All Episodes
March 7, 2023 - Slightly Offensive - Elijah Schaffer
01:44:30
NEW Footage VINDICATES J6 Prisoners & ANTIFA Wages ALL OUT WAR

I'm now fully INDEPENDENT - join the community and support the show at https://elijahschaffer.locals.com/ You won't regret it! Also subscribe to Rumble at https://rumble.com/slightlyoffensive ______________________________________________________________________________ J6 was a total scam and thousands of hours of NEWLY RELEASED footage proves that the cops actually enabled the rioters. Plus, Antifa FIREBOMBS police camp in Atlanta waging an all out WAR. In the weird side of things, apparently HIV is now cute rather than deadly, men can now participate in women's heavy lifiting championships, and so much more ______________________________________________________________________________ ⇩ SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS ⇩Show more FOOD SUPPLY: Don't wait until the grocery stores are empty to be prepared! Get the super survival food that lasts 25 years and helps gives jobs to over 200 Americans in a family owned facility in the USA. And right now and for the next few days, listeners of Slightly Offensive will get 10% their first order at https://4patriots.com/ by using code OFFENSIVE. FAST GROWING TREES: Join the over 1.5 million satisfied customers already enjoying their trees/plants/shrubs from Fast Growing Trees! Plus get all the support you need to make sure your plants grow strong and tell. Get ahead of the Spring time and get 15% right now at https://fastgrowingtrees.com/so PIXOTINE: Get these amazing "No-Mess" nicotine toothpicks in amazing flavors right now 20% off when you visit https://pixotine.com/elijah. Try them all or buy some for a friend, they'll thank you later because they're are basically no restrictions on where you can use them! Be 21 or older to check them out ________________________________________________________________ I'm now fully INDEPENDENT - join the community and support the show at https://elijahschaffer.locals.com/ You won't regret it! ________________________________________________________________ Grab the NEW Limited Edition Merch before it's gone: https://slightlyoffensive.com/shop/ _________________________________________________________________ ⇩ DONATE AND SUPPORT THE SHOW ⇩ ➤ ONE-TIME https://slightlyoffensive.com/donate/ ➤ VENMO https://account.venmo.com/u/Elijah-Schaffer ➤ PAYPAL https://paypal.me/slightlyoffensive?country.x=US&locale.x=en_US ________________________________________________________________ DOWNLOAD AUDIO PODCAST & GIVE A 5 STAR RATING!: APPLE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/slightly-offens-ve-uncut/id1450057169 SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/7jbVobnHs7q8pSRCtPmC41?si=qnIgUqbySSGdJEngV-P5Bg (also available Google Podcasts & wherever else podcasts are streamed _________________________________________________________________ ⇩ SOCIAL MEDIA ⇩ ➤ INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/slightlyoffensive.tv ➤ GAB https://www.gab.com/elijahschaffer ➤ GETTR https://www.gab.com/elijahschaffer ➤ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/ElijahSchaffer ➤ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/officialslightlyoffensive ______________________________________________________________ ➤ CONTACT: [email protected] _________________________________________________________________ The Idea Of A Free Society...For Kids! Head to https://bit.ly/teach-freedom for a unique book series that introduces the important ideas that schools no longer teach. elijah schaffer Show less

Participants
Main
e
elijah schaffer
01:05:53
k
kezia schaffer
16:18
Appearances
t
tucker carlson
dailycaller 01:15
|

Speaker Time Text
elijah schaffer
It's actually been unmasked.
January 6th footage, thousands of hours of it was just released by the team of Tucker Carlson after being given exclusive copies by Kevin McCarthy.
And it turns out everything was a setup and it was all framed.
Also, Antiva declared all-out war on Atlanta police in a major riot that the media is refusing to cover.
It involved firebombing and over 40 people so far injured and arrested.
It's amazing footage.
The LGBTQ community says that HIV is cute.
It's no longer dangerous.
We've got some insanity coming up here on this installment of Nightly Offensive.
It is approximately 10.20 p.m. Eastern Time in the United States.
Let's get down.
Alright, my name is Elijah Schaefer, and I want to invite you to this episode of Nightly Offensive.
We got some crazy stuff.
Remember, we got new segments.
This show is now organized, which is crazier than anything in my lifetime.
I'm your top 17 host, and I'm joined in the studio by the lovely, the beautiful Kez Queen Fetus.
unidentified
Woo!
And Dilroy McGee.
kezia schaffer
Whatever his name is.
Little Block Square Boy.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, Dilbert.
He's the newest member of the Diversity Coalition.
Dilbert's the newest member.
Everybody loves Dilbert.
And someone said, where is the stream?
The stream is up on Rumble.
Just a reminder, guys, don't forget that we are on locals.
You can go to ElijahSchaefer.locals.com.
You can always get the exclusive chat.
See right there, they're already memeing it.
That's so amazing.
Kez is watching it as well.
And you can join the community.
It's an amazing way to support us.
You can also sign up right here.
You can see this.
Are live streaming on Rumble, so you can be on the Rumble chat.
You can send Rumbles there, or you can just stay on the JuTube.
So it just kind of depends what you want to be doing.
But we're on all three locations at the same time, and we've got to talk about this because these stories that involve the Matrix, it's acting up.
Let's talk about the insanity with Antifa and J6.
Well, it just seems like over the weekend, there was a riot going on in Atlanta that nobody seems to have known about where they were attacking a camp going on a police detention center And we were going to focus only on this on the Matrix, but we've now decided that we're going to talk about some of the things that are going on with J6 as well.
I don't know if you saw this, but Tucker Carlson basically just destroyed the entire narrative on January 6th and proved that the prosecutors, right, so like the attorneys and the judges and the colluded to put people in prison knowing that the evidence was against them, against the prosecution, against the government, and they never let the defendants see any of the evidence.
They withheld the evidence from the, I'm going to call them victims in January 6th and put them in prison for things that said that they aided in an insurrection.
And it turns out, like most things that the government says, it's not entirely true.
This is from Tucker Carlson.
Please don't, please don't copyright strike us.
But I want to show you this.
You remember Jacob Chansley, the Q shaman?
kezia schaffer
With the horns?
I didn't know what his name was, but I only recognize him from his outfit.
elijah schaffer
Well, I've met him multiple times, even in Arizona before this.
And I may or may not make a debut in some of this footage.
Who knows?
But the most important part is he got put in prison for four years, right?
For four years for barging into Congress and trying to, quote unquote, take over the Senate building, the Senate chamber.
Check out what really happened.
Watch this.
This is exclusive.
And so there's no other way we could get this without the watermarks, but watch this.
tucker carlson
Dangerous conspiracy theorist dressed in outlandish costume who led the violent insurrection to overthrow American democracy.
For these crimes, Chansley was sentenced to nearly four years in prison, far more time than many violent criminals now receive.
What did Jacob Chansley do to receive this punishment?
To this day, there is dispute over how Chansley got into the Capitol building.
But according to our review of the internal surveillance video, it is very clear what happened once he got inside.
Virtually every moment of his time inside the Capitol was caught on tape.
The tape show that Capitol Police never stopped Jacob Chansley.
They helped him.
They acted as his tour guides.
Here's video of Chansley in the Senate chamber.
Capitol Police officers take him to multiple entrances and even try to open locked doors for him.
We counted at least nine officers who were within touching distance of unarmed Jacob Chansley.
Not one of them even tried to slow him down.
Chansley understood that Capitol Police were his allies.
Video shows him giving thanks for them in a prayer on the floor of the Senate.
Watch.
unidentified
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for paying the inspiration needed to these police officers to allow us in this building.
tucker carlson
Contrast the reality of what Jacob Chansley did in the Capitol building on January 6th.
elijah schaffer
I don't know how much more you really want to see about that.
I don't know how much more footage you need.
There's multiple rounds of this footage already going on.
This is the first of the leaks.
And you can see that the police actually were helping him into the building.
They're trying locked doors.
And I explained this because, you know, when the FBI was coming after me, one of the interesting things that I, that I said through my lawyer that I thought was really important was I said, I actually was working with the police as well.
I had the same defense.
I go, I was walking with police.
I showed police my badge.
They walked with me.
They let me out of the building.
They opened up a door for me.
So I figured that everything was fine.
Why would I be violating rules?
Police didn't tell me that I was under arrest.
They didn't tell me I was violating a law.
They didn't try to arrest me.
They never informed me of anything.
They never said we were on restricted property.
And so, of course, it had a press credential, which I don't know how that gave me immunity, but it just did because they didn't want to arrest any of the mainstream media journalists.
It turned out the New Yorker and other people were in the building.
So they didn't want to, Merrick Garland didn't end up wanting to prosecute any of the journalists that were in there.
However, that doesn't take away the fact that there are people barrawing in prison right now.
And this is pretty remarkable that we're seeing footage like this come out, that they literally helped him into the Senate chamber.
And then they say, oh, by the way, he was an insurrectionist.
He found his way and barged into the Senate chamber.
When they let him in, they tried to let him in.
Isn't that crazy?
kezia schaffer
Yeah, that's really crazy.
Even just seeing the whole demeanor of all the police officers, all the police officers, they look very chill and relaxed.
Just another day at work for them, it seems.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, I think they were probably told to stand down.
That's probably the reality.
They were probably told to actually stand down.
And before we go any further in this, guys, I got to remind you guys of something very important.
Don't forget that in the midst of everything that's going on today, there are atrocities that happen, and you've got to have preparation.
Make sure you have water, make sure you have supplies, make sure you are ready for whatever comes your way.
And my friends at 4 Patriots have the perfect food preparation supply for you guys.
Now, what you're going to do is if you go to 4patriots.com, that's number four, P-A-T-R-I-O-T-S.com.
What you'll see right here is you're going to get on their website.
They have their best sellers, which is their four-week survival food kit, their three-month survival food kit.
I recommend the four-week survival food kit immediately because that's something you want to have on.
It lasts for 25 years.
And when you use my promo code Offensive at 4patriots.com, promo code OFFENSIVE, you can get a discount.
The link's in the description.
Check it out today.
They also have amazing products as well, including survival food, power and solar products, water purification, RV and camping.
I mean, basically, there's no limit to what they have.
Don't wait until it's too late.
Make sure if you haven't picked up food today to prepare for the hard times ahead, get some at 4patriots.com, promo code offensive.
And then also don't forget as well that the prices are going to be going up soon because the price of everything is going up.
So get it today at the right price.
4Patriots.
Number four, P-A-T-R-O-T-S.com, promo code O-F-F-E-N S-I-V-E, an American company, and the food lasts 25 years.
Check it out.
So this was going on, right?
But I think what's crazy is we'll probably look at footage of this all week.
Is that in the midst of this, as much as I would like love to believe that we are living in a reality to where like there might be justice for this, I'm reminded that we are living in the first administration in history, this is our government, that they have to put up proof of life photos for you to believe they're even alive.
kezia schaffer
Oh my gosh.
elijah schaffer
Adam Gentleson said productive morning with Senator.
Gentle?
Gentlesson?
Gentlesson.
kezia schaffer
I don't know.
He just seems like a very gentle man.
elijah schaffer
Gentlessen.
kezia schaffer
I don't know.
elijah schaffer
Said, productive morning with Senator Fetterman at Walter Reed discussing the rail safety legislation, farm bill, and other Senate business.
John is well on his way to recovery and wanted me to say how grateful he is for all the well wishes.
He's laser focused.
We have a senator operating from Lawrence.
kezia schaffer
Oh, did he lose weight?
elijah schaffer
Yes.
