David Lucas critiques Los Angeles as a "liberal ass city" facing homelessness and restrictive laws, while defending Donald Trump's $1,200 stimulus checks against Kamala Harris's record on death row. He condemns Joe Rogan's Spotify apology as censorship, mocks Black Lives Matter's financial motivations, and shares anecdotes about his family's ties to Frank Lucas and a near-prison stint in Georgia. Ultimately, the episode exposes Lucas's controversial worldview, blending political polarization with personal chaos to question modern social norms. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: CohereLabs/cohere-transcribe-03-2026, WAV2VEC2_ASR_BASE_960H, sat-12l-sm, script v26.04.01, and large-v3-turbo
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Hello, world.
My guest today is David Lucas.
David is a comic based in Los Angeles, and he also works at the comedy store on the Sunset Strip.
He's a regular on the number one live comedy podcast called Kill Tony with Tony Hinchcliffe, and he's featured on Brothers Incursive, which is a podcast produced by Brian Redband, who was the guy who started or helped start the Joe Rogan podcast.
This podcast is rated XXL, not only for the foul language, but David is a big old country boy from the South.
Without further ado, please enjoy this hilarious podcast with David Lucas.
Woo, we're live.
The heroes, what up?
David Lucas is here from LA.
Yeah, what's going on, man?
How are you?
Shit, how was your trip here?
It was cool.
I had a layover, I was tired as a bitch when I got off the plane.
So, you didn't really fly spirit.
Nah, I ain't fly spirit.
That's what I like to say.
So, people, you know, yeah, I ain't want people in Florida to know that I'm semi balling.
So, last night when we went to your set at the side splitters in Tampa, that was like my second ever comedy show I've ever been to.
They got some heavy hit.
I don't know if it's because of COVID or if he's out here really like paying people and like, yeah, probably laundering money on the low.
Yeah, the dude was telling me that Mick Foley's coming there.
Yeah, the wrestler with the sock.
Like, I got stand up.
I had no idea he did stand up.
Dude, love.
Oh, yeah, that was his other personality.
He whacked his chair.
He whacked when he looked like a hippie.
Yeah, he was sick.
I don't, I don't necessarily.
It's kind of like Steve O, you know, like, yeah, once you develop like a character and people are familiar with it, I won't say they're up there doing stand up, they're just up there like.
Telling stories and pandering to the audience, kind of like what Mike Tyson did with his little travel, yeah, one man show.
It's like you get up there, and you know, as long as you're interesting, people pay to keep seeing that.
Like, I pay to see Mike Tyson's story live.
Oh, hell yeah, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, I guess if you're a big enough name, anyone will come to come just listen to you talk about you've done your life and all the dumb shit you've done, like Steve.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
People will come, hell yeah.
So, what's LA like right now?
What's it like living in LA with everything shut down?
And I know you work at the comedy store, right?
Yeah, it's shitty right now, bro.
It's a liberal ass city that's going to hell slowly.
I live in a nice neighborhood, bro.
And since quarantine, like, homeless people have taken over, like, just taken our sidewalks over.
So I'm like, I don't know where this is going, but in the next two years, I want to get the fuck out, man.
Because it's like, you pay all this money to live in a certain area.
Yeah.
And then, like, one block away, you got a fucking homeless camp.
Like, but the homeless people have always been on the streets out there.
Yeah, but they were limited to certain areas.
But I think they passed a law where it's like, you can't.
Touch a homeless person's property anymore, like police can't.
So, yeah, it's getting like real bad out there.
So, our cities, like, I've been there 10 years, man.
I've been there my whole adult life, my whole adult life.
And I moved there when I was a teenager, so I've seen it like at its best and then like slowly, you know, decrease and go to shit.
Like, I used to live downtown, man, and I moved from downtown LA because, like, who wants to wake up in the morning and smell fresh pee?
You know what I'm saying?
Feel that.
God damn.
Who wants to wake up and smell hot piss on a food?
Yeah.
Fuck.
And with the mix with the heat, it's just overwhelming, man.
Yeah, didn't you say you're part you're half Cuban or what?
My dad's Cuban, man.
Born in Cuba, bro.
Really, yeah, half Cuban.
Is that where you get the conservative side of you?
Negro Cubano, uh, probably a lot of Cubans are Republicans, probably.
Um, you know, I grew up in Georgia for a majority of my life, and I mean, Republican or Democrat, dog, the Democrats ain't countering, and you know, Trump gave us 1200.
Yeah.
So he sponsored three pair of Yeezys for me.
So he's going to forever be my favorite president until somebody is like, hey, match it.
Match it.
That's all I'm going to say.
Bite it where you at.
You on the clock, bro.
I ain't seen nothing.
You know what I'm saying?
If he matches it, is it good or is he going to go bigger?
He's going to have to go bigger.
Bigger.
How much?
A lot bigger because, you know, Biden, that's crime bill Biden.
You know what I'm saying?
With Kamala Harris, who had two black guys on death row with insufficient DNA evidence that she allowed to perish.
That's true.
So double does double count.
Cover it.
I probably need like $7,200 from my.
$7,200 from my.
Hell yeah.
Like, you know, people always be like, Trump's racist.
And I'm like, motherfucker, I like my racism with tangibles.
Yeah, yeah.
If a racist called me a nigga and then gave me a check for $1,200, I'd be like, bro, that even wasn't that bad, man.
I've been called worse than that.
See you next week.
You know what I'm saying?
I wouldn't even be bad, you know?
Oh, my God.
Yeah, man.
As long as I'm getting tangible shit, man, continue to treat me racist.
That's all I'm saying.
I mean, in the industry, dog, you know, like in the entertainment industry, you know, that's why a lot of people and y'all are on y'all independent wave.
Like, even look at it now with Joe Rogan being on Spotify, and this past week, he apologized.
You ever seen Joe Rogan apologize for saying something?
Where do you apologize for that?
On Instagram, because I guess, you know, when you, Joe Rogan has spoken probably what, 30,000, 40,000 hours on podcasts.
So are we really.
We're lagging pretty hard.
Are we really.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Fuck it.
We're recording.
Are we really checking the validity of everything a podcaster says?
Like, I'm not going to Joe Rogan for my news.
So it's like, it's entertainment.
You know what I'm saying?
It's entertainment.
Right.
So it's like he apologized for something he said on his podcast, and he was like, I didn't fact check it all the way.
I just basically blurted out what I saw in the article and my apologies about that.
But it's like, once you go to the machine, they start fact checking everything.
Right, now you got to apologize for everything.
He's never done anything like that before.
He's never done anything like that.
What was it about?
You remember?
He had to pull up his iTunes, yeah.
I don't really remember.
Do you think it was something to do because he's on Spotify now that he apologized?
Absolutely, that's what it's about.
Yeah.
You know, they're like, hey, man, we can't have that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We can't have that, man.
We already, that $100 million check already cleared.
Oh.
So it's like, once you do that, bro, like, now you're watering down what Joe Rogan is.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
It's like, damn.
Right now you're censoring him and shit.
Right.
So it's like.
Do you get to watch him a lot at the comedy store?
Absolutely.
Really?
Yeah.
He's a good buddy.
Like, pretty much any comedian that's anybody, I've met him, talked to him, probably got drunk with him, probably been offered drugs from him.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
But Joe Rogan's on them.
He's on a different level, bro.
You know, Joe Rogan do stuff like, what, Iowa School and.
Rogan Trademark Watering Down00:15:20
Yeah.
DMT.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm not with that shit, bro.
That life altering shit.
I'm scared of DMT.
But, yeah, I mean.
It shouldn't be.
I'll probably do that shit when I'm like 45, 50.
How old are you now?
About to be 30 this year, man.
Oh, wow.
Damn.
I'm at that age.
You're young.
Damn.
I'm still young.
Hell yeah.
30s is when it gets good.
I heard.
I heard, man.
I heard.
I'll probably be looking for a wife in like another 10 years.
Another 10?
You know, you don't really want to.
At 40.
Yeah.
I'm.
I don't want to get married until my dick stops getting hard on command.
You know what I'm saying?
On command?
You can just sit here and, like.
Like, a girl can come touch my knee and I'm going to get a hard on.
Okay.
So, when that stops happening, I'll get married.
Time to settle down.
Yeah.
Time to hang it up.
Time to lock one up.
Yeah.
Time to tap out.
All right.
Yeah.
Like, you know, a girl come rub me on my shoulder.
I'm like, hey, don't do that.
Don't do that, Shadi.
You just started something.
So, as long as that still happens, I mean, if that goes away in like four years, I'll be like, all right, it's time for me to get away.
All right.
Yeah.
But as of now, man, it's like I'm an entertainer.
I'm climbing the ladder of success.
Yeah.
And you know, my projection is looking great.
Hell yeah.
You're on the rise.
Yeah.
In LA, bro, it's hard to like stay committed because in LA, like, you got to think like LA is the mecca of like LA and Miami, mecca of the term, you know, bad bitches.
So it's like bad bitches from all over the world fly to these cities to establish themselves.
So it's like we got bad bitches that work at Wendy's, at the gas station, at Burger King, bad bitches on the bus.
So it's like.
There's no problem getting a bad bitch in LA.
So it's like when you got girls that are lesser than you with money and you out here and you in like the limelight, it's like in LA, everybody's attracted to what they see.
That's why everybody, you know, drives crazy cars.
Yeah, you know, they put the jury on.
But I'm playing, you know, like you see me, you won't know.
If you didn't know me, you'd be like, oh, he might or might not.
You know what I'm saying?
But that's how I like to be like a little inconspicuous.
But a lot of girls are attracted to what they see.
So it's like if they see you like in the limelight or oh damn, he really got power over here or damn, he really on that show like that's what they're attracted to.
They're attracted to what you are and not like who you are.
So it makes it like real difficult to date out there when you're trying not to attract the wrong thing.
So because I swear, man, the last thing I want to do is get married and end up like Dr. Dre.
Oh, she's coming hard for me.
What happened to Dr. Dre?
I don't even know about that.
She's getting divorced.
She's trying to take a lot of shit.
Are you able to pull up?
Type in Dr. Dre's divorce, his wife's list of expenses.
This bitch wants $2 million a month.
What?
And her expenses are ridiculous.
Like, she wants $30,000 for emails and telephone expenses.
Can we put.
Oh, I see.
She did see that.
She's trying to take, like, half of his trademarks.
Yeah, she's like, I don't know.
Dr. Dre's name.
Can you read some of those?
So we got laundry and cleaning, $10,000 a month.
Okay.
135,000 a month.
How much?
Education?
135,000.
Clothes?
Yes.
A month?
A month.
That's a lifetime.
I'd be on the Supreme.
I'm so fast.
I'd lose it so quick.
Education, $60,000 a month.
Entertainment, $900,000 a month.
What are you doing to get entertained for $900,000 a month?
That's what, $3,000 a night?
Is that $3,000 a night?
That sounds right.
$9,000 a month?
I don't know.
No, $900,000.
$900,000 a month?
$900,000 a month for entertainment.
But, you know, to back it up and to make it seem like she's a good person.
She has charitable contributions at $125,000 a month.
That would be her fucking alimony, the charitable contribution.
Oh, it's to the kids?
Mortgage, $100,000.
That's $30,000 a night.
$30,000 a day for $900,000 a month.
So entertainment is $30,000 a day.
Yeah, that's for $4,000.
What could you get for $30,000?
And a $20,000 phone bill.
$20,000 phone bill?
God, that's not a phone bill.
This bitch must have got a satellite phone.
It's a Gucci phone.
That's Off-White, bro.
Off-White.
Yeah, that's the new Virgil phone.
Off-White, right?
Oh, he's got an off white belt.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, that bitch out of her fucking mind.
We should have brought Tfue out here with his Louis Vuitton coffin.
Tfue?
The rapper?
No, he's a gamer.
He's a Fortnite player.
Tfue just sounds like a rapper, man.
You ever play Fortnite?
No, do I look gay?
This kid plays Fortnite, and he makes all his money, and he bought a Louis Vuitton Supreme coffin.
Yeah, and if he falls down, he'll probably break every bone in his body.
He probably looks fragile.
No, he doesn't.
He actually just started working out.
Show him a picture of him.
Wait till you see this kid.
Fortnite's awesome.
He started working out like he was.
He's making crazy money.
Yeah, he probably does.
Oh, look at this motherfucker.
He'll kill somebody soon.
Wait, after Google.
Wait.
He'll kill somebody.
He'll kill somebody.
So, yeah, another fucking Jake Logan ripoff.
Yeah, he looks just like Jake Logan.
All these motherfuckers, bro.
I'm sick of it, bro.
You make money on the gay.
I don't respect you, dog.
Yeah, yeah.
On the gay?
Yeah, on the game.
Oh, they said on the gay.
I was like, oh, shit.
You made money playing video games.
Get the fuck out of here.
You're so respectable, shit.
Go rob somebody.
I respect you more.
Knock a motherfucker out.
Do struggle and robbery.
I respect you, boy, dog.
I mean, get it how you live, though.
I ain't hating, but you know.
Yeah, he is making crazy money, man.
But he played it.
He played the game for so long.
He played those video games in his room for so long, making no money.
Never had a job, like, never did anything else.
And made, he went from literally zero to making, like, probably almost a million bucks a month in, like, a span of three months.
I'm proud of him, dog.
I'm proud of him.
It's crazy.
You can make that kind of money from video games.
You would have never thought that, you know.
But it's only like him and that dude Ninja, who are the only dudes making that much.
Shit, you know, be the outliers.
He sacrificed not getting a lot of pussy to be a fucking master at a video game.
He's got a lot of pussy coming at him now.
Yeah.
Yeah, but he probably don't even know how to fuck.
Correctly, he probably grabbing a girl like a remote control and shit, like pressing A on her clip.
Like, it's stupid, bro.
