Slightly Offensive - Elijah Schaffer - ROASTING the SH*T Out of Abortion Activists | Guest: Dave Landau

May 13, 2022 - Slightly Offensive - Elijah Schaffer

01:25:42

ROASTING the SH*T Out of Abortion Activists | Guest: Dave Landau | Ep 252

DOWNLOAD AUDIO PODCAST & GIVE A 5 STAR RATING!: APPLE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/slightly-offens-ve-uncut/id1450057169 SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/7jbVobnHs7q8pSRCtPmC41?si=qnIgUqbySSGdJEngV-P5BgShow more ALL STATEMENTS MADE IN THIS EPISODE ARE MEANT AS PARODY: We are in a world where we pull apart a baby, limb by limb, killing it, in the name of convenience. It seems as though the opposition no longer cares if it is a life or isn’t, they just care about living life independent with no consequences. We hate to break the news to you, but life has consequences and women are made to be independent. They’ve created a fictional reality that contradicts the very nature God instilled in them. This is worse than wrong, this is worse than murder, this walking in a demonic reality. Jesus wasn’t lying when he said, “You are of your father the devil.” These people need to be born again with a new Father. We have to pray, but most importantly we have to be prepared. ________________________________________________________________ ⇩ TODAY'S SPONSORS ⇩ UNDERTAC: Men are being inundated with over-priced boxers, designed for testosterone deficient men, but here at Slightly Offens*ve we demand more. That's why we trust UnderTac. Head to http://www.getundertac.com/ for 20% off with the offer code OFFENSIVE20. Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. RAYCON: Tired of spending hours untangling headphones? Or spending hundreds on having to continuously replace your wireless pair? Head over to https://rayconglobal.com/offensive for 15% off the most high quality pair of wireless earbuds you've ever experienced. FAST GROWING TREES: Whether you’re looking for increased privacy, shade, or adding some natural beauty to your yard, Fast Growing Trees have the perfect plants and the expertise to help you find them. Go to FastGrowingTree.com/SO right now, and you’ll get FIFTEEN PERCENT OFF your entire order. ________________________________________________________________ ⇩ FOLLOW THE GUESTS⇩ DAVE LANDAU COMEDY SPECIAL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eibWo... INSTA: https://www.instagram.com/dave.landau/ TWITTER:: https://twitter.com/LandauDave ________________________________________________________________ Become a subscriber at BlazeTV https://get.blazetv.com/slightly-offensive/ use my code "ELIJAH" to get $10 off a full year ________________________________________________________________ Slightly Offens*ve Merch: https://shop.blazemedia.com/collections/elijah-schaffer ________________________________________________________________ DOWNLOAD AUDIO PODCAST & GIVE A 5 STAR RATING!: APPLE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/slightly-offens-ve-uncut/id1450057169 SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/7jbVobnHs7q8pSRCtPmC41?si=qnIgUqbySSGdJEngV-P5Bg (also available Google Podcasts & wherever else podcasts are streamed) ______________________________________________________________ ➤BOOKINGS/INQUIRIES: [email protected] _________________________________________________________________ ⇩ SOCIAL MEDIA ⇩ ➤ INSTAGRAM https://www.instagram.com/slightlyoffensive.tv ➤ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/ElijahSchaffer ➤ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/officialslightlyoffensive _________________________________________________________________ The Idea Of A Free Society...For Kids! Head to https://teachrealprinciples.com for a unique book series that introduces the important ideas that schools no longer teach. Show less

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	So I mean here's the thing.
	Here's my feeling about the leaker.
	I would like to find out who the leaker is so I could make sweet love to that person because that person is a hero to me.
	Okay.
	And if the leaker, a lot of people are saying it could be a conservative if the leaker is a Republican and if I get pregnant during our lovemaking, I will joyfully abort our fetus and let them know.
	I don't know if that answered your question.
	I probably didn't.
	It was a little off topic.
	It was a little, go ahead, Joe.
	Take this one.
	You know, what is that rumor?
	Wow.
	Well, yeah, I was going to say, you know, it is crazy.
	It shocks me every day whenever we do that intro that I didn't get into professional dancing.
	And very, very few times do I have guests on where I'm more shocked than myself that you did not get into professional dancing.
	Where did you learn those moves?
	Dave Landau, welcome back.
	Thank you.
	Thank you for having me.
	Ahoy there.
	Can you guys hear me?
	Yeah, we can hear you.
	And you got confetti.
	You got COC in your face.
	You're dancing.
	You're looking good.
	I know.
	This is nice.
	This is so happy.
	We didn't make you come here.
	We didn't force you into the room.
	We didn't drag you in here.
	Your contracts didn't require you to be here.
	This was all voluntary.
	And you can tell by that unforced dancing that you're just in your natural mood.
	Yes.
	I blew up my knee and otherwise I would have gone pro.
	It's true.
	I wanted to be a professional Nutcracker dancer.
	Really?
	I don't know what that is, but yeah.
	You know, I think the Nutcracker, I remember read in your biography that it said that you were really into public displays of bulge.
	That's right.
	And so when it came to the leotard, for some reason, you loved being in family-friendly places and having what God had endowed you with or somebody.
	Are you lacking thereof?
	Well, I would add to the public.
	I would add to it depending on the show.
	It sucks.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	Well, what's the trick there?
	It would depend on the day.
	Dead snakes, usually.
	I would go, I would just find them in the desert.
	And the bigger the snake, you know, kids' parties, stuff like that.
	So, you know, when you ran out of trans kids to kill, you moved on to the snakes.
	You moved on to the snakes.
	That's really good.
	It's true.
	They cut off their snakes.
	You borrowed it, put it in your pants, kill the kids.
	I mean, it was a bloodbath.
	Yes, it was a jockstrap filled with the penises.
	Of dead trans children.
	And we've already made, oh boy, more death threats are coming.
	You know, I do want to say the last time that we were together, we decided to try to do something that's illegal in 2022, and that's to make a funny, right?
	Again, you can mutilate your kids' genitals and possibly kill them in the process, but if you make a joke about it, that makes you the bad guy, not the person actually mutilating their children.
	And if people don't remember this, you can go to my screen here, Gay Tupac.
	You know, we made some headlines, Blaze TV host jokes about killing transgender children.
	I think host should be used lightly.
	You already know it's not a really credible experience.
	I'm like barely a host if that.
	So, I mean, we're like, it's already questioning.
	And it's called Changing America.
	And people were mad.
	And apparently, I wasn't the only person who people were mad about.
	You had some fun too, because people thought that jokes were completely serious.
	Everybody that has been on Comedy Central specials has not only possibly masturbated in front of friends voluntarily.
	Rest in peace, Louis C.K., which we love.
	But on top of that, your jokes about trans children were worthy of you dying.
	Many death threats about how they were going to kill me.
	Then they called venues and said they'd kill me on stage and bomb me.
	Nobody ran at me with a gun knife.
	That was Dave Chappelle, fortunately.
	But yeah, which is amazing to me.
	Well, because you're not black, so you weren't worthy to actually die.
	It was just had a threat.
	No, I guess, yeah, we're not even sure why he did it.
	He said something about his grandma's rent, I believe, was the reason.
	So I hope that that helped.
	It's like, oh, I'm short on rent, baby.
	What are you going to do?
	I'm going to kill Dave Chappelle.
	Oh, so who goes, I have to get into a concert and I need to hide a knife.
	How should I do that?
	In a gun.
	That makes sense.
	And he got away with it.
	It's the worst security I've ever heard of in my life.
	At least he showed his COVID test at the door, though.
	Well, yeah, that's all it was.
	They swabbed his nose.
	They're like, ah, he's COVID negative.
	Let him in.
	And it's like, sir, I think he's got a gun knife.
	Like, I don't even know what that is.
	He's got a gun knife.
	It's like, sir, he's not spreading COVID, so we're all safe.
	Yeah.
	Rushes the stage, gets let off.
	I hope he got his rent paid, though.
	He'll probably get a lawsuit.
	Knowing the way California works in Los Angeles specifically, he'll make money off that.
	They're not pressing charges.
	They're not pressing assault charges because it's California.
	The only thing that I love about it is that he had the crap beat out of him and his arm's broken and he's just handcuffed to the gurney.
	And it's like, was it worth it?
	Did you make your statement?
	No.
	On that note, welcome back to Slightly Offensive, the best worst show on Blaze TV, where we always have confetti of color, 8K graphics, blasting in our faces.
	We're always enjoying it.
	Look at this.
	You guys, oh, we're good to trans people.
	Look at the rainbow.
	We taste the rainbow.
	We book the rainbow.
	Look at that.
	Boom.
	It's all over.
	I am sweating.
	I love it.
	Today's show, we got Dave Lando back on.
	He is a comedian.
	He is a co-host on Louder with Crowder and also apparently the enemy number one de facto for trans kids.
	Hide your trans kids and hide your wife because he's going to get them.
	What I understand.
	Yes.
	It's apparently legal to genocide them in Texas.
	And if we make a joke about that, it's wrong.
	It's true.
	Well, today we're talking about fighting abortionists, which is actually a really good idea per se.
	But before we jump into that, a huge shout out to our sponsor has to love that.
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	And they are amazing.
	And the company does love us.
	They support Kyle Rittenhouse too.
	And the trial.
	So they're definitely when they say they support us.
	This is like that kind of weird company where like, I feel like I can make a joke about genociding abortionists, but at the same time, I'm supported where it matters most.
	And I like that.
	It supports you in two ways.
	And it's antibacterial, which I can't believe that it's antibacterial.
	I would say, I mean, I can't force your wife to support you.
	I mean, you know what I mean?
	Your husband, but you can buy these boxer briefs and at least make up a little bit.
	Your dad left you, buy these boxes.
	My dad died when I was young.
	I'm gonna buy them.
	Yeah, they'll fix it every day.
	And you know what?
	You want to be like, Dad, sure, he's dead, but these feel nice.
	Me too.
	It was like Mother's Day.
	I was like, My mom died, and I was like, Wow, this is kind of shitty.
	My mom's dead.
	And then I opened up my drawer and there was under attack boxer briefs.
	I was like, Yeah, I would go through, I would go through her death again.
	I was so just to keep getting these boxers and feeling support.
	It was really good.
	Yeah, you want to wear nice, you want to wear nice underwear to your mom's funeral.
	That's what I did.
	That was like number one.
	You just want to make sure you feel classy.
	The only boxer briefs I wear when actively committing genocide against a protected class of people.
	It's jokey, but okay, let's jump in.
	So, abortions are crazy.
	And we watched the beginning of this.
	I don't know about you, but like, why do we get in trouble for making fun of things when literally there is a woman on the screen?
	And I'm going to use that lightly.
	That's MSNBC.
	This is network television.
	Yes, they go, oh, slightly offensive is so, so bad.
	Dave Landau and Elijah, they're very evil.
	They made jokes about killing people that you shouldn't.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Maybe there was a line that we crossed.
	Trail of Tears version two.
	We had murdering kids, burying them with pentagrams.
	Yeah.
	It could be.
	It's kind of funny, though.
	Like, not one article didn't say jokes.
