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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Anti-Theft Card and Identity Capital00:14:48
You hear me?
Yes, I can hear you.
Can you hear me?
Yes.
I have to wear these headphones.
You look like you're in a prison cell.
I know.
We can talk about that.
This is my anti-theft, anti-break-in card.
I mean, are we rolling already?
So make sure you look here.
Yeah, I'll look there.
Okay.
Are we rolling, Ben?
Great.
I mean, Anna Hashin is here.
That is the pronunciation.
I'm telling, I don't know if I'm telling you that, but that's how you pronounce it.
Yeah, let's just say, for all intents and purposes.
For all intents of purposes, I don't care how people pronounce my name.
It's Kachian.
Is it Kachian?
Yeah.
It's technically Kachian because it's an Armenian name.
You don't say the K, but that sounds like you're like choking on a pubic hair.
You know, that's exactly what it sounds like.
It's like too plosive.
I don't like it.
I've had to pick pubic hairs out of my throat, and it does feel like I'm saying your last name.
You look like you are in a prison cell.
You look like you are a thought criminal in a prison cell right now.
Yeah, I've been, I've been in a re-education camp for anti-Biden wrong thing.
This is like a mandated thing that I have to have on my.
I mean, it's really ugly and looks like shit, but I have to have it in this building.
Why is it mandated?
So it's mandated that you have to have like an anti-theft bars on your windows.
Yes, yeah.
But like only this window, because this is the one that opens up to the fire escape.
So I have to deal with this eyesore, you know.
I, you know, used to be to get a mortgage for your house, you would have sometimes you in certain areas, you would have to have bars on your or the bars were a problem.
Like sometimes the bank would be like, we don't want bars on the windows because if this is true, if there's a fire, you can't escape through a window and continue to pay your mortgage.
You would just die.
And then the people die in there, yeah, the neighborhood, the people in the neighborhood were like, no, we need the bars to keep people out.
It was like a weird tension that they had.
Well, I was very honored that the idea that your mom and your sister are aware of me or like my show made me very happy.
Oh, yeah.
No, my sister is the one that put me onto your show, and she's like a huge fan.
And I think my mom, my mom is like way more advanced than I am.
She knew like who Fetty Wop and like Walk a Flock of Flame were before I did.
And so this is like what I have to deal with.
But basically, my sister's like a super fan.
She was like telling me about how you called Gavin Newsom a wine merchant recently, which I, which I have to push back a little on that.
I think he's more like a wine rep. Like he's like one of those guys that walks around with like the carry-on luggage.
And by the way, my father was that.
My father was a failed wine salesman, which is an amazing thing to fail at, by the way.
A truly amazing thing to not do well selling wine.
But yeah, Gavin Newsom, we called him an Efeet wine merchant.
Yeah.
But I just love the idea that I hope that she listens to it like while smoking cigarettes in like a Brighton Beach apartment.
That's not how she does, but I just, in my head, I just want her to listen to it like in Brighton Beach in an apartment smoking cigarettes, just angry and kind of like pacing back and forth.
Yes.
Yeah, cursing the gods.
No, but so my sister could conceivably be smoking cigarettes.
I think we all quit as a family, but it basically like, you know, this is like a lot of, you know, a lot is on the line here.
There's a lot of pressure because people, people have been anticipating this moment, this like merger of like Irish and Russian excellence.
Yes.
Like my, you know.
I also wanted to say hi to my gay best friend, Dan Alogredo, who also put me on the show and put me onto your show.
And he's also the reason that I know Dasha.
Oh, wow.
So, yeah.
That's Dan Alogredo for any deranged fans who might want to track him down and sex murder him.
A-L-L-E.
I love the people that are overly paranoid about, you know, I was on Clubhouse.
Are you on Clubhouse?
You want to talk about neoliberal hell, but I'm addicted to it.
You got to get on Clubhouse.
Listen to what Clubhouse is.
It's all the tech people.
Okay.
All the venture capitalists, all the sales trainers, all the hucksters and gurus that sell motivational speech.
I kid you not.
They are all on Clubhouse, which is an app where we all talk to each other and you listen to all of these people and they're all in their element.
And I troll on Clubhouse, of course.
Like I make rooms like you could start a room and like my rooms are always like, should I pay for my son's surgery or buy a Bitcoin?
Or how do I become a cancer influencer?
Can I build a brand while I'm in prison?
Should women own Bitcoin?
Very popular room I did the other night.
Should women be allowed legally to own Bitcoin?
And many people were, that was a real debate, but you would enjoy Clubhouse because it's whatever this stage of decline that we are in as an empire, it is Clubhouse is it.
It's the app for the just complete and utter, I mean, it's just Zuckerberg's on it.
Every now and then he'll pop in.
Like big, big tech guys will pop in.
It's weird, but you've not got on it at all.
No, I can't.
I can't do another.
I'm already like such a Twitter addict.
I can't be on another social media platform.
I'm like 35 years old.
It's becoming undignified.
Like hits in a philanthropy.
It's disgusting.
I'm a bad person for doing that.
But yeah, I don't know.
Is my enemy Chamoth Chamoth on Clubhouse?
I bet he is.
So Chamoth, is he on Clubhouse?
He's got to be on Clubhouse.
I thought I was going to make a lot of money in GameStop and AMC and I lost $1,800.
I really believed this is why Irish people should not be allowed to use their own money.
I literally should have to call someone to get approval to make any purchases.
And so is my failed one.
What'd you say?
Like a woman.
That's exactly.
It's not that you're Irish.
It's that you're gay.
We shouldn't, gays and women should not be allowed to make economic decisions on their own behalf.
We're like so incomp.
That's a very good point because I truly believed, and I'm not kidding you, like when the AMC stock was going up, I was wearing aviator glasses and I really truly believed that I had figured something out and that I was going to retire, quit comedy and become something else.
And I lost $1,800 and then that's it.
But you had said something on the portal with Eric Weinstein, who's, you know, I think he likes me now.
He was mad at me yesterday.
I think he's, I think he's fine with me now.
You said something really interesting about like identity being capital.
Like we have this weird society where identity has become capital.
I wanted you to kind of go into that because it is very interesting now that we've ordered society in that way.
Yeah.
I mean, first of all, I want to say that you look like an angel who went to heaven.
I don't mean that in a nice way, but the background is really blurry.
Is that intentional?
Oh, it's just on the Skype.
We edit everything in post.
I'm edited out in post and they put in an attractive black woman to do the show.
Can you give me like bigger boobs?
Yes.
We're going to give you a shot.
I want them like on the resting on the table.
We're going to give you huge tips.
I'm going to take you out of a cell and we're going to put a cigarette back in your mouth.
How dare you quit?
How dare you?
I have to.
I have to.
I had to stop smoking and drinking.
Okay.
What do you mean that?
Define have to.
I have a, I have, I should probably just come, I have a sexually transmitted infection called I'm like eight months pregnant.
So is that?
Yeah.
Well, congratulations.
I mean, do people know that?
With the next big neoliberal novel.
No, they don't.
But I'm going to just come clean because everybody's always speculating.
Oh my God.
So you're coming clean on the Tim Dylan show and saying that you are pregnant.
Yeah, like a typical woman.
I have to drum up some suspense and like emotionally extort people into, you know, I'm going to play the victim for the next six weeks.
Right.
My back hurts.
This is unacceptable.
I really want to, I want to call, you know, I want to say, I want to walk around saying this is unacceptable.
How do you plan to hold them accountable?
You know, rectify all that.
I have like six weeks left.
Is your, do you have a name picked out for the baby?
No, not yet.
I'm going to call it neoliberalism or something stupid.
I don't know.
I haven't thought about it.
I think it's like really a bad idea to think, you know, people are like very precious about this kind of shit and they like think about it and they give it some like weird like gay Edwardian name.
It's just like, I don't know, kids should be like seen and not heard.
They should recede into the background, be saddled with like, you know, adult chores.
