Tim goes into Meghan and Harry's Netflix adventures, a new show on CBS called "The Activist" (yes, it's real), talks about the first time he met Norm Macdonald, and talks Nicki Minaj, and the famous and rich in this classic episode.
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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Time
Text
RIP Norm McDonald00:04:03
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan Show here with Ben Avery, our producer, from a temporary studio, an undisclosed location in Los Angeles, California.
R.I.P. Norm out the gate.
The worst story of the year, hopefully in comedy.
You know, Norm McDonald passed away.
One of the greatest comedians that's ever lived.
Respected by everybody in comedy, no matter what kind of type of comedian you were or what you believed politically, everybody loved Norm McDonald.
You were obsessed with Norm.
Yeah.
And when Norm, you know, retweeted us, I remember that was like a massive day.
I don't remember what video it was, but when it was the OJ one.
Yeah.
I mean, he was just a fucking that retweet was like everything when that happened.
And then he said some kind things about some of the stuff we did on Twitter, and that was awesome.
And, you know, some of the videos we put out and some of the clips of the podcast, he had said good stuff about.
And that just makes your life as a comic, right?
To have someone like that appreciate what you, especially because my story with Norm is not, it doesn't start out great because I did Last Comic Standing in 2000 and whatever.
It never aired.
And I did my joke and I did well.
And it was him.
It was Damon Wayans and Roseanne.
And Roseanne liked me.
Damon Wayans, like, he was like, not, he was just like, yeah.
He just like smiled and left.
I think he said right on.
I don't know what he was just like barely there.
Like he wasn't.
I don't remember anything either way.
And then Norm was like, how many years have you been doing comedy?
I'm like, four.
He's like, what?
It takes 10 years to be a comedian.
What are you doing here?
I was like, and I remember that was the biggest gut punch I got in stand-up.
And I remember being at the Hilton by where they shoot all their shows by, where is that?
Universal City?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was in the Hilton and I was just like, like, I couldn't even eat.
I was like, this is horrible.
And I spoke to one of the comics I was staying with at that point.
And he was like, last comic standing.
He's like, you go in there and they pay legends to tell you not to do what you love, which is kind of fun.
But I got over it.
I kept doing it.
And then he became a fan of us later on and a lot of shit we were doing.
And he was right.
You know, I was a four-year, five-year comic then.
It's like, you do need more time to mature.
He did some hilarious shit.
This clip is so funny.
Yeah, I was wondering if we could find it.
Fuck from the view.
Yeah, I mean, there's just, by the way, you can go on a binge of Norm McDonald's stuff because all of it is funny.
You will lose hours of your day.
Every rant, every joke.
You go back to SNL when he was doing Burt Reynolds.
I mean, just there's nothing that's not amazing.
But play this from the view.
We don't want any more murderers.
I think we should just go on to the next question.
Well, Clinton murdered a guy.
Yeah, you know, we're not allowed to put out accusations with that.
That's a little too far.
Let's just go on to the next question.
Yeah.
This is not my week.
What can I tell you?
Oh, it's not mine either.
I'm being very nice, okay?
He's a good boy.
Now, Norm.
Do you never hear that?
No.
Listen, we don't need to.
I don't want to get out of this, and I don't want to hear it.
And this is not the place to make those accusations.
And you're supposed to be funny.
Let's get on right now.
There you go.
This is a live show.
But you have been properly chastised by Barbara.
I'm not going to ask the next.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Okay.
Let me do this, okay?
I'll tell you what's a matter of record.
You will not be invited back if you don't shut up.
All right.
Let's talk.
Reality Show Competition00:15:38
What is Star Jones doing now, by the way?
Like, where did Star Jones land?
It's interesting.
Let's see.
What is she up to?
I think she did a whole weight loss thing, right?
Was that the direction she went in?
Star Jones is an American lawyer.
What is she doing now?
She left the View in 06, so I mean, to see what she's doing now.
I don't want to lose too much of the show.
I don't want to be there like 30 minutes into this.
We're still like, yeah, we don't really know.
So she went from the View to her original network, Court TV, now rebranded True TV.
Then the final episode of Star Jones aired in 2008, and I don't think she's done much since.
Well, she's in an episode of The Impractical Jokers.
Did you know that?
Oh, interesting.
Well, it's controversial because all the jokers dress up like her.
They put on fat suits and they do blackface.
And they all, because the whole joke is that none of them know that the other three are also Star Jones.
The fun show called The Activist, which was going to debut on, I don't know, one of these networks that wants nothing to do with me.
CBS, The Activist was announced, and it was going to be a reality competition show where people competed to be crowned the best activist.
In a battle for relevancy on social media.
Yes, yes.
It was something that I would pitch as a joke.
CBS decided to actually fund and make a show where people would compete to be the best social media activist.
And when I criticize celebrity activism, it's not so much that it's not, that it's, I'm not saying like, oh, it's not good.
I'm saying it's not real.
Like it doesn't exist.
See, it's depending on the way you feel, it might be misguided, but it's not even happening, is my point.
It's just people talking.
Nothing's going on.
Occasionally, there's some charity or slush fund that you can't really trace where the money goes.
Occasionally, there's a fundraiser where people go and eat nice food and wear designer clothing and they all write checks.
And then a portion of that money gets funneled to something that may help someone somewhere down the line.
But it's not really like direct action, right?
And this is really what it is.
And every now and then, Hollywood like does something that's so heinous that they have to disavow it.
Usually they try to defend what they do, even though they're on very shaky ground.
Like the Imagine video, people are like, it makes people happy.
Shut up.
You're a cynic.
You know, remember that when everybody got together in the beginning of the pandemic when everybody was unemployed and was shut down and nobody had a job and the hero nurses we've heard endlessly about are all supposedly the nurses found that comforting, I guess.
I don't know.
We couldn't get them PPE.
They were wearing garbage bags.
But apparently seeing Gail Godot and all these people sing helped them.
But Hollywood every now and then just does something so egregious that they have to immediately go, hey, our mistake and retool.
And the activist competition, it's like the apprentice for Black Lives Matter activist.
Truly.
No, it's the apprentice for woke activists on Instagram.
Like, you know, the tits out.
You know, we've all seen the Instagrams.
Every hot chick on Instagram and even most of the hot dudes, the profile picture is like BLM.
Make sure the pronouns are in there.
