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March 19, 2021 - Epoch Times
13:32
How Late Night Talk Show Hosts are Whiter than CPAC | Larry Elder
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So, after former President Trump spoke at CPAC, late night comedian Jimmy Fallon made a joke about how allegedly all white the crowd was.
Well guys, yesterday Trump gave his first speech since leaving office to close out CPAC in Orlando.
Yep, it was 90 minutes of rambling followed by Trump supporters storming Epcot.
As you would expect, the crowd to see Trump was very white.
They basically made the Hollywood Foreign Press look like the cast of One Night in Miami.
Riddle me this, Mr.
Fallon.
Aside from Trevor Noah, who's not even from here, and his mom is white, late night comedy in America is whiter than CPAC. Don't tell Cedric Richmond, the former congressman who's now a top aide to Joe Biden.
Attorney General Barr, you started your testimony with eloquent words about the life and legacy of John Lewis, fighting systematic racism, voter intimidation, civil rights.
In common with your two predecessors, both Attorney General Sessions and Attorney General Whitaker, is that when you all came here and brought your top staff, you brought no black people.
That, sir, is systematic racism.
Based on the Richmond definition of systematic racism, late night comedy in America is guilty of systematic racism.
The Trump-hating Jimmy Fallon?
White!
Mr.
President, first question, when will the COVID vaccine be ready?
Easy.
Tomorrow.
Definitely tomorrow.
It's coming out immediately, and look, it's a very wonderful vaccine.
Tastes great.
Very delicious vaccine.
Gonna be grape, probably.
We have our scientists working around the clock, mixing the vials and the beakers, and it's turning the liquid into different colors.
Just incredible.
Right now, it's very green and bubbly, and it unleashes smoke in the shape of a skull, so it's looking good.
Actually, I don't mind another debate as long as it's just Trump naming things he sees in the room.
Podium, moderator, Biden, camera, TV. That's right.
Trump has not paid income taxes in 10 of the last 15 years, although, honestly, wouldn't it have been more shocking if Trump had paid taxes in those years?
Yeah, when the news broke, Trump was furious.
He was like, why did I pay taxes for those five years?
Seriously, when it comes to avoiding taxes, Trump knows every loophole.
For instance, on next year's taxes, he plans on claiming his coronavirus response as a total loss.
Trump said we did what we came here to do.
It's true.
I remember his big campaign promise was build part of the wall and pay for ourselves.
Yep, Trump also said the world respects us again.
When he heard that, Vladimir Putin was like, yes, yes.
It's always good to end with joke.
Jimmy Kimmel...
I want to apologize.
We had so much fun stuff planned for you tonight.
We worked on it all day.
We had a bachelor in paradise, kids going back to school.
We're going to talk about it.
There's a horrible new pair of Uggs we're going to discuss.
I even thought, hey, maybe we won't talk about Donald Trump much tonight.
And then he opened his mouth and all manner of stupid came out.
So three of the four professors destroyed Trump.
They said what he did was exactly what the founders had in mind when they outlined impeachment in the Constitution.
They said his actions were worse than any president ever.
Basically, they rolled up the Constitution and spanked him with it.
Here's the thing.
Masks protect us from the coronavirus.
They protect us from getting it and spreading it.
That's a fact.
If everyone wore a mask, we might not have any of this anymore.
We would definitely have less of this.
But this president doesn't think they look good.
And so now he has the virus and his wife has it.
And every staffer who may have come into contact with the president is at risk.
Basically, the White House is now like a summer camp with lice.
Stephen Colbert.
White.
Welcome to Late Show.
I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.
It is day...
It is day 102 of the Trump presidency.
1,358 days to go.
But who's counting?
Would anyone like to hear a joke?
All right, here we go.
Knock, knock.
Orange.
Speaking of Donald Trump...
You talk like a sign language gorilla who got hit in the head.
In fact, the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin's holster.
Chelsea Handler, the one who had to remind 50 Cent that he's black.
White.
So he doesn't want to pay 62% of taxes because he doesn't want to go from being 50 cents to 20 cents.
And I had to remind him that he was a black person.
First on my list of favorite things about Trump, syphilis.
The leader of the free world is essentially a brainless monkey.
If you're wondering if I'm about to fat shame a man, wonder no more.
Trump's a f***er.
Listen up, you f***ing incompetent, lying, mentally ill, sexist, tiny-handed, delusional putts.
What is it gonna f***ing take to make him understand how to behave around anyone who owns a vagina?
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it probably f***ed some questionable models in the 80s.
Samantha Bee.
White.
How did America's wall-building, Muslim-banning, birther-in-chief become the darling of the racist fringe?
It's a mystery to everyone whose name is Donald Trump.
This week, Donald Trump directed the Pentagon to establish a space force, which, according to his detailed plan, is the Air Force, but a little bit higher.
Oh my god!
He couldn't even be bipartisan for an afternoon.
But then he probably thinks bipartisanship is some sort of swingers cruise.
Long time late night guy, Conan O'Brien.
White.
In his speech last night, President Trump said, this is a quote, let us set aside our differences and seek common ground.
Which is what he said.
Yeah.
Trump said this because like any good speaker, he always likes to open with a joke.
President Trump claims he did not watch the televised impeachment hearings.
That he didn't watch.
Yeah.
When asked what he was doing, Trump said, I was cleaning out my desk.
Getting stuff out.
