Live from London, Tim develops an affinity for the new neighbors at One Hyde Park, tries to make sense of Hunter Biden's supposed "laptop from hell", and explains why he now understands exactly how psychotic America really is.
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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Premium London Apartment Costs00:11:06
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan Show here from London across the pond with Ben Avery, our producer, who flew in for what, 48 hours?
Yeah, about that.
What a champ.
What a champ that you would come all the way from your home in California.
I flew you what?
Business?
Business class.
Business class all the way to London.
And you've just been on vacation for two days.
You've had an amazing, you've had an amazing time.
You haven't had to do much.
You edited a Patreon episode.
You told everyone at dinner you cut your own hair like we should be impressed.
You just trotted that out like some type of accomplishment.
You cut your own hair.
But it's lovely.
And now, you know, we're on the eve of returning to the dump that we live in, and I'm not really thrilled.
I'm really, you know, I could make a go of it here.
There's an ashtray on the thing.
I'm covered.
How about you worry about you?
Worry about the sound levels.
I could make a go of it here, man.
I'm kind of bummed to leave.
I mean, you know, as we're here, the country of origin, our country of origin, is just a deeply schizophrenic place.
There's a real darkness there that can only be truly appreciated when you leave.
Now, I'm sure this place would get boring after a while because, you know, I don't know.
It lacks some of that.
But for right now, for the moment, I mean, I just, I'm kind of dreading going back to America.
The food here is good.
Like, you don't feel like you're dying when you eat.
They don't have sugar in everything.
They don't have like plastics in the bread.
Like, the just hormones, the GMOs, the manipulated shit that we eat.
You look at fast food here.
They put it all on like one street.
It's not every five feet.
Things aren't open at 2 a.m. to get a full meal.
The lifts are smaller, which is elevator for you fucking American scumbags who don't know what I'm talking about.
The streets are smaller.
I mean, you know, you just, it's being fat is not really tolerated.
It's not tolerated.
And you get it.
There's no big and tall stores.
There's none of that.
You can't get anything.
I mean, it's like we drove an hour to some store.
I thought it'd be like a DXL.
It was called Bad Rhino.
Think of that.
It was called Bad Rhino.
And it was not even a full store.
It was just like a few shirts in a fat women's store in a shitty mall an hour and a half out of London.
And I get it.
They're like, let's not celebrate that.
You know, I mean, I'm completely for that, by the way.
They're like, let's not make it easy.
We don't want it to be.
They had a DXL here, an American fat store.
They closed it down because, you know, like it's not permitted.
And if you go further into Europe, like Paris or something, I mean, or if you go to Scandinavia, God help you.
But, I mean, we're staying at the Mandarin Oriental, which is one of the greatest hotels in the world, if not the greatest.
It's absolutely stunning.
And the building next to us is the famed One Hyde Park, where, you know, it's the most expensive residential building in the world.
The penthouse is on the market right now for 200, I believe, 296 million pounds.
And I might make an offer.
I don't know.
I don't know if I will or not.
But, you know, it's a building full of Russian oligarchs.
And, you know, I believe maybe the Candy Brothers who developed it, they might be in business with the Qataris, I think.
And it's just lovely.
It's just lovely.
And nobody's there.
And nobody's ever home and there's very few lights on because the best neighbors are not home.
I mean, that's something that, you know, people don't realize.
But that's why in all these really rich areas, you know, you have a great situation because the best neighbors are always off somewhere doing a genocide.
Like they're not home.
They're not there to complain.
You know, you don't have awkward run-ins with them outside.
You don't have to suffer through small talk with people who are driving past you in their Lamborghini to go into a bulletproof glass garage.
All of their mail is getting sent through an x-ray machine.
They're being guarded by the equivalent of British special forces.
None of those people, oddly enough, want to tell you what they think about everything.
But I've lived in lots of areas where people cannot get enough of your time.
What's nice about Russian oligarchs, sheikhs, people from the United Arab Emirates, Chinese amusement park tycoons, people, Russian gangsters in the fertilizer business, Indian mining magnets, you know, Brazilian mining magnets, maybe it's Brazil that has the mines.
I don't know.
But like, you know, what's really nice about them is they really keep their opinions to themselves.
They are a lesson.
They don't even want you to know that they are your neighbor.
What a lovely idea.
Now there's a premium to live in a building like that.
There's one flat on sale.
Flat means apartment for you American non-healthcare having scum suckers that I have to see tomorrow.
But flat is an apartment.
And there's one flat on sale for $5 million.
Don't think I didn't call my business manager.
We can't do it.
It's too out of range.
And then the next one up is $17 million.
But that is the premium that you pay.
That is the premium that you pay to live in a building where people don't want you to know they also live there.
Could there be a better arrangement?
Seriously, could there be a better arrangement in life than living in essentially a hotel for billionaire criminals?
They keep to themselves.
They don't bother you.
They don't.
Oh, what do you think about the game, huh?
What do you think about these trans kids in the schools?
They don't get into that.
Right from the Lambo to the apartment, that's it.
They're not just going off on whatever the issue of the day is.
They don't get on a soapbox.
They're not trying to be heard.
They're not getting you in the hallway.
Did you see Taka?
You know, what they're doing now is they're making kids transition in gym clad.
See, you can get away from all that.
I mean, that is the answer.
It is the only answer.
And, you know, people are going to get mad at me again.
They're going to go, how am I supposed to live in One Hyde Park?
Well, that's not my problem.
I can't manage your life.
I can't even live there.
I'm just saying, as things go, as goals go, it's a much better situation for someone like me who's just a little tired of people's opinions.
I'm a little tired of the unsolicited opinions of friends, neighbors, family, co-workers.
You know, I am now seeing the value in the type of privacy that can only be attained by living with dictators who have a healthy degree of paranoia because many people want revenge on them for the things they've done.
It's a nice place to live.
It's a lovely.
And then, you know, I like the guy from The Spectator who came to the thing.
He's very sweet, but, you know, he's shitting on One Hyde Park.
And that guy lives in what, Putney or Scumsbury?
Hey, shut up.
Like, what are you talking about?
He's like, oh, you can't live there.
Oh, Knightsbridge.
Why would you want to live there?
Hey, shut up.
And I like him.
But let's get real.
If I come to London and I may, this is the only spot for me.
