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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Tour Bus Life in NYC00:15:13
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan Show.
We have an audio-only episode for you.
We're going to be doing video episodes on Mondays from now on that are going to be released Mondays, 9 p.m.
This one's a little late.
You know, this is a big week on our tour here.
I'm in New York City doing a show at the Beacon Theater.
We're coming from DC.
We've been living on a tour bus.
But we have a new studio being built in Los Angeles, California.
So we're here with Ray, and Ray has come over to the hotel and he's brought his equipment.
Hello.
Thank you for having me.
Yeah.
Well, it was a necessary thing to have you.
What?
Because of the equipment?
Well, that's part of it.
That seems, I mean, I feel like people like me.
Well, you insulted my hat.
It's not a great hat.
You insulted me.
Look, I see a hat.
Now, you wear hats sometimes now.
People see you in the videos wearing hats occasionally with your sunglasses.
I wear them frequently.
They're good hats.
This is you.
You have his hat.
It's got an old school mesh hat, but it's not even like a trucker hat.
It's the kind of hat you buy at a gift shop of a golf course when you get to a golf course and you go, oh, I forgot my hat.
I'm afraid of getting like leopard spots on my head.
Let me get a hat.
Right.
And then you're flaunting it to me.
I say, oh, what's up with the hat?
And you go, what do you mean?
Well, I'm not flaunting it.
You came in and immediately started attacking me.
Well, you said, this is a cool hat.
I'm like, well, look, it was a gift.
It's a nice gift.
Someone gave it.
Someone gave it.
I'm just saying it's fine.
It's a gift.
All I said originally was like, oh, yeah, that makes sense because it's not the kind of hat I think you would wear.
Are you, are you, do you, are you acting the way you're acting now, like on a pedestal because you're going to teach a class at the University of Austin?
Do you know what the University of Austin is?
I've heard of it.
Yeah.
Barry Weiss's new online school.
Is she running it?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wow.
No, I saw it on Twitter.
It's all like the people that have been canceled from the institutions of higher learning.
Right.
It's like Lex Friedman and Tekkosinski.
The Weinsteins and Barry.
And some of the people.
The Weinsteins are involved.
Oh, I mean, come on.
Nuts.
Some of the people at the University of Austin like me.
Many do not.
I was not approached about the University of Austin.
What would you have liked to have taught?
Well, here's the thing.
All the people that I hate hate the University of Austin.
But what's great about me is I'm like kind of an ally of no one, really.
Right.
They don't really want me involved in that either.
If they offered you one of those honorary degrees, would you show up to accept?
I want a fellowship.
What is a fellowship?
I don't know.
That's why I want it.
I don't know, but I want more than an honorary degree.
I want to be able to teach a class.
Oh, so you want to be a student?
I believe we can get, we can kind of apply to be students or to be professors?
To be students at the University of Austin.
I'm sure we could.
Yeah, I don't think they're going to turn our money away.
I wait.
What do you mean?
By the way, it didn't even dawn on me that there would be money exchange.
Like, I didn't even think about the idea that there would be like financial.
I mean, this is in case anyone doesn't.
All I saw on Twitter was people sharing like screen caps, going like, no, we don't have accreditation.
We don't have like, we don't actually offer degrees per se.
Well, here's where I will say the university system is countries is insane.
Sure.
The amount of money it costs to go to school, how useless a lot of these degrees are.
And I've talked, you know, all, you know, ad nauseum about how corrupt these institutions are in terms of like the teachers raising their own salaries, administrators raising their own salaries, professors, people making a lot of money.
They're in league with the government guaranteeing these loans, kids putting themselves in an insane amount of debt.
And a lot of these schools, not all of them, but a lot of them, everything is pretty one-sided politically.
That's pretty true.
Sure.
I mean, the way I see it off the top of my head seems to be like saying like, hey, the EPA is not great at making sure your water's not poisoned.
So just buy some poison water from us.
I don't think...
Like, it's like, oh, like, these degrees are useless.
So, like, they're no better than us.
It's not an argument to buy your degree.
Yeah, I don't think the University of Austin, I don't think it's for people that want degrees where they can actually work.
I think it's just people that go, we want to pursue truth.
It's Skank Fest for Brett Weinstein.
It's perhaps that.
It is.
But it's like people that are going, I want it.
It's the dedicated, the mission statement seems to be, it's dedicated to the fearless pursuit of truth.
That's the mission statement.
Veritas.
So now, I think it's all online.
Can you get your phone or my phone?
We got to look this up because I hate the woke universities, which we're not even supposed to say woke anymore.
What do you mean, why?
Well, we're not supposed to say them.
Say the word woke because we're not allowed to say anything anymore.
What do you mean?
Why?
Because today they just came out with the decree.
You know, one of the chicks from the view is like, you can't say woke anymore because it's a dog whistle or whatever.
Who knows?
Woke that dog whistle.
It's just like a five.
Everything is a dog whistle to these people.
So we, but I'm saying I'm no friend of the blue-haired gender studies.
Well, that's more of a dog whistle.
What?
The blue hair?
I think blue hair is more of a dog whistle than woke.
What is blue-haired dog whistling?
You know, it's just like that kind of, like, you know, gender fluent.
I'm honest.
I hate them.
Sure, but I think they're dumb.
I think woke is the most like several ways.
I don't care if they both.
That's fine.
I'm just saying I'm no friend to these people.
Sure.
And I kind of support the University of Austin, but it is seemingly a little absurd.
What happened to America that I got picked between like two groups of hucksters?
But that's always been America.
I mean, it's always been America.
What do you think?
What do you want me to look up here?
We got your phone there.
The University of Austin.
Okay.
This is why the show doesn't work without a producer.
I want to know how to get in and if we're allowed to get in and what we can do.
Okay.
What starts here changes the world.
Now, let me ask you a question.
Should we get into the University of Austin and then start problems immediately?
Oh, yeah.
And like start claiming that we are non-binary and we were like sexually assaulted.
Oh, you mean like as students, we started saying like Heather Hire raped us?
Well, maybe not her because I don't know how believable that is.
Brett Weinstein?
I don't know.
Who?
Barry Weiss?
I don't know.
I just, I think that you got to start poking around with not outright rape accusations, but just little by little.
I was misgendered.
Well, like little by little, just you play the game a little bit.
Just play the game.
I had a microaggression done upon me.
Well, they're not playing that game over there.
So it's going to have to be the other side.
What do you mean?
We're going to have to start accusing people of being gay.
Oh.
This is what I mean.
Like the other side.
Right.
We're going to have to start accusing people at the University of Austin of like trying to invite us to secret trans parties.
Okay.
Like they're self-hating trans people and they're having these trans parties and they're inviting us to them so they can sexually assault us.
What if I start slut shaming?
Is that like a viable path?
No, you're going the other way.
Like University of Austin is going to be okay with all that.
Do you understand what I mean?
You got to go either way.
Conservatives are a weird thing because sometimes they like it when people fuck, but then, you know, also you call them sluts.
We could start.
You call them pig whores.
Yeah, we could start doing, we could start accusing people of being in a massage.
Okay.
You know what?
Go down that road.
Go down that road.
Yeah, you killed Diana.
We could start getting the race shit really crazy.
We could go like...
Is there going to be a lot of racial diversity on the campus?
Well, I mean, like, we could start pushing it into hard right where they're uncomfortable.
Like, to just shape a skull stuff.
Yeah.
You can start pushing it there.
Right.
Just see how far they'll go.
Hey.
How big is your lie?
Gerbils.
What?
How big is your...
You got the big lie?
I was trying to do a Goebbels reference.
Okay.
Do that on your own.
Hard right.
It's a hard lie.
It's usually hard right.
Do that on the show that gets 3,000 listens, please.
Five to eight.
Okay.
Tell us how we can get in here.
Okay.
Admissions and aid.
Undergraduate admissions.
Let's see.
Welcome to Longhoard Nation.
What is that?
No, this is not it.
You're on the real one.
Hey, you're on the.
Ray.
There's a real Texas A ⁇ M, like university, or like maybe it's not Texas A ⁇ M. There's a university in Austin.
We're not talking about it.
The University of Texas at Austin.
Right.
We don't mean that.
Get on Twitter.
Go to Twitter to the University of Austin.
On the Twitter, okay.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying to get into Barry Weiss's college.
It's the University of Austin.
With Lex Friedman and Andrew Sullivan's on it.
There's other people.
Let's go to Barry Weiss first and then.
Yeah.
There's a Twitter dedicated to this new college.
Is Barry Weiss off Twitter?
What the fuck is going on here?
Did she block you because you're fat?
Maybe.
The official Twitter kind of 57,000 followers.
That makes sense.
Is this Barry Weiss?
Look, I don't know what you...
What are you talking about?
This is a guy, and this is Barry Weiss.
No, dude.
I'm joking.
I'm trying to find out.
I mean, what are you not following?
I don't follow Barry Weiss.
What are you talking about?
Why wouldn't you?
What's the follow?
Why?
Because you don't agree with her?
I follow 400 people.
I'm sorry.
I should follow more people, I guess.