	It was only jokes.
	That's what I find so amazing about that entire situation.
	We made jokes about other people saying they could kill trans legally.
	And we were just saying, no, you can't do that.
	Nor should you just murder children at random.
	That would be silly.
	Yeah.
	And that's what we got in trouble for.
	We've gone from like jackass MTV days.
	We're like, warning, the stunts performed on this video are performed by professionals, which was a lie, right?
	They never were professionals.
	Yeah, don't put your trans kid in a grocery cart and push him down a hill.
	Like, warning.
	Do not actually kill trans kids in the desert and bury them with pentagrams.
	This is not advised.
	Do we have to put that before everything we say?
	Yeah, like we're completely anti-murder.
	There you go.
	Are you happy?
	Like, I don't know.
	How could you think I'm not serious?
	Yeah.
	Look, I'm saying this right to the camera.
	I'm against killing trans kids.
	You should not kill trans kids.
	It's why would you do that?
	I don't know.
	They're killing themselves already.
	It's a hard thing.
	You know, people with there's a lot of transgender people that exist.
	Like I always mention, it's like this.
	Do you think transgender people don't exist?
	It's because you haven't ordered a drive-thru at Starbucks in long enough.
	Go through the drive-thru and you'll find out with your shaken, not stirred, caramel, macchiato, LGBTQIA.
	Literally, they're gay drinks.
	I call, I call it abortion liquid.
	It's just like you're paying to support everything you hate, right?
	In a cup.
	I just don't ever order anything like that because it's like, how long does it take you to make that?
	Just saying it is stupid.
	You're going to be back for half an hour and then you're going to say that I ordered that out loud to everyone?
	No.
	Yeah.
	You wonder if they, that the key thing about Starbucks is they don't go in.
	They don't go in trans.
	They come out trans.
	Yeah, that's true.
	They get so confusing taking the orders.
	They can't even remember what gender they are.
	It's like, I don't know, I'm a blonde espresso trans queer fan.
	Like, I don't know what I am anymore.
	They're like, dad, I got a job.
	He's like, right off the football team.
	Five days later, he's just in a dress.
	He's like, I don't understand anything anymore.
	Except for how to make frappuccinos with swirly tops and sprinkles.
	Son, where is the straw?
	I just know I don't want my balls.
	It's true.
	No whip, no nuts.
	That's how we do it.
	It's a nut allergy.
	It creates it.
	No, but this is the nut allergic that is at school.
	It's, you know what?
	It's true.
	I want to laugh.
	If I don't, if I stop drinking Starbucks for one week, I'm going to come in here and like, I'm going to change my name to just be like Hank or something.
	You know, I'll be like, I'm coming and be like, what happened to him?
	Like, yo, what's up, guys?
	Welcome back to Slightly Offensive.
	Yeah, you're going to come over.
	You're like, I don't know.
	I just stopped drinking a certain kind of juice.
	I just stopped drinking abortion liquid and suddenly I sound straight.
	This is pretty cool.
	I went to two strip clubs today.
	It's 1 p.m.
	And then we're, even I was going to say, I even gave tips to the black ones.
	So, you know, you know, I've cleared my racism too.
	I'm very, very happy to be here.
	I couldn't tell them apart.
	Okay, good start.
	Good start to the show.
	Good start.
	Okay, so we get in trouble was the point.
	Yes.
	And threaten to be killed.
	And threaten to be, that was the point.
	They wanted to kill us for jokes.
	Bullets in my head was one of them.
	Right.
	And I couldn't even believe with the young Turks, with everybody making videos about this, that was where they did not understand what a joke was and why it.
	And my favorite part was the young Turks.
	The girl used it to like sell her book.
	She put her book in the background and was like, yeah, I'm just so appalled by all of this.
	I'm just so upset.
	You know, this just makes me so angry.
	And also, if you'd like to buy my book.
	And I go, you know what?
	At least we helped somebody sell shitty books.
	So I feel, I feel like we just, she's black.
	Oh, don't tell me it didn't help black people in my career.
	Literally, she sold books.
	How many black people's books did you sell?
	Was it worth it killing the trans kids in order to get to her book sales?
	Or should I have not made the joke and then caused a black person to financially suffer?
	That's where you start getting in the woke problem.
	It's like, I made a black person money.
	Boom.
	Meets.
	So yeah, you can pick up fun at parties at wherever she sells her books.
	Well, true.
	It's true.
	I imagine she's a fun.
	She, you know, it's always, it is always ironic that they, they, whenever people want to talk crap on me, they always pick a black person to do it.
	Just because like they, they want to throw in the race card.
	Like not only is it a black person, but it's a woman too.
	It's like, let me explain why these white men are so evil from the mouth of a black woman.
	And it's like, dude, literally, the more that you do this, I don't just want to kill more trans kids.
	I want to blow my own fucking brains out.
	I want to die.
	I can't handle listening to these people.
	I can't handle it because I sit there and I wonder what happened to comedy.
	And when you watch the MSNBC clip that we saw, there is, I don't know what was going on, but this is network television.
	The mics, the cutting in and out, the laughs.
	She said a funny, she made a joke that was, I want to date the leaker from the Supreme Court about the one that leaked the Roe v. Wade determination or writing.
	The potential potential.
	Yes.
	And then and then have a baby with them and then abort, aka kill my child.
	And the guy standing there just like, the idea that you'd want to, you know, intentionally make a child with a stranger and then kill it.
	Oh, this is comedy.
	But if the child was trans, then that's where we draw the line.
	Right.
	Like, I've actually, I know Lori.
	I've met her.
	I don't know her, but I've met her.
	I'm fine with comics making those jokes, and I like that they do that on a newscast, to be honest.
	To make any newscaster on those kind of shows completely uncomfortable is fine with me.
	Just to watch.
	But the girl kept trying to talk.
	Can we play that clip one more time?
	Can we play that real fast?
	She kept trying to talk.
	I don't know what she was saying.
	Can we play that?
	So, I mean, here's the thing.
	Here's my feeling about the leaker.
	I would like to find out who the leaker is so I could make sweet love to that person because that person is a hero to me.
	Okay.
	Uncomfortable.
	And if the leaker, a lot of people are saying it could be a conservative if the leaker is a Republican.
	And if I get pregnant during our lovemaking, I will joyfully abort our fetus and let them know.
	I don't know if that answered your question.
	I probably didn't.
	It was a little off topic.
	It was a little.
	Go ahead, Joe.
	Take this one.
	You know what?
	What was the topic?
	I feel like.
	What's your favorite ice cream?
	Yeah.
	Hey, ma'am, this is a Wendy's.
	I feel like I was watching 1933, like Japanese movie brought into the United States.
	Like, that's what I think.
	And I go, wow, it's in, and if you go to my screen gate, Tupac, she can say that.
	But then, of course, you know, oh, Blaze TV host mocks the idea of trans genocide by joking about killing trans kids.
	And by the way, I was laughing since you're co-hosting on Crowder.
	Crowder's Crowder gets a lot of issues already on his show.
	And so it's like, oh, yeah, let's put the co-host another show and let's bring some good press and have a good time.
	And we got ratings and the show did really well.
	And but all that came out of it was the idea that we, and I said we mocked the idea of trans genocide.
	We did mock the idea.
	That was actually the joke.
	Well, we were making fun of the fact that anybody would say that it's totally legal in Texas to murder trans kids.
	Yeah, we mocked the idea.
	It's not happening.
	Why would that be a law?
	Like, all right, everybody, here's the deal.
	Have you seen drag kids on TLC?
	Murder them.
	The moment I found it wasn't a law, I called up Ken Paxton, the attorney general.
	I said, why is this not a law?
	Why is this not legal yet?
	I was so upset to find out that what we've been doing this entire time was illegal.
	I'm scared now.
	Apparently, at the end of all of this, the biggest issue was we might go to jail for what we've done.
	Some lady, I think, like, was tweeting at me.
	She's like, you're going to die.
	I called the FBI.
	I'm like, that's not a really, you don't really put those two things together.
	You might want to do those separately under different accounts.
	Here's my favorite thing.
	I have these people.
	They're like reoccurring characters in my life.
	And what it is, is like, I've gone up to so much shenanigans that what I like to do is look at the dates of when they send me a message.
	And it's just like every few months, it's like the same accounts, but it's like January 6th, 2021.
	The FBI is going to get you, bitch.
	You're going to go to jail.
	And then the next time it's like the next year, it's like, yeah, April 8th, 2022.
	How dare you call for genociding trans kids?
	The CIA is going to get you.
	And I finally reply back to these people after like every year to some event that they're getting the feds involved that I'm going to go to jail for.
	And I'm like, I lived, bitch.
	I lived.
	Like it's the same people that are like trying to get you in prison and go to jail for just doing your job.
	I'm going, that's dedication.
	The fact that you follow me enough, you don't write me regularly.
	We don't have a normal relationship.
	But every time I'm in the media, you find my profile, you send me a direct message, and you threaten powers, quite frankly, that probably nobody actually even has in this country.
	Like to just arrest somebody for a joke.
	Like, you got to go to jail now.
	And you go, I got to say, I don't, that's a level of respect.
	I want you to come.
	If that's you, come on the show.
	I'd like to.
	Let's just talk to you.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	They're just in their basement right now while Jodi Foster's knocking on their door.
	You know what?
	It's cool.
	And you can come on.
	It doesn't matter what you're doing.
	If you're coming, come on the media.
	Come in the media.
	Come on me on the media.
	I don't care.
	I'm okay.
	I want everywhere.
	Jeffrey Toobin, me on live TV.
	Jeffy Tubin away.
	No, but I see.
	A sticky situation room.
	Sorry.
	An explosive story.
	Right in our faces.
	We got this.
	What an idiot.
	Like, and he has a job.
	That just shows you, though, how ridiculous it is on the other side on the left when you look at that.
	Just masturbating on a Zoom call and they're like, oh, Jeff.
	And that's it.
	Harvey Weinstein, they're like, this guy masturbated in a plant in front of some.
	Don't get me wrong.
	He should be in jail.
	But like, that was a huge deal.
	Jeffrey Tubin's doing it on air and they're like, well, you know, it's an eight-minute Zoom call.
	I mean, how could he have restrained himself that whole time?
	And like, okay, this is my point.
	We get in trouble.
	I don't know if you saw this, though.
	A reporter called for violence against pro-lifers says that they shouldn't have peace or safety until they're actually dead.
	And the response is from Fox News as we expect this quality, you know, rebuttal.
	Critics blasted liberal reporter Caroline Riley and questioned why the police of the FBI had not gotten involved as they always look like this.
	Like, like they, they look abort row.
	And I feel bad too because that looks like the Rode Roadcaster logo.
	It looks like Eddie Murphy playing two characters.
	It's like when you couldn't decide whether you wanted to wear your Afro wig or be bald at the same time.
	Right.
	It's just, you know, it's like, it's like you didn't get the wig on fully, so your forehead is just like, it's just like sloppily on.
	And I got, you know, and he's also got, I love when guys do the vagina hair on the chin.
	Yeah, there's nothing.
	That's a real vaginal cut.