She, her, BLM, here are the tits.
That was the show.
They said, let's find hot, attractive, socially conscious activists to basically go and fool the world using CBS, which is a pretty large platform.
Let's bring on people to play a trick, to play a joke on the world and say that they are really concerned with activism, but have the time to participate in a reality show on CBS in the midst of their very busy careers as activists.
They have the time to do a reality competition show.
Some would say it's a frivolous endeavor.
Oh, no, no.
It's going to get them a lot of new people to follow them on social media so they can continue to do better activism.
Okay, this was the plot of the show.
This, by the way, you don't realize how long or how shows have to get made.
There's a process.
And I've been through the process many times and it's never worked, but I know the process.
There are layers of approval that you have to get from many different people.
It's not just like one person goes, let's do it.
This idea had to climb a ladder of multiple people that had to sign off on this saying that this was a good idea.
Also, this didn't start yesterday.
This idea was not hatched a week ago, which makes me think that this idea probably came to an executive during the riots.
Yeah, the timeline makes sense.
The timeline does make sense.
So during the riots, after the murder of George Floyd, which was fucking like it was an execution killing of George Floyd, and all of these things that we're all figuring out.
Tamir Rice, this poor kid who got shot, you know, who had a BB gun and all of these different things that had made people really start talking about policing and rights and all that.
During this time, someone in the town that I'm in right now had an idea for a show.
They were looking at all these people on social media.
Remember the Black Square?
I put one up.
Yes, I remember.
The Black Square.
I didn't know.
I thought we're all going to be, it was going to be a collage or something.
Didn't turn out that way.
The black square after, because you just, if you were white, the next day, you were just like, hey, man, here's the black square.
Cause that's nuts.
I don't want to stand on anyone's neck.
And listen, it was a CIA psyop, sure.
But sometimes, every now and then, you just go, sometimes a CIA psyop is better than people going, why the fuck did this piece of shit not post a black square?
You look like you wouldn't post a black square.
So I threw up that black square and because that was, you know, people were really figuring out how they were going to like be like, hey, man, this shit's fucked up.
Like, I'm not, I don't go in with the narrative that all cops are horrible people, but there's a problem, right?
You can't stand on someone's neck for nine minutes.
This is an issue.
Around that time, when people were having those discussions, around that time.
When people were calling for these ridiculous things that have been reversed, like defunding the cops and abolishing the cops, when none of that really works.
But around that time, someone in the town I'm in now said, there's a show here.
That's what they said.
They go, there's a show.
There's a show.
They had to do this.
They had to sit in a room and do this.
With other executives, they had to go, we're so focused right now on positive change.
No, this is what had to happen.
And Ben's laughing because he knows this is exactly.
There were tanks rolling down the street at this time, too.
No, no, no.
The country was on the brink of like, I don't want to say civil war, but whatever was going on was, I mean, I remember smoking a cigarette in Palm Springs.
I was on the Foleyannas, and we were watching these riots.
We were going, this is fucking crazy.
We're on the phone for two hours.
I smoked like two packs of cigarettes just staring at these things.
It was unbelievable, just things getting lit on fire, and it was crazy.
During that time, someone went, you know, we're all, you know, in a meeting.
Maybe it was a Zoom meeting, probably.
Nobody's in the office.
So on a Zoom call, they went, you know, there's just this young generation of activists that we really respect.
You know, think Parkland, you know, think David Hogg, Emma Gonzalez.
You know, they're young.
They're hungry for change.
They're smart.
They're well-spoken.
They're telegenic.
We just feel like right now, this moment is so important.
They love the word moment.
They're like, this moment is so important.
What we want to do is pit these activists against each other on television in a competition setting and have them do.
And by the way, we haven't even, we have not even gotten, God help us, to what the challenges would have been.
Because in a competition show, there needs to be challenges.
There needs to be something introduced as a variable to see who survives and who does not.
There's got to be, remember, you know, at the end of like any competition show, Survivor, you're off the island.
Project Runway, whatever.
Top chef, pack your knives and go.
Going back to the weakest slink, you all the weakest thing.
Come on.
All of that.
You're out.
So they had to dismiss.
There was going to be a way to dismiss these activists.
I don't know what they were going to say.
It was designed to show those long hours and ingenuity that activists put into changing the world.
I mean...
What were the challenges going to be?
Like, what I mean by that is this is a competition show.
Right, of course.
So there's got to be some type, because by the way, they had these discussions too.
They were like, there's got to be some type of competition here.
Otherwise, people are going to get bored pretty quickly.
So we need a challenge.
Like, we need to see who, like, should we drop all of the people off in Ferguson?
This was talk.
This was real.
These were conversations that were had on Zoom by production companies and networks.
Should we drop them all off in Ferguson for the anniversary of Michael Brown's death and see what they do?
Would that is that going to play?
Should we drop them off in Ferguson and see what they come up with?
What will they do?
What if they each have to do memorials to Michael Brown, but they each, they eat like one, they all choose the memorial.
Like some are going to do a parade.
Some are going to do like a sit-in.
Some are going to do like direct action.
Some are going to do like, and we have to see who does it better.
We have small teams of activists.
I mean, what was the show going to be?
Was that, do they describe what the show was going to be?
So this person that was on the show, Alicia O'Sullivan, an Ireland-based activist and speaker who works to raise youth awareness on climate change.
She just wants to bomb Protestants.
That's not activism.
They got an Irish.
What?
She told the Daily Beast that she was contacted about appearing on the show.
By the end of her interview, she recalls she got the sense that no one quite grasped the concept of activism.
So whatever these years, Hollywood doesn't know what activism is.
They think it's just another kind of entertainment.
Hollywood thinks activism is just another way to build a brand.
They think it's like skateboarding.
They think it's like, you know, somebody who's like into like yoga.
They don't understand that it's supposed to have like an effect.
They don't get it because they don't want the effect.
They're living in $10 million houses.
They don't understand.
They think that like activism is just a brilliant way to build a brand.
They just, they don't get it.
They have no idea.
They're like, oh, so you're the activist.
So you like care.
So we love it.
You're like socially conscious.
You're woke.
You're young.
You're hip.
I'm loving it.
Are you biracial?
Perfect.
You have the burden of educating one half of your family and the legacy of the other half of your family.
Love it.
I'm eating it up.
