The Tim Dillon Show - 180: 180 - History Hyenas

Dec. 29, 2019 - The Tim Dillon Show

01:17:51

180: 180 - History Hyenas

# transgender rights transgender issues socrates american dream aoc boomers democracy decline donald trump epsteins island generational analysis government surveillance justice smollett mario brothers ms 13 nra philosopher kings political corruption september 11th shane gillis

Tim has on Yannis Pappas and Chris Distefano of the History Hyenas podcast. They talk boomers, reactionary political groups, and why Tim cancelled his trip to Epstein's Island. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Anxiety and Epstein Island 00:14:31
	Hi, I'm Timmy the Trash Can and I love trash.
	Popcorn boxes, pops and candy wrappers.
	Mmm, they all taste so good.
	Instead of throwing your trash on the floor, won't you please give it to me?
	Thank you for considering your fellow patrons.
	Yeah, no, you can afford it.
	We're on Patreon.
	You're doing good.
	I'm doing okay, but it's like, you know, listen, there's no middle ground in New York.
	You either go big or it is what, you know?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	There is like, are we podcasting?
	Yeah, we're on.
	We're on right now.
	This Tim DeLegana's pop is Chris Distefano.
	Take two.
	This is going out.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	So everybody behave.
	You think it's going out.
	This is going out.
	This is going out.
	You can't make a declaration like that at the beginning.
	When this kid, when you're a producer, what's his name, Ray?
	Ben, when he opened the door, I almost kissed him right on the lips.
	Yeah.
	I mean, this kid opened the door and I said, is this my grinder date?
	I understand why Sal Volcano wants to get inside you.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it was awkward.
	Sal stopped the episode.
	I was like, this guy's a hottie.
	I know.
	I love it.
	Sal's like, I could get him working.
	He's got a model.
	I said, already what he's going to do is going to be an audio engineer.
	Let's make a right turn so we can release this episode.
	Less than a minute in.
	We already can't release it.
	Here's the deal.
	Your last hotel room that we did a podcast was 9-11.
	9-11.
	Room 9-11 in the Carlisle.
	Now your hotel room is 2001.
	2000.
	I don't know what that means, but I think you had something to do with fucking 9-11.
	It's very interesting.
	You're absolutely right about that.
	It's something, there's something odd about that.
	9-11 and then 2001.
	That's fucking creepy.
	It's weird.
	It's almost like the government is following you.
	Well, we just decided we were going to do a video on Epstein's Island.
	We just decided not to.
	Yeah.
	I thought about it.
	I just thought about it.
	I said, you know what?
	Why poke the bear?
	No, but here's the deal.
	Nothing's going to happen to you.
	You don't know that.
	Because no, the guys who, the secret service agents or whatever fucking NSA people are listening to your podcast or whatever, they love it.
	So it's like, they just not going to do anything to you.
	I mean, those are the guys, they enjoy it.
	When you said that.
	Yeah, when you said I was sitting in Long Island with a mound of Coke in a car saying we need to, listening to Rush Limbaugh saying we need to honor our contract to the people of Iraq.
	They were going like, this guy is going nowhere.
	He is sorry, boss.
	We pretend to follow him, but it's because we're protecting him.
	Yeah, we need him.
	This guy.
	Yeah, but we were going to do a video.
	My friend works in the Virgin Islands.
	We're going to do a video.
	We're going to roll up to Epstein's Island and just hop off and do a little video in front of that temple where God only knows what he was doing in there.
	And then I thought about it and I'm like, this kid's getting married in five months.
	Some other kid wants to come and film.
	I said, I can't lead these fucking kids.
	Wait a second.
	Did you get a call from his mom like in the movie Almost Famous?
	Oh, yeah.
	Where they're going like, just make sure my son is safe.
	Keep him safe.
	I don't know what you're doing with your rock star lifestyle.
	You can't bring my son to Epstein's Island.
	Yeah.
	No.
	For work.
	I didn't, but I just didn't want to watch him get pushed off a cliff by a groundskeeper on Epstein's Island and then have to fucking go tell his fiancé, like, I'm sorry.
	He was great.
	He was a great editor.
	He really understood what I was about comedically.
	And here's the other thing.
	I don't want to believe that the world is run by pedophiles, but let's be honest.
	There's harder things to prove.
	There's harder things to disprove than that.
	You would have a real hard time proving that that wasn't at least partially true.
	Yeah.
	Something about something happens when you climb up the ladder of power.
	Yeah.
	That just sort of unlocks a very dark sexual lust.
	Something's there.
	The top level of Mario Brothers.
	Yeah.
	And it's like you get there and it's not a princess.
	It's just like an illegal boy.
	What excites you anymore?
	You know what I mean?
	You've done everything.
	You've done it.
	Like, I know for a fact when John Travolta first started to become famous or he was just having sex with women.
	And then he had sex with all the women, and then it started to be like, only guys are going to excite me.
	And I'm going to be honest with you, Tim, I'm getting close.
	Right.
	I'm getting close to that level too.
	Well, you've fucked a lot of chicken.
	I fucked a lot of shit.
	You should want to.
	Just slow it down.
	Well, yeah, Chlamydia slowed it down.
	Right.
	Jesus intervened.
	He took the wheel.
	It was drippy.
	So I'm on meds now, but I feel good.
	Yeah.
	So I have to slow it down nature-wise.
	But my point is, is that if you gave a guy like me, I'm a nice person.
	I've been told by my peers, I'm a nice person.
	I love my daughter.
	I love God.
	But if you gave me hundreds of millions of dollars and gave me this power, it's a real problem.
	I may start to do things that have, like Giannis was commenting on how beautiful a horse is.
	We saw a horse walking by because we're in fucking midtown.
	He said, don't you think now you can see how easy it is for a person to get attracted to a horse?
	And I said, absolutely not, Chris.
	Right.
	Because I don't see so much pussy and so much Latina asset.
	I'm like, what about the horse?
	I like the horse.
	Right, right.
	You know, something happens.
	And I'm looking at you, Ray.
	You keep fucking tickling that mustache.
	It's going to, yeah.
	Just know your fiancé, yeah.
	You're going to get a load on your back.
	That's why AOC is right.
	She's right.
	Now, Mao, Stalin, AOC, they're all right.
	Yeah.
	Nobody should have that much money or power.
	Yeah, he was.
	We should all just see the Stalin in the car.
	We got to knock him down a little bit.
	We need to take a little bit of the money.
	We need to take a little bit of money.
	You got to fuck kids in a hotel.
	You can't have an island.
	You can't have your own island.
	No.
	You can't have your own island.
	You got to reign it, Ant, right?
	Rain it in.
	Dude in room 2001 at the Manhattan Club.
	It's been gone because this carpet's disgusting.
	I had to go downstairs and start screaming, going, what is good?
	Do people come in and jerk off on the carpet when I'm out?
	Yeah.
	Something's going on.
	This place smells like a hostel.
	Yeah.
	No, it's not.
	It's not night.
	It was a buck 40 a night.
	Yeah.
	And that's crazy that Midtown is that cheap.
	It's cheap.
	Downtown is where the big prices are.
	That's where hedge fund managers are bringing their harems.
	They used to be up here and now it's to be up here.
	Chinese businessmen used to be up here.
	Yeah, no, now they're downtown and I'm up here.
	Podcasting is going on up here.
	Confused Norwegian tourists.
	So like I'm here for a bit.
	I'm here for like a 10-day thing.
	It's like you got to try to stay under 200 if you're going to be here 10 days.
	Why don't you go stay with your family on Long Island?
	You just don't want to deal with it.
	Because they're boomers and they're fucking out there complaining about something.
	I mean, they're complaining about inheriting houses.
	This is where my family's at now.
	They're inheriting homes and they can't handle it because they got to renovate them.
	It's too much of a project.
	You get over 30.
	You cannot stay with your family.
	You can barely stay with friends unless they're very wealthy and have like a wing of their house.
	When you're over 30, the sleepovers are done.
	I wake up with crippling anxiety.
	Like we're all crazy.
	I can't wake up in somebody else's fucking home at 2 a.m.
	I'm like, oh, God.
	I go to sleep at 3 a.m.
	Just so I know my first wake up with anxiety is during the day.
	Yeah.
	So I can go right back to bed.
	I can't wake up at 1.30 with anxiety.
	I just can't look out at the dark.
	So I go to bed at 2.30 every night.
	I wake up at like 5.30.
	I'm like, well, the day's almost here.
	Today, the sun will save us.
	And then I go back to bed for another four hours.
	I just can't be in somebody else's home.
	Yeah, no, my family's at my house right now for Christmas.
	And it's a little like, Yannis, I'm in rare form because I've been off women now for a month.
	I've been celebrating on a month.
	And already it's like the anxiety.
	I've been like, I got to text girls.
	I got to text girls.
	But I've just been reading the power of now by Eckhart Toll.
	Beautiful.
	And I'm being friendly with my present.
	But that also includes at times like to get the anxiety out.
	I can't have sex with women.
	So I went down to Shore Road in Bay Ridge and I yelled racial slurs at the water.
	Just get it out, get it out.
	You got to get it out one way or the other.
	You got to get it out.
	Yeah, you got to get it.
	You got to get it out.
	And then see, my Long Island family will just say those racial slurs very calmly on their couch.
	This is what I love.
	Very sweet and flippant.
	This is what I love about boomers in Long Island, right?
	It's a specific type of thing.
	It's a specific type of slides.
	Explain a boomer one more time.
	Explain a boomer.
	A baby boomer.
	We were born after World War II when we needed to replenish the population, and people started pushing out people.
	They believed in the suburban home.
	Suburbs were invented.
	So my mom's a boomer.
	When America went downhill was after World War II.
	Even when you get real estate, everyone asks, is this a pre-war building?
	Because they made shit good then.
	And after World War II, they just threw up cardboard boxes to sell an American dream that doesn't exist.
	And Long Island is like the paradise of that dream.
	It's like a microcosm of what it looks like all across the country.
	It's a disaster.
	It's strip malls.
	It's Panera Breads.
	It's holding buzzers to get tables at dinner at Outback Steakhouse.
	It's all an illusion.
	There's nothing good about it.
	And that's, by the way, those are the positive qualities.
	Yeah, the negative part.
	The negative qualities are my football coach fucked me.
	I'm on heroin.
	But your mother's a boomer, but she's a city kid, right?
	She's a born and raised Queens, New York.
	Different.
	Listen, a true boomer to me, and this means nothing.
	It's just my own.
	The way my concept of them in the mind is the suburbs.
