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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Brendan Schaub Accusations00:14:48
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan Show.
What's going on with Brendan Schaub and Bobby Lee?
What's happening?
Well, I saw Bobby and Kalila went on H3H3.
What's going on?
Looks like there's some accusations.
What's happening?
What's the 411?
What's the deal?
They're in a fight.
They're in a feud right now.
Why?
Some accusations are being thrown at Brendan.
Who done it?
Who said what?
Who, what, why, when, where?
What's going on?
Beef!
The podcast community is flipped upside down right now over action.
It's fucking wild.
But I want to get some straight answers.
How can I do my job?
How can I continue to do my job without getting to the bottom?
Is this why they're overturning Roe v. Wade?
Because of Kalila, Annie Letterman, Brandon Schaub, Bobby Lee, Roe v. Wade.
What's going on?
Amy Coney Barrett, Chief Justice John Roberts, Bobby Lee, Brandon Schaub, Kalila, Joe Biden, the economy, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, Muslims, Bobby Lee, H3H3.
Can you get some fucking answers?
Yeah, yeah.
So it's your job.
People on the internet are saying he's a bully.
Why?
I think he's made inappropriate passes at women.
I mean, to be specific here on the pod would feel unfair.
He constitutes a woman.
Really?
No, I mean, it's a real question.
In this case, a lady with a pussy and titties.
Well, I don't want you to start being vulgar.
I don't think that's your job to start being vulgar right now.
We're talking about a serious issue.
I want you to really kind of like, you know, you're at work.
Half the time with you, you know, you forget you're at work.
You can't start throwing out vulgarities.
This isn't a blue show.
We don't work blue here.
I apologize.
This is a news show, and the news I'm covering is Bobby Lee, Brandon Schaub, Annie Letterman, Kalila, Esther Bavitsky, Roe v. Wade.
What's going on?
I have a clip here, a viral clip here, of Bobby Lee exposing Brendan Schaub and his goons for the bullies they are.
And his goons.
Wait, Brendan Schaub has goons?
Yeah.
There are goons?
I think.
There are goons involved.
I'm...
Let me tell you right now, folks.
I just went to the rainforest, to this hotel, which I'm really going to.
I mean, you know, I'm not going to.
Listen.
I'm just going to really let people know what the problem and and and I mean plural problems are here.
There are many, and it's unfortunate because I spent a lot of money for this um, and i'm unhappy, and i'm i'm well within my rights to be unhappy um, but i'm trying and and there are indigenous tribes all over this area.
It's the world's oldest rainforest.
It's 180 million years old.
And you see them.
You see these people.
And I'm running up to them and going, what the fuck is going on with Bobby Lee and Kalila?
And they're pretending they don't know.
They don't speak English.
And I'm going, do you understand what's happening with Annie Letterman?
And I don't know what they're doing, gathering fruit.
It's not my business, but I've been spending all of my time here trying to tell them about this thing.
And I don't even know what it is.
I feel so disconnected.
So what's going on again?
There are goons.
I think we should just do it.
Brandon Schaub's got a pirate ship of goons and they're going after Bobby Lee.
Is it because he's Korean?
I don't know.
Is he Korean?
I don't think it's a race thing, but he is Korean, yeah.
Right.
Well, I was right about that.
See, I do know some things.
But I feel so out of everything.
I don't feel included anymore.
I'm like on the outside.
I'm a victim of my own success.
It's very hard to stay connected to the issues of the day when I'm out here in the rainforest trying to lead these people to Christ.
Now, play this clip of Bobby Lee.
I cannot cover this, folks.
Many people don't want me to cover it.
Right?
Right.
People don't want me to cover it.
But I have to cover it because it's the news.
This is big news.
Point is.
Now, my fear is the results of whatever this is now going to be.
There's no results because there is a result.
I can call Shaab right now and we could be like, all is squared away and everything is fine because we've already talked about it.
The promise was that he would never talk about it again.
And the next day he went on Flagrant 2 and then talked about it, even though it was in a complimentary way.
Yeah, in a complimentary way.
I don't feel like we've said anything bad about him either.
The point is, was there a text alluding to possibly suing people?
Yes, there was.
Did it freak me out?
And did it make me think, oh shit, like such a small thing to sue over.
But was there a lot of misunderstanding from his team and us?
Yeah.
But we talked it through.
But the truth is the truth.
And, you know, it's all squared away.
So you guys, I'm just going to get this clear.
So you guys were talking about there was this comedian that people assumed was him.
Yeah.
That was trying to pick up all you girls, kind of the sleeves, whatever, right?
So he calls you and says, Bobby, get your woman in line.
I mean, what kind of fucking animal does that?
That's fucked up.
Why didn't you call you?
He has your number, right?
I assume.
It's your fucking podcast.
Who the fuck?
What the fuck is that shit?
It was not just him.
There was a whole barrage.
It was.
Don't say the name.
I'm not going to.
But it was a phone call with other podcasters.
And it was...
They flogged you, bro.
Not flogged me.
They threatened my career.
They called me a coward, a pussy.
You've always been a pussy.
Sorry, that's not a good idea.
And they said they would expose me.
They said that all these things.
And I was in Oklahoma shooting a show.
And I was at dinner and I was by myself.
And I was getting this.
It was very traumatic for me.
And it was based on whatever they did on the live.
Now, imagine now what's going to happen with now this.
It's good you said that.
I think it's good that you said that.
Who are they?
This is my question.
He said it's a bunch of goons.
Well, I think it's implied, right?
They don't name them specifically, but it's implied the people he kind of hangs out with in the podcast world.
Oh.
Well, man, did I miss this scandal?
I missed it.
I feel bad.
Brendan has always been very nice to me.
My experiences with him are overwhelmingly positive.
I should note, and I don't think this will be a surprise to anyone, and it won't be a surprise to Brendan.
Brendan is not the heir to Richard Pryor.
He's not.
And I don't know that there is an heir to Pryor.
Maybe Chappelle, but it's not Brendan, right?
Is that fair?
Can I say that without ruffling feathers?
And it doesn't mean that Brendan isn't funny on that show, right?
He's good on the show.
Like, people like him.
I've never seen his stand-up.
He's a very, like, controversial figure.
And I just believe that there's so much drama and there's not enough love going around.
Isn't that the way you feel?
