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March 21, 2023 - Slightly Offensive - Elijah Schaffer
01:30:27
STATE OF EMERGENCY in Miami Over WILD Spring Breakers

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Participants
Main
e
elijah schaffer
52:31
k
kezia schaffer
12:47
Appearances
d
daniel cohen
00:39
Clips
a
alison maloni
00:13
n
norah odonnell
cbs 00:23
|

Speaker Time Text
elijah schaffer
It's a wild week in Miami.
State of emergency and curfew has been put in place as women in bikinis and our favorite American youths have begun to riot and kill each other.
We got a crazy show coming up with all the fun stuff on this installment of Nightly Offensive.
It is approximately 10:10 p.m. Eastern Time in the United States.
Let's get down.
unidentified
Oh, we
elijah schaffer
are so back.
My name is Elijah Schaefer.
I'm one of your top 31 hosts.
There's officially 62 of us on Rumble right now.
We are on rumble.com/slash slightly offensive, as well as YouTube.
And you can find us always at elijahschafer.locals.com.
You can join the exclusive live chat, get the live streams directly in the app, join the real community, and stop getting censored on these crazy apps.
I am joined in the studio by the lovely, the beautiful Kez Queen Fetus.
kezia schaffer
And forever and always, a little man with a cup of tea and some glasses.
elijah schaffer
And some glasses.
Yes, Dilbert needs to be in the studio today because he knows.
He knows.
Spring break has gotten pretty crazy.
We've got to talk about this.
The Matrix is glitching again.
time it's in florida well state of emergency has been called officially in the state of florida specifically in miami and a curfew has been put in place as um party goers what we're calling them in 2023 party goers is what they're calling them now uh have been killing each other in the streets
Our first report comes directly from CBS News.
Let's listen.
norah odonnell
The city of Miami Beach declared a state of emergency over the weekend after a deadly start to spring break.
Two fatal shootings and some out-of-control crowds also forced the city to impose overnight curfews.
Gabrielle Arzola of our CBS Miami station has more, and we want to warn you, some of the images are disturbing.
unidentified
Chaos in South Beach this weekend.
People ran for cover after gunfire erupted Friday night outside restaurants packed with customers on busy Ocean Drive.
One man died in the hospital and another was injured.
I don't think I've ever ducked and hid from gunshots in my life.
Earlier Sunday morning, a second deadly shooting just blocks away.
Surveillance video captured the gunman opening fire on a man walking on the sidewalk.
My city doesn't need it.
norah odonnell
We really don't need to be an all-night party town.
unidentified
Miami Beach Mayor Dan Gelber declared a state of emergency Sunday and instituted a curfew to, quote, control excessively large and unruly crowds.
In addition to road closures, the curfew forces restaurants to close by midnight and ban the sale of alcohol off-site after 6 p.m.
Residents and hotel guests may be asked to show ID.
This is the third year in a row Miami Beach has taken emergency measures to control a surge in visitors.
Many traveling to Florida from other cities that were facing COVID lockdowns.
Last year, 618 people were arrested during spring break.
So despite the chaos over the weekend, city commissioners declined to vote or rather extend their state of emergency or their curfew.
Instead, they said that liquor stores can no longer sell alcohol after 6 p.m.
Nora?
elijah schaffer
Well, I guess we found the solution to the problem.
Apparently, the reason why people are continuing to be violent is because of the liquor stores being open too late.
kezia schaffer
Those pesky liquor stores.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, it turns out Chicago, Detroit, Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York, Miami, Baltimore.
I can continue to go, probably could fix their crime problem if they just close the liquor stores early.
Utah, this entire time, has gotten it right.
Shout out to the Mormons.
I've given you some flack over the years, but I think you guys are doing pretty good.
It's pretty much impossible to get liquor in Utah, and you do not see images like this in Utah.
So it's got to be the liquor, am I right?
kezia schaffer
Yeah, my favorite thing about that video was the only spring breaker person that they interviewed was a British girl who said she'd never had to run from gunshots in her entire life.
But back in London, she has to run from trucks that are running down crowds.
And the dentist.
elijah schaffer
So don't forget that as well.
kezia schaffer
And the dentist, yeah, but it's like someone in America has had to run from gunshots.
elijah schaffer
One of your first experiences was running from gunshots.
kezia schaffer
You know what?
I lived in America long enough that I have had that experience to run from my life from gunshots.
And I'm not going to point any fingers about who was shooting the gun around, but yeah, they did look spring breakers.
They look like spring breakers.
elijah schaffer
And that's what I'm trying to say.
There's a problem with spring breakers all across America, even when it's not spring break.
And what's crazy is they're into specific attire, like white shirts, long braided hair, and Nike shoes, and things like that.
And I got to say, spring breakers are out of control in every major U.S. city.
kezia schaffer
Not only that, the first time I ever saw my parents held at gunpoint and tied up on a bed, it was from Spring Breakers.
elijah schaffer
In Africa.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, in Africa.
I don't know.
elijah schaffer
Was it Tanzania or Uganda you were in?
kezia schaffer
That was in Uganda.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, in Tanzania.
kezia schaffer
The spring break goes crazy in Uganda.
It pops off over there.
People go for spring break everywhere.
So, yeah, every time spring breakers are around, there's always some sort of violence.
Some sort of violence.
elijah schaffer
Well, I know.
And you know, the thing is, is that the mayor was complaining because there's videos like this all over tick tock, right?
unidentified
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh!
elijah schaffer
Yo, she used her wig as a de facto weapon.
These college students are really out of control.
kezia schaffer
Why is it always the women?
Why are the women just as radical as the men?
elijah schaffer
I'll tell you this.
kezia schaffer
It blows my mind every single time.
I know I say that every time.
elijah schaffer
Every store is open too late.
kezia schaffer
So foolish.
elijah schaffer
Okay, so okay, but here's what I want to say.
What I think is funny, though, is realistically speaking, no matter whether you are a specific type of partygoer or a different type of partygoer, they're pretty ratchet, okay?
Like, and we're going to look at, there's some clips that I want to show you in the segment that I have to wait till we're on Rumble only later because they're just too violent and too crazy and the fights are too insane.
And some things that are too nasty that are going on at spring break that I can't show you here.
They're on our Ew segment.
But you do notice, you do notice one thing.
And the common thread is what?
All of the partygoers are young.
I was going to say, they're all young.
And young people are out of control.
And I've been lambasted by individuals who have said, you know, you're pointing out that they're always young.
We know what you mean.
kezia schaffer
These are just a group of girls who love to party.
elijah schaffer
But I'm saying, like, people always tell me, they accuse me of hidden meanings.
Like, oh, when you say youths, we know what you mean.
And I go, no, I'm just parroting the media because in 2020, they were unmasked partygoers.
Remember during COVID, all the mayhem that was happening were from unmasked partygoers.
That's what they were calling them.
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Okay.
In 2021, they were teenagers.
Okay.
Teenagers were not following laws, so they had to set curfews for teenagers during spring break.
In 2022, which is where I got the phrase youths, it was youths, unvaccinated youths, terrorizing Miami.
And this year, it is apparently partygoers.
kezia schaffer
Partygoers.
elijah schaffer
But I apologize for calling these people youths.
They're actually now partygoers.
So that's really nice.
kezia schaffer
How old do you reckon they are?
Surely getting close to their 30s, surely.
elijah schaffer
You know, I mean, like, a little alcohol is nice, right?
A little bit, but too much, too much, and you end up losing your wig.
unidentified
So.
kezia schaffer
Oh, we've all been there.
I've had my wig ripped off a couple times.
elijah schaffer
Your wib?
kezia schaffer
My wib.
elijah schaffer
You've had your wib.
kezia schaffer
Big white wib got wiggles.
elijah schaffer
Well, they called the state of emergency.
And if you saw that image in the thing, remember I told you they're all young?
kezia schaffer
Oh, yeah.
elijah schaffer
Look, this is what I'm saying.
unidentified
What I'm saying.
They're destroying the car.
My gosh This whole time there's been someone driving that car What did the colleague do to him?
What did the colleague do to him that he had to do a big run and jump?
Can we go back?
elijah schaffer
Like, that was so unexpected.
Can we just say...
kezia schaffer
It was unnecessary.
elijah schaffer
Is that necessary?
kezia schaffer
It's unnecessary.
elijah schaffer
Oh, wait.
Where's the real guy?
unidentified
Here we go.
