Charlie and Erika Kirk on Marriage, Parenthood, and More
No political questions allowed! Charlie and Erika share the stage at YWLS to talk exclusively about dating, marriage, children, and a lot more. The two of them answer questions like: -How do you prioritize a marriage while sharing the obligation of raising kids? -What questions should be getting asked when you're in premarital counseling? -How can men handle women's nature, and vice versa? -What's one of Charlie's favorite romantic gestures? Watch every episode ad-free on members.charliekirk.com! Get new merch at charliekirkstore.com!Support the show: http://www.charliekirk.com/supportSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
My conversation with my wife, Erica, at the Young Women's Leadership Summit.
It was a phenomenal conversation that I think you'll really enjoy about dating and marriage and so much more.
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Buckle up, everybody.
Here we go.
Charlie, what you've done is incredible here.
Maybe Charlie Kirk is on the college campus.
I want you to know we are lucky to have Charlie Kirk.
Charlie Kirk's running the White House, folks.
I want to thank Charlie.
He's an incredible guy.
His spirit, his love of this country.
He's done an amazing job building one of the most powerful youth organizations ever created, Turning Point USA.
We will not embrace the ideas that have destroyed countries, destroyed lives, and we are going to fight for freedom on campuses across the country.
That's why we are here.
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Thank you, everybody.
How great is Erica, by the way?
That's not easy to do.
I'll tell you what.
It's amazing.
She's an incredible mom and working on Bible and 365 and Proclaim Streetwear.
And then she gives an amazing address like that.
And so many friends here.
You know, this is our 10th annual Young Women's Leadership Summit.
We've been doing this for 10 years.
Real women only, because there's only such thing as real women.
I want to say a special thank you to our friend here, Karen Dudleston from the Duddleston Foundation.
They've been so generously supporting us for years.
So thank you.
Without you, none of this would be possible.
And so we're just going to chat for a second here, and then we wanted to open it up for questions from you, which is the most fun.
But no political question.
I'll be here back.
I'll be back here tomorrow.
We can do that if you want to talk about all that fun stuff.
Literally just want questions for both of us about relationships and raising kids and getting married and all that stuff that you might have questions about.
That's what we want to focus this Q ⁇ A on.
So, Erica, great job again.
Thank you.
I love you.
I love you too, baby.
And so, a lot of these young ladies have competing pressures right now.
Some might even have parents that are like, hey, you got to get a job.
You got to build your career.
You got to build money.
Marriage can come later.
Marriage can come later.
However, some ladies might be getting different advice from this conference or from even inside.
They say, boy, I might want to get married sooner rather than later.
How do they balance that in a godly and biblical way?
That's hard because usually those voices are coming from your parents.
I mean, they were for me.
And so it's hard because you're in that in-between of honoring your parents, but also knowing that there's a conviction in your heart to have a family.
If you want, you can literally write down what your career, what you want that to look like on a piece of paper.
Put it in an envelope.
Go pursue.
If you find the right guy, that's 90% of the problem is finding the right person first, then building your life.
And once you do find the right person and your family loves them, your parents are gonna be way more understanding it into the fact of you having a family.
I think that's 90% of the You have to choose.
Who here would choose amazing career?
Raise your hand.
That's fine if you do.
Please.
Like, seriously, please raise your hand.
There's a couple hands.
Amazing family.
All the other hands, got it.
Okay.
So for everyone that rose the hand of amazing family, how many of you every single day, it's your purpose for being is finding a husband then?
Every hand should then go up.
But I thought you said you want an amazing family.
You have to prioritize and aim at what you want the most.
I might be the only speaker that says this in these next couple of days.
You just have to make sure that you find the right I know, but you can't be like a heat-seeking missile where you're like, you see a guy in the back room and you're like, hi.
Like, you can't, there's like some nuance.
I get what you're saying.
I understand his sentiment.
If you're not married by the age of 30, you only have a 50% chance of getting married.
And if you don't have kids by the age of 30, you have a 50% chance of not having kids.
You should know that.
And I'm not telling you anything that is that provocative.
It's just the data, right?
Having children are gift from the Lord.
And unfortunately, our culture de-emphasizes it.
