April 14, 2022 - Slightly Offensive - Elijah Schaffer
01:09:39
ROASTING the SH*T Out of GROOMERS with Comedian Dave Landau | Ep 243
ALL STATEMENTS MADE IN THIS EPISODE ARE MEANT AS PARODY: Groomers used to be the people who bathed your dog and clipped your cat’s claws. Now groomers are our teachers trying to turn your freaking kids gay. These groomers are coming for our kids and using YouTube to pervert them. It’s about time we look at how ridiculous the education system has gotten and just put these people on blast once and for all. Comedian Dave Landau of BlazeTV's "Louder with Crowder" joins in one of the most hilarious episodes yet.
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COMEDY SPECIAL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eibWo9t6pos&t=6s
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The Idea Of A Free Society...For Kids!
Head to https://teachrealprinciples.com for a unique book series that introduces the important ideas that schools no longer teach. Show less
The language and topics discussed in this podcast are uncensored and meant for mature audiences, which is 18 and older and fourth grade and under in most public schools across America.
Viewer discretion is advised.
unidentified
Watching porn doesn't make you a bad person.
It means you're curious.
It's normal to want to know about sex and naked bodies.
I mean, look at this guy's penis.
Isn't it just unreal?
whoa whoever said white people can't dance I mean, look at those moves.
They're impressive almost as much as that erection, an actual dick, on a cartoon that was not on Adult Swim, but it's actually a public YouTube video to teach children about sex.
You thought porn was bad about unrealistic penis sizes.
That was one half of his body.
Somebody who's very familiar with drawing dicks in classrooms and running people and saying, comedian and co-host and louder with Crowder.
No, I think back on it, it's definitely like, oh, that was bad.
But then you think about all the good times.
It wasn't all bad.
I mean, sure, there's the times where you have your car that you get out, you get up in the morning, you look at it, and you're like, I hope that's deer blood.
We're finding it, but it obviously is expensive, and you never know when it's not going to be around.
Because let's just be straight here.
It's not because there's not enough food around, but people are just too damn fat and they're buying too much of it and they're eating too much of it.
So many of us out there wonder, what do we do in times of short food?
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When everyone else is standing in the government food line, so everyone's shooting each other.
It puts a whole new meaning to the those almanac things that used to get, you know, those used to be a directions where to go, and now it just means that you want to have sex with children.
I got to honestly say, if there's any time to justify a carbohydrate overload, it's shortly before you get arrested for solicitating prostitution with a seven-year-old girl.
I mean, you've made the mistake too, where you thought that it would be better to go to a mental asylum or a mental hospital than to actually go to prison.
And I don't think your experience in the mental hospital was so good.
So make sure you actually watch that and check out some of his work if you're not familiar.
But I mean, we are back to the point where it used to be in a mental institution.
You had people who were naked just out there pretending to be somebody they're not.
And now, as I saw from a, I don't know if you saw the recent family guy where the guy was like at the bar and he's like, there's a, he goes, excuse me, ma'am.
You're not allowed to look at pornography here at the bar.
You can't look at porn here.
And then the man's voice comes out of the girl and goes, yeah, no, sorry, I'm transgender.
And I thought it was interesting, but I thought it was crazy in the fact that when I looked at this, I'm going, this person has never had anyone just say, you know, not in a mean way, like, no, you're a man.
And we've gotten to the point to where mass reporting has been me acknowledging the picture that I'm seeing in front of my eyes.
No, and this is why as we get into this, this, this amaze for children.
But it's, but the point of the story is, is I'm like, I'm looking at this, and the person's trying to make the case to me about, he literally goes, we should have no restrictions on hormones, on surgeries, or anything for any age.
And the process came where he goes, well, it's when like policies and things are put in place that lead people to make choices that lead to their early death.
I said, ah, you mean like the entire food industry?
He got really confused.
I go, like, yeah, like, you mean like how we have policies and the FDA produce things and we're all literally dying.
The number one cause of death literally in America is lifestyle choice and it's the things you put in your body, whether it's from cancers, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, insulin problems beyond that even.
If we went into colleges and just changed the word racism with like sodium inflammation or just like calorie, calorie over surplus, I believe in systemic calories over surplus.
I believe in calorie inflammation.
And I think that's what's killing people.
And he was so lost.
Like he had never heard it.
I go, yeah, you mean like all the systems in place that are meant to keep us healthy, ugly, poor, and down from the financial system to everything.
Buddy, the trans thing is, it's just, you're talking about life.
All of life is meant to keep us down and around.
And so, yeah, brother, it's not the hormones that are keeping kids.