	So true boomer, like if you're in New York or Queens or Brooklyn, or even like if you're in LA to an extent, even though it's the suburbs, or if you live in Chicago, yes, you're still a boomer.
	But to me, the real boomer experience is the suburbs.
	Your parents moved out of a city.
	Your grandparents probably grew up in a city.
	They got out.
	They live in the suburbs.
	You stayed in the suburbs.
	You were raised in the suburbs.
	By the way, it was all a mark.
	The modern American dream was all a marketing ploy by the auto lobby.
	Right.
	And they capitalize on the white need to stay away from minorities.
	Right.
	And then their kids realized, oh no, the minorities are where all the fun is.
	Right.
	Because when you sit in an Applebee's bar and like, you know, and journey comes on and white people start swaying.
	Yeah.
	You want to put a gun in your mouth.
	Yeah.
	I'm like, where's the salsa club?
	Yeah.
	Where's Q-Tip DJ?
	Yeah.
	You know, it's like, so your kids, I applaud the millennials who are moving back.
	Yeah.
	It's just get rid of the wokeness.
	Right.
	Get rid of the wokeness.
	You've been woke for so long, you're starting to fucking hallucinate.
	Right.
	It's time to take a nap.
	Take a nap.
	Go to sleep.
	Well, what's interesting about trans women aren't women.
	They're not.
	Do you feel this kid when he's sleeping?
	Because I want to tell his mom he's not scared.
	I want to see him.
	It's in his contract.
	Yeah.
	He understands.
	You have to make sacrifices to do what you want to do.
	Ray Ray.
	If you think Timmy's now jerking off of this pull-out couch when you're sleeping, you got another thing coming.
	Ray, when you wake up and your lips are a little wet, you bend, I'm going to call you whatever I want to call you, fucking twink.
	Listen, Ray, listen, Ray's parents.
	We know you're tuning in.
	This is the only relationship where you can abuse someone.
	I couldn't abuse him if he was a writer on my show, right?
	Because he'd go complain to HR and there'd be five articles, but nobody cares about a podcast because nobody gives a shit.
	You can get raped.
	I mean, Bobby Kelly used to punch that girl in the face.
	You weren't for it.
	It doesn't matter.
	It doesn't matter.
	Yeah, Lewis Gomez was on You Know What Dude, the other day, and they were asking me to show them her underwear on the bridge.
	You have to do it.
	Nobody cares.
	Yeah, Shannon Lee's, they rape her.
	It doesn't matter.
	Speaking of trans women.
	See, now we're good.
	Now we're floating with not being able to release it.
	It's going out.
	But when it's going out, no matter what.
	When women get too Italian, they are trans.
	Yeah, they're a little tricky.
	Women get too many.
	When women get too Italian, something wrong happens.
	It's just like when women get too Irish.
	When women are too much of anything, it's not exactly.
	It's not good.
	It's just they overload.
	But the boomers, really, it's the 50s and 60s is when they were, they had, like, my dad is a technical boomer.
	Yeah.
	Was born in 1952.
	Yeah.
	Came up during the whole hippie Woodstock, was in a band, and then turned around, and all of a sudden he's selling office equipment for Pidney Buzz.
	This is like the typical boomer.
	By the way, that part of it is what we, that's what we need.
	We need that.
	You need to sell out.
	Yeah.
	You have to.
	Because the millennial generation is kind of like the boomer generation.
	The war's over.
	There's a big peacetime.
	There's prosperity.
	They got all these ideals.
	There's idealism.
	They're holding signs.
	No.
	It's like we need that generation to just realize it's time to get a job.
	You can't do open mind comedy forever.
	You have to do something.
	My dad didn't like his job, but that's okay.
	He wasn't good at it.
	And he came home every day and he laid on the couch and watched Sally Jesse Raphael or whatever the hell was on TV.
	He did what he had to do to raise me.
	He wasn't thrilled about it.
	And then my mother was a wiki watchie mermaid in Florida.
	You want to talk about real serious jobs where she would swim around in a tank and truckers would jerk off because the strip clubs weren't open yet.
	It was a so this is how seriously they took life.
	Your dad might be Frank Sinatra.
	Yeah, we don't even know.
	We don't know who is.
	Your father, if your father had enough.
	By the way, there's a lot of kids in that generation whose father might be Frank Sinatra.
	Of course.
	Oh, yeah.
	No, but it's like if your father has enough energy, like now all these fathers have energy because they're not working.
	It's like our dad couldn't, because they were fucking exhausted.
	They were doing shit.
	So they couldn't play with me.
	So I had to learn myself.
	I had to learn how to play basketball and do things like that myself.
	Yeah.
	You know, well, my father's different because he's a criminal, but a lot of fathers.
	But he still worked.
	That's a job.
	He's worked.
	That's a job.
	That's a job.
	Whatever he collects.
	Figuring out what all the pin numbers are and the count numbers to steal the money from.
	Steal his son's comedy money is a job.
	Yeah, he does that.
	He also cleaned out your mom's account, too.
	Absolutely.
	No, he's Stanley's cleaner.
	I mean, the kid likes to put a little money on the horses.
	He puts a little money on the horses.
	It's what it is, you know?
	Yeah, he does.
	That's what it is.
	And then he wants somebody in the basement.
	What can you do?
	That's what happened to them.
	Like, you know, one picture was my dad at Woodstock.
	Not quite at Woodstock, but one of those diets.
	And then the next picture was he's like in an ill-fitting suit trying to knock over small businesses and sell them copiers.
	You know, it's just, that's what it was.
	But that really encapsulates the generation of boomers.
	100%.
	They grew up listening to Bob Dylan smoking weed, trying to find the third eye, screaming about world peace and how Vietnam's a paradise.
	Right.
	And then it just kind of ended with them screaming about MS-13.
	Right.
	It's always MS-13.
	Well, we're being invaded by MS-13.
	It's a perpetual culture of victimhood.
	Like, they're the original victims.
	People don't understand how do millennials get how do millennials become victims?
	The boomers are the original victims.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	Because they're the people that got, they inherited the money.
	They got the cheap loans, the cheap credit.
	They got the GI Bill.
	Well, not the GI Bill, but they got the runoff of the GI Bill, which was the big inherited house, Long Island, Levitown, everything.
	But they still, this cards have been stacked against them somehow.
	Somehow, some way, my parents were like, my father always says the same three things in perpetuity.
	He goes, can't get ahead.
	Can't get ahead.
	He's like, they're always trying to get you.
	He's like, I'm just trying to stay out of trouble.
	And I'm like, you're like, who?
	Who?
	Who's trying to get you?
The Boomer Victimhood Cycle 00:09:16
	Who's trying to get you?
	Your need to go play piano at a fucking restaurant.
	Who's trying to get you?
	My father will literally say, he will literally say, no matter what you say to him, his response, if you say to him, Dad, I killed a man, his response will be, he goes, you know, the older I get, the more important I realize it is to golf.
	Goes, get out there.
	He goes, play nine holes if you have to.
	He goes, you get to my age, you regret it.
	You regret it.
	He regrets not playing more golf.
	That's what his regrets.
	That's what his regret is.
	This is regret.
	The suburbs is a mistake.
	Strip malls are a mistake.
	It's an absolute horror show.
	It is a wasteland.
	It's a real corporate capitalist wasteland.
	By the way, I just want to say hello to all Tim's friends who are listening, you motherfuckers.
	Yeah.
	Cocaine on your fucking ties.
	Listen to me.
	I know our last episode wasn't fucking funny.
	Yeah.
	And I agree with everything you say, and you're real people, and I appreciate it because you got a real sense of humor, but this one's fucking funny, you fucking drink.
	This one's funny, you piece of shit.
	You fucking cocksucker.
	Chrissy Chris idiots here.
	But when Chris is here, the dynamic changes from two fucking arrogant assholes to three funny kids.
	Listen, they can't have, every episode can't be funny.
	You need something to listen to while you wait for your Deewee lawyer to show up in a diner.
	Yeah.
	Okay?
	Because you can't be chuckling when your Deewee lawyer shows up to the Westbury diner and says, so this is number three.
	You're doing time.
	You're going to do a little.
	While you sit here Reading the local psy assets on your paper fucking placemat because you were a little fucked up at Lily Flanagan's and you should have taken an Uber, but that bitch pissed you off and you said, fuck it, I'm in charge of my own destiny.
	I'm just going to barrel down the parkway.
	That's what it is.
	That's what it is.
	Go get your fucking sushi at a restaurant that has this podcast on it and hit the elliptical at life fitness.
	This is what it is.
	Once you get out there, the boomer mentality is so pervasive.
	Kids are boomers.
	Like 19-year-olds, their favorite musician is Billy Joel.
	That's ridiculous.
	It's wild.
	They don't modernize.
	Yeah, it's like when I start to get into comedy, right?
	When I first started to get into comedy, this is when I started to meet this new kind of person.
	Because where I grew up in Ridgewood, Queens, everybody's kind of like, you know, everybody's dad works.
	Everybody's dad's in the union.
	So it's like, our dad's really worrying around.
	So we're listening to Jay-Z or whatever we're supposed to be.
	You know, even comedy.
	It's like I used to watch, you know, Jay Leno with my mom, whatever, because I slept in the bed with my mom until I was about 16 years old.
	It's what it is.
	But then it's like I started to feel so insecure when I first started to get into comedy 2009, 2010.
	All these kids are like, you don't know any Beatles songs?
	You don't know.
	You've never heard of Lenny Bruce.
	It's like, yeah, my dad was a real guy.
	You know, my mom's a real person.
	It's like, I don't know what you and your fucking homo dads are playing.
	Like, if you're listening to the Beatles and you're a rebel, listen to me.
	Culture was a way to rebel and a way to be like, fuck our parents.
	We want something that's our own.
	And the weird thing about Long Island is it's a lot of kids that they want to become their parents.
	That's the goal.
	They don't want to do better than their parents.
	Like we looked at our parents and we were like, okay, great, but we want to do something else, something different.
	We're fucking young.
	We want to do something else.
	A lot of them we looked at and we're like, you know, they're in a, you know, maybe they were in a trap or maybe they're in a job that didn't excite us.
	I looked at my dad.
	I'm like, he doesn't like what he does.
	Yeah.
	Doesn't like what he does.
	And then, and you want to do something else.
	You want to kind of break that cycle.
	And then not everyone can, obviously, and you make a lot of sacrifices too.
	But that's the thing.
	That's where a lot of these, those boomer ideals, what I love about it, and it's just that Fox News kind of culture of like, we're being invaded.
	Everybody's killing us.
	MS-13's at your door.
	MS-13's at your door, ready to kill you every minute.
