Tim speaks will Colin Quinn about the most original voice in comedy, a culture of rats and how the two will get a movie made together.Live Shows:http://timdilloncomedy.com/#showsBonus episodes:https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshowNetflix special:https://www.netflix.com/watch/81616382SPONSORS:HelixGet 20% at HelixSleep.com/TimD▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬Subscribe to the channel:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo...Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/Twitter:https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillonListen on Spotify!https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo...#TheTimDillonShowMerch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same.#TimGivesBack
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
|
Time
Text
Voice Rest and Milwaukee00:03:48
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan show.
A legendary comedian Colin Quinn joins us.
You have a new show, which we're going to give everybody the link in the YouTube episode.
They should go grab tickets to it.
You do a new hour like almost every year, which is insane and always very good.
Thanks.
Yeah, this one's good.
And we were just talking about the, yeah, how even that show itself, I'm going to start shifting away.
It's already started to get on my nerves.
I could always tell when it's time to move on material-wise, my throat starts to really get sore.
Your throat rejects the material.
Yes, and then you got to just film it and get it, move on.
Yeah, I feel the same way.
My throat rejects all the material I do because I yell at a lot of it.
So that's the other problem.
Yeah.
By the end of a tour, like I remember in Milwaukee, the good people of Milwaukee who are now punishing me.
They're not buying tickets to the Paps Theater because I canceled a night at the improv and rescheduled it for a weeknight because I had no voice.
The people of Milwaukee have a long memory.
They're being unreasonable because I didn't have a voice.
And I called my agent, who's 400 pounds, the fattest agent in America.
And he goes, well, just get a steroid shot.
And I go, yeah, but if I project through, I can still get polyps on my throat.
Sure.
So these agents don't care.
They just go, just get shot up with steroids.
Right.
Right.
The show must go on.
Well, what you should be doing is stop.
Remember, I told you about the guy Gary Ramsey?
But here's the thing: you gave me this advice about how you're basically like change your whole life.
This is so hard.
Tell people what you told me to do.
To go to Gary Ramsey again?
No, you did.
But Colin, it's so complicated, the whole process.
No, it's not.
It's the opposite of complication.
Can you explain it?
And let's see if it's not.
It's the what it is, it's basically called Alexander technique.
What it is, is instead of misusing your throat where you get polyps and you get hoarse and you can't speak a lot, you're speaking through your lungs in the back.
You're speaking through your stomach, your diaphragm, basically.
So every time you're about to lose your voice, you're relaxing your tongue.
You're relaxing.
I could show it to you in five minutes right now.
But going, I'm living proof.
I used to lose my voice all the time.
And ever since I went to Gary, which is almost 20 years, I could do like three shows.
I never lose my voice.
Even when my voice and my voice is a raspy voice that you would lose immediately.
As you know, people have spent many years saying, Why aren't you and Tim Dylan doing father-son comedies?
I know, because now I look older.
That's what I mean.
That's one of the reasons.
Now I look his brother.
Come on.
No, it's not the father.
But you were explaining to me, and then this guy sent me an email and he seems like a real good dude.
And I think I might have spoken to him on the forefront.
Gary?
I think I spoke to the guy.
But it's like a whole breathing technique.
I mean, I'm looking for like a laziness.
It's so simple.
It's simpler than a shot.
So how would I do it?
How do I simpler than a shot?
You'd go see him for an hour.
He'd explain to you, oh, here's where you're gripping.
And you're like, oh, I didn't realize I was like, every time I yell, you can still yell, but every time I yell, I'm yelling through my throat instead of through this is an abbey.
This is a theater that you can use.
Yeah.
So it's just little things.
Like, for example, babies breathe.
When you watch a baby breathe, that's how we're supposed to breathe.
So they exhale and their stomach goes out.
We exhale.
I mean, we inhale.
They inhale.
Their stomach is out.
Right.
We inhale, pull our stomach in.
So it's all this tightening that goes on.
The Breathing Technique00:03:18
It's really, you know, it's...
I'm going to sit down with them, but it's an hour.
It's an hour consultation.
Yeah, it's not really a consultation.
It's more like, you know.
It's instructional.
Yeah, it's just, it's interesting.
He's really an interesting person.
And now you don't lose your voice at all.
I did three shows.
When I was doing Broadway, I had three shows on Saturday.
Three.
Only me.
An hour and 20 minutes.
Like 800 seats.
Three for an hour and 20 minutes each show.
I was exhausted at the end of the day.
My throat was fine.
Never on voice rest.
You know how they go, oh, you do shows.
You have to be on voice rest on the off days.
I was never on voice rest.
And I used to lose my voice from seller sets in front of 100 people.
Wow.
So this is well worth it to try to figure out this.
It's the greatest.
He's the greatest.
Is the new show you have now, which is called Small Talk.
Yeah.
You used to, you always do like big themes.
It was like, sure.
Political, the country's divided.
Sure.
New York, the history of New York, all these big themes.
This one, is this more like the minutia of the way people relate to each other?
No, it's the big theme.
Okay, I apologize.
No, no, it is small talk.
It is about the minutiae of the way people relate to each other.
But it's a big thing.
But it's a bit, but it's big.
It's big in the sense of how the language and how everybody speaks today like they're being watched and pretending they're not under surveillance when they know they are at all times by each other.
Right.
Everybody's just, everybody's worried about government surveillance, and that's only a part of surveillance, apparently.
Nobody hates free speech more than we do.
Yeah, everybody's a rat.
Yes.
It's a culture of rats.
Yes, it is.
I grew up in a town that was a little mafia town in Long Island.
We know.
I know that town.
Island Park.
It was always a mafia town.
It was always a little mafia town, and Goodfellas was about Henry Hill, who lived in Island Park.
Sopranos was about a guy who lived in Island Park.
They all lived in all those mob guys moved from Ozone Park to Island Park.
Yeah, they all went to this little South Shore town.
Yep.
But everybody's like a nice boat.
It was a boat culture.
They love to be around the boats.
Yeah.
That's the thing and the water.
Yeah, they like to come out like flip-flops.
In those days, they would wear the brown socks with the slippers and then just stand there and just smoke a cigar with a miserable look on their face and look out over the water.
Yeah, and that was the sign that they had made.
They had moved from the city and they had to.
That's right.
But that was a town where it was like, there was just this idea that you minded your business.
Not in like any, like we weren't like in the mob, clearly, but you still just, there was a value to like minding your business.
Even with your opinions about other people were kind of private.
Right.
Gossip could get your ass kicked.
Yeah.
Or you just wouldn't, you wouldn't open your mouth about something you didn't know about really because you didn't know who was listening.
That's right.
But now that's all over.
Like those mob guys, they rat on everybody.
No one kills them.
And they get like reality shows.
Well, I told you, yeah, I have a thing in my show about how they have podcasts.
They all have podcasts.
All the mafia has podcasts.
It's horrible.
I mean, it's a good podcast, though.
Are they really?
You ever listen to any of those?
I feel like they get old after episodes.
Promoting on Podcasts00:15:18
Clips.
Yeah, right.
I mean, after a while, it's like, we get it.
Yeah.
But that whole, so your show is like basically looking at this thing that's happened where everybody is kind of ready to pounce on everybody else.
Yeah.
Well, no, yeah, it's more, yeah, it's a lot of, it's a lot to do with small talk and the lack of small talk and what it means in the big picture, what small talk meant for communication, which eventually leads to podcasts.
And, you know, it's communication.
That's what it's about.
But it's about small talk, yes.
Everything you do is always it's always worth it because you're one of those comics who like you actually write and you write the whole show.
Is written and rewrite all the stuff.
You don't have to do that now.
Like most people now are just kind of doing crowd work.