You are perfect.
You're 23, Ivy League educated.
Perfect.
Grew up in the suburbs, but you had cousins in the inner city and visited them.
Yes.
This is what we want.
Now, the goal of this, of course, for you is a book deal and Netflix.
Yes?
Well, I want to change criminal justice form.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure.
We all do.
But the immediate goal here is we'd like to build your socials.
Do we see merch?
Do we see a clothing line?
Do we see a clothing line?
That's what Hollywood is.
I mean, they just, it's not a town built by good people for good people.
This person said, so this person, Hogan, they said they kept pressuring me to answer questions in a very certain way.
When I was recounting my personal story, they very offensively told me that I sounded like a robot.
I just felt so much pressure in those moments that I literally reached a breaking point on the call and burst into tears.
I guess that was the most horrifying moment because then there was the pleasure on his face.
Like, yes, we finally got the shot.
We finally got you breaking on camera.
Yeah, well, that's what it is.
This sounds more like a documentary than a reality show.
I don't see any.
No, but they've changed it.
Yeah, now they've changed it from a reality show to a documentary.
It's going to be a competition, a reality show where there's a winner.
I saw they had metrics with social media followers.
It's kind of all I could tell.
Yeah, no, because again, their concept of activism is social media followers.
So to them, The Rock is the biggest activist.
No, no, no.
And to people in Hollywood, The Rock is the most successful activist in America because he's got, what, 115 million Instagram followers?
Something like that.
So he's the most successful.
So that's the metric they decide.
The Jenners are the second most successful activist in America because it's all based on social media.
That's great.
Julianne Ho Casting00:05:54
Again, if you haven't been in this town or dealt with any of these people, this comes as a shock to you.
Right.
But it doesn't come as a shock to me.
What comes as a shock to me is how quickly they disown it.
And you know why they disowned it?
Because who's this?
Usher?
Julianne Hugh and John.
And Priyanka Chopra Jonas.
Who's that?
Joe Jonas' wife or one of the Fred Jones.
Who are the Jonases?
And I say Fred.
There is a Freddy one, bonus Jonas.
He hates being called that.
I think he just lives in Soho and does crack.
The baby Jonas.
What's his name?
There's only three, though.
No.
There is four.
Who's the?
Kevin Jonas, Joe Jonas, Nick Jonas, and then who's the fourth?
The fourth.
I read about him.
He's just in New York all day and he has anxiety and he's on TikTok.
Frankie, he's on TikTok.
He's on TikTok and I think he does pills, but I don't know.
So, you know what happened?
They announced a show.
Now, you got to remember, these celebrities all signed on to the show.
So they shouldn't be able to get out of this because they all signed on.
Like, she signed on because, you know, they needed a woman of color.
They're like, we're going to go with you.
And then they go, we're going to go with Usher.
And then who's third here?
Julianne Hugh.
Julianne Ho?
Who is this?
Just like a... American dancer?
Yeah, like nothing.
Oh, she's a nothing.
Yeah.
She's nothing.
She's literally nothing.
So they have, she's just there to be white and blonde hair and sit there and not scare everybody.
Oh, dancing with the stars.
Yeah, the way networks think about Julianne Ho is they go, we need a white chick in there so that people don't automatically feel like they're being brought before a tribunal of people of color.
So we need Julianne Ho, who looks like, you know, some girl who walked out of a barn.
They all signed on to this, okay?
And they filmed it.
Please leak this footage.
I want to see this.
Listen to this.
Usher, Priyanka Chopra, and Julianne Ho set up for the activist CBS competition series from Global Citizen.
And let's read a little bit about the deadline release here.
And you didn't have to wait long.
I'm so excited to announce I'll be co-hosting The Activist.
We're going to meet six incredibly inspirational people paying it forward in this world.
Stay tuned.
CBS and producing partners Global Citizen announced the format switch.
Saying The Activist was designed to show a wide audience the passion, long hours, and ingenuity that activists put into changing the world, hopefully inspiring others to do the same.
Right.
That was the goal.
That was the goal.
However, it has become apparent the format of the show has announced distracts from the vital work these incredible activists do in their communities every day.
Like making them do three-legged races or whatever.
Like whatever they were going to do, right?
Making them cook.
The push for global change is not a competition anymore.
I want this show as it originally was supposed to happen.
Give it to me as it originally was supposed to happen.
I want a contest outside of a Planned Parenthood.
That's what I want to see.
I want to see Julianne Ho judging the photos of whatever women in guillotines or handmade tail.
Like I could see like somebody doing a handmade tail thing outside of a Planned Parenthood and Julianne Ho and Usher and Priyanka.
They're all sitting there and they're like, that was brilliant.
It was socially conscious.
It was now.
The handmaid's tail is such a big show.
And we just love the way that you took pop culture elements and infused your activism with it.
You remain, and then there's just claps, you know.
And then somebody else, you're like, they're like, you came out here with just the law and you had these tablets that looked like Ten Commandments, but they were like the rights of women.
We just felt that it didn't connect.
We felt that the tablet seemed a little weird, a little religious, which is actually kind of what we're fighting.
And I know that you were trying to repurpose religion for, you know, obviously a pro-woman moment, but we just felt like it didn't really, it didn't, it didn't work.
And we are so sorry, but you're going home.
Please give me that show.
I want that show.
I don't want a show where I'm just going to be introduced to these people.
No, and they're so tone-deaf, you think that they were fighting before this change, they were fighting to like go to Kabul, like go to Afghanistan and like help people for the season finale.
Yeah, no, the executives at CBS were like, we need something big for the season finale.
They would have brought out Michael Brown's mother.
No, I'm not kidding.
These people are so soulless.
They are soulless.
They would have offered her a lot of money and they would have brought her out to crown who's the top activist.
These people don't have souls.
I'm talking to everyone I've met, okay?
Everyone I've met in Hollywood that's in these positions, they desperately want to convince themselves they're not evil and they don't, they just don't know how.
That's why they step in shit like this.
Like they don't understand why this would be offensive.
They don't understand the difference between activism and performative activism.
They don't get why activism can't be a competition.
They don't understand why having the most social media followers at the end of the day doesn't make you the best activist.
They don't get it.
They have no commitment to changing anything except their own personal circumstances, which include a newer Tesla and a nicer house.
Activism Is Not A Contest00:02:41
That is it.
