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May 9, 2025 - Slightly Offensive - Elijah Schaffer
01:58:39
Most PROGRESSIVE Pope in HISTORY Selected? Details EMERGE! | Nightly Offensive | Guest: Adam Johnson

➤ FOLLOW OUR NEW YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@AlmostSeriousTVShow more ➤ DESCRIPTION: After much deliberation by the Papal conclave, a NEW Pope was finally selected.. and he could potentially be the most PROGRESSIVE Pope so far - will he be a good selection for Pope, or pick up where the last Pope left off on social issues? Adam Johnson AKA The Lectern Guy joins us for a special episode of NIGHTLY OFFENSIVE on RIFT TV! __ ⇩ SHOW SPONSORS⇩ ➤ VAN MAN COMPANY: Vanman Co. is the go-to source for all-natural, non-toxic and chemical free products — from creams to deodorant, soap and mouthwash, Vanman Co. is one of the only companies to deliver on quality without cutting corners when it comes to your health and well-being. Go to https://www.vanman.shop/elijah and use promocode ELIJAH for 10% OFF! ➤ MYPILLOW: Mike Lindell and the MyPillow team are grateful for your continued support and are offering a special deal on their Giza Dreams and Percale bed sheets, originally intended for box stores this spring. After the stores backed out, MyPillow is passing the savings directly to you with wholesale prices: Giza Dream Queen size sheets are now $69.99 (down from $139.98) and King size $79.99, while Percale Queen size sheets are $29.98 (down from $89.98) and King size $34.98. To take advantage of these offers, visit https://www.MyPillow.com, scroll to the radio/podcast square, and use promo code ELIJAH, or call 800-210-8491 for free shipping options. Hurry, as this limited allotment won’t last long—once they’re gone, they’re gone! ➤ NUTRONICS LABS: USE PROMOCODE: ELIJAH | https://www.tboostnow.com ➤ 1775 Coffee: https://www.1775coffee.com/RIFT ➤ SPORT DRINK: https://sport-drink.com/?ref=elijah ➤ Locals: https://www.elijahschaffer.locals.com ___ ⇩ELIJAH’S SOCIAL MEDIA ⇩ ➤ X: https://X.com/ElijahSchaffer ➤ RUMBLE: https://rumble.com/c/SlightlyOffensive ➤ INSTA: https://www.instagram.com/slightlyoffensive.tv ➤ TELEGRAM https://t.me/SlightlyOffensive ➤ GAB: https://gab.com/elijahschaffer ___ ⇩ FOLLOW ADAM JOHNSON ⇩ ➤ X: https://x.com/lecternleader ___ ⇩ FOLLOW SARAH STOCK ⇩ ➤ X: https://x.com/sarahcstock ➤ INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/sarah.stock.politics/ ➤BOOKINGS + BUSINESS INQUIRIES: [email protected] Show less

Participants
Main voices
a
adam johnson
16:33
e
elijah schaffer
55:49
m
michael mendoza
10:47
s
sarah stock
09:40
| Copy link to current segment

Speaker Time Text
elijah schaffer
Well, a new pope was just elected, the chief pontiff of the Catholic Church.
And while everybody's talking about his tweets, as you can see here, for instance, Richard Hanania, who of course is an expert in all Christian ideas, posted some retweets from him talking about mocking Trump and Bukele, talking about open borders.
And the right wing was like, wow, we got another progressive pope.
How about nope?
But on the other hand, Catholics like Matt Walsh came out and said, look, Catholics believe that this man was, you know, elected by the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
And you don't expect a spiritual leader to be completely this right-wing chad.
And then Benny Johnson came out and Charlie Kirk and they go, but he's a registered Republican.
I feel like that's kind of all the wrong things, you know, kind of focusing on the Pope on what political party he's a part of.
Because here's the point: whether you're a Republican or a Democrat, all that means that you serve a sell-out nation of parties that hate you.
So I'm not really concerned about that.
I'm more concerned about their actions, what their history tells, what their voting record shows, and what issues they stand up for.
So was this the most progressive pope in modern history?
Well, we're talking about this story and so much more here.
Another episode of Knightly Offensive, the best worst show on the internet.
Let's start the show.
This guy's been filming a two-hour show.
So, real fast, there was this new song that we were considering bringing into the mix here.
And so, we were going to do the intro as this song.
unidentified
I'm going to hit this.
This is what I meant for us.
elijah schaffer
Well, there's a lot to it, you know, players.
unidentified
Okay.
elijah schaffer
At least it's not another girl, right?
It could be worse.
That was not at the top of my Spotify playlist today.
adam johnson
Yet.
elijah schaffer
Yet.
But it was.
There's no way to explain that to anyone, actually.
unidentified
Oops.
elijah schaffer
That was weird.
What the hell?
adam johnson
Yeah, so I'm putting together a slideshow for my kids' graduation party, and I was missing the music, and I think I just found it.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
I was just raped before the show, and I felt less awkward than I do now.
That was very, very invasive.
Okay.
Starting the show.
A guy who didn't hail.
Well, let me just not even say it.
Look, you asked me to play the song.
You didn't tell me what it was.
I loaded it up and then it was that.
And it's just hard to understand.
I mean, it's a cool song.
adam johnson
I feel like there were already rap songs I'm not allowed to sing.
And this just added to the list.
Probably topped the list.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, I feel like it used to be like if you said the N-word or something, then you would end up getting in trouble.
But now you can't even hail Hitler without getting, you know, someone mad at you.
What?
I thought this was America.
Isn't that crazy?
sarah stock
Black people just keep putting more things in their songs that we're not allowed to say.
elijah schaffer
No, I agree with that.
That's absolutely insane.
Well, Kanye West released a new song apparently today, and everyone's playing it everywhere.
And it's a, there's not like, it's like people are like, let me explain why it's a good song.
Because, you know, because what?
Exactly.
You know, we're all thinking it, but you can't say it.
adam johnson
It's already got six million likes on Spotify.
elijah schaffer
Does it really?
271,000 replays on YouTube as there are already two.
Isn't that crazy?
People who are saying the song isn't just dope.
They say it's gas.
You know what I mean?
adam johnson
It's getting hot.
elijah schaffer
It's getting hot.
It's like put that in the oven, turn up the flames.
adam johnson
Yeah, anyway, so.
elijah schaffer
Do you want to end your career today or what?
Okay, anyway, I'm Elijah Schaefer.
Thank you so much again for watching the episode Nightly Offensive.
I am joined in the studio by the one, the only, the man, the myth, the legend.
His name is Ronald, the lectern guy.
Hail Hitler Smith.
Go ahead.
Welcome back to the show.
adam johnson
Hey, thanks for having me on.
It is Ronald.
There was a name change.
Let's go with the sex change.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, I appreciate it.
Of course, you know, we're classically about 45 minutes late, but primarily because we had a film and interview before this.
And so then there's really no explanation, but it was about black people.
So then we borrowed the black people time.
And here we are.
And of course, all by right, contributor for slightlyoffensive.com, rider for rifftv.com.
Sarah Stock, welcome back to the show.
sarah stock
Yeah, happy to be here.
A little bit tired.
Spend like two hours arguing.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, with black people too and Jews.
sarah stock
Well, yeah.
I don't know.
He said he's not Jewish, but we'll see.
elijah schaffer
I was talking about me.
Okay, anyway, also behind the production desk, the one, the only Michael Mendoza of the Mendoza report at mendozatv.com.
You can click on the report and click reports by Mendoza.
Click on the M, it's now highlighted, hyperlinked, and you get the report hyperlinked to mendoza report.com.
It's a little bit tricky, but hey, how do you have you had?
I mean, there was no mass graves, right?
So how could they prove anything, right, Mike?
michael mendoza
Oh, yes, exactly.
And it's actually mendoza.tv.com, dot org, dot edu, dot gov, dot whatever the top-level domain is for Israel.
I actually don't know what it is.
Maybe it's dot is.
You can visit me there.
elijah schaffer
Dot FAFO.
sarah stock
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
That's what it is.
All right, let's talk about today's story.
So the new pope was just elected today.
His name is Pra Prevost.
How do you say it?
Provost?
Provost.
michael mendoza
He's went by Pope Leo.
Okay.
elijah schaffer
So there's a lot of controversy going on today.
We'll talk about the religious implications, the political implications, and the social implications of what a new pope means.
Because, guys, the Pope's office is a political office in terms of they do influence people, people influence politics, and so people look at it as a politically charged office.
The Vatican also is technically a political system.
It had once ruled the world.
If you look at the autocracy of the theocratic regime, but more importantly now, the Pope is sort of like a spiritual father and a figure to many.
Some people see him as being the very word of God.
I think it's a little sacrilegious.
Depends where you stand on the line there.
It could be worse.
I could be a non-denominational, non-practicing, non-Catholic who thinks the Catholic trick failed, which is one of my people on the panel there earlier.
But I wanted to point this out before we even jump into it.
Steve Bannon actually was talking about Prevost last week before he was elected.
Listen to what he had to say.
unidentified
I do think one of the dark horses, and I think unfortunately, he's one of the most progressive is Cardinal Prevost.
I don't think he's getting enough play.
He is certainly on the short list as being, and I think it's pretty shocking given how the contempt they hold the American church.
The American church gives so much money, they're afraid it has too much power.
So they've never really wanted to have an American pope.
But my understanding is Prevost is one of the ones closest to Francis ideologically.
He's also had tremendous experience in Latin America.
And so he's one of the ones on the short list.
I'm a big believer that Cardinal Seurat from Africa would be a perfect selection right now for this moment in the church.
But I will tell everybody, this is anybody's game right now between Paralymp, one of the traditionalists.
You have no earthy idea how this is going to turn out.
That's why I think this time, this run-up is so important.
And it's kind of, it's interesting that it's ironic.
It's going to take place.
It's going to kick off, I think, on either the day of or the day before the 80th anniversary of victory in Europe.
elijah schaffer
All right.
So just before we even jump into this, before the Pope got elected, Steve Bannon was talking about the fact that he was nervous because that they might choose him simply because he's progressive, but then to kind of, you know, not to come against the Pope, but on one side, it's like he's going the only reason why they wouldn't want to have him on is because he's American and they don't want to strengthen the American church too much.
Probably because obviously America is the number one country in the world.
We have the biggest economy, largest military, and the Vatican does want to seat power inside of Rome.
We're in the Vatican City, which, of course, is technically in Rome.
But, you know, this is before he was elected.
So obviously Steve's not coming with bias.
He's not trying to explain, you know, tear down the Pope.
He wasn't a Pope.
He's a cardinal at the time.
I think that there is genuine concern that people have that there has been a politicization of all churches into sort of a left-wing, soft on borders mentality.
And the reason why it's important is because the Vatican did once lead politics, and they did lead people into wars, into battles, into Christendom.
And when we have this sort of utopian, universality, open border system being pushed by the church, that does influence a lot of people who are simple-minded to not stand up for their rights, for their countries, for their nations, and to present Jesus as sort of a weak version of himself.
And that's what seems to be the controversy today.
I'm not going to weigh on on that yet, but does that kind of summarize?
I think what people are afraid of.
That's my opinion.
adam johnson
I believe that.
I also think there were a couple of numbers that came out across the past couple of months.
There is a large drive towards the Christian faith.
Churches are growing.
People have lived destitute lives.
They've lived lives that have produced good things.
So they're coming back to the church.
So I think with them choosing a progressive Catholic and being worried that Christendom is on the rise, that might just be the strategy, might be the play.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
Also, speaking of the librarian on campus today, people are saying you look like a librarian.
unidentified
What?
elijah schaffer
Yeah, librarian.
So you can tell she's tired, huh?
Can you tell that?
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Can you tell?
adam johnson
Slightly.
unidentified
All right.
elijah schaffer
Well, don't sleep on me yet.
So you're a Catholic.
I think you're the only.
Are you a Catholic?
adam johnson
I am not.
elijah schaffer
Okay, so you're the only Catholic here.
So name 12 books.
No, I'm just kidding.
Name 12 cardinals.
All right.
So I don't know what you're thinking.
I mean, I mean, do you understand your opinion aside why people are sort of even preemptively like banning here, afraid of like a hyper-progressive cardinal being elected as pope?
Or do you understand that fear or do you have a different approach?
sarah stock
Yeah, well, obviously, like the pope has influence on politics and has a lot of influence on like what happens in our countries because he does influence the culture because there's so many Catholics in the world.
Totally makes sense.
It does kind of bother me though.
Like it is a bit over-politicized in the way that people are acting like this is the same thing as like a political election or something.
Like, it's not like Catholics believe that the Pope.
elijah schaffer
That's what you get as a woman for trying to talk on my show.
You know what I mean?
I was like, what is this?
unidentified
Who ordered this?
elijah schaffer
Yep.
And then God was like, goodbye.
No, actually, we have no idea what happened right there.
Imagine we have like a timer if a woman talks more than two minutes.
Like, the internet shuts up.
michael mendoza
That would be based.
elijah schaffer
No, but that someone said the new lives at ElijahisGay.com.
Thank you.
And also, someone just said, shut the fuck up.
And then also someone said, please, Sarah, you were about to cook white queen.
She actually was.
That's actually a joke.
I actually do not know what happened there.
michael mendoza
I don't know.
elijah schaffer
So I don't know what happened.
michael mendoza
But Sarah was going too bad.
sarah stock
I think, no, I don't think it was God.
It was Satan shut that down.
elijah schaffer
So go on what you were saying.
We love our queen.
We support you.
We support your rant.
sarah stock
No, I don't even know what I was talking about.
I think the point I was making is like, all these MAGA people are basically liberals.
They never support Christian nationalism or like the Catholic Church having any real power over morality and like our social policies and stuff.
And then they're going to be like, oh, the Pope's a total liberal.
And it's like, because what you said, like, immigrants can be good and we should be nice to them or something.
It's like, maybe he's just like a nice guy.
You know what I mean?
Like, I probably wouldn't agree with him on his immigration policy, but it's like, stop pretending like you're like high and mighty over the literal pope.
And also, just give him some time.
Like, what?
You're pulling up tweets from five years ago to make this prediction about everything he's going to do.
I don't know.
I mean, even just like the fact that like he's, he's marked as like moderate, basically.
Like he, people are saying, like, he's, he was elected to try to like bring the traditional and progressive sides like together.
And there is kind of like a big rift in the Catholic Church right now.
So it would be good to like see more unity on, you know.
adam johnson
Yeah, so I wouldn't call MAGA liberals.
I would call them populists.
And I do think that what we're seeing in MAGA is a populist movement.
They scooped up a lot of libertarians, a lot of independents, and a lot of people who were first-time voters.
So, and I think when we've seen populist movements occur in history, we typically see revival come quickly after.