I'm only doing this so I can have like an unpaid domestic servant, you know, because I don't want to pay.
I need somebody to produce my podcast.
I think that the name my parents gave me, they gave me the name Timmy because they go, let's give him a name where if he is a fat faggot, it will fit so perfectly that it'll, because Timmy is the name that was the name of the pussy growing up.
It was the name of the guy that was always joked around about, like Timmy.
So they gave me that, which I truly appreciate.
Had my name been like Justin, I would have had a different life.
Well, you would have been like the class rapist.
That's true.
And not a homosexual comedian.
That's a very good name.
That's a good name.
It's like very generic, but cute.
I love Tim.
Tim's my best friend's name.
That's nice.
Okay.
Or my new best friend.
So anyway, what was the capital thing you said?
I saw that.
Identity as capital.
It was very interesting.
You guys were talking about, I forget how it came up, but it was basically like, it's a zero-sum game now where if Rachel Dolezal is pretending to be black, she's taking an opportunity away from a black woman.
If somebody...
Right.
Yeah.
So it's strange.
How do we get out of this?
I mean, is there a way out of this?
Because all the things that you talk about, whether it's class critique or class consciousness solidarity, it all seems to be completely evaporating into this kind of hellscape of very strange niceties and pleasantries and fearful exchanges that people have and nothing's really getting done and nobody's getting to the meat of any of the issues.
Is there a way, do you see a role for people like yourself on the left to kind of, you know, bring about some new paradigm where people can have real discussions again and make better things happen?
I mean, in like the immortal words of my podcasting partner, Dash Nikrusova, I think like socialism is over.
I think we should leave it behind in 2020.
It probably should have been over in 2016, honestly.
The advice that I give anybody who feels demoralized or is like despairing is that you have to self-eject and just not engage with these people.
Just ignore them because, you know, they are a very valuable population of bullies, but you have to just starve them, deprive them of attention, which I think people should also do with me if they hate me so much.
That advice is across the board.
But like, I don't know.
I mean, that's the thing.
On an individual level, all this identity stuff is a zero-sum game.
Like if Rachel Dolezal decides to identify as black, which is a pretty crazy, but generally harmless thing, right?
That means she's taking away opportunities from like other people.
And this can only exist in like a scarcity, like precarity-driven society, whether or not that's actually real.
But we're talking about like this concept of like elite overproduction, that there's like a very small number of seats at the table and everybody is locked in a vicious game of musical chairs.
Right.
But like, you know, you have to like indulge me for a minute.
I studied game theory in college, which is a particularly like shitty and fake subset of economics, which is a shitty and fake social science.
And, you know, people treat these things as a zero-sum situation, but it's really like a prisoner's dilemma.
Everybody is locked in a suboptimal outcome together when like the alternative is to mutually acknowledge that this is emotional terrorism and we shouldn't be engaging in it.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, I know you're a fan of a lot of, I forget the philosopher name, but the culture of narcissism.
You'll know more.
Lash.
Yeah.
We don't have to, we don't have to use the words neoliberalism or lash for the rest of this podcast.
Well, I don't, I didn't even use the word.
I don't even know who it is.
I just got cliff notes.
My friend Ida Tavacoli, if you want to stalk her, is such a massive fan of Red Scare.
And she's a very attractive woman who has been spending the last eight months of her life following, because she's not working.
So she's just following the stimulus.
And she's become incredibly educated about like the laws and the ways and means committee.
And like she's so, because they just want the check, her and her boyfriend, whom I love, but they really just want that.
Like they'll tell me, they'll go, you know, 900 billion sufficient.
We don't need the two.
And I'm like, so, but they love your show and they love you and Dasha.
And she told me that you were a big fan of the culture of narcissism.
I got in trouble the other day when I tweeted the AOC kind of reminded me of Trump.
AOC, Trump, and Inverse Narcissism00:04:20
They have similar characteristics, right?
They overlap to a degree.
Their politics are different, but there's something about her and there's something about him.
Maybe it's how adept they both are at social media or how they love centering themselves in whatever narrative it is.
It seems to be.
I have aunts like this where like they will make their husband's cancer about them.
It's fascinating.
They will make their child's DWI about them.
They will make anything about them.
So I feel like Trump and AOC have sort of that similarity is they effortlessly center themselves, by the way.
They're very good at it and it doesn't seem like they're trying, which is really impressive.
It just, it just naturally happens.
Do you, do you find that similar?
Because I know you have some issues with her.
Is it part of that as well, where you feel like there's just a little narcissism there that needs to be ranked?
Yeah, I mean, like my theory, my working theory is that we've moved from like Lash's culture of narcissism or narcissistic society to the culture of BPD or like BPD society.
And I think like, you know, this is extremely like reductive and rudimentary, but like BPD is just female narcissism.
It's like inverse narcissism, making it about you in passive aggressive, like backhanded ways.
And I think like, you know, AOC is a master of this.
And so is Trump because he's really like our first woman and our first Jewish president.
Like he has a very kind of feminine vibe about him.
He's a Yanta.
You know, he's like, he's too much of a gossip and like a pog, right?
I said this before to be like a true authoritarian fascist.
I actually, my, my hunch is that AOC and the squad are far more, they're representative of a far more like authoritarian personality type.
But they are these women that like, you know, I mentioned to you who love to talk about holding people accountable and like this is unacceptable.
How do you plan to rectify this?
And I think AOC is a totally Trumpian formation.
Like she couldn't exist without Trump.
They have the same posters mentality, right?
They have the same grasp of social media.
As you said, I think her sense of her sense of humor and her sense of comedic timing is worse than his, but they're kind of cut from the same cloth.
Yeah, I mean, she's nowhere near as funny.
He's brilliantly funny in a way that he doesn't know he's being funny, which is often when, well, I'm obviously a comedian and like I've seen a lot of people in the comedy world that are incredibly unsuccessful at the business of comedy, but happen to be very funny people.
One of the reasons they're unable to put anything together is that they don't know why they're funny, which is, I think, Trump doesn't know why he's funny.
Like he, you know, he understands the roasting and the insults and things like that, but it's really this kind of, like you said, kind of a gossipy quality, almost like a drag queen.
He's bigger than he's very big.
It's gold hair.
It's, you know, very, you know, kind of big movements.
The way he moves, the way he talks, it's, there's a melodious quality to the voice.
It's kind of like jazz.
It's like a jazz, you know, quartet that's not quite hitting, but it's just, you can't stop listening to it.
He's, he's amazed.
I miss him as, you know, as, you know, destructive as he's been.
There is something about him that I got used to, very much like I was used to cocaine for a decade.
And when you get rid of it, you really have to find something else.
And this is just not cutting it, right?
The impeachment trial is not cutting it.
It's like, you know, doing Suboxone after you've just been doing benzos for six years and you're like, this is not it.
I feel like we're all sitting in a rehab trying to watch the impeachment trial.
We're like, this isn't doing it.
And AOC is not doing it.
And nobody's doing it for us anymore.
And it just feels like wherever you go, especially the media, it feels like they're just in the grips of like, it's like they're in first year sobriety, which is just, it's a very boring place to be, where it's the first year you're sober, you're just kind of uncertain and you're making mountains out of molehills.
Stenographers for Liberal Consensus00:02:17
But I mean, do you think they eventually adjust or are they going to keep dialing things up to 11?
I mean, nothing's going to be Trump, though.
Well, I think they're going to ride out the dog and pony show that is the impeachment trial.
Right.
I mean, I think that that's a purely like cynical, functional decision to proceed with the Senate trial that nobody wants or needs.
It's like total, I mean, A, it creates a lot of make work for these politicians who don't want to do any real work and who want to continue playing hot potato with responsibility, obfuscating their own liability, accountability, and passing it on to the next guy kind of infinitely.
And also, it like, you know, is great for the media cycle.
These people, I mean, the media is like a bunch of like disgruntled adolescents who, you know, daddy paid their allowance and now that daddy's gone, like, what are they going to do?
