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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Time
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Living the Austin Dream00:14:10
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan show.
We are in what they call a recession, or there's some debate about that because a technical recession is two quarters of negative growth, which we have not had.
But, you know, the prices of things now, the gas, what do they call it?
The pain at the pump.
God, I love that.
Pain at the pump.
The gas, the inflation.
Everything's going up.
Everything's going up.
Food.
I mean, what does it cost to feed a fat American family now, like $3,000 a week, right?
I mean, it's the, you just got to leave with like buckets of chocolate sauce for the kids.
It's so much fucking money.
You can't get ahead.
And Biden, our president, who's with us this week, he's back.
He said, Biden says the U.S. is not in a recession despite two consecutive quarters of a shrinking economy.
But maybe there's some debate about whether it's not negative growth.
Listen, it's hurting out there.
People are hurting out there, but the job numbers are good.
People are employed.
People are scooping Italian ice.
People are out there working.
So that in and of itself is a positive.
It's a positive thing.
These are positives, right?
There are negatives.
The gas being very high, the food, the cost of, you know, flying, if you can even fly.
They just cancel everything now.
They just cancel the flights.
But certain companies are being creative with this.
And this is what I want to tell you.
You have to be creative to survive.
You're not going to be able to get through this time unless you survive.
Airbnb has decided to start trafficking women.
And this is creative and it's a good business.
It's controversial for sure.
But Airbnb, you know, it's a company that I love and respect.
Great company.
They are now moving on from just simply a hotel service to trafficking the women that stay in the hotels to stay in the homes.
Now, Airbnb is saying, let's traffic those women to local traffickers, and that will make us a little bit on the top.
They want a little extra on the top.
So this is an article here.
Florida woman alleges Airbnb host in Tulum attempted to sex trafficker and friends.
I got to say, smart, right?
It's just smart.
So you have the Florida woman claims Airbnb host.
So they, a St. Petersburg woman, Amber Jackson, had the scare of her life while checking into an Airbnb in Tulum.
Upon checking into the vacation home, Jackson and her friends noticed that there appeared to be blood on the gate.
The concierge team assured her that it was just paint.
So the Airbnb concierge team, I don't know if you know this now, they will assure you that the body in the house is a joke.
Like the Airbnb concierge team, their job is to just let you know that whatever, you know, whatever bodily fluid that you find on your rental property is supposed to be there.
That's part of the experience.
Don't worry about it.
And they said it's just paint.
And Jackson didn't believe them.
Amber Jackson said, I don't believe you.
Once inside, Jackson noticed that the keypads were not set for the rooms.
This would allow anyone to walk into the home and have access to the belongings or the women themselves.
After configuring the keypad herself, Jackson was ready to head out and have fun with her friends.
Okay.
However, when they returned, they found a strange man standing outside the home claiming to be security.
It's important to note that by this time they had been there for a few days and never saw security any other nights.
Jackson immediately contacted the homeowner and concierge team to verify the man's claims, but nobody answered for the entire night.
The women guarded themselves with knives as they slept and checked out early the next morning.
So this is now what Airbnb is doing.
Airbnb has decided that they need to start earning more money.
How can you earn more money right now trafficking your guests?
This is the best way to do it.
I mean, it's great.
And they gave her a refund of $67 and they didn't traffic her, which may say something about the way she looked and the way her friends looked.
They might not have been traffickable.
But you have to be vigilant and you have to be creative in this economy if you're going to stay alive.
So I applaud Airbnb from, you know, like expanding their business model from the general staying in people's dilapidated homes to actually trafficking vulnerable people who stay at their properties.
So that is a great, by the way, hots off to everyone at Airbnb for making this change in your business.
And when you report earnings, I'm sure that people will respond positively to this.
I think investors are going to like it.
I think people are going to go, well, here's a company realizing they're on the way out because they are on the way out.
People are getting sick of it.
Hotels are back.
And we've made this point before.
You know, the mystique of the Airbnb staying in someone else's house, vacationing in someone else's life, going, oh my God, do I want to live in Charleston?
Let's see.
This is all over now.
The pandemic has ended.
You're back to your horrible life.
You've returned to your horrible life.
You can no longer pretend to live 90 other lives.
During the pandemic, everybody had this fantasy where they could go around the country living in people's lives.
People putting cowboy hats on and line dancing.
They had no idea who they were.
And some of those people bought property, fucking idiot doing that.
Okay.
Some of those people had a pulled pork sandwich and went, yeah, I should have a mortgage with this.
And that's why you saw how, you know, places like Austin and Nashville, these places that have just exploded.
And if you're happy there, God bless you.
And there's a ton of reasons to get out of New York and LA.
But the reality is you have to choose a life now.
The pandemic is over.
You must actually choose a life.
For many, many months there, you did not have to choose a life.
You could literally week to week be a different person every single week.
Am I the breadbaking hoe?
What am I?
Am I politically conscious, hoe?
Am I Nashville boots, hoe?
Am I fucking Austin, Texas?
Taco, hoe.
You have to choose what type of hoe.
I'm not gendering this, but you have to choose what type of hoe you're going to be now.
You must choose a life.
You had your chance.
You had your time.
And it was fun and it was entertaining.
And I hope everybody enjoyed it.
And I hope to God you use those couple of years to really go out there and see what you like.
And that's what Airbnb was for.
It was for pretend.
Oh, we can all pretend to live in each other's lives.
I wonder what it feels like to be an artsy person in the West Village.
And I wonder what it feels like to live in Montana and look at these mountains every day.
And what does it feel like to be in Palm Springs?
It's so hot and sexy.
But you eventually have to choose a place.
You know, you eventually have to choose a life to live.
And that is why Airbnb, which is just an extension of people's madness.
And of course, bachelorette parties and bachelor parties and things like that, which is, I guess, what Airbnb is.
Let's get like, because they tried to sway it from that.
They tried to steer it away from the idea of like, let's rent a house to have a big party.
But that's really what it should be, you know, because during the pandemic, it became like, maybe I live in Maryland.
But what it really is, is, you know what I mean?
Like, I like crabs.