And the way I explain that is, if you read the Bible, it talks about new Christians, right?
They can't take on solid food.
What they can do is have milk because they're babies.
They're just learning things.
And as they progress with their faith and see that their faith does produce good outcomes in their lives, they can progress to further and further solid foods.
So while the Pope may be a pop, I don't know the guy.
While the Pope may be a populist, while majority of MAGA movement is populist, while Trump is a populist, it might birth something better out of it.
Because I think a lot of people are just hitting their heads against the wall.
They're racing down a path of destruction and they realize they can't do it anymore.
So I'm hopeful.
I'm hopeful that out of this populist movement, we will see a revival.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, but okay.
Sorry.
By the way, sorry to the tech people.
That was nobody's fault.
That was just the internet just literally went down.
So that's totally my bad.
But we're back up and then suddenly it also just like restarted in YouTube like midstream, but it started a new stream.
So now we're just like randomly starts with Sarah saying nothing.
It's totally a nightmare.
However, with the Pope, I don't have a lot of strong opinions about it besides the fact that they brought up tweets.
Colin Ruge says this, ready?
He said this.
He goes, everything you need to know about Pope Leo, he's born Robert Francis Provost.
Born in Chicago in 1955, his father was a U.S. Navy veteran who fought in World War II.
His mother was a librarian.
He completed his secondary studies at the minor seminary of Order of St. Augustine before earning his Bachelor of Science in Mathematics at Villanova University.
Provost speaks multiple languages, including English, Spanish, Italian, French, and Portuguese.
He spent much of his career in Peru serving as a missionary and seminary teacher.
He was appointed by Pope Francis in 2023 to recommend bishop nominations worldwide.
He's the first American-born pope in history.
Provost has shared pro-immigration posts to his ex-account in the past.
He opposes the promotion of gender ideology because it is confusing because it seeks to create genders that don't exist.
He previously called out Western news media for fostering sympathy for beliefs and practices that are at odds with the gospel.
He specifically called out the homosexual lifestyle and alternative families comprised of same-sex partners and their adopted children.
And he also has a little belly and a very soft frame.
Well, he does.
He's a very lazy little, he's like a soft.
sarah stock
Yeah, they're saying like he has a nice face, like a kind-looking face.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, he looks a little bit like Indian to me a little bit, you know?
He sort of has that like Indian guy.
Like not the actual face, but like Indians have the same physiogamy, like the older, like lighter skinned Indians in the higher caste system.
adam johnson
That's the Chicago tan.
elijah schaffer
Is that really?
adam johnson
That's what that is.
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
What is that?
What is Chicago tan?
adam johnson
It's what it looks like.
Look up Chicago people.
michael mendoza
Okay.
Hold on.
Wait.
Let me look up.
Let me type in real quick.
Oh, yeah.
unidentified
Okay.
michael mendoza
Oh, yeah, you're right.
Yeah.
He looks like a Chicago man.
unidentified
You're right.
michael mendoza
I have no idea.
I've actually never heard this before.
elijah schaffer
All right.
I guess all I'm going to say on this is, you know, critics are saying that he's very progressive.
Harry Sisson, for instance, he said that, you know, the new Pope called Trump's insane anti-immigration rhetoric back in 2015.
He's been anti-Trump for a while.
By the way, I'm trying to get through this segment because I don't want to talk about this.
I don't actually don't care, but we had to talk about this.
I don't care because I'm not Catholic.
And so this has like, it's like, why am I going to weigh on the Catholics Pope?
It's like about it's like it's like weighing in and being like, oh my gosh, the Mormons selected a new high priest.
It's like, okay, well, I mean, good for them.
adam johnson
They do control a lot of rhetoric.
They do have a large population that follows what the Pope says.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, but I meant like all these details.
It's like, it's like, let's just wait and see what he says, you know?
sarah stock
Yeah, exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm like, we don't even know what he's going to say.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, but I agree with you on that.
But I'm just saying, like, it's like a, it's one of these things, though, where he doesn't actually wield political power in an elected office, but I do think that the Vatican actually has a lot more control in the world than they let on.
But I don't know if the Pope himself has that power.
I think it's a lot like Kash Patel getting it.
I think that there's a deep state within the Vatican that controls a lot of the politicians.
I think the Vatican's involved even in sex scandals, like with Epstein and stuff.
I believe there's a lot of evidence that, but it's not like the Pope and the Cardinals necessarily.
It's like there are bad cardinals.
There are bad people because it's a very ancient institution and it's been infiltrated, right?
So it's like people are like, oh, the Vatican's satanic and they're pedophiles.
I bet you there are satanic people in the Vatican and I bet you there are pedophiles there too.
But it's the same discount when people say, oh, all Catholics are pedophiles or priests.
But it's like, okay, well, you're more likely to get molested in a public school than you are by a priest.
So then is every high school teacher a pedophile?
No.
It's like, you know, it was actually crazy.
We had a guy explain per capita on our last show for about 20 minutes.
And I don't think that was the definition of per capita.
sarah stock
Well, he was doing like a weird reverse version.
I mean, technically it was per capita, but he was doing it in a way that like didn't make sense.
elijah schaffer
It was like using reasoning.
It was like, okay, well, just because blacks are more likely per capita to have violence on whites doesn't mean that you're more likely to get murdered by a black than by a white person.
And you're going, well, that's not really what per capita is there to explain, you know?
Not probably, that's probabilities, which is an entirely different mathematical or quantitative functional subject.
I try to basically say it.
I was like, you know, I've done probabilities.
You're kind of doing predictions, and that's probabilities.
That's not, you can use statistics to have probabilities, but it's like, it is interesting that a lot of, you know, rappers and stuff typically don't understand, I don't think, very well per capita.
adam johnson
Yeah, thank God for implicit bias.
elijah schaffer
Correct.
But per capita, certain groups of people don't understand the phrase per capita at a higher rate than others.
sarah stock
I've noticed that too.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
michael mendoza
Well, I think that's why instead of being statisticians, they go off and then they make a song called Hail Hitler.
adam johnson
He did double down, so I will give him props for that.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Someone else says, Adam is the best.
Yo, from Idaho, the cool northern panhandle part, not the gay, faggotry southern part.
Very, very cool.
Despite dealing with how good we're doing here with a stream shutting down, we cross streams in the bathroom.
Just us too.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
Just us.
We were actually, we actually, there's a Cutco convention going on next to our office.
So we're in such a good neighborhood that Cutco has offices next to us.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Literally next door to us is like a clothing donation like storage center.
And that's the kind of money we have at this studio.
You know what I mean?
You ever come in here and you feel really impressed?
adam johnson
I do.
I do.
Smells like cat piss and poor decisions.
elijah schaffer
And some of those poor decisions may have involved cat piss, but you are what you eat.
And that's why they call Mike Mr. Cat Piss.
Am I right?
Yeah.
Anyway, don't do another, don't ever do a two-hour show after a two-hour show within like a couple minutes after eating a bunch of fried chicken.
Not a good idea.
I want to talk about things that I want to talk about here.
We'll get back to that because we'll probably be talking about the new Pope for a while.
I'd like to talk about this new song by Kanye West, the song Hail Hitler.
It came out today and it is already being censored, right?
So we played a little bit of the song in the beginning.
Kanye West has made this song and it's, you know, people are very shocked.
Like, why is anyone offended by this?
Because the lyrics are just like, hell Hitler, nigga, hell Hitler, hell Hitler nigga, hell Hitler.
And people are like, well, okay, well, then what is everyone offended about?
michael mendoza
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
You know what I mean?
adam johnson
Like when wet-ass pussy won Song of the Year a couple of years ago, like, this is the thing that tests you off?
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Oh, I'm sorry.
What if my pussy is wet ass?
unidentified
Huh?
elijah schaffer
What if, what if it is?
Does that offend you?
Are you the police now?
sarah stock
Oh, Ben Chip Harrow was offended by that.
I remember.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Remember when he read it and it gave me an inverted penis?
It was like, I heard him.
I was like, it was like, he's like, you know, touch my butt.
unidentified
Yeah.
I got him.
elijah schaffer
I got it.
unidentified
I got it.
michael mendoza
I have a top, make a drop.
elijah schaffer
Make a drop in my wet ass pussy.
And your pussy's wet.
michael mendoza
Basically, Bullen Branch sheets.
You can go to Promo Code Daily Wire for a wet ass pussy.
elijah schaffer
Hey, they gave me $10,000 back when I was on Blaze.
michael mendoza
Based.
elijah schaffer
Honestly.
Bull and Branch, yeah.
michael mendoza
Oh, nice.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, it was really weird.
You'd be like, and look at this black guy committing crime anyway.
Bullen branch has luxury high thread count sheets for the whole family.
adam johnson
Protect yourself from that wet-ass pussy.
Exactly.
elijah schaffer
Plastic sheets have to be bought at Walmart.
I hope your parents are not watching this one.
When I give up, I just end up getting degenerate on the show.
So let's try to, I'll try to be good.
adam johnson
I was making a point that that song really did win like Song of the Year.
elijah schaffer
Yes.
adam johnson
It was everywhere.
And like, now we're offended by this.
Like, well, listen, there was a path to get here.
There was a path to get here.
And it started a long time ago.
This is just the natural conclusion.
michael mendoza
Also, Gavin McKinnis was in the studio the other day.
He may or may not have been urinating into a cup while he was on the show.
elijah schaffer
Oh, yeah, he did my PETA right over there on the ground.
michael mendoza
Yeah, yeah.
So maybe that's the cat piss actually.
elijah schaffer
Is that actually why a cat piss in here?
adam johnson
No.
That is human piss.
michael mendoza
Oh, okay.
All right.
unidentified
Definitely pissing me.
elijah schaffer
Does it really?
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Are you serious?
adam johnson
A little bit.
michael mendoza
That may have been we were cooking.
elijah schaffer
Oh, that's actually not a joke.
Because Gavin was pulling his penis out on air the other day and was peeing into cups through the whole show.
Like, he was just putting cups of urine on the table.
michael mendoza
It's actually not that good.
adam johnson
He did this with on Neurotic, too, didn't he?
michael mendoza
Oh, did he?
adam johnson
I think he did it on Nerotic.
Yeah, I did pull the stream with quarterback Aird.
sarah stock
Where does he always do things like that?
unidentified
He pulled poop out of his poopy toilet paper out of his butthole and showed it to me.
michael mendoza
Well, as Anthony Kumia said, he said that he has the bladder of a hummingbird.
So that may be it.
But anyway, so the reason why I bring it up is because he was saying that, you know, in the 80s, even before that, probably when punk rock was around, people regularly wore swastikas.
And even David Bowie talked about hailing Hitler and he wanted to bring Nazism back or whatever.
So, I mean, whether you believe or not that Ye is actually espousing these ideologies, I think that's besides the point.
I mean, rap is kind of meant to be, it's meant to be controversial.
It's meant to go against the paradigm.
It's meant to like, yeah, like just kind of challenge these fast quotes.
So, you know, and me and Lija, we were talking about this earlier.
You can talk about killing people all day, but once it comes to hailing Hitler, that's a step too far.
elijah schaffer
Also, yeah, like you said, what if the taxi company is called Hitler?
adam johnson
I mean, that's a viable, a viable thought.
sarah stock
That's probably what the song's about.
elijah schaffer
Remind me, though, to actually get our, we have a carpet cleaner.
Remind me to like get someone probably in here soon to clean the carpets because that's actually gross if you think about it.
He actually probably did pee on the floor.
You know what I mean?
sarah stock
Was he actually sitting where I'm sitting?
elijah schaffer
We were also peeing on each other's faces too earlier.
adam johnson
It's a low pile, too.
elijah schaffer
So remember when we were peeing each other's mouths earlier and that could have been it.
adam johnson
Less asparagus next time.
That's true.
That was all.
elijah schaffer
Sorry, Sarah.
I hope your parents aren't watching the show.
sarah stock
I might crash out.
michael mendoza
For a second time, so he really hopes it's not happening.
He can't leave.
elijah schaffer
You're on the clock.
I'm sorry.
She's not alive.
adam johnson
So far, we've covered Hitler and the Pope.
michael mendoza
And peeing each other's face, yeah.
elijah schaffer
But that's just for research purposes.
That's R and D.
This is turning into a shit show.
But okay, let me move on here.
That being said, that did happen.
He did pee in cups.
I just had to clarify that.
But, no, but the Hitler thing is interesting because, yeah, it's like, you know, so it's totally okay to sing about suicide, right?
adam johnson
Papa Roach.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, suicide, to sing about Satan, to you guys saying, hell, Satan, right?
Like, literally, people say Hitler's, Hitler was possessed by the devil.
People say that all the time.
But so you're not allowed to sing about the guy that was possessed by the devil, but you can sing about the devil himself, right?
adam johnson
It's kind of weird.
This is what I'm saying.
Like, I think it is the natural conclusion of the depravity that we have invested ourselves in across the past couple of decades.
When there's nothing left to say, nothing left to do, where do you go?
The one thing you can't talk about.
elijah schaffer
That's what I think he's doing too.
And I also, I also like his point too, where he kind of says that, like, look, I want to make a song that's as offensive to Jews as the music that Jews make black people sing about black people as it is to them.
Like, meaning you guys make us sing about, you know, wet-ass pussy and denigrating our girls and porn and pimping.
And it's very offensive and it's degrading to us.
So how do you like it?
You know, that's what that's what he said he was doing.
adam johnson
Wasn't he also starting a porn company, though?
michael mendoza
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
He really likes porn.
michael mendoza
Not sure if it happened yet, but it's supposed to be Yeezy porn.
So was he actually?
sarah stock
Very different from his whole like gospel album like two, three years ago.
elijah schaffer
Well, how is porn different from the gospel?
michael mendoza
Elaborate thoughts?
sarah stock
I don't know.
I think there's like a few, like a lot of differences.
adam johnson
Well, there's the song of Solomon, which was a romantic, you know, basic.
sarah stock
Yeah, very different.
adam johnson
I think there's very different.
elijah schaffer
People do play roles in both of them.
And there's scenes.
adam johnson
What he described as like fawns galloping in the field.
It wasn't, you know.
michael mendoza
I think you're confusing the text I sent you earlier about yourself.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Tell you what, that was 3 a.m. and I was drunk and I didn't mean it, okay?
I just, I just like texting pretty, pretty people with nice long hair, okay?
michael mendoza
Also, our wives are watching, so please don't talk about that on air.
unidentified
Thank you.
elijah schaffer
Please.
I wanted to talk to a blueberry-faced boy, and I was like, all right, so this guy looks, look at this, go to this, go to this.
This is diabolical how some people look.
Look at this.
That's so crazy.
Like, look at that.