Because it's fair to say that Brendan is new at stand-up.
He's very new.
Very new.
And it takes years and years to become a good stand-up.
And sometimes it doesn't happen.
Sometimes it doesn't happen.
Sometimes the diet doesn't work.
A lot of people die fat.
You see, the things we want aren't always the things we get.
I love a T. Nobody pronounces a T. Get.
Why don't we do that?
Now, Brendan may go on to be the greatest comedian that has ever lived.
That is a possibility.
I do not know that.
But I don't know that it's fair to say that he's got a goon squad running around and intimidating people.
But maybe he does.
But I don't know that that's the case.
But when Bobby Lee says, they, the people, it's ominous.
But there could be.
I don't know.
It's not my experience with him.
Brendan has been overwhelmingly nice to me.
He's never made an inappropriate pass at me.
And that shows tremendous amount of restraint on his part.
I have missed this scandal completely.
I spend most of my time with venture capitalists, entrepreneurs, philanthropists.
I don't spend a lot of time with comedians because they're stupid and poor.
That's the only reason I don't spend time with them because they are dumb and they don't have means, which makes it very tough.
And Brendan's rich, I guess.
He is.
He seems rich.
Seems to have money.
Bobby's kind of rich too.
But I don't spend time with any of these people because I don't really want to.
And it's not a knock on them.
They're colleagues, right?
I've never done Tiger Belly.
I've been asked a few times.
We had to reschedule.
I just, I don't care about doing other people's shows anymore.
I just want to do my own.
I just hope everyone finds a pathway to love because it's not overrated.
It isn't.
Find a pathway to love, goddamn it.
What's life really about?
Fighting, all of this silliness, this craziness.
Who tried to throw who's wife into the car?
It's not a big deal.
Why do we got to keep going over this?
People are so fast and loose with the truth.
So that's my statement.
I'm agnostic, but I have to cover it.
It's the news.
The same way I have to cover Roe v. Wade.
I'm unaffected by Roe v. Wade.
I haven't had an abortion in a year.
But I'm going to cover it.
Because, you know, this country's headed towards a real crazy Christian theocracy or a like San Francisco-style improv theater.
Either one makes me unhappy.
I very much want a cold, somewhat emotionless, bureaucratic state.
Curtis Yarvin's not wrong about all these things, you know.
I don't love the idea of just one centralized authority, but his idea that things have to be sort of cold and somewhat bureaucratic and boring, I find, I don't know, better than this current hot-blooded scream fest where all the values are on the table all the time and all the people have to fight.
And I just, I hope the best for Brendan and Bobby and Annie and Kalila.
I've never met any of these people.
I've never met any of them.
I'm too rich.
I don't know.
Stand-up's a weird thing.
And I know that Brendan gets a lot of hate because a lot of people feel that he, when people get into stand-up later in life and are not good at it, it bothers people.
But he's trying very hard, and I'm sure he's gotten better.
And, you know, listen, again, I think the guy, he's making a buck.
He's making more than a buck, right?
He's making a little change.
Is he going to win the Mark Twain prize for humor?
Probably not.
Stand-Up Hate and Misunderstanding00:09:47
But that's okay.
Stand-ups have been polluted by garbage for years.
It was fun.
It just hit me.
We were talking just about air.
Air?
I hear home with chocolate, like Isteratos.
The air-water chocolate, which bubbles with pleasure.
Sam Tallent is with us.
He's written the foremost book on stand-up.
What do you think about this phenomenon we have where MMA people or whoever they happen to be are doing comedy and people are upset about it?
They're angry.
I stand with Brendan.
I stand with the guy who could do the most physical damage to me, and that's Brendan in this case.
I fear him, not because of any allegations, just how good he is with his hands and his feet.
So yeah, Brendan, I'm with you, brother.
I kind of like him.
Me too.
Yeah.
I do.
Here's the thing.
I'm supposed to hate him, which makes me like him.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah, totally.
I mean, he's always been a gentleman to me.
Truly.
He's always been lovely to me.
You know, and I think that just to be diplomatic about it, you know, when it gets to the men-woman stuff and the boys and the girls and the parking lots and the cars and the...
Who owns a pickup truck?
Who doesn't own a pickup truck?
Who's going where and who goosed me in the hall?
I try not to get involved.
It's none of my business.
Well, you're above it.
You don't need it.
Well, I do need a goosing.
That's actually untrue.
I'm not above a goosing, and I need a goosing.
And I'm going to say this.
If Brendan Schaub threw me against the wall at the comedy store and started to make out with me, I'd just shut up about it.
I wouldn't run my mouth all over town.
And I'm not saying he did that to anyone.
I don't even think that's being alleged.
But I'm saying that if Brendan Schaub raped me, I mean violently, if Brendan grabbed me and raped to the point where I was worried about my own innards, if he raped me, I mean took my head.
And I mean, I've bitten a pillow before, and that's a shock to no one.
But I mean biting it where it's permanently damaged.
Saliva flowing out of my mouth in an uncomfortable way.
I could smell the blood.
If he destroyed my asshole to the point where I couldn't shit for weeks or shit too much, whatever the problem was.
If Brendan fucked me to the point where I had to see a doctor and the doctor's first response was, what happened to you?
If my bedroom looked like the first 48 with blood and shit all over, if my bedroom looked like a murder scene, and again, if it was non-consensual, I would keep my mouth shut because I want the focus to be on the work.
I want the focus to be on the work.
I don't want people looking at me and going, oh, that's the comic Brendan anally raped.
I want the focus to be on the work.
Now, I just think, I don't know, but this mention of goons and they and them and they're coming and it's people, I don't know.
I like Bobby too.
I mean, you know.
I had a dinner with him I didn't love when I moved to Austin, and he was like, you owe the comedy store so much, why would you turn your back on L.A.?
I'm like, what are you talking about?
The only reason I got past there is because Joe Rogan ordered them to pass me.
That's the way things work.
I didn't develop at the fucking comedy store.
I don't care what happens to the comedy store.
I don't care what happens to the comedy seller.
Yes, they're great places to work.
They're great institutions.
And I have friends at work there, and I work at the store, and I'm very happy that I'm able to work at the store.
It's a big moment in my career to get past at the comedy store.
But make no mistake, the reason I got passed was because Joe Rogan made a phone call.