	So you need, you know, Tucker Carlson to keep you safe.
	Donald Trump's going to keep you safe from MS-13.
	Yeah.
	Let's be honest.
	If your dad is not voting for Trump, he's pushing the family in the wrong direction right now.
	I just want to be on record saying that because if he's believing in what the left can do, and I'm a more liberal person, but it's like, you want to hope that your dad, like, I'm in charge of my family.
	So the votes going to Trump because I'm trying to push this thing.
	I'm trying to give my daughter a future.
	And I know the Ocasio-Cortez of the world, they'll take it.
	They'll ruin my daughter's life.
	At least Trump will hang on.
	It's a bad choice.
	It's a real bad choice.
	Well, we were talking last night, Tim.
	It's like it's the same play over and over and over again.
	It's Mao.
	It's Stalin.
	It's this, it's Sha Rivera.
	And, you know, the thing about the boomer generation is when you take a course in college on counterculture in the 60s and things like that about the boomers when they were teenagers, whatever, they're the heroes of the story.
	They're the heroes of the story.
	And then there's this other side on the other side of just these white men who have crew cuts who are on the other side holding guns at the kids holding flowers who are androgynous.
	And it's like there's a good guy, bad guy kind of fetished fetishization of those two sides that removes all nuance, which is where kind of the liberal, the modern liberal arts kind of inculcation has started.
	It really started with the boomers saying, these are the bad guys.
	We're the good guys.
	This is the legion of doom.
	These are the superheroes.
	But it's like, you know what?
	Those kids with crew cuts did bad things.
	And those kids with long hair who were androgynous, Karen Flares did bad things.
	And now you know, it's like my dad would say, you know, my dad was in the Korean War and he would say, he would say, you know, I feel bad for what happened.
	My dad was because he fought in a war.
	No wars are good.
	But, you know, when my dad was old, like the weeks before his death, I wanted, like, it hit me.
	I was like, you know what?
	You were kind of fighting for something good.
	Right.
	Look at North Korea now.
	It's not good.
	Right.
	There's something off about the utopian notion of everyone being equal because it's go look at nature.
	It's the opposite of nature.
	Absolutely.
	And if you want to survive and succeed, imitate nature.
	Nature needs to allow for the strongest to fucking survive.
	I'm a capitalist.
	I'm a libertarian now.
	Got us moved to the suburbs for two weeks and now he's just walking around.
	There's almost 13 everywhere.
	God damn it.
	He's got a fascist haircut now.
	I mean, he's really fashion.
	Yeah, no.
	He's fashion right now.
	You know what I mean?
	It's removed nuance and it started with the boomers and it started with the counterculture.
	There was a lot of good causes that they're fetishized.
	They're fetishized.
	But you also got to look at like what I think a lot of the boomers did was they just took every, they didn't think about what was good long-term for anything, right?
	Everything was about take it, get it, buy it, consumerism, mortgage crisis.
	Just give me.
	I want more.
	Bigger house, bigger pool, bigger.
	They're the most materialistic generation.
	They're not really religious or spiritual.
	They don't, there's that, you know, my grandfather's generation, they had war.
	Your father's generation had war.
	They had honor and valor and even those things that aren't great and wars aren't good, but they had other things.
	The boomer generation is defined, to me, almost exclusively by materialism.
	Sure.
	Things, it's houses, cars, wants, needs, but more wants, you know?
	Cruises.
	Don't you think it's they went from one extreme to the other?
	Yeah.
	They went from one extreme of like, we're against all that to like total indulging in that.
	Yeah, the total indulgence is what leaves you feel empty.
	That's why everybody on Long Island is walking around trying to shoot up to feel anything because, you know, once you have the pool and the house and the car and everything else, it's empty.
	And modernity leaves you feeling empty.
	And the boomers have just said, well, we're just going to take another cruise.
	We're just going to eat another lavish dinner.
	We're going to, you know, we're going to go to another vacation.
	We're going to go see Fleetwood Mac again.
	We're going to go just, it's just over and over again.
	I mean, I remember this was a great boomer moment.
	My friend's girlfriend got arrested for impersonating people.
	She was cashing fake checks.
	She was on Indiana's Most Wanted, okay?
	Yeah.
	Isabel.
	She was a stripper.
	We're going to get her on the podcast.
	She's a fun woman.
	Yeah.
	She's just going to 10 years, her fourth year in Chicago, 10 years.
	She's in jail right now.
	They don't fuck around there.
	They go, you're going in for 10.
	She's got three kids.
	They're black.
	She's not.
	It's what it is.
	The point is this.
	The point is this.
	She's fun.
	She's not a racist.
	So she, but she kind of is also.
	So here's the other thing.
	The cops show up at the house.
	My friend Ryan, great kid, juice head, answers the door, big guy, bigger than you, makes you look like a little twink.
	Big guy.
	Absolutely.
	Answers the door.
	The cops goes, Isabel here.
	He goes, no.
	He goes, let me explain to you how this works.
	He's a state trooper.
	They go, we have extradition or whatever they call it, treaty, like, like, not treaty, but, you know, we got to get her out of here.
	She, you know, Indiana State Police, she's on the most wanted.
	So the reality is we have a warrant to search this property, to come in here.
	And if we find her in here, you're an accessory now.
	If you don't tell us where she is right now, so I'm going to ask you again, where is she?
	And my friend Ryan looked at them and he went, she's in the kitchen.
	So they walk in, they take her out and cuffs, everything like that.
	I'm having dinner at his house that night.
	His girlfriend that he'd been seeing for two years, Indiana's most wanted, just got to take it out.
	My friends, Ryan's parents, who I love, best people in the world, are talking about buying a condo in Naples.
	That's all they could talk about was buying a condo in Naples.
	And would it be near the beach?
	It should be near the beach.
	And it's just like these, it was a generation of people where it was about them.
	It was about.
	So even the protesting, which was about, was supposed to be about other people.
	It wasn't about them.
	It's a little news.
	It was actually all about them.
	Well, I would see it.
	I see it right now.
	Christmas time is coming up when my grandfather was still alive, who was in his, you know, he died in his late 70s.
	And this was in the late 90s.
	But he would always say, because my mother is all about with Christmas, I mean, the piles of presents and the stress are through the roof.
	What do you need temperature control?
	Just making it a little cooler.
	A little cooler.
	Yeah, well, my grandpa would always say, he would always be like, this isn't what Christmas is about.
	No, stop with the gifts.
	Stop with the gifts.
	Get them one thing, get them one thing.
Capitalism's Health Care Lie 00:15:07
	And I always kind of thought about that.
	Like now, me being a father and I'm like, you know, I got my daughter a couple of gifts where like my mother is like, you got to get your daughter 35 gifts.
	And it's like, no, Because you're saying that consumerism, that capitalism, she was born with that.
	I really kind of, we can see a little bit better now.
	There's an emptiness to it.
	I think there's an emptiness to it because you're just chasing.
	And, you know, you're just chasing things without meaning.
	And that becomes the problem.
	Like, listen, I love my dad to death.
	He's a good dude.
	But, you know, a lot of his life was defined by the need to have money for these things.
	Well, it's a mark.
	I think it's a good thing.
	Religion, too, is the same.
	I think it's a, like I said, I think it's an American dream that was marketed to them after the World War.
	Yeah.
	That, hey, there's this perfect life.
	When really the American dream is the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit.
	If you have an idea, you start a company.
	That's the real American dream.
	Being your own boss, starting something.
	You're creating.
	Right.
	Taking it as far as it can go.
	The American dream is not the end result.
	You know, hey, pick it, France, car.
	And so it was marketed.
	It was marketed by the auto lobby.
	Yeah.
	Who's really provided the blueprint for what America now looks like coast to coast between the old cities?
	It's all marketing.
	America, we're the best marketers and we're the best at conditioned thinking.
	And it's been happening from day one of our country.
	We've talked about this on the podcast.
	Even the idea of freedom from the British Empire was just a marketing ploy to get more troops.
	The people at the time didn't even want that in the 1700s.
	They were like, no, Britain doesn't really beat the shit out of us.
	We just want to be represented in parliament.
	But George Washington and all those guys in Jefferson were like, you know, no, the marketing strategy here is independence and be the free nation so we get more soldiers to sign up.
	But that's not really what this was ever about.
	Yeah, the Nazis put all those Jews in concentration camps as just a marketing tool to get everybody galvanized.
	It's like marketing.
	Is there a cause you got?
	It's just a marketing.
	It's just a marketing tool.
	Conditioned thinking.
	And that would seem joking, by the way.
	That middle income family is just being squeezed out.
	I mean, you see, people are either elite or they're struggling.
	In my family and during Thanksgiving or any holiday, that's all my family talks about because we represent the middle is how the poor get everything and the rich get everything and the middle is just getting fucked.
	The middle does right.
	And it's just true.
	The middle does get fucked.
	But on the flip side, again, just to just to remember nuance, which I think needs to come back in our education system.
	I think the real failure is going on in the education system.
	I think it's not that bad of an idea right now.
	And if you're an 18 or 19-year-old kid listening, I think it's not that bad of an idea to leave college.
	I don't know how much college helps you.
	Number one, nobody cares if you have a degree or not.
	And all it does is fucking give you those radical, crazy left.
	Go teach English in China.
	Go do that.
	Go teach English.
	Go pursue your career now because nobody cares if you have a bachelor's degree.
	They don't care.
	You're not getting a job.
	You got to have a doctorate.
	Yeah.
	Because I do, and I'm still doing podcasts with Ray and his gay friend.
	The middle class.
	The middle class does get fucked.
	The middle class is disappearing.
	But on the flip side, I had to sort of exchange this kind of argument, tete, if you will, with this liberal journalist online.
	And she was saying this.
	She was saying, you know, the middle of the time.
	Yannis, by the way, Giannis' Twitter is just watching someone have a breakdown in real time.
	Yeah, which is great.
	Seeing someone having a breakdown in real time.
	I mean, he says all the time.
	I try to stay away.
	Yeah, he says, he says, I don't want to put out podcasts because I don't want the heat on us.
	And then you look at his Twitter and it's like, what the fuck?
	All right.
	Are you tweeting?
	All you're doing is he acts Seth Simon.
	What are you doing?
	Yeah, he's five ways.
	It's 3 a.m. and I'm on the toilet.
	I'm watching Giannis and Seth Simons fight each other.
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm like, what is this dude?
	We got to push back.
	We got to hold the line, boys.
	How do you think I feel?
	That's why I tweet out hashtag Yanni Long Days because I know when I see those tweets, I'm like, I'm the one who's going to catch the brunt of it.
	I'm happy to be able to do it.
