Tim's penultimate NYC episode comes with special guest (and TDIGTH favorite) Yannis Pappas! Tim and Yannis discuss the sinking ship that we're all on, what the future may hold, the importance of having children, and how the emergence of celebrity chefs often herald the collapsing of civilizations. Please Support Our Sponsors:Go to http://www.timdillonisgoingtohell.com and follow the link at the bottom to get 10% OFF any Wix Premium Plans!Check out Infinite CBD and see which one of their products is
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Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Proper Pronouns and Game of Thrones00:04:45
Fill her up.
You are listening to the Gash Digital Network.
And now, Tim Dylan is going to hell.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to Tim Dylan's going to hell.
It's all right.
You know what?
It's, we're all, we're all doing what we have to do.
Good to be here again.
Tim Dylan, Giannis Papas, one of our favorite guys ever to be on the show.
Returning favorite.
Using my proper pronoun.
Yeah.
Him.
He, his.
Yeah.
Mine is that.
That.
My pronoun is that.
Yeah.
I do want to say to people before we get into all the other things, if you are a human being with even a small life, the appropriate relationship to have to Game of Thrones is basically to not know what's going on.
I've watched it seven years.
I can barely explain what's happening.
I know like three of the main storylines because I have things going on outside of that that I have to do.
If you know every subplot and every family and how they intersect and you know more about their families than your own because you don't have one, that's a problem.
If you're the one at the party who's like, I know it's Rhaegar, that's a problem.
I tweeted something today and people got angry.
It went viral.
Ben Shapiro retweeted it.
Rogan retweeted it.
But I said essentially, I was like, listen, if you don't like the way this season of Game of Thrones is going, you can start a family.
Yeah, I retweeted it.
Yeah, and stop looking, stop looking for meaning in your life on cable TV.
And the hate, the response to the, the response to telling people to stop watching TV and start having kids is basically like I said, Heil Hitler.
Yeah.
That was the response I got.
Yeah, because, yeah, that's part of the patriarchal scheme is to get women to do what all life wants to do.
Right.
Is reproduce.
Yeah.
That's part of a, that's part of an old system that is unjust and needs to be updated and amended.
Yes.
Yeah.
We're not going to let fucking Mother Nature tell us when we're allowed to have kids.
We're going to go all the way to 65 and we're going to work at HuffPo for 20 years before we get.
Yeah.
No, we should.
Yeah.
And it's great to, and we'll retire with a pit bull with a rescue.
I rescue Pitbull and I work at a standing desk.
Yeah.
And I have a Twitter account that has all my pronouns in my bio.
Yes.
Yeah.
That seems like, and I argue about the political implications of Game of Thrones.
Yeah.
Have you ever gone to a person's Twitter bio and seen their pronouns there?
Oh, yeah.
And you're like, yeah, that's a person.
That's not going to be a fun conversation.
Never.
If somebody puts their pronouns and there's three of them in their Twitter bio, that's someone who's not going to be able to see your point of view.
No.
No.
You said today about Brooklyn was great.
You're like, these people don't seem fun.
No, it doesn't seem fun.
We got a real dearth of fun people.
I grew up around characters, Long Island characters.
And we're driving those people out.
And I think part of it is that because you have social media now, everything, everybody, it's so easy to like corral people into doing what you want them to do.
So easy.
Because people just see that.
They're like, oh, they put their pronouns up.
I want to do the right thing.
I want to be considerate.
I'll put my, you know, and then you just get, it flattens everybody.
It's like the great flattening where everybody's the same.
Yeah.
And you said that the other night we were driving home.
It's like, that's what the goal is going to be is like to get everyone to be the same and flawless.
Right.
Everyone is acting like they're flawless.
And if you show a flaw, they punish you for having a flaw.
Yeah.
You know, but a flaw is what makes you a person and makes you interesting.
Yeah.
Now they want to put you in jail for it.
Yeah.
And everyone's pretending like they don't have it because they got a short haircut and they're not 60.
Right.
You know?
And they're wearing rain boots on a sunny day.
Yeah.
And they're, you know, there's something too about, you know, this idea that you look at people now and you can almost tell, you can almost tell what conversations are going to make you want to kill yourself.
Flaws Make Us Interesting People00:07:07
Yeah.
You can almost tell pretty quickly what conversation is going to make you want to end your life or their life.
And you could see it.
You could see in somebody's face they have a certain expression.
I don't know.
I don't even know how to describe it, but it's very severe.
They're like severe and they're angry.
They're at war.
They're walking around Park Slope and they're at war.
We don't know with what, with systems of oppression, unseen, but they're out there just holding people down every day.
And this is why, but the things I catch the most heat for on social media is when I suggest to people ever so delicately, I do it with a light touch.
Yeah.
A little comedy.
Light touch.
I go, maybe we shouldn't all be losers.
Yeah.
Because that's the real, people are like, is it who is it?
Is it like Republicans that are out there or Democrats or is it socialists or fascists?
Who's the biggest contingent of people out there?
Losers.
Yeah.
Like that's the biggest contingent.
And if you tell those people, like I said, a tweet that got me in very big trouble, I said, Halloween, here's a way to stop offending people with your costume.
Don't wear one.
Give the holiday back to children.
Remember when it was a child's holiday?
Yeah.
Give it back to them.
Buy property.
Yeah.
Start a family.
If you're a dude who needs to go into a Halloween party, you dressed as the Twin Towers with your friend and you happen to be a kindergarten teacher and you get fired.
Yeah.
You know, give it to children.
My grandparents never dressed up.
My grandmother was never in an Elvira costume with her tits out.
It just wasn't the case.
Yeah.
Because she had children and she cared for them.
My parents didn't take me to any children's movies.
Right.
You know, I remember being seven years old and going to see Reds and Jagged Edge.
My father took me to Dead Man Walking.
Yeah.
I mean, I remember going to see Jagged Edge, which was Glenn Close was in that.
And it was about, I don't know, maybe, it was about a murder, someone breaking into a house and murdering somebody.
Yeah.
I couldn't sleep for three years after that.
Right.
They just dragged me into whatever R movie they wanted to see.
That was it.
I didn't see Star Wars until I was 56 years old on my own.
You weren't going to Ninja Turtles.
No, they didn't do any of that.
Yeah.
Because they were busy working.
They were entrepreneurs that built their own business.
And they just, I met them like four times before college.
My parents were just not just a blur in a suit.
I was raised by a Greek woman who did not speak English.
She was an illiterate woman.
She raised me because my parents were working 24 hours a day.
But if you tell people now, if you say, if you even suggest to them that they take on any, they evolve.
They take on any responsibility that would be considered like adult responsibility.
They always tell you how wrong you are.
And there's a lot of people that don't care about their families.
Yeah, I know.
Don't be one of those either.
I'm not telling you to be that.
They always fire back and they're like, you know, my, my father and mother never should have had kids.
Like, you know, you're right.
Talking to you, I agree that your mother and father never should have had kids.
I totally agree.
Good point.
Yeah.
But I'm just saying, I don't know what people think.
All these people, and I have friends of mine that are so against the idea of having kids, man.
What the fuck are you going to do?
What are you going to do?
You're going to hang out till you're 60?
You're going to be a Twitch streamer at 60?
That's what L.A. is.
L.A., you have 45-year-old men walking around in socks and sandals, high all day, Twitch streaming with a dog that they adopted.
And they have like arrested development.
And many of them are on the spectrum.
Some of them are to the spectrum.
But if you don't want to be, you know, an autist walking around in a bright colored shirt, maybe it's time to get a fucking clue.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you know, it's an era where I have a friend who I went to college with who's like a guidance counselor in school in King of Prussia in Philadelphia.
And she says it's different.
She's a liberal, open-minded person.
She's like, when we went to school, you know, the parents would side with the teacher.
If you were fucking up in school, they'd go, the teacher would say, they're doing this.
And they'd go, why are you doing this?
Now she says the parents come in and the kid's doing something.
They're going, what are you doing wrong to my kid?
Why is my kid?
So it's like, there's just been this shift where it's like very central.
Everyone's trying to get younger.
Everyone's focusing on the youth and blaming the systems, the older, whatever, the flaws of other things and not the person.
It's like, maybe your kid's just broken.
I wonder why.
And I hear that from my friends that are teachers too.
And I don't usually listen to my friends that are teachers because we all know that teachers are in many cases full of shit.
