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May 20, 2024 - Fresh & Fit

01:24:16

Steve Mayeda On How Child Custody Battles Can Ruin Men's Lives

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	Thank you.
	What's up, guys?
	Welcome to the Freshman Podcast.
	It's Monday, where we're going to be talking about how to save your money through the family courts.
	Let's get into it, guys.
	Let's go.
	All right, we're back.
	And we are live.
	What's up, guys?
	Welcome to Fresh A Podcast, regular edition.
	It's Monday, Monday, guys, and today we're going to be giving you guys some value.
	We've got an expert in the house with Steve Maeda.
	We're going to be talking about the family court, how to not get rinsed through the process of being able to see your children.
	I think this is going to be one of the more important episodes that we do that's going to be high value.
	But real quick announcements before we get into it.
	Guys, rumble.com slash freshafit.
	That is the home base for us.
	Also, guys, castclub.tv.
	As you guys know, we're going to be transitioning some of our content over there.
	The majority of content is still going to stay free, so...
	For all you guys crying about a paywall, don't worry.
	The majority is absolutely going to still stay free.
	Episodes like this are going to stay free for sure because we want to make sure that we get this out to the masses and all the videos that give value like this are going to continue to stay on the platform.
	We're going to make sure we keep it up everywhere, especially even on YouTube because obviously this stuff is more clean.
	Also...
	Well, it might get a little dark, so...
	Yeah.
	That part will be...
	Yeah, so it'll be appropriate for y'all.
	But the point is, guys, the content's going to be there.
	So, rumble.com slash fresherfitcastclub.tv.
	Also, guys, you guys requested I was live yesterday doing Fed Reacts, and you guys really want Talk to Speech.
	So, look, we're implementing Talk to Speech.
	We're bringing the price down on it for you guys.
	During the daytime shows, it's going to be $50.
	For the nighttime shows...
	100.
	100.
	We might do 109.
	Who knows?
	It's funny.
	But we'll see.
	Either way, we're going to make it where you guys can go ahead and get involved in the show more.
	But for the daytime show, it's going to be 50 TTS so that you guys can go ahead and get involved.
	And then what else?
	Oh, I got some names to read off here for guys that join Castle Club.
	Shout out to y'all.
	Sam Murray, Gustavo E., Hold on one sec.
	Because I read off the names earlier, because as you guys know, I was streaming this morning, so sorry if my voice sounds like correct.
	And we got a shout-out for all the OGs in Castle Club, all the old-timers, the guys like Jacob, for example, all those guys too.
	Punisher.
	Punisher.
	Tooth.
	Icy Side Tooth.
	Icy Side Tooth.
	Durag Myron.
	Robert C. Painter.
	And then, hold on.
	Carter Hilton.
	Hayden Caswell.
	Marcus Leon.
	Housemaster.
	Carlos Blanco.
	So, shout out to all you guys, man.
	Shout out to you guys, man.
	Nome Billy. Marcus Leanne, Corey J. Dubai, Carlos M. Blanco, Mario Marchand, Azia Samota, and Vince Moran, and then Lamont Page.
	There's a bunch here.
	61801.
	So yeah, that's just as of...
	Because I read some of them this morning when I was live streaming.
	As you guys know, I've been live streaming like crazy the past few days.
	And then also, tomorrow...
	Won't be on the Fresh or Fit episode.
	It'll be on tomorrow.
	I'll be out with Vitality and Charleston White.
	We're going to go catch some, you know, Predators as well.
	So that's going to be a good time.
	Oh, yeah.
	Let's go.
	That'll be on Kik.
	As you guys know, Kik.com slash Vitality.
	Check them out over there when I'm over there with them busting bad guys.
	And, uh...
	We're going to also do a stream for you guys where we kind of let y'all know about what we got coming up soon with Castle Club, what we plan to put there.
	We got some really cool ideas of what we're going to do, holding events, doing more IRL streams, all that other stuff.
	We're going to do a full episode on it.
	I just want to make sure that we talk with our people before, but we're going to be super transparent and let y'all know why they switched to Castle Club and what's kind of going on there.
	But that's pretty much it.
	And one more thing.
	And of course, a big thank you to Jacob and Duck.
	These guys have been catching the Castle Club chats for us throughout these weeks since we've been on Locals.
	So, big ups to you guys.
	Thank you, Jacob, man.
	Jacob and Duck.
	Without further ado, guests of honor.
	Welcome, Stephen.
	What's up?
	Welcome, man.
	We first saw you on Owen Cook's channel talking about this stuff, and he told me he had to delete the video because it was so intense, what you were telling him, the stories you were telling him about child care, custody, and the battle in court.
	So tell us who you are, brother, because we know who you are, but they may not know who you are.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	No, my name's Steve Maeda.
	I've been a men's coach for a long time.
	Like, I go way back with Owen.
	So Owen, I got mad respect for.
	First off...
	We met about 20 years ago, and the dude blew me away because back then we were both coaches, as he calls OG social coaches, but makeup artists and that sort of thing.
	And this dude, everybody was crazy in that industry way back when.
	And, like, just sociopathically crazy, like, bad people.
	And I'm like, what's going on, you know?
	And here was this dude who had, like, traits of those guys, like, fought really, like, rapidly and super ADHD. And he helped myself and, like, a competitor basically work a workshop in Hawaii.
	And he was living there at the time.
	And at the time, he was not Owen Cook, who we know.
	He was the guy in the game that was the bad dude.
	Like, everybody hated Owen.
	Everybody hated Tyler Durden, which was his name.
	And, man, his whole point was to help my coworker out.
	He was like, hey, man, you're a lot like me.
	Don't fuck your life up.
	Like, here's the things I'm working on.
	At the time, the blueprint wasn't out.
	He gave us, like, a whole seminar on it and all that sort of stuff.
	And it was just so compassionate.
	And also just eating out with them.
	There was, like, this homeless person that was having, like, a lot of problems.
	And no one went over and basically was just like, hey, man, can I help you out?
	You know?
	And I just thought, man, this is, like, a really good guy.
	Good heart.
	And then he became, you know, like, ultra-famous guy.
	And...
	It was like, holy shit.
	And we knew each other, you know, mildly.
	His company just exploded, man.
	And it was so good to see.
	And I always knew him as that.
	So people would always say, like, oh, man, he's crazy.
	He does this and that.
	And I never knew him that way.
	I only knew him as the genuine guy who...
	Man, really cared.
	He came in this world with whatever he had, which is brilliant and amazing, but he turned it into something a lot more.
	So I always really respected him for that.
	He's a good dude.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.
	So he reached out to me about a year ago and was like, hey man, I got this issue and I looked on YouTube and you were all over it.
	You were like the dude on custody stuff and what to do if you have an accidental pregnancy.
	And like, man, I want to talk to you.
	And, you know, it was hard to sync up, hard to sync up.
	I live in Austin.
	And he was like, you know, if I make it to Austin and if you make it to L.A. And it took us, I guess, a year to do it.
	And then we did it.
	And on that first podcast, this is a crazy thing, man.
	So this guy, he...
	He starts recording at like 1 a.m.
	And I'm on Texas time, so that's 3 a.m.
	And then he was like, dude, that went too intense.
	That was too intense.
	Sounds like Owen, bro.
	Let's do it again.
	Let's do it again tomorrow.
	He's like, that was nuclear, dude.
	That was nuclear, man.
	Chill out, bro.
	Chill out.
	Hey, man, I'll tell you this.
	Being on camera with that guy, like dead tired and doing two episodes back to back like the next night.
	Bro, his energy's unreal.
	But he's so intelligent on camera, because I've done a lot of camera stuff, and I've never been with somebody who could flow that good, and I'm like tired as fucking shit on the thing, and man, it was brilliant.
	And so it's very rare that you're with somebody that's that, like, man, impromptu and got it, you know?
	Gotcha.
	Alright, so we gotta know from the very beginning.
	How do we avoid this in totality from the very beginning?
	Because, you know, things happen.
	We're meant to be out here in the world and, you know, we have fun.
	But how do we avoid this happening?
	Child custody, all this stuff happening.
	Well, fundamentally, let's talk about this.
	Child custody, if it goes wrong, it's always going to go wrong in the very beginning.
	It can also go wrong in the end, but it starts out bad.
	And this is where men don't know anything, and they're not educated, and we get all this different stuff from different angles.
	But where it screws up is somebody's first appearance with either mediation or mediation with the Attorney General or in front of a judge.
	And nobody educates you on this because you expect to go into court just going, man, I'm a good dad.
	I'm a good dad.
	Like, here's me.
	Here's who I am.
	You don't know how to address the judge.
	You don't know what motions are.
	You don't know any of this stuff.
	And so you just go in having faith in, like, the American justice system.
	Oh, boy.
	Which is...
	Like, it goes from being a good dad and your friends and family going like, man, you know, just tell them the truth and all this sort of stuff, and you basically get your ass handed to you.
	And the tragedy is so bad because, you know, what you guys are talking about, like, man, up your game, like, be powerful, all this sort of stuff.
	When you're a guy...
	That all your life, like the best man, the best man by American standards or Western world standards, all this sort of stuff.
