May 13, 2022 - Slightly Offensive - Elijah Schaffer
01:25:42
ROASTING the SH*T Out of Abortion Activists | Guest: Dave Landau | Ep 252
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SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/show/7jbVobnHs7q8pSRCtPmC41?si=qnIgUqbySSGdJEngV-P5BgShow more ALL STATEMENTS MADE IN THIS EPISODE ARE MEANT AS PARODY: We are in a world where we pull apart a baby, limb by limb, killing it, in the name of convenience. It seems as though the opposition no longer cares if it is a life or isn’t, they just care about living life independent with no consequences. We hate to break the news to you, but life has consequences and women are made to be independent. They’ve created a fictional reality that contradicts the very nature God instilled in them. This is worse than wrong, this is worse than murder, this walking in a demonic reality. Jesus wasn’t lying when he said, “You are of your father the devil.” These people need to be born again with a new Father. We have to pray, but most importantly we have to be prepared.
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The Idea Of A Free Society...For Kids!
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I would like to find out who the leaker is so I could make sweet love to that person because that person is a hero to me.
Okay.
And if the leaker, a lot of people are saying it could be a conservative if the leaker is a Republican and if I get pregnant during our lovemaking, I will joyfully abort our fetus and let them know.
You know, I do want to say the last time that we were together, we decided to try to do something that's illegal in 2022, and that's to make a funny, right?
Again, you can mutilate your kids' genitals and possibly kill them in the process, but if you make a joke about it, that makes you the bad guy, not the person actually mutilating their children.
And if people don't remember this, you can go to my screen here, Gay Tupac.
You know, we made some headlines, Blaze TV host jokes about killing transgender children.
I think host should be used lightly.
You already know it's not a really credible experience.
I'm like barely a host if that.
So, I mean, we're like, it's already questioning.
And it's called Changing America.
And people were mad.
And apparently, I wasn't the only person who people were mad about.
You had some fun too, because people thought that jokes were completely serious.
Everybody that has been on Comedy Central specials has not only possibly masturbated in front of friends voluntarily.
Rest in peace, Louis C.K., which we love.
But on top of that, your jokes about trans children were worthy of you dying.
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This is like that kind of weird company where like, I feel like I can make a joke about genociding abortionists, but at the same time, I'm supported where it matters most.
If I don't, if I stop drinking Starbucks for one week, I'm going to come in here and like, I'm going to change my name to just be like Hank or something.
You know, I'll be like, I'm coming and be like, what happened to him?
And I couldn't even believe with the young Turks, with everybody making videos about this, that was where they did not understand what a joke was and why it.
And my favorite part was the young Turks.
The girl used it to like sell her book.
She put her book in the background and was like, yeah, I'm just so appalled by all of this.
I'm just so upset.
You know, this just makes me so angry.
And also, if you'd like to buy my book.
And I go, you know what?
At least we helped somebody sell shitty books.
So I feel, I feel like we just, she's black.
Oh, don't tell me it didn't help black people in my career.
Literally, she sold books.
How many black people's books did you sell?
Was it worth it killing the trans kids in order to get to her book sales?
Or should I have not made the joke and then caused a black person to financially suffer?
That's where you start getting in the woke problem.
She, you know, it's always, it is always ironic that they, they, whenever people want to talk crap on me, they always pick a black person to do it.
Just because like they, they want to throw in the race card.
Like not only is it a black person, but it's a woman too.
It's like, let me explain why these white men are so evil from the mouth of a black woman.
And it's like, dude, literally, the more that you do this, I don't just want to kill more trans kids.
I want to blow my own fucking brains out.
I want to die.
I can't handle listening to these people.
I can't handle it because I sit there and I wonder what happened to comedy.
And when you watch the MSNBC clip that we saw, there is, I don't know what was going on, but this is network television.
The mics, the cutting in and out, the laughs.
She said a funny, she made a joke that was, I want to date the leaker from the Supreme Court about the one that leaked the Roe v. Wade determination or writing.
And what it is, is like, I've gone up to so much shenanigans that what I like to do is look at the dates of when they send me a message.
And it's just like every few months, it's like the same accounts, but it's like January 6th, 2021.