So I don't romanticize this.
So I had a dinner with Bobby, and I didn't love that.
Me, Spade, and Bobby had a dinner, and Bobby's kind of like, don't you feel like you got inducted into the mafia and now you're like turning your back on the mafia?
And I'm like, what are you, what are you, what are you even saying with your mouth?
I didn't love, I mean, me and him are not friendly, but I mean, we're friends-ish.
I see him.
He's funny.
He's a colleague.
I respect him.
What, Sam?
What are you pointing out?
Is it an animal?
It was one of those pendulums.
Yeah, they're all over now, these fat little rats.
Ben was telling me a fun story about Bobby Lee.
What about it, Ben?
Did he rape you?
No.
No, I was just mentioning offhand to Sam that I believe he shows his asshole on stage, I've heard.
That's what you're talking about, right?
Sam, not the other thing?
Yeah, yeah.
That's right.
And that's fun.
Good for him.
I just don't understand the beef and the drama and the anger and the hatred.
All I would like is love, pathways to love, and healing.
That's what I want for everyone involved.
But I don't care about any of them.
Do you understand what I mean?
Yeah, of course.
But that's the, isn't that, that's, I feel like the most honest way to put it?
I don't care about any of them.
Right.
But I hope they're okay.
If you were to say that you're deeply affected by all this.
I'm unaffected.
I'm really unaffected.
You're in the rainforest.
I'm unaffected and I don't care.
I'm in a rainforest.
It doesn't matter to me.
I don't care who did what to whom and how.
Allegedly.
It doesn't mean anything to me.
But everybody's like, what do you think about this?
I'm getting calls from the States.
What do you think?
Weigh in.
I just personally know that if I was brutally raped by Brendan Schapp.
Even if it wasn't rape, it was just rough stuff.
If he was heavy-handed.
Well, I imagine that it would be, I believe it would be the type of rape that I consented to.
You can consent to rape.
That's another thing people don't realize.
Like, for example, maybe he cornered me and said, hey, do you want to get raped?
And I was like, yeah, maybe.
And I felt threatened and scared.
And then I drove him to my apartment and opened the door and allowed him to rape.
Or maybe I was so traumatized, I instructed or forced him to rape me somehow.
I don't know.
But if I was brutally raped, brutally and viciously raped, I would probably keep my mouth shut because I'd want people to focus on the work.
And isn't that the problem in the business?
Because people are just living in bubbles of fear.
And it's wrong.
But I don't care about this or anyone involved.
I hope I've covered it to everyone's satisfaction.
I'm not friends with anyone involved.
I like Annie Letterman.
I'm friends with her.
But it's what it is here, right?
It is what it is.
I hope everyone's respected and that's what it is.
Yeah.
Maybe it wouldn't have happened if they all moved to Austin, Texas.
How about that?
Because everything is love in Austin, Texas.
We have a thriving economy of back alley abortions and shootings.
But that's my statement.
I'm going on the record, fearless, unafraid.
I just have to get that out there.
Putting it out there.
My official statement on this is: I do not care about anyone involved.
And I really don't know what happened.
I don't want to find out.
It doesn't matter to me at all.
When I go to the comedy store and I stand in the parking lot and people talk to me, I want to kill myself.
I've never had less fun than when I'm doing that in that place.
I have zero opinion on this, and I really don't care about anything.
No shade to the store.
Fearless Official Statement00:04:20
It's a great fucking room.
But I just don't give a shit.
I don't care.
And that's all I'm saying.
And I hope that I hope that people take that and love life.
I'm very upset about the experience that I'm having right now.
At the end of my stay in Australia, which has been largely positive, the audiences, we brought Sam out here at the end.
He did two shows, one really good.
One, I mean, fine.
The audience has been largely, they've been really amazing.
Aussies are great audiences because comedy is for drunk people who don't overthink things.
So guess what?
There is a plethora of that here.
I said to myself, we are in Australia.
Let's go see a part of it for a few days before we leave.
I did a cursory amount of research, not a lot.
And I booked myself, the perpetually ungrateful Benjamin and the always grateful and lovely Sam Talent, a room, the finest room at the, and I don't want to hurt anyone's business here, but the Silky Oaks Lodge in the Danetry Rainforest.
Okay?
We got the pavilion suite, which is, I believe, 7,000 a night Australian, maybe 5,000 or 5,300 a night American.
Okay?
Three nights, a $15,000 commitment.
The room is nice.
We're in the rainforest.
It has a private pool.
I have no beef with the room.
But let's talk a little bit about the staff.
I want to mention a woman named Lauren first because I want to say to the people that will, this will eventually get to the people at the Silky Forest shed, and they will hear this.
And they will hear it because someone will tell them.
It may be tomorrow.
It may be in three months.
Someone will go, remember the fat guy?
Well, he talked about us on this thing.
They could also be listening to it right now because their dorms are behind us.
Well, good.
But they'll be like, remember him?
He's got a podcast.
And then they're going to go, what's a podcast?
And you go, well, it's not radio, but on the computer.
What's a computer?
It's where you get to porn.
And I want to single out this woman who is a lovely woman.
She is a waitress.
She's coming up here, and she was phenomenal.
The only reason I am not burning this place down is because of this woman who I thought did a phenomenal job serving some of the worst food I've had in my life.
Trying to put a happy face.
And, you know, bless these people here.
They're children of God.
But they just, you know, they say it's gourmet and it's fine dining.
I mean, it's really, it's a nightmare.
There is no reason for the food to be as bad as it is.
They don't have any room service.
You can't get any room service.
You've got to go to the goddamn lodge.
The other problem is there are activities in this area that will all kill you.
There are jellyfish the size of a penny that can kill you.
There are large jellyfish.
There are saltwater crocodiles.
There are sharks.
There is the glimpy-glimpy, a tree that if you brush into it, sends shards of glass through your system.
There are platypuses.
Everything can kill you.
And of course, they all encourage you to do these activities.
And as soon as you Google them, you realize how deadly they are.
But these people, obviously, the tourism industry will not survive here.
The small tourism industry that there is.
I mean, people want to snorkel the Great Barrier Reef, which I wanted to do.
Deadly Great Barrier Reef Activities00:02:02
But I realized it's not worth dying for because the reef is like half bleached anyway.
That shit's over.