	Yeah, it's a landing strip right here to let you know he means business.
	If you get killed by a guy with a landing strip on his face, you deserve to die.
	It's like, sir, you missed.
	So bro.
	Planes land on the landing strip.
	You don't touch landing strips, two landing strips.
	No, there's nothing hot about this.
	There's nothing attractive.
	And I love that they have the mics behind them too.
	So you know that they actually have some sort of a podcast that says we are one, we are the human race.
	And it says here that a reporter for Rewire newsgroup called for more violence, not just violence, more violence against pro-life Americans over the weekend as she appeared to celebrate reports of vandalism against the headquarters of a pro-life group in Wisconsin.
	More of this.
	May these people never know a moment of peace or safety until they got until they rot in the ground.
	Caroline Riley wrote in a now deleted tweet Sunday evening, responding to a report by New York Times.
	Verified and they're on the internet.
	And it's like, so you can literally go on and actually call for real violence and encourage more, like, not just like theoretical extra.
	Not Lori Lightfoot, who called for the gay erection or insurrection.
	You mean Beetlejuice?
	Beetlejuice.
	You saw that?
	Yeah, she looks like Michael Keaton's Beetlejuice and Howard Stern's Beetlejuice is one person.
	Just a disgusting woman.
	I think woman.
	I don't want anyway.
	Don't go to my screen.
	I want to see if I can.
	We're not going to have any sound, but this is like one of my, it doesn't need any sound.
	This video needs zero sound at all to be relevant to me.
	It's just like, this is something that I posted in the middle of the night from Lofty Pixels.
	And it makes me absolutely.
	Yeah, go to my screen here.
	Watch.
	Go to my screen.
	Watch this.
	Watch this.
	I just like without any sound.
	Yeah, you see.
	You saw it too.
	Yeah, you saw this.
	No.
	Is that Beetlejuice and Beetlejuice coming into the room together?
	It's the same person.
	He just didn't die.
	It's one cost $15 to get a selfie with.
	The other, you know, charges you 15% of your income for a city tax.
	Yeah.
	But I think he's very dead.
	Is he dead?
	Yeah, I think Beetlejuice died.
	Oh, well, and then they, well, or faked his death and were like, you're going to be a mayor of a big city.
	Yeah, I was like, I'm surprised.
	I just love the dead pan.
	I need to take it off.
	You can take it off.
	It's very scary.
	It's a very scary thing.
	All I was going to say is like, Lori Life called for a gay, like, she goes, if people don't know this, this is old news, but she was like, oh, they're coming for gay marriage next, which, by the way, might be true because we're going to go back to democracy to where we stopped letting the Supreme Court rule for things that change our lifestyles and let people vote.
	And if you really thought that Americans supported something, you should be crying to get it out into a vote.
	Sure.
	Like, why would you not?
	Like, if you're like, everyone wants abortion, we shouldn't overturn Roe v. Wade.
	Yeah, put it to a vote.
	Let's go ahead and make it a vote.
	And also with gay marriage, we did put it to a vote and people voted against it.
	They did.
	They voted like, yeah, I'm fine with it, but that's just my honest opinion.
	I just don't.
	But it's like we put it to a vote and people didn't want it.
	The Supreme Court was like, nah, let's make the White House rainbow.
	Yeah, let's do this.
	Biden, do you think Biden cares about gay marriage?
	Do you think, did you see his, look at his kid?
	He doesn't, there's not, there's nothing like, no one cares.
	Biden, I don't think.
	Did you see Joe or his kid's password?
	No.
	Oh, Ainal.
	It's like 69.69.
	Yeah.
	That was his kid's password for Joe's is the wrong kid.
	No, I got what you were saying.
	I thought he meant his kid as in the one that he's, but not like.
	Oh, no, no, no, not the collection.
	I thought you'd like to see, yeah, in quotes, his kid.
	That's just like the code word, which is a secret service code word for his current sex toy.
	That's like his kid.
	Yeah.
	The package is here, and he's got his package in his kid.
	No, the one.
	Not the one, no, not the anal, not the anal 69.
	The one he keeps in a safe house in Malibu that gets Chinese cash delivered so he can get Russian whores.
	And everyone's writing, oh my gosh, his dog, you know, bit people, not realizing that his dog was a code name for his other sex toy kid that he got from Thailand.
	It's not biting back.
	It's like, oh, he's actually fighting back now in the White House.
	We've got it.
	We got to get rid of Major.
	We got to get rid of Major.
	He just grew a pube.
	We have to euthanize the dog.
	We've got to get rid of it.
	He bit back one of the Secret Service's agents before they could put the butt juice, the butt injection and put him to sleep.
	He learned how to say no in English.
	It's the most Catholic thing about Biden.
	It's love for children.
	It's true, yeah.
	There's a lot of love.
	All the Catholic views are going to hate me for that one.
	But you know what?
	Okay.
	That's what made you mad.
	24 minutes into the show.
	Now you're angry.
	Then you have a sick sense of humor.
	You have a problem.
	If the Catholic joke, oh, this is where I draw the line.
	You know what?
	I got to say this.
	On your way up to this punchline, while literally reiterating genocides of multiple groups of people, making lots of death jokes, talking about killing people, Beetlejuice jokes, making fun of the disabled, you made a joke about Catholics.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	And I was raised Catholic and I was barely molested.
	So come on.
	Yeah.
	Literally.
	And if you were, try to get under attack boxers and it'll be able to fix it.
	It's like the Catholic Church is just giving them out to everybody.
	It's like the restitution.
	It's like, it's like, man, you don't know.
	It's like, hey, so what happened to having that case?
	Oh, they give me a few pairs of boxers.
	All right, cool.
	It wicks off evidence.
	All right.
	All right.
	We're going to look at some abortionists because we got to get serious.
	We got into depths about the reality of the situation last episode with Alex Stein.
	You know, that is Prime Time 99.
	And we've grabbed all the terrible videos that have been seen and unseen.
	And we're going to obliterate the baby killers.
	We've got to look at them.
	This is actually funny because we can talk about, these are actual killers.
	These are people that are killing children.
	And I don't know what people believe about abortion, but it's like, I mad respect for the pro-abortion people who just say things like, yeah, I'm killing my child.
	I actually respect that.
	Well, of course.
	There's a respect.
	Yeah, there's a respect of like, yes.
	Like, if you purposely infect some with AIDS and you're just like, yeah, I did.
	What are you going to do about it?
	Probably die of AIDS too.
	Yeah.
	That's what I'm going to do about it.
	Shug did the easy, I believe.
	Let's go.
	Let's play video one.
	This says we're overturning Roe v. Wade.
	The entire generation of women who have beat people by polar disorder from their narcissistic and neglectful mothers.
	Trias.
	You've got enough pinned up rage.
	I don't think I understood that at all, but she's got a lot more than just rage built up there.
	I mean, she's got her.
	She should check her arteries.
	There's a lot pent up there, and it's called blood pressure.
	I've never seen a forearm with stretch marks.
	That is certainly a fascinating look.
	Is she worrying about abortion?
	Because I'm pretty sure she could just do that with the amount of ginger ale she drinks in a day.
	Ma'am, I didn't know you could know that abortion was killing another person, not killing yourself.
	And I think you've mistaken the Roe v. Wade.
	And she's like, oh, I thought you said Wade, W-E-I-G.
	Oh, I'm sorry.
	Oh, Wade, which I haven't done to myself in the decade because I'm so freaking disgusted.
	I'm just so filled with sugar and confused that I thought these were my wrists.
	She's like, she's like, yeah, I've been trying to kill the kid in my womb for 21 years.
	Ma'am, that's not a child in there.
	That's McDonald's.
	Exactly.
	You didn't realize that the way to have a kid wasn't eating a lifetime supply of kids' meals.
	Yeah, that's true.
	That's just the name.
	That's true.
	The calories.
	I mean, look, you got a lot of cool toys that might have some value, but I don't think you're going to live long enough to enjoy them.
	She thought the toys were desserts.
	She's eating the beanie babies.
	She's eating like a grimace, you know?
	She's got like the fry transformer from the 80s.
	You're just like, oh, none of these are edible.
	No, that's not hemorrhoids.
	It's a plastic toy coming out of your anus.
	That wasn't a sack.
	That wasn't soluble.
	It's all the jackass thing over again.
	Warning.
	Did you put the car in rest?
	No.
	I ate it.
	I know.
	I don't.
	And you know, like, grimace.
	Okay, someone was like, someone misstepped on this show, and they're like, oh, you make fun of people's appearances a lot.
	No, I make fun of.
	Yeah, okay.
	Okay, I do.
	Well, she should know.
	She made fun of herself.
	She did.
	She put out the video and we just saw it.
	Yeah, it's like, it's like the only video that you have to view on an iPhone 13 Plus because it doesn't fit on your normal iPhone.
	She's got such a width.
	She's got her own ratio on the phone, you know?
	And poor girl, it's like, you can only, like, I. She's got her Pink Floyd shirt.
	I mean, I'm sure she'd love to see Roger Waters, but she can't afford three seats.
	The only social media post that has to be shown in an actual theater to get the whole image.
	put your phones together to see to see exactly what she was trying to say it's we're of course kidding ma'am yeah Yeah, she's beautiful and brave, is what I meant to say.
	Mostly brave.
	It does take a bit of bravery to like, once you're full, to keep eating.
	And I gotta say, I gotta get that.
	And this is where, like, no, I like to eat.
	Yeah, me too.
	It's obvious.
	Well, like, and it's, but it's, here's the point.
	There's a point where my body stuffs me.
	Right.
	That, but that's, that's the point.
	Yeah.
	So you're like, you're what's called like you have you have less chins than in a Chinese phone book, right?
	That's like, there's, it's not, you're not out there.
	And so, so you are, you're sitting around and you're like, we call this happy puffy.
	You're not, you don't drink anymore.
	You could just be hungover.
	You could just have had a little too much a drink last night.
	You could be the fittest guy with a six pack.
	Guys, Daylando probably does have a six-pack.
	He's still recovering from alcohol and the puffiness hasn't gone down.
	We can blame it on previous alcohol abuse.
	And that's fine.
	And guys can carry the weight.
	The problem with women is that women go.
	The only time that I believe trans men are possible is that woman who successfully pulled off the Michelin man, like legitimately.
	That was a full transformation.
	I swear, where was she?
	Where was she when the Titanic sunk?
	She could have saved like 75 more lives.
	Been a straight-up life preserver, like floated.
	And people, Jack, and Jack and his wife and his girl could have both survived on that, right?
	I heard she was one of the characters.
	She's the iceberg.
	She played the iceberg in the Titanic.
	Just puts her stomach over the water.
	Just sitting there with her arms folded looking at it.
	I hate my life.
	All right, we get into this.
	If you're watching this or you're listening to this, don't forget this is an audio-only podcast.
	And I want to remind you and talk to you right now about Raycon.
	So guys, I have a pair of Raycons, and you got to understand why they're so amazing.
	Not only are Raycon headphones amazing, but I got these new Raycon sports, which are absolutely fantastic and they work in every single way that many of the other competitive headphones don't.