And again, you get what you aim at.
You get what you prioritize.
And so yeah, I just, it's interesting because every hand except a couple.
And that's what, I'm not even saying which answer is right or wrong.
It's just if that matters more for you, then everything you do on a daily basis should point towards that.
To add on to that, for the women who are getting married after 30, that's okay.
I'm trying to bridge the gap here because it is okay.
It's not ideal.
It's not probably the best statistical odd position for you, but it's, but God is good.
There's nothing wrong with it, right?
It's just, I find.
No, it's good.
This is good.
If you just want happy talk, then that's fine.
It's good.
God is good.
You'll find your human.
I found mine.
So how do you tell young ladies to navigate the pressures of hookup culture on a college campus where they feel pressured that if they don't get into, let's just say, sexual situations with a male counterpart, then they will not be able to find a boyfriend Or a husband.
He's not meant to be with you.
Like, he needs to honor your purity.
Save it for your husband.
That's simple.
Save it for your husband.
Talk more about how they should go about doing that because the pressures are so enormous from free contraceptives to the podcasts they listen to.
How many of you feel as if it's very difficult to maintain your purity on a college campus?
Raise your hand.
Okay, actually, it's less than I thought.
So it's easy.
Good.
No, I guess it's fine.
How many people would you, what percentage of young ladies by the time they graduate college do you think still are virgins?
Less than 25%?
So it's not that easy.
Okay, that's interesting.
No, I just think, I'm just trying to process it because I don't think the church talks enough about purity.
I think it's incredibly important, and we should tell young men and young ladies to save themselves from marriage.
It's a beautiful thing.
Right.
No, I agree.
Because a lot of people will say, well, how do I know that I'm compatible with that person unless I test drive the car before I buy it?
That's not a real thing.
Don't listen to that lie.
Because when you make that covenant with the Lord on that altar, don't let that fire burn out from the altar.
That love is so special and so powerful.
You will have natural chemistry within that marriage.
It's not like you're marrying a robot.
You married your soulmate.
You married the person who God made for you.
You're going to be compatible.
You should know that.
So then the question that a lot of young ladies have, but how do you know?
How do you know this person is right?
And second question, if these young ladies have a liberal boyfriend, should they dump him?
I'm 100%.
How many of you have a liberal boyfriend?
You have a liberal boyfriend?
Don't boo her.
Pray for her.
I'm just going to tell you you can't change him.
You can't change.
No.
You're great.
But so how does a young lady know, and is it ever too early to get married?
If they're 22 and they feel as if they found the right guy, is that too early?
Well, if you're, either way, whether you're younger, whatever age you are, I think going through, I know it has a stigma, but premarital is amazing.
You get to learn so much about the person you're with, and I have seen it prevent marriages that should not be happening because they are so young and naive with things and they're so lustful because they haven't gone down the road of having, you know, they're saving themselves, so they're just like salivating.
Go to premarital.
You'll learn a lot.
When you know he's the one, here's an example.
When Charlie sat across from me and he said, I want to date you, you want to be with someone who has every intention to not mess with your heart.
You're going to know.
I know it sounds cliche, but you will know.
He's not going to treat you like an option.
What advice would you give to young ladies where they are much more motivated than their boyfriend?
How many of you have this problem?
Raise your hand.
Ooh, that's tough.
I think it's a big problem.
Now, I think that you should both be motivated, but if the woman is much more motivated than the man, would you agree that ends up causing structural issues?
Right, because the man then ends up leaving his pants on the ground and the woman has to put them on.
And so then she becomes the breadwinner because then the husband's just chill and is like, I'm fine with not going any further than the level that I'm at, while the woman is aspiring to be more and more and more.
So then you become uneven and unequally yoked in your relationship or marriage.
And that's just a recipe for that.
It becomes disordered.
And there wasn't a ton of hands, but there were enough where it's a noticeable issue.
And I find it from the young male perspective that there's a whole longer speech I could give about the problems with male masculinity.
How many of you think that the current dating pool of young men is not great?
Raise your hand.
Okay?
So, no, no, this is very important.
Every hand went up.
This is very important.
What if I told you if every hand of young men think that the dating pool of young women is not great?