And they give you these stinger suits.
We talked about it on the Patreon.
Being a bigger person and trying to like squeeze into a stinger suit, it's like, just let me die.
And these stinger suits are supposed to protect you from the jellyfish, but a lot of them don't even do that.
But, you know, because of the tourism industry, they just, you know, people die here and people get hospitalized pretty frequently, but they just kind of ignore it.
And they go, hey, it is what it is.
I get it.
I understand.
It's like certain, you know, if you go into Chicago and you go, hey, is it safe?
They go, yeah, it's great.
Come on in.
Sure, you could be walking down the Miracle Mile and you could get descended upon by a gang of teenagers that beats the living shit out of you in front of your wife, completely emasculates you.
But they're not going to tell you that if you call the peninsula.
And this ain't the peninsula.
But my point is that mum's the word on the deaths here.
Can you bring up the article about the zip line, Ben?
Yeah, I got it right here.
So widow Suze Dain Tree Zipline Company engineers for millions after her husband falls to death.
This is September of 2021.
So the wife of a man who died after plunging from a zipline in far north Queensland has launched a multi-million dollar lawsuit against those she holds responsible.
Adelaide father of three, Dean Sanderson, 50, died after the zipline he was attached to failed while high above the Daintree rainforest in October of 2019.
His wife Shannon, who was in a separate harness but launched at the same time, also fell approximately 10 meters at the jungle surfing canopy tours and survived despite serious injuries.
Now, I read another article about this, and the people that were on the zipline line said it was crazy because the zip line went out, and then there was just this sound of the zipline coming back without a person.
Oh, God.
And then they just heard the wife, and they said it was a blood-curdling scream.
Fatal Zipline Tour Tragedy00:15:36
She's laying on the floor of the jungle going, ah!
Yeah, it says the twang when the zipline came back up made an awful noise.
Then there was just silence for what seemed like forever.
Well, you know who's responsible for that, truly.
If you think about it, Brendan Chaub.
What I'm saying here is that it's a deadly environment.
We went to one of the most remote locations in the world, Cape Tribulation.
I mean, as Ben said in one of his rare, lucid, and meaningful thoughts, that it was, what did you say, Ben, like a beach from Robinson Caruso, like the idyllic image of the beach?
Oh, I said it's a platonic ideal of a beach.
Like it could only exist inside your own mind, and then you step into it, and it's such a surreal experience.
It is surreal.
It is surreal.
You're welcome.
It's so beautiful you can't see it.
Yes, it is surreal.
You're welcome.
Now, you also saw one of the little animals you like today, a potomelon?
Change the pronunciation of it.
Maybe it's a pottomelon.
And you also saw, what do you call it?
The porcupine?
It's basically a porcupine, yeah.
But it lays eggs that lays eggs.
Do I ever get tired from making people's dreams come true?
Fair question.
The answer is no.
I'm indefatigable.
But this beach, you can't swim because there's crocs and jellies and they'll kill you.
And at night, there's wild boar.
And then if you make it through all of that, there are grifters living in the woods.
I don't mean grifters in the sense that they have shows on the Daily Wire.
I mean, like, they're people that live in tents in the woods that will kill you if the flora and the fauna and everything else doesn't kill you.
Yeah, last chance hobos.
Last chance hobos.
So, but it is stunningly beautiful, land before time, prehistoric shit.
There's crocodile-infested rivers.
It is cool to be in a place that is deadly.
That being said, to do any of these things, I love freedom and I hate rules.
And we are in a nanny state.
And that is baked into the bones of every human being that walks this continent.
They like rules and they want everything to be done for them.
They like things planned for them.
They like knowing when they should eat, how they should eat, where they should go.
What's the approved boat, the approved tour?
We left a tour.
We walked off a tour because we were driven to...
And by the way, they like to book everything to this resort.
They want to book it.
They want to get the kickbacks.
Okay?
So as soon as you walk in, first of all, as soon as you walk in, they start asking you what your flight number is when you're leaving so that they can get transportation because this is remote as fuck.
We tried to get a car in a town to get Ben a cigar.
You can't even get a car in a town.
So as soon as you walk in here, they're like, here's the plan.
Here's breakfast.
Here's lunch.
Here's dinner.
Here's the tour you're going to go on.
And I'm like, hey, man.
And when are you leaving?
And I'm like, hey, slow the fuck down here.
I just like freedom.
I like to relax.
There's nothing relaxing about rules.
There's no in-room dining.
You can't just go, yeah, I'm just chilling.
Maybe I'll order a burger to the room.
There's none of that.
You show up for a formal dinner of shit food.
And everybody who's in this area is running from something.
And this is, we bribed a local woman who didn't have a driver's license to drive us around, lovely woman named, what's her name?
Zona.
Zona.
And she was a lovely woman.
And she told us that people are running.
They owe their wives money.
They're on the run from the law.
And you see it in the waitresses, the faces here outside of Lauren.
Many of them are human trafficking victims, and they've trafficked themselves to the far north reaches of Queensland, Australia, so that they can serve gruel to these morons who buy this fucking jungle experience or whatever the hell this thing is.
It's not even, you know, the wildlife here, you barely see it.
And if you see it, you're dead.
Nature really is kind of fake when you think about it.
Like, you rarely see it.
You know, so the whole thing from stem to stern, unenjoyable.
And the faces on these miserable people, these miserable people that for whatever reason have been exiled from society and are forced to get your flight number.
What do you want?
The tail number of the jet?
Like, they're so in your business.
So we went out with this.
Local lovely woman and she took us around and we come back in and one of these squawking birds was like, where have you been?
I'm like, what are you, my mother?
What do you mean?
Where have I been, you bird?
I've been where I want to be.
It's a fucking vacation, but they're crims, criminals.
They call them crims and what that means is that if you give the people on this continent even the most cursory amount of freedom, they remember that their lineage is, as you brilliantly said, horse thieves, pig fuckers, pig fuckers farmers, sheep thieves.
These are criminals.
They cannot be allotted any freedom.
Even when you go on a vacation.
There's no freedom, none.
It is a prison colony.
And this resort is a prison.
I have been in a prison.
It is not at all what you would consider luxurious.
It is a prison.
It's a gilded cage.
It's a gilded cage where they are in your business and they're in your face and all they want to know is what you're doing, who you're doing it with, how it was.
