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Jan. 14, 2021 - Epoch Times
11:01
The Secret Winning Card Up Trump’s Sleeve | The Larry Elder Show
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Well, let's face it.
Some people are just not funny.
He's been in office for nine months, something like that now.
Is there something nice you could say about President Trump?
Would you like me to go first?
Would you like me to go first?
Why don't you go first?
He still has all his teeth.
Or someone's teeth.
He has someone's teeth.
Anything?
Yeah, I mean...
And some are just humorless.
Is there anything in your mind that the president can do now to make this any better?
What do you think?
You know the s*** he's been saying.
He's been calling Mexican immigrants rapists and criminals.
I don't know.
Members of the press, what the f***?
Hold on a second.
It's these questions that you know the answers to.
Connect the dots about what he's been doing in this country.
He's not tolerating racism.
He's promoting racism.
He's not tolerating violence.
He's inciting racism and violence in this country.
I don't know what kind of question that is.
Now some people are not funny, but they think they are.
The bottom line is this, dude gotta go.
Other people are funny when funny people pretend to be them being funny.
Jim is different.
Rather than squander the surplus on a risky tax cut for the wealthy, I would put it in what I call a lockbox.
The lockbox would be used only for Social Security and Medicare.
The lockbox would be kept by the president.
The lockbox would also be camouflaged.
And some were funny unintentionally.
And I also am told that Chuck Graham, state senator, is here.
Chuck, stand up.
Chuck, good to see you.
Oh, God love you.
What am I talking about?
I tell you what, you're making everybody else stand up, though, pal.
Thank you very, very much.
I tell you what, stand up for Chuck!
Thank you, pal.
You can tell I'm new.
Good to see you, buddy.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Ah, Joe Biden.
My name is Tietza Goffard.
I'm a senior at the college.
I'm the vice president of the student body here.
Isn't that a bitch?
I mean, that is a problem.
Excuse me.
Buy a shotgun.
I think the vice president very well knows that sometimes the words don't come out of your mouth the right way.
But I always say what I mean.
If I wanted to be president of the United States, I could be, I could be vice president.
I never make any big, big games.
I mean, you guys love saying that about me.
But often his handsiness and comments...
I know Dacey's dirty.
We're likened to those of a crazy but lovable uncle.
But as they veer toward the more bizarre variety, it's raising questions about appropriate behavior for someone eyeing the White House.
So earlier this week, Biden publicly used the term shylocks in reference to aggressive money lenders.
But it's a word considered anti-Semitic, a reference to a ruthless Jewish lender in Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice.
In the first hundred days, he's going to let the big banks once again write their own rules.
Unchain!
Wall Street.
They're going to put you all back in chains.
In Delaware, the largest growth in population is Indian Americans moving from India.
You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent.
Yikes!
And some are just not cut out for politics.
Friends and fellow citizens, I want to give you my solemn word that there will be no mudslinging in this campaign.
Unless, of course, my opponent slings it.
But I intend to stick to the issues.
Stick to the issues?
Somebody get this man a campaign manager.
And some people are just too cranky.
Two things.
They will be better because Medicare for All is comprehensive.
It covers all healthcare needs.
For senior citizens, it will finally include dental care, hearing aids, and eyeglasses.
But you don't know that.
Second of all.
You don't know that, Bernie.
Second of all.
I do know, and I wrote the damn bill.
Second of all.
Second of all.
Now, others are just...
funny.
I didn't tell this one to Gorbachev.
You know, there's a ten-year delay in the Soviet Union of delivery of an automobile.
And only one out of seven families in the Soviet Union own automobiles.
It's a 10-year wait.
And you go through quite a process when you're ready to buy, and then you put up the money in advance.
And this happened to a fellow, and this is their story that they tell, this joke.
That this man, he laid down his money, and then the fellow that was in charge said to him, Okay, come back in 10 years and get your car.
And he said, Morning or afternoon?
And...
And the fellow behind the counter said, well, ten years from now, what difference does it make?
And he said, "Well, the plumber's coming in the morning." The man could tell a joke, couldn't he?
Today marks my first State of the Union address to you, a constitutional duty as old as our republic itself.
President Washington began this tradition in 1790 after reminding the nation that the destiny of self-government and the preservation of the sacred fire of liberty is finally staked on the experiment entrusted to the hands of the American people.
For our friends in the press who plays a high premium on accuracy, let me say, I did not actually hear George Washington say that.
And then there was one who was flat out hysterical.
Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the comedy stylings of 45, courtesy of our friends at Blaze TV. It's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump is not in charge of the law in our country.
Because you'd be in jail.
Secretary Clinton.
That's up to him.
What a stupid question that is.
What a stupid question.
But I watch you a lot.
You ask a lot of stupid questions.
She's shocked that I picked her.
Like in a state of shock.
I'm not thinking of...
That's okay.
I know you're not thinking.
You never do.
I'm sorry?
No, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Hillary accidentally bumped into me.
And she very civilly said, pardon me.
Mr. President, suggest that's in design.
Thank you, guys.
You know what?
That's not an invasion.
Honestly, I think you should let me run the country.
You run CNN. And if you did it well, you're ready to be much better.
If I may ask one other question.
Mr.
President, if I may ask one other question.
Since you're attacking us, can you give us a question?
Go ahead.
Mr.
President-elect, since you are attacking our news organization, can you give us a chance?
You are attacking our news organization.
Can you give us a chance to ask a question, sir?
Go ahead.
Quiet, quiet.
Go ahead.
She's asking a question.
Don't be rude.
Don't be rude.
No, I'm not going to give you a question.
I'm not going to give you a question.
You are fake news.
Sir, go ahead.
La France salue avec respect et gravité les morts des autres nations You've called women you don't like fat pigs, dogs, slobs, and disgusting animals.
Your Twitter account...
Only Rosie O'Donnell.
No, it wasn't.
Your Twitter account...
You know, last night I called Hillary a nasty woman.
But this stuff is all relative.
After listening to Hillary rattle on and on and on, I don't think so badly of Rosie O'Donnell anymore.
In fact, I'm actually starting to like Rosie a lot.
Now, the Trump-hating media and the Democrats are so gonna miss this man when he's gone, especially the Dems, because he's given them a sense of purpose.
He's united them, and Lord knows they need a sense of purpose and unity.
You live here?
Yes.
Well, maybe you know what a zombie is.
When a person dies and is buried, it seems there are certain voodoo priests who have the power to bring him back to life.
How horrible.
It's worse than horrible, because a zombie has no will of his own.
You see them sometimes, walking around blindly with dead eyes, following orders, not knowing what they do, not caring.
You mean like Democrats?
Hey, be gentle.
They bruise easily.
I'm Larry Elder, and this has been The Larry Elder Show for Epic Times.
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