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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Time
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Apologizing for No Video00:01:54
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dylan show.
We do apologize for there being no video.
We also apologize for our lateness.
I don't think we've really ever been late with an episode before.
We may have been, but don't bring it up.
And the reason that we were late is because we are traveling.
We are moving the studio across the country.
That is also the reason for no video.
We were just at Wadaburger, which is very average.
And I know people get angry when I say that, but I mean, I don't understand the hoopla.
Have people never been out of their homes?
I mean, what is the pride with that?
It's fine.
I mean, the barbecue bacon burger is good, but the plain Waterburger, I mean, what are we doing?
The same thing with In-N-Out.
You know, Devin and Ida get really excited about In-N-Out.
You know, I mean, people get excited about fast food, you know, and they're not embarrassed either.
They shamelessly.
No, Taco Bell is different.
Taco Bell is an iconic cultural experience, but these other places are not.
They're simply not.
And I don't know what to tell you, but we did just want to apologize to that.
You know, you're consuming something that's completely free.
So you deserve it exactly when we give it to you, to be quite honest.
Most of you.
Some of you are paying for the Patreon, but we're always on time with that.
Ben showed me a video.
It's still kind of, it still sits with me.
And can we play the audio?
Yeah.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, I'll put the audio in right here.
Are we allowed to put the audio in?
I wonder if it could get flagged, especially this early in the episode, too.
Playing the Heinous Audio00:14:48
It's really heinous.
I mean, not a lot of stuff rattles me.
And this rattled me.
It's a murder, double murder, suicide in Philadelphia over the shoveling of snow.
I don't even...
I guess there was a couple and they were using a snowblower or they were using shovels.
Shovels, yeah.
And they were shoveling snow onto another dude's driveway.
Onto his lawn.
Onto his lawn.
Yeah.
And he, they were at war.
Yeah, this has been removed from Twitter now if you're trying to find it, by the way.
And it's a video of the guy and they're calling him.
It's a couple and they're like, what are you going to do, pussy?
And it's like a scene from Fargo.
I don't know, because it's snowing and he's just blanketed with snow.
And then the guy comes out of his house.
The guy that the couple is shoveling the snow on his lawn.
They're calling him pussy.
What are you going to do, pussy?
We're going to make your life a living hell.
We're going to make your life a living hell.
Yeah.
I mean, what a, you know, when you say something like that, it gets to people when you choose those words.
We're going to make your life a living hell.
And he leaves his house, shoots them both in the street.
They're crawling around in the street.
Then he goes back into his house.
What does he get?
An AK-47?
AR-15.
AR-15.
He comes back out and he looks at the woman.
And this is where I, even as I talk about it, it's creepy.
You're watching the end of somebody's life.
He looks at her and he goes, you should have kept your mouth shut.
And then he shoots her in the head.
And then he goes and shoots the husband.
It was so viscerally disturbing.
and I'm usually not disturbed.
I usually don't watch executions all the time, but I've seen things and I'm still, this video, for whatever reason, lodged in my head.
And it's because I'm horrified watching it.
You get a bad feeling.
From the moment the video begins playing, you know something very bad is going to happen.
It's eerie.
Usually you don't feel that.
But from the minute it starts playing, you go, this isn't something fun.
This doesn't end in a fun, this isn't a snowball fight.
There's something about, I don't know what it is, but there's an energy there.
You go, you know, this is going to go off the rails.
You don't know how bad it's going to be.
And then when he comes out and he shoots them both and goes back in, gets an AR, then comes back out and shoots her.
And here's the thing.
And then he kills himself.
Yeah, yeah.
Right?
Goes back inside.
The cops come.
He blows his head off.
Yeah.
And here's the thing, right?
You watch this guy shoot a woman point blank in the face in the middle of a street with an AR-15.
And right before he shoots her, he says to her, he goes, you should have kept your mouth shut.
And you're watching it.
And it's so horrifying.
But now, now I have to be delicate here.
But three little letters.
What a word.
But she should have kept her mouth shut.
And the last things she's going to hear on this earth is the greatest lesson she'll ever learn.
And it's sad that it had to be that way.
I'm not condoning his actions, but there's something about shooting someone point blank in the face and delivering a message that they need to hear.
It's tough to watch.
You can probably find it on the dark web or something.
It's floating around.
You don't even have to go to the dark web.
It's tough to watch.
I don't even know where Ben finds these things.
I don't know what he even does.
I don't know what he does with his time when he's not with me.
I don't know what he does.
He just sits in his garage and watching people murder each other.
What is wrong with him?
But I felt bad that it ended the way it did where everybody died.
But I did, I did feel that that woman needed to hear, and her husband, it's not about gender, that that woman needed to hear those words.
And it's sad that after that he shot her point blank in the face with the AR.
But it's hard because you watch it and you just you watch the video and you go, you know?
Well, number one, how's the quarantine working out for everyone?
Because this probably, this might have happened before the pandemic or before this, you know, whatever.
It is a pandemic, but I mean, before this shutdown.
I don't know.
This last year has sent people to the edge, to the brink.
And when you watch this, you go, yeah, this seems to be something that is the result of people being pushed to their breaking point.
And he broke and he shot this woman and her husband.
Watching them crawl around on the snow is so rattling.
It's disturbing watching them crawl around for a good 60 seconds.
I just crawl around on the snow.
Watching that is really, really disturbing.
But, but, but, but they were being very antagonistic.
They were.
This is the thing.
It's, you, it, it, they're saying to the guy I got to make your life living hell.
Call him pussy, pussy.
What are you going to do?
What are you going to do?
And he just had it.