But now what it really is, is going back to what it should be, where you just rent the house and you have a party, you trash it, and someone dies.
That is what Airbnb always should have been.
A party house.
You should have three insurance policies on your home and you should just have like frat guys come in and fucking just pillage for 48 hours and hope to God that nobody gets alcohol poisoning and dies in the pool.
And they all give you $1,300 for the privilege of partying in your dump of a house in Tucson, Arizona.
That's what Airbnb should be.
And that's what it'll be now now that the pandemic's over.
But now monkeypox is here and people are getting monkeypox in orgies.
And monkeypox is a disease that's affecting a gay man.
What a fun way to be.
You know, you got it to come out of the closet to just tell people you have monkeypox.
And you go, oh, but I'm not gay.
I don't know how it happened.
But this is what happens, right?
People, monkey park, monkeypox, monkey parks, monkey parks, a new Discovery Land community.
You know, the Discovery Land people.
Now, you don't, many of you don't know about the Discovery Land people because you're just out of it.
But the Discovery Land people are the people that are behind the new development in La Quinta out in the desert of California called the Madison Club, where the Kardashians live.
The Discovery Land properties, and they have one in Cordelaine, Idaho, and they have a bunch of them.
And what they are is an investment group that caters to high net worth individuals that want to have homes all over the country in different desirable locations like the mountains, the beach.
You know, some of them want to live in the woods and they spend like two weeks, you know, a year in each home.
And what they do is they entice a bunch of celebrities to buy these homes very early on.
Like Leo, they give a house to Leo DiCaprio.
And then he goes to like the local general store.
And then the photographers photograph him there.
And then all of a sudden, all these billionaires start going, well, I want to live near Leo.
I want to do that.
So the Discovery Land people go, well, he's got a house in the development.
Act now.
And all these houses, like, you know, there's one house on sale in the Madison Club right now.
It's $26 million.
So it's very, very expensive.
And they are a interesting, you know, when I like to keep tabs on what the super rich are doing, what the what super wealthy people do interests me, especially as things unfold the way they are in our society, right?
You go, where are the people, like, where are they going?
And they love these Discovery Land.
They are secure.
They are gated.
They are all around championship golf courses.
And this is where they want to live.
This is where they don't want to live with you.
And nobody's Airbnb.
Being their homes out in these places.
Let's play.
Now, this is from 2016.
It's an old video, but let's play that because I'm hoping that they give me one of these homes.
I can't do any of the music.
It's copyrighted.
So here's the type of homes they have.
Bakers Bay in the Bahamas.
Yellowstone Club in Montana.
Perhaps you'd like Gaza Ranch, Cordelaine.
How about Makina in Maui, Hawaii?
Perhaps the summit in Summerlin, Nirvana would be more to your liking.
How about Silo Ridge?
I love these names.
These sound like white supremacist compounds.
The Madison Club in La Quinta.
Beautiful.
El Dorado.
They kind of stole that one, huh?
Yeah.
So what they do is they just go around the world creating these little narniers for people.
Now, why haven't they done one in Austin, Texas?
It seems like a no-brainer to me to have a Madison.
I mean, what is wrong with them?
Are they nuts?
Are they stupid?
Are these people daft?
It seems to make so much sense to me to put one of these places in Austin, Texas, which is, let's get the weather up right now.
What is the weather in Austin, Texas?
This is when, folks, I got to be honest with you, California, you can hate it.
And I'm not saying you shouldn't, but the climate, we really are winning climate right now.
Odds in Texas, 100 degrees, humidity, 41%.
Yeah, and it's been that way for what?
Like forever.
Yeah, and it'll go up to 103 by Wednesday.
Why doesn't the Madison, like, why doesn't the people behind the Discovery Land properties build a luxury, because what they should do is build a luxury compound in Austin, Texas where every single house has its own podcast studio and comedy club.
Every house.
So every like 15,000 square foot house has a comedy club in it where rich psychopaths can pretend to be comedians.
And why not?
And do podkilling?
It's a great idea because that's, you know, part of the appeal of Austin at the moment, right?
Is the idea that you've got something to say.
So let's, why not?
Don't billionaires have things to say?
Oh, yeah.
I think it's a great idea.
I think it's a great idea.
And I am ready to support it.
Now, what are you doing in this economy to safeguard yourself and your family?
Betting on Your Voice00:02:43
I have a bookie.
You are betting now and you are gambling.
Is this true?
A little bit, but not much.
But you're such a degenerate addict.
Do you not worry that this behavior will metastasize into a real problem?
It might, but I'm keeping a safeguard on it.
What is it for?
You like the thrill?
Yeah, it heightens the experience.
Of what?
Life?
Of baseball.
And you bet how much money?
Sometimes I'll bet up to like $400 on a game.
But this is a real problem.
It's kind of insane I'm doing it.
Yeah.
No, it's, but are you winning?
I am winning.
I am winning.
All the time enough?
Well, I'm up.
I'm up.
I bet units.
You bet units.
I'm up units.
Who is this bookie?
He's just a guy I met through our realtor friend.
Remember the guy with the hat?
Our loser realtor friend introduced you to a bookie who you're now betting on baseball games with?
He's like a trust fun kid and he just like is my bookie.
Because you're not allowed to gamble in California.
Arrest him.
This is an admission of guilt.
Come into the studio, take him away in cuffs.
You will hear nothing from me.
I hope they do arrest you, and I hope they save your life, because you deserve to be in jail.
Noen dager må man bare lufte hodet litt.
Ta en Stratos, da vel?
Den luftige melkesjokoladen som bobler av glede.
Hva med en Stratos salty caramel?
Med fløyelsmik og salt karamell?
Åh.
Det var hyggelig.
Det bare slo det meg.
Vi snakket jo bare luft.
Luft?
Hører hjemme i sjokolade som i Stratos.
Den luftige melkesjokoladen som bobler av glede.
Vi avbryter denne sendingen.
Nei, vent, det ble fel.
Sending er jo faktisk hele greia vår.
Provfrakt sørger for at bedrifter får tilgang til Norges ledende frakteavtaler.