Oh!
What?
elijah schaffer
What was the person in the car thinking?
What were they thinking?
You know what I mean?
I love diversity.
kezia schaffer
These party goers.
I wish they would just take their party somewhere else.
unidentified
Why is there so many?
elijah schaffer
Why is it every city I go to, there's just a bunch of young people that just really want a party?
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
I go down the streets.
They want to party.
kezia schaffer
Do you know what their favorite party drink is?
unidentified
Hennessy.
Yeah.
Yep.
kezia schaffer
I love that one.
elijah schaffer
And that's why it's locked up.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, well, that was.
elijah schaffer
I know why it's locked up.
Because they have to close the liquor stores early.
And so there would be a high propensity to steal based only on the fact that the liquor stores are closed.
So you better lock up your Hennessy because there's nowhere else to get it.
kezia schaffer
But the first potty drink, too.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
So moving on, moving on, moving on.
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So what's kind of crazy, though, you know, I was talking to you about how the way it's been, right?
The way that it's been in Miami.
And I found this image from Miami in the 1960s spring break.
And you know what I noticed is the difference here?
kezia schaffer
No one's jumping on the cars?
elijah schaffer
No, nobody's.
These are not partygoers.
These are beach relaxers.
kezia schaffer
Beach relaxes.
elijah schaffer
Spring break used to be peaceful because it was beach relaxers.
And now it is spring breakers.
Or partygoers, I should say.
kezia schaffer
Also, that's pretty cool that the girl swimsuits aren't like dental floss anymore.
elijah schaffer
What do you mean?
kezia schaffer
Well, they're not wearing dental floss as a bathing suit.
elijah schaffer
Oh, thongs.
kezia schaffer
String?
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
unidentified
So that's cool.
elijah schaffer
G-strings.
Well, just, I mean, if you could look at what the difference is in the picture here, definitely the difference is, I just feel like it might have been a slightly more civil environment.
kezia schaffer
I feel like that would have been such a cool time to...
elijah schaffer
I don't think anyone is body slamming cars during this go.
unidentified
Yeah.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, just peacefully riding on them.
Peacefully riding on the cars.
Enjoying the time.
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Okay, but I did want to say this.
If people don't remember this, anyone from LA in the chat, is there anyone from LA?
And you remember on Whittier Boulevard how driving cars used to be fun.
People used to meet up before social media and everyone down Whittier Boulevard would just drive their cars.
They'd have cruising on Sundays and everyone would cruise down Whittier Boulevard and like meet up and have dances and it wasn't like ratchet partygoers.
It was a different time in America, where people like, congregated, got together and and I think one of the crazy things too is that you know where we see a lot of the issues today is that even like back in the time, right even when people were still protesting during the Marxist Cultural revolution of the 1960s and the Sexual Freedom Act and what was going on there, you know, the people still believed in some form of civility, some form of public respect.
And when you see images, I love when people show images of like the 1940s, 1930s and they're always like, look at, look at what.
What do you notice about this image?
What do you notice?
Look, there's no trash.
What do you notice?
Look there's, there's no fights, everyone's dressed well, and it's like.
I noticed a few other things about that image of New York in the 1930s.
I won't bring them up today, but I also have to say it's like at a certain point you're gonna just have to be honest and realize that partygoers giving me a ticket, I don't give up.
kezia schaffer
Get it, girl.
Get it.
I wish I could be friends with her.
elijah schaffer
Oh, it's so good, but it's not all just ridiculousness.
Course, in the midst of watching this, sometimes you know we've got a laugh and that's why we'll get some funny videos.
unidentified
It didn't take very long.
elijah schaffer
A security guard tried to settle down a party and uh, an older white security guard and, as you'd expect, he was treated with dignity um, while he was trying to stop.
And I would say this is more of a dark humor funny segment, but I still think this is great.
Still in Miami yes, and for those of you guys that are in locals, we will be having a locals after party with you.
We'll have, we'll be hanging out with you.
We're very excited and if you join locals, you also can provide links.
You guys provided like half the links for this show, so Thank you, Thank you.
unidentified
Thanks.
elijah schaffer
Yes, you guys actually helped me build the show.
So I really appreciate you guys' involvement in that.
kezia schaffer
I can't wait to tell you all what happened last night.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Essentially, he was brought in to this to try to tell him to stop partying in the street because it was like...
kezia schaffer
Is he having...
Is he kind of having fun?
elijah schaffer
I mean, to be honest, yes.
That's why I did it.
That's why I put him in here.
I think he's kind of vibing.
But also, because you know what?
Partygoers can be really, really fun when you're getting hyped up.
I've gotten hyped up with groups of partygoers before, and it's pretty wild.
Like, it's pretty insane.
You slightly feel like you're going to die, and someone's going to steal your phone, but you also might take the greatest bump of baking soda in your life.
unidentified
What?
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
And you're like, woohoo!
And you're like, lit, and you're like hanging out with everyone.
And they're like hyping you up.
And everyone's hyped.
There's like, there's young people, old people, people with chlamydia.
I mean, it's exactly what you would expect from excitement.
It's like, you're going to, it's like, seriously, it's like, it's like you both are having a dance-off of your life, but might lose your life at the same time.
And not in like a positive space.
kezia schaffer
You really missed out on a key experience of the American upbringing.
That's too bad.
Yeah, I think that man, he's got some serious motorbike handles on his.
Is that what they're called?
Motorbike handles?
unidentified
I don't know.
Someone should go.
elijah schaffer
They're called handlebars.
Handlebars.
kezia schaffer
Right, right.
elijah schaffer
I can ride my bike with no handlebars.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, well, that's all.
elijah schaffer
All right, next video.
There's a spring break theme in every segment here.
I also thought this was not a spring break, but I thought about like your average spring break.
You know, when you go there, you can go to town.
You can, you know, go on Tinder, right?
I think this is from Tinder.
This is a new thing.
So if you pay, I was talking to another YouTuber.
He's quite prominent guy, too.
And he was explaining to me how he uses Tinder.
If he's watching this or would see this clip, he'll laugh.
But he was telling me how he uses Tinder.
And so what he does is he pays for the premium.
And then he sort of like pays to transport his zip code to other towns and cities.
And so then he's like, because he's going to be traveling around like around the world.
And so then he can meet people in other places, right?
kezia schaffer
Before he goes there.
unidentified
Correct.
elijah schaffer
Correct.
So let's say you're going to Miami and you just want to meet your average mom, Jasmine21.
She's pretty.
Right?
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Just like a, like, kind of like Ali Stuckey, right?
And she's a CNA, already red flag.
Nursing is such a CNA is such a red flag.
These are the girls.
Yeah, certified nursing assistant.
Not a nurse, nursing.
Not an R, not an BSN, not an RN.
kezia schaffer
She's an NPC.
elijah schaffer
But the CNA, and she's NPC.
kezia schaffer
What's that?
elijah schaffer
I think that's probably North Pacific College or something like that.
I think it's got to be some trade school.
But this is the kind of girl you might meet, right?
You might meet your average mom.
And what does she mean by that?
Well, if you searched up a few of her pictures on her Tinder, she is an average partygoer.
kezia schaffer
Oh my goodness.
She has a pit bull and a baby.
Is that all?
I think that's all we should say about that.
elijah schaffer
I don't think we should say anything here.
I don't think we need to comment.
I don't think we need to say anything.
kezia schaffer
I don't want to have a Megan Markle moment where they're like, oh my gosh, they were asking about how dark the baby was going to be.
You know what I mean?
elijah schaffer
I'm not even talking about the moment.
kezia schaffer
I'm not in the royal family, so I'm not going to.
elijah schaffer
I'm not even talking about the baby.
It's just your average.
kezia schaffer
My favorite part is that they're all matching.
And that is very classic average white mom.
Everyone in the family has matching pajamas.
That's always been a dream of mine.
elijah schaffer
I thought she meant she was the average, average mom because of her chin and the crazy eyes.
And everyone knows that mothers do that face when they're mad at you.
So I didn't even notice the black kid or the pit bull.
unidentified
Huh?
kezia schaffer
Oh, no.
I'm thinking about Christmas.
elijah schaffer
Me too.
I'm thinking about Christmas.
kezia schaffer
Every single year, I, to be honest, to be honest, guys, every single year I have tried to get matching pajamas with Elijah.
Did it work?