That's like, let me see.
unidentified
Like, look at that.
michael mendoza
That's like a black Eden Miles Chong.
elijah schaffer
Go.
That's crazy.
All right.
See, this is what I'm saying.
We need to in the future.
When you are on in the future on these night shows, we should, it should be a rule we have to drink because when we don't, well, I'll say this.
I got thrown off because, number one, it's a it's a boring topic in my opinion.
Number two, that entire debate threw me off completely.
unidentified
Why?
Because what?
michael mendoza
What were you going to say?
elijah schaffer
No, you just threw me off.
I've also been working all day.
And we are thinking about changing the show to recording with the air it.
We think about doing that at 3 p.m. instead of 8 just to have the energy, just to have the energy.
Because when you're like here at 10 a.m., and then it's like by the time it's like 9 p.m. or whatever, it's like you're here for like 12 hours and you're shooting all day shows.
And then the only way to get through the show is to drink together.
But then when you drink, you almost get to get arrested because the things that we say on the show.
You know what I mean?
adam johnson
This is true.
There are countries I can't visit for the things I post on Twitter.
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Literally.
And that's just, that's just his adult page.
michael mendoza
Well, to be fair, you shouldn't have posted that you were going to bomb Myanmar.
So, you know, they probably wouldn't take too kindly to you.
elijah schaffer
So Israel didn't like the fact that I said, hey, people should take up arms and overthrow the government of Israel.
They didn't like that.
You know what I was?
I was entering into Tel Aviv and you're like, well, that's probably not a good idea.
michael mendoza
The woke left has gone too far once again.
adam johnson
We could talk about Kash Patel.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
unidentified
Sorry.
sarah stock
That sounds boring, too.
adam johnson
Oh, no.
He came out and said Jeffrey Epstein definitely hung himself in a prison cell.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
I actually looked more enthralled to be here.
Yeah, he did.
sarah stock
He's so fake.
adam johnson
I mean.
sarah stock
Indian-controlled government.
michael mendoza
I know.
Yeah.
And an occupied government.
sarah stock
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
It's the only government that you don't see working, but you can smell them getting the job done, you know?
michael mendoza
Or if it's Jeet occupied government, it would be jog.
So that kind of rolls off the tongue a little bit better.
Yeah.
That rolls off the tongue a little bit better.
elijah schaffer
Okay.
This black person said something.
unidentified
Nobody knows how Hitler was, really.
Nobody really knows how Hitler was in person.
How are you going to say he's a bad person?
What if he gave out money every day?
Like, what if he used to just walk outside and just give out money?
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, nobody really knows how Hitler was on a day-to-day basis, my nigga.
You know, they just, y'all just know what the history book tells us.
And if y'all didn't know, the history book is lied.
michael mendoza
They lied to us plenty of times before, my nigga.
They lied about space.
They lied about the earth not being flat.
elijah schaffer
You know what I'm saying?
unidentified
We are in a firmament.
Facts.
We are in a firmament.
michael mendoza
All right.
unidentified
We cannot leave Earth.
michael mendoza
You cannot leave Earth.
unidentified
We are in a bubble.
You get what I'm saying?
Like, if you try to go all the way up, you're going to hit a boom.
michael mendoza
That's how it's going to sound.
We cannot leave Earth.
You know what I'm saying?
elijah schaffer
Me listening to my wife after you go from work.
unidentified
You know what I mean?
elijah schaffer
That's how it feels.
But also, also, my favorite part is a black person's understanding of a good person is someone that gives out free money.
unidentified
Even though he's a good person, you know, giving out free money.
sarah stock
It's like the government.
unidentified
Exactly.
It's like, oh, that's how you think, huh?
michael mendoza
Also, so yeah.
adam johnson
There's a lot to unpack with that video.
elijah schaffer
There's a lot.
unidentified
Look at that.
elijah schaffer
They go back.
Go back to it.
It's like a, what do you, is that a, that's crazy.
adam johnson
Well, he can't see the earth is round because his eyes are half shut.
elijah schaffer
It's crazy.
Like, like, blacks just like get high and look like that and then think white people cause their problems.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Um, that's called alcohol, fetal alcohol syndrome.
You know what I mean?
That's it.
That's different.
Your mom.
Like, that's not my fault.
You know what I mean?
This is a video.
This is like, this is like one of the one of the best worst shows in a while.
Because sorry, guys, I apologize for the show in advance.
But luckily, he is going to be on tomorrow on actually the real shows.
So while we do, all we did now is just ruin his life and take up his night and like, you know, to do this.
But hey, it's worth being on.
adam johnson
I just want to apologize for everything I said.
I make jokes, all of them.
So whatever camp you're in, I just, I make jokes.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, well, listen to this.
Also, not only the popular streamer praise Hitler, but check this out.
Another black person waited on the Hitler song as well.
So I want to just talk about it.
So that's funny.
unidentified
Congratulations, Kanye.
You have officially destroyed your career, my nigga.
Kanye just tweeted out on his Twitter account saying blank, blank, uploading now.
This is so bad, so vile.
I can't even repeat what these two words say, but try to make your best judgment.
And just know those two words is the name for his new song.
As you can read, it's saying uploading now.
So again, make your best judgment.
But my nigga, it gets even worse.
The cover for the single.
As you can see, I've literally covered the entire thing because I can't even display what this even says because it is very, very inappropriate.
Let's just say it is an image that is very hurtful to a certain demographic of people.
Y'all can make your best judgment.
I don't know why Connie has an obsession with these people.
I don't know what they did to him, but it must have been really bad for him to be uploading a song like this.
This is the end of the nigga's career.
How has this nigga not been canceled?
Like genuine question.
elijah schaffer
Like, dash.
unidentified
Subscribe to my YouTube channel.
michael mendoza
By the way, just real quick, the picture that he's referring to, that's not even a swastika.
Number one.
It's like a weird, like, I don't know what it is.
It's like some kind of like weird creature looking thing.
And it kind of resembles, like, it's like if you put a Nazi flag into AI and then spit out something else completely.
elijah schaffer
Right, it has a sixth finger.
It's a hot girl, but you can tell by the feet.
michael mendoza
Yeah, like it's, it's not a swastika.
Second thing.
elijah schaffer
You never know how AI can't do feet and hands.
michael mendoza
So that makes that picture.
elijah schaffer
But now, oh, he's like, now, now I can make my hot AI girl fast.
adam johnson
Missed the sixth finger, honestly.
michael mendoza
But also, too, why did he use like a fade, like a fade output?
Yeah, it's a like it's between every single cut, it's like fade, fade, fade.
unidentified
So I know it's hurting my eyes, fade to black, yeah, exactly.
elijah schaffer
But but yeah, it's because the black first one was a black faded, and now we have a fade to black.
sarah stock
How is Kanye?
Kanye's gonna be canceled after this.
It's like you do realize that Kanye's already been canceled.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, he's a billionaire.
adam johnson
He's fine.
So, look, love him, hate him.
It still falls under free speech, right?
unidentified
Right.
adam johnson
I mean, it still falls under his free speech.
I mean, the Supreme Court's already ruled in this.
It falls under art.
He's allowed to do these things.
You don't have to listen to him.
You can just skip to the next song.
Like, why is this even a topic?
michael mendoza
Well, also, this is from rifftv.com.
Oh, and my thing is not working.
So, never mind.
I'll bring it up.
elijah schaffer
What is Rift2.com?
michael mendoza
In the bit.
We put out an article about it earlier, and then it shows what that icon was.
It's like a, yeah, like it's, it's like a cave.
Yeah, like, it's like a cave drawing of like a weird black.
adam johnson
Fluxry Pokemon.
michael mendoza
Yeah, right.
unidentified
It's actually, yeah.
michael mendoza
Like it's not a swasky.
He's like, this is so bad.
I'm like, I don't think you even know what that is because no one knows what that is, actually.
But yeah.
adam johnson
I can't hear this.
unidentified
It's like so catchy.
adam johnson
Right.
The beats always, the beats always say.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, it's catchy.
It's just really hard.
Like, you know, this is a very Jewish city, and I'm like rolling past the synagogue earlier, you know?
And I got this blasted in the car, you know?
And I was like, you know, going 15 over in the Harman Cardin system.
And, you know, it sounds nice.
And is it my fault?
Is it my fault that you're offended by this?
Because last time I checked, this is America, damn it.
I thought this was free speech.
michael mendoza
You know what I mean?
elijah schaffer
Can I get $700,000, please?
unidentified
Thank you.
adam johnson
I thought he was saying little how bigger.
It's mumble rap.
I'm having a hard time.
Maybe he's saying that, and everyone's getting it wrong.
Little how bigger.
elijah schaffer
I thought he had a song called Free Diddy coming out soon, too.
michael mendoza
He does.
Yeah, it's supposed to be on the album.
unidentified
No.
michael mendoza
We'll see what happens.
Free Diddy.
adam johnson
Okay.
michael mendoza
Free Diddy, Free Cosby, Free Weinstein.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
michael mendoza
Free him all.
elijah schaffer
Free them all.
unidentified
Did Cam say that Weinstein?
She did.
adam johnson
Cosby is free, though.
He got out on a technicality.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Did you guys see a version of the song Vusic Video that didn't come out, actually?
Did you see this one?
unidentified
watch it it's time for a boy what is it I don't know My intern put this in.
elijah schaffer
So this is what happens when you let 18-year-old Groipers write your show.
Why do I have him writing the show tonight?
It's like, it's like sometimes I'm like, sometimes you get in here, like, this is really, really, really graphic and off-brand.
I'm like, oh, yeah, it's an 18-year-old racist that wrote the show tonight.
That makes sense.
adam johnson
That tracks.
All of this is making a lot more sense now.
unidentified
He wrote the show tonight.
elijah schaffer
I'm like, huh, this is a very racist show.
michael mendoza
I love how Adam goes to a Timcast.
That's like, oh, so today, Pam Bondi said that she was going to release Epstein Files.
And then over here, we're playing Howl Hitler by Ye.
elijah schaffer
But this is a topic.
It's actually a news topic.
It was the most viral video on Twitter today.
adam johnson
Where does Kanye go from here?
Because I feel like this is definitely the ceiling.
sarah stock
Not really.
elijah schaffer
That's a good question.
unidentified
That's an ultra question.
elijah schaffer
Not really.
I happen to kind of agree culturally.
sarah stock
Like, it's like, he's already said enough things.
He's been like tweeting, like, things like that for like two years.
Like, come on.
adam johnson
You ever like follow a guy like two o'clock in the morning?
He's like swerving on the interstate.
You just want to kind of see what happens.
I feel like that's me watching Condy in his career.
Like, is he going to wreck?
Is he going to take someone out?
But I want to see.
I don't know where he goes from here.
elijah schaffer
You just say, have you ever followed a girl at 2 a.m.?
adam johnson
You heard what you heard.
elijah schaffer
That would have been a way worse statement.
See how guys get away with it?
It's like, hey, if you ever followed a guy at 2 in the morning, see what happens.
It's like, he's just said that.
It's like, just follow a woman around, chase her at 2 in the morning, make sure she gets home quicker.
unidentified
Hey, go home.
elijah schaffer
Just run after her.
unidentified
All right.
adam johnson
I have a funny story.
I did follow a guy once.
There was a broad daylight family in the back.
He cut me off and they gave me the middle finger.
And I have no idea why this happened.
I'm like, why?
Why would this happen?
So obviously follow him because that's what you do if someone gives you the middle finger.
I chase him around town.
Guy almost gets me in three recs, but I need to know why he gave me the finger.
Pulls into a parking lot grocery store, comes out, and this guy is special needs.
And I immediately like, oh, you have every right to do that.
And I walked away in shame.
sarah stock
So, no, he doesn't.
Wait, why is he driving?
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
michael mendoza
I thought I was going to say.
adam johnson
It's Florida.
They give everyone a license.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, I was like, in Florida, you actually can't drive unless you're special needs.
Actually, we also call that being Cuban.
unidentified
So isn't that true, though?
elijah schaffer
Dude, literally, I'm telling you, this looks like it was written by an 18-year-old.
Like, listen to what these first of all, go to my screen here for a second.
Look at how, look at like a real, like, so you have like a real topic, like, no tax on tips, one link.
Hail Hitler by Yee.
Look at how much like is in here.
And then the next sign is Italian brain rot, which is like, this is like, this is like Gen Z.
This is like.
michael mendoza
That's like our Instagram feed.
elijah schaffer
No, I know.
adam johnson
This is like, this is like going to do great on TikTok.
elijah schaffer
Nobody would understand this.
Nobody's like, nobody.
I get this.
Do you watch?
Do you even understand this?
adam johnson
I don't understand the flow of this show at all.
elijah schaffer
Okay, like, did he really put Bombardilo Crocodilo memes into the thing?
Like, is it like our 35-year-old audience is like, bombardillo crocodilo.
unidentified
Like, oh, oh, oh, oh.
elijah schaffer
Like, Adam doesn't even know what the fuck that is.
adam johnson
I'm pretty sure it's a pizza with mozzarella and crocodile.
michael mendoza
Yeah, literally, I'm like, that's a Floridian delicacy, actually.
adam johnson
It is.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, it's.
michael mendoza
A lot of people don't know that.
elijah schaffer
This is absolutely insane.
Like, this is what is insane.
It's like, it's like you have a rough start to a show.
The thing goes out.
You're tired.
And then you give an 18-year-old racist write your show, and then you get bombardillo, crocodilo things.
Like, can you help a brother out here?
Can anybody help me?
Because that's rough.
That's a rough start to the show.
Let's go to a real story here and talk about something like, geez, my guy, my guy.
Let's start with the war in India.
Some people are calling it the stinkiest battle in history.
Trump actually had some words for Indian Pakistan, and he literally just said, like, they're children.
Hey, just knock it off.
Watch.
unidentified
The war in India and Pakistan is your position.
Oh, it's so terrible.
My position is I get along with both.
I know both very well, and I want to see them work it out.
I want to see them stop.
And hopefully they can stop now.
They've gotten tit for tat.
So hopefully they can stop now.
But I know both.
We get along with both countries very well.
Good relationships for both.
And I want to see it stop.
And if I can do anything to help, I will.
elijah schaffer
Hey, like, look at this.
Is a man who's not taking it seriously.
Look at it.
It's like, so what do you think about two of the worst countries in the world blowing each other up?
I don't know.
michael mendoza
Oops.
unidentified
He's like, I mean, I hope they're working out.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
unidentified
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
elijah schaffer
You know, they got tit for tat.
You know, it's like they're like blowing each other up and you call that tit for tat.
It's like, it's just tit for tat, scatty wet.
You know what I mean?