The FBI is going to get you, bitch.
You're going to go to jail.
And then the next time it's like the next year, it's like, yeah, April 8th, 2022.
How dare you call for genociding trans kids?
The CIA is going to get you.
And I finally reply back to these people after like every year to some event that they're getting the feds involved that I'm going to go to jail for.
And I'm like, I lived, bitch.
I lived.
Like it's the same people that are like trying to get you in prison and go to jail for just doing your job.
I'm going, that's dedication.
The fact that you follow me enough, you don't write me regularly.
We don't have a normal relationship.
But every time I'm in the media, you find my profile, you send me a direct message, and you threaten powers, quite frankly, that probably nobody actually even has in this country.
Like to just arrest somebody for a joke.
Like, you got to go to jail now.
And you go, I got to say, I don't, that's a level of respect.
You don't touch landing strips, two landing strips.
No, there's nothing hot about this.
There's nothing attractive.
And I love that they have the mics behind them too.
So you know that they actually have some sort of a podcast that says we are one, we are the human race.
And it says here that a reporter for Rewire newsgroup called for more violence, not just violence, more violence against pro-life Americans over the weekend as she appeared to celebrate reports of vandalism against the headquarters of a pro-life group in Wisconsin.
More of this.
May these people never know a moment of peace or safety until they got until they rot in the ground.
Caroline Riley wrote in a now deleted tweet Sunday evening, responding to a report by New York Times.
Verified and they're on the internet.
And it's like, so you can literally go on and actually call for real violence and encourage more, like, not just like theoretical extra.
Not Lori Lightfoot, who called for the gay erection or insurrection.
All I was going to say is like, Lori Life called for a gay, like, she goes, if people don't know this, this is old news, but she was like, oh, they're coming for gay marriage next, which, by the way, might be true because we're going to go back to democracy to where we stopped letting the Supreme Court rule for things that change our lifestyles and let people vote.
And if you really thought that Americans supported something, you should be crying to get it out into a vote.
And everyone's writing, oh my gosh, his dog, you know, bit people, not realizing that his dog was a code name for his other sex toy kid that he got from Thailand.
It's not biting back.
It's like, oh, he's actually fighting back now in the White House.
On your way up to this punchline, while literally reiterating genocides of multiple groups of people, making lots of death jokes, talking about killing people, Beetlejuice jokes, making fun of the disabled, you made a joke about Catholics.
We're going to look at some abortionists because we got to get serious.
We got into depths about the reality of the situation last episode with Alex Stein.
You know, that is Prime Time 99.
And we've grabbed all the terrible videos that have been seen and unseen.
And we're going to obliterate the baby killers.
We've got to look at them.
This is actually funny because we can talk about, these are actual killers.
These are people that are killing children.
And I don't know what people believe about abortion, but it's like, I mad respect for the pro-abortion people who just say things like, yeah, I'm killing my child.
The only social media post that has to be shown in an actual theater to get the whole image.
unidentified
put your phones together to see to see exactly what she was trying to say it's we're of course kidding ma'am yeah Yeah, she's beautiful and brave, is what I meant to say.
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unidentified
Abortion should be legal and available to all, and birth control and sex that should be free.
Abortion bands make pregnant women second-class citizens and serve imperialist patriarchal capitalist white supremacy.
Because I've got to break this down because I, it's, I don't know if I'm getting old or just getting done with it because like sometimes these videos happen and I don't know if I'm just the wrong demographic, but I can't process what's happening.
It was a man calling what we called in my day Indian style sitting, now called crisscross applesauce, floating around on a purple night.
It's like a sky saying that abortion should be legal for everyone and everyone should be able to have a sex education for free, which I believe to a degree it is with public.
Not to argue, but yes, he'd like abortions while he floats around crisscross applesauce.
We don't want anyone to be a white supremacist and a Nazi.
Let's take every decent, good part of humanity, every positive side of Christianity, and everything that's made our Western nations as amazing as they are.
And I've said it so many times on the show, but I used to think that there was no such thing as an abortion joke until somebody said that there is no other time that abortion is funny or should be thought of as an actual option until you're stuck in traffic on the 405 freeway in LA and you think, damn, I do wish more of these people were aborted.