They hate him.
Yeah, you quoted me once as saying like people talk about journalists.
There's like no journalist.
There's like seven journalists.
Like then everybody else is like just whatever, a culture commentator, whatever you want to call them.
But like nobody's doing like the actual shoe leather reporting and like putting themselves at risk and taking these major risks and you know, breaking, they're not embedding themselves with anything.
You know, these are, you know, it's pretty basic, you know, type of like, you know, you know, fear-mongering from whichever side.
And they just do it all on Twitter.
I mean, everything can be done remotely now.
Everything is Zoom, you know, it's like a Zoom.
Yeah.
You know, it's like they're embedding themselves into, you know, Taylor Lorenz, who writes for the New York Times, just sits on Clubhouse every night waiting for one of us to say the word retard.
And I say it every two minutes and no one cares because I'm not famous.
But she's waiting for, I'm more famous than her, but she's don't love all your souls.
I mean, compared to her, I mean, whatever.
She writes about mukbangs.
Kidding, Taylor.
We know you listen.
But she's in the clubhouse rooms waiting for like a CEO to just say something misogynistic.
And then she writes an article about it.
And it's like, that's not a journalist.
A journalist should be someone who like moves to Dallas, Texas, and writes about the Kennedy assassination for five years, doesn't finish a book, and ends up killing themself.
Remote Work and Twitter Culture00:05:33
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's true.
And the only person I can think of now who basically occupies that role is like Michael Tracy.
He's like the sexiest people, People Magazine, sexiest man alive.
You know, he's like the most hated guy on the internet.
People really hate him.
There's like three journalists, him, Greenwald, and Taibbi that don't belong in prison.
Right.
The rest of them are like, you know, they're professional aggregators.
They're bloggers or they're like, you know, like I said this on the last episode of MyPod.
They're like basically stenographers for liberal consensus, you know.
Well, they could easily, you know what it is?
You know how you know it's not good?
Because you could easily take any of those journalists and put them in the writer's room a Saturday Night Live and they'd fit in.
It would be like fine.
Like they could easily just go in and like write a sketch about Putin coming down the chimney and like hooking up with Trump or whatever high-level satire that that trillion-dollar operation over there is offering.
Oi!
Is it going to be laid lasagna?
Yes, but it's just Toro!
Just Toro?
It's just so good to be laid.
It's just so much easier.
It's filled with sauce, it's a good taste and all of it likes.
When it's so easy to make something so good, why do it difficult?
Toro, great enough!
We're going to break the sending.
No, wait, it's a bit better.
Sending is actually the whole thing.
ProFract serves to enable the Norges led to the Fraktavtals, so technically we don't break the sending.
We can't do the sending.
Uansett, back to the sending.
And remember, ProFract has a new message.
Hey Lars, Daniel from Joka Bulander.
You said you went to a last with Barnabarne in Porsche.
I think that's why you think it will pass with a last with Ukas Joker, which is a choice for Gilde, Frior, Finnsbrotten and Leif Vidal to minus 40%.
We're talking about Joker, the good nabo.
We'll break the sending.
No, wait, it was wrong.
The sending is actually the whole thing.
ProFract serves to enable the company to the Norges led to the Fraktavtals.
So, Takniset of Birit Vie Mule.
What is good to you?
I mean, I know that you're not a pop culture mainstream person, clearly, but what does it for you?
Is there anything out there that you know do you do you do a Marxist critique of the Real Housewives?
Where do you live on some of the more cultural things?
I don't even know what Marxism is.
Oh, I bet that's not true.
No, I've never read Marx.
I, you know, my parents left the Soviet Union because they were compelled to read Marx in school and they came here so I would never have to read Marx again.
Right.
That's why I'm going to leave America because we're going to be compelled to read Chelsea Handler very soon.
So, yeah, just to give you an idea of Abraham Kennedy or whatever, or Robin D'Angelo.
What do I like in culture?
God, that's a good question.
I like Adam Curtis.
He has a new documentary series coming out.
Hypernormalization was great.
That's great.
He has a new one.
But that, you know, that man speaks to me on all levels, like intellectual, aesthetic, like conceptual.
And he has like a very kind of like mischievous worldview in that, like, he's a classic Gemini, much like Trump, Kanye, Azalea Banks, all the great artists of our time are Geminis.
My mother's a Gemini.
Right.
So he has this kind of like, what are you, by the way?
I'm an Aquarius.
Okay.
I don't even, I don't even know anything.
I don't know what that means.
I think it just means that you're full of shit, which I think is a good, a good description of me.
I think it might mean that you're chaotic.
Yeah, that's possible.
It's a water sign.
I don't know what that means, but I think it just means that you're like, I think a lot of people in sales are Aquarius.
A lot of people in art or people that talk for a living are Aquarius.
Things like that.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah.
No, but basically, he has, you know, this wonderful vision that is kind of fairly bleak, but also not miserable.
Like, he's not a miserable.
Yes.
And I like those aspects of culture that aren't like that are that are serious but not miserable, you know.
And I like real, I mean, I do like the Real Housewives franchises because they basically are, you know, an interesting kind of like sociological view into like gender dynamics and classing sort of thing.
If anyone wants to understand the mortgage crisis, I mean, there's a lot of great books.
Obviously, Bethany McLean wrote a book called All the Devils Are Here.
She's a reporter that broke the Enron story.
But really, other than her, if you're not going to read her entire book, the first season of The Real Housewives of Orange County is probably the best depiction of the financial crisis where literally people that were, I mean, not to be unkind, but developmentally disabled, many of these women, had owned three or four homes.
Social Control via Me Too Movement00:11:26
and many of the men they were with, again, had sports injuries, neurological problems, autoimmune diseases.
I mean, people that truly could barely get from their range over to their doorstep without five pills somehow were running real estate empires.
And someone somewhere had to say, this is going to come crashing down.
And it did.
But there's been no better depiction of that crash culturally than Gina Kehoe, who was a fat realtor who used to be a Playboy bunny and her brain-damaged husband, Matt.
She's a conservative daughter.
Yeah, who, yeah, her conservatives are her brain-damaged husband, Matt.
They're trying to get the kid to play baseball.
And she goes, we bought three houses.
Each of the kids have a house.
And you go, oh, this isn't going to work.
And but that culturally, that was like spot on.
You say socialism is dead.
So what's next?
I don't know, fascism?
I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, perhaps.
Tim, I hate all these labels.
I think they're all so fake.
I know they are gay and fake.
You know, I was like listening.
I actually listened to the episode you did with Candace Owens, right?
Yes.
Who, by the way, I am the, and I've never said this, but since you said you want to come out and say something, I'll say something.
I am the father of her child.
I'm the father of Candace's child.
I decided to father a child with her.
That must be great for your career.
Well, it was very, it was harder than I thought.
I mean, I've done it a few times with women.
I've had sex with women.
None of them would say it was great, but they were all preceded by five course dinners and carriage rides to the park.
So, I mean, really, it's the whole package.
You're not a, what's it called?
A gold star guy?
Is that what it's called?
Yes, one who's never gone near a woman.
No, there's several Long Island women who've, you know, had the privilege of being near me.
What up?
So you listen to, what did you think about that episode?
People got mad at me that I didn't like, I don't know, scream at her or something.
I mean, I don't know.
She's really cute and smart.
I like her.
She's zippy.
And Pepe, she reminds me of Black Paglia.
She has the same kind of energy.
I don't know if she's, I don't want to say she's Camille Pagli.
I think we might have to slow down with that.
But I do like the energy.
I do like the energy.
She's Pepe.
Yeah, I mean, like in her and in her vibe and her general energy, I think she has like the same kind of energy.
But I think like the thing that she gets wrong and that a lot of people on the right get wrong fundamentally is they talk about like radical leftism.
And this isn't radical leftism.
It's just liberalism.
Like all the radical leftists are just liberals.