And being a scat, you know?
adam johnson
I think him just saying knock it off is going to do it, though.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
adam johnson
I honestly think it's going to do it.
michael mendoza
Knock it off.
That's all he has to say.
adam johnson
He's got that grandpa energy.
michael mendoza
He does, yeah.
adam johnson
I said, stop.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
I'm really not impressed by this administration, though.
I'm completely honest.
I'm not.
And I'm a, I mean, you know, I've known people who've gone to jail for Trump.
adam johnson
You know what I mean?
I mean.
elijah schaffer
You ever met one?
adam johnson
Not personally.
elijah schaffer
Is there one.
I want to channel energy.
And if you're here in the room with us, there's anyone in the room for us that's had gotten in serious legal trouble for just raise raise your raise your six finger for taking up arms against the U.S. government, Sarah?
Just raise your six finger.
adam johnson
Listen, I get that question all the time.
And I am indifferent on the matter.
I went because I thought it was the right thing to do.
I went for my own reasons, of my own volition.
I don't like war.
I didn't like where the country was going.
I definitely think the election was questionable.
I think everything that happened during COVID was bullshit.
So I showed up.
No one told me to go inside of a building or say by peace to the federal government.
I thought that was my right and responsibility.
michael mendoza
By the way, are there any stories that you can tell us about J6 that you couldn't tell us last time you were here?
adam johnson
Because now that I'm pardoned, I was the one actually on the desk.
It was me.
michael mendoza
Let's go.
adam johnson
But truth be told, I have IBS, and it was more of a medical issue than a political one.
michael mendoza
And it was running.
It was very runny.
It was not a solid turd at all.
elijah schaffer
Is this real?
unidentified
What?
adam johnson
Really hard to scoop up.
unidentified
Yeah.
michael mendoza
Did you the guy who pooped on the desk?
He had to wipe it up, actually.
elijah schaffer
We the guy who pooped on the desk?
Because I pooped on the desk, too.
adam johnson
I've said too much.
I think we may have mixed crayons.
unidentified
Did that actually happen?
elijah schaffer
We both shot on a desk.
michael mendoza
Mixing crayons.
No, we actually did.
elijah schaffer
We pooped on the desk together.
We pooped on the desk together.
sarah stock
I don't really know everything that happened on January 6th.
adam johnson
So like, I never will.
sarah stock
I was like 12.
michael mendoza
Wow.
Has it been that long now?
It's crazy.
Think about that.
elijah schaffer
No, she was not 12.
She was like 17 or something.
michael mendoza
She was watching Bombardier Old Cross Truck Delo.
Yeah.
sarah stock
What's the year?
Like 2021?
elijah schaffer
2021.
adam johnson
It's probably some TikTok video.
That's wild and just swiped.
michael mendoza
Yeah, exactly.
sarah stock
Yeah, I was 17.
elijah schaffer
I have a lot of funny stories from January 16th.
michael mendoza
I'm different too.
elijah schaffer
You know, I remember when I tweeted out, the revolutionaries have taken the Capitol.
That was a really dumb thing, you know?
michael mendoza
Yeah.
adam johnson
In retrospect.
elijah schaffer
In retrospect.
However, there was a side of me, now that my investigation's been closed, there was a side of me that was like, I kind of hope something happens.
adam johnson
I think a lot of people felt that way.
elijah schaffer
And like, I was like, that's the closest we've got to something actually happening in this country for real.
And it was like, they could have made something happen too, which was actually proof that no one did want anything to happen.
But it was like, you know, when you actually meet the Proud Boys and people, like, they really don't actually want anything to happen.
Like, they're not really trying to do anything.
But it's like, man, that was cool.
sarah stock
I'm like, why not?
elijah schaffer
That was the first cool thing and the last cool thing I've ever done.
The only other cool things I've done has been with left-wingers, like sieging, you know, the courthouse.
That was cool, right?
Like, like sieging the courthouse, like fighting police in the streets.
Like, the left does cool things.
sarah stock
Honestly, Trump should have refused to step down.
He's kind of lame for that.
elijah schaffer
That's what I think, too.
sarah stock
No, I'm not even kidding, though.
elijah schaffer
I don't think he should have conceded power.
adam johnson
Like, 2028's almost upon us.
sarah stock
Why'd he step down?
Like, there are people, like, his followers were being loyal and like basically risking everything to go take over the capital and everything.
And then he's just like, doesn't do anything.
But I was like, come on, stay in power.
adam johnson
They killed some of us, actually.
unidentified
Yeah.
adam johnson
Like, some of us actually lost our lives there.
You know, either either during that day or after the suicide, that actually happened.
I know Ashley Babbitt's case was just settled with the DOJ, which is the number is not public, but what I've heard is 23 million.
And what's, I think, the worst thing about it is that there's going to be an NDA.
Government's going to say we actually are not fault here, but we're going to settle.
And I think the only thing that should be said by the government is that Lieutenant Michael Bird was responsible for this.
And he acted negligence and fired his gun into a crowd of people where officers were also there.
That's never going to be said, but it should be.
That man should be arrested for this.
unidentified
He should be tried for second-degree murder, I think.
adam johnson
I completely agree.
And he also has been negligent with his firearm several times before.
He left his firearm in a bathroom unattended or the Capitol.
Also, in his neighborhood, his neighborhood, someone stole his car.
He ran out and fired in his neighborhood, hitting other houses.
Like this man, this is a real story.
sarah stock
Psycho.
adam johnson
This is guys actually a psychopath.
unidentified
Yes.
It's Michael Bird sweet, but he's a psycho, a little bit psycho.
elijah schaffer
He shoots some patriots going.
Bang, bang, bang.
Unana, baby.
That's not funny because Ashley Babbitt's dead.
But, but yeah, I do, I do agree with you.
Um, as someone said, uh, Adam Johnson seems like he would be in someone's yard.
Uh, a super chat said another person said, There are rumors India is negotiating to send more H-1Bs in exchange for a trade deal.
If that happens, Trump is dead to me.
Yeah, but on the on the J-6 stuff, you know, like I, for a moment, thought that they were going to take the Capitol, and I was like, oh my gosh, like, I, what I was, I didn't think they were going to kill the Congress people, but I saw them, like, right?
Like, they were like escaping.
And I go, are we about to occupy?
Like, is there about to be like a siege of the Capitol?
And, like, I'm going to be like in the middle of the news.
I thought that they like people, then people just walked around, smoked weed, and left.
adam johnson
Yes.
elijah schaffer
And I was like, oh, that's what this is.
adam johnson
It was, it was a display of, I think, the power of a small population saying, if we want to be here, we can.
We are the voice.
We should be listened to.
And we do actually have authority over our country.
I don't think there was any actual ill-violent will that anyone had that day.
And if you go back and look at the tapes, the crowd was peacefully standing around until Metro started firing rubber bullets and tear gas at us.
Like, that is actually what happened.
So people didn't go there to be violent.
They went there to go protest, which is our right.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, you're going to be on almost serious next week, which is our one-on-one where, like, you'll be really able to recount the full story.
I don't know if you've done that in a while, like a nice one-hour of like just sit down face-to-face in a studio and like just give the whole detail like from start to finish, but everything you know about mixing crayons, you know, that is from the first push to the loaf being pinched the whole process.
You know, you have to grow thick skin to be on this show.
unidentified
You are someone said a super chat about me, the disease, yeah.
michael mendoza
You did, weren't you just listening?
About no, you weren't listening.
Okay, never mind.
elijah schaffer
You weren't listening.
They said they wanted just to bottle your sweat and sell it on the website.
unidentified
Don't we already do that?
michael mendoza
Uh, no, that is lecternguy.com.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, I was like, that's his sweat.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
adam johnson
Actually, we actually mixed the sweats locks up my hair.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, it's it's it's uh his sweat with a lock of with one of Sarah's hairs in the middle.
michael mendoza
So you crossed Rams, you you mix crayons, and then now we're mixing sweat.
No, but here's a lot of bodily fluids.
elijah schaffer
Here's the actual story, though.
And interchange is that we were in the bathroom, as him and I mostly are usually.
No, and then we're like, there was a, there's a convention going on for Cutco.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
And that's the whole point was that it was like he calling it the green room.
Yeah.
That stall is really tight.
And then we were like, oh, cool.
Like you're doing an interview or whatever.
Talk, like, ask the guy what's the cutcoat thing.
It's a big restroom.
Oh, it's a corporate one.
Support a body actually outside.
But, but we're like, we're like, oh.
And I was like, so what are you, 19?
And then he's like, 16.
And then we were like, oh, well, we should not be talking to a teenager in the bathroom.
And we exited because that was a very awkward situation.
Especially it was like, so you're talking about kniving people?
That was not good.
But also, we found out that I'm not going to give any shout out here, but it's definitely what's happening in the room next door is you have a very smoking hot cut co-owner.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Like, and I mean that in like a traditional sense.
Like, she's a young girl, probably 20, 21, 22.
sarah stock
No, like, yeah, I'm saying this in like a trad way.
elijah schaffer
In a trad way.
sarah stock
She's like in her prime birthing years.
elijah schaffer
What I mean is that like she's a prime birther.
adam johnson
Her birthing hips are very well.
elijah schaffer
With an ability to feed many children.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
You know?
And I know what's going on there.
It's like a reverse rich guy with hot secretaries mode.
She's the top of the pyramid scheme, and she has all the young guys working there, like you mentioned, because they also get 10% commission.
Plus, they get to meet with her once a week for their update.
adam johnson
I got that broccoli haircut.
Yes.
elijah schaffer
They should be selling trimmers, not knives.
sarah stock
What is this country?
adam johnson
It's all the same.
sarah stock
Leave Sarah's sweet sweat out of your mouth.
elijah schaffer
Okay.
sarah stock
So apparently we're not supposed to talk about that.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, well, the thing is, is that when we're talking about sweat, we're talking about Indian sweat, which is what I'm trying to get in my mouth.
michael mendoza
It's called traditional curry dish.
Exactly.
There we go.
elijah schaffer
Someone said, what I love about Sarah is her birthing sips and hips.
And someone also said, leave sweet Sarah out.
Oh, there it is.
Someone else has said Sarah's in her college arc.
She's literally a college.
sarah stock
I don't know what that means.
michael mendoza
She's in her college era.
elijah schaffer
Sarah does look like that.
You know what Sarah looks like with the sweater and the glasses on?
She's like a girl who would probably run a cutcoat business.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, it's like, it's like, no, she looks like, she does look like a college girl.
You know, like in the library, and there's always just like those college girls.
They're always dressed in a sweater and they have their glasses on.
You don't know they wore glasses.
And you go, with those, with the big headphones on.
sarah stock
Yeah, that is how I dress at college.
elijah schaffer
Literally, that is, that is the college look.
Someone said, respect to Sarah for putting up with this shit.
Don't worry, guys.
We're going to give you the address and you can defend her.
You can defend her honor.
sarah stock
I need a bunch of white knights.
unidentified
Yeah.
sarah stock
Come to my defense.
elijah schaffer
She's just here because she has to be here because she's paid to be here.
adam johnson
It's just a bunch of keyboard warriors Chuck E. Cheese.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, she's like, we were like, we were at Gavin's and she was, she was like, she walked off.
It's like, you are not allowed to walk off.
Go back on the set.
You can't walk off the set.
You don't get paid.
You're not paid enough.
You don't make enough money.
You got to get a couple hundred more thousand followers and then you can walk off the set.
adam johnson
I actually think we're censoring ourselves pretty well compared to usually.
This is.
elijah schaffer
We're actually way harsher when you're on.
There should be a rule next time: no woman allowed to be on when we're on.
Like, honestly, because when we're on, we have to sometimes questionably delete the episode.
You know what I mean?
michael mendoza
Because it's like, well, by the way, I was playing the episode from last time before Risey got here with Earl, and Earl was like, we took that down, right?
And I'm like, no, it's still here on Rumble.
elijah schaffer
I don't remember the end of the show.
Do you remember the end of it?
I don't remember the last 30 minutes.
michael mendoza
Neither does Earl.
elijah schaffer
Those were when Earl was like passed out by the door on the floor.
And I was like, oh, shit.
And he was like, he tried to make it to the bathroom and then died like Jesus.
adam johnson
He was making carpet angels.
michael mendoza
It was no, really.
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
It's like, you know, it's a bad show.
That's why, like, people love that, though, because the reason why we drink on shows is because, like, tonight, when we're all off, we're all tired and we're all doing this.
Suddenly, it becomes the best show in the world.
Because you're just like hitting each other and dumping water on each other and like breaking microphones.
adam johnson
Slap you in the face.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
unidentified
Oh, yeah.
I did.
michael mendoza
That was about that.
elijah schaffer
Someone said, anyway, I love.
michael mendoza
It's Sarah's turn.
elijah schaffer
Someone said, I feel gay for watching this.
And someone also said, Elijah is still retarded and gay.
unidentified
Thank you.
elijah schaffer
Thank you.
adam johnson
I did an episode with Alex Stein that never aired.
elijah schaffer
That makes sense.
His episode with Milo was pulled.
adam johnson
Was it really?
unidentified
No.
elijah schaffer
Also, I got a message that was like, hey, I know we're on an NDA and stuff, and things were said about you on the show, and it's not up anymore.
And I was like, I didn't even ask Fray about it.
I was like, oh, that's how I found out about it.
I'm like, I was spoken about?
Was it bad?
And they were like, yeah.
And I was like, well, I shouldn't have asked that.
If I hear, I'm spoken about.
I just know it's bad.
It's like, oh, I just spoke about you.
And you're like, oh, who did I hurt this time?
You know?
At least, at least when we're in a cutco situation, we know how to cut ourselves out of the equation.
adam johnson
They're good knives, though.
I had a set when I was younger.
My steps.
unidentified
Are they?
michael mendoza
Really?
unidentified
They are.
michael mendoza
I would not have guessed that.
unidentified
Where are you?
Where are you?
elijah schaffer
People are calling you Queen Arian in the comments.
Where's our Queen Arian?
sarah stock
I'm falling asleep.
Someone also.
michael mendoza
Oh!
elijah schaffer
I'm sorry that we're boring you with a podcast?
I'm falling asleep.
adam johnson
What do you want to talk about?
elijah schaffer
Yeah, what's interesting to you since we're boring you so much with our talk about your sweat?
sarah stock
Can we just like listen to the song again, relax a little bit, and like close our eyes?
elijah schaffer
You want to meditate to the song?
michael mendoza
It's not exactly a meditative state that I get into once I listen to that, but you know, to each their own.
elijah schaffer
We want to meditate to a Hitler song.
It's been a weird album.
You know, the song before this was about giving his cousin head.
You heard that one?
adam johnson
Oh, yeah.
unidentified
And it was like.
sarah stock
I thought that was that one.
