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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Negotiating With Spotify CEO00:14:18
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan Show.
Big announcement.
With the CEO of Spotify, bring him up, this guy.
And the negotiations have been, his name's Daniel Elk.
He's the guy here, and he's like a bald Norwegian pedophile.
And we're negotiating with him.
And what's hard about doing that is every time we try to do that, he's fucking children and blowing their brains out in Sweden or wherever the hell he lives and then throwing their lifeless corpses over his Viking ship into the ocean.
That being said, this bald person has given us a really good indication that we're going to be on Spotify.
Of course, you know, the platform where they rob musicians who are mostly brain dead drug addicts.
So we said we don't have a problem with that.
We especially like that they're going to keep robbing musicians and taking the little drug money that these people have left.
But Daniel Eck, is it Ek or Elk?
It's Ek.
It's Ek.
That's part of the negotiation is we pretend not to know his name.
But Daniel Ek, who is a Nazi Viking pedophile, the CEO of Spotify, we try to negotiate with him and we get on all these Zoom meetings.
And on every Zoom meeting, and this is true, he's got behind him, he has the Nazi flag.
And he has so much cool Nazi memorabilia that's so hard to get.
It's so hard to get the things he has.
And they're always displayed behind him, Spotify.
But we were surprised at the offer, which is right now the offer is $18 billion.
And we're shocked at that.
He says he wants to build a new Epstein island to train Nazi youth with us.
And I'm excited about that.
Unvaccinated Nazi youth on a new island.
Daniel Ek is it Ek or Elk?
Ek Ek, CEO of Spotify.
We have a new deal with Spotify for a trillion dollars to launder human trafficking and drug money through our podcast at Spotify.
And that's why we were late.
We were late because Daniel Eck, the CEO of Spotify, has offered us a deal.
So if we can use it in his words to awaken people about the problems that the white race are facing.
His words, not mine.
I said we could try.
It's not usually what we do.
Spotify CEO Daniel Eck asked us to be on exclusively his platform.
Does that excite you at all?
I'm stoked.
I'm very happy to be on it.
Did you ever think this day would happen?
Never.
I never thought it would, but I'm kind of happy it did.
Me too.
At Spotify.
I like Spotify.
I like it.
I like that you can't use the app.
And I like that The CEO is clearly in some Nazi Viking cult.
I mean, can you not see him on a Viking ship?
I could see that, yeah.
Just whipping people.
I like him.
He's a good guy.
Yeah.
Well, can I be the first to say thank you to Spotify for all of that money?
I hope nothing we've said today will hurt because we're in open negotiations with him.
And he like told us, he's like, don't mention like the pedophile Nazi stuff on air.
But it's not, I don't think it's a big deal.
But that's why we're late.
So I want to Spotify CEO doing big business with us, not fake business, real business.
I'm also in the middle of a home renovation in Austin, Texas.
I'm not going to give that woman the business today.
I've decided.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
I didn't like the face.
The comment at the end?
The comment at the end runed it.
We went into a father, a family, a family tile place, father and daughter, right?
I thought it might have been husband and wife, but it was father-daughter.
And we proceeded to look at all the different tiles and the things because I have to get new tile for my kitchen floor, whether I keep it or rent it or sell it.
The tile is bad.
We have to get new tile.
And I went in and I asked for marble immediately.
Why?
Because it lets them know that I don't care about them and they don't matter to me.
And if they die or people like them die, people like me don't get upset.
Do you see what I mean?
When natural disasters affect those people, I don't care.
That's why I asked for marble up front.
Like when I walk in, I go, hey, do you guys have marble here?
And she's like, real marble?
And I'm like, yeah, real marble.
When a tornado blows through your mama house, I don't care about that diabetes-infested bitch.
I don't give a fuck.
Okay.
So I said this.
So she, and I thought, I thought it was a husband and wife, but it was a father-daughter.
I think so.
Yeah.
Tile business.
And we were very nice.
And they dissuaded me.
They said marble is too expensive.
And they're probably right.
Probably right.
They're probably right.
It's too much.
It's too much.
And marble tiles for fucking fruit loops anyway.
You want chunk marble, chunks of it flown in from Italy, but we can't do that.
So they said porcelain, right?
And that's good.
It's durable.
I don't want to put linoleum up.
Well, that's probably how they grew up.
And there's nothing wrong with that, right?
Because linoleum you can piss and shit on and just throw orange juice on.
It doesn't bother anyone.
You can just get on your knees and wipe it up with a rag.
But anyway, so I walk in.
I got out of the car with you and we were just trying to, you know, and so, and then I was really hyped about doing business with these people, truly.
But then we gave our phone numbers at the end and why don't you tell them what happened?
So she asked for both of our phone numbers.
That's correct.
Can I give away your area code for the story?
I guess I have to, right?
Yes.
The area code was in LA, right?
She said, they said to Ben, what's the area code?
I said 325, blank, Right.
And they go, oh, 325.
I go, Abilene, Texas.
They go, nice.
Right.
And then they go, they like that.
They like the area code of Abilene, Texas, by the way, the people who cannot afford to buy the tile.
And they go, what about you?
And you give your number.
And they said, what's that?
And I went, Beverly Hills.
And they went, she went, she made a face.
And I joked around.
I said, don't worry.
We're voting Republican, but we're throwing away.
We're throwing around disgusting amounts of money.
I said, we're going to throw away this around.
And she kind of made a face.
But here's the thing.
And this way I have to deny the business because of that.
I really have to deny the business.
Here's the other thing.
If you work in a family business in the tile thing for your father, the reality is you like sucking his cock.
There's no other way to really, if you work in a family business with your dad, you like to suck his cock or you want to suck his cock.
You want to fuck him.