This is the extreme.
This is the logical conclusion, logical extreme of taking like the individual-centric human rights-based framework and bringing it to like this extreme conclusion.
You have like the, you know, whatever, the war on gender, the war on the family, like all of these things that we didn't think would be a thing.
This is just, you know, I think it's very tactical also on the part of like the liberal establishment.
And a lot of people on the right want to want to see it as like a kind of radical left phenomenon.
And it's really not.
You know, I don't think there is any meaningful socialism or leftism in the United States of America.
No, there doesn't seem to be much.
And, you know, obviously they're all, these, these things are all, you know, unfortunate terms.
But, you know, in terms of the most aggressively liberal people are also very much careerists in a very boring office.
They love office politics.
They love, you know, these meaningless awards they give to each other.
They love committees.
They love nonsense.
There's something very sexless and sad about that particular iteration of liberalism, that culture, even though they're hyper-obsessed with sex and sexual freedom, no one seems like they're having it.
It seems like a very strange, churlish kind of, you know, hyper-focused on career.
I mean, everybody's got the attitude of like, you know, somebody that wants to be the CEO of the public space.
That's what it feels like.
Everybody just wants to own a certain, you know, a certain has certain turf.
And this is where I stand and just fucking, you know, sling my half-baked ideas.
And as a comic, it's just watching comedians become this has been sort of sad because I knew a lot of these people or I had, you know, had limited interactions with them, but I had appreciated some of their work.
And like, you know, Chelsea Handler used to write some really funny books about her pussy and they were funny.
And, you know, she used to write, you know, about shitting herself and whatever, having sex with midgets or whatever it was.
And now she's doing documentaries about white privilege.
And I feel like it's just, it's just, it's hard to see that change.
I don't know what, I don't know what to do with that.
I don't know what to do with Jimmy Kimmel saying that the people trading GameStop stock are Russians.
I don't know why he's doing that.
I don't know what it does for him.
I don't understand.
I mean, some of them probably are.
Well, look, I mean, I think just like you ignore it and you do your own thing because I think there's enough of like an extra institutional population of people that they have, you know, like somebody like Joe Rogan, right, has way more influence than any of these people and they know it, which is why they're always trying to like get him branded as like a fascist or a white supremacist or a transphobe or whatever.
Right.
But, you know, you know, and another thing, you know, that she said on on your on that episode was like, like, right, that like leftism is like a religious cult for people who wake up in the morning wanting to get outraged or something at something, who, who make themselves like deliberately unattractive, like this sort of thing.
And really what they're doing in her mind was that they, they were sort of like, they want to, they want to, I forgot how she put it.
I wrote it down somewhere.
I don't know if I could find it.
She was basically saying she enjoys her life and that people want her to be enraged.
And she goes to the grocery store and she sees, oh, what do they have in the meat aisle?
And people are like mad at Aunt Jermima pancakes.
Yeah, yeah, the pancakes.
Right.
And she said, yeah, their mission is to undo things that people historically never had a problem with or thought even to have a problem with.
And, you know, CS fought the lie.
Like, she's not wrong, but that's fundamentally even too charitable because what they're really doing, I think, is so much worse, which is taking credit for fighting these kind of simpler battles of the past that have already been meaningfully settled far in advance by forces outside of their control, mainly economic forces and economic processes, you know?
So they want to take credit for like accelerating certain battles, like the battle, you know, like all this like gender discourse, trans rights and stuff like that.
And basically those things have were already kind of like economically baked in the cake that people would become kind of less gender binary as women enter the workforce.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Right.
So many of these forces are, like you said, brilliantly out of people's control.
They're not exactly malleable.
They seem to be sort of static forces that just shape the culture in different ways.
And that manifests in different ways.
Some of those ways are incredibly annoying, some less so.
You talked about Me Too.
You said something very interesting that Me Too is kind of going to be used as the precursor for a lot of social control, you know, a lot of compliance, you know, this idea that we want, you know, people that are not asking too many questions or complying.
And I'm sure people don't get a little angry with you for that stuff on Twitter.
People get a little angry for you.
Pagley always brings up the great point that men and women had worked separately for hundreds of years, you know, for all of history.
And like men and women working together all the time in the proximity they are is a relatively new phenomenon.
And some of the things that come up are, you know, somewhat understandable.
Go into the Me Too as a precursor for compliance.
I think that's a very interesting concept.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean, I guess the trick is that, again, like all of these things are already made kind of economically unviable.
I think like my gloss on Me Too is fairly kind of like cynical and unforgiving.
I think like the kind of tiny brain read was that it was a justice movement.
The mid-brain read was that it was a revenge movement, which by the way, the most kind of intelligent, sophisticated advocates of Me Too acknowledged were just getting revenge on men and they were playing by their rules.
The third tier kind of large brain take was that this was a labor movement, that it was a changing of the guard.
They were sweeping out the old guard and replacing it with new blood, i.e. women and minorities.
And then, you know, for me, there's like this fourth tier that's like the galaxy brain take that this is kind of a psychologically motivated, it's a psychosexual movement, which I, again, I'm like doing my greatest hits.
I said this like a million times, but I women think they're mad at men because they're hostile and aggressive and they're really mad at men because they're ineffectual and indifferent.
Right.
Because men and women, you know, for the same spots in the workplace.
Men now view women as economic and professional rivals.
So there's this like weird kind of psychosexual pulsion.
There is like Me Too does feel very often like a provocation to men to take the bait, which they won't because, you know, for various reasons, they're demoralized and non-productive or whatever.
But I think more than that, my biggest year with Me Too had nothing to do with sex or gender.
It had to do with the fact like right away, like, you know, I feel like I clocked it.
It had to do with the fact that it was a kind of dry run address rehearsal for the broader erosion of due process that we're seeing right now across professional spheres, especially like in tech and in media.
You know, people getting fired, dismissed, like canceled, whatever, this sort of thing.
And I think like it was very, again, I don't know if it was like conscious, but it was very tactical because Me Too is appealing for a host of reasons, mainly because you cannot argue with a victim or else you're an unreasonable monster, right?
You can't argue with like its general slogan of believe women, because if you problematize, if you call into question that slogan, it must mean that you don't believe women.
And then what kind of a person are you?
I just, I also have a problem with who society claims are victims.
Cancel Culture and Placeholder Politics00:12:18
You know, I quote tweeted David Hogg today because he's now coming up with a new pillow because the My Pillow Guy is, you know, I don't know, alt-right.
He's making an alt-right pillow.
So David Hogg's not trying to make a progressive pillow.
And I just don't.
Yeah, have you heard about David Hogg, the Parkland kid?
David Hogg is one of those crisis actors.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, no, he is.
He's a mealy mouth.
He is making a progressive pillow.
But here's the thing.
I don't think any of these kids are victims.
I would have loved to be in a school shooting and survived.
I don't know that that's insane.
I mean, think about that.
To be in a school shooting and to have survived.
Are you a victim after?
You're a victim during it.
But when you come out the other side, are you still a victim?
This is the last week of our YouTube channel, Ben.
Thank God we are in Texas because this will be the last week of our YouTube channel.
But that's a great point.
You can't argue with certain people.
Are you going to, what kind of mom are you going to be?
Are you going to be a tiger mom?
Are you going to be like a helicopter parent?
Or are you just going to let your kid wander on the Lower East Side and figure it out?
Have you decided?
Yeah, I haven't really thought about it.
My own parent, I mean, I think I'm just going to be more like a father figure than a mother figure.
I already know how my, you know, finally for the first time in my life, I like know how my dad feels because I look down and I can't see my dick and it feels like really awful.
And I'm just like standing there dangling cold cuts in my head.
Don't worry about it.
You get used to it.
Don't worry.
You get used to it.
Sometimes you just pull up the gut and take a gander.
It's still there.
It's still there.
I'm so excited that you're having a baby.
It's a pretty crazy and cool thing that you are going to be a mom.
That's pretty awesome.