All they try to do is get in your fucking business.
Well, I don't want a mommy and a daddy, I just want you to be.
And they said, leave a comment card.
I'm writing on the comment card.
Hey, I have one of the top podcasts in America.
You can listen to my review of your resort if you can get wi-fi, which is horrible here.
Am I wrong about this, Sam?
I mean you're here, am I?
Am I overstating it?
I mean you let you lend yourself to comedic hyperbole typically, but no, this is valid and justified.
They've been keeping tabs on us.
When you're paying 15 000 for three days to be here yeah, they're all over us.
The woman who's been serving us food before we got Lauren was dead-eyed, bleached out.
Well, it's sticky fingers.
Karen well, that's not even care.
I'm talking about the gaunt woman who wouldn't make eye contact and flinch.
Fine, she was lovely, but I believe she's probably here because she had a little problem with the credit cards.
Oh yeah, and she, she liked to get credit cards that weren't her own.
You can see in their eyes that they're thieves, criminals.
You can see the lineage in their eyes, but they're not clever enough to pull off any grand schemes or heists.
So now they're here not getting tipped, and we had to walk off a tour because we had this guy uh, and he started the tour, but we, we go to some little like wreck center okay, and he's like.
You see, this is what governments can do when they really put them on to it.
We've treated the Indigenous People very poorly, but now we've got this rec center for them.
And then he's like, there's a lot more war trash and black trash in Australia.
He goes, I don't know about America.
I don't know if you have racial problems over that.
It's like, of course, we do.
And you do know that, sir.
As limited as you are, you do know that we have racial problems.
And why are we talking about genocide at 8 a.m.?
Just show me a, what is it?
A padamelon?
A padamelon.
Just show me a padamelon, the large rat.
I don't want to hear about the genocide.
It's 8 in the fucking morning.
We hadn't had coffee yet.
Yeah, we haven't had coffee.
I don't want to do the displacement of an entire group of people.
Then he goes, there's going to be an indigenous ceremony.
I'm like, wait a minute.
Why are we a part of it with three white dudes?
What are you talking about?
And then Kona, Zona?
Sona.
She told us, she's like, yeah, it's just like a smoke ceremony.
And he's like, you see, it's a bullshit ceremony they make like indigenous people do.
And like all these white fucking tourists come in here and just have to like stand there.
I'm like, hey, man, I don't need them dancing and putting on a show for me.
If they want to do like a cool Indigenous ceremony or if they want to address the Brandon Shao Bobby Lee issue and they want to like somehow heal the comedy community with communing with the spirit, that's fine.
But I don't need some type of show.
So we had to leave the tour.
And you knew it was happening as soon as we got in this bus with other people.
As soon as the doors opened, I saw there was other people in there wearing shorts and safari hats.
And I was like counting down in my head.
So how long will we make it on this?
First stop, second stop.
And then as soon as I shut the door, I felt the group chat buzz in my pocket and I knew we were getting off immediately.
Because number one, I wanted a private tour.
I'm not trying to be on there with other idiots that got duped into this.
Number two.
They were the Australian Disney couples.
They were sexless people.
Yeah.
No, they were sexless.
And it was worse than that.
It was that they really wanted to learn something, but they didn't, but they did.
I hate people that want to go on a vacation.
It's like, read a goddamn book.
What are you going to learn in eight minutes?
What are you going to learn on a half a day tour about what really happened here?
Like, can you stop?
I hate.
And like when this guy, this moron, Mick, God, I hope he hears this.
When he talked, the people in the bus were like, they had stern faces and they were like nodding.
And it was very grave.
And they were like, we're taking it seriously.
We understand how hard it's been.
And he started.
And I'm like, you know what, man?
This is just not my vibe.
So we had to peace out.
I'm like, sorry, sir.
We're supposed to be at the great Barrier Reef smoking cigarettes.
It was a very solemn affair, but he was also doing his shticky tour bus driver jokes.
It's the worst.
I was a tour guide.
Tour guides are damned people.
They're damned.
They're forced to be a visitor in the place that they live constantly.
It's a constant groundhog day movie where every day is the same.
The people come and go.
Tour guides are forced to be spectators.
They are damned.
I was one of them, but I was doing comedy at night.
So I know what it's like.
And that hacky shtick they all do was so, it's so sad.
When a tour guide throws out a joke that bombs, you wish for his own sake that he just blows his brains out in front of you.
You want to see brain matter splatter on the windshield of that van after one of those hacky jokes doesn't land.
Because it's so sad when they do that.
And then he tries to sound morally superior.
Yeah, that's the issue is when he's like, we was a genocide and we stole the babies and fed him to dingoes.
Yeah.
Didgery, don't ask me about it.
And now we have a community center.
It's a community center.
I mean, Ben, what are your...
I mean, what are your...
I just said it.
I mean, what do you think about these things?
So remember, he was.
And that's true.
But the other thing I think, if you really think about it.
No, I'm kidding.
Go on, Ben.
The perpetually ungrateful Ben Avery, world traveler, just doesn't care.
Go on.
So remember how he told us the Ks are pronounced with a G?
So I looked this up.
They're the Gugu Yolanji.
This was the group that was here that was supposedly taken over, right?
I did some digging.
Turns out the Gugu Yolanji hunted Chinese for cannibalistic feasting.
So they would eat people.
So I wonder if he goes into that on the tour at all.
Well, I wish I knew that.
This is why you got to Google before we go on the tour.
Because I would have said, hey, Mick, I heard that they used to hunt Chinese people and eat them.
And I'm not even, I don't even know if I'm against that.
I'm just saying if we're going to have a fact-finding mission at 8 o'clock in the morning.
That's what Shaab's going to do with Bobby.
Now, where did you find this out, Ben?
Are you on one of those sites you go on?
No, I went to Wikipedia and then went to a separate article.
And they said that they hunted the Chinese and ate them.
Yeah, so modern historians now consider that these early reports, like the tales of the cuckoo Elanji hunting Chinese for cannibalistic feasting, whatever partial truth they contain functions to a sewage.
Any guilt Europeans.
Any guilt European settlers may have felt for their key role in the dissemination of northern Queensland Aboriginal communities.
So that is a disputed thing.
I don't want to disparage the good people here, but I mean...