They will tweet about capitalism and about feminism and about intersectional, and they will tweet, tweet, and then they'll put the phone down on a marble table and then they will drive their kids to private school.
That is what's happening, truly.
You know, AOC and the Eat the Rich dress.
I didn't really talk about it or, you know, tax the rich at the Met.
I don't care anymore.
I can't get invested.
I'm not going to be one of these people who like polices the price of AOC's shoes all day.
Like these guys are like, she's wearing Balenciaga boots.
Like, guys, there's more on, there's more to life.
But it is just funny.
We've kind of reached peak satire where AOC goes, no, no, no, it's my job to be here.
This is part of the suffering that I must do.
It is not easy.
Like people on Twitter were like, it is hard for her to just face the people she's going to tax.
This is difficult.
I'm like, it's not difficult.
She was invited, so it's clearly not that difficult.
Number two, she's not throwing a scare into anybody over there.
They're all fine, okay?
She acts, you know, like, again, like, this is a little awkward.
It's a little strange to see all these rich people with attacks of rich trash.
But they all love it because they know it's also pretend.
Have the air gone a little out of you?
Try Stratos, then, well.
The air-y milk chocolate that bubbles out of joy.
Take a bite and let it melt on the tongue.
Oi, oi, now we're talking.
Some days, you just have to lift your head a little.
Try Stratos, then, well.
Den luftige melksjokoladen som bobler av glede.
Hvilken Stratos er din favoritt?
Med fyll?
Uten fyll?
Eller med karamell, kjeks, snøtter, havsalt?
Vi avbryter denne sendingen.
Vent, det ble fel.
Sending er jo faktisk hele greia vår.
Pro-frakt sørger for at bedrifter får tilgang til Norges ledende frakteavtaler.
Så teknisk sett avbryter vi jo ikke sendingen.
Vi muliggjør sendingen.
Uansett, tilbake til sendingen.
Og husk Pro-frakt da.
Vi i Rema 1000 har gjort det enklere å være kylling.
All vår kylling vokser nemlig saktere.
Og får mer tid og plass til å bruse med fjæra.
Og da blir det enklere for deg å velge kylling.
Enten du vil ha kvalitetsmerkestange, bestselleren Solvinge, eller prima lavpris.
Rema-priser med bedre dyrevelferd inkludert.
Så slipper du å tenke på det.
Ja, det enkle er ofte det beste.
Rema 1000.
Altid lave priser.
FAKE!
We're finding out a lot of these people refuse to take the vaccine, too.
Nikki Minaj Vaccine Stance00:08:11
A lot of these Hollywood people, yeah, well, again, they have the access to like the best medical treatment, right?
Like, now I have a lot of money, so I have access to better medical treatment.
Now, because I'm fat, I would still take the vaccine because COVID is a holocaust to fat people.
And I just paid 10 grand to get into some doctor concierge service where I sat there and the guy goes, Don't have dessert.
I said, Thank you.
That's literally, I paid like $10,000.
The guy comes into Beverly Hills, he looks at me, goes, Your metabolism is flawed.
I said, Thank you.
But what's good is he'll do all the tests to show he'll do the blood and the sperm and the spot him.
I don't know what he tests.
The uh, you know, your iodine level, whatever it is, he's in there and he'll just do the scans and the aortic and the uh pulmonary, whatever it is, he'll get it done.
Um, but the thing is, these celebrities don't want this shit because they have the best their access to the best thing, and a lot of them are very in very good shape, yes, so they don't want it.
And then some of them are a little-you know, like some of them, them a lot of celebs got the celebs who weren't mentioned in QAnon also got like were into QAnon.
They're not like I've talked to like A-list celebrities that believe the world is flat, and these are like A-list people.
So, my point is not like, Hey, they should all get the vaccine.
My point is, like, anything that they believe they don't usually publicly say it because sometimes it's too controversial, and then sometimes it's like they've literally not done any they just someone told them one day when they were on shrooms that the world may be flat, and they go, Hey man, that makes a lot of sense.
Because a lot of the people out here don't know why they're here, they're just hot and they're kind of stupid, and they're in this town and they have bazillions of dollars.
Like, they blow me out of the water.
They just have so much money, and life is odd, it's great, but it's odd.
They're like, This is strange.
And a lot of them get there kind of young.
Like I'm 36 and I just started to do well over the last few years.
A lot of these people, they hit when they're young.
So they don't really have that.
Like a lot of them talk about they had like a summer job for like four months.
Like ShylaBeuff made a movie about like what?
Sleeping in a like a motel.
How long did he do that for?
Wasn't he on TV at like 11?
And I know his dad was stealing his money and I feel bad about that.
But didn't that end kind of quickly?
Pretty quickly.
It wasn't a decade.
It wasn't like forever.
I'm not minimizing what Chyla Buff would do.
I'm a fan of his and he hugged me once at the comedy store and said I was brilliant.
He won't remember.
But he's a great kid.
And I don't care what he did to those dogs.
You gotta, I'm, hey, you gotta get in character.
The point is that I'm saying that a lot of these people, Kathy Griffin used to have a joke about Jules.
She's like, what do you sleep in a car for a weekend?
Like, the thing is, a lot of them just make the most out of these stories that just aren't that, some of them, like Tina Turner, that's a different story.
She was getting her ass handed to her.
Okay.
But a lot of these people, like, it's just not, it wasn't that horrible.
They kind of got put on pretty quick and they started making a lot of money.
So when things like that happen and you don't know, you got to really start to figure out like why the world is what it is.
Like you have to start thinking that the, you start thinking a lot about why things are the way they are.
Because it's not like you struggled and worked hard and got really good at something and then it happened.
It's just like you want a lotto.
So you start thinking about things and you start trying to put things together in your own mind.
You have a lot of adult responsibilities, but you may not have an adult brain.
And some of the things that these people get into are not like based in reality.
And I respect Nicki Minaj.
Here's the thing with Nikki Binaj.
She went out and said, hey, my friend in my cousin's friend got...
He was impotent and his balls got really big in Trinity.
Yeah, well, listen.
And that's a cartoonish example, right?
So it lends itself to people making fun of her, right?
It lends itself to being made fun of.
Totally understand that.
But again, it's not a good idea when somebody goes, I want to do more research or I have a question to go, shut up, you stupid bitch, which is essentially what they did.