You're probably right.
You're probably right.
Yeah, bro.
Oh my god.
I got a cousin who plays video games, like all that twitch and shit.
And he, yeah, I don't with him, bro.
He lives on a sailboat in front of Dina, in front of where?
Front of Dina, front of the beach.
Oh, okay, Jacksonville, I don't know.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Yeah, he's a weirdo.
Fuck, he's playing video games on a sailboat.
Streaming on a sailboat?
Yeah, bro.
He's a weirdo, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Nobody in the family fucks with him.
He's that guy.
That's why he's on a boat.
Jacksonville, of all places.
How'd he end up there?
Duval.
I mean, you know, the family's from Florida.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, okay.
He's in Fernandina.
It's not far from Jacksonville.
It's a nice area.
You know what I'm saying?
Kind of like, was it Seminole right here?
Yeah, Seminole.
Something like that.
Yeah.
Okay.
But I don't know.
I don't even really.
I gave my video game system away to my little brother, like three years old, and just like totally committed myself to women and entertainment.
Really?
If I'm going to be busy, it's going to be either.
Do they go hand in hand, women and entertainment?
Nah, bro.
It's the opposite.
Every girl wants an entertainer, but every girl can't handle an entertainer because most girls in LA are either used to dating a guy who's already on, who has money, or a guy building up.
A lot of girls are not used to like dating an entertainer that's like, I mean, not building up, but a guy who doesn't have it yet.
A lot of girls are not used to dating guys that are like right in the middle to where it's like I still got to work my ass off, yeah, but I make okay money, but I'm not like balling yet, so I'm busy as because I got to have my hand in this, my hand in that, I got to fly there, I got to fly to this city, I feature for this comedian, I'm not headlining, I'm not really making my own schedule yet.
So, you know, I'll tell a girl, like, look, I'm busy as like whatever guy you've ever dated, like, multiply his busy times two.
The idea lasts for about three months, and then they're like, you never make time for me, and I'm like, when I met you, I told you what the was up.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, you can't, like, try to make me pick.
It's not going to happen because I'm going to always choose my career because I left my whole family to be out here.
I've lost three close relatives since I've been out here.
So I'll never pick you over my career.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
So.
But they always forget about that three months in, and it's always.
About two, three months.
What about bring her with you?
For what?
That's a lot of money in plane tickets.
Right, dog.
You take water when you swim?
No.
You take a bottle of water inside the pool with you?
I already knew the answer.
I'm going to get myself a little more wet.
Even though I'm in water, I just want to pour a little more water on me because I don't think this water is fulfilling enough.
Oh my God.
Well, yeah, it seems like a lot of those guys out there who are in an entertainment business, whether it's like comedy or whether they're YouTubers, they always have all kinds of fucking girl drama.
They're always surrounded in it.
Like you were talking about, like, what's that guy?
Chris Dalia or Brian Callan getting involved in all that.
All these guys, no matter how old they are, the old dudes and the young guys, they're always just surrounded in like.
Yeah.
I'm in drama.
So here's the thing.
Here's what I'll say.
The cleaner you are, the easier it is for the masses to accept that you did something fucked up.
You know what I'm saying?
The dirtier you are, it's hard for somebody to try to put an allegation on you.
Bill Cosby and Chris Aaliyah are probably the two hardest hit ever in the history of comedy.
And they're damn near squeaky clean.
Chris Aaliyah states he don't drink on stage, he don't smoke weed, and he don't curse that much.
Bill Cosby hated cursing.
Right.
So if you hear anything atrocious, A tourist, these guys, like, oh my god, they're fucking monsters.
But could you imagine somebody trying to pull that with like a Cat Williams, a Patrice O'Neill, or somebody like that who tells you they ain't shit up front and they're an asshole?
It's like you already kind of know, like, you really thought you were going to get treated well with this guy and he told you up front that he's an asshole.
That's how I view it.
The cleaner you are, it's easy for someone to make you fall or easy for an allegation to take you down.
The people who are straight up like, look, I'm a piece of shit.
Right.
And they talk about it.
Right.
And they're the ones that don't really take the hard fall.
That's why Louis C.K. is able to tour right now.
You know what I'm saying?
He's not fucking squeaky clean on stage.
He said the N word on stage and lived.
So you don't think he can get past a fucking jacking off on the phone while a girl is there type shit?
You know what I'm saying?
Which is the dumbest shit.
Like, bitch, hang up the phone.
Yeah.
He jacked off while he was on the phone with me.
How do you know?
So what?
How do you know?
How do you know?
You know how many girls tell me they're fingering themselves while I talk to them on the phone?
I'm like, FaceTime me, bitch, prove.
Prove it.
Prove it.
Yeah.
I don't believe you.
Picture it didn't exist.
I don't fucking believe you.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
I'm such an asshole.
And you know what I'm saying?
I text girls such atrocious things.
It's like, there's no way this motherfucker raped you.
You're not worried about one day coming back and biting you in the ass?
Getting, quote unquote, canceled?
I'd be like, pull up the text messages.
Yeah.
You saw this bitch said that I could come slap her with a piece of salmon before I fucked her?
Yeah.
You think I raped that?
All right.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like.
I text so much crazy shit to women, bro.
It's like, keep the text thread.
Read the whole text thread.
Don't pick and choose.
Yeah.
What's the craziest thing that you're willing to disclose that you've texted someone?
Oh, shit.
I hope my mama doesn't see this shit.
I need some ice real quick.
Yeah, get some ice.
Get some of this tequila.
You're going to need it after this story.
I'm going to steal it.
So there was this girl who said, who has a.
Oh, God.
I'm so disgusting for this.
There was this girl who likes to be mouth fucked, right?
Okay.
I think I've had too much sex to the point where I'm desensitized to regular porn.
So I watch the most disgusting porn.
I watch ghetto gaggers.
So I don't know if y'all know what ghetto gaggers is.
What's ghetto gaggers?
No, I can imagine what that is.
An image is coming to mind.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I kind of want you to go with it.
It's a group of white guys who.
Oh, that wasn't one of those.
Yeah, I'm off already.
It's a group of white guys who fuck ghetto looking black chicks.
But they fuck their like mouths to the point where like they throw up and yeah.
What the?
Yeah.
You watch that shit?
Yeah, bro.
I watch that shit.
Oh, yeah, I do, bro.
Yeah.
So I told this girl I wanted to like put my dick down her throat until she started throwing up.
And did you do it?
I did, but she didn't eat.
So we didn't have really a problem.
It was just more like stomach fluid.
No actual fluid.
A white girl?
Sick.
Fuck.
No, she's not white.
She wasn't white.
She's a Filipino.
Okay.
Mm hmm.
God damn.
Yeah.
Pu Tang Enamo to all my Filipinos out there.
What does that mean?
He should.
I have no idea what it means.
We might have a little bit of a problem.
She can't speak Filipino either.
Oh, you don't speak Tagalog?
He said she doesn't speak Filipino.
Jesus Christ.
It's Tagalog.
Oh, Tagalog, yeah.
I'm married to her and I forget that all the time.
Putayanamo means like, what's up, motherfucker, some shit like that.
Oh, really?
Or something like that.
How many languages do you speak?
Fluently?
None.
I don't even speak English fluently.
You just know the cuss words.
I can speak a little bit of like, maybe like three, four languages.
A little bit.
Like a little bit of German.
A little, I know, a little.
German?
Yeah.
Vakatalfunstistima, Unstida, Liberta.
How the hell did you learn that?
I was in Germany, dog.
I learned a little bit.
Yeah.
What the hell were you doing in Germany?
So, when I was in college, I did a study abroad for like seven months where I went to Barcelona, Bordeaux, France, and Geneva, Switzerland, and Germany.
That's cool shit.
Yeah.
So, did that shit.
Yeah.
What were you studying?
Nothing.
Bitches.
Bitches.
I just went, bro.
Like, literally.
They just let you go fly out there.
So, I went on the school's budget, but then when we got there, I followed them, but I didn't do none of the schoolwork.
Yeah.
What are y'all going to do?
Like, kick me out while I'm here, bitches?
I'm all the way over here.
Yeah.
You know, so I just literally went to the cities with them, but I wasn't going to class.
That's cool as hell.
I was doing my own thing.
On their dime.
Bro, I also did some fucked up shit one time.
You got girls in Germany?
Yeah.
Really?
Tall bitches.
Oh, yeah.
Tall, manly bitches.
Oh, yeah.
I'm a big guy, so I like a girl that can take a good fucking.
You know what I'm saying?
Okay.
Okay.
I bet you're going to need some weight on you to do that.
They frickin' jam a pint.
Let's go.
Yeah, bro.
300 pounds of pressure behind that.
But.
I also did some real fucked up shit, dog.
I went on a mission trip with a church and we got to the country I left they ass.
So, where did you go?
African Cities and Tall Bitches00:11:32
Africa.
Damn what?
I made a mission pay for me and everything.
I'm like, yeah, I'm a volunteer.
I had already set up other travel arrangements.
I just wanted a free ticket.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh, fuck.
Did they say anything?
What could they say?
I don't know, but did they?
Were they like, I don't believe in Jesus anyway.
Oh, God.
I'm a Buddhist, nigga.
No.
No.
You had your mission, oh yeah oh, my god, i'm like that's genius.
Oh yeah, you were in Africa.
Yeah, I was in Africa.
How long I was in Senegal?
Yeah, we flew into Senegal.
And then we uh, we flew no, we flew into uh, Cameroon.
Excuse me to do some uh into Cameroon.
And then I met a girl in Senegal, so I, I flew over to her, but I just need to get to Africa.
Hell yeah, they pay for all the shots and everything.
Dog, yeah.
And then when like, getting over there is expensive, but when you go over there, like I'm sure y'all travel internationally.
Like, it's cheap to go between cities and the states.
Right, once you're in Africa.
Yeah, right.
Like, 30, 40 bucks American money and you can get where you need to be.
Where is that?
Is that Southern Africa?
Senegal is West Africa.
Is it West?
I believe West Africa.
Yeah.
Okay.
Cameroon is East.
Can you fact check for that?
I don't want to.
The only place I know in Africa.
I don't want any trolls coming for me.
They're waiting.
They're waiting.
I got enough of those on my podcast, bro.
I'm like.
Not knowing Tagalog's going to come back at me in like five years when I'm doing something.
See?
He's ignorant.
See?
Bro, I am.
That looks like the.
Yeah, West Coast.
Yeah, so Senegal is West Africa, right?
Or did I have it backwards?
I was going to look up the map of Africa instead of the one.
See where we're at.
I was going to look up the map of Africa instead of the one.
See where we're at.
Is it near Skeleton Bay?
Matt Cox is in the chat.
Is he really?
He said he likes the new setup.
Yeah.
The bookshelf.
The bookshelf is our new setup.
Hey, Matt Cox, you ain't got to come in, but send your hairpiece in.
We'll send it on the shelf.
I'll interview your hairpiece.
We were sitting at Waffle House.
That's all natural.
Bro, that shit is beautiful, dog.
Seven grand, that hairline.
Oh, yeah.
He said he needs another hit.
Yeah, he needs one more.
He's greedy because his hairline looks decent.
Hell yeah.
It's better than mine.
Huh?
It's way better than mine.
Oh, yeah.
He's addicted.
So, Senegal, they speak French.
But if I did it wrong, the one is on the west and the other one's on the east, whatever it is, however I did it.
But, yeah.
Very east.
Very east.
So, Senegal's on the east.
Cameroon's on the east coast.
Is that how it goes?
Cameroon's on the west?
Cameroon's on the east, too.
Okay, so they're both on the east.
Both on the east.
Different parts of the east.
Yeah.
Senegal, they speak French.
And Cameroon.
Uh, what do they speak over there?
I forget.
It was fun though, bro.
Really?
How long were you there?
Like three weeks.
Three weeks.
It flew back with their ass.
No fucking way.
What was that like when you met?
How did you meet back up with them?
Because I had to go to the same airport.
The second flight?
Yeah, I was like, I did my own mission.
And nobody was like, Where you been?
What are they going to do?
They church people, bro.
You know how forgiving.
They're saving lives.
They didn't say anything to you.
They just straight up.
You know how forgiving church people are?
Yeah.
Like, you know, oh yeah, we've all sinned and come short of the glory of God, brother.
I totally get it.
I'm on my own mission, bro.
Oh, fuck.
I had to go sow my seeds in Senegal.
That's awesome.
Yeah, bro.
Like, oh, fuck.
I'm on my own mission, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
So, yeah, that shit was fun as fuck, bro.
What was the coolest part about that area?
The women.
Really?
Was the food any good?
The food was all right.
You know what I'm saying?
What kind of food did they have?
Beans and shit.
Okay.
Yeah.
Beans, turnips, collards.
What's that plant that they chew there?
They, like, put it in their lip.
They're, like, addicted to it.
There's like a plant in East Africa that everybody eats, especially in Somalia.
It's like really big in Somalia.
Is it betel nut?
No.
I don't know what that one is, dog.
I learned a lot when I was over there.
That was like what, eight, nine years ago?
Eight, nine years ago?
Damn.
What's the difference between African women and American women?
The submission.
Like, even if you meet a girl who was raised over there and moved over here, like, that's submission, bro.
These American chicks, they be.
They're what?
The submission.
What's that?
How submissive they are.
Oh.
Yeah.
They're more submissive.
They're way more submissive over there, right?
Even a girl who was raised over there and moved over here, as long as she's first generation here and not second generation, as long as she's not second generation and she's first generation, if she still has that culture of being like submissive to her husband, like it's going to be amazing, bro.
Like, I dated a Somalian girl who like brained me my food, rubbed my feet, like fixed me tea and shit.
Yeah.
But she was first generation here, not second generation.
That's how the women were there.
They're.
They're like.
They're like servers to their man, it's like you're their king.