Okay, I have it right here.
Okay.
I have the University of Austin right here up.
Now.
I'm sorry I saw on my homepage.
But I'm trying to find out.
I'm trying to find out what's going on here.
Austin Org, at Austin Org, University of Austin.
It's been followed by 10,000 people already.
Here it is.
Ready?
We're done waiting for America's universities to fix themselves.
So we're starting a new one.
A university dedicated to the pursuit of truth.
The fearless pursuit of truth.
Niel Ferguson, Heather Hine, David Mammet, Joe Lonsdale, Steven Picker, Lex Friedman, Andrew Sullivan.
Other people.
Larry Summers.
I think a lot of people.
Doesn't Joe Lonsdale Enron?
No, he does Palantir.
Oh, okay.
What if?
What if it was just corporate criminals like Fast Out Andy, Fast Out Ken Lay's son in Parentheses um, but it's the University OF Austin, I mean Dave Portnoy yeah look, why not?
You could be the gym teacher.
It would just be a funny week to announce that he was Dave Portnoy.
Is he too toxic for them, though?
I feel like he's.
I feel like look, I don't know what happened with him, but like I feel like he's a better person.
He, I trust him more than any of these people.
I I probably do as well.
Dave Portnoy, you know Insider, you know you don't remember this kid?
Uh, that used to work.
There was a comic this kid named i'm not gonna say his name.
He used to be a comic.
He quit comedy.
Then he started working for Business Insider.
He interviewed me a few months ago yeah, for like an hour and um, the the profile never came out.
I totally forgot about it.
Then he texted me three days before the Portnoy thing came out, or like two days, and he said, listen um uh, the reason it never came out of Business Insider is they wanted me to run a hit piece on you, right that you were some like reactionary comedian.
Look, i'll say this, I don't like the way they marketed that story.
It's crazy, it was insane.
I've never seen that.
I mean, people give shit to the TIME.
Have you ever seen the Times like like like, promote a particular story, then get like pay, gate it, like it's, that's the most trashy like yeah, unrespectable way to like do anything like throw it behind the paywall to me was unconscionable.
Also, when you read the story, there was no crime committed right there.
There was no suggestion of any crime committed.
Yeah, there was no suggestion yeah, that he abused his power in the workplace.
There was no suggestion that he had an inappropriate relationship with someone that worked for him or that he had promised someone something.
It just seemed very weak.
Yeah no look, sure did not seem like it was really that.
You know, and I think we.
I didn't pay for the articles.
I didn't see it when it comes.
No, but there were screenshots.
I didn't pay for it either.
Don't imply that I paid for it.
You would have more money if you went to the University OF Austin.
I agree, Portnoy took a lot of eyeballs.
You're in the sports world more than me.
He's taken a lot of eyeballs away from people like ESPN and stuff that you know, you know probably are not happy about that.
He's an enemy of the New York media.
Uh yeah, I mean I can't say it's wrong.
I mean I yeah, it seems like that was logical.
I mean, you know uh you, you think it was like Stephen A Smith and the and some of those guys.
No, I just, I don't think it's those guys.
I think that they people don't like disruptors.
I think Portnoy's a disruptor.
I think i'm a disruptor, he's.
He's a loudmouth, he trashes, he go like, he's not afraid.
Like when Lon Musk was doing with the whole AMC thing, he was for sure he was going after Robin Hood.
He's going after this.
I mean he, he's not afraid to rattle cages, and so the idea that someone would retaliate in this I don't wouldn't surprise me.
It's the same thing as like, what we've done, and what i've done yeah, with with podcasting, it's like I don't set out to, you know, do anything other than make people laugh, but people end up getting angry and then the show's done really well.
So a lot of these New York media types hate me too because they're broke and they don't have anybody following them.
And I have all these people following what I do and I think Portnoy's in a similar position.
I mean look, it definitely seems Business Insider has done nothing to make me think it's credible that you know I, I. There's nothing like they changed the name from Business Incident to just Insider, where they're like, when did that happen recently?
Media Credibility Crisis00:10:28
They're past couple.
No, it was a couple of months ago, but they're basically like, no, we're a tabloid yeah, like Insider, We're like, we're a tabloid.
Yeah.
I mean, was Business Insider ever legit mag?
I have no idea.
At least, yeah.
The guy that started it is like a disgraced guy who's banned from trading.
Oh, really?
Portnoy's going at him on Twitter all day.
Yeah, I mean, it doesn't look Portnoy's a scrappy guy.
People want to see him fight.
They want to see him in a corner fighting.
You watch that video of him when Michael Rapperport was suing him over that shirt he made.
And then the lawyer was giving him shit.
He's just talking shit to the lawyer.
You don't give a fuck.
He doesn't care.
He's a Boston guy.
Yeah.
He's got money.
Yeah.
He doesn't give a fuck.
Why make the money if you're going to take shit from lawyers?
That's a great point.
Come on down to the University of Austin.
Will this have a physical campus?
There was some screenshot about how we don't really necessarily believe in.
Oh, no, they do want physical space.
They like the idea of it.
Yeah.
Well, you need a brick and mortar.
Yeah.
It's going to be like a next for Little Caesars.
Yeah.
No, it's going to be like an HR block.
Yeah.
I mean, you're going to need a brick and mortar.
Sure.
For tax purposes.
For sure.
No, there should be like a quad where people can hang out.
Yeah, the alley next to the little Caesars.
You're going to have to have security because Antifa is going to probably visit that campus.
I mean, look, here's the reality.
None of the people you mentioned, they all have some money.
They all have endowment money.
They don't have that.
So who's going to bankroll this?
It's a great point.
I mean, PragerU, they seem to be bankrolled by like some kind of, you know, I mean, the mega churches or whoever.
I mean, I'm not sure who.
And those are, are they even a brick and mortar situation?
Prager you?
I don't think Prager you is a real you.
But I'm saying it seems like a more legitimate set than whatever this is going to be.
Perhaps, but I don't think Dennis Prager is.
Do you think anyone's going to say I went to nobody's walking into a job interview going, hey, I went to Prague or you.
I'm sure in certain areas of the Bible Bell.
The guy who started my school is talking about how he wanted to contract COVID.
Remember that Dennis Prager was like, I wanted to get it.
I was hugging people and I finally got it.
Now I'm happy to have it.
The Lord blessed me.
Yeah.
It's a little crazy, but I'm telling you right now, it's getting, I was, I'm vaccinated.
What is your feeling on the booster?
Look, at this point, you know, I don't think they waited for the booster to kill me.
In the worst case, I understand, but like, at a certain point, it's like, I have, I have had it.
I have the antibodies.
I'm a little wary of just continuing to just put COVID in.
You know what I mean?
Look, I mean, I don't know if it was an indefinite, I totally get that logic.
And I'm not like, I don't necessarily agree with the mandates or anything like that.
Me particularly, I'm not on the cover of men's health this month.
I might go one more booster.
One more.
Just tied me over for the winter.
Yeah.
I got to think about it.
I think I have the antibodies from actually having it.
I don't want the booster.
I don't want to keep putting this in my body.
I don't know if there's any real downside to that.
Well, I don't know either.
But there isn't either.
Nobody's going to know.
Yeah.
The problem is no one's going to know.
Yeah.
I mean, there's a downside to the young people getting myocarditis whose heart's getting involved.
A lot of people get myocarditis.
What are you talking about?
That's such a Pfizer response.
Hey, hey, it's the guy in an office.
Hey, a lot of people get myocarditis.
Shut the door.
Shut the door.
Yeah, but people are losing their minds.
I mean, you know, I'm backstage getting ready to go out and do a show in D.C. Everybody had to show their vaccine cards, get in.
And then these people are coming up to me going, you got to have your mask on if you're not in the green room.
And it's like, something's going on here.
Right.
So people are going to get boosters and still keep their masks on.
So explain to me what's going on when is it just going to be mask forever and boosters forever?
Because I'm not doing that.
Right.
And I think most Americans that are rational people don't want to do that.
I think they got six months left of where I could even like pretend like.
Six months?
I'm saying of like, look, I'm not saying six months of me wearing a mask all the time.
I thought you were like, they got six boosters left.
If you can't cure me with five more boosters, including this one, listen to me.
Six boosters left.
That's it.
I'm saying this.
In six months, we're going to be where we're going to be.
It's like we're not going to fix this.
But why aren't we there now?
There was a lot of resistance.
Look, these are all narratives working out, right?
So the level.
But the cases are not high.
I don't look at case numbers.
But the problem is.
Are they not high?
They're not high.
They're like kind of high in Colorado, weirdly.
Okay.
And then they keep saying like Europe's experiencing more cases than you look at.
It's like 200.
But here's my thinking.
And I'm not saying that anyone should, you know, I'm not being skeptical, but it's like, you know, it's going to get worse in the winter.
It always does.
So like the next spring, it's going to thaw out.
It's going to get better.
And then that's kind of where we're going to be, in my opinion.
But that's what we thought last spring.
No, I was to doubt the value.
I'm not saying what's going to change.
I'm not predicting what's going to happen.
I'm saying from my perspective.