That was kind of catchy, too.
elijah schaffer
Well, yeah, but what I liked about that song is he said something really relatable that we all in the studio feel is that just because you incestually sucked your cousin's penis doesn't mean that you like men.
People are confused.
adam johnson
That's a lot of you write and throw away.
You don't put a beat to it.
elijah schaffer
It's like, I was like, I was trying to explain it to my wife and I was like, okay, so Kanye West had ancestral oral sex with his cousin.
She's like, wait, what are you talking about?
I told you, don't be gross in front of me.
I'm like, no, no, no, but you don't know.
But you don't get it.
But then his cousin tried to blackmail him.
So he came out because Amber Rose says that he likes to be a son.
adam johnson
He came out when he was sucked up.
unidentified
Yeah.
Okay, I don't.
sarah stock
Let's talk about something more awesome.
elijah schaffer
This is his song.
sarah stock
Let's talk about something.
elijah schaffer
All right, talk about it.
michael mendoza
But in a sprague.
elijah schaffer
You just said to play the song.
You said to play the song.
I explained to her and she looks at me.
She goes, I go, now do you want to hear the song?
unidentified
And she goes, no.
elijah schaffer
No, I don't.
You just said, you just explained to me that the song is about ancestral sex.
I don't like that stuff.
And I said, and I was like, no, but you don't understand.
It's like trending and it's cool.
And she's like, abortion is trending.
And, you know, like, I was like, oh, you know what?
sarah stock
I don't understand.
It's a trend.
It's cool.
elijah schaffer
Well, it's like when you're not on the internet, when you're like, she doesn't go on the internet, you don't live on the internet.
Like, you sometimes sound, you don't realize how crazy you sound to people when you're like, explain to them.
Like, but it's, you got to hear it.
Like, but why?
adam johnson
Now, listen, there is a alarming statistic that a lot of kids are molested and it is almost always a family member.
michael mendoza
Oh, yeah.
I've heard that.
unidentified
That's true.
adam johnson
It's an alarming number.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
adam johnson
So it might be the realest song that ever existed.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
adam johnson
That shouldn't exist.
sarah stock
It is actually sad.
Like people, like, it's a joke.
Like, people are joking about it, but it is sad.
michael mendoza
It is.
adam johnson
This could just be him working out his trauma.
And the only reason we're hearing it is because he is Kanye West.
sarah stock
Well, I think the reason he started talking about it is because someone was trying to blackmail him with that information.
And so he's just like, well, I'm just going to come out and like say it on Twitter.
So like, you know, just be real.
No one can use it against me.
adam johnson
It's interesting because if you put it in a book, it'd be a bestseller and everyone tell him how proud he is.
But he put it in a beat and made a song about it.
And maybe that art form is not respected because that's just not how we talk about those things.
That's in a novel.
Like Chrissy Noam had a book where she shot a dog and she had a lot of flag for that.
But in a novel, it makes sense.
It's something you read, the old yeller, right?
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
So let me just play some important.
The way.
So, speaking of something wholesome, India versus Pakistan uh, they're at war with each other.
unidentified
And just to remind you of why I don't care about this, check out this video from India bus, yeah, that's the real origin of the Chicago Tan.
Um yeah, I you know what.
elijah schaffer
Every time I see India, I just don't want even who wrote the showdown.
This is the worst script i've been handed in.
Like i'm not gonna lie, this is up there with like the worst ones ever.
I'm like there's nothing in here.
Like it's like just like Hitler and Poop and like incest, and like you're like, did an 18 year old write this?
Yes yes, they did.
Um yeah, something wholesome.
Do you want to see what else is in this script?
unidentified
Yeah, you're being baited.
elijah schaffer
Okay, here's a, here's the, here's another link from the script.
Here we go.
unidentified
okay this is actually bait i can tell already actually this should be our new intro song
elijah schaffer
someone said sarah has outgrown the show already yeah we've outgrown sarah we've outgrown sarah could you could you send me a link to that by the way yeah it's in our thing um yeah was that supposed to be something you want to see another oh she wants to talk about other things okay here we go This is Burr Burr Burr Palatine Funk versus Bombardino Crocodilo Funk.
I just we're in the.
michael mendoza
We're in the uh real quick.
adam johnson
Uh, the content strongest sounded, better and better.
michael mendoza
If that's the alternative, could you send me that too, please?
elijah schaffer
They're in the chat.
michael mendoza
Oh thanks yeah, they're in the chat.
elijah schaffer
Um, all right okay, let's go to some stuff that I put in here, some actually interesting conversations about the church.
You know, a lot of people have uh criticisms of the Pope.
Someone said, someone wrote in the chat, I like this show because you have no idea what you're gonna get.
It's like going down a vagina for the first time.
Who writes this stuff?
adam johnson
I mean, you can probably guess, 18 year old racists, no going.
elijah schaffer
I'm like I just was thinking that you know, and he's brown that wrote the show too.
He's a brown racist.
unidentified
What do you?
elijah schaffer
What do you deal with that?
The fact that, like a lot of these, these guy racist guys are mixed race.
adam johnson
Give them a raise.
sarah stock
i'll take it smoke so much we're talking about this there's all these like there's all these like brown white nationalists and then they want to like marry a white girl like that's not really like what pro-white nationalist sarah where have you seen that literally Literally my editor today, I go, what are you talking about?
elijah schaffer
I go, I go, I go, I go, he goes, he goes, yeah, I played American girls, white girl with blonde hair.
I go, you're literally going to nuke her jeans?
And he goes, yeah, pretty much.
What?
And he's like, yeah, because we know why.
You know why?
Because it's not replacement when you're right-wing and do it.
michael mendoza
Another brown W.
adam johnson
But are they in love?
elijah schaffer
Browns win.
michael mendoza
Browns, Browns, Browns, Browns.
elijah schaffer
Well, it could be, it could, listen.
You obviously have to realize that every white person is worth saving, especially when you watch videos like this.
Jared, this actually put this in here.
I was talking a little bit about where the procs are at.
I think this is actually a Roman, this is actually a Roman priest, my understanding.
Check this out.
So not all the Catholics get it right.
Listen to this.
unidentified
But I wrote this series in conjunction with one of my best friends who's also a pastor, and this is the thing she loves most.
sarah stock
She's so good at going green.
unidentified
She's so good at when I say, I am going to use this styrofoam cup.
She's like, God doesn't want you to use that styrofoam cup.
sarah stock
And so I think that's a bit extreme.
And I need coffee.
This is where we have priorities.
Her priorities are, you should see those.
elijah schaffer
She shops at Walmart.
unidentified
And I'm always like, oh, they don't pay a living wage.
She's like, well, I'm going to go buy reusable things.
sarah stock
It's so hard to watch.
unidentified
What are sustainable things in this spiritual practice as you reflect on your own relationship with God?
I did remove foil from my household, but I replaced it with parchment paper.
sarah stock
Parchment paper was a sustainable step.
I could keep that one going.
unidentified
It's been years since I've used foil for baking.
sarah stock
This is our invitation to lunch.
adam johnson
I just smoke cream.
unidentified
How do you taste that?
elijah schaffer
Dude, okay, can I say this?
That is like, imagine annoying that would be hanging out with people.
You're like, oh, can I get like some food?
Like, chicken has antibiotics in it.
You're like, oh, I'll have steak.
But cows are sentient beings.
Can I just get some vegetables?
But, you know, they're not picked ethically.
Like, okay, what is the ethics of me slitting your throat and bloodletting your neck out in front of me right now?
You know what I mean?
With some used foil, right?
What even, you know, we call those pastorics, not pasteurs, because the ex signifies you don't know who they are.
sarah stock
I love that she's just like drinking coffee out of a plastic cup and then her friend's like, God wouldn't want you to do that.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, that's what they care about.
sarah stock
God cares more about you like being gay and being like a female pastor.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, you mean robo-scissoring each other after mass?
That's probably a little bit less respectful to God than your styrofoam cup.
It's like, hey, you don't think the idea that you're making out with another woman might offend God a little more than perhaps your cup?
adam johnson
Didn't he wipe out an entire city because they were so sexually deviant?
elijah schaffer
You know, it was because they had styrofoam cups.
Do you know what it was?
sarah stock
Saddam and Gamora.
elijah schaffer
And Fomora.
Last I have Fomora.
michael mendoza
Last I checked, San Francisco.
Last I checked, San Francisco is still on the map.
elijah schaffer
Oh, get a little jump.
michael mendoza
Also, just really quickly, you're telling me that video was worse than this video?
There's no sound.
Never mind.
elijah schaffer
You're immune to 10 words.
sarah stock
Yeah, that's it.
michael mendoza
That's it.
adam johnson
Oh, that's an actual Catholic priestess.
elijah schaffer
We call it Pastor.
No, no, no.
sarah stock
Catholics don't have female priests.
It's definitely Anglican, Episcopalian.
adam johnson
Okay.
Okay.
And they made her a special rainbow flag.
sarah stock
Like, just be a Protestant.
adam johnson
But people show up to that church.
I think that's the more, okay.
Those people exist, right?
In those positions, they exist.
I want to know what congregation shows up listens to that.
Are they just doing it because they want someone to advocate for their sinful lives?
Like, oh, at least I'm not that bad, better than the pastor.
Yeah, that concerns me more.
sarah stock
There are people that just like probably grew up going to church or something, and then they get older and they're like, oh, like I kind of miss like feeling like welcomed at church or something.
And then they're like, but I'm also like gay and a total degenerate and I don't really want to feel any of the Holy Spirit's conviction.
I'd rather just be like affirmed in everything I do that's bad.
elijah schaffer
You weren't supposed to tell them our conversation that I had with you this morning.
sarah stock
So they just choose like the worst church ever that's not really a church.
elijah schaffer
Well, check this out.
If you want to go to Protestant church, though, it's a lot better.
Check this out.
unidentified
So may the fourth be with you.
And also with you.
Thank you.
Yes.
Watch out for May the fifth tomorrow, which is actually Revenge of the Fifth.
Revenge of the Fifth.
Okay, there's a couple Sith Lords in here.
So if you brought a lightsaber, please have that ready.
Thank you.
Thanks, brother.
Yes.
All right.
If this is your first time here, this is a really great taste of what goes on at this church.
Okay.
Listen, church is not just a place that you go to.
It's a family you belong to.
Speaking of Sith Lords.
And families like to have fun.
The senior pastor just brought out his Kylo Ren, Sith Lord, lightsaber.
He's dressed like the dark side, carrying Kylo Ren's lightsaber.
elijah schaffer
And we're the twins that saved the universe.
adam johnson
Let that be what it may.
unidentified
All right.
elijah schaffer
Thoughts?
Hey, to the Catholic thoughts?
sarah stock
Well, I did.
I was Protestant for most of my life, so it's not anything new.
Crazy.
elijah schaffer
Where's the commentary?
adam johnson
Didn't those twins make out in one of the movies?
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
Yeah, that is true, huh?
sarah stock
I forgot about that.
adam johnson
That's a whole play.
sarah stock
That part really confused me as a child.
elijah schaffer
I have a couple more.
sarah stock
It's like our siblings supposed to kiss each other.
elijah schaffer
She makes a song.
I gave myself up.
unidentified
I don't want to play.
adam johnson
I'm like, yeah.
elijah schaffer
She actually has siblings, so that's not even a funny joke.
It's like, oops, sorry.
She actually has brothers.
So my bad.
All right.
adam johnson
We will take that joke back.
elijah schaffer
I'll take that joke back.
adam johnson
That's a weird flex.
elijah schaffer
I take it back.
That wasn't a joke.
But, anyways, it is true.
That was weird that they had incest in there.
That was weird.
sarah stock
I don't really remember the context anymore because I haven't watched Star Wars in a long time.
adam johnson
Well, he kisses her, and then he finds out afterwards: oh, that's my sister.
elijah schaffer
They made out.
adam johnson
Well, he said hot afterwards.
Hey, when that was taken out of the scripts.
elijah schaffer
Though, I will tell you this.
I feel like the next guy.
sarah stock
I just need to add, like, why did they add that in the movie?
That's like so irrelevant.
elijah schaffer
Oh, you want to Hollywood add unnecessary things like incest in the movies?
Let me think.
What do you got there?
adam johnson
Well, Woody Allen's a good case study.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
Also, this is next video of some church stuff.
I feel like this guy got caught cheating one time by his wife, this pastor.
This is my opinion.
adam johnson
It's like, no, it's my sister.
It's fine.
elijah schaffer
I gave my sister.
All right.
So I have sisters too, so this isn't going to be a funny segment.
Okay.
But like, you know, when people, you know, when people overcompensate, like they get caught cheating, and then it's like, then they're like, like, it's like they have a fat wife.
They're like, dude, she's the most beautiful thing God ever made.
Like in front of her, like, this, look at this beautiful thing.
And you're like, something bad happened a while ago.
And you're overcompensating publicly in front of me for that thing, right?
This is what I think happened here.
Check this out.
unidentified
Do you really know what it's like to cry every night while your wife is asleep, talking about I don't know how to love her.
I don't know how to raise these kids.
I don't even know how to raise me.
I don't even know who I am.
I'm 50 and I'm 12.
I'm not going to let the devil that killed my father and my uncles and my cousins get me.
And I sure as hell ain't going to let him get my son.
My son will be a better man than me.
He will be whole.
He will be free.
He will be a faithful husband that will not be unfaithful in his marriage, verbally or sexually.
This woman is the only woman I've been inside of.
And when I'm thirsty, I drink her.
so these performative arts i think are widely this is can you just like not talk about that at church What if we just read the Bible?
adam johnson
I'm pretty sure the word of God is.
I just read the Bible in church.
elijah schaffer
But like, that's what I'm going to say.
It's like, it's like, it's a really, it's a really interesting line to lead up to of like, you know, my son's going to be a better man than me.
He will not verbally or sexually assault other woman.
By the way, that's the only woman I've been inside and I drink her.
You're like, whoa, whoa.
Hey, like, maybe, maybe the boy sitting around a fire, you would use some descriptive language that would be like, maybe I drink her or something like that.
But even that's a little gay, but a little gay.
But like, you might use, you know, maybe going to a cutcoat interview, you know, perhaps.
And you use some descriptive language.
But I feel like this guy for sure got caught cheating on his wife 100%.
Right?
Or like assaulting someone?
sarah stock
I don't even know.
elijah schaffer
You don't think so, like that?
You don't think like when you like when pastors do stuff like this, you know, they overcompensate on stage?
You never go to churches?
They go, look at me.
sarah stock
Well, didn't he like say in the video, like, my son's never going to be like me.
He's never going to sexually assault someone.
It's like.
Wait, it is.
Wait a second.