You know what i'm saying.
I feel like there'll be less interesting, I feel like there'll be way less divorce if more women over here were like that and not trying to like one up us.
Like, I feel like a lot of time, like you know, if you get into a fight with a chick especially, i'm petty, you know what i'm saying.
So a girl will try to like one up you.
Well, don't forget, you did this.
It's like well uh, you know what i'm saying.
So it's like, if you try to one up me, i'm gonna keep score right, i'm gonna try to one up your ass like, just like I hate arguing, I hate raising my voice Right, I hate all that argumentative shit, so it's like, bro, just, can we just coexist?
Like, yeah, why do you try to make it so difficult?
Like, I feel like relationships over here are so difficult, and women over there are just like, oh, I with you heavy, so it's like, let me fix your food, let me rub your feet.
Like, dog, I was in Nagasaki, Japan, and uh, a chick gave me a bath that I had only known for like two days, yeah, just to show that she with me heavy, gave me a whole bath, so sick, bro.
So it's like, you know, you it kind of up dating when you've been out of the country and you see how women are.
Not knowing if you have $10,000 or $10 million in the bank and how they treat you just based off of your personality or physicality.
And it's like, God damn.
I see why niggas be getting male order brides.
Not white women.
Yeah, fuck white women, bro.
I don't know.
Some of them are cool.
They got to have.
In order for me to fuck with a white chick, she needs to be heavily tatted.
Because, you know, like, if a fucking Taylor Swift ass white girl gets mad at me and say some shit, and my big tatted ass is just standing there, you know, it's not good.
It's a liability.
Yeah, it's a liability.
So, like, balance it out a little bit.
Yeah, I need you to have, like, bitch, at least have a neck tattoo so that they can believe me as equally.
One face tap.
Maybe a felony.
Yeah, yeah.
They need to believe me as much as they believe you.
And it's like, They come see you with a neck tattoo.
It's like, oh, this bitch makes dumb decisions.
We've seen her before.
Yeah.
So I'm curious.
So they're more submissive there.
But here, women, if you could put women on a scale of personality traits or just like how they are from, let's say, Macon, Georgia to LA, what's the difference?
What's the spectrum?
Oh, bro.
Those chicks that moved to LA have no fucking personality.
They have no culture.
LA is a fucking stolen culture, bro.
There's no culture in LA.
You know what I'm saying?
I feel like LA, people in LA in general, is just like the epitome of the culture of people in the U.S.
Yeah.
It's just like the most intense.
It's just like the most distilled version of what the U.S. culture is, is like people in LA and like the way people think and the way people like.
It's very superficial, though.
The hierarchy.
It's very superficial.
Like over in LA.
You'll meet people that own Range Rovers and Lamborghinis that have roommates.
Right.
They rent apartments, right?
That's in St. Pete, too.
That's how superficial.
Oh, it's over here.
Damn.
Yeah.
But I say girls over here have more like culture.
They have more personality.
Like, girls over there, you ask them, what do you like?
I don't know.
Like the beach.
Like, bitch, what?
Who don't like the beach?
Like, what?
What are you saying right now?
They don't have no person.
They can't do shit but look good, bro.
And it's like, looks only last for like a month.
And after that, like, I'm tired of this, though.
My uncle always told me, bro, no matter how fine a girl is, there's some nigga somewhere tied to that bitch.
And that's true facts, bro, because, you know, like, you know who has the baddest girls who have the best personality, I would say, are either strippers or sex workers.
And I don't mind them.
Either one.
They have the most character.
They have a lot of character, a lot of personality.
I was talking to this girl.
She's a stripper, and she was telling me how she was in a cult until she was 20, and she didn't lose her baby until she was 21.
That's what happened to that girl that.
Dates the dude on Logan Paul's podcast.
What's her name?
Lana Rhodes.
You know what I'm talking about?
She's a porn star and she was, same story.
She was in a cult when she was younger.
My first girlfriend in LA was a porn star.
Really?
Yeah, she helped me out a lot, bro.
I did a podcast with this chick who studies porn and she studies the negative effects of porn and how people in porn are treated badly or whatever.
She's probably ugly as fuck.
No, she's really good looking.
Really?
She's beautiful.
Yeah.
What's wrong with that bitch?
I don't know.
She's all about, like, like.
Just exposing the negative parts of the porn industry, which, you know, she's doing some, she's trying to do good.
Cause, you know, I don't agree with everything she says.
Most Karens you see out here that are fighting, yeah, unjust.
Very Karen thing, yeah.
It's like most of y'all are ugly.
It's like, bitch, I see why you mad.
Like, that's why you're mad at a fucking stripper.
Look at that.
You're like fucking holiday ham, bitch.
Like, yeah, yeah, no, I, yeah, totally.
But I guess what we were talking about was I was like, the girls, a lot of girls or guys, whatever, that end up.
In porn, they are there because they're desperate to get away from something else.
They're in a situation or they're like in a living in a home, sounds a lot like college to me, right?
Getting abused by like whatever family members, they need to get the fuck away.
And the most convenient, obvious way to make money is like, Oh, I'm hot, I can go do porn and make a shitload of money, and I can be independent.
So, why not focus on the abusive households instead of the porn industry, right?
You know how much you know how many lies porn probably saves a lot.
You know how many fucking teenage boys that would probably shoot up a school that they didn't have fucking porn.
You're probably right, exactly.
So, it's like you got for every negative, you got to think of the positive.
Pussy side of the world.
I agree with you.
There's definitely way.
I think there's probably a lot more upside to porn than there's downside.
It's just like any addiction.
People need to learn how to do it.
Exactly, bro.
You know, people need that.
Like, if it was not for porn, dog, I would probably have slept with a lot of chicks that I did not want to sleep with.
Yeah.
But it's like, I go put on a good porno.
That's a really good point.
Let me tell this girl my story, Kurt.
Imagine all the fucking money you would have spent, the potential STDs you could have got, possibly get someone pregnant, instead just pull up a porno and rub one out and be done with it.
That's why I've never been scared of coronavirus, dog, because I've been dodging STDs for like 13.
Like, bro, like, I don't use condoms, period, and I'm clean.
I hate condoms.
How do you avoid catching anything?
Pray to Buddha, nigga.
Just pray to Buddha.
Damn.
Put that positive energy into the atmosphere.
That's fucking crazy.
Put that positive energy.
Cross your fingers.
Yeah, bro.
Porn Addiction Political Upside00:09:55
I got him on my hand.
You know what I'm saying?
I got Buddha on my hand, so I always finger girls with this.
Let him get a little taste first, and then.
If my stomach starts hurting, then I won't fuck her.
You know what I'm saying?
So, did you light some incense and put some oranges next to it before you go on?
No, I honestly finger girls with this hand with Buddha on it.
That's Buddha?
Yeah, that's Buddha.
That's one of them.
Hold that up for the camera so we can see it.
I'm black.
I don't know if y'all can see this.
Yeah, we can see it.
It needs a couple more touch ups.
Sick.
Finger girls with this hand, bro.
My enlightened.
Buddha.
So, you're seriously.
And then you know.
Yeah, I'm a black Buddhist, dog.
And you're seriously a black Buddhist Trump supporter?
I'm an independent, but like I said, bro, I'm all about tangibles, bro.
Right, for sure.
So it's like if the Green Party or the fucking, what is it, the Libertarians, if they got some shit that sounds good to me, then I'm going to go with them, bro.
But it's like, people, like, what's the chick that speaks for Trump?
Kaylee?
You know, the white chick Kaylee?
Kaylee walks out on everybody.
If he would allow her to do all his speeches, America would love him.
Because he gets up there and freestyles.
He doesn't look at no reference cards.
You know, he starts out with the China virus.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
So he starts off wrong.
You know, he doesn't know how to speak.
He doesn't know how to.
But he does, though.
He does.
He does have a problem.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, everybody knows somebody who has a great heart, but they can't articulate very well.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
And Trump is that nigga.
Like, that's my nigga, bro.
I ain't got no problem with him.
He knows how to hit people.
The way he communicates, the one liners that he has, some of the shit he says, there's like trigger words that he uses.
Mm hmm.
He knows how to rile people up.
When people say they don't like Trump, I'm like, you should just be glad you're in a country that you can't speak out against your president.
Yeah.
Seriously, bro.
Because, like not China.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
Me having family in Cuba, and I go down there and see them all the time, and motherfuckers gotta like Vidal Castro or Raul, or who's the new one now?
I can't remember.
Whoever he is, you gotta like him regardless.
You won't hear nobody speaking bad about them.
Because they know what time it is.
You know what I'm saying?
So, it ain't none of that shit.
So, y'all, like there's a video going around right now where it's like these Cubans went outside to protest and within like 30 seconds of them protesting they started getting beat and locked up in Cuba, in Havana.
So it's like, you should be glad we live in a country where you can go out there and protest and you motherfuckers are looting and destroying shit in the name of justice or the injustice that has been, you feel deemed, that has been served towards us.
It's like, you should be glad we can even do this shit without being shot.
And it's like the BLM people had the president of, this is like, this is a total rant, but like the BLM people had the president of Venezuela speak.
And it's like, this motherfucker kills protesters.
How the fuck?
Where did they have him speak?
They had him speak at one of their shits.
They like gave him an honor or a plaque or some shit.
Really?
Yeah, bro.
That's why it's like, I like the term Black Lives Matter, but that fucking organization, I can't rock with it, dog.
As a black man.
As a black man.
Because it's like, I don't know what the fuck y'all doing, but something ain't right.
Yeah, whoever started that website and owns that website, they definitely have an agenda.
They definitely, they're doing something.
And it ain't for black lives.
I'll tell you that shit.
I was arguing with this dude the other day and he was talking about, like, he was saying the same thing and he was, Like you look at all these, like what Tucker was saying, he's like, Look at these NBA players with all these Black Lives Matter uh signs on their jerseys, they're just basically giving a big middle finger to the rest of America.
All these dumb NBA players, I'm like, You think these NBA players are really thinking that much, are really like that deep in Black Lives Matter, the organization?
No, they just don't give a fuck.
It's a positive thing to say, like, Black Lives Matter, especially when there's you know, and I feel like they don't give a fuck, bro.
Like, you could put they're mostly 20, 21, 22 year old kids, and if you pay me 20, 30 million dollars a year, I put on whatever.
Fucking Trump, you want.
Right, right, right.
Hell yeah.
You put my mom's hoe on the back of my drink.
I'm still playing basketball because my mom lives in a nice house and drives a nice car.
You think she gives a fuck?
Like, I totally get it, bro.
You know, it's like as a comedian, I try not to speak on politics too much because, like, a lot of people, like, I had a, there was a time when, you know, everything was going on and I was posting because I used to be very, very anti Trump until, like, I'm talking about, like, hate Trump.
On the same emotional spectrum that most black people hate Trump because they were raised voting Democratic.
You know what I'm saying?
They don't know any better.
It's like, why are you voting Democratic?
Well, my mom voted Democratic, and Democrats are for the poor people.
And so, like, I hated Trump up until the coronavirus, you know what I'm saying?
And when I actually had time to go and read his policies and the tangibles that he's given people of color.
And I'm like, why the fuck do I hate this guy?
He doesn't know how to talk.
Yeah, he comes out and says a lot of racist shit.
But what 70-year-old white man doesn't say racist shit?
My granddaddy said racist shit.
You know what I'm saying?
So it's like, that's true.
It's like, what do you expect from a person that comes from that generation?
Yeah.
So I can't hate the guy.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, he's.
I don't know.
Yeah, I totally agree with you, man.
It's like, bro, in the beginning of quarantine, Trump tried to stop all flights from China and Europe.
And they was like, no, that's racist.
So I was like, and the WHO, I see why he defunded their ass because they said in February that there was no way.
For the coronavirus to be passed from human to human, it was only from animal to human transmission.
And we've quickly found out that was a lie.
That's why they had to get defunded.
I feel like this shit changes every week.
All the rules, all the facts, or whatever.
What was the shit that the CDC put up, like, what was it, a month ago about only 6% of every coronavirus death died truly of coronavirus, and everybody else who died had 2.5 or more comorbidities?
Did you see that one?
I didn't see that one.
That's on the CDC website.
So it's like.
At this point, I feel like it's political.
You know what I'm saying?
They're not allowing live entertainment in LA.
It's like, come on, bro.
Do you really see a lot of your comedian friends moving out?
Moving out of the area?
A lot of guys.
I know a lot of the big names are.
They have moved, and a lot of guys that are on my level or lower have moved also.
And I hope they don't never come back because L.A. is over flooded.
We got, what, 20 million people?
We have too many.
We have like 500 people a day moving here from New York and from everywhere.
We probably have more, bro.
Even, I like what you call it.
What's his name?
Ben Shapiro.
He's moving to Tennessee.
Is he really?
He's moving the whole office.
Oh, yeah, he lives in L.A., huh?
Yeah.
He's moving to Tennessee, dog.
Nashville.
Have you ever met that guy?
Yeah, I've seen Bishop Perry.
What do you think of him?
He talks too fast for me.
I like him, but he talks so fucking fast.
Yeah, so.
He's smart as for somebody to talk.
He's got that, like, the high-pitched, titty voice.
Like, ding, The thing about Trump is, you know, Trump came and said that the GDP and the DNC does not like Trump.
And I just don't see how it's possible.
How do you talk?
How do you know what you're saying that fucking fast?
Like, I literally sometimes have to sit back and think.
What I'm gonna say before I fucking say it, but his brain operates like dude so much faster than ours to where he's he's spitting out knowledgeable facts like 300 miles per hour, way faster than I can ever talk and make sense.
Oh, yeah, you gotta sit back and fucking play his shit three times over just to figure out what he said.
I like Ben Shapiro.
What about what, how do you feel about Candace Owens?
Um, she should probably be quiet.