I'm not saying I enjoyed watching it.
It disturbed me.
I've covered that.
But what I'm saying is that it's very difficult to not understand a fraction of the man's anger.
He did not handle it in a productive way.
You know, I was taken back by the, like, I've watched videos that are similar to that before.
Never that I found like this freak.
But people show me shit and go, look at this.
I go, ugh.
You know, and this really took up mental residence in my mind because it was just this snowy, bleak day in Philly.
And people, it was just hatred on display, like a scene out of Fargo, like the end of Fargo.
It was rough to watch.
It made me deeply sad, truly, about the future of humanity and about the effects that this period has had on everybody.
But I did like seeing that woman get shot in the face because, because sometimes you do want to shoot somebody in the face, point blank.
And when he looks at her, he goes, you should have kept your mouth shut.
And she knows what's coming.
And she knows she pushed the wrong person.
And she's laying in the snow, about to get shot in the head.
This episode will get lighter.
But as she's about to get shot in the head, she's laying in the street.
Probably what went through her mind is, I should have kept my mouth shut.
Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.
And it's, hey, sad all around.
Not advocating it.
Wouldn't do it.
Wouldn't advise it.
Tough to watch.
Not good.
Don't go look for the video.
It will be disturbing.
Unless you're into that, in which case it's great.
If you're into it, don't get into it.
Don't be that guy.
Unless this is how you come.
And try not to be that guy either.
What were your feelings on the video?
Because you're the one who fucking brought it into my life.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, no.
I mean, I think I've been quite clear here.
It was a mixed bag.
It's like this weird, like, Norman Rockwell scene where it's just a couple shoveling their snow.
And then all of a sudden, like, within 30 seconds, they're both laying in a pool of their own blood.
It's just, I mean, it's horrific.
It's a horrific thing.
All caught on the, by the way, the video's from one of those doorbells.
Like a ring cam?
A ring cam, yeah.
And then, you know, halfway through it, too, their autistic son runs out, the couple, to check on them.
And then when he sees him coming back in with the AR-15, he runs off.
And then that's when he does the execution shots.
So there's like a whole scene developing there of them trying to help him trying to help his mom and dad.
And then the guy just comes back out and does the deed.
Well, I'll tell you one thing.
That kid's not going to step out of line.
You know?
You want to talk about a polite kid?
You want to talk about a polite kid?
I watched my mother get shot in a grill for running her fat mouth.
And I've learned to just let it happen.
Let life happen.
And I feel bad for him.
And I feel bad for everyone involved here.
But is there any better way to ensure that somebody is going to be, you know, a little passive?
I mean, by the way, those parents were no great shakes for that kid.
I'm not saying they should have been executed in front of him, but they were not, that was not going to be a great life with them.
You know?
Maybe there's family.
Maybe the grandparents took him in.
I read in the article.
Better situation.
Better situation.
Do you think in that woman's high school yearbook, she was voted most likely to get shot in the face outside of her house while shoveling snow?
Because that should be a new category in Philly high school yearbooks.
It should be most likely to get shot point-blank range by an AR-15 by an angry neighbor who you are harassing.
It would be so much easier to feel bad for them if they weren't like, pussy, what are you going to do, pussy?
That was their whole thing.
They were like, what are you going to do?
You do something about it.
You know, they were just like, do something about it, do something about it, do something about it.
And then finally, the guy stopped.
What's interesting is he shot them both.
He comes out with what a handgun.
Yeah, with a nine millimeter.
And he shoots them and goes, that's not enough.
And you watch the guy crawl into the garage.
Again, very disturbing.
And then he goes back in the house.
And you think the video's ending because she's like, call the cops.
Right.
And you think, oh, the video's ending.
And I got to be honest, as a video, as a piece of media, as media, it's disappointing because there doesn't feel like there's closure.
I'm being very honest.
The guy crawls into the garage and then the woman's like, call the cop.
And she's still being annoying.
She's shot and in the street and still pushing everybody's buttons.
And you're like, you know, this needs a resolution.
And then he comes out with the AR and a part of you goes, oh, no.
But then a part of you perks up because you go, just a second ago, I said there was not going to be a resolution here.
Now I think there might be.
Ooh, and there is.
And there's something about the final words.
There really is.
And again, if you know these people, I mean, you know, sorry.
There's something about the final words of you should have kept your mouth.
He goes, you should have kept your mouth shut.
He says that to her, and then he just blows her head away.
And then he shoots the guy.
Then he walks into the garage and gets him.
We don't hear if he said anything to him.
I don't think he did.
Because it's like, it's hard to follow up.
You go, you should have kept your mouth shut.
Boom.
And then you got to have a real good line.
And now, if you don't have Joel and Ethan Cohen doing it like Fargo, you're not going to have a good line for the husband.
I mean, he could have said something like when he walked into the garage to the husband, he could have said something like, you know, I don't even know.
I'm on the spot now, but if he like looked at him and he was like, you know, I don't know, like time for you to join your wife or something.
You know?
Something.
I don't know.
I'm on the spot here.
The Husband's Execution Shots00:07:40
It's hard.
Yeah, like a rotten hell, really, when it worked.
It doesn't matter.
No, not after, not after the very succinct.
There's no fat in that sense.
You should have kept your mouth shut.
There's not one extra syllable.
It was succinct.
It was clear.
The message was delivered with precision.
As are, well, the shots were as well.
But to then, to the husband, he probably walked in there and for a split second was like, do I have something good for him too?
And then he was like, I don't.
And I just got to shoot him.
So he shot him.
It would be great if he just had something good, you know?
But you know those guys at Philly?
He'd get hacky.