You are unable to find a man.
to then go and build a life with.
You want to be near your father.
And there's a moment out of every single day when you want to get on your knees and suck the old man off and just say, fuck you, God, and jerk his old sweaty dick into your mouth and swallow his semen.
And I find that unnatural.
It's not with the laws of nature.
So I have to take the business away from these people.
Unfortunately, I have to call them early in the morning and tell them that we have some, there's some family emergency.
I didn't like her face, though.
Very over the top.
It was over the top.
And you know what?
Here's what you're going to have to understand.
Okay, you dumb hick.
People like me and other people from California are going to move in here.
Are they going to make your children trans?
Of course they are, dummy.
But if you had enough money, none of this would happen.
You know that capitalism that you people just jerk off all day and you take its cock and you jam it down your throat.
Here's what capitalism means, dummy.
It means that rich people from California can move into your third state and do whatever they want.
Turn your kids trans, buy your kitchen tile, vote for higher taxes, fund Antifa.
They can do anything and you can't stop them.
You know why?
Because they got the fucking money and all you motherfuckers give a shit about is money, right?
So shut the fuck up, okay?
You live in a suburb of Austin, Texas, the worst city in America.
There's three ICU beds here, okay?
I mean, literally, there's like no ICU beds here.
And yours are bad.
It's so embarrassing.
I've been very clear about my feelings for Austin, Texas.
But again, your rah-rah Americanism and obsession with like, capital, I do mother.
Well, guess what?
Capitalism means, retard.
It means that I can go anywhere I want if I have the money and ruin your life.
If I want to ruin your life, I can, now I have no interest in ruining your life.
I don't vote.
I really have never voted.
I don't like lines.
But the point is that the people coming here are going to ruin your life.
The tech people are going to come here and they're going to do everything you think they're going to fucking do.
I'm telling you, you think this vaccine is bad?
They're going to have more vaccines.
And I'm vaccinated.
I don't even think this one's, there's going to be new ones that are coming.
There'll be vaccines every three months and they'll just give them to you when you're sleeping and you're not going to be able to do anything about it because you don't have any money.
You see the problem?
You people are all obsessed with guns and guns are great and I understand guns, but you don't really do anything with the guns.
What do you have?
A massacre every year.
No one's impressed, right?
See, the thing is, it's not like you're organizing assaults on centers of power.
You're shooting trees in your backyard and the tech people are slowly choking you.
They're slowly taking all the oxygen out of you.
And all you're doing is capitalized my money.
I like my money.
So if you like capital, it's capital, baby.
That said, people can come here and do whatever the fuck they want and you're going to have to deal with it.
And if you don't fucking like it, well, too fucking bad.
You have to make enough money to stop them.
How about that?
You've got to make more money than the tech people.
And good luck.
Good luck slinging linoleum tile if you're going to have more money than them.
So I don't think I can give her the business.
It saddens me because I actually think they do a good job.
They did.
Yeah, they were good.
But I just, I don't, I just, you know what it is?
It's that over-the-top cuntiness that to me, I feel like, you know what?
When I saw her do that, I had a feeling you were going to back out of the whole thing.
It was reality.
It was over the top.
Well, you know what it is?
She doesn't understand that she doesn't have any power.
We didn't fight through lines of people to get in there.
Okay.
We were the only people in there.
But she doesn't.
And the father even looked at her, kind of like, why are you doing that?
Why don't you just come suck my cock?
Because they want to fuck each other.
It's incest.
It's truly incests.
And that's okay.
Because they have all these weird codes.
They're like, I don't like Democrats, but I like sucking my daddy off.
Like, even when she was like playful, like he came over, she's like, Daddy, don't step on my clothes because he stepped on her.
You know, people in Austin, like women in Austin, are disgusting.
And they wear like, she was wearing like balloon, green balloon pants and everything because they don't know how to dress here.
The women, the women here are like, you know, they're cows, you know, they're like disgusting drug addicts.
So she's wearing like a green balloon pants and he stepped on it.
She's like, daddy, don't step on my pants.
But I thought she want at that point, I think like he wanted to just kind of just hit her in the ass.
Like if we weren't there, I think he would have just taken his big hand and just hit her in the ass and then snuck a finger up, snuck a finger up the back.
And then they would have gone back and like fucked on like tile.
Like, you know, like, I like to fuck my daughter on cold tile.
I like to fuck, I like to feel it on cold fucking tile.
Because they are doing incest, is why I say that.
We have to break the sending.
No, wait, it was wrong.
Send is actually the whole thing.
Pro-Frakt is to ensure that companies have access to Norges' leading fraktavtale.
So we don't break the sending.
We can't do the sending.
Regardless, back to the sending.
And remember Pro-Frakt.
Austin warns of catastrophe as Texas again becomes center of pandemic.
Austin should be warning of catastrophe regardless of the pandemic, by the way.
The situation is critical.
Desmar walks, Austin Travis County's health authority said in a statement, our hospitals are severely stressed and there's little we can do to alleviate their burden with surging cases.
Austin only has six available ICU beds and they've only got 313 available ventilators and most of those ventilators being used to smoke brisket.
A-List Stars Move To Austin00:02:35
As you can tell, major issues here.
But here's the thing I will say about Austin.
Did you read this?
Because there is a massive influx of the Hollywood people coming here.
And read the Hollywood Reporter because I was quoted in this article.
I was quoted in this.
There's a massive influx of people here.
I was shocked.
I almost had to eat my words because you know me.
I tend to believe that if they're going to write an article like this, it's going to be hasbins or people who aren't relevant or people that nobody cares about.
Okay.
No, no, go back to the top.
But in all fairness to the Hollywood Reporter, they have low, this is true.
They have located some A-list stars.
