Fear& hosts dissect the chaotic Streamer Awards, where Kitty Cinderella expresses mental health struggles over the event's pressure while Austin jokes about Kanye-style stunts. They debate award voting ethics after Austin supports Hassan, lamenting exclusion from the show and questioning if Webby is a contestant or mastermind. The conversation shifts to historical critiques of Thanksgiving as a commercialized invention by Sarah Hale and nostalgia for 1960s high tax rates versus China's infrastructure boom. Ultimately, the episode highlights the toxicity of influencer culture, suggesting that award shows prioritize drama over genuine community connection. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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High School Trash Comments00:02:02
Okay, I'm back in.
I'm back.
I'm back.
Get out.
No!
Yes!
Hey!
Stop!
Maybe it's because no one in your goddamn life knows how to cook.
What is the face you're making?
It just, it's a little flat.
Oh!
You just opened it.
I know.
It's a little flat.
I think maybe it's expired.
That's what they said about me in high school.
I don't.
Oh, no.
You have...
Never mind.
They said you expired?
You have beautiful hair.
No, I'm sorry.
I thought they called you.
That makes way more sense.
That's what I thought, too.
That's it to me now.
I thought they called you Trash Girl.
No.
No, they called me Stage 5.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Stage 5.
My bad.
They just called you Trash.
Yeah, they did.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Ann Podcast.
We're all back together.
We're here in the United States of America, which I have discovered is the greatest country on earth.
Wow.
After coming back, I realized, you know what?
We're the greatest ever.
But there were so many places in China that resembled Portland, Oregon.
According to you, you were the only thing in common with Portland, Oregon, and China was the rain.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
No.
Because you kept pointing to everything and going, this is just like the Pacific Northwest.
I know we aren't the best on paper, but I feel we're the best.
I like the Pacific Northwest.
No, I'm just making it up for all you wokies out there.
What if you?
Austin has been carrying battling.
Austin spent 14 days with my chat and traumatized.
Yep.
I actually got offered to speak at the Republican National Convention.
Austin is turning.
Austin is turning.
He's still gay, but he's bachelors for Trump.
Smoking Gifts and Revelations00:06:38
No, it's just I've been trying to explain to people.
It's just like in my chat as well.
This is why I always yell at them.
And I've been yelling at them for the past eight years.
It's just like, be fucking normal every now and then.
But they think like every minor inconvenience or what they perceive to be a microaggression or an attempt at a joke is the most major slight against the virus walls of the population.
The majority of the audience isn't like that, but we have coined a term cutie for these people that just do those things and they're called Nebraska chatters.
Yes.
Okay.
And the reason we coined it is we determined that this type of...
He is doing a lot of weightlifting here.
This was an Austin special.
Yeah, so basically a chatter that like lives in Nebraska and they've never been outside of Nebraska.
Not because I, you know, I feel like I kind of created a monster there because day one, I noticed you were a little out of shape with the chat and I was like, sometimes you just got to yell at them.
And it started with you.
Oh, no.
Like the progression of it was like at first you'd be like, what a ridiculous thing to say.
4-5-6 button crusher.
Like this is a situation.
By the end of the trip, Austin would just unprompted would go, fuck you.
Shut up.
Fuck you.
And we'd be like, who are you even talking to?
What did they say?
We'd be at dinner.
Cameras are off.
And Austin would be reminiscing about like a thing that someone had said and how mad it had made him.
So angry.
Yeah.
It's not.
It's not hella.
By the way, ladies and gentlemen, we're joined by a special guest today.
That's right.
Cutie Cinderella.
Yeah.
She's back.
Nice to be here.
Cutie.
Nice to be here.
Cutie, we got you gifts in China.
All the way from China?
Well, the flowers are not from China.
I got you a Chinese gift.
I did get you a Chinese gift.
Yeah, well, let's...
Well, why don't you go first?
You want me to go first?
Yeah, I'll go first.
You can't even buy these.
I got you flowers, and then I know one of your favorite things is caramel corn.
So I got you schmore caramel corn.
And the next time I see you, I couldn't find it because I haven't unpacked my bags, but I got you a Disney Pop Mart as well in China.
Wow.
That's so nice.
I, on the other hand, didn't get you something from Disney or Pop Mart.
I got you something that is incredibly memorable in once in a lifetime.
Oh, okay.
Just kind of shit.
We went to Tianmin Square.
Oh, boy.
Which is, according to our tour guide, Sally, is this propaganda?
You're teaching her.
Yes.
Our tour guide, Sally, said that it's the dream of 1.4 billion Chinese to go to Tianmin Square.
That's how many people are in China.
And if you recall, we've had a previous conversation about who is more iconic of a figure.
Taylor Swift.
And you had said Taylor Swift, but it is actually Mao Zedong, which is why I got you a pin of Mao Zedong, the founding father of the People's Republic of China.
That's what she always wanted from Tianmin Square.
They probably sell Taylor Swift pins there as well.
They do not.
If this is your anecdotal evidence, they do not.
Did you say anecdote?
I don't know.
You mean anecdotal?
I don't know the words.
Antendote is to cure poison.
Anecdotal evidence.
I'll be honest.
Anecdotal evidence.
That's the one.
They definitely have Taylor Swift pins in China.
She's right, you know.
I don't think they have pays for pins in China.
They do.
They do, though.
I won't be ungrateful.
He's got a great profile.
But that's a beautiful gift.
I got you a gift also.
Uh-oh.
Is it sticky?
No, it's not.
I was out shopping.
You guys know this is positive reinforcement for me not to go on trips with you if you come back and give me treatments.
No, I think it's no, I think it's you can.
My mom used to do this when she'd go on trips and like cheat on my dad.
Then she'd come back and give us presents.
My mom cheated on your dad?
Yeah.
It was crazy.
I didn't know until she died.
I thought your mom was the slutter.
Really?
Yeah, I said my mom cheated on my dad.
Oh, your mom.
Oh, yeah.
Your mom is the one who cheated on me.
I didn't know until after she died.
Oh, my God.
And then I one day wondered.
I was like, why did they get divorced?
I called my sister.
I was like, why did mom and dad get divorced?
And she's like, girl, mom was a hoe.
And I was like, what the hell?
Oh, no.
And I can't talk to her.
She's dead.
But also get it, you know?
Yeah.
I think, well, I think.
I don't think so.
Was she married?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, that's not right.
But it's right.
But she's dead.
So she's right.
He's trying to be political.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Yeah, what'd you get?
I support her.
Well, you can't.
I got you a nice little purse.
Oh, my God.
Wait, what?
That's actually so cute.
Wait, wait, wait.
This is a shocking revelation.
From Austin.
Did Christian kick it out of the chat?
No, He was hustling me along.
I said, no, I need to take my time.
And I picked out this gift.
It's perfect size.
A cute little bag.
I think you'd have to find an outfit to match it.
That's cute.
Yeah.
Oh, and it buckles in everything.
Austin, this is shocking.
Thank God he says.
We didn't even know.
Like, we didn't coordinate this at all.
No, I went.
I went.
You're the only person I got a gift for, actually.
Really?
Yeah.
Who I left you.
Well, you know, I got them chopsticks.
Do you need to used ones?
No.
I don't know.
We're not the best givers of the world.
Do you need to do that?
I keep giving people Chinese cigarettes.