No.
unidentified
No.
kezia schaffer
It hasn't happened yet.
elijah schaffer
No, it hasn't happened.
kezia schaffer
We've always been like moving at Christmas or having just like the craziest time at Christmas.
unidentified
It's the craziest time of Christmas.
kezia schaffer
Christmas, but maybe this next year.
I'm going to try again.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, that's awesome.
So that's really cool.
Also, shout out tonight.
We didn't make it onto the front page of Rumble, but we did make it into trending tonight.
Wow.
So that's pretty cool.
For the first time ever, we were able to get into some trending there, which I'm really appreciative.
That's really cool, right?
That's probably, if you go to View All on the front page, we just missed being on the front page.
But we almost got there.
Now, speaking of your average mom, when I go to this next thing here, I got pretty interested here because this next segment or this next thing had to do with white women surprising me, right?
kezia schaffer
This segment is about white women surprising you.
elijah schaffer
No, I was going to say, like, because that girl, right, she had a black baby.
I thought this was actually, I thought this was actually really funny.
kezia schaffer
I didn't even notice she had a black baby.
elijah schaffer
Me neither.
One thing I didn't notice either is anything weird about these five black guys on a show complaining about cultural appropriation.
This is not a joke.
kezia schaffer
With black baby heads as decorations.
elijah schaffer
Just, yes, there's so much to unpack here.
Let's watch it.
unidentified
I just feel like there's such a long rooted history in appropriation from black culture.
Like, for instance, like when I go to the Metropolitan Museum and I see things that they've taken from Africa, I see things that they've taken from Nubia.
And then you go and you are, yes, and then you go and you look at these pillars and then there's this white man, Samuel something, something, 1800, going and saying, I'm putting my ownership on something that was never mine to begin with.
And then they go, yeah, I discovered it.
So then it gives me this ownership.
Like I can take it and it can be mine.
And I feel like it's that entitlement that is one thing that we really need to discuss.
Like there is a way I feel to very much so appreciate somebody's culture.
But so many times, like Bob says, there are times where, you know, they cite the source, but they don't.
kezia schaffer
It was hard for me to concentrate on what they were saying because all I could notice was seeing their legs under the table, crossing their legs, but wide at the parts where it mattered.
Can't you sit like a lady, ladies?
unidentified
Can't you cross those legs like a real lady?
kezia schaffer
You might squash something.
Too bad.
Too bad.
elijah schaffer
Well, I can say this.
While it is pretty good, and it does sound pretty good, I do appreciate the fact that I do feel like drag and transgenderism is a bit like woman face.
And if black people, if black men can dress up like women as a joke, right?
It's meant to be, they say it's meant to be hilarious and exaggerated and funny.
kezia schaffer
Then you're going to show performance.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, the performance art.
Then I don't understand what that means about blackface.
kezia schaffer
And I also minstrel.
Was that what they called minstrels?
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
I think so, but I also bring up the fact that I think partygoers choose to be offended by certain things to justify bad behavior and to forsake accountability, if that makes sense.
Because I'll watch a lot of videos.
Like on our last show, where the cop came out and shot the black guy while he was in the middle of stabbing a woman.
And everyone brought up in the comments, fellow partygoers were like, but what if she called them the N-word?
Reminding you that there are a group of people in this country that think that if you call them a word, that they have the right to literally kill you.
And the media will probably justify it by some means.
You don't even have to say the word.
Your ancestors just had to say the word and you're guilty of it.
So it's pretty remarkable.
kezia schaffer
It's like, how about this?
If a woman is provoking her husband and calling him all kinds of nasty names and stirring him up and he snaps and starts beating the crap out of her, will people say, is he still going to be held accountable for beating her up?
Or is it okay that he beat her up because she said some words that hurt his feelings or set him off or whatever?
It's like at what point is violence justified when you stir someone up?
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
kezia schaffer
Or you provoke someone?
elijah schaffer
No, I don't know.
I have no, absolutely no idea.
But I will say that they are doing women face.
And there's nothing else you can really say about that.
I also thought also too, in the funny thing, this came out as well.
Speaking of partygoers, and you go into an online school, a lot of these people are online class takers.
I've always made the argument that online school, you simply do not learn as well through online classes as you would in person, which is why I intentionally took classes I didn't care about online because they were full of crap.
And this girl explained to us there's a new plug-in now that all the people were using in order to get their homework done quickly so they could get on spring break without any issues, get over their midterms.
This is insane, but this is real.
This is where AI is headed as GPT-4 just came out.
unidentified
In college, I'm about to save your life so you can think of me later.
What you want to do is go into Google Chrome and download this extension called Transcript.
It's literally just an extension.
You want to make sure you click incognito mode, okay?
Because that's what keeps your browser from knowing that you're using it.
So when you're taking a Canvas quiz and you want to double check your answer, all you do is click the little button, this square pulls up, and it tells you if your answer was correct.
There we go.
Correct answer.
Same thing.
Go down to number four.
Click the transcript button.
Box pulls up.
It selects the correct answer for me.
Same thing with like smart books assignments in McGraw-Hill.
You go in here, click transcript, button pulls up, types it in for you.
Let's see if it's correct.
Yeah, it's correct.
Like literally, where was this when I was in school?
And also, if you're wondering what else it works for, this entire list of things.
You got Pierce in my lab.
You got Blackboard, Cengage, literally anything.
Like WorkSmart or Not Harder.
You're welcome.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, so you can actually just use a plug-in now in order to answer all of your things.
And I got to say, this has already kind of existed with Cora, and everybody knows this was already kind of a thing.
kezia schaffer
I never knew about it.
elijah schaffer
Well, it's not just the funny things.
There are some videos that don't make sense to me.
These are videos that I don't really have a category for.
It's just kind of WTF because there's no explanation for why they're here.
It just gets weirder and weirder.
Florida Fight Club, scantily clad Spring Breaker revelers let out pent-up rage in boozy beach brawls.
This comes out of Florida from the New York Post.
And this is that Florida Fight Club.
Scantily clad Spring Breakers let out pent-up rage.
Spring Breakers, we'll watch this right here.
Let's go ahead and go full screen and let's watch this.
I guess the American spirit is still alive.
kezia schaffer
Oh my God.
elijah schaffer
Now there's like these like fight brawls, but that's not really any different.
kezia schaffer
It seems like they're doing it on purpose.
Like, it's not like...
elijah schaffer
Those first guys seem pretty mad at each other, though.
kezia schaffer
Really?
elijah schaffer
Well, obviously they've always had like wet t-shirt contests, right?
Where like girls would wear white t-shirts and they'd have them like wrestle in like oil bot like baby oil or mineral oil or whatever bathtubs.
kezia schaffer
The girls surely they know that.
elijah schaffer
Yes.
They're called whores and they're quite common in 2023.
They're annoying and they're loud.
kezia schaffer
I just wouldn't.
elijah schaffer
But nothing's higher than their voice than their body count.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, but I just like wouldn't try to I just don't want to wrestle with somebody or fight.
elijah schaffer
They're just trying to show off their bodies to them.
kezia schaffer
They wouldn't do it in a thong.
It's like one moment away from just one little piece just out of place and everyone has I think that's the point.
elijah schaffer
That's what they're doing.
Like I think that's why they did it.
They did it to show because you know what?
It's college.
And I think that's where we've talked a little bit about like the infantile nature of our countries that no, but it's that it's that people go oh like it's weird like you're like 22 years old and people treat that like you're like 11.
Like it's like you make mistakes.
Go rack up your body count to double digits.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
I don't get I don't get the like you're young go and like make mistakes and just live your life because you're young so you can every girl I've met or Almost every girl I've met, this is proven on an episode we just did, almost every girl I've met that's went to college that I know in my life that I've ever met across everything, and this was on it.
We looked at a study, has a body count higher than 15.
And most girls have a body count higher than 10 by the time they actually leave grad school or by the time they're 24.
So it's like the meter for what's a hoe has really changed too.
But also, we're talking about like what's crazy is you ask girls and guys on the podcast on what's a body count too high for like what's a body count?
Guys will usually argue somewhere between one to three.
Like a lot of guys, it's like no body count.
Some guys are like realistic and they're like, okay, one.
Some guys are like two max, but I can't know them.
And then like the most I've ever seen a guy say is like three for to be into a relationship.
It's like with a girl.
And girls are like, I don't know, like 12, maybe 8, 10.
12 for a guy or no, no, for them.