The types of people where if you bumped into them, have you ever felt stunned in the presence of another human being?
Because these people that have decided to leave Los Angeles for Austin are top-level talent, top-tier celebrities.
These are not people where you do like a double take.
This is like they need security, famous, worldwide, Michael Jackson types, Princess Diana.
Ready?
Let's do it.
As stars like Steven Amel and Zachary Levi flock to the Texas Capitol.
Dude.
I mean.
Did you even know they were here?
I didn't know.
Get them up, please, because I'm not trying to make a joke.
I'm not kidding about this.
They're here in Austin.
Hold on.
Stephen Amel is a Canadian actor, producer, and occasional professional wrestler known for playing Oliver Queen Green Arrow on the CW series Arrow, the show that started the Arrowverse.
I had thought that the Hollywood reporter would write an article about like C-list people, but I was wrong.
So we have this guy, he's an actor and a part-time professional wrestler.
Stephen Amell In Texas00:14:38
Zachary Levy Pugh is an American actor, comedian, and singer.
He received critical acclaim for starring as Chuck Pratowski in the series Chuck and as the title character in Shazam.
This is, here's the question.
Will Hollywood survive?
It's not funny because there's a lot of good people in California.
We all hate the business, but there's a lot of people in there that have families.
And with this type of exodus, with the power players in Hollywood deciding to leave to come to Austin, Texas, keep going down because it doesn't end there, Ben.
It doesn't stop there.
Okay?
Now this guy, Jason Padalecki.
Oh, Jared Padalecki.
Jared Padalecki is like the big Austin advocate.
Padalecki's been here since 2010.
And he's done some stuff.
Go down because he is on some big shows.
I don't know.
He is on stuff, but James Vanderbeek is here from Dawson's Creek.
James Vanderbeek has said, hey, fuck you, Hollywood.
Hey, fuck you.
Do you know how James Vanderbeek left Hollywood?
He walked into Paramount Studios in Hollywood because they offered him a seven-picture deal because someone there just saw Dawson's Creek.
Mind-blowing.
Someone just saw it and said, where's that guy now?
They bring him into Paramount.
They said, seven-picture deal, but you have to live in California.
He said, hey, fuck you.
He goes, have you ever heard of the Texas Hill Country?
And he just walked out, dude.
$20 million upfront guarantee seven-picture deal.
He said, no, James Vanderbeek.
Listen to Scott Eastwood, Adrian Palicki, Adrian Grenier from Entourage, the hit new show, and James Vanderbeek from Dawson's Creek, the hit new show.
Listen to this.
At the park in Beverly Hills near the house we just moved away from, you're not allowed to fly a kite.
The beak groused on Instagram as he moved.
The beak.
That's what they call James Vanderbeek.
The beak.
The beak groused on Instagram as he moved his family to Texas this November.
Quote, also not allowed at any park in Beverly Hills, riding a bicycle, climbing a tree, learning anything from an instructor, using weights when people at...
Now, by the way.
What?
I don't think this is true.
This isn't.
A lot of it's not true.
But I love that he's like climbing a tree.
You hey, get off the tree, scumbag.
Hey, scumbag.
I hope James Vanderbeek's children get paralyzed from falling out of a tree where they are literally like literally, I hope he has to like wheel his son in a wheelchair like into Austin and his son's like this.
And James Vanderbeek, and they go up to him.
They go, dude, I read that.
I hope it happens soon.
Dude, I read that fucking article about why you moved to Austin.
It's so tree.
It's so true, dude.
Like, you can't climb a tree.
And the kid's just like, yeah.
And they go, what happened to him?
And I hope James Vanderbeek has to go, well, I was encouraging him to climb a tree to be a real man.
And he fell.
And I didn't catch him because I was Googling myself.
And then he broke his neck and now he can't walk.
But the good news is, here's the good news.
The good news is that he can fly a kite now in the park.
Now, not him, but we tie it to his wheelchair and then push him around.
James Vanderbeek, you can't learn anything from an instructor using weights.
These are just some of the reasons.
More freedom was also a motive often expressed by arguably the most influential newcomer, Jewe Regin.
Who is this?
Who is this guy?
Joe Regan.
Joe Regan, American comedian, podcaster, and UFC color commentator.
He's a former actor, a television presenter.
Rogan began his career in comedy.
Regan.
Joe Regan?
Interesting.
He lives here now.
We're kidding, of course.
Joe moved here to open up a comedy club.
It is open.
Let me tell you right now, how much fun did we have the other night at Joe Rogan's new comedy club?
Here it is.
Joe Rogan's new comedy club.
September 1st, opening night.
Here is the lineup, everybody.
Patrice O'Neal, Gary Shanling, Greg Giraldo, Robert Schimmel, Joan Rivers, Robin Williams, and me and Tony Hinchcliffe.
September 1st, opening night.
Joe Rogan and friends, big show on September 1st.
Very, very excited about this.
Are you excited about this?
Are you bringing your wife?
Yes, she wants to be.
Do you think James Vander Beek will be there?
Boy, I hope so.
Do you think actor and part-time professional wrestler, whatever that other scumbag's name was, will be there?
Oh, Zach Levi?
Yeah, Zach Levi.
By the way, can we play Padlecki showed us his house that Ida, our friend Ida, Al and Peg, Peg, showed me this guy's house.
It's grotesque.
It's on YouTube the way it's designed.
Can we look at it?
Because it's the perfect like Austin aesthetic, which is just, it's like an old couch where they just throw blankets on it.
And I guess people use those blankets to cry about that they can't live anywhere else.
Oh, is this at men's health?
This one right here?
Or are you talking about the farmhouse?
The farmhouse.
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, this is a dump.
Can we play this?
Absolutely.
Hey, D. I'm Genevieve Padalecki.