I can't live anywhere else.
Harrods is such a great fucking store.
I don't fit in anything.
I went to Christian Dior and I said, I'll spend any amount of money.
Do you have a 3X?
And she said she did.
Let me tell you right now, the 3X would not have fit you.
I went into the dressing room with the 3X.
It was like, I mean, putting that on, it was like I was on ayahuasca.
Shapes were changing.
I couldn't get my bearings.
I'd stepped into another realm.
I felt like I was on air.
I didn't know.
My hands looked bigger and smaller.
I was trying to fit into this 3X, and it was mortifying.
And it was terrible.
Because, you know, the UK, it's different than America.
It's very different.
The sizes here.
And finally, I came out.
And, of course, I didn't come out wearing it because I would have looked absurd.
I came out and I was like, oh, you only have it navy blue.
I wanted it in brown.
And she's like, we don't have it in brown.
I'm like, thank God.
And I just ran out of there.
But our agent likes Harrods, which is interesting because he's plus size.
And I wouldn't think he'd like Harrods.
But then you go, they have three food courts in Harrods.
So I go, oh, they're also selling ribeyes and sticky toffee pudding.
So I get why he likes it.
But, you know, I mean, this is just a place for me.
I've had enough.
Ben's watched the Masters for the last 10 hours.
You know, it's a lovely place to be.
You know, and then, you know, then you just keep checking Twitter in America and everybody's fighting about Disney.
Elon's Distorted Twitter Timeline00:13:48
You know, people are just screaming.
There's people outside of Disney with the Ten Commandments.
So, you know, again, I just, I think I want to get citizenship somewhere else.
No, I'm dead serious.
I want to get citizenship somewhere else.
I don't think it works out and I kind of don't want to be a part of it anymore, whatever it is, on both sides.
On the side where it's like they think every teacher is a groomer trying to fuck their fat children.
And on the other side of like, we should let three-year-olds, you know, cut their dicks off in the middle of math.
On both sides, I can no longer participate in my country.
I really don't even want to.
It's become an embarrassment to live there.
It's become an embarrassment to live in a country where many of our major streets are lined with tents that people live in, but all of the headlines are about when hotels are going to open in space.
It was fun.
But it just hit me.
We talked just about air.
Air?
Listen to home in the chocolate!
As in Stratos!
The air air air of chocolate which bubbles with pleasure!
Some days you can just lift your head a bit.
Can Stratos, well?
The air air air of chocolate that bubbles with pleasure!
What's with Stratos' salty caramel?
With a russian smoke and salt caramel!
Oh!
It's become embarrassing, I'm rehearsing.
And I know Elon just bought, he's the largest shareholder in Twitter.
Tell us about that.
About 11%.
It's big news because Elon Musk.
What happened to the tunnel he was building between what happened to the tunnels?
Has he given up on the tunnels?
Remember when I was on Rogan and we were talking about these magical tunnels that Elon Musk, why don't you build a tunnel under Austin to help the traffic?
Except the tunnel doesn't you go underground and you never come above ground.
The tunnel just leads and it just drops you into some like hole in the ground that you can never come out of.
How about that?
That'd be a great tunnel.
But I guess we've given up on the tunnel, the ambitious tunnel system that was going to get rid of traffic.
And there's the Mars expedition, but now he's buying Twitter, which I'm for.
I like the idea that he wants free speech back on Twitter, but I think the better idea is to just shut Twitter the fuck down.
That's everybody's real take that really thinks about it.
The best thing to do would be to stop trying to make meaningful arguments in 140 characters or less.
Get the fuck off it and move to One Hyde Park and Knightsbridge.
And if you can't do that, kill yourself because there's nothing else to do.
Maybe Pollock's peak in Hong Kong, perhaps, but the language barrier is something.
It's not nothing over there.
But that is also, I guess, and there's smog.
But I mean, so what's he doing?
Tell everyone what Elon Musk is doing on Twitter.
Elon Musk bought 10%.
How much of Twitter did he buy?
He bought 9% of Twitter.
9% of Twitter.
How many shares is that, Benjamin?
Let's see, because he made quite some cash on yours.
Yes, and some of the people at Twitter are mad.
They're like, Elon made me money, but I still don't like him.
It's 3 billion, and then it surged by 26% in response to the news.
The stock well, lovely.
And now what's he doing?
He's trying to get an edit button.
And he's trying, you know, he's got some concerns about the draconian policies we're seeing on a lot of these tech sites.
Good for him.
Yeah, he wants to open source the algorithm.
What does that mean?
Speak English.
The choice of which algorithm to use or not should be open to everyone.
Interesting.
So you could go on what, like a hate timeline?
You go, I want to go on a hate timeline today.
You could curate whatever you want to say.
You could curate whatever you want.
So it's just not only Twitter feeding.
You can feed yourself.
You can go, I want to go on a timeline of just celebrities and shootings.
I want Kardashians and school shootings today.
That's my mood.
I want to oscillate between meaningless celebrity gossip and the bodies of dead children.
You can pick and choose.
You can curate your timeline.
I want a little QAnon today.
I want a little QAnon today, and I'd like some motivational speaking.
I want some Bitcoin and Q.
I want a little Q and a little coin on the timeline today.
That's what my timeline is.
It's just Bitcoin, trans people, and QAnon-related activities.
And still some, you know, rehabilitated version of QAnon that still lives on to this day that involves the Ukraine and Hillary and Hunter Biden and Trump and everything.
And I don't know what's on Hunter Biden's laptop.
The guy just fled to Switzerland.
The media clearly wanted Biden to win.
They sandbagged the Hunter Biden laptop story.
They said it was Russian disinformation.
They lied.
They wanted Biden to win.
They had a dog in the fight.
And they, you know, so if you're still like, this whole idea that the media is even objective or ever was objective is not true.
It's a fallacy.
So if you believe that, I guess you're perpetually shocked by all of these things.
But there is another media where they did report on the story or as much of the story as they could report on.
And that way, you know, obviously the mainstream carries a lot of weight.
And they were the ones that kind of, you know, diminished the story, but it was still out there.
But what is on the laptop?
He's smoking crap.
Who takes all these photos of themselves smoking crack?
Like, has anyone asked that question?
Why?
Why are you photographing?
Like, I understand if you're fucking a hooker and you think it's hot, it's still not a good idea to just take 80,000 images.