And then she went at that Twitch guy.
She said, he said Tucker's a white nationalist.
And she went, right.
I can't speak to, agree with, even look at someone from a particular political party.
People aren't human anymore.
If you're black and a Democrat tells you to shove barbles up your ass, you simply have to.
If another party tells you to look out for that bus, stand there and get hit.
She's right about that.
These discussions are policed.
And the policing doesn't work.
It turns people off.
Turns people off.
When she goes, I want to do more research.
I don't understand it.
And everyone goes, what are you going to go to a fucking clinic and do research?
You're a stupid bitch.
You illiterate bitch.
I mean, again, these are the progressive people, right?
You illiterate bitch.
Like, these are the people that are supposedly.
And then, you know, I hope every here's the thing.
She's too rich.
When she's got like 100 mil, when you have that kind of money, you start to stray on a lot of different issues, right?
You start to stray.
Go to Nikki Minaj Net Worth.
80.
It's got to be more.
It's probably a little more, but even 80 mil.
You start to say to yourself, hey, I got a few things to say at $80 million.
You go, I got a fucking, I got a take.
And People like jumped on her for it.
I just I'm looking forward to the I want every I want all rappers to be Republicans I I do I Want like Mitch McConnell and little Uzi Vert to do like things together.
I want Nikki Minaj to have a song with Laura Loomer I'm getting the racks facts racks.
I don't want to get the vax fact like I want Just pure chaos Whereas like Kanye, but you saw with Kanye like Kanye's a billionaire you get to a certain level of money and you go yeah, I just I don't want to feel like there's anything that's off limits to discuss, to just throw out there.
But then, of course, everybody's like.
But you have a platform and you have influence and if you say something, well then.
And instead of analyzing why that is that these people have all this influence, instead of saying why do we live in a country where no one listens to their parents, religious leaders or the government and they're listening to Nicki Minaj, instead of analyzing that we just go.
No, you have to say everything we want you to say, because you have this massive platform and people listen to you, and instead of going well listen, the family structure has like disintegrated to the point where children are like being raised by popular culture, which is a horrible idea, and getting information from celebrities is not good.
That being said, it seems somewhat inevitable to a certain degree.
So, as a parent, I guess you should get between Nikki Minaj's tweet and your child, perhaps if you feel like they should get the vaccine, like.
What i'm trying to understand here is the terror.
People are terrified that like we're losing Nikki Minaj, like if Nikki Minaj has this point of view, God help us.
The Terror Of Celebrities00:04:25
What is next?
Who will be next?
She is a domino to fall and when it is a she falls, then what happens?
Who will be next?
Little baby, who's coming next?
Who will next say global warming isn't real?
Who's gonna do it?
Will Dj Khaled talk about a border wall what who's?
Who's next?
I think that's part of what this is.
They go.
We can't lose, and you are losing.
By the way, the VMA has had less than a million views, like less than a million viewers.
People are done.
Oh, the MTV?
Yeah, I saw that.
No one cares man, you know what's interesting about all these people and you know you saw it at the Met Gala and somebody made, uh, it's weird, it's like all of these people are.
Some of them are really attractive and really hot, but also we have this very interesting thing now where a fair amount of them are sexless.
It's actually impossible to have a sexual fantasy about some of these people because they don't look human and they display no human emotions.
They display no humanity.
Where you do to fantasize about them, you have to create everything, because they themselves, for whatever reason, they look ghoulish and you just can't think of them sexually.
They look like an art piece, and this is not specific to the Met Gala, although it's kind of on full display there.
That was Grimes.
Yeah, Grimes looks fine, but then people want to fuck her because she looks like the person in the video game and you know right, she looks like yeah.
But what I mean is, like you know, Anna and Dasha over at RED Scare I were they the ones who said this.
I don't know if I should quote them if they didn't say it.
Someone said, the rock fuck.
Maybe it was a comedian, I forget who said this, but they were talking about the rock and they were like the rock is just, it's weirdly like he's so great looking, but you don't want to fuck the rock.
There's something weird about him.
I don't know who said it, but whatever it was it was, it was a, I don't think it was.
I don't think it was RED Scare.
But my point is that a lot of the people that you see now, for whatever reason maybe it's because they're so you know they're, they're so enhanced surgically, or it's that the fashion is wild, or it's that their personality oh, they're all heavily medicated.
Their personalities seem like, you know, like they had a microchip surgically implanted in them, like like Timothy Chalamay is a perfect example.
He should be like good looking.
Have you ever seen anyone that you felt was less biologically like?
He's an attractive dude, but do you look at Timothy Chalamay and go, let's fuck?
Not really, and it's not that i'm insulting his looks.
He's great looking technically right.
He's got a sharp jawline, he's got the hair, but he doesn't look like a human being.
He looks like an idea.
Did you know what I mean?
Can you imagine fucking or being by Timothy Chalamay like?
Can you imagine any human thing happening with Timothy?
Can you imagine a lunch with Timothy Chalamay?
Can you imagine sitting at a table with him while he, like he would like play with an endive leaf, like and like you know, put his hand through his hair and just kind of like, kind of he'd be like, kind of like brooding and like he'd be like like I feel like you just keep getting closer to the table.
He'd be like, and I feel like you'd just make a sound like he wouldn't even talk.
He'd just be like like that's a sound you would make, like you'd be sitting there and you'd be like the the chicken is good and he'd go and he'd be wearing like all white and he'd just be like he just they'd give him a lemon.
He'd be like, I just want a lemon.
And he'd be like, is he a human being?
It's my question.
Prince Harry And Megan00:16:20
I'm not being insulting.
No.
He's attractive and successful.
I can't hurt him.
I'm not trying to.
Is that a person?
Is that a person that, when you're having sex with that person or when you're speaking to that person, is that person alive?
That's my question with a lot of these celebrities.
Are they alive?
Like, if I met you, would you be alive?
In a way that I would understand or not.
I'm not saying it has to be.
So now the activists, they're retooling it, though.
And now it's a documentary.
And when does it premiere?
Because I want to watch it.
I bet it's just as bad as a documentary.
And then we're going to talk about Megan and Harry because I am such a fan of Megan and Harry.
And I love more celebrities.
Because everyone in this country hates elites.
But we hate it.
But we like royalty, apparently.
