After basic human functions like eating and procreating, it's up there with hunting and fishing as the tradition we share with the greatest number of our European ancestors.
Yet, like so many of our ancient activities, the joy and art of gardening is lost on far too many of us in this wretched post-industrial, hyper-commercialized digital era.
But this week, whether you are a soy-fed urbanite bugman or have already taken the green pill out in bucolic rural white homelands, we are honored to present a master gardener to inspire you to get out there with the kids this spring and get your hands dirty.
And also, we're going to provide useful tips to put healthy, dirt, cheap food on your family's table.
See what I did there?
So, mr producer, damn the peepers, full speed ahead.
Welcome everyone
to episode 85 of Full House, the world's most traditional show for white fathers, aspiring ones and the whole BIO fam.
I am your dilettantish gardening host, Coach Finstock, back with another two hours of the good word.
First up at the top here, apologies, dear listener, for the delayed show this week.
Mr. Producer said that he had a hangnail on recording night and that he couldn't push the little button, you know, like he does every week.
And our guest said that, yeah, he just wasn't feeling it at the time we were supposed to record.
No, I'm kidding.
My internet sucked.
It was glitching more than who's the guy on Myth of the 20th Century who always has the terrible internet connection, Nick Mason.
Anyway, we're back and ready to go.
First up, though, big thanks this week to our pal Codeus, who hit us up with some support in the PO box to help keep the lights on.
He also sent a moving letter, which we will get to in the second half of the show.
We've got a jam-packed second half after our gardening extravaganza here in the first.
Also, thank you to Kate for her kind donation.
And Kate asked about the Skinhead show that is coming up in the near future.
And Sam was kind enough to share the email for that event.
I guess they have some sort of vetting to make sure that it doesn't get out to the wrong people.
So, Kate, we'll send you an email.
And for anybody else, if you're curious about attending that show, hit us up.
We'll get you connected.
All right, enough of me.
Let's get on to the birth panel.
First up, he is such an old horn dog, he even mows landing strips onto his front lawn.
And even though it looks like he's growing weed there under grow lights in his full house studio, it is in fact his treasured family lemon tree.
Sammy, baby, how's it going?
Great.
Yeah, it's good to be here with everybody.
Happy Easter to everybody.
It was yesterday, of course, from the day we're recording.
It was yesterday.
But of course, Easter goes on 50 days.
That's 5-0, 50 days of celebration.
And let me tell you, I don't know if you guys felt this way, but everybody was sure in the spirit this weekend, and especially yesterday, all the people I communicate with.
And we had a pool party event, so hanging out with people.
Man, it just, you know, on paper, our situation looks bad with things you hear about in the news and everything going on.
But man, the people just have the spirit and the warmth of camaraderie.
It hits you right in the feels, not only to feel it myself with all those people that I know, but to see with one another how warm they are with everybody.
So it was a beautiful day, beautiful day yesterday.
I got the basketball net out.
We started throwing some baskets.
We had some people even over yesterday.
And we had a nice Easter meal together.
So it's been a couple of beautiful days here.
Amen.
Yeah, it was a spectacularly beautiful Easter here.
Blue skies, maybe 65, 70 degrees.
And a quick anecdote.
Although I did offer that grandma could take the kids to church, she actually declined.
She said, since COVID, she actually hasn't been going because it was a video conference for so long and then she caught it.
But for the listeners out there whose parents are still great, mercifully alive, when our toddler, my parents arrived while our toddler was asleep.
So when he woke up, they were already here.
And he came out.
And when he saw them, he looked like Santa Claus had just arrived.
Ma, Ampa.
He gave them the warmest greeting.
They looked like they could have melted right there.
So yeah, do the right thing by your parents, even if you don't want to perpetuate yourself.
Give your parents some joy and have kids so that they have grandkids.
All right.
Welcome, Sam.
Thank you.
Next up, the last time he was seen gardening, his old-timey neighbor looked askance at him, hunched over in his yard and remarked, I reckon he's not supposed to hammer the potatoes into the ground.
He builds the chicken runs and the raised beds, and in all truth, leaves the gardening to what he derisively calls the Kulax smasher.
Come on now.
You know, do some gardening this spring?
Maybe.
We actually, we have a grow light now in our basement, and we've got some stuff in there.
I think we have some stuff in the ground too.
Yeah, we actually, we had a pretty big operation last year, but the dogs got into a fight.
We had it all out on tables before we even got it in the ground.
And it was all grown in nicely.
And two of my dogs got into a fight and it went everywhere.
And then in the middle of breaking up the fight, I picked up the bigger dog who started it.
I grabbed him by his neck and like his back haunches and just picked him up and I threw him and he landed in the rest of it and destroyed it.
But it was the dog's fault for fighting, not mine.
All right.
Well, feel free to pepper our expert guest this week with any questions as you guys get set up.
It's April 5th as we go to tape.
Not too late to get started, even if you think you missed the boat on a couple of those early season seeds and whatnot.
All right.
With that.
We're going to grow food and deny the Holocaust.
And we're all out of Holocaust.
Never had one in the first place.
All right.
Our special guest this week reached out back in November to express his interest in contributing to our prepping and gardening efforts.
And we've kept him on ice until now.
He has a professional background in horticulture and ecology, whatever that is, with years of totally non-scientific experimentation under his belt.
If the Jews really do go for Hellodimore 2 Famine Boogaloo, he is one of the good guys we will be grateful to have on our side.
Mid Gardener, Mud and Toil, brother.
Welcome.
Thank you for having me on here.
I appreciate the opportunity to talk to you guys, talk some horticulture with you guys.
Yeah, I listened to that episode.
I didn't catch it when you guys posted it last time, but I heard it in review and I thought it was awesome you guys were able to, you know, put that out there and give everybody a little bit of guidance and like navigating that thing.
Because last year, I mean, we all had different opinions of it and what was going on, but you know, didn't turn out to be the apocalypse that some of us thought it was going to be.
But, you know, that could always be around the corner.
And I really appreciate you guys putting that out there.
So no, thank you for volunteering to come on, buddy.
And yeah, we did our gardening show around this time last year as COVID was kicking off and we had three or four guests and we just tried to cover as much as possible.
And for the listener, I know some listeners are probably like, I'm listening to Full House.
I don't want to get gardening tips.
I'm either not going to do it or I know a lot already.
So what we hope to do with this one is first to inspire listeners who either think they can't or they might be too lazy or it's too late, whatever, but also run through a slew of questions and give tips for people who are either novices or average, even up to the pros who can still learn something.
So we'll get through as much as we can here in the first half.
Try to make it as practical and useful as possible.
But first, mid-gardener, you got to lay it on us, pal.
Ethnicity, religion, and fatherhood status, please.
So I'm a little diverse.
I'm English, Scottish, Irish, and Scots-Irish.
So it's a huge trifecta of people from all over those islands over there.
So, but yeah, you know, just American is apple pie, I guess.
People have been here for quite a while.
But yeah, so I do have a couple kids.
I've done some propagating inside and outside of the greenhouse.
So yeah.
And your religion, buddy.
Religion, I mean, I was raised Christian, kind of like Protestant Christian.
But I've, for a long time, was an atheist.
Then I kind of went into agnostic and kind of just here, I've settled on, I don't know, just seeing that we're products of the creator.
You know, I'm not like a scholar of Pierce or anything, but I have listened to some of his speeches and read a little bit of his stuff.
And I do find a lot of agreement with the stuff that he was talking about.
You know, we are the products of the Creator and we are little creators.
You know, like the Creator created us to be like the Creator.
So it's our duty to create things.
You know, if we use our creativity, like we're honoring the Creator, you could say.
So if we don't do it, we're like just squandering the humanity that we've been given.
You know, like we're just domesticated animals at that point, you know.
That's right.
Absolutely.
Thank you for not saying mother nature is my religion.
However, I have had close to religious moments out on beautiful days gardening.
And that's just today, I got out and planted 17 Norway spruces.
They were seedlings, but it's not like I was digging giant holes.
But I wanted to have a nice big wall of evergreens out there.
And as I was digging this one hole, I leaped back.
I said, oh, what the hell is that?
And there's a giant frog under the ground.
This is pretty, you know, densely covered grass.
And I thought, I'm going to take that as a very positive sign that A, I didn't sever this frog in half by digging there.
And two, of course, frogs are a little bit special to us.
But yeah, getting out there with the kids on a beautiful day on looking up at the sky and getting your hands in the soil is a very special thing.
So for the audience, how did you get into gardening and tell them why it's so awesome that they are almost as abject failures as non-procreators if they're not getting out there and getting their hands dirty this spring?
Well, I mean, I got into my grandfather got me into it.
He was one of those people where he grew up on a farm and he probably goes back centuries.
I don't know.
But yeah, he used to go out anytime it was planting season.
He'd be out there with the shovel or a hoe and just cultivating and, you know, putting something in or taking care of something.
And he actually lived, he lived out of state, but he would come back and forth and we'd try to manage the garden in between and stuff like that.
And we always had just tons of everything.
We had, you know, strawberries, potatoes, whatever you could want.
It was always out there.
And we'd just get tired of it.
We'd eat it so much.
So it was like, that was something that stuck with me because after he got too old and stopped coming out, it was just, I missed it.
And when you'd eat like a really, you know, awesome strawberry or whatever, like it would just bring back all those memories.
And that's, that's kind of like it always stuck with me.
So I didn't continue gardening through, you know, my youth, but it was one of those things where it almost felt like I felt like a shame that I hadn't done it.
You know, it was like, I felt like guilt, you know.
And every time I get back out there and I get back in the garden, it's like super satisfying.
And I think it's because that was, you know, that seed was planted in me when I was so young, you know, like, and I, and when you do that with your kids, that's, that's what's going to happen.
You know, maybe, maybe I might have like a little bit of a predisposition, but maybe not.
I don't know.
Yeah, it is in our blood.
Yeah.
My paternal grandfather was a potato farmer in Minnesota before the Depression hit when he had to go east to work construction.
So when I'm out there, sometimes I think about him till in fields as a, as a young teenager, and almost gets me misty.
But all right, let's get, let's, let's get into some substance here, buddy.
Let's start with the listeners who are not at all green thumbs and let's let's just focus on on edibles, on fruit trees and crops this time around, because I do feel strongly that it's important that all of us be able to grow at least a little victory garden, even if it's just out on your balcony.
So if you could, I know it's a it's a huge amount of waterfront to cover.
Give some basic motivators and tips for the for the beginners out there in terms of growing and what they should grow.
In terms of what you should grow, I mean, think about what you eat.
So, I mean, I know in my household, we eat potatoes all the time and potatoes are super easy to get.
Yeah, I mean, there's a reason they are a survival food and they're a comfort food and they belong in every garden, in my opinion.
And not even just a garden.
You know, I mean, you could put them all over the place, like talking like Johnny appleseed, but with potatoes.
I mean, they're cheap.
You know, how many times you cut out one of the eyes out of a potato and just like toss it in the trash because you don't want to eat it?
That's a whole potato plant.
That could potentially be, you know, 15 potatoes in six months if you just stick that thing in the ground.
So it's like, you know, potatoes definitely.
But, you know, it's look at what you eat and look at what you eat a lot of, especially expensive things.
You know, you don't want to go for tomatoes and stuff like that.
They're just nice to have.
It's definitely beneficial to eat in season.
So, you know, when you plant something like a tomato or like a thin-skinned fruit, it helps with all those antioxidants and stuff like that.
So, in the summertime, when you're getting just beat up by the sun, it's like, well, that tomato is too, you know, like that tomato can't go in the shade.
So, it has to produce all those things that help it survive in just direct sunlight all the time.
So, you can start with, let's, yeah, let's dig into potatoes here real quick because it's at the top of the list.
You're not supposed to use the potatoes you get from the grocery store, right?
Because they have pesticides on them and things like that.
Do you have to go buy the little tubers and the sort of intended for planting potatoes, or can you really just cut those eyes out, put them in the ground?