	You care about your kids.
	You give everything for it.
	You sacrifice your work, your life, your health, all this stuff for your kids, for your family, and your soon-to-be ex or your baby mama, your wife.
	It depends if you're divorced or in custody or whatever, different things.
	But you do everything for that.
	The best man, the best man with the best heart who cares for everything that we're supposed to care about in our culture, like good families, is going to fight for that.
	And he gets fucked.
	And women...
	You know, man, like...
	Women are beautiful.
	Women, though, when they get into that mode, turn super territorial.
	Men do, too.
	And they'll pull all the stops.
	And once they realize they have some sort of advantage, and again, you're walking into a court system which is not going to favor men immediately, but it doesn't have to go that way, you get hit hard.
	And you're alone.
	You don't want to talk about it.
	There's all this stuff about men's mental health and, like, let's do this and that.
	Let's be strong and powerful.
	But when you are devastated because you can't see your kids and you're used to, maybe you work the whole time, and the mother tucked them in at night and made food for them, but you were still around.
	And all of a sudden you have no rights.
	All of a sudden you have nothing.
	Man, you start contemplating in some normal ways things like suicide, things like vengeance, harming yourself, harming others, disappearing.
	And you take the high road as a man and you try and be strong.
	You're ashamed of how weak you feel.
	You beg back for the relationship.
	All the simp stuff that we hear about.
	But those are traits of a strong man put in a horrible situation where he's forced and humiliated to stay weak.
	And it's the toughest thing.
	So when guys come to me, so basically what I do is I work with guys through their whole legal case and we help with the mental side, the legal side.
	We have a whole group.
	It's like a 24-7 support system.
	And guys are like, man, you know, why...
	You know, she's a bitch.
	She did this, da da da da.
	But then they're like, but I'll do anything.
	I'll do anything to get her back because it's better for my kids.
	I'll do whatever it is.
	I don't give a fuck.
	And you sit there and you see this guy going down a road that statistically by far is not going to work and is going to fuck him worse.
	But he has some of the most noble traits of a guy.
	So we have this crazy conflict from the advice he gets from the man side of things.
	The PC feminist culture is just fucked with it because every man is just dangerous and violent.
	And if he can't see his kids, it's not as bad as a mom who can't see her kids.
	It's this horrible, horrible thing.
	So, man, how do we avoid it?
	On what levels?
	I mean, on Owen's level, what he's talking about...
	He goes, man, get people to wear condoms.
	And one thing I will say, if you're a man and you're with women, okay, I have four kids.
	One was through a relationship that was committed and all that sort of stuff.
	And the other kids were, or two kids from a committed relationship.
	The other two kids were from kind of like riffraffing around and all that sort of stuff.
	If you're a man and you're sexually active, And you have the ability to do that.
	I think you're better off in our world.
	There's a whole bunch of people that talk about the different moral values and whatnot, but people have different roads and all this sort of stuff.
	But if you're a man and you're good with women, this is going to happen.
	This is going to happen in some way.
	So Owen was like, hammer down on the condoms.
	Help men get saved in this way.
	But the fact of the matter is, and you should be safe, all that sort of stuff, but it doesn't happen.
	And a lot of guys don't use condoms.
	Women lie about birth control.
	Women might make a mistake about birth control.
	All this sort of stuff.
	And pregnancies happen, man.
	And the moment when you get that call, you're like, fuck, my life is over.
	And the female's all fired up.
	So if it's a casual situation, she's like, well, what are you going to do?
	Are you going to care for me?
	It just switched, right?
	It just switched from like, yeah, baby, da-da-da-da, and whatever shit's going on, to like, what are you going to do?
	What are you going to do?
	I talk to my friends, and I have power.
	And her friends probably don't really know, but if she goes to the courts and realizes that power, it gets fucking bad.
	And everybody catches wise.
	So, if this happens in a casual setting, and you...
	Man, I'll share actually like a pretty brutal story, but...
	My buddy, this is way back when, and he actually passed away, but he was a pimp.
	And he said, look, man, if you knock a chick up...
	Now, I'm not suggesting to do this, but this will portray the mentality.
	And he says, if you knock a chick up, You got three months.
	And at the time, termination and these types of things, which is a touchy subject, were more available in the U.S. He goes, you got three months to make your move and to make your play.
	And you have a choice in this because you're the one going to be paying child support.
	You're going to be the one going through the pain.
	You're going to be the one responsible for that child.
	And you have a say.
	So you have to make your play and you need to be hard.
	And he went hard, like as somebody who runs women and stuff would say.
	And he said, and then after that, you got another six months to make up with her.
	And I'm like, man, you can't give that advice to people.
	That's too fucked up.
	You know, nobody's going to be able to...
	Nobody has the mental, like...
	I don't know, just harshness to pull that off.
	And especially when you're just a guy going out and having fun.
	And the thing is, is that mentality for a woman, she physiologically goes through a change.
	I mean, man, it's beautiful.
	It's an amazing thing.
	But it is, I want security.
	I want safety.
	And I'm going to fight for my life for this.
	Like, it's in my body.
	And I'm going to make it work.
	And you as a guy are like, oh shit.
	You know, this throws everything off.
	Like, am I going to be single?
	Am I going to be married?
	What am I going to do?
	And then fatherhood stuff kicks in.
	It gets all crazy.
	And then even afterwards, if there's a miscarriage or something like that, there will be crazy tension.
	And crazy tension a guy can't relate with.
	And all sorts of...
	Like, if you fuck that up as a guy.
	If you...
	Well, I mean, depends on what you call fucking up.
	But if you piss her off...
	Like, man, reputations, like, everything you read about.
	Like, when people are talking about, like, borderline women or narcissistic personality disorder, like, whether they had it or not, that shit becomes much more probable.
	And they'll go after your reputation, and it's like...
	We know.
	No pun intended.
	Or just get a vasectomy.
	Yeah.
	So, that's the thing, like...
	Kids aren't bad.
	Like, fatherhood is an amazing thing.
	And motherhood is an amazing thing.
	But how that gets manipulated in our culture and how it gets exploited in what women become and even men become when they don't know what to do or they take advantage or manipulate is one of the most fucked up things and it causes generational pain and trauma.
	It fucks up the kids.
	There's something called parental alienation which is one of the most devastating things like the results of alienating one parent from the other like you're a bad dad or you're a bad mom and you shouldn't like your dad because they abandoned you or your mom or whatever you talk that kind of shit.
	And your kid is alienated from you and starts showing symptoms of that, the results of that are similar to consistent physical abuse or sexual abuse done to a kid.
	And we as a culture don't see that.
	Like, we think it's okay.
	We think that if you shit-talk a dad or if a dad gets disenfranchised in some way, it's okay.
	And there's no way of building men up.
	And even men...
	who enter into the system and don't know what they're doing they go to their first court appearance or hearing or some sort of mediation and something gets put on paper and they fuck themselves financially or with visitation they start off screwed so they may eventually get custody visitation these types of things but they're so disenfranchised because i mean look man the average court cop Average custody case depends on what state you're in, but $20,000.
	Who has that right now?
	Who has $20,000 to spend right now, which you need to pay your lawyer for?
	So I heard it's better to go to court by yourself rather than bring a family lawyer into it at the very beginning, or what do you think?
	This is a debatable thing, and I would say fuck no.
	So here's the thing.
	You can represent yourself.
	You absolutely can.
	Like, it's not an either-or.
	But you have to understand that most people who represent themselves screw up in the beginning, and the beginning is the most important thing to not screw up.
	Because once a judge makes a ruling, anything gets signed, Then to reverse that, you're not then fighting for custody.
	You're fighting to reverse what got ruled, to get custody back.
	So you're not on an even playing field.
	And the real question here, or the real thing to understand is, how do you find a good lawyer?
	How do you know if you need a lawyer?
	How do you know how to look for a good lawyer?
	How do you interview lawyers?
	Lawyers are traditionally bad people.
	Like, they're greedy motherfuckers who...
	Don't give a shit about your well-being, your kid, or anything like that.
	But the thing is, if you need him, you need him.
	And you need to understand how the law works.
	It is so hard to comprehend.
	And how if one thing goes wrong...
	Like, here's the thing, man.
	You're going to go in front of the judge.
	It's 15 minutes.
	You don't get to talk much.
	That means she gets to talk, the judge gets to talk, and you get to talk.
	And whoever filed first generally gets to talk first.
	If she makes the claim to the Attorney General on custody first, she's going to talk first, and then maybe she lies.
	And you go, man, that's a lie.
	You're now speaking out of turn in a courtroom, and a judge is going to see 20 of these cases all day of people who disrespected their court by not being prepared.
	And they're just going to say, well, look, I'm going to err on the side of caution.
	You guys are still arguing.
	Figure it out.
	Here it is.
	I'm signing it.
	And then the guy's like, man, I'm fucked.
	Whereas if you get some education on this, like here's the easy thing, right?
	Okay, lawyer or no lawyer, here's what you got to do.
	You have to look at the laws in your state and county that determine custody, okay?
	So what is going to see, you know, what is custody going to be awarded at?