Look out for the activists on October 22nd.
Well, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are my favorite couple.
I think they're my favorite couple.
And the reason that I like Prince Harry and Megan Markle so much is that they prove to me that we have a deep need and a desire for a certain type of celebrity.
I don't know where this comes from.
It's certainly something that is deeply ingrained in our psyche.
We want the, we like and love these types of people.
We like high-profile, glossy people that are vapid and don't have much going on in their heads, but think they do.
Like they are under the impression they have big thoughts.
Big, big thoughts.
Like Megan and Harry, I've listened to both of them talk.
Garden variety retards.
Both of them.
She's hot.
He's royal.
But garden variety morons, either one of them, just their level of eloquence.
Like I'm an eloquent person.
You may hate me.
Many do.
But I'm eloquent.
I have a certain amount of intelligence that I convey with the broadcast twice a week, once here, once on Patreon.
I watched Megan and I watched Harry.
They were using their emotion to cover up the fact that they were not smart.
They were not too smart.
And they were, obviously, it was an emotionally charged interview because they had just left the country.
They had found out that the royal family is racist, which was shocking.
Up until now, they had only thought that the royal family had murdered Harry's mother.
But upon finding out that in addition to murdering Harry's mother, they were also quite insensitive on the topic of race.
No good.
Up until that point, you said, well, they're just an Illuminati death cult that drink blood and live for a thousand years and have murdered my fiancé's mother.
But we're going to give them a shot and let's see how evolved they are.
And it turns out they're not too evolved.
And I watched the Oprah interview and we talked about it on the show.
They're just not bright.
So like many people, but they believe they are bright.
They say the right things.
They're like, there are so many people in the world without.
Yes.
There are so many people in the world without, which is why we have to come to Los Angeles and live in a beautiful mansion with round-the-clock security.
We got to get a deal at Netflix and make documentaries about people that are fucked.
That's what it is.
They want to be on Netflix and make documentaries about people with cleft palettes.
That's kind of the direction they're heading in.
Just like the Obamas who got a Netflix deal, who should not have.
No politician should get an overall with Netflix.
This should be a line in the sand.
Nobody.
They have a production company, too.
Oh, well, why not?
They're probably doing the activist.
Do you, if you doubt for a minute that if, by the way, with no backlash, if there was no backlash, Megan Markle is on episode three of The Activist talking about racial sensitivity training and the need to do it, you know, or the need to get rid of horses in Central Park or whatever pet cause that episode three happened to be about, Megan Markle would be on talking about it.
She's a Hollywood actress, means she's ambition.
Actors are stupid people.
They're not smart.
Very few of them are intelligent.
And the ones that are intelligent are much, much older.
Young actors are, and we know many of them, they're insanely dumb to where it's noticeable.
Have you ever been with someone who's so dumb it's noticeable?
Where you look at someone else as if to be in disbelief at what this person is doing.
If you had lunch with Megan Markle, you'd be stunned at how dumb she was.
Not because she's black, because I wouldn't think she was black if I looked at her, because she's an actress who is on the show suits.
Okay?
She's an actress.
Harry is an idiot.
He's an idiot for two reasons.
Number one, he signed up to fight in the Afghanistan war.
That was a dumb move.
You're a fucking prince.
What are you doing that shit for?
Number two, I know it's heroic, I guess, after 9-11, but I think he'd signed up years after that.
That's hilarious.
And number two, he's still believing this dumb story that the paparazzi killed his mom.
Maybe he doesn't.
So she gets him to leave his family.
She goes, why do we want to stay here?
And I get it.
I'm for them.
Why do we want to stay here?
They're racist.
The weather sucks.
The food shit.
Let's go to LA.
We'll eat sushi by the pool every day and we'll make documentaries about people with cleft palettes.
He goes, well, is it when their face is all?
Yes.
She goes, and then every now and then we'll fly one of them over.
We'll clean up their face and we'll take them to Disneyland.
But we got to get out of the UK and we got to come to the US and we're going to go on Oprah.
And then every idiot in America, but he's like, but they're mad at rich people.
Not our kind of rich people.
She goes, I'm kind of black and you're an idiot.
So you just, and you're willing to be emasculated.
So you just sit there and eat your own cock on TV.
I'll tell Oprah that they were chasing me around the royal palace with nooses, and then Netflix will open up a suitcase full of money, and we'll go do documentaries about kids with cleft palettes.
Is it luck where their lip is in their nose?
Yes.
Yes.
Just Google it, Harry.
So that's what went on.
And I liked them.
I used to not like them.
I've now, I have a new thing now for the holidays.
I believe everyone and I love everyone.
This is positive me.
I've been too cynical for too long, but I survived COVID.
You know, and other than having seven or eight skin rashes at any given time, I'm relatively healthy.
And Norm just died.
We're losing people.
You never know how long you get.
So I've decided to love everyone and embrace.
I've embraced these two clowns.
I like them.
Yes, they're grifters.
Yes, they're deeply unserious, and they're not that bright, but I respect how far they've gotten.
So I am saying yes to them.
Whereas in the past, I would have said no.
I would have said, no, they're exploiting.
They're this to that.
Oh, shut up.
Who cares?
They're here and it's fun.
Watching people fawn over them.
We like royalty.
We love it.
We like rich people.
Stop pretending you don't like rich people.
Stop pretending.
The people that tweet about Marxism all day, then talk about how much they love the real housewives.
You just can't quit it.
And nobody is a realer housewife than Megan Markle, who married this Ginger Ritard and took him out of his racist family so that they could live in Beverly Hills or wherever the fuck they live and make documentaries about people without hands on Netflix.
Netflix, by the way, who's committed to just giving these people anything they want whenever they want.
They're making a cartoon.
What is the cartoon about?
It's called Pearl.
Yes.
It's about a young girl who is inspired by influential women in history and counts David Furnish and Liz Garbus among its executive producers.
Yeah, I guess that's it.
They've got a 12-year-old girl who's inspired by influential women in history.
The series is currently in development.
That's all the information we have.
That's it.
She's on a journey of self-discovery as she tries to overcome life's daily challenges.
Well, that sounds great.
Good for her, man.
Do you know how many actresses that do a show like Suits just get thrown out in the street afterwards?
Megan Markle parlayed that into a fucking royal wedding and then a year in or a couple of years in said, fuck that shit and left.
