs.
When you consider his defensive contribution, is he definitively worse than Durant?
I think I'd take Durant, but it's a conversation.
So let's have that.
You've just completely flipped me.
So, yeah, we are guilty of not recency bias, but like history bias.
We are calculating the amazing efforts of LeBron and KD throughout their careers and not calculating what Kawhi and Jonas have grown into specifically this year, which continues on your argument, but it's a conversation that needs to be had, which is as great a coach as Pop is, he takes your soul.
And you are not as great as you could be if you are with Pop.
And we would never see this Kawhi that puts up 39 shots in a game seven and carries a team on his back with Popovich.
And we might not see that because maybe Popovich would devise a game plan so good that it would be an easier victory.
It doesn't come down to that.
But I think that Kawhi leaving Pop will be the greatest decision that he's made in his career because you will get to see the height that Kawhi can go.
You get to see him at least.
Like no matter how good he is, it's almost like playing for the Patriots.
No matter how good you are, Belichick's always going to get the credit.
Popovich is always going to get the credit.
Well, here's what I would say.
The first year Kawhi was the unquestioned alpha, he was destroying the conference finals and then got hurt.
Yep.
I do think Pop would let Kawhi shine when everybody else is gone.
It's like, okay, you are the guy now.
Sure.
I don't deny that, but don't you feel like the game and the offense that Pop operates in is so team oriented that you don't get to see someone carry.
Yeah.
Like, I'm trying to think back to Spurs teams.
And his greatest Tim Duncan was, I can't recall a game where it's like, whoa, Tim really put him on his back.
I remember one game where I think the game where Derek Fisher had that fucking 0.4 turnaround or whatever.
And I remember that game, like Duncan went nuts that game because right before he hit a fucking falling banking three-point, he had like 40 that game or something.
That was like the only time I remember Tim Duncan like completely.
We're talking a guy who has five ranks.
We have one game where we remember.
I think he's been having 40 against in the game he lost against the Mavs in game seven.
Okay.
I've seen Duncan do it.
Now, I think another thing that helped Kawhi is that no one else wanted the fucking ball.
Okay, and we're going to get, I want to get into that as well, but I don't want to leave alone this pop concept here.
I think what is so great about Pop is that he gets you to opt into team.
And what is so great about not being with Pop is you have to carry a team with yourself at times.
At times, yeah.
And we saw throughout this series, Kawhi go, we are going to win.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We are going to win, and I will take us to victory.
I forget the actual stat, but he scored the most points.
I think the second or third most points in a series in playoff history.
And I think the only two people who beat him was like Will and like Jordan.
I think he actually beat Jordan.
I think there was like maybe two other series with Jordan in there.
Unbelievable.
But like there was one Jordan.
It was like Jordan, LeBron, Kawhi, like Jordan twice, and then Wilts.
We would never know how good Kawhi is if he stayed with the Spurs.
And I'm not saying this is a knock to Popovich.
I think what makes a coach great, to be honest with you, what makes the Raptors so effective is there's a guy like Mark Casol that can put up 30-point games that averages nine points a game.
Right.
Because Mark opts in.
And that's what he needs him to do.
I'm going to play my hardest on defense and give everything on defense against one of the best up-and-coming players in the league, Joelle Embiid.
And that's what this team needs from me.
And most teams do not get you to opt in in that way.
But seeing what Kawhi did, a special performance.
I mean, like, it's an all-timer.
That's an all-time.
Holy shit.
He gets a statue if, like, if they re-sign him or whatever, and he stays there, he gets the statue right after Vince Carter.
I'm glad you said that.
Vince is officially buried.
Yeah.
Before this, what is it?
The ghost of Vince Carter loomed over the Toronto Raptors.
And I feel like after this performance, and granted, they're just going back to the Eastern Commons Finals, which they have gone before since Vince, but it was something about the way that they beat this Philadelphia team that had monsters on it.
We're talking about four monsters.
We're talking about Joellen Biet, Tobias Harris, Ben Simmons, one other one.
Jimmy Butler, Jimmy, Jimmy Butler.
J.J. Reddick, like four big guys.
On paper, they are supposed to win this series.
And he took them.
And he took the series.
Kawhi took the series from the six.
To your point.
The reason people always put Kobe over Tim might be Tim didn't have to just carry the team constantly because Pop is a better coach and he gets a team involved.
Also, and I picked the Raptors to go to the finals.
And I think Kyle Lowry has found his way to be effective in the playoffs.
But Pascal Siakam.
If you don't learn to take a fucking shot, they're not going to win.
So Pascal's interesting, right?
Because there are moments of this series where we saw him flash signs of brilliance, right?
We saw him put up, was it this one or last one where he put up 30 plus?
Definitely wasn't this.
I think it was last series.
So last year he puts up 30.
Last season he put this series, he puts up 30 plus.
And I think we sat here and we were like, this kid just found himself.
And in this series, it was limiting.
In game seven in particular.
It was limiting.
Everybody, the commentators are saying Greg Anthony is like, yo, this guy's terrified to take a shot.
Well, you got to understand, like, he's coming into a what?
He was just getting like his league legs under him.
Like, people know who he is.
You got to scout for him now, right?
And on top of that, like, you're going against the Sixers.
And if you're a wing guy and you're not an all-time fucking talent like Kawhi Leonard, like you got Jimmy Butler dogging you.
You got Tobias Harris dogging you.
You got Ben Simmons.
These are three 6'8 dogs on defense that are going to come after you.
And I could see why he had some subpar games.
So I think he'll do better in the next round.
I mean, like, if Giannis isn't guarding him, or I think Giannis takes the chance to get Kawhi.
I can't wait for that.
I mean, and we can have this, we can start getting to this conversation about what happens next series.
You have an interesting matchup, right?
We all know the matchup that we want to see is Jonas and Kawhi, right?
Now, if you noticed in game seven, Kawhi didn't really mark Butler this series.
There are times he would mark him, but it wasn't the main defender.
And they said game seven, they were like, hey, we need you to turn the water off.
And they turned it off.
Butler stroke.
Now, he had a big layup at the end.
He hit a couple shots, but the water.
Yeah.
It wasn't a lot of water pressure.
It was a 20 faucet, right?
It was a low scoring game.
But sorry about that.
So the wisdom that you bring into a series with Janice is like, and something you got to think about when you're a coach and GM is, is we know we have this guy that can turn the water off.
How much energy do we want to risk, right?
That's the hardest part because you need his buckets, too.
You need them all.
And if you're going to burn him out guarding the probable MVP of the league, I don't know if you want to do that.
You know what I mean?
Like, maybe you got to tell Pascal Siakim to put his boy pants on and like go guard him.
You know what I'm saying?
Because we need Kawhi to score before the last series.
What do you do?
Listen, if it's game seven, we already know who's on the bottom.
Okay, you empty the clip in game seven.
Let's go.
And I want to hear from both of you guys.
What do you do game one defensive matchups?
Raptors, Bucs.
What I do is what the Celtics did in game one.
Okay.
You let Giannis get his and stop shooters from going off.
And they won handily that first game, right?
You tell Siakam or you tell somebody, who else would?
Mark.
I'll tell Serge Jabako.
It's Serge Mark.
You follow Giannis, you wear him down or do whatever you can.
You tell Siakam and Kawhi, make sure those shooters don't get off.
And if those shooters don't get off and you could hold Giannis and let Giannis kind of get his 30 without getting the assist because the assist is where he kills you.
Like when he's driving and like these guys are getting wide open threes, that's when you're done.
But if Giannis gets his 30 and he gets like two assists, you can live with that.
You're cool with Giannis being responsible for 36 points, not 56 points.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Akash?
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
I was going to say maybe just have Kawhi guard him in the fourth, but save him until the fourth.
But that makes a ton of sense too.
Now, how did Milwaukee get around Boston's game plan and let their shooters get off?
Well, Giannis just dunked them to death.
That's why.
So they felt like they had to address the Duncan.
Holding Giannis Without the Assist00:15:08
And then once he was just, everyone was collapsing on him and he was just, you know, just here's the thing.
The Bucks have sneaky shooters, man.
Not even sneaky anymore.
Yeah, but like, I guess...
Erson, what's his name?
They have Miritich.
Ilyasova.
Brooke Lopez.
Is Ilyasova still there?
Yeah.
Yeah, he's still there.
So what they have is they have big guys that can splash.
They have Miritich, Ilyasova, Brooke Lopez, right?
Middleton.
Middleton.
It's like...
And they build the team really well.
They have the, I think they led the league in three-pointers this year.
Not the Warriors, not the Rockets.
The fucking Bucs led the league in three-pointers this year.
So people don't know that.
They see Giannis and the way he plays, and they don't think they're only thinking about their speakers.
Yeah, they think only Dunk.
It's like, no, they fucking splash.
They put the team together well.
You know that that guy is going to create massive attention.
You know there's no way to one-on-one guard him.
So you know there's going to be kickouts and you need guys who cannot.
You know what's funny?
They're built like old Cavs teams used to be built.
Yeah.
Like they're built like that.
Absolutely.
They fucking, they give the ball to Giannis.
They say you get to the hole or you drive or whatever.
You do what you got to do.
And not if he's hitting threes, fucking forget about it.
So you have a situation, right, where I'll be honest with you, I would empty the clip immediately.
I think you start the series, and maybe this goes against conventional wisdom, but I start the series with Kawhi on Jonas because I think you want to slow momentum down.
I think the Bucs are a momentum team.
Yeah, once they get going, it's hard to taught.
It's over.
It's hard to turn that faucet off.
It's hard to turn over.
It's hard to turn that faucet off, right?
So why not send Kawhi at him early, right?
And you send Kawhi at once, see if you can turn that faucet off, see if you can get the guys, you know, to at least limit what they're doing.
I think Brooke Lopez, Mark Gasol is a wash, right?
They're both guys hit it from outside.
Both guys are not going to kill you in the post, but they're kind of big, thick motherfuckers.
Let them bang.
That's fine.
But I think you go and turn it off.
The one problem is, and Akash said this earlier, is when Kawhi is going to be guarded by Jonas, you're going to have Kawhi limit score.
It's going to limit scoring.
You're going to limit scoring.
Who steps up?
Lowry doesn't want it.
He's found his game, but it's not going to be contributing with buckets.
He's going to be defensive.
He's going to get some offensive active.
Straight activity.
Yeah.
So the question is, is it Siakam?
Is it Surge?
Does Danny Green start to hit some threes again?
Who on that team wants to go, I'm the second scorer.
The only one with the ability is Siakum.
Yeah.
Danny Green old, and he can knock down threes, but he's not winning games.
He's not going to get you like 15.
If Danny Green gets you 15 points in a game, Surge playing over, he's playing over his head right now, but he's not winning games for you.
Nobody wins games offensively because of Surge.
It's got to be Pascal.
And if they don't get that, I don't think they win.
Honestly, if it's not Pascal too, like, I give a fucking shot to Marcus Hall.
That's what I'm saying.
That's going to slow the fucking game down.
Interesting.
Don't get that fucking, like you said, they're a momentum team and shit like that.
Like, Kawhi could work in a half court.
Fucking Kyle Lowry, like you get him settled down and play the half-court game and shit.
You get the ball to Marcus Hall and see if he could bully around Brooke Lopez a little bit.
Like spell me and get me like 15 points.
If Marcus Hall could give me 12 to 15 points, you're happy.
You're good.
I want some big games from Mark if they're going to win.
But I also want, if the matchup is Middleton Siakum, if I want Siakum to bully Chris Middleton because I think that's how you take away his shooting.
You bow Adam.
That's why I want to go with all scores.
Right.
It's going to make sense.
Make him work.
You're going at him, going at him, going at him, make him work.
And then all of a sudden, it's the fourth quarter.
I don't got dump shot no more.
Yeah.
That's very low.
Low center of gravity.
It's a very risky.
At first, I was like, I think the Raptors got this.
I can't wait for this.