And they are, I'm kidding around.
I do give teachers a lot of flack here because it's not the hardest job in the world.
And a lot of them are just the wives of very rich guys.
Yeah, it's a lot.
A lot of people that are, I call them summer enthusiasts.
That's what I call them.
Okay.
Because it's, you know, everybody's like, it's the worst job in the world.
You're out at 230 in the two best months of the year, your ass is parked on the beach.
The hours are conducive.
My husband makes 15 million, so the 30,000 doesn't really move anything.
It doesn't really matter.
And I sit on the beach for two months while all the kids that I spent time with for a year go and do home invasions all summer because I've taught them so well.
So, but a lot of my teacher friends say to me, the parents now are always on the sides of the kid.
I don't know when or why that happened.
I just, I don't know why that's the thing.
Maybe it's just this obsession, like you said, with the idea that kids are should be listened to.
Well, I think it's this theme that like flaws makes you nobody wants to admit flaws.
Right.
It's like when I was growing up, and not to glorify, because there was a lot of horrible things about those eras behind us, but it's like, but there was more of a truth, more of an honesty about like my parents just openly telling me that my brother was the smart one.
Right.
And when I got C pluses, it was a celebration.
Right.
Because I was just stupider than he was.
Right.
And they told me that.
Right.
So it was like, that's what it was.
But me, me knowing that was like, I got to be funny.
So I was kicked out of schools and I was a class clown.
I found something I was good at.
It's like people who achieve things achieve things because they accept their flaws and they say, I'm going to make this flaw into something.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
But if you got AD, now kids are energetic.
You're like, give him pills.
Stop him from being energetic.
It's like, no, put him on a stage or do something.
Figure out what he likes.
He's not broken.
He's just not as smart as Jimmy.
He's not going to be a lawyer.
Everybody's got the measles because nobody will give them the needle.
Occupying Minds Before Trouble Starts00:14:39
Nobody gets a vaccination because we've decided that Jenny McCarthy is a doctor.
There's a real war on science right now.
Huge.
There's a real that there's a lot of people divided along political lines on peer-reviewed science on both sides is scary.
But I say, you know what?
I know you have like the journal of the American Medical Association.
I say, let Jenny McCarthy and Rob Schneider have a say.
And also Alyssa Milano.
Yes.
Yeah.
Let them have a say.
Let Jenny McCarthy have a say.
She should, why not listen to her?
What does Tootie from Facts of Life got to say about this?
I mean, Alyssa Milano was on who's the boss.
Why is she on the news?
Yeah.
You got to love how Democrats are like, how could they elect Trump?
And they're like, yeah, how can you elect Doug Trump?
Because I'm following Alyssa Milano's tweet.
Yeah.
Who's the boss?
Yeah.
Who's the boss?
Yeah.
Alyssa Milano's the boss.
We want to be led by narcissists.
This is what we don't really admit as a society.
We like these types of people.
We love avatars like Ocasio-Cortez or Trump.
We don't really like understanding systems or how things work because it's complicated.
There's like this diffusion of responsibility.
The mortgage crisis, perfect example.
If you read any book about the mortgage crisis, it's really emotionally unsatisfying because you can't come away with any one group because everybody was getting into the fuckery.
Everybody, okay?
You go, these people weren't really victims, number one.
You go, Wall Street were fucking liars, as they've always been.
The government was doing the wrong thing.
Everybody, the ratings agencies, everybody got involved.
But we tend to not like that.
We like these avatars like video games.
We look at it like a video game.
So you use Trump on one side, and then we have Ocasio-Cortez.
We have one side, we have a game show host, and then on the other side, we have somebody who was a bartender up until a few months ago.
Yeah.
We have a bartender.
And now we have a child star, Alyssa Milano, has entered DeFray.
Yeah.
I mean, those are the main characters.
These are the characters.
Those are the main characters.
Yeah.
And this is how it ends.
And this is what's so refreshing about talking to somebody like you is that you understand that this doesn't turn around at all.
No, no, no, no.
This is a cruise ship.
This is it.
This is a cruise ship.
And there's a frozen tundra ahead.
Yeah.
And in order to move that cruise ship, the ship does not have the dexterity to make a quick turn.
No.
It's not a fighter plot.
It's not a fucking speedboat.
It's not a fighter plane.
It's a 747 just packed with dumb, fat, fucking useless eaters.
People.
Yeah.
And you can't turn it.
So it's going dead on into the iceberg.
That's it.
That's what's going to happen.
Yeah.
It's a cruise ship.
That's it.
It's too big and dumb and slow to turn.
It's going to be interesting to see what happens.
You said that to me.
You're like, you can't, we can't go.
You don't fix this.
It's spinning this way.
You can't, you know.
I think one of the major reasons you can't fix it is because if you go out there and you talk to a person, just pick a person.
Just pick a person, okay?
Doesn't matter race, religion, age.
Pick a person and you talk to them for a few minutes and you realize that my uncle said something once and he said it.
It was during Easter dinner.
It was a little depressing.
It was right after the Easter prayer.
But he said, he goes, the people are too dumb to be governed because they're too dumb to be governed.
It won't work.
He goes, if you have people that are selfish, rotten to their core people, this is what he said during Easter.
He goes, they're just rotten to their core.
They want things to consume.
They want for themselves.
They have no investment in learning or knowledge.
They don't care.
None of it matters to them.
So what you do is you have only 10% of people who care about acquiring that knowledge.
Now those people are craving sociopaths.
So when those people have all of the knowledge, they weaponize it and then they use it against the bottom 90% who are just trying to get pretzels.
That's pretty much what they want.
They want pretzels and pools.
They're like floating in a pool and pretzels.
They don't give a shit.
They don't ask, why are we in Libya?
Why are we in Syria?
Why are we here?
Why are we there?
Nobody cares.
So when you have a population like this, how do you, because the world is so fucking complex now, and the systems and the things that you have to understand, otherwise you fly out.
Otherwise, you fly out of the handle.
You go join the Klan.
You go march with a torch.
You know, you used to call yourself a communist.
You're walking around Brooklyn saying, Comrade, hanging out at some bar.
You're just really trying to get laid.
You're talking about how great Marxism is.
But that's what happens if you don't want to understand how complex the problems are.
Well, this is why we can't win.
The real reason why we can't turn this cruise ship is because all these dumb people we're talking about.
And look, it's not to disparage them.
It's just what it is.
It is what it is.
It's just what it is.
That's it.
Most people are just a little slow.
It's a little rough.
Play at the plate.
You're a human.
Right.
You know, it's like, okay, we thought he was an ape.
He's a human.
We sweep him.
Look at the replay.
He got a finger on the plate.
Yeah.
Just barely slid into human.
It's mostly what it is.
During periods of industrialization or whatever it is, those people are occupied with jobs.
Right.
So they're not out there trying to find, am I a communist?
Am I this?
It's like those things are going to be over your head.
You need to get these people occupied.
Yes.
You need workers.
They need something to do.
Rosie the Riveter.
They need something to do.
Right.
And in China, they have something to do.
Right.
They're all getting underpaid to make my iPhone.
Right.
And that's why China is winning because the masses are occupied.
Yes.
Here, the masses are on Twitter.
Yeah.
And they're trying to tell each other what to do and who to follow.
Right.
They need to be occupied and not with the Game of Thrones show.
No.
They need to be working.
Their head needs to be down, but there's no factories to do that.
There's nothing to do that.
The robots are coming.
There's nothing we're going to be able to do with these people when they don't have a job to go to.
Yeah.
It's going to be bad.
Get up, by the way.
Nate, if you could get up, get up.
It doesn't have to be immediately, but I wanted to share this with him.
Get up like the top 10 things that were happening as Rome collapsed.
Because this is a great thing.
Because I looked at them again last night and I was really amazed at how similar the situation is to what we have now.
Where we're empire, we're past peak.
We're all over the world.
You know, the dollar is still the world's reserve currency for how long we don't know.
We are mortgaged.
I mean, I don't know how what is China owned now?
What are we?
20 trillion in debt?
I mean, they just own everything.
It's just something crazy.
On all levels.
On all levels.
They own everything.
They got their head down.
They're occupied in there.
We think we're getting the short-term money from them.
We're getting the short-term profit for the big guys.
Like, hey, this guy's making this for much less and they do it much better.
That's short-term because their whole system is made to beat us.
Well, they run like a company.
The whole country is run like a corporation.