He'd be like, say hello to my little friend.
Like something hacky where you're like, oh, this is disappointing.
That's the thing about Long Island.
Any of my friends who will certainly do this, I know people who will definitely shoot people in the face, probably over shoveling snow.
But the last thing they say to them will be such a hacky, dumb, derivative line from like Ace Ventura when nature calls.
Like they will say something that has nothing to do.
You know, they'll just, they'll do a Jim Carrey line from the mask, you know?
They'll be like, smoking.
Somebody stop.
Yeah, somebody stop me.
Like it'll have not, it will be completely cartoonish and embarrassing.
And then they won't, my friends won't kill themselves because they don't have that level of intelligence.
So then the cops, they'll have to play out in court what they said.
And there'll be like some guy that was like going like some neighbor that was like, yeah, I think he yelled, say hello to my little friend.
And they're like, the line from Scarface.
Yeah, he yelled that.
And then he shot her in the head.
You know, like, yeah.
Yeah, he said nobody puts baby in a corner and then shot her in the mouth.
We were confused.
We didn't know how the original argument started.
No, nobody I know from Long Island would have like to just say you should have kept your mouth shut.
It's a real movie quality line to deliver.
And I'm judging, I am judging this only as media, as content.
I am not saying murder is good.
I am saying as content, as content, because I'm a consumer of content, as we all are.
And when Ben showed it to me, I said, well, this is content.
It's content.
It's a double murder suicide.
He goes, he said to me, he goes, it's a double, be warned to me.
He goes, it's a double murder suicide in Philadelphia over snow shoveling.
But then I settle in.
And then I go, okay, but I'm still expecting it to be good, right?
I still want it to be good.
And it was good because you think it ends and it doesn't.
He goes back in the house and then he comes out and he has the great line.
So as content, and what is it, three minutes?
Two minutes and 20 seconds.
It's perfect for Twitter.
Perfect for Twitter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Perfect for Twitter.
Two minutes and 20 seconds, perfect for Twitter.
Whoa.
And of course, for IGTV, you'll put it on IGTV with a nice cover photo of the guy standing over the woman with the AR-15.
It's content, folks.
Don't get sensitive.
I'm looking at it as a piece of content as you should.
And that guy then goes in and how does he kill himself?
What did he do?
I think the AR-15 just in the mouth.
Yeah.
Wow, because he didn't want to go through the trial.
He didn't want to go through the whole thing.
Yeah.
It's getting bad out there.
It's been bad out there.
We all know coronavirus COVID-19 is a random, devastating thing.
We get it.
Probably lab-made.
More and more credible people are saying that now.
That will probably be something that becomes an accepted belief sooner rather than later.
Maybe not a bioweapon, but certainly a manipulated virus for maybe research purposes or a bioweapon.
We don't know.
In some stage of development.
But a lot of people are saying that now.
And we get it.
It's incredibly unpredictable and strange.
But it's a Sophie's choice.
We cannot keep everything closed down.
We know that.
It's not possible.
Somebody has to work.
And then the rage at like Chappelle and Rogan and anyone that's gotten on a stage and done stand-up comedy and the rage at restaurants opening outside.
I understand people could criticize it.
Go, hey, I do not agree with this.
I don't think it's.
But the rage, people that don't understand that there are, as Thomas Saul would say, there's no solutions here, only trade-offs.
Only, you know, the rage that people have at small businesses for opening at reduced capacity, I can't wrap my head around it.
I think it's that there's a lot.
Listen, when you read these Twitter accounts of the people that are truly angry at people for opening restaurants or doing comedy shows, does anyone believe that those people care about people?
Does anyone think that that's coming from an altruistic place?
That they're concerned about people's health?
Or do these people just hate life?
And they love the idea that they're not going to have to leave their home and shake somebody's hand and look them in the eye and participate in any social situation.
And they like that.
They like it because on the internet, they have maybe something going on.
Maybe they have 8,000 Twitter followers.
But in real life, many of these people don't exist.
Truly, they don't exist.
They're like vapors.
They're barely there.
They are strange, gaunt, odd, anti-social people who hate real life.
They have found solace on the internet, which is where they would like life to stay forever.
And I think a lot of that's where a lot of the rage comes from, like the anger at a restaurant.
And cases are dropping now.
Cases are falling.
And, you know, if you can't open up when cases are falling and you can't open up, people are against you opening up when cases are rising.
When would you open up?
Well, when there are no cases.
When no one is sick.
What?
Makes no sense.
Why Rage Over Restaurants00:17:16
I just read an article in the Financial Times.
This is what amazes me that people get paid to write articles like this.
A guy goes like this in the Financial Times.
He goes, yeah, I don't think containment with China is going to work.
You think?
He goes, yeah.
Because I'm looking at the stats here.
And I just don't think we're going to be able to contain China.
I don't think we're going to be able to put them in a box.
Oh, good.
I'm glad someone wrote you a check for that take.
How studious.
And then he went through all the reasons.
Martin Wolf.
Yeah.
He went through all the reasons.
He's like, yeah, China's economy more powerful than the Soviet Unions.
This, that, and the other.
And it's like, yeah, yeah, it's probably a bad course of action to, and I mean, he's like, yeah, we're going to have to learn to cooperate with them.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I think so.
I would say that that's probably going to, yeah, I don't think we're going to be able to smack them around.
We're not going to be able to run out of our house with an AR-15 and blow their head away.
It's going to be a bit difficult.
We're going to have to work together to get the snow off the street.
That's what we're going to have to do.
What do you think, by the way, about your boy, Elon Musk?