I understand, but we're two cycles of that line of thinking not working out.
Well, the first cycle was very contentious.
And then the second cycle, is it getting less contentious?
No, but look, here's the thing.
Here's the way I look at it is regardless of whether you agree with the vaccine or not, there was a legitimate reason for them to go, we need a vaccine.
We need a vaccine.
Hey, we're going to try to push this out.
We're going to try even with the desperation mandate.
Give it a shot.
See, maybe people will just take it.
Fine.
You made your play, right?
Now, it didn't work out.
It's like a movie that failed.
It's like, you know, when John Carter came out back in Disney and bombed, they didn't keep releasing the trailer for John Carter.
You know, so it's like, we're the shot.
Just keep putting the trailer.
Maybe it'll excite them again.
Now, what was John Carter?
Why did that bomb so bad?
It was based on a story called John Carter from Mars.
It was about a man who went to Mars or came from Mars.
What year was this?
2010, I think.
Yeah.
It was a real big bomb for them.
It was before they bought The Avengers, I think.
So it was, yeah.
There's part of me, though, that I'm getting a little sick of it.
And I don't think I've got six months left in me.
No, I'm saying for me.
I've always been a little more like, look, I don't think it's going to poison me.
There is a virus.
I don't think I'm not going.
So I'm just like, but I'm saying in six months, here's what I'm saying.
In six months, I'll start going out like this has got to stop.
We're like, I'm not quite there yet.
Look, because here's the thing.
A lot of people are yelling at each other.
And if you give them the benefit of the doubt, the CEC fucked, makes them fucked up, you know, calls.
Yeah.
But like, they just did their, they're dubbed.
Yeah, but that's not.
Look, I think they're doubling down on something they know doesn't work.
I don't think that's it.
I don't think they know it doesn't work.
I think it's like, look, it hasn't worked.
It fades away after a while.
But it doesn't work when you get it.
It doesn't work.
I know you got it.
But look, they keep saying the breakaway case or breakthrough cases are like rarer than like.
You know that it's wrong.
Like you, I know some people who got it, but everyone that got it has been back.
Like a lot of people got it.
A lot of people did it.
There are plenty of them.
They've switched to narrative now from breakthrough cases are rare to they're not rare.
I don't think they did that.
Yes, they did.
Really?
Yes.
I don't know.
What do you want me to do?
You want me to get pitchforked now?
I'm telling you, in six months, I get a pitchfork.
Why do I need to get a pitchfork now?
I mean, I'm trying to be the reasonable guy.
But it's not reasonable.
You're sounding like a crazy person and I'm crazy.
Maybe you're right.
I'm like, I'm not.
I'm just trying to now sound like a lunatic.
I'm saying to you, look, we'll fight the government in six months.
You want six months to just get in shape?
You're like, I need a boot.
I can't do fat rigs.
Six months.
I can't do it.
I've been doing the, on the Switch, I've been doing the dance game.
What is that?
They have like a game where you hold the Joy-Con and you just dance around, like, follow the motion.
Oh, my God.
Trying to get some action.
What is that?
Are you sitting?
No, I'm standing.
I'm moving around.
It can tell how you're moving.
It's called Just Dance.
On the Nintendo Switch.
Yeah, so I'm spinning around my apartment.
Well, that's dangerous as well.
Sure, but yeah, I mean, I'll get a little in shape a little bit.
Yeah.
And so you're just spinning around dancing.
Do you choose the music?
They have popular songs.
I was dancing to something.
It was like the weekend.
This is what you do instead of the booster.
You don't need the booster.
You need this game.
And you just dance around your apartment.
You shed the pounds.
They have the weird little hoop with a fitness switch fitness thing.
I was afraid the hoop wouldn't go around my stomach.
He just put it like a hula hoop or something.
You've always been an interesting fatalist.
You're an interesting fatalist.
Like I have all these weird, like, I'm a hypochondriac.
I'll get MRIs I don't need.
Like, I'm a weirdo like that.
You do have an interesting element of it, and I respect it and I want to be more like it.
The fatalist.
Like, what will be, will be, yeah.
I mean, I just, I just feel like things are simpler a lot of the time.
Like, yeah, look, they make a big fuss for Kennedy when they want to kill him.
Right.
And like at 9-11.
No, no, no.
I don't mean conspiracy theories.
I mean, like, with golf, you're not, you're not, you don't, you're not a guy that's like panicked about.
I mean, I should be.
Well, sure.
No, no, no.
Well, that's, I agree.
That's kind of the question.
It's like, well, but the interesting thing with you is like, you're panicking about all the wrong things, too.
You admit that.
Like, you're panicking about like, you know, a rash when you should be getting in shape.
Yes, I agree.
So it's like, yeah, I don't worry about, if I'm going to get cancer, I'm going to get cancer.
Right.
That's how I view life.
Yeah.
We're going to go to a doctor and like have him check me out.
Regret and College Paths00:15:39
Probably.
They don't.
Look, people get cancer all the time.
My mom had cancer.
She survived, but like five doctors told her she didn't have it.
And she was persistent.
That's a good point.
You know, like, I mean, I'm just.
What kind of cancer did she have?
Like ovarian.
You know, my point is, like, I'm not that.
I love just the idea of that because I've heard that story from many other people.
Yeah.
Where literally it's, it's the most demoralizing thing.
Yeah.
And you know, it's these fucks don't want to pay.
They just want them to drop dead.
Right.
And like, literally, like, people like your mother, people that I've met literally have to go and go, no, I'm telling you, I have cancer.
I'm bleeding, but you're going to bleed.
I'm telling you, it's cancer.
I Googled it myself.
It's cancer.
I did years ago.
I had like a scare or whatever because I thought my balls were lumpy.
So I went to a urologist.
First, I went to my GP and then he told me, first go get a silenogram done.
So some woman just rubbed jelly on me and started scanning my balls.
I go to the urologist.
He just grabbed my balls.
And I said, I got a silenogram done.
They didn't send me shit.
He just gripped my balls.
And he said it was just swollen glands.
But for all I know, I've had testicular cancer for 15 years and it's just growing.
Right.
And I tried.
I went and I was told I was an idiot.
He looked at me like I was a fucking moron.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
But do you know why?
Because none of these doctors were educated at the University of Austin.
That's a fair point.
Things are going to change.
They're blinded by the woke.
Things are Long Island.
Fucking that.
Should that should be the fucking teams.
Like Blind is my Woke?
Just Lex Friedman and Perry Weinz banding symbols together.
Blind Jordan Peterson, blind man, is he on board or is he an outcast?
Now, I don't think he is on board he's, look.
It's the weird thing is he's like the only one that like, he's like the star of the bunch.
He went the furthest down the crazy rabbit hole yeah, but also is still somehow the by far the most respectable.
For sure, it's like so crazy, like I mean, he went to a Moscow prison, whatever it was, like it's all well documented, but still like when Brett Weinstein's fucking, you know like shilling his, like you know anti-vax, not whatever he's doing, it's just, it's just like yeah, I mean, I'll listen to Jordan any day.
Jordan seems to be the most intellectually uh sound yeah, of that crew.
I guess Harris is a neuroscientist, but I just he was always, you know.
But there is a problem in academia right, so how do you deal with it?
Because everybody in academia has lost their mind.
Look, he's like everyone's talking about like student loan forgiveness yeah which, like i'm not gonna go and debate, I do take like the people on twitter who go like oh, I paid off my student loans.
What the like?
You know, i'm just screwed, you also you.
You got screwed, so everyone else gets screwed.
That's the worst response.
Like anything like this, you have to like you can't just like, wipe out 70 grand of someone's debt and the guy who paid it off gets fucked.
Like that's just.
It's just not.
Society can't work, especially if the people whose debt you're wiping off are actually wealthy people, whereas that guy is a blue collar guy.
Sure that that either paid his own debt back or didn't go to college and got a job as a carpenter.
That being said, so maybe you do that.
Well, I don't know, we figured that out, but what really needs to happen is to stop student loans at all.
Right, because that's it's just like health insurance, it's it.
That's what causes this, this like this uh spigot of like price going up because, like it's like, even now, everyone's aware, I mean, I guess less kids are probably going to college.
Who knows, though?
Because like, either way, it's like well, I guess i'll just when you're not, when you're 19 or 18, you'll just defer, you go look, I mean I, I excuse me, i'll be one of the lucky ones.
Well, you go by the time I get out of here, i'm gonna have a great job, probably paying back.
Everyone's telling you it's not the case.
But you're like well, these people are morons.
I mean, if you don't go to Harvard or MIT, it's like pointless, right?
Uh you, I mean, you'll get a job.
You, you'll need a college degree to work at Burger KING for some reason.
But like, these crazy jobs require college education.
But the only ones who actually make real money now are like IVY.
You know top-level Ivy League stuff.
So you just wipe out these student loans.
You got to get rid of the system that allows these universities to bilk these kids out of money.
Right, which is the Sally MAY?
Yeah it's, it's, it's an endless spigot.
That like is the only it's.
There's no incentive to like keep it competitive.