Oh, oh, I can't wait for this.
You know what it's going to be?
It's going to be like, it's not going to be the most interesting series to the casual fan.
No.
But if you like basketball.
Oh, yeah.
The last two teams, the last four teams left, if you are a basketball fan, the fucking matchups that you want.
The four best teams in the NBA are left.
We never saw Kobe LeBron in the finals.
We want to see that matchup.
Even though they didn't really match up.
We saw LeBron and KDE, but like KD had such a good squad behind him.
Yeah, it wasn't that service.
This is the best matchup we've had one-on-one for as long as I can remember.
Aside from possibly the Western Conference right now.
That's true.
I've been thinking about these two dudes and how they would match up.
I'm not even bullshitting years because the Spurs got Kawhi and the Mads wanted Giannis.
So I've always kind of been fascinated by him.
And Kawhi, I just loved.
I picked him to be MVP last year, and I thought, man, those two going head-to-head, I would love to see.
For years, I've thought that.
And now we're going to see it, and it's going to be so fucking exciting.
And they're just so built, so different.
Like, there's nobody built like these two guys in the NBA.
They're built similarly, and no one else on Earth is built like that.
No one.
Like, Kawhi is like a fucking Madden.
He's like a fucking tight end that plays shooting guard.
Yeah.
And Giannis is just like a fucking monster.
And like now he's learning to shoot threes and shit.
Like he's like a more brolic KD.
Oh boy.
Like if you're a hoops junkie, this is fucking it right here.
There's a there's an interesting thing happening when I when I saw Kawhi go up against Ben Simmons.
Anytime Ben Simmons was on Kawhi, do you guys pick up on this?
That Kawhi just bully ball bullied him.
Bullied him.
It was he didn't even try to finesse him with a move.
He literally gave him a pump fake and then he got close to the rim and there was a hard dribble, shoulder in his chest, move him out of the way layup every single time.
And it was one of those things where I'm looking at Ben Simmons and I'm like, this might be the biggest waste of a six foot 10 inch body that exists in the NBA because he is physically strong.
Like when you look at Ben Simmons, you don't look at him as like one of these waffy 69 guys.
He's not Thon Maker, right?
This is a guy who's who looks decent.
That's why they call him Baby Braun.
Like they have the same fucking body at the same age.
But bullied by Kawhi.
Yeah.
It's man strength.
It is man strength.
Kawhi kind of bullied man Braun against the Heat.
Yeah, exactly.
They won that series in five.
Second finals MVP, so he's gonna bully baby Braun because he's only better than he was then.
Yeah, it was like second year or third year Kawhi.
I think third year Kawhi.
That was to me like Miami.
To me, Miami Braun's always gonna be peaked Braun, like at his like at the height of all his powers and shit.
And Kawhi bullied him.
Yeah.
Bullied him for a lot of games.
Okay.
From game three of that series, game three, four, five, it was like, what am I watching?
Yeah, because a lot of people I didn't really know who he was.
Like I knew of him from San Diego State, but I didn't think he was like this.
I mean, I kept hearing he was going to be great and gonna be.
And I was like, all right, let's see.
And I started seeing him step up, and then all of a sudden in the finals, he destroyed that team.
Like he just took away Braun and they had nothing.
Wade is on his last legs and nothing.
I mean, it is an exciting situation.
I was watching Ben Simmons shoot a free throw.
And he didn't laugh.
And I picked up on something.
I think there's something structurally not necessarily wrong, but there's something structurally true about the way his hand attaches to his arm that doesn't allow him to shoot a basketball well.
I think his hands, because I was watching him shoot the free throw, right?
I think his hands are slightly pronated, meaning they tilt out to the right a little bit.
So anatomical or to the left.
He just can't.
Because I watched him, right?
And my boy said he was like watching him in practice and shit, too.
And whereas the three of us, if we take our elbow and we stick it out, our hand lies underneath the ball.
So it's a natural shooting motion to follow through.
I think his, and it's easier to see on the video, but his hands are actually angled.
So when he locks his elbow, it's the pinky's tilted up, obviously.
All of a sudden.
The pinky's tilted up right.
I can't believe it.
So how do you adjust for it?
You stick your elbow out to keep it in your hands.
To keep it, to give it the arc.
And then this thumb becomes useless.
So you end up just shooting fingertips, and that's why he has no touch.
But what does work for him?
This hook.
Because when you're hooked, you're not bent back at an angle.
Yeah.
Your hand is straight.
So you just hook up.
And I'm looking like, just seeing that, I'm going, he'll never be able to shoot a basketball.
No.
I think it's a simpler fix than that.
I think he's right-handed.
Is this it?
Okay.
I think he's right-handed and he doesn't know it.
Maybe.
Now, watch, watch him shoot the free throw.
Are we going to get one?
Okay, we're watching, by the way.
Anybody who's listening right now, we're watching the free throw.
Look.
Okay.
Look, but his right hand is perfectly fucking square.
No, no, no, it's pronated, but on purpose.
But watch his left.
Keep going.
No, no, keep going.
Oh, God.
Look at.
Do you see what I'm talking about?
Yeah, his wrist is flat.
I think I can see it.
But the chicken wing is out.
So, look, if you took that chicken wing in, I think his hand would still be...
I can see that.
Yeah, if you tilt his elbow down, if you just bring it down, it still looks like...
I can see that.
You'd be shooting almost across your body to the left.
Yeah.
Or to the right.
So it's fine.
Dude, there's an issue there, man.
Anatomically, there's a lot of things.
Kenya.
I'm a plastic surgeon.
Fix that up, right?
The weird thing about it is, like, I watched him in high school, and he used to shoot threes very confidently and hit them.
I don't know.
I know he was hurting in LSU.
He got hurt for a little bit.
I forgot what he got hurt.
I would like to see footage of him at LSU if the release is just as ugly.
He didn't shoot that much in LSU either, but in high school, he was high school.
There's videos of old beds.
I've seen him in high school just throwing him up.
And I think it's one of those things where it's like, we'll just take the clips where he hits some threes.
But I'm curious to know the form.
I don't remember the form looking as ugly.
Yeah, it wasn't.
But there's something anatomically wrong with it.
I can definitely see that for sure.
I really truly believe he needs to be right-handed.
After you were right about Marco Fultz's nerve, I'm just like, yeah, sure.
What a random thing to be right about.
So why am I going to question this?
This is high school we're looking at?
This is college.
Okay.
Yeah, this isn't.
Okay.
Okay.
Let's see it.
It looks more straight.
It looks better.
I mean, it still bricks, but it does look better.
Okay, so we're excited about this series.
Another thing about...
I want to touch Philly before we move on to the next series.
I think this is the best thing to happen to the Sixers and Joelle and Beats specifically.
You think he's finally going to stop eating like a fucking child?
Yo, that motherfucker needs to become a vegan or some shit.
He needs to lose some fucking weight.
I'm going to be pushing this veganism out there.
I mean, like fucking like, you know, like get a plant-based diet or some shit.
Like, there was the balls you got.
Hey, fuck it.
The balls you got.
I'm a month ago.
Come here.
To come here from Africa.
All the starving people Africa are going to come here and be like, I'm not eating certain things.
I'm seeing garden breakers now, bitch.
All it takes.
All you starving people in Africa would die and eat a nice slab of meat, a nice slab of pork.
Let me tell you, I slipped up on Saturday.
My man's skin is kind of glowing.
You see it, right?
That's why you glow on you because you ate meat on Saturday.
Bro, I slipped up and had some fucking ribs with my girl, and my stomach immediately was like, no.
How do you slip up?
Yeah, we'll have fun.
Because I heard there's some chicken in a matzo ball soup.
I was rip.
You have to grab the bone.
It was boneless.
No.
It was bonus ribs.
It was just straight to the floor.
I thought it was Satan.
I didn't know it wasn't real meat.
No, I wasn't actually realizing.
Is there a blacker way to cheat on veganism than it's called ribs?
Nah, because I was eating with her and she was eating all types of pork and shit.
I was like, oh, man, that really looks good.
And then later today, I was like, fuck it.
Let's get some ribs.
And then my body, it didn't sit there for like 10 minutes.
I went straight to the bathroom, whatever.
Really?
Yeah.
So, I mean, long story short, I think this is the best thing to happen to the Sixers and Embiid.
Because, one, there's a lot of people saying they don't like the duo of Simmons and Embiid.
Like, those skill sets don't really compliment each other.
Not at all.
One of them has skills and the other one doesn't.
It's really that simple.
That team is a much different team if they have a point guard who can shoot the ball and spread the ball out.
But in any case, Embiid needs to lose some weight.
Needs to take his health seriously.
I've heard he eats like a child.
Like a cane.
I can see that.
And that's the popular thing amongst ball players on the league.
Yeah.
Candy obsessed with the shit.
They play ball all the time.
They just want their shit.
They go and play a game and it's like it's out of their skills.
A lot of these guys, you know, they're not coming from places that where your parents are saying, we're going to eat whole grain foods and vegan diets.
We're talking about kids who grow.
You all meet is African, though.
Like, your parents know that.
You got to understand.
He picked the basketball really late.
19, right?
I was 19.
Like, I think it was, gosh, I think like the middle of high school.
He started playing basketball for the first time.
And then he went to Mount Verde and then he went to Kansas.
Then he was out of here.
Okay, but let's talk about how ugly he is when he's crying.
Because that shit was.
Can we pull up that clip?
Oh, my God.
Dude, his lip does this weird thing.
It's just so good.
Before we pull up the crying, we don't, you know, we get it.
I'll put it up immediately.
Worked hard.
I don't want the disclaimer.
Stay right there.
Don't even press play yet.
Just look at this.
God damn, what is that?
Wow.
You know what he looks like?
Weebe.
He looks like.
That looks like it was the first time he's cried.
We bay.
Like, he doesn't know how to cry.
I don't think he knows how to lie when he cries.
Yeah, he definitely doesn't.
He's like, is this what my face is supposed to do?
He can never make fun of anybody again.
This is a meme now.
And anytime he talks shit to anybody on Twitter, Instagram, this will be brought up and reposted and responded and gifted to.
I wouldn't test it, though.
Can we play it?
I wouldn't test it, though.
Embiid's got a serious clapback game.
I feel like he'll come back to something.
Look at this.
You can tell Marcus said something really touching to him.
Yeah, he said, stop crying like a little bitch.
Like you just lost.
Woo, the lip quiver right there.
Oh, man, that's disgusting.
He looked like he got what's that when half your face is paralyzed?
Stroke.
Oh, bad.
Yeah, stroke.
But there's cerebral pause.
Cerebral Paul.
Yeah, Bell's Paul.
He got that Jim Ross.
He got the Jim Ross.
WWE reference for y'all.
Oh, God.
That's very hilarious.
I like that you do that.
Yeah.
Is this the new crying Jordan?
It gotta be.
Wow.
It should be.
Crying Embiid meme.
Because he wasn't crying at first.
Like, Marcus Hall whispered some really touching.
His girls there.
There's white girls.
His girl crying too.
Embiid's Clapback Game00:03:26
Why is she Latina?
She's white in China.
Lucky you got a white girl.
Some black girl will be like, but you don't stop crying over a basketball game, you dumb motherfucker.
Nah, she's white.
I saw her at Made in America this year, them together.
Oh, really?
I was like, oh, yeah, she's white as shit.
She got body?
Bad.
Bad.
Bad joy.
Bad.
Let's bring her up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, is that a Latino?
She doesn't look white.
She looked like a Latin.
I told you.
Oh, and the Paula.
Yeah, that's my fault.
What is her name?
Wait, Olivia Pearson?
And the Paula.
Oh, DePaula, yeah.
Oh, no, that could be Eastern European shit.
Who knows?
Nah, that could be Italian or it could be Latina.
De Paula.
De Paola.
Yeah, she's bad.
She's bad.
Yeah, she's super bad.
Welcome to America, bro.
Yeah.