So girls think like what makes you a whore is like 8 to 12 body count.
And guys are like more than 1.
I think that probably I probably saw on the last podcast I watched from Fresh and Fit, it was like more than 1, but there was a debate between 0 and 3.
And the girls were debating between 8 to 12 or more.
So that's why they do it.
kezia schaffer
Does it make a difference if it was like a one-night stand situation versus like a long-time relationship with a boyfriend or something?
elijah schaffer
No, I think it was asking what makes you a whore.
kezia schaffer
Right.
So like, but like if your body counts.
elijah schaffer
These girls are like under it's like by the time you're 24 or something like that.
So it's like basically if you're if you're at like nine to ten, then you're having like more than one per year as a girl.
And they were saying yes.
But it was interesting because like you said, it's interesting that the girls that are out there, like they're just college girls.
And college, as the study we read, you actually, it's like 75% of girls by 18 have sex or lose their virginity.
And then like 90% of those girls or 90% have had like a body count of three by the end of college.
So and then it's like it comes down that there's only like a 3.6% chance, 3 to 5, 3 to 6%, but it's about 3.6% if you look at the average.
I was looking, I thought it was about 5, that a girl's actually still a virgin when she gets married if she's gone to college.
So she has like a less than one out of 10 chance of like not being a whore by the time she leaves college.
So if that was you, congratulations.
But I'm just saying, I think it's weird.
Like, it's like college has not become about college.
It's not about learning.
It's about partying.
That's why party goers.
Party goers.
kezia schaffer
I want to know now that we're kind of on this conversation for the boys in the chat.
Do you ask women what their body count is when you're dating them or when you're in a relationship?
Like, do you ask that?
Like a guy's asking that?
elijah schaffer
Yeah, and then, and the thing is, is I partied in college, but I also did fucking brilliant too.
And I, because I'm retarded.
So I did party pretty hard, but I also, I also like basically, well, I also went to grad school and shit too, and I did top my classes and stuff.
But here's the thing: I also would say this, but in my major, I was probably the only person I knew that actually partied and did well in it.
That's actually true.
kezia schaffer
Wow.
elijah schaffer
That's actually true.
That's actually true.
That's actually a very, very true statement because I don't think molecular biology, genetic engineering, like immunological research, et cetera, is like a very quick and easy major.
It's quite complicated, involves a lot of math.
And, you know, so I did my, I did my fair share.
I had my fun.
Did surgeries on animals, you know?
It's like just a 22-year-old kid doing surgeries.
unidentified
I said, amputations and reattaching nerves.
kezia schaffer
Fun shit.
elijah schaffer
Creating the next COVID vaccine to kill your mom.
No, I'm just kidding.
Because the current one is safe.
But if I created it, then it would probably kill you.
Because if I were to create it, I would have had to have created it in nine months.
Thank God the current one wasn't created in nine months, right?
No, I'm just kidding.
They actually did.
They were working on it for years, actually, before that.
That was old technology from Yale.
Anyway, and it never could come to light because there's too many side effects.
unidentified
But it is what it is.
elijah schaffer
On top of that, as well, this is a total sidestep.
So everyone seems shocked that Israel, this is a report from pro-Israeli, pro-Israel news station, Newsmax, which has stated that Israel is planning on possibly proposing legislation to outlaw talking about Jesus in Israel.
Now, the reason why this is not surprising to me is because I'm pretty sure it's already illegal, or at least you can have social repercussion for trying to proselytize a religious Jew in Israel.
I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to do that already.
Like, they don't have, like, you can share, like, you can't proselytize, you cannot proselytize them.
But what happened there?
But I will say they are trying to create a law.
And I want to remind you guys that the United States allows dual citizenships.
A lot of people have dual citizenships with this country and also really support this country.
And remember, they were the leader of vaccine rollout.
They were the most boosters.
And now they want to outlaw sharing Jesus Christ.
And this is the country that we're supposed to support.
Either A, if you're a satanic and atheist, you're probably happy about this.
But if you're not, this is very suspicious.
And it's crazy.
It made it to Newsmax.
Watch this.
alison maloni
Christian leaders are calling on Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to stop a bill proposed by members of his coalition to make it criminal to tell people about Jesus in Israel.
Our Jerusalem correspondent Daniel Cohen is live near Tel Aviv with more.
Good morning, Daniel.
daniel cohen
Good morning, Allison.
Good morning, everyone.
A big story just before, days before Palm Sunday, Good Friday, and Easter, sacred time for Christians.
Two ultra-Orthodox members of Prime Minister Netanyahu's coalition have introduced a bill that would punish believers for sharing the gospel of Jesus with prison time.
United Torah Judaism Knesset members Moshe Gaffney and Yaakov Asher introduced legislation last week making it illegal to share in conversation or produce content online, in print, or by mail.
Their explanation of the bill emphasizes a warning to stop Christians in particular.
elijah schaffer
That should have been in my hmm section, huh?
Where we're not allowed to say anything.
No, I do want to say this, though.
I really find it interesting the fact that the Republicanism and the right wing in the United States is so strongly advocates for a country that they say, well, God supports them.
But they also forget about the synagogue of Satan as well.
And then they go, well, we're really going to advocate for them.
But like the Republican Party of the United States and the state of Israel are like antithetical in their values, right?
Because the Republican Party is the party of white people.
It actually is.
If all white men voted, only white men, Republicans would basically win every single race in the country.
So the reason why the Republican Party keeps losing is because they appeal to everybody except for the people that vote for them, which makes you wonder, white men, why you still vote for this party.
But then they also are very big advocates of state of Israel.
Fine, I don't care.
Be an advocate of the state of Israel.
That's how lobbying works in this country, right?
I mean, we have advocates of Pfizer.
I mean, we have advocates of a lot of things that don't really help us.
We're sending money to Ukraine, right?
So there's a lot of countries, a lot of people, a lot of things that we probably are not very helpful.
But Israel is like an ethno-state.
It actually is like legitimately a real ethno-state.
And they're an ethno-state with ethno-religio intent.
And they are advocates of ethnocentrism and giving you rewards and rights and liberties based upon your race.
So it's like, it's really weird that Republicans talk about how much they hate that idea in the United States, but we should support Israel just like the same way Democrats talk about they don't need a border wall.
We don't need to defend our border, but we can send money to Ukraine, right?
So each party, that's why I don't like the two-party system, because each party I feel like are a bunch of hypocrites.
It's like the rights, like Israel is our greatest ally.
They're amazing, but everything Israel supports is what you tell us is wrong for our country.
And then the Democrats said we got to support Ukraine, but we don't defend our own borders, which is why I don't really like either party too much.
I'm not a big fan of either at the moment, you know what I mean?
But I definitely am not on this desanctimonious trip.
But it is true.
It is true.
And I know that probably less Israelis out there probably support this bill to limit this.
I just want to say that I don't even know if a bill like this could be proposed in the United States.
So it's just kind of wild.
And I'm not even against, I'm not even an anti-Israel person.
I'm not even against Israel.
I think most nation states have their right to exist and whether or not they got that.
I think they got the land through Manifest Destiny the same way we did.
I think we got the United States through Manifest Destiny.
I think God designed us to have this land.
I really do.
I think that we created a great country and now it's become the seat of Babylon.
I think the United States has become the seat of the global empire.
So I do, as of right now, it's the center of all trade, commerce, and money, and we are the center of everything.
And if you also, what I think is so funny too, while everybody hates on Jews recently, what they really mostly hate on are Jews that are in control that they claim are in control of the United States, right?
That's really true, right?
Of banking systems, of the media, of Hollywood, of music, but it's still the United States.
So like this country has become a very weird mirage of what I think it once was meant to be.
We become a very strange picture.
I don't know.
It makes me uncomfortable with what our country has developed into.
It's very difficult.
I think America is so divided right now.
I don't really know if it ever could work with the way it is.
I don't think it was designed to work the way it was.
And it doesn't work.
So it is sad.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
It is true.
I do want to tell you guys a huge shout out, though, to one of our sponsors today.
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All right.
These are the picks.
You guys picked this story.
As I told you guys, you guys can pick your stories on locals.
These are SOB, slightly offensive backer picked stories just from you guys.
Let's look at the nonsense.
Reminds me of the dancing crabs, huh?
I guess this could be considered a little bit old, but it's still so good.