I have so many Chinese cigarettes from Austin purchasing them, really.
For the most part.
I picked up smoking in China.
Oh, yeah, he's just cool.
That'll be good for your policy.
I think we need to bring back smoking.
Okay.
You know?
Why is that?
We're all going to fucking die anyway.
That's real.
You know what I mean?
That's real.
But I think dying of lung cancer is particularly horrific.
Yeah.
But maybe.
No, but this is.
Maybe I need a quicker exit.
This is a five-head play because he knows how he'll die now.
So it's not.
Obviously, don't smoke.
It's totally not cool.
Why does it sad in a way then?
Smoking is very cool.
I'm sure somebody's in the chat being like, smoking's bad as they hit their vape.
Yeah.
Wait, it is really funny that you just, you did purchase like 10 packs and did you know at all?
You smoked one?
Oh, you did.
I smoked one.
Do you literally like it?
The forbidden package was I liked it until I had to inhale it.
Right.
You know, I put it in my mouth a little bit.
I was like, man, what?
I started smoking.
I was like, man, I'm so cool.
Wait, I didn't, I missed this part.
I saw someone light up a cigarette, but I didn't see you.
No, I saw people.
People started to look at me like, wow, look at him.
People thought you were smoking.
I don't think they did.
Laughing Feet and Giggles00:05:02
No, they saw me.
They thought you were choking to death when you were going to change it.
Famously, no one smokes in China.
So everyone was like, wow, look at that one guy who's smoking.
Is that a white man smoking?
Yeah, never seen that.
I don't know.
I thought it looked pretty cool.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, honestly, QD, if you were able to overcome your fear of flight and one day make it to China, you would literally be the rarest type of species that they've ever encountered, though.
Like the whitest.
Yeah, the whitest of the white.
There was no Mormons there.
There definitely was no Mormons there.
There's just no white people there either for the most part.
You guys are white.
Well, Middle Eastern.
Yeah, they thought we were Russian.
Yeah, every time we like, especially once we left Shanghai, because like Shanghai, there's like a lot of, there's Westerners there.
A lot of folks thought I was Chinese.
It's true.
You know what?
You kind of look more Chinese.
Thank you.
You do look more Chinese right now.
I don't think so.
You're getting Jackie.
Am I missing something?
I think it's your hair.
Yeah, I have to go.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, for sure.
Once you're there for a while, you start to see through.
You just start to see deeper levels of Chinese is beyond what you like randomly throughout the day.
I'll just be like, shishi, laoben.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's just crazy.
I was dropping that.
Yeah.
I was dropping that.
Do you guys feel like you bonded or do you feel like you worked the whole time?
Both.
Yeah.
So do you like each other more now?
Or less?
I don't know.
I love them both so much.
Honestly, we had such the laughter was so amazing.
And then.
Why does it feel like you're like Chat GBT?
No, no, no.
It was good.
I laughed so much.
You know, who I bonded with a ton at the end of the trip was Ethan Nestor.
I don't know if you guys know Ethan Nestor.
Oh, you know, we were gone.
Yeah.
You weren't bonded with everybody but us.
I got to spend a lot of time.
Yeah, I think we've maxed out in a friendship.
Like, I don't think we've maxed out.
Your Sims bar of friendship is full.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think we can bond further.
It's just, you know, it just is.
But it was a lot of work for sure.
There were, you know, we were streaming.
You're streaming so much.
Every waking moment of every day.
We faced adversity.
We had to overcome it.
Yeah.
Okay.
We got arrested, thrown in prison.
Yeah.
I don't think that happened.
Well, according to Newsweek and maybe some other not so reputable outlets, they made it seem like we did.
It was a great trip.
It was a blessed trip.
It was a privilege to be able to take a trip like that.
That's right.
And to discover a country that I had so many, so much at a time I felt so negatively about.
Right.
Because as China being the number one adversary for the United States, I, and I love my country.
I really do.
Are you doing a Trump or is this just you know it's hot bled together?
He's just this is how he is.
Like it's not even this is just shitting.
I really shouldn't like China, but I did.
He just acts like he's running for governor all the time.
I don't know why.
But yeah, no, I think it was a great, it was a great country.
I really think it was a great country.
But enough about us.
Cutie, what have you?
Yeah, you gotta be aware of it.
You were on a two-week vacation away from us, which is probably so amazing.
No, she hated it.
I was so sad.
I did have FOMO one night.
One night.
I was kicking.
I was kicking my feet, laughing and giggling.
You had FOMO, and that was so cute.
I was like, oh my God, she misses us.
Okay.
Chill.
Okay, okay, okay.
And I was kicking my feet, laughing and giggling and watching you guys.
And then the next day, I'm on TikTok kicking my feet, laughing and giggling because I see a clip of you guys.
And I opened the comments because I was like, that was very clever of Austin.
I wonder if they caught that because he said something very clever and I wanted to see the comments caught it.
He had not said something clever.
There's no sure.
He did.
He said something very clever.
And I was like, oh, did they catch that?
I don't remember.
What was the thing that he said?
But I opened up.
I didn't catch it.
I opened up the comments and there were so many strays that were like, thank God Cutie didn't come to China.
I was like, what did I do to deserve this on a Tuesday?
No.
It was crazy.
Cutie, welcome to the comments section.
No, my God.
I've been there before.
Turns out it sucks.
Don't go there.
They hate all of us.
Guys, you don't have to watch it.
No, I know.
I'm like, click out, girl.
Go away.
Also, also, you could have enjoyed the Austin show experience, which was yelling about chatters even up until this very moment.
I still get them.
I wake up yelling in the middle of the night sometimes.
Nebraska.
To be honest, though.
So you got Nebraska chattered.
Yeah, I got Nebraska chattered in the comments, but I haven't, I feel I've been everything feels like a blur.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I'm a little lost in the sauce right now, but you know, I'll get out.
Phoning OCD Frustrations00:07:15
But you go, this happens every year, right?
Every streamer awards.
Every streamer awards.
This is our fourth streamer awards together.
Fifth streamer.
Oh, as this podcast?
Four.
No, fifth.
Maybe fourth.
Fourth.
Fourth.
I don't know.
And then it happens and it's amazing and then it passes and then we celebrate.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah, but it's it's bad right now.
Yeah, we need to, we need to farm drama at the streamer awards so we can boost juice our numbers after because the post-streamer awards podcast is always a banger.
I don't want it.
Don't worry.
I'm going to do drama.
Don't worry.
Don't worry against your will.
Don't do drama.
I'm going to go up there and pull a Kanye West Taylor Swift situation.
Okay.
I love it.
I haven't decided on who yet.
Do you need me to streak naked across the stage?
That'd be awesome.
Yeah, we'll pull aggro.
We'll pull aggro from you.
I'll just, I don't know.
We need a stunt.
I just, I just, I just, I, I, I know it's, it's optional.
It is volunteer work.
I do not have to do this passion project of mine.
Um, but my goodness gee whiz, does it sure get overwhelming a little bit sometimes?
And I have no space to complain about it since it's volunteer work.
But my God, am I tired?
It's almost over, though.
It's almost over.
It's almost over.
Well, it's almost done.
I have a new, I have a new, uh, I have weird OCD around it this year.
I have weird OCD.
What's your name?
Like to the point that I can't even, I can't even talk about it.