It's run like a company.
They're a machine.
And machines like that, they culminate in trouble.
One way or another, it's going to culminate in trouble.
Yeah.
It's going to be, we're ready to go to war with Iran.
We're ready.
I don't even know.
If you miss a day's news cycle now, we're in a war.
Yeah.
We need a good war, though.
We do need a good war.
Iran won't do it.
We need something bigger.
There's a room somewhere right now.
Sure.
With a couple of guys.
Yeah.
Who nobody knows their name.
No.
Nobody knows their name.
They don't want anyone knowing their name.
They don't want anyone knowing their name.
They're not on Twitter.
They're not on Twitch.
They don't got a blue check mark.
No, none of that.
No, they got none of that.
They got the real blue check mark.
They're invisible.
Right.
And they're in places you just can't get into.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A little private club action.
Yeah.
Sure.
It's just at the top of an apartment building that has gargoyles on it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
100%.
Yeah.
There's just gargoyles on the building and they're up there.
Yeah.
And there's a lot of really fine oak in that place.
Yeah.
There's a smell of scotch.
Yeah.
And they're trying to figure out what to do with these people.
Right.
Because they understand it.
They're right.
They're above partisan politics.
Yeah, they don't care.
They're trying to keep this thing going so their family doesn't get eaten by these people.
Right.
They don't.
They just want to keep people out of Newport, Rhode Island.
And they've been doing it for years.
They've been doing it for years and they figure out strategies how to do it.
Right.
They're like, we got to figure out a way to keep the animals at bay out of Newport, Rhode Island.
We can't have a riot at the zoo.
We can't.
So sometimes, it just come to the conclusion we just need a war.
A little bit of a war.
I think even sometimes they call up the guy in the other country and go, listen, listen, guys.
Do you need a war?
Do you need one?
And then the guy goes, you know what?
You're fucking shit me.
We need a war.
We need one.
Yeah.
We need one.
And why do we need a war?
Yeah.
Because we need to create jobs.
Yeah.
Because right now, there is no new thing.
Yeah.
If you were going to be a part of the tech boom, you have to get educated to do that.
No.
Our people don't want to do that.
Yeah.
Because your people are making the phones and it's like, it's too easy.
They just need a little conflict.
They're all fucking, they're all majoring in English and ABGTC studies.
Nobody's in STEM.
So just we got to downsize this population to create 100%.
Some opportunities.
So just down one of our war is the best tool for job creation.
We'll just send the fighter jet over there.
We'll down it ourselves.
Yeah.
And then we'll just get involved because that's what we need to do.
It has to happen once in a while.
It needs to happen.
Because, yeah, what happened?
It's hard to count on a plague.
Yeah.
It's hard to count on a plague now because there's people to, there's too much education.
There's too much, you know, the standard of living is higher.
It's a lot cleaner.
Like a plague is really rapidly.
And you also can't control one.
If you get like a real bad bird flu, that could start taking everyone down.
We don't want that.
Yeah.
We need, did you, did you find it, Nate?
I found a list that's eight reasons why Rome fell.
And the things that were happening.
Is it a BuzzFeed list, though?
Yeah, we don't want that.
We don't want that one.
Here's what we're going to try to find.
If Rogan had any of these producers, by the way, he'd shoot them all in the face by the end of the day.
If anybody at this place was, if Rogan had to deal with these people for literally a minute, they would all get shot in the face.
He would break their necks on camera.
With his bare hands, he would choke the life out of them.
Yeah.
That guy, that guy, Jamie, is like, it's like, that's like dealing with a spaceship.
You know, it's like the show's being produced by AI.
Let's try to find.
We'll just try to try to find what was happening as Rome fell.
Like what was going on as Rome fell.
It's okay.
We have the whole rest of the half hour to find it.
Yeah.
Well, what does the list say?
You want to hear what the list says that he got?
Yeah.
Maybe we're being hard on it.
Maybe it could be a good list.
Yeah, I don't think so.
But okay.
Let's go with your list.
What list do you have?
And admittedly, it starts fire up, but there are some parallels in there.
The list I want is when they're like, they're talking about making celebrities out of chefs.
Okay.
The sec, like all the things that are good stuff.
Yeah.
So you just, just, just poke around on there trying to find.
Don't worry, don't rush.
Three, four episodes from now is fine.
Don't worry about it.
I don't want anyone here to rush.
This is my whole thing with this network.
I don't want anyone here.
I know we have 75 shows that we're producing.
You know, four or five of them have listeners.
I don't want anybody to be rushed.
You know, we got a lot of promising Instagram shows that we've signed.
Yeah.
You know, our CEO is wearing sweatpants somewhere with a 14-year-old Ukrainian.
I want to make sure everybody's happy.
I don't, I want to make sure everybody's happy.
You know, I don't want anyone to work too hard to make things happen.
You know, we got a fireplace that's unusable.
We've got what we need.
Yeah.
This is what we need.
Yeah.
We got track lighting like we're on fucking Coney Island Avenue at Rasputin's, the Russian bar.
It looks like we're on the fucking line.
Yeah, the underneath of like a Dominican guy's car.
Yeah, of course.
At night, yeah.
This is what you need.
Yeah.
Who would listen to a podcast without track lighting like you're at a Sweet 16 in Bensonhurst?
Yeah, I could use a little bit more air circulation in here.
Yeah.
That's the thing I do.
No, we don't do that.
We don't do that.
We have a low on oxygen in here.
Yeah, we don't need any of that.
But it is, it is wild, man.
But they did do that.
They started making celebrities out of chefs and sort of.
They went that whole route because everybody got really decadent.
Things are very decadent.
And then also, when you look at the way the rich are behaving now, the rich are behaving like they no longer inhabit the planet that we do.
They really are behaving like back in the day, rich people used to have to assimilate to a degree.
So if you look at all those buildings on Fifth Avenue, they're beautiful.
They're limestone.
They're fortresses, but they actually are built to conceal wealth much more than to flaunt it.
Because rich people used to, they're like, because they knew they're like.
Because they knew.
They knew we don't want them to know how much we're doing.
When we get too cute, people are going to start throwing rocks and they're going to start, they're going to like, very much like Frankenstein, these people are going to charge the castle.
So we have to keep it down.
Right, right.
Keep it down.
You know, the whole WASP aesthetic.
Yeah.
Drive, you know, maybe a little beat up older car.
Yeah.
And now listen, still own the fucking world, but don't let anybody know.
Right.
You know, keep things kind of bare, simple, plain.
Yeah.
You know, WASP food always sucked.
Yeah.
It was always like fucking weird butter and mayo-based salads, egg salads, sandwiches, fucking, you know, but you know, the Southampton Bathing Corp, which is like the most elite, 800 of the wealthiest families in the country, there's no AC.
It's not new.
It's old looking.
And people are like, why?
Because there was something to the idea of tradition and the idea of people not appearing to be kings and queens like the countries they left.
And the stuff that was really decadent was beyond the understanding of the company.
The food is like, they wouldn't want to eat it anyway.
And then you had a cigar show.
That was made out of the skin of like a Honduras girl that was wrapped in that.
And then you had like a scotch that was 400 years old.
Or you had a movie 14th piston.
Illusions in the Porn Industry00:06:01
Yes.
Or you had a mansion in Long Island or Newport, but it was never in somebody's face.
Right.
You don't put in a face.
It was never in somebody's face.
You wouldn't go up to a kid with soot on his face because he was cleaning a chimney and fucking hold your watch out and be like, hey, fuck you.
Which is why Adam McKay and the people that make succession did it's a good show, but they do some stupid things on that show where they have like people taking off their watches and giving them to immigrant kids.
It's just stupid.
It's like those, because what Hollywood likes to do is pretend they're not rich.
So they create these characters of rich people that are really evil, except the ones that they're friends with in LA and Malibu, because those are the good people.
No, what Hollywood?
Those are the good guys.
They like to pretend like they're very liberal on the Instagram.
Yeah.
And then they get into their accountant's office.
Yeah.
And they say, how can we hide all of this money?
Right.
So the government doesn't get it to government.
Our producers check it back in.
What's up, buddy?
Yes.
So this is the list I've found.
Okay.
So this is the seven signs of an empire in decline.
Interesting.
So we have debasement of currency.
Interesting.
Economic crises, public shows to distract the populace.
Yeah.
Chefs as celebrities, emphasis on food, pleasure.