Så teknisk sett avbryter vi jo ikke sendingen.
Vi muliggjør sendingen.
Uansett, tilbake til sendingen.
Og husk Provfrakt da.
Du har en ny beskjed.
Hei Lars, Daniel fra Joka Buland der.
Du sa at du ventet et lass med barnebarn i poskjøen.
Tror du vil synes at det passer med et lass med ukens joker.
Som er et utvalgt følelse.
For å gilde, friord, finstbrotten og lei videre.
Til minus 40%.
Vi snakker.
Joker, den gode naboen.
What else is going on here in this world?
How are we going to survive this recession?
I don't know.
Seizing Opportunity in War00:15:49
So now people are mad at Zelensky just because he did a cover shoot of Vogue magazine.
Can you not?
Is the is the I mean is he not allowed to feel hot?
This is a real question.
Is this guy not the entire reason that anyone cares about the Ukraine is because Zelensky is good looking?
This is true.
No one cares about the Ukraine.
You know, it's a Hollywood narrative, him and his wife.
The Ukraine is full of white people.
Many of them are like far-right wing.
A lot of them are uncomfortably close to Nazi-ish.
It is absolutely a country that no one would care about.
Like the types of people that care about it wouldn't care about it unless there was an angle.
And part of the angle is that the young, attractive leader of the Ukraine is so eloquent and passionate about his country.
So he does a photo shoot in Vogue, and people are angry with him.
People are angry that he has dared to be attractive, which is the only way this is being first lady is not a role Elena Zelenska ever wanted to play.
I like being backstage, she says.
It suited me.
She said to Vogue, I love anyone with a photo shoot in Vogue going, I like to be backstage.
This whole thing's an accident.
She said to Vogue in a wide-ranging interview conducted in person in Kyiv, moving into the limelight was quite difficult for me.
She and Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky met in high school, started dating at university, and had a full life in the entertainment world before Zelensky won the presidency in 2019.
Protective of their family life, she had wanted him to run.
But like so many of her fellow Ukrainians in this war, Zelenska has risen to the occasion with grace and grit.
I'm trying to do my best for Vogue's special digital cover story.
Zelenska and her husband, Ukrainian president Vlodymir Zelensky, spoke about life in wartime, their marriage.
And like, by the way, how about we just stick with life and wartime?
Why in God's name are we asking them about their marriage?
It seems a little crazy to me.
They're like, they're speaking about life and wartime and their marriage.
What?
How about just the wartime?
So if you notice this picture, one of my favorites, a very glamorous Mrs. Zelinsky is posing in front of, I believe, the wreckage of a plane?
That's what it appears.
It appears to be, so she's on the front lines here.
She's in the wreckage of a plane and she's doing this kind of sexy, you know, but distressed thing.
Now, if you've ever done a photo shoot, now, here's the deal.
If you've ever done a photo shoot or you've ever been to a photo shoot, you know how incredibly bad taste this is because you have to do this multiple, but they didn't just get these shots.
This isn't like an accident.
They have to do this multiple times.
They have to get the lighting right.
They have to hit you from multiple angles.
You know, they have to go, just give me stoic, just give me set, just stone face, you know, realize the gravity of the moment to the, you know, and just kind of tilt your head and perfect right there, right there.
Boom.
Snap, snap, snap.
So when you realize how insane, because it doesn't seem insane when you just sit back and go, okay, Vogue's a huge publication.
But then when you realize the actual nuts and bolts of having to do a, I hate my headphones this way.
They're bothering me.
When you realize the nuts and bolts of having to do an actual photo shoot and what it entails during wartime, it does seem insane.
And people are angry.
Somebody tweeted here, Avi Yemeni tweeted, I respected Zelensky at the beginning of the war when we were flooded with photos of the Ukrainian president on the front line in tactical gear.
Turns out photos were faked and an act like the man himself now posing for a Vogue.
Were those photos faked of him out there in the thing?
Who knows?
It's hard to know.
We don't know.
I'm sure some of them were, yeah.
But stick with that because the Vogue is confusing people.
It's confusing people.
But he's going to, they're going to do a Markle thing, right?
Oh, yeah.
They're coming over here.
They're on their way.
They are calling.
They are talking to the realtors from Selling Sunset right now.
They are on their way to Los Angeles.
They are headed for the big leagues.
They're coming to Hollywood.
Like Megan Markle and Harry, the Zelenskys are coming to Hollywood.
They want to be stars.
They don't want to run that cunt.
They don't care about it.
Now they've got to taste it of big life.
Yeah, baby.
What are you going to do?
What do they eat in Ukraine?
I don't even know, but you're going to stew?
You're going to eat that.
Don't you, you have a chance now.
Ben Steeler tells Zelensky is my hero.
He didn't know who he was a couple of months ago.
So he is meeting with people because he's a production company, right?
Who?
Ben.
Of course.
Listen, 100%, the Zelenskys are coming and they are going to start producing stuff.
And I'm telling you right now, some of it might be good because this is a real production.
This whole thing has been a production.
From the beginning till now, this is a production.
And I think they're going to get quite tired of this war thing.
They've used it.
And by the way, kudos to them for building a brand.
Listen.
No, I'm dead serious.
I am 100% serious about all of this.
They were fucking smart to use this to build a fucking international lifestyle brand, which is what they're doing.
When you have an opportunity, seize it.
Seize it.
Don't let it pass you by.
Rahm Emmanuel said, never let a good crisis go to waste.
Zelensky and his wife, late at night, pillow talk, they're going, hey, hey, we are the talk of the town.
Not this town, Hollywood.
They love us.
They love us in New York.
They love us in London.
We're big.
We've got something here.
We've got books.
We've got documentaries.
We got a fucking deal.
We were the president of shit country.
No one gives a fuck about, nobody knew what it was.
Nobody knew what it was.
All of a sudden, Putin knocked some of it off and we're in the game big time.
We're heroes.
Now we just got to negotiate some little fucking settlement that allows us to emerge victorious.
And then we just, boom, we're in Montecito by the pool.
And it's smart.
It's fucking shrewd.
And anyone who's angry at it, fuck you.