I don't know if you know that, but they ask people where they're from or how long they've been fucking the person next to them.
Right.
You choose to write a whole show about a topic.
Why do you commit yourself to that?
Doesn't that feel like a dying art?
Well, this show has a little bit of crowd work because I talk to people in small talk.
Right.
Like I give examples and I ask people, I make them be in my conversation.
Okay.
So it's not really asking them questions.
Gotcha.
It's more like me making them interact with me in a small talk scenario.
So, but it is a dying art.
But you know what?
I'm a dying man.
I mean, what am I?
You're all done.
What am I 25?
I mean, you know, it's fine.
But you're good.
You had the heart attack, but you're back.
You lost.
You had the heart attack.
Everything's great.
Yeah.
Everything's, I wouldn't say everything's great, but I would say everything's.
It's just good.
It's good.
Yeah.
It's a solid idea.
But in the grand scheme, as I was telling Frank before the show, I was saying in an ideal world, stand up.
I'd rather do like the thing we were working on.
Like I'd rather direct.
I'd rather write and direct than just a certain point.
You hear your voice, and I'm like, am I still talking?
We were pitching a movie, and then one of the women on the pitch had like blue hair.
And I went, this might not go well.
I knew from the beginning there was something weird going on there.
No, here's why I knew it was a problem.
Because the people on the pitch, I could tell they were like, hey, they dragged a couple of interns and go, we want you to sit there and listen to this pitch.
Right.
And they're like, oh, okay.
And they're just sitting there like, we don't belong here.
We don't know what's going on.
We're not the gatekeepers.
No, it didn't.
We want to get coffee.
They had one of them holding a tray of coffee that they were supposed to give to them.
And then they're like, okay.
And then we did the pitch.
I was like, this from no, they just didn't seem super interested.
Because it's subtle.
It's Irish.
It's a great idea.
We had a great idea for a movie and they didn't, they weren't into it.
It was about an Irish family.
And when did we pitch that?
Two years ago, maybe?
Two and a half years, maybe.
Two years ago.
It could have been three years, Royland.
Three years ago, there was not a huge appetite for a story about an Irish family.
As shocking as it seems today.
We went into Netflix and we went, we have a story about an Irish family.
And they looked at us like we said we wanted to do like something we wanted to do like a teen comedy about the Charlottesville march.
Like they were like, they were like, this is not fit.
Yeah.
I know.
And it's crazy because, you know, it was really, you could see where it was going to go.
It was going to be really interesting.
I think maybe it's going to be funny.
Things are changing, though.
Maybe this, you know, who knows in the future, something might be fun.
That would be great.
I mean, it's still the same.
You're still the same character.
We're still the same.
And we're going to have Tim Dylan because this is why Gary Ramsey came in handy.
Yeah.
Tim was going to be the lead singer in a bar band also.
We're going to get to hear that Tim Dylan singing.
I mean, would that not have been fun?
It's funny already.
Yeah.
Funny already.
And Netflix, in their infinite wisdom, said no.
Yeah.
But yeah, everybody's just, you know, we were crazy to try to do it that way.
But here's what, let me ask you this.
Yeah.
In the ideal world, since you seem to have more of a business acumen than I ever will.
I don't.
But I think you did.
You had to get a real job for a minute and find it.
Well, real, the FBI would characterize it as an issue.
But yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not.
Well, everybody's a Monday morning quarterback, including the feds.
What do you think?
You don't think they got mortgages?
But I mean, many of the companies I work for were rated.
Good point.
People did come in and want files.
Again, country of rats.
It's like, yeah, but it's not.
I just love the idea of like, you're such an Irish guy that, like, just because I had a suit on once, you're like, you went, you had a real job.
It's like, I worked in a subprime mortgage boiler room.
You're like, yeah, he had a real job.
Your boss went to jail.
But yeah, so I had business acumen.
So, you know, we talk about how people, like now, everybody's a small businessman.
Like, my generation didn't really understand until recently, like, what you guys understood, which is like, oh, I'm on my own.
Yeah.
I'm a small businessman.
I'm a small business.
Yeah.
Everything you do has to be generated out of this business.
100%.
So we never caught.
We caught on late, of course, because that was a different time.
But in a world, theoretically, if you had a movie, right?
Let's say we had this movie.
We're going to make this movie.
Right.
What would you do to one, raise the money, two, let the people at least have a chance to get their money back?
Because you can't just get people to give money, some stupid GoFundMe thing where they're not getting their money back.
Why?
To have your name at the end of a list of 80 names and credits.
So what would you theoretically do?
You probably shouldn't even tell me because somebody else will end up doing it.
But you know what I mean?
You'd have to kidnap Joe Rogan's dog or something and then get, you know what I mean?
Like get, I was going to say you would kidnap Burt Kreiser's family, but that wouldn't, that would have been like Ransom of the Red Chief.
But even Burt Kreiser or Joe Rogan.
He would have been like, no, I'm like, I'm going to kill your family.
Give me money.
Bert's going to go, all right, Tuscaloosa.
We're going to Ohio.
See you, Grand Rapids!
Um, but I'm saying, let's say even Joe Rogan or Bird Crush.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If they gave you the money, how would they get their money back?
That problem is getting the money.
Here's the problem with movies.
They cost so much fucking money to make.
Yeah, they do.
And distribution's weird because people aren't buying things online the way they used to.
People are used to subscribing to things like HBO, Go, or Netflix or Paramount.
They're not used to an individual purchase the way they would be, you know, maybe 10 years ago, the way they bought music on iTunes.
Now they have Apple Music, which is a subscription.
That's one of the problems with it because you can't know how many people will buy something and you can't know how you're going to make your money back.
I think the hope would be that after you made the movie, you would have it, you would license it to a Hulu Netflix, something like that.
Yeah, but that's depressing.
It's very depressing.
I mean, so, you know, licensing it, it's like you do all the stuff.
And then the investors, and by the way, investors always, it's hard for them to get their money back once it goes into those machines.
And that's the other problem.
You don't want to screw people out of their money like that.
That's difficult because everybody, because like with podcasts, people have proven they can do late night shows on their own.
They go, oh, I can basically do and get the audience that Kimmel or Fallon or Colbert gets.
With sketches online, people have proven they can do a version of what SNL does.
That's right.
I can make comedy sketches.
People can, you know, digest them and love them and subscribe to other things I'm doing.
But with movies and similarly with episodic TV, it's very, very difficult.
You can't make a succession on your own.
You can't make a Game of Thrones on your own.
These are difficult things.
These are massive, big budget productions with hundreds of people, top-notch talent.
It's difficult.
That's why those companies still dominate that particular genre of entertainment.
But I don't think that's why, because succession, Game of Thrones are great.
But when you're making, when they're making, it's because they promote what they want and they have the power to control what people are saying.
That's right.
So for example, a movie like Mean Streets from 1973, at that time, a low button.
God knows what the budget was then.
Right.
But that kind of quality, you can't just buy, they can't make those.
They don't understand how to make a funny movie of that genre.
They don't understand.
So I'm just saying you can make, in my opinion, funny movies that are low budget because we're not trying to dazzle them with vision.
You're going to be able to low budget, but you got to wonder how you get your money out of it.
That's what I'm saying.
That's the question.
That's how I started this conversation.
That's so real.
I don't know why you're suddenly acting like you're asking me.
No, no, no, but it's hard.
I thought this was.
No, you're right.
I don't have an answer.
I thought you did because of the mortgage thing.
If 20,000 people buy a movie for $10.
That's not enough.
That's not enough.
If 50,000 people buy it for $10, that's $500,000.
That's nothing.
So now 100,000 people buy it for $10.
That's a million dollars.
And that's a lot of people promoting.