And hopefully, the pesticides that might be inside of the potato plant, it's by the time you actually cut the eye out of it and then plant it and it grows into a new plant, it's picked up a lot of water.
It's, you know, it's cycled through all of its nutrients and stuff for quite a bit.
And it'll the amount of like, even if you got a non-organic potato, it's going to be so diluted by the time you actually get a whole bunch of potatoes from that one little eye that it's not an issue.
You know what I mean?
Plus, if you just get organic potatoes in the first place, like you don't have to worry about that stuff because you know that it's going to be organic.
So, that's my recommendation.
Like, if you want to start cheap, the way that I like to do it is I like to spend as little money as possible and get the highest results.
So, one of the best ways to get seeds is like, I see a lot of people talking about, oh, these seed companies or whatever, but just go to the store and go get go get yourself some organic produce.
You know, if it's a potato, you can plant the eyes out of that, or you can just stick the whole potato in the ground.
It actually grows a lot faster.
And it's a lot cheaper than buying a bag of seed potatoes, which is the same exact thing.
It's just packaged differently and marked up.
So, I'm the sucker.
I've bought those seed potatoes before.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, they're good because you could find seed potatoes and varieties that you normally can't find in the store unless you're going to like a health food store or whatever.
But that's a cheaper way to do it.
You just go down there and get organic potatoes and just cut the eyes out of them.
You can let them start vining up a little bit, turning green, you know, and then stick those in the ground.
And you could put them everywhere.
I mean, potatoes are awesome because they're pretty easy to cultivate.
They don't, you know, they have a few diseases, but for the most part, it's like they're so cheap that you can just overplant them and you're like almost guaranteed to get a crop.
You know what I mean?
And you have to, now, last year I did potatoes kind of half-assed.
I put them into native, fairly clay soil and didn't get a big yield.
People starting off, should they do a raised bed, put cardboard down, fill it up with garden soil, or can they literally just get a little spade and dig enough into the dirt and pop those suckers in and then eyes up or eyes down?
So you're going to want eyes up.
But I'm a big fan of raised beds specifically.
You guys talked about it last time.
If any of the listeners haven't heard that episode, definitely go back on Telegram and check it out.
But you guys talked about Hoogle Culture and Google Bounce.
Those are awesome because they're cheap.
I mean, right now, it's like, I'm sure Potato Smasher can attest to the fact that lumber, you know, you build a raised bed right now, it's like a thousand bucks or something like that.
You know, it's like, especially if you want cedar, get pallets.
Yeah.
Throw away pallets, man.
You can find pallets.
You can't get them from big box stores, really, because they normally have pallet service through their warehouse and whatever.
But, you know, a local, a local like tile shop or even like a paint spot or something, they're going to have pallets and pallets and pallets.
And restaurants too.
You know, obviously, again, try to avoid a chain, but A local restaurant that is like a larger volume restaurant is gonna, uh, they're gonna get pallets of stuff in as well.
Um, so you might be able to get some stuff from them.
Uh, and I can't, you know, pallets are an easy, easy way to get treated lumber right now.
Yeah, yeah.
Um, I mean, you can get just straight up pine ones too, you know, that um, the treated stuff, you'll want to put it a barrier, uh, just because you don't want any of that leaching into your soil.
But, um, yeah, pallets is probably your best bet.
Uh, but I like Hoogle Mounds just because, you know, it's literally just a just a mound.
It looks like a, you could do it as like a hill or like a row kind of hill.
Um, but that's my favorite way to do it, just because so like this is what I like to do.
And that's that's where that's where that's where you're piling dirt.
Like once the potato sprouts above the dirt, then you pile more dirt on it.
You're just building, building, building.
Well, Hugel Mound is a, it's, it's like an older technique from some Germanic country.
It might be Germany or Austria or somewhere around there.
But basically, it's, you dig down a little bit, you stack a bunch of rotting wood in there, and then you start backfilling it with the native soil and like leaf material, anything that will decompose, like organic material mainly.
So you start backfilling it and you get it as high as you want it.
Most of them are like, they'll do like three to five feet high.
So it all depends on what you want your yard to look like too.
But it gives you a lot of surface area because a raised bed, you know, you're just, it's basically just a rectangle.
You can't plant into the sides of it and it just lifts the soil level.
But with a Hugel mound, it's more surface area because it's, you know, at an angle.
So, and there's microclimates that you could, that you could, you know, use for your benefit, like the, you know, depending on how you orient it.
So anyway, the idea behind a huge mound is the water will leach into those that rotting wood in the middle, and then it'll kind of act as a sponge and hold all that there.
So you're not as dependent on extra irrigation.
So that's my favorite way of doing it.
You know, you could Google that and find out tons about Hugel Mounds and stuff like that.
There's tons of information on it.
But yeah, that's the best because it's just it, all that wood breaking down, it's going to keep your roots warmer.
It's spongy.
There's like funguses that grow in there and the funguses help symbiotically with the roots to transfer water and nutrients.
So it's like a whole ecosystem in there.
So one of the ways that I do it is I don't have a whole lot of rotting green waste around my yard.
So I just, I have a lot of weeds though.
So I scrape the top layer of the soil.
It's about, you know, the first half inch to full inch.
You'll notice if you dig into it, it's kind of like black right there where the where the very top of the soil is.
And that's because all the stuff that's falling down, if you have, if you have a lawn, you'll notice it too.
It's all that decomposing green matter, like organic matter.
And it's formed this like black little like layer.
So I just scrape that off and I pile that up.
And I always do roots up and weeds down.
And you can do this with weedy, like seedy, weedy plants, you know, like you're burying them deep.
And so you just keep stacking that into a mound and that's where all your nutrition is.
Like that's the best part of your soil.
And it's just like a huge mound of it now.
So that you can plant into it and it's actually really good on its own.
But if you start amending it, it's even better.
Like that's my favorite way just because it's free and it's fast and you get rid of the weeds and it's really productive, honestly.
So but you don't want to put weeds in your compost pile, right?
Somebody once told me that if you do that, then you're going to have weeds in your, wherever you want.
You use the compost around the garden.
The thing about that is you just want to turn it.
So, if you're if you're putting weeds in your compost pile, it's not something you want to use right away.
You're going to want to keep watering it and then turning it over so that the weed seeds sprout and then you turn them over and you kill them.
And you have to do that for a while to deplete all the viable seeds in there, but you could use weeds as compost.
You just have to turn it, it takes longer just because you want to make sure there's you kill everything in there.
So, sure thing you, yeah, you want to coax them into like germinating and then kill them.
All right, this time of year, April obviously strategy for other things, maybe.
Hey, you know what?
Gardening is like one of the most red-pelling things you could do.
If you're out there long enough, like you will see a lot of analogs and you got to get rid of the weeds.
It's kind of like what you guys were talking about on that lawn episode.
You know, it's like that was the other side of it.
It's like with a lawn, you want a very strong monocrop of like one colony, like one population of like one species, you know, like one subspecies.
But with a garden, yeah, with a garden, it's funny because you see this, like with a garden, you see that, you know, diversity is actually your strength in the garden because you're trying, you don't want any of these populations to outcompete each other.
You want it to be as easy to control as possible.
So, everything is, so everything is competing, whether that's in the soil, the microbes in the soil or the plants above ground.
Like, you, you know, if something fails, there's something there to take its place.
And it's like you can see that homogeneity, homogeneity in your grass and diversity in your crops.
Exactly.
So it's, that's in a, that's in a garden setting, you know, but yeah, anyway.
So.
All right.
So, so we covered, yeah, we, we cut, we covered potatoes.
Uh, now, how about this time of year?
Uh, we've got our listeners are all over the world and in different zones, et cetera, but it's still relatively early spring.
A lot of people are probably past the first frost or the last frost, although sometimes it comes along and surprises you in late April, early May.
Getting seeds in the ground in a raised bed.
Any trick to it?
Can you just get garden soil from Home Depot or Walmart or whatever?
And how about putting cardboard down at the bottom of your raised beds is a good idea to prevent weeds, but you're still going to get like my raised beds have chickweed all over the place.
So now I'm looking and I'm like, is that a sprout from my radishes or is that some little weed that's that's popping up?
So raised bed and early spring tips, if you would, sir.
Yeah, so I mean, you're going to get, you're going to get weeds, especially if you already have an existing raised bed.
They're just going to blow in there, especially those chickweed seeds for like hard to even see.
So they're tiny.
They're going to find their way in there.
Chickweed's edible, though.
I remember you mentioning that.
And that is true.
So it is something you could eat in the interim.
Yeah.
So yeah, with that, like the main thing is like plant identification is better because you could actually see, okay, I know that's chickweed.
I'm going to rip that out.
And it's just a matter of spending time in the garden and like, you know, pulling out the weedy plants and leaving what you intended.
That's why you want to make sure you remember what you planted.
Always mark what you planted, keep it in a journal, and put a little tag on it when you put it in the garden so you know what you're looking for.
And if you have to Google what a radish seedling looks like, you could do that, you know, and anything that doesn't look like that, pull it out, you know.
So, I mean, there's that aspect to it.
But if you really wanted to clean up your soil, then you could do, like I said, is just before you actually start planting, water it, and then whatever comes up, kill it.
Water it, kill it.
And just keep, you know, digging it and, you know, cultivating it until you've depleted that seed bed and then plant into that.
You could go to Home Depot and just throw, if you have room in your bed, you could throw another layer of topsoil mix onto it and just bury those weed seeds under a couple inches.
And that would help because that's too deep for them to germinate and come back up.
So you could do that if you want.
Yeah, I mean, I could go over, if you like, I could go over my little mix that I like to use every time.
And I feel like it's pretty bulletproof.
Yeah.
Your special sauce.
How about it?
Okay.
Yeah.
So if you already have, if you have an area you want to cultivate, best thing to do is you put a lot of work into prepping the bed.
Like if you put the majority of your time into prepping the bed, it'll pay off dividends throughout the rest of the growing season.
You may not even have to fertilize whatsoever for the rest of the growing season.
So basically, a special sauce is you're going to want, you're going to want about 25 to 30% organic material that's like mostly broken down.
So if you get like mostly broken down wood chips, not really huge chunky ones, but you know, lighter ones and or leaf material, like the stuff that like when you peel back, when you peel back the leaves like in the woods and you notice there's a bunch of black breaking down leaves in there that have a bunch of like webby mycel material growth from funguses and stuff, you're going to want to put that in there, whatever you can.
Get about 25% of whatever mix you have being that, like organic material.
You could put about, depending on your soil, if it's really crappy, you could put about 5 to 10% of your native soil into there.
If it's really good soil, you could put up to like 30%.
And then you're going to want about 25% sand.
It's just good for drainage.
And it actually, the little tiny microscopic pieces of sand will shut off nutrients and it actually regulates some of the warmth of the soil bed too, which is pretty interesting.
But the remainder is going to be basically gypsum.
If you have clay, you definitely want to put some gypsum in there because gypsum actually breaks up clay soils.
It helps with the drainage issues.
So gypsum, you're going to want to throw a little bit of composted chicken manure, which you can get for free or for really cheap.
Home Depot sells it, or you can just go to an egg farm and go get a few buckets full.
It's actually free.
They'll give it to you most of the time.
Yeah.
And that's your soil mix.
And that's what you want the majority of your bed to be made out of.
And then on top of that, that's where you plant.
You can just plant, you know, whatever you're going to do.
So this works for pretty much anything.
And then it's kind of like a good place to start.
And then, and then, and then on top of that, if you get, you know, a little bit of like light, duffy stuff, you could go to Home Depot and pick up some like peat moss or something, just as like a topper.
And then when you plant, throw a little bit of the composted chicken manure in with it.
And then put a cover on it, maybe like a little bit of bedding straw, and then water it all in.
Like if you do that with your soil in your raised bed specifically, like especially, but you could do it in the native soil, the ground as well.
Like you're going to have much more success and you're going to have plants that are super robust and they're not going to be nearly as susceptible to diseases or predation or anything like that.