So who's right?
Oh, you guys are right.
Okay.
Okay.
I encourage you all to have a little more humility about that.
What is one thing young women can do better to make themselves more appealing to men who say that the current dating pool of young women is lackluster?
Do I ask good questions?
Yes.
I do this for a little bit.
That's why he has such a good podcast and radio show, The Charlie Kirk Show.
Are you guys liking these questions?
You know, this might be so simple, but people pick up on the way you speak.
I'm not talking about, you know, if you sound smart or whatever.
I'm saying they will pick up if you curse.
They will pick up if you're speaking life over someone.
Men hate when women are gossiping.
Literally, the fire behind your lips is so powerful.
And if you can find a way to harness your tongue in a way that's biblical and you dress appropriately, you don't have everything hanging out, you will attract a different type of guy.
Now, if you're going to the club or wherever you're going and you're trying to appease a guy that is...
Are you going to bring him to your grandparents?
Like, really just be the type of woman, the godly woman that God needs you to be to attract the man that He made for you.
That's what you need to be.
Thank you.
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Young men have serious problems.
We're working on fixing that, right?
And it's easy to laugh, but you need young men.
You do.
And understand that young men are in a far sicker position right now than young ladies are.
They're committing suicide more.
They're checking out a society.
They are on more anti-there's a lot of issues.
And it's easy to kind of make fun of young men, but a society needs strong men, and we need husbands, and we need fathers.
And everyone in this room should be part of that project of making men strong again.
Everyone.
And so let me first say what young men need to embrace.
How many of you would agree that self-control is an attractive quality that's hard to find in men?
Man, every hand goes up.
Right.
I totally, I say this to young men all the time, that a young lady cares more that if you can control your impulses and control your desires, because that is a signal of what?
Maturity.
Not of infancy.
Self-control is a signal of maturity.
And a young lady, whether she can articulate it or not, when she sees maturity in a man, she knows that when there's chaos, that man will be able to navigate the family, the relationship through that kind of environment.
Young ladies need to be willing to submit to a godly man when you meet one.
And if you're not willing to do that, then you got to pray about that.
Because a lot of young men in the dating pool say, I don't want to be bossed around all the time.
I'm just telling you what I hear from men all the time.
The hyper-toxic feminism is very, very off-putting to young men.
And I know this is contrary to what a lot of people here on college campuses.
You know, you have to assert your dominance.
You have to kind of call your shot.
That's fine.
However, an attitude in the dating pool is that it can be very off-putting to young men that are already put down so much in our society.
They're called toxically masculine.
They're called, you know, who needs men, the patriarchy.
And so then they just largely disengage.
Or they do even a worse thing, which is they get involved like, I'm just going to sleep with a bunch of women, but I'm not going to marry them, right?
The problem is on both sides, in my personal opinion.
And again, I think that Erica hit it perfectly.
Last thing I'll say, and then we'll do some questions, is men want what they cannot have.
Men will do anything to solve the problem of scarcity.
Anything.
And if men can get you quite easily, that is not an attractive quality to be able to have a man go on a journey with you.
I'm just being very, very honest with you.
And there is one thing that men want more than anything else, and it's not Bitcoin.
You know what it is.
And as women have not been saving themselves for marriage, and men too, in the last 30 or 40 years, we've seen marriage rates collapse.
There is a one-to-one correlation on those two things.
And so all that to say that young lady, everybody in this room, you have more power than I think you could ever imagine.
If everybody in this room collectively said that we are only going to save ourselves for our future husbands, men will grow up in a way that you would never imagine.
Like you can't believe.
Because all of a sudden they'd be like, well, because you understand hookup culture has given men everything they've always wanted.
They don't have to work for sex.
They don't have to grow up.
They don't have to do anything.
And then women will just throw themselves at them and they could stay as grown infants for the rest of their life.
And unfortunately, it does a lot of damage to young ladies, a lot.
It does a lot of psychological damage and a lot of spiritual damage.
So if everyone here basically said, nope, we're going to combine our power and be pure and trust in Jesus and in God for our future husband, you would be shocked at how much the dating pool improves.
Okay, I want to tell you about one thing and then we'll do a question line.