Because I know you love Tesla so much, saying you're going to be fully self-driving in like, what, two weeks?
He's been saying that for like three years.
A lot of people think he's full of shit.
A lot of people think he's just full of shit.
But when he says stuff like that, the stock just goes up.
Agreed.
Yeah.
That's great.
Good.
Well, I hope when you're in your car and you're incinerated, the stock price makes you feel comfortable as you and your wife are burning to death in your Tesla because this guy told you it was going to drive you home.
Maybe it will one day.
I don't really know.
You know?
Everybody's so goddamn sensitive now.
So if Elon Musk hears this out, we're kidding, Elon.
And we don't know if we're kidding yet.
We'll let you know.
Hopefully Ben still gets to work every day.
Everyone is so goddamn sad.
You can't say anything about anybody anymore without a problem.
You know, like I made the joke about Eric Weinstein and Lex Friedman.
I was like, on the Patreon, I go, what have these guys done?
They're clearly smart guys.
The joke is about the fact that like, yes, they're both, you know, Lex is in robotics and everything.
He's a brilliant guy.
And Eric Weinstein's very smart and everything.
But like, you know, the trans discussion has sucked all of the oxygen out of the room.
So I'm sure these people have brilliant takes on other issues.
But is it fair to say that the trans issue has been on the forefront?
And I'm, for one, I'm a little bored of the, I don't care anymore if you cut your tits off or sew a dick on.
I don't care what you call yourself.
It doesn't bother me.
If you want to become a woman so you can beat them up in a ring, I'm almost for that.
As long as you look at them before you do it and go, you should have kept your mouth shut.
But what I'm saying is, I'm not saying they're clearly very intelligent people, but like, why is everyone now a guru?
Why do people jump out of their lane and they become a guru for every issue in life?
No one has any type of specialization anymore.
If people, I mean, everybody is just like firing wildly, going, yeah, I'm a scientist or I'm this or I'm that.
And also, I know everything about everything.
I should be your go-to for every question you have about any issue that could ever come up now or in the future.
That's where I get confused.
It's not that they're not smart.
It's not that they don't have valuable things to say.
I just get confused as to how everybody immediately becomes a guru overnight.
People just become, they just decide, I, uh, you got problems?
I'll tell you what it is.
What are we doing today?
Race?
Gender?
Sexuality?
Vaccines?
What do we got?
Put it on the whiteboard.
I got the answer.
I got the answer.
Bring it on.
Weather?
War?
Religion?
What's on the grill today?
Sizzle it up.
Salt and pepper it, it's ready to go.
I don't have to let anything marinate.
I'm ready to go.
It's just fascinating.
That's all.
That's all I'm ever saying.
I love everyone and support them.
I'm just curious as to how everybody is an expert in every issue that could ever arise from any discipline ever.
That's interesting to me.
That's all.
And maybe that's the case.
Maybe it's the case that there are seven intelligent people and the rest of the world are hacks and shills.
I don't know.
That's YouTube.
You go on YouTube.
Basically, the premise of YouTube is I get it.
And everyone else that's ever lived or studied this issue is either a bad faith actor, hack, shill, has been bought off, is a liar, is being blackmailed, and I have figured it out, and nobody else has.
That's all.
It's curious to me.
It's curious.
And then if you make jokes, people get angry at you.
The people, by the way, who defend jokes, defend comedy.
And they always go out and go, comedy's being neutered by the PC police.
And then you make jokes about them and they go, ah, ah, ah, actually, we don't like that.
You go, well, wait a minute.
I don't understand.
I thought comedians were vital sort.
I thought this was a vital activity.
And they go, well, yeah, yeah, but I don't know.
I don't know.
People get angry at you.
People get angry at you for kidding around.
And you go, yeah, it's a joke.
I'm a comedian.
You shouldn't take me seriously.
No one should.
It's a comedy podcast.
Maybe I say some interesting things.
Maybe I'm right about some of what I say, but it's goof.
I look at shit that may or may not be bullshit and I call it out and it may not be bullshit and it may be bullshit.
But that's where a lot of my comedy comes from.
Okay.
And then the people that are like, all these people that are like, you know, the comedians are being, you know, there's a backlash now to the backlash, as a smarter friend of mine has said, is becoming as sanctimonious as the woke people.
The other side of the woke people, they are now as boring as the woke, you know, used to watch the woke people and go, Jesus Christ, shut up.
And now the other side, you're like, Jesus Christ, you should also shut up.
Should we just get academics completely out of public life?
Should we just exile academic?
I don't know.
But it's just this sanctimonious all the time.
The left is waging a war on your private choices.
They want you to be completely.
And then if you make a few, and they're like, and they always love comedy of all these people, because the left is insane.
And the woke people do go after comedy and they do take people's jobs.
And I understand that.
So the people that recognize that, I applaud.
And then you go, yeah, but you're also a little goofy.
And then they go, who have I thought?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You're giving ammunition to the other side.
Somebody said that to me.
They go, well, when you make fun of those people whom you agree with, I go, yeah, I agree with a lot of them.
But they go, but yeah, but if you make fun of them, you give ammunition to the other side.
And I go, but that's the exact argument that leftists or not leftists per se, but, you know, liberal or whatever you want to call them, woke social justice warriors.
That's the same argument that they used.
They said, you can't make a joke about race because you're a racist and you're giving ammunition to racists.
So if I make a joke about Barry or whoever the fuck I'm talking about, Eric Weinstein or whatever, I'm giving ammunition to the lunatics who think that gender is, you know, created, that Bill Maher created gender or whatever, whatever these fucking lunatics in San Francisco believe.