Right.
Right.
It's still not enough.
Let me tell you.
So let's say you had a movie, okay?
Theoretically.
Let's say you had a movie, like one of my movies, you, Chris DeStefano, Andrew Schultz, right?
Yeah.
So you guys are in this movie.
Yes.
Now you will promote it on your podcast as part of the thing.
Yeah.
That's where we go for promotion.
No one's going to help.
No one's going to promote it.
And then you go on other people's podcasts and they resent you to promote it because they're like, why wasn't I in it?
Right.
So they give you a little passive aggressive.
Yeah.
So it's you three guys promoting.
How much, how many people do you think you get to buy it?
It's the big question mark because it's a big question mark because you could look at all of the numbers and say it should be a certain percentage of the amount of people you have, but you don't know until it's out there and how it's received.
Well, yeah, it has to be great.
Well, it has to be great and people have to love it and it's got to connect and people have to buy it and they have to keep watching it and keep talking about it.
It's like all of that's tough.
It's hard to know.
Whereas if like people buy ads based on a podcast when they go, let's say this guy's got a million or two million listeners, a percentage of them will click the link and buy the product.
You could try that with a movie and say, well, if all add up all the listeners they have or fans they have or look at ticket sales, look whatever, look at email lists.
Still, who buys it?
That's a big question.
But that's the other thing because look, even when I did, I did cop show, right?
Cop show was internet thing, funny, really fun.
I did everything right.
It was all funny.
Every episode's funny.
Got all these celebrities at the time to be in it every episode.
It's still no eyes.
I mean, it was unbelievable.
Because it's difficult, even though something can be quality.
Yeah.
It's very hard to get it.
Like right now, the biggest things that I saw go viral were things that were initially things that people like hated or did it.
Like Lil Nas X, that's on Old Town Road.
It was kind of like it came out.
It was kind of like a joke.
Then people were like, hey, it's kind of catchy.
It's actually kind of good.
Then he became massively famous.
A lot of things start as like this.
Like I would think if we did a movie like this, we'd have to come up with a marketing campaign.
And this is where you go to Schultz because he's brilliant with stuff like this.
And we could all figure it out.
But you'd have to come up with a marketing campaign where the people like Blair Witch Project came out.
People were like, is this found footage?
Is this real?
Maybe it is.
Now, obviously, no one's going to think that's not the angle we use because we're all known as comedians.
We still have to find the marketing angle.
Burt Kreischer is brilliant with this too, that really gets eyeballs on this thing.
That's the challenge.
That's hard.
It's you, you put all the work like every comedian, you know, you put a lot of it into the thing you're doing.
Sure.
But then there's a whole other, which I'm okay at.
I'm not nearly as good as other people.
There's a whole other job of getting people to see it.
Yeah.
Figuring out how I would hire the trans girl, that Dylan Mulvaney from Bud Light.
Yes.
I'd hire her.
I would hire Dylan Mulvaney to promote the film in the most grotesque way.
I don't even mean like Bud Light.
She's just there with the can and she's going, I love beer.
I would have her talking about, I would have her beating her dick with a hammer just to get attention.
Yeah.
Just to get any attention.
You need to kind of do something like that.
Controversial.
People got to be angry.
Yeah.
They got to be mad.
It's a whole different thing.
Yeah.
Cop shows just a really funny, good thing.
Yeah.
That's tough.
You're right.
People have to be angry.
They have to kind of be enraged.
Well, what about this?
Yes.
We get during the, when we're filming, we have a camera that's a rogue renegade camera.
We have nothing to do with it.
Right.
One of the cameramen is just crazy.
Right.
And he catches DeStefano and Dylan Mulvaney like blowing each other.
And that's believable.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's perfect.
And back behind the scenes.
And then two days later, when people get bored of that, we have DeStefano trying to strangle Dylan Mulvaney.
Right.
He's got to hit her, too.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
There's got to be violence as well.
Because we were going to do that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's not a bad idea.
And she'd be up for it.
We'd call her agent.
I mean, she'll do anything.
But it needs to be something like that.
As much as we could, without that type of controversy, people, it's just, because there's so much shit out there now.
That's what it is.
YouTube is so big.
My uncle just watches fishing on YouTube.
And he just watches that.
He just watches, like, to get to him, you have to get that.
You have to somehow puncture that community, the bass boat community.
Norm's Ironic Sketches00:04:39
Someone there is going to go, this movie's really funny.
Like, everybody's in their own micro community right now.
Speaking of fishing shows, my last sketch at SA right before I left NSL, I wrote the sketch.
I was in it.
It was a fishing show that was based on, we bring in Tracy.
Tracy's like Brock Peters in, you know, the movie from 1960.
Yeah.
Whatever it's called.
What's the name that's famous?
They did a play.
It's like the big movie of the racial thing from 1960.
The Medgar Evers thing.
No, no.
It was like the, it was a giant play with Jeff Daniels.
Oh, to kill a mockingbird.
Kill a mockingbird.
Yeah.
So I'm there.
I'm like, hi, welcome to the fishing show.
And Tracy comes in.
I go, I understand you walked by Miss So-and-so's house and you looked in the window.
He goes, I did not saw.
And we did this whole sketch.
It was like one of these scenes.
Jim Brewer's in it playing like a redneck sheriff.
Right.
And Daryl's in it as the father.
And it was one of the funniest things.
They cut it after dress.
It was a little dicey, probably.
Yeah.
But the girl was Britney Spears, like 18 years old.
And she was great in it, by the way.
That's amazing.
It was really funny.
Do you still have it?
I don't.
I don't know how you get a hold of the car.
They probably burned it.
What was your favorite thing you did on that show?
Doing the lion up at the beginning.
I did this lion character who was like a drugged lion.
And I first was on with Norm, where I was like, oh, weekend update, doing that stuff.
And then once sitting next to Bill Murray, and it was like, you know, by the time I was there, it was the 90s.
People had a different mentality.
Like everything was, you wanted to do well.
Bill Murray went on there and just did what Bill Murray used to do, which was this, Bill Murray's tone was never heard before he did it in 1978.
Nobody ever saw this tone in comedy.
Just like Richard Bells.
Richard Bells' stand-up was not that great, but nobody, he invented, okay, babe, sure.
Nobody did that before Richard Bells.
I never saw it.
And then people in the streets were doing it, not just comedians.
And Bill Murray used to go like, now listen to me, guy.
And he had this ironic, weird thing.
He did these characters like this movie review.
It was just a whole different tone than you'd ever seen in comedy or in life.
How many people have you seen do that?
Like, were they completely unique?
I can't think of that many.
I mean, those are those are, I mean, I would say Bill Murray chained, like, everybody was funny in different ways.
And they were all unique on Saturday Night Live to a degree.
But Bill Murray, I'll tell you another one I haven't seen, even though it's based on something real, but it's that guy Tom on Succession.
Right.
That's unique.
Yeah.
Tone that you don't see.
The English actor, McFadden.
Yeah.
He's brilliant.
He's doing this crazy guy.
Right.
That's like it's completely, you've never seen a character quit like that.
But Bill Murray did like five characters on SNL at that time.
He did the ship, like that cruise.
Like, you know, people always make fun of like the lounge singer, the oily lounge singer.
Right.
Nobody did that before him.
Right.
Nobody did it with that tone the way he used to do it.
And I feel like Norm had that space.
Yes.
Nobody.
Perfect example.
Right.
Norm's tone was distinctive and unique.
Yes.
And nobody did that.
Nobody did what Norm did.
You know what I mean?
I talk about Norm in the show, too.
It's funny.
And one of the things is Norm would talk people, like we'd talk to some strange way, you know, small talking people.