Crazy.
Apathy.
And finally, sexual obsession.
Thank you.
I mean, I mean, could you spell out porn?
We are crazy with porn now.
Yes.
And, you know, Chris Hedges, this guy, he wrote a book called.
And it's fucking free, which is crazy.
It's free.
There should be a struggle to get that.
And it's never just people fucking.
It's people getting choked out, waterboarded.
Chris Hedges, who's a writer who wrote a book.
It's a really fun book.
It's called America the Farewell Tour.
And he went to the porn convention in San Francisco and he goes, the level of violence in porn now is amazing.
Just the level of straight-up violence, people feeling somewhat powerless and sad on mass at Kistic, crazy violence.
Well, even trans porn is, it's created by the porn industry.
Right.
Because trans, they want to transition fully.
Most of them want to actually have the surgery.
Right.
But it's like keeping the penis is like, it's decadent because it tricks the brain, like the straight brain.
Right.
Because I watch these neuroscientists talk about like, you know, animals, the phallic, a hard dick, like other animals used to see a hard dick and it would get them hard because they would want to compete with the with the guy who just, the whatever animal just banged that chick.
And so they put all those elements together.
You know, nobody wants to see a porn with a small penis.
Right.
Straight guys aren't like, let me see the smallest dick.
Yeah.
They want to see big dicks.
Of course.
Because it's just a sign of like virality.
And so the porn industry, the people involved are like, I don't want to do this.
Right.
But it's creating this kind of illusion.
Yeah.
This smellless illusion that people are whacking.
It's not normal to stare at a screen and whack off to something.
No.
It's not real.
And it's also not normal to take a guy who makes meatballs and make him into a star.
Like Mario Batali, who was going around rape.
He had rape rooms.
This is how powerful this fucker was.
Forget Harvey Weinstein.
I get Harvey Weinstein casting couch.
He's got all this power in Hollywood.
Mario Batali's making fucking meatballs and he's got rape rooms like a king.
Like Saddam Hussein.
And what's he doing making wild boar ragu?
But this is a decadent we are as a country where fat, decadent pigs.
We worship the food.
And we just want to jerk off.
Nobody wants to fuck anymore.
They just want to jerk off and eat a nice big bowl of wild boar ragu.
Yeah.
People are people just and it's fucking gone way down amongst young people.
Nobody wants to sacrifice.
Right.
Nobody wants to, right?
Like you said, create a family, live for a kid.
Wow.
Here's what I realized recently because I just got married and we're going to get to have a kid and I'm going to do that.
Yeah.
Because what I realize is like...
What else is there?
Because yeah.
And I was inculcated in this thing.
Like, what's my purpose?
There's no purpose.
Yeah.
I'm just lucky enough to have a little charisma and be able to bullshit.
Right.
And so I don't have to work like you got to work.
Right.
But we're just fucking blades of grass here.
Yeah.
And just like blades of grass, just like strawberries, just like fucking ant eaters, they all have one purpose, propagation.
There's some things you don't question.
Right.
Why should I have a kid?
Because that's what you're here to do.
That's what you're here to do.
That's what we're all here to do.
Right.
You some things you just can't say fucking, why should I do it?
It's like, because that's what we do.
Yeah.
Look at every animal, look at every vegetable, look at every plant.
That's what this is.
That's it.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
So if you're married, and I have friends out there that are married, I'm telling you right now, there's exceptions, but you know what I'm saying.
If you don't, yeah, listen, if you got a heroin needle hanging out of your arm, we're not talking to you specifically right now.
Clean it up, maybe, and then a few years down the line, you go.
Yeah, we don't want to deal with your kids.
We don't need that.
We don't need that.
But what I am saying is that I have a lot of friends that are married who aren't going to have kids.
I can tell you right now, your marriage will fail.
Because getting married without having kids is the point.
Why would you get married if you don't have kids?
No sense.
No sense.
The point of doing that if you're not going to have kids, it makes zero sense.
I don't see it.
Yeah, so all I'm saying is that I don't want to be controversial.
I don't want to make everybody mad.
I'm just saying if you don't have kids, you better be fucking really, really good at something.
Now, many of you think you are, and you're not.
No, you're not.
There's like 15 people who are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's very few.
And very few people are going to have a career that fulfills them on a level where they don't need to have kids.
Most people won't.
This is what we're trying to do.
So, but yeah, I was a wild boy.
Yeah.
I was just trying to have fun.
Yeah.
And in Long Island, people, we like to have fun.
Little criminality.
See, what we did last.
You know how we call the streak of evil?
What we did last night.
Streak of criminality.
We had a nice dinner with a few guys.
It was like a special night.
White Privilege at the Buffet Table00:05:25
It was a real white privilege night.
In Long Island, that's a weekly event.
That is, yeah.
It's a Thursday men's club event.
Well, Long Island is white privilege carved out.
Is white privilege the place?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's retarded people driving Lexuses.
Yeah, but let me ask you this question.
If we acknowledge our privilege, can we at least enjoy it?
You should be able to know who's enjoying his privilege?
Jimmy Fallon.
You know what's the most privilege?
Yeah.
To sit coked out at a desk and talk to a Muppet every night and get paid $25 million a year.
And what's the lead?
That's privilege.
What's deleted?
Deleted is the news dystopian.
Deleted is the news.
And the news is saying we have the opioid epidemic with thousands of people in the streets scratching their skin off.
And here we go.
Let's kick it over to Jimmy, who's playing fucking Tetris with Miss Piggy and Cameron Diaz because he's having a lot of fun.
And NBC has changed him to his desk so he doesn't run and bite an attractive woman in the front row.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
So you're talking about white privilege.
It took about 25 million a year to sing songs with Muppets.
Yeah.
And if you don't like that, you can always go over to James Corden where he's singing in a car.
Yeah, James Corden.
He's on a road trip.
And by the way, he's a fat British guy who acts black.
Why is that okay?
Hey, cultural appropriators.
Why is it okay for him to be like, okay, motherfucker, here we go?
I'm James Golden.
But what is that about?
The British were none too kind to Africans, as I remember.
And then if you don't like that, you could go over to Kimmel, who's very serious and in tears.
And I get it.
And he's got some, you know, but it's a very serious thing.
Yeah.
It's always very serious.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
And they all do the same.
Or you could go to Colbert who is about to be thrown out of it without Trump being elected.
Yeah, they need to be the producer of that show.
He's a producer of a lot of shows.
Right.
So, or what they do on Colbert, they'll let people come out confused and do four minutes of stand-up comedy.
They come out like a deer in headlights and they're like, hello?
They look like PTSD kids from a human trafficking cult in their first suit.
They come out and they go, huh, ho, ho, ho.
The other day, hi, Botto.
Watch.
And oh, huh, huh.
Yeah.
And the crowd goes, oh, it's like this.
The applause sign goes up.
This is it.
People used to come to New York and go, oh my fucking God, what a city.
Now they come and they go, I'm kind of glad I live in Grand Rapids.
Yeah, it's kind of the same as Grand Rapids.
Yeah, it's pretty crazy.
Sterilized.
But my point, folks, infinite CBD.com/slash gangfest.
Go get the pest.
Your life's not complete unless you got some CBD orders.
Yes.
I mean, America's just a big buffet at a casino at this point.
That's what it is.
You pay 15 bucks up front and you go in there, get a crab leg, and you just want to put as much on your plate for as long as possible.
And it doesn't matter if the food belongs with the other food.
No.
Doesn't matter if a crab leg and a pancake are touching.
Doesn't matter if maple syrup's touching the crab leg.
Because it's all going down the same.
I remember I looked at a woman once.
I was at a buffet in Long Island and I almost vomited.
She had a nice big plate.
And what she was doing, most people, when they're done with the circumference of the plate at the buffet, they are done.
Once you filled out the plate, you're done.
This woman was putting food on top of other food.
Like, for example, potato salad was going on top of like mashed potatoes and grapes.
It didn't even make sense.
I said to her, I was like, are you not, do you not get concerned with all the food mixed around?
And she looked at me and said, it's all going to the same place, like a trough, like a pig in a trough.
People looking for purpose.
There's no purpose.
There's nothing out there.
Gianna said one of the funniest things I ever heard.
We were on the cruise, the Impractical Jokers Cruise, and the median weight on the cruise was about 440 pounds.
You could take all the people off the boat, and it would be the weight of the boat.