I'm giving ammunition to them because I've made a joke about someone that disagrees with them.
It's the same SJW playbook.
It's the same exact thing.
It's actually the same exact thing.
It's we like comedy when it fits in the box of what we would like it to.
And it doesn't really matter.
It's just comedy, except if it's directed at us, it's a powerful force that must be vanquished.
It's a powerful force that must be vanquished unless it is exactly what we want it to be.
Make fun of us in the way that you want us to be made fun of, please.
Thank you.
Thank you.
They love roasts.
All these, you know, the tech people, the people on Clubhouse or any of these guys I talk to, they all like, yeah, comedy's about roasting.
No, it's not.
Roasting, for the most part, is pretty stupid.
There are some people that are brilliant at it.
Geraldo and Jeff Frost, whatever.
You go back throughout history.
It's important.
It's like an important comedic skill.
Every good comic should have a little bit of it, but it's boring.
It's very formulaic.
There's nothing there.
You're fat.
You're gay.
You're bald.
You're black.
There's nothing there, dummies.
But some of the most successful people in the world, they love roasting because God forbid a comedian say anything that makes them think and they have some existential moment.
So they just like, can you call them a faggot, please?
Because I don't know.
So when you meet a lot of these people that are successful, they think the comedian's jobs like, roast them.
Yo, thrash them.
You go trash that guy.
Who can't like, is there anything more boring than that, by the way?
Is there anything more boring than watching people just trade insults back and forth?
What level?
I mean, I just don't understand.
But that's what a lot of very smart, very successful people love.
They love watching people insult each other.
That is their idea of comedy.
That's what they think it is.
It's just insult.
Pick, look at a brown guy.
Say he's a terrorist.
That's comedy.
You know?
It's really crazy, but I don't want to get in the weeds over this.
And then everybody goes, then everybody's response is like, why don't I just come on the show and we'll hash it out?
And it's like, no, I don't.
I don't want to do five hours of a lecture.
I don't want to do it.
I respect you.
I think you're smart.
But at the end of the day, it's like, I'm so deeply suspicious of people who level accusations at people and then they themselves exhibit that behavior.
It's like the QAnon people that were going away for child porn.
That wasn't shocking because they spent 18 hours a day thinking about child porn.
So it's also not shocking to me that if you call people snowflakes for years and years and years and then somebody says something about you and then you actually become the snowflake because it's like, oh, you are intimately acquainted with the idea of what a snowflake is because you're exhibiting those characteristics yourself.
You know, it's one of the other folks.
Either comedy doesn't matter and it's fun and you can like it or not and take from it what you want and leave the rest or it's an important social force that everyone needs to govern.
Pick one.
Please pick one.
Can't be everything.
Can't be everything.
It can't be like, hey, it's just a joke.
And then when it's about something you don't like, you go, whoa, wait a minute.
I saw that after the White House correspondence dinner with Michelle Wolf when she did that and then everybody came in.
All the same people that were like, these leftists are snowflakes.
And Michelle made a few jokes about Trump and these people lost their goddamn mind.
I'm just learning.
I'm just learning.
That's all I'm doing here.
Get mad at me.
I'm insignificant.
I don't matter.
Yeah, I have an audience because we have fun and we say funny stuff and some of it makes a lot of sense.
That's not my fault.
That's not my fault.
You know, and I make fun of Gary Vee.
I don't hate Gary Vee.
He's probably a really good guy.
I'm sure he's helped people.
But the advice he gives is very vague and general.
It's ridiculous.
The words he uses and the way he arranges them is ridiculous.
So for somebody to not call that out is that I wouldn't be doing my job.
If I pulled up Gary Vee quotes and read them aloud and said, now that I've told you these things, go start a business.
You would look at me like I was smoking rock cocaine, smoking crack.
You'd go, wait, what?
And I'm like, yeah, you know, kindness is speed and empathy is marketing is queen and content is king and, you know, gratitude is whatever.
Go do it now.
Yeah, gratitude is gratitude is speed.
What?
Whatever he's saying.
But I'm sure he's a smart guy and I'm sure he said things that have value to certain people.
But it's funny imagining people trying to fashion a sense of what the hell is going on in their life and in their business from the quotes that dribble out of his mouth.
It's, you know?
Which is why, like, you can go to dinner with people and you can become friends with people.
And I talked to a big comedian once who was like, Jeff Bezos invited me to like his summer camp once.
And the big comedian was like, yeah, I didn't want to go.
Because you start to realize as a comic, you're not supposed to be that tight with any of these people because you're going to have to make fun of them or something they do.
And they're just going to get angry with you because they want to own you.
They just want to own you.
You know what I, you know, and they're not like evil, malevolent people.
They just, like anybody, want to control you.
They see you.
They're like, you're a jester.
I want to own you.
And I want you to poke fun at the things I'd like you to poke fun at, but I don't want you to say things I'm not comfortable with.
And that's why, and just funny, and I'm like really insignificant compared to the person who told me the story about Bezos.
But when you, even the people that I'm kind of friendly with now, or in a, I know who they are, they know who I am.
We maybe go to dinner and maybe I see them out and they, you know, or they have some appreciation for what I do.
They like you until you cross a line.
And there's always a line.
There's always something that you shouldn't say or can't say.
And as a comic, you got to make a decision.
You go, Am I going to be one of the late-night guys that goes on stage and reads propaganda that's handed to them five minutes earlier?
And then they got to go like, yeah, the Wall Street Bets people are Russians.
But I'm changing, like, you know, like, poor Jimmy Kimmel's got to run out there and go, yeah, the Russian disruptors in Wall Street Bets.