Like, this is the idea of the whole what they're selling.
Like, we talked about this with Alex Stein.
Oh, okay.
So, yeah, do you want to be one of those kind of people that supports people giving birth?
And you're like, yeah.
And it's like, okay, so you're a white supremacist.
And the weird thing about this too is that the way that they, and I ought to be careful with how I say this, but when the Ukraine war started, I knew that it was a bunch of BS because the first thing that MSNBC said is like, if we don't support Ukraine, then the trans people are going to have to serve in the military and might get killed.
Do you remember this?
When they were talking about, like, don't you care?
Like, Huvin doesn't want the trans people in Ukraine.
And I'm going, like, I don't know if the best way to get me to support the Ukraine war on the Ukraine people was to target me by saying, don't you care about the trans people?
And you knew it was bullshit because they used it to support their own social issues and whatnot.
If you wanted me to care about Ukraine, you would have said, don't you care about Ukrainian people or about the children?
But it's like, you already know this show.
We've already called for the genocide of the young.
We just need to go up and age a little bit.
We need to change our brackets.
Our fantasy football team, it's all we need to change.
No, no, so so because people don't people that are new to the show that are shocked.
My thesis, my university thesis was on transgender reassignment in children.
And I just reiterate this back before, and I almost didn't get it approved through its defense because they said this was never going to become common.
And well, I think I was, I turned out to be correct.
But, but I, okay, I'm, it's like, I, I am like, I'm the Michael's craft person checking, you know, checking out this, this trans person, like, oh, what are you buying rope and, you know, blood goo?
And oh, and baby doll.
And, oh, are you, um, are you creating a, um, you know, are you doing a, you have a, you have a niece that's having a birthday?
No, I'm going to create a drag costume.
I'm going to abort a fetus in a bar in front of a black person and I'm going to put on the internet.
And the best part is, I just imagine the bartender being like, I can imagine the bartender just being like this, you know, because they always have the long nails.
I think you've reached your limit on years existing on this planet as well, right?
I think it's time you both leave the bar and perhaps you put into practice the statistics of people like you and just I like I you're just putting rat poison and Kahlua in a blender.
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That being said, I need to write this right now on the Telegram because we're going to do a little bit of a Q ⁇ A with you at the end of this.
No, but I, but this is what I think is so interesting.
And to be serious about this for five seconds, is that I find this really weird too with the abortion stuff and with the sexuality stuff is that like people don't walk around.
And this is also why I hate the AA stuff.
Like, oh, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.
Like, no, if you're not drinking today, you're not an alcoholic.
Yeah, but I'm just, but I just meant you might have had a bad relationship.
You might like women now.
Like the left has this correct.
The mind is fragile and sexuality can be fragile and you can change things and things can happen to you that could make you hate men or hate women or that could make you not like sex at all or could get you addicted.
There's people who don't have sex for 20 years and they become sex addicts or people in cells that go out there and they've never had sex before and they murder people and rape people.
Like things are crazy.
The mind is crazy.
That's the point.
It needs to be nurtured.
It needs to be taken seriously because the mind is capable of many wicked things.
Who can know?
It's deceitfully wicked.
Who can know it, right?
And people walk out there and they project their mental illness to the world, but they relate it through sexuality, through abortion, through all of these issues.
And it's like, man, you just have mental issues.
You're an unstable person with a mind that doesn't have an identity.
And you need to take some time away from the internet, away from TikTok and nurture and find out who are you?
Who are you designed to be?
How did God make you?
And until you go there, you should refrain from making videos about your process.
And if you are going to be mentally unstable and make videos about your process, just do what I do for a living.
The problem is, is I think for so many years, we were very, very puritanical about sex and we were relatively cruel to the gay communities and stuff like that.
So there's a lot of stuff that's been bottled up.
The problem is, is now, especially with all the lockdowns, everything that's happened, we've allowed people to snap in a lot of different ways.
And then you have a lot of people getting very, very rich while a lot of people are getting very, very poor and they need a distraction.
So what do you do?