	Is it standard visitation, which is like a weekend ad thing?
	Is it expanded standard?
	That's weekends plus and then extra holidays and stuff like that.
	Is it 50-50?
	Do judges rule on that?
	So that's the first thing.
	You have to look at how that is.
	Like, who's taking the kids to school?
	Who's making food?
	Who's doing all this sort of stuff?
	You have to look at how the judge is gonna see that.
	If it's just that my kids like me more, that doesn't count.
	It's who is caring for the child.
	And if the child is a newborn, It's going to be with the mother in most states just because of, you know, whatever different theories around it.
	It's seen as important, but after 18 months, two years, it can be split up.
	But then the next thing is, is you should interview attorneys.
	Like, why not?
	Interview attorneys to go like, hey, I'm assigned to this judge.
	Like, so when you get served on this, it's going to say what court you're going to be in.
	You go to whatever attorneys are in that county, and you say, hey, what do you know about this?
	Here's my information.
	Here's my statistics.
	It's better if you go in there organized, which is a lot easier than you think, but it's also mind-numbing.
	It's kind of like, here's how you meet women, da-da-da-da-da.
	But then, like, guys are like, yeah, Yeah, but what if I do this?
	And they're kind of sidetracking themselves on something that isn't necessarily correct.
	You have to rewind that.
	But if you start to look at like, okay, here's the money I make.
	So custody is all going to be about child support, visitation, and it's going to be like, who is the better parent?
	How does that judge, how does that court look at what the best interest of the child is?
	Because that's what it is.
	We have our definition of the best interest of the child.
	But it has to be for that judge.
	And then you can do the next best thing.
	So the third thing that you need to do is you need to go in and watch that judge.
	Most family courts, I said all in some video, and the guy corrected me, like in Virginia or Vermont, they're not open to the public.
	But you can go and watch that judge.
	And if you watch anywhere from 10 to 15 cases, you're going to see...
	Dads fuck up.
	You're going to see moms fuck up.
	You're going to see dads win.
	You're going to see moms win.
	And then you start to look at strategy.
	And so this is kind of a tricky thing because us as men, the things that naturally make us strong are to confront, fight, tell the truth, fight for our kids, show up, clear up whatever.
	She said this.
	No, this didn't happen.
	But that's all going to work against you in the court.
	Damn.
	So we actually have to have some sort of clarity on what we say So it's best to go in and watch a judge.
	Watch your judge.
	And then you get the information and then you go, man, I'm nervous and da-da-da-da.
	How long do you typically have between the time you're served to your first court appearance where you can actually take that time period to go watch that judge typically?
	A couple months?
	Yeah, you got anywhere from like two weeks, which is very fast, but with COVID it backed everything up.
	But it could be six months.
	And so think about this.
	If you screw up and a ruling goes wrong, And she gets more visitation than you.
	Or we could talk about protective orders and stuff like that because that's where it all goes out the window.
	You're totally fucked.
	But let's say a ruling gets made and then you want to contest that.
	You want to go back to court.
	You file a motion for that.
	It's like, how do you do that?
	How do you do that yourself?
	What if I screw it up?
	If I screw it up, it goes to the court and they say he screwed up.
	He's got to refile again.
	When do you find out that news?
	Two, three weeks down the road?
	But then, once it gets accepted, it might be three months.
	So if you screw up, you have three months of a status quo happening, meaning...
	If she gets more custody, and she's taking the kids to school, and the dad is cut out for some sort of safety reason, and it has to go to supervised visitation, which generally men have to pay for.
	You have to pay for your own supervision for watching your own kids.
	What the hell?
	Child support gets set at something which is unrealistic.
	Then you have three months of her getting to do whatever she wants.
	The next time you go back to the court, she's gonna say, if she's smart, if she wants to win this game, which a lot of times that doesn't happen, she's gonna say, well, look, the kids are used to it.
	It would traumatize them to reintegrate the father to be a 50-50 situation.
	So you want to get it right from the beginning.
	The other thing that happens is all sorts of false claims, false allegations.
	They're like...
	Man, I mean...
	Dime a dozen?
	It's the worst, man.
	Did you see the Young Jeezy and Jenny Mai situation?
	No.
	So basically there's a rapper called Jeezy, aka Snowman.
	And he married this Asian girl at this talk show, Janie Mai.
	And they were together for a couple of years.
	Apparently he cheated, she cheated, something like that.
	But they were basically breaking up.
	And they were in love.
	They were all together all the time.
	But now all of a sudden, she wants the kids for herself.
	She's saying he's a bad dad and he has guns in the house for protection.
	But all of a sudden now they're bad because she doesn't like him anymore.
	So before it's for their protection, the kids, her.
	But now because he has guns in the house, she's using it against him.
	So, like, this is where we gotta get, like, women...
	Well, women and men now are really loud on social media.
	They try and, like, fucking ruin your life in whatever way they can.
	It's like this...
	Oh, yeah.
	I can relate, bro.
	Yeah.
	Me too.
	So basically, what determines being a good dad and a bad dad on a social media war may not be in the courts.
	So if guns are legal, it may not be an issue.
	But this also swings the other way.
	You might think driving with your...
	If you're a kid in the car and you're recording a video or something and that goes online, that is not good parenting because you're operating a camera while operating in a vehicle while a child is in it.
	These types of things come up all the time.
	Man, I hear this story over and over again.
	I can't talk specifically about what my clients have gone through, but they'll have stuff thrown at them.
	They'll have knives pulled on them.
	They'll be cut with knives.
	They'll have guns pulled on them.
	They'll have all this sort of stuff.
	And sometimes, sometimes that will go to criminal court, as it should, right?
	I mean, it's assault with a deadly weapon or it's some sort of, you know, attack or assault or these types of things.
	Same thing goes with STDs.
	A woman gives you an STD, like a lot of times this happens in cheating, and they don't tell you or they give you misinformation.
	In many states and counties it could be considered sexual assault.
	But if a guy does that, if a guy gets angry, throws something, it's on camera.
	And like a lot of times with my clients, it's on camera.
	It's on camera where a woman is doing this to them.
	It's on camera.
	It's somehow documented.
	There's enough good witness testimony.
	Then that guy will get a protective order or a restraining order.
	And they're different.
	A protective order is much worse.
	Now, the other thing, too, is it could go to criminal or it could go to some sort of civil thing.
	A criminal is much worse.
	I actually had a protective order on me.
	I had a criminal protective order put on me.
	I didn't get to see my kids for five years.
	What did you do?
	Fucking nothing.
	I was raising kids in a chaotic environment.
	And I was not smart.
	In the actual story of it, there were multiple claims made against me that had to do with violence or sexuality and all this sort of stuff.
	Here I am as a dating coach, of course.
	I was also doing MMA at the time.
	Everybody kind of knew it and these sorts of things.
	Teaching jiu-jitsu classes.
	So they painted you as a violent womanizer.
	Dude, the best is I got a grand jury trial and the prosecutor...
	So it went to criminal, which is bad.
	Like, criminal, you are...
	They both suck, but you're really fucked.
	Because if CPS or DCFS sues you, it's 51% needs to decide whether you did it or not.
	Criminal, you're at 1%.
	You have no chance.
	Like, they are designed to prosecute their cases.
	So once it goes there, you have a huge uphill battle.
	Did the grand jury return a true bill against you or no?
	The grand jury basically immediately said, we don't believe him, and let's move on to the...
	Alright, so you never got indicted.
	Dude, check this out.
	In the grand jury, as I'm being interviewed, they're like, oh, so you're a practitioner of jiu-jitsu and you teach jiu-jitsu classes, and so when you used a ligature against your son, Does that come from your weapons training?
	And I was like, there's no weapons in jiu-jitsu.
	So I have this piece of paper.
	She pulls it out.
	She pulls out a piece of paper of what are the list of weapons that are used in Brazilian jiu-jitsu.
	And I'm like, you are wrong.
	And I didn't know.
	This is, again, I did not know.
	I thought it was going to be all fair and this is ridiculous.
	And I'm like, this is ridiculous.
	You're telling me this is...
	It's not used in jiu-jitsu.
	Like, knives and swords and all the sort of stuff she was talking about were not used.
	And we got in this big argument about it.
	That argument, I don't know what screwed me over in it, but the grand jury, as soon as I left, immediately ruled that they were going to step forward with the trial, which is horrible, man.
	Devastated me.
	Oh, so you did get indicted?
	Yes, yes.
	Oh, so you got a trooper against you?
	Okay, shit.
	So you got charged, and then...
	I got charged and then I took a plea.
	And in the plea, we could go over this with many cases that I've had.
	A plea is basically like, you have no money, and are you going to go to a sex offender prison as a child abuser and get raped for six months, two years, or whatever it is.
	What the hell?
	So if you go to, it depends again on the state, but if you go to a state jail or a federal prison or whatever, it wouldn't be a federal prison, but if you go to some state jail, state prison.
	So if you go there, you go to the ones that are for child abusers and rapists and all this stuff.
	Really?
	It's pretty fucked up.
	So you go to, okay, because of allegedly domestic violence.
	But domestic violence is different.