I'll have to tell you guys off the camera.
Yeah.
But yeah, it's just like, I'm like, I'm mentally unstable and unwell.
So you haven't missed out on much for me.
It's okay.
Well, we're here to support you.
I can't talk about it at all.
You're mentally unstable and mentally unwell, which is very different than the normal guys around us.
Yeah.
So this is a baseline.
But it's like, it's like a level where like, I, I've, I'm so comfortable talking about like my mental illness on like Twitch or on, you know, podcasts all the time because I think it's good to sometimes hear somebody else say it out loud.
And then you have that moment where like, oh my God, I'm not alone.
But it's like at a point where it's like so dark that I'm like, so heavy that I don't even feel comfortable talking about.
It's like bigger and badder every year.
No.
No.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, I think because you're definitely not phoning it in.
No, I'm not phoning it in for sure.
But I am like, I'm definitely learning that I will never make everybody happy ever.
Right.
Right.
And that's something that I'm coming to terms with.
That's separate than like making it better.
Yeah.
Feeling like you need to improve it every year.
I'll always feel like I need to improve it.
And some of that stuff is in my control and some of it is not in my control.
Right.
Like if I get a really like cheesy, strange like integration that has to happen because of whatever, I'm kind of just like, well, you know, like there's only so much I can do there.
Or if I get like a, like, you know, or if I get drama that happens because XY, well, there's not much I can do there.
Is there any level of it that you can like start to automate in going into year six where like you've settled on a process and you can just do that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think so.
I think this year I have a producer that's very like the most equipped that I've ever had.
And so that's helped me a ton.
And him experiencing it this year will help me a lot with next year.
So at least there's that.
But, you know, it's a, it's definitely a learning curve.
And, but I do, I want to be, I want to intentionally be much more hands off.
I'm so tired of being like, I say this, like the Grammys, everyone gets pissed at the Grammys, but there's no Mr. Grammy to point your finger at.
I don't want to be Mrs. Streamer Wards.
I don't.
You can be mad at Streamer Wards, but stop being mad at Kitty Cinderella.
Like, I know, I know that's like a weird thing to say.
And I'm, I'm going to figure out how to make that distance.
But I'll take the heat for you.
Yeah.
So if you guys are mad, send it to Austin.
I would crumble.
No Austin show is responsible for all of this.
How about this?
How about this, cutie?
At the end of the stream, do a press conference and I'll sit there at the podium.
That'd be awesome.
And you'll answer all the questions and you both know the answers.
Well, I mean, he is very political.
You are.
You would be really good at it.
I'm going to get Nebraska chatter, though, and then your career is cooked.
I'll tear apart.
I'd be like, I'm talking about a bitch.
I'd probably do what Trump did to the media.
That's what I would do.
Anyway, as you were saying, I'm not political enough.
And I just talk off the cuff and then I realize that that has repercussions.
I can say something very simple.
And then that can be turned into something else.
And I'm like, whoa.
People don't look.
I don't ever mean it like that.
It's better to say nothing.
Also, you're too transparent with the process.
Yeah.
I think you.
But I do that because, yeah.
I think you need to shut down the front of shop.
You got to be the soup Nazi.
You're right.
You know what I mean?
Like, no soup for you.
Yeah.
You get the streamer awards that you get.
And the process leading up to it, you don't talk about it.
Yeah, you're right.
Because at this point, you don't need to do promo.
You don't need to be like, hey, I'm doing this thing.
The only reason I talk about it is because like my job is my job is to be online, right?
Like I'm not making money.
I'm not making money if I'm not pushing that go live button or if I'm not sitting on this podcast or whatever.
And if all the thing that is consuming every day of my life is planning this and working on this, then I show up here and I'm like, I've got nothing.
Right.
And so it is, yeah, like I agree with you.
I want to, I don't want to talk about it anymore ever.
And, uh, but I don't know how.
So I've got to just figure that out.
Ready?
Watch.
Uh-huh.
Try this.
Uh-huh.
You're doing it already.
She can't go live and be silent.
Yeah.
I do think that the best thing you can learn as a streamer is to learn how to stop reading chat for like 30 minutes.
Yeah.
And just know, you know, for sure.
I think that's the good thing where even I like started this and I was like, oh, my OCD is really bad.
Like, I'm not going to talk about it because I know it can be like picked apart.
And so that's why I am already getting better at that where I was like, okay, like we'll talk about it off stream, you know, or off this or whatever.
But so I am, I'm slowly getting better.
You have to get some reps in.
Well, you know what I started doing?
I started streaming the same way that I'll play poker.
Where like when I play poker, do you know what on tilt is?
On tilt is like when you're, someone gets under your skin and you're playing poorly.
So like you lose a big hand and then you're like, fuck this guy.
I'm going to show him what my dick looks like.
You know what I mean?
Same thing with streaming.
Like there's comments that'll put you on tilt.
And as soon as you're on tilt, you're doing bad streaming.
That's right.
Yeah.
Which I've been quote unquote on tilt for the past like six weeks, right?
So whenever I read someone say something bad.
Some like Nebraska chatter or woker that gets under my skin, I'll usually just like phase chat out and focus on whatever I'm doing for like five minutes.
Maybe I just more do more gaming streams.
Or just give yourself some time to breathe before you respond to anything.
Yeah.
I, yeah.
Yeah, I got to work on it.
I, I, I wish I could help you because, but I've fallen into it as well.
You've been dated.
I sat at his stream today for a little bit and I was like, oh, saw that.
Yeah, we were talking about soccer and Austin said like indoor soccer is more like.
Well, it's just annoying.
People just disagree and they're wrong.
Thanksgiving Fried Chicken00:12:55
Yes.
I know.
That's what pisses me off.
I'm like, I know.
Maybe I'm a little naive to think that like I imagine usually when people say things, like if you're going to say something, you better be right.
There's a hierarchy of things that people do on the internet that are incredibly frustrating, frustrating.
And I think like the number one thing is like when someone actually misunderstands you and then makes it your problem.
That's probably the worst one.
And then close second is when someone is disagreeing with you vehemently, but they're wrong and you're right.
And then you prove them wrong.
And then they still say you're wrong.
And then they double down.
Because they have no, they, they're just anonymous, type behind their fucking little keyboard.
Okay, Austin, we're going to see.
Look at me.
I'm typing my little key.
Austin, we're not.
This is what not to do.
Look at me.
Look at me.
I'm from Nebraska.
Okay, we're, we're not.
Yeah, we're moving on.
We're moving off.
We're moving off.
But I had a very lovely.
I did, I spent two days offline and I did my Olympics, which is the Thanksgiving, and it was awesome.
Yeah, that was beautiful.
Your spread was amazing.
Thank you.
That was gorgeous.
I don't know what this is.
The Olympics.
Thanksgiving is my Olympics.
Yes.
I have a spreadsheet.
She's a chef.
You know what I've realized?
Fuck Thanksgiving.
Okay.
Oh, well, hold on.
I've realized we found some positivity in her life.
No, I'm just going to, that's my.
No, no, no, no.
We love Thanksgiving.
Just in my life.
No, no.
I've realized Thanksgiving's bullshit and Thanksgiving food is bullshit.
Oh, right.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm back.
I'm back.
Hey, you heard me.
I'm back.
Get out.
I'm out.
No!
Thanks!
No!