Well, he's been in a coma.
He's been like in a coma or something.
kezia schaffer
I feel like he looked bigger than that.
elijah schaffer
The simulation is glitching.
kezia schaffer
What's his wife and kids up to?
Are they still on vacation in Canada?
unidentified
Yeah.
Oh, that's awesome.
kezia schaffer
Yep.
Sounds good.
elijah schaffer
All of my audio sound effects go way too long.
They go way too long.
But I don't even know if that's true.
unidentified
Guys, seriously, his head looks slim, slim, slim.
kezia schaffer
I feel like he had a bigger head, right?
And a bigger body.
I feel like he was a chunkier sort of guy, right?
elijah schaffer
Yeah, no, he was.
He was.
But that's also what happens when you're in a coma and when you're actually retarded.
So unfortunately for us, he has, he's dead.
He's dead.
He's dead.
He's dying.
This guy is dying.
We have a walking corpse.
Literally, somebody put a heart shock machine on one of his chests, got him back to life.
He's only alive for 11 minutes at a time, actually.
kezia schaffer
And they keep in to play the guitar for him.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, they keep him in the freezer in between photo shoots.
He's dead, and then they just kind of like shock his heart, and then they have strings on him, and he's like, oh, I'm John Featherman.
And then he just kind of produces whatever.
But all I was trying to say was, before you want justice for the January 6th prisoners, because they were clearly wrongfully prosecuted, remember who the government is.
That was the point of this story.
kezia schaffer
I just want to know who's taking the picture.
Someone else was there.
Reveal yourself.
elijah schaffer
I don't know.
kezia schaffer
It was the guitar player.
elijah schaffer
Well, we've got to jump into this.
Like I said, over the weekend, this is also being squashed by the mainstream news.
I don't know why they're squashing this.
It was a massive riot that actually occurred in Atlanta.
It was pretty remarkable.
kezia schaffer
Oh, man.
elijah schaffer
There was a new police training center in Atlanta that was underway for police recruits.
And these radical leftist terrorists, Defend Forest Atlanta, came out and decided that they were going to have a protest outside of the building and then start lighting things on fire and then created an all-out assault where I think as of right now there are 23 arrests.
Over 40 have been injured.
And both it's an embarrassment for the Atlanta Police Department and for fat Tifas.
As we're going to find out, they got pretty pwned here.
They got pretty owned when the police fought back.
But this was the aftermath after they'd cleared the area.
We'll get into the footage.
kezia schaffer
Just the police?
Yeah.
That's it?
elijah schaffer
Well, these are state patrol, clearly.
So this is like sheriff, perhaps?
kezia schaffer
It's just like a couple of wire gates and a shed.
That's it?
elijah schaffer
Well, it's a construction site for a new police center.
unidentified
Oh, I see.
elijah schaffer
My favorite clip of all time, they were, wait, let me see.
They were running away from the police while they were attacking it.
There was this fat Tifa right here.
And he gets tased.
unidentified
And he got owned on the way out.
But there's a tent in the background.
kezia schaffer
Who's camping out here?
What's going on?
unidentified
This is, I'm so confused.
elijah schaffer
I can break it down for you.
So essentially, there was this Stop Cop City rally that went on in Atlanta.
And there was about somewhere between like a few dozen, maybe several hundred Antifa that actually decided to attack a public safety training facility as revenge for one of their Antifa gunmen was actually shot and killed when he was attempting to shoot out with another police officer.
So this was a revenge riot that they attacked the cop center.
So this is actually a form of domestic terrorism.
I think Dilbert would know.
Dilbert, if they only knew how bad it was, if they only knew.
If they only knew.
unidentified
If he had the words to say, he would be very...
elijah schaffer
Well, and you might wonder why there's not a lot of footage coming out about this riot.
And I want to remind you guys that a lot of the footage that came out from the last riots were actually from me and my friends.
But as Andy No pointed out in one of these very rare leaked footages, one of the journalists who was trying to film this obviously was attacked and assaulted by Antifa.
which is actually why there's not a lot of footage out about it.
So there's not a lot of footage of the actual riot.
We have the flames, we have the fire, there's broken cars, glasses, people injured, trash cans as drums, children menacing around, but it's because there's no journalists.
kezia schaffer
It's not good energy.
elijah schaffer
All around non-satanic, very good energy.
kezia schaffer
Everyone's just hanging out.
That's what they're doing on their weekend.
They don't have actual drum sets, so they're just taking their trash cans with them.
But yeah, it sounds fun.
elijah schaffer
So, yeah, so they did this.
And the media, by the way, wants to remind you that white supremacy is the greatest threat to American safety when there are literal left-wing eco-terrorists creating a physical domestic violence situation, domestic terrorist violence situation against United States law enforcement while we're seeing that the federal government is framing January 6th defendants.
I don't know if this would anger you, but it's like they're framing right-wingers.
They're framing Republicans as terrorists while literal left-wing terrorists are actually in the middle of attacking a law enforcement facility.
Not only do they not cover this, but they continue to uphold the narrative that they were insurrectionists even after the footage comes out that they framed the people.
It's pretty maddening, it's upsetting, but also, I'm not like, it's an unfortunate reality that we live in in a declining empire.
kezia schaffer
think about the fact that they're also attacking a job site those are like the people who are working on that job site aren't police officers right Right.
They're builders and other kinds of people who build stuff and make things.
elijah schaffer
Well, look at the mug shots.
It's exactly how you would expect them to look.
kezia schaffer
I'm surprised.
elijah schaffer
Name and shame.
kezia schaffer
Name and shame.
No one has a normal.
None of the men there have a normal men's haircut.
They've all got everyone out there has the same haircut, actually.
Yeah, it's interesting.
elijah schaffer
They're all so ugly.
Like, look at that woman in the bottom there.
She looks like an ugly piranha.
She looks like she would eat the skin off of my toes in the Amazon forest.
She looks like a piranha.
kezia schaffer
The one with the red hair?
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
See, you knew.
I said piranha, and you pointed out red hair.
You knew who was the piranha.
kezia schaffer
But it's like people don't, like, some of these men.
elijah schaffer
Wait, why did they put the burning tractor in the mug shots?
Honestly, that's the most attractive one of them all.
The burning tractor, to me, is the most attractive person.
kezia schaffer
This girl next to the burning tractor, she has lots of potential.
Everyone has potential.
But what is going on with their haircuts?
elijah schaffer
Well, Kumar down there, he's laughing because he knows he's going to get off because he's the right color.
He's like, my name's Kumar.
I'm not going to go to jail.
Those are the mug shots of what occurred and actually what happened.
These are Reddit mods.
kezia schaffer
That's amazing.
elijah schaffer
Reddit mods.
Is it me?
Or did I just drink a hot coffee?
Is that why I'm hot?
Is it hot in here?
kezia schaffer
No, I feel.
elijah schaffer
I think it's because I just chugged a latte.
That's probably why.
If you ever notice something like really high energy on the show, it's because I'll take a double shot of espresso and just chug it right before I get on here.
In other news, I did also want to bring this up, too.
What's very interesting here is that the SPLC, the Southern Poverty Law Center, also known as that group that's paid for by that one little country in the Middle East that tries to target right-wingers.
One of their attorneys was actually involved in the attack.
Thomas Webb Juergens was involved.
That was him in the mug shop.
unidentified
Thomas.
elijah schaffer
He's an SPLC attorney.
Tom Jorgens is a staff attorney.
kezia schaffer
Oh, look, he looks so much better there with his haircut.
elijah schaffer
So anytime the SPLC attacks somebody you like or you know, which they've attacked this show multiple times, remind them that they are domestic terrorists.
And that's what I've done to people out there.
I usually blame people for domestic terrorism.
And I've also, or I blame them, like if they're like, by the way, we're calling trans people Transformers now.
I'm not even going to get into this story, but I've upset the entire Transformer community and they have descended upon everything, all my social media.
It's one of the funniest things ever.
The axe wound people.
Bro, go let your axe wound stink up another room.
We don't want your sick shit here.
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Chop yo dick off and leave the room, Transformer.
I started calling them Decepticons and Transformers.
I'm just going to say they're not happy about it.
They're not happy.
But this is the Decepticon army, right?
That's what we got to call the LGBT queers, is that they're the Decepticons.
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
This is our war.
This is our fight to chop our dicks off.
And the best part is all the Transformers, aka Trans Emphasis Formers, have been ganging up in my inboxes in the hundreds, possibly thousands, telling me to kill myself in the last 24 hours.
Unironically, I think they're up to 45% chance that they're actually going to be the ones to kill themselves.
kezia schaffer
So the first one is John, which is which one of you is going to kill themselves first?
Yeah, it's like all the Transformers.
elijah schaffer
Statistically, sir, that axe wound on your body is a sign that you're going to do what you're saying before me.
No hard feelings.
No hard feelings.
But and you won't have any feelings of hardness because your dick has been removed.
And so there's no more of that.
It's all gone.
However.
kezia schaffer
Oh, man.
I can't believe they do that.
elijah schaffer
I know.
It's really frightening, actually.
It's not.
kezia schaffer
They are brave.
unidentified
I realize they are brave, actually.
kezia schaffer
What sort of man?
It takes a very brave man to take an axe to his genitals.
elijah schaffer
I've told people I believe trans people believe that they're the other gender.
It takes a special kind of mental illness to chop your balls off.
It's serious.
And it turns out as well that the trans community now says that I'm into trans people.
So this is getting good.
kezia schaffer
I know.
I'm enjoying it.
elijah schaffer
I'm learning a lot about me from the internet too.
I enjoy it.
My favorite thing is people talk shit on me on the internet and then they always delete their tweets and stuff.
And that's a sure sign that you believe what you're saying.
And that's a sure sign.
Let's go ahead and let's just change the subject here.
And let's try to laugh about something, maybe, a thing or two.
A British person.
A British.
kezia schaffer
British person.
elijah schaffer
A British person.
British.
A British kid decides that he wants to act like a blackie.
Don't say that too close to Dilbert.
kezia schaffer
Why?
elijah schaffer
Because he knows.
kezia schaffer
I don't know anything.
unidentified
He knows.
kezia schaffer
Guys, I don't know.
I don't even know who this fellow is.
I don't know anything about this character, but Elijah really likes him.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, he's now part of the newest member.
All of the diversity coalition has been left back in the United States at my father's house.
And so now Dilbert is the first member that's currently international.
But here's the deal.
So British people, it's already funny.
You already know we're British.
This is good.
kezia schaffer
People always crack me up.
elijah schaffer
Thought I was gonna put this in the hmm section, but I also just thought this was so good.
I am, this cop is just like, dude, she's British too, but she's like, I can't handle this shit anymore.
kezia schaffer
Why is he talking like that?
Oh yeah, get him.
Good.
That's some good parenting skills there.
Hey, don't spit on me, you little.
That's exactly how you do it.
I feel like he was trying to put on an accent.
That didn't feel like it was natural from his vocal cords.
Like, it was definitely British, but it felt like it felt like he was putting it on a little bit and he was really looking in the camera.
This is one thing that I've noticed about all British people.
So if you're a British person watching this, confirm whether this is true or not.
I am yet to meet a British person that doesn't have daddy issues.
elijah schaffer
So have you also met any woman from Los Angeles who doesn't have daddy issues, to be fair?
kezia schaffer
Yeah, that's fine, yeah.
elijah schaffer
To be fair.
kezia schaffer
But British people, I feel like every British person, especially the boys, especially men, British men, really have daddy issues and they all have issues.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, the British need help.