	So you're telling me that happens to you, but Diddy's free?
	Come on, bro!
	What's going on right now, man?
	Damn!
	No Diddy, by the way.
	The guys in my group would love you.
	So you didn't get to finish.
	So they ended up indicting you for what?
	It was injury to a child.
	Injury to a child is what they try to hit you with.
	And then you took a plea deal.
	What did you plea it down to?
	No, it was still a plea to injury to a child, but the sentence was no jail time.
	It was like probation for four years, and you didn't get to see your kids for four more years.
	It had already been a year.
	And, man, it's crazy.
	But I'll tell you this.
	Awful lie that she made.
	Yes.
	And later on...
	She alleged like you hit one of the kids?
	No, choked one of the kids.
	Later on, what happened was...
	Now, check this out, man.
	So, you...
	To tell my story in this, and this is what Owen actually wanted to cut out at least a little bit of, and the guys in my group stories are far worse, but so then I get married, have an amazing relationship, amazing relationship, awesome, obviously different woman, model, like beautiful, like everything you could imagine, right?
	And so we split up.
	And when we split up...
	In Texas, you can record.
	It's a single-party record.
	So I started recording everything when she was acting weird and doing all this stuff.
	And she said...
	If multiple times on recording, if you challenge me on anything, if I don't call the shots, then I'm going to say that you abuse the kids and use your old case against you.
	And man, I'll tell you this.
	At this point, after the first case happened, I started talking to lawyers and educating myself on stuff and whatnot, and then working with guys who came to my group on this sort of thing.
	At the time, I wasn't really targeting coaching on custody stuff, but I was like, man, I just got totally fucked.
	Yeah.
	Because you've been through it.
	Yeah.
	So I knew what to do.
	Hired a lawyer right away.
	We deposed her.
	And in the deposition, it basically killed any case she had.
	Actually, in that case, I had the opportunity at the end of that deposition to file charges against her in multiple areas.
	Could have got full custody of kids instantly.
	Could have shown that tape to a judge.
	And it would be a no-brainer, an immediate temporary protective order.
	She'd be on her back foot.
	But I was like, man, kids need moms and dads.
	And it's a trip because a lot of the dudes in the Manosphere were like, why are you doing that?
	Well, my fight is for my kids.
	It's not for some political thing, right?
	Yeah.
	It's not to shame somebody.
	It's not to take exact revenge on her.
	It's for the kids to have the best situation.
	But here's the thing, man, and this is going to sound crazy because my life is my life.
	My interaction with my kids and their mothers is my life.
	And the first mother of my kids came to testify for me, and her testimony was that the courts overreacted.
	The one that got you in trouble with the injury?
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	So she actually came on your behalf later on?
	She came on my behalf.
	Crazy world.
	And let's just think about this, right?
	If you don't stop somebody who's acting crazy, this was one of my, in my 2019 case, the one where I did the depositions and came out on top.
	I have three goals.
	And afterwards, my attorney was like, Steve, let's get full custody.
	Let's go.
	Let's go right now.
	Let's take this.
	How quick can you get the media off the tape and off the camera and get it in front of a judge?
	Let's go.
	You could have full custody.
	It's an amazing story.
	This is awesome.
	Let's go.
	And I was like, man, Ryan...
	What was our goal?
	And you're so fried.
	It's hard to think straight, but you got guys in your corner and all that sort of stuff.
	And we were outside the depositions.
	And he goes, or I told him, I said, hey, look, man, I wanted to get all false allegations just cleared off.
	I wanted fair visitation and all that sort of stuff set.
	And I wanted to calm her down and stop her from going crazy.
	Because people go crazy, man.
	And one last thing, what I got from that was, like, the first mother of my kids, we both acknowledged, like, we were idiots, man.
	I should have come in properly into the court to stop it.
	And she should have stopped whatever herself.
	And either way, you're going to have to come back to co-parenting.
	Isn't that crazy that the woman that you first were with, your first child mother, helped you with your second child mother?
	It's crazy.
	But you know what I think it was?
	She hated her more than she hated you, probably.
	Nah, you know, I think what it is...
	This is one of those things that...
	Actually, I'm really proud of talking about it because it's a real story of people going through stuff and not a theoretical thing.
	Thank you for sharing your story, by the way.
	Thank you for sharing your story.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	The thing with that is that you see how much it affects the kids.
	Like, I was sitting there in those five years going like, man, I'm so fucked.
	I can't believe how bad I got fucked.
	You lose all this money.
	You're devastated.
	I mean, like, I've seen...
	Really fucked up shit in my entire life.
	I've seen the saddest things.
	I've watched my friends die.
	Clients of mine who are saying they're gonna kill themselves and you get the calls.
	I used to save their message on my phone and you show up and they're dead.
	And I've seen really sad stuff, but nothing is as sad as finding out you're not gonna see your kids for two more years, five more years.
	She, I'm guessing she made the allegation that you, like, harmed your children, right?
	Erroneously.
	And then you ended up taking a plea deal because you couldn't fight it, maybe not the money for the lawyers and everything else like that.
	Like, was this a situation where she was angry at you and made up, like, kind of, how do I say it, sensationalized events to just get you in jail, and then she couldn't reverse anything and then ended up, like, where you got fucked at then?
	Like, how did this even...
	What are the mistakes that you think you made in that first situation?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That guys can learn from?
	No, massive mistakes.
	And let's bring it back to guys as a whole because it paints a better picture.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	In that moment where you're accused of something, don't talk shit.
	I would get a lawyer.
	I would familiarize it.
	You didn't get a lawyer until later on?
	I did, but I talked to the police first.
	And sometimes it's okay to talk to the police, right?
	It could work in your favor.
	But if there's a charge, and there were multiple allegations of abuse that had happened before.
	So I had talked to CPS. I had talked to attorneys, or I'm sorry, the cops or whatever, in previous cases, but they got thrown out.
	So I went in there thinking I knew what was up.
	Well, if you fuck up once and you think you know what's up, you fuck up.
	And the fact of the matter is, and I'll say this just in her defense, because we both raise awesome kids together, is that, man, we were both nuts.
	We were both nuts.
	In that whole situation, it's so horrible.
	But even if you talk to the guys in my group who get accused of the same thing and get run through the ringer in it, it forces you to be a better parent.
	You go to parenting classes, you look at the law, you look at how the law determines this, you look at the psychological damage it causes kids.
	Like I said, I thought I was the big victim in it, and I was, but when I got to reintegrate with my kids, who are awesome, they're amazing, amazing.
	Does she regret doing that?
	I think everybody does, yeah.
	Yeah, so she thought like, oh, I'm just gonna mess with them, and then she didn't realize how much she had really...
	But that takes years.
	Damn.
	Of all the cases that I work with guys, they're not gonna change their minds for two years.
	So she lied on you.
	You couldn't see her kids for five years.
	Yeah.
	And you were still able to make peace with her and still co-parent to this day.
	Yeah.
	A lot of guys will never forgive.
	That's some good restraint.
	Man.
	That takes some real emotional control.
	That's just crazy because she lied on you and you know how they say how Hathnos feels like a woman's scorn, right?
	And she's in her head like, oh, yeah, I'm going to get back at him, whatever.
	And then she doesn't realize once you get the wheels of justice going, it's very difficult to walk it back.
	Yeah, and there's so much to it, I'd say, psychologically as well.
	Like, if you spin a lie and you get power, like, what does that do to a person?
	I mean, you see that every day with politics.
	It's the craziest thing.
	That's wild, man.
	No, man.
	I think after hearing this whole episode, the chat, ourselves in a room, we'll think twice about having kids with the wrong person.
	Man, no.
	Look, kids...
	Kids are awesome.
	And being a father is an amazing, amazing thing.
	And, you know, I'll say this, and this is one thing that I tell guys in the group when they're going through this.
	Because you're devastated over your kids.
	Like, if your kid gets hurt, if your kid is damaged, you want to kill whoever's damaging that kid, right?
	That is the drive.
	And everybody can relate with that.
	But when it's psychological, not everybody takes it as seriously.
	And when that happens...
	Man, you lose it.
	And you then are dealt a different card in life.
	So you have to find something that is good.
	Or you destroy yourself.
	You end up like the dead guy who hangs himself, commits suicide, becomes a drug addict.
	If you die, That could be better for that man than living just in pain and suffering and is a lesser man for the rest of his life.
	For the kids, it's don't kill yourself.
	Please stay alive.
	But my message to everybody is like, no, man, if you have bad stuff happen, make yourself better.
	And at first, when you're going through this, you don't want to hear that.
	Like, I'm not going to say that to somebody right away.
	But your kids now have a destiny that they have to fight for, and it is their problem, and be the strongest man.
	Like, I was a fool.
	I was weak, man.
	You know, I was strong in some ways.
	I was good at holding a frame, good at all that sort of stuff.
	But how can you get right with yourself mentally, spiritually, at your core?
	How can you bring that to have stability?
	Because when those kids come back, They don't want to see a broken father.
	They don't want to see a man that is hurt or that is the tale that was told about him as being a deadbeat or whatever.
	And I think that that's so important.