In this instance, what does Chinese person mean?
No.
Good question.
This tribe.
This tribe, the Lululemon.
What did they...
I think a lot of these Lululemon maybe ate a few Chinese people, but did they deserve to have their land taken so that they could build this shit hotel and get my business and serve me shit food and charge me an arm and a leg so that they can run around like a Stasi wanting to know where I am at every moment of the fucking day?
I'd rather be here eating Chinese babies with the Lululemon.
I mean, they even have to qualify it.
They're dismissing it, but they also have to qualify it saying, whatever partial truth that contains.
Here's the deal, folks.
White people are horrifically violent.
But if you think that natives were all, it was all like sunshine and happy songs, it's not the case.
There were tribes.
It was warfare.
There was violence.
There was pillaging.
There was conquering.
There was cannibalism.
I mean, violence is not the providence only of white European settlers.
It was really the currency of the world.
I mean, people that have an ignorance of history or that only study the colonial era and they don't look back at ancient history.
They don't know anything about antiquity.
They don't know anything about, you know, they get a very skewed view of the world.
And they tend to demonize Western civilization that has a litany of problems.
And like every civilization was built on oppression, plundering, killing, murdering.
But before that, listen, there's very few countries that were established by people showing up and going, hey, do you mind if we get in on this?
That's not the way the world worked.
It was a world of conquerors and killers, of diseases.
You know?
People have to chill the fuck out.
Yeah, Blood Meridian.
Violence is man.
Abortion Rights Debate00:15:29
That's right.
Men are violent people, and so are women.
And, you know, we just got to move on from this.
It doesn't matter that they ate Chinese children or adults.
It doesn't bother me.
The Lululemon can do whatever they want.
Is there a spokesman for the Lululemon?
For the Cooji?
Or the Cougo?
His book is in our bathroom right now.
Oh, I see.
I saw that.
I dropped it behind the window, and I can't get it out.
Oh, yeah.
I tried to get out of it too when I was taking a show.
One of the elders of, I think, this tribe, there's a book of his photography in our room.
Well, I'm just siding with them because they haven't been fucking me for three days, serving me shit, and getting in my business.
So I don't care what they did.
I would have rather hang out with them.
There is an indigenous swimming hole here called the Blue Hole that you're not allowed to go in.
And because it's for the local women to bathe.
And some people did.
And one guy said he was cursed and he's now sterile.
Let's move on here because I just, I don't want to lose myself.
This isn't, you know, a show that's going to, this isn't, I'm not a travel blogger.
I will be back home next week.
I just want to let everybody know that the Silky Oaks Lodge in Queensland, Australia is running a human trafficking ring.
Do with that information what you will.
Roe v. Wade, that is in the news.
Roe v. Wade.
The Supreme Court potentially overturning Roe v. Wade.
The federal protections for abortion going to be eliminated.
States like Texas, maybe Louisiana, places like that, criminalizing abortion, potentially making it a felony, perhaps.
Are we headed backwards towards the dark ages?
Yes.
However, you know, here's the point that needs to be made.
There's got to be a period of time between conception and birth where an abortion is legal.
After a certain amount of time, it is cruel, inhuman, and it is murder.
You can't have an abortion at eight months.
Right?
May I?
Yes.
Okay.
Because now you're going to say if the mother's life is in danger.
No, I'm not.
You're going to say, okay, well, what are you going to say?
I'm going to say that usually when it's a very late-term abortion, it's one of two things.
It's either the fact that they do a scan on the baby and it's not developing the way they thought it would, and it's not going to be born with a heart or it doesn't have a head.
It's some very gross mutation that will not allow the child to live outside the utero.
Or when it gets into a sixth or seventh month, it's because there's certain places in the country where you need to be, you have to wait two weeks to get it all done, and then you work at Arby's and you have to get to Abilene, Texas from Houston.
I understand, but that to me doesn't matter if you have a seven-month baby inside of you.
I don't care how long it's taken you to find out that you're pregnant.
I don't care that you had to go from Arby's to Abilene, which I imagine they have an Arby's and Abilene.
They do, yeah, actually.
You had prom there, right?
You cannot eliminate a fully, I mean, seven months, kids are born at seven months and live happy lives.
That's a fully formed fetus.
Are you saying that you should be able to eliminate a seven-month pregnancy?
I'm just saying that a lot of these instances are just a matter of.
I get the heart thing.
I get a baby can't live outside.
I get that.
But what I don't get is like, hey, man, I didn't have the time.
Yeah, I don't get that.
I think 99% of the cases, it's born with a foot for a brain, so they have to kill it before it comes out because it won't live outside.
But there are these instances of women not to be able to do it.
I know people with feet for brains that live in mansions.
But I get what you're saying.
I'm not trying to be insensitive to the plight of a mother that is struggling with the fact that the child will not be able to survive.
But I don't think you could just say at seven months, hey, they have Down syndrome.
Let's flush it.
And I'm not defending it either way.
I'm just saying these are the reasons people have late-term abortions.
I understand.
Because I'm already going to get my hole ripped open from even weighing in on it.
No, Well, you got to weigh in.
This is the way it's the way of the world.
I'm saying that in Europe and in the UK, in most places, I don't know how long it is, but it's usually...
Ben, can you look up the UK abortions, the vast majority of them, are before 20 weeks.
I don't know what or 25 weeks.
I'm unsure.
This is not an area that I've done a hell of a lot of research.
I'm not an expert in third trimester.
And I believe that abortion should be legal in America and federally legal.
Like, I don't believe, because I think that it just hurts poor women that have to make all these arrangements to go to another state and have an abortion.
This is, I don't believe in returning here to the dark ages.
That's not, it's not good.
Well, the great state of Colorado made it a constitutional protected right.
Well, I think New York did too.
I mean, there's some, you know, but I also believe that after a certain point, it's tough to make the moral argument.
So, like, nine out of ten abortions are done before 12 weeks in most high-income countries.
So I'm assuming that falls within the UK would be that.
So nine out of ten done before 12 weeks, which would be, what, three months?
Keep it under three, ladies.
Please.
That's all.
What?
I mean, Sam, give me a face.
I'm trying to come up with a compromise here.
The world's not going to be fucking Denver.
So we need to have a compromise.
Like, we can't just...
I have to be the voice of reason.
I believe in legal federal abortion rights.