They're ready to fucking enjoy the spoils.
It's time to enjoy the spoils now.
They've pretended, they faked this thing for long enough now with the fake flak jacket and the helmet.
How many photo shoots?
He did it.
Listen, he told, apparently the Russians aren't going to leave.
They don't care how many of their people die.
They don't give a shit about any of it.
They will bankrupt themselves.
They are never leaving.
They want this like shit factory in Donbass or whatever.
They will not leave until they have this like shit factory in that dumb town.
They don't care about anything.
They want this place.
They want it.
Apparently, they are real committed.
It was not a flash in the pan thing for them.
And Zelensky is now starting to realize.
I think in the Ukraine, they're starting to realize this.
They're like, the only way out of this is through fame and fortune because I'm not trying to die on the, a Vogue photo shoot says, I am not trying to die on the battlefield.
I know that's how I presented it earlier.
I presented it as if I was willing to die with the townspeople on the bet.
That is not what I'm willing to do anymore.
I am thinking differently.
I am thinking differently.
I am speaking to Netflix.
They don't have a lot of money, but what little they have, they're giving to me and a tiny little bit to Tim Dylan to put his special there.
August 16th, I believe.
But this is where he's now finally doing the pivot that needs to be done.
I applaud him for his patience.
It's enough with this.
Enough with this nonsense.
You're not dying for your people.
He was never that type of guy.
He's too smart for that.
And he doesn't have that, you know, honor and he's not honor bound.
But he's a modern leader and modern leaders run.
When the going gets tough, modern leaders leave and get deals at streaming services and whine about how badly they were treated.
You need to sit on the couch with Oprah and start crying and talk about how hard your marriage is.
Like you did in Vogue.
That's what a modern leader does.
Modern leaders from him to Trump to Botnet.
None of these people are going to go down with the ship.
They've created, no, they're not going to go down with the ship.
But in the beginning, it was kind of that brilliant idea that he might.
That brilliant idea.
You're like, oh my God.
Wait, what?
This guy, like, imagine one of our leaders doing that.
It's unimaginable to think about any of them on the front lines of anything.
Well, apparently he wasn't either.
We thought he was.
Well, it wasn't because he marketed it like he was.
He probably visited some troops.
Remember when George W. Bush said, Eb, Thanksgiving, here's the turkey in Iraq.
He went and brought them a turkey.
That's what modern leaders do.
It's a photo op.
They bring the people that are about to be slaughtered to Turkey and say, let's eat turkey together while you fight this quagmire.
That's what modern leaders do.
They're not on the battlefield.
That's great.
Here he is.
This is President Bush with the turkey.
This is the modern leader, and he's got the army jacket on.
Same thing, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, there he is.
That's good.
So this is what modern leaders do.
By the way, God bless them.
I'm proud of Zelensky for stopping the nonsense.
I think his agent called him and went, cut the shit now.
It's enough already.
How long are you going to do this?
Get out of that country.
And how is the Ukraine war going, by the way?
I mean, no one cares anymore, but I imagine it's still happening.
Let's see.
And it saddens me.
And I hope it, you know, whatever.
I mean, I don't know anymore.
All I know is that the Russians are willing to stay there for a century.
So none of this horse race stuff matters.
It would only matter if the Russians cared a little bit about Lee.
They just don't want to leave.
They're not going to leave.
They just will not go.
They're going to keep coming back.
Well, sorry.
But yeah, so now Brittany Griner, this basketball player who went to Russia to supplement her income and smoked, what do they find?
A hash-ish?
Yeah, but it's the vape pen.
The vape pen with a hashish oil, so they say.
And now we are trading her for a Russian arms dealer.
That's an even trade, huh?
WNBA member for a Russian arms dealer.
But whatever, we got to get her back.
She's American.
We don't want her to come back like Otto Warmbier.
Remember him, that college student?
He went to North Korea.
Supposedly he stole a flag like as a little prank.
And then his parents, you know, he was stuck there.
And then finally, his parents were like, oh, he's home.
It's great.
And then like literally his sister went on the plane, saw the condition he was in and ran off the plane screaming.
It was horrible.
It was horrible.
I mean, they rearranged his teeth and scrambled his brain over there in North Korea.
It was very bad.
So you don't want Griner to come back like that.
You want her to come back and play in the WNBA.
But again, and I said this on the bonus episode, if we bail you out, if we, then enough.
Don't say anything other than like, I want you to be Candace Owens level patriotic if we trade a Russian arms dealer for you.
That's all.
That's all I'm asking.
If we trade a Russian arms dealer for you and you come back, just be Candace Owens level patriotic.
I mean, where it's annoying.
Like the first post should be red, white, and blue in an all red, white, and blue thing, singing the national anthem.
Like, I'm just telling you, just be grateful.
You're in a foreign country smoking hash.
Nobody has to get you.
But if this corpse, Biden, arranges to get you somehow by trading this whatever high-value Russian guy, or supposedly, just be happy about it, right?
Just enjoy it and don't be like, you know, don't come back and, you know, just don't, just be happy.
That's all I'm saying.
Don't be negative in any aspect if you've just been brought back from Russia.
I want that to be part of the deal.
If the Biden administration was smart, part of the deal would be we're bringing you back on the, on the condition that you are relentlessly positive about our country, no matter what, from here on out.
You must be relentlessly positive about the United States of America, even in the face of mounting evidence to the contrary.
You must be the most positive person ever.
Why?
Because we bailed you out of a Russian jail whilst at war kind of with them.
During a Cold War, we bailed you out.
That's amazing.
Like, you can't come back.
and start being like, how many women were nominated for best director?
Don't don't even start with that now.
If you come back and start that, you got to go to Russia again.
You can't come back and have any problems.
You just have to chill.
If you come back, you got to go, you got to chill.
The wife too.
And the wife.
If you go on Oprah, you got to go, you know what amazes me how great our country is?
That's all you do if we trade this fucking character from Die Hard so that you can come back to America and play a sport no one watches.
You must at least be grateful.
You must at least be grateful for this.
I'm telling you, this must at least be something that warms your heart enough where you cannot literally complain about anything.