And he'd be like, and then the guy'd be like, you're right.
I'm quitting his job.
And he'd walk out and then Norm would go to me, I didn't tell him to quit that job.
Like, yes, you did.
But he, like, Norm's whole world was not just, he was making fun of you.
You were part of this, the suckers, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he'd be like, I mean, you're telling me, you know, he would just spring you in.
He's that brilliant podcast he had with Adam Egot.
Yes.
Where they, yeah.
Well, I went to Norm's, you know, his memorial service.
And Adam Egot spoke and he killed.
It was all his professional experience.
Adam Egan went up and he goes, I love Norm McDonald, even though if you Google me today, it says Holocaust denier.
Adam Egan has the first thing.
And he went on about Norm, but it was Adam Egan was perfect.
Because the guest didn't know that like half the guest, Norm would go, I mean, I agree with you.
And I'm like, this guy thinks that the Holocaust didn't happen.
And the guests would be looking, you could see the angry eyes like, what?
And Adam would just sit there and take it.
And the guests would leave the show thinking, this guy's a Holocaust denier.
Yeah, there was nothing funnier than when Norm was like, yeah, this guy fucking the Holocaust happened.
So funny.
And just blow past it.
And the guests would look.
You could see them looking angry.
And then Norm would move on.
Auditioning for Pips00:14:50
Yeah.
Yes.
Norm would just keep going.
And then the guests would just sneak a look at Adam, like, what the fuck is this?
And it was it.
And Adam, to his credit, didn't sometimes just try to deny it.
Usually you just take the hit.
That person the rest of their life.
That's so funny.
Have you gone down to Rogan's club?
Adam's running that club in there.
No, I haven't been there yet.
Yeah, he called, he texted me.
I don't know what happened.
I'm supposed to do it.
You should go check it out.
I want to do it, of course.
It's great.
Yeah, it's great.
It's designed by a comic.
You feel it when you're oh, it is?
Yeah.
Yeah.
A comic's known for their good interior design.
I'm sorry.
Well, no, he's not a good interior designer, but like the way the rooms are felt.
Right.
Like the way the spacing, the crowd, like where they are, where you are on stage.
Like it's all perfectly done.
Oh, I love it.
I don't know that we need all the UFO imagery.
A lot of UFOs.
It's heavy on UFO imagery, but he likes that.
But it is perfect in terms of like ratio comedy-wise.
That's great.
Yeah, I can't wait to do it.
Did you ever do anything with Woody Allen?
I feel like that's such a New York guy and you're such a New York guy.
Yeah.
I was in two Woody Allen.
There's two Woody Allen stories that are quick.
I'm quick.
They take an hour.
But the podcast, I know it is, you guys.
But one was I got in a movie in 1987.
I got in a movie, New York Stories.
Woody Allen's doing a movie, himself.
Yeah, I remember that.
So I played a cop.
I had a few lines.
So here's how what an arrogant and just annoying person.
The call time was 6.30 a.m.
So I'm doing comedy at night.
I'm smoking three packs a day.
So first day I show up, 9.30 on the set, my trailer.
The second AD starts screaming at me.
What is your problem?
This is a Woody Allen movie.
Yeah, but you haven't even gotten to me yet.
She goes, you don't know that.
You don't know anything.
You just, you've, you've done, I was like, all right, whatever.
She goes, you better show up.
This is Woody Allen.
Next day I show up 8.30, 6.30 call, two hours late.
She's like, what?
Your problem?
You're going to get fired for this movie.
In those days, you couldn't, there's no cell phone.
They didn't have a number for me.
I didn't answer my phone.
So I show up again.
They didn't use me again, by the way.
Third day, I show up like 7.45, 6.30 call.
She's not even mad.
She's actually pleased.
That's how you train people's minds.
Yes.
So she was like, oh, okay.
And she hates me, but she's beyond.
She's, you know, second AD.
All they do is work.
They sleep one hour a day for the whole shoot.
Yeah.
Finally, they get to my scene.
We do the scene at Union Square Park.
And I'm thinking, I'm in a Woody Allen movie, but I suck at the time.
I didn't understand anything about acting.
And so they cut the scene.
I was playing a cop with his mother.
And I'm so bad.
You could see it in the actress's eyes.
Like, oh, this guy doesn't.
I don't know what.
Did Woody communicate how he told me in acting?
He goes, okay, just do this.
And I was like, oh, Woody Allen's directing me.
I didn't realize.
I didn't have the insight to realize.
No, Woody Allen's trying to save this scene.
And he realizes there's a problem in a dead weight called this guy playing the cop.
Was he was nice?
He was kind.
Very nice.
But I mean, you know, I was a little older.
So, you know, I mean, his motives was just pure.
Right.
But then, so then, like, 15 years later, there's a guy named Ray Garvey, who's a cop who also ran comedy clubs anyway.
But in Brooklyn, Pips, you know, Pips, the old comedy club, which I have a couple of stories about.
If you're one of those two.
But anyway, Pips was this old New York comedy.
It's older than the improv.
It's going to be.
Where was it?
Sheep's Head Bay.
Wow.
And it's older than the improv.
It was the first comedy club in New York City, right?
So anyway, this guy, Ray Garvey, is running.
He goes, hey, Colin, you know, you want to do a, I'm doing a film with Woody Allen's going to do stand-up and then he'll bring you on stage.
I go, Woody Allen's been offered millions of dollars to do stand-up, Ray.
He's not coming out to Brooklyn to you and doing stand-up comedy.
A month later, Woody Allen's doing stand-up in a film being filmed and then brings, and now Colin Quinn, I go on stage.
I mean, Woody Allen was doing stand-up in the film.
He got Woody Allen's to do stand-up.
Right.
He does jazz.
Right.
And he actually got up there, did a few jokes and then brought me on.
But everybody's there that day.
You know, it's like all of Brooklyn, like, this is right before Sopranos.
So it's like, yeah, Danny Aiello, Pat Cooper.
And first Danny Aiello pulls in.
He's got the Jaguar.
He drives in his Jaguar.
And then they go, all right, now in this scene, you move it, you come in driving in the car.
He goes, wouldn't you want me to use my jaguar in the scene?
And they're like, okay, yeah, you're right there.
So he drives his jaguar into the scene.
Just then, Pat Cooper pulls up across the street.
So I know them all.
They're all.
And Pat gets out of his car and goes, What?
They send a jaguar for Danny Aiello and I got to get a town car.
He starts screaming.
He's mad.
They calm him down.
He goes on after me and Woody Allen does improv, a half hour of the most brilliant free association, just riffing on the room, riffing on everybody, and then finishes.
I mean, literally 25 minutes, people are crying.
Right.
And then Woody's in the audience.
So everybody's laughing.
He's busting Woody.
He's busting average balls.
And then they go, okay, Pat, now we're going to do turnaround.
So we need you to do that again.
Woody's got to go.
Bye, Woody.
Thank you for coming.
Woody leaves.
They go, Now we got to get you speaking, Pat.
He goes, What?
They go, well, we had to get Woody before he left in the audience.
So you want me to do what I just did?
That brilliant off-the-cuff ad lib.
You want me to do that now?
And you're going to do it with me.
And they go, yeah.
He goes, well, oh, yeah, that's fine.
Just another 25, just me doing what I.
And they go, Pat, don't be like, because, hey, you know what?
Fuck Woody Allen.
Fuck Ray Garvey.
Fuck this whole shit production.
It's never going to be shit.
Fuck you.
This is what people do my whole career.
And he goes, bad shit.
And he leaves?
And he leaves and he goes to Randazos, which is a big clam bar.
Yeah.
I know Randazo's Clam Bar.
This is right next to him.
Pips was about 80 feet from Randazo's.