Because it's, again, he didn't have that thought.
Does anyone think Jimmy Kimmel had that thought?
Think Jimmy Kimmel came up with that on his way to work?
He left his mansion on the way to work.
He goes, you know who I bet's doing this?
I bet it's Russian disruptors.
No, it was handed to him.
God only knows how they got into the writer's room.
There's somebody from the CIA in the writer's room, which isn't hard to do, you know?
Jimmy Kimmel's Russian Disruptors00:15:10
So diversity hire right out of Langley.
Here's your new writer, Nawazi Nabobolo.
Nawazi, where do you come from?
Falls Church, Virginia.
Shut up.
Don't worry about it.
Here's the monologue today.
Go out and say they're Russian disruptors.
Okay.
You know?
Here's your new head writer, Gina Hasmel.
If you're smarter, you get that.
But like, that's what you got to do.
So you've got to stay away.
That's why now it's my first episode from Texas.
I'm in the hill country.
And nobody's told me to say it.
Nobody's like, nobody's offended or upset.
And it doesn't mean that I don't value what, like I have said on my show, I think Eric Weinstein is an ally and somebody who I agree with.
And I think the version of the world he would like is much more similar to my own than the version of the world that his enemies would want.
But that doesn't mean I can't make a joke here.
I mean, this is absurd.
And it's just a little crazy.
You know, it's a little crazy.
I don't want to be the guy that gets handed notes to say in between ads for Home Depot.
It's not what I want to do.
So I just got to be a little careful.
I think when people start knowing who you are and you start becoming friends with people and whatever, there's weird pressures to like come down on this side of this or that side of that and whatever.
People want us to have lunch with all these people now.
And we go, no.
And then go, I don't want to have lunch with these people.
I want to have lunch with these people.
Like writers, you know, writers, journalists want to have lunch with us.
For what?
Why?
I don't know.
There's something about that where I go, oh, you want something.
You want something.
And I don't, I don't, I'm not interested in sitting down with you and hearing your spiel.
I know the spiel.
You know, we see it all the time.
These people aren't exactly shy.
Need to have lunch with them.
You know?
I would like to have lunch with Jordan Peterson because he's a guy that's very interesting to me, and I think he's been through a lot of interesting stuff.
I think I'm doing Michaela's podcast.
Yes, yes.
Yeah.
Can't we have a little fun with the intellectual dark web?
That's all I'm saying.
Can't we poke fun at the, can't you get a little fun made of you guys and gals?
We don't have to get our gender conforming panties in a twist.
We can just enjoy.
They go, oh, that guy, yeah, that guy, that fat idiot just says what he wants.
He's an idiot.
That's the response, you know?
But, you know, that's where I live on all this stuff.
You can't get too deep into any of these worlds because your job is to really try to make fun of everybody.
So, you know, you can't get, it's not a crusade.
It's not my problem.
Hey, it's not my problem that your daughter's soccer scholarship's going to be taken by a trans guy.
I don't know.
Hey, I may not agree with it, but what do you want?
How many hours a day do I devote to that?
How many hours a day am I supposed to devote to that before I just go, yeah, I don't know what to tell you.
I've been clear about the way I feel about it.
If somebody's four and wants to wear a dress, let them wear it.
I wouldn't start shooting them up with hormones.
That would be my take.
But again, what am I supposed to do?
What am I, I don't understand.
You're the vaccine.
Don't love that.
But, you know, maybe it's better than COVID, hopefully.
I don't know.
You'll probably need it to travel.
I'll probably need it to do my job.
I'm not excited about it.
What do you want me to do?
You want me to go to vaccination sites right before somebody gets a needle?
Just go, what's going on here, really?
Go, I don't really know about this.
Might be good.
It might not be.
Your wife just got the second dose.
Fucked her all up, but she got back in two days, which means it'll take me two weeks.
They won't even give me this.
They'll shoot me up with something I'll fucking, I'll spontaneously combust.
You know?
I'll look at who's giving me the vaccine.
I'll go, why is Barry Weiss giving me the vaccine?
Dead.
I'll be dead on the floor.
You know?
I'd love to have her, and I'd ask you the question.
I'd go, you love free speech, but imagine I, imagine this.
Now, I know I'm an Irishman.
Imagine, do you want to play Imagine with me?
Imagine I am a Palestinian professor at Columbia.
Now, let's play a game.
Let's play dress up.
I'm a Palestinian professor at Columbia.
How do we feel about free speech now?
Do we like it still?
We're going to have Anna from Red Scare on.
She said her mom and her sister really liked the show, and that makes me really happy, but it really makes me happy if they watch it while sitting in Brighton Beach just smoking packs of cigarettes.
And they probably don't, but just don't ruin it.
I just hope that they watch the show just smoking packs of cigarettes, sitting in a small apartment in Brighton Beach with like the window cracked open a little bit.
There's like a picture of Stalin on the wall.
They're just playing the Soviet anthem.
They got some borscht on the fucking stove.
Do people make borscht in their home?
I guess they do.
They hope they do, yeah.
I'm hoping.
And they're just smoking and there's just clouds of smoke.
There's like a Russian blue cat or something.
You know?
I don't know.
She'll probably, I'll probably hear from her after this.
She'll go, yeah, you know, they don't really like the smoking humor.
I'll be like, all right.
Well, you know what?
Everybody can go scratch.
Everybody's sensitive.
Everyone's a big baby.
The woman who towed the car to Texas, I said, I got the car because the car was dirt.
She wrote dirty on the intake form for the car because it's dusty.
So I wrote, hey, I got it dusty.
I got it dirty.
I want it to fit in in Texas.