If they had to worry about what people could actually afford, they would have to keep it in And why these campuses need.
I didn't go away to school.
I would have liked to.
It seems nice.
But that being said, like, how about you just go to a state school, local, and community colleges?
Why do we need to go away?
Well, have this experience.
It's a false experience.
Dr. M. Coulter, who some people say occasionally is racist, made a point that college is just an IQ test.
So instead of your employer giving you an IQ test, they're saying, where did you go to college?
This was Ann Coulter's point the other day, and she was talking on Andrew Sullivan's thing.
And what she was basically saying is you endure the four years of college because they've outlawed the ability of an employer to give you an IQ test.
I don't know if that's true or not.
I mean, it's pretty reductive.
And no, it's not.
I mean, there might be some truth to it, but like.
But here's my overall point.
My overall point is this.
Like, ignore the specifics per se of that example.
Sure.
I do believe that there doesn't, there seems to be like there should be a way for an employer to decide if they want to employ you that doesn't involve you waving a piece of paper that says you went somewhere for four years.
And I don't know what it is.
I don't know if it's an IQ test.
I don't know what it is, but there should be some measure of your ability because that's what college is.
College is job security for people.
And you should be able to say, hey, I'm competent, smart.
I'll work hard.
I'm this, I'm that.
I think most people who go to college, it depends on what you study.
Like engineering, yeah, you need to go, right?
And science type stuff, sure.
But a lot of stuff where like you could do it with like programmers or like, you know, post-production video stuff and like and film stuff.
A lot of people like me who've done college are worse at it.
They're actually like they're not the people who have like the University of Austin College of Crypto.
Like it's one of the colleges with the University of Australia.
That's like being a doctor.
So yeah, you should go to college for that.
That's the college of crypto.
It's like NFT University.
Why don't you think, because I fully believe that if I went to college, I would have had a completely different life.
If I went away to college, it's one of the biggest regrets I have.
Well, let's be real.
We know how your 20s went.
Why don't you discount the idea that you would have just partied your way out of the first year of college?
I don't think that I would have been as influenced and as, you know, I don't think I would have started doing Coke with a bunch of mortgage guys if I was going to a liberal arts school.
Yeah, but you started doing Coke when you were 13.
Yeah, but I would do it on and off.
But like a lot of the heavy periods of time, you're doing it with other people that are doing it.
And I'm not saying that it's impossible that that would have happened, but like had I been influenced by a bunch of people that were just like, we smoke weed, we do this, we do that.
This is what we do.
We drink.
I think a college experience, I would have come out of the closet sooner.
I wouldn't be a comedian.
I wouldn't be funny.
Right.
Because I wouldn't have had to be.
I would have probably learned how to live earlier if I learned how to live.
Are you discounting all of this?
Are you saying that if you had gone away to college, you don't think you would be a different man on a different path?
I might have gotten better women earlier on.
I don't know.
Well, you've gotten some lovely women.
I have.
Look, I'm doing fine.
So I'm not complaining.
The woman that you went, that you went to the, we're not going to rehash the story, but when you went to the Flanders duck in Long Island and you brought that woman Arby's and she kept calling her roommate Carl.
Right.
And the girl, she was a girl.
Yeah.
She kept calling her female roommate.
Call the running joke they had.
I think they were off-duty prostitutes.
Right.
I think they were on duty prostitutes.
They didn't ask me for money.
They were asking for Arby's.
Yes.
Well, that's, listen.
The point is this.
You don't think that you would have had a better...
I don't know if it's better, but it would have been different.
Well, the point that I was making was I look back and go, I probably would have fucking lazied my way out of the first year of college.
Like I basically did, I went to like local community college for years and like barely went to class.
What do you mean?
You went for years.
I went to Suffolk for like a bunch of years.
I did too.
I'd go in and out of NASA.
Right.
And you didn't like it.
Why didn't you?
Well, I enjoy parts.
I remember you, look, my legal knowledge, a lot of it comes from, I have a paralegal.
The question so many people have for you is that you're so intelligent, but you never liked schooling.
It's very interesting to find someone as smart as you that never liked schooling.
Here's what it is.
I'm smart.
I know, like, I'm smart.
I know how smart I'm not.
I'm smart enough to be bored by the beginning of a class and not smart enough to not need to have paid attention to like throughout the class, right?
Like, oh, this is boring.
And I tune out.
Right.
And then like, and there are some people who like, yeah, when the test comes, like, yeah, I'm a math genius.
I'm not that guy.
I'm like, oh, I should have paid attention like two-thirds of the way through.
But it's even bigger than that because you never fell in love with it.
It's a pattern I have.
Well, you just never fell in love with the institutions of learning.
Like you.
I was very skeptical of professors.
If I didn't outright call bullshit.
It's so weird because you've made me out to be this right-wing lunatic, but like, no, I haven't.
Yes, you have.
When you say that you were skeptical of professors, why?
Because they're teaching at a community college.
Yeah, it's an archetype.
Well, I agree with you.
It's the archetype of person that would become a professor.
Right.
You know, and, you know, at a community college.
You know, look, I mean, I was always taught.
I've had some of the worst.
My dad used to say, like, those who can do and those who can't teach.
It's a hack thing, but, you know, it's like...
It's not a hack.
It's true.
Well, it's true, but I mean, I had a public, like, I mean, we had one class called, I forget what it was called.
It was called, it was like a communications class.
It was like a speech class.
Right.
And the professor's name was like Professor Guglianello.
And she was just like, he was like, she was just some Italian.
And she would come in with like, you know, those boots, those Long Island boots that like they go up to your knees and you can scrunch them down.
They're weird.
They look like witch hats, those boots.
And she would walk in every day and she'd be like, her whole thing would she'd be like, she'd be like, and if you plagiarize, I will know.
Like she would just spend like 10 minutes threatening the class about what would happen.
She would just tell stories.
She'd be like, and this girl, she plagiarized the whole thing.
And she thought I would know.
Well, I knew.
And this was the caliber of person you would get teaching at community college.
I had a high school teacher who was an English teacher, very, very fat guy.
And he used to rest his hands, his little hands on his big fat stomach.
Yeah.
And he was telling us once, because he also was like a community college teacher.
And he was telling for no reason.
I don't even know why he brought it up, but this girl tried to fail the final and she offered me sexual favors.
And I had to tell her no.
What is going on?
Why are you telling us that?
He wants other people.
Oh, yeah.
He's putting the seat.
He's putting it out there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I just, I was never excited by it.
I think part of it was my sexuality.
I felt like if I went to college, I would be forced to confront who I was instead of being able to just kind of like make a lot of money in the private world and lie my way through life, which was the plan up until I turned 25 and I so what?
Like what you realize, this is, I can't imagine, like, I don't think.
But I could have been a lot of different things.
I don't, that's not true.
I believe so.
You don't think so?
You could become different things, but this is the most raw version of you.
Perhaps.
Like, like, I could be, this is me.
I could be less fat, but I'm basically who I'm supposed to be.
That's true.
You know, it's like I'm not like, yeah, you could have, like, all the other versions would have been like false avatars or whatever.
Like, you in a business environment or you in an academic environment.
Perhaps I just like to play around with the ideas of, you know, life going another way.
Yeah.
Look, I mean, the past is the past.
And is it?
Is the past the past?
Is it?
Or is everything available at the University of Austin?
By the way, is all of this because Rogan just moved to Austin?
Why is it the University of Austin?
What is this craziness?
By the way, let's address that for a minute.
What in God's name is this?
I know Lonsdale lives there and Friedman might.
Like, what is this?
Why are we constantly jerking off Austin?
Well, Musk is also there and they're trying to get on that train.
Yes, that's kind of what it does seem like.
Musk's got a lot of money.
People are trying to...
That's a good point.
They're seeing how somehow this relates to what he's doing.
Kids who, look, I'm assuming that Tesla hires people sometimes at MIT.
Right.
RIT is also a good school.
Things like that.
Wait till Musk hires no one from the University of Austin.
Well, my point is this.
But there's going to be a class of people who don't do that well in school, high school.
They go to the parents.
Look, Tesla's, Musk is there.
You send me to the University of Austin.
I spent a couple of years networking, meeting these guys at bars, doing coke in the gas station with them.
I get a connection.
There's a lot of ways of skin this calf then.
Right, right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just play around with the idea that if I had gone to college, I would have had maybe a little bit of a different life.
You never, you never do that.
You never look back and go, what could have been?
Look, I think about it.
I don't.
What?
I'm not a regret-driven person.
No, I should.
Like, you could argue I'm the biggest candidate of, you know, why regret.
I don't believe you're the biggest candidate of regret.
Okay.
That's this crazy thing to say.
But let's for a minute speculate.
Think about an alternative life.
Yeah.
What?
Describe it.
You can visualize it.
You know, look, I applied to SUNY purchase for the film program.
Okay.
But it was hard.
I didn't realize how it was more competitive than NYU.
I didn't get into the film program.
That seems insane, but.
It was like less people.
There's less spots, you know?
But let's walk it out.
Point is, they did offer, like, you can go to a regular school.
We'll accept you into the school.