	So what would you say are some of the mistakes that people can learn from in your first situation that they need to avoid immediately?
	You said talking to the police, talking with CPS that was used against you later on.
	What else?
	You need to understand the charge.
	So that's what you gotta understand right away.
	You need to know how to find lawyers at that time because the law in there is more complicated.
	It's not like this simple thing.
	Like if you fuck up once and it could go to criminal, you want to know everything.
	So you have to hire the right lawyer.
	You can't just hire a family law attorney.
	If it's criminal, you have to hire an attorney that is a criminal attorney.
	You also have to be able to hire a CPS attorney if they're involved or DCFS, whichever protection service is there.
	And it could be the same attorney.
	But you have to understand what the charges are and what the narrative of either, you know, the DA is trying to...
	Or what CPS is trying to investigate.
	CPS... Is oversaturated, generally workers who, you know, they might love it, but a lot of them don't.
	High turnover, they see really horrible things.
	And I mean, man, it's easy for them to get it wrong.
	And they're overworked, have too many people on their caseload, social workers too.
	So it's easy to get something misfiled.
	It's easy for something to get signed off in the wrong way.
	Like you have to have somebody who's familiar with that that can look it over.
	So it's important.
	Wow.
	Okay, so I can read some chat so we can get back to it because I'm sure people might have some questions.
	Super important episode, man.
	Very good one.
	So it seems to me like one of the biggest takeaways is you can't mess up in the beginning.
	It's like, for example, when you mentioned on Jubilee, get the information about how to lose weight, you can't just walk into this blindly.
	You gotta know what you're doing when you walk into it.
	Let's see here.
	What do we got?
	We got some rumble racks?
	Romo Rants?
	Okay.
	And guys, definitely have superchat.com as well.
	Marriage cause divorce.
	What do you think of family lawyers and judges?
	They seem to be very woke, biased, and feminist.
	They seem to be very happy to automatically sacrifice the husband in favor of the wife.
	Yeah, so I mean, that sucks.
	That sucks.
	And if they're your judge, you have to know they're your judge, and you have to figure out how they're going to rule in your favor.
	They're going to rule...
	It's not always against men.
	And so you have to look at how they rule.
	Now, there is corruption.
	I'm not going to say that doesn't exist.
	But if you're in this stage, you have to be able to act properly.
	And if you don't, like what, so you're just going to go in alone and be pissed off?
	That will guarantee that That a judge cannot hear your case.
	So you need to study the judge and learn how that judge rules, watch them, and figure out a game plan, whether you're going pro se, which is representing yourself, or you hire an attorney and you need to learn how to hire an attorney that's not lazy.
	And I'll ask you about how to interview attorneys here in a second.
	Anything else?
	The problem with family courts is the woman you marry becomes a demon with and her mind gets poisoned by all her friends, family, lawyers, and greed.
	Also, you run out of money because of legal fees.
	Yeah.
	So...
	That's a good question, and the answer's in that question.
	Okay, so she's getting advice from her family and friends.
	If you get advice in custody from your family and friends, you're going to get bad advice, even if you have a lawyer, you know, like relatives, or if your brother's a lawyer.
	If they're not your lawyer, you need to work with somebody who's obsessed with your case.
	That is not going to be lazy about your case.
	And if she is going to listen to her friends, she's going to fuck up.
	You have to understand this.
	When anybody gets an advantage and they have power, they become idiots.
	And they're going to make mistakes.
	and you have to play it right.
	If you get screwed in your first hearing or whatever judgment, right, if that happens, then you're going to have an uphill battle.
	It's going to be six months before you get a win or three months maybe before you get a win.
	But you have to start playing it right and playing it smart.
	And she is going to make mistakes.
	Those mistakes are going to be like she's going to be playing the social media game with her friends and winning opinions and trying to turn your family against you And in that, that doesn't matter to the courts.
	The courts don't care about that, at least at first.
	That's like one of those secondary things.
	That's like a character assessment and that sort of thing.
	But she's going to make a mistake that matters with custody or lying.
	I mean, man, that's a big thing.
	Get somebody to lie under oath about important stuff.
	You now discredit their complete testimony.
	Now, if you already are being investigated for something, that might help you a little bit, but it's still going to help you.
	You still have to disprove whatever it is you're being accused of.
	But that is...
	I don't know.
	People say...
	Women are favored, they are, but if you're smart and you play steady, they generally don't have, they could have the backing and control and all that sort of stuff, but they generally will not, and they'll screw up, and they dig their own grave.
	It happens over and over again in our groups.
	Yeah, we say it all the time.
	What do we got here?
	Alboy says, it seems like at the end of the day, it's all unavoidable, even if you're married.
	So what do we do if we want kids and have a girl, but don't want to get married?
	What are the best options?
	That's a very good one.
	That is a good one.
	So, I mean, marriage in our country, with the general thing, like when I was talking about the best man, the best man comes in, he doesn't really go to school on this, he just has good morals.
	And then something turns, either he turns or she turns, but then it just goes all fucked up.
	Yeah.
	So...
	If we're gonna work our culture better, like we need to start, I mean, in the greater meta thing, we need to start looking at male wisdom, I think, which is really important.
	We have to start looking what it means to be a man with women, a man with money, a man with responsibility.
	And those things need to be so important that when it goes into us like having fun and going out and getting laid or having women around or whatever your situation is, that needs to be taken into it.
	But in having kids, If you walk into having kids without any thoughts or wisdom of your own, our system is so fucked.
	Our culture, meaning it's going to screw with you, it's going to screw with her, is so fucked up, it's guaranteed to fuck up.
	And our court system is guaranteed to just make it devastating, at least to one person, and heavily the man.
	That's usually the case.
	And then the other thing too is...
	I mean, man, there's guys leaving the country, there's guys finding women in other countries, which is an answer for now.
	But if we don't fix the problem of wisdom and integrity and being a good man and finding good women and these types of things and inventorying yourself, because a bad woman exploits a man or takes advantage of an already broken man.
	So, men that get screwed over by women play a part in it, even though they're the total victims.
	But oftentimes, they're not just the total victims.
	Everybody's got some screwed up stuff.
	We have to take responsibility for that.
	And if we go to other countries and meet wives and stuff, that's cool.
	I'm all for it, man.
	Like, we always talk about the guys having no power because the court system's fucked, and it's true.
	Passport Bros.
	Man, men have power.
	And with the passport bro thing, that's a little bit different because I live in another country, and I generally don't like it when people exploit that country.
	Like, I have good relationships with people.
	Columbia.
	No, Columbia's great, man.
	Columbia is one of the most...
	Beautiful countries and I'm very inundated in the culture there.
	And I don't like it when people just go for sex.
	Sex is going to be there.
	Like, it's part of the language.
	And you may not know what that means if you're not going there right away.
	But when you come to know it, it's part of the beauty and part of...
	Like when we talk about how feminism has caused all these problems in the U.S., Colombia could use some actual rights for women, not Western, you know, like whatever third wave.
	I can't keep up.
	But like it doesn't need like some militant feminism.
	But there are I mean, my female friends there all have tough stories that that are just horrible.
	Horrific.
	That when I come back, American women will tell me, like, oh, well, you don't have to go there to help.
	I'm like, I'm not helping.
	They're my friends.
	What are you doing?
	You're only using their story of being knocked up by a drug dealer and raped and beaten up to promote why you should have fake boobs or whatever, like your choice in something.
	And if you really care about helping people, go and help people.
	But if you were to go to another country, I would say take some time to learn it and respect it and all that sort of stuff.
	Yeah, versus these guys that just go in there to get laid and shit.
	It's going to happen.
	Yeah.
	I'm a good friend of a family attorney, and he always tells me to wrap it up because he's seen some crazy shit in courts while most fast females switch it up when it comes to legal situations.
	All right, what else?
	Totally true.
	Oh, hey, Ryan.
	Are you going to have MLD on?
	I believe he's in Florida.
	Yeah, he'll be on Wednesday.
	Yeah.
	He'll join us for the dating show.
	Let's go!
	Single dad here.
	Fatherhood is amazing.
	I have a 50-50 time of my child.
	This sucks that them boys created a system to break families.
	Shout out to all the dads that are in there.
	KidsLiveWDads.
	Shout out to you, Cacho.
	Jay says, Myron started a side hustle, reselling electrical equipment that I'm called out to replace.
	A lot of it still holds value.
	I've made 3K in two weeks selling on eBay.
	Should I start an LLC 300 plus inventory?
	Um...
	If you see you doing this long-term, bro, then yeah, for sure.
	Anything else?
	Yeah.
	No, we're good to go right now.
	All right, cool.
	So, go ahead.
	I have a question.
	What about prenups?
	Prenups.
	Does it help at all?
	Man.
	Prenums can get thrown out and they can be argued against.
	And so the problem with court is how much it's gonna cost you.
	So the process is the punishment, okay?
	So like going through the court system is part of the punishment.
	It's expensive.
	Even if you don't use an attorney, it gets expensive and whatever rulings get made are really, really hard to reverse.
	Like I can't emphasize that enough.
	But in a prenup, if it's argued, You're going to have to argue that back.
	And it can be argued.