So it's definitely going to be a boon to your garden throughout the year.
It's going to be way more enjoyable if you front load all that effort at the start.
Right.
And then it'll pay off dividends.
Don't water.
So for the people who plant things and they die, it happens all the time.
Sunlight, obviously, most plants want direct sun.
What it was like 80% when you buy them, it's like full sun.
Obviously, there's exceptions to that, but what are some of the common mistakes that rookies or noobs make when they're gardening?
Things to avoid.
One of the big ones is like, if you read those labels, it will say stuff like full sun, which might be true for Appalachia, but it's not necessarily true for Texas.
But they just ship these labels all over the U.S.
So it's kind of like, you know, plants are living things.
Like, so if they're, if they're just getting blasted by 100, whatever degree heat, you know, full sun, they're just going to, they're just going to get the life sucked out of them.
You know, it's like, so kind of use your judgment.
If it's uncomfortable for you, it's probably going to be not beneficial for your plant.
Generally, like if you go into a nice greenhouse, that's what plants want.
You know what I mean?
That's the best, that's the best environment for growing a plant is like what you would experience by walking in a greenhouse.
So, you know, if the more you can keep your plants at that even temperature, you know, like anywhere from 70 to like high 80s, you know, with like a bit of humidity, maybe slightly filtered sunlight, you know, throughout the day, like that's, that's optimal.
But, you know, even back when I first got back into gardening, I would just be like, oh, full sun.
Okay, stick it in here and it's dead in like three days.
You know what I mean?
Like, I had to learn all this stuff too.
You know, like it's, I was pretty grugged when I first started.
That's true.
I, I, I, uh, with the inspiration of last year's show, I, I went with some Swiss chard and the sun just killed it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a very delicate plant, I guess.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Well, that's the thing too, is like when a plant is first transplanted, so I'm assuming you got it as like a starter or whatever, like a super.
Yeah, it was a seed, like a sapling, seedling.
I don't know what yeah, there it's basically like anytime you transplant a plant, even if it's like more mature, it's super susceptible to anything.
It's it's super delicate.
You know, it's like it's being in shock, basically.
You stick it in the ground, it's in shock.
It's like if you've ever passed out drunk on the beach and then woke up in the sun, it's kind of like that.
It's like that was smasher this morning.
No.
God, I wish that were me.
Yeah.
But yeah, so it's, it's, you got to take care of it.
I mean, you can't just leave it out there full summer sun, especially up in the northern latitudes.
Like it's, it's pretty brutal up there, I'm sure.
So, you know, when you first transplant it, you got to baby it, like, shield it from the midday sun and then let it get it, get its bearings, and then you could let it do its thing after like a few days.
That's why I think like a lot of times women are better gardeners.
It's like they actually have like a more nurturing instinct.
Like, like I said, when I first started, I just killed everything because I was just like gayman about it, you know?
That's right.
Yeah.
I always, I always like to think as if this may sound a little gay, but it's like, what if I were this little sapling, right?
So I'm out there planting the trees.
It's like, all right, don't, don't be lazy.
Like nice, big, warm, loose soil.
You know, make sure it's, don't pack it down too hard, but make sure he's nice and snug in there.
And then give him a nice drink of water.
Happy little saplings.
Dude, that's what it comes down to, man.
That is what it comes down to.
So you have to, you have to like put yourself in the plant's shoes, I guess.
Yeah, you guys realize they're a living thing, you know?
They're a living thing, and they can't go in the house when it gets too hot.
You know, they like if it gets too cold, they're just out there and they're just going to have to deal with it.
So the more comfortable you make it, especially when they're younger, the better it's going to be, you know, as they, as they mature and start producing fruit and stuff.
That's right.
One of, we have a, there are too many questions on Telegram.
Was actually shocked and totally tickled by the number of questions that came through on Telegram for you.
And there were other gardeners who were popping in there to answer.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
I was trying to answer them all, but there's already a lot of those questions already got answered.
They beat you to it.
That's right.
And one guy was like, I'm not the guest this week, but I'm a racist and I'm a gardener.
Yeah.
Those things are related.
You're damn right.
Yes.
Tell me about it.
For the poor listeners who only have an apartment and a balcony, or maybe not even a balcony, just maybe a southern-facing windowsill.
For those people without yards, what do you recommend for them?
Build boxes.
Yeah.
You could do quite a bit on a balcony.
I mean, you're not going to do like a huge melon plant or something, or I wouldn't suggest that.
Not without that.
That's your pumpkins.
Yeah.
Like, figure out what you figure out what you want to eat most of the time.
So if you're a big like chives and cilantro guy or whatever, like that's what you should have right outside your window, you know, like a bunch of like basil likes mostly full sun, so you're going to need sunlight for that one.
But yeah, you know, like if you just have a little bit of space and you want some winds, put a little herb garden out there because that's going to be super convenient.
And then if you want to do bigger stuff that would require more space, some of the stuff I was suggesting in the chat was like, you know, find somebody close by who has a yard.
You know, a lot of like older boomers and stuff like that, like they'll have property and you could just be like, hey, look, preferably somebody that you know, but hey, look, I want to do a garden.
I don't have space.
Can I do it back here?
I'll give you some of the harvest.
And I mean, a lot of times they'll say yes, especially, you know, like if they're, if they're already into that sort of thing.
And you might even make a boomer friend out of it.
And, you know, especially some of these like older, older women, like they love having a garden friend.
You know what I mean?
Like they actually know a lot of stuff a lot of times too.
Like a lot of them are often the ones that are interested in our master gardeners.
Full school.
Sometimes they'll give you a little action on the side too.
Yeah.
Well, hey, if you have kids and you like bring your kids by, like, dude, they, they love that.
Like they're, you know, it triggers that in them.
And a lot of times they don't have grandkids because they, you know, they're their kids are retarded.
Yeah.
Retarded.
Yeah.
So it's like, so it triggers that in them.
And you might make a friend out of it, learn some old school, old-timey garden knowledge in the process.
You know what I mean?
But if you're a reformed bureaucrat like me by working out in the garden and getting your hands in this in the soil, I had this strange sensation the other night, Smasher.
I looked at my hands and they looked a little rough and they almost felt tough.
What do you call that in construction?
Scratchy hands?
Manhands?
Manhands?
Yeah, sorry.
I'm developing.
I'm developing manhands.
Carpenter strength.
Very good.
Well, you'll definitely get that in the garden, though.
That's for sure.
Oh, yeah.
I want to surf back to just not having a lot of room.
People want balconies and stuff.
And correct me if I'm wrong.
It's been a while since I read about it.
I know there's square foot gardening, which I know consists of like raised beds, but the point of it is to be extremely organized and efficient.
And so if you don't have a lot of room, you might want to look into it.
You're going to, you know, if you live in an apartment and you only have a balcony, like, yeah, sure, you're not going to build a bunch of raised beds.
But if you are growing anything, it's going to have to be in some form of bed planter type thing.
And so you may want to look into some type of highly efficient and organized growing methods.
Yeah, for sure.
Like, there's stuff that, you know, if you're, if you want to get some microgreens or some sprouts, you can do those indoors with a light, you know, just a simple fluorescent light or LEDs now.
So you could do those and just keep them right there by your kitchen counter and just have them whenever you need them.
They grow super fast, obviously.
I could do hydro.
You could do that.
I know that it's like complicated and crazy and whatever, but yeah.
I mean, they work really well if as long as you get it down.
But yeah, another thing that I was, I think I mentioned it in the chat was like, okay, well, I don't suggest doing this because, you know, if you're, you could do it if you're like a POC, but if you're, if you're white, they'd probably call it like horticultural terrorism or something.
But like, some people in the inner city food deserts, they'll do like gorilla gardening.
And that's where you careful there.
Do you have to wear a balaclava while you do it?
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Like full IRA.
Like, oh, I thought you meant black.
I thought you meant black people gardening in the get up.
Sorry.
All right.
If you YouTube it, that's all you're going to find.
But it's a, it's something, it's something you, you could do.
I mean, theoretically, I, you know, on private, your own private land where it's totally legal, you could take a bunch of potatoes to your bug out location, put them in the ground, and they'll be there multiplying in the meantime, as long as you put them in a place that they can grow.
But honestly, potatoes are super hardy.
And even if you stick like one potato or one eye in the ground, you're probably at least going to get two potatoes per one of those.
So it's like, it's kind of interesting when you start thinking about it that way is like in a survival situation, you might want to have a stash of potatoes in the ground somewhere because you're going to be craving calories, you know, like you'll, you'll want calories, and that's what potatoes can offer, especially if you get the heirloom varieties, they're going to have more nutrients too.
So broke, Johnny, appleseed, woke, Mickey, potato eye.
As Alt Skull says, plant a potato, faggot.
So, okay, everybody who's listening right now, plant a potato, faggot.
Townsvan plants, our buddy Towns.
I think Towns was maybe a little bit butthurt that I didn't invite him on because in one of the, he was like, well, I'm not a master gardener.
I've only gardened on like five continents and like three different climate zones for like 100 different farms.
But he says, potatoes are king of plants from growing side of things.
They do well on most soils.
They're easy enough in the pH range.
The soil can be altered for them.
Incredibly easy to grow.
Low maintenance and high yield.
Very little interaction from pests and animals.
Nutrition-wise, they're extremely calorically dense and provide more amino acids than just about any other vegetable.
They're as close as you're going to get to complete protein without eating meat, and you can do a million things with them, including baking them in the sun if you don't have fire.
They store very well.
Potato master race.
So, Towns, thank you very much.
Come on the show and fill in any gaps if you're feeling butthurt that we didn't have you on for this show.
And Durrendel was our pal who said, Yeah, if I can only grow one thing, what should I grow?
And we answered that it's potatoes.
It's got to be that.
Yep.
Selfish question.
I want to plant a corn field this year, both because corn in summer, they are beautiful.
You know, when they're growing, they grow so high and also in the fall after they've died back.
Tips for a, you know, I don't know, maybe a couple dozen corn plants.
Can you just plant a cornfield like you plant a potato field, space them out, make sure they got full sun, water them in?
So, corn does better in a patch.
Actually, I've heard really good results with like circles of corn because that was when the wind blows.
Yeah, because they're wind-pollinated.
Yeah, like a yeah, like an inverse crop circle.
Like the plants are only growing in a certain shape, but yeah, like uh when they're they're wind pollinated, so they when they're when their tassels are out and they're throwing pollen on each other, that's when they're actually um pollinating each other, and and the little pollen has to go all the way through that tassel, and each tassel is one little kernel of corn.
So it's pretty tedious.
That's why a lot of people get um bad results with their corn.
If you just do a row with it, the chances of the wind knocking the pollen on another uh, you know, an ear of corn is way less.
Yeah.
So if you do a circle, you're going to get way better results.
Uh, that way, whatever way the wind blows, like it's throwing pollen somewhere.
So, um, cool.
Yeah.
Plus, corn is just awesome.
I mean, it's, it's one of those things where it's, it's a good barrier plant for your garden.
So other stuff doesn't blow in there.
And then you can just eat them raw, like right off the you know, that's right, right off the stock.
So yeah, when I worked at a garden, when I worked at a garden center, I just go right into the cooler where they stored all the stuff and just snack on corn on my brick.
Yeah.
All right.
Trees, fruit trees, orchards.
Big one.
People love to plant these things to have some sort of comfort that, you know, 10, 15, 20 years down the road, they're going to have, you know, bountiful fruit at least during the summer.
Tips, tips for starting an orchard.
Obviously, there's all sorts of things.
You need multiple varietals.
I've had mixed results.
I've planted three or four cherry trees in a row that came advertised, you know, from Home Depot that they would put off fruit, nothing.
And yet I've planted those weird sort of hybrid trees that have three or four varieties on one trunk.
And lo and behold, like pears the first season or apples the second season.
So somebody who wants fruit trees in their yard or on their homestead, basics for that, please.