We have a special, who would love to meet Erica Riley-Gaines and get a picture with me?
I'm sure that would be a lot of fun, right?
All right, so we have a special giveaway.
If you guys follow the QR codes on our screen, subscribe to the podcast and then email at freedom at charliekirk.com.
We will pick 10 winners, but you have to follow that QR code in the next couple minutes.
So follow that QR code, subscribe, and email us proof of subscription, freedom at charliekirk.com.
You know what's awesome?
Women are much better rule followers than men.
So I know that all of you are going to get that right.
No, it's true.
Men, if you guys, one of the most important things that I can leave you with before we go to questions, if you want to find your future soulmate, you must desire to humbly know male nature.
How many people here think you know male nature?
Anybody?
Only if you are married, can you raise your hand?
Okay?
Male nature is easy to make fun of, but a lot deeper than you realize.
Raise your hand.
Do you think that men are better at Raise your hand if you think that men are better at micro tasks than women.
Details.
Anybody?
Okay, a couple hands.
Raise your hand if you think that men are better at macro tasks than women.
Raise your hand.
Okay, you're right.
It's not even close.
Okay, Macro.
If two people are talking on a college campus, and I told you they were talking about sports, they were talking about the stock market or politics, is it more likely to be a man, two men or two women?
Two men.
If I tell you that two people on a college campus are talking about their relationships, the conversations they had earlier in the day, and what fellow classmates were wearing, is it two men or two women?
Micro versus macro.
You must understand that a man might forget to shower for three days because he's too worried that we're going to go to a nuclear war with Iran.
Men are obsessed with the macro and they often forget the micro.
This is why corporations want to hire you so badly.
Understand this, because you are incredibly good at micro tasks.
That is why young women have been so well paid in the corporate environment, because when it comes to getting details done, women are much better than men.
Know male nature, and you'll be in a much better chance to find your future husband.
Okay, we'll start right there.
Is that okay?
Hi, what's your name?
My name is Carissa.
Charlie and Erica, thank you for saying yes and being obedient to what God has for you.
And it's really shaped my life and everyone else here.
I would love to know your thoughts on Sabbath and how practically your family practices this and applies it.
I will let him talk.
But as the wife, I will say I have seen it transform.
I already, I love my husband and he's amazing and an intentional father and husband.
But him honoring the Sabbath, I have seen it transform him in a way that is so powerful that when he turns his phone off and it goes in that drawer and I know that it's, you know, he's all on for the family.
There is no distractions and he finally gets to reset his brain.
He finally gets to breathe.
And as a wife, there is nothing more precious than my husband's sanity when it comes to the echo chamber and everything that he's dealing with in his world.
So I have seen it change him and impact our family in one of the most beautiful ways.
But I want him to share.
And we're very serious Sabbath keepers.
This would be an exception because we're here with all of you, but we'll do it on Sunday.
We actually take the traditional Jewish Sabbath.
If you don't want to do that, I'm not here to debate you on it.
It's fine.
If you want to do it privately, I'll beat you, but that's a whole separate issue.
But it's fine.
It actually doesn't matter that much.
What does matter is I think that to our own detriment and to our own failure, we as Christians have decided to cast away resting on one of the seven days.
God rested after creation.
That comes before the Hebrews.
It comes even before the creation of the modern world and civilization as we know it.
And so we honor the Sabbath.
We are very serious about it.
We get to spend more time with our family.
We do no news.
We do no work.
And it says very clearly in the scriptures, for six days you shall work and the seventh day you shall rest.
If you are feeling overrun by society, you might be feeling depressed or anxious, here's just one way that you might be able to improve.
Turn your phone off for one day.
No contact, no social media, no work.
Your mental health will improve dramatically.
You can hang out with friends.
You can go for a walk, but don't work for one day.
That is a day for worship.
That is a day for the Lord.
That is a day to go be with God.
That is a day to read your Bible and be out of the busyness and the hurriedness and the anger and the noise of this world.
Go back to God's natural rhythm, and it's made our family much tighter knit.
And I could be traveling for five or six days, but if I at least get one good Sabbath with my family, it charges all back up.
So God bless you.
Thank you so much.