You can't.
Immigration and Local Tension00:10:43
So this economy, what else?
How are people doing it out there?
Are people figuring it out?
Californians and other Mexicans are flooding Mexico City and the locals don't like it.
Well, too bad.
It works both ways.
Yeah, white bitches are coming to your fucking town.
That's right.
You people come here and work hard.
We go there and don't work.
That's right.
Hey, man, if you want it to be a big open world, you're going to have to deal with it.
Occasionally you send over some people that aren't great and we're going to send over some people that aren't great.
And that's the way it works.
So the fuck what?
Grow up.
Mexico has long been the top foreign travel destination for Americans.
Its bountiful beaches and picturesque Pueblos luring tens of millions of U.S. visitors annually.
But in recent years, a growing number of tourists and remote workers hailing from Brooklyn, New York, Silicon Valley, and points in between.
Oh, yeah, baby.
Have flooded the nation's capital and left a scent of a new wave imperialism.
Will you stop the LA Times?
Will you stop a new wave of imperialism?
Because what?
They went there and got drunk.
Listen to this.
At Lardo, a Mediterranean restaurant where on any given night, three quarters of the tables are filled with foreigners, a Mexican man in a well-cut suit recently took a seat at the bar, gazed at the English language menu before him and sighed as he handed it back.
A menu in Spanish, please.
This is what people in America say about Mexicans.
They say, I don't want to look at things in Spanish, and all of a sudden we say that they're Nazi racist pieces of shit.
And then the LA Times is an article where a Mexican guy goes, hey, can I have something in my native tongue?
And they go, these white pieces of shit going to order fucking tacos in Mexico.
What are we doing here?
Do you want a global world or not?
The LA Times is like the New York Times, except everyone, like the New York Times is wrong, but at least the people that worked there went to schools.
Like the LA Times is like, these are the dumbest people.
There are entire groups of people at the LA Times who's like beat is going around a comedy store with a black light trying to find Crystalia Seaman.
Now, that's a job.
Now, listen.
What is insane about this is they're saying that it's it.
I'm not saying that why people aren't annoying when they travel.
They're annoying.
We went to London.
You know, we go to this great restaurant, dinner by Heston Blumenthal, maybe one of the best restaurants we've ever been in the Mandarin Oriental Hotel, our favorite hotel I think we've ever been to.
And we're sitting there and they give you the option of hearing about all the different courses.
They go, when we bring you the courses that all date back to like the 15th century or whatever, would you like us to tell you about them and tell you how the chef came out?
And of course, we go, sure.
You tell us whatever you want to tell us.
But the American couple sitting next to us, they go, would you like to hear about the food?
And they go, no, but do you have any ketchup?
So we know we are well aware of how annoying and grotesque Americans can be when they're abroad.
But to say that it's imperialism because a couple of bitches are drinking margaritas is stupid and insane.
And I can't even believe that the LA Times wrote this article, not realizing how crazy it seems to anyone.
Let's keep reading this here.
Recently, expletive laced posters appeared around the town.
New to the city, question mark, working remotely, question mark.
They read in English, you are a fucking plague and the locals fucking hate you.
Leave.
Now, how would that work if we put those up in places and border towns around America?
Would that be good?
Please don't, read one of the kinder replies.
This city is becoming more and more expensive every day, in part because of people like you, and you don't even realize or care about it.
Hugo Vandemoyer, 31, a video game designer who grew up in Florida and Namibia, Nambia, Namibia, has spent the last several months working remotely from Mexico City, Montreal, and Bogota, Colombia.
Said he understands why locals are vexed by the growing population of digital nomads.
People, I guess, that are just, you know, they work online and they can kind of live anywhere.
Quote, there's a distinction between people who want to learn about the place they are in and those who just like it because it's cheap.
I've met a number of people who don't really care that they're in Mexico.
They care that it's cheap.
Well, isn't it, can this not be said for America?
Can it not be said when people come to America, there's a distinction between, why is the Nintendo Switch on here?
This doesn't, this is what, Ray, I'm sorry, Ray Cump gave me that.
But it doesn't seem professional.
But can't this be said about America here that there's some people that are coming to America because they want America, they like America and they want America, and there's just a lot of other people that are coming to America because it's an economic opportunity.
Can't that be said about America?
What a weird article that the LA Times writes.
Despite growing tensions, Mexico City is not Paris, where an American stumbling over French in a Boulingerie will get a dose of hostility along with their croissants.
It's not Berlin or Barcelona, where locals in recent years have mounted major protests over excessive tourism and the gobbling up of urban properties by global investment firms.
The vast majority of people in this crowded, colorful metropolis are unwaveringly kind and patient with international visitors who in their first four months of this year spent $851 million on hotels alone.
So guys, guys, listen.
Hey, I don't know what to tell you.
People are spending money.
I'm not going to Mexico City and starting problems, but people are going there.
They like it.
It's pretty.
It's cheap.
They spent over just about a billion dollars on hotels.
Four months.
Yeah.
Yeah, in four months.
Yeah, there's growing pains.
There's growing pains in Mexico.
Same way there's growing pains in America.
When you assimilate tens of millions of people into a culture, there's growing pains.
I don't understand.
I mean, it's just such a crazy article.
And by the way, why I think this article is funny is because every mention that like immigration might have some downsides or might be have some difficulties.
There might be some challenges associated with immigration.
People at the LA Times write that you're a crazy like Nazi if you even pose the question, what are some of the challenges with immigration?
But they write an article the other way where they are completely understanding of the difficulties that people in Mexico are having with an influx of Americans.
So it's just very strange to me.
It's odd to me.
Yeah, this stuff's hard.
It doesn't mean that there's not people overreacting on both sides, but this shit is hard.
He goes like this.
After his revelations at this cafe, Bustos uploaded a video of his popular TikTok account complaining that the influx of foreigners in Mexico City, quote, stinks of modern colonialism.
Nearly 2,000 people posted comments in agreement.
His critique is multi-layered and speaks to generations of injustices.
There's the problem of newcomers, quote, indifference as to how their actions are affecting locals.