I mean, the spacing, if you're doing a whole orchard, spacing is going to be your main thing.
Like look, look up how big it's going to get, how big you want it, because you might not want to keep the tree as big as it will naturally grow.
You might want to keep it pruned down a little bit smaller.
So figure out how big you want them and space them out accordingly.
But what I mentioned this in the chat too is, you know, if to get that tree to grow fast, you're definitely going to want to excavate a lot of soil.
This is my method, and it kind of goes back to my special sauce soil recipe.
But if you excavate the arbor width of what that tree will be when it's mature, it'll reach that mature size a whole lot faster with a lot of giant hole though.
Yeah.
Well, it doesn't have to be super deep, but it's like, it's like kitty pool depth at like, you know, it could be up to 12 feet.
But what you do is you just excavate that soil and you backfill it with a mix of like the native soil, the organic matter, maybe a little bit of sand, maybe a little bit of chicken manure, some gypsum maybe.
And then like the extra soil that you're left over with, you use that as your berm to create like a water reservoir that circles the tree.
So you can fill it up and it'll push that water deep.
It won't just spread out and run down your yard.
It'll sit there and soak in.
It'll promote deeper and wider root growth.
So I've had a lot of good results with that.
It's like I said, it's a lot of front-loaded work, but the tree will grow much faster.
And if you have one of the things about any garden too is if you have a lot of like gophers, ground squirrels, you know, when you do dig it out, that's your opportunity to put a huge, you know, basket basically in there that you could use like steel mesh from Home Depot if you're really worried about it.
This is for like extreme cases.
So I wouldn't do it all the time, but it's like if you have a lot of ground squirrels and you know they kill everything, you're going to want to do that.
Sure.
Let's talk about pests.
Deer, obviously, are a big one.
I planted a cherry tree before at my bug out location.
And then when I came back a month later, they had just absolutely decimated it and died.
I think on our Hail Victory Garden show, one of our guests talked about Hava Heart has chemical repellent, almost like in a little stand, you know, so it's on duty repelling deer all the time.
But deer, insecticide, basics real quick on that, if you could.
Yeah, so I think that I don't know if it's have a heart, but it's one of those brands they make like deer repellent and it just like smells like ungodly.
Like it's just it's like literally made out of like rotten eggs and like just like the worst stuff you could think of.
And you spray it on your plants and then the deer just don't want anything to do with it, which makes sense.
And it's organic.
But like, yeah, I mean, if, if, if you don't mind doing that, you have to reapply it every time it rains, obviously.
So there's that.
But the thing is, is anytime, anytime you plant something that wildlife has access to and they've never come in contact with it before, everybody in town is going to come over there and take a sample.
They're all going to come take a sample and see what it is.
And if you don't protect it, it's just going to get hammered.
So you either need to have some kind of fence up.
You could use a solar electric fence if you really have to.
They have ones that are strong enough to deter bears.
So that's something that you might have to do.
But if it's in a bug out location, I never heard of someone doing this one, but I know they do it with training goats.
There's like a certain type of like lithium solution that they'll spray on plants to train the goats not to eat those plants because it'll make them sick.
So when free-range goats, if they're going to go release them into an area that has like a bunch of apple trees, for instance, they don't want them hammering apple trees.
When they have them in their own yard, they'll give them apples.
They'll give them apple tree, you know, foliage, but they'll spray it with this lithium.
So when they actually do go out there, they'll get sick.
But again, who knows how many animals are going to have to go sample that thing to find out that it's going to make them sick?
The best thing to do is put a barrier up.
Honestly, like garden, the word, I wrote this in the little piece I wrote for you guys, but I mean, the word garden literally means like a cultivated enclosure.
So it's like you have to keep, you have to keep the outside out for the most part.
That's one of the most important aspects of a garden is like keeping the outside out and having a place to put all that energy, like a vessel to carry that energy because that you're putting into this garden, because otherwise the wilderness is just going to come in and take it.
So one of the main aspects of a garden is a border.
Like even if it's just a little rabbit fence, even if it's just a mean dog that's going to chase away any wild animals, like that's you need, you need you need a wall.
Build a wall.
We have one groundhog that decimated our cucumbers last year.
And this year he's either getting the 22 or I also have a Hava Heart cage that I'm going to entice him in.
And if I do catch that little bastard, it's not going to be like Caddyshack and blow him up.
I'll probably be a softie and drive him to the next county over.
Just go feed him.
Katy's been in the cup.
There you go.
Yeah.
I love Katy had a question about moving and redoing her yard budget on a landscape.
And she says, what do you recommend, Oracis Master Gardener?
I just thought, that's funny.
Yeah, you know, cabbage and stuff like that.
Sam Smasher, feel free to hop in with any questions.
I've got a selfish, I got a selfish one here.
We have a big strip of dirt in the middle of our yard where a new septic field went in.
Now, if our pal Rusty were on here, he'd say, you know, he wants that thing to be pure fescue.
But how about big, ugly, dirty patches in a yard that probably have crappy soil?
Blackberry bushes, I mentioned that on the previous show, are surprisingly fecund.
You know, they spread, they seem to be hardy, and they put off a ton of fruit.
But the ugly spots in your garden that you think might be a dead zone, recommendations for those.
I mean, if it's like a dead zone, a lot of times you can get away, like if you're just trying to cover it up, hardy stuff.
Yeah.
Hardy stuff, but you just check out what's locally native.
Honestly, like I know over in Appalachia, there's a type of clover that they thought was extinct.
And then they found some in Best Virginia over there.
And they found a little patch of it and it was going extinct because it needs to be run over by buffaloes.
And so, yeah.
And so they couldn't find it anywhere.
And it survived on these like on these truck trails where the logging trucks are just hammering it constantly.
So it actually thrives in there.
So, I mean, it depends on where you are, but look up what's native to your area.
I mean, it's going to, it's going to, little stuff like that will satiate some of the wildlife.
So they're not like, you know, hammering for gardening.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you feed them, they'll usually stay out.
Like one trick I kind of serendipitously discovered was I threw a bunch of bird seed out that I had.
It was like really old.
I just threw it all over my garden.
And it invited tons of, you know, it invited tons of birds in later on because like all the sorghum and millet and stuff started coming up right around the same time that I was having like tomatoes coming in.
And I think I picked maybe four or five hornworms off of my plants.
And I had a ton of plants.
So these birds were coming in and just taking out all the all the hornworms off my plants.
I was seeing damage, but I couldn't find the hornworms anywhere.
And I'm really good at finding them.
So I think they were just gone before I could find them.
And I was noticing a lot of birds in my garden.
So the one thing with that, if you're going to invite in any kind of birds or wildlife, give them some water because otherwise they're going to start digging into your fruits to get the water out of them.
Like a lot of times when you get birds eating your tomatoes, they don't actually want the tomato.
They're just thirsty.
So just put out a little bit of water and they'll just patrol for you.
Sure.
You mentioned seeds in the responses on Telegram.
When you go to the store, you'll see the dirt cheap seed packets for like 40 cents for carrots, right?
And then I saw basil seeds for $4 the other day.
What do you recommend for people for getting their seeds?
So there's certain things where you can get seeds super cheap.
Like in the chat, somebody mentioned something about organic tomato seeds, heirloom seeds.
With that, it's like if they're heirlooms, especially, they're not hybrids.
They're true.
They breed true.
So you just go buy some organic heirloom tomatoes and then eat the tomato and then keep the seeds.
Like it's super, you can find them year round.
So don't ever buy those kind of tomato seeds if you don't need to.
Just go buy the tomato and save the seeds.
Same can go for seeded watermelon if you can find it.
That's a harder one these days.
Pumpkins, whatever.
You can just buy a lot of these things.
They're fruits.
You can buy it with the seeds already in it.
yep but as far as easy to start and then yeah yeah cheap to continue Yeah.
As far as like other seeds that you can't get from an actual fruit, yeah, you can order them online.
Tons of them.
There's like Johnny's seeds.
There's like tons of seed companies.
They might be kind of expensive.
You could even get seed packs like starter packs.
If you're just a beginning starter, like there's companies that just do like the huge variety of all the most common stuff.
Sure.
Those are nice because you could just go hog wild.
One of my recommendations, if you don't know what you're doing, is to overplant.
Because if you over plant, you know, the like the best time to start a Reich was 80 years ago.
The second best time is today.
So that goes, that goes for planting a garden is like, you can't go back and plant something four weeks ago, but you could always take stuff out.
And, you know, if you take something out, maybe you could pot it up and go give it to a friend, you know, whatever, like, or go plant it somewhere else in your garden.
So just over plant.
And you'll get good at transplanting too at the same time.
Like, you know, if people ask, like, how do you get a really full garden?
Just to put way more seeds than you know you're going to be able to take care of.
Oh, they pull them out.
That hits all my mind.
Yeah.
I'm like a Jewish gardener.
I'm like parsing out the seeds very, you know, like one here, one here, and then saving them in those little paper packets.
So I looked and I had seed packets that were like 10 years old.
And I'm like, well, I don't want to use old ones.
Yeah.
Just have it.
Just have like a like a like throw everything into it, Ben.
Just like make one of those like a garbage bed and then just like throw all your old seeds in there.
Give it a royal rumble.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a good idea.
It's fun to watch.
And you'll learn a lot about the plants doing it that way too, because you'll see like what works well with other things and how they compete with each other for light and all kinds of stuff.
So it's like, yeah, just go cheap.
I mean, never, never waste the seed, never throw away old seeds.
Just throw them in the ground somewhere and see what happens.
So I love it.
And thank you for flagging.
Just before the show, you sent me your masterpiece on gardening, which I will take a look at tomorrow and get up at full-house.com, possibly in tandem with this show.
If Mr. Producer isn't getting a many petty tomorrow on his free time, one very important thing, you gave us, you're so kind for coming on, answering my somewhat grug, all-over-the-place questions here.
But I just want, I wanted to hit on the things that are the most useful.
Tomatoes, again, we said this in the previous show or the previous gardening show.
Tomatoes are a great way to start.
Just get a plant from Home Depot, wherever, put it in the pot, make sure the soil is well watered, give it some sun, and you will probably get some tomatoes and be like, huh, I can do this.
So I now am a master gardener too.
But you mentioned among the many topics that you're well versed on is where to find inexpensive quality land and to avoid paying retail prices if you're planning on homesteading.
Real quick before the break, dear, please do let us in on these dark secrets or dark arts.
Well, one of the main ways, I mean, it depends on where you live, obviously, but always keep your eyes peeled.
I mean, I know in like in like real estate investing or whatever, they call it like driving for dollars, but it's like, if you just look around, you always see like these, somebody owns all this property all the time.
And one of the ways to find it is to just go on your county like GIS, you know, like they'll have like a GIS map of all the parcels and it often gives you the mailing address and the name of the person who owns it.
So you can just go on there and a lot of people don't value land like they do with a house.
You know, it's a super, you know, hot real estate market.
But like when people think of like land, they just look at it as like a liability because they're having to pay taxes on it.
No one goes there.
Maybe it's overgrown.
Like, you know what I mean?
So you could find these properties that are obviously neglected.
You go look them up on your county GIS and they'll, it'll, it'll give you all the information.
You can just mail them.
Like, hey, look, I'm, I'm a guy.
I got a family.
I was wondering if you want to sell this piece of land.
There's that way to do it.
And then there's people who do that professionally and they call them like wholesalers.
But if you just like Google all that, you'll find there's a whole can of worms in there.
But like, yeah, you land wholesalers, they, they just do like huge marketing campaigns where they mail out like thousands of people basically doing what I just said.
And then like, and then they'll, you know, sell it super cheap.
They'll buy it super cheap and they'll still sell it super cheap just because they like, they just do high velocity transactions.
So it's like, there's that way.
And I think the last thing was USDA loans, you can only do them on a home for like a rural development loan.
There are construction loans for it, but it's kind of like a huge pain to navigate that whole process.
You could do it.
I know people who have.
Construction loans are high interest too.