And Shabbat Shalom tonight.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hi, Charlie and Erica.
My name's Savannah.
This is Lila Esther, and we have another one on the way in January.
So I did find my godly man, and we are making more babies.
My question for you is, we want to have a lot of kids, and I'm wondering what your best advice is for young couples with small children on how to prioritize and nurture their marriage amidst the busy day-to-day life of kids.
That's a very good question because your marriage came first.
And your husband is very important because your kids, you're raising them to fly.
You're raising them to leave the nest.
They'll always come back.
And once they do, I think that's why people get empty nest syndrome because they look at their husband in an empty living room and they're like, who are you?
I have to relearn you.
You want to grow with your husband.
That is going to be very acrobatic at times, even if that means locking yourself in a closet with your husband for just an hour to say, can I breathe with you?
Can I just, five minutes, can I just have a second to look at you?
Something that Charlie does that's really sweet that I love is that sometimes, especially when he's traveling, we don't obviously, we figure out the dynamic of at least having a date night at least once a month, at least.
But there'll be moments where he's literally about to rush out the door and I won't see him for several days.
Kids are wreaking havoc in the kitchen, pulling things out all over, and he just grabs me and he's like, one minute.
And we just literally stare at each other for a minute and say, like, I love you, whatever you need to say.
But you just, we have that one minute together to reset our hearts.
And honestly, that is something that we, that helps recharge the bucket until you get that date night.
So just being really intentional about little moments that will build into a greater, greater good for the relationship.
But I know you love that.
I agree with all that.
Just prioritize, obviously, your marriage actually comes before your kids.
I know that's a provocative thing to say, but it's true.
Your relationship with your kids is important, but it's not covenantal.
Right.
Your marriage is a covenant.
Your relationship with your kids is an outgrowth of a covenant.
They're under your stewardship.
But covenantal relationships are ones that we saw with Abraham and David and Israel and, of course, Jesus.
That idea of marriage being a covenant is a big, big deal.
In fact, only marriage in the Bible is compared to Christ's relationship with the church.
So always prioritize your marriage.
Thank you.
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Hi, my name is Lindsay Cameron.
I'm 18 years old and I was homeschooled and I just graduated high school.
And with graduating high school comes the question of, so what are you going to do?
And to be honest, my career, like, I want to be a mom and I want to have kids and I want to homeschool them and I want to stay at home with them.
And that's just not a really acceptable answer.
And I'm struggling to really know what I want to do in the meantime while I'm waiting to get married and have kids because I'm not dating and I don't see anybody that I really want to date.
And so I'm just, I'm in, and I have a lot of friends who are in this same position too of being in this weird waiting period where I don't want to go to college and I don't want to commit to a career that I know that I'm going to abandon once I have kids.
So I was just wondering if y'all had any advice for that and if you had any advice with dealing with criticism because I'm having some from an extended family.
What I know we talk about don't follow your don't follow your heart and all that.
Don't follow your heart.
It's a bad idea.
Do not do that.
You laugh, but the Bible is very clear.
The heart is wicked.
Do not follow your heart.
But your talents, right?
Yes, that's correct.
Yeah.
I mean, so look, what are you good at?
What are you talented at?
I love people.
I love talking to people all the time.
And honestly, Turning Point USA, like Alex Clark has really shaped my life.
I got really into culture apothecary and it's kind of changed my life.
And I mean, I would love to get involved in health and wellness, but I feel like there's not a really clear path for a career in that.
I feel like most people just kind of happen to fall into it because of life circumstances.
And I don't really know where to start for that.
Yeah, you'd be surprised.
I mean, like, so I could give you a million ideas, but the first thing is you're already thinking about this correctly, which is your aim, you got your aim, right?
Which is important.
And by the way, if your aim is career, I'm not saying that's bad.
At least you are clear.
Don't confuse yourself of your aim.
We are aiming creatures.
We need something to point at.
I mean, look, there's a million things you could do.
You could work at a mobile IV clinic, right, as an administrator.
Like, there's a lot of stuff you could do in that kind of Maha space.
Are you from Texas, I'm guessing?
Yeah.
I'm from here.
Okay, yeah, great.
And Dallas actually has a huge infrastructure of like new Maha small businesses.