She got a cowboy hat on.
She's from Joy.
Look at that shit.
Latinas put up with that crying shit.
They're emotional.
They're emotional.
Latin dudes are emotional.
Y'all get emotional, Ed, and you cry.
Be honest.
Be honest.
You cry?
Latin dudes cry.
I want to be drunk.
Are you a happy drunk?
Like, I'll get emotional.
I'll get really happy down with my friends.
Oh my god, I love you guys.
Yeah, that's the Latino shit.
Y'all got all the emotions, bro.
Do you have like a go-to, like, drunk crying song with your friends?
No, but if I go in like three triple whiskeys, yeah, that's when that's nine whiskeys, bro.
I'm about to say, like, I was about three triple whiskeys.
So, like, triple whiskeys?
God damn.
Damn, Jesus Christ.
You were right at home.
Is everything okay at home?
Like, be good.
Next time the episode's fucked up, we know why.
Oh, Jesus.
All right.
Let's stop objectifying this girl, man.
I think Embiid's going to come back.
He needed this moment.
He needed this moment to know how hard he has to work to get to that next level.
And I feel like a lot of people.
You do that with me in private, bitch, with a bunch of cameras around.
Watching her.
She's a sports illustrator mom.
She's like, oh, I'm about to get my shot, too.
Hold on.
It's not even on her.
She got to do exactly what she got to do, but do this in private, bro.
That's what I'm saying.
You can't get her a badge.
You know who it is?
He don't want her in the locker room seeing them long, dick.
Jimmy Buckets got the unit, bro.
Jimmy Bucket's got a piece.
He's like, nah, bitch, stay your ass outside down here before you see the truth.
Come on, bro.
Jimmy Bucket's got that Jimmy.
He wear that name.
Now he got a James.
You see the press conference where Brett Brown was like, man, he played like James today.
And then they asked Jimmy Butler what he thought about that.
He goes, no, my name's literally Jimmy.
Not short for anything.
I was born and they called me Jimmy.
Like, I have a friend named Jeff, and everyone calls him Jeffrey.
I'm like, no, like, it says Jeff on my birth certificate.
The best thing about Kawhi is he's never let Drake in.
Like, him and Drake ain't homies.
I love it.
That's what gives me hope for free agency.
I'm like, I don't know, Drake.
I wasn't, you know.
He just too whacked for, like, was he going to go clubbing with Drake for what?
What do they have in common?
Like, mind you, he used to be a Jordan athlete.
He's the anti-Drake.
Now he's on New Balance.
He wears straight back braids.
You know, Drake gets PTSD when he sees straight back braids.
And on top of that, like, he just doesn't see.
I remember I interviewed him for All-Star Weekend and we were just doing this thing on like playlists and shit.
And he's like, you know, I listen to Jay-Z.
Kawhi.
Kawai.
Kawhi gave it up for God.
Drake and Kawhi Not Homies00:04:24
You heard that?
Yeah.
That was dope.
Yeah.
Kawhi was like, I pray every single day.
You know what I mean?
I mean, he had a big ass cross on his arm.
Say what?
I respect that.
He had a big cross on his arm, bro.
Probably not the first guy with a cross that maybe shouting out God.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I guess, you know.
But apparently.
A lot of rappers talking about murder got Jesus pieces.
Poor Jesus just sitting there like this motherfucker.
What are you going to heaven for?
You think they can go?
Do you think Jesus is up there?
Do you think Jesus is up there?
Hey, it's empty up there, bro.
I got you.
I'm going to start shooting.
You think Jesus is up there when rappers murder people and he's like, I did this for Jesus Christ.
And Jesus is like, come on, guy.
Relax, bro.
I don't know what Jesus is up to, man.
Probably listen to this podcast.
Shout out to you.
Shout out to you.
That's our new slogan.
God's favorite podcast.
Real talk.
Hey, Flagrant 2, God's favorite.
That's what's up, man.
Honestly, like, if God is not sucked, God's favorite podcast.
We're his people.
Like, God and Jesus kicked it with like sinners and horrors and wild motherfuckers.
Like, we're his type of people.
So technically, God loves the misfits, bro.
That's why we're out here.
He's trying to fix us.
He'll need to spend time with the fixed people.
He's a man of the people.
He's a people.
We're podcasting the people.
You know what I mean?
We're out here.
And we're really just saying, God, so you just insert yours.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, if it's not Jesus, then we're that your God's God.
Yeah.
No, no, we're your God's people.
Then you're Enos Cantor.
Yo, can we talk about?
I think we're really overestimating how much Ramadan affects your play.
Because, like, real talk, I want to have a press comments where it's like, Ramadan?
We're talking about Ramadan?
Ramadan?
Like, are we really talking about Ramadan right now?
Because it seems like every guy who plays during Ramadan plays well.
This was a daytime game, though, so that's crazy.
No fucking water during the game.
Yeah.
But here's the thing.
This game was like noon.
Here's the thing, though.
But he's from the desert.
They're built that way.
It's like when you see a camel walking and you're like, he hasn't drank in two days.
He's like, he's not supposed to.
Enus camel.
You just call him a camel.
What?
You just called him a camel.
I'm saying, if you see a camel, Enus Tanterjockey.
What I'm saying is, like, look, if an Irish guy, if an Irish guy is out there playing with no water, you're like, oh, fuck, this is a big deal.
These guys need water all the time.
They're used to water.
They're on an island.
But if you're from the desert, right?
I imagine you're built to operate without some fucking, what is it?
Yeah.
Without some water.
While I'm saying this, I'm questioning whether Turkey is the desert.
I was wondering that.
I have no clue whether there's sand in Turkey whatsoever.
And I'm starting to feel like there's sand in Turkey.
I was wondering that.
Because I know the symbol's cracking.
It's not like a desert.
Damn it.
All right, so maybe it's impressive.
But they always make it a story with players that are already good.
Like I refuse to believe like Hafim Alajuana Enos Cancer, only two Muslim players who played during Ramadan.
They're not making mention of Vinu.
Is anybody talking to him?
I guess not because he's already trash.
Do you know about Al-Faroukami?
I do, but was he fasting?
Do we know if he's fasting?
Not every Muslim fast.
Fake ass Muslim.
He might be.
Are you fasting?
You know what?
I'm eating extra when the sun is up.
Hey, look, I got two waters here.
I don't even eat pork.
I said, I'm fucking.
From Islam.
I refused to watch Rami for the past two months or whatever the fuck.
That's right.
All right.
So apparently not.
And I'm going to be honest with you.
The watershed might be real.
I did one day of Ramadan last year.
Yeah.
And by the end of the day, right before we broke the fast, little milk and dates, the way Muhammad did it.
Mohammed.
Mohammed.
Right.
I felt really light on my feet.
I felt energized.
I felt like I could go.
I wasn't weighed down from all these foods that probably are filled with nonsense and are really difficult to digest.
Limiting Diet During Game Days00:04:13
I think there might be something to limiting your diet during game days.
And maybe, much like we limit practice during the season, you'll see other players limit what their intake is during a game.
You get the shit that you just need to get by.
Best diet apparently was Steve Nash.
Which was like no sugar, no nuts, like super strict, super discipline.
And that guy operated at a very high level at a very old age.
Steve Nash is a machine.
Like people don't give him his fucking credit.
Like before every game, he had the same exact fucking routine before.
He would go to the practice facility, let his wife get fucked by his teammates.
Oh, God.
I knew that's where he was going.
He just didn't know how I was going to get there.
While he was stretching out, his wife was getting stretched out.
It was a beautiful relationship that they had.
Sometimes it works, bro.
Hey, two MVPs.
Do what you can, man.
Dude.
But good for him.
You think he would have been able to be MVP if somebody wasn't fucking his wife?
You know, maybe he asked me.
He's like, man, I need some time.
He got to focus on the game.
Yeah.
Listen, people find motivation in very strange ways.
Real talk.
Maybe he didn't be cups.
Can we acknowledge that?
He's just trying to get Stephan MVP.
He's a third one, though.
We don't have to talk about that, too, because we haven't been talking about that.
We're going to talk about Stephanie.
When we get into the Warrior series, we'll talk about it.
But there's something that I need to bring up that bothers me.
Have you seen the eugenics commercial starring Thomas?
Okay.
Who pitched this commercial?
Because it's basically white wives telling their husbands that they ain't shit in front of Frank Thomas.
They're just hitting on Frank Thomas.
They'll also diet in front of their husbands.
I was about to say, like, yeah, he looks diabetic.
He's just fat.
He looks like Trump.
I don't even know if he's in good shape.
Dude, me neither.
Me neither.
He has a cyst under his neck.
We can't even see.
Bro, but he's got great teeth.
Amazing smile.
Million dollar smile.
That's true.
But it is so uncomfortable watching these commercials, man.
Don't play it because I don't want the audio to get flagged.
But every single one, she's like, oh my God, Frank, you look so amazing.
Like, my energy's way up.
It looks like it.
And then this poor cucked-out husband named Dave is like, uh, what can I do?
Do you get energy like that?
Would you like to fuck Rebecca while I watch?
Is that a possibility?
Look at this poor guy just got to sit there.
But you got to realize, this is how, and I love to, I'm going to push this.
Got to pull some race in there anytime I get a chance to.
Jesus Christ.
This is how you sell anybody.
Holy shit.
This is how you sell anything, though.
Like, you sell insecure, this is how you sell insecure white men on anything.
Put a big black guy on it.
I'm like, oh, man.
Frank Thomas looked fat.
I'm not going to lie.
He looks pretty good.
He looks fat.
He looks like Elon See Rodin.
How old do they think Frank Thomas is?
He looks like George Foreman.
George Foreman.
He's just dark-skinned George Foreman.
How old do they think he is, though?
Nah, he looks great.
He looks incredible.
What is he?
50-something?
He looks unbelievable.
I take that back.
But look at this guy.
What is that politician that showed us dick?
Anthony Winter.
Anthony Wiener.
Look at Anthony Winner.
What unfortunately named God?
Frank Thomas is 50 years old.
50 years old?
He needs to be good skinny.
For a black 50, he doesn't look good.
That's what I'm saying.
Terry Cruz is probably 50.
How old is Terry Cruz?
I think he's got to be 50 plus.
Dude, this is so embarrassing.
If my girl ever talked to a guy like this in front of me, then it'd be a problem.
It'd be a problem.
Terry Cruz is also 50.
Terry Cruz is a good 50.
Actually, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Terry Cruz looks younger than Frank Thomas does.
Is that his girl?
No.
Like in life?
I don't think you're real.
Girlfriend.
It is some porno setup.
This is definitely a screenshot of her, bro.
He got big dicks.
It makes me uncomfortable every single time I see this commercial.
And I just, I just, I just, it bothers me, man.
It fucking bothers me.
And it's fucked up how these white women are like, yeah, can't you be built like a former fucking all-star?
What's wrong with you?
This probably is a guy that's probably a fucking accountant or some shit.
He's like, yeah, why aren't you built like Frank Thomas at 50 years old?
What the fuck?
This bitch.
Anyway, back to basketball.
What were we talking about?
Ray J Wireless Earbuds Review00:03:12
Just go to the West.
Oh, before we go to the West, I think we got to pay some bills.
Okay.
Guys, it's 2019.
Everyone needs a great pair of wireless earbuds.
But before you go dropping hundreds of dollars on a pair, you need to check out the wireless earbuds from Raycon.
Yes, that's right, Raycon.
You know Ray J?
You definitely know one of his conquests.
Absolutely.
Okay.
Raycon earbuds start at about half the price of any other premium wireless earbud on the market, and they sound just amazing.
The company was actually co-founded by Ray J support black business.
Damn right.
And celebrities like Snoop Dogg are already obsessed.
Raycon's E50 wireless earbuds have totally changed the game for me personally because I did get a pair.
Shout out to Ray Gay, Ray Gay, Ray J. Ray J sent me a pair of earbuds.