Yes, they normally normally do the construction loan and only pay on it as long as you're like building the house and then you do a traditional mortgage after.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So yeah, while you're building, it's kind of a, that's one of the main things people run into, I guess, because I've talked to people that are doing it.
And while you're building the house, you know, all these counties are just like slammed.
They're super busy.
And so you're just waiting on inspections and stuff like that.
And meanwhile, you're paying at like some really high interest rate.
And then when it finally closes, then you're, then you pay at this like normal rate.
But in that process, it can be kind of bad.
I don't recommend it right now, probably for a lot of places because they are probably super busy.
But construction loans also take a higher down payment too.
You could usually have to put up a hefty chunk of change for it.
Well, for USDA loans, they're actually zeroed down.
Ooh, I didn't know that.
Yeah, there's zero.
There's zero down and they're just slightly higher.
And the private mortgage insurance is a lot cheaper than like an FHA loan.
But that's for like a house.
You know, like if you just find somebody who has like a plot of land, no bank, no bank is ever going to like really loan on land.
They don't do that.
So the most common way that people sell land is like owner carry.
And a lot of boomers right now are making nothing on their retirement because the way the interest rates are.
So they might be interested in, hey, will you carry the loan on this property for like 5%?
Because right now they're making nothing.
And if you haven't been savings, you're making nothing.
So it's like, you know, they might be interested in actually just selling you some inherited piece of land that they have.
And maybe that's your bug out location.
Maybe you go stick a bunch of potatoes over there.
You just plant so many potatoes that like that like all the all the wild animals know that like if they keep eating them, they're going to keep getting sick and then they'll just get tired of them.
And then you just have like a garden, just like a massive stash of potatoes.
Flood the zone.
Yeah.
Step one, plant potatoes.
Step two, question mark.
Step three, ethnostate.
Yeah.
You make it to your safe spot.
It's just all potato heads.
We're at an hour, so we got to go to the break.
But I mean, for a family of five, for people who may be stuck in that nine to five white collar office job close into a city, I mean, a family of five who focused on homesteading.
I mean, on an if you got an acre or certainly a couple acres, that's that's enough land that if you have deer around and you get chickens and you know what you're doing, I mean, that's plenty to largely feed your family.
Obviously, most of us are still overwhelmingly dependent on going to grocery store to consume, but it doesn't have to be a, I think a lot of people are intimidated by the idea they have to have this big farm operation to feed their family.
No, you could pull a lot of food out of like just a small suburban backyard.
You can pull tons of food out of there.
As long as you have sunlight and water, you can make it happen.
You just got to be, you know, you can put as much money into it as you want, but you could do it for really, really cheap too, like or free if you're just scrappy and you could go source stuff and get a truck.
Like if you don't have a truck, trucks are awesome.
You know, if you've ever had a truck and they don't have a truck, you'll feel naked without it.
It's an it's uh the old meme that it's like, uh, whatever.
Uh, oh, this guy's got a big truck because it's like he's caught.
It's like it's an extension of your whole body.
Like, you can want cool free stuff, you can move stuff.
It's like you can take your kids for a ride in the back.
Yeah, it's awesome.
Yeah, go do doughnuts out in the bush.
Awesome.
Yeah, awesome.
All right.
Sam, Smasher, any last garden questions for our expert here before we go to the break and a jam-packed second half?
Could I turn my truck bed into a garden bed?
Yeah, I'm sure some hipster's done it somewhere.
Sam, how's your lemon tree doing?
Oh, very good.
And I'm waiting for it to get a little warmer.
I mean, we're all talking about gardening and everything.
Like four days ago, there was snow on the ground here.
So, I mean, I got to wait.
You know, the lemon tree has got to have consistent warm weather or it will die.
But yeah, you could see when it's on the camera how healthy it is under these grow lights we have.
And just real quickly, last year, inspired by our garden show, I went and I planted three different types of lettuce in raised beds outside up on cinder blocks.
And I mean, we had lettuce all summer long to eat.
And I mean, it was like so thick, thick bush-like growth.
That was something.
So I guess to round this out, you know, I did really well with lettuce.
I planted some flowers.
And, well, I had the chard, but it died.
But, you know, give me a hot take.
What's a hot recommendation?
Something else to try this year.
I've heard that.
I've heard that if you, I don't know how much space you have, but if you're in those northern latitudes like that and you get a, you get a more tropical variety of corn, it'll, those long summer days will grow monsters.
Like, I'm doing these raised beds only.
Okay.
I'm an urbanite.
I'm an urbanite.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
I mean, like I said, it depends on what you like to eat.
I think like a solid like go-to for me is watermelons.
But those, I mean, those will take up a bit of space.
But I mean, this for the timing of when they ripe, when they ripen, and just like what they offer, like all that, all that hydration and stuff, like I just live off those things.
Like, sure, three months.
Sam, the hot trend in gardening 2021, I saw this on Daily Mail, is to have sex with your wife out in the raised bed.
And that's like, you're consecrating it.
You know, don't let the neighbors see.
Don't get arrested.
Yeah.
It's like, what did it smash your sale into his death cult in the streets and then fertility cult in the raised garden bed?
Very good.
Very good.
Mid gardener, how'd you get red-pilled?
All at once, or was it a gradual process for you?
So it was kind of a gradual process.
It's weird because, like, you know, everything's just kind of hidden in plain sight.
So when you actually see it, you're like, well, this is a lot of stuff I've already known.
And then, but when it clicks, you're like, the gravity of the situation kind of hits you in the face.
You like a genius.
Yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
It's pretty, it's pretty gnarly.
I mean, I kind of went into that whole, you know, more conspiracy, a little mysticism kind of side of it.
I think like one of the first places I heard it was Red Ice, actually.
That was like back when they started to switch over back when it was like 2014 or something.
I remember I first, they started to go that direction a little bit.
And I was like, it made me uncomfortable.
But then I started thinking about it.
I'm like, and I didn't listen to those episodes.
I think they did one on like the greatest story never told.
And I was like, I was uncomfortable about it.
And I was like, I skipped that one for like two months.
And then I was like, started thinking about it.
It was bugging me.
I'm like, why am I uncomfortable?
I planted the seed in your brain.
Yeah.
I was like, I don't like that I'm uncomfortable about exploring like a concept.
Like that just sounds weird to me.
So, so once I listened to that episode, and then I, of course, went and watched the greatest story never told on YouTube and back when they had it.
And it was just, it was all uphill from there and downhill.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Mossy Hill.
Yeah.
Southern Southern exposure since then.
All Google Man.
Good stuff, brother.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, we may intersperse more garden metaphors in the second half, but we got an overflowing inbox.
We got to get to good stuff.
Mitt Gardner, are you going to stick with us?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
All right.
Good men.
Well, for the break this week, you know what?
I don't know if you remember, but many months ago, you suggested a song for the break.
Do you remember what it was?
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about, but yeah, we're going with it because a bunch of guys have said that different songs from this artist would be great music that they're secretly red-pilled.
Or if you read between the lines on the lyrics, there are guys.
But is it Ace of Bass?
Hey, was it one of those games like Skinhead or something?
One of the Ace of Bass people, wasn't he?
I remember hearing that as a kid, that like one of those guys.
Yeah, it's something like that.
I can't remember.
They were from Sweden.
So if he wasn't then, he should be now, considering what's going on up there.
Shout out to our brothers in the Nordic frontier.
But anyway, without further ado, by Mitt Gardner's request, this song will make you feel like you're in a, I don't know, maybe a London goth dance club in the early 90s, but it's a good one.
It's a great one.
It's VNV Nation and the farthest star.
Hope you enjoy it.
We will be right back.
Gardening.
Don't be a faggot.
Plants and potatoes.
Embrace the void even closer still.
Erase your doubts as you surrender everything.
We possess the power that they should start to fall apart to mendivides, to change the world, to reach the farthest star.
If we should stay silent, if fear should win our hearts, our light will have long diminished before it reaches the farthest star.
Wide awake in a world that sleeps, enjoying thoughts, enduring scenes, the knowledge of what is yet to come from a time when all seems lost.
From a dead man to a world without restraint, unafraid, and free.
We possess the power.
If they should start to fall apart to mend a bite to change the world, to reach the farthest star.
If we should stay silent, if fear should win our hearts, our light will have won diminished before it reaches the farthest star if we fall and break.
All the tears in the world.
If we should stay silent, if fear should win our hearts, our light will have one diminished before it reaches the farthest star.
And welcome back to Full House, episode 85.
Hope you got at least something out of our first half garden special with Mitt Gardner.
He confided something to me during the break.
He said, Coach, I'm not technically a master gardener.
You just made that up.
Well, he's a master gardener in our hearts, at least.
And I forgot to mention chives.
Chives, you put them in the ground.
They're hardy.
They come up every year.
You can snack on them and drive your wife crazy.
My wife, if I walk past her, she was like, you've been snacking on the chives again, haven't you?
I was like, of course I have.
It's good for you.
Coach, back on the chives.
That's right.
Back on the chives.
Well, hey, you know, when you're doing the 23-1 fasting, you see those little green shoots coming out of the ground.
You can't resist.
I think it was actually Midgarder who said, Hey, coach, we love.
I mean, obviously, we do this show to help people with their lives.
So, the whole idea is that they will adopt at least some of the grand nuggets of wisdom that we impart on here every week.
But I think it was Midgarder who said, Yeah, I've been trying fasting and I lost some pounds.
Our pal Durandel said, Oh, I've been fasting.
Lo and behold, I've lost pounds.
I lost six in nine days.
Uh, definitely cheated on Easter and maybe had like two entire Hershey's chocolate bunnies, the real solid ones, not the hollow things.
So, I felt a little guilty about that.
But got my new New Balance running shoes with the giant N on the side, so I'm gonna be pounding the pavement.
I didn't even, I forget why they were supposedly our shoes, you know, back in the stormer days when you were going to wear new balances and a white t-shirt and a red cap or something like that.
But anyway, yeah, in addition to gardening, get back into shape.
But we got so much to cover here.
Let's get cracking on new white life.
We need a sound effect for this bit, I think, like a baby crying or something.
Just two this week, though.
Uh, Fashy Gaines and his wife had another one just, well, it was yesterday when I created these show notes, but it's been a couple days now.
Uh, congratulations to Fashy Gaines and Waifu.
Also, our pal Grant up in the great white once north let us know that he and his wife are expecting their second this fall.
Way to go, Mr. and Mrs. Grant.
Yep, keep it coming.
Also, our pal Hale Franco, who let us know that he had a new one, sent us a picture of his beautiful new baby boy sleeping like an angel.
So, way to go.
Thank you very much.
Somebody unfortunately pointed out the other day that the standard pink and blue color scheme that they put on all babies going back probably decades is the trans flag or something like that.
I said, Don't worry about that.
But, you know, like that, that's been the cap for long before they were pushing this garbage.
There was a tranny in the Full House Telegram responses just tonight.
I remember I don't read the responses all the time unless somebody flags that there's a bad actor in there.
And the tranny was complaining that by, yeah, if you don't give children puberty blockers, then they're more likely to become suicidal because they're transgender and unable to transfer.
And it was like the most obvious fallacy that no, they are mentally ill, hence the transgenderism, hence the increased likelihood and prevalence of suicide attempts.
If you don't put your kid on puberty blockers, they're going to kill themselves.
But if you give your kids puberty blockers, they're going to kill themselves.
Yeah, exactly.
Thank you for cutting that to the bone, Smasher.
Quick housekeeping.
Next week, or this week, I guess, we are going to have Carl Thorburn on to cover all things, crypto and Bitcoin.
We'll do the same thing.
Just focus it tight in the first half.
Carl's been making the rounds.
You can find other interviews with him, but we're going to do other questions for him and why probably you can make the decision yourself.
If you're listening to this show and you're on the friendly side of the ledger, you should have at least some Bitcoin and probably a significant amount of Bitcoin, even if you think that the train already left the station on that.
Even Sam, Sam has Bitcoin.