She's like, well, that's not nice.
Like, how about you laugh a little bit?
Enjoy what's left of your life.
Stop defending everything.
Fucking Christ already with these people.
You know where it ends if you can't laugh?
You know where it ends?
You end up shooting a woman point-blank range in the face in the middle of the street in Philly.
That was probably a guy, too, who has seen the show.
Yeah, probably.
Whether he was a fan or not, he has seen the show.
Yeah, ex-military, yeah.
Oh, he's seen the show.
Now, you know about it.
Were they having a, was this a war that had been going on for a while?
Supposedly, it was building to this moment.
Yeah, an ongoing thing.
And he had asked them to stop shoveling the snow onto his lawn, to his credit.
He tried to be nice about the whole thing, you know.
So I don't know.
I don't know, man.
I don't know either.
We'll be back with a video episode next week with the studio.
We're just, we're trying to get our custom desk through the door here.
It's very tough.
You know, we try to do the right thing.
It's a beautiful home.
We got an electric stove.
I'm going to cook over an electric stove like a monster.
You need gas.
You need gas, but whatever.
I'm not complaining.
I'm just saying, you know, what are you going to do?
This is life now.
I can't move every two months.
This is, I'm settling in.
I'm settling in.
Take a breath and exhale.
We're just trying to set the studio up.
It's proven a little more difficult than we had imagined because these are, this is what, oh, a clubhouse.
Another notification from Clubhouse.
What's going on now at Clubhouse?
Let's see what's going on.
Clubhouse now.
Mark Zuckerberg is doing a room with Lindy England.
Remember the cigarette girl from Abu Ghraib?
That should be interesting.
Remember the one who was...
It's on Clubhouse.
Mark Zuckerberg and Lindy England from Abu Ghraib are doing a room on Clubhouse.
She's me and Ray's favorite go-to joke reference.
Because most people have no idea who she is.
She's the girl that posed with the cigarette.
That would be great if that was her avatar on Clubhouse.
I'm going to do a room after this on Clubhouse, how to be a cancer influencer.
Just because you're terminally ill doesn't mean you can't build a brand how to be a cancer influencer.
I did something else.
I did how to build your brand while you're incarcerated.
Prison influencer.
It's so important, you know?
Those rooms are clubhouse here.
People just talk and whine all day.
Because there's also that there's smart people that are doing whatever the hell they're doing inside of training, probably.
And then there's everyone else who's just whining that, you know, there's not enough representation in this fake conversation they're having.
They're like, we don't have enough women of color here in this room about whatever it is, you know?
They're like, you know, you'll go on Clubhouse and it'll be like, hi, we're starting a room to just try to address the lack of indigenous music producers.
And we're just trying to, we found that there's not a lot of Native American lesbians producing trap music.
So we're bringing on.
And then all these people are terrified, like, because real people get on.
And they're like, Teriff, they have to be like, so they'll bring in like a big DJ and he'll have to be like, yeah.
I, that bothers me too.
He's all coked out in Miami.
He's like, what is this?
People don't even know.
They get into a clubhouse room.
They don't even know what's going on.
There's like a thousand people listening to what they say.
They think they're talking to their friends.
It's a coked out.
DJ Miami, he's talking to his friend.
All of a sudden, it's like, no, what's her name, my buddy from the New York Times?
He never mentions me.
Taylor Lorenzo.
She's watching.
She just tweeted someone said retard on Clubhouse.
She goes, somebody said the R word on Clubhouse and nobody corrected them.
Jesus.
And I forget who it was.
It was one of these big finance guys.
They get on there thinking it's their friends.
They're like, can you believe these retards in AMC?
And then there's a thousand people there listening to it.
And some of them are journalists.
They're just trying to screenshot.
They're trying to screen record or whatever.
Right.
Jesus.
Who's she dropping a dime on?
Don't say the name because I don't want to be a rat, too.
Let me see.
Some guy who follows me on Twitter.
I don't know what he does.
She's dropping a dime on him because he said the R word.
I don't know what that means.
I imagine it means a not nice word for the disabled.
Let's see.
You know what's funny about these people, too?
They also will then snitch on people and then delete it.
Did she delete it?
She might have.
Let me see.
Can you imagine that just hanging out in clubhouse rooms snitching?
Like, I hope we get the co-founder of Tinder saying something inappropriate.
Because I'm a journalist.
Someone named Felicia?
Who even is Felicia?
I don't know why.
What happened?
She was the one who said the R word.
And then someone named Mark also said it, or Ben said it.
She's naming all these people by the first name.
I don't even know.
Is it a joke?
Should we give her the benefit of the doubt?
It's not a joke, maybe.
No, I don't think it is.
I don't think it's a joke.
She's just ratting out.
Maybe she didn't understand the room.
The clubhouse room that she went in was called the retard room, where everyone gets to say the R word and nobody rats.
Yeah, she has like a time stamp for YouTube.
She's like at 4.05.
You can hear Ben say, Alex, maybe you could take us through the retard revolution.
I hope everyone who uses this word can think more carefully about why people in the audience were upset.
How about everybody in the audience gets off the app and goes and gets a job?
Because you know why?
I'll tell you why.
You should have kept your mouth shut.
God, everyone in the audience is upset.
You're listening to someone's conversation.
That's a weird thing about Clubhouse.
It's like you're listening to a conversation of people that would never even acknowledge your existence on earth.
That's how they talk.
I just, wow, that echoed.
They're going to throw me out of this area pretty soon.
But this is how they fucking talk, these people.
Don't you want to hear them speak?
When you take a safari, you don't want to see the cheetahs eating dinner with a tablecloth.