	So you're in a fight with a journalist.
	She's a journalist.
	And she's saying all these things.
	And there's truth to that.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	I mean, we become increasingly, you know, top level or poor in a lot of ways.
	But in America, poor doesn't mean poor.
	And that's the other thing.
	It's like she was, she, she said, we're becoming like...
	What's the Dubai?
	She says, like, Dubai.
	I go, wait a second.
	We're not, there's no indentured servitude happening.
	There's no South Asian slaves being used by oil money Arabs to fucking build high rises.
	That's not happening.
	The poor people here are eating meat for a dollar.
	Do you know what I mean?
	They all got homes.
	They got phones.
	Poor people here have a phone.
	They have the internet.
	It's like, so yeah, the middle class is a lot of people.
	You mean tax money's paying for their welfare.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	So that's that too.
	Sorry, that was from Richard.
	It is.
	It is a lot of people.
	You know what I'm saying?
	We're a spoiled culture in a little bit of a way.
	Because how much better do you want it?
	Compared to what?
	Like, I want to ask these protesters, they go, this is a racist country.
	Compared to what?
	This is the least racist country.
	We are the least racist country.
	In Europe, they'll yell racial slurs in public at the soccer game.
	Yeah, Europe likes to fucking, they like to fucking lecture us and then you watch a soccer game and there's just a whole section doing a Nazi salute.
	Right.
	And they're like, oh, that's the conservative party.
	Right.
	Every European conservative.
	Nobody would do heavenly salutes.
	Nobody would do that.
	Yeah, they throw bananas on the fucking field there.
	Yeah, it is a little worse there.
	It is a little worse there.
	But I do think that people are frustrated with how much rich people have gotten away with.
	I think that's fair.
	I think it's fair to be frustrated by how much rich people have gotten away with.
	Okay, communists.
	You have to have Abby Martin on next week.
	It's like capitalism, though, because these guys are out of control.
	We're going to have to bring Abby on to fucking.
	But capitalism isn't fair that way.
	But I mean, what do you want?
	Do you want it to go back to socialism?
	No, because it's not capitalism.
	It's not what we're living in is not capitalism.
	It's institutionalized criminality.
	We're half the Senate and Congress are blackmailed by fucking guys on islands photographing them have sex with kids.
	And then they have to go vote for whatever the fuck big business wants.
	It's not capitalism.
	It's gangsters, international gangsters.
	This is not capitalism.
	These buildings are owned by Russian oligarchs and Chinese amusement park type guys that are taking all this money.
	So this is nothing about it.
	This has nothing to do with Adam Smith capitalism.
	This has everything to do with crime, cabals of criminals enriching themselves who are not doing anything democratically.
	None of this shit's being voted on.
	It's all being fucking shoved down people's throats.
	Nobody votes on this shit.
	Why do you think the biggest proponents of immigration are on the right?
	They're on the right.
	It's the Koch brothers.
	It's the Chamber of Commerce.
	All these big business guys want to pay these people a dollar so that they don't have to hire black people and they don't have to hire people that are low income in America.
	So what you see is, you know, these immigration raids are cruel and they suck and I don't like what ICE is doing.
	But what happens is when you have these immigration raids, African-American unemployment drops, people that are poor in that area then go work in these factories that were all.
	So I think there's, I don't want communism.
	I don't want any type of collectivism, but we do have to rot.
	Like Donald Trump's the result of a system that's been rotted out that people have no faith in anymore.
	And they're not wrong to not have any faith in it.
	They're not wrong to not have any faith in a system where the president of the United States can fly to a pedophile island 26 times and then the guy whose island it is gets killed in jail instead of being held accountable and none of his accomplices are ever held accountable.
	So they're not wrong to lose faith in that type of system.
	But do you really believe that that will change or can change?
	I don't know, but I think the frustration is natural and understandable.
	The idea that you have a system that is completely for one group of people, that rich people can buy their way out of prison, they can buy their kids way out of getting caught with drugs.
	I mean, up until recently, if you were smoking a joint on 125th Street, you would go into jail for three years and you were going to have a felony conviction and you would potentially in the private prison system.
	I was going to say the private prison.
	They're trying to get toothpaste at a low cost.
	That's what toothpaste issue.
	So the reality is you have all this slave labor.
	That's what it is.
	That is modern-day slave labor.
	I agree.
	Casio-Cortez is annoying.
	She doesn't have any power.
	I think you got to get off Twitter and you realize that people like Acasio-Cortez, they don't have any fucking power.
	No, they will, though.
	No one can't.
	They will.
	With who?
	Jimmy Fallon?
	The reality is the guys that have power are still the people that want to sell water and air to you.
	That's the problem.
	Here's my question.
	Do you really think it's what's your evidence beyond like beyond theory?
	Yeah.
	Beyond theorize.
	What's your evidence that this is widespread and the norm?
	What's Epstein?
	Like Epstein and what was going on with a particular story about Epstein.
	Well, let's say waiting, the Norman White.
	Not everyone is touching kids.
	No, not.
	The Catholic Church, almost all of them are touching kids.
	Yeah, but not everyone's saying everyone's touching kids.
	I'm saying that when you look at the ability of wealthy people to evade justice.
	That's the oldest story in the book.
	I know, but that's not cutting points about it.
	If it was your kid, it's not a good story.
	It's not a good story.
	If it's my kid and I'm rich and he gets off, it's a very good story.
	No, you know what I'm saying.
	You know what I'm saying here.
	The reality is, if it's someone that you know, if it's a kid that's being abused by somebody who's able to do it with impunity, it's a very big problem.
	It's also a very big problem if people are blackmailing politicians.
	Like all these debates we're having are supposedly this good faith debates about a system that people go in there and say, hey, I think it should be this.
	Another guy goes, I think it should be this.
	Let's be in the middle.
	It's compromised.
	Let's make laws.
	If you go in there and you're fucking owned and blackmailed and you're just not even representing the people in your district anymore, you're doing whatever the fucking corporation or whoever says you should do because they have power on you.
	And it doesn't have to be sexual blackmail.
	It could be financial blackmail.
	It could be anything.
	But Timmy, okay, NRA is a perfect example.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Because they lean on all these politicians.
	Right.
	They're a powerful lobby.
	Yeah.
	And a younger me would go, you know what?
	NRA is evil.
	NRA is the.
	And then you go to these places.
	You go to these places, these districts that we're speaking of.
	And the people, that's what they want.
	Right.
	That's the way they vote.
	They don't live in a city where everyone's living on top of each other.
	They watch Falk and Snooze and they're paranoid about MS-13 community, Indiana.
	I totally understand that property is democracy.
	So are they brainwashed?
	Are they marketed to you?
	I mean, so who wants the carried interest loophole on Wall Street?
	Who wants that?
	Who voted for that?
	Who voted for the idea that people could come into New York City with shell corpse and just buy 10 apartments with blood money because they poisoned a river in Zambia and essentially committed...
	Freedom, baby.
	Kimji Krishna.
	Freedom bought it.
	Yeah, but it's not freedom because it's not your name, right?
	No.
	You're not buying freedom in it.
	That's creative.
	That's creative.
	But you creative crime.
	That's creative crime.
	That's crime.
	That's why you have a Donald Trump.
	I respect it.
	It's why you have, well, you better start doing more of it, you know, and then you can live in Manhattan.
	But the point is, how about that?
	You start getting better at it.
	The reality is, I mean, you can't, listen, I know the left's annoying.
	I hate the left as much as anybody, but it comes from somewhere.
	This all comes from Donald Trump.
	This comes from somewhere.
	It's a reaction.
	Donald Trump pushes.
	By the way, Donald Trump comes from the left.
	He's traditionally his whole life until recently.
	If you left cancer and you have to go to the bottom of the city.
	He was in home alone.
	He even knew that the economy works better with a little regulation because it balances things out.
	He gets it.
	But the whole thing is if you get cancer and you have to declare bankruptcy.
	And that becomes a problem.
	If you're rationing your insulin so that you can live while the Kardashians are worth $100 billion and their main export is lip gloss.
	It gets frustrated.
	People get angry.
	Well, we just had Neil deGrasse Tyson on and he just told us if Jeff Bezos was able to lay all his money in dollar bills in a line, he would have enough money to get from the earth to moon and back 16 times, wrap it around Earth 200 times, and then with the money left over, be able to go to Australia or something like that.
	Neil deGrasse Tyson could line up all his money on the floor.
	A large percentage of it would go to paying off women.
	Yeah, that's what it is.
	But I understand what you're saying.
	So that can happen there.
	And I don't even know anything about Jeff Bezos, how he is as a human being.
	But if that's the case, then yeah, there shouldn't be people having to rationalize it.
	Business is sampling.
	And this is where we all come back together because at the end of the day, a lot of these things aren't political.
	The problems are very deep.
	And the solutions will be maybe they kind of come from technology or science or whatever.
	A lot of these problems are like the system's kind of broken.
	Facebook, I think, is worth how many billions of dollars, Ben, you could look that up.
	It's trillions, billions of dollars.
	They employ like 40,000 people.
	You know, GM at its height employed millions and millions and millions of people.
	These companies that are now generating as much more wealth are now 500 billion.
	How many people do they employ?
	Well, they employ because it's all although everything's being made overseas.
	Facebook doesn't have its own.
	The future is scary for the American worker.
	If you're a worker right now, the future is scary.
	The future is scary.
	That's why people they employ.
	35,000, 500 billion, 35,000 people.
	But that's why when you watch these Democratic debates, you'll see a guy like Andrew Yang say, we need a national income.
	That's what we need.
	We need a national income.
	The glaciers are melting.
	There's going to be no more jobs.
	And nobody, the crowd doesn't even clap because that's right.
	Which is true.
	But then you'll have another person say, I want to clean the White House because Trump's a pig and they get an applause break.
	So you're doing it to yourself.
	I don't want to choose a side either.
	The people are the problem.
	It's like the people are the problem.
	The people are the problem because nobody wants to live in the gray area.
	And the gray area is where most people live.
	It's like, yes, I want free health care for everyone because I believe in your injustice.
	But you know what else?
	I want the fucking wall.
	So it's like, I want both.
	So it's like, because I get the wall.
	And I think who does that will win.
	Wall and health care wins.
	Immigration policy and health care wins.
	And I don't want, I'm not saying I want, I don't, I don't want immigrants to come in.
	This is a beautiful part of the country, but they need to be vetted.
	You know what I mean?
	Well, listen, Donald Trump is right.
	If you want your health care, which we should have, I'm for single-payer health care.
	Everyone should be single-payer health care.
	But then, you know, you got to look at it.