Yeah, we have to say, it's, yeah, it's nice.
I mean, it was like totally unplanned and whatever.
But like, I think a lot, everybody I know who has any sort of disposable income is having a baby.
I read on Twitter that actually birth rates are still plummeting, but literally everybody I know is pregnant.
Yeah, well, there's nothing left to do.
I mean, there's nothing left to do.
All the battles have been fought and lost.
It's time to have a kid.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's time to fuck and suck and take back the culture.
Everybody also that I know who is pregnant is having a boy, which is very interesting because it's almost like nature is finally healing itself.
There's all these girls.
There's all these girls, you know, a couple years ago, it seemed like everybody was just having girls, you know.
Yeah, it's a good point.
There was a lot of girls and now there's going to be my godson is a male.
There's a lot of male children in the world and we welcome them.
Well, I mean, it's going to suck because they're all totally useless, you know, and the 10% or whatever you can't turn trans, you have to send to the white supremacy or like domestic terrorist glue factory.
Yes.
Yes, that's very true.
But my godson is part Filipino.
So we are going to really, that's pretty cool.
He's, he's half white, half Filipino.
And we're excited about it.
I would not have accepted a white godson, like a white baby.
I would have, I'm very happy he's half Filipino because I do some wild stuff.
So for him to be tied to me, I want him to have some type of defense mechanism.
It's also boring this stuff.
You know, it's like I go on clubhouse and everyone asks me about political correctness and I just want to learn about Bitcoin and scams.
And I want to know, you know, that's all I want to hear about.
I just want to hear about Palantir and what the fuck these people do.
And they just asked, they're like, well, what about canceling?
And I'm like, can you please, you're building robots for the CIA and all you want to talk about is cancel culture.
Yeah.
It's so boring.
I know that's that's the thing that's like very hard for me to accept because I think we've all gotten very boring and stale, you know?
Yes.
Like because everybody is like obsessed with politics and canceling and stuff like that.
And, you know, that's also like a weird kind of psyop, I think, because also the culture, you know, Zisek had this good point about kind of the Trump administration.
It's not that, it's not just that politics has become entertainment.
It's that entertainment has become politics, which has rendered it boring.
So people have fled into like the political arena.
And, you know, I've said this before and I'll say it again.
And I mean it in a very like serious, meaningful way.
When women and young people start getting invested in politics, something is really wrong with the culture.
And I don't mean that in any like misogynistic discriminatory way, but politics is boring.
I remember growing up, you know, I used to watch my dad and his friends get together and yell at the TV.
And I was like, you know, these guys are going to give themselves like hernias and heart attacks over this boring shit about like Kosovo.
Like who cares?
And now we're all in the same like pathetic boat defeating the left, which is like also a fake and gay phenomenon that does not exist.
Right.
And it only exists.
It's like 25 open-minded comedians in New York City.
The left in this country is 25 open-minded comedians in Brooklyn.
That's literally what it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Who have some sort of like a humiliation fetish or something.
It's all psychosexual.
It's like a sexual pathology.
I mean, but that's the fundamental principle, I think, to remember about the left and about all of its fringe movements and like lifestyle battles is that I think their strategy, you know, again, consciously or not, is to be as maximally repulsive and alienating as possible to engender the maximally outraged reaction in normies, which by the way is the only norm sane rational reaction so that they can then flip around and say like,
hey, look, society is oppressive and patriarchal.
So we need to in that more cultural and social policies to make sure that the things are equitable.
Well, it's so funny.
I live in Austin, Texas now.
And I've been living here three days and I live outside of Austin, like 30 minutes.
And I went to a place to get my hair cut the other day.
And the woman was like, you're not bringing your liberal politics down here from California, are you?
And I'm like, well, number one, look at me.
Like, do I look like a threat of liberal politics?
But also, like, I'm like, have you been to Austin?
I mean, Austin is run by like lesbians with purple dreadlocks throwing bricks through windows.
Like Antifa is a political party in Austin.
It's like Austin's always been a wild place.
Like Austin is for people that have failed at like nine different, you know, artistic endeavors.
They've had a failed band, a failed sketch group, a failed improv group.
They've been a failed comedian.
Like they've gone through everything.
They're failed actor and now they're like in Austin.
And it's just like, I love the idea that people are like terrified.
I'm like, dude, you've got fucking Silicon Valley here, which is going to put chips in all of you immediately.
And you've got Austin, which is already a bastion of like, you know, this kind of crazy wild, you know, out there outside of the mainstream thought.
And all these people just, they're like terrified of like liberals coming into the state.
I'm like, dude, Silicon Valley is going to colonize you and they're doing it already.
Like it's going to happen.
And I feel bad because these people are very sweet, but I don't think they know what's coming here, which is like going to be the boot.
The boot is coming.
Yeah.
I think people think that they should be afraid of like, you know, people on either side of the spectrum, they think they should be afraid of like leftists or the alt-right.
And they should all be scared of Chamoth and Silicon Valley.
Because you know, what is Jamath doing?
What is Jamath doing?
I want to know about Jamath.
I want to know about Jamath.
I'm down $1,800 here.
I'm an Irish man.
No, I mean, like, okay, like in my mind, he's like a placeholder like AOC.
By the way, people, when I kind of made fun of that guy, you know, if Gavin Newsom is an effete wine merchant, Chamoth is like a small-time franchise owner on a mass scale, though.
He's like monopolizing it.
But like, you know, he's a placeholder to me of the new trend in kind of like Silicon Valley, just like AOC is a placeholder for the new trend in kind of establishment politics, right?
So I have no beef.
with him personally.
I'm not like trying to, I don't have an axe to grind with him.
It was very funny, though, because people were very celebratory of that critique when I was like, hey, watch out for this guy.
But they get very mad when I say the same thing about AOC, probably because she's a woman.
But yeah, no, I mean, you have like this total merger.
It's hard to say like chicken or the egg, but you have this total merger of like the Democratic politics in Silicon Valley, right?
That's really that we saw play out firsthand in this last election.
And I mean, you must have encountered that Time magazine article that we certainly talked about on our podcast about the brave men and women who are not rigging the election.
They're fortifying democracy.
Yeah.
I mean, it would be great.
It would be great if they did that like right after Kennedy's assassination and they just wrote an article where they were like, listen, this wasn't a vast conspiracy.
This was interested parties working together to make some change happen that was needed.
You know, yeah, it was a, it's, and then people, you like, you know, Gina Carano was just fired from Marvel because she's like, hey, there was election fraud, which there probably wasn't, but maybe there was a little, but there probably wasn't a lot.
You know, Michael Tracy's like, listen, these people aren't right about that.
I don't think they're right about it.
I don't think there was a ton of election fraud.
But Gina Carano just says, hey, I don't trust the mainstream narrative about the election.
She's fired.
And then there's an article in Time Magazine basically being like, hey, we are all working against you.
Like, it's not your imagination.
It is, my mother's a paranoid schizophrenic.
The way I can explain politics to anyone is that throughout my teen years, I said, my mother is a fucking lunatic.
Throughout my 20s, I said, my mother is a fucking lunatic.
And I like feel bad for her almost.
Now in my 30s, I'm like, my mother is a fucking lunatic, but I really have to hear more of what she says because she's right about 30% of what she says.
Wait, is your mom like legit paranoid schizophrenic?
Yes.
She's in a mental institution, paranoid, schizophrenic.
Well, all schizophrenics are paranoid.
It's not like there's a schizophrenic who's like, but I trust everyone.
It's all paranoia.
And I have just enough of that to be funny and hopefully not too much more of it.
But yeah, she's real mentally ill.
Yeah, not like...
Yeah, there's a lot of comics that pretend to be mentally ill, which is very sweet.
You know, there's a lot of people like, you know, Chris Catherine has a whole show about mental illness, but my mother's like never been profiled by Rolling Stone.
You know, she's like legit mentally ill.
She didn't diagnose herself on Instagram.