I'm not willing to offer it, but to all the British viewers who like the show, we still love you.
kezia schaffer
They need the Lord.
They've rejected Christ in the UK.
They have.
elijah schaffer
We still love you.
Don't uh yeah, yeah, it's it gets pretty bad.
This is actually a really funny article.
I'm not gonna get into it too deeply, but it turns out that the Transformer community, the Decepticon Army, right, found out the hard way that they're annoying as shit and nobody really likes them outside of what we're forced to accept, right?
They're so well liked that we're forced to celebrate them.
Yeah.
And they're so hirable that we have diversity quotas.
However, it turns out from CNBC that resumes, including they, them pronouns, are more likely to be overlooked, according to a new report.
The article is a waste of time.
It says exactly what the headline says.
People who put mentally ill and spell it as they them on the records get overlooked.
Let's be completely square here.
I know a lot of very wealthy people that are really awesome support this show.
One of my good friends, his name is Sal, very successful business guy, an incredible person.
Money never got to his head.
But even he as a business owner understands that you're going to have a diverse group of people.
You're going to have people around.
You're going to have people you're going to have to work with.
And I have Mark Loebliner.
He's an incredible businessman.
He works with a lot of people.
The truth is, unless they're hiring you, unless someone's hiring you for a diversity quota because the state requires you, I couldn't see anybody like this seeing they, them pronouns and not doing anything but go and like throw it away.
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Because it's like you just go, you already are mentally ill.
I'm not saying, by the way, I'm not speaking on behalf of Sal or Mark.
I'm just saying when I see serious people who are looking to hire serious people, typically I don't find that this would be one of the best ways to get a job.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, and I don't think the issue is that they want to have whatever pronouns, pick their own pronouns or change their name or whatever.
I think it's safe to assume that people who do want to have pronouns that are they, them will not be working a job longer than six months because they feel entitled.
unidentified
Right.
kezia schaffer
Will be often taking time off for mental days because they just can't handle the pressure of life.
And there's a lot of things that you can safely assume about their worth ethic and their character and their home life that will impact their work during the day.
They'll probably complain.
They'll probably cause you headaches in the HR department.
They just, it's not that, oh, I don't want someone who wants to use they, them, even though that's absurd.
But you know that someone who wants to use they, them comes with a giant bucket full of lots of other issues that you just know are going to play out in the workplace, and it's not going to be helpful.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, well, unfortunately for people, that's what I have to say too, is that if the pronouns are actually something you state, I actually probably would have no difference if you put they, them, he, him, or she, her.
If you stated your pronouns on your resume, for sure, I would never work with you.
In fact, probably make fun of you behind your back.
And if you ever came in and asked what happened to your resume, I'd probably make fun of you to your face.
kezia schaffer
Even if, even if, for example, if me as a woman sent you a letter or a resume and put she, her as my pronouns, that's also a red flag.
Even though my pronouns are correct to my gender, that still shows a little bit of mental illness on my part, having to let you know that I believe in pronouns and I believe, you know, I'm part of that whole thing.
So you don't want anyone, regardless of whether their body matches their pronouns, if they're going to tell you that they have some sort of pronouns, just stay away from them, I'd say.
Don't hire that person.
elijah schaffer
Right.
So speaking of that, then, switching subjects, speaking of people that you don't want to trust or you wouldn't trust, Pearl put up a tweet today.
He said that my Uber driver, yeah, she's great.
She was supposed to come on the show a while ago.
I haven't followed up.
But my Uber driver told me he hasn't been able to see his kids since 2012.
And the wife has convinced them that he was a deadbeat dad.
She took 80% of his assets in divorce and never recovered.
This is the third Uber that's told me that, that he's in a bad position because a woman has lied to him, lied about him.
Many such cases as the video that we're going to get into, I did want to make sure that I put up a response to her because I do support her.
Just said, women will literally lie to destroy a man's life, never apologize, even after seeing the damage it's done, realize it wasn't warranted.
These types of women don't care about men and they are so narcissistic, they often justify the destruction and think the guy deserved it.
Now, I laughed because all the guys that commented said, you think they get to the point of realizing it wasn't warranted?
Anyway, it shows you how much hope there is.
Somebody from Australia sent me a study showing that of accusations of assault, of pedophilia, of molestation, of rape, of everything in courts in Australia, almost 73% of them are proven false.
And that's what some woman's like, don't put women in a box.
Bro, if almost 75%, and then like, it was like 12% are like mistaken or incorrect accusation.
And it's like only 12% of accusations are correct and true.
The rest are just bullshit.
And that's the truth.
kezia schaffer
Wow, that's crazy.
elijah schaffer
We all know.
We all know how these people work.
But luckily, somebody caught this on camera of a woman trying to fake an assault.
And it's in my funny category because it was caught on two angles on CCTV.
She tried to assault herself to blame the guy because she was mad at him.
And this is what happened.
So she was like, she decides now, look at this.
kezia schaffer
Oh, my gosh.
Unbelievable.
elijah schaffer
I like the second angle is my favorite angle, though, because she...
kezia schaffer
Unbelievable!
unidentified
Watch.
elijah schaffer
So she goes, boom.
She tried to assault herself.
kezia schaffer
Don't do it.
Oh, my goodness.
He threw her.
We all saw he threw her through the window.
Oh, that bastard man.
How could he do something like that to her?
She was just trying to have a civil conversation with him.
He picked her up, smashed her head against there, and then threw her through the, look at his arms.
elijah schaffer
Because in my experience, in my experience, it was hard for me to believe this.
Because in my 29 years of life, I've never experienced women lying about men to get ahead in their career and to destroy men with ever actually producing evidence.
Like, I've never seen this.
kezia schaffer
What is going on?
Everyone, girls.
elijah schaffer
It's crazy.
I know.
And to think of this, I still think it's his fault.
Once the evidence even proves that she was at fault, it's still his fault because you should believe all women.
unidentified
Do you know what?
He told her to calm down.
He said, hey, calm down.
kezia schaffer
And she was like, that's it.
Oh, my God.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, believe all women, everybody.
Believe all women.
You know what's even better when people provide no evidence and then they're still believed.
And even better than that is when the evidence is against them.
But knowing whatever court system this is, she could probably still get away with something saying he drove her to insanity.
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
No, he did.
That woman is crazy.
I think nothing drives any gender to, like, peaks of insanity than the opposite.
elijah schaffer
I just think that's the most, that was one of my favorite clips recently.
kezia schaffer
She really went for it.
elijah schaffer
She really did.
There's just one last little mention here, one last little mention here of this.
unfortunately this is sad i think is this is this where we have the do we have this one Wait.
There you go.
Okay, I got to get that ready.
Dylan Levaney in the news says, why is no one in the DMs?
Dylan Levaney discusses dating as a trans woman.
Apparently, nobody's in the DMs.
kezia schaffer
Dylan!
elijah schaffer
Dylan's not getting any...
What does Dylan want?
kezia schaffer
Does Dylan want Dylan is looking for a man?
elijah schaffer
Is Dylan gay or is Dylan?
kezia schaffer
Yes, he's always been a homosexual.
elijah schaffer
Or is Dylan a lesbian?
kezia schaffer
No, he's a homosexual man.
elijah schaffer
You know what?
What happened to Tweet?
kezia schaffer
I don't know what to do with the science cosplay as women.
elijah schaffer
What happened?
kezia schaffer
That is.
This is their evolution.
elijah schaffer
No, I grew up in L.A. That's not.
kezia schaffer
No, they've been evolving.
You wanted to.
elijah schaffer
Trans is new.
Trans is like seven, eight years old in terms of fad.
Like, growing up in L.A., you saw trans people, but it was mostly prostitutes.
Like, it was like, really, like, like, yeah, not that I would know.
Apparently, according to the Transformer community on Twitter, I do know.
So maybe I do.
Who knows?
Sure.
Maybe I do.
No, but like the Transformers, remember they burned down?
They were doing a seance in the house next to our apartment.
kezia schaffer
I kept seeing they all turned out to be transgender.
elijah schaffer
Every prostitute that I killed ended up having chicken balls.
And I was just like, I don't know.
kezia schaffer
This is like one of those things I just kept running into.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, it was really crazy.
It was disgusting.
I saw to pay them when I was done, too.
I can't believe I can't believe someone would do that when they weren't drunk.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, it's like they should have informed me first.
elijah schaffer
No, but I don't feel bad.
I just think it's funny because this is, again, the reality of like, hey, just because you're on TikTok, you get a lot of clicks doesn't mean people want to sleep with you.
Like, you know, a lot of these people are really disgusting.
And I bet you, yeah, I don't even want to get into this.
This is just disgusting.
kezia schaffer
You can just look at the demographic.
You know, when you're an influencer and you can see on your Instagram how much percent is women and men and their ages who follow you.
It'd be interesting to see that.
I would be willing to bet it would probably be mostly women that follow Dylan and also mostly homosexuals and LGBs.
But I wouldn't think a lot of straight men would be following Dylan.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, probably not.
kezia schaffer
That might be the case.
elijah schaffer
Probably not.
All right, guys, I got to tell you about something amazing before we jump into the next segment, which is so cool.
Okay, so spring is just around the corner, and you have to understand that your plants are probably all dead and/or your lawn is probably dead.
But what Kez and I did both in our apartment and our last houses is we were able to get trees that were delivered to our door and plants that were in the best shape possible, meaning they actually grew and we had a support system with trained professionals at fastgrowingtrees.com/slash SO to get 15% off.
Now, what happens when you go here?
You go to fastgrowingtrees.com, F-A-S-T-G-R-O-W-I-N-G-T-R-E-E-S dot com slash SO.
And what you can do is you can get all different types of plants.
You can get shrubs, you can get trees, you can get any type of inside, outside patio.
Basically, you don't have to know anything about plants.
If you've wanted flowers, if you've wanted some plants, some life in your house, you're not ready for a dog, and/or you're ready to completely overhaul the outside of your house.
FastgrowingTrees.com slash SO has provided a deal for 15% off all of us.
They have over 1.5 million satisfied customers, and they want you to join them and join me in finding the best plants that you can choose.
Now, I personally, I know that we're supposed to be getting a lemon tree this spring.
It's summer right now.
We're supposed to be getting a lemon tree scent, but also I love the ficus, which is amazing.
And they also have really nice ivy and stuff that helps guard your patio.
So, whether you're looking for some privacy, whether you're looking for some shade in the sun, it doesn't really matter.
Make sure you go to fast growing trees, right?
They're F-A-S-T-G-R-O-I-N-G-T-R-E-E-S.com slash S-O to get 15% off the entire store.
Check it out and join today.
It is so amazing.
1.5 million satisfied customers.
Check it out.
I'm really excited.
They're a new sponsor today.
And do you love?
We love fast growing trees.
kezia schaffer
I'm obsessed with trees and plants and everything that's green and that grows.
elijah schaffer
Well, speaking of fastgrowing trees.com/slash SO, make sure that you do check them out.
unidentified
Wow.
elijah schaffer
We've got to talk about some of the stuff that's not funny.
It's just too weird.
This is WTF.
Things that don't fit any category because they're just weird and I don't understand them.
let's look at some weird shit oh it's 2023 and uh boys can be girls girls can be boys and hiv is cute HIV is?
Yeah, yeah.
So if you remember on this show, sometime last year, I'm pretty sure it was last year.
Yeah, okay, I'm confirming.
We had a story.