	You got to look at the world.
	We're the ones fighting evil.
	It's like, Netherlands, time for you to send more than just a food truck when we go.
	Yeah.
	You know, it's like all these other countries that have health care, they're able to have health care because we go fight their wars and they send fucking food trucks.
	But those taxes are reasons that we're fighting with.
	We needed oil as well.
	We need oil and we need making a lot of money.
	So I agree with you 100% 10%.
	The issue now is you really can't, it's hard to de-escalate from where we are.
	That's been my point.
	It's hard to de-escalate.
	Why would you want to de-escalate, baby?
	We're Rome.
	Just enjoy your Roman citizens.
	Enjoy the end.
	Look, this is what's really happening.
	It's the end.
	There's no solutions.
	What we're doing here is just killing time to make money off doing nothing.
	Because there's no jobs left.
No Solutions for Rome 00:14:56
	We're just smart enough and fucking criminal enough to fucking steal money from these people on Patreon.
	This is not a real job.
	We're just charismatic and we're winning.
	None of this is productive.
	It's over.
	Chaos reigns and that's the way it should be.
	The strongest should survive and the weak should die of disease.
	Shout out Lizzo.
	The only thing.
	Lizzo is stronger than all of us.
	I don't know what I believe on this podcast.
	I'm just trying to make it entertaining because Tim's friend said the last one was too fucking arrogant.
	I'll go on our podcast right after this.
	My friend sucks.
	My friend socks.
	He went to that restaurant, Don Angie, and he was like, oh, it was okay.
	He goes, him and some Vietnamese fish wife he's dating.
	They go to Don Angie and they fucking, and then they offer to bring me leftovers.
	I'm like, you're going to bring me leftovers like a pig?
	You don't know anything.
	That restaurant's fucking great.
	You big-nosed fuck.
	He's got a big nose.
	You know what I mean?
	He's selling CBD.
	I think we should do it CBD.
	I think we should make weed illegal and put them all back in jail.
	That's what I think.
	All these fucking tech fucking bros running around L.A. trying to figure out a way to deliver you weed on a fucking scooter.
	They should all go right back to Rikers.
	Tim, you know it's over.
	I do.
	I mean, look me in the eye and tell me it's not over.
	Yeah, I know it's how much it can't go quicker.
	No.
	Things can't change day to day.
	No, it's going to fall apart.
	Yeah, we are an object falling to the ground, picking up speed the closer we get.
	You know, here's the thing.
	It's over.
	I didn't know the end would be this hilarious.
	It's great.
	That's what no one thought.
	No one thought the end would be like a family guy episode.
	Nobody imagined the end would be Donald Trump and Acasia Cortez.
	He was a bartender six months ago.
	Somebody gave her a book on Marxism and now she's like the political savior of the country.
	Nobody knew how kind of hilarious this would be.
	Socrates did.
	Yeah.
	Socrates.
	You go back to the Republic.
	Democracy, the longer it goes on, the older people start to pander to the younger people.
	They start to act like that.
	When everything's okay, he said, remember when he said, look at the book, everything was okay.
	Look at it now.
	Casa Cortez knows better than some 70-year-old people.
	He said, we look at old people like they're pathetic.
	Their life experiences cynicism.
	It's like, no, that's called wisdom, you young fuck, you empty vessel of a human human.
	Here's what Socrates said.
	He said, here's the example, and here's how you know it's going to be over.
	He said, what you're going to start to see.
	MS-13 is going to be everywhere.
	There's Muslims everywhere.
	That's what he said.
	No, he said two things.
	He said, when one, everything is okay, like Giannis said, because he said, don't forget, at the height of ancient Rome, my board started to crumble, and I'm all for it too.
	I love everybody, but it's like, you could do whatever you want, orgies in the streets, homosexuality everywhere.
	There were no rules anymore.
	You couldn't say anything.
	Nobody cared, right?
	So that's one.
	Fine.
	A woman was a man, a man was a woman, whatever you want to say.
	Is that really the way to get it?
	That was reality.
	Ancient Rome was as liberal as modern day West Village right now.
	That's the truth.
	And then what also he said, he said that you're going to start to see once democracy, the fundamental problem with democracy is not everyone's supposed to be voting.
	He said, you should go to school to vote.
	You should go.
	Only specific parts of the democracy should be elected to the top to even vote.
	The minute you give everybody the right to vote, what's going to happen is this and what's happening now is you're going to have a candy shop owner and a doctor.
	And the doctor's going to say, candy is bad for you.
	So, you know, candy is bad for you, but I'm telling you you'll live longer if you vote for me.
	They're going to say, fuck you.
	And the candy shop owner is going to say, I'll give you all the candy you want.
	Just vote for me.
	And the candy shop owner will get elected.
	And that's what's happening is the candy shop owner getting elected because he was saying you need to go to school.
	Like your major in college should be voting.
	And then we can at least have a better idea of trusting.
	But this overall idea that everybody's got the same vote is stupid.
	And he said it's why he didn't believe in democracy.
	You know, Greece, they abandoned democracy for a long time.
	They invented it, but they didn't use it for a thousand years.
	Well, we're not even really a democracy.
	We're a republic.
	We're not a democracy.
	My personal belief.
	First of all, I just want all you listeners to know I'm a liberal kid.
	It just has to be a lot of people.
	As I believe, by the way, by the way.
	The idea that anyone believes that at this point is the funniest thing.
	By the way, that's like me sitting in a chair and being like, I just want everybody to know I'm a vegetarian.
	Every photo, every photo and video depiction of me has been insanely altered.
	Every photo of me eating a ribeye at 2 a.m. at Smith Owelinski's is a lie.
	I'm a vegetable kid and you can see my ribs.
	Yeah.
	Here's I'm also a liberal.
	Here's what I'm doing.
	Everybody's a big liberal here.
	Here's what Plato lived.
	All my audiences are conservative.
	My audience has come out to tax.
	It's a big liberal show development at Comedy Central.
	So if they hear this right now, Comedy Central, by the way, if you don't know, it's a network on television.
	You know what television is?
	It's the thing in your house that you put your blazer on.
	Let's be honest, the conservative kids are more open-minded than the liberal kids now.
	Yeah, well, the liberal kids are also boring.
	Yeah, they're boring, and they're not open-minded.
	You know, they're not open-minded.
	No, and they're boring, and the problem is they're fanatics.
	They're the comedy religious.
	I'm not sure if I can do it.
	A lot of the liberal kids look malnourished and they have eyes that are sunken into their skulls.
	Yeah, they all have roommates.
	It's like, that's not what I want.
	I want conservative kids with the money who are doing things on their own.
	Right.
	So Plato's Republic, you know, Plato was advocating for a class of people called Philosopher Kings.
	This is common, you know, one-on-one philosophy shit, but it's kind of true when you think about it.
	Like, I think a bicameral or tricameral representative body is a good idea.
	So, government by the people.
	So, every district, every whatever has their representative that interacts with these philosopher kings or this judicial branch, depending on how you do it.
	But the president, that branch, the executive branch, that he's elected, you know, with all this money like you're talking about, because obviously that's a problem is the money.
	That's the part where you're going, like, maybe Plato was right.
	Maybe that guy needed to be a philosopher king.
	Somebody who is trained or watched by a body like a Yoda or something to be that.
	He's in for four to six years, but he's not just some fucking game show host that has charisma.
	Maybe that guy needs to be tested for his morality.
	Yeah.
	What's it made for that?
	He can't enforce any type of term limits.
	Like, like, you should not.
	I mean, we do enforce them.
	Well, but not.
	On the legislative branch, we don't enforce them.
	Yeah, so you should not be a senator.
	What do you think about the judicial branch?
	Should they have term limits?
	Because that's a little weird.
	That gets political.
	So I understand why they don't, right?
	I understand why they don't because they don't want a judge to be politicized.
	They're fucking all politicized.
	They're voted in for their political views.
	Yeah, but I just think it's weird that there are people whose entire career is I'm a senator or I'm a congressman.
	It's like you should have to go out and function in the world.
	This shouldn't be your entire career because you should be able to do it for a certain span, a time, six, eight years, or whatever it is, and then get out of there.
	Because otherwise, these power factions develop, just corruption forever.
	It would make it a lot harder.
	What if someone's really good at it?
	Well, then there should be maybe a special exception where they have a referendum and they say we want to keep it.
	Who's really good at it?
	I mean, we can figure out how to get to Mars.
	We should be able to figure out a good, a better, an addendum, like to extend our governing system.
	We got to recycle more people in there.
	We can't have people in there forever.
	But the thing is with America, because people always want to compare America to New Zealand, say, oh, New Zealand changed the gun laws like that.
	Because they have 5 million people.
	Oh, yeah.
	When you have so many people and so many, you can't do it.
	It's like a man.
	Yeah, no serious person, I think, expects America to function.
	I mean, the country, and my uncle made a good point.
	He's like, the country's become somewhat ungovernable because now there's so many people.
	There's 300 million people.
	I think there's a lot of people.
	So many cultures.
	30 million.
	So many cultures.
	So many people.
	How do you?
	So many podcasts.
	So many podcasts.
	How many people are in the world?
	So many white guys.
	How many people are in America?
	Too many white guys.
	Is it 350?
	Hey, fish stick.
	Can you?
	Yeah, how many people are in America?
	Hey, Ben's parents.
	Comedy's going great, by the way.
	Yeah.
	Yo, Ben's actually doing fucking great.
	I mean, he's making money with his socks on.
	Yeah, I mean, that's 100% 327 million.
	327 million.
	Yeah, Ben's doing great.
	This is the future, Ben.
	Ben's doing great, yeah.
	And you've teamed up with one of the funniest guys in the world.
	He's just a sleepy Texas man.
	You could be fucking sleepy.
	He could be doing a podcast with Grant Gordon right now.
	You're with Tim Dylan, baby.
	You're with the hottest fucking commodity.
	This kid's got Joe Rogan on fucking speed.
	He's sleepy.
	He's going to be nominated.
	Who's going to be there?
	He's going to the presidential debate.
	There's a whole big petition for Rogan to be.
	He'll do it.
	No, no.
	I don't think he wants to do it.
	Because should we hunt with bows or guns shouldn't be a question.
	Yeah, here's what it would be.
	I think they would have to give him the leeway to do it the way he wants to do it.
	Right.
	Which is not do these little one to two minute sounds.
	He should also limit the pictures of Elk and Jalapenos.
	Well, he loves his favorite music.
	If America could start.
	He's just gonna hunt me with a bow and eat me for Winterfight and get on his podcast.
	If America could start eating.
	Well, the way to do that is the same crack and photo what he puts on Instagram.