So, you know, it's like real mental illness.
Real, like, she'll tell us Elvis is her dad.
She thinks Elvis might have been her father.
Like real mental illness.
Yeah, not like I get sad occasionally and, you know, need to tweet about it.
She's like legit cooked.
No, I know.
Well, my mother has never been diagnosed as anything.
And she's probably going to kill me for saying this on a popular podcast with a video component.
But I think, you know, my hunch with my mother too is that she's probably schizotypal or something.
Like she's definitely cluster A, which is pretty rare for a woman.
And as a result, my sister and I are totally cluster C.
We kind of like avoided the cluster B, like BPD train.
And we're completely conventional conservative neurotics.
We're very boring and stable and dependable because we grew up with a crazy mother who, by the way, is like right all the time about like politics, culture.
Schizotypal Mothers and Cluster Personalities00:04:52
Yes.
Her reads on everything that have nothing, her read on everything that doesn't have to do with her personally is totally accurate.
You know, you need to be a schizophrenic maybe to see things clearly in the climate that we're in.
It's probably a great advantage.
Yeah.
I mean, it reminds me of that Artie Lang, RD, not Artie, quote, that the only kind of sane response to an insane society is insanity.
Well, I'll give you an actual Artie Lang quote who said to me, which is actually the same idea.
Artie Lang looked at me at a comedy club once and he said, you know, he goes, I've been sober for six days, but the biggest problem is this business only makes sense when you're on heroin.
I mean, yeah, it's the same quote.
That's incredible.
They should get together.
That's the synchronicity.
That's truly amazing.
You're doing the podcast.
Everybody loves it.
A lot of people dig it.
You and Dash are great.
Are you going to ever, are you going to do more live stuff when COVID opens up?
Will you guys do some, will there be some live red scares?
Will there be, you know, like going into a theater, a place like that, doing it live?
Is there any thought to doing that?
Yeah, I'm going to get on stage and squirt breast milk at the haters.
I'm going to tend bar.
I'll make white Russians with breast milk.
I don't know.
You tell me.
You're going on tour, right?
How does that work?
We can't.
All of our live shows are kind of like high-bushed right now.
Yeah, which is fine, honestly, because I don't want to roll around on stage at the moment.
Yeah, I waited.
You know, cases are going down of coronavirus, which I know you can't bring up because people get angry at you.
People like heavily invested in them never going down.
And there's a lot of people I know that just love digital life so much.
They're like, I don't want to shake a hand or look in someone's eye.
Thank you.
And I'm like, okay.
But case you went, we stopped our tour when cases were going up.
I think we stopped it in what, October, Ben?
Because like the club started to, we were just like, okay, enough's enough.
And now the cases are really kind of going down.
We're going back to some markets and they distance the rooms or whatever.
But it's like, you know, it does seem to be this imperfect reality where like there's not going to be one day where they just shoot a gun in the air and go, okay, life's back.
It's like this strange kind of going out there and just, you know, trying to figure out how to do it safely.
And people are going to take the risks they want to take.
I mean, this isn't life.
That's the thing.
Like sitting in a room for two years isn't life.
And I know that, you know, obviously no one wants anyone to die or get really physically hurt or sick or long-term sick, but it's just this is also.
I'm not going to cure herself.
Yeah.
But like, well, that's what I didn't say I didn't want that.
I said no one wants that.
I was talking when I say something nice, I'm talking in a very abstract way.
Yeah, yeah.
It's good for the advertisers.
I go, no one.
And I mean, Blue Chew doesn't want anyone to get sick.
You know, I mean, betterhelp.com doesn't want anyone to get sick or hurt.
But I'm just like, I got to figure out how to kind of live again because I think that I'm getting, we're all getting too used to this.
We're too used to this.
And the Silicon Valley people love it.
And when I'm on Clubhouse every night, a lot of them are like, this will never end.
We're going to have a pandemic every five years.
You got to use all of our apps to live.
We're going to be distanced.
Can't see anyone.
Can't see your friends.
We consider that domestic terrorism.
So just everything you say and do is going to be moderated by us.
And content moderation is going to be the major focus here.
We're going to curate your entire life.
Everything you like, you will like because we put it in front of you.
And it just feels like an empty life.
And I just, I want to get back to like the regular empty life I had before this.
Yeah, I want to go back to like doing lines and bars and having like unprotected sex with strangers.
Yes.
You can't really do that anymore.
No, yeah, it sucks.
I really like think about like, it sucks because I enjoy it on some level.
I think a lot of people legitimately don't enjoy it, but I'm reclusive and introverted and I like to be alone and like, you know, wear the same pants for six months without taking them off.
And like you start, you start to see yourself become complacent.
I mean, part of the reason that I moved to New York and started this podcast 10 years later was because I wanted to be, I want, I wanted to explicitly not end up as a weird like tinfoil hat recluse like my mother, you know?
And now the conditions have been accelerated to such a degree that it's basically impossible not to.
Introversion and Complacency in Silicon Valley00:04:57
That's like what we're all becoming.
Yeah, there's a lot of, you know, my friend, the kid who opens for me, Dan, said that there's a lot, like you see a lot of women like really kind of leaning into this like, I'm such like 26 year old women being like, I'm such a grandma.
I'm a cat mom.
Like they're baking bread and they're drinking wine.
They're like, just, I'm a wine drunk.
And it's like just very strange.
It's like the female incel.
It's like the female version of the male incel.
Whereas it's just like, I've made banana bread and I'm drunk and Kamala's my girl boss and like whatever, like whatever personality type that is.
And yeah, it is to me, I just want to get out there and see the ruins of the country, you know, the just desolate nightmare hellscapes in which I try to entertain people, the long stretches of highway where people are just praying they get trafficked.
You know, they're hoping someone throws them in a van.
I mean, truly, I mean, the, yeah, the, the places where people aspire to be in Pizzagate, I want to see that, you know, the places where there's buffets and people smoke cigarettes and people are angry and they talk about conspiracy theories after church and, you know, they come see my show because it's really the only option in town.
And, you know, it just feels like I want to get back to that really as Chris Hedges' book says, America, the Farewell Tour.
It's kind of, I want to get back out there and just kind of do that.
What's your read on him?
He's like a fun guy.
I love, he's usually right about stuff, but he's been writing the same article for like 40 years.
And, but he's so funny to me.
Like, I think he's one of the funniest people because me and my producer will just sit and watch smoke cigarettes and watch him do these very solemn sermons and where Chris Hedges will like take the stage at a church and he'll be like, the issue we are here to discuss today is death.
Our collective death.
Now, our physical death is more imminent for some than it is for others.
But we are talking about the deaths of ecosystems.
And it's just, to me, it's like the only real comedy.
It's the only thing that really makes me feel better.
Yeah, it's the only thing that kind of like transcends the self-parody of the Trump administration, which no one is able to match.
I don't know.
I remember reading Chris Hedges when I was like 18 and feeling favorable about him, but I can't say I have like a particularly well-formed.
Our dream is that Chris Hedges is actually like a closet hype beast, like a sneaker freak.
Like he talks about the corporate oligarchy, but he loves like bay puddies and sneakers and he can't get enough of it.
And he's just completely like deeply shamed because he's also like a Christian and a minister.
And he's deeply shamed that he has just a shoe fetish and won't stop.
He's just a sneakerhead.
And yet he still, you know, delivers these eloquent speeches about, you know, the corporate totalitarianism and the state.
And, you know, that's our hope.
Are you, are you optimistic?
You're having a kid.
Are you optimistic about, are things going to get more fun?
Do you think?
Or because everything now seems like, everything seems so fucking dry.
I mean, I was driving around my producer today.
I'm like, this seems like the, it seems like the country's like, it's a store that was just, it's closed and everybody is just wandering around looking for exits.
I mean, it just, there's just something, nothing fun about the culture of the moment right now.
I mean, I think like the culture is like what you make it.
Right.