I want to bring this up.
We brought a story on here from Missouri.
This is really not funny, but Zachary Wilmore, a Missouri high school's first ever male homecoming queen, quote, they are going to be people who love you for who you are and who are going to hate you for who you are.
It's honestly up to you to pick and choose your battles.
Now, I'm not here to spread hatred.
I'm just here to spread transphobia, not homophobia.
The gays can chill.
The trans are my target.
I'm totally joking, but maybe I'm not, but maybe I am.
No, but the whole point is the joke of this is that everybody celebrated.
This is beautiful.
Dilbert was excited.
I was excited.
kezia schaffer
I just feel so wonderful.
I'm so excited about the homecoming thing.
elijah schaffer
Right, but it gets, but karma's a bitch.
kezia schaffer
Oh, okay.
You got HIV.
elijah schaffer
How'd you know?
kezia schaffer
I guessed.
Lucky guess.
elijah schaffer
So he's now become a successful TikToker.
kezia schaffer
Of course.
That's what they all do.
elijah schaffer
And he's 19 now.
This is one year later.
Wow.
And this video popped up here.
This is now where we're at.
This is influencers are now making your niece's top.
unidentified
That is a very small t-shirt, sir.
Watch.
It's officially been one whole week of me living with HIV and my first day on medicine.
I felt a week.
Seriously, my energy is back.
I feel more like myself.
I also officially know the person who gave it to me.
I'm not mad at all.
It's just, he didn't know.
He didn't get tested in time, and that's why I have it now.
As you guys can see, I went to the doctors again today, and they redid all my blood work.
Beetles are like one of my biggest cares.
I hated it.
As long as I can get back to myself, I'm not mad.
Lastly, before I got off to dinner, one of my big things on my bucket list was to have a blood pact with some of my friends.
And I was like, oh, now that I have HIV, I'm going to be able to do that.
But I asked my doctor, and he was like, even though I really highly don't recommend it because of a number of other reasons, technically, HIV is not the problem there.
And I was like, yay!
Only not the problem when I'm fully undetected for a while, but I don't care.
I also need more information.
But whatever.
I love you guys so much.
This is a win.
kezia schaffer
Let's do a blood pact with the guy who has HIV.
unidentified
Yeah.
kezia schaffer
That's such a good idea.
elijah schaffer
But he also, he's not mad.
Like, he goes, oh, oops, hey, I got HIV.
And it was the guy who accidentally gave it to me.
kezia schaffer
First of all, can we just have a little tears in my anus?
That's how it got through.
elijah schaffer
Now, that's a twink.
That's a twink.
That's why I said, what happened to twinks?
What happened to fem, like, what happened to guys that had girl features, right?
Wasn't that what it was?
You were like, you were, you had, like, your face was small or something.
kezia schaffer
I feel like this could be a totally normal-looking boy if he just didn't do all of the things.
elijah schaffer
But that's my point.
You didn't say a man.
You said a boy.
He looks like a boy.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, he's still a bad man.
elijah schaffer
But he'll probably be trans.
He'll probably be trans in three years.
I bet you.
I bet you.
We'll hear from him a year from now.
No, he's a femme boy.
kezia schaffer
Hold on, hold on.
It wasn't even that he was trans and won the homecoming.
He was just a gay and won the homecoming for the queen.
elijah schaffer
Yes.
unidentified
He was not trans.
kezia schaffer
Oh my girls.
How can you let this happen?
It's so unfair.
I feel like I'm becoming a feminist.
I feel like women are being mistreated and we're missing out on things.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
kezia schaffer
I don't care about voting.
elijah schaffer
That has nothing to do with anything.
I just, I just want to be able to win.
kezia schaffer
I want to, I want to have a chance to win Homecoming Queen.
But now I'm not only against all the girls, but all the guys too.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
I'm actually, I know that, doesn't that suck too?
Especially the fact that I wore a wedding dress to our wedding.
That was even weird.
I was like, one of us has got to change.
kezia schaffer
Oh, it was so awkward.
unidentified
It was really awkward.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
But that is what I'm talking about.
So it's kind of crazy too, because it makes me wonder: if HIV is no longer a concern for the Transformer community, then the question, the Decepticon question is, did they kill people during the HIV crisis with the treatment?
And HIV's never been as deadly as it is.
Considering the fact that people were showing positive HIV tests when they got the vaccine, remember that?
People were showing a certain booster or something like that because the valent vaccine was giving false positives for HIV in certain countries because they used certain coding.
Now, again, I'll just say all this is false so YouTube can just agree to disagree that everything I'm saying is not true.
But I heard this in a video game on a chat room in Call of Duty Battlefield.
I don't even know which one's on.
But is that that, yeah, no, but they did, they did have a bunch of people.
I don't know if it was here in Australia.
It was one of the main countries.
A bunch of people were testing positive for HIV, like hundreds of people, because they used a special coating from an HIV protein to help create this vaccine.
And so then I told him.
Remember, Dr. Fauci was behind Dr. Redford.
All these guys that were behind the COVID vaccines were behind the treatments for HIV as well.
They also lied to everybody and said you couldn't use drinking fountains and they scared everyone, thinking you couldn't go to the movies.
They shut down the movie.
It was a big deal.
And then everyone was dying from HIV.
And now everyone acts like HIV is like whatever, right?
kezia schaffer
It's like a cure or something like that.
elijah schaffer
I think they've been able to like.
kezia schaffer
Oh, it's like manageable.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, manage it, but that's expensive.
So unless this guy's super rich, use guy very loosely.
I don't really know how that's oh man.
kezia schaffer
That's crazy.
I don't want to get HIV and I have a pretty good feeling I'm not going to get it.
elijah schaffer
We have a couple more.
We have a couple more things that I'll probably just end up covering on.
We'll probably end up covering these on Wednesday for the segment.
I want to talk about these later in the Wednesday segment.
Some insane things that are actually going on that are happening today.
But we've also got to hear from the SOB.
So if you join locals and you join the locals community, you can find it.
You guys are here.
You guys are all talking, yada, yada, yada.
One of the cool things is now you can actually submit story ideas.
So this next segment that is, is this work?
unidentified
I don't know.
Does that work?
kezia schaffer
Oh, the button broke.
elijah schaffer
Oh, I think the button broke, huh?
The next segment that we're going to talk about specifically is stories that you guys picked.
So let me make sure that I have this here.
unidentified
And let me go ahead and, oh, wow, let me.
Oh, whoa.
kezia schaffer
It totally broke or what?
elijah schaffer
No, my thing just, my thing came undone or something.
kezia schaffer
What came undone?
elijah schaffer
This button broke.
This button, my button broke on the internet, like live.
How did that happen?
Do you want me to still do it?
kezia schaffer
Yeah, but maybe you could just sing the song.
You could just sing this song to take us into the local section.
elijah schaffer
I think I can still make it work.
I think I could probably, I had a different button.
Let's see if this worked.
Yes.
So that button is broken, but these are stories you guys chose.
They don't make any sense today, but you chose them.
So let's just look at them.
I have no idea why you guys submitted the stories today that you guys submitted.
This is from Doomsday Cracker.
And he said that he wanted us all to learn how to drive better by watching an organtuan drive.
And he drives better than most women and Asians.
unidentified
Wow.
elijah schaffer
What is this?
Can we just not be having all these pop-ups?
What website is this?
All right.
So let's see.
Is it still going?
Why does he look like every obese Filipino guy driving a golf cart on a resort?
kezia schaffer
Yeah, but also, like, everyone's dad with, like, the classic hand out the window.
unidentified
That is, how did he know to do that?
elijah schaffer
I don't know.
kezia schaffer
I believe in evolution.
elijah schaffer
No, you don't.
kezia schaffer
I do now.
elijah schaffer
No.
unidentified
No, you don't.
i don't know now tell them how you really feel about evolution I don't believe in evolution.
elijah schaffer
Okay, good.
We're all on the same page.
unidentified
Dilbert?
kezia schaffer
He does.
He's actually an atheist scientist.
That's his occupation.
elijah schaffer
I don't know why you include.
I was like, I asked, I asked you guys to include this.
And you guys also, I guess it's like a continuation of the lol section.
Because you guys also had provided this video as well, which was, do you believe in furries?
Do you believe in furries?
No, I do not.
Do you know what a furry is?
unidentified
I do.
elijah schaffer
And why don't you believe in furries?
unidentified
Because they're not real.
So if I wanted to be a dog and I dressed as a dog, am I a dog?
No, you're not a dog.
What am I?
Oh, you're a fucking weirdo.
elijah schaffer
What happened to that just being the normal side of things?
kezia schaffer
Right?
So good.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
And I guess you guys, I don't know who submitted that one, but there's also one last one, too, that you guys submitted called the Shameless.
I told you guys could put stories and videos, but this is just what I saw on there.
And so you guys also submitted this.
I don't remember who submitted this one, but this one as well, which is a shameless Valentine's card.
unidentified
Can you write something on the card?
Roses are red.
The sun gives off heat.
If your legs are tired, use my face as a seat.
That's amazing, bro.
What would you guys give that on a scale one to ten?
I'm trying to get suffocated tonight, bro.
kezia schaffer
The boys will be boys.
elijah schaffer
Oh, man.
Some good stuff.
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
That's crazy.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Oh, my gosh.
unidentified
All right.
elijah schaffer
That was enough of that.
Anyways, as we only have one video in the yay category.
So this is just, I just like to post some wins, some places that we're actually making progress, places where we're actually finding development and we're actually getting ahead in life.
And this video is actually quite old, but it's one of my favorite because it is a man comes face to face with a mountain lion and they both almost kill each other, but then they both just decide, yo, bro, let's just go our separate ways.
Let's look at our wins, moments to celebrate, and God, all the good stuff.
unidentified
Oh, little mountain lion.
elijah schaffer
He's a little bit above his momentum here.
He gets into a confrontation with a man with a gun.
And they both survive, apparently, allegedly.
But I do love this.
kezia schaffer
He doesn't want to do it.
unidentified
Get back!
Oy!
kezia schaffer
Don't...
elijah schaffer
So he goes, hmm.
Do I really want to eat him?
unidentified
No.
kezia schaffer
Good idea.
elijah schaffer
Good idea.
Probably good.
unidentified
Wow.
kezia schaffer
You can hear that man.
Big sigh of relief at the end there.
elijah schaffer
Well, because he could have killed him.
I mean, you never know.
kezia schaffer
You know that he didn't want to.
unidentified
No.
kezia schaffer
He didn't want to kill it.
elijah schaffer
People that men want to kill.
We're not trying to kill.
We don't want to kill.
Do you know who does want to kill, though?
Is the people on Twitter that are telling me to kill myself?
There's a lot of these people.
I've made the mistake of going to some of these profiles.
I'm going to warn you guys: you will see stuff you regret.
And some of these people have started posting their own trans porn.
Every one of these people has trans porn and OnlyFans and stuff.
And somebody was like, hey, I hate you.
Go kill yourself.
And then I clicked on the profile.
Very much regrets.
It's not only just pornographic, it's some of the weirdest kind.
kezia schaffer
It looks like it says.
elijah schaffer
You might enjoy it too much.
No, I'm just saying it's don't click on these profiles.
But this is some of the people that is go kill yourself, kill why ugly mole rat.
unidentified
Yeah, but it also looks like kiss.
elijah schaffer
It's just the transforms battle.
Can I bring this up, though, on the wind?
So the whole controversy started because I uploaded this picture.
Okay.