I was about to drop $179 at the Best Buy kiosk in LaGuardia Airport.
Do you guys know the budget?
It's a genius.
Yeah, we've talked about that.
Unico and Unicone Best Buy.
That was brilliant.
Yeah.
Absolutely brilliant.
So you realize that Best Buy is a waste of space.
Yeah.
Because you only want fucking earphones.
This is the only way they can compete with Amazon.
Yeah.
Why is Best Buy the size of Costco?
I want two items.
Because back in the day, you needed all that shit.
Right.
Now you don't need anything.
TVs, maybe.
Doesn't matter.
Point being, these E50s, right?
Wireless earbuds have totally changed the game.
Very good earbud.
They actually fit my ears better than the AirPod.
Because the AirPod for me, they fall out.
Maybe I have big ear holes or something like that, but like when I see people running with the ear pods, every earbud I've ever had falls out.
I don't know what's wrong with the design of my ears, but if the Ray J stays in, I'll copy it.
Yo, I'm telling you, the Ray J stays in, all right?
The Ray J is a perfect fit.
And if you want Ray inside of you, I mean, let's be honest.
Let's be honest.
When Ray is inside of you, good things happen.
Okay?
History is shown.
They are stylish.
They are discreet.
There are no dangling wires, no stems, nothing.
Raycon offers the wireless earbuds for everyone in a range of fun colors and unbeatable price.
Go to Raycon.
Go to sorry.
Go to buyraycon.com/slash flagrant to get 20% off your order.
That's buyraycon.com slash flagrant for 20% off Raycon wireless earbuds.
And if you've been eyeing a pair, now is the time to get an amazing deal.
One more time.
That's buyraycon.com.
These are cute.
Slash flagrant.
They're good.
Oh, I like it.
Good.
And this is something that was important to me.
They had this part inside of your ear.
And unlike the AirPods that just kind of sit there and dangle, and they're like, you know, they're just hope.
It's just hope.
This sticks in your ear.
And then there's a part that kind of pushes against a part of your ear.
Chris Paul Contract Gamesmanship00:15:35
So it's kind of locked there.
Like, I would feel way more comfortable working out or exercising these.
So yeah, go to the buyraycon.com and get yourself some support black business, baby.
Support black business.
That's what we do.
Support black business.
West Coast.
Akash.
The West Coast playoff games.
Did you witness any of them?
I did.
I saw both games on replay, unfortunately, and I already knew the results.
And thoughts?
Let's start with.
Before we get to Blazers Nuggets, I don't think we spoke on the death of the Rockets.
No, well, that's part of West Coast.
Oh, I thought you were talking about both games yesterday.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, it's not General.
West Coast.
We were going to talk about General West Coast.
The Rockets, I don't know how.
I think they're done.
I think they're done forever.
I don't know what to do.
I think so too.
What else?
What do you think?
I think the worst signing, Daryl Moray gets all this credit.
And this is the tough thing about being GM.
One bad contract can fuck you.
I don't know how you navigate Chris Paul's Supermax contract.
I said letting Trevor Ariza go is stupid.
Yes.
I think wing defenders and wings are good, not only for the Warriors, but opening up the middle for Clint Capella.
If you got a stretch 3D guy, and I don't know what you, Chris Paul, if you didn't want to spend $10 million a year for Trevor Ariza for three years, you're going to spend $40 million a year for four years for Chris Paul.
That luxury tax comes up to like $100 million a year.
They went into a luxury tax to get Chris Paul.
I think they did.
Okay, so here's my question.
We have a guy named Chris Paul who has long been looked at as the premier point guard in the NBA.
Many people would say the best point guard of our generation in the NBA.
Yet he's never managed to translate that skill into winning at the elite level.
Do we start to rewrite the narrative on Chris Paul as a player?
I've been said this.
I've been said this time to have this combo.
Like for all the shit Mello gets, I don't know why Chris Paul doesn't get the same shit.
You know what I mean?
Like they came in at around the same time.
They've had, unless, except for those Knicks ears, obviously, because they sucked.
I have seen that.
He's never went to the finals.
He's never even been to a Western conference.
I have seen heroic, and I'm still giving him shit, but I have seen heroic Chris Paul games in the playoffs.
Last year, he was a fucking hero, and then his body betrayed him.
As it normally happens against the Spurs, in the first round, they went seven.
I think he pulled his hamstring and still had the game-winning shot in crazy game seven on a pulled Hammy.
He got hurt.
His body just breaks down, and that's we're going to have to rewrite the narrative at some point because also other point guards' bodies don't break down, and you're shorter and slower than Steph.
To that point, being able to play is a skill.
The best abilities availability.
Who said that thing?
I always hear some guy on the ticket always says, I think you take that from someone else.
It's a great take.
The best ability is availability.
You quoted that in 1984.
When your parents looked at you and they're like, it's okay.
He made it.
He got it.
They looked at him like, the best ability is availability.
You're here.
Well, he's here.
If there's one sentence, it summarizes my entire life.
That's probably it.
Always here first at all time and shit.
He gets it.
He fucking gets it.
You've carved a nice career for yourself out of availability, man.
For real.
It is true.
So we go, and I Kaz, I want to get your take on this.
We go into a situation with Chris Paul.
Let's not take away from the fact that he played good.
He played good.
27 points in a closeout game.
He played well.
But I want to see where we go from here with this because they didn't lose to the KD Warriors.
They'll also the OG, the Warriors Classic, like I call them.
The Warriors Classic.
The Warriors Classic.
Draymond, Clay, Steph, Iggy.
Took him out.
God, did Iggy play well?
Yeah.
Nobody's talking about this.
Him and like Rodney Hood are like the two like you guys are really good.
And then you went to teams that were like really stacked.
And they were like, oh, they're not that great.
And now they get like, oh, yeah, these guys are really fucking good.
Now, the reason I say Iggy played well is because they schemed to make Iggy beat them.
And he did.
And he did.
They left him open, right?
They followed Steph on the double team or they would follow Clay on a double team.
And when you do that, you leave one guy open.
They're like, we're going to leave Iggy open.
I don't think he'll be able to make those threes.
And he made them.
And he made them.
He was the key.
He hit him.
Okay, so what is the narrative on Chris Paul?
Where do we go forward with this?
How do we feel about him?
I think he's one of the greatest point guards of all time.
I think he's a legend.
I think he's in a shit contract because he's not getting any younger.
He's going to only make more money.
And everyone else, it's not so much about the Rockets.
It's about the entire Western Conference, how everyone else is going to be better than them next year.
Like, I don't see them being better than the Blazers next year.
I don't see them being better than the Nuggets next year.
I don't see him being better than the Thunder.
Yeah.
The Lakers will probably be back.
They'll get somebody.
The Clippers are going to get somebody.
They'll be back.
You have to either.
The Spurs will be back.
You have to trade for somebody.
And I don't know who's going to trade for your pieces.
Or you got to trade a shitty contract and then create Caprim to get Jimmy Butler, Kawhi Kawhi not going there.
So I want to get to that next, which is like what the Rockets can do if they can do anything.
But before we get there, I just want to speak on Chris for a second.
I want to trash Chris so much because I hate him as a player.
He's my least favorite player.
I just despise watching him.
I hate all his little cheap flops.
It's like everything that I hate about James Harden.
Every time he plays, when he flails.
So the nice thing about James Harden is he only flails and flops when he's shooting.
Chris Paul will do that as his guy he's defending is just cutting to the basket without the ball.
He's a constant James Harden flail flop.
He is a fish on the deck of a boat.
And it is so annoying to watch him do this.
Just nonsense after nonsense.
And I get it that he's doing it because he wants to win so bad.
And he's mad little and slow now and old now.
It's easier when you're younger.
When he's young, he's like, wow, what a smart-heady player.
What a smart defender.
Look at him baiting these guys.
When he's older, it's like, dude, what the fuck?
He brought 5'9.
They list him as six.
He ain't no fucking six.
And he's such an effective 5'9.
And don't get me wrong, he's a wildly confidential player.
I'm trying to be objective.
I'm trying to be objective about someone who I truly despise watching.
I would even go so far to say that Chris Paul is going to be the type of guy whose grandkids hate him.
Oh my God.
And I guess he could be a totally different person off the court than he is on the court.
I doubt it.
But he's the type of guy who no one enjoys playing with him, but he's so good that you put up with him.
You tolerate him.
Yeah, you tolerate Chris.
You don't enjoy.
You tolerate because he adds so much.
Right.
And eventually what happens with those guys is they stop providing and your tolerance goes way down.
It's like if you're a side chick for some rich dude and then he loses all his money, all of a sudden it's like, why am I with this 80-year-old guy?
What the fuck is going on here?
And I think that that might be the type of dude Chris is.
I think that Chris might be that annoying competitive, like he's a bowler.
Like you take bowling seriously when you're already a professional basketball player.
Like you just can't let go of a ball at any point in time.
Do you really want to bowl with Chris Paul after playing basketball with him for a season?
Like him, he can't call for the screen like this.
He's got to go.
Like his whole body's got to move when he's bullying you into giving him a screen.
And I think you're going to see a situation similar to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar where such a skilled player.
And then after he no longer can offer skill, you're going to see a lot of people turn on him.
Now, don't get me wrong, great man, incredibly philanthropic.
That's the difference between Kareem and Chris Paul.
Like people like Kareem the man.
Like he treated like media people like shit.
Right.
Like a lot of people probably didn't like playing with him.
Right.
But as a man, he's very well respected.
Right.
So, and it might be the same thing with Chris Paul.
He's a president of the MBPA and shit.
So like maybe there's a respect.
Outside of this basketball, like what he's done community-wise, the guy gives back a lot and he puts his time and I 100% respect that.
Yeah.
100%.
I just know that the second that skill level decreases.
I'm like, fuck this.
You're not going to have someone like someone yell at you like that on the bed.
You've seen those moments where Harden, he's yelling at Harden Harden.
He's like, fuck out of here.
Like swipes away.
That's him doing that to someone that he respects.
Yeah.
In a fucked up way kind of reminds me of Carmelo.
Once the skill level left, teams are like, I ain't fucking with him.
I ain't fucking dealing with this demon shit.
And I love Misa Mello.
But we saw people just, they don't, they put up with a lot of his bullshit because he was supremely talented at one point.
And then when they didn't have to, they didn't want to.
Yeah, I get it.
And he's getting 40 million a year.
He's got the new Mello contract.
Matter of fact.
That's the worst signing of the last 10 years.
But at least you can trade Chris Paul.
He doesn't have no trade clothes.
Okay, Mello's still worse.
Mello's still the worst.
I think Chris Paul's no trade clause is the 40 million.
Yeah.
That's what makes it worse to me.
That's what makes it a worse contract because you can't, nobody's going to want that.
You know who I would take?
If I'm an organically tanking team, I'd say, I'll give you 40 million in contracts.
Give me five first-round picks and I'll take Chris Paul.
And then that comes off the books in like two years.
Two years, three years, and now I got cap space.
I'm going to be bad because Chris Paul can't carry a team by himself.
There's a rule that says you can't give like consecutive years.
You can do every other starter.
So the next 10 years, I get.
So, I mean, that's a really interesting.
That is a really interesting trade potential.
It is all about get rid of fucking Chris Paul.
And if you're a channel, like if I'm an organically tanking team and I look at a team like the Rockets, that's the most desperate team out there because they're so close, but they know they fucked up.
And they got, this is their window.
It is closing.
Here, I can give you a couple more years on your window.
But if I take Chris Paul, I'll give you a couple more years in your window.
If you sign Jimmy Butler and I take Chris Paul, now look at you.
Here you go.
Just give me five, sacrifice your future for your window.
But I'll take a five first-round draft picks.
I'll take this contract.
I'll give you some whatever short-term deals I got.
Maybe even one or two of them can contribute.
Do your thing.
I think it's a great idea.
I think it's a great idea.
And we should have a discussion about the future of the Rockets.