I have no choice but to be optimistic.
Right.
That's the great thing about having a child.
That's why I should adopt like a child.
Yeah, you got to adopt some like black or Asian kids.
Or maybe like a Russian one who's like, I work with a lot of like alcohol.
Yeah, I work with a lot of like 19 or 20 year old college students that are in need of like just kind of like mentorship and money for school books.
So I work with a lot of them, usually, you know, kind of hard.
Swimmers, swimmers body.
You know, kind of athletic 19, 20 year old college youth that really want sort of a father figure.
So I'm doing that.
That's kind of an informal foundation I've set up for them, sort of just kind of, it's a direct, because I do think there's young men do need a father and Jordan Peterson's really not cutting it.
So I think they need more of like, you know, kind of like a grizzly bear in their life.
So I try to put myself there as much as I can.
Yeah, Jordan Peterson, I mean, that guy, that guy got a bad rap and I think he was like unfairly maligned in the media, especially in the leftist media who wrote like endless think pieces about what a pee-pee poo-poo he was or whatever.
But that guy really was like the victim of his own insights and predictions.
Moral Ambiguity and Tragic Fairy Tales00:06:10
It's really sad.
It is sad.
I'm doing his daughter's podcast soon.
I liked him.
He was a little wacky.
Like he would, you know, he lost me when he started going into like, you got to, you got to fight the dragon and bring the gold back to the village.
I mean, that shit, I started to go, wait, what, what are you doing?
He started at the end, he started to sound like Gary Vanyachuk.
Like he started to sound like just an Instagram motivational speaker at the end.
He's like, you just need to, you know, you have to fight Jonah on the belly of the whale.
I'm like, what are you, what is happening?
Like, it was a little, it started to stray for me.
It's where I couldn't get into it anymore.
I couldn't get into it.
But a nice guy and I feel bad that he had the drug thing and whatever.
And he had an apple juice and almost died and went to Russia.
I mean, I don't know.
He has a wild story.
I mean, it's true.
I mean, it's a kind of crazy, like, fairy tale story of like the guy who drank an apple juice and woke up in Russia.
Very interesting.
Yeah.
It's funny that your Jordan Peterson accent is like a Irish leprechaun accent.
I can't.
I really can't do any accent except, have you ever seen the show Mob Wives?
Yeah, of course.
That's a cultural product I enjoy.
I love Drea DiAvanzo.
She's Albanian.
Drita still is kind of like ethically adjacent.
Dorita.
I know Dorita.
I've spoken to her a few times.
I interviewed someone on the show, Ramona, one of the other ones.
But the only impression I can really do is a character named Big Ange.
I'm dating.
I'm dating a guy who just got out of jail for murder.
And he bought me a Pomeranian.
So that's the only real impression I can do as Big Angel.
I love Big Ange too.
Rest in power.
You know, she's totally like reminds me of like a whore from like a Pazzolini or Fellini movie.
Yes.
Like, I think people have this, like, the view that American, it's that Italian Americans have like their own culture.
But if you actually travel to Italy and observe them in their natural habitat, it's the same thing.
Wow.
They're just like about 40 pounds thinner.
So if you go to Italy, there's people that have scarface posters on their wall and like their room smells like dracar noir.
The second one, yes.
Not the first one exactly, but the fashion sense is similar.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's very interesting.
I mean, they're a happy culture.
I mean, my culture is as tragic as yours.
Let's be really honest.
You keep freezing.
I know you keep freezing too.
I mean, it's Silicon Valley.
But my culture, the Irish, is as tragic as your culture.
Yeah, I think I really love the Irish.
They're my favorite culture.
My hottest take is that Irish people are funnier than Jewish people.
That's true.
This is what my boyfriend is going to divorce me for.
We're not even married, but yeah, I think they're funnier.
And I say this against my own people.
And I think it's because they lack the kind of solipsistic, neurotic woes impulse, but they are.
I mean, I take that back because they're also very much self-hating.
Like Irish excellence is mediocrity.
It's really thunder and beautiful.
Yeah.
I am one of the top tier Irish people.
Just to give you an idea, I mean, I do a show from my room.
I'm one of the better.
I'm like one of the more successful Irish people in America.
You know, who's the other one?
Rory McElroy, the golfer, looks like he got hit in the face with a golf club.
I mean, God, we are not.
We're just not lookers.
And that's just a reality.
We have an Irish president, right?
We have nice faces.
Who?
The one we killed?
Kennedy?
No, Biden.
He's an Irish face.
Oh, right.
Stop.
Is he?
No one feels like he is.
I mean, no one feels like he is.
He's a clever little guy.
I mean, the Irish are famous.
We have like nice faces and then just everything about like our, oh, we have nice features, but then our skin is so horrible and repulsive and breaking out in hives and everything.
It's, it's truly, it's just an interesting physical form to be in for an entire lifetime.
Yeah, I mean, like, well, the thing I really love and appreciate about the Irish actually is not their sense of humor, but their sense of ethics.
I think the Irish are actually deeply moral, ethical people.
They're morally driven people.
We're actually too, we're not savvy enough to steal.
It's not really morality.
It's just we're not smart enough to do it because we're, we're, we're such storytellers and we love attention.
We can't like shut up for five minutes to like shut up and you distract the guy and I run to the bank vault.
Like we'd be horrible at crime.
We became cops because we'd be bad at crime, but we wanted to do crime.
So the state let us do crime.
They give us billy clubs and said, just go beat everyone up.
We love politics because it's bullshit.
And that's another way we can do crime.
Unofficial crime.
Yeah, exactly.
Like the Italians were much better at crime.
Yeah.
So Irish people.
Yeah.
So Irish people just became like these strange, unfulfilled wards of the state.
And then just our Irish are tragic people.
So we're great, you know, storytellers and poets and novelists and playwrights.
And some of us are funny.
And, but it's all coming out of tragedy.
And the tragedy of having such a beautiful, sad country, Ireland is just this beautiful country where people just shit in the street.
Yeah, I mean, that's Russia, too.
It's like Irish and Russians are very much alternate universe versions of each other.
Russians are less funny, but the same kind of legacy of like permanent clouds and alcoholism, right?
That'll an ability to grapple with moral ambiguity.
I always say like, you know, I was thinking about, like why I like, love Nick Mullin so much love.
And it's not because he's funny, which he certainly is, it's because he's his sense of humor, reveals a profound sense of ethics.
I mean, I don't know, he could be a total asshole, but he's not either.
He has a great.
He has, he's a really ethical sense of like, ethics and justice.
Yeah 100, a lot of people do, a lot of us do.
Tumblr Ethics and Rockefeller Mentality00:10:51
I don't know that I do or not I do, but I might go work with Chamath.
I haven't decided yet, You know, like I haven't decided yet.
I got to see where this clubhouse thing takes me.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to nag that guy into giving me a lot of money.
I mean, yeah, I mean, that's kind of the thing where it's like, we're always, we have this fantasy where we're going to be co-opted by like tech billionaires.
And, you know, but the reality is we're just going to go out to lunch with them and then they're going to ask us that they would like to do stand-up comedy.
And then me and my producer are going to kill ourselves.
Because once we find out the Illuminati just wants to do stand-up comedy, we're going to blow our brains out because that will be the closed circle of life.
Like that will be it.
That's all I need to hear is Peter Thiel go, what's it like when you're up there with the audience and I go, goodbye, and just blow my fucking head off because that can't be all it is.
And if that's all it is, if it's just narcissism right to the bone, then I don't know.
I got to check out of here.
Well, no, but that's, Tim, that's the main thing that I really hate about our culture.
Not that it's woke or stifling, but that our elites are like undeserving of their elite status.
They're no longer aspirational.
You know, all of these guys who are like Silicon Valley billionaires are like leaking their like nutrition regimen and what protein bars they eat and taking shirtless selfies.
It's undignified.
They leave that to hot girls on Instagram.
Yeah, I wrote a Tumblr.