	That's the way to get it.
	I'm just being honest.
	Listen, I'm the biggest.
	Yeah, I'm the biggest cuck in this fucking room.
	I play the game.
	I'm just being fucking honest.
	You know what?
	It's the same fucking photo.
	It looks delicious, but it's the same fucking photo.
	He loves it.
	And listen, he hunts it.
	He eats it.
	He cooks it.
	It's healthy.
	I mean, this is where he's.
	But there's nothing but love and respect for Joe Rogan.
	Yeah.
	I think that he would be great.
	He would be a great interviewer if they allowed him to do it the way he wants to do it.
	I would, you know, it would be the only way to really get the masses of young voters, which is what they want to watch.
	Right.
	Nobody's going to watch it when they have, it's too boring for the kids.
	I think Joe Rogan would.
	Get Joe Rogan to do it.
	I think Joe Rogan would agree that it's scary that a comedian, a great comedian who interviews anyone, there's a lot of people turning to him to do the interview.
	The real problem right now is how fucking low the journalism industry has steeped.
	We got these journalists with their own Twitter accounts tweeting out digs.
	It's like, I just saw this fucking woman from Politico doing a big story on Giuliani.
	Keep it about Giuliani.
	She tweets about Giuliani's 20-year-old assistant who's hot.
	Taking a picture with the president.
	It's like, you don't have any respect for that 20-year-old's family, her name.
	She's the assistant.
	How's she part of the story?
	How's she part of your story?
	I mean, I have no idea.
	I have no respect for journalists because they don't exist.
	I mean, there's like 27 of them in the country.
	Look at what we do on the History Aeneas Academy.
	I mean, Giannis will write quotes from the New York Times.
	Why not?
	Why not?
	The New York Times.
	Jenny Slade had the best fucking special.
	Why not?
	Why is History Bahina's not the best fucking podcast in the world?
	If Jenny Splate special was the best.
	I love her.
	She's hilarious, but that special, I didn't even know if it was stand-up.
	I'm just being honest right now.
	I don't know what the fuck it was.
	Well, people writing about.
	Tackle all that out.
	Give him a tackle button.
	Leave me the wrong example.
	We don't want to piss off Slate.
	Yeah.
	I mean, just, can we edit that out?
	I mean, she's very, very funny.
	We understand.
	We're living in a world where it's like, they're telling me.
	What was it, 20 minutes and then another 40 minutes of interviews with her family?
	Yeah.
	I mean, and then you're telling me it's great.
	It's like, I'm confused by it.
	I think she's very, very funny.
	The people that are writing about cop, the people that are writing about comedy are, they really prefer comedians to.
	I want to edit it out.
	Here's the thing.
	Nothing gets edited out.
	You got to edit that out or I'm not signing up.
	What do you think Jenny Slate's putting you in her fucking Amazon show?
	What do you mean?
	She's out of your mind.
	She hates me too.
	Dude, she wants you delivering pizzas.
	I think she's funny.
	Let me tell you what she wants you.
	Let me tell you what would happen if you were to party in the hills with her and John Mulaney.
	She would walk up to you and hand you her glass of wine and keep walking.
	So fucking, let's get that shit straight right away.
	The other thing is this.
	The people writing about comedy right now are writing about it from a perspective of what comedians either would have dated me in high school or wouldn't have thrown me in a locker.
	That's what it is.
	No, there's no healthy human being writing about comedy.
	I don't care who you are.
	It's just not Jason Cinnamon at the Times wishes he was reviewing theater.
	His mom was a big wig in theater and was great.
	Joy Cinnamon or whatever.
	She had a whole theater company.
	He's reviewing comedy.
	Not theater.
	Right.
	Clown.
	He's reviewing clowns.
	Med Wright, who's a sweet girl, but crazy.
	I've offered to have her come on the podcast.
	She won't come on the podcast because she gets scared to, I guess, leave her apartment.
	Okay.
	And Seth Simons is like the personification of ringworm.
	Yeah.
	So they're not even real.
	This other Marlowe Stern, this guy GQ.
	They're not real.
	They're trying to make GQ woke.
	Jane Mayer, Seymour Hurt.
	There's a few fucking real people that are actual journalists.
	Chris Hedges that went to a war and is, you know, is, you know, Chris Hedges is his entire, every moment of joy has been drained from his body, which is what a real journalist should be.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you're absolutely 100% stone-cold correct.
	I just want to do it all over again.
	I went to the New York Times.
	But you're basically saying is if you're writing about the comedy scene, you're basically in the open mic scene of journalism.
	Yeah, you're not even open mic.
	Whatever it is.
	I went to the Nutcracker the other day and I saw all these little families in suits that all live in places like Scarsdale and Bronxville and the East Side and the West Side.
	And I said, I just want to do it all over again, where my family just really pushed me to just get into a better, real, like a real good college.
	I just would have been an elite guy.
	That's just, I just want to have a slate gray suit and I just want to just have a nice, you know, little brownstone.
	And that, that's my fantasy life is to just do it all over again.
	Like, this is what I would tell you, because you're a great dad.
	Steer the ship as much as you can because the boomers didn't steer the ship.
	They were like, just go to college.
	Doesn't matter what college, figure it out.
	It'll be great.
	Enjoy it.
	We got a good community college.
	You'll go that.
	You'll do that.
	They didn't steer the ship.
	Steer the ship.
	Steer it.
	When she starts to get like 9, 10, you really start steering that ship.
	And by the time kids are fucked right now, by the time they're like 17, because nobody put the work in from the jump to get them where they could be.
	You're basically saying, be a tiger mom.
	You got to be that.
	Why are the Asians?
	You wouldn't have a podcast producer if there was tiger moms.
	That's true.
	His parents said, go live your dream.
	He moved to LA.
	There's always sitting on this fucking couch.
	There's always going to be money.
	There's always going to be enough runoff in the world.
	Do you understand?
	For people like me, there's always going to be enough damaged people like me and people like him that will find each other at the House of Pies in L.A. Which positive gay kids like me and Chris will find each other.
	100%.
	But for everybody else, for those traditional people, make sure your fucking kids are on a track in high school.
	Sounds like social engineering, though, and a little bit of a strike against freedom.
	You got to engineer them from the familial point.
	So what team are you on?
	Are you on the left or right?
	I'm on the career.
	Yeah.
	I'm on the team of I just.
	Why are you ranting against these fucking, these, you know, these Asians and Russian guys hiding their money from communist fucking regimes?
	What happens is.
	They want to avoid taxes.
Gender Constructs and Control 00:04:44
	Because that's why you have a Casio-Cortez.
	This is why you have these extremes.
	Right.
	It's because the fucking, the center has collapsed.
	I agree with you.
	And that's the problem.
	So you can't, it's all action and reaction.
	Well, can you just please, for one second, so nobody gets the wrong idea?
	Yeah.
	Can you please just tell me what you said the other night, last night?
	Because it was beautifully, beautifully, beautifully described and crafted in explicitly.
	With the trans thing.
	With the trans thing.
	Let me tell you about it.
	You've been obsessed with this.
	Nobody's gone.
	I'm rightly upset.
	No, no, no.
	I'm rightly obsessed.
	Nobody's right about anything at 3 a.m. on Twitter.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	But the catch is, and just like, you know, as much as Casio-Cortez, you know, it looks like she hates white people, it's what she fucks.
	As much as Yannis tweets about it, it's what he jerks off to.
	It's the trans point.
	This is what it is.
	I don't support a trans people.
	No, I know.
	I know.
	I love trans people.
	You're attracted to them.
	I'm attracted to them.
	If they're hot, if you look like a girl, I'm in.
	If you look like a girl, no, he wants them to have a dick.
	No, he wants one to cut up.
	I want the real thing.
	I want a cheap.
	No, he wants that.
	I want to jerk off to him.
	I'm not even jumping.
	We're doing a soft dick.
	I'm turning off to it.
	His wife doesn't like hearing about it.
	I keep telling his wife, I'm like, you're the perfect girl from you.
	Just need a dick.
	My sexual tastes are much like a Turkish sultan's.
	Right.
	I'm a Turkish Sultan.
	Yeah.
	I like to.
	Yeah, your name is Abi.
	Your orientation is women, but if it looks like a girl, I'm fooled.
	Right.
	Fool me and credit to you.
	Well, here's what I was saying about the trans.
	I was saying that it's not even trans people.
	It's not day-to-day trans people that you meet.
	It's not gay people that care about redefining society in this way.
	However, what it really is, is there's radical groups of people that want power and they want to redefine all of society and they look for a way to do it.
	They look for an entrance point, right?
	They're like, how can we start this process?
	How do we get in?
	So they pick issues like the trans issue.
	Because they can't just come out and say, give me all your money.
	Yeah, you can't come out and say, give me all your money.
	And by the way, we don't think you should have any speech rights.
	We don't think you should be able to talk about anything.
	So what they do is they come in to an issue that most people can understand and say, yeah, well, we want to be kind.
	We don't want to be cruel.
	We want to be welcoming and accepting to people.
	So what they do is they allow this trans issue to become their main issue.
	And then they try to move the ball down the field far enough so that they really limit the scope of what you can discuss and talk about in that one.
	And then, by the way, it doesn't stop there.
	It ends with we want 80% of your income and you're not allowed to say anything.
	Right.
	That's where it ends.
	That's where it always ends.
	And that's an old story.
	And that's an old story.
	Not an old story in the book.
	You see it.
	You see it in Venezuela.
	If you take all your money and you don't have a family and there's no bulwark against the state, we come in and we run everything.
	We engineer you.
	We want to control you.
	That is, it's the same way on the other side with the far right.
	They want to put Jews in camps.
	They want gay people and trans people to be marginalized because they want to enforce medieval Christianity as a tool of societal control.
	That's what it is.
	It's just a bunch of people that want control.
	And I just need a pool in the Hollywood Hills.
	That's all I want.
	I just want a vantage point to watch it burn.
	No, but I think it's very important for people who are listening to this or anywhere.
	And this is why I go crazy at three in the morning to hold the line of reality because that is the center.
	The center is going, hey, I support trans people.
	Trans people is a beautiful modern thing.
	But let's not throw caution to fucking reality.
	I mean, it's a consequence of modernity.
	I mean, they take blockers, they take estrogen or testosterone, and that's great.
	And they identify because their brain is that way.
	That orientation in their brain is that way.
	And they identify that way.
	And they want to take that to fruition.
	But, you know, they are trans women.
	They're not women.
	Because if they're women, what are women?
	So, because logically, if you're saying trans women are women, then that means all women are trans.
	Yeah.
	And they're not.