Sam Wayne.
Absolutely.
When you told me, you're like, oh, yeah, I already got a wallet, Coach.
I was like, all right, Sam.
Keeping up with the Joneses.
Apologies.
I thought that you might not have it.
All right.
With that, let us go straight to this lovely, encouraging letter we've got from our pal Codius in the P.O. box.
He says, dear full house crew, after your recent show regarding difficulties conceiving, I had to reach out and tell my story.
Now, of course, everyone's situation is different, whether it's miscarriage, infertility, or insildom.
I kid, he says.
To those struggling to create the wonderful joys and testing trials that a family brings, keep faith and keep at it.
About 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with an advanced stage of cancer right after my 20th birthday.
It was a total blind side, to say the least.
The oncologist told me repeatedly that I would not be able to have children after chemotherapy, as well as radiation treatments and the dozens of miscellaneous other procedures they put your body through.
I was proactive about it, even though at the time the thought of having kids paralyzed me.
There was something primal about the deep pain of being so young, but knowing I could never experience the joy of having a family of my own, even if I were to win the battle with that disease.
So I put some of my swimmers frozen before I went, underwent treatment, which is a hilarious story.
I'll have to tell you in person sometime.
Fast forward a few years.
I'm well into remission, thank God.
I'm getting my life together, and I have a lovely woman that I will soon be calling my wife.
We started trying for a child after I popped the question.
We were both eager to start a family.
She was well aware of my condition, and the ultimatum was if we couldn't conceive naturally, then we would go the turkey baster route after the wedding.
It always terrified me, though, that some incompetent diversity hire would give us someone else's baby batter or that the process would fail in its own right.
Plus, and call me a weirdo, I feel that I was a lesser man then than I am now.
And my swimmers would reflect that.
A lot of guys in their early 20s, maybe not particularly healthy or having their stuff together.
Anyway, my hunch was right.
After about a fun two months, I was surprised on my birthday again with a positive pregnancy test.
And now I'm about to celebrate my beautiful blonde-haired, blue-eyed son's first birthday.
The sheer amount of joy my little man has brought into this world, I wouldn't trade it for anything, even if it meant round two with that dastardly disease.
God willing, there will be no remission.
And God willing, I will make several more children.
If my balls can beat chemotherapy, radiation, and other radioactive fluids coursing through them, then yours can overcome anything.
Will to power.
What you do is invaluable, and your work most certainly was a part of my journey in becoming a better man.
Hail victory.
Cody, what a, yeah, what a man.
What a man.
What a man.
What a mighty.
Sorry.
Yeah, it's right in the fields.
There was a, I remember there being a debate about this, about the using whatever, fertility treatments to reproduce.
And there's a debate, oh, if you have to do that, you shouldn't have kids or whatever.
But it's like, you know, a lot of the reason why people have trouble reproducing is because we live in this toxic world.
And so that wouldn't have happened if we were in our natural state.
You know what I mean?
Like what we're supposed to be living in.
So it's like the technology kind of, I'm not trying to TED post or whatever, but like, you know, the technology is like what put us in this position.
So I think it's fair to use the technology to get us out of that position.
You know what I mean?
Just win, baby.
Yep, absolutely.
Now, I don't want our dear listeners who are still having trouble conceiving getting big sad because Codeus got his balls blasted with radiation and was still able to sire a son.
But, you know, hey, yeah, don't ever take no, don't ever take never for an answer, I think, is the takeaway there, right?
They told him no chance, just like our guest last week, two weeks ago, whatever it was, you know, the fertility doc said, nope, time to adopt.
And he said, nope, we're going to keep trying after a Gentile doctor gave him another shot in the arm.
So thank you, Codeus.
Bless you and your family.
Wish you many more.
Got one more.
I know I think the audience likes, loves hearing these.
I don't want to be too gross and just reading things on the air.
We've got one more just kind note, and then we got questions where we can really add value.
But here we go.
This is from V. V says, I just wanted to drop you a line and thank you for not focusing on everything that can be scary about births and especially the NICU.
N-I-C-U, the newborn intensive care unit.
There we go.
Remember the acronym.
On the last episode, one of the guests talked about having exactly.
Yep.
One of the guests talked about having pre-mie twins, and it really hit home for me.
Just before Christmas, two years ago, our twin sons came two months early.
They ended up in the NICU for the next three months.
It was a very hard time for us, especially my wife.
But we made it through.
Even with juggling time with my older son from a previous relationship, I know there are a lot of stories about OB nurses being adversarial and manipulative.
And I did experience that while my wife was in labor.
But once we were transferred to the NICU, the attitude was completely different.
Being in a large metro area, a lot of the babies in that NICU were there because the mothers were on drugs, were teenagers, or for similar reasons.
Once the nursing staff figured out we weren't shitbags, our twin white baby boys who just needed a little extra time because mom ran out of room quickly became the favorites on the floor.
And the fact that one or both of us were there for a significant portion of each day gained us a lot of sympathy from the staff.
Juggling life with preemi twins has been interesting to say the least, but these days our biggest problems are keeping them from climbing on and jumping off the furniture and getting through the night without at least one waking up.
But they get bigger, stronger, and smarter every day.
With a little luck, we will find a house with more bedrooms and more land soon so we can look at adding a few more blonde-haired, blue-eyed children to the world.
Keep up the good work.
Thank you for keeping a positive outlook.
And I'm reminding your listeners that if guys like me can make it through, so can they.
Thank you, V. So, yeah.
It's so nice.
Yeah.
House fills up quick when you're filling it up two people at a time.
Yeah.
I heard that from a friend.
How's it going on that front smasher?
Wife, you feeling better?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, she's summer's coming quick.
Yeah.
We think they might be identical because their levels are all like reading exactly the same.
Their growth rate and all that stuff is all exactly the same.
And obviously it's two boys.
Sure.
And that would mean that one egg got fertilized and then just decided to replicate itself, basically.
I believe so.
Yeah.
Sam, can Sam get it right away?
No, that's so identical.
If it was two eggs, they, by definition, aren't.
Yeah.
That's how potatoes do it, though.
You get two multiplying four.
Got a whole homestead of potatoes.
Well, you know, potatoes aren't native to Ireland, but they're spiritually the same.
You know, they're the, I guess, root vegetable manifestation of the Irish spirit.
That's right.
Well, if you, you could go like, you know, Robert Sepper Osha Logos and just say that the Irish actually went and like cultivated potatoes in Peru.
So maybe that happened.
Yeah.
Never know.
This is totally off topic, but I just remembered we had a good friend over for dinner the other night, and I poured myself my second pint glass of tall, ice-cold whole milk, and I promptly like knocked it over while reaching for the salt, spilled whole milk all over the table.
I just out of the blue, I said, I just wasted all that Odin's elixir.
And then I looked over potato and I said, see, daddy makes mistakes too.
And I gave myself a hard time.
And then potato got off the, he got off his chair and onto the floor and helped me wipe it up.
It was really, he was like, I know that feel, dad.
Yeah.
Spill milk all the time.
You see, there it is right there.
You know, if you, if you think it's going to be hard and all that with having lots of kids, as with Smasher, there, when those twins, they start to get older, they, they will see that, look at their parents, they need help.
Look at, you know, mom, dad, they're doing this and that.
When you see a need, then the people will pitch in to help.
You know, if you, if you have few children and you let them play video games all day, yeah, they're not going to help you, you know.
But I found with my kids that they saw that, you know, there was a need for them to help.
And so they did help.
So don't, don't be afraid to have children.
You think, oh, how do I take care of so many children?
They are going to see that they're needed to help mom and dad with those different things.
Yep.
Junior and dear daughter set the table tonight while wifey was making chicken tacos and I was doing random dad stuff, putting things out on the table, etc.
It's absolutely true.
And potato really rising in the ranks these days.
He was the one who came out to help me dig some holes and we got an unpleasant surprise.
We also found an ant colony in digging up one of the holes for the fruit trees.
Yeah, that was unpleasant.
We didn't really get sort of saw them and brushed them off.
A lot of grubs down there, too.
I took the grubs out and threw them with my bare hands.
Very proud of myself.
All right.
Yeah.
Can't let go of the gardening this week.
All right.
We got a question from an expectant father here with a little bit of anxiety.
Here goes.
Hello, full house team.
So I finally decided to reach out to the people I believe can give me better insight on becoming a father than the loads of posed up books, articles, and normie cucked fathers I encounter in my day-to-day.
I'm going to be a father.
And the excitement I had upon finding out has started fading.
Like all good white men, I want a son to carry on my family name and history.
After finding out I'm having a daughter, I've been filled with a combination of dread, apprehension, and frankly, disappointment.
I feel horrible admitting this, and even worse, about how my feeling may affect my child.
Bringing a white girl into this kiked world is obviously going to be difficult.
And I've been trying to focus on the positives of creating new white life.
However, the feels of personal inadequacy and fear of not being able to produce a male heir are overshadowing the positives lately.
Any advice would be most helpful and appreciated.
I look forward to hearing back from the birth panel.
And I, Anglo-Saxon 14.
I think that's an inert enough sock name that he wouldn't mind me saying that.
Before we go too hard on Anglo-Saxon 14 right here, I will fully a lot of people listening will be like, oh, come on, dude.
Like, you know, get over yourself.
It's your first, like, you've got more chances, et cetera.
I had deep anxiety when my wife was pregnant with our first.
I really hoped it was a boy.
I had anxiety about having a girl.
And even when dear daughter was in utero and we found out it was a girl, I felt disappointment in that moment because I really kind of had in my mind having two boy rugrats sports and competition and roughhousing and all that stuff.
So I know a little bit probably about what you're feeling, buddy, but we are here to tell you to smack yourself in your damn face and get over it.
Sam, Abbott.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I'll give you my perspective.
In my family, in my cousins and my own siblings, there were no girls.
There were no girls.
I have all male cousins.
I have all brothers and stuff like that.
So when I started having children, my first three were all boys.
But I wanted to see from my family what the female version would be.
And when I had several daughters then, I was very overjoyed.
But that's the long view.
Let me tell you this: once your wife is pregnant, and especially the birth is approaching, my greatest concern and even fear was just that the mother and the child would come through the process in a good way.
There's so many dangers.
There's so many kind of scary things that come up and the birth experience is very intense and everything.
I think that when once you get into the reality of it, you just want your wife and the child to come through this thing.
Okay.
You know, there's two sexes.
So every birth you have, it's going to be either one or the other.
So, you know, it's good.
So it's great either way.
And if you can have a daughter first or even a couple of daughters first, let me tell you, daughters will help with other children and they will help the mother and they will have that nurturing spirit.
The boys are not as helpful.
You have to really keep after them.
You got to be kind of much harder on them.
So having daughters is great.
Daughters are very strong.
Women are strong in their own sense.
So you will learn this.
So don't worry about this at all.
Yes.
And let me just say here with all sincerity, heartfeltness, and joy and truth.
And I'm smiling through the microphone.
Daughters are awesome.
I only have one, but they are so loving and adorable and affectionate, more so than both of my sons.
When I drop the kids off at the bus stop every morning, daughter gives me a hug from the back seat into the front seat, and Junior is like, bye, Dad.
You are in for heart-melting moments, galore.
You are in for an easier job.
Daughters are easier than sons, at least into teenage years.
I haven't gotten there yet.
And I wanted to flag, Mr. Producer during the break, said that having white daughters and raising them right is more important than having a big brood of sons because let's get down to brass tacks.
Men, for the vast majority, overwhelming majority of human history, have been the expendables, the one you send off to war to die.
Women are the ones who are going to be good wives and the ones looking after the kids most of the time.
So, you, by having a daughter, dear listener, Anglo-Saxon 14, are in for the most important fatherhood and your wife motherhood job of all, which is raising a good, virtuous, strong, honest, brave, beautiful white baby girl.
And we're not hectoring you or lecturing you here.
We're just smacking you up the head with reality.
Be happy.
Change your mindset.
We're not bullshitting you, brother.