How many images are there?
There's lots.
How many?
But why does he have like 20,000 images of him smoking crack?
I never even thought about it.
Is he being blackmailed?
But they're on his laptop.
It's so weird.
Yeah, he's just cracked out in motels and most of them.
It's weird stuff.
But no one thought Biden was going to win, so he's a weird guy to blackmail Hunter Biden.
Well, his dad was the VP.
Biden was the VP.
But so I'm wondering, like, maybe this is a blackmail thing, but why would you have thousands of photos?
There's photos of him just sleeping in bed with a crack pipe hanging out of his mouth.
And you go, can someone explain to me who took that photo?
I guess a hooker?
Yeah, and there's orgy photos too, orgy pics, him with hookers.
Where are the orgy pics?
I mean, I saw one of them.
He was like, he was, he had a hooker's, he was like choking around with a stocking or something.
I saw one with squirtle on the bed, a pet stuffed squirtle, him and a hooker.
Is that a Pokemon?
It's a Pokemon.
He's like pretending to bang her from the back, and there's just a squirtle in the...
He's an artist.
I mean, the guy's an artist.
So, I mean, is it really appropriate to go through all of his sexual peccadillos?
He's an artist.
The man's an artist who was involved with a gas company in the Ukraine for his art.
What was he doing in the Ukraine?
Oh, there was a he had a deal with a gas company there, but he also had some sort of, I'm going to look this up real quick, but supposedly that might have been a distraction from their dealings with China too, because they were investing in some companies over there.
Qualifications does he have to do any of this?
No, I'm curious.
Did he go to school?
Did he graduate from school?
Did Hunter Biden get a degree in anything?
And is it in any type of field that would make you imagine that he has some kind of expertise and energy?
Okay, so he went to Georgetown University.
That's a good one.
And then after that, he went to Yale Law School.
Okay, so he's at one point he was somewhat qualified.
But okay.
And what did he get to do?
He's a lawyer?
Let's see here.
And of course, daddy helps get you into all these places.
I'm not blind, but if you get through them, if you get through Georgetown and you get through Yale, you at least have some level of, you know, I can understand how he got involved in, you know, in whatever scam he was doing.
He's an attorney, so he's a Bachelor of Arts degree in history from Georgetown University, and then he became a lawyer after that.
So it's just MFA and law.
How does he get involved with the Ukraine?
How does he get involved?
Because we're trying to figure out the real story here because my Twitter timeline says that he's run, you know, the whole game, Hillary and him.
And all of these people are undeterred.
They're not dissuaded by the fact that everything they've believed hasn't come true.
Nobody's in Gitmo.
Nobody's, there's been no, you know, like any type of reckoning in the way they imagined.
And yet the troubling amount of schizophrenics in the country are.
So I'm trying to weave through that narrative and find what's true.
We know he smokes crack.
That seems beyond any type of debate, I don't think.
That's not a conspiracy theory.
He enjoys crack cocaine.
He likes hookers.
And that goes along with crack.
If you're going to smoke crack, you don't go read to kids in libraries.
You fuck hookers.
My curiosity is why he's involved with the Ukraine.
Okay, so.
Here, actually, I have to.
Which, by the way, we got to edit a few jokes out of my special because the Ukraine is just unfortunately, you know, you do a few light bits, and then, you know, there's bodies everywhere.
And I mean, it's just like, hey, you know, it's, you know, it just, we got to get a few of the bits got to get edited out of the special.
They were throwaway bits, you know, a couple of one-liners in the front, but, and we don't know if we're going to drop the special as an hour or if we're going to just drop an eclipse.
We don't know yet.
Nobody watches an hour.
We're debating that.
But we've got to get to Ukraine now because maybe Putin uses a chemical weapon or a dirty bomb in there or maybe, I don't know what happens, but it just, you know, it's getting to the point now where it's not, not that it was ever funny, but, you know, it's just getting to the point where it's really not funny.
It's, you know, it's to a point now where, you know, I feel like it's in poor taste to do a few of the, you know, lower the gas price bits that we were, that I was doing.
Things you've heard on the podcast already, and they were going over well, but, you know, it's unfortunate.
Now, they had a thing in Bucha.
Bucha, I don't know how to say it, but, you know, the Russian troops went in there.
And are, I mean, the term is massacre.
The term is genetic.
You know, I'm not there, but it's certainly, you know, from the pictures and from people that are, you know, you know, reporting from the Ukraine, it certainly doesn't look good.
300 plus found dead.
Yeah, 300 plus.
Yeah.
Well, it's not, you know, I mean, it's bad, but just in pure numbers, to be honest, in pure numbers.
I mean, we've done 300.
Easy.
So it is, you know, but I'm not, I'm not one of these people who excuses everything the Russians do.
Like, there's people on Twitter now that wear everything the Russians do.
They're like, well, let's take a look at this.
And I'm like, no, no, no.
I think a sovereign country was invaded.
Russia's in the wrong.
It's, you know, I mean, I still don't want a nuclear war.
I still don't think that we should be enforcing a no-fly zone.
And the conflict is, I don't think it should grow in scope.
But...
the Ukraine?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I was looking at the China stuff too, which was interesting because he's what's he doing in China.
Okay, so what kind of crack they have over in China?
So from an email from Hunter Biden in August 2017, it indicated he was receiving a $10 million annual fee from a Chinese billionaire for introductions alone, though it is unclear who was involved in alleged introductions.
And it says in 2013, Hunter flew aboard Air Force 2 with his father, who was then vice president, on an official visit to Beijing, where the younger Biden met investment banker Jonathan Lee.
Hunter told the New Yorker he just met him for a cup of coffee, but 12 days after the trip, a private equity fund, BHR Partners, was approved by the Chinese authorities.
Hunter Biden China Scandal00:15:27
Mr. Lee was chief executive, and Hunter was a board member.
He would hold a 10% stake.
Yeah, okay.
He resigned from the board of BHR in April 2020, but still held his 10% stake in BHR as of July this year.
So then the New York Post reported in April 2015, in which an advisor to Burisma, which is a right, that's the big one.
I don't know if I'm saying it right.
Burisma, Burisma.
It's a gas company in the Ukraine, right?
Natural gas.
And then the email apparently thanked Hunter Biden for inviting him to meet his father in Washington.