But I also believe that you can't, like, six months into a pregnancy, go, hey, this ain't for me.
I don't believe that.
That's a baby.
At three months, it's not a baby.
So, hey, ladies.
Okay, so.
Hey, ladies, when you're out there for ladies' night, just keep it under three months, please.
I found out.
Many of those states are going to outlaw the pill, too.
So, I mean, we're really going to the dark age.
But this is the pushback against gender's not real and all this other stuff that's happening where you have this encroaching madness that you're seeing all over the place.
People are going to, you know, they're going to deeply entrench themselves in like, you know, like theocratic Christianity where they go, well, now we have to live in a theocracy, which is not the answer either.
Because there's a lot of people that don't subscribe to Christianity, but I'm just saying, morally, in a humanist way, six months, you can't start.
You know, we can't do this.
Well, they're still going to have the abortions.
They're just going to pass away from getting shoddy work done.
Well, if you're going to have an abortion at seven months when you have a fully formed baby and...
Those are fun women, though.
Those are the ones who get knocked up.
They're kind of, well, you know, this isn't for me.
I want to go to Cabo.
Yeah.
We're going to lose the fun women.
See, that's when I have a little bit of an issue with it because I think there should be a happy medium in this country between ending all abortion and allowing people at eight months who go, you know, maybe this isn't for me to flush the baby.
There's got to be a happy medium.
And it's, ladies, let's keep it under three.
Keep it under three months.
Well, you don't know you're pregnant until, well, pay attention.
Pay attention to your body.
If I was pregnant, I'd know.
I have a medical paper here from England and Wales.
Hey, good job over there.
So here are the major reasons for having an abortion after 13 plus weeks of gestation.
I complimented you, and you don't even say thank you.
Well, it was condescending.
Why was it condescending?
The tone was condescending.
How was it condescending?
Because you were implying that I typically don't do my job.
That's a very negative way to look at it.
I said good job.
You then believed that I was being condescending.
Do you have guilt that you don't do a good job?
Are you guilty?
I mean, I have feelings of like worthlessness, and I guess I feel guilty.
Yeah, but those are your feelings, not my feelings.
You asked me how I feel, though.
Right, but I don't make you feel that way, do I?
Why are you making about you?
You asked me how I feel.
Yes, but my point is that when I say good job, I'm trying to compliment you, and you are wrapping up your own self-concept in it.
All I do is try to do the right thing by not only you, but every man, woman, non-binary person, child, elderly, ancient elder, indigenous person, and guardian of the land that I've always just tried to do the right thing.
So I just say, good job.
That's all I'm saying.
Is it condescending?
Does it sound condescending when I say, good job?
Does that really sound condescending?
Yeah.
I think you have internal guilt that you are racked with because perhaps you feel that you are not worthy of the compliments that I give.
But that is not my fault.
I want you to look in the mirror and give yourself a big kiss.
Okay?
Okay.
Now please tell us about that medical paper from Wales.
And England.
Good.
So here are the reasons that you're looking for in terms of why people have abortions after 13 weeks of gestation.
Yes.
Their hoes.
So at the top of the list is the top 10 list, like Letterman.
Yeah, you do it like Letterman.
Number 10.
So 41% of people said, I was not sure about having the abortion, and it took me a while to make my mind up and ask for one.
Not good.
Not a credible answer.
Move on.
It's not.
Second is here's 38% of people say, I didn't realize I was pregnant earlier because my periods are irregular.
That is more understandable.
That is a lot more understandable than, hey, it's six months in and I, you know, I'm still on the fence.
Inappropriate.
What about 13 weeks, though?
Fine.
Is that under three?
That's one more than that.
That would be three months and a week.
Yeah.
Fine.
Just keep it around three.
The number is three.
So then we have, let's see here.
Oh, this was out of, this isn't percentages.
This is out of 858 people.
So that was 41 people and then 38.
Now, 36, and I'm going down in the majorities here.
36 people said, I thought the pregnancy was much less advanced than it was when I asked for the abortion.
Hmm.
Wait, what?
It says, I thought the pregnancy was much less advanced than it was when I asked for the abortion.
They thought they were at one month and they were really at four.
I believe so, yeah.
Okay.
All right.
32 people say, I wasn't sure what I would do if I were pregnant.
That's coming in at number four.
Number five, I didn't realize I was pregnant earlier because I was using contraception.
So they assume because they're using the ring thing or they're on the pillow.
I think they're not getting their period.
Fair.
30 people say, I suspected I was pregnant, but I didn't do anything about it until weeks had gone by.
Okay.
26 people said I was worried how my parents would react.
24 people said I had to wait more than five days before I could get a consultation appointment to get the go-ahead for the abortion.
And the number one reason that people have late-term abortions is.
I found out Brendan Schaub was the father.
Bow!
Dun.
Paul Shea from the band.
Start going.
Yeah.
Man.
Yeah, so I got more reasons here.
You want to hear them?
Yeah, I got like five more.
Okay.
So one person says, so 23 people say, my relationship with my partner broke down slash changed.
So high stress, you're pregnant, and you realize you don't want to go through with it.
Yeah, these are all not.
Okay, then 22 people say, I was worried about what was involved in having an abortion, so it took me a while to ask for one.
So they were scared.
Okay, but still, get it under.
Ladies, under three.
Then we have someone's, 20 people say, I had to wait more than seven days between the two.
How about I give you four?
Four months.
At four months, that's still kind of a baby.
You're shark tanking this thing?
Yeah, I'm going to give you four months.
I'm going to give you four months.
We got to make a deal.
Nobody wants to make deals in this country anymore.
Let me make a deal.
Ladies, four months.
I'll give you four.
Four months.
But you love freedom.
You love your freedom above all else.
I don't think you could take an eight-month-old baby and have an abortion.
That is a very difficult thing for me morally to get behind.
That is a hard thing for me.
Unless there is a tremendous medical reason.
If you have a fully formed baby inside of you, it is very tough for me to co-sign that, to be honest.
I just, I mean, the baby's born in a month.
We should make adoption easier in this country.
It is criminal how horrible the process is to adopt.
And here is the other problem.
Adopted kids are always thieves and untrustworthy because they can never get over.
And Yana's papa's, and we talk about this.
They can never get over the feeling of abandonment from their mother.