I uploaded this picture to the internet, which was gay tape.
kezia schaffer
It looks fake and Photoshop to me.
elijah schaffer
Oh, and by the way, because I kept saying it's my gay tape fiasco, it got around that I have a gay sex tape that is loose, too.
So I kind of chose bad wording.
I called it my gay tape fiasco.
kezia schaffer
Elijah.
elijah schaffer
And I said, oh, I've got a serious gay tape fiasco on my hands.
And everyone's like, you have a gay tape fiasco?
Apparently.
So it was tape.
But I was trying to point out, somebody even accused me that I photoshopped this, but unfortunately, they don't realize there's other countries in the United States currently.
That's so crazy.
kezia schaffer
Australia is going through a big gay season right now.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, it's very gay in Australia.
Everything, the opera house is painted gay.
kezia schaffer
It's like gay month or something like that.
elijah schaffer
Imagine being an influencer and not knowing there were other countries in the United States.
That's even crazier.
But on top of that, I thought it was weird because, as I pointed out, the strangest thing is that it's tape, right?
So it's in the middle of a box and it can be cut down the center.
And I actually brought this up like we're cutting the flag in half, right?
That's what's crazy.
kezia schaffer
Oh, dang.
elijah schaffer
So that made them really mad.
That made the Transformers.
kezia schaffer
They didn't want you to cut it.
elijah schaffer
No, they were very, very, very upset.
And now everyone thinks I'm crying, which I am crying a little bit.
I am definitely crying because this is me trying to process everything going on.
kezia schaffer
Oh, man.
elijah schaffer
It's really, this is me.
unidentified
Look at you.
elijah schaffer
It's not too far off.
kezia schaffer
Is that really your face like squished in?
elijah schaffer
That's the Down syndrome one.
No, but see, this was the original one.
Look at this.
Look at this.
But look at how, look at my problems in life.
So I put this up as a joke.
Not as a joke, but I put this up.
Stop exaggerating.
Trans issues aren't that big of a deal.
Nobody's forcing anything on your family.
It's not like we are openly shipping trans flags to your doorstep.
But this thing got 15.9 million views.
And it got 4,402 quote tweets, 4,479 retweets.
My Twitter is always wilding, but this accidentally got out to almost 16 million people in 24 hours.
And so it has really caused the greatest controversy has been this.
Now, what's crazy is I've had some very big haters over the last year who have stopped at nothing to try to cause problems.
Nobody supported them, though, because they're full of shit.
However, the only people that seem to support my haters are Transformers, literal communists, and furries.
So you've got to realize, if you hate Elijah Schaefer and you hate Elijah Schaefer, the onlybody who supports you and the movement are transgenders and Transformer Decepticons.
This is a crazy world.
We literally have, this is who hates me the most.
This is who hates me.
Our Transformers.
They're literal Mattel toys.
However, I have to say the best part about this was I put this up and I said me opening up my trans box.
Watch, I put this one up.
I thought this was kind of funny.
This got them mad too.
This got almost a million views.
I said me opening up my trans box.
unidentified
What is that?
elijah schaffer
It's a man with a box cutter opening up his transfer.
I meant that there are literal, it is literal hatred of that and they're very upset at me.
So, you know, like I said, there's just a lot of these all day.
Kill yourself.
Just a lot of these coming up on the screen.
I like this one.
I actually like this one.
kezia schaffer
I'm going to make a point.
unidentified
Boo.
elijah schaffer
Hope this scares you, Snowflake.
unidentified
Yeah.
kezia schaffer
The flag is scary.
We're really scared of the flag.
elijah schaffer
Somebody in the chat said Autobots got your back.
kezia schaffer
Oh, my God.
elijah schaffer
Attention Autobots.
Attention Autobots.
This is the frontier.
Look, and like, some of these are actually kind of funny.
The biggest bitch with the thinnest skin award of the year is surely a lock for you.
kezia schaffer
This is the thing that's funny to me is that all of them are coming to you saying that you should kill yourself and you're such a bitch and you're scared of the flag.
Ooh, does this scare you?
It kind of feels like they're the ones who are really sensitive about the whole gay tape.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, but you have to understand how mad I made them when I, you should see the responses that I put to these publicly when they were all piling up.
kezia schaffer
What you gonna do?
unidentified
You said that.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, I posed that one.
They didn't like that one.
So that one didn't go too well.
I'll just say it only increased the hatred.
They've increased their attacks on me.
kezia schaffer
You don't know how to stop poking the bed?
elijah schaffer
No, I don't.
And this one, I would say, probably didn't work well.
This one made a lot more people mad.
kezia schaffer
Did you guys smooth things over?
elijah schaffer
Yeah, I was trying to hit the Transformers community and support them.
So I uploaded this one.
kezia schaffer
Oh, shoot.
unidentified
A lot.
elijah schaffer
I'm a girl now.
unidentified
Oh, my God.
elijah schaffer
I know.
kezia schaffer
I'm so sad about that one.
Oh, so they didn't like this.
elijah schaffer
They don't like this one either.
They didn't like this one either.
They didn't like this one either.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, that's weird.
I thought surely they would like this one.
elijah schaffer
I thought they would really like this one.
kezia schaffer
Because that one was affirming the gender.
That one that was affirming the gender.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, I was actually saying I'm a girl now.
You know what I mean?
kezia schaffer
Yeah, that's.
elijah schaffer
Like, that one's actually really good.
So I am really, really, really, really into that one.
There was also this one as well, which I did like.
kezia schaffer
Bottom surgery was a success.
unidentified
Oh, it smelled my eyes.
That is too much.
elijah schaffer
This show has gone.
This show has gone in a bad direction.
And as I'm looking right now, there's it is literally like it is literally just people just flooding, just flooding me.
kezia schaffer
Wow.
elijah schaffer
Just flooding my inbox.
It's just flooded with hundreds and maybe thousands now of messages.
They are obsessed with me.
And I'm really glad that Trans.
They don't like that I call them the Transformers now.
They don't like that.
kezia schaffer
I think.
elijah schaffer
They don't like that.
And they think they're like getting at me, but I'm actually, it's fun because some of their major websites, I have furries, literal communists with hammer and sickles, and Transformers that are against me.
And that's my haters.
And I'm all for it.
I like it.
It's kind of good.
It's kind of good.
That has nothing to do with anything.
That is literally nothing to do with anything.
But guys, don't forget that in the midst of all this too, make sure that you support yourself and your life and support the show by supporting one of our sponsors for today, which is Pixetine, P-I-X-O-T-I-N.com slash L-I-J-A-H.
Now, many of you guys might not know, but smoking is not only a pretty crazy habit, but on top of that, smoking has been basically restricted everywhere.
You can't use your vape.
You can't use your cigar.
You can't smoke your cigarettes.
And maybe you don't want to smoke anymore.
You're looking for an alternative.
Let me tell you about nicotine-infused toothpicks by Pixetine, which are amazing.
You can use them anywhere.
You can use them at a sporting event.
You can use them in a plane.
They come in amazing flavors like cinnamon, winter fresh, and of course, you can also use them in the car without stinking up your car.
Many of you guys are looking for a way to get that quick nicotine buzz.
And if you're 21 or older and you're looking for that way to actually get the nicotine buzz that you like, a lot of people I know have stopped using drugs and started doing this instead, which I believe is a better alternative.
A lot of people I know stopped smoking.
Now, of course, the FDA won't let me tell you guys that this can help you quit smoking because they don't want you to quit smoking.
But if you know somebody who's trying to do something other than smoke and is looking for something that also gives that buzz and allows them to make something that doesn't have all the additives and is a award-winning product, check out Pixetine.
It might be the right thing for them.
Nicotine-infused toothpicks get 20% off the entire store right now at p-i-x-ot-t-i-n-e.com slash E-I-J-A-H.
That's pixetine.com slash Elijah.
Check it out, pixetine.com/slash Elijah.
You can check that out today.
And so we have a few other segments that we're going to go over today.
But as you guys might know, not only can you watch them on locals, but they're also going to be on Rumble.
So we're going to switch over to Rumble for the last two segments of the show.
So make sure you get the link in the description.
All right.
We should be, we're off, Rumble.
I mean, we're off YouTube and we're on Rumble only.
So usually I did put it in the description to all of the, it's in the description too.
In the description.
We should all be out here on Rumble only for the remaining segments.
So we should all just be chilling.
We should all be maxing out, relaxing, all cool.
Shooting some b-ball outside of school.
The next segment is everything disgusting.
And because we kept getting age restricted on YouTube, we're not putting this segment on YouTube anymore.
But I saw it.
You have to as well.
No apologies.
Uh, let's get right into the grossness.
I said I saw it, so you have to as well.
Yep, we're here.
This is you.
And it's disgusting.
And it's never not going to be gross.
It'll always be disgusting.
So my question for the guys watching this, how big is your erection right now?
Because if you're not turned on seeing this, then you are a bigot.
Because the reality of this is, is I'm turned on a little bit.
There's so many crevices, so many places to explore.
It's like going on vacation and then cave diving while watching an earthquake happen.
And if she jumps in a pool of tsunami, it's, you know, and girls will comment on this.
Oh, sleigh queen, sleigh, sleigh queen.
You're so attractive, queen.
And it's like attractive.
She's a tractor.
She's literally the size of a machine.
She's a unit.
kezia schaffer
I don't have anything nice to say.
Slay queen.
elijah schaffer
Slay.
I got even that sound effects too.
unidentified
Slay.
elijah schaffer
Slay queen.
That has nothing to do with this segment.
Even If you make it to this segment in the show, something's wrong with you already.
Like, your humor is a little bit jacked up like mine.
People have complained about my humor before too, or some people like it.
But I always say this, if you don't like my humor, neither watch my show nor come on my show.
It's probably a good idea.
If you don't like my humor, you should probably leave the show.
But if you like it, then we've got some more disgusting stuff.
This is, I was trying.
This is not really disgusting.
This is just like I couldn't play on YouTube.
And I thought about not playing this, but I'm going to do it.
kezia schaffer
Oh, no.
elijah schaffer
Well, I'm going to do this because Hothoddery has gotten to a new level.
So, well, this is for all ages.
This was fine.
This was not even age-restricted.
kezia schaffer
So too much.
For all of these women.
elijah schaffer
Well, Ho Thottery has gotten to a new level.
So obviously they can't show nudity anymore.
Do you know that all the OnlyFans girls are using TikToks to push their OnlyFans?
But they keep getting in trouble and they keep getting deleted for showing too much skin.
They're too much, which they should be for a kid's app or age-restricted, right?
They should be getting in trouble.
So they found like camouflage ways.
And this girl does a nice dance for us and just wants us to watch her.
kezia schaffer
Close your eyes, boys.
elijah schaffer
Sorry to everybody who deals with struggles there.
That probably wasn't for you.
But I would like to say, I didn't know we were off-roading because those are some serious mud flaps.
No, I'm serious.
That was a very revealing.
That was very revealing mud flaps.
That was very revealing.
kezia schaffer
You are so.
I don't know how my parents let me marry you.
unidentified
Your sister.
Me neither.
elijah schaffer
But it's like, but you look at this and it's just like, how, like, this is just.
kezia schaffer
Take it off for the boys.
You need to do something.
You need to help the boys out there.
unidentified
Okay.
kezia schaffer
For your Christian brothers.
unidentified
Okay.
kezia schaffer
For the brothers in Christ.
elijah schaffer
Let me reverse this.
Let me reverse this to anyone who's now tempted and I've ruined the show and I'm no longer helping.
kezia schaffer
Clean the palette.