Hunter was a director on the board of this Ukrainian-owned private energy company.
Here's what I'm Hunter was killing it.
Like he was doing well.
This is what they do, these people, the politicians, you know.
At what point did he throw this all away to just smoke crack?
Do you know what I mean?
Like, I'm trying to analyze it from that perspective.
Like, here's a guy, daddy's the VP, he's making all the introductions.
He's getting paid real money.
At what point does the crack addiction just become untenable where he can no longer perform said duties?
You know, and I'm sure all of this is shady and underhanded and whatever.
And, you know, but at what point, why is Hunter not out in front?
Where is Hunter?
That, like, these are questions I have.
Like, where is he?
What happened?
Why is he not more like, what is the deal?
Did they just put him somewhere for the election?
Like, I mean, is the guy not like Roger Clinton or Tiffany Trump, the fat daughter?
Did they just like put them somewhere?
Where is Hunter Biden right now?
Is he in One Hyde Park?
Is he next to us?
I think he's in Malibu.
Is he in the boo?
This is from The Guardian three days ago.
Hunter in the boo.
Secret Service renting mansion for over $30,000 to protect Hunter Biden.
They chose the Malibu property to be as close as possible to the president's son, report says.
Huh?
Dream dinner.
Me, you, Hunter Biden, Caitlin Jenner.
I mean, in Malibu, sunset, no boo, just beautiful with two great, with two patriots.
Four, if you count us.
So Hunter Biden's in Malibu.
But I'm trying to, like, he's a wild guy.
His brother died and he started banging his brother's wife.
Yeah.
Some of that's on her, though.
Right?
Hunter's just kind of being Hunter in that scenario.
Like, some of that has got to be on her.
What kind of woman starts banging the crackhead?
So now, they refuse, get Jen Saki up, who refuses to answer any questions about Hunter Biden.
Now, this idiot, here's what I'm, here's where I'm having the trouble with all this.
You got this guy.
He brings his laptop in for a repair.
And Delaware.
Why?
What kind of crack is he on?
And I've said this before on the show, where he's like, doesn't he have access to, like, why is he bringing his lap?
Doesn't he have a guy?
You would think, right?
Why is he bringing?
What is he going to the geek squad?
What is he doing?
He's getting 10 mil a year to set up investment bankers in China.
Why is he, I'm confused, but I guess he's smoking crack.
So all of the holes in the Hunter Biden story go back to the fact that he's smoking krill, which is a nickname for crack from the old days when I was out there misbehaving.
Never like Hunter, but it wasn't great.
I got Jensaki here.
You want to hear her?
Yeah, because they refuse to even.
They pretend like this guy's not alive.
They act like Hunter Biden doesn't exist.
A lot of stories about Hunter Biden servicing this week.
So to ensure the independence of the investigation, would the president support the appointment of a special counsel?
Well, first, the president has never had a conversation with the Department of Justice about any investigations into any member of his family.
He said that during the campaign, and he will continue to abide by that.
So I appointed the Department of Justice for any additional steps they would take.
They would make those decisions independently.
Is there any concern that they're not going to be necessarily seen as being able to make the decisions independently if the White House chief of staff is out saying that the president is confident his son did not break the law?
Well, that's something the president has said, and certainly we would echo.
But in the same answer to that question, Peter, during an interview this week on ABC, Ron Clain also said the Justice Department is independent and they will make their own decisions.
And the president has said that he never spoke to his son about his overseas business dealings.
Is that still the case?
Yes.
That's a lie.
But I don't know what Hunter did that was illegal that can be proved.
I know Hunter's done a lot of things that are illegal.
White collar, blue collar, all kinds of, you know, but I don't know what he could be proved.
Is it a campaign finance violation?
Is it because this is what they do all the time?
They make a lot of money.
They make introductions.
I'm unaware of what he.
I mean, obviously the crack and the hookers.
Right.
But then the QAnon people are going, there's human traffic, there's proof of human trafficking on his laptop, which maybe is true.
I don't know.
I don't know, but I don't know what the Justice Department is looking into.
I haven't seen that confirmed.
We're not going to see it confirmed.
I don't even think they mean CP.
I mean, I'm sure the QAnon people do, but I think they mean like trafficked hookers.
We also have to stop the idea that every hooker is human trafficked.
Can we cut it out?
Everyone with a shit job is human trafficked.
Everybody was thrown in a van and taken to Denny's without a choice.
This is how some people make a living.
So, yes, some of them may be trafficked, but some of them are just showing up to make a living.
So I just, I just don't know.
So this guy's in like hiding in Malibu, and he's not, can he make a statement?
I guess probably lawyers are advising him not to.
This is from February.
I can imagine they're advising him not to.
Yeah, so this is from February 27th.
So again, go into this now for people that are like me.
They're behind the eight ball because I don't even live in America anymore, so I don't really give a fuck.
I just want to hang out with Boris Johnson.
So now.
All right, so take us back to this entire thing with like this guy that discovered the laptop just fled to, I believe, Sweden.
It's on Drudge.
He fears retaliation from the White House.
Supposedly, he's downloading thousands of images off the Hunter Biden laptop.
And was this a guy that he brought it to originally?
You know, this guy has fled the country, which I get because he doesn't want, you know, he doesn't want the old Michael Hastings treatment.
Here from the Daily Mail, whistleblower who handed Hunter's abandoned laptop to Congressman, DailyMail.com reveals he has 450 gigabytes of deleted material, including 80,000 images and videos, and has fled to Switzerland, okay, fearing retaliation from the White House.
Who has 80,000 images?
That's crazy.
On their laptop, right?
There's something here, folks.
And 120,000 emails.
That's insane.
There's something here, folks.
I don't know what it is, but I'm coming at this in a non-ideological way.
I'm just look, if any of this is true, 120,000 archived emails.
Well, the emails are not as much of a thing for me.
80,000 images?
That does make you think there's something wrong.
You know what I mean?
Right.
That he's paying for large transfers of images to have on his laptop.
Like, he clearly didn't take them.
So then who knows what it was?
But let me take you to the bottom.
Don't you understand when you got rid of Jeffrey and Ghislaine?
This is what happens.
You have crackheads running the show now.
Let's be very honest about it.
Look at where Jeffrey and Ghislaine lived.
Ghislaine came from England.