No!
Stop!
Hey!
Stop!
Maybe it's because no one in your goddamn life knows how to cook.
You guys thought about that?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
Not just dude.
I like equal food.
That is my culture.
I love Thanksgiving.
I also invited Will, but he was working.
No, I blew it off.
Yeah.
Wait, you did.
I showed off.
He didn't show up.
I just decided I was going to sleep.
No, he's lying.
He was working.
I slept.
I want to hear about your regardless.
Don't worry about your Thanksgiving.
This is for me and Austin now.
Is this for me?
Here's the thing.
I think turkey is fucking turkey's mid.
You've never had good turkeys mid-min.
I had my turkey mid.
The only thing that I like from Thanksgiving.
The only thing that I like from mac and cheese.
I like mac and cheese.
I do also like stuffing, to be fair.
Some of the stuffing can be bomb.
And we like, but I think the main.
I'm just done pretending that like Thanksgiving is like bomb.
The main thing.
The main thing is turkey.
The main thing is turkey and turkey's not chicken.
Wow, mashed potatoes.
Okay, okay, actually.
You know how you can fix Thanksgiving?
Philadelphia.
No, we did it like Japan style.
Yeah.
Where you just did it.
KFC.
Okay.
Like a bucket of fried chicken.
Go ahead, finish.
This is what they do in Japan for Christmas.
It's like a big thing.
During Christmas, they literally will get like an entire fried chicken.
Okay.
And I feel like instead of fucking turkey, like we just did a bucket of fried chicken.
Yes.
People would be way more on board with Thanksgiving food.
And potato wedges.
Oh, see what I'm saying?
Let's let's you see what I'm saying?
Biscuits?
French fries?
Biscuits?
Potato wedges?
We did a bucket of fried chicken.
Gua gua.
Okay, calm down.
Beauty, you're the best chef on the planet.
I wish your families loved you.
I wish they loved you enough to learn.
You got to get turkey correctly so you wouldn't have these feelings.
Okay, so tell us about your spread.
I mean, we bust open my extra.
To be fair, the guy who used to cook at my Thanksgivings was a pretty good.
Okay, cutie, I need to experience the Thanksgiving for you because I also fucked the whole holiday.
You don't even like the holidays.
I don't like the holiday.
I sit on my ass all weekend waiting.
You know why he doesn't like it?
I'm bored.
Because that, and also it's terrible for travel.
He's terrible for air travel.
No, no, no, no.
I didn't.
I fucking made a cruise right there.
Put it in your board.
When I'm bored, it's like, it's like, okay, Wednesday.
And then I sit there on Thursday and then it's college football and it's like fucking, I don't know, Nebraska and fucking Wisconsin.
I don't give a fuck.
Next, you guys are going to tell me you hate Taylor Swift.
No, no, no, no.
The next you're going to say.
But I will also say, I don't like turkey.
I don't really like, I don't like ham.
And I also, I like the sides, kind of, but it's like, I'd rather just fucking maybe get some food from like I'm telling you.
If it was steak and if it was fucking fried chicken, as like, if fried chicken was like the main thing.
Can I tell you the worst part of Thanksgiving?
Sure.
The fucking leftovers.
I didn't like it when it was hot.
You know what I mean?
Okay, wait.
Thanksgiving sandwich pretty quickly.
Yeah, Thanksgiving sandwiches.
I know I'm going to sound the next day.
You take all the leftovers and you make one.
I know somebody's going to woke me in the comments.
Oh, we're all getting woke.
No, no, no.
We're all kids getting woke.
No one is woking at us.
No, Thanksgiving is literally a fucking holiday celebration.
You take it out behind a building and woke in the back of the head.
It's a privilege to not like leftovers.
Okay, I understand that.
He's doing Starving Kids in Africa pop again.
No, Thanksgiving is already a holiday celebrating like indigenous genocide.
So you're not going to get a woke.
Okay, perfect.
Okay.
Fuck it.
Yeah, you can just say that to people.
We gave those Native Americans smallpox breakups.
That's what we keep giving us.
This is just called a woker.
Okay, so tell us because you are a fantastic chef and maybe we need to experience Thanksgiving.
Tell us why we should celebrate killing the Native Fuckers.
So technically, actually, it's not in celebration of that if you didn't know.
Uh-oh.
It was actually Thanksgiving was created as a manufactured, commercialized thing created by someone named Sarah Hale.
She's a woman, okay?
She is the Martha Stewart of the whatever year.
Indigenous genocide.
No, no, it was years after that, actually.
Well, you know, Christopher Columbus didn't make Columbus Day.
It was made afterwards.
Yeah, Go on.
So it's a made-up holiday.
It's a made-up holiday.
I like American holidays so much.
Yeah, there's made up because they make them up later.
They make them up later, and it's all about like eating food and being around loved ones.
And then the next day is Black Friday where you go and you have to buy something.
We should make a holiday where everybody goes to the gym and gets fucking squalid.
Americans are too fast.
So it was actually Abraham Lincoln that was like, he approved of Thanksgiving and he made a national holiday because Sarah Hale wrote a letter to him and said that they needed some unity after the seven-year war.
Man, you could just write a present and get shit done back then.
Well, she wrote five different presidents and no one listened to her and tell him.
And then it was because the civil unrest, you know, the civil war and all that stuff.
So, you know what, kitty?
This sounds like American propaganda, and I'm in.
Well, because Sarah Hale, like I said, she was the original like home eck influencer.
She was the original Martha Stewart.
So she is the one that came up with the menu that you are so fervently shitting on.
Well, can I be honest?
Oh, yeah.
All the food back then sucked ball.
Well, actually, the original menu did have beef.
I don't know where it went.
Oh, the salt lick.
Let's all delicious.
I've got an idea.
Tack.
But my menu that I serve at Thanksgiving consists of turkey, which is brined, which I assure your bitches' families don't brine in.
The person who prepared the food in my family is a professional chef.
I don't think he was good.
Well, he's dead now of cancer.
Well, just because you're just because you're...
I did a cutie.
I did a cutie.
He walked into it.
Countercutter, you fucking bitch.
Say that my dead uncle's cooking was good.
Counter, counter.
You have a dead relative.
My mother.
My mother cooked my Thanksgiving turkey and it was dog shit.
And I learned how to do it correctly because it was dog shit.
Going after all the dead relatives.
Toss another dead relatives.
I don't have any more dead relationships.
He was also dead cooked.
Oh, he was dead.
He's dead and gay.
Well, he was gay when he was alive.
Really?
I think he's gay.
What's his name?
John.
John twice.
Do you know him?
You know every gay guy?
No, John.
I saw him at the Abbey.
He spent his death.
Wait.
You missed it.
He's in Hey John Land.
Fuck!
He said it was gay.
I was just bad.
He's gay.
I don't get any sympathy for my dead relativity.
He was doing his.
This is bullshit.
I'll be there soon, John.
Yeah, he was being homophobic.
You missed it.
That was really good.
I picked it up.
I love homophobic.
Why are we talking to him and hot?
He was fantastic.
No, I know.
He's in gay heaven, which is Christian Hell.
Continue.
Continue.
My menu, turkey.
I added ham this year.
I never do ham, but I asked people who are coming who's like something that they miss from home so that I can make it for them.
I have, I have, of course, green bean casserole.
I have sweet potatoes.