So, you know, the twins, right, that jumped Jossie Smollette, the black guys?
kezia schaffer
Oh, how are they doing?
elijah schaffer
Well, Fox News caught up with them.
kezia schaffer
Nice.
elijah schaffer
I don't know if you saw this.
kezia schaffer
No?
elijah schaffer
Yeah, I decided to speak to them about basically how it went down.
And this has got to win an Academy Award.
kezia schaffer
Were they in the Wakanda Forever movie?
elijah schaffer
No, just other partygoers were that movie's a movie.
It's about a great party-going people.
kezia schaffer
What movie were they in?
I don't think I have a soul.
elijah schaffer
They jumped Jossie Smollett.
They weren't in a movie.
kezia schaffer
Oh, yeah.
I thought that they were actors in a movie, and that's how they all made it.
elijah schaffer
They came porn, I think.
They were something like that.
kezia schaffer
Really?
elijah schaffer
Or no, no, they attended orgies together or something?
kezia schaffer
I don't.
I don't know.
elijah schaffer
Okay, I don't remember.
But this is so.
kezia schaffer
I was so glad to see them.
unidentified
I know.
This was sent in.
kezia schaffer
Blast from the pop.
elijah schaffer
I think I know who made this video too.
Anyway.
unidentified
They took our beautiful bench.
This is where we waited for Jussie to stop him before we attacked them.
So we got here with 10 minutes to spare and we had to plan our escape route to survey the land.
His building is actually right here, right above the stairs that we're going to attack him at.
We made sure we got there at 2 a.m., sharp on the dot, on the dot.
We had no phones because he did not want us to bring any phones.
He said, so we don't lose them.
I don't know if that's really the reason, but you can deduce your own reason.
So 2 a.m., he was nowhere to be found.
He was not there.
So we were like, damn, what do we do?
We didn't have no way of contacting him.
He had no way of contacting us.
So we waited here for about what?
Four minutes.
It was about four minutes.
But it felt like forever.
Because it was cold as balls.
So I saw him out the corner of my eye.
And I was like, okay, that's him.
Let's go.
Gotta go get this Empire fat.
Yeah, that's him.
That's him.
It's the empathy.
That's that nigga.
It's that nick.
Get that nick.
Oh, he's moving fast.
Come on, let's get him.
Get that nigga.
Let's get him.
As we crossed the street, we said, hey, to get his attention.
Hey, Nick.
Hey, he turned around, looked at us, and that's when we started yelling.
elijah schaffer
If you're just tuning in, by the way, these are the guys who jumped Jesse Smollett giving an interview about what happened.
kezia schaffer
This is amazing.
unidentified
Famous slurs he wanted us to yell.
Hey, aren't you that empire?
Empire fat Nick.
It's MAGA country.
And then he said, what did you say to me?
And then that's when I threw the first punch at him.
I held the blow because I didn't want to hurt him, of course.
So I made it look real, but I held it.
Then we started tussling, moving around, and then I threw him to the ground.
He wanted it to look like he fought back.
That was very important for him because he said, hey, don't just beat my ass.
Make it look like I'm fighting back and whatnot.
So we did that.
And then I threw him to the ground.
And while after I threw him to the ground, he had no bruise.
I wanted it to look more real.
kezia schaffer
Nice.
unidentified
Then I threw him to the ground.
After I threw him to the ground, I used my knuckle and gave him a noogie.
Nice.
So I went like this.
Why did I do that?
To give him a scar, to give him a mark, to make it look real.
Like he really did get his ass beat.
After I did that, I fake kicked him.
I don't know what he was doing.
I wasn't paying attention.
That's where I came around with the bleach, the infamous bleach in the hot sauce bottle.
Poured it on his shirt.
Then I finally put the rope around his face.
I did not put it around his neck.
I just placed it on his face.
And that's when we took off.
kezia schaffer
That's amazing.
That's exactly what you want.
If you're going to hire someone to come and beat you up, those guys did an excellent job.
They were dedicated.
They stuck to the script.
They brought all their own props.
They knew exactly what their client wanted.
They gave it.
They had great positive attitudes, great work ethic.
And I think that was such an overall positive video.
And I think they really outdid themselves.
And how much did they get paid for that?
I hope a lot.
elijah schaffer
I hope a lot too.
kezia schaffer
Because that was excellent.
elijah schaffer
And I gotta say, that's the best PR turnaround I've probably ever seen.
kezia schaffer
The attitudes was made everything.
elijah schaffer
Well, yeah, because it was like, look, dude, we know this is ridiculous.
Like, this was, we had some tools.
We went and showed up.
I mean, this is the insanity.
But we had a good time doing it.
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
And so we did it.
And now we're going to laugh at it because we're actors and we're having a good time.
Sometimes we go to gay orgies.
Sometimes we shoot videos.
Other times we're on Fox News.
And that's just a reminder to everybody.
No matter where you, how much people think they can destroy you, remember, you can literally be caught in a fake hate crime, be exposed.
Those guys are apparently straight, by the way.
They're twin brothers.
But you can be exposed for like having gay orgies for money with Jesse Smollett.
kezia schaffer
You said they were gay.
elijah schaffer
They're not gay.
Jussie Smollett apparently used to go to bathhouses with them.
Do you not know about this?
kezia schaffer
No, I'm trying to figure out the connection.
elijah schaffer
You literally went with me to UCLA to do the fake hate crime awareness campaign, which, by the way, was really successful.
kezia schaffer
That was so fun.
elijah schaffer
We did a fake hate crime.
So they did that.
And then you can still get paid by Fox News to come on and then go back in reverse and say it was all a prank.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, these guys should set up a business.
elijah schaffer
They do.
kezia schaffer
Oh, they have a business of beating people up.
elijah schaffer
Oh, no.
I didn't think about that.
That's actually pretty funny.
kezia schaffer
No, they should have a business together.
They seem like a really great couple of guys to work with.
I love their attitudes.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, me too.
kezia schaffer
And they seem like they have fun doing it together.
elijah schaffer
Well, they're doing a lot more than just it together.
I can tell you that.
Oh, they got $10,000.
Somebody said that the chat said that Elijah has a hot sauce and bleach in his purse.
kezia schaffer
Doesn't tell me.
Isn't that what Hillary Clinton is doing?
elijah schaffer
Oh, flawed TV is in the chat too.
You can follow flawed TV on locals and you can follow flawed TV.
What's up, Flawed?
Imagine though, you know, I love chats because chats always poke fun, and so you can never get offended at the chat.
If you're on YouTube, never get offended at the chat or else something's wrong with you.
However, we're going to end this YouTube segment because we're going to switch over to Rumble in a second.
People want to start switching over to Rumble before this segment even ends.
I'm not even mad at you.
I ain't even mad.
I ain't even mad.
I threw the link in the chat.
It's also in the description.
And you could also go to locals as well.
These are just a couple happy videos to end the YouTube section of the show.
Of course, these are winds, happy things.
And I think you're going to really like this video.
You ever wonder how heavy polar bears survive in climate change when there's really thin ice?
Like, you would wonder, like, if God prepped them for climate change, right?
If they know how to walk on thin ice.
I've been walking on thin ice my entire life.
unidentified
So, uh, polar bear or what?
elijah schaffer
My comedy gets better every show.
It gets worse, actually, which is why it gets better.
Uh, apparently, polar bears actually have more information about physics than a spring breaker.
They are better at physics.
This polar bear goes to cross thin ice.
I've never seen this before and knows about pressure and force and about spreading out the weight of your force.
Watch this.
So, he knows if he spreads out his body and then drags himself across the thin ice, he's actually widening the force of his body.
Oh, and yeah.
kezia schaffer
Wow.
elijah schaffer
It's actually pretty remarkable because pressure equals force over area, right?
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
So, I don't know how that's how that happened.
But the poor little guy, look, and he just goes back walking on his little feet.
And I thought that was so good.
kezia schaffer
He's just looking as if he didn't do that.
Did you watch that one more time?
elijah schaffer
That was incredible.
So, he knows pressure equals, I don't remember physics.
It's got to be pressure equals force over area.
I might sound like a retard.
I'm not a physicist.
I've only took in a couple years of that shit.
I don't remember it.
kezia schaffer
He kind of looks like a person when he's dragging himself.
That's so funny.
elijah schaffer
But if it just spreads out, yeah, that's one.
That's one video said, What are you watching?
Watching someone spread it out on my phone.
And then they say, Are you supposed to be watching that?