Before we leave the Chris Paul scenario, I just want to point out that there are story leaked where apparently Steph Curry wanted to shoot around at the Rockets facility.
And then Chris Paul found out about it and he said, you can't do that here.
Now, my initial reaction was, typical Chris Paul, what a fucking douchebag annoying.
And I spoke to some folks in the league.
Apparently, this is wildly common.
Yeah, of course.
Like, I mean, Jimmy Butler did it to the Raptors.
Of course.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So there are certain guys in the Raptors, I guess, they want to shoot around.
And Butler was like, we're not having it.
And apparently, this is gamesmanship.
This is not Chris Paul being shitty, floppy guy.
This is strictly...
I was wondering why you hadn't brought it up yet.
No, I wanted to bring it up.
Cutting the AC on too high or too low.
Same thing as fucking sending old pizza to Michael Jordan's room and he gets the fucking flu or stomach bug.
Is the game outside the paper?
That's poison.
That's crazy.
Isn't it poison?
That's poisoning.
Somebody's out here.
That's nuts.
That's the saying.
You can't shoot free throws is a little different than there's poison.
You're Michael Jordan.
You're in the league 15 years.
Why are you having pizza delivered to Michael Jordan?
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know if you're just pizza, but like I haven't delivered to Michael Jordan.
Nobody fuck with it.
I think there was like a rogue delivery guy that was like, oh, this is all this is going to Michael Jordan's room.
Oh, well.
We've also heard hungover.
We've also heard all sorts of things.
Those are the theories.
That's what I thought it was.
I think that's right.
But essentially, this is quite a common thing in the league.
And so I'm not going to trash Chris anymore for it.
I was ready to fucking lay into him in this episode because of it.
But I feel that if it's something every team does, I got to give him the pass.
Steph made him pay, though.
I love that.
Steph made them fucking pay.
So here's the question.
That was the game he needed to get off his ass.
So do we jump right to Steph or do you want to talk about what the Rockets can do to potentially win?
Or what can they do?
Is there anything they can do?
What can they add?
I said the only thing I think they can do is try to get rid of that contract.
I think they're strapped.
I think they're handicapped, man.
That's $200 million in your backcourt alone.
And Clint Capella only, he's a valuable player, but he's only valuable in that system.
Running, dumping, jumping, dunking, all that shit, getting blocks and shit.
They are handcuffed.
Unless they're ready to blow this shit up, which I don't think they do, I think they're going to sign everybody back up.
They're going to try and give it another shot next year.
They're going to probably go out in the second round again next year.
And then that's going to be Harden's legacy.
That's what made not re-sing Ariza so weird.
Sorry, last point.
Everything is right now.
But I don't want to pay the luxury tax for a valuable person.
Last year when we played, the Warriors, him and PJ Tucker were equally valuable.
And they were like, well, let one of them go.
We don't want to pay the luxury tax.
Here, Chris Paul, here's $40 million a year.
I just couldn't understand why you wouldn't pay an extra $10.
I'm with you on that.
My suggestion for the Rockets, just wait.
I think the Warriors are going to get blown up.
And if the Warriors get blown up, I feel very confident that you'll be coming out of the West.
You think so?
I think that the Rockets have a more bright future than many people seem.
We know KD is leaving, or at least feel very confident KD is leaving.
There's a chance Clay could leave as well.
There's a chance maybe Draymond could leave.
Things could move around.
Draymond has to leave at the end of next year, right?
Also, Iggy's getting old.
Yeah, I've been waiting on that.
Iggy's getting old.
Another quiet thing people aren't realizing.
Draymond's time to clutch sports now.
Clutch, they get their fucking money.
So if the Warriors aren't going to give him the Max, somebody's going to get the Max.
Somebody's going to get it.
And it is an interesting thing where, yes, it's sad to be a Rockets fan right now, but next year you could be the frontrunner as well.
If the Warriors don't give Clay a Super Max, he might leave.
Rockets Future After KD Leaves00:14:12
Yeah, and I wouldn't blame him for it.
All right.
Let's move on.
Let's talk about Steph, big dick Steph.
Big Dick Steph doing big dick Steph things.
He's back.
This guy had a troubled week, obviously, coming to defend his wife after she said some questionable things on the red table talks.
And he came back and he went, I think, 0 for 9 or something in the first half.
Zero points in the first half.
Zero points, zero rebounds, zero assists.
And I tweeted a picture and I posted a picture of Instagram and I was like, just damn it, Aisha, or something like that.
You got to get out.
We're at Aisha.
Then he comes back and scores 31 in the second half and hits two massive threes.
Sorry, 33.
Jesus' number.
Shouts to the God.
He put up 33, bro.
Stepped on their fucking neck in the fourth quarter.
Massive.
He's supposed to do.
He did the Steph things that we were used to him doing, right?
He did the Stephen before KD.
And, you know, we had said on this podcast before that the Warriors are way more exciting without KD.
It's not that it's too easy.
It's just a more boring type of basketball.
We got that exciting basketball.
And that's why.
Seeing Steph launch those step to the side threes, seeing Steph shoot off the dribble with someone right in his face.
Shaking motherfuckers.
Shaking go to the basket like you.
Motherfuckers got to go back and guard him at 40 feet.
Now he's big.
One of those times where you're like, man, this guy truly is an unselfish player because he could do this every night on his own team.
And he has chosen to step back and allow KD to be the first option on his team.
And he got some rings because of it.
But it was one of those moments where I was like, wow, this man is on a different level of no ego.
That's true.
D. Wade, I'm trying to pull up the tweet right now because Dwayne Wade, and this is the best thing about these great players not being in the playoffs right now because you can see them like live reacting to these games.
And he had such a fantastic fucking tweet about it.
And I want to find it.
God.
Look for it.
Look for it.
Y'all better stop disrespecting Steph Curry.
Just because he's a team first guy and is willing to sacrifice his moments doesn't mean he's not still a beast.
Boom, right there.
Absolute beast.
And Hoopers get it.
Hoopers fucking get it, bro.
Dwayne Wade, of all people.
He is the number one.
If there's anybody more qualified.
I think Dwayne White said that about himself.
If there's anybody more qualified to talk about people sacrificing for somebody who's like an otherworld.
I mean, let's think about it.
Dwayne Wade got a ring by himself and then invited two other superstars to his team that he knew were going to get some of the credit.
Most of the credit.
Most of the credit.
And that's really what Steph did.
And then told LeBron after year one, yo, you got to be the alpha.
Yeah.
You have to take it.
That's how we win.
No.
Just share the ball thing in Morgan.
So what are we thinking?
Do we think that.
I think Steph's back.
I think Steph is back.
When is KD back?
That's the question.
If Katie's out the rest of the playoffs, I still don't think they win the championship.
I think what they said is he will be out this series against Portland, but he can be back for the finals.
I think that's.
They said he's doubtful for.
Well, he's not playing this game, and he's doubtful for game two.
That's what they said.
Oh, he could come back this series?
It's possible.
But they said they're going to reevaluate it from next week.
I think so.
They're being very vague.
And that makes me think he might be out longer.
But maybe not.
But he wants them to gain.
He wants them to prepare for potential KD.
And I think the Blazers aren't dumb enough to not think that they're not going to get KD eventually in the series.
I'm not sure they win this series without KD.
And maybe I'm crazy, but they have limited depth.
Look at Steph's minutes, 43, 44, then 34 in game six.
That's a lot of minutes.
And without KD, it only stands to increase.
Dame had a four overtime game in a seven-game series, but the rest of his games, 36 minutes, 29 minutes, 34 minutes, 45 in game seven.
But Blazers got depth, though.
They got depth.
Seth Curry could spell you.
And you just run.
The game plan on Steph is you switch every screen onto him.
Yeah.
And every matchup is on Steph.
Make him play D, make him run through screens, wear him out.
And then Clay and CJ is not a wash, but like Clay going to use a lot of energy guarding CJ, too.
Not going to hold you right now.
CJ versus CJ.
Hey, yeah.
I'm taking CJ, bro.
I'm taking CJ right now, bro.
That's a tricky one.
I'm taking CJ right now.
That's what tricky one.
He took over that game seven.
But he wasn't playing against Clay.
He was playing against Jamal Murray, who's probably playing better than Clay right now.
No, no, he was being guarded by Torre Craig, who's a good defense.
Yeah, but he's not going to play level defense.
But I want to talk about the Trailblazers because I feel like the Trailblazers have always been miles into the Spider-Verse.
You guys see them right now?
Miles Morales.
Miles Morales.
The multi-verse Warriors.
Right?
Real talk where it's like, we're like, here's this kid who has all this potential.
They have all these gifts.
Here's the team who has all the potential and all these gifts.
They just can't get him to work when they want.
And then all of a sudden, this playoffs, they figured out how to use their superpowers.
The thing that we've always said about the Trailblazers was, man, they have two guys that can get a bucket whenever they want.
So even if you shut down Dame, CJ will take over.
And then last playoffs, it didn't happen.
The playoffs before that didn't happen.
This fucking playoffs, Dame's water turns off, and CJ's like, oh, I get buckets.
Did you forget I get buckets?
I mean, hit him with the game, clinch and shot, did the same stone face.
Like, like, hey, Splash Brothers, we are coming.
We need a name for them.
The Night Kings.
Real talk emotionless like the Night Kings.
Like, they are the White Walkers, man.
They are coming for it.
They want that.
I like that.
And they've been getting.
Yo, Nurkic went down.
They don't care.
They are down.
Enus is like a diet Nurkic.
You know what I mean?
Enos is underappreciated.
He's D-trashed, but when you think about it, when they're coming against the Warriors, the Warriors have nobody in the post you have to worry about.
D is meaningless.
That's why if KD is not there, he's going to be the key to that series because Enos is probably the top three best offensive rebounders.
He got to eat up Draymond.
He got to eat up Draymond.
Anybody who can get extra possessions against the Warriors, they have a problem defending.
If you don't got Boogie, you got old Andrew Bogut.
Katie's not in there.
You got Draymond having to play these guys who I, you know, he could probably get in there and spell you for a couple minutes, but like, Enos is a, he's a low down there.
And let's talk about it.
Steph is not holding Dame.
He's not.
Clay has a shot to hold CJ, but let's say they make that switch and they go, yo, Clay, why don't you hold Dame?
CJ getting.
CJ's fucking upset.
He's going to eat.
And I'll be honest with you, Dame got some D. I'm not saying that it was a, I'm not saying he's locked down, but he's not turnsty.
He's not a turnstile.
He could stay in front of you.
This is going to be a very interesting series.
He's from Oakland, too.
Oh, he wants it.
Like, ooh, this wants it back.
And they got a big bleak for it.
He got Seth on his team, too.
Like, this is it right here.
This is the matchup.
I want it.
Like, everybody's like, it should have been Rockets and Warriors.
I'm like, this series is going to blow it out the wall.
We've been to his parents real quick.
The Curry parents rooting one for Seth and one for Steph.
If y'all don't both root for fucking Seth, let this motherfucker have something to stop himself.
God damn.
Steph ain't got enough to kill the sick out fucking ring, mom.
Shit.
I'd be so fucking heated if I was Seth.
Yo, deadass.
I really got a root for both of us, really?
Bitch, are you crazy?
I respect it, guys.
Yo, that's funny, man.
That's what they said they were going to root for.
One of them is going to alternate.
One's going to root for one brother, one's going to root for the other, and then I guess they switch or they flip a coin or whatever.
Are you crazy?
Yeah, you got to root for Seth.
Steph rooting for Seth on some level.
This little fucking king's son of a little orphan-ass brother.
He really looks like Alfred E. Newman Steph.
Yeah.
Who the fuck is Alfred E. Newman?
That's the Mad Magazine.
The fucking logo.
Get the Mad Magazine.
Get the Mad Magazine logo up.
That's so funny.
You know the kid on it?
And then you got an image of Seth Curry up as well.
It's Alfred E. Newman is the name of the kid.