Smashing your daughter is okay, too.
Yeah, I mean, you always said daddy cook, yeah.
Or daughter cook, whatever.
Yeah, daughter cook.
Huge daughter cook.
I understand anxiety and even the disappointment of having a daughter.
Yeah.
I was pretty happy because I got a son at the same time, so I couldn't complain.
I think I probably would have been disappointed with a daughter first, just a daughter.
And gender, they call it gender disappointment, is like a real phenomenon, and it typically affects women more.
But, you know, it's a real thing and it's normal.
So I would say, like, not to sound like a fag, but like, don't be afraid of like what you're feeling and like really think about it and work through it and hopefully listen to us.
Because, you know, it is cool having a son.
And he's, he does some rough housing and stuff.
He's, you know, relatively young, but you can tell he's a boy.
But my daughter, you know, she's, she's incredible.
She's so, she's funny.
She's already like dressing herself and she's like sassy and whatever.
And she's just, it's amazing.
And, you know, my son, he's already starting to like look boyish and older and whatever.
But my daughter still looks very much like a, you know, a young toddler.
You know, not a baby, but so it's, it's really, it's, it's incredible.
Yeah.
And like Mr. Producer said, you, you know, raising a quality white woman is the most important, one of the most important things you can do.
Right.
People, people talk about, oh, there's no good women left.
And it's like, well, here's your opportunity to help raise a good white woman.
Yep.
We know, we know guys who had daughter, daughter, daughter, fourth one was a son.
I know a guy who had a couple daughters to start, and we were having a beer in a bar one day, and he was being a little bit of a sad Eeyore about it.
Oh, I guess I'm just never going to have a son.
And I said, well, you know, next time you're trying, try it canine style.
I don't know.
I think I read that cosmopolitan somewhere that if you do it that way, it's more likely there's something about the type of boys that get through.
And lo and behold, he had a son on his third.
You know, in my family, boy, they kept trying and then they finally got their daughter.
So big effing deal if you have all girls.
You just keep trying if you want a boy.
And if you have all boys, you keep on trying until you get a daughter.
There's also really nothing you can do about it.
And that's kind of ultimately where I've settled with my mindset about pretty much anything is that if there is nothing that I can do about it, it's totally out of my control, then I'm not going to sweat it because I can't, I can't, it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if I stress myself to the point of a heart attack, it doesn't matter because there's nothing I can do about it.
And if there is something I can do about it, then I'm not going to sweat it because I'll just do what I can do.
And, you know, there are diets and different types of activities and whatever to try to influence how the body works in order to give you one sex or the other.
And obviously, you know, none of this stuff is necessarily reputable.
I don't think any of it is dangerous.
It's like, you know, change your diet to be like more of a base or more of more acidic or alkaline or, you know, whatever.
So it's not like, you know, you're not doing some weird stuff.
But so there are things that you can you can do next time, you know, maybe you guys try the diet.
Maybe you don't, maybe you just go for it.
But, you know, don't don't stress about something that you have no control over.
Just take what you've been given and appreciate it because like that's your first child, man.
Like that's a big deal.
You're never going to have another first child.
Yep.
You're not alone.
Plenty of guys have been disappointed to not have a firstborn son, but plenty.
And it's not a question of masculinity or manliness.
Like you know Alpha Chads who have all daughters and you know Bugmen who have all sons that they all watch Star Wars together like on repeat, you know, on Christmas.
I don't know.
Made that one up.
But yeah, and Mr. Producer with his cranky pants on said, if you're stressing about having a daughter, that's kind of a feminine response there.
So, you know, not wrong, but take that one to heart too.
We'll give you a little bit of sugar and spice, right?
That's what they say about daughters.
Sugar, spice, and everything nice.
And it's true.
It's a truism.
All right.
Yeah.
There you go, Anglo-Saxon.
Buck up, have more.
Enjoy that precious baby girl who's on the way and make your comfort your wife too.
Don't let your wife think that you're sad about having a girl.
I can imagine that's a pretty big bummer for it takes so much effort and time and being feeling sick and anxiety and effort.
And, you know, you got to love the baby whichever way.
You know, you just, you just want mother and child to come through everything okay.
That's right.
Mitt Gardner, what sexes kids do you have and what are their social security numbers?
I definitely have a daughter and like he's going to he'll think back on this and think, well, I can't believe I even stressed about this whatsoever.
It'll change you for the better.
You'll parts of your personality will come out that you've never had before.
And it's, yeah, it's pretty, it's pretty amazing.
And as far as boys go, yeah, it's two different worlds.
It's two different worlds.
Boys and girls, two different worlds.
It's awesome to have one of each, but if I didn't have a boy, I wouldn't know what it's like to have a boy.
So, I mean, you can't miss what you don't know anyway.
So it's like, yeah, it's awesome all the way around and just enjoy it because you'll never get any of this back.
It already moves so fast.
There you go.
Anglo-Saxon 14 is going to be so ashamed that he questioned that he's going to have to change his sock to Anglo-Saxon 1488 just to redeem himself.
So, thank you for laughing at my jokes, Sam.
All right, Smasher laughs at me laughing about my joke.
All right, we got a tougher one here going down the mailbox and then we got another stem winder.
Here we go.
For years, I had a recurring dream of standing on the porch with my smiling children as their daddy walked up after returning from work.
I knew my place was in the home caring for the family.
I tried to achieve this white picket fence dream, but life took me down a different path.
I'm a 35-year-old single white woman to a seven-year-old boy who now has no male influence in his life.
With the state of our country as it is today, I find myself overcome with anxiety and fear.
I struggle with how to raise my son now more than ever since learning what I have in the past year.
I don't want my son to grow up afraid.
I want him to take a stand for what is right.
I want him to fight for our race.
I want him to grow up choosing the right person the first time around and to have as many white children as his heart desires.
Men of my age and older want a woman who has never been married or had children.
They want a unicorn.
I have no family and will not date.
So a positive male influence in my son's life is not a possibility.
I've got the mothering part down, but how do I provide my son with the knowledge and guidance that comes from a male influence?
How do I raise my son alone?
I won't read the name on that one because I'm not 100% sure or the sock name.
I'm going to go first here with the instant reaction, which is that you may be 35, single, and have a seven-year-old son.
I don't know why you have shut out dating or the possibility of adding a good man to your life.
I know it's often dicey to bring another man into a house and the fear that he might not be a good father.
God knows Hollywood has made that a caricature of the sort of abusive or drunk.
What did I watch?
I watched Hillbilly Elegy, right?
Where Amy Adams brings home, he's a cop.
He actually seemed like he was a good guy.
He was going to be dating, and the kids are like, don't marry him, blah, blah, blah.
First response is just like we smacked Anglo-Saxon 14 up the face.
Sorry, I keep using that phrase, is that you should consider putting yourself back in the dating pool, even if you're extraordinarily selective and cautious, because why not?
You're still young.
You're still fertile.
That boy needs a positive man in his life and never despair and never give up.
But I'll stop there and turn over to Sam for a single mom who wants male influence and reassurance for her son and for herself, too.
Yeah, that's a tough story, you know, and it's tempting to be very gung-ho and positive about all the possibilities.
But the reality is that the world we live in is very challenging.
When I was a kid, my mother and father split up, and then some years later, my father died.
My mother never wanted to date or bring in any other influences into the house.
She saw it as her duty to be there for myself and my brother.
And, you know, she sacrificed a lot for us to have a nice home.
We're always presenting a very positive picture and trying to encourage people.
But there are, it is true.
There are some challenges that are going to come to some people.
And even in those challenges, you can find a great sense of purpose and achieve.
You can achieve a lot of things.
So you are looking at this like you're kind of stuck.
It's true.
A lot of guys, they're not looking to take on a woman with children already and so forth.
And there are, in a sense, problem areas there.
But don't give up because, first of all, you got to be around our guys.
You know, be around our guys because there are all kinds of guys that are in situations too.
So you might find somebody where that exact right match comes up.
Yeah, we know, we know guys in this thing who married women who had a kid or more from a previous marriage and went on to have kids with them and have a loving marriage.
So that happens for sure, even among our guys who sometimes are obsessed with not getting cucked.
And, you know, that's a meme for a reason, of course.
You really don't, as a man, you don't want to be raising someone else's offspring, but it can happen.
It works.
And yeah, it depends, you know, because the men can themselves be in a situation and so forth.
So the thing is, we're, you know, we're not giving up.
We're not giving up on anyone.
We're going to bring everybody along if we can.
And so, so don't give up.
Be around our guys, but also don't think that somehow you're at a dead end or anything like that either.
So get a babysitter and go to the American Defense Skinhead Show.
There you go.
Yeah.
And, you know, and also, you know, just I don't think we should also hold that up as the only ideal that being married and producing lots of kids.
That's true.
That's the only thing you can do.
And if you're not doing that, you're doing nothing.
No, that's that's not true either.
You have a son there, and that boy, he's very important right now.
So you got to take care of him and you got to do what's what's in his best interests.
That's that's one son, that's one child, but that's a child that matters very, very much to now.
Sorry, how about her question?
All right, let's just assume she's saying, nope, I'm done not dating.
It's me and Junior.
She can do her best, but this remote, we got a similar question recently.
You know, male, how does she get healthy male influence, right?
We talked about like a local, it was the grandmother asking about, you know, taking care of her sons and daughter-in-law's kids and how to bring healthy influences into their lives, which is a dicey proposition, right?
You know, and there will be people who have to go on without a clear answer to that, you know?
And even though you don't have a clear answer to that, you have to go on.
And I guess I would just take a moment to test the patience of everybody on the call.
And I just have to say, I don't know how you go on with these things without a sense of faith, you know, and believing that things are going to come out right, that things will work themselves out right.
You know, that's, I just don't know how you do it without a belief in God.
Sure.
Sam, without getting too personal, I mean, growing up, did you pine for a father figure?
Did you have male family members who were in a sense a stand-in after your dad left?
Yeah, my mother did try to do that.
My mother got me involved in Boy Scouting, and she would have my uncle take me to events and things like that.
And it was, you know, I didn't, how could I say?
I feel like it didn't work right.
You know, like the chemistry of it was not exactly right, though I appreciate the effort.
So there's not one right solution in all of that.
You could try those things, but it's the, you know, you are the mother.
You have to look out for that son, first of all, and you remain close together and stick to what is right.
And things will come right for you.
Sure.
Yeah.
Having a great coach.
I mean, I had a great and loving dad, but I imagine that sports for a seven-year-old kid, he's probably maybe not playing them yet, or he's getting into the early leagues.
You know, it's kind of hit or miss.
There's tons of bad coaches, but I had a great baseball coach who I still think back on fondly as a positive male role model in my life teaching me about sports and overcoming and all that stuff.
But Smasher, I was going to go to you because you are, in fact, planning on walking out on your family ticket to go find yourself.
So wondering how your kids are going to handle this.
But no, I'm sorry to make that joke.
Go ahead, buddy.
Smasher was going to get sincere again.
My flight leaves for Turkey next Monday.
10 a.m.
I'm going to go fight in Syria until I die.
All of the Middle East is ruled by Bashaw al-Islam.
Istanbul will be Constantinople again.
But I want to touch on the dating thing because it kind of bugs me.
And I was thinking about it.
And somebody I know, he dated a few.
He now has a wife and a growing family.
But he's a little older.
And so he had to, he felt like he had to date single moms.
Or at least he felt that he couldn't exclude them because as he gets, you know, as he was getting older, you know, dating pool is what it is.
Better than going for Asians for sure.
Yeah.
Oh, for sure.
And something that I thought was interesting that, you know, I didn't have any perspective on it.
I've never dated a single mother.
But was that the child will always come before you, no matter what.
And he didn't say that in a negative way.
You know, he wasn't like, I can't believe this woman loves her offspring more than she loves me.
Right.
Like, okay, that's.
Well, that's going to be true even when you have children with this woman.
She's going to be.
Oh, no, 100%.