And you go, Yes.
kezia schaffer
They kind of have weird dimensions, don't they?
Like, his body is sort of like long and not as fat as I expected.
But I like them.
elijah schaffer
But I also have to say this too.
This is also a reminder to the boys.
This is not real.
I have to remind myself this is not real.
But Suri, the boys, stay focused on your goals.
Don't get distracted.
unidentified
It's been a long time without you, my friend.
kezia schaffer
Oh, that is so funny.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, just to stay positive.
And for those of you guys who want to keep watching the show with us to finish out the segments, including the most insane you and hmm segments on the Locals After Show, you can follow at ElijahSchaefer.locals.com.
You can join for free.
It's super amazing.
It's how we keep the show going.
Don't forget to support our sponsors today, pixetine.com slash Elijah.
They're an awesome nicotine-infused toothpicks, as well as undertack.com boxers.
You got to get the links if you've been watching.
Check it out already.
But for those of you guys that are here, thank you so much for watching on YouTube.
We will see you over at Rumble.com slash Slightly Offensive.
unidentified
And we
elijah schaffer
are on Rumble only.
The next segment are gross things, and they start with Spring Break Edition.
So I saw them.
have to now to well as you've seen that people are getting frisky there on the beach I know.
I know, I know.
Does he know if he made it into the right fold, though?
Does he know if he made it in the right fold?
Does he know?
Be careful boys.
kezia schaffer
Is this from this time?
She kind of looks like she's from like 2000.
elijah schaffer
I don't think at the beach it really looks.
I have no idea.
It's just from spring break.
Do you think I went around and like looked at like the notation and figured out and verified this if this was a real photo from last this year?
I have no.
This is a crap live stream, ladies and gentlemen.
And we have an amazingness for you.
I'm really happy.
I'm really excited.
This is some good stuff going on here.
I am pretty, pretty thrilled at what's been happening.
And I will say, we have some weird stuff for you.
Like, somebody said, like, is there any way you can show me what goes on at spring break without like without showing it?
Do you know what I mean?
Like, what is spring break?
Someone literally wrote me that, do you have any videos of spring break without actually that are not graphic?
And so, like, the closest thing we could find was you guys provided this.
So...
unidentified
Let's do it!
If you say that you eat this, we'll have to give you a second.
I don't know if it's true.
No!
God, hold on.
Let's watch the video.
Today we have a lot of food.
elijah schaffer
Okay, so let me just jump to the next story.
This week on Nope, this is not a joke.
A rare and giant spider species was discovered in Queensland.
unidentified
Wow.
elijah schaffer
Of course, right?
Of course it's in Australia.
So this is apparently written.
This size is not rare, but a rare species of spider only found in the regional part of Queensland has been discovered.
The Euopolis dignitas, a large trapdoor spider that lives in open woodland habitats and builds burrows in black soils of the Bergolo Belt in central Queensland.
Scientists at the Queensland Museum have given the new species a name to pay tribute to its large size.
So it's there.
There you go.
How pretty is this?
And it has been found again.
So that's it shriveled up, reminding you that's it shriveled up.
And it's just another day, right?
Those are another day.
Tiny spider found feasting on Australia's deadliest snake.
I know that's clickbait, but it's also not that far from the truth.
This place is...
kezia schaffer
Yeah, I felt a spider like this big yesterday.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, and that's not big.
So, okay, this is a random side story on spiders.
Do we have any arachnophobes in the chat?
Any arachnophobes in the chat?
unidentified
So I went to go to Wooly's.
elijah schaffer
So I went to hop the fence to the country club and go over to Woolley's.
Are we members of the country club?
No.
If our locals grows for the next nine years, could we become possibly help us join a country club?
unidentified
I think it's just a golf course.
elijah schaffer
No, I'm literally joking.
Was supposed to be a locals ad.
Also, it is called Country Club.
So really it has a club yes, and it has a proper club, and you have to be a member of the club.
kezia schaffer
To do what?
elijah schaffer
To go to the, the dances and stuff.
You ever hear the dances going at the country club and, by the way, just to let you guys know, to be members of a club, even though it's probably half as nice as the?
U.s.
Probably twice as expensive.
So that's this country um, so I went to go through and I just want to remind people I I tweeted this out the other day that there's a gate to get to Woolly's and um, in in front of the gate, there's a spider.
unidentified
You could just take the path, but a lot of speakers, but there's, but there's a spider bigger than my hand.
elijah schaffer
Bigger than my hand, not a joke, not a joke like not a joke.
I in in the bush and i'm looking at there with a golfer and he's like oh, you trying to get through there.
And I was like yeah, I I just don't think this is gonna happen though because, because I don't think this is gonna happen, i'll lie.
Look at that right there.
He's like oh yeah and, by the way, and there's one on the other side.
I don't know how big it was because it wasn't close enough, but there was a one on the other side of the fence.
You could just see it there across.
And they span across walking paths, by the way, like from wires, like from from electrical wires on the street down to gas station signs on the sidewalks.
Yes, some pretty insane webs.
By the way, also almost walked into one in the car park the other day below Woolly'cause.
It made across one parking space between two cars to build them quick, very quick, between two cars.
Builders, it's very frightening if you're an arachnophobe.
Now see, the thing is, if you don't like black people, Miami Beach could be difficult this time of year.
If you don't like spiders, Australia is difficult every time of year.
So, are you an arachnophobe?
Don't be any type of phobe on this show anyway.
Um, he said, oh yeah, just uh, grab a stick and uh, but tech day in the web.
You know they don't, they don't buy.
Or, like I said, don't, do they not buy?
Because I read about these ones and it said they do bite.
Oh yeah, but it's just kind of painful.
Gentle, you can move his web and it's kind of painful, you know, but it isn't, it's not gonna kill you.
And I was like yeah, but the thing is its fangs are the size of my teeth, so that sounds a little bit painful.
Also um fuck no um, i'm not going and knock.
Like the thing about spiders is these spiders are not like they have poison.
They're all deadly to me.
I don't touch spiders that are this big.
If you're as big as my hand, I don't touch it.
You're twice the size of my.
unidentified
What, correct?
elijah schaffer
I meant you're this big, you know, it's so funny.
I was like there was this thing that I was like you know what's the downside of being a Giga Greek god?
And it zoomed into a statue of like little tiny penis and the boys never fail.
Because the comments were like what do you mean?
That's a downside?
That's that's big as one can get everyone's like.
That's the biggest one, that's the biggest one bro, that's like twice the size of normalcy.
So thank you guys for getting our bad micro pee-pee gang.
Not everyone likes my jokes about micro penises, but I just think like boys are really fixated on that.
But i'm sorry, but I thought it was funny.
I thought micro GANG Grower GANG was funny, but apparently not everyone was laughing.
Uh tribute tribute, tribute.
Um, this is also his, this is, this is.
I did put this in the you section just because it made it in here, just because she grosses me out.
She creeps me out mostly, so this is more of like creepy.
She's not a spider, but she's a snake.
Kamala Harris.
unidentified
Okay, why is it?
elijah schaffer
This could have made it the lol section, but I just didn't have time to make it, so i'm throwing it in here because I had to watch this video.
Why does she insist on speaking to everybody like they're four years old and you work hard for so much of your time?
Like why did she talk to these grown-ass men like this, watch this.
Watch this.
unidentified
So good.
You played to the very last second.
You made all us bison so, so proud.
You hustled out there.
You are smart.
You are disciplined.
You put everything you had into the game.
And you know, that's what it's about, right?
Until the last minute.
You guys did that.
You didn't stop until the last second.
You did not stop.
And that is so inspiring.
So you keep playing with chin up and shoulders back because you show the world who bison are.
Right?
I mean, literally what you have done is in historic proportion.
You know, I was at Howard back in the day where we were just happy that there was a game.
Much less getting to this place.
Right?
And I see bison literally all over the world.
And we've been talking about you, this team, this team.
You all.
This team.
This year.
This team.
kezia schaffer
She's so condescending.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, I feel like she's speaking down to everybody.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, she should have been like a primary school teacher or something like that, the way she talks.
I wouldn't feel encouraged where it's like.
elijah schaffer
She's a dominatrix.
kezia schaffer
You're coming into some, this is like, I don't know who these guys are, but I am assuming they're like professional athletes.
And you're talking to them like, you did so good.
You played to the very last second.
And keep your chins up, guys.
It's like, isn't that their like profession?