It's the system that's making kids think they're trans.
That's the problem.
It's the sexual, like the fact that a kid knows what that is.
The first time I heard of trans was a trans fat when I was like in ninth grade.
So on Saturday evening, after the Greenson High School Warriors won a big baseball game in advance to the playoffs, many of the players were out celebrating at a teammate's house.
Okay, so these are definitely teenagers.
You got a big baseball game.
I mean, let's get some picture here.
Let's get some imagery.
We have where everyone's hanging out.
They go to the teammate's house.
You're there.
I'm there.
We're just there, okay?
Put ourselves back in the day.
Bethany, she already sounds like she's up into trouble.
And jokes aside, I do have a statement of saying not all drinking leads to sexual immorality, but every bit of sexual immorality almost always involves drinking.
And then I went out the window, got into a car, drove down the street towards Pico Rivera, which, by the way, if you live in LA, I've lived there, yeah.
You don't go to Pica Rivera if you're white.
And I went down, smashed into a center divider 80 miles per hour.
I ended up getting it taken off my record, though, because I represented myself in court and it turned out telling the judge, showing them that this is a common side effect.
I would just say if a common side effect was people doing things unknowingly that leading to their death and many others' deaths, I would probably take that off the market.
But you know what?
Moderna and Pfizer capitalized on Ambien's woes and just went, if Ambien gets away with it, let's just give it out to the rest of the world in three or four doses.
I've seen, yeah, it's like, you know, like, somebody like, especially two, it's like if somebody's out there and like they want you to cuckold their wife or something like that and you don't and they're like, it's probably because you're me.
No, but this is an interesting point to say, guys, that obviously not all times, you know, the real world, you just have a bottle of wine, you have a good time.
Not everyone can have a good time with a bottle of wine, but most of you guys don't even drink wine because you don't know how to decide what wine to drink.
It is true.
These stories, everything out there is insane, but most people are normal and they just want a glass of wine with dinner, maybe a bottle or two with the wife and some friends and they're hanging out at night.
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So it is funny, though.
I'm going to say this.
A lot of those, you don't really have a lot of these stories start with wine or beer.
It's usually bombing a fifth or like this girl.
It's usually involved with either it's like popov.
This is the grooming of like, the point of this matter is like, it's so ridiculous.
And by the way, they only focus on consent because they've taken all standards of sex out the window.
Like, that's my point.
Like, the point of this is, is, hey, everybody, we have an alcohol and food problem in this country.
And like, and I'm not blaming anyone.
I've been drunk many times in my life too.
And so I'm not saying to anybody, hey, like, when I got drunk a lot as a teenager and did a lot of drugs, et cetera.
And I get this stuff happens, but we should be working on a bigger issue, which is like, once the kids are drunk, we shouldn't be talking about consent.
We should say, why are all of our kids drinking alcohol?
And all the guys watched, she got raped and they did nothing.
And when someone spoke up, they call him a homo.
Like, are you effing serious?
This is the dumbest thing ever.
And so Jackson texted the pictures.
It says here, just a summary.
It's actually even better.
Jackson texted the pictures he took to some friends and posted them to social media sites.
Before the evening ended, nearly the whole team knew what had happened.
Since so many students, we'll go back to this little PDF here.
Since so many students, wait, so many students at the school saw the pictures and repositories and forwarded them.
By this time, even school officials heard about the incident through social media.
In fact, Coach Anderson, the baseball coach, even began to try to cover up some of the evidence that was going around.
He really wanted to make sure that his team would still be in the playoffs.
You know, when you try to cover up a rape at school because you got to win the big game?
Well, you know, some guys gang raped her and they disseminated and the coach covered it up and they're in prison and stuff and she's a little bit upset.
What friends are ostracizing this girl from being raped?
I mean, this is obviously propaganda.
The baseball kids fill up and jack white names, rape a girl, Bethany while everyone watches, laughs, records, and then distributes the videos of the minor.
Side note, in this lesson plan, they didn't mention how underage drinking played a part in the outcome.
It's a ridiculous story.
It's a made-up story.
This is going to shape these students' idea of the world.
This is what they're teaching students today.
This is the grooming of like, by the way, they're saying this is the commonplace, the extreme, non-realistic is it?
And an idea of a world that is dark, scary, and mean.
They promote rape culture.
This is what they're telling kids by lying to students to make them think that this is believable.
And it's not.
Not to mention how these students shouldn't even be exposed to these made-up stories that are absolutely transcribing their mind into things that they could never have thought of on their own.
It's absolutely insane.
And this is crazy.