The best Calamari sauce in the world.
The greatest.
Yeah.
So it's probably like 50 yards from Pips.
Now I know exactly where it is.
Eamons Avenue.
Emmons Avenue.
Yeah.
So then we're over there at Randazzo's and Jackie Martley's trying to calm Pat down.
He's involved too.
Yeah.
Everybody's like, yo, Paulie Walnuts was there.
Everybody was, you know, it's just all these New York people at that time, you know.
And then he's like, Pat, you got to relax.
He goes, don't tell me to fucking relax, Jackie.
He's screaming.
All the customs are laughing like, oh, Pat Cooper's having to melt down.
Meltdown, yeah.
And it was really funny.
And yeah.
So that was the, that was the time with Woody Allen.
Those are my two Woody Allen stories.
And that was the oldest club in the city.
Yeah.
And you started comedy what year?
Like 84, I guess, middle 84.
And you were starting it at Pips and places like that?
Well, I'll tell you the great Pips story.
So I go to Pips to audition.
I'm from Brooklyn.
I think I might have been there once as an audience member because I used to be around that neighborhood sometimes.
That was like a hot native.
That was like the Brooklyn fun neighborhood where you go.
They had a place called Captain Walters, a place called Wheelers.
It was like a little fun place you go to.
But anyway, so I go to Pips.
I'm going to audition.
And I go there Wednesday's audition night.
So I get there.
Place is closed.
I get there early, like I always get a place early.
And there's a sign pasted to the outside on a piece of loose leaf paper.
You know, Joey Lembucco won't be here tonight.
And I'm like, oh, don't think anything of it.
Finally, they open.
I walk in.
Audition happens.
There's like eight of us, 12 audience members, whatever, seven people in the crowd, nobody in the crowd.
I get up to audition.
Six Italian guys from Avenue X at the time.
Avenue X was a famous place in those years with just the wife beaters, tattoos, shaved heads.
They're all wearing shaved heads that summer.
Yeah.
Probably 84, maybe 85.
And all share.
And they come in, start throwing chairs around.
Everybody get the fuck out of here.
The show's outside.
Right in the middle of my audition.
Jesus Christ.
The show's over.
The show's outside.
Oh, come see Joey Lampuka, whatever his name was.
Don't see this shit.
They're fucking.
So I get off stage.
I stand next to the owner because I'm like, I'd rather get my ass kicked and at least be able to work the club.
You know how it is when you start.
You're a dick.
So I'm like, yeah, fuck it.
You know, like, the owner's like Seth Schultz or Marty Schultz, one of the Schultz brothers.
And he's like, you guys, he didn't pay.
Turns out the guy auditioned the week before on Wednesday.
That's why they're back on a Wednesday.
Right.
Their friend Joey Limpu and didn't pass.
Interesting.
So now they go, this is when I should have quit comedy.
They chase the crowd out.
There's a guy in a flatbed truck.
Joey's up there on the flatbed truck doing his act.
And these guys are like, yeah, Joey.
And he's like, yeah, you have a crack somebody in the fucking side.
And they're like, yeah, they're laughing.
Like, here's why I should have quit comedy.
There's like four audience members, four audience members out of the people that just saw them go crazy, go around the truck and start watching and laughing.
Like, okay, the show's out here now.
Some people, they're sheep.
They don't care.
Don't go out.
We're out on Evans Avenue.
And they're like, okay, show's out here now.
At least we're not paying for our drinks.
And just laughing at him, like, okay, this is funny.
But the only thing was I got an audition because I stuck with the owner.
They let me go on that Friday night, but I bombed.
Yeah, so they didn't need to use me anymore.
So then it's 1984 and you start and the city's dangerous then.
Yeah.
It's a different city.
Yeah.
And the mafia controls these clubs.
Some of them don't.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sure they ran Pips.
I'm sure they ran everything on Evans.
Right.
And then you're just trying to see who are the biggest comedians that you're looking at when you're starting.
Was it Jerry?
Was it...
Jerry was already big.
Jerry was probably the biggest.
And then all the Cash Rising Star comics were big.
So who were they?
But it depends who is big.
Like big within the comedy community.
Right.
Not big, like audience-wise, but the big ones that we all were like, oh, Rich Jenny.
Yeah, Rich Jenny was considered like he was working all these road gigs and he was like the man.
There was a guy named Ronnie Shakes.
I don't know if you ever heard of him.
He was on the tonight show like five times.
He's so funny.
He goes, he do all one liners.
He goes, I tried to commit suicide once by drowning myself in the ocean.
I don't know how serious I was.
I brought a towel.
So he had a bunch of jokes.
He had a bunch of jokes like that and he was kind of big.
And, you know, Eddie Murphy had just blown up.
I was bartending at the comic strip.
So Eddie Murphy would come in once every six months and just go on stage.
And it was crazy.
But yeah.
I mean, I don't know who was that big.
Richard Lewis was big back then.
Larry David around?
Yeah, but he wasn't a great guy.
He was funny always, but he wasn't like some, like he would get mad at the audience in two seconds.
I actually was there one night when it was Lenny Dykstra and his friends were in the audience.
And them and Larry David got into this big audience.
Matt for the Mats?
Yeah.
And then him and Larry David got not Lenny, but his friend, some drunken friend of his, and then they're leaving and the friend is going, you fucking Jew, you Jew bastard.
And then Gilbert Gottfried was crying with laughter and just spent like an hour going, ha ha, Joe Bat.
Like he just loved that the friend.
Did you know Larry back in the day?
Yeah, but I mean, I knew.
Was he kind of like an ornery guy?
No, he was a nice.
He was a, he was a, he was ornery, but he was not unfriendly to comedians.
No, he was a nice guy.
He just was ornery to the audience.
Right.
So like his opening, here's how he would test the audience.
I mean, it was not fair to them.
And I believe me, being fair to them is not high my priority.
But he would go, hello, it's good to be here.
I'll use the two form with you people because I feel I know you well enough to use the two form rather than the vu form.
So unless you took like French in fucking high school, how would you know that?
Right.
And then if they didn't laugh, be like, you fucking SHOLLA.
He would turn in the crowd very quickly.
He was ready to just throw down.
But he was always funny.
Right.
Like even to us, he was funny.
Who were the, was it, was it like the female was like Rita Rodner, Nancy Parker.
So Rita Rodner is the, she had a huge residency in Vegas.
Yeah.
And she had funny jokes.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
People were like, oh, it's always, she was great.
Was Joan Rivers around or not really?
No, those people would, this was like a new thing.
I think they must have been like, what the hell's happening?
Right.
But Rodney would come in.
Right.
Rodney would come in and he was, this is a, he wouldn't go to his own club.
Speaking of mob mob, he would go come to the catch and he'd show up in his bathrobe with a Heineken and go on stage for 10, 15 minutes.
And he was so just funny.
He was a real comedian.
Like he'd hang out and talk to comedians and bust balls.
Like he used a lot of them for openings.
And, you know, you could try to sell him jokes.
I tried to sell him a few jokes.
And he's like, all right, kid.
No, no, no, that's okay.
You know, because my jokes were so shitty.
And then some, you know, I was trying to sell him like whatever.
And some lady I remember once coming up to him, going, Rodney, Rodney, you don't get no respect.
He goes, okay, lady, okay.
Go fuck yourself, okay?
It's like, oh, my God.
But he was just, he was a funny guy.
He was the only real celebrity that would come in.
Yeah.
And then how did everything like when your SNL was like, because you were doing a bunch of stuff, that was later on.
That was much later.
I was on MTV.
Right.
That was my big, that was my thing, SNL.
That's when I would really, like, if there was a time that would have been the time for me to blow up, it would have been, I was, I would go to a college and there'd be 1,500 people lined up.