You could challenge the weight of the boat.
If you could glue those people together and they had some sort of buoyancy and you could put them in the water, you could race.
You could race the boat.
These are big boys and girls.
Yeah.
They had scooters.
They were on scooter, and then they'd go right down the buffet in a scooter.
Okay.
And Giannis said to me, Giannis goes, here's what happens to these people.
Hey, guys, don't remember.
He goes, when they feel a little air pocket, just a little opening.
Just a little air pocket opening.
They get panicked and they're like, I got to fill this immediately.
So they just, they stay in a constant state of being full.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
Yeah, they treat it like it's a breach.
It's a breach in their security.
There's like, there's an opening.
There's a hole.
It needs to be filled.
Like a buzzer goes off.
Yeah.
Get back in there.
Do you know like the Indian guys?
The Indian guys usually, they've cornered the business.
Yeah.
Waterproof and brick.
Right.
Right.
With brick, you could waterproof the whole thing.
If you miss one spot and water gets in, it could compromise the whole structure.
Everybody's fucked.
That's how they look at it.
There's a little hole in their stomach and they're like, it's got to be filled.
Yeah.
It's got to be filled or else I'm not a whole person.
It's that American ethos of just more, more, more.
I want to really go down to Cancun.
Yeah.
To an all-inclusive.
Sure.
With AOC.
Yeah.
And I want her to tell me.
Yeah.
With that, with a straight face.
Poverty Breaches Security Systems00:15:14
Yeah.
Are you really the first generation in America to live without prosperity?
Right.
At this.
So I want you to tell me that at the fucking breakfast buffet at an all-inclusive, which is basically a carved-out oasis in a poor country for fucking Americans who eat and drink like Roman emperors.
Yes.
I mean, the guy's a bus driver and he's going down there and he's eating like Nero.
And you're telling me you're the first generation to live without prosperity.
She's completely out of her mind.
I mean, how can you say that with a straight face?
Yeah.
Well, you know what it is?
That is the only thing that it takes to be a politician is to say things shamelessly with a straight face.
That's literally what you have to do if you want to get into politics.
It's acting for people like AOC's cube, but her teeth are fucked up.
So she can't go to fucking Hollywood and be an actress.
But what she can do is go on MSNBC and tell everybody how fucked they are.
And then it wasn't their fault that they had 27 children.
It's okay.
It's somebody else's responsibility.
Okay.
Everybody came over to this country, for the most part, poor.
Everybody.
Okay.
Everybody.
And some people had more advantages than others.
Poverty is where the human condition starts from.
You never really have to explain poverty.
This is why people get this wrong.
Thomas Sowell, who's a really smart guy, talks a lot a bit about the only thing you ever really have to explain is wealth, prosperity.
How did you get wealth?
How did you create this thing that hasn't been around?
Poverty is the species originated in poverty.
It's like almost a natural state of things.
It's the way it is.
Okay, so everybody talking about poverty is kind of missing it.
I understand that poverty is a problem.
It's an epidemic, blah, What you want to do is how do you create wealth?
How do you take people that are poor and give and the only idea that a lot of these people have is to find people that have money, take their money, which I'm not against in every instance.
You have to temper grief.
You have to do it.
You have to temper grief.
You have to do it.
But like somebody said, it doesn't matter how many kids you have or what kind of education you have, you shouldn't be poor.
Hey, buddy, that's not the world.
Yeah, that's just not realistic.
Your politics just aren't based in reality.
That's not realistic.
That's not a reality.
The little loophole that socialists and communists never mention is like that.
You can't make everyone equally wealthy.
No.
Because in order to be wealthy, you have to be a capitalist.
So the only option for socialism is to make everyone all the same poor.
Yeah.
Because wealth comes from capitalism.
People don't talk about the very obvious differences in intellect, aptitude, effort, ability, all of those things.
You go in comedy.
We know geniuses who have not succeeded because they don't give a fuck.
They're funny, they can write, but they're not as aggressive at securing opportunities for themselves as they should be.
Why?
Who the fuck knows?
It is what it is.
It's just the way it is.
And we all know people that have succeeded wildly with some talent.
You know, you go, talent is subjective.
It's got some talent.
That's a definition.
That's talent.
But what did they do?
They fucking worked their asses off, and that was the equalizer.
So this idea that you can somehow create a, now, I'm not saying like, I think people should have health insurance.
I think there's probably some type of universal basic income.
There's certain things that we might need to have to avoid mad max.
Yeah, because you live in a society, you got to make this all work.
To avoid a mad max situation.
Yeah.
But here's what you can't tell.
You cannot tell people every day that they're victims.
You just can't do it.
No.
Not in a country where the poorest people have advantages that throughout the world, poor people throughout the world will look at our poor people and be like astonished at their level of...
So you just can't tell people that they're a victim every single day.
How do blame?
That's what Charlottesville is.
It's a bunch of white guys walking around thinking they're victims.
Yeah.
Because people are telling them they're fucking victims.
They're fucking white guys walking around a college campus that think that Jews have created a country that won't allow them to succeed.
Because no girl wants to fuck them because they don't know how to sit down at a table without taking their cock out or saying something ridiculous.
So that's what happens when you tell people that they're owed things and that they're victims.
Right.
That's how the radicalization process happens.
Absolutely.
I'm a victim.
And then they start focusing on the extremes and mistake the extremes for the norm.
They look at this one thing and they go, oh, all those people are like that.
All of them are like that.
It's like, no, you're just mediocre or less.
And you have no work ethic.
You're just not that good.
And these people that are your fault.
When you look at a lot of these kids that are angry, a lot of these alt-right kids, they go to college.
They live in a house that they don't fucking own.
They have access to the internet because they're on it all fucking day talking about Jews.
Yeah, and they're just mad that they're getting beaten by Mexicans.
That Mexicans will outwork them.
They want them out.
And there's some guys that are better looking than them that are fucking more.
Sorry.
Go walk around a locker room.
You'll see people with big dicks, people with medium dicks, little dicks, dicks that look like they were in electrical fire because there's veins wrapped around.
Dicks that look like they got halved and then put back together.
To sit there and say, How do we make every dick?
Yeah.
You just got to go into the world with what you have.
And so I have a big problem with this whole idea of like, and that doesn't mean there aren't genuine, there are genuine victims out here.
Yeah.
But we can't tell everybody that they're a fucking, every millennial that's like, well, the mortgage crisis, I'm fucked now.
I can't own a house because of the mortgage crowd.
My generation got fucked with student loans.
Nobody told you to take out student loans.
You know?
Yeah.
I mean, and if they did, maybe you shouldn't have listened.
Well, I was saying before about black people, and I don't even know if I've said this before on a podcast on this podcast.
I don't know if I, but it's like, I don't know how black people stomach hearing from like Asian and South Asians about how hard they have it.
I don't even like, yo, your parents chose to come here.
Right.
Your parents now are probably doctors.
Yeah.
You guys are crushing it.
Right.
You chose to come here from where you came from.
Yeah.
So something's not right over there.
Right.
And you're talking about how much of a victim you are.
Yeah.
I mean, how do they get away with that cultural appropriation?
Yeah.
Because that's what it is.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
The only significant cultural appropriation I've seen is how everyone has sort of stolen the black struggle in America, which is a real struggle.
100%.
They were categorically, institutionally discriminated against for, and we handed that struggle out.
Yeah.
We handed it out to anybody, person of color.
We handed it out to gay people.
No, it's like everywhere.
It's like everyone's saying, you're like, no, you're not.
You have it better here than you have anywhere else.
Come and get it.
Yeah.
Everybody can come and sing spirituals now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, it's disgusting.
Yeah.
But what it is, is again, it's just like just power factions, how to create, how to create a base of people that will give you power.
And if you can create a group of people and unite them and say people of color, which just means everyone, which includes Asian people, which I never, they're really the same complexion I am.
Yeah.
So I never understood that.
But whatever.
And they don't really tan.
Some of them do.
But I'm talking about Asian Asian, not South Asian.
But if you, this whole umbrella, people of color is just like everybody that's not a white guy, get in the boat.
And what they don't realize is all those people hate each other.
They all hate it.
Japanese hate Filipinos.
They call them the rats of Asia.
I don't do that.
They did that.
I know.
All the Latin countries hate each other too.
Everybody with the Philippines has had 90 tsunamis.
No one cares.
Go look at the money they raise.