Clean the palette.
elijah schaffer
For those that I'm never helping, clean the pallet.
kezia schaffer
That's fed up.
unidentified
All right.
elijah schaffer
She's that.
Did that fix it?
unidentified
Yeah, I think.
Ew.
elijah schaffer
Ew!
But no, but I just think like it's, they're getting creative.
I've never seen that before.
And that popped up.
kezia schaffer
You've never seen that before?
elijah schaffer
No, I've never seen someone use like a backlight to do like a little crab claw, you know?
kezia schaffer
Stop.
Stop.
It's so, I don't, I don't get it.
I don't understand why women do that.
It feels like, I just, I'm like, are you actually retarded that you would do that?
elijah schaffer
No, it's just like...
kezia schaffer
Like, do the girls not understand...
Like, okay, yeah, you're going to get a ton of attention.
Good for you.
But also, I think that maybe if you knew it, you wouldn't be so happy.
Like, if you're going to go on the internet and cry about guys cat calling you, but then you're going to put your little mud flaps out, why?
elijah schaffer
Yeah, but also, that's, that's, you know, girls do that.
That's the way they should.
kezia schaffer
They need to stop doing that because they are objectifying themselves.
It's disgusting.
It doesn't make them seem beautiful or valuable.
Even this girl, I don't, it's not even the fact that she's like hugely overweight.
Cover your body, girls.
Just have some modesty.
Have some respect for your body.
Honor yourselves.
All this like self-love.
I love myself.
So let me just take off my clothes and show everyone because I love me.
I don't, that's just not self-love, and that's not respecting your body.
That's the opposite.
When you see something you weren't supposed to see, yeah, that should be all of you boys right now.
You need to go and do that.
And if there's any lesbians watching.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
unidentified
I don't know.
I'm feeling a little lesbianish right now.
elijah schaffer
All right.
I also, this is like irrelevant.
This is irrelevant.
This is not like gross because Ew isn't just like nudity stuff.
Ew is also, because on Rumble, I can play things that are like, I can actually, it's like YouTube used to be, right?
This is something different.
Josh LaCash posted this, and it just reminded me, because like food out here is a lot healthier, I'd say in general.
They're just like, it doesn't taste as good.
Like food doesn't taste as good here.
I don't think it does.
kezia schaffer
They have harder restrictions on stuff.
elijah schaffer
It doesn't taste good, but I recognize the ingredients.
And there's like more peanut butters, like most peanut butters just have peanut butter and salt or peanuts and salt and water or just peanuts and salt, depending on how liquidy it is.
Versus in the U.S., almost all peanut butter is mostly sugar and then peanut peanuts.
Like there was like, there was like two, there's like maybe one or two options out of ten that have sugar in it here.
So sugar isn't added to everything here, which is cool too.
I forgot how much I miss the U.S. and their options.
I miss this so badly.
This person decided that they were going to buy only Snickers themed groceries.
Only Snickers.
kezia schaffer
Oh my God.
elijah schaffer
And it's crazy what they found.
Just Snickers.
unidentified
Watch this, it's just the options of Snickers.
elijah schaffer
I'm kind of jealous.
kezia schaffer
I know.
That seems like if I could have a TikTok account that I could do to like, that would be my thing, it would be trying yummy chuckies on the internet.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
So Josh and I are going to disagree because Josh says this is like disgusting and I think this is awesome.
I just think, I think that America is the greatest country in the world and there's nothing like it.
Like you ever watched foreigners go to America?
This is my favorite impersonation of foreigners going to America.
Watch this.
It's lovely, isn't it?
It's like, it's like Target has like, they go, Target has like groceries and they have, look at how many options they have.
Oh, and they have clothing and options and groceries and things.
It's just so amazing.
Yeah, you mean that America knows to have a store that has everything you need in it?
Yeah, it's called being American and that's smart because you don't have competition when you can buy everything in one store.
It's only here that you like, you have to like leave the grocery store to go to the bakery because the bakeries are separate from the stores here for some reason.
kezia schaffer
You can buy bread at the grocery store.
unidentified
Yeah, but not outside of it is fresh bakery.
Yeah.
kezia schaffer
And the butcher.
elijah schaffer
That's my point.
And the butcher's over there.
kezia schaffer
But they're all right outside.
And so you can just go and buy the grocery store.
elijah schaffer
But it shows you how retarded British people are when they visit the United States.
Like, you can just, you can simplify life and just put everything in one spot.
Yeah, because we're America.
Fuck yeah.
We could do stuff like that because we have space.
We don't live on a little island and then fucked up teeth.
Yeah, but that's why we have dentists.
You ever heard of dentists, dude?
We have dentists.
Crazy.
Anyway, I literally lost my mind there for a second.
kezia schaffer
You're spitting out some bitterness there, I see.
Okay.
Sheesh, what did the British ever do to you?
elijah schaffer
Oh my gosh, think back a couple hundred years.
unidentified
How was it bringing down the White House in 1800, bitch?
elijah schaffer
I thought I was going to curse this out.
I did pretty good on this whole episode, not really cursing.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
And then I made it to the end.
And then we got a little spice.
unidentified
Okay, hold your tongue, hold your tongue.
elijah schaffer
Syphilis.
Okay.
unidentified
So.
elijah schaffer
No, but I was going to say, like, they have shopping centers here, shopping center.
Or as you call it, right?
A shopping center.
kezia schaffer
I speak like normal.
I don't know.
elijah schaffer
No, but everyone's called it a shopping center.
kezia schaffer
It's just shopping center.
unidentified
Center.
See, shopping center?
elijah schaffer
Yeah, that's how they go.
kezia schaffer
Shopping center.
No, you can't do it.
unidentified
Oh, yeah, mate.
elijah schaffer
You want to go to the shopping center?
kezia schaffer
You can't do it.
elijah schaffer
Yay.
kezia schaffer
Sorry.
unidentified
Oh, yeah, skill set.
elijah schaffer
That's how they talk.
kezia schaffer
No.
elijah schaffer
You just sound less Australian than most because you're married to an American.
kezia schaffer
You don't sound Australian at all.
elijah schaffer
Yes, I do.
kezia schaffer
You cannot do it.
elijah schaffer
You have a fucked-up accent.
Your accent's fake.
kezia schaffer
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter about mine.
elijah schaffer
You don't have a real one.
How do you judge me when you don't speak real?
You speak fake Australian.
You're not like an American twang.
kezia schaffer
Because if I wanted to put on, if I wanted to bong on an Aussie accent, I could.
But you can't.
elijah schaffer
I've known people who've done that.
I've known people who have faked their Australian accent.
So they sounded Australian when they had a fully American voice.
It was fucking nuts.
No, I mean, I met many people in my life.
Many.
Few.
But I also, but I also mean, in reality, that I'm fine.
I'm totally fine.
kezia schaffer
You're not good at accents.
Yes, my accents are not.
No, the only accents you can do is Asian.
Every kind of different.
Wow, it's amazing.
It's so good.
See?
You're really good at that.
Yeah.
Any English-speaking country, you can't do the accent.
I don't know what it is, but you can't do it.
I'm sorry, darling.
elijah schaffer
Someone said, Kess's culture is not your costume.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, push off.
elijah schaffer
Hey, someone said my Aussie one is good.
kezia schaffer
All right.
No, then it's not an Aussie.
Only Aussie.
elijah schaffer
You want to hear my retarded one?
unidentified
No, man.
kezia schaffer
Stop, Elijah.
Enough.
unidentified
Oh, that's retarded Asian?
elijah schaffer
That was pretty good.
Plus, I can do the...
kezia schaffer
I think you need to stomp while you're ahead.
Aw, yeah, all right.
elijah schaffer
All right.
Hey, bang Lao.
kezia schaffer
Bang Lao?
elijah schaffer
Bang Lao?
Bak Lao?
What do Vietnamese people sound like?
I always figured in Chicken Run, the chickens would sound like Vietnamese.
kezia schaffer
In Chicken Run?
elijah schaffer
Yeah, Buck Lao.
His name's Bak Lao the Chicken.
All right, we got to keep moving on this show.
so funny every day we make it to the end of the of my of my we're not even at the end yet Every time we get to the end, I end up going a little bit nuts.
unidentified
Once we get on here, I go a little crazy.
kezia schaffer
You feel like you've been giving a little bit too much freedom.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
And then I see someone was like, someone was like, what's actually fun is somebody's like, oh, you know, oh, he's drinking on the show.
Unironically, I think I perform better when I'm not drinking on the show.
I haven't drank on the show in over six months.
unidentified
Wow.
elijah schaffer
I have not drank.
Before, middle, or after.
This has been good.
So I have not, and it's been, ah, why do they always delete my videos?
I need to start downloading them because every time I save for the hmm section, they always end up deleting my videos because they're so freaking good.
kezia schaffer
Okay, well, don't let it happen again.
Now you know they keep doing that.
elijah schaffer
Yeah, let me just go.
Let me just, let me just pretend like I didn't.
Let me see if I can get like Stew Peters.
Stew Peters is always uploading fight videos.
He's always got good ones up there.
Let's just pretend like I didn't.
Also, oh my gosh, these shoplifting videos.
Okay, let's just watch the shoplifting video.
So let me talk about something here for a second.
I always go to find obscure sites and find videos that are obscure, and I try to show them to people because I work really hard to find obscure, very obscure videos.
And I would notice, like, within like 30 minutes of me finding this video and uploading it, all the major right-wing accounts suddenly have re-uploaded the same video.
And I started thinking, like, huh, I wonder if they're just like not doing their own work and they're just stealing every video I look for, which is still fair use, right?
I mean, I didn't film the video.
Maybe I found it with 20 likes, maybe whatever.
But I'm finding videos.
I'm working hard to find good videos.
And then they're just ripping them.
And then I, I noticed, though, it's gotten bad now.
They just, they actually started copying my captions.
It's really, it's really, really gotten bad.
It's these same captions changing one word.
They're not even like thinking of their original things.
I think they must be hiring an outside group who's like, just uses me as a resource and then just copies it and then puts it on all of theirs.
But we need to get into this.
This is hmm, where we make observations about different groups with nothing to say but I got bronchitis.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
unidentified
Ain't nobody get time for that.
Ain't nobody getting damn for that.
Ain't nobody getting time.
elijah schaffer
Ain't nobody get time.
unidentified
Ain't nobody get down for that.
elijah schaffer
I told you.
What did I tell you?
unidentified
Didn't I tell you?
Uh, let's look at this.
elijah schaffer
Let's go to some white people today.
So I found this video.
I found this store, which I feel really bad.
Apparently, since I've ripped the video out yesterday and posted it, it's gone really viral.
Multiple news outlets have asked me if they could use it, and I just said, I didn't film it.
I just found it on this small TikTok.
I think they've deleted their TikTok because I can't, I saved their TikTok to let them know to have contact, but they seem to have disappeared.
That being said, there's a few really good videos.
I put it up and I had no idea it would go viral and I feel really bad now because it's gotten 4.1 million views in 15 hours.
So I'm feeling really bad about this one.
But I really like this because this mom in the pink hair was involved in the Portland riots.
Okay, she was one of the moms that they put in the front.
And this is a really great video.
I really enjoyed this one.
This one's really good.
unidentified
So take everything out of your bag and put it on there now.
Okay.
And get out.
Seriously, everything.
Okay, calm down.
Don't tell me to calm down.
Do you have anything in your bag?