Hi, we're really, really famous.
Now, I know you're shocked to see us.
We're incredibly.
No, he's done stuff.
Bring up what he's done.
I don't want people attacking me.
I got to live here with these people for a few months.
I'm not shitting on these people.
All I'm saying is we have to deal in the world as it is, right?
So he is legit.
Oh, supernatural.
He was in the show Supernatural and Gilmore Girl.
He's one of the greatest actors that's ever lived.
He was in the film House of Wax.
Have you seen House of Wax?
Well, you're a fucking idiot.
Okay?
House of Wax is a great.
Daniel Day-Lewis, Jack Nicholson, him.
Let's go to the house.
By the way, if you're noticing, we're burning it here in a way that like pretty soon our physical safety will be that we have to leave.
Do you understand?
Like I actually, I woke up in the middle of the night last night and I was wondering if it's safe to be here anymore.
You know?
No, truly.
Like I walked outside and I went, is it safe to be here anymore?
But that is the future of the show, I believe.
We'll have to just get deeper and deeper and deeper into a sort of canyon.
A bunker of some kind.
Some type of bunker.
We got to talk to Dick Cheney about how he did it.
But look at this woman with the hat.
You know I love these.
I'm kidding.
I love you guys.
Let's see more of their farmhouse.
I hope it's modern chic.
Welcome to our humble abode here in Austin.
Is it humble?
I bet it's not humble.
That's the joke.
See, it's not humble.
It's actually very nice.
Ooh.
That's right.
Lots of trees for climbing.
This is the main room of our house.
This is where the slaves got whipped.
Watch movies and eat sometimes when it's too late.
Can you smell the stench of slaves as their skin come flying off their back?
We like to bring in the vegetables.
Is that where you put the vegetables?
Where the slave got whipped?
Take that hat off, Crocodile Dundee.
Take the hat off.
What is with women in Austin and these fucking hats?
I don't know.
What the fuck is going on here?
They all act like they're on Safari and they want to be because they want to go to Africa and buy slaves to bring them back to their modern chic farmhouse, Neo farmhouse, modern chic.
It's modern chic.
By the way, listen to what this dum dum says.
I got to get on a plane out of here soon because I mean, they're going to come for me.
We're going to see them somewhere for sure.
I don't think, I don't know if we'll see.
We don't go anywhere.
Like they invited us to join the Soho house in Austin.
I'm like, this is a trap.
I mean, it's a literal trap.
You know what I mean?
We know one guy here from Clubhouse.
He's, you know, I mean, he's a sweet man, but I mean, he's brain dead, right?
He doesn't have enough oxygen to his brain, which is okay.
I don't know.
It's long COVID or short COVID.
I don't know what it is.
And he's a sweet man and I like him, but there's something in his brain that doesn't function, right?
I mean, that's my take.
So we have Crocodile Dundee here with the hat and she's talking to her husband about why the kitchen, because the kitchen is the soul.
It's the soul.
And by the way, now that I have to fix up this dumb fucking house, this is all I do.
Like all I spend my time doing is have these like horrible conversations with like horrible people because all the people that work, all the people for first of all that work in like the business of like design, for the most part, like the vast majority of them, they're just, it's not, they're not like passionate about it, right?
So they're just kind of like kind of like glazed.
Like the best case is they're glazed over and they're like, hey, ha, ha.
You know what's nice when the towels are cold on your feet?
They're cold on your face.
But, you know, that's best case.
Worst cases, they're kind of, they're kind of just like looking off and you have to go, hello.
And they're like, what?
And you go, I want a refrigerator, you know?
And they're like, 16 years ago, I killed my son by accident.
I backed out of my driveway and he was on his bicycle.
I killed him.
The marriage didn't survive too long after that.
After that, I ended up getting into some gambling debts and moving down south.
I'm like, wolf appliances are good.
No, wolf, wolf.
We want gas.
Let's play the rest of these Lunatins.
Grab your food.
Go sit at the table.
Nothing is precious in this house.
It's very livable.
By the way, nothing is precious in this house.
Let's get me and Ray Cump in there.
I want to bring Ray Cump through that house with a big fucking like.
What are the biggest things at 7-Eleven they have?
Oh, big gulps.
I want to bring Ray Cump in with a big gulp and just ashing everywhere.
And then when she gets angry, I go, wait a minute, you said nothing.
Now, by the way, look at this dump, by the way.
Look at this dump.
They got a cowhide rug.
I mean, like, could there be any place that attracts less of a caliber of people than these people?
It's like sitcom stars who were on superhero shows in like 2006.
That's what they mean by Hollywood.
They mean people that were on television 18 years ago in a green suit running around pretending to save people.
Continue.
I just, casual is the biggest thing.
And we really want everyone who steps into this house to feel like it's their home and they're welcome.
So we kind of laugh when people say like, hey, should I take my shoes off?
Like, no.
Well, there are three dogs inside and chickens and whatever.
So make yourselves at home.
Yeah, exactly.
We're not precious about this.
We love it.
It's our home, but our home is your home.
I also really love it because not only is it pretty, we use everything.
So our kids do like to come up here.
They grab their pots and pans.
How do they grab the pots and pans, liar?
How do they grab the pots and pans?
That's not true.
How do they grab the pots and pants?
It's fucking impossible.
They're children.
I'm just going to get this going.
I think the elf on the shelf likes our bull.
Likes our bull.
He needs a name.
Harold.
Harold.
Harold is his name.
When he comes sex, she goes, what happens?
What happened in San Diego?
Brew.
Should I just, should I respond to you overdosed?
I'm just going to say, I have to prepare the eulogy for your funeral.
I have to prepare your eulogy.
That's funny.
That's funny.
Yeah, that is.