It's like we're proud to raise $600 for the Philippines.
Nobody cares what happens to the Philippines.
How much of this do you think is sort of the inculcation from like overly left-wing liberal arts institutions that have taught this sort of like oversimplified the white man is this evil monolith and all other people lived in peace until Vasco da Gama got in a ship.
You know what I mean?
A lot of it is that.
But a lot of it is such horseshit.
A lot of it's lazy.
It's horseshit.
It's pseudo-intellectual.
It's people that don't know anything about the ancient history.
History starts in the colonial period.
They don't know anything else.
But the problem also is a lot of rich people have left the planet.
Like they're, they don't, like, they are looking at this planet like a guy looks at a Kmart that he is basically just about to shudder.
Yeah.
And he's staring at the people that are all folding the clothes.
And he's like, well, it's our last week, guys.
Hope you've enjoyed.
And he's going to his fucking summer house and it's done.
That's the way they're looking at this planet.
Wealthy people are done participating.
They don't give you the same thing they used to.
They used to to an extent.
They've looted.
They've looted.
They've basically said there's a few, there's some opportunities to make really big money and it's going to potentially tear the country apart.
We don't care.
We're not going to fund things like infrastructure.
Fuck that.
Roads and bridges, good luck.
Train systems, good luck.
They don't give a shit.
They don't care.
These rich fucks are not in the subway.
They don't give a shit.
And if they do, they're taking ironically to have fun.
But they're in a car that's being driven over to Manhattan Bridge.
They don't care.
So they care about infrastructure.
They don't care about health care.
They don't care about people's health care.
They don't care about people's retirement plans.
They don't care about the solvency of state governments.
They don't give a shit.
They just look at America as a big bank to cash out.
They got investments all over the world.
They're a global jet set population.
So why have they forgotten that these people will rise up and put their heads up?
Because everybody's 600 pounds.
They're too slow to pick up their spikes.
They're too fat to revolt.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
So I'm taking it.
Every species needs a natural predator.
And poor people are the predator of rich people.
100%.
Now those poor people are too fat to chase down those rich people.
So the rich people are getting too comfortable, and that's why we're getting all ops on it.
We got buffalo mac and cheese now.
Buffalo mac and cheese for people so they're not going to get as angry.
They're like, well, I...
We got buffalo chicken pizza.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
We're mixing three types of fat foods.
People, dude, they got foods that don't even make sense.
You go to Denny's.
Listen to this.
This doesn't even sound good.
This doesn't even sound good.
They have salted caramel, banana cream pancakes.
Salted caramel, banana.
It doesn't even make sense.
Look at the drinks in Starbucks.
They're like toasted banana coconut, mocha, mint, nut.
It doesn't matter.
And then if that's not good enough, you could chase those down with a few oxycontin and really zone the fuck out.
So the rich are no longer, they don't even look at us like human beings.
Now, rich people, I've read a lot about rich people.
I do that fucking show about them on the tour.
Their lives used to be similar to the lives of like middle class.
Like the schools that rich people would go to at one point were similar to the schools that the middle class would go.
Like they were always better.
But now it's completely different.
Everything's completely private.
Okay.
They don't travel on public transportation at all.
They don't care about the infrastructure of the city at all.
They really don't care.
Why has that happened?
Why do you think that's happened?
I think, well, the country has.
Part of the reason he says they're fat, so they're not scared of them anymore.
It's a joke.
It might be true.
It might be subconsciously true, at least.
Part of it is that.
I think part of it is also that the country has become a lot more diverse.
Okay.
So what unites this country, at one point, you had a group of people that were all of a similar ethnicity, similar religions.
Now you have, it's a global world.
So you have people from all over the world collaborating with each other, competing with each other, making money with each other.
And people, so you now have these small communities.
So the whole national community anymore is not as viable because the things that used to unite that community, whether it was struggle, the Cold War, World War II, whatever it was, those things have gone away.
So there's nothing that's an overarching theme that unites anybody anymore.
Go to Louisiana, the backwoods of Louisiana, then go to San Francisco, go to Portland, go to Rhode Island, Nisfa.
Why would this be a country?
You talk to all these different people.
It's almost like you're in a different country.
It's absolutely that case.
So if you're very, very wealthy, your whole goal is to continue to make more money.
So you can make money here or you can make money somewhere else.
And if they got natural gas in Kazakhstan and that's the move, then guess what?
You're going out to dinner with people from Kazakhstan.
And then you don't give a shit about what's going on in America, what Americans need, because you're not making any money with Americans.
You're not selling life cereal to Bob and Becky and their kids in Omaha.
You're fucking talking to a sheik about how to pump some natural gas out of this rock.
And you're going out to dinner in Manhattan or Miami.
Hasn't that always been the case, though, even to an extent.
Even England.
England went, you know, their companies went and fucking East India Company.
And look what happened to England now.
England's, you know, in decline.
Oh, yeah.
And it's just a slow process.
That was a real empire.
It's a slow process of decline.
But these fuckers now do not look at America as a country.
They look at it as an opportunity to make money.
There's a great line from a book that Nelson DeMille wrote.
He goes, it's called The Gold Coast.
He's a really rich guy.
He goes, you know, I've been to New York.
I've been to Miami.
I've been to Beverly Hills.
He goes, I've never been to America.
Right.
He goes, I've never been to America.
These fuckers don't give a shit about canton, Ohio.
They don't care.
Now, the thing is, they used to have to, they never really did, but they used to have to pretend to because their factory factories were there.
Yeah, I get what you're saying.
Their factories were there.
Or their tobacco farm or their sugar crops.
Or the people that they were selling shit to at least were there.
Or their slaves.
Right.
Now, everything is global.
And basically, the communities they create follow the opportunity, you know, follow the opportunity.
Well, their factories are in China.
Sure.
Or Thailand.
Or Sri Lanka.
Yes.
Connections Matter More Than Money00:06:12
So that kind of makes sense.
100%.
They care less about America because they have enough money invested in it.
Oh, your kids can't go to college.
Well, sorry.
There's no more scene in Tommy Boy where the guy gets up at the end and he's like, this factory, this whole town depended on his factory.
There's none of that.
There's none of that anymore.
The people that own that factory sold it years ago.
They live outside of that town.
They don't even go near that town.
And Chris Farley's character is now doing H.
So there's a hole in the balloon and the air is pouring out.
Very quickly.
Yeah.
It's seeping out.
It's seeping.
It won't be out there by tomorrow.
But what kept rich people in line was the idea that they had to have some type of civic virtue and social responsibility when they were...
To keep their money going.
Yeah.
When they needed to, you know, political connections, they needed all that.
And they still need all that stuff.
But they were doing business in America.
Their factories were in America.
Their consumers were in America.
But as the world has become global and now technology has really leveled, you know, I don't want to say level the playing field, but it's enabled all kinds of partnerships that didn't exist before.
People are just looking out for themselves.
It's every man for himself.
There's this idea that everything.
You even feel that on the community level.
Yes.
There's no neighborhoods.
No, not at all.
People don't talk to their neighbors.
They don't want to know.
Nobody knows.
Nobody can.
No neighborhood.
No, no.
What's happened now is like you have to have something in common, a hobby in common.
That's how communities form.
Yeah, you got.
Like we all have dogs.
We meet at the dog park.
Right.
We're all liberal.
Yeah.
We're going to meet at the quinoa shop.
Yeah.
You know, we're going to talk about.
Is Bob Mueller going to figure this out?
Yeah.
We all take.
Come on, Bob.
We all take 80 milligram OxyContin.
We go to the Wendy's parking lot.
We all live in old Hickory, Tennessee, and we just fucking, we're Christian and we don't like gays.
Right.
And that's it.
So we have all these small communities.
There's a book out there called Bowling Alone.
I've never read it, but people bring it up and they talk about the death of the American community and how basically you just have a lot of lonely people that are out there that are united by nothing.
And then you have a lot of wealthy people that are just, it's a different world.
You know, I know some wealthy families in L.A.
And it's a different world.
They are not playing the same game everybody else is playing.
Yeah, no, I've smelled them.
You know?
I've been around them.
You know.
They smell different.
You know.
They smell like an anthropology smell at all times.
There's no passion.
Yeah.
They're passionless.
It's very interesting.
Yeah, but they got fine soaps.
They got great sauce.
Great soaps.
But they don't, like, it's very interesting when you talk to them.
You're like, oh, you're unaffected by everything.