I have mashed potatoes.
I have gravy.
I have homemade rolls.
I have salad.
I have jell-o salad.
Caesar's mac and cheese.
I have mac and cheese.
Jell-O.
What the fuck is jello?
It's Mormon.
That's a Mormon thing.
What the fuck is Jet Way?
Oh, that's a Mormon delicacy.
I don't know what that is.
Will you pull up Jason's TikTok?
I respect your effort as a chef.
I don't even think you're a good person.
Well, that's my mother's.
Oh, what the fuck?
No, my mom makes orange version.
I don't even think that.
If you pull up Jason's.
Yeah, there it is.
That first.
Oh, no.
Hell no.
That's the first time.
Pull up Jason's TikTok.
He made it.
Bro, that looks like pew.
I'll be honest, the best part of a Mormon funeral is the food.
We've talked about this for the cycle.
Wait, wait, wait.
So, what's in the jello pudding?
I need to know more about the jello.
Did you watch the jello salad?
Our jello salad.
What the fuck captcha is that?
Dude, they're inventing new ones.
I want it.
These motherfuckers post so much.
I did a little vlog.
All right, continue.
Can you tell me what's in the jello pudding or salad?
You put brown sugar in your sweet potatoes.
Yeah.
Oh, perfect.
I love it.
And then banana cream pie.
Oh, chocolate silk pie.
Pumpkin pie.
This is a piece of pie.
Lemon meringue pie.
And I don't remember my other pie.
I do seven pies.
Riddle me this.
What?
If Thanksgiving food was so good, why do we only eat it once a year?
I don't.
You make turkey and like green bean casserole.
I'm going to say this.
I'm going to say it.
I'm going to say this.
It's really yummy.
When's the last time you made a full turkey?
A full turkey?
Probably like three months ago.
You are full of shit.
I do.
I believe her.
I believe her.
You guys know you can cook a five-pound turkey.
It only takes like an hour.
It's so easy.
It's like a chicken.
It's not delicious.
It's so easy.
Can I be honest?
If you brine it, it's moist and it's delicious.
Just because you don't know how to cook doesn't feel like that's my problem.
I think turkey's an inferior bird.
No, I'm not going to take the abuse.
Nah, bullshit.
Fuck turkey.
No, turkey is not good.
Chicken is better.
Turkey's better.
It's in the middle of the road.
I think turkeys make better pets than they do food.
Fair.
I like turkeys.
Yeah, I think that they're nice.
They're friendly.
I don't know if they're friendly.
They gobble.
Listen, on the tier list of Thanksgiving food, mac and cheese, which most white households don't even make, and stuffing are like the best too.
Yeah, I had stuffing too.
I like stuffing.
And also, stuffing.
Brinding is not even the best way to make a turkey, deep-frying it.
No.
Wait, no, but you still have to grind or deep fry.
Well, but it's starting either way.
It's a different style.
It was cooked in the turkey.
Deep-fried turkey is that most delicious.
I've never had friends.
I had that turkey one time that was like fire, and I deep-fried it and ried it, wrapped it in bacon, and then breaded it with hot Cheetos.
Okay, that sounds pretty bombing.
That shit was fire.
I'm getting on board with this level of yo, that shit would have killed over Hamilton.
That's what the chef is all about.
That's what it fucking your audience.
Whatever.
Listen, everybody's too afraid to tell you to fucking brine and deep fry and put Cheetos on your turkey because you scream at them.
Yeah.
Deep-Fried Turkey Cheetos00:15:16
But go on.
You have Excel special.
You did seven pies.
What else?
Or is that it?
I think that's it.
That's a crazy amount of.
That's a crazy spread.
Yeah, it was a lot.
It was a lot.
Respect for you to get a piece of colour.
And then cranberry sauce and gravy.
I don't know where my phone is.
It looked like Excel sheets.
Yeah, it was good.
And then, you know, you got to make your centerpieces.
And usually I get some flowers to make my centerpieces.
Like your decor.
No, I do candles.
And then, yeah, you don't eat those.
It's just a cool.
Just the decor.
Oh, like the horn with the cornucopias is what they're called.
Yeah.
You didn't find the video, Marsh?
I saw it.
I popped into the stream.
Oh, March gave up.
March is so funny.
March went to Japan after China.
Yeah.
Stayed in Japan for longer than Will did and only came back like, what, yesterday or two?
And what's hilarious is tomorrow night, by the time this podcast is out, and you're watching it, we'll probably be in Ireland.
What?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we're flying out to Ireland for the week.
Ireland.
Ireland for the week.
Ireland.
Just keep looking on Instagram.
You don't really want to watch it on that.
You're in purgatory.
I don't know what's going to happen to March in terms of his jet lag.
He thinks he's going to be better in Ireland, but I don't think it's going to be Betty.
Dude, you know what's crazy is Caroline and I broke on opposite ends of the jet lag continuum because she slept right away and I didn't.
And so I am waking up every morning at 6 a.m. and being like giga productive and she's sleeping till like 3 p.m.
I don't know and she just got that.
She's got bad luck.
I don't know.
I don't know how people fuck their sleep schedule up.
Like eventually mine just gets fixed.
That's oh, there it is.
Oh, this is it.
Okay.
Let's see it.
See, he made yellow sales.
Play the audio.
I want to hear what he says.
We can't hear it.
You got to turn it up.
When I first pulled up, she was not done yet, even though she said 6 p.m.
She invited us early so we could slave her.
I started to make this Mormon dish she called I never had in my life.
Jello salad.
Here's Swift right here.
What?
That's the doesn't explain what the fucking ingredients are.
I thought it did.
I guess it didn't.
It's orange, jello, mandarin, oranges, and Kool-Whip.
Oh, yeah.
It's not even really jello.
It's like a puree.
Why are you defending all of this?
Because it's delicious.
I haven't.
It's my culture.
I'll bring it sometime.
It's yummy.
You'll like it.
I was.
Yeah.
I told you guys.
I keep hearing about this Mormon potato bar, and that's what I'm into.
Yeah.
Mormon, like, hash browns, pat, potato bones.
No, potato donuts.
Baked potato bar.
Yeah, that's what I'd like to do.
Yeah, potato donuts.
I might, you know, try to get a little bit of a jello salad.
Maybe I can leave that one.
Maybe it's better.
Jell-O salad unironically seems like something I would say to make fun of Americans when I make up a food.
Like, what are you going to eat?
Jello salad.
How about we set up, we set up and we do a kitchen podcast where I teach you how to make spud nuts.
Oh, that could be fun.
That's the donuts, right?
She wants to do stuff with us.
Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.
I'm saying as a normal episode.
Yesterday, we normally hung it.
We need to play hard to get.
He missed it.
That's right.
As a normal episode.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What cooks bud nuts?
Oh, my God.
No, it's cool.
Fuck you and your drag turkey.
I hope you choke on it.
All of a sudden, all of a sudden, 30-plus-year-olds don't seem too bad.
That's right.
When you're away from that for an extended period, who do you think I spend most of my time with?
Ludwig is 30.
He's 30?
Yeah.
Yeah, he is old now.
He is.
He is washed and he is.
Ludwig and Valkyrie, who are both over 30, are who I spend all my time with.
Okay.
And we're the other three.
So that's like five pillars.
That's right.
Okay.
Everyone else is 20.