Isn't it funny?
Very funny.
Continue with this.
Look at these two.
Come on our house, which if you want to test your marriage, do a remodel.
Right.
That was a tough one.
Oh, my God.
That's what I've always heard.
If you want to test your marriage, do a remodel or have a kid with brain cancer.
Those are the two.
Remodeling your home or having a kid with brain cancer and you can't afford to pay the bills.
Those are actually the real tests of your marriage.
Choosing cabinets and also a child with a brain tumor where the bills are stacking up and you can't pay them.
And that's a huge test of your marriage.
But it may not be as big of a test of your marriage as walking around furniture stores in that hat.
But don't you see what I mean, folks, about why it's bad here?
Yeah, skip down the line and then we'll get out of this.
Hillary Duff Backyard Views00:03:33
I kind of want to see their backyard.
Let's see their backyard.
Their backyard's kind of nice, huh?
What is it?
It's pretty.
It's pretty and green.
Everyone's obsessed with green here.
It's green.
Isn't it green?
We really wanted to create an area in an outdoor area where we could eat some of the plants and also play some sports and everything was like really usable.
So not only are most of the plants usable and edible, but our yard, everything is for jumping and soccer and football.
A little outdoor seating again.
Our yard has a few levels.
And so it's nice because you get like this view of where the kids would go.
But we'll sit here, we'll cook, we'll grill, and then you'll see these are our kitchen windows.
It's a beautiful yard, but let's kill it for a minute.
It's a beautiful yard.
But let me tell you something.
You're not famous, right?
And that's okay.
By the way, it's nicer to have a family than to be famous.
But can we, can the Hollywood Reporters stop writing articles to like a rash of famous people who've decided to live here?
No one would know who the fuck these people are if they walked into fucking IHOP.
Cut it out.
Truly, truly cut it the fuck out.
They're not famous.
They did the better thing, which is raising a family in the greenery.
I'm for that.
I'm pro family.
But let's not pretend that they're like fucking famous.
Like Paparazzi or fucking diving over the gate in fucking the hill country to get a glimpse of these retards eating Chick-fil-A.
It's not true.
They're not famous.
There's nothing wrong with not being famous, but let's be damn fucking sure about it.
They're not fucking famous.
Okay.
How many fucking views does this thing even have?
It's probably more than my fucking shit show.
850,000.
Yeah, but you know.
Architectural Digest has 5 million subscribes.
Here's the deal.
It's not a ton of views relative to a house tour of somebody who's really, really famous.
Okay.
Robert Downey Jr.'s home has 25 million views.
Do you see that?
You know the difference?
He's famous and they're not.
Hillary Duff, 7.6 million.
Hillary Duff is famous and she's in Pizzagate.
People wanted that tour.
You know that tour.
They wanted to see where the chamber was.
Remember when they tried to rope Hillary Duff into Pizzagate?
Because she did something stupid.
Like she uploaded like a photo of a child and it was like painted or something.
I don't know what she, maybe she is killing kids.
I don't know.
But she did something stupid and everybody got into it.
By the way, I'm sorry if you didn't laugh all the way through 2020, something is wrong with you.
On Saturday morning, the singer and actress became a trending topic on the site when a number of users made unfounded accusations of child trafficking against her based on an Instagram story she posted containing photos of her son.
In once of the since deleted pictures, her son can be seen lying down nude with lotion on his body.
Duff decided to respond via tweet stating that the accusations were not only untrue, but they were invasive and offensive as well.
Everyone bored as fuck right now.
I know, but this is actually disgusting.
Quote, whoever dreamed this one up and put this garbage into the universe should take a break from their damn phone, maybe get a hobby.
Hillary Dizzle.
I don't know what she did.
I'm sure she's not trafficking children, but she'll be in Austin too in a few years.
But this is what I mean.
850,000 views is not a lot of views.
No, no, no, comparative.
Compared to the people that are famous.
Criminals And Instant Hotels00:09:06
Okay.
And by the way, I'm not telling them to be famous.
They have a much better life being who they are.
But let's stop this.
Jessica Alba is showing us a home in Los Angeles.
She's got 31 million views here.
And these people have less because they are less.
And they live in Austin, Texas, and that's okay.
Coronavirus, baby.
We are the world.
We are the Delta.
So, Technic Office is a very good thing.
California is leading right now with a total caseload of 4,062,369.
Second is Florida, 3,249,000.
I'm sorry, Texas is second.
Second is Texas.
Third is Florida.
2,820,000.
New York.
New York's up there.
Illinois, Pennsylvania, Georgia, Ohio, North Carolina, and Jersey.
Round out the top 10.
Hopefully, it's the last splash of the coronavirus.
This is my hope.
And we can move on from this.
It's hot.
It's boring.
It's not exciting.
I don't want to hear Fauci's name anymore.
I don't want to hear about the CDC.
I mean, we've gotten to a point where a worldwide pandemic is boring.
You know what I mean?
Where you're like, oh, it's just the apocalypse again.
Off.
It's really become like troubling where you go, I don't even care anymore.
I don't even know whether or not I care.
I'm trying to care about another lockdown because I don't think it's good and I think it'll destroy the country, but it's hard for me to even care about that.
I'm trying to care about being locked inside my house forever, but I've been so you get so beaten down by the news, you just start accepting things.
You just start going, well, all right, I guess so.
I mean, so I can be in the yard, though, right?
Can we be in the can we be in the yard?
Or is that not a lot?
Australia has like 12 cases and they are literally like chaining people.
But Australians like that.
They don't mind.
They trust the government.
They like the government.
The government's been good to Australians.
Australians are simple people.
All they really want to do is get drunk and grill.
That's really it.
Australians, all they want to do is get hammered in their backyards and put meat on a grill.