Look, it's not right.
We know it's not right.
Okay.
But if you're going to run a global human trafficking ring, do you want Ghislaine Maxwell, who spent her life mixing with royals, knows which fork to use with a salad, wears probably vintage cavalier, I'm guessing.
Doesn't look great anymore.
The hair, she kind of looked like a wet dog sometimes.
Did the best she could with what she had.
She's not a great beauty.
It's the UK.
It's not Brazil.
The women are what they are.
But the point is, do you want her and Epstein, a little egg penis Brooklyn math teacher?
Do you want them?
Or do you want this guy smoking rock in Malibu whose father's got dementia, fucking his dead brother's wife?
Do you see what I mean?
It's a terribly unpopular point I'm making, and it's hard to make.
But it involves the realities of the world.
Ooh, I saw a light go on in One Hyde Park.
Go on, go back into this.
Where is this man from Switzerland?
And let's get him on the program.
Okay, so let's see here.
So his name is Jack Maxie.
Can we, if we release the special enclipse, can we release 5,000 Hunter Biden images with every comedy clip I release?
Can we make a deal with him?
Get our fat agent on the phone.
Say that we're going to do a drop.
Every Monday, it's going to be a comedy drop with 15,000 images from Hunter Biden's laptop.
Can't we?
Yeah, it's like an NFT, right?
Yeah, maybe.
Bitcoin conferences this weekend.
We didn't go.
We're in London.
Don't live in America.
We're not going to some big convention center.
Okay, so he gave Daily Mail.
They wouldn't pay us what we wanted, but go on.
He gave a copy of the hard drive from Hunter's Abandoned Laptop in the spring of 2021.
He also gave copies and material from it to the Washington Post, New York Times, and Senator Chuck Grassley.
Well, that fell on deaf ears.
They had no interest.
The New York Times is like, delete.
He claims they all sat on it for months.
For the past two weeks, and this is from February 27th, Maxie has been hiding in Zurich, working with IT experts to dig out more data from the laptop from hell.
He's a former co-host of The Laptop from Hell.
What a great book.
And now, ABC's movie of the week, The Laptop from Hell.
This guy looks like a class act.
Well, he's a co-host of ex-Donald Trump advisor Steve Bannon's podcast, The War Room.
Is this who Whitney Webb is trying to set me up with?
Oh, is it?
I don't know.
If it is, then we'll get him on the show.
This is his name, Maxie.
His name's Max.
I don't know.
Listen.
Well, here's the problem.
There's no problem killing us.
Maybe that's why this guy goes, he goes, if I'm going to go on a show, I'll go on this thing.
They'll kill them.
Steve Bannon probably told him, kill these fucks.
Steve Bannon's like, don't get me killed.
Get a younger version of me killed.
And I don't agree with Steve Bannon on a lot of what he says.
And my skin looks great sometimes.
But the point is that if this is who she's trying to set us up with, we'll have this guy on.
We'll go to Switzerland tomorrow.
Can you message her and ask her, is it this guy?
Because we will interview, tell her, go, is it this guy?
We will go to Switzerland tomorrow and interview this guy.
I will go to Switzerland tomorrow and we will interview this guy later in the week.
If this is what I think it is.
But if it's not, I mean, I don't want some hack on here, but if it's this guy, I'm not trying to get killed either, but I mean, at least let's get killed over something.
80,000 images.
Jesus Christ.
I've got like 40 images on my phone, and 15 of them are of scones.
Was this guy a former White House staffer for Trump?
Is he?
I don't know, Ben.
You're the one who does the research.
I'm the comic genius and the cultural commentator.
You're the back office.
I'm wondering if it's not this guy.
I don't think it is this guy.
We also tried to get J.K. Rowling.
We wanted to go to Edinburgh and have J.K. Rowling come out with the figures of the man and the woman with the stick.
What's that?
The pointer?
And we wanted to do a thing with her where she'd point to the genitals, the whole thing.
I wanted to interview her as Hagrid and where she would make great points, but I would interview her as her creation, Hagrid, the groundskeeper from Harry Potter.
And she would make points about biological essentialism in terms of gender.
And I would sit there as Hagrid and probably agree with a lot of it.
But we tried to get J.K. Rowling.
And I mean, that bitch, I can't even message her.
I can't even get Tulsi Gabbard on.
Again, the Nell kids, who I love, but they have Trump.
They have fucking, they got Caitlin Jenner on.
I can't get Tulsi Gabbard on, and I fucking offered to do the interview in Moscow.
It should hit hard, folks.
It should hit real hard.
Now, what's this man's name, this guy from Switzerland?
Oh, he's not from Switzerland, but he's hiding in Switzerland.
So he's got 80,000 images from this laptop.
So he has spent the last few months just jerking off.
I mean, I guess.
He says there's images of drug trafficking, prostitution, and criminal activity.
Okay, well, we know that.
And he's going to make it all public, is what he says.
Is that a crime after the fact?
Like, it might be.
Can he be charged if a photo comes out with you smoking crack with a prostitute, Ben?
And I pray every day it does.
If a photo comes out, can they charge you with a crime?
I think so, but Jack said that the FBI never filed Hunter Biden's laptop into evidence.
Jack.
Jack Maxie.
Oh.
So he said the FBI just, you know, ignored it.
Like, you know, you see time and time again where something's, they go to the FBI, they give them a bunch of evidence.
I don't know.
I have a good amount of faith in the FBI, and they really seem to follow up on everything.
I mean, from my experience, they do.
I mean, what is the FBI not followed up on?
I mean, they're just, they just get it done.
So here's the order.
Here's the handoff.
The only thing the FBI doesn't follow up on is the thing, is the crimes that the FBI themselves have initiated and curated, which is the vast majority of things they're investigating.
FBI Evidence Handoff Order00:11:28
Okay, so in 2019, the laptop was abandoned at the Delaware computer store.
The owner, his name is John Mack Isaac.
He gave a copy to Trump's lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who then passed it on to Maxi.
So then he says, I came here so that we could do a forensic examination of Hunter's laptop safely in a country that still respects human liberty and the ideals of liberal democratic principles.
And great chocolate.
He said, I do not believe this would have been possible inside the United States.
We had numerous attempts on us from trying to do things like this there.