What are you trying to say here?
elijah schaffer
Me messed up.
But also, I'm going to say, my point is, like, you never see pastors do this.
I always talk about this.
I went to APU for a while.
Pacific.
You have to know this in Protestant church.
Like, I won't point to you.
I'll point to him.
So to keep this appropriate.
Because gay stuff's okay with the MAGA movement, right?
So, so they'll go like this.
Like, I want everyone to see my beautiful wife up here, Marla, voluptuous looking with breasts the size of planets.
And oh, look at those hips, baby.
You're just looking sexy up there.
And you're going, this is very uncomfortable.
Like, do you know what I'm talking about?
sarah stock
They always do that at youth groups.
unidentified
Yeah.
And you go.
sarah stock
It's like a youth pastor and he's like, he's like, yeah, that's my hot wife.
Stand up, baby girl.
And then everyone.
elijah schaffer
Two turn.
Take out that shirt.
Throw some water on you.
It's like, whoa, what's going on?
You know what I mean?
michael mendoza
What?
elijah schaffer
Teacher concerts for Jesus?
That's what it is, though.
And they do this too.
unidentified
So weird.
sarah stock
They do this too.
elijah schaffer
Ready for this?
michael mendoza
To be fair.
This was at a church in Cancun during spring.
unidentified
So it was a bar called church.
adam johnson
It was a little bit of a church in the background.
michael mendoza
It was churches on 5th Street in Austin.
elijah schaffer
It's like a music street there in Tennessee.
It's a church's band.
No, but it's like my favorite one.
It's like you're like a youth kid, you know, and you're sitting there.
The pastor will be like, you know, which is, again, I don't know why they have to describe it because they're like, you know what married couples do.
They'll be like, you know, you guys need to stay pure, you know, but I'm married.
So, you know, I can go home.
I can strip my wife down, get in the shower with her and make sweet love to her naked body.
And you go, I'm 11.
You're like, no, they do that, right?
Like, and especially when they have the guys, I won't get too descriptive, but like, I love when, like, I love when, like, I had an English teacher, an English female teacher do this.
Ready for this?
I had an English female teacher.
It's not even sexual, but like, it was worse than sexual.
It made me so uncomfortable.
I was like, she was like, I said something about like not wanting to get married.
I was like 13, 14, 9th grade.
Like, of course I don't want to get married, right?
Why do you want to get married to a 14-year-old guy?
adam johnson
Like, I didn't want to go to heaven.
I can't wrap my head around the idea of eternity.
elijah schaffer
Exactly.
adam johnson
These are the thoughts when you're 13.
Sure.
elijah schaffer
Exactly.
And she was like, she was like, you know what?
One day someone's going to love you.
And when I get home and I take off my stilettos and I sit on the couch and my husband takes his big hands and he rubs my feet up and down and gets the knots out and starts pulling on my leg.
And I go, she'll just explain to it and moves over to my back and just starts kneading the knots out and gives me a kiss on the side of the neck and whispers in my ear and tells me he loves me.
I'm going, um, this was before internet porn too.
adam johnson
So I was asking what for lunch was today.
elijah schaffer
So how do you spell melancholy?
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Like, but I never she told me this whole description of the class.
We're all just sitting there like, like, what's up with English teachers?
Can we talk about what's up with English teachers getting knocked up?
How about that one at private schools in Florida specifically?
No, I mean, like, like in Christian schools, like, it's like, well, maybe you didn't go, but it's like, I never understood.
She was like, she was like, now that I realize, she's like 23 years old.
It's like, what are you doing teaching?
What are you doing?
Why aren't you at home having children?
What are you doing in a classroom?
adam johnson
Maybe the fantasy that she's explaining to the class is not actually what's going on at home.
So she's projecting onto younger kids to fulfill that fantasy.
elijah schaffer
Someone said, Ligger's reading my slightly offensive fanfic.
sarah stock
Legend, I'm going to need you to play a video that I sent you on Twitter.
unidentified
Okay.
elijah schaffer
They don't understand.
sarah stock
I posted this a while ago, but I have some additional context now that Scott and I need to share.
elijah schaffer
Okay, give me one moment, please.
By the way, everyone agreed.
Everyone said, oh, by the way, that wet teacher contest was happening at Church's Chicken.
michael mendoza
Makes sense.
elijah schaffer
It was a Hennessy.
adam johnson
Yeah, this is tracking.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Wow.
This is really this show completely devolved.
adam johnson
Did it start somewhere to devolve too?
I feel like we just started in the mire.
elijah schaffer
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
unidentified
Here you go.
elijah schaffer
It's very good.
unidentified
Here we go.
elijah schaffer
Check this out.
michael mendoza
You're a white Indian?
elijah schaffer
That's, yeah.
adam johnson
So this is.
unidentified
No, no, no.
sarah stock
So this is in Canada.
unidentified
So this is how they make sense now.
sarah stock
This is how they sell cars in Canada in the city called Brampton.
I don't know if anyone's Brampton.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
sarah stock
But it's basically like only Indian people.
And so it's so Indian that even the white girls are Indian.
michael mendoza
Have you ever watched those videos of the Toronto youth talking about the channel?
elijah schaffer
Hey, fam.
How are you doing, fam?
No, no, no.
michael mendoza
It's way worse than that.
That's like our youth here.
But they'd be like, yo, 22 is fam Kroski?
And they have all these like, and they speak in this weird inflection and a weird tone of voice.
But they'll be like, yo, 2-2 is fam Kroski?
He was a Gerbert fam.
Like, that's, that's how they talk.
It's crazy.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, Toronto.
sarah stock
Okay, okay.
Now, look at the pictures I sent you.
Someone, someone just sent me this.
Look at the pictures I sent you on Twitter.
Hold up.
elijah schaffer
Give me a second.
sarah stock
See the girl in the video, right?
elijah schaffer
Give me a second.
sarah stock
Keep her in your mind.
adam johnson
Uh-huh.
I can't get it out.
unidentified
Okay.
No.
adam johnson
Nightmare fuel.
elijah schaffer
Give me a second.
It's not loading.
michael mendoza
That's like me with Adam.
I just can't get him out of my head.
elijah schaffer
Get you out of my head.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
adam johnson
Oh, for good reason.
elijah schaffer
Give Adam.
It's not opening.
sarah stock
Really?
elijah schaffer
Yeah, I don't think you can send JPEGs on if I send it to your iMessage.
Will you get it?
No.
sarah stock
Signal.
Do you have Signal on there?
elijah schaffer
No.
But you can send it to my Facebook.
No.
Let me see if I have an Instagram on here.
michael mendoza
Well, in the meantime, I'm going to play some Toronto.
unidentified
My word, Cody.
Like me, I've been speaking that shit just a womb.
I did not cry when I was born.
I was like, hey, yo, mama, what are you seeing, Cody?
You're good.
Do you inhale helium?
sarah stock
I inhale everything, Credi.
unidentified
Helium, potassium, Cody, they call me no chilo or two.
What are your thoughts on?
michael mendoza
That's how Canadians speak now.
A once white nation.
That's how they speak now.
It's like a mix of like.
adam johnson
It sounds South African.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
michael mendoza
Well, like, it's so it's like a lot of like patois, like it's a lot of like Caribbean slang for some reason.
Cause I think that there's a lot of Jamaicans or something there, but um, I don't know.
I don't know what's going on.
adam johnson
There are a lot of Jamaicans in Toronto.
michael mendoza
Uh, well, there's a Caribbean or like West Indian, West Indian, yeah, yeah, yeah.
sarah stock
Uh, yeah, no, there, there's a lot of Caribbeans in Toronto, but they've been there for like a long time, so they kind of like influenced the slang in Toronto.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, guys, I just got a new uh message request on uh on X. Check that out, Hitler.
Oh, I literally got a message that Hitler wants to send you a message.
michael mendoza
She's back.
No, hold on, wait.
Hold on, wait.
Let me wait for the sound to finish.
Um, it's a bad thing.
Sorry, never mind that.
elijah schaffer
All right, retake that off.
I don't should I should I answer, fam?
No, why?
What were those pictures?
Okay, okay.
sarah stock
Uh, we don't really need to look at them, but it's like this news story, and that girl like this video went viral because, like, I shared it, and then a bunch of other people shared it too.
Because I just got this ad for like an Indian car company in Canada.
It's like a white girl dressed up as an Indian.
Turns out this girl was abducted and now has like an Indian boyfriend.
There was like a news story about it, which was like 13.
michael mendoza
Sounds like a new Netflix.
sarah stock
Like, she literally got like kidnapped by Indians and they put her in a turban.
adam johnson
Like, Stockholm.
sarah stock
So, that's like what they're doing now.
unidentified
Okay.
sarah stock
I don't know.
It's kind of crazy.
adam johnson
She's got a job now.
So, that's take the positives from it.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
And she's not making street food either.
elijah schaffer
So, you know, I gotta say, it's been a lot of fun talking.
I feel like we've gone on a really productive conversation.
adam johnson
Worked a lot of things.
michael mendoza
I feel the same.
I feel the same way.
elijah schaffer
I feel like we really got through a lot of depth.
You know, I feel like the audience followed us through some pretty deep cavities.
You know what I mean?
But I will say this.
Nobody enjoyed her time here more than Sarah Spotted.
michael mendoza
Of course.
unidentified
Yes.
elijah schaffer
You know?
michael mendoza
So true.
elijah schaffer
And Sarah was just telling me when Adam was talking, she was like, you know what, Elijah?
I'm really offended because somebody said that I had outgrown this show.
And Shar was just telling me earlier that this was even too elevated for her today.
She wants to go more depraved, more degenerate, lower IQ, more talks about India and Pakistan Fecal Matter.
She said, can we drop the bar lower?
And I told her, it's impossible at this point.
This is as low as it gets at the show.
michael mendoza
No, that's actually the Gateway Pundit show.
She has to go on the Gateway Pundit show.
elijah schaffer
It doesn't get any lower than this.
So we failed her.
We failed her.
adam johnson
I tried best I could.
I'm sorry.
I will do better.
elijah schaffer
Did you tell me whenever there's a woman around, you're the best at failing them anyways?
adam johnson
Yes, it's actually my track record.
Disappointments.
unidentified
It is.
adam johnson
It is.
elijah schaffer
And you know what?
You know what's also crazy?
Is I'm sitting next to two people.
And by two people, I mean Mendoza's thighs.
But I'm sitting next to two people who like, you guys have your own fan bases and people like love you guys and just want to meet you and hang out with you.
And I've taken the time where I have you both together in the room to do this, which is like diabolical.
It's a diabolical waste of everyone's time.
But it was fun.
adam johnson
You actually can't meet me if I had tried to host an event.
I had an event.
I was doing a capital tour across seven different states and we were supposed to host a meetup.
A bunch of people to come out in Omaha, Nebraska.
And two venues actually canceled my event, my meet and greets.
elijah schaffer
Really?
adam johnson
Yeah.
unidentified
Nice.
elijah schaffer
Well, they said you bought your meet when you greet.
And that was actually called Indecent Exposure.
And that's illegal in every state.
Did you know that?
adam johnson
Yes, but it's only a misdemeanor in California.
elijah schaffer
Oh, man.
And again.
michael mendoza
And this is a map of where he's indecently exposed himself.
elijah schaffer
That's crazy.
adam johnson
Yeah, those are all the capitals I've been to so far.
elijah schaffer
You're trying to go to all of them?
adam johnson
Yes, I will be at all 50 with the next two years.
elijah schaffer
Weren't we supposed to go do something together and film something?
We still probably could.
michael mendoza
Well, thankfully, Elijah's schedule is completely open.
I mean, he has nothing going on all day.
We're just kind of hanging out.
We're just throwing spitballs at the wall all day.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, actually, it's been, I'm actually, I actually be completely honest with you guys.
It's actually really, I'm like really spread thin.
Um, look, too bad that you don't get as thin as your spread.
You know what I mean?
It'd be nice if like your weight dropped as you got spread thinner, but unfortunately, the demand still remains the same.
I was just called fat by someone in this room recently.
sarah stock
Wait, is that me?
unidentified
I kind of forgot.
elijah schaffer
Well, if you don't remember that it wasn't you, then it probably was.
sarah stock
I don't think I would say that.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, you did.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
No, okay.
Okay.
Do you know the do you know, though, there's very few people that you can do a show like this with, actually, that wouldn't get offended or mad that you just like shoot the shit and say nothing with.
This reminds me of actually being on the show with quarterback Garrett.
Except this show's a little funnier.
You know what I mean?
So, you ever been on his show?
adam johnson
Uh, I've not been anything uh neer-rotic or Friday night tights, something like that.
I've been on uh with Dave Landau a couple times.
elijah schaffer
Well, Dave Lando is funny.
So, Dave Lando carries the water for quarterback.
Quarterback's like the special needs student that, like, he's like the special needs student, but at least there's these special needs students bring value.
You know, I mean, at least they have worth.
So, like, there's some intrinsic goodness about a disabled person, you know, where like you're just like, oh, that person is something good, like something natural and sweet.
So, imagine you have like all the retardation of the downstream person with none of the redeeming qualities.
That's quarterback Garrett.
I hope you see this, Garrett.
adam johnson
I like Corter, he's been super polite to me.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, well, he left me with blue balls the last time I saw him.
adam johnson
That happened, can't do that.
Can't I'm happy he's on the cast and not bagging my groceries.
I want to say this because they keep putting the cans on top of my eggs, and I just they can collect carts without groceries.
michael mendoza
I hate when they put eggs in like a completely different bag, it's kind of pointless, I think, right?
Yeah, just put on top of something else, just don't put it in its own bag, it's kind of unnecessary.
I don't know.
adam johnson
And I'm gonna scramble them, but at home, that's true, you know.
elijah schaffer
Um, yeah, someone else said, I'm low energy tonight.
I'm actually not low energy tonight.
I'm actually um also someone said, dude, everyone is just so mean to me in the comments every time.
sarah stock
Um, it was just like so someone says, I'll just read them for you: Elijah losing hair, Elijah always had a fat face, Elijah has a fat face.
unidentified
Uh, Elijah has a fat face again, Elijah's fat, Elijah's like obese.
sarah stock
Tell a lot someone tell Eli to wear a suit.
Elijah's so high on Jeet's wet, he can't host a show.
michael mendoza
Could you imagine if we wore a suit for this specific show today, like someone we know?
elijah schaffer
He always dresses pretty nicely on shows.
unidentified
Elijah Should I just keep reading the me comments?
adam johnson
We have no other stories.
I mean, keep them going.
elijah schaffer
All right, we do other stuff.
adam johnson
Elijah should retain his right now.
elijah schaffer
No, we do.