And I'm not saying the royal family was not racist to her.
I'm sure they were, but that also didn't start when she got there.
They didn't like become racist.
She knew, like, it started probably early on when they confused her for the help nine times.
They were probably ordering tea from her.
An exciting tale that weaves together, fantasy in history, Pearl focuses on a young girl who learns to step into her own power when she embarks on a heroic adventure and meets important women from history along the way.
We're excited to develop this animated cheers with our partners at Archerwell Productions and Story Syndicate.
They're Archwell Productions.
That's their Archwell Production.
So you know what this is going to be?
Like Pearl's going to go back.
You know, there's going to be a scene where Pearl's like, who are you?
My name is Harriet.
Harriet, who?
Harriet Tubman.
We got a railroad.
And you go, oh, my God.
This is the Underground Railroad?
Yes, it is.
This is so amazing.
I can't believe it.
You're so brave and strong.
Yes, I am, child.
But I'm not nearly as brave and strong as Megan Markle.
Who's that?
She was an actress on suits.
It's a TV show.
Yeah.
She married Prince Harry.
You know, the son of that woman they killed in the thing in the tunnel.
And they said the press did it, but you know it was going to because she was going to marry Dodi Alfa.
He was Muslim.
It's a whole thing.
It's oil.
Saudi Arabia, whatever.
You got to follow Cynthia McKinney on Twitter.
What?
Anyway, I'm just saying.
Yes, I'm...
Where's Cynthia McKinney at the Metallah, by the way?
All she did was talk about 9-11 all day.
Where's she?
Where is she?
Where's she?
Well, here's what I'm saying.
I'm saying it.
I may be brave, but the bravest person ever is Megan Markle.
Thank you.
I'm excited for that show.
I'll never get another special on anything ever again.
Like, my special will be on PetBoys.com.
I mean, it will be like, it will be so far.
Every day I hear about like another executive who genuinely hates me, who like brings me up by name in meetings that they do not like me.
We're selling so many tickets.
This show's gotten so massive.
And the offers have been slim.
Slim to none.
But that's okay.
And then people ask you, they go, do you think I'll do a special?
I go, I don't know.
Maybe I'll do it.
Reach out.
Let's reach out to Harry and Megan.
Let's call my agent right now on the air and ask him if he can reach out.
Let's see if he answers it.
Hey, quick question.
I know it's late.
You're probably, I figured you were up with a kid.
Is there any, do we think that there's any way that Archer L Productions might produce my special?
That's the production company founded by Megan Markle and Prince Harry.
Your tweet about that was amazing.
No, but I mean, can we get me a meeting?
Like, I think I should get a meeting with them.
I love it.
Why not?
You know what we should do is we should try over email and then I'll forward you the emails and you can post it or whatever.
Let's just do that.
Do that.
Let's see what they actually say.
You know, folk, please pursue this, please.
All right.
Thank you, brother.
Get some sleep.
That's what I like him because he'll get fired too.
He doesn't care.
You know what I mean?
I mean, with his clients, I mean, he could do his job, you know, out of a rehab.
You could just sit in a Archuel Productions.
I want the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.
Do you, does anyone not like this idea, though?
Seriously, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge present Tim Dylan.
I love it.
It's great.
We could do it over there.
We go overseas and do it.
No, they're here.
Oh, right, right.
We do it here.
We can't go there anymore because they're racist.
Because they're racist there.
They came to a country with no racism, America.
Because the royal family was so racist, they came to a place where the...
You know, we have the least racist organization in America right here in the city, the LAPD.
No, none of this was a plot.
This was all well thought out.
Made sense.
Is it Law with the Cleve Palette?
Is it when is it all tapped in Apple, but it got stuck?
Please Google it for him, someone.
All right.
Are we going to see?
Oh, bruh.
Can I meet Lizzo?
Stop asking me questions.
You're really fucking annoying me today.
Okay, we're Skyping right now with the leader of fucking some country we're about to demolish for a TV show.
Royal Family Racism00:04:04
Archerwell Productions.
These people have me whacked.
They'll have me done Diana style.
They will do me in Diana style.
Yeah, they'll whack you.
We should have spent more time on 9-11 this year, but we just kind of let it go by.
Yeah.
What are you going to do?
Yeah.
You can't, here's the thing.
How long can you discuss something?
It's a good question.
Doesn't mean it's not important or you don't care anymore.
Or that I'm a Hollywood elite.
You're a Hollywood elite.
How many, what are you going to do?
How many times are you going to ring the bell?
You know, I don't, you know?
Yeah, man.
I just think there's a very slim chance we're getting to the bottom of it.
I don't think we're getting to the bottom of it.
You'll straight up go, I don't know.
Your kids will ask you what happened on 9-11.
You will straight up at a kitchen table and go, I don't know.
Go to school.
Ask them.
I pay taxes.
Let them ask you what you're doing.
People said I was going to have a 9-11.
Did you ever listen up a podcast episode that last podcast on the left did about 9-11 that was like an event?
Julie Parter?
That's like a nine-hour epic.
I've never listened to that show.
But me and you.
I have friends that love.
My friend Ryan from Long Island loves Last Podcast on the Left.
And I know Ben and I know Henry.
And I've known Marcus.
But I've never really listened.
But I heard that it was like the best thing ever.
It was insanely well researched.
The documentary is 9-11, the new Pearl Harbor.
If you want to watch a document, it's a fun four or five-hour thing.
Yeah, it's amazing.
Show the kids.
It's fun.
Archerwell Productions presents the activist.
On this episode of The Activist, we have a special guest.
Please welcome Megan Markle.
That's like Project One Runway.
Like all the activists are standing on the stage and you're like, oh my God.
They're like, it is a dream to meet you.
And Megan Markle's like, today's challenge is this.
A schoolboy with a water gun was shot in the face.
And everyone's like, this.
Everyone's like, oh, no.
They're like, by three racist detectives.
We've got 48 hours to come up with a strategy, including a slogan, merch, a big social media push, live direct action, sit-ins, parades, and music.
I need you guys to be utilizing everything.
All of your celebrity contacts, all of your big social media names.
The name of the game here is cross-marketing.
We need to have a fucking, we need a fund set up, ASAP.
We need to start fucking filling out with money so that we can get these events off the ground.
Okay?