Like, I remember when I went to college, I started out my university at UC Irvine, University of California, Irvine.
And we went to this meeting.
And then I remember the first day they were like, everybody reach under your seat.
And I'm like, okay.
And I was like in public school.
I remember the second day on the school that I got expelled from that I went to, I got stabbed in the back of the head.
So I'm coming from real Southern California schools.
And I'm going like, I'm living in the real world.
You're white.
You don't want to get jumped.
A lot of black people didn't like me there, probably because I dressed up as a ghost of Christmas past who liked to party in high school, which was a gossamer ghost with a party hat underneath.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Like I mentioned, are the undead unable to have a good time?
Like, sex and I don't, bad decisions I don't remember.
But I also was like, I was like, huh?
And I remember starting, that's when I really woke up, started researching like what rape meant.
And I looked at the school's definition and it was like any unwanted encounter or like, basically they went from rape to sexual harassment to uncomfortability to like if I hit on you and was just like, hey, if that was a prison, it wouldn't even be accurate.
Well, it's insane because, yeah, it's nothing that I know a lot of people that had got, I mean, people had definitely got in trouble for sexual issues when I was in school and stuff like that, but it was never anything like that.
Like if anybody was raping somebody, it would have been stopped, especially in front of you.
It would just have been weird.
And like, I mean, we didn't have camera phones, but at the same time, nobody would have allowed it to get to that point.
Yeah, I just can't imagine any one of my friends allowing someone to do that because even if the girls we hung out with, we were also friends with them.
There's like a camp I was reading about recently where you actually go to a camp where they teach you about all kinds of sex and it's for kids.
I'm like, so it's the only camp where the counselors get in trouble where you don't get molested.
It's so crazy that this actually happens.
And like when I was a kid, I remember the first time I saw it, it was jarring because my friend's older brother, Scott, was a teenager and I was like in elementary school and they called us upstairs and I thought it was two women sharing an ice cream cone.
But I couldn't figure out why the ice cream cone wouldn't melt.
I was like, this is weird.
Like, what kind of ice cream is that?
And then I realized they were both sharing a penis and I was like, oh.
And then I had, I couldn't understand why two women were shirtless licking a man's penis.
Look, I was, I mean, that's, I used to call that living in LA.
And you used to be able to move out of these cities and avoid that kind of stuff.
But that was part of what it was.
And now we make light of like all the sexual trauma and stuff because like there's no other way to make fun of how effed up childhood was until you get older and you go, um, wow, well, I don't want that for my children.
I hope I hope they don't end up as a podcaster or a comedian.
Well, I just mean like, and it's not like because you're married and you're seeing your spouse for the first time.
Like at least be like, oh, that is a perfectly intact, you know, this is a flower that is, the petals are not visible and we are dealing with something that is like, oh, that's just different than me.
I would say that I really respect idealism and I also really appreciate what I call a intact conservative.
So like, and I know some of these people who like literally never had sex with anyone but their spouse and they have this like sanctity of sexual respect between them and their spouse.
And I do believe sometimes there's baggage, but I believe in redemption.
I believe in reconciliation.
I believe in recovery.
I believe in a lot of things that can go on in life.
So I would say this.
It's like, dude, I don't get what the grooming thing of like, I get it if you're not an intact conservative like myself or yourself, where you've had crazy experiences that have maybe messed you up a little bit, caused you to get into this industry.
But why would I want to teach that to the next generation?
So, so what it says, you know, does it really affect them?
As one example, a 2009 study, let me find if I can get down to this.
There you go.
So people can read along with us.
Does it really affect them?
As one great example, a 2009 study demonstrated that exposure to gratuitous violence in either a game or a movie led to a reduced willingness to help someone who was in pain, according to American Academy of Pediatrics.
Prolonged exposure to violence increases agreement with the idea that violence is an acceptable way of solving problems.
It also promotes acceptance in children of the mean world syndrome, a belief that the world is a dark and sinister place.
We may not become violent or sexual, but our behavior and our response are impacted by what we have seen and empathy is reduced.
Objectification is increased.
Morality erodes.
So it's saying like legitimately here, there is this genuine understanding that as you go through life, yes, there is a problem with seeing all of these things because it does make you callous.
It does make you lose morality.
You no longer are shocked.
And you know this because when I watch propaganda, I'm sure you're aware of the greatest theatrical experience that is leading to real world deaths, the Ukraine-Russian conflict.
It's like it's like watching Beavis and Butthead.
It's like the two retards battling it out on the front lines and the whole world has decided that both one of one side is good.
And you're like, well, one's a butthead and one's Beavis.