Because I had to go to an extra interview for the observatory.
And you said no.
Look, I want to do film.
Fuck you.
So I went to hopster for a year for film, which is bad, bad.
Bad move.
So your whole thing is, why don't you stay home?
The Costco Chicken Bake00:04:08
But staying home is horrible usually.
It wasn't great.
I had to have a job.
Still a good idea.
No, it wasn't great.
I think about that.
Here's why.
Let me break it down for you.
In Long Island, this is why you can't live at home.
Your parents want you to fail.
This is the reality.
Your parents in Long Island are deeply invested in creating an environment that makes it more likely that you will fail.
Truly.
I wasn't allowed to go on my dad's car insurance because that's why I did have assigned risk.
Yes.
500 a month?
That's crazy.
They want you to die and fail.
Listen, if I asked, if I asked to take like a car to the library to print something out for school, my aunt would be like, you get to get in that car and you're going to kill someone.
They're going to sue.
They're going to take the house.
They're going to like, there's just this idea that leaving your Home is essential because then your parents who've spent their entire lives just trying to destroy you knowingly or unknowingly can't affect you as much.
Right.
That's the way I look at it.
I agree.
Look, I mean, I think my parents were less, had infamy less than yours, but like.
I don't think they helped you.
They meant well.
Sure.
And I mean, I don't think they hurt.
I don't think they hurt you.
I don't think they were like, I've heard no evidence that they were hurting you, but I don't.
Overprotective in a lot of ways.
I was kept in the bubble to a certain extent.
I believed in Sanders until it was way late of an age.
I'm just saying, from what I know about your history, it could have went better.
Sure.
It could have went better.
Look, maybe I was shooting, you know, a little.
If I went away to school, I wouldn't have had to have a car and sit in traffic on the way to Hempstead every day.
That's right.
Yeah, I probably wouldn't have like, I mean, the first year of school at Hopstra, I spent a lot of time just going to the video library.
They had this weird little room with like four 13-inch TVs with the combo VCR.
I spent most of my first year of school smoking weed on the top level of the Nassau Community College.
I'm sorry, the Roosevelt Field Mall, the top level of their parking structure with a kid named Kenny and another kid named Buns.
And then we would get the Ranch 1 chicken and cheese.
Amazing.
Amazing.
Instead of going to class at Suffolk, I would go to Costco and eat the food court.
Yes.
You eat the whole food court.
I don't know what chicken bake is a pizza.
This is what I mean about those are our comfort zones.
Yeah.
That was your cover.
Costco was your comfort zone.
That's where you were home.
Right.
You felt like you were home when you ate that chicken bake.
When you walked into Costco without a family, without anyone to feed, without any type of list of groceries to get, and you sat down in the middle of the day and ate a chicken bake, you were home.
Don't forget, look, you have to like show your ID.
I had a membership.
Yeah.
Oh, actually, I didn't even, but I would just be lying into the exit when people are watching you and they go, I'm just going to the food court.
And they were just like, I would just rush past them.
Yeah.
So I was.
What is the Costco chicken bake?
It's like a paste, like a hot pocket with chicken, like a chicken pot pie in a hot pocket kind of situation.
What I mean about this is this is not the college experience.
You see what I mean?
Yeah.
Me getting high on the, at the top level of a mall parking structure and you eating a chicken bake at Costco.
We're not growing in anything socially, intellectually, spiritually.
I mean, I was listening to audiobooks at the time.
It isn't.
Don't, I had such regret.
I had a friend.
I had a best friend once named Joe Clark.
We're not that friendly anymore.
We talked when I was living in Palm Springs.
We chatted briefly.
And I wasn't like, his brother died tragically in a car accident.
I wasn't really there for him, but like I came out of the closet.
Alternative Lives Speculated00:09:36
He kind of wasn't there for me.
Like we were just not, you just grow apart, right?
That's what we have here behind this door.
It's Joe Clark.
But my point was that he went from Nassau Community College to Cornell, which was a good step.
It's a big step.
And I went into the mortgage industry and I had such pangs of regret and I felt so insecure that he was at Cornell and I was a fucking loser that he was able to now, now, let's be honest.
I think, I think, you know, it's, I think I've evened it out quite a bit and then some.
Yeah.
But, and then some.
Let's, let's be honest.
He's just a lawyer.
You know what I mean?
Fuck Joe Clark.
Fuck him.
He's just a lawyer.
And I know the vast majority of the staff at the University of Austin.
That being said, I still love Joe.
I'd like to be close with him more.
But he's an interesting little guy.
But the point is that didn't you ever feel inferior because you didn't go to school?
No, I always had a overinflated perhaps sense of like, I would be like cutting class at the Costco, but listening to the Wealth of Nations on the audiobook.
So it's like, you know, that's, this is why you're fascinated.
Okay, let's get, let's almost delve into this.
Yeah.
Because this is truly fascinating.
It's amazing.
It's, it's almost like if there was a character that summed up the decline of the American Empire, okay?
You're in a Costco that you shouldn't be in.
You're not feeding a family.
You're listening to the Wealth of Nations audiobook, which probably pertains to something you're learning.
And you're interested in things.
You're interested in the why this all works the way it does.
Why does this 10 gallon jar mayonnaise?
How does this work?
What's the markup?
Division of labor.
All of that.
Now, you yet don't apply that knowledge.
It's so interesting to me.
That's the fascinating thing about you.
I always had grandiose.
But you're brilliantly funny.
Thank you.
And here's a part of the problem.
I always had grandiose, like people, when I was making movies, I have a few failed feature-linked films.
And people go, why'd you make a short movie?
I can't sell a short film.
Now, to be fair, YouTube wasn't really around back then.
So now it seems common sense.
Yeah, make a little short.
When were you making them?
Right in the Iraq War.
But it was around.
No, YouTube had like 0506.
Okay.
Which is kind of when I was kind of starting to wrap that.
It just missed a YouTube train.
I mean, it was like something called Adam Films.
You could have done stuff.
But I felt, to be critical of myself, I felt like I was too good to make short films.
Or it just didn't appeal to me.
So I'm trying to make, I'm trying to wrangle people I'm not paying with no money and like maxing out a couple of credit cards to make like a two like an hour and a half movie, which is insanely, even if everything goes well, then it's even going to be good.
But the logistics are even getting it done.
Like, so that's the kind of thing I did a lot.
I had these grandiose ideas instead of just putting the work in and like, you know, and learning over time.
Like, you know, I'm reading the Walt of Nations instead of like, you know, going to economics class.
I'm fucking, you know, it's like, I did get my shit together at one point and was doing paralegal stuff.
If you had graduated.
I got into Stony Brook.
I went there for a semester.
Interesting.
And then I just stopped going to class to become a filmmaker.
I was at the SUNY Perch shows.
Yeah.
I feel like, yeah, I agree.
What is the version of you that you think would have been a filmmaker?
If things just went a little, what do you mean?
Like, I think of myself and I say, I could say the version of me that's successful at business is not a happy version of me.
Sure.
But it's a version of me that I could approximate.
Like I could draw lines around it.
That's what it would kind of look and feel like.
What is the version of you that like went the film route?
I tried to.
Right.
I mean, like, you mean like went to film school?
I just did, like, I went to Hopstra.
Here's the part of the problem with me.
I'm really bad at like little things.
Yes.
Like showing up on time to meet with your advisor to get classes before they close out.
I didn't do it a freshman year.
And then like, you know, before freshman year, and then like in my life.
It's funny.
Yeah.
So basically, by the time I met my advisor, I got around to it.
He tells me, Q Go, I'm like, fire, he'll be fine.
And like, and like, I can finally meet with him.
Big idea guy.
Well, yeah.
I finally meet with him.
He's like, well, you didn't do any film classes your first year.
Right.
You probably won't do it your second year, maybe your third year.
And I'm like, well, fuck this.
Right.
When I went to the Nassau Community College Advisor and he would sit down and he'd, I'd like, I'm like, I'd like this class.
He goes, that's full.
Yeah.
He goes, you have to go to this class.
You have to go to that class.
Why was it full?
Because you didn't show up on time.
I didn't show up on time because I was out there doing drugs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Same idea.
So it's like, you know, I never learned self-discipline in a cohesive way.
Do you think people like us, had we learned self-discipline, it would have hindered the type of things that we do.
Like if I had learned self-discipline and was able to discipline myself, would I have done, would I have been what I am?
No.
No.
No, right.
Your entire existence right now, which is a great existence.
Yeah.
It's fine.
It's not that great.
Well, I have material things.
Yes.
Right.
I'd love some material things.
You'll get some.
Yeah.
But then you'll realize they don't matter.
I know.
I want to realize that.
Yeah.
The point is, the point is, like, but whatever you have is like, it's based on your kind of whirling dervish kind of like, you're always around.
You're mercurial.
You change on the dime.
It's what makes you funny.
It's part where it's part of what's part of the package.
But if you were sitting around like, you know, and like, you know, no, we got, like, you're like, you're spontaneous.
You can be erratic.
These are the things that may, like, I sit there and I look at compared me to you.