It's baked into their bones.
Russian orphanage syndrome.
The nanny state is baked into the bones of the Aussies.
And so you are going to have a Krim for a child.
You're going to have a goddamn crim, but I still think it should be made easier.
It's difficult, Ben.
Orphanage Syndrome and Nanny State00:04:56
Where do you stand on this, Ben?
The people want to know.
The people want to know where you're at, how you feel.
Weigh in.
Please.
Well, it seems to be like a lot of things, right?
Like prostitution, drugs, abortion, where if you outlaw certain things, you create a whole other litany of problems and it doesn't necessarily stop the action thereof.
So, I mean, to have an opinion on it seems somewhat pointless, right?
Because people are going to have them no matter what.
Well, I have to earn a living, so I think I might have to have one.
I don't think it's pointless.
How do you pay your rent?
Is it completely pointless?
Don't you have a new car?
Anyway, I'll tell you this.
I'm running on the platform.
Ladies, let's keep it around three, please.
Can we keep it around three?
You bunch of birds.
I understand there's reasons for later.
It's a case-by-case.
I'm just saying it eight months.
You don't feel a little bad about that, Sam.
Eight months, babies fully formed?
I think this should be the last option, but I also am with Ben on the issue that they're going to do it anyway.
Yeah, but everybody's going to do everything anyway.
People are going to do fentanyl anyway.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Right?
We outlawed fentanyl.
Legalized fentanyl.
Well, I mean, if you did legalize, I mean, we're getting in some very murky water.
If you legalize fentanyl, though, then people will, you know, do it supervised and it'll be easy.
I just mean there's so many.
Well, are they going to do a supervisor?
I love, that's my favorite argument for drug legalization where it's like, yeah, you legalize fentanyl, they'll just do it to supervise.
It's like, will they?
Is that the way they're going to do it?
Well, all right.
It's Wednesday.
Today's fentanyl day.
I'm going for a supervised fentanyl visit.
Yeah, it's all supervised and legal.
I'll just go in.
I'll do fentanyl.
I'll walk out and everything's okay.
I understand what you're saying, but I do believe, I mean, perhaps I am further to the right than both of you gentlemen because I do believe in a little bit of morality.
I do.
And it's a lot of gays and gay men specifically that are forced to kind of kind of, and you see a lot of these gay men coming out and saying these things that we need to have a little bit of a moral country.
And it's interesting to see because a lot of the more, you know, pansexual, like out there kind of, you know, people are not.
But I think a lot of gay men are starting to go, listen, ladies, let's just keep, can we keep it?
Can we just calm it down?
Let's just not flush it at eight and a half months.
Let's not do that.
It should be a thing that, you know, we don't, do we need, like, there's some people in this country, I mean, people have one-man shows about their abortions.
It's like, okay, but do we need that?
Do we need abortion cafes?
Is that next?
Should you be able to get an abortion in Starbucks with a caramel macchiato?
I don't know.
I just think it's weird that gay men are starting to become the moral guardians of America now.
It's very weird.
Yeah.
But it's, you know, I mean, lesbians are hopeless.
The vast majority of them are more suited towards agriculture, which is fine.
But, you know, gay men right now are kind of, you know, kind of, you know, some of us, not all of us, by no means all of us, probably not even a majority.
But there is a vocal minority of gay men who are saying, let's kind of keep women in their box, which I think is kind of important.
And it should be a box with velvet where they're comfortable.
But, like, I think gay men are the ones who have, because we're not like, the power of the pussy doesn't really affect us.
So we're able to say, ladies, how about we calm it down?
And that's important because a lot of straight men that just want to get pussy are like, yeah, whatever.
Flush the babe.
Do whatever you want.
Ban everything.
We should only be able to use water for a minute and a half in the shower.
And gay men are going, hey, get your pussy away from me, baby killer.
And don't we need a population of people?
But let's bring it back to what really matters.
Bobby Lee, Kalila, Annie Letterman, Brendan Shao, Roe v. Wade.
That's how we started the show.
Many moral questions, no easy answers.
No easy answers.
Many moral questions, quandaries, deep, complex, important.
They matter.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But I do know.
Complex Moral Quandaries00:02:18
And that's the horror that I live with every day.
It's the struggle of being me.
Not knowing, but also knowing well.
You know?
Did you have you have you enjoyed your time in Australia?
We're leaving soon.
We have one more day here, and then we'll be back in our studio.
Yeah, it's a wonderful place.
I mean, we saw the whole thing.
We really did.
Six cities, not five, but six.
That's right.
By the way, what was it called?
Point Tribulation?
Cape Tribulation?
Cape Trib.
Three people just died on the road there in one day on the way up.
Well, they're drunk.
So it's actually, we're scared of the Crocs and the doing any research.
People flip over those roads all the time and kill themselves.
There's no police, remember?
And the people aren't registered to drive.
Maybe you do need laws.
Maybe you do need laws.
A brilliant end.
A brilliant end.
It's dangerous here in the rainforest.
It's dangerous in the comedy store parking lot.
Danger lurks behind every door.
But my consistent position is that I wish the best for everyone involved.
And I just don't want to see them, hear from them, hear about them at all, ever, for any reason.
And then we're good.
Good.
As long as that promise can be made to me.
So that is my position.
It's my position on everything.
Get away from me.
And as far as the Silky Oaks Lodge in Mossman, where the hell are we?
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess.
I guess so, yeah.
You're trying to be a grown-up resort, but you don't know how.
You're a nation to crims.
That's okay.
But you need to give people freedom.
You need to fire your chef.
You need to fire most of your staff besides Lauren.
Silky Oaks Lodge Critique00:01:06
Some of the guys are hot.
But nobody really wants to spend this kind of money to take a shuttle bus into a venomous hellscape to be here served horseshit by human, Swedish human trafficking victims.
Please get it the fuck together because now I have to go to the four seasons in Maui.
And I hope Rogan hasn't booked my fucking suite.
Well, anyway, for fans of comedy and MMA, those two concentric circles, for MMA fans and comedy fans, this has been The Tim Dylan Show with Sam Talent.
the perpetually ungrateful Ben Avery live from Queensland, Australia.
Tomorrow, we eat at Mr. Wong's in Sydney.
And then the next day, we're out of here.
And we're coming home where the venom lives in the people.