	In fact, because they're small and they fit in your ear.
	They're not weird.
	They don't look like long and strange and they're sticking out all over the place.
	These are covert.
	They're overt.
	And especially if you're like, and I say this, I don't mean to be bad, but if you're a student or you're at a job place and you don't want to be seen with headphones in, these like just fit right in the ear canal.
	You can't get over the ear headphones as well.
	They come in blue.
	They come in black.
	They come in white.
	And I always say this, people say, you know, all humans matter, red, brown, yellow, black, white, purple.
	I always say if someone's purple, you shouldn't love them.
	You should call an ambulance.
	But in this case, you can love blue.
	You can love all the colors they have because they can fit exactly what you want.
	And even if you have a pair of headphones, how many times have your headphones died?
	How many times have you lost them or misplaced them and you need a second pair to go around?
	These are absolutely important.
	Long battery life.
	They're resistant to the moisture and they have, I don't know what it is, but they last longer than my other more competitive pairs that are out there that people think are better, but are actually not.
	And I love my Raycon so much.
	You should too.
	They're the best sound for the price that you can get.
	And right now, today, you can check out Raycon's wireless earbuds and you're going to love them.
	Go to buyraycon.com/slash offensive.
	That's B-U-I-R-A-Y-C-O-N.com.
	That's buyraycon.com/slash offensive to get 15% off.
	And guys, I cannot tell you enough how much I love these.
	And we've all gotten them.
	And I need to get one for my new producer as well.
	But go to buyraycon.com, B-U-I-R-A-Y-C-O-N.com slash O-F-E-N-S-I-V-E, get a pair for yourself and a spare and for a friend and check out their sport bands as well.
	Check them out, buyraycon.com/slash offensive.
	And you know, I think with what's going on, if you're in your Raycons or you're listening, let's go and let's our next video, video number two.
	Abortion should be legal and available to all, and birth control and sex that should be free.
	Abortion bands make pregnant women second-class citizens and serve imperialist patriarchal capitalist white supremacy.
	I'm sorry, I just heard the fall of Rome in my headphones.
	I was like, back in my day, coming out of the closet was easier.
	Yeah, apparently, you have to float out like a genie and sing a song.
	He could just go, I'm gay.
	And I'll be like, oh, oh, I see.
	This is a really long extra way to just be like, I'm gay.
	You're like, no, son, I get it.
	It's Christmas.
	Let's not ruin the whole thing.
	It's like, I could just see a dad being like, like, the mom being like, have you seen our son's TikTok?
	And the dad being like, this is your fault.
	Like, I see marriage problems happening from this video.
	This is no, you're, this is your fault.
	You let him go to that sleepover that one time.
	We don't know what happened to this day.
	And now we have to deal with his TikTok.
	Our son's 31 years old.
	Our son's 31 years old.
	I told you we shouldn't have been Catholics.
	I wore a suit and tie to work when I was 31.
	He made this in his room.
	I'm shooting you and him.
	I hope our kid comes out as trans so I can justify killing him in tech.
	We're moving to Texas the moment he comes out as trans, we're going to Texas and we're ending his life.
	Yeah, we're a show.
	I hear it's legal now.
	Yeah.
	It's all that podcast.
	We can kill our kid now, right?
	Isn't that true?
	Isn't that nice?
	Hey, the Commie Central comedian said it was legal.
	Yeah.
	That's what he said.
	And like, can we play that one more time?
	Because I've got to break this down because I, it's, I don't know if I'm getting old or just getting done with it because like sometimes these videos happen and I don't know if I'm just the wrong demographic, but I can't process what's happening.
	Oh, no, no, you're not wrong.
	Can you did you process that?
	Not in the least.
	What did you hear?
	Let's before we watch it, let's see how much Dave Landau can remember.
	I'm going to set a timer right now for 30 seconds.
	Give me a second here.
	I'm literally going to set a timer for 30 seconds.
	Josiah, can you please just pay attention so we can see what you got right?
	Okay, so I'm showing this.
	Here we go.
	We're doing on the clock for 30 seconds, and I want you to try to explain to me everything that he said.
	Go.
	Okay.
	It was a man calling what we called in my day Indian style sitting, now called crisscross applesauce, floating around on a purple night.
	It's like a sky saying that abortion should be legal for everyone and everyone should be able to have a sex education for free, which I believe to a degree it is with public.
	Not to argue, but yes, he'd like abortions while he floats around crisscross applesauce.
	Perfect.
	All right, exactly 30 seconds.
	Let's go to play it one more time.
	Abortion should be legal and available to all.
	Abortion bands make pregnant women second class citizens and serve imperialist patriarchal capitalist white supremacy.
	Abortion.
	I gotta say this.
	I have never been more keen to think how cool white supremacy is than how these leftists sell it.
	Because I've always thought like white supremacy, not a good idea.
	The idea of just, you know, I had to say, I love nationalism.
	I love the idea.
	I don't think people should demonize white people.
	And I was going.
	Patriotism, really.
	Yeah, and I'm going, I'm going, yeah, but white, you know, obviously just, you know, hating some because they're black, this sounds horrible.
	And that's that's what I used to think it was.
	I thought I thought white supremacy was when I grew up was this idea of like, oh, black people are bad because they're black.
	But then they start saying things like, you know, that giving birth to kids is white supremacy.
	Being decent and treating people well is part of colonialism.
	And also serving God and being with your family and not being a trans kid is white supremacy.
	And I go, The fact that you don't litter makes you a Nazi shit.
	Yeah.
	You're like, I'm sorry.
	I don't understand.
	Are you a decent citizen?
	Nazi.
	And I'm going, hey, why don't you just tell the next generation of young boys that Nazism is cool while you're at it?
	Right.
	Because you're literally selling.
	You're like, I don't want a.
	Here's what we're going to do.
	Here's, here's, here's our sales pitch.
	We don't want anyone to be a white supremacist and a Nazi.
	Let's take every decent, good part of humanity, every positive side of Christianity, and everything that's made our Western nations as amazing as they are.
	And let's call that Nazism.
	I hope no, I hope nobody wants to be a Nazi.
	Well, no, you're saying.
	Here's the best part, though.
	Let's have white men deliver it.
	It's always the ones, they're the ones saying it.
	It's ever, I never see like black people.
	It's always that guy.
	It's literally this is that is a man who doesn't ever have to worry about an abortion regardless of what your Apple emojis say.
	When I watch videos like that, I start to support abortion.
	Well, yeah, I'm like, so you're telling me that guy couldn't have this is a possibility he wouldn't have existed.
	I'm on board.
	Sign me up.
	I want to join this movement.
	Oh, I agree.
	I say let's roll the dice.
	There's enough people.
	It's true.
	This is an old joke.
	And I've said it so many times on the show, but I used to think that there was no such thing as an abortion joke until somebody said that there is no other time that abortion is funny or should be thought of as an actual option until you're stuck in traffic on the 405 freeway in LA and you think, damn, I do wish more of these people were aborted.
	Yeah, they really, I need to go.
	I need to go.
	But I also find it, I find it strange too.
	Like, this is the idea of the whole what they're selling.
	Like, we talked about this with Alex Stein.
	Oh, okay.
	So, yeah, do you want to be one of those kind of people that supports people giving birth?
	And you're like, yeah.
	And it's like, okay, so you're a white supremacist.
	And the weird thing about this too is that the way that they, and I ought to be careful with how I say this, but when the Ukraine war started, I knew that it was a bunch of BS because the first thing that MSNBC said is like, if we don't support Ukraine, then the trans people are going to have to serve in the military and might get killed.
	Do you remember this?
	When they were talking about, like, don't you care?
	Like, Huvin doesn't want the trans people in Ukraine.
	And I'm going, like, I don't know if the best way to get me to support the Ukraine war on the Ukraine people was to target me by saying, don't you care about the trans people?
	And you knew it was bullshit because they used it to support their own social issues and whatnot.
	If you wanted me to care about Ukraine, you would have said, don't you care about Ukrainian people or about the children?
	But it's like, you already know this show.
	We've already called for the genocide of the young.
	We just need to go up and age a little bit.
	We need to change our brackets.
	Our fantasy football team, it's all we need to change.
	Yeah.
	Did you know that the Ukraine's not a nightclub, right?
	Like, it's an it's also, it sounds like a great video game.
	Like when the Call of Duty Ukraine comes out, I want to play the trans character.
	Like, it's like you shoot people.
	It's like, you're out of testosterone.
	And you have to like reload your testosterone and your and your magazine at the same time.
	Well, and everybody just supported Ukraine, which people with your syringe, you know, you're like, you inject it and then give them your HIV.
	It's like, it's like, dead, eliminated.
	It's like, you don't even have shank.
	I want to syringe them.
	You're just throwing heels at Russian soldiers.
	I went down on that guy till he died.
	Fallacious.
	Ukraine.
	It's not ratio, it's salacious.
	Ass to ass.
	What?
	It's the only, it's like you have a force field running around naked with your gun.
	All the guys are running away from you.
	They're afraid.
	You don't even have a gun.
	They just don't want to be around you.
	They're just confused and transophobic.
	They're like, boot, and you don't know what's going on over there.
	The Russian soldiers are.
	It's men.
	They have chads.
	I'm so scared.
	Your transphobia defeated the Russians.
	It's true.
	But it is weird.
	And that kid, I don't understand.
	I'm done with him.
	And we also have this guy.
	I think his parents are and his family.
	But he said it's about the patriarchy because he said that women, it treats women like second-class citizens.
	Apparently, we forgot.
	Giving birth?
	Well, we forgot that men can get pregnant too.
	Let's watch this.
	It's a reminder that not every uterus owner is a woman.
	Non-binary men can still need an abortion.
	Not meant to sound mean.
	Just a reminder, I, you know, I failed a high school and I wish I could have gone now.
	Me too.
	I could have just passed biology just by going like, I don't know what this is.
	Yeah, like on your test, like, what is a woman?
	And you're like, I'm just, I'm not the teacher.
	Can men give birth?
	Yeah.
	You bet.
	You should know.
	Don't you know?
	Didn't you go to school for this question mark?
	I didn't.
	Yeah.
	Why do you think I'm here?
	I want to learn from you.
	I think we all know men can give birth, racist.
	Yeah.
	Sir, you didn't put any, your only answer on your math test was, do you think I'm a flipping mathematician?
	Exactly.
	This is why you have a degree and I don't.
	Exactly.
	But it's also why you have an A-plus.
	Yeah.
	I'm not claiming to know, so I'm not wrong.
	But I do.
	I also feel like I'm, but I'm glad I didn't go to school because I'd be fear.
	What do you learn?
	Well, also, too, like, imagine this.
	Someone thinks this.
	This is what's so crazy.
	It's so crazy.
	Now, you have sex with a girl.
	You thought you were straight.
	10 years you meet her.
	She's a man now.
	Now you're gay.
	You had sex with a dude.
	I know.
	You're like, oh, I thought you were a chick when I met you, but they're a dude now.
	Does that make you gay?
	I don't know this.
	Does it make you gay?
	So if it's a man now, technically, you've had sex with a man.