There's no like, there's no like, let me tell you.
They're just like, well, you know.
Yeah.
We just, you know.
Yeah, they don't.
They don't feel.
They don't have passion.
No, you can't.
Yeah.
And that's why these idiots like, you know, these motivational speakers on Instagram, these Gary Vee, Gary Van Yacht, they're evangelical preachers.
Right.
They're like capitalism evangelical preachers.
Right.
And they keep telling people, get it.
Go and get it.
Go and drink it and fuck it and whatever.
And listen, if you need to be told that, you're hopeless.
Well, this is why it's a fucking sham.
Yeah.
Because all the things we're saying.
This is what I think about that.
Yeah.
It's a sham because, like we were saying, we're not all equal.
If you find yourself being unhappy, maybe it's because you want to be Carson Daly and you're not.
You're not going to be.
You don't have his hairline.
Right.
You don't have family connections.
Right.
You don't have that sort of just even temper where he can just deliver boring shit.
Who the fuck wants to be him?
Yeah.
Do you know who he sat down with and had to talk to?
Exactly.
It's a nightmare.
My point is, maybe you're trying to be something you're not.
Right.
Like, why are you doing comedy?
There's a lot of people who are doing comedy.
I'm going, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Yeah.
You're neither business savvy and aggressive or funny.
Right.
What are you doing?
You have nothing.
So this country now, this American dream that's being sold to people, like, go out there and get it on your own.
If you're punching a clock, you're doing it wrong.
You're working for somebody else.
You're crazy.
You're just as shit.
Punch that clock.
It's like, look, there's nothing wrong with having a job.
Yeah.
Not everyone's going to be a fucking wine entrepreneur.
Yeah.
Not everyone's going to be a fucking podcaster.
It's okay to have a normal job.
You don't have to find happiness in being an entrepreneur and fucking going out there and getting it.
You got to be your own boss.
How about finding some happiness?
How about some finding some happiness in your family and your friends?
Yeah.
Your fucking hobbies.
Start playing chess.
Get a dog.
Yeah.
You know?
You don't have to be your own boss.
Let me tell you right now, you don't have to be your own.
There's a lot of people in jail right now waiting execution that were their own boss.
Yeah.
You know?
We look down on that.
Like, because the American dream is all about like, come on, man, start your shit.
It's like, that guy can't start his shit.
Right.
Do you know what it takes to be Steve Jobs?
It's a lot.
Do you know what it takes?
You have to look at your daughter and go, get the fuck out of my thing.
Yeah.
I got shit to do.
Yeah.
I got a phone, you know?
It takes a combination of brains, a hole from being adopted, and just an evil streak that a lot of people don't have.
A lot of people don't have that evil streak.
No, you better go and get evil.
Yeah, the best smart, the most successful people are usually good.
And then they got an evil streak, like a streak started in their underwear.
Just a streak of shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just a little streak.
It's a streak.
What do you think?
Final question.
I love when you come on because it's always so happy.
It's always so happy.
We're too optimists.
You know, we're too optimists, but I think it is optimistic.
Dare I say utopians?
I cannot have lunch with someone anymore unless they fully understand that we're on a sinking ship.
And if they do, I think we can have so much fun.
But if they think that the ship's going to turn around and everything's going to be great, I find myself dealing with someone who I would consider to be mentally ill.
Because if you look at all the evidence and you think that we're going to right all the wrongs, it doesn't mean you shouldn't try and you shouldn't do the right thing by people.
But all these people on Twitter talking about compassionate they haven't spoken to your brother in a year.
Optimists on a Sinking Ship00:05:44
So it's a lot of people that are full of shit.
Yeah.
And that's the norm now.
Yeah.
I mean, it is just, it is an orgy of bullshit.
Yeah.
People are, and that's what the internet has done.
Yeah.
People actually believe they are who they say they are on the throne.
Oh, that's great.
You're not a great person because you posted an article.
You retweeted.
You know, it's like you're going to brunch.
You're posting an article like, resist.
And you're like, okay, are we going to get bloodies?
Right.
Like, you don't care.
Right.
And stop acting so much like you do.
It's everyone.
It's this whole thing.
Nobody wants to have flaws anymore.
If you have a flaw, they try to take your whole career away.
If you say one wrong thing, if you mess up, if you show that you're human at all, this mob that has formed and they're all the mob, the whole, the whole thing supporting the mob is this bullshit that the mob is this purity fucking group.
Right.
It's like that seeming in Game of Thrones, not to pull full circle.
Right.
But remember when that fucking, that zealot took over the city?
Yeah.
That's what social justice warriors are.
They're like those zealots.
Are you a fan of thrones?
Yeah.
Why aren't you?
It's a great show.
It's a great.
But I don't remember the plot lines.
Who cares?
Like, if you tell me what happened season three or four, I don't remember.
Dude, if you do remember what happened on season three of Game of Thrones, you're in a crisis.
You're in a crisis.
I agree.
Yeah, you're paying attention.
I don't even know what you could tell me season three.
You could tell me the plot of a whole nother fantasy novel and I go, oh, great.
Was that it?
What do you want to see happen?
Because then I'll tell you what I would like to see happen at the end of the show.
Is there anything that you'd like to see happen?
Well, in the world, what I would like to see happen is people figure it out.
Well, I'm a John Steinbeck guy.
I think against all odds we can do it.
We're talking about Game of Thrones.
In Game of Thrones, I wanted to preface it with that.
Okay.
Because I felt like we were a little too fucking negative.
So I hope I believe in the human spirit.
Yeah.
On Game of Thrones, what I'd like to see happen on Game of Thrones, my favorite character is Tyrion.
Great.
Yeah, he's my favorite guy, but this season has destroyed him.
He's a fucking idiot now.
He's a good person.
He's not banging any whores.
You know how fun it was to watch a dwarf climb on a normal-sized girl and fuck her and drink wine?
100%.
And he was smart and witty.
And now he's just like this fucking.
He's not scheming.
He's a cuck.
He's a cuck for the dragon lady.
So sad.
And he's stupid.
He keeps making all the wrong fucking decisions.
All of a sudden he cares about the people.
He cares about Sissy and the baby and his brother.
And so what I'd like to see is him get his fucking annoying dwarf head kicked off because that character's been ruined by TV writers.
Right.
That's what's happened.
The first two episodes I liked, and now it's just so clear that TV writers are trying to wrap this thing up because the money orgy is over.
The money orgy is over until the movie.
What's HBO going to do when it's over?
Until the movie.
Until the movie.
Yeah, they're going to, well, you know, that's how you take it too far.
That's like my big fat Greek wedding the sitcom.
You shouldn't have done it.
You shouldn't have done it.
No wonder why.
The reason I like Game of Thrones is because in the beginning of Game of Thrones, there was no real clear-cut good guy.
You didn't really know who you were rooting for or why.
It was just things unfolding.
It was very interesting.
It was just different camps.
And a lot of people fucking their family members.
Yeah.
Competing interest, everything like that.
I wanted, I've been a supporter of Cersei Lannister for many, many years.
A supporter of Cersei.
She knows what needs to be done to lead.
A supporter of her for years.
And seeing her get killed in the rubble of her building, I can only hope she finds a way to crawl out of there.
I know she won't.
I think her and Jamie are done.
But God, do I want to see her on the Iron Throne?
Because I don't want Game of Thrones to end with Jon Snow or Arya on the Iron Throne because, You know, it's just that happily ever after Disney shit that George R. Martin, I don't think, really wanted.
I think he wanted, like, hey, amoral people can rise to the top and stay there for a long time.
Can they often do?
They often do.
Yeah.
That was great about Game of Thrones.
Yeah, it was realistic.
It was realistic in that way.
And now this season, we have Tyrion being like, but the people, the innocent people, you know, that's what happened.
Well, that's my point.
Like, they all turned into these fucking fairy tale characters.
No, I don't like it.
It's fucking some LA writers' room where everybody's coked out and drinking green juice.
You can see it.
It's so easy to say.
So I like that Daenerys did a genocide.
I do like that.
Yeah, she did a Hillary Clinton on fucking Libya.
I like that Daenerys did a genocide.
And I would have been the guy in the writer's room and said, we need a genocide.
I don't care who does it, but we need a genocide.
So I was appreciative of that.
Now, if anybody's going to be on the Iron Throne, I hope it's Daenerys because I want somebody who has the strength to commit a genocide to be on the throne.