Uh, I mean, because it's like.
With black people as a whole, we're very emotional.
We've seen a lot.
A lot has happened, and a lot of people are not working.
They're not tired.
They're not exhausted.
So they have seen a lot with the police brutality, even though it's statistically lower during Trump's administration than it was during Barack's administration.
It's like, as a black person, you should know when and when not to say, even if you're saying something that's 100% right, an emotionally scarred person, when they're dealing with something, That has just happened, they don't want to hear that.
It's like if your brother got killed dealing drugs, and right after the funeral, somebody's like, hey, bro, if your brother wouldn't have been dealing drugs, he wouldn't have been fucking killed.
Here's the facts look how many other people's brothers got killed selling drugs.
Like, what the fuck?
I don't even know what I'm saying.
So it's like, we don't want to fucking hear that right now.
She's brilliant.
You know what I'm saying?
You got to be smart to be her.
You know what I'm saying?
She'll run anybody under the table when it comes to fucking politics.
And also, Angela Stanton.
I love Angela Stanton.
You know who Angela Stanton is?
I don't know who that is.
She's a Republican that's running for Senate, I believe, in New York.
I mean, not in New York, in Georgia.
She's one of the drug dealers that Trump pardoned.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
She's.
When you get a chance, go look at Angela Stanton on The Breakfast Club.
She shed all of them up.
Really?
Bro, she's.
There's some things I don't agree with her on.
I follow her Instagram page and I'm like, all right, you.
That's a little.
Like the whole abortion shit.
I don't give a fuck about it.
I'm a nigga that needs abortions because a lot of these girls, I don't want them having my kids.
Right.
So it's like, leave the abortion clinic open.
Right.
I got like five under my belt.
You know what I mean?
It's like, do not fuck with abortions.
I have a lot of abortions and I also make the best plan B smoothies that you have ever tasted.
Dave Chappelle Abortion Clinic Plan00:10:55
Really?
Yeah, in the morning, you know, the night, the day after, you give a girl a nice plan B smoothie and be like, drink up.
What else do you put in the smoothie besides the plan B?
Some kale, acai, Greek yogurt.
To master taste, I'd only put almond butter or peanut butter.
Really?
Yeah.
Peanut butter will pretty much match the taste of anything.
Right there, Luke.
Plan B smoothies, dog.
You got the recipe?
You just got to put some strong vegetables or something strong in there, like some turmeric.
Yeah, some real bitters.
Yeah, to cover the taste of.
I'm like, it's good for you.
Drink it up.
You should drink it up because we ain't eating until two.
So drink that.
Do they know the Plan B's in there?
Of course not.
No, no, they don't know.
Yes, they do.
I'm fucking.
Yeah, they know what's in there.
I tell them.
This episode is going to come back to them.
Disclaimer.
Yeah, they know.
Yeah, they know.
Or Plan B waffle, you know.
It's gourmet.
Yeah, bro.
Blueberries in that motherfucker.
Yeah, man.
So, what's the schedule like now out in LA with everything shut down?
I don't know if the comedy store is open or not, but.
The comedy store is open for drinks.
Okay.
So, what do you do now that there's not much going on out there?
So, you got a podcast, right?
So, I'm on two podcasts The Kill 20 Podcast, which is the number one live recorded podcast in the world.
And I'm on Brothers Incursive, which we're doing pretty good like 20, 30,000 podcasts. on YouTube every week and like I think 60,000 downloads on iTunes a week.
We just started actually making money from our podcast.
So shout out to that.
That's dope.
So yeah, between that and fucking with random bitches, that's all I pretty much do now until, you know, comedy opens up.
I shot something for Vice like a month ago.
Really?
What did you shoot for them?
I shot this campaign sponsored by Philip Morris to kind of like turn a positive eye on vaping.
So they want to get people with like influence.
That actually vaping.
I'm known out here to be a vaper.
I take my vape everywhere, dog.
Really?
Yeah, I'm that nigga that gets in trouble on the airplane for vaping.
Did you quit vaping to get off cigarettes?
I quit cigarettes for vaping.
You said it backwards.
Oh, yeah, I said it backwards.
Yeah, I was talking about it.
Really?
What kind of cigarettes did you smoke?
I started off, first cigarette I ever smoked was a Newport 100 because I'm black, of course.
And then I transitioned into the Camel Crush.
Camel Crush.
The menthol, the marble menthols.
And then when I ended, I was on American Spirits.
Really?
My favorite cigarettes are still Newports.
Newports?
If I ever end up smoking a cigarette, I prefer Newport.
I have to be really fucking drunk, though.
I also did the ones that are made for cocaine sniffing.
What are they called?
Parliaments.
Parliament.
That's for cocaine sniffing?
You don't see the little cup in the back of the filter that's used to scoop up some cocaine?
No.
The filter starts like an eighth of an inch.
And so the paper comes out a little bit and you can get a little yeah, bro.
Oh, yeah, they got a little dish in there.
I did not know that.
To make the cigarette lighter because now there's more air that can get into it with the smoke.
But, like with most drug addicts, you find unique purposes for things that weren't intended for doing drugs.
You no longer need your fingernail.
You just get the fucking fingernail.
That's clearly what it was for.
They know what it was for.
Yeah, they know.
My boy, he got a Supreme hat on.
He knows what time it is.
He's got a special key just for doing cocaine.
He's got a key that's not even carved out.
It's like this big, what is it?
It's a.
It's a pistol.
Shovel?
You got it for me.
I got it for you.
For my birthday.
Cocaine down here is probably good, bro.
I've had a lot of friends die from the cocaine over in LA.
Really?
They're putting fentanyl in everything, dog.
Damn.
I'm not a real big drug person.
I do CBD and THC, like pre rolled joints, but I don't really fuck with it.
Because I'm already high naturally.
I've tried a few things.
It's like, oh, that ain't my cup of tea.
I've microdosed shrooms.
That was cool.
I could get into that, but I feel like after a while, your body's going to get used to it, and then I'll start fucking full dosing shrooms.
And I don't want to be tripping.
On the regular?
Yeah, I don't want to be tripping for 8, 10 hours a day.
You know what I'm saying?
Every day.
Yeah, I like to be me all the time.
That's why I only drink certain liquor that I know I can still function 100% me while I'm on that liquor.
I can drink a whole bottle of this shit and probably pass a drug.
Well, I can probably drink a half a bottle of it and still pass a little.
Really?
Yeah, bro.
You're about a quarter deep on that thing already.
Yeah, I'm cruising, bro, and I'm still sitting here talking to y'all, not sweating yet.
It's a little toasty in here, but yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know how better the drugs are here than they are in LA.
They're probably a lot better.
But a lot of people get into drugs a lot younger here, I feel like, and they quit a lot.
Yeah, and y'all also, like, just Florida, you know, it has that stigma.
Yeah, it does.
Pain pills were bad here.
Yeah, you either quit, you die, or you go to jail.
Yeah.
Like, they were never doing bath sauce in LA that I know of.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Florida does all the crazy shit.
Kind of starts here and spreads.
Yeah.
My culture or whatever starts like LA and New York.
It's a testing ground.
I don't know too many people that do pain pills.
I don't know anybody that does meth.
Yeah.
Like, the drug, like me hanging with comedians, the number one drug is shrooms, acid, and cocaine.
Really?
Yeah.
But that's like shrooms, acid, and cocaine.
Yeah.
And we, and that, all that shit just is like natural to me.
Like, you know what I'm saying?
I don't never sit up.
See anybody have a bad trip on either one of those?
Like, I see people pop shrooms and just go into their own little world.
DMT people out there do a lot of synthetic DMT, really.
I don't with it.
No, I'd be afraid to.
It seems like a lot, it does seem like a yeah, I'm cool on that.
Dog, has anyone ever offered to open that door?
Yeah, I've been offered everything, really.
Yeah, I've been offered every drug you can imagine, bro.
Like, I don't with it.
I like how you were explaining that.
Working security at like a comedy club is like being a Navy SEAL.
I don't work security.
What did you do?
That's disrespectful.
What did you do?
It's because I'm a big black man.
I thought you said you started like low level working like.
I'm a door guy.
Working the door.
Okay.
Door guy.
So a door hook.
Oh, look, whatever.
Look at him.
Whatever.
You got to do that.
Did you know your podcast did disrespect you?
You work close to the front door, right?
Sometimes, but not all the time.
I mean, I'm saying you started there.
I mean, like door hosts, we work in all the positions.
Yeah.
Right.
Just digging this up.
Dig up.
But, I mean, we work in the main room, the original room, the belly room.
We have three rooms at the comedy club.
Sometimes we work in the front patio.
And on summers, working the front patio can be fun because that's where the bitches are at.
And you can, you know, if you do it right, you can maybe sneak a couple of drinks if you're cool with the bartender because they don't want us drinking or doing drugs.
Well, they know we do, you know, drink and do drugs.
Don't make it obvious.
They don't want you to do it while you're on shift.
And if you do it, don't make it obvious.
So it's like, if you're cool with the bartender, they'll sneak you a drink.
So, like, working the patio can.
On a weekend, like, you might not make any money, like, as far as tips and shit go, because, like, and I wonder who's gonna see this.
God damn, I wanna tell so much.
No one watches it, you can say it.
You're a fucking liar.
I won't have a job and be bad.
But yeah, like, you know, you can make tips in the main room, you know, if people, you know, wanna sit in a specific spot and they're from out of town, they'd be like, I got 200 bucks.
That's the hookup.
Yeah, so they'd be like, oh, you want to sit right there?
Yeah, come on, bro.
Let me take you over there.
So, you know, you do that four or five times a night.
You just do the math, you know, if you're working in the main room, especially with a Joe Rogan or if a Chris D'Alea's up on the lineup, you know.
How often do those big name guys come through there?
Three, four times a week.
Really?
Every day.
Like, every day at the comic show, you're going to see somebody that you know.
Like, in any given day, a Jerry Seinfeld pop in, a Martin Lawrence, a Dave Chappelle.
Damn.
Just pop in.
That's so sick.
Like, hey, what's up?
Bill Burr's probably there like twice a week when he's in town.
Wow.
Adam Sandler's Craig.
What's a hot tub time machine?
What's his name?
Help me out.
Craig.
Hot tub time machine.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
What's his name?
Craig from the office.
Robinson?
Craig Robinson.
Yeah, why couldn't I think right now?
So, Craig Robinson.
When I saw Jerry Seinfeld, that shit was like.
What was he there just to do a little stand up?
So, before his special drop, he came there and worked out his material.
Oh, okay.
That must have been cool.
Yeah.
So, like, I saw him.
So, they just pop in and do that?
Mm hmm.
Yeah.
If you're a big enough name, like.
They just show up.
That's how they test their shit.
They just come in on random nights and just, like.
Well, I'm pretty sure.
They just fill the crowd out, right?
I mean, sometimes they'll fucking, you know, coordinate with our talent coordinator and they'll be like, I'm going to.
Coming in this weekend or so.
So, like, you know, they'll fucking have a chunk and they'll say special guest.
Or they might say, like, special guest that smokes cigarettes.
Let everybody know.
So, if they say, like, special guest that smokes cigarettes, I know that's Dave Chappelle.
Okay.
Really?
But that's like inside information.
You won't know that coming to the club.
You know what I'm saying?
Okay.
But it'd be like, we have a special guest that smokes cigarettes.
That's one of my favorite things about watching Dave Chappelle is watching him up.
He'll just burn him up.
He'll just watch him up.
He'll, like, pause for a whole minute and just look at his cigarette.
Take a big drag off the cigarette and just like laugh to himself.
Like, this just adds so much to this whole routine.
And that's the part about like when I was at the club last night versus like the headliner.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, had I been the headliner, that set would have gone a lot different because when you're the headliner and people are coming to see you, they want to see you.
So they want to see like every little tick of you.
So, like, when you're like the greatest comedian that ever lived, Dave Chappelle.
Well, I mean, number two in my book, Patrice is number one to me.
But when you're like one of the greatest comedians that have ever lived, people want to see all that.
They want to see your mannerisms.
Right.
They want to see how you put the fucking mic in the stand, how you walk away from it.
Every little thing.
Like, Chris Rock times every step with a joke.
You know what I'm saying?
On purpose.
I don't know if you remember, what was it, 10 years ago, he dropped a special and they showed it in like several different places that he was doing it to show that he was in the same position telling the same joke.
Each time in the clip, yeah, it was no shit.
Yeah, bro, he's like comedians are probably like some of them.
I probably had some of the dopest conversations with comics, and that's why, like, my friends that I grew up with, it's hard to, you know, when I go home, it's hard to kick it with them because it's like, bro, seven nights a week, I hang with the most interesting people in the world.
Cryotherapy Cold Beer Good00:14:45
Yeah, you know what I'm saying?
Like, bro, it's nothing for me to talk to Dave Chappelle and we go grab food after the comedy store.
Sit somewhere for three hours and then it's like when I come home, I gotta fucking see your factory working ass.
So it makes you.
What the fuck do you want?
Hey, bro, tell me some like profound shit.
Like, yeah.
Yeah, change your steel toe boots every six months.
What the fuck?
Damn, man.
I had some McDonald's for lunch today.
My fucking fillet of fish was good.
Yeah, bro.
So, like, that's why I understand, like, When people say, like, when people get money, they change.
You do.
Like, even me, like, I'm not rich.
I'm doing, like, okay.
I'm doing, like, good for LA.
I've been there 10 years.
I must obviously be doing something right.
You know what I'm saying?
But it's like, I'm not rich, but, like, my taste in stuff has changed.
Like, the liquors I drink have changed.
The women I want to hang around, the stuff I want to do.
And then it's like, you know, you go back home and your friends be like, damn, you Hollywood now.
And it's like, nah, bro.
Like, you just don't know better stuff in life.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, There's more out there.