	Well, I hope not six times over.
	It was only gay because now you had sex with once you had the artificial penis.
	What if there's still a man?
	Does that wait, what?
	But I'm saying, you know what I'm saying?
	You're gay now.
	What if your girlfriend's a man now?
	Now you're gay.
	Well, I don't think because she was a woman at the time, but it will be weird to go, hey, you see that girl?
	And they'll go, that guy right there.
	And you'll go, yeah, I had sex with her in high school.
	You mean Frank?
	Yeah, Frank from IT?
	Yeah.
	That was your ex-girlfriend.
	Yeah, the one that looks like Milton from office space.
	And you're like, at the time, she didn't.
	She was a very beautiful girl.
	And they're like, yeah, you're very gay.
	Is it still gay?
	Is it gay to have sex with a trans man?
	Oh, yeah.
	I mean, technically, if they have the penis?
	No, it doesn't look normal.
	Do you know about that?
	Have you seen a trans man's penis?
	Oh, like the sliced in half.
	Have you seen, have you seen the forearm?
	For like a medical term to sound okay?
	Yeah, the tubule that's wrapped in your skin from your thigh.
	Have you seen one of them?
	Yeah, have I seen the hole?
	No, have you seen the artificial penis that they have to use one of the nuts and pump it to pump up the penis?
	One time I went down on Chas Bono.
	I thought it was John.
	You got Chas Bono boners.
	You know, I don't think, maybe I don't think I have seen an artificial penis.
	Okay, well, I'm not, we're not going to do that.
	Go to my son.
	No, I'm just talking.
	He's like, here you go.
	This is it.
	No, no.
	Maybe I have.
	I don't know.
	I've seen the inverted penis to make the vagina.
	Yes.
	But that still can look a little bit.
	That can be pretty accurate in some regards.
	Yeah.
	It can look more.
	We call that deucey.
	See, design.
	Yes.
	It's a Deucey.
	Peter Doocy from the Peter Doocy.
	No, but but I so people don't people.
	So I say a lot of very sus things on the show.
	I happen to know a lot about trans because my because my but you said it's a whole like a pump.
	No, no, so so because people don't people that are new to the show that are shocked.
	My thesis, my university thesis was on transgender reassignment in children.
	And I just reiterate this back before, and I almost didn't get it approved through its defense because they said this was never going to become common.
	And well, I think I was, I turned out to be correct.
	Somebody may have been right.
	Yeah.
	I would like a refund.
	I gotta be honest, I wish you had failed that one.
	Yeah, and by the way, just to show you, this is back in like 2016.
	I was to fight somebody in a defense of their own thesis.
	And I was making the point that people were making the argument that gender and sex were separate and this would become mainstream.
	And I was told that I was foolish to think that would ever leave the university classroom as a mainstream idea.
	I wouldn't.
	I go, that was like two, three years later.
	This is now, you're a bigot.
	Yeah, actually, if you say opposite, you should get stabbed by a gun knife on stage.
	Yes, right?
	You can't.
	Well, it's like you can't tell somebody a secret without 80 people finding out.
	You think you're going to tell classrooms of kids the same thing and they're not going to go out and live that way?
	2016.
	Yeah, but I'm saying 2016 at college.
	This wouldn't leave a this would be like a university issue.
	Yeah, back in 2016.
	That's what I mean, though.
	Like, and that, but that wouldn't somehow make it to the outside.
	Of course, you wouldn't.
	These are all teachers in here about to be teachers.
	Yeah, that's crazy.
	I know.
	You know, I have a teaching credential.
	I should go back to it.
	I should go back to being a high school biology teacher.
	I need to.
	It's about time.
	I should leave podcasting and become a high school biology teacher.
	They need me.
	At least once a week, just be a sub and go, listen, this whole class is just this.
	This is a man.
	He can't get pregnant.
	I don't know how to tell you that, guys.
	He might identify as a woman, but no.
	I know it's like you go to the books, you realize that page 82 was ripped out, which was just the intro to sex.
	It's like, men are men.
	Oh, how'd this go missing?
	I do wonder, though.
	I'm always like, I don't think I could ever get a job probably as a high school teacher again if they googled my name.
	Yeah, but just watch one episode.
	This goes against everything.
	This is anti-curriculum.
	This guy believes men can't get pregnant.
	But here we go.
	So we also have a, I don't even know what this is.
	We have another video.
	Let's go.
	Let's keep going on this.
	Video for you.
	Okay.
	This is old, but we have to bring it back on the show.
	This was on our show like two years ago, I think, or a year ago.
	This was a drag person the last time.
	I think this was actually during the 2020 election or before decided for Halloween to give themselves an abortion at a bar.
	And this is part of the Insane Clown posse.
	And I'm just going to let it play out for those that are listening.
	Oh, wow.
	Can you narrate this for us, Dave?
	She stabbed her belly and is taking the blood out.
	She appears to be a transgender man, though.
	And she's taking the fake blood out.
	I hope.
	Oh, now there's a baby.
	She's pulling out the baby.
	She is covered in blood and she is licking the baby.
	She's licking the blood-covered baby while dancing.
	The black woman who was at the bar next to her has left.
	I should point that out.
	Didn't even wait for her drink.
	Felt it was best to just go.
	And now she is now rubbing the throwing the umbilical cord around.
	Oh, she killed the baby.
	She killed the baby.
	Is licking the blood in the wow?
	That is.
	You know what?
	We don't deserve this planet.
	I think we just need an alien attack so we can all get together on something.
	I don't even understand.
	This is that would that's a night ruiner.
	What if that was your first date?
	Yeah, I need to get on a Zoom call and masturbate in front of my colleagues after watching.
	I would find that more appropriate.
	Yeah, me too.
	So I can get back to sanity.
	I need to get back to the real world, right?
	Let me get back to sanity, back to professionalism.
	Because this is just like, and I've seen this before.
	Yeah.
	But, but I, okay, I'm, it's like, I, I am like, I'm the Michael's craft person checking, you know, checking out this, this trans person, like, oh, what are you buying rope and, you know, blood goo?
	And oh, and baby doll.
	And, oh, are you, um, are you creating a, um, you know, are you doing a, you have a, you have a niece that's having a birthday?
	No, I'm going to create a drag costume.
	I'm going to abort a fetus in a bar in front of a black person and I'm going to put on the internet.
	Oh.
	Oh.
	Okay.
	All right.
	Well, we have a sale on some tapestries.
	What are your pronouns?
	How do I address you?
	I don't know what to call you.
	I'm so afraid.
	I should have went.
	I don't know what name's on this credit card, but it's fine.
	You know what?
	These are on me.
	Just go.
	Shma'am.
	Shma'm.
	You can go.
	You can go.
	And the best part is, I just imagine the bartender being like, I can imagine the bartender just being like this, you know, because they always have the long nails.
	Oh, yeah.
	They're like, they're like resting their boss.
	There's somebody doing a mock abortion on our counter.
	What is the protocol?
	What is the protocol for online PR realizing that there's a drag person killing a child and there is now blood?
	Send emoji emphasis.
	Yeah.
	And then two hours later, they send back, it's two drink minimum per person.
	So baby dead or not.
	Did she, did, did, did she have a, did she have a, did she pay for drinks?
	Yeah.
	You think you would have to lean in at that point and go, I think you've been overserved, at least as a bartender.
	Like, I can't, I'd, I'd love to give you another drink, but you just stabbed your stomach and pulled out a fake bloody baby.
	And I just feel it would be irresponsible of me to give you another rum and coke.
	Yeah.
	I think you've reached your limit on years existing on this planet as well, right?
	I think it's time you both leave the bar and perhaps you put into practice the statistics of people like you and just I like I you're just putting rat poison and Kahlua in a blender.
	You're like, I have a special drink just for you.
	Break the bottle.
	It's like a jagged corner.
	I'm not going to tell you what to do with this, but as you leave, perhaps cut open something else other than your wounds.
	I'm just saying, you know, even your legs got a vein that'll bleed out.
	Have a good day.
	I know.
	I know.
	I love that you're bald too.
	All of you is gross.
	This is like the only time that you hope someone gets.
	It's like, I just hope the balding becomes real.
	Okay, but here we go.
	We got another video.
	Video number five.
	Let's go.
	It's all just.
	It was like, I need to make a doctor's appointment and like get my tube side or hysterectomy or something.
	And then I was like, will they even let me though?
	Because I don't have a man to give me permission.
	Will they let my dad do it?
	I'm 29 years old.
	I have a seven and a half year old son already.
	And I'm gay.
	I don't want to birth any more children.
	Why did I even have to have those thoughts at all?
	And those thoughts spiraled into, like, do I even want to get my tubes tied at all?
	Because if things get really, really bad, if I'm readable, at least I'll still have value to this new society.
	And I realize that that sounds hella overdramatic.
	And I probably only went that far because I'm tired.
	But why did that even cross my mind?
	You're insane.
	I don't want Wendy's ever again.
	Yeah, she's really, those baconators didn't do well to her curves there.
	Square burgers.
	You got edges on the patty, but not on the jawline there, it looks like.
	She's 29 and wants her dad to give her permission to get her tubes tied.
	Like, she can't do that at the young age of 29.
	She's 29?
	That's what she said.
	Okay.
	Well, I feel better about myself.
	I'm 29 and I'm feeling a lot better now.
	Like, I thought I looked rough.
	And I like what Nick Ricada said on the call last night.
	He's like, he was like, yeah, it's like, you're the only person with the energy of a 29-year-old, but you look like life's hit you at 35.
	And I said, thank you.
	No, but you look 23.
	Yeah, I know.
	I'm 29 and I'm 39.
	I wish.
	I thought you're 31.
	39.
	Do you get your tubes tied?
	Yeah.
	Do you have any kids?
	I'd ask my dad, but he was dead.
	Yeah.
	Good thing you have a boxer brace to support you.
	I do have a kid.
	He's also seven, which I just hope I'm still breedable for this new future.
	Yeah.
	And also, too, I got to say this, like, I felt bad about my eyebrows being invisible, but those, those, seriously, somebody.
	She needs tattoos.
	She needs landing strips.
	She needs to go talk to that guy.
	People right there.
	Yeah, but it's like, it's like the weirdest part.
	These people are just mentally ill.
	She doesn't know who she is.
	She's eight different people.
	She's a mother.
	She's 29.
	She has a father.
	She's a lesbian.
	Like, it's fine.
	She's a kid.
	She's straight.
	She's breathable.
	Yeah, it's like you need to pick which one.
	What do you want to be?
	Speaking of what you want to be when you grow up, young lady.
	She may not know how to grow eyebrows, but I can tell you this, guys.
	I have been working on my lawn in the back of my house for a while.
	It's pretty crazy.
	If you guys don't know, you don't get an apartment.
	It's really hard to find out what to do, whether you want more privacy or you just want things to look good.
	You need to understand that there's this company called fastgrowingtrees.com slash SO.
	Fast growing trees, this is a way that you can get the plants, the flowers, the hedges, whatever you need without waiting in lines and no messy cars for hauling plants all over town because you order online or over the phone and your plants are shipped to your door in one to two days.