What bag?
kezia schaffer
In your purse?
unidentified
You have nothing?
Do not have nothing.
kezia schaffer
like those kind of years.
unidentified
Yeah, just stump it out.
It's in my press.
Are you joking?
elijah schaffer
I have stuff in there too.
unidentified
Your whole purse is full of this stuff.
You think I wasn't gonna, no, no, no.
elijah schaffer
So to be fair, my caption was, this is how to deal with shoplifters.
And I'm not going to call anyone out by name because I don't do that on this show.
But some of the biggest accounts said the proper way to deal with shoplifters.
And then wait, this gets even crazier.
This is even crazier.
Is I go, okay, there's a coincidence that maybe we just had the exact same caption and they just uploaded the video.
Then I go to Instagram and they formatted the video the exact same way.
Took their tweet, like small, turned down the opacity and they placed it over the video at the exact place my tweet is put on my video.
I go, these people just looked at other people's accounts and copy their literal posts and just regurgitate what they said.
And I feel bad because these are very wealthy people that make a lot of money.
But it's like, that's kind of crazy that you don't even think of your own captions and like your own videos and your own forms.
It drives me nuts.
Like, it's the most insane thing.
kezia schaffer
I know.
elijah schaffer
It's the most insane thing.
Like, it's like, I didn't make this video, but at least like, at least I got it for my own show and found it.
I thought it would be good.
And then you copy everything.
And then, but watch, before you know it, they're going to have the exact same fucking commentary too.
It gets crazy.
unidentified
No, no, no.
kezia schaffer
Could just be your toilet.
unidentified
Can you just rip my jacket?
Give me the stuff.
No.
Look.
Oh my god.
Get off me.
I don't care.
You're something.
Hey, you're something.
You're insulting me.
kezia schaffer
Stop.
unidentified
I don't call him.
elijah schaffer
Call him right now.
unidentified
I'm calling right now.
Oh, my God.
You hit my god.
Hey!
Stop!
Just don't hurt me.
Don't hurt me.
I'm poor.
Instead of recording me, call the police.
Oh, boy, no.
Thank you.
Dump it out right now.
I will.
I'm not letting go.
I'm a board.
I'm not letting go.
Dump it out.
I'm dumping it out.
Oh, my God.
kezia schaffer
Pick up a journey later.
elijah schaffer
She's crying.
unidentified
Yeah, I know that, but yeah, that's if you don't.
kezia schaffer
Yeah, I know that.
Listen, let's call them off.
unidentified
Call him, call him now.
kezia schaffer
Seriously.
unidentified
Back home.
Call my mom.
kezia schaffer
He just assaulted me.
Yeah, well, I didn't trust her.
unidentified
You assaulted me.
I didn't assault you.
You were my daddy.
kezia schaffer
You assaulted me.
unidentified
You assaulted me.
elijah schaffer
Can we just say it's so annoying with these thieves how they've been given priority?
Like, you can't touch a thief.
How about you can knock a thief out?
That's what you should be able to do.
You should be able to knock a thief completely out.
Just clock him, deck him, get him out.
If you're stealing my store, just boom, just right in the face.
Like, you should not be allowed to steal stuff.
And they've been given too much authority.
kezia schaffer
What is she doing with all the glue sticks and the stickers?
Like, she's, what, she really has a big scrapbooking project that she's working on that she really needed all these things.
elijah schaffer
It's up to 10.4 million views now.
kezia schaffer
Oh, man.
elijah schaffer
So I feel really bad because I might have just ruined this person's life.
The person who stopped the thief.
kezia schaffer
Why would she be in trouble?
elijah schaffer
Well, because look, because what happened was there was another thief video because I'd seen this.
This is from a different account that I had put up as well.
I don't know how well this video did.
This video only did like 143,000 because it's a black person stealing and that's just normal.
But this girl was stealing from Walmart.
She's stealing TVs.
unidentified
Look. Wait. You were moving. Before.
elijah schaffer
Before I even laugh, do you hear like the encouragement?
This is what I was going to say to go, oh, it's just a few lone wolves.
You can't really blame a whole group of people for the crimes of a few.
I've been in these situations and I gotta say, ain't nobody trying to stop the few.
We'll just leave it at that.
Watch your shoe.
Watch your shoe.
kezia schaffer
Not the slip up.
unidentified
She done left my shoe.
kezia schaffer
Cinderella.
unidentified
She left my little boy.
kezia schaffer
This is the alternative Cinderella story.
If Cinderella was black, she just like rubbed from the prince and left us.
elijah schaffer
We was Kangs and shit.
We was Kangs.
We was Kangs and shit.
You know, we was Kangs back in the day.
kezia schaffer
We was Kangs.
elijah schaffer
I know.
It's too good.
It's too good.
It's actually pretty phenomenal.
So that's that.
But it gets worse because then I found another video of the girl.
kezia schaffer
Which one?
elijah schaffer
same one they followed her around with the slipper to see if it oh shoot this one got 3.5 million Now this one's going viral too.
I've done ruined these people's lives because I thought this was just, well, she's, there's multiple videos of her stopping people shoplifting.
unidentified
Why?
elijah schaffer
is everyone stealing crafts let me see all the are you guys enjoying this in the chat Do you guys enjoying going over the shoplifting videos?
Because I'm enjoying this.
I am enjoying this.
It's 11.40 in Eastern time.
It's pretty late, but let me know.
We was Kangs, everybody's saying.
We was Kangs.
kezia schaffer
MJ said Kez should write fairy tales for the hood.
I'll do it, MJ.
I'm going to start a book series.
elijah schaffer
All right, and so this is, here it is.
unidentified
I'm sorry.
I don't know.
kezia schaffer
Here, you can leave this in here.
unidentified
You're going to pay for all this.
I have you on camera.
Put it down.
Sure.
kezia schaffer
Sure.
You're not going to get another card.
Very accommodating.
elijah schaffer
I'm not going to get it.
unidentified
Put it down.
elijah schaffer
Look at the pride flag back there.
unidentified
Portland.
We're open for about another five minutes.
kezia schaffer
Okrit your bag, or I'm going to call the police.
unidentified
Is there any call?
Like, no, you're not going to be.
Let me make noise.
Give me your bag.
elijah schaffer
Do you see how they know they have rights?
Like, it's in their favor, the law.
You actually can't touch me.
And it's like, dude, fuck you.
I'll do whatever I don't steal my stuff.
kezia schaffer
They're not really trying, are they?
elijah schaffer
Well, because you don't have to, because they're enabled.
I don't know if you know this, but Walmart closed down all of their stores in Portland.
The clone is closing down all of their stores.
unidentified
Yeah.
kezia schaffer
Oh, because you could just take it.
elijah schaffer
It's just too high of theft.
Walgreens shut down almost all their stores in CVS, too, in San Francisco.
Oh, can't deal with the theft.
Open your bag.
Opening it.
unidentified
If you'll get off the bag.
This is ours.
Take it off.
Get off of me.
Take it off.
Get off of me.
Take it.
kezia schaffer
You can't just steal.
unidentified
Bye.
Get out.
Go.
Get out.
Not all yours.
Go cards.
Are you kidding me?
Oh, sorry.
Bye.
kezia schaffer
It's not all your stuff.
Some of the things in my bag is my stuff, too.
You're stealing from us.
unidentified
I'm going to grab my card.
You're being out later.
I am.
kezia schaffer
Yes, sir.
Yeah.
unidentified
If you're going to block out with all this crap, you're going to sit and go get another card that you don't.
Dude, I literally write a card.
elijah schaffer
My respect for women went up and down while watching this video.
unidentified
You know what I mean?
elijah schaffer
Depending on who you're rooting.
kezia schaffer
you cannot assault me that i this is so this is such an insane interaction that this woman is like wait till i tell my friends about how you dumped out my bag and all the stuff that was yours and took it off me like Like, it's just so rude of you.
I was just stealing.
elijah schaffer
Like, who?
kezia schaffer
Oh, I was just stealing a couple things.
Big deal.
Big deal.
Why are you stealing from a craft shop?
elijah schaffer
Because they're children.
They're feckless, pathetic children.
kezia schaffer
She's like an old lady stealing the craft shop.
elijah schaffer
I'm telling you, they're like children.
They just love a little glue and sequence.
Like, to be completely fair, right, when you look at even this traveling studio that I'm in right now, like I mentioned, if you guys make it this far in the show, I'll probably end up going on a little bit of a break.
I'm pre-recording a bunch of podcasts that will still be released that I'm going to be working on.
I'm working on this whole week.
I'm actually recording like eight shows this week, which is insane.
Like different shows.
And we're great guests, too, and lots of amazing people.
But I'll have to go on a little break for a bit, and I'll explain that later at a later time.
So the live show will be on a short hiatus, and it'll return after that.
We'll be very, very excited to be back and have lots of stuff to talk about.
But whenever that time comes, the reality is, is like I've noticed about this country and the United States is they both have an issue where they allow people to give the rights to the criminals.
Unless the criminals are unvaccinated, then here they basically are evil.
And no, you don't have to be vaccinated to visit Australia or to be here at all.
You don't have to be.
Yeah, no, you have to be vaccinated to visit the U.S., but you don't have to be vaccinated to visit.
unidentified
I thought they dropped that.
elijah schaffer
No, not yet.
Jokovich, the tennis player, actually got just denied entry to the Port of Entry in the United States for not being vaccinated for the championship.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
It just happened.
So it's actually, there's less COVID restrictions here, and there's less people that wear masks in Australia, at least in.
Okay, wait.
unidentified
Wow.
elijah schaffer
Let me be fair.
If you go to Melbourne, there would be more.
I'm not going to explain where I'm at, but I can tell you this.
I can tell you this.
Follow me on social media.
You'll see sand.
And I can tell you people by the beach usually are not as ridiculous.
I walk up.
Okay, here's one of the crazy things about Australia that I'll never get through my mind.
I go to the beach, which is just a hop, skip, and a jump away.
And I'm not wearing a shirt.
I'm not wearing any shoes.
I'm just in like little skivs, you know, just like little shorts.
unidentified
And they're short.
elijah schaffer
They're very small.
Little budgie smugglers because this is Australia and everybody's, you know, the girls are in thongs.
Boys, if you get tempted, not the right place for you.
Every girl is literally basically naked walking around here.
But the boys too, but whatever.
We're just the boys.
We're kicking it.
And I go, and we got to shop by, we got to go to the grocery store, which is inside of a mall.
We call that a mall in the United States, but it's a shopping center, a mall.
And I can just like walk through the mall in like little wet shorts with sand, no shoes, no shirts.
Not even right by the beach.
It's off, way off the beach, not like on the shore.
And just like walk through the mall and go shopping.
And nobody thinks it's weird.
Just being shirtless, no shoes, sand all over your body.
I wasn't the only one.
I wasn't the only one.
There were 200 people with their shirts off.
Men, don't get too excited.
But they was.
And there was also like a girl in her bikini just like walking around.
This is like not weird.
And there was like a whole entire family without shoes on.
People here just.
kezia schaffer
We don't wear shoes.
elijah schaffer
We just don't wear shoes.
kezia schaffer
You don't need to.
elijah schaffer
You don't have to wear shoes.
That's the weirdest thing.
I didn't know that in Australia, you don't need to wear shoes here.
There's no like no shoes, no service.
kezia schaffer
But there'll be some restaurants that are like nice that'll be like, hey, you need to have proper shoes on and a top.
But usually beach towns, it's just chill.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
kezia schaffer
Everyone's just relaxing.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
But you can just, everyone's just chill.