That's right.
But you know what?
I've realized as being older is it's cooler.
Okay.
No.
No, not at all.
No, it is.
We're more comfortable.
We're more financially stable.
I think the issue is.
I am not more financially stable than Jason.
Also, you're not describing cool things at all.
Number one.
Number two.
Yeah.
I get to bed early.
I get to wear robes.
Cool.
I do like a good robe.
That's not.
I'm paying my taxes.
I think robes are really cool.
Drugs, rock and roll, violets.
You guys aren't going to cry a bite of my pumpkin.
Don't you know the famous punk rockers that go to bed at the right time and pay their taxes on a quarterly basis?
I always followed.
Have a bite of my pie.
I know, but I want cheesy kind because I had sweet.
And so I have to save this for when I want sweets.
You want me to have a bite of the pie?
You know I don't like sweets.
I'll do it.
No, I'll just freaking throw it.
I also don't like sweet.
I'll freaking throw it away.
Did you get some whip bank?
Did you make this from scratch?
Yes, of course.
By the way, I've lost five pounds since China.
That's crazy.
In Japan or just in general?
No, since I got back from Japan.
Okay, so one thing I was going to go to gym every morning at 9 a.m. and working out for three hours.
Dude, Switched from the food in China to the food in the United States, and I immediately put on water weight and fat.
I switched from food in China to the food in the United States, and I broke out.
Like, literally, in one week, I just have like zits everywhere.
It's crazy.
I just realized that we're poisoning ourselves.
Yeah, like we're typical, typical white guy going to chat going to a foreign country pumpkin so much.
I hate pumpkins.
Yeah, I also hate pumpkin, but I'll try it.
Get some whipped cream with it.
It was delicious.
I could tell the consistency of the pie was very nice, but I thought it was delicious.
And I tried it for you, even though I hate pumpkin.
Yeah, this is my least favorite type of pie.
I'm a galaxy.
It's amazing.
Why do people like pumpkin?
Oh, this is not bad.
This is not bad.
This is edible.
I think it was really good.
The consistent, well, no, I just hate pumpkin.
I don't like pumpkin.
Yeah, it tastes like pumpkin.
Wait, can you talk about what you're doing this weekend?
What do you mean?
Oh, me?
No, or will.
What's this weekend?
Oh, boy.
Is it the sixth?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm doing my second Japanese game show.
I was supposed to be there.
I know.
That's dubbed.
It's dubbed.
Yeah.
By some cruel twist of fate, that we were scheduled on the same day.
And so it's made it very hard for us to find people who want to do 24-hour tag, but the event's going to be really cool.
Explain it.
It's based on the old Japanese game show format.
They used to do a lot of crazy things.
One of the shows was called Pie Hell, actually, where they just pied someone for 24 hours and they couldn't acknowledge that they were there.
Oh, yeah.
Pied someone for 24 hours?
Pull up Pie Hell.
Oh, it's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
So I've always had a belief that Japanese variety television was like years beyond.
Yeah.
So he, so the way that this show would work is they would like do a challenge, and whoever lost the challenge had to do like a punishment.
And this guy lost, and for 24 hours, he couldn't acknowledge any of these people.
And they just, as he was going about his life, decimated him with pie for 24 hours.
Yeah.
So like there's parts where he's like using the bathroom and they're just drilling him in the PC.
Oh, that's the other thing about Japanese game shows.
Like they, they have no chill.
They will literally fucking put a camera in the bathroom.
He was peeing and they were just drilling.
Yeah, you could pull it up.
Oh my gosh.
Pie Hell bathroom.
Is this part of your show?
The same people made 24-hour tag made pie hell.
Would I have had to get naked?
No.
Well, that because you're describing him.
I can't tell if you want to get naked.
You can be naked on Twitch.
No, no, yeah, no.
So, so here, yeah, here you go.
Here he is using the restroom.
Or is this when he uses the pool?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
They just absolutely decimate him.
I don't go to the side mask.
No, this is him just grabbing a package from the front door of the production crew.
I mean, this is his house.
This is this guy's like normal house.
Yeah, so he lost the challenge.
But anyway, Japanese television is just so far beyond.
And then, all right, so while I'm describing, pull up 24-hour tag.
Oh, another pie.
Oh, he got a pie delivered.
Yeah, it's one of the funniest pieces of television.
So look up 24-hour tag Japanese game show.
So it's based on that show, and they do a format where they played tag for 24 hours, except if you're tagged, they torture you with these various things.
And so we're doing that.
And I haven't been on the planning process because I'm one of the participants and I want to be surprised by what's happening.
But Wubby has set up the punishment.
So here's how it works.
Oh, no.
You're in.
Yeah, let's just pull this up.
So you're in this gymnasium.
A demon shoots out of the wall.
Oh, yeah.
And if you get tagged by the demon at random intervals, you have to do whatever is written on his chest.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, no.
I would have not done well.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, they beat the shit out of people.
And yeah, they repel in from the ceiling.
So anyway, we have a bunch of demons set up, apparently.
I don't know what any of the punishments are.
What is that?
Is it a big game?
I'm just going to shit out of you though.
Yeah, I'm just beat the fuck out of random intervals.
Most of our demons, apparently, are fansly girls because Fansly is one of our sponsors.
Yeah.
So they're hot demons.
I cannot confirm or deny.
Okay.
But yeah, so we're going to get the absolute fucking shit beat out of us.
Okay.
Fans League girls.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
But I'm very excited for this because I've always wanted to, it's been my dream to make variety game shows like this and to like kind of build them in the future.
So hopefully, you know, these start to get some attention.
Like Half Suit did really well and was really cool.
I love that one.
Half Suit was very fun.
And hopefully we can build these out in the future and make more of them.
I just want to make a nice breeze.
I just want to make people laugh.
So when does it go live?
I can't tell you exactly when we're live.
I know I head down to San Diego at some point soon.
I love that you're just like, I got no clue.
Well, I always think if after I've done my part in something, like I try not to stress it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just want to know because it'd be fun to watch.
Well, yeah, you can tune in after Streamer Awards is done.
I'll be getting no, because if you're doing 24 hours, you might start before me.
Oh, yeah, but we'll come in after.
Yeah, you're going the whole time, huh?
24 hours.
We'll put it up in the after party.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just me getting the absolute fucking shit beat out of me.
Do you know who's all doing it?
Yeah, can you read the contestants?
I can't tell who else is doing it.
But yeah, we have, I think, three of the four other contestants locked in.
So Webby's not a contestant.
No, he's planning.
Oh, he's the master.
We had a fourth contestant.
Interesting.
Suspicious that he's a fourth contestant.
I was supposed to be on the show.
Oh, that's why you were inquiring.
That's why you're inquisitive about the nakedness.
I wanted to go to the Streamer Awards.
Yeah.
I told, I did ask, told Webby.
I said, you want me to invite people?
I'll uninvite people.
No.
I said, who do you want at your show?
I'll uninvite people right now.
We did not tell them.
Yeah, he said not to.
He was like, no, no, no, no.
And I'll give it a little bit of a drink.
In retrospect, we should have because just high end drive.
Please, no, you're not invited.
No, tell them in the chat because they're going to take it seriously.
They're going to say that.
I immediately reached out to Austin.
I said, I know Streamer Awards is very important to you.
And I said, no, I couldn't.