And I'm not like a big pussy or anything, but I'll fucking, because they're going like, oh, you're free.
If I do this, I'm going to get canceled.
I don't actually think that in my head, but there is that less, I like to think of myself as a crazy man and start yelling at someone.
I do start yelling at people at stores.
I try to get into fights sometimes, but like I'm not as like free.
Yeah, for instance.
I'm more free.
And I don't yell at people at stores usually.
I don't think there's, I've yelled at a few people at stores, but there's not much.
I don't mean like clerks.
I mean like other customers.
Right.
No, no one's accused.
But see, even then, when you're making that distinction, you're afraid of getting canceled by some Marxist who's like, you're, you're yelling at the proletariat or whatever.
And you're like, no, I'm actually yelling at other.
I started screaming at an old woman once because she was giving shit to the guy at the post office.
Yeah.
And I just started saying, I started screaming, shut the fuck.
And she's like, yeah, yeah.
And she's on her side.
I'm like, no, you fucking bitch.
Stop talking to him.
And I started screaming, losing my mind.
Yeah.
What is this?
A scene out of the grapes of wrath?
What is this for?
At one time I saw this cop beating the golf.
She was an old woman.
I don't think I sound great yelling like you should get cancer with an old woman.
No, what I'm saying is like what I'm saying.
She's elderly.
I just like to play around with the idea of like, perhaps it could have went differently.
That's all.
Sure.
Things could have gone differently.
But I got Lucy.
I'm like, oh, that's great.
I'm happy.
And I told you, I got the podcast.
I think you should move to Austin.
Things are, I'm making moves to do that.
I've said nothing but positive things.
Sure.
Look, I've never, you were like the ambassador to Austin.
I love it.
Yeah.
I like the two restaurants and the university.
The university.
Do they have like a pizza hut?
Yes, they have all of that.
Here's the thing.
You would kind of fit in.
Sure.
Because there's a lot of homeless there.
That's a big part of it.
But more than just aesthetically.
You could get into the life that even it would be harder for me to get into of like hunting and woodworking.
Oh, I would like to do.
They actually have that there.
Oh, you can do it.
Okay.
I thought they didn't really do that there.
No, if you live out where I'm telling you to live 20 minutes out, 20 minutes out.
I'm telling you, the hunting and the crafts, maybe.
Yeah.
I don't get involved.
But the point is like...
Squeeze your fish sometime.
No, maybe.
Go to Florida.
Yeah.
They do that in Texas.
I don't like lakes.
Sure.
What are we doing?
But my point is, like, there is a life that you might like.
Yeah, look, I like the outdoors.
I like the idea of it.
I'm an Eagle Scout.
That's true.
Yeah.
I have a fishing mirror badge or a Woodworking Mirror Badge.
I'm stacked with Mirror Badges.
So it's like...
I just don't think this, I don't think we should dismiss this university of awesome because maybe there's a world where we go back to college and become the things we were meant to be.
Where Barry Weiss accepts us into her bosom, embraces us.
Can you picture a moment where me and you are getting diplomas and Barry Weiss is softly crying, looking at us because she's so proud.
Right.
What are we majoring in?
Barry Weiss Diploma Dream00:09:26
Who cares?
Do you think they're going to ask that?
Do you think that's what this is about?
We're majoring in the fearless pursuit of truth.
Have you not paid attention?
I was like a YouTube seminar.
David Dobrik's teaching how to fucking not rape.
You're taking your philosophy class and saying, make sure you cut clips and add subtitles and put them on Twitter.
Right.
Listen.
It's a philosophy subtitling class.
You know, we could do like when, like, when will Whitney Cummings be found in a bathtub?
Like a fun, like, you know what I mean?
Like, fun.
Yes.
Yes.
Alex Warren from TikTok is asking if Netflix will renew the Hype House show for a second season by December 20th.
Well, it hasn't even premiered, right?
But that's a, you know, people can ask anything.
You know?
Radar Online is asking whether Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott will announce a divorce by November 30th.
You can play any game you want.
Someone's private life, it's a game.
The future of someone's family, it's a game.
Everything's fair game on the Versus app game.
It's fun.
It's fun.
They're not going to know about it.
It's fine.
Will someone's cancer come back?
It's on the versus game.
It's fun.
It's a fun game.
You know?
Will the American system of government collapse within 36 months?
You can win money with that.
You might win money.
You might win a few bucks with the Versus game.
And we're going to do some games.
What about you?
Maybe people will start asking, will Ben leave the show?
Will Ben quit?
Well, yeah, the immediate one is like, will Ben kill Tim?
Will Ben's wife kill Tim?
Neither one of you are going to probably kill me, but, you know, it'll be interesting to see what, you know, what YouTube have cooked up.
So, I mean, just download the Versus game.
It's very important.
You know, there's 7 million people doing this.
It's backed by luminaries such as Mark Pincus, Kevin Hart, Will I Am, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Mark Burnett, Josh Richards from Sway House.
Dude, they write Josh Richards from High Pass.
He's from Sway House.
People are idiots.
The Winklevoss twins and Peter Thiel.
Look at that.
Wow.
What a crew.
We know the Winklevosses.
Yes.
They were so lovely in that episode.
They gave one-word answers for an hour.
And then me and Jake Paul, they talk about Ethereum, which was a lot of fun, actually.
And Peter Thiel, who started Palantir, and you know, they're on the up and up.
So, you know, versus game.
It's a good game.
The horrors of the world, you can bet on them now.
Instead of trying to fix them or believe that your elected representatives may one day change the laws to make them less likely to happen, you can bet on things happening.
You know, when will we be required to have another COVID booster so we could go outside?
How soon will the secret prison start?
At what point will the camp rollout happen?
And who will go in first?
These are all fun games to play on the Versus app right until the phone is smacked out of your hand by the military loading you onto a truck.
Anyway, versus game, go download it.
I wanted to do the guy's GoFundMe too that reached out.
Yes, the guy who had the aneurysm.
Yeah.
Okay, so can we talk about that?
Yes.
You have it.
Yep, I got it right here.
So this guy reached out and he wanted to pay for an ad.
No, we're not letting him pay.
We're not letting him pay.
You know, he's lucky.
His brother's luck.
He had symptoms of an aneurysm.
He was able to get it drained.
That's very rare.
Yeah, it was his cousin.
It's very rare that you have symptoms of something like that before it becomes a, you know, kind of a fatal event, a brain aneurysm.
And so the guy's 28 years old.
Yeah, so he said, you know, we don't have any copy.
This guy's name is Joshua.
Nothing specific to mention other than we need all the help we can get.
The final building will likely be hundreds of thousands after.
Dude, this fucking, I'm telling you right now, I mean, the healthcare system is so fucking satanic in this country that as much as I hate these lefty fucking weirdos that make you wear the masks, it's like, I just believe that it's such an evil to have a healthcare system that just completely destroys your life because you had a blood vessel pop in your brain.
I mean, it's just, it's like disgusting.
But that's where we're going to help this guy out.
Tell.
So I'll put a link in the description, obviously.
What's this guy's name, Kyle Rittenhouse?
This guy's name is Nick.
Nick.
And we're trying to help with the assistance here.
We're trying to raise about $60,000 here.
It would be good if you guys could donate to this.
This guy's a good dude.
He had symptoms of a brain aneurysm.
They said he had a massive one.
And they were able to, he went in for surgery, right?
Can you read it, Ben?
Yep.
So we are raising money for Nick's medical bills and cost of living while he's not able to work.
On the morning of October 27th, he suffered severe symptoms as a sudden increase in body temperature, vomiting, severe headaches.
He's only halfway through his battle, a recovery period estimated to last two weeks in the hospital, at times painful, especially in the beginning.
He has health insurance, but will still be responsible for a hefty percentage of his treatment and stay at the hospital.
In addition, the cost of living and support, his family is not something that can be put on pause.
So he has kids.
He has a family as a whole thing.
How do we help this guy?
I'm going to donate money.
And I want everybody to...
GoFundMe.
It's a public GoFundMe.
Okay, so what is the GoFundMe?
Because I want everybody that's listening to this show, if you can, donate some money to this guy.
Like, let's really show this guy that we can help him out.
I will pin the comment on the YouTube channel.
And if you're listening on Apple or Spotify, it'll be in the description at the top above the description so you can't miss it.
Yeah.
And they want you to roast him, it says here, which I don't know how you exactly roast him.
This is what I, we're not doing that.
This is, you know, it's like we're trying to help.
You know what I mean?
It's like, I understand what people want.
You know, it's never enough, is it?
You know, well, they say, Harry, laughter is the best medicine.
Yeah, is it?
Well, then don't won't give the money.
How about that?
No, I'm not going to roast on command here.
We're trying to help.
Jesus Christ roast him.
Well, I don't know what the funny angle is here about a guy having a brain anger.
You know, I'm sure there is one, but I'm not finding it.
I'm trying to help.
I love that.
Why don't you roast him?
Hey, pig, why don't you dance?
Hey, we're going to raise a little money now, okay?
How about that?
Let's tug at some heartstrings.
Why do you let me sell?
Okay.
My brain works.