I go, what show are they waiting for?
And the guy would laugh.
And I go, what did they laugh?
He goes, no, that's for you.
And I was like, holy shit.
That's when college kids watch TV.
I wasn't prepared.
Yeah.
Nobody over, we would walk around the streets, me and Ken, the host.
And we would get swamped like kids screaming, and nobody over 23 knew what the hell, who the hell we were.
SNL and MTV Days00:08:23
It was really interesting.
Yeah.
Things were so delineated.
Right, right.
It would just cut off.
But SNL was the 90s.
Yeah, SNL was on that show in the 90s.
And that's what, when did you meet Adam and those guys?
Was it at SNL?
No, I met Adam.
I met Adam when he was 17.
Before MTV, I knew him on MTV too.
But I met him in 1984, 85.
He was 17, and he was just coming around with his little crew of guys.
And he was this kid from NYU that was just, you know, a charismatic.
He already had his crew of the guys he still works with today.
Wow.
And yeah, it was really interesting, you know.
And was it just immediately obvious how insanely talented he was?
No.
First time I saw him, I was like, this kid's, yeah, he's, he's, he's cocky, but he's not really funny.
Right.
And then he went on the road for six months and he came back just on the road by himself, did his, worked all these shit gigs, did wherever he went.
And he came back and I was like, this is a star.
Right.
Just funny.
You know what I mean?
He was always a charming, cocky guy.
But when he came back from that road, I was like, dah, boy, that stood it out.
Yeah.
That's the beauty of the road.
Like, you know, the beauty of comedy, which no other art has, I feel like, is the audience, without the audience editing and helping you and throwing cold water and going, that's not funny.
We're here to laugh.
Sorry, you could be as clever.
We don't get it.
Without that, that's what we have that nobody else has.
We have that feedback that's immediate.
Feedback that's immediate and honest.
It's not, it's involuntary laughter.
You know what I mean?
Right.
So even if a musician is out there, if I go to see a band I like, I'm not going to, I'm not going to be like, I don't know what to tell them is wrong.
You're not going to yell out in the middle of their new song, this isn't working.
Yeah, this part is dragging.
You need to.
But when you're silent, you're telling the people, we're not laughing right now.
Right.
And you're like, oh, well, they came here to laugh.
They like me.
They want to laugh.
If they're not laughing, I can pretend it's something else.
But it's ultimately, I'm not going to get a laugh there unless I fix that.
So when he came back from that time on the road, you were like, this is.
It was only six months.
And he came back and he was so funny and so charismatic, funny as hell, and just had his, he just became himself.
By the time he was 18, 19, he was just, he had that, he had that thing where people just, you had to love him.
You had to love him.
He was just funny, cocky, but in a nice way and just had it.
Right.
It's like certain people you watch, like we watch, you know, I'll still listen to Patrice on O.
Oh, my God.
And obviously watch all of his specials, but when you, you know, you listen to him on ONA, the way he would break something down, nobody, that's right.
Nobody can do that.
You know, that's the way he did it.
Nobody.
That's correct.
And that's what I think, I guess the best compliment is, is that this is a one and done.
This person's perspective is, that's it.
Yeah.
And it's, and it's, yeah.
And it's also the tone.
And even on Tough Crowd, Patrice on Tough Crowd, which I didn't even notice as much at the time, as much as I loved what he was doing, but he would just go and you knew, okay, for the next three, everybody's trying to speak and get their thing in.
This son of a bitch would stop and say, okay, and he'd almost, his body language would move back.
Now we're going to listen to me for fucking three, however long I decide this is.
Right.
And if you look at stand-up, the people, a lot of successful stand-ups are doing a tone of, you're going to listen to me, however long it's going to take.
Interesting, right?
Yeah, that's probably true.
And then a lot of people, yeah.
And I, I'm always amazed at how, like, when people get into that zone that Patrice was in, every topic he talked about, he owned it.
Owning.
Exactly what I'm saying.
Owned it.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Because for whatever reason, when he was, he's one of these people, he'd speak about something and then suddenly, well, look, what do you think your podcast is popular?
Because you'll start talking about something and then people be like, oh, I know where this is going.
And then suddenly it goes to a turn and you're like, what?
Why are you going in that direction?
That's the unique.
That's what tone is.
Yeah.
It's some, it's all people's minds.
That's what makes things interesting.
Yeah.
I know you don't like a compliment being Irish, but I could just see like, stop.
I've lived in California long enough.
I'm an Arab.
Actually, I'm, you know, I forgot how everybody dressed in this city.
Everybody's in monochromatic, you know, blues and blacks and gray.
And, you know, I have, you know, color.
I got salmon shorts.
And I just, you know, I forgot that New York, everybody's just like invested in this uniform of misery.
Well, I feel like it's all.
I'm dressed like a music manager in Miami who just got my artist out of jail.
And I'm like, yeah, my artist really owns me at rolling loud, but we had to get them out of jail.
And we're very excited.
I represent Shiggy the God, who will be Shiggy had issues with his baby mom's guy, but, you know, it's all good.
Gun wasn't his.
He'll be rolling loud on the smaller stage, 6.30 p.m.
You know, everybody come out.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's, it's, it's crazy.
You know, you've been like one of the most influential people, I think, with comedy because you do it in a way that people, you know, the one-man show, you were doing before a lot of people did it.
Sure.
And you do it with jokes and a lot of people do it without them.
Jokes.
Jokes.
A lot of people do it without them.
But that's the thing.
Yeah.
If you're not doing jokes, it's not comedy.
To me, if you're not eliciting laughs, that's just to however you do that, you do it.
But if you're not getting laughs, it's not stand-up comedy.
You can call it something else, but it's not stand-up.
That's the pride that we want.
But the fun, because I talked to Louie recently and Louie's like, maybe I won't come back to it because Louis's like done it all.
So like Louis hit the heights and we'd all love him to come back.
He's amazing.
But I mean, he's done everything.
Do you ever feel like you'll maybe one day be at a poor or no?
Because you just dive into new topics all the time.
Well, I have so much backed up material too that I could do.
But like I said, I'd like to take a few years and just write and direct things.
I know.
Just because I stand up, I've been doing it so long.
It's not like I'm at some high level.
I mean, I'm out there humping when I go, when I go out on the road, I can't, you know, I'm not, I'm selling a couple of hundred seats.
So it's not like I'm some big act where I'm like, oh, this is crazy.
I'm flying out.
I'm bringing my friends with me.
That's not the way it goes.
Right.
So it's fine.
I'm just saying, but that's, that's not the kind of attraction.
But have you ever thought of launching an energy drink?
Because your problem is you spend all this time like writing the jokes, getting the perfect material.
Oh, here's the great take on this.
That's not what we're doing now.
I don't know if you've taken a look at the landscape, but we're not doing that.
We're doing more like energy drink.
I like that.
Yeah.
You know, it's going in a different direction.
Do you maybe do more music?
I'm still my, I don't even have merch.
I'm still merch.
The whole show is about merch.
Instead of comedy now, you just take the photos with the people, you sell them the shirts, and you go on stage five, 10 minutes.
But I, I mean, it's not, what do you?
That's the way to do it.
Yeah.
But it's, it's, I don't know.
Listen, here's what I'll say.
It's a weird, weird thing now because, you know, we're, we're all fighting for attention.
Well, everybody's always comedy.
You're fighting for attention.
Oh, yeah.
Selling Show Merchandise00:02:44
We all want people to go, oh, this person's saying something funny on that side.
Of course.
Right.
So we're all, no one's above it.
Everyone has to do it.
Yeah.
I do it my crazy way.
I used to run around with wigs and fake tits.