Yeah, I know, I know.
sarah stock
No one's ever said anything about me on here.
michael mendoza
No, not at all.
elijah schaffer
Okay, so well, we do have a picture of Sarah on vacation.
A video of Sarah, check this out.
unidentified
All right, bitches.
We outside, we in the pool.
I got me my little margarita or whatever.
I know I ain't trying to get no motherfucking water, bitch, because I just got waxed yesterday.
And bitch, I ain't trying to get no like skin disease or nothing or no stat infection.
Look like I'm some type of lizard or something.
I don't know.
I try to look like an old strawberry, you know what I mean?
So, yeah, my friends are in the water right now.
michael mendoza
I'm here chilling.
unidentified
Drinking my little margarita.
I just finished a picture.
Now we're drinking the cans because we're already empty out the bar and whatever.
Hopefully no bitch tell me any no pasties this time.
We'll be chilling.
michael mendoza
I think a skin disease is the least of his worries, actually.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, you know, there's something called AIDS.
unidentified
AIDS, yeah.
elijah schaffer
You know what I mean?
That's also not good.
So, Sarah, what was your thoughts in making that video?
sarah stock
I was just on vacation.
elijah schaffer
You haven't been on a second offensive shit show, have you?
You haven't been on one of these yet?
We're just derails and we just yap about nothing for like two hours?
sarah stock
No, I'm mostly just serious.
elijah schaffer
No, but you haven't been on one of these yet, where the complete show is derailed and we have to just continue.
sarah stock
Yeah, I feel like the other ones I went on, it was like a news show.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, but sometimes we derail the shows and then it becomes this.
sarah stock
No, like the other, yeah, the other ones is like we're like, oh, like, let's analyze James Lindsey.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, but this one is where, is where we should have been drinking, but we're not.
You know what I mean?
This was like, this is an alcohol show without alcohol.
adam johnson
It looks like that thing dipped its nails into super glue in like a crafts closet.
Did you see that?
It's like beads and pez.
elijah schaffer
It's how Freddy Cougar gets beat off.
unidentified
Yeah.
adam johnson
I wonder if it's on a cruise ship and someone should push it over.
elijah schaffer
It's true.
I think you could hear the crunch in the shark's teeth.
That's the nails.
You know, they're like toothpicks for the seashore, the sea whales.
adam johnson
That's how you get shark pox.
elijah schaffer
You know what?
You know what this thing is crazy?
Can I give a few, can I give something like that is kind of crazy about gay people like this?
In my opinion, this guy was racked out as a child by his uncle.
michael mendoza
Racked out crazy.
elijah schaffer
You know what I mean?
Because they were like what are called like, there would be like, there's like three types of gays in my opinion.
There's like fetish gays, there's sex addict gays, and then there's, I was molested gay, right?
sarah stock
I think the fetish and sex addict is the same thing, but then like there's a third category.
elijah schaffer
No, because the sex addicts, no, because the fetishes like to do like drag and like, like they're like, it's like, it's like this whole, like, they're often way more feminine.
The sex addict guys are not feminine.
They're like, they're like, they're just like, yeah.
They're just, they're not fags.
They're gay.
So like the fetish ones are fags.
The the sex addict ones are like, they're just like trying to fuck.
And then they might pick up some of the mannerisms or whatever.
But those are the guys that might even like still have sex with girls.
You know, like they might not really truly be gay.
They just kind of like go for that.
You get a lot of those in LA.
But then guys like this to me are the ones that were like, we're molested because like they're almost like trying to be a woman.
And there's like, they sort of like have the submissive sort of personality.
It's like, okay, girl, I got my margarita.
It's like, and there's like, like, there was something like they've been.
adam johnson
They played the best friend a little too well, a little too long.
elijah schaffer
Well, yeah, it's like they were, they were sodomized by a larger male when they were younger.
So they developed mentally, before they developed mentally, took on a submissive role because penetration is submission.
And that's why women like to be submissive.
And when guys are like that, like they're in a submissive role, like you tell me, like submissive, like female.
adam johnson
He's in prison and need to pack a smokes, all right?
There are extenuated circumstances.
elijah schaffer
No, but I think he got molested.
I'm not sure.
I don't know if you think that, but I think that those kind of guys got molested.
That's my personal opinion.
And I don't think everyone who's got molested turns in that to that.
But the guys that turn into that female submissive gay were the ones who got molested.
That's what I take.
unidentified
definitely like a high correlation i don't think it's i don't know if it's all of them but definitely a lot What does the Mendoza report say?
adam johnson
Do you think that those three groups have kind of okay?
So I'm a fan of there was a first generation civil rights movement where they wanted their own rights.
They want to get married, so on and so forth.
They really fought for those things.
They may have been less depraved than the second and third generation we see afterwards, right?
This is the same thing with the black community, first-generation civil rights.
They want to just be treated as equals, want to go to school, drink some water fountains, right?
But then you go second, third generation, and they kind of lose where their message was.
They kind of lose the heart of the bass.
Because I know a lot of first-generation, you know, older homosexual males that don't like the newer generations of homosexuals.
They're like, you're actually ruining everything that we work for and all the things they said we were that we fought not to do.
unidentified
Okay, like you're making us that.
sarah stock
We don't need to think it's like, oh, there's like the good gays are annoyed at the bad.
unidentified
They're all bad.
adam johnson
I'm saying there's a step.
There's, I'm saying the depravity has made it, has made it what they were trying to not be, right?
They kind of got their rights.
sarah stock
They always were.
They always were.
They were always doing orgies and being bad.
adam johnson
They hit it.
sarah stock
They were spreading it.
Yeah, they were hiding it, but that was only because they had to.
adam johnson
But I agree with you.
I agree with you.
But even in the hiding it, I think culturally we were in a better place.
sarah stock
Oh, yeah.
100%.
adam johnson
That's that's kind of what I'm getting at.
It's like we shouldn't be having parades.
It shouldn't be in our kids' schools.
It shouldn't be there, right?
The sanctity of your own bedroom.
I can't tell you what to do because you're an adult.
You make those old decisions.
But the second you start imparting it upon children and you start affecting culture to move to the place where we're just having parades where adults are naked shaking their fucking dicks in front of kids.
Like, that's that's obviously a bridge too far.
sarah stock
Someone said that guy's going to be the new face of Prague, you.
elijah schaffer
Well, yeah, because the thing is, is listen, I want to conserve the values of America.
Like, if you're going to shake your freaking dick in a parade, there better be no kids there.
You know what I mean?
No, because that's right.
That should be.
sarah stock
You just shouldn't do that in general.
elijah schaffer
No, no, no, no.
You're not MAGA.
michael mendoza
Have you not read the writings of Thomas Paine and Ben Franklin before?
elijah schaffer
You know, George Washington said he wanted a country free of tyranny.
sarah stock
George Washington.
elijah schaffer
Stopping men from shaking their dicks.
sarah stock
I want transgenders as soon as you turn 18.
unidentified
Correct.
elijah schaffer
Give a round of applause.
She's finally read the founding documents.
I thought she didn't even know what our country was built on.
adam johnson
It was in common sense, the third chapter.
michael mendoza
Yeah, that was in the preamble, but yeah.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, he made gay orge rooms in Monte Carlo.
unidentified
How dare you chop off children's genitals without parental permission?
elijah schaffer
Yeah, exactly.
michael mendoza
Right.
elijah schaffer
I want a day when blacks can be free from slavery and to choose what gender they will be.
michael mendoza
You know what I mean?
elijah schaffer
That was what we were built on.
adam johnson
There are now prophylactic drugs that the homosexual community can take when they want to go out and have orgies in the woods on the weekends so they don't contract AIDS or other diseases.
michael mendoza
Oh, yeah.
Prep, right?
I don't know why I know that.
Don't ask me.
elijah schaffer
The comments are saying, Elijah knows his gays.
Elijah has first-hand knowledge from when he was the queen of West Hollywood.
Someone says, Elijah here with the expert knowledge.
Someone said, you can't repent them memories away.
Someone says, Elijah got ran through, no doubt.
And then Eli was one-fifth of a dick away from being a homosexual.
And he said, Elijah's tried all of them.
Captain Park says, speaking from experience, there you are Mag said Elijah's back pocket is pulled out.
And then, I don't know what this one means.
By the way, these are my favorite people that are in the chat every week.
It says, Elijah ears, Snickers, veins down.
What does that mean?
michael mendoza
Could you know how Snickers has the dick vein on top of it?
elijah schaffer
Oh, you might say eats.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Snickers, veins down.
Okay.
All right.
Someone said Elijah used to be known as Mason because his asshole was as wide as a Mason jar.
unidentified
Wow.
elijah schaffer
Someone said, why is this traditional girl on a gay show?
Stupid question.
Someone said, I'm Elijah the kosher zinc queen.
What does that even mean?
michael mendoza
What's zinc?
What's the zinc?
adam johnson
Like the it helps fight a cold, zinc and calcium.
elijah schaffer
I thought zinc also helps with sun protection.
unidentified
It does.
michael mendoza
That's true.
elijah schaffer
You guys, okay, some of these are just getting too sexual and gross.
There's a woman here.
Can you guys be appropriate?
We're trying to be appropriate this whole show.
There's a female on the show, please.
unidentified
Sounds like really crowded.
Yeah.
michael mendoza
So hey, someone said, How does Elijah remove a condom?
He farts.
elijah schaffer
Stop.
michael mendoza
That's the best way.
elijah schaffer
We're done.
We're done.
There's a female on the show.
Can the run be appropriate, please?
Can everyone be appropriate?
There's a female on the show.
There's a female on the show.
adam johnson
My kids are watching.
I have so much to explain when I go home.
unidentified
No.
elijah schaffer
So what does he mean by that last line?
adam johnson
Well, ask your teacher.
Your English teacher.
michael mendoza
Good callback.
elijah schaffer
No, you missed.
So this show used to be late at night.
Like it used to be like, it used to be.
It used to start at 11 originally.
And it would go 11 to 1.
And we would just go for like three hours.
And it was like the most inappropriate show, but the ratings are really high.
It was like the most inappropriate.
It was like, it was like low-key.
Like, almost every episode got marked for adults only.
Because it was actually insane.
And then I toned it down because my wife was like, and my in-laws that came to me and they're like, hey, this is embarrassing to the family.
Like, this is like actually, this is like actually a problem.
Like, they were like, this is like.
sarah stock
I love that this is you toned down.
elijah schaffer
Oh, this is as toned down as it gets pretty much.
And then like, that's when we switched to a lot of news.
I only switched to news stuff when his wife started helping me because she started like choosing all these like news stories.
And before it would be like, yeah.
It would be like the 10 craziest moments of like fags at a thing.
I'd go like, yeah, I'd go to like satanic demon conferences and film people and talk to them and like interview fat black people and make fun of them for now.
I'd be like, it would be called making fun of fat blacks for 60 minutes straight.
It'd be the title of the show.
And then like, and then everyone was like, people were telling me it was causing problems at their work and people were bringing stuff up.
So I had to like take the show down like 50 notches just to like, I had family members crying and talking to me like regularly.
It was like almost like I was a, I was like, there was an intervention.
adam johnson
You walk in your grandma's there.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, but like, but like, it's like, it's a good, it's almost like I'm like, you ever seen those like clips where it's like the little brother finds out like his moms has an OnlyFans?
That's how I felt.
Like it was like I was the mom and like everyone was mad and I had an OnlyFans they were getting made fun of at school.
And so then I tone it down and then we started talking about the news.
And then now about 11 people continued to watch the show.
So that's good.
sarah stock
So someone said that they weren't allowed to use gay as an insult because their teacher was a liberal.
And it reminds me of when I worked for conservative media.
unidentified
Well, but they are gay, though.
adam johnson
But if you're describing someone who is gay, that's actually the right word.
sarah stock
No, like using gay as an insult.
Like, oh, that's gay.
adam johnson
What's insulting about being gay?
I just, I don't understand it.
Like using it pejoratively.
sarah stock
Yeah, that's the point.
I had in my bio when I worked for Con Inc.
I had my bio is like real and straight in a world that's fake and gay.
adam johnson
For a community that literally has a slogan, pride, how can you use it pejoratively then?
If you're proud of being gay, how can you use it pejoratively?
unidentified
It's true.
elijah schaffer
Someone said, he would get wasted and look at camel toes.
unidentified
I think the intervention was necessary.
elijah schaffer
Someone's like, I remember the 11 p.m. shows.
Those were wild.
It's like, it would.
And it'd be like 2:30 in the morning.
We'd still be going.
And then it'd be like, I remember, I would just like wake up at the desk and pass out.
And like, just with someone on the floor with like throw up on the floor.
And it would be like, we'd wake up at like five, like, what the heck?
And I go on the internet and it's like still be streaming.
Your arm would just be in the shot.
And you're like, that's not good.
And we'd have to delete it, you know?
So it was, that was, um, yeah.
But so that wasn't, that was an interesting thing.
Um, someone said, I got fired back then.
Good times.
Yeah, it's crazy how that happened, huh?
Um, someone else said, imagine being a guest on this show.
That's that's so sad.
Imagine having to be on this show.
That's crazy, too.
All right.
adam johnson
I signed up for this.
I had the night off.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Oh, man.
Someone said, yeah, who's like, yeah.
adam johnson
I'm going to stay in and watch cat videos in my snuggie.
elijah schaffer
Well, the good part is, is I have some really expensive cigars here.
adam johnson
Fantastic.
elijah schaffer
We could have one.
adam johnson
Can we share it?
elijah schaffer
Only if I get tip.
All right, a couple more clips here.
So, obviously, Alpha Fox shared this, and he was saying he loves how women are looking natural today.
Check this out in LA.
So that's crazy.
Who wrote the script?
It literally was like looking natural.
Fox, you click on the link and it just sort of opens.
I'm literally, Sam is like, Sam didn't, did Sam write do this?
adam johnson
That's not a real doll.
elijah schaffer
What is who made it?
adam johnson
It looks like a real doll.
unidentified
That's not like did he know we had a woman on the show tonight?
elijah schaffer
He don't know.
sarah stock
What the heck?
I told him I was going on.
Why did he do that?
elijah schaffer
Did he really?
sarah stock
I told him not to put anything appropriate or inappropriate.
elijah schaffer
Did you really?
michael mendoza
Oh, I think you said the opposite is.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, you asked that girl.
That's why you put anything appropriate.
michael mendoza
Yeah, don't put anything appropriate.
unidentified
That's why I accidentally said, Don't put anything appropriate.
michael mendoza
Double negative confused him.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, like, let's see the next clip here.
Is any redeeming value here?
adam johnson
Don't not put anything inappropriate.
elijah schaffer
Or why are we going to do this?
unidentified
She's back up.
michael mendoza
I'm getting a message from the script.