	And it's good because it's a good standard to go off of.
	But if there's property that's bought in that time, if there's any question, if you're not familiar with the law, if the law changes when that attorney writes it up, you know, like maybe it happens 10 years later when you guys split up or three years, but...
	Different laws or different rulings can get changed.
	So laws get changed by courts and by legislature.
	They don't get changed by yelling about it on social media.
	So if different rulings have been done by a judge with some of the property or custody in a prenup, It could get argued.
	And then that gets expensive.
	And then that gets taxing.
	And see, here's the problem is that it may save you some money, which is good.
	Like you should get prenups.
	It's good.
	It could be used as a tool to guide people.
	It could be used as a tool to make her not want to fight you as much.
	All those things are true.
	But when a guy is devastated, so when a guy gets, when a guy, a female inspired divorce, a guy is going to feel guilty.
	He's going to fight for it.
	A female-inspired custody thing, the guy is going to fight for it.
	He's going to want to.
	And he's going to be devastated.
	He's going to blame himself.
	He's going to analyze everything he did wrong.
	And he's going to want to fight, but he's also going to want to take any chance to make it up.
	And that's not a weak man.
	That's not some stupid guy.
	That's a guy...
	This is one of the things in our culture.
	We don't have people speaking to broken men.
	We just say they're weak.
	And when a strong man...
	The man that is the...
	Biggest eagle, the CEO, the fighter, any of these things gets his ass kicked in a relationship.
	He's never been hit that hard or hit hard in that way.
	And so a lot of times he'll be just like beaten down.
	And if he has a prenup, he's going to be so psychologically fucked while fighting that.
	He's not going to know what to do.
	He could then do something stupid, which could sabotage the case.
	Like he could do something where he's acting out violent.
	He said, like, it's real easy, man.
	If she sends me a fucked up text message and I say, man, fuck you, bitch.
	If you said that in front of my face, you know, like you are going to jail.
	Like the words that made us strong in nature are the words that put us in jail.
	The alpha males of our modern culture are in jail.
	That's what happens to them.
	If they're unchecked, if they're not taught, if they're not shown, they're not guided.
	We have so many men misleading men.
	Like, man, I honestly think that a lot of the men's movement has hurt men more, giving false hope, bullshit coaches, advice that doesn't work, gives guys a false sense of confidence.
	Like, don't get a lawyer.
	There's a time to not get a lawyer and you can do it yourself, but do it fucking right.
	You have to bear down and not fuck this up.
	And if you get a lawyer, then learn how to find a lawyer.
	It's not just that the system's corrupt and people suck.
	You have to learn it.
	So, let's go into a hypothetical scenario.
	Let's say someone has a girl, they get her pregnant, whatever it is, they got a kid with her.
	And they get served this paperwork.
	How should we go about this step-by-step?
	I know you had mentioned go watch the judge, et cetera, et cetera.
	But let's say someone gets served today.
	What would you tell them step-by-step they need to do to ensure that they at least get some type of custody of their kids, right?
	Like now that we have 20-20 hindsight from your mistakes, from clients that you work with, from your knowledge and everything else like that, generally speaking, what would they need to do step-by-step?
	They get served that paperwork today, what do they do?
	Step-by-step what they would do, ideally, but they're probably not gonna do it, is they should hire me, they should get my groups, they should talk with other men who are going through this.
	Not men who've been past it, because here's one of the other things.
	If a guy's been past this and it's been two years, his interpretation of it was it was hard, I had to step forward, I had to get a hobby, I had to get over it, I just had to move past it.
	But in that moment, Your mind is so fucked.
	You need to get around men going through it who have their finger on the pulse of it.
	You also need to start looking at what is going to determine whatever it is, custody or visitation.
	You have to understand how that is determined.
	And it's not that she's a bitch and you're cool or you're an asshole sometimes.
	One of the things my attorney told me is he said, Steve, I got a guy who was convicted of murder, custody of his kids.
	Because they're two separate cases.
	I'm not saying that he's a good dad, bad dad, whatever, anything like that.
	But the thing is, is you have to understand what rules custody.
	And you need to cut out the drama.
	You need to not send text messages, but that's almost impossible.
	You need to cut it down to only what is necessary in parenting.
	You need to not listen to friends and family that are...
	Well, listen to them for support, but not for legal advice in what you need to do right now.
	And if you don't, it could end up good, but if it goes bad, it gets catastrophic quick and almost immediately.
	So step one, get a support group of guys that are going through it.
	Now, step two, should they secure a lawyer right then and there?
	I think they should start interviewing lawyers, and you can always switch lawyers.
	Okay.
	How should they go about interviewing lawyers?
	When you interview a lawyer, the best way to get a good lawyer is reference from other attorneys who are active.
	The other thing that you should look for, so it could be a tax attorney, business attorney, all that sort of stuff, but if they reference a family law attorney and they're active in it, it's good.
	So just to add to your point as well, I reached out to James Sexton, a very good lawyer in New York, and he has a network of guys that are very successful in their different endeavors, because obviously law is very diverse, and he knew people from a certain network, so I was like, you know what, who could I go to for these things, and he had a network there.
	No man, like a network of attorneys, that's what I had in 2019, like I knew attorneys.
	And I knew a bunch at a certain point.
	Let's say people don't know.
	How do they go about Googling and finding a family attorney in their area?
	Google and Yelp are gonna give you a whole bunch of stuff.
	Because let's say that attorney's really good and the ex puts a Yelp review against them or something like that or whatever.
	Anybody can leave a review.
	But they're good to go off of.
	It's not bad.
	But your number one thing that you gotta look for when interviewing an attorney is do they go to court?
	Are they in front of judges?
	You never want to go to trial, but you need an attorney that is never afraid to go to trial.
	And so when this is the case, let's say we're in a dispute And my attorney says, dude, let's go to trial.
	Let's go.
	You want that intimidation to be real.
	Okay.
	Like, let's make this $20,000 more right now and the potential that you could get a ruling against you that could totally fuck you.
	Okay.
	Let's go.
	So an attorney that is regularly- So you need a lawyer that has courtroom experience and isn't afraid to litigate.
	Because that is true.
	Most attorneys are terrified of actually litigating.
	So, okay.
	Okay.
	So you interview them, make sure that they're actively in court, they're litigating cases, etc., and they're active.
	So step one, you get served, join a group, get a lawyer.
	Then what?
	Should they start going to court and looking at that judge?
	Absolutely.
	Absolutely.
	I think anybody, if you have the best lawyer in the world, you have to educate yourself on the system and you're going to have to work your ass off.
	So lawyer or no lawyer, you have to know everything.
	A good lawyer is going to have more clients and they're all fucked up, man.
	Lawyers are crazy, right?
	So a good lawyer is going to be in a spot where they're overwhelmed, they have a lot of cases, they make mistakes.
	Should that lawyer also be very familiar with that judge that you got served with?
	That's a part of the interview process.
	Are you familiar with this judge?
	When lawyers know each other, that's good.
	It could be bad if they want to manipulate you, then that's bad, right?
	If you're acting too dramatic, because guys and girls piss off their lawyers all the time.
	Damn.
	And if you get off on a bad foot with them, then they'll talk to the other lawyer, hey, let's talk these guys into this, right?
	And that works against you.
	But if they know each other, they can say, hey, look, man, she's saying this.
	It's unrealistic.
	Do we really want to throw time at this?
	Like, this is a waste of time.
	You need to talk her out of this, which is what essentially my lawyer did to my ex.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So...
	Join a group, secure the lawyer, start going in a courtroom.
	How often should they be going and looking at how the judge rules?
	Once a week?
	No, I think they should watch 15 cases.
	That's a ballpark thing.
	There's guys in my group that'll watch it, watch family court every week, once a week.
	Can you get through 15 cases and maybe two or three visits, you think?
	Yes, yeah, but there's a lot of downtime.
	They motion for recess and shit like that.
	It's an all-day affair.
	Yeah, they'll do two or three, recess, then come back, and okay.
	So watch 15 cases.
	That's good advice.
	Then, as you get closer to your date, and you're saying avoid obviously contacting her.
	Avoid all contact with her.
	Be wary of advice given by friends and family.
	Only listen to your lawyer.
	What else will people do?
	Because now, they're in your group, they're talking with their lawyer, They're going and they're looking at 15 cases.
	Court cases coming up for the first hearing.
	What else should they do in that time span?
	You need to build a team.
	And so if they're in my group or some support group like that, that team means they're talking to five people a day.
	They're talking to five people a day who understand the process.
	Not just like, man, I'm being accused of this.
	I want to fucking kill her.
	And some guy's like...
	Just forgive them.
	You need to listen to somebody that can relate.
	And just go, man, I understand.
	I want to do the same thing.
	Let's not do it right now.
	Let's talk this through.
	Talk them off the ledge.
	Pretty much.
	When you get to that level of trauma, nobody's going to listen to anything unless you have experienced it.
	Unless they respect you in it.
	And for real, man, that's an honorable thing.
	If you've walked in those shoes.
	It's much different, man.
	It's like, you're like, man, fuck this, let's fight.
	And then it moves to like, but man, if I could just talk, I could just reason with her.