But they look fucking identic.
Oh, shoot.
I would not have.
I would not have.
All right, keep that one.
Keep that one.
And then wait till you get the picture of Seth Curry that I'm thinking about.
And that's not the one.
But there's a Seth Curry picture.
Oh, my God.
That's so good.
If Steph was Alfred E. Newman, that would be his brother.
Wait for it.
Go.
Let's wait for it, bro.
Who do you got?
Here it is.
Here it is.
So goddamn funny.
And that's a generous pick of Seth, if we're going to be honest with each other.
Seth does not look like that.
That looks like DeRon Williams.
You got to get him with the headband on.
That's why he was a little bit more.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right there, boom.
Right up there.
There we go.
There it is.
Get him smilers.
Bro.
That's it right there.
That's the one.
Oh, my God.
That's so good.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Anyway.
Poor dude.
So who you got?
If there's no KD, no boogie.
Hey, man, I've been riding with Dame since March.
I'm sticking with Dame.
Ride to the Wheels fall off.
Hey, how's that Kyrie looking?
We haven't talked about that because he lost so early.
He lost on Wednesday.
So after we filmed Patreon, it was over for him, and we just forgot.
It's such old news that Kyrie lost.
Kyrie is such a future Nick.
He did us a solid by tanking the Celtics for it.
He's already won the hearts of Knicks fans everywhere by single-handedly shooting the fuck out of the Celtics series.
I don't want nothing to do with it, bro.
We don't want nothing to do with it.
I'm good.
I'll be mad at it.
I got Golden State.
I got Golden State.
I think Steph is going to do Steph things, and I think it's going to be the most exciting series in the playoffs because we're going to get to see old Steph.
I think Steph is going for 30 every night minimum, and he has to.
I think Clay is going to go crazy on buckets, and it's going to be exciting.
It's going to be amazing.
I think CJ and Dame show up, but nobody else shows up on Portland.
And I think you'll get some decent from role players, maybe.
But I think you get some decent games from role players on Portland.
But I definitely put my money healthy, too.
They need all hands-on decks.
And I do think it matters that Golden State got no depth.
And Iggy's older.
Like, so Iggy can't, if Iggy had to play a lot of minutes, five, six, seven games, I think he's going to start to wear down.
I mean, Kevon Looney's been playing well.
And I think, what's his face, Jordan Bell, Jordan Bell?
Yeah, but they ain't going to change the game.
Right.
They're just going to be there.
You know, I think he has to be somebody to step up and go up against Enos and go up against these big guys at the end.
Do what?
It's not like they get buckets offensively.
You still need scoring.
No, I'm just saying, like, just keep him off the boards.
Give them extra opportunities.
Like, that's what you need to do.
Like, no one's counting on Kevon Looney or Bell or any of these guys.
That's all my 20.
They're not going to be difference makers.
Draymond might have to do some work.
It'll be a Draymond game.
I see, yeah.
I see Golden State.
I really see Golden State coming out, but I think it will be a fun, entertaining series nonetheless.
I'm rooting real hard for Portland.
Yeah, dude, I'm impartial now.
Like, I only wanted the Rockets to lose, so that's why I was rooting for Golden State.
And let me tell you guys, all you Golden State fans, you're lucky because it is fun.
It's easy.
It is so much fun.
When your team shoots and it goes in all the time, it's so much fun.
I have no clue what that's like.
Right?
As a Knicks fan, to see things go your way, to get calls, to step out of bounds.
The Realms just don't see it.
This is an insane idea.
Wait a minute.
To beat the Rockets?
Do you know how crazy that is for a Knicks fan to experience?
So I'm very grateful for that.
If KD's not a factor, I got the Blazers taking this.
Yeah.
I got the Blazers taking this.
I think this is Dame's time.
I think he's going to take the Steph matchup personally, especially that there's no KD.
He's taking this matchup personally.
That is one thing.
Denver had an effective game plan to stop Steph.
I don't know if Golden State has the personnel to do that.
And it definitely isn't Seth.
If that's their plan on stopping Steph, is Seth.
Like, then you're as unprepared as Cersei because you have a dragon coming at you, and Seth is.
Yeah, I might have said.
I'm saying I said Denver had an effective game plan to stop Dame.
Denver limited Dame.
But they got bodies.
They got defenders.
They're deep.
Golden State don't got depth in defense like that.
So I think if Dame goes off, I think that'll, I don't know, I think that can carry out.
That makes it for a more fun series.
None of them are that deep.
Like, it's a star-heavy team.
Yeah.
And it's going to come down to their best players.
You know, it's an underrated thing about CJ McCollum or McCollum too?
He seems to have legs for days.
Like that four overtime game.
They both do.
It's unbelievable.
Dame didn't have a great series, so I'm going off this last series.
But like in the third overtime, CJ McCollum's still getting buckets.
In the fourth quarter, they played 45 minutes each in the last game, and they were CJ McCollum was tearing up the fourth.
There's that step back foul line extended jumper that he hit.
When you play 42 minutes up and down the floor, and your quads still have it in you to stop on a dime, push back and elevate, you're on Reuts.
You're on PEDs or something, right?
Like, and I wouldn't be surprised if all these young guys are, but like, that is unreal.
Unreal cardio, unreal leg strength, like, man.
I think Portland takes it.
I think Portland takes it.
CJ McCollum Fourth Quarter Magic00:06:36
I even think Portland takes it if they get KD.
Because they're not going to get KD 100%.
They're going to get a little gimpy KD.
And even if he does, I don't think he's going to have that same, you know, that same effectiveness that he's going to be doing.
You also said if they make it to the finals, you think Giannis and the Bucs would take him.
I do.
I do.
Let me tell you what the NBA does not want.
A Milwaukee.
Now, you know what?
I think it's different.
It's where white people go to die.
I think it's a Milwaukee Portland finals would be suicide.
Are you kidding me?
Great food in those cities.
Say what?
Great food in both of those cities.
But if I think it's different.
I don't think it's like the early 2000s.
The food is not that great.
What, in Milwaukee?
I've been to both these places.
They just put cheese on things.
It's not that exciting.
That's pretty cool.
Great barbecue.
That's pretty great.
First of all, you're Indian.
You don't know anything about cheese.
You have one type of cheese.
Don't get excited about that.
You know more about cheese than the people who worship cows?
Facts.
The people who don't.
The one who eats them.
People who devour every part of the cow, including the cheese.
That's why you don't get the good cheese.
The cheese.
Y'all got one cheese, paneer.
I know.
To be honest, I don't even really like it that much.
They're going to be completely vulnerable with each other here.
All they do, I'm telling you, these places where they tell you they're foodies, it's a crock of shit.
It's because they have nothing else in their city, and food is the easiest thing to market around.
Like, you can put an egg on a hamburger.
You're not fucking Columbus.
You didn't discover something genius about hamburgers, okay?
Every time I go to Portland or what's another foodie city?
New Orleans got great food.
Yo, so New Orleans is different.
New Orleans is not a foodie city.
It's not a city who goes, look at our great cuisine.
It's a city who's like, hey, we're going to be just eating shrimp in the back of a yard.
You want to come by?
And then that becomes, oh, it's a boil.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Portland is like, hey, do you want to have the same meal that you usually have sitting down standing because you got out of a truck?
Right?
Like, they have a whole center of trucks.
I went after my show.
It's just four trucks that are parked and never move.
Hey, that's a restaurant.
You just have an outdoor food commons.
That's an outdoor dining commons.
You're not a food truck anymore.
You're just making me eat cold and in the rain.
And you call yourself a foodie city so that people have a reason to go there.
I'm going there for the Nike store and I'm going there for the Adidas store.
That's the only reason.
If you got that employee, that employee passed a Nike Adidas store.
That's all.
It's like Wonderland, bro.
Stop telling me these tacos are not much more than $600.
60% off discount, baby.
That's our Disneyland.
It is our Disneyland.
I spend every penny I make when I do comedy there at that Nike store.
My God.
It's better than a casino.
They should have never opened casinos.
They should open Nike stores at a discount.
If you want guys to spend money, at a casino, I'll lose $300.
I'll feel horrible, right?
At a Nike store, I'll buy 17 pairs of Roshi runs.
Nobody's worn those sneakers in two years.
I was about to say, I'm like, Roshi's?
I'll buy 17 pairs of Roche Runs, and I'll walk out of the go, why did I just buy yellow Roche Runs?
Because it was there.
It was 40% off.
It was like $20.
It's $40.
40% off.
That's all you need to do, okay?
But if you tell me that a taco coming out of this truck is some elite taco, does it have salsa?
Check.
Does it have cilantro?
Check.
Was it served to me by a guy who looks Mexican?
No.
No.
It's by some fucking white guy.
And I gotta believe this is the right type of tacos.
Listen, I know.
Portland, give it a rest.
What's the guy's name?
What's the Flavor Town guy?
What's his name?
I don't know.
You know Flavor Town.
What's his fucking name?
Only Flavor I know is Flavi.
Guy Fieri.
Guy Fieri.
Yeah, I believe Guy Fieri.
Anything Guy Fieri says.
He said Portland was a foodie city.
So I was like, all right, I guess it's a foodie city.
It's a mirage.
It's a mirage.
It's a little flavor town, bro.
Do you know what it is?
This is what it is.
Okay.
My favorite food cities are New Orleans and New York and Chicago.
Can I be honest with you?
New Orleans, delicious food, never markets themselves as food.
They don't need to.
They market themselves as like a party.
They don't need to because you could buy booze in a drive-thru.
Like, why the fuck would you talk about it?
You buy booze while you're driving.
It's insane.
They have that in Texas, too, to be honest.
Of course you do.
And low-key, Texas, dope food city.
Houston.
Love Houston food.
Dude.
Beautiful barbecue.
I almost don't want to give Austin credit because they really ride themselves on that food, but they do have some bomb food.
I'm not going to lie.
What Houston got on Austin, though, is that after the clubs, you leave the clubs and you'll get a fucking fried catfish with a whole bag of cheese in a truck.
It's an Austin black people.
That's what Houston has on Austin.
You just describe it.
That's the fucking shit.
It's not the catfish channel.
It's the black people.
The black people making the catfish and other foods black people eat.
So, Chicago never markets himself as food.
They have the pizza thing, which isn't even their best.
It's not their best shit.
It's not their best shit.
I'm not a deep dish guy anyway.
You know what makes Chicago's food good?
What?
Working class.
It's just working class food.
No, no fancy shit.
Milwaukee working class.
Milwaukee.
Listen, Milwaukee's, they have good cheese.
Wisconsin.
They can't give them the cheese.
No, they have good cheese.
They can't even get the cheese props.
They have the good cheese, but everybody thinks they're special when they put egg on a burger, and it's not that crazy a concept.
The other one you said was New York.
Yeah.
Fantastic food here.
Guys.
Everybody acts like it's not any kind of food you want, you get the best of that here, pretty much.
I don't even want to say it.
Maybe not best top three.
I don't even want to say it, but it's true.
And there's a neighborhood for whatever type of food you want.
Yeah.
Literally, whatever type.
And it's maybe the only bargain in all of New York City.
You can get reasonably priced, high-quality food, can you not?
Yeah, considering it's high quality.
I also spent 50 bucks on empanadas yesterday.
So, you know, you can get very expensive dog shit here, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, Empanada Mama's the spot.
Anybody in New York?
That's the best.
That's a good one.
Solid.
I'm off the bread.
Okay, I just got really triggered by this Portland has great food thing.
It's the truck.
What the truck does is it sets an expectation low because your brain can't.
It's improv.
It's improv.
It's improv food.
I'm eating out of a truck.
There's a truck, right?
I'm never blown away by food trucks except halal.
High Quality Food in NYC00:10:37
That's it.
Ramadan Mubarak.
No, it's a fire food truck.
I don't want to sound like Ramadan Mubarak.
I don't want to sound like that guy.
Yeah, yeah.