Oh, okay, wait.
So that was an accident.
That was actually just a video of Sarah driving through Fort Lauderdale earlier.
So that shouldn't have been in there.
That was an honest mistake.
Oh, actually, yeah, that's.
sarah stock
You guys think I can't do that?
michael mendoza
Well, that was a mistake, too.
Yeah, you're right.
sarah stock
I'm a girl.
I don't drive.
adam johnson
Those kids are like curbs.
They'd all be on the ground.
michael mendoza
No.
sarah stock
People think that.
People think I'm actually joking when I say that.
Like when I'm like, they think I'm like baiting when I say I don't drive.
I don't drive.
adam johnson
That reminds me of the Angelina Jolie trip.
Do you remember that when she went to Africa and took a couple kids home?
michael mendoza
Yeah.
Are they trans yet?
adam johnson
I think one actually just untransed.
michael mendoza
Oh, really?
adam johnson
He trans?
michael mendoza
Oh, really?
unidentified
They did an N tower, N-word tower with the child.
Oh.
adam johnson
Shocking.
elijah schaffer
Dude, like, this is the most diabolical script.
Like, look what it's look at.
Look at what its things are labeled.
Look at this.
Ugly Jews talk about toothpaste.
michael mendoza
Oh, that piqued my interest.
What's the issue?
I don't get it.
What?
unidentified
Are you here for toothpaste?
Skip a toothpaste for artificial flavor, titanium dioxide, and fluoride.
Instead, I try to use two better options for endocrine disruptors and the neurotoxins.
elijah schaffer
I swear he didn't even think about putting anything that could be a conversation in this show.
Like, it was like, hey, what if we did an 18-year-old's brain that watches too much TikTok?
adam johnson
It was like, that's what I, yes, it seems like I'm on a TikTok stream or something.
This is these videos are stream of conscious, the titles and everything.
Like, I'm not even just blah, blah, blah, blah.
elijah schaffer
I'm like, you know what I mean?
That's why, like, I'm, I'm having a hard time.
Because I'm like, okay, well, how do we segue to that?
You know what I mean?
So, like, hey, Jews are ugly.
What's the, what's the, what's the point?
adam johnson
Do we have a toothpaste to ad read or something?
What are we?
elijah schaffer
I can't even do ads on this show.
michael mendoza
Anyway, guys, go to vanman.shop slash Elijah.
Promo code Elijah 10% off.
And they have the toothpowder there.
I would bring it up right now, but don't.
elijah schaffer
Here's the next video.
Let's see if this has any correlation.
Next video.
unidentified
It is an actual replication of my husband's penis with his ashes that I have slowly been spreading around the gathering.
He's here.
It is an actual replication.
this is not any better at this point this is like what are we supposed to say about this So he's just like, hey, it's relatable.
elijah schaffer
I hope your parents don't watch this episode.
Tell them no one to watch this, please.
This is terrible.
Thoughts?
sarah stock
Okay, I just stopped telling people to watch my shows a little while ago.
elijah schaffer
Thoughts?
adam johnson
He couldn't be here, but he certainly came everywhere because he's dead.
elijah schaffer
Sounds like he's got a bunch of people.
unidentified
Because he said he couldn't be there, but I got it.
sarah stock
Okay.
michael mendoza
Did you, though?
Because it was a little deep.
I don't know if this might have gone over yet.
elijah schaffer
Six feet or six inches deep, you know?
unidentified
I'm sorry.
elijah schaffer
I'm sorry.
This is like a horrible show.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Oh, man.
unidentified
Thoughts?
Sarah thought I need to like.
adam johnson
I'm getting a phone call from my wife after this.
It's not going to be a good idea.
elijah schaffer
Is she watching?
adam johnson
I hope not.
I really, really hope not.
elijah schaffer
Me too.
I hope mine's not watching either.
That being said, okay.
Next video.
Here we go.
He said, uh, Latinas online versus in real life.
That's really savage.
That's like that.
Oh, he's going to get killed later.
adam johnson
My God.
Death by Chonkla.
sarah stock
She kind of looks the same.
unidentified
Yeah, she's just doing shots.
She just has like, she just has a like a hair up, and it's like, I don't know.
sarah stock
Maybe it's like a girl thing.
It's just like, if I like look at like a picture of a girl on social media, I like can like see like, oh, what does she look in real life based on just like automatically like, well, that's a good angle, makeup, lighting, blah, blah, blah.
unidentified
Like guys look at it, they're like, that's exactly what she looks like in real life.
sarah stock
And then they meet her and they're like, wait.
adam johnson
So the heart of the story, the reason why he's pissed and sharing that's because she had 17 clam shots on Instagram.
sarah stock
Kind of normal these days.
adam johnson
Yeah, it should stop.
It should stop.
michael mendoza
You call that Oyster Rockefeller when you have 17 clams, eat them all at once.
elijah schaffer
Someone said, this stream is like when you're having the best time hanging out with your friends, but you're so tired and you just want to go home and go to bed, but you stay.
sarah stock
Well, that is me, but also I didn't even want to come to my friend's house to begin with.
unidentified
What if your friends paid you to come?
What if they forced you to come?
adam johnson
That'd be the only fans.
unidentified
All right.
elijah schaffer
Someone said her name is Chungis Torta.
Okay, last video.
unidentified
Last video.
elijah schaffer
Vast video.
I guess this is, he said, it says this one relates to the last one, at least.
So at least let's play this.
So I think he got that way from not having a father in his home.
michael mendoza
Hold on.
No, hold on.
I'm getting another message from the scriptwriter.
No, that was another video from Ford Lauderdale.
elijah schaffer
That was actually Miami's brickle.
michael mendoza
That wasn't meant to be there.
Sorry.
elijah schaffer
That was brickle.
michael mendoza
I don't know what happened there.
elijah schaffer
Interesting.
adam johnson
It's actually a deconstructed 7-Eleven chicken roller.
elijah schaffer
You don't like that?
unidentified
Do you find using a raw monkey arm?
michael mendoza
Want to hear the most diabolical super chat that we've got tonight?
Oh, God.
Just because this part alone, don't let the shit get to you.
You're the best journalist I've ever seen.
Says sick of shitty gov and then also says, and I'm glad you're honest and dedicated.
Tell Kaz hey from the chat.
I'd be honored to buy you a beer someday.
You're the best journalist I've ever seen.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, wait.
I didn't mean that one.
I meant this one.
I think that was for Elijah by me.
unidentified
No, it's for me.
No, that's for me.
michael mendoza
That's for her.
That definitely was not Ford.
elijah schaffer
That was for her.
Just let it be for her.
michael mendoza
Okay.
elijah schaffer
Just let it be for you.
adam johnson
It's a good win.
elijah schaffer
In the end, we were all the best journalists.
In the end, it was the best journalist you met along the way.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
unidentified
Thank you.
On that note, on that note, solid way to end the show.
elijah schaffer
On that note, I just wanted to end with something positive that I just thought we could at least redeem the time that we've had together and end on a positive note.
We'll end on this.
unidentified
I'm not scutted twail, bro.
Fuck you think this is bitch.
Just wanna think I'm scuttered twail right now.
We're in public.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, so that was just end things on a happier note.
michael mendoza
All those other videos, not up to the editorial standards of the show at all.
adam johnson
This was what this one was.
elijah schaffer
Honestly, that was the most non-editorially standardized show I've ever done in my entire life.
Thankfully, you're going to be on like real shows tomorrow, which is our interview show and our Rift Report show, which is like actually a media show.
This, however, I don't know what this was, but I just want to say it was an experience and I'm glad we had it together.
You know?
adam johnson
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
You know, and sometimes it's the black people destroying stores.
That's really the lesson that you learned that makes it all worth it.
Thoughts?
adam johnson
I need a shower after this show.
I had a cry.
unidentified
I need a- Adam, what's, what's, uh, where can people find and follow you?
Oh.
adam johnson
Oh, I'm on Twitter at Lectern Leader.
If you want to give me a follow-up to the show or unfollow me.
I also opened up a merch shop.
Unfollowed.
I got a presidential pardon, so now I can make money, which is nice.
The website is called unlicensedfurnituremovers.com.
We give away.
We give away 51% of all of the profit to my charity.
We're 100% of the money that comes into that goes to families who have been wrongfully persecuted and prosecuted by the DOJ.
Nice.
elijah schaffer
Awesome.
And guys, I'm going to actually ask you, maybe you want to unfollow the show too.
You probably should.
You guys will follow the show, but maybe you want to click the button and then unfollow us.
michael mendoza
Completely understandable.
elijah schaffer
It's actually understandable.
If this was the show regularly, I would unfollow us too, to be completely honest.
michael mendoza
Yeah, Sarah took off her glasses because she was just tired of looking at everything we were putting on the screen.
So it got that bad.
elijah schaffer
Do you even want people to find you and follow you at this point from here?
sarah stock
No.
michael mendoza
Okay.
All right.
elijah schaffer
Sarah Stock on Sarah C. Stock on Twitter.
And Sarah.stock.politics on Instagram.
unidentified
Mendoza thoughts Oh, man.
elijah schaffer
I'm just going to read a couple of the comments here as we go.
Someone said, Elijah is the only.
That actually happened.
That actually happened.
He was here and his dad died when we were on the show, and we had just kept going.
michael mendoza
Wait, no, that's not a joke.
unidentified
Wait, actually?
sarah stock
Was he like sick or he just got shot?
adam johnson
He had cancer.
elijah schaffer
He got shot.
He's not, dad's not black.
adam johnson
That's like, that's very two polar different scenarios.
So he either got sick or got shot.
unidentified
Wow.
elijah schaffer
Someone else said best journalist is Sully Elijah and Who Let a Woman on the Show again.
She'll never want to come on again after this, thanks to you.
Thanks to you.
sarah stock
I'm not coming on again.
elijah schaffer
Someone else said, someone said, Sarah must now get rebaptized.
True.
Someone said he's like, yeah, this show's kind of different from Timcast.
sarah stock
Is there like a big overlap between like Timcast watchers and slightly?
elijah schaffer
I think everyone has watched Timcast.
But people watch this.
People like, they have confessions in our comments.
Like, I'm sorry, I'm done watching Tim Cast.
I'm done kissing the wall.
I've come here for a while to find out that I hate myself and then go back after I feel like I've gone insane.
People say they'll watch me for a few months until they feel like they've lost their minds and then they go back to Tim Cast to get sane again.
adam johnson
I like the full spectrum of podcasts.
Give me funny, give me silly, give me serious.
I want it all.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, someone said Elijah is the only faggot I like.
Thank you for that again.
Right in that.
Someone said Elijah needs a vacation in India.
Someone said Glenn Beck told me Elijah gave him a handy once.
unidentified
Whoa.
Okay.
elijah schaffer
I can't even say that on the show, so I'm going to get in trouble for that one.
Someone said the show gives me cancer.
That's great.
And said Elijah should scream at us like Tim Poole does.
unidentified
And then I don't know.
elijah schaffer
Okay.
unidentified
That was.
What was that last one?
sarah stock
Someone said I was going to cut myself, but watch this show instead, and it hurt worse.
adam johnson
Oh my God.
Oh, wow.
elijah schaffer
I love you.
Like, Elijah's my favorite degenerate.
It's like, these are not nice comments, you know?
Everything's always like, he's my favorite faggot.
I love him.
He's my favorite degenerate.
But actually, true, it is fun when you do curate a group of people.
You don't like the biggest group of people, but they, you know, you know that too.
They just like love your bullshit.
adam johnson
Yes.
elijah schaffer
And everyone who watches the show is a bit of a bullshit, too.
But everyone who's watching this right now, your family members tell you you're kind of bullshit.
You know what I mean?
You kind of, I'm sure that never happens.
I'm sure your wife's family never was like, oh, you're kind of full of shit sometimes.
You know what I mean?
adam johnson
Oh, they do all the time, actually.
michael mendoza
Oh, okay.
adam johnson
All the time.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
adam johnson
But my followers are awesome.
I did a whole week of just making soup and sandwiches.
I mean, like every post.
michael mendoza
Oh, yeah.
Actually, that was awesome.
adam johnson
Making soup and sandwiches.
michael mendoza
Everything looked really good.
adam johnson
Well, thanks.
michael mendoza
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Really?
michael mendoza
Yeah.
adam johnson
Yeah.
michael mendoza
Check out his immediate.
Actually, I have his media tab up right now on the Twitters.
I don't see any soup and sandwiches, though.
I do see.
adam johnson
This was a couple of weeks ago.
michael mendoza
This one's pretty good.
The Berenet sauce.
adam johnson
Oh, yeah, it broke.
It was actually a tragedy.
It was a miso marinated shiitake mushrooms and a, I want to say a Berenese with a lemon, ginger, risotto.
elijah schaffer
Sounds gay.
michael mendoza
I like how this, how this uncultured filth right here says, I'm more concerned about the pile of maggots you put the steak on.
It's risotto.
adam johnson
Okay.
michael mendoza
It's a risotto.
elijah schaffer
Wow.
Also.
Okay.
We're going to end the show.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you not ready for show business?
You're not ready for show business?
sarah stock
I don't think so.
elijah schaffer
Have you ever done a 24-hour stream?
It's crazy.
michael mendoza
Yeah, we call it the biz.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
michael mendoza
In the biz, we call it the biz.
unidentified
In the biz?
sarah stock
I'm going to quit and just go have a baby.
What all the comments want me to do.
elijah schaffer
It takes a little bit of time to get there.
So I would hold up at least a couple weeks.
sarah stock
I guess I'll get a husband first.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
sarah stock
Probably.
elijah schaffer
That's also like a little bit of a fusion, the first step.
Unless you're black, you can skip right to the kids.
unidentified
You know what I mean?
elijah schaffer
But according to what I learned today from Joel Berry, that race isn't real.
So you could be black because I wouldn't know by looking at you.
adam johnson
Get enough money because buy one.
elijah schaffer
Someone said, Was this a show?
michael mendoza
I don't think so.
Have we been doing a show this whole time?
elijah schaffer
No, someone said this is like in real life shit posting.
So someone said, Yes.
unidentified
Sorry.
adam johnson
Next time we just pull up Twitter and just shit post just all the way through.
elijah schaffer
Dude, all right.
All right.
We love you guys.
Shout out to my guests tonight.
Someone said this show is free and worth every penny.
Thank you so much.
That's so meaning.
unidentified
I know.
elijah schaffer
Someone else said, I'd make Sarah the best single mom.
unidentified
Oh, man.
elijah schaffer
All right.
unidentified
Oh, shit.
elijah schaffer
All right.
Anyway, I'm not reading that last one.
Have a great rest of the week, guys.
And may God bless the United States of America.
I'm signing out.
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