And then I said, Austin.
Everybody knows what that means when you say that.
I said, Austin.
I said, Will.
Come on, this is like your Super Bowl.
You can go.
I love the Streamer Awards.
It's such a social event.
Everybody loves Streamer Awards.
I am stressed about my outfit, though.
I mean, what are you going to wear this year?
Wait, let's get there.
No, you've been banned at H the Renzo.
Do Dumb and Dumber.
Oh, no, the matching, the Zhongshan suits.
Oh, we could wear the Zhongshan suits.
Yeah.
Are you going to have any write-in awards?
Oh, I could wear those.
Are you going to wear that?
We have this streamer's choice one.
I hope I win that.
Yeah, okay.
I hope I win.
Vote for me.
They already filled it out on their RCP.
Yeah.
I think a song voted for himself.
I haven't filled out the RSVP.
Yes, you did.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
Oh, shit.
If you didn't, then your assistant did.
Oh, that's really funny.
And she voted for you.
That's cute.
Yeah, I'm not getting any votes from anyone else, but I thought I didn't fill up the RSVP.
No, it's done.
Who did you put?
Did you put yourself in the middle?
Who did you put?
I should have voted for Will.
Who did you put?
I voted for Hassan.
Wait, you did?
Yes.
What the fuck?
Wait, I got two votes?
I was making Paul.
No, but I should have voted for Will.
I didn't need that.
I voted for you, Will.
Really?
You son of a bitch.
Wait, we didn't know you were campaigning.
I didn't even care.
I didn't campaign.
No, I didn't know.
I voted for Hassan.
Wait, wait, wait.
If I win, do you want to give my speech?
I would love to give your speech.
Oh, that's fun.
Yeah.
Oh, are you kidding?
I couldn't.
Wait, he's not even involved.
Okay, never mind.
You gave my speech.
No!
Got it.
No, he can't speak.
No, I'm tired of this.
I am tired of the Austin show.
No, I couldn't.
I won't.
Yes, but say what you mean.
I was going to say, I want to give a speech because I love to be on stage.
There you go.
No, and I love the way he gave me a lot of stuff.
No, punishment.
Yeah, sure.
I would love to present an award.
Okay.
Do you need somebody else to present an award?
Probably.
I don't know where my phone is.
Okay, well, yeah, put me in there.
Okay.
Whenever you want me to present an award, I'll be there.
Whenever you need me to talk, just throw me like a book.
I'm doing the right car for this year.
When does this come out?
What time does this come out?
Can't say.
Damn it.
Wait, can you say it and then cut it?
Can you do it?
Yeah.
Okay.
Wait.
Awesome.
That.
Oh, I'm going to go crazy.
I'm going to go crazy.
Chat.
Tune into her stream today.
I'm not streaming.
It'll just be on Twitter.
Okay.
Tune into her Twitter today.
Is it today?
Is it?
Yeah.
It's announced at noon.
At noon today, which is Monday, December 1st at noon Twitter.
That's right.
Noon o'clock.
December 1st.
Wow.
It's December.
Yeah.
December.
Fucking year is almost happy holidays.
This year has simultaneously been so.
Christmas concert is either the 21st or 15th.
Oh, okay, perfect.
I'll be there.
Or if you don't want to sing, we're doing a white elephant again.
Oh, happy holidays.
I'll be a bitch.
Well, just like a little stream Christmas party.
I'm really excited for your next charity.
I'm really excited for your next icons concert because I'm going to be Engelbert Humperdink.
Oh, wow.
What a nice thing.
Kill me.
And I'm going to shoot me with a gun right now.
Nobody's going to know who the fuck he is.
Christmas Party Lyrics00:10:47
Nobody's going to know the song.
I'm going to get full.
You mean happiness to me?
Okay, I'm going to call flag on the play.
You need to learn the rest of the fucking song.
I know it.
You don't know it.
Go ahead.
Tell me.
Okay.
Tell me, Kwando, Kundo, Kuando.
I'm going to pull up the lyrics.
You better hit.
No.
Give me that.
You better hit this.
Uh-oh.
Because you've sung it 8,000 times.
And you can just admit you only know the one verse right now.
No.
All right.
Okay.
No.
Hold on.
I know it.
Hold on.
I know it.
You're going to be shocked.
Yep.
Tell me when will you be mine?
Tell me, Kwando, Kwando, Kwand.
No, you have to sing it all the way through.
Kwando.
Hold on.
Oh, my God.
Hold on.
Oh, my God.
No, he's losing.
Way!
I know this one!
There you love to mine.
Wrong.
What?
Share.
Share, love, divine.
Come on, Doug.
Please don't make me wait again.
When will you say yes to me?
Tell me, Kwando, Kwando, Kwando.
You mean happiness to me.
This is where it's going to get interesting.
Please don't make me win again.
Wrong.
Wrong.
Better do you.
Okay.
Okay.
Every moment's a day.
Every day is what I'm done.
Please don't make me wait.
Happiness.
We don't know anyway.
I can't wait.
Okay, I don't know it.
Austin.
Well, it's Austin.
It's in the summer.
He's been singing it for two days.
Jed and I don't know.
I don't.
I don't know it.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I'm really bad with lyrics.
I'm really bad.
Oh, we know.
But I know the whole song.
I even know.
I even know it.
If you gave me the lyrics, I could sing it all the way through.
If you gave me the lyrics, I could sing it.
The music.
The music is what you memorize.
The music is what I know.
Like, I even invented.
I know the musical instrument.
There's a musical.
There's a musical where they just play this instrument.
There's an instrumental.
Stomp.
There's an instrumental part of the song.
And I did a du-op to it.
Ready?
Hold on, wait, excuse me.
I can't.
Every moment's a day.
And then it goes into that part.
Cutie, you don't understand.
Like, he did not stop singing this fucking song.
300 times.
Yeah, but the problem is he only knows search.
We looked up the search of Engelbert and it spiked while we were on our trip.
And also every video of Engelbert Humperdink on YouTube, the top comments are, oh my God, Austin sent me here.
Oh my God, please get this song out of my head.
It's stuck in my head.
He sang the same four bars one million times.
Would you say you're a big Engelbert Humperdink?
I'm a Humperdinker.
Where does he look like?
He looks bad.
He's 80.
Well, yeah, I'm saying like young Hill.
Let's pull up an English.
And he's still fucking touring, apparently.
He's doing Coachella.
He was just in Anaheim.
He's doing Coachella.
He's in Anaheim right now.
No, no, no, no.
Wait, God.
Wait, wait, no.
Cutie.
He did the same thing to me.
He goes, actually, Engelbert's playing Coachella.
And I go, oh my God, let's go to the festival and see him.
And he goes, no, Not the festival.
He's playing in the Coachella Valley at the end of the day.
Look at him.
Look, he doesn't look a day over 80.
Look at him.
I like that he's still performing.
I like that he kept the haircut.
Look up, hold up.
Look up Ingle Humperdink live concert.
Oh my God, he looks so scary.
Live concert.
Because I think he.
Oh, his wife died 20 freaking years ago.
It's sad.
He's lonely.
What happens actually performing?
90.
Yeah.
As we speak, I think Engelbert is about to come out.
Should we go right now?
I think we should.
Let's see.
I am going to kill him.
No, no, I want to watch a YouTube video.