He also believes that Americans, many of whom are white, are reinforcing the city's pervasive, if frequently, if infrequently discussed caste system.
So the Mexican caste system is being somehow bolstered by the white people that are going there.
This is why people's brains have been broken.
And this is why you see people completely tuning out mainstream sources of news because this is written with like no irony.
People don't understand it.
I mean, it's kind of a funny article where Mexicans are complaining about American immigration.
It's kind of a funny article.
And they're saying a lot of the similar things.
They're saying, I want the menus in English.
Please put the menus in English.
People come to this country because it's cheap.
They don't really care about it.
These are the exact same things said by people in America that are often critical of Mexican immigration into the U.S.
So it's just very interesting.
Now, does this article at any point acknowledge that?
Probably not.
Oh, here we go.
Here's Bustos chimed in on it.
Yeah.
Mexico's classists and racist.
People with white skin are given preference.
Now, if a local wants to go to a restaurant or a club, they don't just have to compete with rich white Mexicans, but with foreigners too.
I thought he was saying the other way.
Right.
I mean, hey, man.
You know, at a certain point, this is what everybody wants, no?
You want this globalized world?
I mean, you're going to get some problems, right?
Like, you might get some problems.
I want to bring a bunch of white people now down to Mexico City and do a concert of traditional Mexican music.
You know, like a bunch of people, real white, like Midwestern white people, to go down and sing traditional Mexican folk songs in like poorly pronounced in like a southern twang, like, hi, y'all.
We're singing folk songs from Mexico.
Um, Sarah Lupton, a 35-year-old from North Carolina, who came to Mexico City last year, as soon as she got her second COVID vaccination, said she fell in love with the quote, romantic yet gritty aesthetic.
Letting Go of the Past00:14:36
She ended up, well, this is what they did in Bushwick.
This is what they do all over the place.
She ended up selling her video production company and relocating here in January with her shih tzu.
Now she's learning Spanish, applying for residency and exploring a new path as life and career coach.
Can you imagine Sarah like, hi, I'm your career coach.
Hi, what's your name, Luz?
Hi.
I'm Sarah Lupton.
I'm a career coach.
I grew up in Larchmont, New York.
My father worked at a bank and my mother sat in the kitchen and took pills.
I went to NYU film school because I wanted to make a great romantic movie, something that I'd never really experienced.
I had a video production company that my father funded.
We actually ended up just making videos for people's dogs, but it had enough value that upon selling it, I came here and bought, what is this called?
A casita?
Now I'm here.
I'm learning your language and I'm telling you how to live.
Luz, you're telling me that you have problems.
Your brother became involved in the drug trade and he got his hand chopped off.
You feel guilty because you don't have enough money to feed your children.
Luz.
Can I introduce you to the concept of manifesting?
Manifesting.
Do you meditate?
Do you ever sit down, Luz, and visualize where you would like to be in five years?
I think you're doing yourself a great disservice.
Now, who showed up to your house in the middle of the night?
I understand that's distressing.
But I think what you really have to focus on is you.
I've heard a lot about your brother and your children and these strange men who come to your house in the middle of the night asking where your brother is and threatening to kill you.
What I haven't heard about Luz is you.
Who is Luz?
Who do you want to be?
What makes you happy?
What makes you cry?
Do you ever just take a walk in the rain?
Do you ever just drink white wine and walk?
Because in Larchmont, we had like three acres.
It was too much.
You know, my mother and my father used to always argue about it because he left, you know, the edges of the property a little rough.
But I would wander out in the Muse and it would be like the secret garden.
And, you know, after the rain, you would see the butterflies, Luz, and they were so beautiful.
And I would steal a little bit of my mother's wine.
She always noticed.
And I just walk around the garden, the rough edges of our manicure property in Larchmont.
And I would just feel like Alice in Wonderland.
Luz, do you ever consider doing that?
Because I'm telling you right now, I think the answer to your problem lies in reconnecting with you.
What did the men say they were going to do to you?
Well, that is horrible.
That's absolutely hard.
Luz, I'm not even going to repeat that.
That doesn't even seem anatomically possible.
Oh, you've seen it.
One of your friends it was done to?
Oh my God.
And where did they leave the body?
In the town square.
Well, Luz, you can't live in the past.
You have to live in the future.
To lose this session, was $70.
I mean, can you imagine that?
Well, see, this is now this is the next level.
Listen, a bunch of white people, and you got to communicate with them in English to feed them is one thing.
Moving to a country like Mexico as a white chick who's probably got a little scratch and becoming a life coach, which is and a career coach, which is a fake job here.
It's fake here, let alone in Mexico.
Like going in Mexico, Mexico is crazy.
Laura Rodwell, 40, also moved down in January after spending several months here last year.
And by the way, this is why I do feel bad for Mexico.
The Mexicans that are coming here largely are just very hardworking people.
We are sending our biggest pieces of shit there.
We are sending like tech people that are like bored and want to go to a foreign country because like they have hollow lives and they want to go somewhere else and they can work remotely.
We are sending the worst people in the world there.
Listen to this.
Lauren Rodwell, 40, also moved down in January after spending several months here last year.
A marketer who works at a tech job that is remote, she was tired of living in San Francisco, where every conversation began with quote, What do you do?
I like being in vibrant cities that have multiple cultures that mix wow where there's good food and good energy and dancing and art.
It reminds me of being in a more friendly, more clean at times, Brooklyn.
Man, here's the deal.
And people are going to get upset with me for saying this.
If the Mexicans really want to stop this, they just have to start raping and killing them.
And I don't even know if that would stop it.
But, you know, I don't know.
Oh, Rodwell's black.
Still doesn't matter.
Oh, okay.
Get out of Mexico.
Interesting.
I'm just, I understand that the influx of tech people is trying at times, but I don't know what to tell you.
You know, this is what happens.
You have a global world.
People from all over the place go and, you know, they bother you.
That's what globalism is.
People all over the world travel and bother you and unfortunately make it harder for you to live.
That is what it is.
And there are some benefits to that too.
You get a cheap shirt and look, good food.