In Atlanta, there's a food truck called Slutty Vegan.
Now get the fuck out of here, dog.
No, Make sure I'm not talking to you.
No, Trust me on this shit, bro.
Trust me on this.
As a black man, this hurts me to hear you talking like this, man.
This shit is crazy.
Yo, I ain't going to bust your ass one-on-one, bro.
You're going to bust your ass one-on-one.
First off.
We should have talked about this at the beginning of the episode.
First off, I'm unlocking my vegan powers.
So I'm not going to.
You're going to get your ass busted.
Are you going to take a nap halfway through the game?
No, see, I won't take naps now.
I hate when vegans act like they got all this energy.
Good deal.
I don't feel that much different.
Yeah.
As long as you don't get food, it's like directly after I eat.
That's the only thing.
Yeah, but that's the best part about eating.
Eat a big meal, take a nap.
Like, nobody eats a meal.
Yeah, everybody in the world has trouble sleeping.
Let me get itis.
Yo, have a meal.
This whole time, black people have had a superpower.
And it's the ability to fall the fuck asleep whenever.
Okay?
If I never had a black friend can make it through a movie.
I'm not going to lie to you.
I'm telling you.
I tell you, just figure out what it is.
Jamil has fallen.
My boy Jamil.
I've probably spoken to my podcast.
This guy can fall asleep in any situation possible.
Dude, I would be concerned about sending him overseas to fight for the United States Army because there could be carpet bombs going on and this guy would snooze every single one of them.
To get it.
I was at my friend's house, fell asleep on his floor using a 35-pound dumbbell for a pillow.
Knocked out four hours.
Easy.
Clean.
Wow.
Easy.
I respect this.
It's unbelievable.
The ability to just go to sleep.
Oh, my gosh.
So there's something to it.
Okay?
Listen, it's not going to help me when we go one-on-one, though.
Nah, Kaz, you should eat some meat.
I'm saying, bro, I was like, I'm going to use that vegan thing.
I'm not using those things.
For those who don't know, we haven't spoken about this.
We haven't spoken on regular episodes.
We should have opened with this.
Maybe we'll edit.
Who knows?
Andrew and Kaz, it came up during a Patreon episode what would happen if they played one-on-one.
Andrew is convinced he would give Kaz buckets.
He says Kaz is nothing but a jumper.
Kaz says Andrew is nothing but a right hand.
He says if you force Andrew to his off and nothing happens.
So the trash talk has commenced and we're trying to set a date for a one-on-one game.
You need a dates.
We all agreed I would get crushed by both of them.
But the two of them, that's up for debate.
I think you give Kaz a run for his money.
Oh, and I don't need to be an insult, fam.
I don't even become a part of the trash.
See how he does you?
See how he does you have you stick it up for him?
I was trying to say, look at look at my, look at, look at what's going to happen to you.
This is literally.
Oh, oh, it wasn't a Kawashi.
I thought it was about to be the Kawashi.
But look at bop, and you're done.
It's going right every time.
It's going right.
Nah, nah.
Okay, but keep believing that.
Okay, so yeah, obviously we're going to play this game.
I don't know where Kaz got the idea that he could compete against me in any physical sport whatsoever.
But I'm going to take on the 6-0 40-time Kaz from Yiday, and I'm going to bust his ass.
I think he gets two points top.
So how does that feel like since I ran that 6.040?
Like when you lose to me, how does that.
What you're describing right now cannot happen.
It cannot happen.
All right, Dr. Strange.
Me losing to you in...
What do you say?
It cannot happen.
Doctor Strange.
Exactly.
It cannot happen.
I've went through every single scenario.
And I feel like we've done this on the Patreon app.
This exact thing.
There's no way that I can lose to you in a game of basketball.
What we're talking about, what we're splitting hairs about now is how many points I'll allow you to score.
And I think it's in the window between two and four.
Here's the thing.
This is a game to 11, correct?
By ones.
Game to 11, by ones.
I think that I'll let you score between two and four points.
Here's the thing.
It's a one-on-one game, right?
So, like, if you score, I get that, right?
Yeah.
But then you have to, like, stop me.
And you're too small.
Like, I can take my time.
You don't know.
I can literally walk you down seven straight times or 11 straight times.
Let me tell you something.
I can score any time.
You might not eat meat, Kaz.
I can't have you being all skinny.
Yo, this is crazy.
What are you talking about?
It's crazy.
You have to get to play.
Kaz, the slutty vegan.
You have to play defense, too.
Kaz, the slutty vegan, going to be backing down Andrew.
I need black ass Kaz eating ribs off his girl's plate.
Oh, please believe after I bust his ass, he's going to go back to eating meat.
Listen.
You have to tell you afterwards.
Watch us go.
Wow.
Set it up.
Set it up, bro.
That's all I need to know.
Just sell it down, bro.
You have to play defense.
It's you versus.
You can't call for help.
You won't get a single shot off around the basketball.
I can come and play how defense is.
You won't get somebody shot off around the basketball.
You?
Around the basket, you won't get a single shot.
You can't get us off of you?
You won't get a single shot.
The only chance that you'll have to get a shot off is if I let you get a foul line.
That means nothing.
It means everything.
It means nothing.
It means nothing.
It means everything for me.
It means something.
Listen.
Everything.
Akash, I want to believe you, but physics does not apply to me.
I'm different.
I'm built different.
It's a different thing with me, okay?
So you think you're going to back up.
I don't have to outrun you one-on-one.
Oh, no, no.
You know this.
We know you're not going to outrun me ever.
I can't.
That's not a question.
I don't have to.
There's no way.
There's no way in hell.
What's going to happen is this.
You're going to think that you can bully me.
You're going to think.
That's cookies.
Vegan Cat is apparently even moving me on wheels.
I'm trying to keep you on the frame.
I'm trying to keep you on the frame.
That cookie hair shot is gorgeous.
Yeah, he got nice hair.
Very nice.
Except for the ball spot.
Oh, yeah.
Peep that in.
We grew up.
Shout out to him.
But yeah, no, you have to guard me.
Good farm.
Good farm.
No, no, no.
Go for him.
His mid-range.
And a winner coat.
And a winner coat.
Mid-range and solid.
Mid-range and solid.
And every once in a while, I'll probably let you get a shot off for that.
But the reality of the matter is, you cannot do anything to me underneath the basket.
There's nothing you can do to me underneath the basket.
I've never been so confident in my entire life.
This is literally like America going to war with Nicaragua.
You will lose.
You will lose.
Okay.
Finally, I remember where he was from.
There's no way in hell that you could conceive of a situation where it will happen.
But I want to play.
I want you to.
It's a contra war right here.
It is, man.
It is.
Good-looking jumper, man.
I think that you'll be able to get it.
And it's a one-on-one, so I'm assuming we're playing top of the key, like, which is my zone right there.
Like, I don't.
Like, 18 feet and in, that's a bucket.
And if you have to come out and guard me, I said this multiple times.
Let me tell you, nothing.
You might get some points, but then you have to guard me.
I'm sorry, blow by me.
The point is, like, you have to play DJ.
How are you going to blow by me?
Because you have to come and guard my jumper.
You have to be honest.
Unless you literally just shoot your feet.
You're flat.
That don't matter.
You still.
That means you can't accelerate at all.
Your feet are flat too, though.
Say what?
Your feet are flat.
I got more arches than him.
They're pretty flat.
I can still dunk them.
You both wear orthotics out there.
You're not dunking, bro.
I'm not going to dunk.
Not now.
No, no, you can't dunk this.
I can still dunk.
I can still dunk.
This guy making things up.
I can still dunk.
You guys, you guys watch him through.
We were going to do something for one thing, but it was raining out.
But I can still dunk.
Where was it?
On a court outside?
Come on, that's a nine-foot rim, fam.
You got to dunk it on nine-foot rims.
I played in all these courts my whole life.
A lot of you tell, bro.
What are the score predictions?
It's 11.
He does not score more than four.
It'll be 11-4.
We have to establish stakes.
Maybe in the Patreon, they can establish stakes.
Yeah.
Put it in the community.
It depends how I want to play.
It depends how I want to play.
Well, you should figure that out.
Like, if I feel like just Jaying you to death, it'll be like 11 to like five or six.
Like, because you'll get some rebounds or whatever.
But if I just feel like saying, fuck this, back down, back down, 11 to like 3, maybe 2.
Oh, that's not going to happen.
It doesn't matter.
It's a one-on-one.
I might sit him down.
It's a one-on-one.
You're checking the ball.
You're checking the ball down.
I might sit him down.
You're checking the ball.
I'm going to stumble him.
I already know the move I'm stumbling with.
I already know the move I'm stumbling with.
And what we can do is record something afterwards.
So I predicted it now.
I already know the move that I'm stumbling with.
And he's going to do this.
He's not going to fall, but he's going to get hit.
Like, he's going to do what the mountain did in this last episode when he got stabbed in the eye where he did that fell back like that.
That's what's going to happen to you.
I'm going to mount on you.
I'm going to mount on you, bro.
I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do.
He's going to mount you fast forward.
You're going to check the ball up to me.
This is exactly what I'm saying.
I've already seen what's going to happen.
You're going to check the ball up to me.
You're not going to respect my jumper.
I'm going to hit my first jumper right in your mouth.
Then he'll be like, oh, shit.
What have I said time and time again about him?
He did say you had a good jumper.
All right, so if you respect the jumper, man, I'm just backing you down.
This is objective.
This is objective viewers.
You are a good mid-range shooter.
If I have you on my team, to be honest with you, you are going to get buckets all day because I love penetrating addition.
All right, great.
You are a great teammate for me to have on my team.
Absolutely.
For real.
You would be my Pippin.
But remember, you are Pippin.
Okay?
And you're going up against MJ.
It's different.
All right.
It's different.
It's different over here.
You don't know what Pippin looked like when he dunked.
We know what MJ looked like when he dunked like that.
Damn.
Know what Pippen looked like when he played, right?
What's this?
That's motherfucking Jordan.
That's who you're going up against.
You look like Patrick Gill when Pippen put his nuts in his fucking mouth.
That's what's going to happen.
Don't recall it.
You're a Knicks fan.
I may not recall this.
I blocked it out.
I blocked that out.
I didn't block that out.
It's going to be a lot of jab steps because we're going to have to respect the jumper.
And then once you come up, it's just easy.
You don't realize my length.
Dog, I also have no clue about myself.
I want to beat you.
This guy has no clue about my length.
I'm not clue about my length.
Like, do you not understand what's happening here?
I'm Johnny.
I'm fucking Jonas, bro.
Like, look at this length.
Look at that.
I'm blocking you from here.
I'm across the table.
Your shot is going into the stage.
Fam, are you out of your mind?
We might need to do this.
Real talk?
That's all you could go.
Special Patreon Episode Guidelines00:04:35
Come on.
That's really all you could do.
Bye.
You're in front of me.
Bye.
Match your shoulders up with mine.
Bye.
Stand it up.
But that's how you do it.
You go like, you both touch.
Son, you won't be like that?
No, I'm standing straight.
All right.
See how I touch you, Matt easy?
I'm touching you Matt easily.
I'm touching you, Matt easily.
I mean, I can like touch the back of your dog.
I could get you shit, too.
This is intimate, dog.
I think I know how this game is going to end.
I know.
You're just going, fuck.
That's what I'm saying.
We both gonna be winning.
All I'm saying is finishing.
Real talk, man.
It's going down.
I can't wait.
It's gonna be lit.
So we're gonna find a place.
We're gonna do it.
I'm gonna whoop that ass.
It is what it is, bro.
Sounds good.
I don't think you understand.
All right.
I'm just touching.
I gotta set a date.
I know.
So yeah, I can start training for it all out.
I'm gonna put in a couple hours.
Like Jay-Z said, if you set up a meeting, I'm gonna set up a beating.
Ooh, that's the first good trade for KF yet.
I'm excited now.
Sweaty Vicky.
The matchup of the century.