Like, people just, you got to get attention.
That's fine.
Yeah, which one of that?
Yeah.
I mean, like I said, as long as it's, you know, it's style and substance, not just style, you know, as long as it's.
Style and substance, but if you have the choice, style.
That was my mistake.
Style and substance.
But if you have to lose one of them, you can, what do you think about, you know, you did such a, your Red Safe Blues Tay was so funny because it was about this idea of a national divorce, which is actually and jokes, but it's also everywhere now that like, you know, you can read all of this stuff, right?
And people are talking about it.
And it's kind of interesting.
I advise anyone that hasn't seen that to watch that because it is funny about we've stopped seeing the differences in each other comedically.
That's right.
We don't see them as funny.
We see them as threatening.
And that's the prelude to, unfortunately, what seems like a bad situation.
That's correct.
Because if you can laugh at, hey, they're a little wacky in the blue states.
And the red states are wacky for their reasons.
Right.
And everybody has different vibes and everybody can kind of laugh.
And nobody's really forcing each other to do the thing that the other one, you know?
And now it just feels like we're trying to make this into a one-size-fits-all thing and we can't laugh.
Well, what you're describing first happened to ethnicity.
And now in this country, and I did New York Story, I got that one, slipped that one under the door.
Right.
And now it's, yeah, now it's about ideological things.
And it's just, and it's just the most, the people that set the tone, in my opinion, because of social media, partially, mostly, is the most the zealots and the extremists and the people that are, and that zealot and extreme, nobody ever uses the expression, this person was activist funny because for a reason.
So these are the people that set the tone.
Right.
And even their idea of humor is very, you know, it's what I liked about Red State, Blue State, you broke down culture.
Yeah.
And you talked about not, well, it's not a political show.
It's not this, it's not that.
You talk about culture and how people differ and how environments differ.
And how people believe certain things and think certain things because of where they're from and how they live.
Setting Cultural Tones00:04:19
Yeah.
And to flatten all of those people and to make them all feel one way is a fool's errand.
Yeah, exactly.
And that's going to lead to the blow up of, I mean, Long Island and New York are so different.
If you drive 40 minutes to where I grew up, it's different than Manhattan.
So how in God's name are you going to get Central Texas on board with Tacoma?
You just don't.
Or you die trying.
Well, and like what true zealots do is they think the people in that part of Long Island have to change the way they see things.
They're wrong.
Instead of going, wait a minute, let's discuss this and find a way.
But nobody should be a little bit of a live and let live.
Yeah, or at least a compromise.
But the whole country is based on compromise, but apparently that's not going to fly in the future.
Yeah, it's a crazy...
I always say, which is if you characterize people as either groomers or Nazis, there's not going to be a lot of wiggle room.
Right.
It's a good point.
And that's it.
That's all that is that we've descended to the type of politics where everyone's either a pedophile or a Nazi on the internet.
Everyone's just tweeting that.
Yeah.
It is a good point.
In full disclosure, my brother said it first.
Right.
Tim Gage.
Wait, that's not.
No, my brother.
Okay.
He's not a comedian.
He just said it to me one day.
That's a good point.
He's a great point.
Well, thank you for disclosing that because we would have known.
No, people would have said, oh, you said that.
And then the rest of my life, I'd be like, well, my brother Texas.
My brother.
It's interesting.
And this new chat, GPT and all the AI and all these computers that are going to take over and everybody kind of is cheerleading that.
I think we lived in the last time of the thing that we're doing being done the way we do it.
I think things, the digital world's going to win or It's going to be so transformative that what we did was unrecognizable.
Yeah.
But I'm glad I lived now.
If somebody said, would you like to be two years old now?
I'd say no.
I know.
I mean, who knew the Matrix would be such a dream?
Yeah.
I mean, even at the time, people were like, this Matrix is really amazing.
Yeah.
But now people are like, oh my God.
Yeah, this sucks.
But I'm glad that I kind of occupied the time I did where I saw a little bit of it.
Yes.
But I had a lot of before it became omnipresent where you couldn't get away from it.
Well, it's funny you say that because the small talk is about how personal, how you won't say, I talk about that there needs to be a museum because you'll not see these personalities again because of GPT chat and all this other stuff.
All the other stuff will flatten everybody.
It's a whole algorithm and it'll seem like it's being deep, but it'll be well we're now engineering.
We have the ability to engineer people from their birth throughout their whole life.
And they're much more connected to their phone than they will be to their community and to their traditions.
And so those personalities that you would find all over the country that differed greatly are going to go away and they're going to be replaced by this kind of homogenized version.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Which will suck.
Yeah.
But those are the people that eventually in whatever the next phase of whatever that will just fall in line and be the workers for whoever's running the show.
Yeah.
Sadly.
Yeah.
Well, it's already people already fall in line the way they speak.
They speak in algorithms.
That's part of what I talk about.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's interesting.
They speak in algorithms.
Yes.
That's it.
Yeah.
Well, it's fun stuff.
Yeah, real funny.
But it's fun, but it's the Irish.
And you know it's the, you know, Louis does that bit all good things and bad.
And that's the Irish thing.
Yeah.
That's the thing about being Irish is not really expecting like people that I know that are really drunk on hope.
Yes.
Acting in Algorithms00:11:04
It's so antithetical to me just because I was raised without it.
That's right.
I mean, the Irish are raised without it.
Yes.
There's no, we don't believe in that kind of thing.
We don't believe in it.
Enthusiasm and hope is just disgusting.
It's gross.
People look at you like they're disgusted by it.
No, it's like, yeah, there will be a tomorrow, but I mean, God only knows what the hell that's going to be like.
Like, is that right?
Yeah.
Good luck with that.
And we do live in a time now where in order to be super positive, you have to be a little bit of a sociopath.
You have to be a little bit of positive.
I think it's always been that time.
Well, that's probably always.
I mean, to be just completely like, things are good.
Yes.
Yeah.
Colin Quinn, where can people get tickets to this new show?
Well, when's it coming out?
This is coming out today.
Oh, wow.
Thanks.
Well, a quick comment.
ColinQuinn.com.
Kansas City.
Geez, I know.
ColinQuinn.com.
I mean, that's really the way to go.
ColinQuinn.com.
You're in New York.
That's the way to go.
That's the way to go.
And then you're on the road.
And then I'm on the road a little bit.
And then hopefully by next summer, I'll be directing you outside of an Italian restaurant in Island Park.
I mean, we've always wanted to make this movie about Long Island.
I think it could be more of a reality.
Yeah, I think so, too.
Now, and we'll see.
I mean, there are things that are good.
There are, you know, positive.
I just got my, I don't want to say what was done to me, but I just did a horror movie.
I just did another really big movie.
I had a small scene.
The director yelled at me a lot.
I don't know if it's in the movie, but it's with one of the biggest stars in the world.
And maybe it will be in the movie.
But the director seemed very unhappy with me.
But at the end, he said, I'm at my wit's end with you.
But at the end, but at the end, he said, good job.
We got it.
So I think that means something.
I don't know what I don't think it does.
It might, I think he just.
Do you think he's going to take it out?
I think he's going to give you the Woody Allen.
I don't want to say what Woody Allen was directing me.
I thought the same thing after that.
It was pretty good.
It's not coming out for a long time.
Yeah.
But I'll just say that at the end of the, you know, during the scene, he would come up to me and goes, I don't know what you're doing.
You know how many times I heard this?
Yeah.
I'll explain acting to you if you ever want.
Because I think I'm doing it well, but it's directors.
I think they're the problem.
These people.
I'm going to tell you exactly what it is.
Okay.
It's one, we don't know what we're doing with acting, so it took me a long time to understand.
Yeah, I don't get it.