I'll sell.
Anyway, I want to help this guy.
We're going to help him.
We're going to raise money for him.
Okay.
I don't know anything.
How am I going to roast him?
I don't know anything about him.
What am I going to say?
Oh, this guy's vessels don't work.
Roast comedy is dumb.
It's for dummies.
Okay?
Smarten up, please.
Not enough.
You try to help people.
All you do is get bitten.
Everybody just smacks you in the face.
It's never enough, you know?
He sent me three emails where he says it would mean the world to him to be tossed in the flames by Tim for a moment.
By the way, I wonder if this guy's just a dick and wants me to just roast this guy who had a brain aneurysm.
Is this guy like a dick or is he trying to help the guy?
No, he sent the receipts on Facebook and stuff to prove he's real and stuff.
No, I believe he's real.
I don't see what there's anything to roast here.
I don't know what to do.
Brain aneurysm?
More like, like, what do we do here?
You know?
This is him.
I mean, here's a picture of him if you want to.
You got any quick roasts on him?
Let me see.
I mean, the guy looks young.
He's got as far as the laptop can go right there.
Dude, he looks like a kid.
He's in his 20s.
God, he looks like a young guy, man.
Oh, he's got a kid.
No, I'm not in the mood for the roasting, folks.
I'm not in the mood.
Got my own problems.
Roast you?
Guys, like in a hospital bed.
Roast him.
No.
Help him.
Give him fucking money.
The guy's name is Kyle Rittenhouse.
He was experiencing flu-like symptoms and a rising body temperature.
So he bought a gun with a stimulus check and headed to Kenosha, Wisconsin.
Now he's in all kinds of trouble.
Go fund me, Kyle Rittenhouse.
But they've raised a lot of money for the Rittenhouse defense, right?
Yes, I believe it was, wasn't it Owen Schroer that was raising money for the guy from Manfa Wars?
Was it Apps?
People were maybe raising money for him.
Perhaps.
I forget.
There's several Owens.
It could have been.
Kyle Rittenhouse Gun Purchase00:03:46
Hey, folks, January 21st, Huntington, New York.
I'll be at the Paramount Theater coming back to Long Island, 7 p.m.
On January 23rd, I'll be in Red Bank, New Jersey at the Count Basie Theater, 7 p.m.
How great is this?
Art is pre-sale Wednesday, November 10th, 2021 at 10 a.m.
Password, fake biz.
This is the best way to get the cheapest tickets.
Presale Wednesday, 11, 10, 2021, 10 a.m.
Password, fake biz, not case sensitive.
And the on sale is Friday, November 12, 2021 at 10 a.m.
Thank you.
But my point is this.
I've never walked across a stage and got a diploma.
I didn't, I kicked out of high school, my Catholic high school.
Because you said you're going to blow up a woman's uterus.
Yeah, it was said just, of course, but you know, it was taken.
It was right after Columba.
I did it.
You know, I went to my graduation high school, but I'm not, I'm not, that doesn't count.
Oh, I didn't go to my high school graduation.
I know you were thrown out.
But I went to the public school after that.
And all the kids, like, people liked me because I knew how to build mystery.
They're like, who is this guy coming in here in the middle of senior year?
What happened?
And I teased it.
What'd you say?
I was very coy about it.
I was very much like, you know, I didn't say, I wasn't.
I may have threatened the woman.
No.
Like, what is it?
I didn't leave with that.
I may have threatened.
I don't remember what I said.
I do remember some of the cooler people kind of like they took me to lunch one day at the pizza shop.
Drove me to the pizza shop and they blasted rap music and then, and then we had a nice dinner.
But I only got made a great impression at the at the pizza lunch because, like that didn't keep going on, I think someone like yeah, cold and sick that day, so I got his spot.
But the point that I wasn't just sitting there alone, I mean I did sit alone in the cafeteria on purpose and uh, but they were all saying why don't you come to graduation?
Like I barely went to the school but I could have gone, but I didn't, and I I do wonder i've never held a diploma in my hand.
Should we remake the movie LIE, where we play every part?
Yes.
You know?
Yeah.
I mean, either me or you is playing every part of the movie LIE.
I mean, with Brian Cox.
Could we get Brian Cox to play his parts?
Probably not.
Probably.
Paul Dano isn't that.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
He's good.
He was the kid.
That wasn't Paul Dano.
Yes, it was.
Really?
Look it up.
He was the main kid.
He was the main kid.
Oh, wow.
Look it up, Ray.
Mr. Film Buff.
I mean, I saw the movie one.
It was disturbing.
What was disturbing about it?
It just had a very like it had a very, I mean, there's some child fucking going on, right?
Yeah, but it wasn't even child.
Like, I agree that the premise is completely disturbing about like this pedophile driving around.
But like to me, like, I don't know, this accident statistics, like in the beginning, I feel like it killed everybody.
It was an eerie, bleak movie.
Yesterday.
On the Long Island Expressway, there's lanes going west.
There's lanes going east.
Yeah.
And there's lanes going straight to hell.
The character of the father was amazing going to jail.
Everything was disturbing about it.
I agree.
There's a vibe to that movie.
It was a very, it almost felt like they were promoting pedophilia.
Did it feel like that?
No.
I mean, I'm not saying it's a pedophile movie.
I'm just saying it didn't feel like it felt, this is what it did feel like.
It felt like saying, parents in Long Island are so bad, you might as well just choose a pedophile.
That's literally what it was saying.
That's someone who spent like five minutes in Long Island and went, you know what?
The best thing to happen to these kids would be a pedophile.
Alt-Right University Fears00:14:56
Right.
That is Paul Dano, by the way.
I know.
I didn't realize.
But I'm just imagining a spring years from now when there's no more COVID.
Right.
Okay.
In six months.
And Heather Hying is handing you a diploma.
Yeah.
And Christina Hoff Summers and Andrew Sullivan or Katie Herzog or Alex Friedman or David Mammoth.
Whatever.
David Mammet.
Yeah, he's involved too.
Is he?
He's involved.
Lawrence Summers is involved.
Like Glenn Gary guys involved?
They're all involved.
It's going to be big.
Why did Mammet get into this?
This guy's got a career.
What's he doing?
No, because you always underestimate how far the other side's gone.
You don't understand how crazy the other side is.
The woke?
Yes.
Yeah, but he's a legitimate filmmaker.
Yeah, but that doesn't exist anymore.
They're not letting anyone make legitimate.
I guess he hasn't done a movie in a while.
I didn't love Heist.
My point is that you carry water for the left.
I didn't.
I just didn't realize it.
I don't mean the real left.
I mean like these liberal power-seeking lunatics.
Yeah, I didn't, I just, I just thought he still had a career is my point.
What I'm saying is that the University of Austin is not without its problems.
Okay.
But in terms of this is your new home.
Look, I am fully committed to accepting an adjunct professional role.
Yeah.
Perhaps, you know, what if I split off?
Yeah.
If I join the University of Austin and I open up something called the University of San Antonio and I take like hardcore alt-right people.
Like David Damagu, like Owen Benjamin.
Hardcore, hardcore.
Richard Spencer, like the hardest of the hard.
Yeah.
That's a good move.
It was a schism in the University of Austin.
We went our own way.
You called the University of Austin at San Antonio.
Yes.
Tell people where they can support what you do.
We have the Cump podcast.
It's really, it's really hitting its stride this year.
It's phenomenal.
Me and Lucy Steiner, we're just killing it every week.
You should definitely tune in for that.
It's on YouTube and wherever we get podcasts, Cump.
We also have a Patreon.
I think Ben will put the link in the description.
He always does.
So you can get an extra episode every week for that and support the Cump Podcast.
So just check those out at Ray Cump on Twitter and Instagram.
Check them all out, please.
Also, we're at the vegan theater.
Yes.
And we sold out.
Yeah.
I'm very excited to be part of this.
Very fun.
We're going to do a podcast at the end of the stand-up.
It's going to be phenomenal.
I know.
I'm excited.
I don't know.
I mean, but it'll be good.
Good.
We make magic happen.
It'll be exciting.
What if we don't stop talking?
Like, what if we do three or four?
Like, should we just do it until people walk out?
I mean, see that?
You want to talk about something that would kind of be amazing?
Would they start?
I mean, here's the problem.
We're living in a FOMO culture.
So how many of these people would just stay because they're afraid of missing something great?
That's a good point.
And we just don't give it to them ever.
Yeah.
We just keep another great comedy.
And we start describing rations we have.
What if we get to the point where we're just doing 30 minutes, but where the tech's not working?
The text?
Like the tech.
Oh, right.
So the podcast isn't working.
Oh, so you just don't hear it.
You're like, you're here in the distance.
You hear us?
You just hear anything.
You don't hear anything.
It's just like, it's like, it's like, yeah, so.
So it was an abortion.
I couldn't pay for it.
Yeah, like, I think there's something funny to the idea of just Ben running around losing his mind.
And of course, we just play, you know, we know that we can get the tech working if we want, but we don't.
Can we get a fake gun, but they don't know what's fake?
No.
That's a problem.
It would be amazing if we both killed ourselves at the end of the show.