You want to see them tearing apart other animals because that's how they live.
So why would you want these tech bros to be like, well, I actually believe that.
No, let them speak how they speak when they're on some fucking faggot bike ride in Silicon Valley.
They're thrown around much worse than the R-word.
The tech bro is such an interesting creature.
Yo, bro, bro, you got to roast somebody.
You got to, yo, let's trash somebody.
You got to roast.
You got to roast somebody.
You're a comedian.
Ooh.
I got an app.
It's like Instagram, but just for pictures of clips.
Yeah.
You know what's funny about this too?
Is she deleted her original tweet where she accused someone of saying the R-word and then someone who was in the room corrected her.
And then so then she deleted that and said it was actually this person.
So she was slandering somebody, then deleted it, and then said it was actually this person.
Roasting Tech Bros on Bikes00:03:25
I mean, it's just...
Well, she's a journalist, Ben.
She's a great journalist.
And it's a great profession of journalists we have in this country.
You should have kept your mouth shut.
It's a great profession of journalists sitting around on Clubhouse trying to catch tech bros being inappropriate.
How about reporting on the hell world they've created about?
How about you do a little research to dark money where it's coming from?
Or you're worried if you do that, somebody throw you out of a plane.
Trying to catch people saying the R word.
Could anything be less important in this fucking nightmare world right now than who said the R word on Clubhouse?
We can't get medicine to sick people.
We should just give everyone health care, and before they get it, call them a retard.
You think they would care?
You think they would care?
Hey, you could go to the doctor, retard.
He'd be like, thank you.
Thanks a lot.
I don't know anymore, folks.
I'm out of the game.
I'm retiring.
We'll have a video.
We'll have video up next week.
We'll try to.
We're trying.
We're trying very hard.
We're trying.
We're doing everything we possibly can here.
Tomorrow's the Super Bowl.
Do you care who wins?
Maybe the Buccaneer should win, huh?
Make Dan Carney happy.
It's Tampa.
One for Florida.
Why not?
Yeah, why not?
Who cares?
Tom Brady, you know?
Yeah, sure.
He's had a rough life.
Finally, something good happens to him.
I don't know.
I just hope no one says the R word.
I hope people are in locker rooms reporting on who's saying the R word.
I hope that's my only hope.
I hope there's an R word ticker like the NASDAQ on Clubhouse where everyone who says its name just goes, you know?
What a weird app.
I could see that app being like the biggest thing ever, and I could see everybody in a month going, fuck this shit.
It's hard to know.
Hard to know which way that's going to go.
I'm not invested in it, so I don't have anything to say about it.
But I do enjoy it.
I do enjoy it, and it's a lot of fun.
I just don't know for how long I'll enjoy it.
I mean, the rooms are so funny in there.
It's like some of them are really good, but then some of them, like, I'm on it right now.
And it'll be like, you know, it'll be like, yeah, I mean, dude, it's weird.
People will be like, let's talk about Gen Z.
I love some of the rooms.
Conspiracy theories, real or fake with facts.
Public speaking on Clubhouse.
Oh, Dr. Stephen Greer is live.
Alien threat, hoax exposed.
Yeah.
I got into trouble the other day, too, because I said, is he legit on Clubhouse?
And people started getting mad at me.
They're like, he briefed five presidential administrations.
I'm like, is there any proof of that?
They're like, what?
I'm like, I'm just asking a rational question.
And there might be.
Clubhouse Conspiracy Rooms Gone Wrong00:02:46
By the way, maybe he has.
I don't know.
I'm asking a question.
And then I get attacked for asking a question if there's proof that he briefed.
Because so did I then.
I brief the last three presidential administrations on aliens.
And by the way, who are you briefing?
Are you briefing the president or are you briefing somebody that answers the phone at the White House?
Because during the Trump days, like Donald Trump Jr. would like answer the White House phone and probably talk to you for an hour.
And you could just call up and talk to him about QAnon.
And he'd go, oh, that sounds interesting.
I'll tell Pop.
So I, you know, can we define who we mean when we say we've briefed the White House on aliens?
You mean the president?
Or do you mean like someone in his orbit?
You know?
The stars here in Texas are very pretty, I'll tell you that.
They are very pretty.
You know?
Do you think they shooting stars?
Do you ever see shooting stars out here?
Oh, yeah.
Because they were a lot in the desert.
Yeah, you see them out here, too.
Do they dye their hair five times on the way down?
Anyway.
As always, folks, thank you for listening.
To just return for a minute to that video, because it is a haunting video, and I don't want you to go find it.
I don't want you to go watch it because it is disturbing.
Truly.
But wow, what a video.
Just in terms of content.
They tell an entire story in two minutes and 20 seconds.
You know?
Just crazy.
It's in Plains Township, by the way.
I don't know if that's in Philly, but I think that's Philly.
It's in Pennsylvania?
Yeah.
Another clubhouse room gone wrong.
What a haunting image of that guy.
Very sad.
Very sad.
You know, but what can you do?
What Happens at Your Brink00:01:11
You know?
This is what happens.
This is what happens when people are pushed to their brink.
Don't push anyone to their brink.
You don't know who's at their brink.
You don't know who's about to blow.
You don't know what their breaking point is.
You know?
You just don't know, folks.
You have to be a little careful out there.
You don't understand.
Maybe it's one R-word and they are ready to take out the AR-15.
You don't know.
You don't know.
You know?
They could be one getting one tweet away from the end.
I don't know.
It was really, it may have been the worst thing I've ever seen.
It's pretty bad.
Yeah, it's up there.
It is up there with the worst things I've ever seen.