There's nothing wrong with that.
People are asking, why aren't Australians angry about this?
They're perpetually lazy descendants of criminals.
All they want to do when you tell them not to work, they go, and that's it.
Do you think Australia is like demanding to work?
I want to work.
No one cares.
They just want to get bombed in their house and put a shish kebab on the grill.
All they care about is grilling and eating.
It's kind of interesting.
There was this really great show called Instant Hotel, and it was on Netflix.
I watched it with Alan Pegg and Devin and I to Alan Pegg.
And they came to my house and we got addicted and we binged it.
And the reason it was so good was because they used Australians who are notoriously monstrous people.
A lot of fans there and we love you.
But people without any taste or decorum.
I mean, it's good.
They have no idea what's going on.
So the idea that they're going to judge hotels, even Airbnbs, was a little bit hilarious.
You know, like they're just grotesque people and they're walking around and they're like, Is this in classy?
I mean, look at this group.
These are the people judging if the hotel is nice or not, right?
Now, this isn't the good group, by the way.
You got to find the first group, season one, people with Babe and Bondi.
What's good about it is there's these two gay guys, Leroy and Brent.
Everyone hates them.
What's good about Instant Hotel is they pick these kind of trashy people and they would all go after each other and they were rude to each other.
And then the next season, they go, we want to get more positive.
And then they ruin the entire show.
But the first two seasons of Instant Hotel are so great.
Look at Babe and Bondi.
Is this them right here?
Yes.
So to the far left right there is Babe and Bondi and then Brent and Leroy.
And what's great about this is they all have these Airbnbs, right?
They should do this in America and give those two lesbians to kick me off, you know, feature their property.
But it's cool.
It's a cool show.
All of these people go around to different Airbnbs and they judge each other as Airbnb.
And they're spiteful and vindictive and rude.
They're classless and they're snobs, but of course not based on any education or understanding of how the world works.
They're not discerning or interesting or intelligent people.
They're just kind of grotesque.
But what's great about it is it's really, really funny, right?
It's really, really funny to watch these people that truly like learned how to use utensils within the last 20 years start talking about decor.
Truly, Australia, they've started to learn how to use like knives and forks relatively recently.
They prefer not to.
I have friends that live there.
Australians prefer to eat meat with just their hands.
Okay?
Now, and there's nothing wrong with that.
It's sexy and fun over there.
Everything can kill them.
They just want to go to the beach, fuck, and eat meat with their hands.
So everyone's like, why aren't they going nuts over this lockdown?
I'm like, this is the best case scenario for them.
They don't have to work.
They're all descendants of criminals.
And all those animals are so poisonous, right?
They really don't want to go outside.
They got bad stuff over there.
Well, they do love going outside.
They don't care if they get poisoned.
These are also not good criminals, right?
The Hamptons, they're descendants of criminals, but criminals that have succeeded.
Criminals that are good at crime, right?
New York money.
These people are the ones in Britain who got caught, like, you know, trying to rob a fucking, you know, magistrate or something.
And then, you know, his great-granddaughter's on Instant Hotel complaining about the size of the bathroom.
I'm just saying it's a real fucking, it's a real romper room over there.
And I enjoyed the hell out of it.
Me and Alan Pegg loved it.
Oh, and one of the stars killed herself.
Go into this.
Really?
Find this.
She killed herself.
One of the stars.
I like a reality TV when someone kills themself because then I know it was real.
Oh.
Yes, this is very sad.
She was Persian.
Ben has to be the conscience of the show.
So every now and then Ben has.
Now, this woman was a cunt.
And I don't, and I don't like suicide.
I don't like it because it's, it's, I would rather people stay here and be horrible.
Australian reality star Shay Rose, who found fame on Instant Hotel in 2017, has died at age 33.
Her former co-star Mikey Jello confirmed the tragic news to Daily Mail Australia saying, yes, it is true and very sad.
She had a funeral last Wednesday and her death was a week before.
Even though we had not spoken for years, I will always cherish the fun time.
She had a good heart and would always be the life of the party.
She was a very vicious woman on Instant Hotel.
I think it was drugs.
Yeah, so, I mean, that's sad.
But again, it shows you it shows you that this was reality TV.
Yeah, you're right about the drugs thing.
What is it?
I've heard from multiple sources she was using drugs heavily.
Yeah.
Well, people were worried about her on the show.
But the problem is the drugs were really good for the show.
That's the problem.
Unfortunately, a lot of times when you produce reality television, it's a catch-22 because you're in this position of putting out something that's good or respecting human life.
You can't do both.
I mean, I'm telling you, I've sat down with some of these people.
Some of the most, I mean, you want to talk about a blank look in their face.
Some of the, I mean, I'm talking about sociopaths.
Some of the coldest people that I've ever had interactions with produce reality television shows, like things that you wouldn't even like cupcake wars.
Like I'm the producer of cupcake wars.
And it's like you're talking to them and you realize that they're like Donald Rumsfeld.
And you're like, yeah, I heard one of the women in there, her marriage fell apart and they went bankrupt.
And she's like, well, there are things, you know, there are things you don't know and there are things you don't know you don't know.
Sociopaths Produce Reality TV00:13:13
I'm like, what?
Excuse me?
But that's how cold and calculated some of these people are.
But Instant Hotel is a real pick from me.
Australia expands COVID lockdown over concern virus has spread from Sydney.
Some of these cities have locked down with no cases.
Yeah.
Why?
They don't care.
Lock it down.
Foster's Australia for beer.
Lock it down.
They don't give a fuck.
All right.
All right.
No work?
No work, huh?
All right.
Sounds good.
Let me know when they need me back.
I don't know.
I coughed earlier.
I'll just stay home.