	I could just talk to her.
	And he's not thinking straight too.
	And she's not thinking straight.
	And you could say something that could get used against you and you don't think it So cut all contact.
	Don't even talk to her.
	People think, I can get her to change her mind.
	Don't even bother.
	But that's a day-by-day conversation you've got to have with guys.
	I'd say three times a week you're going to have that conversation with a guy that's in his first two months, maybe six months, of where it's like, hey, look, no, man, you can't do it.
	And he's still going to fuck up.
	Because he's human.
	But it's his nature to confront, to bring rationale to it, to protect his family, all those different things, in a way that he feels, but we're not living in our nature.
	What else should they do?
	Or is it just a weight game at this point?
	The weight game is so fucked up, right?
	Because you move big, big, big.
	Man, we're going to do this.
	We set it up.
	We make the dates.
	We get the deposition dates.
	We get the hearing dates, whatever.
	We're organizing stuff for mediation.
	We're doing discovery honor, all this sort of stuff.
	Okay, we're done.
	Three months.
	Shit.
	Man, six weeks.
	And that's so hard.
	That's so hard.
	Well, I wanna see my kids.
	Here's actually a pro tip that comes from our groups.
	If you're a father and you don't have a protective order or restraining order or anything like that, man, you can go eat lunch at school with your kids.
	Call your school, find out when parents are allowed to come and buy back some parenting time.
	Like, it's a huge thing that guys do in our groups and...
	Really?
	Oh man, it's the best.
	Like, do it as much as possible.
	Go and have lunch with your kid when they're in the cafeteria.
	There's no consequences against that?
	Nothing bad will happen?
	Well, the school might be a private school and have their own rules.
	If it's a public school, it has some system set up.
	Almost all schools will have a system set up.
	And it depends on the state, but in some states, you don't need any court order to do that.
	If you're a parent, you can do it.
	But you should check.
	You should call the school.
	That's a W tip.
	And schools...
	Does that illustrate your care to your children?
	Is that why it's so important?
	It's just important to be around your kids.
	Guys are devastated.
	That's the problem.
	Oh, it helps with semblance of maintaining sanity.
	The best way to combat parental alienation or being kept from your kids is parenting time.
	It's not making her look bad or whatever.
	It's how much parenting time can you get.
	I have a question though, real quick.
	If I go to my child's school and let's say she finds out about that, wouldn't that be used against me in court?
	You're taking initiative to be a father?
	But remember, if I'm not supposed to see the kid, doesn't that like...
	No, no, no.
	He said if they don't have a protective order, if there's nothing against you, you can go.
	There could be a temporary parenting plan where they're like, we don't know, so we're going to play on the safe side, and she's going to watch the kids, and you can see them.
	The court can't make a decision.
	The parents are arguing and all that sort of stuff, so they just say, look, we're going to do this.
	And you're like, you saw that child every day.
	You know, you are so fucked.
	Like, it's so hard to describe to people.
	Like, it is mind-numbing.
	And you're going crazy.
	Like, you're all alone.
	You have nothing, man.
	You know?
	And so, go to the school.
	See the kids.
	It might even be weird for them, but it's always better.
	If your kids can't see you, and you're allowed to legally see them, see them as much as possible when it doesn't cause conflict with the mother.
	Absolutely.
	All right.
	Okay, so I like that.
	What else should guys be doing?
	Because you mentioned very early on that the beginning is the most critical.
	That's where everyone messes up.
	They don't hire a lawyer or whatever it may be.
	What else can guys do to avoid messing up so they're not starting this case off on the back foot?
	Yeah, I think guys should seek out some sort of therapy or something like this.
	Now, a support group is different than a lawyer and it's different than a therapist or some sort of, you know, psychological help or there's guys in our groups that go to, there's Muslim guys in our groups who go to Imams or Catholic guys that will go, like, seek out some guidance.
	Okay.
	And it's very important because it's that weekly check-in that gets you straight.
	And if you have faith, you don't have to have faith.
	You can be atheist, agnostic, whatever, and find some sanity.
	But if you can find something that has some guidance, it's very important.
	Because the biggest changes are going to be made in points of desperation.
	But points of desperation are dangerous and they suck.
	But if you can get somebody who has some wisdom to move towards that, it's going to make you a better father.
	Okay, so just a recap for the audience, so you get served that paperwork, first thing you're doing is you're joining a support group, you're getting a lawyer, you're interviewing that lawyer, making sure that they are familiar with the judge that you've been assigned, then you start watching that judge in court, watch at least 15 cases.
	Once you have those 15 cases down, obviously consult with people, get closer with maybe a religious leader of some kind, avoid contacting the girl.
	Now we're at the point where we're going to get into that first hearing.
	What should guys do?
	Man, you need to be prepared.
	So you need to take all the notes that you got from that judge and how they rule and how they ruled on cases similar to yours, as well as similar personality types of the mother.
	So you don't know what she's going to do, but you can almost bank on that she's going to go for the hysterical thing.
	So she's going to be too dramatic and try and be like Atticus Finch and To Kill a Mockingbird, like went over the court in all these charismatic ways.
	Judges don't want to see that.
	They want to see the facts, right?
	So you need to understand her personality type.
	I'd even say this.
	And this is where men need to start.
	Man, I really dislike this a lot about men's media.
	Men need to learn how to stop with legal force in the courtroom, not by force force, on what was going to stop your baby mama, ex, whatever it is.
	You need to stop that.
	So if you know her psychological profile and you can disadvantage her in court to stop, that doesn't mean you ruin her life.
	And I think that that is what's so important from our groups.
	You don't disenfranchise the mom because it's going to affect the kids.
	But you want the mom to get help if she needs it.
	You want her to see reality.
	You want to stop any sort of parental alienation, separating you from the parenting rules.
	Yeah, that's interesting.
	It's interesting because for you to be able to fight to get the custody...
	You have to knock her down to a degree where it's like, no, kids need both.
	But at the same time, you're saying, like, don't completely demolish her and show that she's not a fit parent.
	I mean, look at this.
	Like, women come in here and they say they're the shit.
	And you say, man, really, come on, look at you.
	Like, why are you holding yourself to that value?
	Then up it.
	If you are that value, if you think you're a 10, be it.
	Fucking be it.
	Don't lie to me about it.
	So if I'm in there and my family's falling apart, I need to come in as a dad And say, hey, look, you need to stop.
	But I can't say it in those words.
	I need to say, look, in these situations, I took the kids to school more, whatever the thing is, and you did this and that, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you went out and partied, you tested positive for these drugs, whatever it is.
	You need to use that to your advantage to say, man, here's the fucking reality.
	You need to fucking stop.
	This is about our kids.
	This isn't about you empowering yourself and posting on social media and getting the cool divorce.
	And this is obviously going to be argued on your behalf by your lawyer in court, right?
	Or if you can do it, you can do it.
	Like, you can go in pro se, but you just have to know what you're doing.
	And the consequences, if you fail, could be very, very bad.
	There's a guy that I actually met up with, and his motto is, shell support is fraud.
	I don't know what that means per se.
	He was saying it's kind of like a term used to kind of like go into court with, but he was saying that if you know what you're doing, you can get out of it pretty easily or get it lowered to a very low amount.
	Man, so...
	Because the more you see your kids, the less child support you pay, correct?
	Well, no, no, no.
	If it's 50-50, you don't pay?
	Every state is different.
	If it's 50-50, there's still a primary often.
	And the primary will receive child support.
	It depends on the state.
	It depends on the county.
	Child support is generally math.
	Now, you can...
	There's ways to get it down, and there's ways...
	Like, so anything can be agreed upon outside of court.
	So check this out.
	If you're a guy, look, most dads, like, so the deadbeat dad, it's for real.
	But most dads aren't a deadbeat dad.
	Most dads being called a deadbeat dad are made by the system.
	And they're disenfranchised.
	They go in unprepared.
	And they get set with child support that they can't pay.
	They have legal fees on top of that.
	They're confused by the court system.
	They confuse child support with visitation because they're two different things.
	And it's a total mindfuck.
	So then they get down on themselves.
	They can't, you know, exist in the right way.
	They get depressed.
	They start fucking up in places.
	And they look like they're a deadbeat dad to everybody.
	And they feel like one.
	But every single one of those dads cares.
	They care in a huge, massive way.
	So if you hit hard, let's say in something like depositions or you do something outside of court and she knows she has nothing to stand on, you go, hey, let's settle.
	Like if she has an attorney, your attorney or you or whatever makes the point to her attorney.
	If you step forward, here's what happens.
	If you step forward, we're subpoenaing all your coworkers.
	We're going to subpoena your boss.
	We're going to do a forensic audit on you.
	We're going to do all these different things.
	Is this what you do to her once you secure your attorney and let her know that this is what's going to come down the line?
	If you can do it yourself, do it yourself.
	But man, you probably need an attorney for that.
	So you have to have an attorney that's willing to do that.
	So here's the thing.
	When you're interviewing attorneys and you're working with me, We're going to tell you.
	We're going to tell you, like, look, if this is your angle, this is what you need to go for.
	You need to find an attorney that's willing to do it.