So technically, we live in the book.
We love Steve Will Dewitt.
Let's go to his YouTube channel.
What is he doing right now?
He's a really good friend of ours.
He helps a lot of people.
He's the breakout star of the Nelk Boys.
And you got to go to his YouTube channel at Steve Will Dewit.
He has a new video called Why My Girlfriend.
I don't think it's real.
I don't know if any of it is real on YouTube.
But anyway, Steve is a trained professional.
Do not attempt anything you see on this page.
Like having your girlfriend.
Okay, let's see.
Okay, I don't know what he's doing, but let's.
He's so crazy.
He messages me that I'm racist.
Well, you are.
It does.
You're not a rookie.
He knows.
Oh, shit.
It wasn't even here or Atlanta.
What are you talking about?
I don't forget faces at all.
They look like they have a good time.
They have a good time, you know.
That's his girlfriend.
Oh, that's pretty.
Can you please go to the other place and grab me a phone, Charger, please, while I film this outro?
Okay, so this video, I was fucking with Selena, so I want to continue to fuck with her and make a video out of this.
The title of this video is now changed from I'm Dating a Beautiful Black Stripper to something along the lines of me fake proposing to Selena.
Okay, Selena wants to get married, right?
I thought he met.
But I'm going to say whatever I got to say.
It's going to be real.
And then I'm going to go and say, Selena Smith, check out the new ring I got myself.
Like, check out the new ring I got myself instead of, will you marry me?
And then my friends over at White Carrot are going to give her some real people.
Dude, imagine like Carlin had somehow lived.
And like, he was like, you got the YouTubes and the Snapchats.
YouTube, Snapchats?
You had the Snapchats and the Instagram.
You got the wheels and the like, how crazy.
It's a big algorithm and you ain't in it.
It's a big algorithm.
And you ain't in it.
You and I ain't in it.
You know?
Yeah.
Wow, fuck you.
That is just rude.
You were like cracking.
I think these people know that like none of their lot, like nothing that ever happens is real.
Like she's eating dinner on a pool table.
Yeah.
And he's like pretending to propose.
I think they all know that everything that can happen, like every single video where he'll be like, listen, I have cancer or I'm going to propose or like nothing's real.
So I think these people just...
Tana Mojo did a video once with Jake Paul where she goes, I'm having your baby.
And he's like, really?
And she's like, no.
And then all the cameras come out.
Like, oh, nice.
They just do stuff like that.
This is what they do.
They're just committed.
But you got to visit Steve.
We'll do it over on the YouTube channel.
He's really taking off.
You know, he is.
He's taking off.
And he has a couple channels too.
Oh, he's got a bunch.
Yeah, he has a Steve will do it too and all that stuff.
He's got a lot.
They're interesting people.
I got to do their podcast.
I keep telling them I had COVID and then I can do it and the whole thing, but we will get back to that.
Let's support this guy because he's, you know, that's the best photo of him, by the way, in his sombrero.
Yeah, I know.
It's kind of hilarious.
He's just culturally appropriating on his phone.
He just like, he looks so happy.
He looks so happy with like the big bottle of alcohol.
Yeah, I mean, he's done things that are like, like, defy science.
Like when like the drinking and everything that he's done, it's crazy.
Steve will do it.
Go visit him.
Thank you.
What else before we get out of here?
Come see me, by the way.
If you have not bought tickets for Wise Guys Comedy Club in Salt Lake City, good Mormons out there, please come and see me.
We'd really appreciate that.
So cool.
West Hampton Beach doing the live podcast.
Myself, Benjamin Raycomp at the West Hampton Pack.
Special out on Netflix, August 16th.
Probably have a trailer and a little promotion coming out about that soon.
This is fun.
Surviving an active shooter, LA County Sheriff.
This is great.
An active shooter is part of American life.
I don't even know if it's a bad part.
It's just something.
I don't even think you have to look at it negatively.
It's a great time for you to show your ingenuity and your skill set.
But this video, surviving an active shooter, this is from 2015 because we've had this problem for a minute.
Let's play a little bit of this.
Okay.
Now, where did this go out to?
Who got this video?
So this is the LA County Sheriffs made this, but this has been making the rounds on Twitter as this here, which I haven't been able to find because companies play it for people when they get hired now at places.
Watching active shooter training for work.
This shit is insane.
Yeah, and it's just like this guy just like just going ape shit on people in the place.
And like everybody watches this before you work at Sears, Walmart.
It's part of an American workplace.
Yeah.
Somebody taking a gun out of their bag in the middle of the day and blowing people's heads off is part of an American workplace.
If you don't like it, move to Mexico City.
Like any other, turned tragic today when an employee opened fire on his supervisor and fellow co-workers.
Students, parents.
They turned the comments off for this, obviously.
Yeah, I would imagine.
Details are just coming in, but we're being told that a heavily armed gunman opened fire this evening at the mall food court behind me.
There's no official word of it.
I'm gonna skip forward here.
Here we go.
This is for the people to know how to survive in any situation.
You gotta get some sleep.
You're looking like a vampire.
You sleep.
You ain't got no babies at home keeping you up.
What the hell?
Sim again.
We've tried.
I'm sorry.
We're gonna have to let you go.
Active shooter killings are a tragic reality.
And how much blood?
So much blood.
It's so much.
By the way, let's go back to that.
That is so much blood.
So much blood.
She goes, listen, we're gonna have to let you go.
We're gonna have to let you go.
And then he just blows her head off.
But I want to work at this warehouse.
You're telling me I can't work at this warehouse.
And he just goes out like 2006.
The U.S. has averaged an active shooter event with four or more deaths every 2.9 months.
Even though the number of active shooter events has been increasing, your odds of being involved in one are still very slim.
That's nice.
But just like fire drills and earthquake preparedness, making a plan in advance can make all the difference.
Yeah, but lizards live in tanks.
I mean, lizards live in tanks.
I love this, like, LA.
I love these.
Like in the middle of a, like these, like weird, the dialogue that they write in between the active shooter, the guy with the baby, one guy's like you ain't got babies, keeping you up, and then this girl walks in and she goes, lizards live in tanks.