I try to do an Australian.
It's hard because it becomes British.
But, you know, hopefully this is the last splash.
They can't arrest all of us.
Rand Paul.
Dude, his hair is out of control.
He's like leading the charge right now against like.
I know, but I mean, the problem with him is he just looks like Fival.
You know what I mean?
Like, some of his stuff I do agree with, but like, I just, I just, we need to, why is the spokesman for all of the, why is everything like the worst spokesman ever?
I mean, this looks like a guy that is like trying to like sell you like a dodge dart.
I mean, it's, I mean, like, go to the, go to the, can you play the, uh, the, the, the guy trying to make us get the vaccine from the urban vaccine.
Play the urban, the urban outreach program for the vaccine.
Look at that, it's Megan McCain at the Olympics.
That's nice.
Okay, let me find this one second.
Urban vaccine.
I believe it was in Arkansas.
And they were running it on YouTube ads before.
Yeah, I mean, this is, it is just phenomenal.
As we know, a lot of the people in the urban community, the black community, do not trust the vaccine.
And I wouldn't either because of the Tuskegee experiment and many of the other problems.
We have not, I mean, can we say this?
The U.S. government has not been good to the black people.
Are we allowed to say that?
So many of them are inherently skeptical of the vaccine.
So as outreach to that, our government, who has spent years and years and years lying to people of color and putting them in jail for no reason and all kinds of crazy shit.
They have an urban, an outreach to people.
And this is somebody trying to make them get a vaccine.
During the pandemic, my lifestyle drastically changed.
My income came to a screeching hot.
You have to understand, I'm a hustler.
I'm a legit entrepreneur.
I sell things.
I come in contact with people all the time.
I have to stay safe.
I didn't have a choice but to trust the vaccine.
Why does this seem racist?
Do you understand what I mean?
Why do I start to cringe when he's like, I'm a hustler, I sell things?
What are we doing here?
Who in Arkansas thought this was a good idea?
I'm a hustler.
I sell things.
I'm not going to say what I sell.
It's not my, it's not your business.
I make shit happen.
I know a guy.
It's like, why are we, what is this?
What is going on here?
First of all, it's also a bad idea because if you're not a hustler and entrepreneur, you go, I don't need it.
You're trying to broaden the scope of people you want to get it.
What if there's a guy who goes, I'm not an entrepreneur at all?
I work at Little Caesars.
I don't need it.
But it seems racist, and I don't know why, but let's finish it up.
All right, let's start it over because it's insane.
During the pandemic, my lifestyle drastically changed.
My income came to a screeching halt.
You have to understand, I'm a hustler.
I'm a legitimate.
By the way, go back.
What car is he?
An old Ford Mustang.
It's an old Ford Mustang.
Now, he's outside of a building.
We don't know where.
We don't know what that building is.
T-R-O-I-S.
That's the end of the bit.
We don't know.
But he's just posted up on an old Ford Mustang in a parking lot being an entrepreneur.
He's not at a desk.
He's not in an office.
They didn't put him in an office.
The state of Arkansas did not put him in an office.
They didn't put him in a suit.
They didn't put him anywhere near a place of business.
He's in a parking lot on a Ford Mustang giving you advice about the vaccine.
Continue.
During the pandemic, my lifestyle drastically changed.
My income came to a screeching halt.
You have to understand, I'm a hustler.
I'm a legit entrepreneur.
I sell things.
What do you do?
I come in contact with people all the time.
What's your job?
To stay safe.
I didn't have a choice but to trust the vaccine.
Because if you live the type of lifestyle that I live, do not out here in these streets.
What?
Why not do it safely?
If you're out here in these streets hustling, why not do it safely?
What is your job?
What job description is, quote, out here in these streets?
This is from the Arkansas Department of Health.
What career is described as I'm, quote, hustling out here in these streets?
They're making him seem like a drug dealer.
This is literally saying, if you are also a drug dealer, get the vaccine.
I mean, that's literally what it's saying.
They're going, hey, if you sell drugs, you may not think it's important to get the vaccine, but you should.
There is, by the way, there is no attempt to make this guy seem like he has a job that anyone would understand as legit.
His job description is, if you are out here hustling in these streets, selling things and coming into contact with people all the time, get the vaccine.
What may I ask, are you doing in these streets?
I mean, let's go through this again.
I can almost not believe this.
Start over.
Are you sure we're not being trolled?
This is real?
Yeah, let's just double check here.
Because they were playing it before YouTube videos.
Yeah, I was seeing it played before YouTube videos as ads.
Yeah, and they've turned the comments off.
I wonder why they've done that.
And it says right here on YouTube from state public health authorities.
Jesus, that's crazy.
Okay, keep going.
This is hilarious.
Okay.
During the pandemic, my lifestyle drastically changed.
My income came to a screeching halt.
You have to understand, I'm a hustler.
I'm a legit entrepreneur.
I sell things.
I come in contact with people all the time.
I have to stay safe.
I didn't have a choice but to trust the vaccine.
Because if you live the type of lifestyle that I live, you out here in these streets and you hustling, an entrepreneur like me, why not do it safely?
So I want everybody to take this seriously.
Take a shot at staying healthy.
Take a shot.
Wouldn't it be funny if he was like a gang war at the end?
That's still weird.
Take a shot.
Like, should he even went like take a shot just like that with the gun like right to the camera?
It seems odd.
I don't believe we're getting trolled because YouTube like.
Has anyone talked about this at all?
I saw it go somewhat viral on Twitter.
Yeah.
And then I found it on YouTube and it played before people's YouTube ads.
They were screen recording it and like sharing it on TikTok and Twitter.
God.
Take a shot at staying healthy.
Well, Whitney Cummings response, bitch, I've been dead for 12 years.