You could work at those kind of around that kind of genre and that outreach.
I will say, though, that don't, if you find your future husband and he is godly and it passes premarital counseling, which Erica's exactly right, do not appease extended family.
You only really have one thing to worry about, which is the fear of the Lord, right?
Now, let me just, can we riff on premarital counseling for a second?
It's very, very important, and it shouldn't get a bad taboo.
If you are, anybody currently engaged right now, I'm sure there's some.
Okay, awesome.
Praise the Lord.
It's amazing.
Aren't you from Canada or something?
Yeah, I remember you.
You found a husband?
We'll talk in a second.
We'll talk in a second.
I remember you.
That's great.
I hope you did not find your partner here at YWS.
I hope you, I'm kidding.
So, no, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
So, at SAS, right?
So, premarital counseling.
Who's going to control the finances?
Who's going to wake up in the middle of the night if the kid has an issue?
Are you going to have kids?
How many kids?
Are you going to raise the kids Protestant or Catholic?
Are you going to read the Bible?
Here's a good question in premarital counseling that most won't ask.
And this will save you a lot of problems.
Are you a open or closed house?
Who here grew up in an open house where all the kids would come by in the neighborhood?
You know what I'm talking about, right?
How many of you was raised in a closed house Has anyone ever told you when you look in a spouse to ask that question, were you raised in an open or closed house?
It's incredibly important.
Because all of a sudden, if you marry an open house person, this was not an issue for us, thankfully, at all.
But I've seen it destroy marriages, and they've recovered, some not.
An open house person marries a closed house person, they get married, they're inviting all their friends over all the time.
Barbecue, open up, and the closed house person is like, this is crazy.
I wasn't raised like this.
And none of that gets filtered in the engagement.
That's one of like a hundred questions.
That would be a good book we could write.
A hundred questions you should ask before you get married, right?
That would be a good book, right?
Go ahead.
No, no, no.
I was just saying the home is sacred.
I could go on, but that's like, you just have to, what premarital counseling should do, which it does a bad job of in most churches, is you must really know the nature of your spouse.
Introvert, extrovert.
What is their love language?
Right?
Do they need time alone?
Do they get filled up when you spend time with them?
Or when they come home and they're beat down, do they need time alone?
Here's a good one that almost no pastor will ever tell you.
What is a vice that your spouse struggles with?
And what is an acceptable vice and an unacceptable vice?
So for example, an acceptable vice might be that you'll allow alcohol.
We don't drink.
So for us, I'm not saying you have to do that, but for us, that's what works.
So it's not even a question.
Some men like cigars.
I think they smell like dead raccoons, but that's fine.
Are you willing to smell a cigar?
Have you ever smelled a cigar?
Will your house be able to withstand cigar smoke inside?
You're laughing.
This is the stuff that breaks apart marriages.
This is the stuff that creates isolation and must be flushed out in the engagement period, not in the honeymoon period or two years in.
And so other vices, which is like, you know, we're not going to watch R-rated movies or we're not going to swear.
You'd be amazed at how many marriages all of a sudden, you know, the husband's just dropping F-bombs.
She's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Like, we don't do that around here.
You see, who's going to cook, right?
What does it mean to take time off?
Here's another one.
What type of vacations are you guys going to take?
This is very important.
You have to write that right.
What?
I should write the book, yeah, right.
No, but think about it.
Because Erica grew up in a camping family, right?
Yes.
How many of you guys are camping families?
Yes?
Yeah.
How many of you guys think camping is like for Neanderthals?
Raise your hand.
I'm an Eagle Scout.
If it's a necessity for survival, I'll go camping, okay?
His camping's like the four seasons.
Yeah, exactly.
Okay?
No, I have no shame in that, okay?
I have a busy life.
I get like three days off a year.
I'm not going to like hang my food by a tree for the three days off I have a year, okay?
That dog's not going to hunt.
For other families, they think it's like invigorating and exhilarating, right?
To like run from the wolves at night or something.
I don't know.
Or like, hey, we're going to go do a road trip.
Road trip, really?
In an RV?
Oh, sounds interesting.
That's like Charlie's worst nightmare to be stuck in a moving vehicle for multiple hours.