	I don't know if you actually know.
	This is not even a joke.
	Like everybody's got somewhere they live and you buy plants, something like out there.
	And you know why we don't buy plants?
	Because just like, who wants to go to Home Depot?
	They're not, they're overpriced.
	How do you get it into your house?
	It doesn't make any sense.
	But if you've got it shipped to you, that's kind of what we're missing.
	We need that.
	We need the Uber Eats of actual plant life.
	I'm with you.
	Yeah.
	So guys, their growing and care advice is available 24-7.
	If you're like me, I don't have a green thumb.
	I've killed so many plants in my life.
	I've been literally genociding plants.
	I've been plant killer.
	Vegans hate me.
	Transplant.
	Yes, exactly.
	I've been transplanting people, I mean, I mean, plants into pots, and I've been growing them all over the place, and then they die.
	And guess what?
	I needed advice, and they give it to me 24-7.
	Whether you're looking for an increased privacy, shade, adding some natural beauty to your yard, fast-growing trees have the perfect plants and the expertise to help you find them.
	Even if you never had a green thumb, they'll make you feel like you do.
	One million home gardeners have already seen what fastgrowing trees.com slash SO can do for them.
	Go to fastgrowingtrees.com slash SO, F-A-S-T-G-R-O-W-I-N-G-T-R-E-E-S dot com slash SO right now, and you'll get 15% off your entire order.
	Get 15% off at fastgrowingtrees.com slash S-O.
	FastgrowingTrees.com slash S-O.
	Amazing stuff.
	That being said, I need to write this right now on the Telegram because we're going to do a little bit of a Q ⁇ A with you at the end of this.
	I need to make sure I put in Telegram.
	All right.
	Questions for Dave Landau.
	Do I do a drag dead baby magic show?
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Oh, no.
	No, but I, but this is what I think is so interesting.
	And to be serious about this for five seconds, is that I find this really weird too with the abortion stuff and with the sexuality stuff is that like people don't walk around.
	And this is also why I hate the AA stuff.
	Like, oh, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.
	Like, no, if you're not drinking today, you're not an alcoholic.
	Okay.
	I mean this genuine, but I mean this genuinely.
	It doesn't mean you can go drink.
	It just good at it.
	Well, that's what I meant.
	It just, it just means like at some point, you've got to have redemption.
	You got a victory and you can realize you can change.
	And that's the key thing to try to get someone to realize.
	There's a power to change.
	And when people come out, like, I have a kid and I'm a lesbian.
	Okay, so you're not.
	You're just open sexually.
	Like, you're not a lesbian.
	You've had a kid.
	You've given birth.
	You've had sex with a person.
	That doesn't make you a lesbian.
	A guy who really regrets it.
	Yeah, but I'm just, but I just meant you might have had a bad relationship.
	You might like women now.
	Like the left has this correct.
	The mind is fragile and sexuality can be fragile and you can change things and things can happen to you that could make you hate men or hate women or that could make you not like sex at all or could get you addicted.
	There's people who don't have sex for 20 years and they become sex addicts or people in cells that go out there and they've never had sex before and they murder people and rape people.
	Like things are crazy.
	The mind is crazy.
	That's the point.
	It needs to be nurtured.
	It needs to be taken seriously because the mind is capable of many wicked things.
	Who can know?
	It's deceitfully wicked.
	Who can know it, right?
	And people walk out there and they project their mental illness to the world, but they relate it through sexuality, through abortion, through all of these issues.
	And it's like, man, you just have mental issues.
	You're an unstable person with a mind that doesn't have an identity.
	And you need to take some time away from the internet, away from TikTok and nurture and find out who are you?
	Who are you designed to be?
	How did God make you?
	And until you go there, you should refrain from making videos about your process.
	And if you are going to be mentally unstable and make videos about your process, just do what I do for a living.
	Come a podcaster and make it your job.
	That's what I do.
	Comic.
	It's just easier that way.
	Yeah.
	Work through it.
	Make money doing it.
	Yeah.
	You can't just do it.
	No, I agree with you.
	The problem is, is I think for so many years, we were very, very puritanical about sex and we were relatively cruel to the gay communities and stuff like that.
	So there's a lot of stuff that's been bottled up.
	The problem is, is now, especially with all the lockdowns, everything that's happened, we've allowed people to snap in a lot of different ways.
	And then you have a lot of people getting very, very rich while a lot of people are getting very, very poor and they need a distraction.
	So what do you do?
	You throw in this kind of crap where you can rile up the craziest people around.
	The same people that are talking about mental health care are the same people making these videos.
	You don't care about mental health care because you're doing nothing about your own mental health care or nobody in your life is helping you, which is even sadder.
	There's so many things going on with these people and what's going on.
	It's like the same as me or you, where it's like, we are anti-murder.
	I'm going to kill you.
	I'm like well that adds up.
	It seems to make perfect sense as long as I identify as a trans kid.
	Now you still want to do it?
	Well, no, it's like you watch drag.
	Like I saw that drag kids trailer.
	I'm like, that's fall of Rome shit.
	Like, it's not that you're taking your son to do that.
	It's that, would you take your daughter to dress like that?
	Who's six?
	There's nothing wrong with just pointing out, like, this is a little much.
	Now you're out in the, now, if you want an abortion, whatever, it's your business.
	But now you're celebrating something that should be personal, private, and hard.
	And now it's become some sort of badge of honor to get an abortion.
	Why?
	That's ridiculous.
	Like the way that we've become, we've gone from like being a kind of a puritanical society to being like just everything's accepted.
	And because of that, we're just watching mental illness take over.
	And I think that's what everybody has in common is we all have an element of stress and mental illness in our lives.
	But now we're just seeing like the extremes of it on both sides of the Mozboke.
	Right.
	And I'm glad that we allow mental illness because that's why, again, I have a job.
	Yeah, and again, like clinically, I'm mentally ill.
	Yeah, I take that too.
	I'm probably, I think I'm like, I think I have, I was actually joking with someone.
	I was like, I'm not undiagnosed, but the person who figures that out is going to win a prize.
	Whenever I get diagnosed, it's going to be something new and it's going to explain a lot about society.
	They're like, that's what that's been.
	We didn't have a name for it.
	And so I'm going to create the name and call it Schaefer.
	Schaefernia.
	It's a Schaefernia.
	But I mean, like, it is, it is, and I love, I was making this joke on a stream last night when, you know, people get so offended.
	Guys are like, I go, yeah, everyone's a ball of chaos and there's craziness.
	And guys are like, no, I got my shit together.
	You speak for yourself, buddy.
	And, you know, they always say this, like, you speak for yourself.
	I'm like, bro, yes, I've got my shit together too.
	We make money, we work, we're in stable relationships, whatever.
	I don't think, are you married?
	Yes.
	Okay, stable relationships, hanging out.
	And it's like, yes, I don't mean that everyone's running around and you're losing job to job and you're screwed up.
	What I meant is that life is unpredictable.
	And you never know exactly how you're going to react to all situations.
	And any day, something crazy can happen that can change the entire course, not only of your life, but of history.
	But now it just seems like we have, but we have forgotten in society that there is an anchor point and there is a place you can go back to, which is just called truth and stability.
	And we act like there's like, like we've gone away from the fact that accepting, like you said, like, okay, maybe puritanical societies aren't the best and that people are messy and there are problems and you've got to have empathy.
	And that's what I meant.
	Like you can, you know, you get mad at someone, like, oh, oh, you know, I'm mad at you, you're a lesbian.
	But then you finally got molested when they were younger.
	And you're going, I actually kind of understand why you maybe don't like men.
	Your dad raped you.
	I'd be kind of mad too at men, or maybe that could, that could mess with your sexuality.
	But then on top of that, you go there saying, you know, then, okay, so you, you have a problem because something happened, but now you don't know what a woman is.
	You don't know if you are like, where do we stop then?
	Where do we draw?
	There has to be a line drawn in the sand to where you're going, I get where there are problems in society, and I get why there are some things that are uncomfortable to accept.
	Yes.
	But then I can't abandon reality to make suit for your mental illness.
	I can understand that you have mental illness, but I can't normalize that as being the status quo.
	And that's where things change.
	Well, because you don't realize it's you.
	You're not taking any accountability.
	I mean, I am self-diagnosed, bipolar, and depressive.
	I take medicine for it because I'm a, you know, I want to, I want to kill myself.
	And so I had to go see somebody for that.
	You know, I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict, and I'm in, I've been in 10 years' recovery, but it's like, I did that because I went, oh, it's me.
	I'm the problem.
	And once you realize that you're the problem, yes, stuff happens to you.
	It happens to all of us.
	And anybody who goes, I got my shit together, bro, something bad can happen to you at any moment.
	The idea of saying I got my shit together as if it's like saying I have no problem.
	You do have problems.
	They will come.
	Like, that's just life.
	It's up and down.
	So to the idea for at least me, I have empathy for a lot of people.
	I don't have empathy for whatever this particular thing is because you're now just taking these things that really I think are sad and sensitive and you're using them as a point of pride.
	Like, what if you're just somebody?
	Okay, let's say you're a teenager who was raped, who's 15 and wants to get an abortion, and now you're seeing all this shit.
	What do you think?
	That's empowering, or you think it's just 100 times more scarier?
	Yeah, and I, and, and, and I, and I also just get um, and I realize people go, well, it's Strawman, and like people go, well, you know, there's like little things, you know, that have happened in, you know, there, it's a small example, a tiny example, but no, but I, that's they exist, but that this is also too, like, and this is where people like me don't make any any friends because I love to watch conspiracy theories uh about myself and I don't I think they're actually kind of fun people want to know you know why things are happening and and I read this whole Whole thread that was like, Yeah,
	you know, he's, I think he's relapsed into drugs or something.
	I never had a drug addiction, so I don't know why I relapsed into a drug addiction.
	Oh, yeah.
	I didn't mind.
	People say that every time I'm tired, I'm forever.
	And I'm like, I didn't, I never had a drug addiction.
	And I, maybe, maybe, maybe that's the addiction.
	I don't know that I, maybe I'm so addicted.
	I don't know how I'm doing that.
	That's been your problem the whole time.
	But I go, I go, no, buddy, I'm unhinged and a little bit crazy.
	Have you looked around you?
	I just got a learner on my phone that said that China is surrounding Taiwan right now in a rehearsal for invasion plans.
	Okay, the world is a little bit.
	I thought it wasn't real.
	Yeah.
	But my point is, I'm going, the world is a little bit crazy.
	I'm watching Bitcoin drop.
	Things, I'm having fun with it.
	I'm just like, I'm basically on the plane with the turbulence and I'm just having a good time.
	Like, yes, you know, like I've put, I've, you know, I put the butt plug in and I'm just letting the turbulence create the pleasure here.
	Now we're on a pleasure for you.
	Like every plane ride I say.
	Yeah.
	The one I bought your brand.
	Jade Landau.com slash BP.
	They're a little bigger, but they do the job.
	I know you were trying to make it help for bipolar because of your own issues.
	Yes.
	But whoever your web designer was misconstrued what BP meant.
	And hey, I love the product.