You throw in this kind of crap where you can rile up the craziest people around.
The same people that are talking about mental health care are the same people making these videos.
You don't care about mental health care because you're doing nothing about your own mental health care or nobody in your life is helping you, which is even sadder.
There's so many things going on with these people and what's going on.
It's like the same as me or you, where it's like, we are anti-murder.
I'm going to kill you.
I'm like well that adds up.
It seems to make perfect sense as long as I identify as a trans kid.
And it's like, yes, I don't mean that everyone's running around and you're losing job to job and you're screwed up.
What I meant is that life is unpredictable.
And you never know exactly how you're going to react to all situations.
And any day, something crazy can happen that can change the entire course, not only of your life, but of history.
But now it just seems like we have, but we have forgotten in society that there is an anchor point and there is a place you can go back to, which is just called truth and stability.
And we act like there's like, like we've gone away from the fact that accepting, like you said, like, okay, maybe puritanical societies aren't the best and that people are messy and there are problems and you've got to have empathy.
And that's what I meant.
Like you can, you know, you get mad at someone, like, oh, oh, you know, I'm mad at you, you're a lesbian.
But then you finally got molested when they were younger.
And you're going, I actually kind of understand why you maybe don't like men.
Your dad raped you.
I'd be kind of mad too at men, or maybe that could, that could mess with your sexuality.
But then on top of that, you go there saying, you know, then, okay, so you, you have a problem because something happened, but now you don't know what a woman is.
You don't know if you are like, where do we stop then?
Where do we draw?
There has to be a line drawn in the sand to where you're going, I get where there are problems in society, and I get why there are some things that are uncomfortable to accept.
I mean, I am self-diagnosed, bipolar, and depressive.
I take medicine for it because I'm a, you know, I want to, I want to kill myself.
And so I had to go see somebody for that.
You know, I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict, and I'm in, I've been in 10 years' recovery, but it's like, I did that because I went, oh, it's me.
I'm the problem.
And once you realize that you're the problem, yes, stuff happens to you.
It happens to all of us.
And anybody who goes, I got my shit together, bro, something bad can happen to you at any moment.
The idea of saying I got my shit together as if it's like saying I have no problem.
You do have problems.
They will come.
Like, that's just life.
It's up and down.
So to the idea for at least me, I have empathy for a lot of people.
I don't have empathy for whatever this particular thing is because you're now just taking these things that really I think are sad and sensitive and you're using them as a point of pride.
Like, what if you're just somebody?
Okay, let's say you're a teenager who was raped, who's 15 and wants to get an abortion, and now you're seeing all this shit.
What do you think?
That's empowering, or you think it's just 100 times more scarier?
Yeah, and I, and, and, and I, and I also just get um, and I realize people go, well, it's Strawman, and like people go, well, you know, there's like little things, you know, that have happened in, you know, there, it's a small example, a tiny example, but no, but I, that's they exist, but that this is also too, like, and this is where people like me don't make any any friends because I love to watch conspiracy theories uh about myself and I don't I think they're actually kind of fun people want to know you know why things are happening and and I read this whole Whole thread that was like, Yeah,
you know, he's, I think he's relapsed into drugs or something.
I never had a drug addiction, so I don't know why I relapsed into a drug addiction.
I'm not going to act like the world makes sense right now because it doesn't.
And nothing, even our judicial system, and they're protesting out in front of our judges.
Okay, this is this is fall of Rome shit.
Like you said, this is exactly what it is.
And I'm not, it's, it's not that I'm not okay.
The world's not okay.
And I'm not going to pretend like it is.
And I'm not going to pretend like things make sense and that I got it all together and we can just talk about racism and Nazis and Republicans and Democrats and the left and SJWs.
Dude, there is no left and there is no right right now.
There is literally non-insane and there is people who are there's non-insane and there's literally people not I don't even say insane.
They're like batshit crazy in the world and we're trying to figure out like, how do we not send our kids to war with Russia and also our dollar might not be worth anything in two years and how do we stay out of a civil war?
And that's what I mean is if any of those people took the, not you, if any of those people took any sort of accountability.