Yeah, like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, bro, I ate Waffle House last night for nostalgia, and then I went up to my hotel and threw up because my body ain't used to that shit.
I threw up last night.
You ready?
Handle it, yeah.
My body ain't used to that.
You know, bro, I shop at Whole Foods now.
You got Whole Foods money, yeah, bro.
I got Whole Foods, bro.
I shop at Air One.
I don't even know what that is.
Never, it's a grocery store that makes Whole Foods look like uh Publix.
That's where I shop.
What's the fanciest grocery store we have around here?
Whole Foods out in Tampa, probably Sprouts.
Oh, yeah, we got Sprouts right on the street.
I've never been there.
Is that more expensive than Whole Foods?
They they're comparable, like, I shop at.
I shopped.
So I did an experiment one time because every time I go, like, not trying to brag anything, but like, like, I'm not trying to brag.
150 to 175 lasts me like a week from Whole Foods.
So I tried to do an experiment at Sprouts and I spent like more.
$150?
Like, 150, 175.
That's like my.
I'm a pescatarian also, so it's going to be a little bit more expensive.
And I like to eat wild caught salmon.
So, you know, that's.
I don't really want to eat the farm raised shit with so much mercury in it.
You know, so it's like you know, a little bougie.
Like, you know, I'm the fattest pescatarian you ever meet, but all my uh numbers are good, you know what I'm saying?
You need the float tank, of course, that's just amazing, bro.
I see a chiropractor, though, I get acupuncture.
Wow, that's amazing.
I do wet cupping, like, I do all that.
What's wet cupping?
Where they like put like little incisions on you and then put a cup to like.
Yeah, that's what I call it.
And it sucks the blood out.
Yeah, bro.
Athlete film and shit.
I don't know, but it.
Something.
Feel good?
Yeah, mentally it makes me feel good.
I think, is it like one of those things that makes you feel good because you can just drop $200 on that?
Like, that's cool.
Well, you got to go on Groupon.
I'm not saying I'm doing like full price.
Are you not paying full?
Nah, dog.
I do a lot of Groupon shit.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't got that.
That's where it's at.
I don't got that much money.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I could take a girl on a nice date.
You know what I'm saying?
I could ball out here in Tampa, but I ain't like, you know what I'm saying?
This year was going to, if quarantine would not have happened, the way my January, February, and March went, I was probably going to make like a quarter of a million this year.
Wow.
Yeah, bro.
It's good money.
Yeah, dog.
A million dollars.
I was feeling like a drug dealer, bro.
I'm on the road every fucking weekend.
My podcast is doing good.
I'm getting booked on this, booked on that.
And then.
That's why I like lost my mind in march and april.
Dog, like I was like what?
The like?
Everything just stopped.
Like I was doing so good, like am I not supposed to be doing this?
And you know, like comedians I don't know how many comedians y'all know, but we're like emotional beings.
Like we have so much anxiety we have I have a panic attack every day dog, like we have so much depression.
Like, like with comedians, either we're very manic or we're very depressed.
Like there's no middle ground, like regular people, just like any type of creative.
You know what i'm saying, either there's two ends of the spectrum that either we lie on, depressed or manic.
There's no middle.
There's no like, oh, I just feel normal.
Like, it's like I either feel really happy or I feel really fucking sad.
And that's why comedians get wound up in so much like alcohol and shit.
So that's why, like, Joe Rogan does, like, you know, where he sits in the sauna.
He does all this other extreme shit.
You have to, bro, because if you're not going to get into drugs, you got to find like other things that you're going to do.
Like, oh, my chiropractor, that's my drug.
You know, go get my spine cracked.
Yeah, I have all this.
You know what I'm saying?
Go fucking do cryo.
Get that feeling.
Yeah, go do my fucking cryo therapy.
I got a high right now.
So what does that feel like?
Cryotherapy?
Yeah.
You play sports?
Not really anymore.
I got too many injuries.
You're like an extreme skateboarder.
Yeah, I used to.
I used to.
We all did.
Yeah, he's got really brittle ankles now.
Yeah, that's good.
Fucking paper mache.
Yeah, he's taking a lot of paper mache.
A good gust of wind will knock his feet off.
So, yeah, man, it's like cryotherapy feels like an ice bath.
Yeah.
Like cold as shit, but it, you know, you, you ever, like, put your hands under some real, real hot water and, like, it feels cold for a second, but it warms up.
That's how cryotherapy feels.
Like, it's so fucking cold and then your body just feels like it feels hot.
Yeah, like it's weird.
Like, the body's weird, bro.
Like, When it tries to like protect all the organs and shit, it's like you just get like an influx of being hot.
Yeah.
Cold shit's really good for you.
Yeah.
I take cold showers.
I don't take hot showers.
Same.
I take cold showers too.
I take hot, then I switch to cold.
Nah, I do it all the time.
You use straight cold the whole time?
Yeah.
I start off like damn near cold and then go cold to finish off.
Because I started doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and catch wrestling throughout quarantine.
I'm down like fucking 38 pounds.
So I started doing that shit just to like help me because I need.
I'm a type of person like I need structure.
I can't, like, I couldn't just work a nine to five.
Like, I need something to do all the time where if I don't want to do it, I don't have to.
Not like a job.
Like, you have to do a job.
But I need, so I'm like, all right, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is it.
So I'm doing this shit like three, four times a week.
And, like, you get a lot of, like, little neck cramps and, you know, arm cramps.
So, like, the cold showers and the cryotherapy is coming in handy now.
Oh, yeah, I bet.
With, like, the body aches and shit.
So, yeah.
I was interested.
You were talking about how talking to comedians is so much different than talking to just your friends who do normal shit.
Why do you think comedians are so much more interesting to talk to?
Because in order to be funny, you got to be very, very dark.
Dark?
Yeah, you got to have something to draw from.
Whether you grew up rich or poor, I grew up middle class, but I still got a hell of kids' struggles that I had.
Not having my mom around, having a fucking abusive grandfather, having a racist grandfather.
Being one of the lightest kids out of all his grandkids.
So, getting that fucked up treatment because, like, who my daddy was and, like, him not liking my dad.
So, him taking that out on me because my mom worked all the fucking time.
So, I stayed with my grandparents.
So, like.
Wait, your dad was Cuban, right?
My dad is Cuban.
And he's.
Yeah, he's Cuban, but he's.
You said he's racist?
No, no, no.
Your grandfather's grand.
Because I, like, grew up with, like, curly hair because, you know, my dad's Cuban, born in the island and shit.
Yeah, yeah.
So, like, I was lighter.
Or a little lighter than most of my cousins.
So, like, having a fucking.
I don't know what the dilemma was with my granddaddy, where he just didn't like my dad, didn't like me, but, like, dog, like, me and my little brother, we didn't get treated the best.
Even though, you know, our mom made great money.
Not great.
I mean, great money for where we live.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, we lived a great life, bro.
I went to private school part of my life and then public school the rest of my life because of my choice.
I wanted to go to public school because I couldn't relate to those fucking private school motherfuckers.
Yeah.
Like, so.
Yeah, like everybody has their own struggle, whether you were abused or what.
You know what I'm saying?
So that's what comedy draws from.
If you grew up like just too happy, like no fucking struggle, what does your, what does your, what does your, what do you draw from?
Because comedy is crazy as fuck.
I go on stage in front of people I don't know with my opinion and I have to make you give a fuck.
Right.
That's insanity.
Yeah, it is.
You know what I'm saying?
So, think of how crazy comedians are.
We're the beekeepers of entertainment.
Like, how crazy is a motherfucker that wants to go collect honey for a living?
Like, motherfucker, you insane.
You want to collect honey?
We're the beekeepers of entertainment.
Like, you want to go on stage with your opinion and you want to make other people to care about what you think?
That's insanity.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, did y'all drink this tequila yet?
What are you waiting on, bro?
I've been drinking beer.
Give me a little cup.
There's another one.
Fuck that beer, bro.
Get to where you need to be quickly.
Come there.
I cannot drink beer, bro.
I pee so much when I drink beer.
Yeah, bro.
Take that.
Taste that.
That's George Clooney shit.
He sold it for like a long time.
So, the guy, when I bought this shit today, the guy, the old guy at the register, I trust him.
He's like, George Clooney.
Good guy.
That's good.
He's like, I refuse to buy this tequila.
Why?
That's what I said.
I'm like, why?
He's like, because George Clooney sold his company for $3 billion and he's got more money than God and he needed an extra $3 billion.
Jealous.
That's what it sounds like.
Jealous.
I'm like, what do you have about George?
Clooney, I'm sure every guy who owns all these tequila would not want to do that.
He's like, he was just like George, because George Clooney, he's got too much money, so I'll never try his tequila.
That's stupid as fuck.
Ocean's 11 was sick.
Throughout quarantine, come on.
Come on.
In like two months in quarantine, I went through like $10,000.
I went through like all my savings.
That's delicious.
Because I was buying like a bottle of this like every other day.
Is that expensive?
It can get up there like at some places, $60, $70.
You know what I'm saying?
So, like, I was buying a bottle of that every day because it's good, right?
It is good.
Yeah, it's definitely the best.
I actually see that truck driving down the street all the time.
I've ever had, I have to say that.
To me, this is not the best, but for me, this is the most practical.
Yeah, I mean, it's good.
I like Patron, too, though.
I don't like Patron or Don Julio.
I don't like Don Julio knife.
I like it cold.
I don't, I'm not a fan of knife.
The only, the only liquor I'll take, yeah, I'll take some ice.
Ice Cube, that's what I got on my shirt.
Yay, yay, yay, yay.
The only tequila I put above Casamigos is Clasa Azul.
And that shit's like $140, $150.
What about Jose?
That's out of my range.
Jose Cuervo?
That's crackhead liquor.
It's in a glass bottle, though.
Jose Cuervo, you heard him say that?
It's like to mix margaritas.
When I drink beer, I drink, what was it, Blue Moon?
Blue Moon.
That's a good one.
With the orange slice in it, yeah.
An orange slice.
And I used to fuck with Fat Tire when I was hanging around a lot of white boys.
Fat Tire?
Fat Tire's good.
No PBR?
Nah.
Bush?
Mm-mm.
Natty?
I mean, I grew up drinking fucking Miller High Life because I'm a country boy.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, please.
You know, I was drinking that shit at 12, 30.
You know, I'm a country boy, dog.
We drank beer in moonshine at fucking 14, 15.
Moonshine?
Y'all drink that down here?
Not really.
So you don't have it in the freezers?
That's.
I drank that more when I lived up north.
Up north, where?
New York and Pennsylvania.
Moonshine up there?
Yeah, New York, yeah.
Whatever anyone's got, guys, I was working with were making it like up in the mountains, though.
Gotcha.
North New York.
Bro, like, if New York did not get that cold, I would live there.
I like New York a lot.
Oh, yeah.
It was cold as fuck.
New York is so real.
Yeah, bro.
I was in fucking Canada and New York this year for like three weeks performing, and I didn't do anything.
Like, Uber Eats, everything.
Like, only went to the club and back to my room.
I went to Niagara Falls.
It was cold as fuck.
I had a.
It is.
What's it called?
Columbia jacket, fucking the hoodie that covered my ears, gloves, Timbalands.
Bro, I hate cold weather, bro.
Yeah, same.
I cannot stand cold weather.
You're in the right spot.
Yeah, never mind.
Oh, this is it, man.
Bro, I got a flannel shirt on.
That's how much I like heat.
I got a flannel.
The biggest nigga in the room got a flannel shirt on.
Yeah, that's true.
You're not warm?
I mean, I feel good, bro.
I like heat, bro.
All right.
I like heat, dog.
Brain the heat.
I'm like a Tibetan monk.
You know what I'm saying, dog?
Like a fucking Tibetan monk.
Have you ever been to Tibet?
No, but I will.
Are you going to go?
Hell yeah, bro.
I'm going to go over there and meditate with them niggas.
Cold as shit.
Yeah, I'm going to meditate with them.
I'm not even going to feel the cold.
That's how high my meditation is going to get me, dog.
Go in a cave for a year and then come out.
Yeah, bro.
Why not?
That would be sick.
Will you?
I mean, because when you make a lot, bro, when I make like 25 million, I'm going to take a year off to just sit in the cave, enjoy myself, and realize like who I am.
Like, all right, you know what I'm saying?
I made 25 million, dog.
Like, I'll be good for the rest of my life.
Who's going to pay you 25 million?
Just collectively when I do all my shit, bro.
You're going to save that much.
You're going to pay me 25 million when you go see my movies and come to my shows.
Or I'll probably get y'all like some backstage passes.
Okay.
Hell yeah.
You know, but you're, you know, everybody collectively.
Okay.
That's, yeah, bro.
Like, because I know I'll probably make a great.
A great percentage of my fortune off of live entertainment stand up.
I don't see myself being some fucking owner Schwarzenegger in the movie theaters.
I'll be a great character actor.
Like, you know, a gangster in prison or some shit.
Yeah.
I'm not finished getting tattoos, bro.
Like, I'm about to get a fucking neck tat.
Alien Drug Crack Casket Money00:07:04
Are you really?
Yeah.
What kind of neck tat are you going to get?
I'm going to get what was on my.
Like, it's so crazy, bro.
I'm going to get what was on my granddaddy's casket.
It's so crazy.
Like, because he was like the only father figure I knew, like my Daddy wasn't growing up and like when my granddaddy died it was like I was glad he died but I was like damn, that was like my only father figure growing up.
It was like a weird.
I had to.
Really I was talking to my therapist a lot when my grandfather passed, because when he was sick I was ready for him to die.
It was so weird, dog like it's so like sinister, that I wanted this guy to die because of like the he did when I was young.
You know what i'm saying.
Like it's really.
Yeah, it's like bro.
Like no matter how old you get, you know the people do to you.