Maxi said that after contacting Daily Mail about the laptop last year, black suburban SUVs appeared outside his house and former U.S. intelligence officer.
He was trying to protect him.
Oh, maybe, yeah.
That's probably what was happening.
They're probably trying to protect him.
He said he kept receiving strange calls and former U.S. intelligence officers, friends he shared copies with told him that they received strange calls.
I showed this to a friend of mine in desperation in February 2021 because nobody would listen to me.
No news organizations would take it.
In fact, the very first major news organization to take it was Daily Mail.
Very dear friends of mine, the sharp tip of the spear, were making welfare calls to me every day, basically to see if I was still alive.
Maxie claimed one former intelligence agency, senior staffer, told him soon after he received the hard drive in 2020, if you don't release enough of this so that they know you can release all of it, I'm telling you, brother, you're a dead man.
Maxie took their advice in October 2020 and posted batches of emails and other files from the laptop on file sharing sites.
But after an hour, the links were taken down.
Maxi says he believes the U.S. government was hunting down files from the laptop, posted online, and flagged them to the companies.
There were five drop boxes, two in the U.S., one in New Zealand, two in the UK.
You know what's the most disturbing thing about this whole story?
Because Biden has like dementia and Alzheimer's.
Like they have to keep explaining to him what's happening.
All right, so sit down.
Let's go over this again.
Your son is on crack.
Bo?
No, Bo's dead.
Hunter?
Yes.
Hunter's on crack.
He's fucking hookers, and he's got a lot of shady deals in the Ukraine.
And they've got to probably do that three or four times a week with him.
So this is a full-scale kind of all-out war to prevent what's ever on this laptop getting out because best case is really embarrassing.
But I think worst case, it proves there's some criminal activity.
So now I'm getting it.
It's coming together more.
And the bigger thing is what Trump tried to make issue out of Hunter Biden's dealings with Ukraine, Russia, and China, which included high-paid consultancies and gifts and allegations that as VP, Joe Biden had shaped American foreign policy in Ukraine to benefit his son.
Well, that's a little bit of a stretch because the foreign policy in the Ukraine has always been designed to benefit the United States of America, which is a country that is based on fraud and deception and lies.
And so, I mean, I'm sure what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
You know, it's like, yeah.
I mean, Hunter's not the only businessman running over there smoking crack with hookers, you know, putting his fucking beak in the trough.
You know, not that, by the way, it's completely inappropriate when your father's the vice president, but it's not like American policy isn't that anyway.
Like, I'm sure America's goal is not out there to spread democracy.
America's goal is to be out there to get, you know, willing trading partners and trade routes and control of ports and, you know, all kinds of things.
And, you know, they want economic, you have economic interests in all of these countries.
So, yeah, I have no doubt.
That doesn't mean it's good that, you know, Putin's over there in Buka making soup out of people.
But for sure, let's be honest about what America's interest in the Ukraine is.
We didn't give a fuck about the Ukraine.
America's interest in the Ukraine is a financial and geopolitical strategy, like every country, just like Russia's interest, just like China's interest.
But what's interesting about this laptop is all of this came out because a crackhead abandoned a laptop in Della.
Why would you even have a laptop fixed?
It's just such a, I mean, people got to look at Hunter and be like, what the fuck?
I mean, Jill seems pretty with it.
It's her son, right?
You wonder if she calls him and goes, you know, you're a real disgrace.
I mean, this is black sheep in a family.
The literal term black sheep is to abandon a laptop with 80,000 images of you smoking crack and punching hookers and then 120,000 emails of shady business dealings in China and the Ukraine while your father is running for president.
Oh, his mom died in a car accident, by the way.
It wasn't Jill.
Just correcting.
Oh, okay.
Well, this is maybe why he's using the crack, right?
I mean, there's problems there.
The Biden family has problems.
Maybe he was disturbed by the fact that his father kept referring to the inner cities as jungles.
Maybe that made him start.
Maybe that made him start experimenting with out-of-mind experiences.
So Jen Saki, who, by the way, has the energy of a woman scorned, right?
Like every time you see her, she's just the energy of a woman who was told like an hour earlier.
Like she has the energy of a woman who finds a text from her husband's lover on her phone and it's a man or something, you know?
Like she is just, I mean, God.
And supposedly she's leaving, right?
She's going to MSNBC because they're going to pay her a lot of money.
That's what I heard, that Jensaki is leaving.
But they're just, they're pretending this doesn't exist, but this is going to kind of be.
Yes, MSNBC.
The only way this doesn't get bigger is if this implicates some Republicans, too.
I don't know.
You know, I mean, it would shock me if it did because, I mean, they're an honest, upstanding crew.
But, I mean, perhaps there's some bipartisan shenanigans.
You know, is he the only picture on there with the hookers and the blow?
It's so weird to me to take that many photos when you have that many photos on your own fucking laptop.
God, are you an idiot?
God, are you an idiot?
It seems to me, could it be possible he's being blackmailed?
There's some level of blackmail.
They're emailing him these photos.
I don't know.
I don't think so.
No, I mean, he was supposedly, so not only does he have a child with London Roberts, with now who's London Robert?
So he has a three-year-old unacknowledged child, supposedly.
On top of all of this, he's not a good father?
I mean, now I'm starting to question his character.
She's a stripper.
I am really, really losing my faith in America right now.
Hunter Biden has a child that he refuses to acknowledge with someone named London Robert.
And with the first name of London, she is shockingly a stripper.
Is this child trans because I want to spend four hours talking about that and only that?
Where is London Roberts at?
Can we get her on the show?
Probably.
He also stayed with a woman named Zoe Keston, who's like a lingerie and textile designer.
Spent five hours giving testimony on Biden's spending, where he would stay at the Chateau Mermont in Los Angeles, where in 2018 he was preoccupied with cooking crack cocaine.
Hard not to like him.
You know, I mean, to be honest with you, like he stays at really cool places.
You know, it's hard for me to judge a substance abuser.
As long as all the women were of age that he was choking, you know, and as long as it was consensual BDSM, it's hard to get mad at a guy who's just trying to get his beak wet in the Ukraine and smoke a little krill with a few ladies.
But again, it's not right if his father is making policy that's at all influenced by his son.
But I don't, I mean, that seems like a weird thing, but not impossible.
But again, I think the policy is just like, yeah, we want to pillage the Ukraine.