It would be amazing.
It would be.
What if we both killed ourselves and left all of our money to the University of Austin?
It's an endowment.
It's an endowment.
Yeah.
I mean, what if I just put a gun in my mouth?
Okay.
And I was like, I'm leaving all my money.
And you can barely hear me.
It's an endowment for the University of Austin.
Barry Weiss will know how to spend this.
Barry Weiss will know how to spend all this money.
Goodbye.
And then I just blew my brains out.
You'd be remembered.
I mean, you would edge out Budge Wire, I think.
Sure.
You'd be the new Budge Wire.
Will we have, we're not going to have a game.
You're going to have me on live TV, though.
No, no one will care.
You can't get anyone to care about anything in this country.
You blow your own brains out at the beacon theater.
You can't even get anything.
And we're not going to have a guest.
What kind of guests do you think?
I don't know.
Oh, it'd be for the podcast.
Yeah, it'd be hilarious to just have a guest.
Can we get like Muffy Powder Aston or New York Socialite?
Yeah, come on, probably.
Could we get a criminal?
Could we get Rob Logorievich?
Here's what might be funny.
Could we get Curtis Sliwa?
I think we probably could.
There's something funny about Curtis Sleewa.
He would be amazing.
Did he get any votes?
He was a Republican candidate.
So maybe not.
I love that article on the day of the election where he'd show up with his cat.
Yeah.
And then he was just screaming.
There's a problem.
He's like, arrest me.
Arrest me.
I want him to be mayor.
Yeah.
And then the other guy, Eric Adams, who like clearly doesn't live in the city, was like driving on the sidewalk.
It's absurd.
I wonder who we could.
I could get Curtis Lewa.
I think we could get Curtis Lewis.
Oh, yeah.
That's totally doable.
Yeah, he just walks on stage with his cat.
Can you ask him?
Does he have a, like, can he come dressed as a guardian angel, though?
I think he dresses like that all the time.
Yeah.
Did you see that commercial he had with like the homeless guy?
No.
Where he's like, the homeless guy's sobbing and he's going like, oh, because he's outside some mental institution going like, they're not keeping track of these people.
They're letting them out.
We got to put these people back in here.
And it's like homeless guy shows up with no shirt and they're like a bandana on his head.
And he starts going like, yeah, man.
I can't like whatever.
And screaming.
And he goes, it's not.
He starts crying.
And Chris Lewis puts his hand on his shoulder.
I go, it's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
Like, you know, we should be taking care of you.
But the absurd thing is like they make this into a commercial that I see on Jeopardy.
Stern told me about this.
He said it was amazing.
It's the most insane thing I've ever seen in my life.
And he's like, Curtis Leewa cares about the homeless.
You put him in the campaign ad.
I mean, I just, I'm amazed.
I'm amazed at a guy who spent a good amount of his career inventing fake crimes.
By the way, Dirk.
Did he do that?
Oh, Chris Leeway invented fake crimes.
What do you mean?
He rescued people from pretend crimes.
Really?
Yes.
He would set up fake crimes and then say that the guardian angels rescued someone.
It was a complete fraud.
Oh, wow.
No, you could look it up.
He's caught like doing it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wow.
He's admitted it.
He's like, I was younger.
Oh, shit.
Oh, yeah.
What was his end game with that?
To just, he wanted to be like fucking the Gotham City.
He wanted to be Batman.
I don't know.
The guy wanted to be like some like the Avenger running around New York City.
Like he was psychotic.
Wow.
You go talk about that?
I don't think he's going to come on.
I think he would.
I don't think he will.
He just lost the mayor.
What else he got going on?
He's not moving into.
These people are so crazy.
Okay.
Like, you know, what's the guy's name on succession that he's going to be president?
The son?
They're like, oh, yeah.
What's his name?
Cam Kent.
Not Cam.
Kent.
Conrad.
Connor.
So Connor from Succession, the nothing child, who's like, thinks he's going to be president.
People like Caitlin Jenner and people like Curtis Leeway, they're that crazy.
They're like nuts.
No, yeah, they are.
But Curtis Lewar is nowhere near Caitlin Jenner level.
He's got nothing going on.
That's true.
Caitlin has a lot more of a chance.
I'm saying, like, she wouldn't do what she wouldn't do on a show.
Imagine, by the way, no, no, but imagine hearing that, like an advisor sitting down with Curtis Leewa going, you were nowhere near Caitlin Jenner.
Like we can't even get, regardless of the Kardashian thing, Olympic hero.
No, but I mean, in terms of electability, Caitlin's much higher.
Oh, yeah.
Much higher.
And that's got to be amazing to hear.
Caitlin is much higher than you.
Yeah.
You have no chance.
Yeah.
Who are we going with?
Caitlin Jenner all day over you, you fucking loser.
Yeah.
I mean, Curtis Leewa.
Do you think you'd ever run?
Yeah, 100%.
Yeah, I think so.
I think I'll run.
I wonder if it's illusions of grandeur, but I would definitely, I could see myself as being an autocrap.
Well, it definitely is delusions of grandeur.
But that's the funny thing.
Like, if me and you moved to a little shitty city, we could go to like Portland or something.
Maybe not Portland that's too left-wing, but like somewhere, we could kind of.
I'm the mayor of Cleveland.
Yeah, we probably could.
Yeah.
That's the shitty thing.
You probably could.
That's how low rent America is right now.
They're like, no one wants to be the mayor of Cleveland.
It's the worst job.
There's a few restaurants who are okay.
You probably get to meet LeBron James once or twice.
Yeah, maybe.
There's nothing cool about being the mayor of Cleveland.
No, not much.
That's what's kind of problems in Cleveland.
Huge.
Nobody wants that gig.
So that's how you know America's on its way out.
Is that being a mayor of one of our major cities now, the perks do not outweigh the problems at all?
You'd much rather work at any other company.
That being said, you got to work it.
That's why.
Look, there's definitely businesses in Cleveland that want you to look the other way.
Not a lot.
Really?
Not a lot.
And let me tell you this.
This is why all the people doing these jobs now are criminally insane.
Like when you look at like Marjorie Taylor Greene, they're like, there's nothing cool about being a congressman anymore.
No one gives you.
You can't get anything done.
Who gives a fuck?
The grift is dead.
The grift is over.
So the people that are doing it are lunatics.
People are like, why are these lunatics?
I'm like, there's nothing left.
The carcass has been skinned.
I think I could make a like my own version of the squad.
Yeah.
I think you could do it.
I haven't.
What if you and four really fat white guys were like out-progressived the squad?
The guts.
Like if you, like, four fat, like three fat Midwestern guys became the new squad and you were to the left of like Ilhan Omar.
But our catchphrase is, we've got guts.
Yeah.
Like we've got guts.
You go, no military, no police.
Federal amendment banning the military, banning police.
And be like, I'm sick of these bitches.
You point to Ilhan Omar and AOC.
I'm sick of these bitches with their half measures.
We got guts.
Stop stealing our surplus value.
It's just you and three other guys, and it's just like two tons of fun.
The squad.
What would they call you guys?
The squawk?
The squish.
The squish.
The squad is being pressured by the squish.
The squish is four Midwestern gentlemen, all about 450 pounds, who are incredibly progressive.
They've endorsed things like banning the military and all police.
While the squad thinks that a lot of what the squish wants to do is unrealistic, the squish says that the squad is just playing old dirty politics.
You could be the spokesman for the squish.
This is the grandeur.
The squish.
You say thin people are an attack on fat people.
The existence of thin people is an attack on fat people.
I'm all about inclusiveness.
Inclusivity.
Inclusivity.
Yeah.
The squish.
Like, you see, like, AOC being like, I think we've had a lot of productive dialogue with the squish.
I think the squish.
The squish will not compromise with the squad.
Let me be clear about that.
We will not be counted.
We will not be whaling.
Yeah.
She's like, I understand where the squish comes from, but I think politically the squish has not accomplished anything.
Listen to me.
The squad is politically irrelevant.
They're out of touch.
And they're under the boot of the squish.
Squish.
Just for fat lard ass.
This is communism now.
We're constantly replacing each other.
Yeah.
We're like new fat people.
We keep dying for our attacks.
People keep dropping down.
We're all like crooked cokeheads who are fast.
It's like Rob Ford times.
Communism now.
You just start screaming.
I was beat red, screaming, sweating into a microphone.
The morbidly obese anarchist known as the Squish.
You're trying to direct ND5, like get them into traffic.
Thomas Jefferson made Hitler look like a lapdog.
The Squish have endorsed removing all monuments from all federal buildings immediately.
Let's burn this flag.
There's a campaign of you outside of a Jimmy John's burning a flag.
What burn, you fashion pigs.
I mean, it's a rude.
Yeah.
It's a rude.
Look, honestly, if I told you 30 years ago that some congress squad explained that to you, you'd laugh me out of the room.
Absolutely.
No, the squish is going to happen.
The squish could happen.
And, you know, like the New York Post will run headlines, squash the squish.
I just think, hey, I just think it could happen.
Go to the University of Austin, sign up, start your life.