You remember that for the rest of your life.
Like you probably remember who bullied you in the third or second grade.
You know what i'm saying.
You know his full name.
You never forget that, no matter how nice they try to be when you're older.
It's like bro, I still remember the up you did to me.
I still remember the up you said to me and i've never really gotten over that, you know.
And it's like, and the way he treated my mom.
You know what i'm saying.
Like he, I feel like he looked at his daughters especially as property and it's like when I got older that me and him didn't really Like, click because, like, dog, you're not gonna be talking to my mom like that.
I'm at the age now I can whoop your ass, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I really fight you.
So, like, when he died, it was a weird space for me.
Like, it was kind of like, I'm glad he died, but fuck, I'm sad as shit.
Because even though he was fucked up, that's only father figure I know.
So, it was a weird, weird place for me, dog, when he died.
He died in January.
And, like, I was seeing my therapist like four times a week because I'm like, man, I feel like a fucking asshole that I wanted him to die.
I wanted him to die.
But whatever I'm gonna get what was on his casket tied on my neck made a work I made a work I have done speak for itself I Like that.
Yeah, that's a strong quote.
Yeah, bro.
Super strong.
I don't gotta say shit That's good.
I like that.
Yeah, but I want what was on his casket like tatted on my neck right here Just the words mm-hmm just right now that high like this okay, like right above the shirt line.
Yeah, that's what's up.
Yeah, I like tattoos, bro.
Yeah, I can tell if you want me to be in your movie just put makeup on Johnny Depp is tatted.
Dio Hugli is tatted.
There's a lot of tatted celebrities out here.
So, if you want me and your shit, fucking put makeup on it.
They're all tattooed.
I don't know anybody that doesn't have a tattoo.
Do you got one, motherfucker?
No, I'm the only one who doesn't.
Exactly.
You're over here with the gayest speech.
I don't see why anybody isn't tattooed.
Why don't you do crack?
I don't do crack.
But you should do that shit, man.
How do you feel about, like, crack and, like, smoking crack?
And PCP.
I want to try it before I die.
I want to try smoking crack once, at least.
I, low key.
Not PCP.
I heard PCP last a long fucking time.
Crack.
I hear just like lasts really quickly.
I'm not like, I'm not drunk or anything, but I feel like those are like alien drugs.
Alien drugs?
Especially like PCP.
You know, like when somebody's high on PCP, they're like, damn, he had superhuman strength.
Yeah, yeah.
I think like PCP takes the veil off and you're actually like who you are when you're high on that.
But you can't control it because you're not used to this.
It's all energy.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, it's all energy, bro.
I feel like drugs really like open your third eye.
And they reveal like who you truly are, especially like PCP.
I feel like that's an alien drug, dog.
Because anytime you hear somebody who was high on PCP, they fought like six people and they couldn't get it.
Took 10 tasers and kept going.
Exactly, bro.
Naked.
The shoes are still on, but they're naked right down the highway.
Air Force Ones.
I feel like it's an alien drug, bro.
It's an alien drug because that shit, like, imagine if we could take that drug but focus it to where we needed it to focus.
So that superhuman strength that you have.
You use it to get shit done, to get shit done.
It was positive, right?
It was positive, a positive PCG, and not just beating up police officers.
That's why I feel like it's an alien drug.
Like, I mean, like, I feel like you're an idiot if you don't believe in aliens.
You know, what's up though about like alien technology?
Like, you think about the Egyptians, they got the pyramids and all that technology, and we got PCP.
If that this theory holds up, maybe they were high on PCP when they channeled it.
Well, the aliens made the pyramids, not the Egyptians, yeah.
That's the alien technology.
What's that?
I technically, I technically, I really feel like I'm an alien dog.
Maybe you are probably from where can't not prove it.
I don't know, probably, probably, probably like uh Negradon or some planet like Negradon.
Oh, yeah, nigga done.
Like, do you think that would show up on 23andMe if you took it?
Yeah, bro, it'll show up at least a few percent, 38 Cuban, 12 Negradonian, 2 Nigga done.
European, Anglo Saxon.
Oh my god.
Hell yeah, bro.
That shit would totally show up on the fucking 23andMe.
You think the aliens are coming here?
Who wants to come to this bullshit?
I don't know.
I don't even want to come here.
I wish we had an escape to another planet.
What do they want to come here for?
Elon Musk trying to take you to Mars.
The only reason they would come here is to make sure we don't all just melt the earth somewhere else.
They're going to come here to make sure we don't kill each other.
No, they're going to come here, like he just said, to make sure we don't come to their shit.
Yeah.
Like when we start.
They know we can't.
When Elon Musk starts.
They can't say it that way.
When Elon Musk starts launching his shit, that's when they're going to show themselves.
He's launching.
Like, nah, motherfucker, you're getting too close to our shit.
You ain't finna fuck up our shit.
We've been watching you.
Yeah, but they said they were going to, like, release all the classified information about the flying saucers they found.
Yeah, bro.
This is a fucking.
It's a simulation, dog.
They dropped us here to see how we could coexist with each other.
Right.
And their version of Sims is playing out.
Exactly.
Like nerds have created podcasts and made millions of dollars playing video games.
Yep.
Here's what we came to.
They were like, we put this shit here for you motherfuckers to plant trees, to fuck heads.
You really fucked the whole earth up.
What the fuck are y'all doing?
Pretty soon they're going to press Control Opt Delete on that car.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Apple Z for a couple centuries.
Like, yeah, let's try it again.
Factory reset.
Yeah, we need to reboot this.
Fuck this shit.
Apple Z for a couple centuries.
We fucking startled.
Take it back to Christmas Addicts.
Take it back to Christmas Addicts.
Take it back to the Boston Tea Party.
Let's see these niggas get it right this time.
Oh my God, dude.
But, bro, think of how one instance in your life can change, like, forever.
Yeah.
Atlanta Cell Phone Gold Reset00:11:21
Like, dog, like, three weeks before I moved to L.A., I'm 19.
My best friend at the time, Cedric Denard, calls me.
And that's why anytime this girl hits me up, I send her money.
I was dating this girl named Rhonda.
She knows who she is.
I won't say her last name.
But any, so I was supposed to, my boy Cedric Denard was a little older than me.
He had the prison time.
Like, that's the thing about me.
I grew up very great, but I hung with the worst of people coming up.
You know, like, I hung with, Crackheads prostitutes because like I said, they have personality.
I'm all about personality, dog.
Yeah, I don't give a fuck what your whatever year I'm interesting people.
Yeah, so Not boring ass rich kids exactly.
I hung around this guy named Cedric Denard.
He he was probably like six years older than me and He had went to prison as a teenager for robbing a jury store.
So when I'm like 18 19, I'm hanging around this guy.
We doing I feel like the statute of limitation is over.
So in Macon, Georgia, we would go to Atlanta.
And what is it called?
Vermelli?
What is it when they take silver jury and then gold plate it?
I'm not sure.
It's like vermelli or something.
Gold plated silver jury.
Yeah, what is it called?
Gold plated silver.
Yeah, gold plated silver jury.
Is there a term for it?
Yeah, it's like vermicelli.
Is it showing?
I'm probably searching for the wrong thing.
Type in V E R M E C I L O I, I think.
Vermicilli.
That's a Vietnamese noodle bowl.
And then type jewelry.
Did it come up?
Vermeil?
Yeah, whatever.
Vermeil, yeah, some shit like that.
Huh.
Did it come up?
Silver gilt.
Is that it?
Probably.
It's the first thing that came up, so it's got to be true.
So basically, it's silver jewelry plated with gold, like a thin layer of gold.
So we would go make, that's what it is, right?
So making country ass city, we would go to Atlanta and get like $500 worth of shit.
And go to Macon and take it to pawn shops because they only had one layer of testing.
Not like the intensive testing they have.
This was 10 years ago.
It's a solid scam.
So we would go to Atlanta and get.
Matt Cox should be proud.
We would go to Atlanta and get like $500 worth of fucking vermelly.
How do you say?
Vermeil.
That sounds right.
So we'd get like $500 worth of vermil from the Atlanta swap meets.
Go to Atlanta and make like three.
I mean, go to Macon and make like $3K on it.
Wow.
So this is the type of dude I was hanging around.
Nice.
You know what I'm saying?
That's a decent scam.
Yeah, it's not bad.
And it's not harmful.
No, it's not harmful at all.
I'd be like, I thought it was going on.
It's like a slimy scam.
I bought it.
It's a rare resell it.
It's just.
Yeah, exactly.
Just a wholesaler.
It's like if you get a fake 50, just pass it on to the next one.
Pass it on to the next one.
You're picking it.
Keep it rolling.
Just be cool.
Paid forward.
Just be cool.
We would go get that shit from the Atlanta Swap Meat, come sell it, and make a Swap Meat $500 and make us like $3,000.
We would fucking.
Roll around town, pull up on people like doing lawn work and snatch they weed, eaters and whatever they had in the back of their truck, like though I was on some, even though I came from a family like that.
Because like I didn't really want to like do what my mom wanted me to do, she had kind of like cut me off so I was living at her house, but I still, like if I asked her for like 20 bucks, she'd be like no, somewhere I don't want no job, all I want to do is entertainment.
So I hooked up with Cedric and he was like you know, if we get caught bro, you'll be out and you know, we're just snatching little.
You know what i'm saying.
So I was doing like that And we snatch shit, take it to the pawn shop, steal shit.
The craziest thing I ever did was in 2008, was it?
We had like a big hurricane in Macon.
And we like went, I was like fresh out of high school, 2008, 2009, somewhere around there.
And we went into like some like hurricane destroyed properties and grabbed stuff.
Oh, shit.
That was the worst.
I hope they don't arrest me for this, will they?
No, I think it's the worst.
Allegedly.
Allegedly, yeah, my lawyer's gonna probably contact you in a few days if you release that episode.
Yeah, cease and desist on this episode.
Nah, but he'll be all right.
But yeah, allegedly, we went into people's houses and grabbed shit.
Yeah, and this is back when, um, what is it called?
Uh, you take like the copper wire from houses, scrapping, yeah, scrapping would still go for like four or five dollars a pound.
So, like, allegedly, we would make like twelve hundred dollars.
A day just like with scrapping shit, you know, that's what they say we did.
Like, no, I don't really know if that's what they made.
That's what I heard.
Yeah, I heard it.
I heard it.
Grapevine.
That's what's been, yeah, bro.
It ain't, I don't know about it that much.
But yeah, that's the type of shit.
Me, that's the type of shit that they said he did with this other dude.
So, um, be a great politician.
I'm already in the runners, right?
So, um, my blood, I'll tell that in a minute, but uh, so yeah.
Like three weeks before I was about to move to.
No, probably more than that because before I was going to move to LA, I was in Miami.
So, probably like three or four months before I was going to move here, he asked me to take him to sell a cell phone.
It was like a, I think, the sidekick, the one they used to slide up.
Oh, yeah, that was a good one.
So he used to have that one.
Yeah, he was like, take me to sell this cell phone.
I'll shoot you like, you know, $10, $15 gas and we'll get something to eat because he was stealing shit.
Because back then, there was no like EINs and all that shit.
So, if somebody stole your cell phone, it was just stolen.
It was like 10 years ago.
No SIM cards.
Yeah, if somebody stole it, it was just stolen.
Yeah, it was stolen.
There's no internet where I could just quickly type in, like, yeah.
I mean, it was internet, but it wasn't like how it is now.
So, um, yeah, he was like, Take me to uh, you know, pick this up, I mean, to sell this cell phone.
And I'm like, Uh, all right, for sure, I'm gonna come scoop you up in like 30 minutes, bro.
We'll come and do that.
So, this chick I was fine with, Nayronda, asked me to come through and kick it with her.
And I'm glad that day I chose, I'm glad that day I chose hoes over bros.
He got roped.
Nah, so he went to go sell the cell phone, and I didn't know that he was going to rob the guy of the money, but still keep the cell phone.
So I would have been the fucking getaway driver on that fucking robbery.
Oh, fuck.
Because, you know, I text him later on that night.
I'm like, hey, bro, what's up, man?
What's good with you?
And then me and her laid up in the bed, and we see on the news at 11 o'clock Cedric Denard tried to rob a guy of his money when selling the cell phone, and the guy took, it was an Asian guy, the guy took the gun and ended up chasing him.
And I'm like, I was like, girl, you saved my life.
I was like, he did like eight years, bro.
He just got out like two years ago because he already had.
I probably would have done what?
One?
Maybe a couple.
I don't know.
Maybe a couple.
Maybe six months for me.
You know in Georgia how it is.
Yeah, you probably get a couple.
If you went.
How does it go in Georgia?
If you're present during the admission of a crime, you're charged just as well as the gunman.
You know how that Georgia shit goes.
I think it's that.
I don't know nothing about it.
I don't know about California.
I only know Florida.
Like in Georgia, like in Georgia, I believe, like, if even if you're the getaway driver, same thing in Florida for sure.
So, if you go if somebody goes in there and shoots the guy, yeah, oh, yeah, you're getting a couple.
It's the same in California, too.
I'm pretty sure Matt Cox was telling a story about how California is so liberal, dog.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I had a friend who did a bank robbery, and but he didn't use a gun, he was out in like six months.
How do you rob a bank without a gun?
Give him a note, he was out in six months.
Wow, yeah, but uh, yeah, so I bet the gun ups the ante a lot.
Yeah, you're doing some time, you're doing some time with the get it, but yeah.
Uh, that's why anytime that girl hit me up, I'll get like, bro, when I get famous, I'll probably give her a hundred thousand dollars just because, like, wow, you hear that, Rhonda?
Saved you, she knows what's up.
We, Rhonda knows the deal, we still, shout out, bro, you guys still friends?
Yes, oh, that's cool, bro.