Like, we just want to.
So Hunter's just like, let's send Hunter's like the Marines.
You just send him in first.
Let's send Hunter in.
Let's see what happens.
He'll find out where all the good brothels are.
He'll figure out where you can score, you know.
And then we'll get the rest of the fucking ugly Americans, great Ben Mesenrick book.
We'll get the rest of them over there to do the same thing.
But where are we at now?
I mean, he's not been charged with anything.
We have this guy in Switzerland going, I'm going to release photos of the laptop.
And they're looking into whether Hunter Biden correctly met tax obligations during a period in which, by his own telling, he was being paid $50,000 a month by Ukrainian firm Burisma or Biden's financial ties to foreign figures and businesses while his father served as Barack Obama's number two.
So they're also looking into the tax thing.
But obviously, people say illegal lobbying was also an issue that shadowed Trump throughout his presidency.
There are people right now that are worrying about what your kids learn in school, which is something you should worry about.
But don't you see what your kids end up doing to you in the long run?
Don't you get it?
You're worried about what your kids are learning in school, but let me tell you right now, it's only a matter of time before they're smoking crack in Hong Kong, fucking you all up.
Or Shanghai, whatever, Keeve.
Don't you understand that?
It comes back to bite you.
Stop with the helicopter parenting.
They need to learn responsibility.
And if they cut their dick off and they don't want it and they want their dick back, well, that's a big oops.
I'm against that, by the way.
I'm against them cutting their dicks off.
I'm thrown by this whole Hunter Biden thing.
I think there's something there.
80,000 images is very weird.
It's very strange.
Regardless, the federal tax probe is moving forward.
A federal grand jury has heard testimony in recent months about income and payments he received while serving on the Ukraine Energy Company board.
Well, we'll leave it there because we just don't have that much more info, but I'm sure that we'll be getting more info.
I'd love to interview this guy in Switzerland.
He's not going to grant an interview to me.
We could really get involved with the trash British press here.
Like if we stayed here and lived here, we could do something with the Daily Mail, kind of real, you know, this could really be, we could really carve out an identity.
Irish Accent Attraction Debate00:05:42
What do you think?
You've only been in the country for a few days, but what are your impressions of it?
What do you think?
I love Dublin.
I met a guy there that was really awesome, and I'll see him again.
You know, Dublin was a really cool place.
You know, I connected to it as an Irish person.
But this is kind of, whereas Dublin is my heritage, this is your heritage because I explained to you, I'm ethnic.
I'm Irish.
My grandparents came off the boat.
They had Gaelic sayings on the wall.
The parties that were singing and fighting.
There's grudges.
And it's Irish.
It's Irish Catholic, repressed things.
But you were really a wasp, and this is your heritage.
Just kind of quiet people, golf, somewhat dull, autistic, eccentric to a degree, you know, Seville Row suits, you know, leather boots, cardigan.
Like, this is where you kind of come from.
Horse, you know, horses, gray, oceanic climate, a little humid and windy, cold, water.
Like, there's something about this area that very much is your heritage.
Do you connect to this area kind of the way I connected to Ireland when I saw a lot of people that, you know, were drunk and political reactionaries, you know, wandering around the park?
Do you connect at all to the UK is kind of a very dry, dull, you know, you know, but in a really good way, right?
It's like London's the financial capital of the world.
It's like a big, it's a big bank.
It's nice.
People aren't screaming and yelling.
It's very civilized.
No, it's very, I mean, Ray Cummin made a great point.
I said, we don't live in a civilized country in America.
You just don't.
We don't.
The people here are so.
Marjorie Taylor Greene is threatening Jimmy Kimmel.
She said her husband will beat him up.
She went to the cops because she said, he said, where's Will Smith when you need her?
She goes, he's threatening to kill me.
Again, it's just not a civilized country.
People are attacking each other at the Academy Award.
It's just not, it's a grow-esque.
It's a fun house.
It's a circus.
And I don't live there anymore.
So I don't really judge it.
I just, I live at One Hyde Park.
But do you connect to this?
Do you connect to this area?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
These are my, I guess you're not supposed to say these are my people, but like the clotted, I like the tea.
I like the clotted cream.
I like that people dress nice.
I like that it's quiet.
The clothing cream is great.
I thought it was butter.
It was so good.
People love golf over here, and nobody's walking around with political statements on their shirts.
People smell very nice.
They have good hygiene.
I mean, what's there not to love about it?
No one's screaming.
I love that no one's screaming.
Nobody's screaming.
Everybody has is is just everybody's calm now Ireland there's a little more fire They're still talking about the reunification of Ireland.
I mean they'll never stop with that But the guy that I met he had an Irish accent and there's there's something very attractive about an Irish act don't you don't you agree about an Irish accent?
Yeah, don't you think it's very attractive?
It's a it's the most musical accent where their voice is like an instrument they're kind of playing there's something attractive about that particular accent, you know that I think I think that's universally I think is universally believed for straight guys.
I think it's the Latin accent and maybe maybe it's I maybe Irish makes sense too, I guess.
Straight guys, it's the Latin accent.
I think so, right?
I don't, you tell me.
Like, because it's the silver-tongued lady who gets you to take your ring off.
You know, she's a silver-tongued devil and she's sort of sliding here and there with the drinks.
You're saying Latin people are devils?
No, that's not what I'm saying.
No, no, no, no.
I'm missing.
They're tempting you.
I'm not saying they're devils.
Well, I guess I kind of am if you think about it, the way I'm saying that.
Latin women are trying to take your money.
I think they sort of fit in the role of the siren a little bit more.
What about a Jew broad Long Island accent?
Like Susie Esmond?
Doesn't that make you want to just come?
Doesn't that, isn't that attractive?
No, but on a guy, I think a dude, on a guy, an Irish accent is very attractive.
But you're right.
On a woman, it's probably less attractive.
Yeah, I just watched an Irish film starring a woman.
An Irish woman, just like having babies and like, you know, just on the street and being like, oh, father, we don't have the money.
They all play changelings in films where they're like demons and stuff.
It's very scary.
Yeah, well, in real life, they don't change nearly enough.
But no, an Irish dude like that, that accent on a guy is very attractive.
Red Nobu Story Confusion00:07:12
But, you know, perhaps, I don't know, perhaps.