Like if you're in front of somebody's house who actually sides with you on what you believe anyway, but you're too stupid to know it and you're drawing a hanger in the street, you're the problem.
You need to look inward at what your issues are because you don't actually believe anything.
You're just latching on to whatever bullshit because somehow, I mean, are you really doing it because it's virtuous?
Are you doing it because you believe it?
Are you doing it because you're trying to get attention and be friends with these groups of people?
Like there's no real reason that you would believe any of this stuff.
You're just, you're just part of a mob.
There's nothing, there's nothing virtuous about being part of a mob.
It's like I have been finding it that I am most relating to people who are just admitting that they don't know what's going on and they're just trying to enjoy the ride.
And I don't want to be that person that's freaking out by the turbulence.
I just want to know that we're all on this plane together and we see what's happening.
It's not a sinking ship that's much worse than that.
We hit that first TikTok woman and we're at the bottom of the sea and now we're just holding our breath in the cabin.
And that's but that but that's that's where we're at.
And I think this, if we play the next video, this is exactly where we're at.
It's absolutely ridiculous.
unidentified
I consider myself to be very lucky in the boyfriend department because the morning that we found out about the Roe v. Wade leaked opinion, he texted me good morning and then immediately followed it with, I'm thinking of scheduling a vasectomy soon.
It was, it was, it was so funny that everyone's like, erase them.
And I just thought, no, this is my trans arc.
I looked like a drag queen and I just went with it.
And I like never acknowledged it for like weeks.
And everyone's like, what's going on with his face?
Like, no one knew what was happening.
He's like, what is going on?
And I was just like, was here.
And there was like, literally, I was like, there was like Chinese people trying to harvest the silk from the caterpillars on my forehead.
You know, like, I'm like, Ling Ling, hold up.
So then I'm here.
And eventually I was like, oh, no, these are normal.
They're natural.
Like, and I was just messing around with people.
Like, oh no, this is how my eyebrows look.
And there's people this day who just were so, it created an anger.
And at the end of the arc, I told everyone I proved something about how minuscule life is.
You guys have spent weeks taking up mental thought, using calories, burning energy, having an opinion on little bits of hair on my forehead, on some stranger's forehead on the internet.
By the way, that's always, for years, I've covered protests.
They always got the drums.
It's really hard for me to cover protests.
Now, I went to this trans protest the other day.
What was so sad at the University of North Texas was like, I thought I was at the protest.
People are so ugly there.
I was like, I just thought I was there.
And I realized the average college student just looks like they went through a botched transition.
That it wasn't even the protest.
They just have put such little time into their appearance and they've given up so much in society that everybody just looks like they didn't have money to finish the surgery.
Like they just got woken up mid-op.
We're like, all right, hey, come back to me when you can finish your tab, buddy.
And that's your average college student walking around.
Oh, so you kill your kid to make your life better and you're a real woman.
I kill my wife for pissing me off.
And that makes me a murderer.
I'm sorry.
I did it for the same intent and the same reason.
And all of a sudden we can't, mine's illegal and yours isn't.
That's what I think is so crazy about this.
And the weird thing is, too, is because they're not even arguing this, this anti-pro-life movement is not even arguing for this, like, oh, before eight weeks or something.
It's just like literally shunning the back of the school, popping the head out.
People don't realize this.
There is what's called a partial birth abortion where they deliver the head and then actually take like a scalpel or I've even seen it down with scissors and they shunt the back of the head because the skull isn't fully formed and it's soft.
And they literally stab the brain and murder the kid and pull it out and then let the kid suffocate as their oxygen levels go down in their body and they die.
When I was looking, like, so I actually got this job in this research department in Los Angeles.
I couldn't take the job because I was trying to get a job in a project specifically with stem cell technology because I was trying to, I really, it sounds really a weird thing because we're laughing at abortionists.
I had this like really interest at this point in my life in like progenitor cells and this idea of stimulation and the development of different types of tissue from other forms of other cells.
And I just, it was so fascinating to me.
And so like, I really wanted to work with stem cells, but I didn't want to work with stem cells specifically that were taken from murdered children, which was common in actually in LA.
I didn't mind they were, you know, if they taken from the umbilical cord, I didn't mind if they came from animals, those types of things.