One of the things that he pointed out was that when you have children with a woman, you both love that child more.
Yes.
So it's kind of a level playing field.
And so the whole single mother thing got me thinking of like, well, how do you try to level that playing field some?
And I've talked about it before.
Blended families.
I know a few people that have blended families and they're super, super happy.
And that may not always work.
But I think if you looked for maybe a single father or a father that has kids, but doesn't necessarily have custody, but could get maybe get custody if he had a family.
You know, that might be a good option for you as well.
But like, Coach, like you said, there are a bunch of guys that have married single mothers and gone on to have kids.
I think the record that I know is somebody has, they're either three kids with a fourth on the way, I think.
Just in the last couple of years, they've out.
The other way to approach this, which is smart even in our own situations, is you got to have something higher, some higher ideal, even than the family itself, that the whole family is striving towards.
And that is the salvation of our race.
Yeah.
Amen.
Yeah.
Mr. Producer says, I know a dude that had two girls.
His wife died and he found a woman with two girls who are around the same age and it worked out very well.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All these things surprise.
Mitt Gardner, we've already answered the question.
There's no possible value that you can add here.
Go ahead, buddy.
Yeah, I mean, for her, I would say don't give up.
Because, you know, if she just quits and just says, okay, it's just me and me and the boy or whatever, like, she's shortchanging him too.
You know, like, so for herself, I mean, I definitely feel like, you know, the old saying, like, don't look for a swan in a duck pond.
You know, go places where good people go and things that she's interested in, where she's going to find people with similar interests.
And same, same for the boy.
I mean, if she's looking for a father figure for that boy, you know, there's going to be things he's interested in.
It might be a certain sport or like some certain activity.
And she's just going to have to improve her like Gator and just make sure that these people aren't like, you know, degenerates and stuff.
You know, she's just going to have to develop that.
And it's just one thing you have to figure out who's who.
You know, it's something you have to do in life anyway.
So I definitely feel like she should go out there and, you know, not necessarily stick her neck out too far or whatever, but she should definitely leave her option open.
Yeah.
Yep.
And, you know, we extended the offer to dear grandmother two weeks ago.
And offer goes for you too, ma'am.
If you want to meet like-minded people, we're happy to try to help.
No promises.
And obviously, you know, this is not exactly Big Brothers, Big Sisters program that we're in here, but we are all in this together and we do want to help.
You know, some guys are wary.
They see a bad actor or a glowy around every corner or entrapment.
And then other guys are like, shut, you know.
And I'll give Mr. Kurducer, Mr. Producer, just an ounce of credit here.
He's like, shut up.
Get over yourself.
Be a man.
Like, you want to be pro-white?
Like, live a little and don't be afraid if a situation isn't exactly perfect or 100% comfortable.
Like Mr. 100% based perfect answers to everything.
Go have a beer at a bar.
Right.
We need a few That wants to marry you and raise children with you.
Like, that's pretty cool.
Smasher says, marry the widowed FBI agents out there.
Very good.
All right.
We touched on sports a little bit there and got one that I thought was easy, but is on second thought, maybe isn't.
So we're really milking the mailbag here.
This is not laziness on my part.
These are fun and relevant and touch on a little bit of something for everybody in the audience, at least I hope.
So here goes.
I've got a guy whose son loves playing football, but he is going from an all-white middle school to a very diverse high school.
He's trying to decide if he should try to switch him to another whiter sport before high school or stick with what he likes and what he's good at.
Diversity be damned.
My instant gut reaction was: screw, it's football and it's Negroes.
Change sports.
Life is too short.
Concussions, thugs, and all the rest of it.
But on second thought, I wasn't quite so sure.
So I'll kick that over to whoever wants to take that.
I didn't give these guys a heads up on this one.
Get him into BJJ and HGH.
That's Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for those in the cheap seats and human growth hormone.
Do not take Smasher's advice there.
At least on the latter half.
I would say switch to a wider sport if that's available.
I was in wrestling.
You know, I appreciate Mr. Producer forwarded some exciting videos of Kyle Dake beating the crap out of this Negro.
And I remember some years ago, I was traveling and I was in a hotel and I happened to put on there was some NCAA wrestling and Kyle Dake was on there.
So I was surprised to see that he was still a force out there.
But yeah, go to a wider sport.
A lot of times wrestling is a wider sport, but I don't know.
Yeah, it depends on the seat.
So my thinking was, yeah, I mean, football's fall, obviously, almost everywhere, I presume.
Where I grew up in South Jersey, fall was either soccer, football, or cross-country, I think.
The fact that this kid is just going into high school, a lot of times you can join the freshman team or the JV with barely any skills and you'll still make the team.
So even if he's never played soccer before or if he's not particularly fast, like it's not too late for him to change.
But I can only give the advice that I would give my own son.
And if my son were going into a largely Negro high school and he really loved playing football, I'd say, sorry, Junior, time to try something new.
However, the thing that was nagging me in the back of my mind was like, no, like there are great, you know, Urlachers and whoever the, you know, Tom Brady's, et cetera, in the NFL.
I don't envy them at all having to deal with all that garbage throughout their careers and the locker rooms and stuff like that.
But if he's really good at it and that's his passion, I don't, I guess we shouldn't let diversity dissuade him from what he's good at and what he loves.
Don't participate in white flight.
Don't play Negro sports either.
I mean, you know, football is always a bad sport.
Was.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Even basketball was a white sport, you know, in the 50s and things like that.
I mean, you know, it's tough.
You got to really call it in the situation where you are.
I'd say the only mid gardener, you're the tiebreaker.
Yeah, your advice here is going to be the final call.
Okay, well, it depends on how hard that red poll is going to come because, I mean, you can't hide your kid from reality for too long, and you don't want it to come at a time when you can't account for it.
So it's like, if you think you're going to put him on the team and it's going to be something that is a big impact on his life in a negative way, I'd say don't do it.
But if it's just like, yeah, he comes over for practice and you're like, yep, that's that's how it is.
And then he's like, oh, wow, I get it.
Then that's actually, I think, a good thing.
So I think you got these judgment, you know.
So as long as there's nothing that's going to permanently affect him in some negative way.
It depends on the game.
It depends on the kid.
Yeah, like he's already, he's already going to have a little bit of culture shock going from whitopia to diversity.
And then the football team is going to be that magnified.
Like, that's rough.
But if he's a tough kid and he's not going to take any guff, you know, then I'd say go for it.
If he's a sensitive soul and he's probably not going to get a scholarship to NCAA Division I or whatever, then just tell him to play soccer or run cross country or guys were saying hockey.
I'm like, well, that doesn't really help a kid in the fall, you know.
But yeah, play hockey too.
All right.
We're already at one hour, 50 minutes.
We do have a navigating the collapse in the hopper, but it was tailor-made for April Fool's Day.
So poor Nathaniel Scott has to wait.
That episode's on ice for another year, unfortunately.
After Carl Thorburn, though, we are coming up on the full house second anniversary.
That's right.
We started April 2019.
We're coming up on late April 2021.
We are going to do perhaps our last live stream on D Live since we already have it set up there and we have a good audience built up and they haven't red-flagged us or red-exed us yet.
We're going to go in two weeks for a two-year anniversary extravaganza.
If you have come on this show in the past and you would like to join us at least for a little bit to shoot the shit without me totally directing the course of the conversation with topics and all the rest of it, let's do it.
We'll go for as long as we want.
Have fun.
Fed post-free for Smasher.
All the rest of us will be on good behavior.
But earmark that for roughly two weeks from now.
We got a really good email that I'm going to save for next week.
I don't want to beat the mailbox to death.
And Mr. Producer wanted to weigh in on it, but he's bottled a jack deep already and barely able to keep his finger on the record button.
So, you know, we'll save that one for next week.
All right.
We're going to go around the horn here and bring this puppy home.
Mid Gardner, starting with you, thank you so much for coming on.
I will get your masterpiece up on full-house.com shortly.
And I presume if the audience has specific useful questions that they wouldn't mind emailing into the show, that we could share those with you.
Yeah, that'd be awesome.
Or you just go in the chat on that comment section.
I was answering stuff.
But you do another one.
Yep, when I post it on Telegram, I'll, you know, the comments will be enabled there.
And yeah, have that.
If you have questions, just pop them in there too.
Awesome.
All right, brother.
Anything you want to plug or last words for the audience?
Hail Victory.
That's good news.
All right.
Are you guys still trying to have more or open to more?
Are you done?
Oh, me?
I'm not done.
We're not trying it now, but yeah, no, definitely not done.
Yeah, you sound a little bit, come to think of it, you sound a little bit like Dark Enlightenment.
I don't know if you guys grew up in the same area.
Now, you know, you just have like a manner of speaking.
I think now that I mention it, the audience is going to be like, All right, yeah, I see it, or I hear it.
Now I'm gonna have to review.
Yeah, great, great minds.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I appreciate you guys having me on.
It was awesome, and I'm like, uh, try not to be a fanboy on here.
I appreciate the show.
Yeah, I think you guys do an awesome public service with the show specifically.
There's nothing else like it.
So, thank you.
you brother my new dark enlightenment separated at birth And let the audience know too that Mid Gardner pulled over in an Arby's parking lot because he got out of work and had to record the show.
And he's peeing Coke bottles.
He's got the microphone like propped up in the screen.
There's blacks looking at his car about to carjack him.
And he's on here talking about gardening and fanning our balls.
So hell, Mid Gardner.
How'd you know that?
My camera on right now.
You see them too?
Always be strapped, buddy.
All right.
Uh, Sammy Baby, thank you.
Oh, exactly.
Man, what a great discussion, great topics, and uh, just a chock full shows.
It's so much stuff that we could even go on further.
It was great to be here.
Amen.
And happy Easter to you, Sam.
Just like Christmas, it's always a Christian holiday at your house, right?
You just extend these things off for months and keep the joy in your family.
Risto Serodi, as they say in Sir, yes, yes, potato smasher, busiest man in show business.
Honored to have you on, as always.
Thank you.
Love being here.
Uh, remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.
You can't put a roof on your house without a good foundation.
You can't have a house without a good foundation, and a foundation is made up of tiny little blocks.
And you are and we must overthrow the Jewish power system.
Sorry, yeah, well, that's the end goal, right?
Overthrowing the Jewish power system is like putting the roof on, and then rebuilding our system is like putting the siding on after.
You know, oh, what a party that's going to be.
It's going to make the ending of uh Return of the Jedi look like a little uh Boy Scouts camp.
You're faggot for totally, Mr. Mr. Producer.
If if you could still struggle to come to the mic, we love you, buddy.
Thank you so much.
Love you guys too.
You're welcome.
Yeah, all right, good job.
Always, yep, yep, go start a garden right on.
All right, full house episode 85 was taped on a.
I don't know if you guys, uh, I think you can probably hear some of the peepers and the toads in the background.
We had a deep freeze here that killed a lot of them off, I think.
But they're coming back to life just like our prospects.
It was taped on a gorgeous April 5th.
It's now April 6th, 2021.
Happy Easter to all of our Christian listeners and a very happy All-Star too to our followers of the old gods.
And to all our listeners who may be reluctant to get out there this spring and try their hand at gardening, take it from us.
There is joy even if you fail.
Dig a hole with your kids, put some stuff in it, cover it up, throw the seeds to the wind.
Don't do that as a male, you know, procreating-wise, but uh, take the green pill and have fun out there, Mr. Producer.
It is springtime in Appalachia here.
The trees are budding, the onion weed is sprouting from the lawn, the chickweed is everywhere, and even the bats are back patrolling the skies for insects.
Now, we here at Full House, of course, have no love for the chosen, and we especially have no love for gay Jews from New York City.
But every once in a while, even a broken clock is right.
So, this week, at the risk of an audience revolt and a lot of hate mail, please put on Appalachian Spring by Aaron Copeland.
Stick with this one, fam.
It's a beautiful classical piece.
It's arguably my favorite.
I love to play it when I'm out here gardening in Appalachia and wherever you are.