But I do some of it, I get it.
No, no, I show up.
Is that not enough?
Here's what I'm telling you.
The problem is, as comedians, in my opinion, we try, we want to entertain in the scene.
So instead of just realizing that Tim Dylan just talking right here, being yourself, not moving, not trying to be entertaining is funny.
Which you understand on stage, if you went up there and you go, haha, I have a joke.
It's a laughing.
It would be insane.
But we're doing that in an acting scene.
So you're like, I have to be interesting.
No, you don't.
All you have to do is just be yourself in that fake circumstance.
That's interesting.
And that's funny.
And that's dangerous.
But it's because we're like, I got to bring something to this.
That's the opposite of what we know to be the truth.
But because it's acting, we think it's got to be doing something.
I hope the scene is in the movie.
Yeah.
That is my hope and prayer because at the end, well, at the end, I think it was great.
Well, when he said, we got it, I think he means we get it.
Well, no, I said to him, I said, was it good?
He goes, yeah.
He goes, I don't move on until I got it.
He goes, you got it.
He goes, and then a little Asian woman came up to me and she goes, he said, great job.
And I said, thank you.
Oh, God, it sounds like you were badgering that.
And then I laughed.
And then I left.
And then they never had me back to set.
First of all, the fact that you go, was it good?
Like, I felt cornered.
He's six foot two.
I'm insane.
Six foot two Irish.
He's like a little guy who's always.
That's what I mean.
And you're like, was it good?
He's like, we got it.
Please tell him it's good.
It's the first scene I did.
They cut it.
No, Colin.
It's the first scene I did in any movie.
Who cares about some shit?
It's any movie.
And I'm not saying which movie it was.
We'll do all movies.
What?
What?
Well, I don't think I'm allowed to say it, but I will say that I hope it's in this movie because I signed all this shit.
It's like a Marvel movie.
No.
It's like one of those type of movies, big movie.
It's a.
Can I say the stars of the movie?
Can I say the stars of the movie?
What did you sign?
I don't know.
I don't read what I sign.
Can I say the stars of the movie?
But no, I don't think anyone will get it.
You're talking to me like I'm an entertainment lawyer.
I don't know if you can say the stars of the goddamn movie.
You probably cut out anyway.
David Claus.
Colin, they didn't cut it out.
It's an integral scene.
That's what he said.
He goes, it's, I don't think it's cutting out.
Yeah.
But I can't, I don't want to tell people what it is.
Here's what I'll say.
Okay.
The stars of the movie are it's gonna they're big.
They're big.
I wonder if I say them, will you get it?
Um, yeah, I already get it.
White man can't jump, the new one.
It is.
It is white man can't jump.
That's the stars of the movie.
No, it's frozen three.
It's live action.
Let it go.
It's me and Dylan Mulvaney in Frozen 3.
No, it's the stars of the film are Joaquin Phoenix and Lady Gaga.
They're the stars of the movie.
And I'm not going to say the movie.
They're the stars of the movie.
And the scene I had was with Joaquin.
That's a big thing.
It's very intimidating.
He's a serious acting.
Well, so am I.
A little bit.
And he was, we both did well.
But no, I'm hoping it's in.
I pray it's in because it was really an amazing experience.
And I pray it's in.
Did you meet Lady Gaga?
No.
I, you know, I think she's a brilliantly talented person, but I was super intimidated.
Because it was hard.
You know, when you do a scene with a guy like that, it's tough.
Only because he's brilliant and, you know, I did good.
I think it's in.
Don't you think it's in?
No, it sounds like it's out.
Just the fact that the guy, you had to come over and go, okay, was that good?
And he goes, yeah.
Well, I only said, is that good?
Because they had to keep doing it.
And he was screaming at me.
Yeah.
Saying, it's bad.
That's because it was a lot of blocking.
That's what I was fucking up.
And the lines.
And the lines I couldn't.
Oh, okay.
I didn't really have the lines.
But you didn't feel like self-conscious.
But other than the blocking and the lines, it was good.
Those were the two problems.
Those are the two problems.
Those are the main issues.
Those are not important.
But they gave me the lines of the day of because they didn't want the script leaking out because it's one of these films.
And was Joaquin Phoenix looking at you like, who is this person?
Well, he, you know, no, no, I think he gets it.
Yeah.
I think he understood that we're colleagues.
You should have asked him to come on the podcast.
I don't know how that would go.
Lady Gaga.
He, I don't know how that would go either.
She'd be interesting.
Joaquin is brilliantly in a, you know, he's so in it.
Yes.
That I don't know.
I don't know like shooting the shit how that this thing I do is what they consider a low art form, a low, low art.
What?
Comedy and podcast?
Well, just sitting around and running my fat mouth about things.
Like it's not respected.
You know what I mean?
It's like, it's the definition of not respected.
Like there's a great scene in Barry, the new season of Barry, where they're like, listen, let me explain something to you.
They're like, you called someone a cunt on the internet and your boyfriend is in jail for murder.
They're like, you could have a reality show or a podcast, but yeah, it's the tide has turned.
But the reality is, I think probably people look down on a podcast, which I get.
If I was Joaquin Phoenix, I may look down on a podcast too.
But I'm not.
But I feel like the scene was really good and I hope it's in.
And I don't want to, please don't get me in trouble for saying the goddamn thing.
I mean, I don't.
You didn't say it.
I didn't say it.
They could be doing five movies together.
They're doing 10 movies.
Yeah.
What's the big deal?
I'm just saying the scene's in and I did good.
At the end, it was good.
Right.
I just want you to believe it's good.
I don't.
I believe you got the same reaction that I got from Winnie Allen.
And I got cut immediately.
But what do these people know?
But all I know is you know right now in your gut whether that scene got cut or not.
I just want to know before I go because I'll be so embarrassed.
I'll be so embarrassed if it's not in.
I know.
I'll be mortified.
Yeah.
But usually I think you find out beforehand.
That's part of that your agent will find out.
I think by the end of the yelling, it was actually good by the end of the screaming.
Yeah.
Because I got better.
Well, I need to get roughed up a little bit sometimes.
All right, then that's good.
Because I needed that.
Then that, yeah, that may have worked.
After all, like, what the fuck are you doing?
Why are you doing it this way?
I don't understand that.
Why aren't you listening?
Some people like Quinn Buckner responded to Bobby Knight's coaching, but Larry Bird left after a year because he doesn't respond to that.
Some people like to get yelled at by Bobby Knight, and some people leave and go to Indiana State because they can't take it.
It all depends.
I'm known as Hollywood's Larry Bird.
No, no, you're the opposite.
You stood there.
You're the guy that lets the.
Well, I'm no millennial.
You can spit in my face.
That's what I'm saying.
Just put the scene in the movie.
Yeah.
I respond to someone because I need direct.
Everybody needs direction.
That's right.
But you have the right attitude, which is like, all right, fine.
I see you are the David L. Russells of the world.
I could get yelled at because I get it.
Yes.
Because I am fucking it up a little bit.
But maybe it's the whole process is becoming better.
Yeah.
Well, maybe we're, maybe, maybe my fucking up is like bringing things out and all the other actors.
You took a great enlightened attitude.
That's crazy.
I think so.
Yeah.
So maybe it will.
And Joaquin was very nice.
He put his hand on my shoulder and he pulled a lighter out of my pocket and he just started smoking.
Oh, what?
In the scene?
Oh, yeah.
Well, he smokes on set because it helps him.
But in the scene, is he smoking a cigarette?
No, no.
Oh, I thought that was like a cool thing in the middle of the scene.
He took a lighter out of you.
No, no, no.
Just do his character, you know.
Well, they kept interrupting it, going, cut, cut, cut, cut.