Yo, that's what his name is.
Sweaty Vickus.
Kaze, the Slutty Vickus.
All right.
I can't wait for it, man.
It's going to be fun.
Let's let the assholes out, too.
Absolutely.
We got to do that shit.
We're going to make it happen.
We're going to figure it out.
Continue talk on the Patreon.
Absolutely.
Come on over.
Matter of fact, yo, thank you to all the new subs on the Patreon.
Appreciate y'all coming through.
Patreon.com/slash flagrant2.
A lot of interesting, flagrant conversations over there.
I've been thinking about, and then, you know, this is an open source conversation, but I was thinking about potentially capping the amount of subscribers to our Patreon.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
Because I think there's, I love the intimacy of the community, and I love what the community allows.
And I think when things grow too big, you lose some of that camaraderie, intimacy.
And you have people that might do things that go against community guidelines.
It's a little bit harder for us all to kind of like continue those guidelines.
People who listen to Patreon know what I'm talking about right now.
But it's something I want to talk to you guys about.
We can continue talks.
But it's something I just want to throw out there.
We'll see exactly what it is.
We want this to be something that everybody here for us, but we just got to find the best way to make sure what we got going on can continue.
It's a sacred thing.
It is a sacred fucking thing.
So we got to find a way to keep it sacred.
For sure.
I got to run, guys.
But before we run, I want to give some dates and then we have a very special moment to finish up the episode.
Like, very special.
Okay.
We have the baddest bitch of 482.
Oh, yeah.
But before we do that, I just want to let y'all know.
Um, Nashville, this Saturday, Zaney's Comedy Club, one of the best clubs in the country.
I love Zaney's Comedy Club.
Uh, go get your tickets toandrewSchultz.com.
I'll be there Saturday, two shows only.
Come on out.
Alex Media is out there with me.
Uh, we're gonna be filming some content, cooking up some great shit.
Um, and then next week after that, we're gonna be in Columbus, Ohio, funny bone, remember, best chicken tenders in the motherfucking country.
Okay, uh, love that club as well.
And then the weekend after that, we're gonna be in St. Louis, Missouri.
So, get your tickets, all those.
Um, DandrewSchultz.com for all the rest of the cities.
Make sure you go there, cop some tickets.
You guys?
Oh, yeah.
May 27th, baby.
Oh, well, two things.
I will be at Starcast at the Sporting News' Wrestling with.
Hold on.
Anyway, I'm speaking at Starcast 2, my boy Andreas Hale, Willie Mac, Billy Ray, a bunch of like really dope black wrestlers and speaking going on at the conference about like diversity and race and gender and pro wrestling for Starcast in Las Vegas.
And then May 27th at the Brooklyn Mirage, Duce Palooza, New York City.
You got the homie YG as the headliner.
It's not just going to be a motherfucking.
I know some people coming in.
They're like, oh, he's going to come and like do like 12 or 15 minutes of songs like T-Pain and leave.
Like, no.
YG is doing a full fucking show.
So if you get your tickets to Duce Palooza, you're getting a full fucking show.
This is the only thing.
YG got the best song I could never sing along to.
Speaking at Starcast Conference00:09:55
Number one of all.
I mean, you could.
I'm just saying, huh?
And all the Nipsey fans, all the West Coast fans, like if you really fuck with this, this is the one to be at.
This is going to be a special one.
So get your tickets on DucePalooza.com, OG Chase B, Steph Cakes, Austin Mills.
Everybody's going to be DJ and it's going to be fucking crazy.
Go support that, yo.
Go support that, yo.
Akash.
Nothing.
Just if you can support the GoFundMe if you haven't already, that's on my Instagram.
It's for Brian friend of mine, Brian Hannah, whose daughter passed away.
And Memorial Services is Thursday, bro.
And thank you, assholes, for supporting that.
And he's super thankful to everybody.
He sent a huge thank you to me.
He asked me to say thank you to everybody.
So appreciate everybody who donated.
Hearts and prayers are with you, Brian.
Okay, so let's do it.
So right now, obviously, you guys have seen this Snapchat filter, which turns you into a chick.
And in true Flagrant 2 competitive fashion, we want to know who the baddest bitch of Flagrant 2 is.
So let's get it started.
Can I say, I'm not going to hold you.
Like, I know I'm coming in dead last.
I'm an ugly woman, bro.
Let us say it.
Who the fuck is this bad bitch?
Yo.
Who is this bad bitch?
Yo, you look like the bitch from the ring.
I don't know.
Why my face mad small?
Yo, you are cute.
Cool, exotic.
Yo, you are light-skinned and shit, too.
You really do like me up as a woman.
You got nice eyes, bro.
Yo, my shits are beautiful, dog.
I'm a gorgeous ass girl.
I'm trying to think who you look like, even.
Yeah, you look like Arya, but like a cute Aria for dead ass.
You too look like a little cute ass Aria.
You look like a real-life anime character.
Yeah.
Like you're drunk.
I'm cute.
Yeah, no, you're all right, bro.
You're all right.
What is it?
Misty from Pokemon?
You look like Misty.
Yeah.
Real talk, man.
No, you look at the boy.
Look at the eyelashes.
Sexy boy.
Gorgeous, dog.
God damn.
All right, now you got that.
Okay.
All right.
You got to do it.
You shouldn't have landed the best, dog.
You got that.
What we got next?
Let's see what we got.
All right.
Yo, you look like that's a bad bitch.
Yo, Andrew looks like he about to go ask for a manager right now.
Bro, you look like a lot of people.
That's a bad.
That's what I was like.
You look like Scarlett Joyce.
Yeah, I look like the Olsen one.
Oh, the Olsen.
Oh, Scarlet Witch.
Scarlett Witch.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's what looks like Scarlett Witch.
Look how fine I am.
You took everything from me.
Yeah.
You look like Marlon and White Chicks.
Damn, bro.
No, that's a fine-ass woman right there.
Bro, you look fine.
You like.
You look fine as fuck.
You didn't look like my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah, I got some assistant teacher vibes going right now.
No, but I fuck me.
I definitely fuck me.
They really fucking give you bone structure, like female bone structure.
Can we talk about how my lips are bigger than Akash?
Just saying.
I'm just saying my lips are on point right now.
Oh, my God.
Look at that.
Yeah, we look a little related.
We look a little related.
All right.
But his had a little bit more spice.
Yeah.
Akash looks part like part rat.
Like you look like a rat.
I feel like you needed to curl your hair.
Doesn't he look like a rat?
A little bit.
I feel like if you had like curls in your hair, bro, you'd be like even an even better bitch.
You know what would be look good if you had some cheese that you were eating, you rat.
You fucking rat.
Dude, you look like a rat.
Get out of here, dog.
You hating me.
Stop trying to fight with me.
All right, go back.
Go back.
Go back.
Stop negating me.
Stop negating me.
That shit right there, bro.
That's what's up.
I look like a painting that came to life.
I look like some shit that's like chasing around motherfuckers in an old hotel.
You legit look like.
Who said I look like the ring?
Somebody say that?
Yeah, you do look like they're big.
I look like I could be Asian.
I look like I could be Russian.
You look white, dog.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Also, white, I look white also, but I look like I could be Asian.
You look straight white, fam.
Ain't no Asian, bro.
Asian right there.
Oh, man.
All right, let's show Cass.
Kaz, you're one of the ugliest unbelievable I've ever seen in my life.
The fuck.
You look like a character on Martin.
Bro, this is shitting, ain't they?
Some idiot, right?
It's fucked up because they give you like, I guess they try to like take your facial hair away, and it just gave me like the mutton chop.
Even without facial hair, you ugly as fuck.
Fam, thank God you're a man, bro.
I feel some type of white.
Holy shit, fuck.
Oh, my God.
That is gross.
I don't even look like a discernible female.
I look like Harriet Winslow.
Who's that?
From Family Matters?
I was white, the mom.
That's hilarious.
I was going to say the different parts in Rec.
What's her name, Reda?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no, but that is.
No, Reda.
Not Rashida Jones, dog.
God damn.
Rashida Fine.
Kaz, you look crazy right here.
You're a bitch, bro.
Kaz.
Ugly bitch.
God, dude.
I don't feel like it did anything to change you.
No, it didn't.
It changed Akash and I was like, we got feminine.
Different people.
They just put a fucking wig on me.
He's like trans cash.
This is Slutty Vegan for real.
Do not go trans, bro.
Listen, if I was thinking about being a tranny, like this definitely took me to the other side, bro.
Oh, my Lord, bro.
That is insane.
But you know what's fucked up?
Your face.
Somebody.
The fuck up part about us, bro.
Somebody out there would fuck that.
Nah, they wouldn't.
Nobody else.
Somebody out there would fuck that.
Nobody else.
Somebody would.
Nobody on earth.
You know how much motherfuckers love pussy?
If I got a pussy, somebody's fucking bad.
Nah, man, I'm telling you, man.
Nah, that shit is gross.
Somebody.
You look like you belong to a fucking carnival, dog.
What are you talking about?
That is a crazy look.
Go back to it.
That's going to get fucked.
Go back to it, bro.
Right there.
Yeah, that shit is good.
Yeah, bro.
You look like a turtle.
Holy fuck.
Oh, my God, bro.
He's like the only black Amish person.
The fuck is that?
Now, can we see the baddest bitch, though?
All right, go.
Hey, there are you, bad bitch.
You got shit going on.
Yo, the eyebrow archer.
Real talk.
Real talk.
If Alex didn't have the beard that's kind of showing, Alex would be a fine-ass man.
You make a decent tranny real talk.
For real, you better hit up Twite Howard.
That's buying his bag.
You look like a bad PTA bitch.
Damn, bro.
You alright.
You make a blush in your cheek.
Did you like put on makeup before you did this?
You know it.
You know what?
You kind of look like you look like a sexy meter maid.
You ever see bitches that get distant cars?
One bitch is like decent looking.
That's what it looks like.
Yeah.
Yeah, nah, you're a pretty bitch, Alex.
You're a pretty bitch.
Thank you.
All right, guys.
Three another episode of Flagrant.
Wait, we didn't get Eden?
What?
Oh, you have one?
You didn't do one?
I looked on the thing.
I didn't see it.
Okay.
Eden, cute.
You cute.
Eden looked like a legit woman.
Eden.
You look like a woman.
Hold on.
I just want to acknowledge something.
I didn't say you because I looked at the group text and I didn't see your picture in it.
So I really thought Alex said you weren't allowed to do it.
I was thinking I was fucked up, babe.
But, yo, I got to say, I've slept with multiple women that look like you, bro.
Like, not just one.
I've slept with multiple that look just like you, bro.
That is wild.
Dude, this makes me uncomfortable.
I had a girl that kind of looked like you.
Dead ass.
Dead ass.
A Latin girlfriend that looked just like that.
Oh, my God.
And everything.
I don't even want to look at you no more.
I'm a little uncomfortable now.
You make a cute woman.
I want to know how your mufongo is.
Real talk.
I might friend zone you, but like, I'll be like, all right, people drunk, yeah.
I'm not friends on you.
I'm buying you some chanclax.
Right?
Take you on a nice walk.
Take you with the DR for the weekend.
We could go to Sandals.
Nah, you look like a good, like, drunk night hit.
Like, oh, facts.
Don't be drunk night.
You look like you built like shit.
Like, your face is built like shit.
So you have a face.
Your face is adorable.
You built like you selling mangoes on the street.
You built like you got a sausage stand on Hollywood Boulevard.
Oh, my God.
Damn, bro.
Yo, Eden.
You built like your Instagram is neck up.
Damn.
She had the fire poop of her.
Fire poop.
Her neck up is 10 out of 10.
Damn, son.
This is crazy.
You look like the bitch that shows up, you're like, I look different.
Looking at your phone, like.
Bro.
Damn, bro.
Well, anyway, man, I got to run out of here, but this has been another episode of Flagrant 2 No Easy Buckets.