	So it's like, if you're insinuating that trans women aren't trans women, then you're almost implying something's wrong with being a transition.
	So they're trying to get rid of trans.
	So what they're trying to do is they're trying to get rid of the step between they want you to separate sex and gender.
	That's what I think where the confusion comes in.
	They want you to say your biological sex is different than what your gender is.
	That's what they're trying to say.
	Well, they also want to say that.
	They also want to say this.
	But your gender you can choose, but your sex.
	They want to say this.
	The gender itself entirely is a construct and a result of society.
	That's not true.
	Of course, that's not true.
	That's not true.
	But it does.
	Right.
	That's not true.
	People should know it's not true.
	And they don't care.
	It's part of nature partnership.
	Truth and facts are like 90s shit.
	Right.
	We are done with facts.
	Nobody in a Trump rally gives a fuck about facts.
	They go, keep building the wall.
	There's not one brick of the wall.
	They don't care.
	Facts mean nothing to them.
Truth vs Modernity Illusions 00:03:18
	He went in.
	He said, I'm going to clean up Wall Street.
	We're going to eliminate the carried interest loophole.
	We're going to fucking reign those guys in.
	He didn't do any of that, by the way.
	You know what he did?
	The next crisis will be another crisis.
	I mean, we've done nothing to insulate ourselves from the next financial crisis.
	And what I'm about to say, I want your opinion on it.
	Yeah, Trump did fix LaGuardia Airport.
	I just want to say that.
	There's an artichoke pizza in there and it's a one-wing of the airport.
	You're still curing coffee cups.
	Yeah, but it's one part is nice.
	A lot of parts are not.
	I mean, I fly to JFK.
	I don't know LaGuardia.
	LaGuardia can't handle the planes I use.
	Yeah.
	Need Joe Rogan flying at JFK.
	Yeah.
	So here's my question.
	It's obvious to everybody at this point who has any sense that the conversation has been hijacked by the extreme right and the extreme left.
	Sensible people know that that's bad.
	Yes.
	I think the majority is still sensible.
	So, but the conversation has been hijacked by these two minorities of fanatics.
	Now, when you look back at history, you look back at World War I, you look back at World War II, you see at the outset of World War I, radio was invented.
	So there was this great tool to now galvanize and propagate to the masses that mobilized and was used as an apparatus to accelerate a world war.
	Then you see TV was invented around World War II.
	You see the same thing happen with TV, where the Germans used it especially, and so did the Americans as a tool to mobilize, et cetera.
	Same thing as what I said before.
	Now we have the internet, the third great invention for communication.
	The same thing seems to be happening where it is being used to galvanize these extreme points of view, the inevitable being another world war.
	Your thoughts, sir.
	Yeah.
	Well, I think when you look at who that war is going to be with, I think the majority of the people.
	First of all, is it going to happen because of what I'm saying?
	The inevitability of it based on those two examples.
	But I think the mutually assured destruction of the nukes keeps us from that.
	I think not even close.
	Well, to borrow it from the breakfast club.
	Not even close, bud.
	I would say this.
	People are fucking stupid.
	I would say this.
	Everybody has the Pentagon's preparing for war with China.
	I mean, we have been for a long time.
	This is a proxy.
	Is it going to be a proxy war?
	Because the Chinese are putting these Muslim, poor Muslim kids in fucking concentration camps right now.
	There's a whole indigenous group.
	These Chinese are so fucking godless.
	Yeah.
	I don't mean that in a bad way.
	Right.
	I'm getting carried away here.
	I don't mean everyone.
	Yeah, maybe they should let it out.
	But no, because I'm agnostic.
	But I'm just saying, like, something very nefarious is happening over there where there is this sort of, you see, the beginnings of like these concentration camps happening.
	Yeah.
	And it's happening.
	And this is something we saw happen in the 40s.
	And it's like the internet is just swelling everyone.
	It's bringing out the lowest common denominator of people's position.
	Listen, my father, who has, I'm not lying, I think he got through ninth grade.
	My dad, you know, was doing, you know, really didn't set himself up at all.
	Not the brightest guy in the world, but he's had some hot days at the horse track.
	He's had some hot days at the horse track.
	And my mother was fucking hot when she was young and he scooped her up.
	She was a friend of that.
Spoiled Adults Need a Coup 00:07:36
	But what he said, I'll never forget this, 2009.
	I started comedy, whatever.
	Twitter comes out.
	We're talking.
	And my dad goes, you see this new thing, this Twitter thing?
	He's like, do you have one?
	And I was like, no, I got to get one though.
	You know, all comedians have it.
	He goes, it's going to be a big mistake for the people in the country.
	And I was like, why?
	He's like, because not everyone's supposed to be heard from.
	Not everybody's supposed to have a voice.
	He goes, think about how much shit happens if you get up in front of a crowded cafer, everybody's talking, nobody's listening.
	He said, so this is going to be the biggest problem our country ever had is just Twitter shit.
	And he's kind of not wrong.
	You're absolutely right.
	And that's a guy who was as a ninth grade education.
	Yeah, I had a mentor in college, Professor Smith, one of the most wisest people I've ever had at American, the American University where I was educated.
	My alma mater, which is Latin for a lot of people.
	And he was eating kids on Epstein's Islands.
	No, he wasn't.
	But he said the one thing I'll never forget.
	He says, comfort corrupts.
	Yep.
	It's what it is.
	Yeah.
	It's inevitable.
	Doesn't matter what your moral, how you were brought up.
	You have to constantly guard yourself against the corruption of comforts.
	And people just don't have the energy or the willpower to consistently check in on that.
	So what I'm basically saying is we were designed to fail.
	We're at the end.
	We've climbed up the mountain, but we are Sisyphus.
	The rock will fall on us.
	We've made it to the end.
	We're not going to another solar system.
	We're not going to another fucking habitable planet.
	The habitable planets are 300 million light years away.
	We're sucking all the resources out of the earth and it's going to shuffle things around in a way that's going to hurt us because nature does not like imbalance and that's just written.
	It's fate.
	We're going to go away.
	You know, rocker roaches and rats will evolve now.
	I feel like someone, there's an island bar, some island paradise we don't know exists, and somebody's saying that exact thing.
	And Jeffrey Epstein is just sitting there with a glass of rum going, life will find a way.
	And he's dead now.
	He's dead now.
	Allegedly he's dead.
	I mean, who knows?
	Who knows?
	Who knows?
	Yeah, show me a body, right?
	Who knows?
	There's another, I'm sure there's, you know, that's the other thing.
	We'll just never know.
	Yeah.
	That's the thing.
	That's why conspiracies are ultimately frustrating and they just don't lead anywhere because you're never going to know unless you're on the inside.
	People don't know anything about comedy.
	I always explain this to Ben.
	I'm like, nobody knows what the green room in the store is like or the people at the table of the cellar.
	And by the way, we all know what it's like.
	And we're all like, why would you want to know?
	But here's the thing, because to them, it's magic.
	To them, it's magic.
	It's not.
	It's not.
	Of course it's not.
	Everyone's sitting in silence.
	But we know.
	But we know.
	Now, there's two ways to experience anything from the outside or the inside.
	Both have their benefits.
	Being on the inside, you know what it really is.
	Being on the outside, you have your idea of what it really is.
	Being on the inside, you have no more illusions about what it is.
	On the outside, you have all illusions about what it is.
	They both have their benefits.
	When you look at this stuff, so much of this, so many of the decisions that are being made in our world are being made at 30,000 feet.
	We just don't know what's going on.
	We can't, we can make jokes, we can read books, we can have ideas, but we don't really know the thought process or what goes into this.
	And our own little corner of the world, which is entertainment, you know, most people look at the entertainment business and for, you know, for whatever reason, they think they have an idea of how it works and they just don't.
	And you could see in entertainment, especially in New York or LA, but you know, I can comment on New York.
	I live here.
	Even the things that are massive, you know, a year ago, Me Too, massive movement.
	I was at Giannis's.
	By the way, massive movement on the island of Manhattan.
	You go to Long Island, they go on Me Too.
	What?
	No, that's what I was just going to say.
	When I was at Giannis' sushi restaurant.
	Right.
	When I was at Giannis's engagement party, I was talking to one of his wife's lovely friends trying to have sex with her.
	And she's a long.
	All Republicans out.
	She's a Long Island school teacher.
	And I said something.
	I said, I was talking.
	She goes, oh, my favorite comedian is Louie.
	And I was like, wow, you don't see a lot of women saying that these days because of the Me Too stuff.
	She's like, what's that?
	And I said, what do you mean?
	What's that?
	And then she started asking her friends.
	And she goes, what's the Me Too?
	What did Louie do?
	And this was months, months after.
	And you're like, what?
	And it's like, yeah, because most people don't care.
	Even Louie himself, I heard him speaking.
	Even Louis himself had said, you know, in the beginning of last year, he would be on the train and people would be talking, you know, commenting, oh, you fucking pig.
	You're a rapist.
	Shit, that's crazy.
	He's not accused of any of that.
	But now, because of all how things go in cycles or whatever, now people are like, he'll be on the train and he said people would be like, oh, you know, what happened to you was unfortunate.
	I can't believe society treats you this way.
	I'm coming to your show.
	And he's going to be back selling tickets again because it's all just these extreme movements.
	In closing, what do you think?
	Because this is an interesting question about Louis.
	How do you think he, you know, he's on a theater tour now?
	Well, no, he's doing the date in Funnybone.
	Okay.
	So he's not doing theaters.
	Not yet, but he can do them.
	It's just, it's just, he's got to wait till some of this sting comes out of, you know, the theaters not wanting to be seen, booking him.
	He could sell at Madison Square Garden right now.
	Listen, people need to.
	People need to grow up.
	We need to become adults again.
	Yeah.
	We're living in this period of extended youth.
	Yeah.
	Everyone's acting like a child.
	So how does that happen?
	That's what I'm delaying.
	It's just the amenities of modernity.
	I know, but the eruption of comfort.
	I know, but how do you, but how do you, how do you, how, if you tune into the Tim Dylan fucking show and you take your fucking medicine like a fucking man.
	We all know that.
	That's how you change it.
	So if you had the, if, if you literally, I'm giving you the reins right now, you're the president of the United States.
	Yes.
	Let's let's first.
	First of all, the Chinese are going back into internment camps.
	Because if you're the president, I'm your first lady.
	Yeah, you are.
	So that's a joke, people.
	You're the president.
	Instead of before you intern Chinese, which I'm not necessarily against, yeah.
	Oh, I guess I could afford some condos.
	What do you do?
	What do you have?
	A big speech?
	You go out and tell everybody they're in trouble.