A protester interrupted yesterday's impeachment proceedings yelling, Schumer is the devil.
The protester was escorted out of the room and immediately onto Trump's legal team.
So, uh...
James Corden.
White.
Is it just me or is Trump looking especially orange in this video?
Look!
What do you get when you gobble dance?
Moving on, Donald Trump apparently spent yesterday watching his impeachment trial from Mar-a-Lago, and according to sources, Trump was not happy with his legal team's performance.
But other than that, he was his normal ball of sunshine self.
Here's how you know when you're bad at your job, when even Donald Trump thinks you're bad at your job.
In other news, Donald Trump gave the keynote address at the Conservative Political Action Conference yesterday, and he started his speech like this.
Well, thank you very much.
And hello, CPAC. Do you miss me yet?
Do you miss me?
And I think I speak for everyone when I say no.
And James Corden took over from Craig Ferguson, who is white.
Plus, you don't need political experience.
Trump's going to run for president.
Now, let me just remind you, this is the guy that had a casino go bankrupt!
A casino!
That is actually impossible!
Great ever, America!
A great day for America's sweetheart.
I speak, of course, of Donald Trump.
Donald Trump is 66 years old today.
Happy birthday, monstrous douchebag.
That wasn't a secret, was it?
No, he's 66 a day.
No, he's 66.
And this is the sixth month.
66, the sixth.
He's the devil!
And David Letterman, who still pops up from time to time, interviewing folks.
White!
The following program contains graphic images of Donald Trump's hair.
Parents should exercise extreme caution before exposing young viewers to this unpleasant broadcast.
Wow.
Wow.
Fair warning.
Fair warning.
You know, I know I shouldn't be making fun of anybody's hair, but honestly, I just gave up.
See, Donald Trump has not given up on his hair.
Oh, he has.
I mean, look at that.
He's got things and flanges and wings.
You know, Donald Trump, remember when Donald Trump used to be on the show?
It was fabulous.
Donald Trump would come out and we would make fun of him and he'd laugh and we could say things about his hair and about it being a slumlord and about how he evicted old ladies and we'd laugh and have fun.
Donald would have quips and I would have quips and he'd always be in his dopey looking red tie and I said, what is that Donald?
A tie or your tongue?
Remember that one?
Longtime late-night comic Jay Leno, who still has a show on CNBC. People say, oh, it must be easy to do jokes with Trump.
No, it's actually harder.
Because the punchline of a joke used to be, that's like the president with a porn star.
Well, now the president is with a porn star.
What do you go with that?
How do you get more outrageous than that?
Trump said he won't throw out the first pitch.
He's skipping the correspondence dinner.
Is he that thin-skinned?
You know if this guy was any more of a he could grab himself.
The economy is bad.
The only people who jump on the White House fence are contractors trying to get Trump to pay their bills.
That's how bad the economy is.
John Oliver?
Why?
Our first story concerns the coronavirus.
It's the Home Alone 2 of viruses, as it's amplified the dangers of air travel, lots of it took place in New York, and right in the middle, for no good reason, is Donald Trump.
Our main story tonight, and I cannot believe I'm saying this, is Donald Trump.
And I say that, I say that knowing that every time his name is said out loud, he has a shattering orgasm.
The only president who combines the sordid extramarital affairs of a young JFK with the dead-eyed puffiness of a post-Watergate Richard Nixon.
And as an aside, John Oliver took over from the previous host who was black, Larry Wilmore.
But I digress.
This brings us to Bill Maher.
White!
Hillary Clinton, in her speech, said, talking about ISIS, said, it will not be quick and it will not be easy.
Which is realism.
As opposed to Donald Trump, everything, it'll happen very quickly.
I'll wipe on ISIS very quickly.
National debt very quickly.
National debt very quickly.
I'll do everything very quickly.
That's his thing.
He's like the real housewife of New York.
That's his thing.
Yes, Donald Trump, who says that if Hillary Clinton was a man, she wouldn't get 5% of the vote.
And if Trump was a man, he'd stop whining like a little bitch.
Dear family and frenemies of Donald Trump, Some men look at the world and ask why.
Donald Trump looked at the world and asked, What's in it for me?
Now the only outlier is Trevor Noah, and he isn't even from here, and his mom is white.
Now is somebody going to stick a mic in Trevor Noah's face as they did Mookie Betts and say, Mr.
Noah, when did you realize you were the only African American in late night comedy in America?
When you get to the World Series, everything's magnified.
And one of the things everybody's talking about across the country, you're the only African-American player in the World Series.
So when did you learn that, and what are your thoughts when you think about that?
I learned it just now.
And former late-night comic Arsenio Hall attempted a comeback, but that didn't last very long.
But you know, it really doesn't matter because these white girls and guys, well, they're white on the outside, but on the inside...
Are you black?
Are you African-American?
You know exactly what they're asking you.
And for you to say yes, Is that an honest answer?
When somebody asks, are you black, which I actually don't get asked very often, until recently, since a few days ago, then I say, yeah, I do.
I am black.
So, Mr.
Fallon, as you would expect the crowd to see Trump as very white, that, sir, is systematic racism.
So, Mr.
Fallon, I have a solution to your angst.
Quit your job.
Give it to a black comic.
Problem solved.
Win-win.
Now remember, YouTube has demonetized us, so to keep getting me uncensored and on demand, just go to LarryTube.com.
That's LarryTube.com because we've got a country to save.
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