Let's just be honest here.
So you're looking at this real world issue.
And it's like the commissioner of the European Union, they're like, here's a video of the commissioner of the European Union seeing body bags in Buka or whatever it's called, and gasping.
I can't believe that's what they're teaching kids.
It's dude.
It is to the, it is so past the insanity.
Like there's no even way to explain it at all.
Like there's no vision.
There's no way to try to justify this.
But guys, I got to tell you about something really important that you're going to want to hear.
So speaking of actually what you would do if you see rapists, you probably would want to A, attack them and stop them, or B, if they attacked you back, you need to defend yourself.
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And letting you know, too, that in the midst of all this, what's his name?
If there's a male swimmer with a seven-inch cock, how much do you think the drag would be with the dick and balls to slow them down to beat the second fastest female swimmer?
This amaze, these children porn for kids, the grooming is actually also important too, because the people from Amaze, which is for children, actually have another video where they explain gender for children.
And so let's just look at exactly what children, like I said, this show's not for children unless you literally are a child.
Yeah, and I like too that you think they're censoring out the uh, the genitalia.
But that's just what black people call genitals, uh or uh.
unidentified
You either born, are you fuck my mm, or that you're either born with a mm-hmm or mm-mm, and then if I really like you got a mm-hmm, like grandpa wouldn't just be like yeah uh, shut the up.
You got a penis or pussy, unless you gay and you don't want sex.
You think you think Tiki Tawari or whatever his name is, that's the guy who runs the UH Crypto thing, but you think I only know like one black name I don't even think he's black but like you think Tikitika or whatever you say, Bolt is gonna allow, you know see Leah, Leah Thomas Ii to to take him on.
And you can follow, of course, Slightly Offensive everywhere where you can find us, including alternative media.
Remember, if you want to become a slightly offensive backer, there are two ways to do it.
Number one, join t.me/slash slightly offensive on Telegram where you can have all your degenerate conversations and uplifting ones too.
We still have a halt on the meme sharing, which is really tragedy because of the proliferation of scat porn that's came into our midst.
And while we all love, you know, we all love making sure that you're not gay, which we know the second way to prove you're not gay is by putting scat porn into a chat.
Of course.
We'd like to all also be a little Christian or a little bit maybe semi-conservative and realize that there's nothing based or trad about, you know, people pooping in each other's mouths.
Unless, of course, you're in junior high and you don't want people to think you're gay.
So there's that.
But when you're an adult, you don't need to prove anything to anyone.
Also sign up at blazetv.com slash Elijah to help us fight censorship.
It's absolutely amazing.
A lot of you guys say you have memberships to all the other people.
Guys, we are in a broom closet.
They don't need your money.
We do.
Dave Lando can't say that, but they have plenty of me.
They have Dave Landau's and people.
I'm not talking shit, but they got real people.
I have gay Tupac and Josiah, which is great.
I mean, I love them.
But they put clips about Dave Landau.
Talking about cocks and balls in my scripts.
Help us out a little bit.
Get us some writers.
We need your help.
But also remember, too, if you leave a five-star review, it is free.
It doesn't cost you anything from Google Play, iHeartRadio, iTunes, Spotify, everywhere where you can leave them.
It helps us out so much as we're completely demonetized everywhere.
Who knows why?
Who would ever expect from this episode why we would be demonetized?
I couldn't either.
Make sure that you go ahead and leave the review.
You might get it read on the show.
We have two reviews.
One from Janwoo55 says, Elijah, thank you for all that you do.
And because it's not much, I take that with a grain of salt.
So thank you so much.
No way 2024 says, favorite by far, best show I listened to by far.
There's some sick, crazy shit going on in this world, but at least we can have a good time listening to Elijah.
Stay woke with the Diversity Coalition.
Thanks for representing us all.
Oh, and for curing my COVIDs.
Don't know where I'd be without you.
Thank you.
And then the Diversity Coalition, if we can get a wide shot, I don't know if we have that.
I just want to, we don't have a wide shot, but we will have the next time that to let you know that we do have our newest member, which was Allegra Groomer, which is the pink-haired girl.
Oh, yeah, there it is.
So she's Allegra Groomer.
That's our diversity coalition.
People said our show was too white.
So we've, we have homey extra chromi, we have the clown pill, we have all of that stuff coming up.
And we have new members.
We will have a new member that should be here by the next week.
So it's a little bit delayed.
There's a supply chain shortage of retards.
So we brought Dave in instead.
Anyway, thank you so much, Dave.
Don't forget to support him on all social media.
Watch him on Ladder with Crowder five days a week.