Are they not professional athletes?
And you're talking to them like they don't train.
Are you okay?
elijah schaffer
I just realized what she talks like.
kezia schaffer
A preschool teacher?
unidentified
No.
elijah schaffer
A bridal party member who didn't know they were going to have to give a speech at the wedding and already drank too much when the speeches come.
And you're like, all right.
Like you're trying to be like formal and speak clearly.
kezia schaffer
Isn't this couple just the cutest?
unidentified
Exactly.
elijah schaffer
Just so, but you don't, but you don't, but you don't know.
kezia schaffer
You break her heart.
unidentified
You break her heart.
elijah schaffer
You don't know her that well and you don't know him at all.
You know what I'm saying?
This is the voice, right?
Watch, go do it.
If you were getting up there and you had too much a drink, you don't, you were invited, the girl didn't, you were kind of her friend, you didn't know her that well, and you also don't know the groom and now you're giving a speech, ready, go.
kezia schaffer
Wow.
I can't believe we're all here.
Don't we just love this couple?
Oh my God.
Brian, I'm serious.
If you hurt her, I mean, we're going to be so mad.
She's literally the nicest girl.
She's so brave and inspiring.
unidentified
I don't know.
It's like, it's all, it's like, there's no.
It does.
kezia schaffer
I don't know what it is.
It sounds like nutrition in the language.
Does that make sense?
What is it?
elijah schaffer
Authenticity.
It's authenticity.
kezia schaffer
No, like anything like of substance.
elijah schaffer
That's what I'm saying.
It's when you've drank too much and you've got to say something, but you don't even know what you're talking about.
So you just go like, guys, like even if you're a guy, you'd be like, hey, everyone, you know, the bison, we've seen bison everywhere.
unidentified
There were bisons in the 1960s.
elijah schaffer
There were bisons in the fields.
And people have watched you.
Black men have been on TV a lot recently.
There's been a lot of black men on television recently doing different things.
And many of you are game players.
And you're like, what?
What is she ever talking about?
I don't know.
I don't understand.
kezia schaffer
You would think that someone on her team would sort of tip her off and be like, hey, Kamala.
Just so you know, the way that you come across when you talk to people is like super condescending.
elijah schaffer
You be condescending, to tell her that she's condescending.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, i'd be like hey girl, like I know you're doing a really good job and like you really care, but like you sound like a bitch when you talk to people, so cut it out.
elijah schaffer
Um yeah, I okay.
That's that.
Now let's get into our um section of hmm, which is more spring break stuff, which is where we make observations about racial groups, disparities and controversial things, but we can't say anything.
unidentified
I got bronchitis.
Ain't nobody get damn for that.
Ain't nobody get dead for that.
Ain't nobody get damn for that.
Ain't nobody get damn.
Ain't nobody get dead.
Ain't nobody get dead for that.
I told you.
elijah schaffer
What did I tell you?
unidentified
Didn't I tell you?
elijah schaffer
Because I told you, hmm okay so, like I just mentioned, this is graphic and it's not funny.
kezia schaffer
Someone else gonna die.
Are we gonna watch another person get killed?
elijah schaffer
Yes, but this is in the streets of Miami during spring break.
They're just shooting into crowds.
kezia schaffer
this is the perp oh my gosh now why why just randomly just randomly go off because Because why why?
elijah schaffer
I mean, there's not a lot to say, it's just like it's is it?
kezia schaffer
Is it fun?
elijah schaffer
I don't know anymore.
kezia schaffer
What do you honestly think is gonna happen to your life after you kill somebody?
Your life is gonna get better, it'll have been worth it.
elijah schaffer
They're just.
kezia schaffer
Are you trying to go to prison?
unidentified
Well, what?
elijah schaffer
I think, like what.
kezia schaffer
I don't understand what's the point.
I can understand situations where you know you are.
You kill someone because you're fighting for your life or because like, but just like unprovoked, or something it's like, but what was the purpose of that?
elijah schaffer
Well, like I don't know, but like what's?
What's even more dystopian was them cleaning the blood?
The fire department off the street?
kezia schaffer
No no no, no.
I don't want to watch that.
elijah schaffer
While, like, the partygoers just watch them clean up a murder scene.
It's wild, huh?
Like, they're just watching them clean up the blood off of the guy who was murdered.
kezia schaffer
And the love will just carry on.
elijah schaffer
And then we're just watching on this show.
That's why I always feel really dystopian, because I don't want to be desensitized, but I am desensitized.
And, like, you know, like, I was talking to somebody, you know, very smart person, very well-connected person, who was explaining to me, you know, like, you know, obviously with Trump coming into office.
people are really getting on a lot.
There's a lot of people getting paid by DeSantis to like push him, right?
To push, to push DeSantis.
A lot of people pay to start shitting on Trump.
We've seen this before.
They try to take out O'Keefe.
They try to take me out.
They try to take a lot of people out.
They're going to take out a ton more people before the election because they don't want pro-Trump people out in the public.
They really don't want people out there.
And the thing is, we don't go away very quickly, right?
Like my entire life.
They try to put me in jail for January 6th.
Not going to happen, dude.
Not going to happen.
They always try to jail people who support Trump.
But the problem is, is like Florida too, Florida is an interesting state.
And I just want to say that Florida has a lot of problems.
So I'm not like, it's not that I'm like attacking DeSantis.
I'm just saying people say that he's done a lot for Floridians.
The truth is, it's easy to attack Trump and his supporters, and that's all that they do.
And tomorrow, they're trying to get you to go out and protest so that they can make you look evil tomorrow.
Just remember that.
Don't, please don't do that.
Just don't go do that because nobody stood up for the January 6ers that could have.
And so don't go go to jail for Trump tomorrow.
Just please don't do that.
So I'm not like, I'm not, I'm not like, just don't go to jail tomorrow because Trump asked you to protest.
Please don't do that.
I did bring this up though, that like, you know, this was also like one of those situations again where it's like these kids are in Target, right?
And they're in these same environments.
We've seen enough of that.
kezia schaffer
Why?
elijah schaffer
Why do they fight like that in like mobs like a group of pit bulls?
kezia schaffer
That's exactly what I was thinking.
elijah schaffer
It's like a dog's.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, like when the when the pit bull locks on you, it's done.
There's no way you can escape that.
It's until they tear you to shreds is when they will finally be done.
Until you're down on the ground and bleeding and you have brain damage and you're dying is when the dog will walk away or when this group of kids will finally feel like you have received your whatever.
For whatever reason, everyone there agreed that that kid deserved everyone to beat him up relentlessly and to not stop until when.
elijah schaffer
Right.
I don't know.
unidentified
I just keep going and going and going.
elijah schaffer
I'd like to see if we I'd like to see if we have any rumblers.
Did anyone send any rumbles today?
Do we know about that?
Did anyone send any rumbles?
Let me check that out.
Did anyone send any super chats on Rumble?
Any at all?
Because we are in Rumble, but I have no idea.
But I can't see any.
There are.
kezia schaffer
I feel like there needs to be one last one because I can't keep ending the show in like a state of violence where I feel like my blood pressure is high and I feel upset or cranky.
elijah schaffer
Well, here's okay.
Here's something.
Here's something interesting.
unidentified
Okay.
elijah schaffer
Victoria now, the state of Victoria, is banning the Nazi salute, like Germany.
It's now becoming illegal.
You can't salute Hitler anymore.
It's actually, you know what's funny?
It's actually a Roman salute.
So it's actually a Roman thing.
It's historical.
And the swastika is Thai, I believe, right?
It's Buddhist?
Is it Chinese or Thai?
I'm not entirely sure.
kezia schaffer
I think Buddhist Indian.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, maybe.
But they're banning it.
So they're banning the Nazi salute.
kezia schaffer
So what happens if you do it?
Jail?
Straight to jail?
Or fine?
What is it?
What's the consequence?
elijah schaffer
Knowing Australia, you can probably get out of jail for anything if you have enough money to pay a big enough fine.
Like, just knowing the way this country works.
I'm not joking.
Because remember, a girl went to jail for, what, nine months for stealing groceries.
A white woman.
kezia schaffer
In Australia?
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
And she was broke.
And so they were going to fine her like some crazy $15,000 for $400 worth of groceries.
And then they put her in jail for like nine months.
So my assumption then is that every nine months of jail is worth $15,000 or more.
So like if you were going to go to jail for like maybe two years, then maybe it's just a fine of $30,000.