And everything closes.
We've mentioned this, but if you're not, if you haven't watched the show or you're new to the show, everything here closes at like 2 p.m.
Or whenever.
unidentified
Two.
elijah schaffer
Like it also closes whenever.
kezia schaffer
And opens whenever they go.
elijah schaffer
That's what I'm saying.
It's only everything is just when the people feel like working because nobody works here.
So it's like everyone's down at the beach.
unidentified
Wait.
elijah schaffer
You told me yesterday at 3 to come back at 2 today.
Oh, yeah, but I'm not open.
But you're open and the door's open.
It's 2:30.
Yeah.
The cook decided to go down to the beach, so we're just going to, we just kind of closed up.
Yeah, but you say you're open till 5.
Yeah, but the cook's not here.
And you're like.
kezia schaffer
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
Okay, so your shop's just closed.
And then you come back tomorrow.
You go back tomorrow?
Just not open.
Just no explanation.
It says, look, Wednesday's open from 8 to 3.
And if you're there at 1 o'clock, it's just not open.
You're like, okay, I guess they just decided today was not a day they wanted their business open.
Very confusing stuff.
And everything takes a million years here to get done.
It is the most stressful thing ever.
I bought a new backdrop for Kez a month ago and it never came.
And then I reordered it.
And it says it's going to take three weeks to ship, which is the most insane thing.
That's the most insane thing.
Three weeks to order a backdrop in a country of 25 million people.
Get a grip, Australia.
unidentified
Get a mother truck and grip.
kezia schaffer
There we go.
unidentified
Oh, man.
elijah schaffer
I love how people make it.
When people are this late in the podcast on a night and it's almost midnight Eastern time, they're just hanging out with us.
We're just hanging out.
We all know the show's over.
We know it's ended.
We're just venting.
kezia schaffer
But you guys still want to talk to your buddies.
elijah schaffer
I could do a three-hour show every day about everything by myself.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
I literally could do.
I was going to do a two-hour radio live show.
Not going to get into it.
Not going to get into it.
But I was scheduled to do a daily show multiple hours a day.
Chose the wrong people to work with, apparently.
But I will tell you the best part about it is I could still do it.
I can still do a show every day for multiple hours.
And I can do it by myself and talk to myself and be entertained.
It's called being retarded.
And it's great.
It's a superpower.
It's a superpower.
It's like being Down syndrome without the chromosome and being literally like fucked up like a trans person without the axe wound.
And you put it together and you get me.
And then some people don't understand me, but I don't understand me either.
So I'm okay with that.
But I could also sit in a room for three hours, look into a camera with nobody around and be totally chill and just talk about a meal.
Like, I don't even have to have a script.
unidentified
You could just talk about feet and toes.
kezia schaffer
Because he doesn't have it in a monologue.
elijah schaffer
I think out loud.
kezia schaffer
He doesn't.
unidentified
So all of his thoughts, he has to say them.
elijah schaffer
I don't have.
People say I don't have a filter.
I don't have a...
That's not the case.
It's not that I don't have a filter.
I just don't think in my head.
I only have abstract ideas, but I don't have a voice.
You know what I mean?
Like, I don't talk to myself.
She always catches me in the corner, like, moving my lips.
kezia schaffer
She's like, what are you saying?
unidentified
It's really weird.
kezia schaffer
He'll say, what are you saying?
Oh, blah, blah, blah.
elijah schaffer
It's really weird.
I talk to myself out loud.
And people say, why do you do that?
That's why I just tell people I'm retarded because I don't know what else to say.
It's like, I am actually disabled.
So I'm a retard.
But I don't know why.
I don't know what that is.
Someone could diagnose it for me.
Let me know.
I think there's got to be a name for it.
I hope it doesn't kill you.
kezia schaffer
What?
A talking disease?
elijah schaffer
No, no monologue in the head.
unidentified
No, no.
elijah schaffer
So I just say things.
I just don't register.
And I just say things.
And I just am like shocked that people are offended.
This show is not an act.
This is my personality.
This is just who I am.
It's a lot to deal with.
Some people can't handle it.
Some people can't.
Some people can handle it for a short while.
And then they can't handle it.
And then find that out later in life, unfortunately.
Let's get into some super chats.
We got, look, oh, we got a few on Rumble.
We're fi- let's- come on.
unidentified
Wow.
elijah schaffer
We have here, I've been saying Transformers for years and they absolutely hate it.
It's awesome.
That's awesome.
I'm happy that you actually probably did invent it.
We'll just give it, let's give it, let's give Bama Weldon finish.
We have from Devoured Eagle says, the only good thing about Australia, the country that doesn't exist, it's Mad Max and boomerangs.
Sorry, Kez.
Also, if you're into skinny, if you're into skinny white women, attractive skinny white women looking for a wife, maybe not wives here because they're probably all vaccinated hoes, but if you're, it's unfortunate.
So don't come here, actually, for a wife.
Because they're all unvaccinated hoes.
And they're all vaccinated, triple vaccinated hoes.
Like even at 16.
Like, it's not even like you can marry an 18-year-old and maybe you're going to be fine.
It's like they're all everyone here's a hoe.
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
Christmas ain't even here, but they still hoes.
We have one more, I think, on Rumble as well.
Let me see.
Oh, yeah, here we go.
Also, Bama said, I bet security followed that monkey everywhere he went.
That's true.
That's true.
All right, let's get into the super chats from locals.
Don't forget you can join the community.
By the way, Kate, two things.
Everyone, if you're watching on Rumble right now, if you're watching on Rumble and you are not subscribed, please click that join button or follow button, whatever it is.
What does a join do?
What does this do?
Oh, that joins locals.
Okay, so you can click locals right there.
Just join the locals.
So you should click that, even though that's how that works.
Or you could click.
kezia schaffer
Tactful sarcasm?
unidentified
What?
You wrote that in the bio of what your thing is?
elijah schaffer
I didn't write that.
kezia schaffer
Oh, okay.
Yeah, because.
elijah schaffer
Locals wrote that.
kezia schaffer
Okay, because I was going to say, tactful?
I don't think that's what I'm saying.
elijah schaffer
Hard to swallow facts.
When it comes to facts, I always swallow.
I never spit.
kezia schaffer
Oh, Elijah.
elijah schaffer
And of course, you're slightly offensive stuff.
They wrote that.
That was actually good.
That was a copywriter.
kezia schaffer
That's really nice.
elijah schaffer
Yeah.
And you can follow right there.
So we're trying to grow the army on Rumble.
So make sure you join that.
Let's look at some of what you guys had to say, though, on super chats.
We had Saint J. Wait.
We had Saint J that said, can we applaud moral support for the men on the show today?
Thank you, Queen Fetus.
She was really bringing moral support.
kezia schaffer
Better look out for the boys.
elijah schaffer
Why are you gay? says widowy.
That was widowy inappropriate.
She was throwing her woo-ha, and that is not okay, my lady.
Put these pants on right now.
Put these pants on right now.
Can I do this?
Can I zoom in?
Oh, nice.
I wish there was a way to like pop this chat out.
Is there no way?
I don't know.
Widowy, again.
The Grey Ghost said, 13% of the Snickers committing 50% of the diabetes.
kezia schaffer
Oh, shoot.
elijah schaffer
Why are you gay said, that's racist, yo.
Devstip said, for the Buck Lau accent, 11 out of 10, love your impressions.
unidentified
Buck Lao.
Bing Lak Lao.
Huoya.
All right.
elijah schaffer
The Grey Ghost said, I can tell I'm lady or am I boy?
Lady a boy?
Am I lady or a boy?
They always say that.
Okay, this is getting weird.
The gray ghost said, I can't tell if his Asian accent is good until he says, Welcome to the rice fields.
No, I'll.
I have a which Asian accent?
Do you want the Vietnamese?
Do you want a Chane?
unidentified
Do you want a China man?
kezia schaffer
I don't know what it is.
unidentified
I've never met a man who his own fellows.
elijah schaffer
They would just add the syllables.
unidentified
You're telling me that that I'm going to go to Kaka-sama.
elijah schaffer
This is...
unidentified
That's so impressive.
elijah schaffer
Why do you How do I get the girls?
Now you know.
There it is.
Doomsday Cracker says these Snickers are crazy.
Dude, if we're calling Transformers, let's call them the Snickers.
That's so good.
kezia schaffer
Who are we calling Snickers?
elijah schaffer
The 13% of candy that caused 50% of diabetes.
Of course.
MJ said, I'm backing up Joey the Wall's comment.
Great meme, which I guess we're going to have to find because we're going to reverse today.
MJ, thank you, MJ.
MJ's a sugar mama.
Kylie M. Tomic said, I can see how the actual Transformers can be a bit preturbed with your comparisons.
unidentified
Yeah.
elijah schaffer
For the I'm a Girl Now meme, fucking priceless, but $10 is my price.
Oh, what is that?
Is Joey the Wall?
We have a meme?
Do we have a meme?
kezia schaffer
No, that was the one that you posted.
elijah schaffer
Oh, okay.
unidentified
Haha, destroyed Turkey Gobbler is a why are you gay?
elijah schaffer
The George said, says, I've heard of raising battle flags, though.
Predicting in the near future, people will be raising battle fags.
They also wanted to just put this up.
I'm obsessed with trees, especially bananas.
What is this?
Fart girl meets shark girl?
kezia schaffer
Oh, yucky.
elijah schaffer
Farts and shit.
kezia schaffer
That's disgusting.
elijah schaffer
Jim Zay Cracker sent this.
This must be some of his art.
kezia schaffer
Oh, that's really nice.
elijah schaffer
Write me a funny joke for my locals community slightly offensive.
Two men were walking down the street and saw a church being built.
One of them said to the other, gee, I don't understand how they can build that church so quickly.
It's like it appeared out of a black magic.
The other man responded, well, it's probably a white magic church.
It looks like they're just using white people's money.
kezia schaffer
I didn't get it.
elijah schaffer
Because you're not American.
kezia schaffer
Oh.
elijah schaffer
And Why Are You Gay said Wakanda Forever?
I think that's pretty much it.
That's pretty much it there.
And here as well, we're good.
Oh, we got a couple more here in the Rumble.
Said, Phoenix Fire66 said Elijah, you have to stop being so freaking cute.
Okay, you're not cute.
You're a sexy AF.
kezia schaffer
Oh, back off, Phoenix Fire.
elijah schaffer
Unfortunately, we don't even know.
This could be a transgender.
unidentified
We don't even know.
kezia schaffer
Either way, back off.
elijah schaffer
Canary Sings 2018 said, oops, I forgot to give you money.
Well, we appreciate it.
That is so great.
Because YouTube is kind of a bust.
Also, make sure that you pray for the next news network because they got demonetized and they need to continue to change their channel.
They're being targeted right now.
So we've got to support Gary at the next news network.
Support Gary.
Make sure you subscribe.
I appreciate you guys watching this.
We're going to end this on the locals chat.
We're going to look at those last two.
What do I say?
We're going to save them.
We'll just end on the locals chat.
Thank you guys.
If you're on Rumble for supporting, make sure that you hit the follow button, like, subscribe, and also follow us on locals.
You guys have been awesome.
We will see you guys tomorrow at 2 o'clock, approximately PM Central Time, 3 p.m. Eastern, for an amazing podcast on occult feminism and the way that feminism is actually from demons and from the craziest shit.
It's all basically by the banking clan and demons, which are the same thing, and how it actually all begins.
Export Selection