What a strange, it's odd.
And all these people are in la like, wanting to be actors.
They're, they're all in the.
Of course.
I mean you got to get a gig.
A senseless attack, the why doesn't matter.
Hey hey, buddy.
What matters is surviving.
Staying Safe from Shootings00:08:02
Okay, how?
On average 20.
Stop telling us, we know how do I survive, how do I do it?
Killers usually choose their victims at random.
They look for easy targets.
That's not comforting.
So the harder you are to see or to get, the safer, you are smart.
Smart when an attack starts.
If you can find a way out of the location, do so get out.
Smart if you stay calm and think clearly, even in the middle of a life and death event, you improve your chances of making it out.
Visualize your movements in advance.
What are we gonna do?
Look at me, look at me.
I can get us out.
Stay behind me.
Use cover, something that will stop a bullet, and concealment, something that at least keeps you out of sight.
Use cover something that would stop a bullet.
Use cover, something that would stop a bullet.
Okay.
245 USV 417.
I love this thing.
The 901 guy is so routine.
He's like, they're shooting up the mall again.
Hey, we have.
Hello.
Is anyone working out there?
Yeah, we've got another shooting at the mall food court.
You know, what else do you want me to tell you?
It's America.
What's wearing a face mask?
Possible body armor.
Use any available means to get out, including emergency exits or windows.
Most restaurants and retail locations will also have exits in the back through kitchens or stock rooms.
How great would it be to see a guy just like following them through that, just shooting at them?
You're not getting away.
This part's crazy here.
We'll see in a second.
Even in the best cases, police are minutes, not seconds away.
You must take action to protect yourself.
Okay.
Everybody stay calm.
It's probably just a drill.
I mean, it's like John Witt.
The production.
Thanks.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
If you can help others without putting yourself in the middle of the- I mean, in other countries playing this, I mean, they just go, what a barbaric society.
It's hilarious.
Yeah.
I want to get to the part with the cops because they're like, don't they about how to approach the police so they don't shoot you.
Well, the one thing I like about this video so far is they've not pretended the cops are going to help you.
Like, that is what I like.
Like, there's actually been no, like, wait for the cops or the cops are on your way.
The only thing they've said is the cops are minutes, not seconds away.
And I think they should also follow that up with they may not even come in.
The cops may choose to stand outside for an hour.
So don't even think they'll necessarily help you.
Yeah, because you're supposed to assist the injured.
Like you're doing well, huh?
She just got shot.
She's like, oh boy.
If you can't move safely to a house.
I wonder why she didn't book any other roles.
Or confined areas.
Can you go back to that, please?
I wonder why she didn't book any other roles.
She's got, she just got shot.
Watch this.
If you can help others without putting yourself in unnecessary danger, do so.
What's your name?
Lori.
Lori.
I'm Luri.
If you can't move safely to another.
In a room or a confined area, you can walk down.
Then secure the location.
It is weird.
They tell you to do everything.
You secure the location.
Oh, well, no, I like that.
No, this is at least honest.
They're not telling you the cops are coming to help you.
Oh, my God.
They're limiting shooting.
That girl smiles.
The black girl smiles over.
Go back to that.
No, no, no.
She goes in because there's so much shooting.
The black girl literally smiles.
Watch this.
Oh my God.
They're limiting shooting.
Look at the black elza.
That white bitch don't got shot.
Oh, that's great.
Watch this.
Hilarious.
That's great.
This is they didn't edit that.
That is amazing.
Watch this.
She smiles.
Amazing.
She literally smiled.
You'd think that they were.
You'd think the director would be like, no, no, no, you're upset about this.
You're upset.
This development bothers you.
Director.
No, but I mean, go back one more time.
Yeah.
The girl literally smiles.
This girl comes in.
She goes, there's somebody shooting.
This girl literally smiles.
Oh, my God.
They're limiting shooting.
Everybody stay calm.
Remember how to get a dark corner.
Like, funny.
She's like, oh, this could be a fun day.
The drywall won't stop a bullet.
But there are steps to take to stay safe.
Okay.
One will barricade the doors, turn off the lights, move away from any windows, and silence your cell phone.
Smart.
A modern emergency bag can include a first aid kit, gloves, emergency plans for the building, and casualty cards to alert first responders to any wounded victims.
The cops are still out of here.
It's two hours later.
Attention Lake Williams Code 3 is neither a 245 GSC or 417.
It's going to be at Alexander.
Not Yvalde.
Evalde was like two days.
Law enforcement's first responsibility when entering an active shooter situation is to stop the suspect, not to render aid to the victims.
Medical teams will enter the scene as soon as the suspect is no longer a threat or is confirmed in another location.
Silence any cell phones and remain quiet.
Do not alert the shooter to your presence.
Uh oh.
You see, just like a Snapchat notification go off.
The morbidly obese cops are here.
Look how fat the cops are.
Go back to that.
Go back to how fat the cops are.
They're very fat.
Finally, after 15 minutes, the fattest cops you've ever seen will arrive.
Here they come.
There they are.
The piglets are here.
Sheriff's department, is there anyone inside?
Yes.
So this is this I don't even understand.
Just hang tight.
What is that?
You're supposed to like show law enforcement like a red card?
It's called the casualty card.
Yeah.
And you fill it out.
Do you have one?
You fill out a casualty card about who made it and who didn't, and you put it outside the door.
What's the problem?
What's the problem?
All right.
The Casualty Card Explained00:00:56
Well, folks, that's the episode for this week.
A lot going on.
Stay safe out there.
Try to keep yourself healthy and wealthy.
It's difficult.
Try to keep yourself from getting shot.
You know, I don't know what to tell you.
It's been kind of violent out there.
But the summer I don't think has been that bad with crime.
I think it's been, I haven't heard anything.
So, you know, just try to, and, you know, if you go down there to Mexico, leave them alone.
Stop setting up, don't go down there and set up life coaching businesses.
Go and have some tequila and get out of there.
What are you doing?
You're not timdillercomedy.com for tickets to the shows that we have.
We will see everybody on Patreon and then next week.