Now remember, I don't really know the kid's name, but it's about him.
And they're like, yeah.
Yes, it is.
Yes.
So there was like, he was shot in the face.
Yes.
So in the slogan, I think we should use the visceral nature of the horror of what happened.
So then it'll cut to them.
They'll be in like confessionals.
I'll be like, as soon as I heard shot in the face, I knew I had the perfect slogan.
If it's in the face, it's about race.
It was brilliant.
I knew you won right there.
When you came out, and then at the end when they're doing the judging, they're like, when you came out with If It's in the Face, It's About Race, we knew immediately that we had a winner.
And they're crying, thank you so much, Megan.
I love you.
They're like, listen, it was brilliant.
The chanting was brilliant.
Your direct action was great when you screamed in the face of that crossing guard and put it up on Instagram.
You know, the merch wasn't exactly what we wanted.
We didn't love all of the designs.
And we thought they were a little too visceral, you know?
And they were like, yeah, I shouldn't have went with the gun and with the face and the gun.
Direct Action Finale00:03:12
Something more.
And they're like, we find, it's like Nina Garcia is sitting there for Project Runway.
She's like, we find when the event is incredibly heinous, we do more symbolism.
Everyone's like, yes.
They all nod at each other, but they're getting the wisdom.
They're like, yes, more symbolism.
That makes a lot of sense.
Thank you so much.
Megan's like, thank you so much.
You're all so brave to be here on the CBS lot filming this show.
But that's what it is.
And God, I mean, God, can you believe the finale?
Like what they would have done for the finale.
Oh, man.
Like the levels of depravity that they would have sunk to for the finale.
The levels of depravity that they would have sunk to for the finale.
Like the things they would have pitched, maybe not done or got the green light to do, but the ideas that they would have thrown out there would have been so horrible and so grotesque because they're like, we got to pull out all the stops.
We got to pull out all the stars.
You know?
They're like, we want everything.
You know?
There are only two activists left.
Today is the final decision to see who will be the best activists in America.
Take your blindfolds off.
Look around.
You're standing in Minneapolis, Minnesota, not a few blocks away from the birthplace of this movement where George Floyd was killed.
There's a chest in front of you.
In that chest, there are two boxes.
Pick one.
The box will open and you will have different things you can use for your final project.
Some will be phone numbers of George Floyd's family.
Some will be addresses.
Some will be pictures.
Some will be pictures of racist gangs that have infiltrated the Minneapolis police.
Please join me right now.
And they would bring out, they'd bring out like a ton of people.
They'd be like, please welcome our celebrity judges.
Michelle Obama.
Greta Thunberg.
And Michael Brown's mother.
You have three hours to complete your challenge, which is making a collage to show how far we still need to go with race relations.
Your time starts now.
Man.
Holiday Challenge Collage00:04:22
And they would have done it.
They would have done it all.
They would have done it all, but the people unfortunately got in the way of that.
Because let me tell you right now, there's nobody who understands humanity less than the people whose job it is to showcase it for you on television every night.
Nobody understands the human condition less than the people whose job it is to bring it to you.
We're on tour, TimDylanComedy.com.
We're adding second shows in Atlanta.
We're adding a second show at Sacramento.
We're adding a second show in Atlantic City.
We're adding second shows all over the place.
Things are selling out.
Thank you guys.
We appreciate it.
The vax mandate shit is wild.
Some of them you could bring.
Hopefully you could just bring a negative test if you don't want to be vaccinated.
Every comic in the world is having to deal with this right now.
It's fucking annoying.
Hopefully this is over sooner rather than later.
And this insanity does not persist.
You know, I've always said it doesn't make a ton of sense to me that if you can get and spread COVID, why you need to show that you have the vaccine.
It's a weird, it's strange.
I think it's a freak out that people are having.
I think that ends in a few months.
And I think people hopefully forget about this and abandon this.
I could be wrong about that.
After 9-11, no one abandoned anything.
But I just think three years from now when no one, who's still going to do this?
No.
When there's no, you know, when nobody's had COVID, you know, who's still going to be like, show me your vaccine?
I think it's just.
Ivory Mechan.
Well, no one's going to care.
We're going to move on, I believe.
There'll be another thing then that we'll be getting fucked with.
But the shows are selling really well.
We're very excited to be out there performing.
Sam Tallant's going to be on the road with us, a fucking amazing comedian.
TimDylanComedy.com for tickets.
Tim J. Dillon, D-I-L-L-O-N on Instagram and Twitter.
If you want to follow me and go grab tickets.
L.A. night after Thanksgiving at the Regent or where, no, at the Wiltern in L.A. November 26th, right?
November 26th.
Night after Thanksgiving at the Wiltern.
Gonna have a lot of fun there.
I'm excited about that show.
Excited about the Beacon Theater.
A few tickets left.
It's almost sold out.
Patreon episodes out every Tuesday.
Subscribe to the YouTube channel if you have not.
Tim Dylan show.
We do appreciate that.
People talk about merch.
We don't have any right now.
I mean, we'll get some maybe by the holidays, but I don't know.
We might do one thing for the holidays.
In the winter.
We might just do one hoodie.
Something super simple.
We don't know what it will be yet.
But thank you, everybody, for buying tickets.
We're going to have a ton of fun out there.
And we're going to bring, there's going to be some fun surprises on some of the shows.
And I'm hoping that this ends in a special produced by the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.
That's the hope.
The Duke and the Duchess of Sussex.
Oh, let's play this before we go.
Oh, yeah.
So this is.
Everybody was up in arms about Kensington Avenue in Philly.
Yeah, we were talking to Gillis about this.
He says it's rough.
Shane says it's rough.
It looks fine to me.
Play it.
Okay, that's your 10 million views on this.
Dude, I've been all over this country.
That's not even that bad.
That's not even that bad.
She's got something in her ear.
This is fine.
There's Alexis.
Everyone's response to this was, I can't believe this is America.
I can't believe this is.
And I guess if you haven't traveled anywhere.
Yeah, if you haven't gone anywhere.
To me, it doesn't even look that bad.
It looks like a play where they're all going to get up, you know, like Lamazarob.
They're going to be like, at the end of the day, you're another day, colder.
That's all they can say for the life of the poor.
It's a struggle, it's a war, and we're hoping that Meg and Markle and Protari make a documentary about our lives because then they'll be better.