She wins.
Hey, man, hope you're doing well.
My friend who's coming to Austin is looking for food.
Good food recommendations.
Yeah, don't come.
My abusive stepfather made the best salsa.
Why I've reclaimed this recipe as my own.
This was in today.
From the ages of 12 to 22, I was stalked and harassed by an anonymous predator.
The person hacked my email, sent me explicit packages, and broke into my apartment and steal my laundry and diaries.
For years, I lived in terror, not knowing who would do this to me or why.
Finally, nearly a decade of mystery, the truth came out.
The perpetrator of these disturbing actions was my own stepfather.
And I told that on the Today Show in 2019.
My now former stepfather has been in prison for these and other crimes for 14 years.
He also bankrupted my mother, stole hundreds of thousands from his financial planning client, and possessed child pornography.
In the intervening years, I've more or less succeeded in putting him out of my mind.
Although I talk openly about him, he doesn't fill my thoughts, and I don't dwell on the memories of him.
Okay.
And that should have been the end.
That should have been the end, right?
That should have been the end.
But not too long ago, I stumbled upon his old prized homemade salsa recipe.
One our family used to beg him to make for parties and get-togethers.
All these memories of this particular food came flooding back.
Poolside hangouts over a big bowl of chips and salsa with my cousins.
New Year's Eve appetizer spread, Fourth of July celebrations, dipping and crunching under the light of fire.
Hey, by the way, get this guy out of jail.
Can this be introduced at a parole hearing?
This should be introduced at a parole hearing.
He should be let out of jail because of this.
Being a food writer and an all-around food lover, I couldn't resist making the salsa for myself.
And lo and behold, it was every bit as amazing as I remembered.
The zesty flavor combo of fresh tomato, cilantro, and onion, and the mince pico de guy-like texture remained as irresistible as they were in my less adolescence when presumably she was being hunted by a predator.
Looks good.
It does look great.
But despite the perfection of Gary's famous salsa, making it brought up some conflicting emotions.
Sure, it was restaurant quality, but I had to wonder if I included this recipe in my own cooking repertoire, would it always remind me of the horrors of my stepfather?
Could I ever look at its jewel-toned blend of veggies without flashing back to the pain of my past?
After giving it some thought, I came to a decision.
Instead of thinking about this delicious dip as the sole property of my abuser, maybe I could make it my own.
I never had many family recipes passed down to me, so maybe this one could be a family recipe in the truest, raw sense, one that bears the scars of my past, but reveals my resilience too.
That's the kind of recipe I'd like to pass down to my children.
The more I make the salsa, the less it bears my abuser's imprint.
I just love the idea of her handing it down to her children.
And she goes, listen, the salsa recipe I'm about to give you comes from a very bad man, a man who would do horrible things.
But one thing he didn't do was make bad salsa.
He was abusive.
He was a pedophile.
He bankrupted your grandmother.
But what he didn't do was fuck up a dip.
I mean, Christ.
I wish her all the best.
That's a real Austin, Texas article.
She should move to Austin.
I hope the dad gets out.
Like, I really, really hope the dad gets out of prison because of this.
Like, at the parole hearing, he reads this and they have to try the salsa.
Like, they're like, okay, he's in here for possession of child pornography and all these other things.
But like, the parole board has to, like, they have to take a bite of the salsa and they start looking at each other.
And by the way, this is a fun reinvention of the show, Top Chef, finding out what pedophiles and prison dishes that they were famous for, making them cook them.
And if they're as good as their victims, remember, they get out.
Is there anything wrong with that?
You know?
Like, maybe there's a pedophile who made a really good guac.
And like, they're like, if you can get the perfect match of lime, cilantro, salt, and pep, I mean, we don't need you rotting away in here.
By the way, no one is working because of the stimulus and that companies don't want to pay.
So why not get this guy out of jail and let him make salsa somewhere?
He doesn't have to do it in a school.
Let him make salsa at a restaurant where only ugly adults work.
I know a city with a lot of fours and fives working.
I live very close to it.
I think that's what he should do.
Vaccine Debate Offer00:02:09
TimDillonComedy.com.
Sorry about San Diego, folks.
Family things.
You know, what do you want me to do?
We're coming back in December.
Chicago, there's some tickets left.
Be there at the end of August.
Patreon episode will be out tomorrow.
Rothschild tier episode is out right now with Andrew Sullivan, who's a great writer, a very interesting guy.
He pioneered blogging on the internet.
We have a very interesting talk about the United States of America and where it is.
We were thinking of releasing it as the episode, but we thought everybody would be really angry at a serious interview after the episode was late for, what are we going on, 48 hours?
Yeah, about 48 hours.
But I want you to go buy his book.
And his new book is called Out on a Limb.
Booked by Andrew Sullivan, selected writings.
And he's all over the place.
Gay, somewhat conservative, has HIV.
It's for the Iraq war, but against it, liked Obama, but then realized the limits of Obama.
He's killing it over on Substack where all those journalists are.
Did you see a little beef between Brett Weinstein and Sam Harris over the vax?
There was a little put that beef on the grill.
I don't want to go into this.
I'm not a doctor, but I don't know if we can play his channel.
Here's what we're.
No, no, no.
Don't do anything there.
You know, God only knows.
I want to offer these gentlemen something.
If you want to debate the vaccine, I will dress like Megan McCain and sodomize myself on my show while you guys debate the vaccine.
So, if Brett Weinstein and Sam Harris want to come on my show and debate the vaccine, I will take a dildo to my ass brutally dressed up like Megan McCain to the point where like I literally shit myself on my own show, like in stirrups, just fucking wedging in there.
Shit, just and blood, Rivers is shit, and blood all over the studio while you guys discuss the vaccine.