So I would have to ask in job interviews, like, hi, so what is the, you know, the source of your stem cells and where are we, where are we deriving them?
I wouldn't, you know, ask that directly, but I would just say, hey, you know, when we're talking about the variables that we're working with in these projects, are these coming from a viable source, like a human life, or are they coming, you know, blah, blah, blah, and look into details.
And a lot of the projects we're working with, people don't realize they're using aborted children.
No, and no one believed this.
It's like, no, they're not using, you know, dead babies for research.
Like, they literally are using dead children.
And it is different.
And I didn't even mind if it was stillborn.
Like, I don't mind if you're using stem cells, like, just like if a person dies and you harvest their organs, there's a big difference of killing someone to harvest their organs versus using the organs of someone who died.
So if a baby died in the womb or there was a, you know, yeah, a botched, a botched pregnancy or anything like that, fine.
I don't mind working with those kind of stem cells or whatever, but you're not going to be able to get me to work with an aborted child even back then.
And I don't think people realize how much of a business this is and how much this is used even in our advancement.
And we talk about like, oh, the Nazis were so bad.
You know, they were, you know, testing on humans and stuff.
No, and everyone's like, well, don't you think then you should be doing something about this?
I'm like, yes, I do think the only option for this possibly is war.
And if you look at this, just even a leaked memo can cause these problems.
And that is true.
Like, just causes, you know, tensions to rise.
I think conflict is coming, but I also want to say this.
I don't know why it's so hard for people not to get pregnant.
I feel like it's never been like I've had a couple pregnancy scares when I was younger.
Yeah.
But like, but I will say, I don't understand.
Like, I even saw a meme and I was, I was, abortion meme that made me laugh.
That it was like, it was like 16-year-olds on my fifth abortion can't stop getting pregnant.
30-year-old married couple.
I would I don't understand why we can't get pregnant like I don't understand I don't understand where everyone's having all these babies like is everyone just getting loads blown into them while they're ovulating is this is like I don't understand people don't know their cycle you know they don't know what's going on they don't hear a condom the pullout method we well I feel it's the cosmic prank now is anybody who really really wants a kid and is really really trying you don't get to have one and then if you're like if you shouldn't have them you get like eight And it's the people we don't want to get pregnant.
And I think that's why they actually legalize abortion because I think they just, they, they wanted women to work and they want women to work and they want to care about the families.
They wanted abortion to be common so that women looked at it as an alternative to being mothers and that we didn't, women would have to leave their role as mothers and then not raise their kids.
And so that kids were seen as a convenience.
And when you do have that convenience and you let the state raise them and you work and you think you're liberated because you're a working woman and you're having such a good life because you work.
And it's like, you're like, I don't want to be under the authority of my husband.
I want to be under the authority of an executive, a JP Morgan Chase.
Because you know who cares about me more than God and my husband?
There's nothing like feeding my kids 4,000 milligrams of sodium from Uber Eats just to stick it to the man.
I'm making another billionaire man money by ordering and using all the products because I couldn't just make my own, do my own, live in my own, and I couldn't have my own authority.
And you know what?
Nothing says I'm free more and I can do whatever the hell that I want to than wake up tomorrow and not be able to do what I want to because I got to go to work.
Yeah, it's like, Welcome to Slightly Offensive, the best word show on Blaze TV where we like intentionally make every one of our audience members our enemy at every single time.
But don't worry, they were trans so the conservatives could get on board.
Oh, so you laughed on the trans abortion murder, but the abortion one is where you drew the line.
Okay.
Okay.
We drew the line.
And yes, if you ask me if we're increasingly getting more unhinged on this show, the answer is correct.
And am I okay?
I haven't been since we started the show.
So like people just say, oh, are you okay now?
You might have just joined now.
I intentionally got, I put, I hung around unhinged black people for a year of my life instead of having sex with my wife in a warm bed.
Do you think that's a normal person?
Do you think that was, do you think while I was out there having fun live streaming in chaz on Steven Crowder's show in a commune where people were killing each other, that somehow then I was good and then now, no, you're just seeing it in a studio so it looks more amplified.