	Thank you for it.
	Big product.
	Thank you for the product.
	No, but I meant, but that's the point.
	It is a little bit unhinged, a little crazy.
	I'm not going to act like the world makes sense right now because it doesn't.
	And nothing, even our judicial system, and they're protesting out in front of our judges.
	Okay, this is this is fall of Rome shit.
	Like you said, this is exactly what it is.
	And I'm not, it's, it's not that I'm not okay.
	The world's not okay.
	And I'm not going to pretend like it is.
	And I'm not going to pretend like things make sense and that I got it all together and we can just talk about racism and Nazis and Republicans and Democrats and the left and SJWs.
	Dude, there is no left and there is no right right now.
	There is literally non-insane and there is people who are there's non-insane and there's literally people not I don't even say insane.
	They're like batshit crazy in the world and we're trying to figure out like, how do we not send our kids to war with Russia and also our dollar might not be worth anything in two years and how do we stay out of a civil war?
	And that's where I'm at.
	And that's what I mean is if any of those people took the, not you, if any of those people took any sort of accountability.
	Like if you're in front of somebody's house who actually sides with you on what you believe anyway, but you're too stupid to know it and you're drawing a hanger in the street, you're the problem.
	You need to look inward at what your issues are because you don't actually believe anything.
	You're just latching on to whatever bullshit because somehow, I mean, are you really doing it because it's virtuous?
	Are you doing it because you believe it?
	Are you doing it because you're trying to get attention and be friends with these groups of people?
	Like there's no real reason that you would believe any of this stuff.
	You're just, you're just part of a mob.
	There's nothing, there's nothing virtuous about being part of a mob.
	No.
	And that's what this has become.
	There's nothing brave about it.
	There's nothing good.
	There's nothing you're you're just an invisible piece of this giant stupid puzzle.
	And I don't know what the puzzle is.
	It's so many pieces.
	It's a broken puzzle.
	And I mean this in a fun way.
	It's like I have been finding it that I am most relating to people who are just admitting that they don't know what's going on and they're just trying to enjoy the ride.
	And I don't want to be that person that's freaking out by the turbulence.
	I just want to know that we're all on this plane together and we see what's happening.
	It's not a sinking ship that's much worse than that.
	Oh yeah, no, it's the iceberg with that first girl on it.
	We hit that first TikTok woman and we're at the bottom of the sea and now we're just holding our breath in the cabin.
	And that's but that but that's that's where we're at.
	And I think this, if we play the next video, this is exactly where we're at.
	It's absolutely ridiculous.
	I consider myself to be very lucky in the boyfriend department because the morning that we found out about the Roe v. Wade leaked opinion, he texted me good morning and then immediately followed it with, I'm thinking of scheduling a vasectomy soon.
	I'm feeling very civilly disobedient today.
	And, you know, like, that's, that's great, right?
	But as of late, this feeling just is lingering.
	And the feeling is that's that's not enough.
	Is that Michael Imperioli?
	If we can combine the previous girl and her girl's eyebrows, take the sweet center.
	You could have a person.
	Yeah.
	I just, I can't talk about eyebrows.
	We had an era.
	We had an actual arc.
	We had an eyebrow arc on the show.
	Did you really?
	Like a full connect?
	No, so I went to go tint my eyebrows because somebody's advice, but the person I went to was like a chola.
	And so she decided I wanted to look like I was in a Mexican gang.
	Oh, so she like wired him.
	It was, it was, it was so funny that everyone's like, erase them.
	And I just thought, no, this is my trans arc.
	I looked like a drag queen and I just went with it.
	And I like never acknowledged it for like weeks.
	And everyone's like, what's going on with his face?
	Like, no one knew what was happening.
	He's like, what is going on?
	And I was just like, was here.
	And there was like, literally, I was like, there was like Chinese people trying to harvest the silk from the caterpillars on my forehead.
	You know, like, I'm like, Ling Ling, hold up.
	So then I'm here.
	And eventually I was like, oh, no, these are normal.
	They're natural.
	Like, and I was just messing around with people.
	Like, oh no, this is how my eyebrows look.
	And there's people this day who just were so, it created an anger.
	And at the end of the arc, I told everyone I proved something about how minuscule life is.
	You guys have spent weeks taking up mental thought, using calories, burning energy, having an opinion on little bits of hair on my forehead, on some stranger's forehead on the internet.
	Exactly.
	That also gives you an idea that they're looking at your eyebrows and freaking out for days.
	And then they're pretending this is normal.
	That's just a girl at a bar cutting a baby out of her.
	That's fine.
	What did you do to your eyebrows?
	This looks ridiculous.
	I mean, this woman's.
	He's watching blood in, blood out all day for some reason.
	You're just talking in a Mexican accent.
	Why does he have all those tattoos of Mary on him all of a sudden?
	Why does a lot?
	I know he said he.
	Why does he look Catholic?
	Why do I feel like he prays the rosary?
	Yeah, it's so weird.
	Did you see his front lawn?
	He has Mary in a half-cut out bathtub.
	Why does he look like he knows how to take care of a lawn but doesn't take care of his own?
	No, it's strange.
	He does it for a living, but he parks cars on his.
	This is bizarre.
	It's so crazy.
	I'm craving a burrito.
	I just, I want to correct someone and let them know burritos aren't really Mexican food.
	I just really want to cry.
	That's true.
	No, no.
	Is that true?
	I mean, if you really go to Mexico, I don't really do want to do a lot of burritos.
	I've only been to Mexico once.
	So Tijuana, 2002, wasn't there for food.
	Play the next video, please.
	Play the next video.
	The part of the Legislature women.
	If you don't have a uterus, shut the F up.
	You don't have a choice.
	If you don't have a uterus, shut the F up.
	You don't have a choice.
	So men have a uterus.
	By the way, that's always, for years, I've covered protests.
	They always got the drums.
	It's really hard for me to cover protests.
	Now, I went to this trans protest the other day.
	What was so sad at the University of North Texas was like, I thought I was at the protest.
	People are so ugly there.
	I was like, I just thought I was there.
	And I realized the average college student just looks like they went through a botched transition.
	That it wasn't even the protest.
	They just have put such little time into their appearance and they've given up so much in society that everybody just looks like they didn't have money to finish the surgery.
	Like they just got woken up mid-op.
	We're like, all right, hey, come back to me when you can finish your tab, buddy.
	And that's your average college student walking around.
	Well, there's only three Starbucks in the area.
	They can only work there for so long.
	That is scary where it's like, so have you just been doing this for a couple of days?
	What's like that person?
	Was that a man?
	Was that a woman?
	What were we looking at?
	Can you put that back on the screen?
	What is that?
	I don't know if we can just get it back up.
	I don't know if we can.
	We don't know if we have the budget.
	We can play things once.
	That's the rule.
	Yeah, I don't know what that is.
	I don't know what's going on.
	I don't know.
	It looks like a.
	Who cares?
	I don't care.
	Next video.
	Next video.
	It looks like a Dennis the Menace.
	Oh, boy.
	They should have a right on what women do with their bodies.
	I think it's absolutely atrocious that there's people out there that are pro-life.
	Like, I get where you're coming from.
	I get it.
	But you're trying to save the life of a child by ruining the mother's life.
	Like, what?
	So you're basically okay with saving one life just to basically take away somebody else's.
	That kind of makes you a bad person.
	What?
	Well, that would be the alternative argument.
	Yeah.
	Oh, so I joke about killing someone to make my life better.
	Right.
	But, but, but I'm a bad guy.
	But if it happens to be your child that you want to kill to make your life better, when did that become the alternative?
	Like, you know what?
	There's people in my life that if they were dead would make my life better.
	Yeah.
	And if I came out and publicly named them, I would go to jail probably for public threats.
	My list would be long.
	Yeah.
	I literally, people said the Bible is the biggest, longest book.
	Wait till you see my death list.
	These are just names, first names.
	These are all the Starbucks baristas in America.
	Sir, this is the Starbucks employee list.
	Yeah, wait till you put Netflix on there, Google.
	We could go pretty far on my list.
	I love that she goes, you want to destroy a life to save another life?
	I'm like, that's not the good argument you want to throw in there.
	That's what the other side's going to tell you.
	This is a silly mix.
	We used to call the people that said that you have to kill someone to make their life better.
	We called those people criminals.
	We used to call that a murderer.
	Like, do you think, why do you think most people kill people?
	They're trying to make their life better.
	Yeah, they usually don't do it for fun.
	I mean, a few people do, but not many.
	Oh, so you kill your kid to make your life better and you're a real woman.
	I kill my wife for pissing me off.
	And that makes me a murderer.
	I'm sorry.
	I did it for the same intent and the same reason.
	And all of a sudden we can't, mine's illegal and yours isn't.
	That's what I think is so crazy about this.
	And the weird thing is, too, is because they're not even arguing this, this anti-pro-life movement is not even arguing for this, like, oh, before eight weeks or something.
	It's just like literally shunning the back of the school, popping the head out.
	People don't realize this.
	There is what's called a partial birth abortion where they deliver the head and then actually take like a scalpel or I've even seen it down with scissors and they shunt the back of the head because the skull isn't fully formed and it's soft.
	And they literally stab the brain and murder the kid and pull it out and then let the kid suffocate as their oxygen levels go down in their body and they die.
	So this at a Brazilian steakhouse?
	Yeah.
	I literally in Washington, D.C., I've tried child.
	It's so they literally were like, it's a DC favorite.
	Have you tried a fetus yet?
	And I'm like, is that a lamb?
	We just walked into the Senate when it was closed.
	Yeah.
	Oh, they're all eating a baby.
	Yeah, you're like, Hillary Clinton loves this restaurant.
	I wonder why.
	It's her table.
	She's just there like hovering over it.
	I wouldn't be surprised if they eat babies.
	They probably do eat the fingers and everything.
	Yeah.
	They always do that.
	They use the fingers as toothpicks.
	I'll say it as fact.
	Have you tried it?
	Was it good?
	With the baby?
	Oh, no.
	Hillary Clinton does eat them, though.
	Yeah, I couldn't do it either.
	I was like, I don't want to stoop down to Hillary Clinton's life.
	I said, I can't do it.
	It does look appealing the way you've garnished it.
	Yeah.
	I could.
	I will say this, though, that I would not be surprised if they actually eat babies.
	Yeah.
	No, I wouldn't be surprised.
	I wouldn't be surprised if they eat the babies.
	Yeah.
	Well, the nine-month abortion thing is the most absurd thing I've ever heard in my life.
	Yeah, like born, though.
	And by the way, like up to 28 days.
	Now they're just about killing children.
	Up to 20.
	It's beyond.
	That's just disgusting to me.
	I can't wrap my head around anybody who would be on.
	And it sounds crazy when we're saying this, like eating babies as if it's like crazy, but it's like, dude, no, they literally sell the baby parts.
	It's just the jokes versus how we really feel.
	That's where people can't separate them, I guess.
	Okay, so here's the point.
	So I actually had this problem.
	When I was looking, like, so I actually got this job in this research department in Los Angeles.