I can never not be her friend because, like, literally, like, you're responsible for who I mean, not you solely, but you, the universe, and right, combined.
That was a that was an intent, that was a serious moment for.
You guys, yeah, that was a fork in a row where you went the right one, even though I hate you relationship wise.
I'm glad you had enough persuasion over me to get me to come to your house, yeah, because I, you know, I was texting him like, damn, bro, I know you're gonna be mad at me, dog, but I'm sorry, you're still my boy, and he wasn't replying back, so I'm like, my boy said you're mad at me, dog, yep.
I just ran into him in June, really, when I was in Georgia, yep.
But I'm so glad that chick had persuasion over my life with that power, so glad.
I ain't never been more glad to have hoes over bros until that was the only time, bro.
But yeah, man, fuck.
I could have been in prison and not be who I am now.
Because, I mean, you know, you get out of prison, can't find a job.
Like, if I would have got out of prison, you think I would have had L.A. on my mind?
Like, fuck no.
No.
Yeah.
No, bro.
No, yeah.
After a year in prison or jail, whatever.
Yeah, bro.
I wouldn't have had that shit on my mind, dog.
And ever since then, dog, I've been like a totally, like, I don't even do the same shit anymore.
Like, that's that moment.
Yeah, bro.
Where it's like, you can either keep going or you can do your thing and, like, realize who you are.
And it's like, how does a suburban kid get caught up in that shit?
Like a mom who is an outstanding citizen.
Even though, like, you know, my last name, Lucas.
Like, so.
Frank Lucas is my relative.
The drug dealer, Frank Lucas.
Yeah.
I don't know if y'all knew that.
Yeah, of course.
He's really your relative?
Yeah, he's my real relative.
He died last year.
From American Gangster.
Yeah, American Gangster.
You know who Frank Lucas is?
Denzel plays him.
Died last year.
Or he plays.
He plays Frank Lucas, right?
Yeah, he was like the biggest fucking.
Cocaine, heroin trafficker in New York, New Jersey, New Jersey, New Jersey, New York.
That's a good movie.
He could dress.
Look at that guy.
That's a jacket that got him fucked up, bro.
Of course.
You can wear a jacket like that.
You're fucking chinchilla firm and something.
And the police are like, Who is this nigga?
Look at this outfit.
I'm going to step out like that.
What's his relation to you?
What's his?
Is he like a third uncle?
So, I've met him a couple of times.
I'm cool with him.
Tyler Denzel Frank Lucas Myth00:15:25
Have you really?
Yeah.
I'm still cool with some of my cousins on that side.
So, like, His somebody adopted my brother.
I had asked my dad.
I'm excusing.
What did I just say?
His somebody adopted your brother?
His somebody adopted my daddy.
That's how my daddy got the last name Lucas.
Oh, shit.
I think it was his brother.
Okay.
Which will make him my great uncle.
Yeah.
And you met him a couple times?
Yeah.
Where at?
Virginia.
Really?
That's cool.
Yeah.
What's he like?
He was old at that point.
Older shit.
Yeah, I bet he's really old.
He's dead now.
Yeah.
He died last year.
I'm still in contact with my cousin Adwin.
Shout out to my cousin Adwin up in New Jersey.
He's still in Jersey.
He's a rapper.
Got his shit going on.
But yeah, I'm still in contact with him.
That's cool.
When are y'all going to come out to LA?
I was just out there.
When?
I was out there last week.
You ain't hit me up.
No, I was there for like 24 hours.
I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there, dude.
Why?
Because it was just like a hellhole.
Why?
Why?
Dude, this is dirty as shit.
There's fucking litter, trash all over the roads.
I don't know.
Melrose.
Yeah, Merrill's is fucked up right now.
So the reason LA is fucked up is just walking down the sidewalk you just like Literally need a shovel just to get through all the trash everywhere and there's like one of the like driving down I think highway 10 randomly Part of the fucking interstate was on fire.
There was like 10 foot flames going up over the highway with smoke and Some homeless dudes underneath it just looking at it.
Yeah, that's legit.
People were just going around it like it was nothing, but you know why LA is fucked up right now, bro, because we have a lot of scammers in our city so Scammers?
Yes, bro.
So California, again, with the liberal shit, with the EDD, there are so many people applying that if you have a legit social, they're not really checking everything.
So scammers were coming in from all over the country and getting back pay of EDD like $20,000.
So they're like, I told you, didn't I tell you, my identity got stolen.
Like somebody filed an unemployment claim under my social.
What?
The IRS sent me a letter saying like your social has been locked and you need to prove your identity.
And I haven't been able to prove my identity because the questions they ask, I'm like, what the fuck?
Are you sure they didn't just mistake your identity?
Because I'm sure you have a very common name.
David Lucas is probably it.
My full name is David Manuel Lucas.
It's very Hispanic.
That's not a common name.
Well.
And also, my social security number can't be common.
Because you need a social security number to follow it.
Yeah, okay.
It's happened to me before.
And there's got to be.
My name is like.
So, to follow a DD claim, unemployment claim, you need a social.
Okay.
It's like, where are you going to say I worked at?
Oh, okay.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
So, like, my social has been locked by the RIS because of these scammers.
So, scammers are coming there and in LA.
Or California, they were paying back pay.
So if you filed it from the time the happened with the 600, they're giving people like 20k in like a month on a card.
So people are coming there and as long as you got a physical address because there's so many people applying, you can't check every nook and cranny, right?
Yeah, like just last week in Beverly Hills, they arrested 44 people with 125 cards totaling 2.5 million dollars and they also confiscated 250 cash.
Damn, they're getting it, They're getting after it.
Don't tell Matt.
Yeah, Matt already on the way in a New York area.
He's in the chat right now.
I just left.
He's like, What?
A fucking profile?
That's all I need is a profile?
What did you say about Matt last night at Waffle House?
Oh, you were asking for some girl's phone number and then say, Oh, you don't need to worry about him.
He just wants your social security.
Yeah.
That girl did not look 18, did she?
I at least gave her 24, 25.
Those eyelashes gave her a couple years for sure.
She was at Waffle House, so I was hoping she was over 18 just for this shit.
That bitch was raised in a whorehouse, bro.
To look like that, like at 18, I still look goofy and wore cartoon shorts.
Where were you guys at?
The Waffle House.
In Tampa?
The Waffle House on Dale Mabry.
Oh, God.
By the strip clubs.
Oh, yeah, by the strip clubs.
We're going to a strip club tonight.
Where?
We're going to take him to the whiskey.
But Tyler said he's going to give me the money to throw.
Oh, Tyler.
Tyler's got the money for all.
Tyler's paying for that.
We're going to Baby Dolls.
Me and Tyler were talking about fake tips.
I've been there.
The worst is fake booties, bro.
You ever fucked a fake booty?
Never.
That shit feels like fucking basketball.
I know a fake ass.
His wife has a fake ass.
I think I've never seen one.
That shit's disgusting, bro.
It feels like it's so much bounce when you're hitting it.
Really?
Is it like firm?
It's like really hard.
It's like putting your dick in a volleyball.
Oh, no way.
Yeah, so much firmness.
Too much bounce.
Yeah, too much.
More bounce.
I didn't know what it felt like, but then you said put your dick between two volleyballs, and I've definitely done that.
Yeah.
Exactly, bro.
I get where you're coming from now.
I can relate.
I got it.
Yeah.
Any girls listening to this podcast, if you're going to get a fake ass, make sure you get the fake thighs too.
The fake.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, you can't have a giant fake ass.
Where do you stop the skinny little legs?
Fucking looking like an ant.
Like, got an anthrax.
What do they call an abdomen?
Is it an anthrax?
My wife has super thick thighs.
So, if she gets a fake.
You married too?
Yeah, I'm married too.
All y'all Tampa niggas married.
Goddamn.
He ain't married.
Of course not.
Look at him.
That motherfucker still eats ice cream at 8 o'clock in the morning.
Oh, yeah.
Maybe.
You think he's married?
What do you mean, man?
He probably has way more ice cream than me.
Ain't no girl dealing with his shit.
No, bro.
I ain't dealing with it either.
Exactly, bro.
Fuck that, nigga.
If you don't want to change your underwear for two days, I might never get married.
What's the longest you've worn underwear in consecutive days?
Definitely a couple days.
My nigga, I sense that.
You can definitely sense it on him.
Life goes fast.
If I were to go to your house, he works hard.
Sometimes you might be up for a couple days.
He plays Fortnite all weekend, 24 hours, all day Saturday, all day Sunday.
I work hard all week.
He works construction.
Oh, damn.
All week.
I'm up at 6 in the morning every day.
Ain't no one want to come home to them nuts.
No.
No.
Construction nuts?
They're not for you.
Fucking construction nuts?
Nigga, hell no.
They're tough.
Bro, I would sell drugs.
Bro, God knew what he was doing when he gave me a sense of humor.
Because, nigga, I would be a Matthew Cox up in this bitch.
Oh, yeah.
Same here.
Bro, fucking, what is it called?
Thorax.
That's the abdomen.
Did I call it anthrax?
You said anthrax.
You said anthrax.
Bitches walking around here with a thorax.
I've been drinking, y'all.
Forgive me.
I'm pretty intelligent.
I graduated college.
Sorry.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, bro.
Are we going to get chicken next door after this?
Fish.
Oh, do they have fish over there?
Pescataria.
Oh, they have a fish fry tonight, actually.
I saw.
Do they ride on Friday fish fry?
Oh, man.
No fucking way.
White people frying fish?
Oh, shit.
A little vinegar?
Vinegar?
You're white as fuck.
Hell yeah.
Hot sauce and tartar sauce.
Tartar sauce.
Nigga, you said vinegar.
Hey, do you like malt vinegar?
That's London shit.
London has the worst food in the world.
I bet.
I bet.
London.
Any of you niggas in London, you want to fight?
Pull up, bitch.
Y'all have the worst food in the world.
The world.
What kind of food did you eat in London?
Fish and chips, bro.
That's it.
Yes.
It is the worst.
That thick ass batter they put in.
Look at the teeth they got in London.
They got some bad bitches, though, bro.
Look at the teeth.
Any random London person, look at their teeth.
They're fucking yellow as shit.
They got so much tartar on their It's not that they don't even need it with their fish sticks.
They don't have fluoride in their water.
That's why.
Is that really why?
Yeah.
We have fluoride in our water, so we're spoiled.
Okay.
So you brush your teeth with fluoride.
Hmm.
Is Long John Silver's big over there?
No, but Long John Silver's is better than anything I had in London.
Captain D's.
Them hush puppies.
Bro, London.
I met so many bad bitches in London that don't shave.
I'm like, bitch, you're disgusting.
Yeah, they don't shave everything.
They don't need their legs, nothing.
No, it's like, bitch, don't you watch the Kardashians?
You got to wax this old werewolf ass pussy.
What are you doing?
There's some girls out in St. Pete like that.
Yeah, there are some girls around here that don't shave either.
They got more armpit hair than all of us combined.
Don't not hop in my DMs.
Because I'm going to cut your ass out.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, bro.
So my pussy that I had lined up for the night fell through.
What do you mean?
You had something lined up?
Yeah, a bitch supposed to drive from Orlando.
Bro, there's plenty of pussy in Tampa.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll meet some tonight.
Yeah.
Actually, Majoffers.
I'm sure you'll find something in Majoffers.
Bro, it was a girl in this restaurant we went to today.
Goddamn, her name was Mia.
Mia, if you're listening.
Mia Peepo's?
Yeah.
Tall with an ass.
Really?
Goddamn, that bitch was bad.
I think I know who you're talking about.
I could never get her to myself, though, because Tyler was like, that's the owner's daughter, probably.
Dark hair?
Was she dark hair, Tyler?
Dark hair, yeah.
Tall, bro.
Probably 5, 11, 16.
Kind of fair skin.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know Mia.
Mm hmm.
She's, yeah, I know her.
She's my sister's friend.
Really?
Yeah.
How old is she?
I think she's like 24.
Oh, yeah.
Tell her sister to hook that up.
Yeah, I'll hook it up for you.
Tell her sister to hook it up with a nigga that's.
on their way.
I'll get me a pull up of my hoppers.
No, for real, for real.
Hell yeah, for real.
You lying like a motherfucker.
I'll never come back on your podcast.
I ain't got shit for you.
You're lying, huh?
Make the call live.
Yeah, call her right now.
Text her.
I don't even have her number.
I got to text my sister.
That's what I'm saying.
Text your sister right now.
Be like, hey, you still friends with that girl, Mia?
Ask her to send her my picture.
She's going to remember me.
Ain't even texting.
He's just tapping his phone.
No, I'm texting.
I'm going to text a picture of you to my sister right now and have it forwarded to Mia.
And the crazy part is, bro, I could tell what kind of chicks she don't know.
She's one of those ones.
Did you, like, how did you, when you started talking to her, you're just like, what's your name?
What did you say?
What was your, like, pickup?
I could never talk to her because she, I don't feel like she knows she's cute because she keeps her head down too much.
She's very, very, like, what do you call those?
Like, introvert.
She don't know.
Did she work there?
Yeah.
Oh, no, no, no.
Not the same girl.
Lying ass nigga.
Not the same girl.
No, no.
She worked there.
No.
How did you miss that part?
He's been lying for the beginning.
God damn.
Oh, she worked there?
I had a house.
What do you mean, nigga?
What do you mean?
You thought I was talking about a bitch that was eating there?
Some random bitch.
Some random Mia.
I'm high on babe.
Two cups of this motherfucking tequila.
Wait a minute.
She works there?
Nah, nigga, some random bitch named Mia.
Just a one off Mia.
How many Mias could live around here?
Not many.
This is like a small town.
I don't think there's many Mias.
You underestimate the Mias.
What the fuck is that?
That might even be her real name.
That's short for.
Yeah, that's short for.
I'm sure that's not her real name.