I want to see where he is.
Oh.
He wants his Ticketmaster.
I want to see where he's at.
They have to go.
I don't think they sell it on Ticketmaster, Ticklemaster.
Look at this looks like it.
Tickle Master.
What's that?
It's a different one.
Oh, it was last.
Wait.
He's here in February.
Let's go.
He's not going to make it to February.
He's 90.
Would you guys go with me in February?
This is quite the ambitious tour for a man who is 90 years old.
41 bucks for practically giving those tickets away.
It's at the casino.
Sierra N should go down.
I'm going to buy us all tickets to Engelbert, Humperdink, and Anaheim.
Can we do Disney by Day?
Humperdink.
And then we'll go to Humperdink.
Yeah.
Can he even perform at night?
I feel like it's way past his bed.
Let's see what time.
It's probably half 30 p.m.
We have to reach out to Humperdink.
I've tried to Billy.
I told Billy.
Maybe he can put a little video for us together.
Or get you on stage.
Yeah, I'd love.
Oh my God.
Could you imagine?
If you did a duet with Engelbert Hyde.
No, not a duet.
A du-op.
Because he doesn't know the fucking lyrics.
I would learn the lyrics to Engelbert.
I can see it.
Austin gets on stage.
When will boo-doo value?
I don't know.
I just have a fucking heart attack.
As somebody, I've watched a lot of these performers, and what they do is they look.
My teeth, I put them in my pants.
I thought that's what was happening, and that was frying my brain.
You keep your teeth.
I don't have pockets.
Women don't have pockets.
Yeah, but.
Wait, it was inside.
I don't have a good bra.
I have a normal bra.
Wait, what do you, what do you mean?
It wasn't my coochie.
Look, it's my fupa.
You don't have to be strange.
That's my belly button.
Right here.
You put it on your belly.
This is my belly button.
This is my fupa.
This is my vagina.
Marsh.
It was on my belly button.
You can put your teeth in your belly button.
Do you got...
There's nothing to blur.
We gotta help this girl up.
No, no, no.
I have one.
Get a good shot of that.
Oh, nice.
You can put your teeth in there.
I could put my teeth in there.
Oh, perfect.
Look at that.
But it had plastic in there.
Marsh, what are we at?
What do women do for if you guys don't have pockets?
And what if you don't have a purse?
No, it's a horrible curse that women should have to do.
Yeah, you carry it.
It is a horrible curse that the garment industry has visited on women.
Yeah.
I stand by women for not having pockets.
I need your help.
Yeah.
I need a county suit.
Oh, that would be hard.
Where do I go?
I really don't know.
And I need it now.
It's my money and I need it now.
You want to do a drip or drown tomorrow?
I mean, I'm down.
Oh, wait.
No, tomorrow's Monday.
Oh, yeah.
I'm leaving.
I'm going on.
I'll go with you tomorrow if you want.
But I have, I can't tomorrow.
I have shoots all day.
Can you go Tuesday?
I'll go with you Tuesday.
Where?
I have a bunch of spots we can go to.
Do they have county suits?
Yes.
For women?
Yes.
I want, can you Google 2019 Maya Cyrus Grammys red carpet?
Oh, yeah.
You want like a pants suit, right?
Yeah.
You want like a crop jacket?
You want Hillary Clinton.
I'll show you.
I want this, what he's Googling.
You want an expensive one.
Yeah, sure.
You know where we should look is Celine.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, that's a pants suit.
I want that, but I want wide leg trousers.
All right, look up Celine.
They can do a women's suit.
Spell with a C.
I don't know how to spell Celine.
Shut up with your attitude.
I'm trying to help you out.
Pull it over.
Yeah.
See, Celine makes some dope.
There you go.
There's the one.
Girl boss suit.
But it's not low-cut.
It needs to be deeper cut.
We've looked for two seconds.
I'm nervous.
I think if you get a good tailor, they can do it.
There's a Celine suit right there.
Yeah.
Right?
I got a great tailor, by the way.
Where?
In LA?
In LA.
Oh, really?
Fantastic.
They did my Halloween costumes.
I think your Halloween costume for a tail.
Tails are great at making things small.
They're not good at making it.
It wasn't $1,200.
We can look.
They're fantastic.
No, the tailor that I have, they will add fabric.
They will make whatever you want.
They will come in and get it.
Are they fast?
They're very fast.
You have to.
Will you send me their info?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Awesome.
I'll tell you, look.
I'll tell you who they are.
Here, I'm going to write it down.
When will you say?
Oh, God.
This is the worst part about it.
Kwando, Kwando, Kwando.
It just gets stuck in my fucking head, dude.
You mean happiness to me.
Please don't make me wait again.
What a fantastic thing.
Kwando, Kwando, Kwando.
See, this was the biggest curse of the China trip, was the fucking Kwandoing.
I think it was a delightful.
I think we need to bring back more of the 60s and 70s.
I really do.
Yeah, the racism.
No.
No, no.
Leave that in the past.
Okay.
Be brave.
But put women back in the kitchen.
No, no, no, no.
I'm already in there.
Gays need to go back in the closet.
No more demons.
No, All of those things.
Abortion is illegal.
No.
Oh, that already happened.
They are bringing back the 60s.
Look at that.
American imperialism.
No, What part?
I don't know what was in the 60s.
The fashion.
My mom.
Oh.
The fashion, the aesthetic, the cigarettes, the what's up with you with the cigarettes?
The cigarettes, the Johnny Carson, Dean Martin.
Ah, okay.
Rat Pack.
Rat Pack.
Is that the same thing?
Say we met you and MAGA.
Yeah.
I think so.
You are becoming more MAGA.
That is like low-key, the number one gripe of most boots.
But you know what's interesting about that era?
The tax rate was like 70%.
They forget about that.
Yeah, top tax bracket was 90%.
Top marginal tax.
My grandfather was paying so many taxes.
And he didn't complain a bit because they had jobs that actually paid for their life.
Oh, yeah.
They had infrastructure.
They did.
You know what I realized is we were pretty cool back then in the United States, but we just gave up.
We just stopped building shit.
And I looked at China.
That's because we won.
I looked at China and I said, you know what?
Let's give them 20, 30 years and see what happens to this infrastructure.
And with that, we're going to go behind the paywall to hear what Austin really thinks about China.
Patreon.com slash China.
I love China.
We're back.
The whole beginning.
The whole gang is back together again, everybody.
Behind The China Paywall00:01:00
All right.
We missed you.
Oh, by the way, on the Patreon.
Hey, everybody in the comments, write something nice about QGIS.
No, it's okay.
Write something.
It won't do anything good.
I don't know how.
She forgot.
We'll put it on.
Narrate.
She's not literate.
It'll be fine.
Everything's fine.
Okay, good.
Okay, I got a pee.
All right.
Bye.
See you behind the paywall.
That is bullshit.
I handle the Bible, swear my mother.
Okay.
Yeah.
Anyway.
So you don't just let it go sometimes.
No.
If I'm lying, I will whip out my dick right now.
I've never heard that in the middle of the day.
Now you know I'm not lying because you're not.
I guess.
Why would you want to do that?
And why would we want that?
You wouldn't want it.
That's why I wouldn't have to do it.
Well, then why do we have to suffer?
I'm suffering.
I'm sure somebody consented before I got my paper speaking through.