Not the girl, the girl with the sword or Jon Snow, who's back from the dead, which is a fucking, you know, I want an evil person to win.
She's Stalin, basically.
She's at the top right now.
Well, you know, she's at the top now.
Yeah.
Going into this episode, we know she's at the top.
If Cersei comes back out of that rubble, and I know she won't, but if she comes back and somehow wraps this thing up, I would be eternally grateful.
I know that executives listening to this show, not meaningful ones.
I love you, Maureen.
No, I'm kidding.
But there are, but there are, you know, man, I would just love this because I can tell you what's going to happen.
The last scene is going to be Jon Snow, Arya, and Sansa at the fucking Iron Throne.
Cersei Returns to the Top00:02:34
And I'm going to go, man.
And then there's going to be a lot of losers out there that are like, oh, it's so sick.
It's so nice.
Yeah.
And I just hope that when that happens, Cersei walks in and cuts all their fucking heads off.
Yeah.
And she sits down on the throne and everybody looks at her and goes, you know what?
I'm with her.
And then makes her inbred baby just like the way they used to do it in Rome.
Just the way all those rulers were inbred.
Just a fucking goose.
It's realistic in that way, too.
Inbred, small, like a malnourished boy king.
Yeah.
Like an inbred, weird, malnourished boy king who looks like he's, you know, eaten bubblegum his entire life.
Yeah.
And that's it.
Where can people find you and your insights if you comedy central?
No.
No, you're not going to find it on Comedy Central.
No.
No.
Unless you move to Canada.
Yeah, they won't even let me put up the clips from the half-hour special.
Now they're taking those down.
They'll take you to court.
They take you to court.
They take the comedian to court.
They'll take you to court.
That's hilarious, by the way.
Yeah, I just tried to put one up and it got taken down.
They're going to come.
They weren't doing that.
Now they're doing that.
Wild.
Yeah.
So look, it's 2019.
You just put my name into the Google search.
That's it, folks.
It's pretty easy.
That's it.
Yeah.
Netflix.
Netflix.
Yeah.
What do you what?
You can find me on the Andrew Schultz network.
Right.
Right.
That's where you can find me.
Folks, I got a special coming out.
Yeah.
This is huge.
Yeah.
Talk about this.
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz produced a special, and we're going to put it up on YouTube.
And it's going to be free.
I'm giving it away.
And it's just stay tuned for it.
It's called Blowing the Light.
It's shot.
We're editing it.
And free.
I'm just giving it away.
Free special.
Yeah, free special.
Free.
Free.
That's it.
It's going to be free.
And then you're going to have to get it.
And you'll go buy tickets.
Go buy tickets to out of this business.
Yeah.
So that's what it is.
I'm at Laugh Boston this weekend.
I would appreciate if you would tell your friends there to not watch the Bruins game or the Red Sox game.
Yeah.
To opt out of those two sporting events is our sports a big deal there.
I don't know.
And come over and see me talk about my aunt.
So I would appreciate that.
TimDillonComedy.com.
Go subscribe, rate, review this podcast.
LA is coming, folks.
We're about done here.
We're wrapping it up.
It's over.
We've had enough.
The subway doesn't work.
Ubers are $75 to get over the bridge.
The infrastructure is buckling.
It's raining every day now.
It's a tropical hellscape.
Media Buckling Under Pressure00:03:51
And it's about to be humid, sticky, and disgusting.
You'll find daddy in Beverly Hills.
Eating a Pokeball.
Eating a Pokeball in Beverly fucking Hills.
Do not approach me with anything real.
If you say anything real to me, I will look at you like you're insane.
You come to me with a pretend idea of what you think life should be.
I will validate that and you will stay on your way.
I bet you they won't even recognize you because you're going to be slim.
I'm going to be drinking the green juice.
And I ain't going to be funny.
But I'm going to be fucking a cult of personality.
You're going to subscribe and like and rate and review and show up to hear what I have to say.
And you know what I'm going to have to say?
Not a goddamn thing.
But it's not going to matter because you don't have anything to say either.
We're just going to sit in the same room and stare at each other.
And that's fine because we only got, what, 70, 80 years on this fucking floating rock?
Yeah.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
Don't be a comedy snob, folks.
It doesn't matter.
Could anything be less, all these people that write about comedy, could anything be less useful than critiquing a clown?
I mean, it's really crazy.
Can you imagine?
Why are they writing about comedy in the New York Times?
Well, why?
Because they were.
What's going on?
Because they can't write about anything else.
It would take research.
Let's just be honest.
Journalism is in crisis.
Over.
It's in crisis.
Oh, that's really the crux of the media.
My father, Donald Trump, has pretty accurately said the media is the enemy of the people.
I hate to say that because I know people are going to get mad at me.
But with Covington and Jussie and all these fucking things, you start realizing, oh, these people don't care about the truth.
Neither does Trump.
But neither do that.
Let me just say this about Jussie Smollett.
The real story, the real fascinating thing that everyone should be talking about, nobody is.
And what that is, is that people believe that.
That the media wrote about that.
That that's the age we live in.
Someone can say this happened.
And it happened.
And immediately everyone, the top gazettes are going, this happened.
They don't wait for statements.
They don't wait for evidence.
They don't wait for anything.
Nobody's going, whoa, Sounds weird.
Reddit were like, well, we added up the time, everything, and it had to happen within nine seconds.
Yeah.
It was true because he said it.
He said it.
That didn't used to be journalism.
Because you know, in New York and Chicago and LA, there's gangs of Trump supporters running around.
I mean, how many of these hate crimes, and I hate to say it, turn out to be fake?
Well, there's actually a lot of them turn out to be fake.
There's that one journalist who's Andy NGO.
Yeah, he's somebody just attacked him the other day.
I know.
He's been compiling them.
He's got an interesting list of people.
They threw like a milkshake on him at a gym.
Yeah, and they also, well, at a march, someone sprayed him with mace in the face.
Right.
Yeah.
See, this is the, and people wonder, they go, why does the rich not care about?
Because when Antifa and the Proud Boys, all these guys beat the shit out of each other in the streets, rich people love that.
They adore that.
Yeah.
Because what it'll just justify eventually is the martial law crackdown because normal people aren't doing that shit.
So when the rich people come out and go, hey, we need these robot dogs patrolling the street and we need everybody inside at 11.30 because it gets a little hairy out there.
Normal people go, you know what?
I guess they're right.
So all these people think that like these little street skirmishers are the fucking answer because they think you're living in, I don't know, a Russian novel or something.
At the end of the day, all it will justify is the ruling class's use of exorbitant amounts of violence because they will dole out violence like you cannot believe.
The violence that they will use against the population will stun you.
So when you look at all these people fighting in the street and doing all the shit in Portland, you don't know that that'll all just be used to justify some real bloody behavior.
So keep it up.
FaceTime and Famous Time Next00:01:42
Keep it up.
We'll see what happens.
TimDillonComedy.com.
For all your comedy needs, buy tickets, laugh Boston, Mohegan Sun coming up in June.
American Comedy Company in San Diego will be in LA.
Podcast is doing it twice a month.
I'm doing some bigger podcasts when I get out there too.
Rate, subscribe, leave us a five-star review.
Tell your friends about this.
Go follow Giannis Papas.
Yeah, I'll be at Miami improv June 14th and 15th.
Yeah.
And listen to History Hyenas, what me and Chris are still.
History Hyenas, great show.
Giannis Chrissy D, amazing show.
And I'll see you fuckers from L.A. My next episode.
We're going to release Bennington next week.
And then guess what, motherfuckers?
I'm out.
Next time I talk to you, it'll be FaceTime.
It's going to be FaceTime, and it's going to be famous time.
Yeah.
So I'm going to be in Los Angeles.
Yeah.
A place where if you have any of the discussions that we had today, people put you in a mental home.
It's true.
You can really only get away with conversations like this in New York.
Put you in a straitjacket there.
But they will talk about a showrunner leaving This Is Us.
Yeah.
But they won't talk about civilization unless civilization is a show on HBO.
Yeah, it just almost burned down a couple months ago.
Like the whole thing was on fire.
It almost burned down.
But when a city is a wholly owned subsidiary of Satan, it'll always find the way.
Yeah, maybe that's why I took a bath in flames because Satan got a little dirty and needed a bath.
It's a city that shouldn't exist, but people forget the power of the dark lord.