Mama Mia.
Mama Mia.
Yeah, my friends be like, nigga, you vape an iPhone.
For real.
You can control the temperature with that.
Can you really?
So if you want to blow some stuff, you can just crank it up.
Look at that action.
Look at those circles.
Oh, look at that shit.
Those O rings.
Damn.
No wonder Philip Morris wanted you.
They just don't quit.
There they are.
That one's good.
No one will feel it more than what I am.
You said how much this costs?
This full of mine is probably like $100.
$100?
Damn, that's a lick for a fucking vapor.
This is also a geek vape.
So it's like, this vape is known to be like indestructible.
Really?
Yeah, because I've dropped this thing probably a thousand times.
I drop it daily.
How long have you had it?
Maybe like two years now.
No, So I've had geek vapes for two years, but I had this one since January.
Because when I was flying to my grade 80 funeral, I had my oldest daughter with me.
And, like, you know, I don't know if you're, well, you don't have kids.
I got a kid.
Oh, you do?
Yeah.
How old?
One year old.
Okay, so you don't know about the five-year-olds yet.
No.
So when you're dealing with a five-year-old, you're dealing with, like, a mini personality.
So, like, I left my vape in the pocket of the airplane.
Because she's asking so many questions and Yeah, yeah, yeah, I haven't experienced that that tear wait till she get three bro One is easy.
Yeah, they just walk around and make noise.
Yep, that's basically it and want to eat every fucking want to eat everything.
Yeah, I Don't see you as the type of dude who like leaves his dick in when you fucking Does he look like that type?
He does not look like that he looks like he puts it through the hole in the underwear and leaves his socks on I don't I don't typically I didn't want to leave my dick That wasn't my thing.
That was more like my wife's thing.
She made sure I did.
You look like the type of guy who will call a girl disgusting.
You know what I'm saying?
Such a fucking nasty whore.
That's the type of you.
You do not look like the type of nigga that nuts in bitches.
Like, well, I'm not calling your wife a bitch, but you don't like the type that keeps your dick in.
No, she was the first one I ever shot my load in.
Nigga, you've been missing out.
What?
She was the first one ever.
Nigga, you've been missing out.
First and last, bro.
This nigga's tripping.
Bro, what?
It's a true story.
True story.
I'm not going to be able to move you to LA, bro.
Total fuck.
Because, nigga, I will corrupt you.
Your wife ain't letting you come.
She was like, you will never be on this nigga's podcast.
He can come.
My nigga can come.
I'm coming.
Nah, bro.
I was always afraid.
I got a two pack.
Don't worry, bro.
I'm sponsored by a boxer company.
Don't worry.
All right, we're in there.
What boxer company?
Sheath.
Sheath.
They got a whole, shout out to my nigga Sheep.
They got actually a pocket in the front.
Sheep or sheath?
Sheath.
Like a sheath for your sword.
S-E-S-H-E-A-T-H boxers.
That's a great name.
They actually got a pocket in the front of the boxers for you to put your balls and dick.
Root Canal Life Balls Sisyphus00:05:10
Really?
I would show y'all, but I don't want to make y'all jealous.
I don't know.
A pocket for your balls and dick.
You have to send us something.
I don't know if I'd like that.
You see it?
So you put your dick in the hole.
Let me see it.
Let me see it.
Turn your screen.
I got them on right now, bro.
That's all I wear.
Designer waistband.
What the fuck?
I got them on right now, bro.
That's my fault.
It looks like a Versace waistband.
It looks like how sandals separate your toes.
Bro, my balls never get sweaty anymore.
Wow.
I didn't know that existed.
Look at this guy in the web banner.
This might be awesome for work.
You can do that.
I wear them when I practice Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, bro.
My balls.
Like, you know, you go home and you're fine.
I'm about to order some of those.
Is there a picture of you on here?
Wearing them, I come in, got you flexing in the Instagram community.
I ain't, bro.
You gotta do Instagram.
Use the promo code Tony Chan to get 15% off the sheet.
Tony Chan, yeah, Tony Chan.
But only use it if you recommend that he gets in them and take some pictures.
I'll show my dick off, nigga.
I ain't got no shame in my game.
Oh, does it fold it up or does it go down?
My dick goes down, bro.
I got weight for my.
It hangs.
Your dick goes up, nigga.
It goes in my body.
I don't actually need to wear it.
Like a turtle.
I'm a fucking scared turtle.
I got a belly button.
Now I understand why you.
Never mind.
Roast him for like.
You can do it.
I can handle it.
Can you roast him?
Yeah.
He's got a big nose.
And he's got one Bluetooth.
Bluetooth?
You got a fake tooth?
Really fake.
Me too, my nigga.
Right here.
Do you really?
I can't even tell though.
1,500.
1,500.
How much was yours?
My mom paid for it.
Oh, I forgot a group on to it.
Yeah, she found it.
You had to get a root canal with that tooth.
It's actually a seashell, it's a chick, it's a chicklet.
That nigga says we got a blue tooth on Super Bowl Sunday.
Super Bowl Sunday, that's when I broke my tooth, dog.
Last year, Super Bowl Sunday.
Oh, shit.
That's my last year.
I swear to God, bro.
That's when I broke my tooth.
That's biting into a chicken wing on Super Bowl Sunday.
Holy shit.
I went face first into a bench skateboarding.
My shit was last year, Super Bowl Sunday.
Okay.
I was at a Super Bowl party with no fucking tooth, bro.
Hell yeah.
Did you just ride out the rest of the party with that?
I was like, fuck it.
I'm not going home.
I got chicken wings.
What am I going to get at a dentist now?
Yeah.
With all this chicken?
I tried to, bro, but that shit was like six grand for a dentist to come from his house to do it right then.
But then, still, he would have just only removed the root and shit because it was a permanent, too.
So I got the root removed and I got a.
So, what'd you do when it happened?
I got a semi permanent and I'm going to get my permanent next year because to fix my whole mouth, I got like three teeth I need implants on.
It's like 15K.
Teeth are not cheap.
God damn.
Yeah, bro, I might go to Mexico for my shit.
Teeth are not cheap.
What were you saying?
When it happened, what did you do?
You just rode the rest of the party out?
You just.
Niggas, Casamigos, and I literally bit into that shit and I was like, damn, I chipped my tooth.
It didn't hurt?
No, it didn't hurt.
I bit into it and I was like, damn, I chipped my tooth.
Well, let me explain.
So I had a root canal from when I was a kid or when I was a teenager.
So it had like a root canal and it had a, what do you call it, cap on it.
So it was already like dead on the inside, like most of these bitches out here.
So I just bit into the fucking shit and it came out.
And I didn't even know it.
I was picturing it like painful.
You just drank some tequila.
I got a high paint on it, bro.
You said I got fucking hand tattoos, dog.
Who's out on the other hand?
A black Medusa.
Fuck yeah.
You know the story about Medusa?
Oh, yeah.
What happened?
She got the snake in her hair.
That's all I know.
Why?
I don't know.
I don't even know.
She doesn't know shit.
I didn't read the story.
I don't read.
Medusa got raped.
I can't even read.
Medusa got raped by men, and her mom gave her a head of snake hair.
She got raped by men?
Mm hmm.
How many?
A lot.
White men.
Fuck.
Like you.
Just like Medusa wasn't black was she no, but I'm making a black Medusa, okay Because you can get white from black, but you can't get black from white.
You feel me boom So and she's on black skin, so she has to be black right right So yeah, she was raped and her mom cursed her with a head of snake hair So the men look at her they turn into stone to protect her from ever being raped again.
Oh I Did not know that that's a short story That's a crazy story.
As fuck.
Greek myth.
Greek mythology.
Greek mythology.
I don't read it enough.
Do you know any other myths?
Nah.
Do you know about Sisyphus?
Sisyphus, tell me.
So Sisyphus was cursed to push a boulder up a hill.
Real Tree Tiger Go Fish Clips00:06:42
And then once he got it up the hill, it just rolled down.
And then he had to go back down and push it up continuously.
And there's this philosopher that was out in the 50s and 60s that wrote this story about how.
He compared it to the way that people work and people grind, and you find joy in whatever you're doing.
The longer you do it, and the more effort and you that you put into it, you start to identify as that.
And even though it's like a meaningless task over and over again, you can find moments of joy in it.
And rolling a board.
That's kind of like how life is, period.
You'll get up to a peak, and then you'll be like, fuck, everything's tumbling down.
And then you're like, let me start again.
If you're doing a passion project, you know what I'm saying?
Like, you film.
Yeah, and it's that moment too, like right as you get it to the top, that moment right before it rolls down, but you know it's about to roll down.
That's how my dish here was.
That's how my dish here was, dog.
I'm not even lying to you.
Like, you're gonna chase that or you're just gonna stand here?
I was projected to, like, yeah, and it's like, I'm not giving up.
Like, fuck it.
I'll start from where I gotta start from when all this shit opens back up.
I don't give a damn.
Like, you can't hide a shark in a pond.
Like, soon he's gonna surface.
It's still you.
Right, exactly, nigga.
I'm still a fucking white tiger.
A white tiger shark?
A white tiger, period.
Oh, like Tiger King?
Did you watch Tiger King?
Yeah, that's my free joke.
I put money on his books, no lie.
I put money on Joe's book.
Shout out to Joe.
Yeah, did you really?
Hell yeah.
On that green dot card, nigga.
Hell yeah.
Did you make a note of that, that he did that?
Hey, can I shout out some of my shit, too?
Yeah, hell yeah.
Shout out all your stuff.
You know what I'm saying?
Shout out to my Patreon, patreon.com backslash brothers podcast.
Make sure you follow me on Instagram, David LucasFunny.
And if you want to monetarily contribute to me, my cash app is dollar sign David LucasFunny.
You can hit me up on IG, David LucasFunny.
Kill Tony podcast, brothers in cursive podcast.
I'm on roast.
I'm on a lot of shit.
So y'all can just go to my Instagram.
You'll see that shit.
Hell yeah.
You got as much Patreon money as Tim Dillon?
Nah, not yet.
So our page, like, so my, you know how it is.
You see how many people you got in here?
So imagine you had, like, our sponsors bring in decent money.
Your sponsors?
Yeah, like Sheath Boxers.
Like, we get good money from them.
But it's like we have to split it so many ways because so many people are involved in the podcast.
So it's like six.
How many people do you have on the pod that are involved in your podcast?
Three that you see, and then like three that you don't see.
Isn't the guy that you work with the same guy who started Joey Rogan's podcast?
Yep.
Yep.
So it's like you see as many people on screen as you don't because there's a lot.
I don't do none of that shit, bro.
Yeah.
Posting.
Yeah.
You know, editing clips.
Like, yeah.
So it's like there's six hands in the pot.
So you're like, you know, if.
We're making five grand a month.
That's split six ways.
So it's like, you know, plus the assistant.
That's $800 a month.
Yeah.
It's like, if I just had, you know, two people, we can make a nice living off of that.
You know what I mean?
So it's like, you know, everything entertainment, you like, because most of the time, talent doesn't know how to do anything except for be talent.
And that's what I'm trying to get better at.
I'm like, when I saw him doing the shit, I'm like, hey, how you do that, bro?
I want to learn that shit.
Yeah.
So I don't have to pay this person to keep doing that shit.
I can learn how to do it myself.
Right.
But it's like pretty soon you'll get too busy to where you can't do it and you're like, whatever.
Give him $1,200 a month.
How come that guy Brian stopped working on Joe Rogan's podcast?
I don't even honestly know, bro.
He still oh, he's got the new guy.
That's why.
Jamie.
He still does something on Joe's podcast.
And like he like he still makes appearances on it.
Yeah.
But he used to be like the behind the scenes guy.
Yeah.
I don't really know the intimate details of why he's not like hands-on.
As much as he was when they first started, but I mean, he's pretty invested in our podcast, yeah.
You know, that's just funny.
Well, cool, man.
You guys ready to go to some fish or what?
Let's go to this fish fry, yeah.
Let's do it.
I hope they got some group.
Oh, timeout.
I don't know.
Never mind.
I'll find someone like you.
You could sing over there.
I wish nothing but the timeout's the place for it.
I'll be doing karaoke.
I like country music.
What was the other song I was saying earlier?
Um.
Oh, yeah, baby, lock the door and turn the lights down low.
Put some music on that soft and slow, baby.
We ain't got no place to go.
I hope you understand.
Yeah, I like catching music.
Hell yeah, we got a jukebox over there.
We'll get some jamming.
I love because, like, people don't see me and they don't understand.
Like, this nigga was raised a redneck, so when I go saying, like, you know, friends in low places.
They'd be like, damn, this nigga know that song.
Like, what the fuck?
Would you call yourself, would you classify yourself as country?
I'm a country boy.
Like, I don't deny that.
Like, bro, I like four willing.
I like getting dirty.
I own Georgia boots.
Like, I love camouflage.
Like, so yeah.
Hell yeah.
You got this Camo Supreme right there.
The real tree.
I like that.
The real tree, nigga.
And I got Carhartt real tree.
Ooh.
I fuck with the real tree.
Hell yeah.
Real tree is.
Yeah.
Just in case y'all didn't see the real tree.
Oh, they can't see it.
Yeah, here it is.
They can see it, man.
It's just floating.
Hell yeah.
This guy.
This guy is crazy.
But yeah, man.
Y'all fuck with me, dog.
I enjoy doing this podcast.
What have you been saying?
Thanks for coming.
Yeah, they say George Bush 2020.
Let's go.
I don't know what that has to do with anything, but a lot of Republicans, a lot of hardcore Trump supporters aren't.
Yeah, there's a lot of people at our conference.
So they probably fuck with me about Trump.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A lot of huge Trump supporters.
So they want me to talk about him a little more.
Yeah, they love Trump.
Clips of me talking about Trump will probably go viral.