	I couldn't take the job because I was trying to get a job in a project specifically with stem cell technology because I was trying to, I really, it sounds really a weird thing because we're laughing at abortionists.
	I had this like really interest at this point in my life in like progenitor cells and this idea of stimulation and the development of different types of tissue from other forms of other cells.
	And I just, it was so fascinating to me.
	And so like, I really wanted to work with stem cells, but I didn't want to work with stem cells specifically that were taken from murdered children, which was common in actually in LA.
	I didn't mind they were, you know, if they taken from the umbilical cord, I didn't mind if they came from animals, those types of things.
	So I would have to ask in job interviews, like, hi, so what is the, you know, the source of your stem cells and where are we, where are we deriving them?
	I wouldn't, you know, ask that directly, but I would just say, hey, you know, when we're talking about the variables that we're working with in these projects, are these coming from a viable source, like a human life, or are they coming, you know, blah, blah, blah, and look into details.
	And a lot of the projects we're working with, people don't realize they're using aborted children.
	No, and no one believed this.
	It's like, no, they're not using, you know, dead babies for research.
	Like, they literally are using dead children.
	And it is different.
	And I didn't even mind if it was stillborn.
	Like, I don't mind if you're using stem cells, like, just like if a person dies and you harvest their organs, there's a big difference of killing someone to harvest their organs versus using the organs of someone who died.
	So if a baby died in the womb or there was a, you know, yeah, a botched, a botched pregnancy or anything like that, fine.
	I don't mind working with those kind of stem cells or whatever, but you're not going to be able to get me to work with an aborted child even back then.
	And I don't think people realize how much of a business this is and how much this is used even in our advancement.
	And we talk about like, oh, the Nazis were so bad.
	You know, they were, you know, testing on humans and stuff.
	You don't realize that's what we're doing.
	We're killing children for scientific discovery.
	It's just our children aren't Jewish.
	That's true.
	We just said, as long as they're not Jewish, it's okay.
	Well, and I think that's the weird part of the law.
	It's like, it's like the Nazis trimmed down to one.
	I'm just, that's, but that's what you're doing.
	The Nazis are so bad.
	They were testing on the Jews.
	Okay.
	So what?
	As long as, as long as, as long as we look at the baby's nose and it's below this size, then we can test on the child.
	And that's really what we are.
	It's like we've just, we've created this.
	It's called the shark fin test.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I've heard of it.
	Yeah.
	So as long as, and that's what I said too, I was like, oh, okay, the baby had a small nose.
	I just, then, okay, good.
	Then I'll let you kill the baby and work on it.
	Human baby.
	Correct.
	But if the baby, we wouldn't want to be anti-Semitic when we kill our children.
	No.
	I'm glad we're on the same page.
	The same cancer.
	I want anti-Semitic free abortion.
	Like, that's all I want.
	No, it's true.
	We do.
	I mean, I believe very much in stem cell research, but there's ways to go about it.
	And I, and the idea of, I don't know, the idea of killing a baby, especially at that age of, you know, born, is just, it's, it's not okay.
	I don't understand why that even exists in our society.
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	I really don't.
	I can't wrap my head around it.
	No, and everyone's like, well, don't you think then you should be doing something about this?
	I'm like, yes, I do think the only option for this possibly is war.
	And if you look at this, just even a leaked memo can cause these problems.
	And that is true.
	Like, just causes, you know, tensions to rise.
	I think conflict is coming, but I also want to say this.
	I don't know why it's so hard for people not to get pregnant.
	I feel like it's never been like I've had a couple pregnancy scares when I was younger.
	Yeah.
	But like, but I will say, I don't understand.
	Like, I even saw a meme and I was, I was, abortion meme that made me laugh.
	That it was like, it was like 16-year-olds on my fifth abortion can't stop getting pregnant.
	30-year-old married couple.
	I would I don't understand why we can't get pregnant like I don't understand I don't understand where everyone's having all these babies like is everyone just getting loads blown into them while they're ovulating is this is like I don't understand people don't know their cycle you know they don't know what's going on they don't hear a condom the pullout method we well I feel it's the cosmic prank now is anybody who really really wants a kid and is really really trying you don't get to have one and then if you're like if you shouldn't have them you get like eight And it's the people we don't want to get pregnant.
	That's what I mean.
	We're just going to get more of it.
	It's true.
	That's why when we talk about abortion, we got to really think about who's having babe.
	That's true.
	I should have an interview with them.
	We should vote on abortion.
	And I think that's why they actually legalize abortion because I think they just, they, they wanted women to work and they want women to work and they want to care about the families.
	They wanted abortion to be common so that women looked at it as an alternative to being mothers and that we didn't, women would have to leave their role as mothers and then not raise their kids.
	And so that kids were seen as a convenience.
	And when you do have that convenience and you let the state raise them and you work and you think you're liberated because you're a working woman and you're having such a good life because you work.
	And it's like, you're like, I don't want to be under the authority of my husband.
	I want to be under the authority of an executive, a JP Morgan Chase.
	Because you know who cares about me more than God and my husband?
	A banking executive.
	Oh, absolutely.
	And now I get to hire a woman with more kids who illegally got here to clean my house.
	Yeah, it's really raising my kids for me because we've been set free.
	Have you seen the dishes, hon?
	There's nothing like feeding my kids 4,000 milligrams of sodium from Uber Eats just to stick it to the man.
	I'm making another billionaire man money by ordering and using all the products because I couldn't just make my own, do my own, live in my own, and I couldn't have my own authority.
	And you know what?
	Nothing says I'm free more and I can do whatever the hell that I want to than wake up tomorrow and not be able to do what I want to because I got to go to work.
	Yes.
	Have you met my kids type one and type two?
	Have you met my other kids three and four?
	They were aborted.
	I killed them.
	Yes.
	I was liberated.
	Dave Landau, comedian, co-host at Louder with Crowder.
	Where can people find you?
	Where can they follow you?
	Oh, DaveLando.com.
	Ooh.
	Then I did, ooh, after it ended.
	More.
	I wish that did it whenever I wanted.
	Just get as much as you want.
	Yeah, it's like, why do I have 16 of these?
	Abortions are like Pringles.
	Can't stop at one.
	There we go.
	I dare you to have just one.
	We love you.
	Where can people view you and find you getting your next abortion?
	Scraping up my uterus.
	Come on.
	More confetti for the uterus scrape.
	Yay.
	It's a baby soul.
	Yeah.
	You can go to davelando.com.
	I got tour dates coming all over the country.
	Louder with Crowder.
	And yeah, that's about all I remember.
	Yeah, it's like, Welcome to Slightly Offensive, the best word show on Blaze TV where we like intentionally make every one of our audience members our enemy at every single time.
	I enjoy it.
	Yeah, it's like we do intentionally make everyone our enemy.
	And it's like, dude, because honestly, if you don't understand this show, then just don't watch it.
	But if you do watch the show, I always say that you're probably kind of sick in the head and I love you so much.
	And I had that theory last night too.
	I go, that's why I like going on.
	Have you gone on Nick Ricada's stream before?
	I've not.
	You need to go on because he does it between like 11 and 4 a.m.
	And I always said, I love nighttime people because they're all messed up.
	If you're up at that time, it doesn't matter if it's insomnia or a job or anything.
	You are, something's wrong with you.
	And I enjoy those people because I'm one of those people.
	And then all these guys, nothing's wrong with me, man.
	I'm just up at this time because I want to be.
	I said, right.
	You literally live outside the confines of what society has been described for you to be.
	You're living in an alternate world.
	Nightlife is a whole other world.
	Nighttime people are not like daytime people.
	We've got to make an episode about nighttime people.
	No, you're right.
	I'm a nighttime person.
	Most of my whole life was a nighttime person until like years ago.
	And it changes, right?
	Everything changes.
	Everything changes.
	I now have to be a morning person.
	It's the worst.
	Yeah.
	And that's why when you're like, oh, would you ever work with me?
	It's like the only hard part about that is like realizing that I have to be awake before 8 a.m.
	Like, I just, I don't know what that is.
	Yes, that's uh, yeah, it's that's the hard part.
	I've never seen that.
	What is that?
	That exists.
	It's no good.
	It's not good.
	I should say it on air, but it's no good.
	No, I don't really.
	No, no, and I see that too.
	It's like I see people like, yeah, why don't you do your show at 6 a.m. Brother?
	What are you talking about?
	Why?
	This show should be live from 9 to 11 every night.
	I would make this show a nighttime show and I would have a great time doing it.
	And everyone talks crap.
	And it's like, you know why?
	You know what I love?
	Watching the comments when I go on a nighttime stream in the night, watching the daytime people review it like I care.
	Oh, they seemed a little unhinged and they said five times and were drinking.
	What's the name of the show?
	Okay.
	I think we're going to have to bleep that one.
	Anyway, anyway, make sure you check us out.
	And for you guys that are Blaze TV subscribers, only remember, there's only two ways to become an official SOB.
	Number one is go to BlazeTV.com slash Elijah, sign up for $10 off the promo code, and you get this show.
	And because you guys complained about things not being up in time and stuff like that, I get it.
	I don't do all the uploading.
	Literally, I don't control the back end software, and it does take some time.
	We've had some glitches, and I admit that.
	But we've decided then we're going to give you extra bonus content for Blaze TV subscribers only.
	So give me some confetti for that.
	Let's go.
	We need sound effects.
	Woo!
	The boarded children's souls and floating around.
	They're going to hell.
	But don't worry, they were trans so the conservatives could get on board.
	Oh, so you laughed on the trans abortion murder, but the abortion one is where you drew the line.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	We drew the line.
	And yes, if you ask me if we're increasingly getting more unhinged on this show, the answer is correct.
	And am I okay?
	I haven't been since we started the show.
	So like people just say, oh, are you okay now?
	You might have just joined now.
	I intentionally got, I put, I hung around unhinged black people for a year of my life instead of having sex with my wife in a warm bed.
	Do you think that's a normal person?
	Do you think that was, do you think while I was out there having fun live streaming in chaz on Steven Crowder's show in a commune where people were killing each other, that somehow then I was good and then now, no, you're just seeing it in a studio so it looks more amplified.
	Yes.
	No, I did not go to chaz.
	I uh it looked not fun.
	But a lot of people are like, man, every every episode, somebody says he's lost it.
	And the truth is, I don't think you have.
	I never found it.
	I honestly don't think you have.
	I think you're grounded.
	Yeah.
	As weird as that seems, but I think you're to you, May, but I think you're grounded.
	No, I know.
	I will.
	I will.
	That sounds coming from a man who's mentally ill.
	I literally went to a mental institution.
	He's telling me I'm okay.
	All right.
	So I'm okay.
	And also realized you got to sign up at t.me slash slightly offensive on the Telegram where I asked people right now questions for Dave Landau.
	So if you're watching on YouTube or any public platform, this is where you jump off the ride and you are done.
	But for Blaze TV subscribers only, BlazeTV.com slash Elijah, you get to continue for this QA with Dave Landau.
	Find out what he thinks about the questions that you asked.
	Anyway, thank you so much again for watching another episode of Slightly Offensive.
	For those that are not subscribers, may God bless the United States of America.

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