And yeah.
Because if you have your phone out, it's an automatic $1,000 ticket.
And remember, they don't even have a lot of police in Australia.
They have cameras everywhere.
So it's a police state, meaning it's a fascist country.
Yeah.
It's a completely fascist country, but not the good kind.
It's like a fascist country that hates fascism.
Isn't that funny?
This country hates fascism, but they're fascist.
So I don't really know what to think about that.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, I don't really know.
I just don't really like governments in general.
elijah schaffer
I don't really like governments.
Welcome to slightly offensive.
We really, really, really don't like governments.
We don't like them at all.
That was a really good take.
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
Keep coming back for more.
elijah schaffer
So on this show, I'm going to say it.
Do you really like the government or do you really not like the government?
Because if you like it, this is now your show.
kezia schaffer
You're going to be really offended.
elijah schaffer
You'll be really, really offended about it.
kezia schaffer
You're going to be the way we talk about the government.
You're going to walk away with some bruised feelings, baby.
unidentified
Put my fedora down, and I'm going to have to give you a mean stowing up to.
elijah schaffer
All right.
Anyway.
Speaking of that, on the locals chat, many of you guys do send your super chats here and what's going on.
And so someone said this is a blast from the past reminding us.
kezia schaffer
Wow.
That's amazing.
elijah schaffer
A very nice blast from the past.
It's like it's like the exact same system.
kezia schaffer
I love how the boys in the back are still happy and have like great attitudes still.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
kezia schaffer
I love when you did your hair like that.
You were so handsome.
elijah schaffer
So handsome.
unidentified
So, so handsome.
elijah schaffer
Someone also sent this.
I'll just quickly flash it.
Okay, there you go.
kezia schaffer
I didn't.
elijah schaffer
I know.
We're not going to look at that one Doomsday Cracker.
MJ said, I'm demanding a Christmas card pic of you and Kez in matching Christmas pajamas.
kezia schaffer
Yay, now we have to do it because MJ said so.
elijah schaffer
Welcome, MJ.
She hasn't been on the lives for a while.
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
So she's back.
We miss MJ.
Alex Linquist says, Elijah, are you going to bail me out when I go to jail for my hate speech?
kezia schaffer
No.
Alex?
elijah schaffer
Alex, did you know?
kezia schaffer
You're your own worst enemy, Alex.
unidentified
Alex.
kezia schaffer
Don't.
elijah schaffer
Lots of people have lost lots of money because of you and your friends.
kezia schaffer
Alex.
elijah schaffer
But we appreciate you.
That's how much I'm dedicated to trolling and dedicated to the bit.
I am so dedicated that I've sent you a free t-shirt, even though you've semi-ruined my career.
But I still love you.
Kind of is funny.
kezia schaffer
Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex.
elijah schaffer
And he's still sending super chats.
kezia schaffer
What a character.
elijah schaffer
Thank you, Alex.
Thank you, Alex.
It's not the first time.
Someone said this here.
Oh, nice.
They said, give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
That is an interesting thing, too, right?
Because people think that, you know, like, and I think there's an egocentric form of faith where it's like, life is all about me.
And I live my life self-focused.
And Lord, what do I want?
What do I want?
What do I want?
Give me what I want, right?
But the second part to that is, that's actually quite funny, is like we can also do the opposite and think God hates us because we project the way we feel about ourselves onto God.
And so we think, you know, we look in the mirror, we don't like the way we look because we're very narcissistic.
It could be like an opposite false humility to where we forget, like, you know, God does care about you.
And he says, even if a sparrow falls from the tree, that he remembers, he knows it, he knows it, right?
He can even see a sparrow, like a small little bird, a red noggin, as we call him out here.
And so it's like, you're not insignificant to God.
You know, you're a designed being.
You're his creation.
And you got to understand that, you know, finding God is the key and the purpose to actually figure out life.
And I found that to be very interesting that people forget that God does care about you.
And so sometimes you're like, well, nobody cares about me.
Nobody.
There's nobody that's a somebody greater than God.
So I would remember that.
John Boy Mag said, tired with the worries about the craziness of the shitty ass fuck clown world we live in.
Try this new method of giving God all your fucking problems and cares because he will care for you.
Don't be a bitch.
Just trust in God.
kezia schaffer
Very encouraging.
elijah schaffer
Thank you, John Boy.
kezia schaffer
Sometimes you need someone to do that.
elijah schaffer
That's called slightly offensive church.
Slightly offensive church.
kezia schaffer
Hey, stop being a bitch.
Just give it to the Lord.
elijah schaffer
Hey, that's such an Aussie thing to say, too.
Oh, don't be a bitch.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Give it to God.
That's but true statement.
True statement.
True statement.
Oh, man.
Okay.
Anyway.
John Boy Mag sent this.
Oh, man.
We also have one from John Boy Mag.
You guys can send memes in there, which is great.
Call on me and I will answer.
That's a painting.
I guess maybe you drew that.
I hope that helped you drew that.
But that's also still not.
It's nice if you drew it.
unidentified
Somebody also made this.
elijah schaffer
You don't like that one?
kezia schaffer
It's just like, it's just like all the rolls and then the hand tucked in.
It's too much.
It's too much.
elijah schaffer
I don't know if you guys follow me on Instagram.
I decided to go full zombie mode and do a double scoop of death something of pre-workout.
And I was having heart palpitations.
So I probably did.
kezia schaffer
You even have to do a like two-hour workout.
unidentified
You came home and you had to lay on the floor and do deep breathing.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, we had to take a moment.
elijah schaffer
I don't think it was made for that.
So it was pretty rough, right?
It was pretty rough.
Someone said they were happy for me in the last picture.
They said, happy for you, Elijah.
He said, happy for you.
That was me getting some, you know?
They want some Elijah zombie powder.
Dude, I am this close to possibly coming out with my own workout line.
kezia schaffer
This close.
Don't push him over the edge, guys.
He's this close to.
elijah schaffer
I'm probably about six to nine months away from that.
But I will have workout products.
They'll be through like some of the best companies ever.
It might be a little bit white-labeled.
kezia schaffer
That's not this close.
Six to nine months?
elijah schaffer
Literally, it's already past the cutting.
You only have like a month left to start cutting for summer.
So when you bulk and get your protein, it'd be like for the winter season again when you're burly hair.
kezia schaffer
That's what you mean.
Six to nine months before you come out with your own product?
elijah schaffer
No, before I'm ready in a physical health to start working on something like that.
I'm polyamorous.
That's an awful lot of syllables for whore.
kezia schaffer
Did you see that video I sent to you on Instagram of the polyamorous couple?
elijah schaffer
Do you know about this?
We'll watch it.
And the locals will watch the polyamorous video.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, I saw that one.
That's so sad.
With the father like crying because his son distresses one.
That one's really sad.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, that's heartbreaking.
That video is.
kezia schaffer
And there's a very ugly boy transition.
elijah schaffer
And I think that is, oh, we have a couple more.
We have a couple more.
Spaghetti Enwards sent this and said, Jesus, Jews are children of Satan.
Oh, so they're chosen people.
Jews are synagogue of Satan.
But you will say they have a plan for them.
Got to support Israel.
Jesus, synagogue of Satan, Revelation 3.9.
All right, got it.
So we should support Israel.
Okay.
See, I kind of shoot myself in the foot by reading all your super chats.
It doesn't mean I support all your super chats, but I support your right to send them.
And Coltrane said, I enjoy listening to you talk about God.
Thank you for your advice.
That was also from John Boyne Mag.
Some good stuff there.
That is some good stuff.
Anyway, guys, thank you guys so much for supporting.
If you've been watching this show, don't forget, like I said, to check out our sponsors for today, which is Pixetine, Nicotine-Infused Toothpicks.
You really should check them out.
They absolutely are amazing.
You can use them anywhere on a plane and a train.
And you can use them at an event.
They don't have any crazy additives that I hate.
And of course, they give you the nicotine buzz.
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They're amazing.
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For the rest of you guys, join me right now at Locals.
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We're going to end the show and kick off on this late Monday night together in Locals.
I really appreciate it.
Don't forget to watch a new podcast tomorrow where we talk about the satanic control of the FDA and the CDC with David Wolf.
It's going to be really amazing.
Anyways, for the rest of you guys, as I see you over at Locals, I really appreciate y'all.
And, you know, I hope you guys have a good night.
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