	Well, what do you literally do?
	Yeah, I start with some sort of speech about nature.
	I want to remind people that being detached from the reality of nature is a luxury but an illusion.
	How do you think that plays in an Applebee's and Tom?
	I don't know.
	Well, I'm going in with armed guns.
	Okay.
	So you're watching and you're agreeing.
	It's not a choice.
	No, you said I'm going in president.
	First of all, I'm doing a hostile takeover.
	It's a coup.
	When I get in, yeah, I'm making an alignment with the, I'm making, I'm doing it like Batman.
	I'm taking full power, but I'm giving it away at the end because I'm a principled guy.
	I like that.
	I'm a Greek kid.
	I like that.
	A coup, and then you give a nice speech about nature.
	Yeah.
	I like that.
	A coup and then a speech about coup.
	And then my speech is like, I want you to go, I want you to go look at this thing that we're a part of.
	It's very easy to get detached because of the amenities of Moderne.
	The comforts provide you this illusion that we're not part of nature.
	The laws of nature need to be obeyed.
	And our principles and our laws of governance need to be in accordance with nature.
	We're a little out of whack.
	Everyone's gotten a little spoiled.
	We need a little perspective.
	Here's why.
	And here's what I'm basing my perspective on.
	It's called nature.
	Worship what you want, think what you want, but this is a system that was created based in nature.
	People are free for the pursuit of happiness, not guaranteed.
	There's no such thing as equality.
	There's equality under the law.
	Right.
	Men and women are not the same.
	They can be the same, but that's the exception, not the rule.
	Men compete over here.
	Women compete over here.
	Eventually, hopefully, I'm so pro-trans, trans people should compete over here.
	And that's what it is.
	We're not equal.
	It's not fair for a woman who transitioned a year ago to be competing against girls and dominating.
	That's not fair.
	Trans women are trans women, and that's a beautiful thing.
	It doesn't mean they're women.
Hypocrisy Under the Law 00:08:19
	Okay?
	So call it what you want.
	I'll give you control of the semantics, but stop trying to say they're the same because they're not.
	Because then they start competing in the same leagues, and that's not fair.
	It also is not fair to women because it defines that out of existence.
	That's not fair.
	It's anti-feminist.
	So I'd start with a couple of points like that, and then I'd bring out the guns and kill whoever disagreed.
	I would say we're not changing a thing, but everybody's getting a coupon for Popeye's chicken sandwich.
	Wow.
	Go to Cruz.
	That's why you're going to be my secretary of fucking bullshit.
	Everybody gets a cruise because I get right out and I go, listen, hey, boomers, here's a reality.
	We could try to remake society in the image of nature, or we could all get on a big boat with a 24-hour buffet and go to a little island in Mexico where slaves will bring you pina coladas.
	And they're just going to go, hey, faggot, where's the boat?
	Where can people find you guys?
	Where's the history?
	History hyenas.
	History hyenas, where the Tim Dylan, the great Tim Dylan, is a friend of, whenever he's in town, we want him on.
	Yes.
	We go, by the way, we need to redo the podcast game right here in New York City where everything starts.
	Yes, it's available on our joint Patreon by 5,000.com, patreon.com/slash Bay Ridge Boys.
	And on patrons.
	Revolution is not coming.
	New York is a tired old tramp.
	And I'll tell you right now, the comedy scene here, I love all of you guys.
	It's just limping along.
	We'll be in Los Angeles, January 12th to the 6th.
	Just limping along right now because it's in love with the past.
	Yes.
	It's in love with the past.
	You're forgetting a little tool we have in our back pocket called Fuhrer Andrew Schultz.
	That's what I was going to say.
	That's your hope.
	By the way, that's your only hope.
	You are my only hope.
	And that's right.
	Amongst, you know, we're following the guidance and the tutelage of our Fuhrer Andrew Schultz.
	If you go to patreon.com slash Bay Ridge Boys right now, the million-dollar tier will get you the secret Tim Dylan episode that we never recorded.
	If you want to pay a million dollars, we're going to put out the episode that meet, Chris, and Giannis recorded when we just went a little wild.
	Yeah.
	And $1 million split it with you 500.
	I appreciate it.
	James L. Tutor, if you're listening, James L. Tutra, this is for you.
	I'm doing his podcast.
	This is not a joke.
	This is not a joke.
	We are putting up an unairable Tim Dylan episode, the infamous Tim Dylan episode, for $1 million on patreon.com/slash.
	$1 millionpatreon.com.
	You can hear us go a little wild.
	It's a lot of wild.
	Think about what we won't put out because we put out a lot of stuff.
	So nobody wants this going out.
	I know.
	Nobody wants anything going out.
	If Giannis had his way, we just podcast and nothing would go out.
	But the reality is, you know, this is going out.
	You know, what world do you think?
	You think Jenny Slate's calling you up to fucking collab?
	No.
	You think Jenny Slate would be like, hey, can you get me like a chicken Parmesan hero, please?
	I think she's very funny, by the way.
	I just think you're, yes, you think she's very funny.
	She thinks you're a postmate.
	Yeah.
	So I'm very happy.
	I love her too.
	We all love her.
	And she'd walk over at dead bodies.
	I respect the hell out of her.
	I respect that.
	I respect it 100%.
	Yeah.
	And God bless her.
	She's doing great.
	And, you know, it is what it is.
	There is no loyalty.
	Here's the deal.
	When the Gillis thing happened and you had everybody that didn't even know Shane throwing him under the bus, there was no loyalty amongst comics.
	Now, that saddens me.
	I don't like that that's the case, but that is the fucking case.
	So anybody who's talking about loyalty or bullshit, honor codes, they're all full of shit.
	It's just not true.
	Everybody kind of throws everybody else under the bus.
	I was one of the only people defending Shane.
	You were.
	And by the way, I'm including his close friends, weren't defending him.
	So the reality of the situation is it just is.
	Here's all you need to know about entertainment and where it's at and where the world is at.
	Here's what you need to know.
	Shane Gillis, okay, was dropped by his agents, UTA.
	Justice Smollett was not.
	Correct.
	That's all you need to know.
	That's all you need to know where you are.
	Who used police resources to investigate a bogus hate crime?
	And by the way, there were two guys that had been picked up for some drunk whatever.
	Justice Mollette probably would have fingered them and they would have been in jail like two innocent guys.
	So a truly evil human being was not dropped by UTA, but Shane was.
	So that's where we're at.
	And a lot of comedians went to go speak out about how inappropriate Shane was when they had said things that were absolutely worse.
	Ridiculous.
	So it is just a hypocritical group of people.
	And anytime I hear that word loyalty from a manager, from an agent, from anybody, I couldn't want to get further away from you because it ain't true, baby.
	It's not aware of it.
	It's not true.
	This shame is up.
	This jig is up.
	It's also crazy to think that what we just did on this podcast is anything more than entertainment.
	Right.
	You do understand we're professional comedians.
	If there's a journalist listening to this right now, you do understand that we are comedians.
	We don't care.
	By the way, there's no journalists listening.
	Yeah, whatever fucking idiot is who thinks he writes for a career who may be listening to this to hold our feet to the fire for anything that we're saying.
	This is a podcast by comedians.
	We are entertainers.
	We don't hold any power, any positions of power, and we don't seek it.
	We're seeking to entertain you, to give you something to do while you're killing time for dying.
	You're here waiting to die, and we're making that a little less painful by providing you with some fucking entertainment.
	And that's where it is.
	Yeah, I'm not running for public office.
	So anything I say on this podcast, you're joking.
	It's entertainment.
	It's like you're watching.
	It's a character.
	Here's the other thing.
	It's a character.
	I am running for public office, by the way, because I truly believe now.
	Why not?
	I think why not?
	Why not?
	Why not?
	I mean, look.
	If we're going to just, if it's all over anyway, I will go right and I know exactly where I'm going to go.
	It's a little district called Long Island, New York, because I know what to say to win.
	Yeah.
	I will say we are going to have a vote in a bar.
	We're going to vote if we could smoke in the bar.
	That's it.
	We're not going to worry about the employees of the bar having to inhale secondhand smoke.
	They should have made better choices.
	Am I right, Bob?
	Ribby?
	Correct.
	The rally's on 9-11 at Mulcahy's in Belmore.
	Yeah.
	9-11, right?
	9-11, you get to commit one hate crime.
	A non-violent hate crime.
	It's a non-violent hate crime.
	9-11, you could put, you know, you could rip someone's hijab off.
	It can't be violent, though.
	Or you could spray a swastika on a McDonald's.
	Whatever it is, you get to do one nonviolent hate crime on 9-11.
	This is how I'm going to get elected in Long Island.
	Furthermore, Deewee's, the new Deewee law is if you can state your full name first, middle, and last, and it matches your ID, you are not too drunk to drive.
	You're absolutely fine.
	Get right back in that car and you do what you need to do.
	Good.
	We can't be precious about worrying about life and every single person.
	No, no, no.
	The other thing is, there's got to be an acknowledgement, and Long Island people understand this.
	There's just got to be an acknowledgement that on the Long Island Railroad, there are no laws.
	So the laws of man do not come into the Long Island Railroad.
	When those doors close, we're back to the Coliseum in ancient Rome.
	Yep.
	Blood, first blood is the law of the land.
	Yep.
	That's it.
	I love it.
	And that's how I'm going to hear.
	You got my vote.
	Go to History Hyenas.
	Support their Patreon.
	Tim Dylan Show, TimDylanComedy.com.
	Dates coming up.
	Magoobies, Austin, Texas, a cap city.
	Fun stuff coming up in Toronto.
	House of Comedy in Minneapolis, Arizona, blah, blah, blah.
	A lot of fun.
	We're up in Vancouver.
	We're in Toronto.
	TimDylanComedy.com.
	All those links, all those tickets.
	Fun stuff.
	Mega McCain shirt coming.
	Thanks to everybody who bought her other shirt.
	We're designing a Mega McCain shirt.
	Might take a while.
	And it's interesting.
	Somebody was with her the other night.
	And she's not a fan.
	She did not like that.
	I called her fat, by the way.
	I said so many worse things.
	What can you do?
	What are you going to do?
	Thanks to the History Hyenas.
	And goodbye.

Chapters

00:00:01 Anxiety and Epstein Island
00:14:32 The Boomer Victimhood Cycle
00:23:49 Capitalism's Health Care Lie
00:38:57 No Solutions for Rome
00:53:54 Gender Constructs and Control
00:58:38 Truth vs Modernity Illusions
01:01:56 Spoiled Adults Need a Coup
01:09:32 Hypocrisy Under the Law