	And if your attorney's saying, I don't want to do that, or it's impossible, and we think it is, you know, like, we don't live in your state, and we're not attorneys ourselves, or some are, but we're not acting as your attorney.
	You need to start asking your attorney.
	Your attorney is your employee.
	It's not like you're there just going, oh man, please help me.
	You're going, I want this to happen, can you do it?
	And if it's unrealistic, it's unrealistic.
	But that's also I think something to bounce off the people in my group and so on.
	So they mentioned, uh, well, shelter coach Greg Adams for giving a good, uh, video about this, but, uh, I think they've mentioned as well, if you give a woman money without it being through the court system, you just give her like, it's a gift.
	Exactly.
	So it doesn't cause child support.
	So let's say you buy her, you give her like a thousand dollars or whatever, or maybe like a gift outside of the court system.
	It's considered a gift nod.
	You want your child support.
	If you're gonna have the attorney general involved, which is kind of good, because if five years down the road she all of a sudden says, I need child support, she could screw you with arrears and all this sort of stuff on it.
	But if you get it put on paper, it can be a good thing.
	Think about this, child support could be the cheapest daycare you're gonna pay for.
	Now, oftentimes, you might have to pay for daycare as well and these types of things.
	But if you're not going to be a custodial dad, if that's already decided, right?
	If you're fighting to be a custodial dad and you're fighting for time and you got 50-50 and you're getting screwed on child support, that is bad.
	But you need to understand that the child support that you're paying should be going to something good.
	Now, if you're in a state like California, man, like in Texas, it's capped.
	In Florida, you actually start out with 50-50.
	The judges are now moving more towards that, and Colorado as well.
	So they're better states for men.
	But New York and California, man, you could get hit with, like, man, catastrophic, like child support.
	It's horrible.
	So Elon Musk...
	Pays, I forget what the cap is in Texas right now, but like $2,800 a month child support.
	So there could be a guy that is not one of the richest men in the world paying the same amount as him.
	Because it's capped.
	It's capped.
	Okay.
	Interesting.
	All right.
	Any other chats?
	Yeah, so we went over all the things that guys need to do.
	Neil says, Steve, so awesome watching you bring your wisdom to the masses.
	Preach, brother.
	Knowing such an empowered male role model.
	Shout out to you, Neil.
	Shout out to Neil.
	Neil is one of the best free diving coaches in the world.
	And he's stationed right now in San Antonio.
	He's awesome.
	Shout out to him.
	Anything else?
	Always keep receipts.
	Text a big one I've seen.
	Girls do.
	They still apply for food stamps for assistance and not report the date.
	Dad's income fraud.
	That's grounds for you to get hit with a back child support.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	Oh, wow.
	Durek Myron says, Steven Myron, so as a young guy listening, and for me, I have some notes down.
	I find it very overwhelming to even want to have a child, bro.
	How do you navigate this?
	It's almost better to not have kids.
	Yeah, and this is like a fair argument, and I think this discussion should be had with people, but at the same time, you can't just stop there.
	You need to keep educating yourself.
	So just to make this really clear, if you go, don't get married, don't have kids, you're going to fall in love with somebody, you're going to have unprotected sex, you could get somebody pregnant, and then all of a sudden you're like, oh, shit.
	So let's start educating yourself on it.
	If you have a kid with somebody...
	Man, in our world, parents aren't gonna stay together often.
	You need to know how to empower yourself.
	Because here's the thing, if you stop it legally, if you can stop this legally and calm her down, in two years, 18 months, you'll be good.
	But if you don't, and you fight back and forth, you could be going for 18 years.
	You could be at odds with somebody.
	So if you have a child with somebody and it's contentious, stop it legally as best you can.
	There's ways to definitely empower yourself.
	Alright.
	What else?
	One more?
	A few more just came in.
	Yeah, if you guys got questions, get them in now because we're going to wrap up here in a little bit.
	And Castle Club Chesky.
	Iron Gaines and Walter are saving young men from, you know, self-diletion, saving young men against true destruction of the selves.
	You both are on rocket to heaven.
	I appreciate that, bro.
	Like I said, episodes like this, guys, are going to stay free, man, for sure, because I think we gave you a lot of sauce on here and how to deal with a lot of situations.
	Step by step, man, once you get served, what to do and how to deal with things.
	I'm not going to lie, bro.
	This is a lot of work just to have a kid.
	I think also the other important thing, guys, is that obviously this information is fairly general.
	And the reason why is because we don't know your state.
	We don't know what your situation is with your girl or your wife or whatever it may be.
	And I think once you get hit with that paperwork, joining a group, getting a lawyer, and then making sure that lawyer...
	It knows what they're doing.
	They're litigating all the time, etc.
	I think going to the court and watching the judge rule is huge, seeing where that judge stands.
	That's going to significantly change or, how do I say this, structure your strategy on how you move.
	Because every judge is different.
	Every county is different.
	Every state is different.
	All the laws are different.
	Every lawyer is different.
	So these are the general guidelines that you're going to need.
	However, your actual real application and strategy is going to be contingent upon The factors I just mentioned, which can vary greatly, right?
	So, what else do we got here?
	Mo, you should use this as a thumbnail for...
	Temeses Mejor.
	Okay, interesting.
	What the hell?
	I think they're making fun of him.
	They are.
	I also have some...
	Advice for guys trying to avoid going to all this, through all this.
	Now, dudes in the chat, think about this.
	How about learning how to pull out?
	Or maybe try wearing a jimmy just saying, thanks for the shout-out, fellas.
	It made me feel special.
	Hold on.
	Yeah, bro.
	That was one of the first things we said in the beginning.
	Steve, could you mention the pull-out method, how well that works?
	Man, they have a name for people that use the pull-out method.
	And they're called parents.
	But hey, for real, a guy that you should have on is...
	My buddy Eric Everhart, he's a porn star, and he's fucking awesome.
	The guy's like full of knowledge about everything, not just about sex.
	He's just listening to him about this, but he's like, we pull out all the time, and there's very few pregnancies.
	So I don't know, man.
	He's a fan of the pull-out method.
	But I can be two, but I also have four kids.
	Tony Moreno says, Steve is speaking.
	In fact, 16 years ago when my son was...
	That doesn't...
	Number one, I think he means to say my son was born.
	I fall like hell to get 50-50 residential from the get-go, so important to set the precedent in family court.
	By the time he was nine years old, she frustrated my custody so many times.
	I got full residential custody.
	I did right by my son, and the court recognized I followed everything Steve says to my dudes.
	Family court is a battleground.
	Never have victim mentality.
	When things don't go your way, overcome.
	God bless.
	Shout out to you, Tony.
	Thanks for sharing, bro.
	Thank you for sharing.
	Shout out to Tony.
	Anything else?
	Alright, cool.
	Alright.
	Yo, so, Steve, I'll give you the last word, man.
	Where can people find you?
	There's probably someone right now in the chat that might have got served or, you know, is going through this right now and needs some help with navigating.
	Where can they find you and how they go about it?
	Yeah, so, all over social media.
	I'm at Steve Maeda.
	That's at.
	S-T-E-V-E-M-A-Y-E-D-A. You can find me on TikTok, on YouTube.
	It's at Steve Maeda TV. There's tons of videos on this.
	It's like over a thousand videos that I have navigating through this.
	More importantly, if you're going through this, just understand you're not weak if you're a good dad and you want to be around your kids and you hurt like hell.
	You have strength that's making that pain.
	And that pain is devastating and crushing and you need to get around other dads.
	If that's my group, if that's talking to me, great.
	But if it's talking to somebody...
	You offer consultations as well?
	Dude, I work seven days a week.
	I work 50 hours a week talking to guys.
	Before this, there was a call that we had that gave me a bunch of like...
	You gotta say this.
	You gotta say this.
	And I probably screwed it all up.
	But the guys in my group, we're active, man.
	We're 24-7.
	You did great, man.
	You did great.
	Thank you.
	No.
	Guys, hell, I think this is one of the more important episodes that we've done, man.
	If you're going through it, if you think you're...
	Hell, even if you think that it's coming down the pipeline, it might be worth it to get a consultation because, again, your situation is going to be completely different based on where you live and all the other factors we mentioned.
	So you're going to want to go ahead and be able to talk to someone like Steve or get in a group and be able to get...
	Tailored advice for your situation, okay, guys?
	Because everyone's situation is completely different.
	Hope you guys enjoyed the episode.
	We'll be back for after hours in a little bit.
	It's 9.30 now, so probably within the hour.
	Like the video, guys.
	Go check out Steve, man.
	Thank you so much for coming on the pod, bro.
	Man, thank you so much for having me.
	Absolutely, man.
	Thank you, guys.
	Thank you, Owen Cook, as well.
	Yeah, shout out to Owen Cook for setting us up.
	And these are important episodes, man.
	Nobody does like Fresh Fit, man.
	All the dads who can't see their kids, man.
	Stay alive.
	Stay strong.
	Absolutely, man.
	Guys, join the group.
	Hit up Steve before you make any crazy decisions.
	And we'll catch you guys back here in a little bit.
	Peace.

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