And Ben, can you get my Tumblr?
I just want to read her line from this because it's literally something that I haven't written on Tumblr in years.
I just transferred all my Facebook statuses to a Tumblr.
That's when I thought that was doing work in comedy.
I was like, well, now I've, I'm taking my Facebook and expanding it.
But I wrote about that.
Like I've always been obsessed with like the old guard rich, Fifth Avenue, you know, North Shore of Long Island.
And, you know, the people now that are filling their shoes are so grotesque and repulsive.
And it's just unfortunate.
And like you said, I had this line in here, which I thought was, which I was still, I'm still somewhat proud of.
And I was just like, I thought about this and it's like, I was just amazed because I would drive around these areas of Long Island, like Sands Point.
And they all have these stone castles and they were all very, you know, intimidating.
And, and all of the people were mysterious.
There was like a mystery there.
And it's just been replaced by like this odd, touchy, fee, kind of strange emo behavior that is like so disgusting.
I don't know if I can find it, but it's like, I want the evil back.
Like I actually want those people back who are, you know, you know what you're getting, you know?
I mean, there's nothing worse than people that are like, obviously, yeah, right.
Giving you advice on like low carb diets while they're trying to like, you know, pulverize you into the pavement.
It would be nice to just stay in your castle and, you know, just, you know, leave us be.
What are you, what, is Dasha going to get pregnant now as well?
Um, that's a good question.
She's like a little bit younger than me.
So she has, she still has a few years.
She has a movie coming out.
Does she?
I'm going to plug her movie.
Please go plug it right now.
It's called this.
Are you looking up this Tumblr?
I'm never going to find it.
So just, I mean, plug or move.
I'm going to, I'll try to get to it.
I'm so mad at how little this Tumblr succeeded.
Go on.
61st Street.
And it's a lesbian gore fest that's based on the episten events.
And I have a small camera.
I mean, it's another thing.
It's lesbian internet shit.
I can't even get in there through it for a read.
That's great.
The line was, our Titans are now touchy-filly Twitter types, constantly apologizing for some indiscretion, too exposed to be interesting, too boring to be evil.
But that's the way I feel about them.
It's just kind of like, ugh, I want, give me Rockefeller, give me Carnegie, give me somebody.
I know.
You know?
But so, Dot, what's the movie?
What's the movie called that she's in?
It's called The Scary of 61st Street.
She directed it and she and our friend Madeline Quinn wrote it.
Marilyn.
How fucking awesome is that?
Yeah, it's really cool.
That's her baby.
That's a kind of, I think that that is going to come.
It's coming out in, I want to say like in the spring.
So well, that's fucking awesome.
I'm just going to, I'm going to plug it in advance.
But yeah, no, this is like certainly true.
That's the thing.
It's like, I think this is like what Hannah Arendt meant by like the banality of evil.
Everybody's like so kind of like banal, undignified, unworthy now.
And it's like, again, like I said this before and I'll say it again, but you know, you should be more suspicious of people who have like a social mission or a social agenda than you should be of those that are motivated by naked greed, right?
Yes.
Especially in like the investment and finance world.
There's no reason that finance and investment guys should be talking about like social justice.
Yeah, it's crazy.
It's crazy.
Do you have anything else to plug?
Tell people where to find you.
We really appreciate you coming on.
Everyone has always told me how great you were.
And I just, I ignore, I don't really, I ignore most women, but I kept hearing your name.
And I appreciate that.
And that's what I like about you.
But I kept hearing your name.
I like realtors, like big titted blonde, like, or brown hair, just kind of vicious masculine real estate women.
I don't, I don't know why, but I like, that's kind of my thing.
So I just read about like female realtors.
It's crazy.
Where can people find you?
Because you are the best and everybody loves you.
Thank you.
Did I disappoint you guys?
No, not at all.
You were one to ten.
I wish you were in studio because obviously everything's better in studio.
But this is, we're going to edit it.
It's going to be good.
We'll edit a lot of the right, Ben?
Can we edit a lot of the things?
You're going to work.
Yeah.
You know, edit out the parts where I look desperate and lost because one of our screens froze.
Where can you find me?
On Twitter.com.
Unfortunately, though, I should probably deactivate again.
And I don't know if I have anything.
No, don't deactivate.
There's nothing better than pushing a baby out and then grabbing that phone and going right back to it.
There's nothing better than holding your child and going, giving it to your boyfriend and going back to business, grabbing the phone and just going.
Oh my God, that's my worst fear.
No photos.
But because I don't trust myself, first of all, you see how many photos I take of this freaking cat.
By the way, I have treats I was trying to lure the cat over.
At any rate, yeah, you can find me on Twitter.
I have some stuff also coming up on the horizon that is not a baby, but I guess I'll talk about it later.
Thank you for having me.
No, well, you are, you're the best.
I'm very excited that you chose to break the news of your pregnancy.
And you really haven't said anything before this podcast?
No.
Okay.
It's not like Brendan Shabbat.
When Brendan Chobs said he's you told us the name of his son for the first time and then he said on four other podcasts, we're like, okay, but no, this is, I really appreciate that.
I'm very excited for you.
And it's like, you're a real grown-up now.
You're like a real adult.
I know.
Should I adopt a kid?
I don't know.
Should it, I mean, I don't know.
You want to adopt my kid?
You can have my kid.
Well, it's a male.
It's a girl boss.
It's a male.
Yeah, it's a boy.
Okay, that's this point.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, I might like to raise a woman too and make her a real estate agent.
A lesbian.
Like if I you're like a like a bulldyke realtor.
Like that's what I'd want.
Like a tough realtor who was like very just like like tweed jackets of the northeast and like sold mansions in Greenwich and like kind of like William F. Buckley Buckley with a cunt.
Yeah, that sounds fun.
I mean, yeah, I love realtors and prostitutes and some nurses, though not all of them.
Yeah.
You know, a brassy woman with balls.
I love it.
That's my favorite.
Well, Anna Kotchin.
Yeah.
You are phenomenal.
I'd love you to get out of jail.
I mean, New York's such a hell.
I mean, I love New York.
I'm a New Yorker.
It made me who I was, but I mean, God, it's just bleak over there.
Yeah, it sucks right now.
And now there's all this gay and fake news about how we have to wear two masks.
I mean, this is the master.
I mean, what are we doing here?
I mean, I'm just in the middle of Texas where I just, I just want to get bit by a rattlesnake and die on the side of the road alone.
You know, I just want to sit on a porch and smoke cigarettes and, you know, talk to people I no longer have any interest in hearing or seeing.
Yeah.
I mean, you should do that.
Are you coming to the East Coast for your touring schedule?
Yeah, I'm doing Baltimore.
I'm doing Pennsylvania.
I'm performing in a heated dome in Pennsylvania 2021.
I'm doing Cleveland.
I'm doing Providence, Rhode Island.
There's nothing open in New York right now, so I'm not doing that.
But I might go into New York for a day or two because I'm supposed to do the Are You Garbage podcast, which is really cool.
I might just pop into New York really to eat at a restaurant more often than not.
To me, New York City is really about restaurants and everything from diners to, you know, Randazzo's clam bar over in Sheepshead Bay, where I would just sit with old Russians and eat, you know, Manhattan clam chowder silently and watch the snow.
You know, I do miss that about New York, just kind of eating alone, which is really so such a requirement in New York that you just go out and eat alone.
And I love, and I miss that because in Texas or LA, that's really not the case.
But in New York, just eating alone is so okay.
And I just, I miss that.
I miss that.
I miss going out to like a nice restaurant by yourself.
Yeah, that's a very kind of male activity to do.
I think if you do that like in the South or the West, people think you're a liberal freak and a child molester.
Exactly.
Anyway, I mean, please stop on Biden New York, eat in one of those weird, inflatable tents.
If you come at the end of March, you can have my baby and I can embark on my girl boss career and get skinny again.
I hope it ends with me raising your child and you with Tramath.