And I didn't mind, like, the uncircumcised penis, I think, is fine.
It's not a big adjustment.
It's not a huge adjustment to make.
I thought it'd be more of an adjustment.
What do you think about the uncircumcised penis?
Isn't it?
I've always heard that they have more nerves in their penis.
You have to ask.
I don't know.
That's what I've heard.
So then you're more likely to come quicker.
So you're not as good in bed typically if you have the skin.
Well, I think most people that I have sex with are on medication.
So I don't think nobody's coming immediately.
You know, you have to put work in.
Everyone now that's under 25 is, you know, it's, you know, everybody's on something.
Like, I should get on something.
Like, I should get on.
I come too quickly because I'm not on the pill.
I should be on a pill.
You know?
Maybe I should go to the doctor and go, can I get on a pill?
Because I want to come later.
Because everybody now is just coming later and they're happier during the day.
So they're happier during the day, not filled with fear and hatred during the day.
And then they come, you know, after a while.
Maybe, you know?
And some people just not at all.
I don't know.
Some people just don't come anymore.
Some people go off their SSRIs so they can jack off more and they end up like having to go to like mental hospitals and stuff because they're like they're tired of not being able to get their dick up anymore.
So they go off the meds so they can get back into jacking off.
They miss jacking off and then they go crazy.
It's pretty wild.
What corner of the internet do you just spend most of your time on?
The show in New Orleans is canceled.
No one bought tickets.
Sorry, Robert Pattinson.
Supposedly he was going to come.
I think I heard from Dasha on Red Scare.
What does he do again?
Have you seen Good Time, the Safety Brothers movie?
Has he seen an actor?
Yeah.
He's in Batman, the Batman.
I can't be involved.
I don't know what goes on.
And, you know, American culture to me is so uninteresting that I just don't really.
But I imagine that.
I imagine some people will see that film and enjoy it.
But I feel bad because him and I, I think him and the Suki Waterhouse party, you know, his, you know, they were going to maybe come to that show, I heard, but maybe that's not true.
But I feel bad, but nobody bought tickets.
So we got to cut it loose.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what happened.
But every other show is going.
I mean, we've sold like 300 tickets.
The theater's got like, you know, what are we doing here?
I thought there'd be more, but, you know, everybody in that city is just drunk.
So anyway, sorry, but every other show is going off as planned.
And then we're in Australia.
We're adding shows in Sydney and Melbourne.
I think at Brisbane, and we're going to rock out.
And then the tour's over.
And then we'll figure out, are we going to drop this thing as an hour?
Are we going to drop it in clips?
We don't care about your opinion.
But it might be more fun to just drop it in like five-minute sections once a week.
I don't know.
Because it's an hour.
Does anyone watch?
An hour.
Who's this, Ben?
You love golf.
That's a Jordan speech.
He's going through a pretty big swing change.
He's going through puberty.
No, he won a lot when he was younger and he swears.
No big golfers listen to this show, right?
They're kind of too dumb to really appreciate my sense of humor.
They're just big retards, aren't they?
Well, you always raise kids and they're mean.
They just drink and they don't like questioning things, right?
So a show like this, they wouldn't like.
They just like Jesus and booze.
Yeah, I think you have to kind of live on the surface of life to be a successful golfer.
You can't.
Yeah, you can't.
You can't.
Any type of athlete thinking is a detriment to athletics.
And I've said that multiple times to the ire of many people who think they're athletes and aren't.
But I think for most good athletes, being too introspective is a massive problem.
Just like if you are killing it in a lot of businesses, I'm in one of the rare businesses where you're paid to kind of think, but usually you just learn an algorithm and run an algorithm over and over again.
If you're a big finance, you know, there's nobody sitting in the London Financial District right now that's really killing it, who's sitting there.
It's like, yeah, but what does it all mean?
You know, they're just doing what they have to do, right?
So I think with athletes, it's kind of the same thing.
But we have, you know, big people that listen to the show, and I just wonder if any of these golfers do.
If you're a big golfer, let us know that you listen to the show because Ben loves golf, and it would be nice to find out that there's a fan, you know?
I feel like maybe Phil Mickelson does because he's the only one that kind of has opinions on Tor and Reed's books.
Yeah, but I bet he doesn't.
But who's the...
Well, he defended Saudis a couple weeks ago.
Who's the Japanese guy that's killing it?
Nobu?
Hidiki Matsuyama or Sung Jae M?
He's South Korean.
Are you talking about Japanese or South Korean?
That's Colin Warakawa.
He's American.
He grew up in Glendale.
Listen, you know what I'm saying?
My point is Nobu.
Nobu Matsuhusha.
Who's Hidiki Matsuyama was the first Japanese callfer to win the Masters.
Now he's like the president of Japan.
He'll never pay for a meal the rest of his life.
Good for him.
Yeah.
How great is it that if this is true, Robert Pattinson's ticket is going to be refunded?
That's kind of funny.
It's hilarious.
I don't even know if it's just probably not true.
He probably has no idea who I am.
But the point is, if it is true, it's hilarious that he's going to get an email saying there is no show.
And I am sorry if you're a fan of me in New Orleans.
I don't know what to tell you.
We just can't do a show for nobody.
It just doesn't work.
So God bless.
You know, I overestimated my draw there.
We're going to say it's a scheduling conflict, but that's a lie.
I'm being honest with you because I'm always honest.
And that's why I'm telling you right now, I'm no longer living in the United States.
I've left the United States of America.
What tea did we have today?
We had two T's.
Oh, yeah.
Ru Boy, Rory Boy T, which is R-O-O-I-T.
South Africa.
I hate that accent.
It's a red bush.
Yeah, don't like the accent.
Now, what about...
I have it pulled up already.
This is, and I want you to tell everybody about it.
Tell them the story.
It's called Dae Hong Pao, which is the big red robe.
Dae Hong Pao.
Can I tell the story behind the tea?
I want you to tell the story.
So supposedly there was like an emperor in China that was sick, and he was walking along, and he met a farmer who gave him this tea.
And when he drank the tea, all of his medical conditions lifted and he became well again.
And so he gave the farmer his big red robe.
So this is called the, and it had leathery nose.
But I read the full version of the story.
Later on, his son abandoned a laptop.
And even though he felt better, 80,000 images of his son smoking crack and punching hookers started to float to the surface of the internet.