I had to go into a trailer that's an RV and they said, isn't this nice?
I said, yeah, I would rather go to Alcatraz than be stuck in this thing.
We went on a cruise once, and that was the last time we'd ever go on a cruise.
Oh, it's terrible.
Which, I mean, I agree.
This is important because you might think you know your spouse, and all of a sudden you book like a seven-day cruise in the Caribbean, and it's non-refundable.
And he has the headband.
I didn't do this, by the way.
I just tried, but Charlie had the headband.
He had every drama mean drops.
I get totally seasick.
It's terrible.
You have to know the nature, right?
And unfortunately, we say we want to get married early, but that does not mean you should get married in a rushed way.
Right.
So two different things.
Early and rushing are not synonyms.
Thank you.
I hope that was somewhat helpful that we took a lot of detours there.
Oh, do you want to hold it?
Okay.
Hey, so you're getting married.
Yes.
Amazing.
So speaking of which, I have a wedding planning question.
I know that this sounds a bit weird.
So essentially, I am facing visa delays.
How do I deal with the disappointment and the feeling of sadness of having to plan for a peak winter wedding in the state of Wisconsin?
Wait, so okay, is it a visa question or is it?
It's so basically because of the visa delays, which is beyond anyone's, beyond pretty much anyone's control, how do I plan for, okay, I am going to have a wedding in the peak winter when there's snow outside, when it's really, really cold, like, and I'm feeling disappointed and sad about it.
You shouldn't.
The winter is actually really beautiful.
There's something really, I know it's cold.
You can figure out the outfit.
You can wear a really beautiful shawl over yourself.
There's way more options for winter attire than the typical, think of it this way, your wedding's going to be amazing because you're not having to have the florals and the things.
You'll save a bunch of money.
You'll save a ton of money.
Wisconsin and winter season.
You'll look amazing.
Yes, you'll get a killer deal.
But there's something special about the winter season.
There really is.
And because what comes after winter, spring, metaphorically, you are springing into a new season of life.
You are springing into a beautiful marriage.
Embrace the snow.
Embrace the beauty of it.
It might not be ideally what you want.
And that's okay because God's challenging you to release that.
The wedding day is a wedding day.
It's really not for you.
It's for your family.
It's important on the altar.
That is for you.
But I'm talking about the party.
It's really not for you.
It's to entertain everyone else.
So just hold true to the fact that what matters the most, regardless of the season, is the man and the woman standing at the altar and that covenant you're making.
It could be raining.
It could be snowing.
It could be 100 and some degrees like our wedding.
That didn't stop us.
What's so important is that marriage and that, because when you guys get married, that's your family.
Your husband's your family.
Everyone else's relatives, that's your husband.
Congratulations, and I want to use you as an example.
What's your name again?
Vicki.
And that was last year when you gave the question two years ago.
So that was in 2024.
So that was last year.
So Vicki came up last year and said, how do I meet a husband?
And she made it her priority.
And a year later, she's engaged.
How awesome.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Next question.
Yes.
Hi, Erica and Charlie.
I'm Alyssa.
And my question is, I'm 20 and I'm single and I want to get married young.
However, every, almost every woman in my life is telling me that I'm not missing out on anything.
Do you have any response to that?
The women that are married?
Yes.
Oh, that's so sad.
That's so sad.
That's really sad.
I mean, as far as like having kids or the relationship or?
Because when I tell people, like my parents are really supportive about it, but when I tell other people, like in church or outside of church, I want to get married young, they look down on me like, why?
They tell me to, you know, get go to college and get a career.
So like, what is like a good response to that?
And like, what should I be doing?
Because I don't feel like I'm missing out, but I'm not sure like what I should be doing.
What church do you go to?
I must have missed it in Matthew, which is go forth and become a CEO of a shoe company.
Be fruitful and multiply.
I mean, first of all, you are hitting a very fundamental and precious point.
I've said for a long time, we as Christians have done a crappy job of glorifying and celebrating marriage.
In fact, when we first got married, I heard almost more negatives than positives.
Like, oh, you're going to have your handcuffs.
Or, oh, marriage is the most awesome thing ever, everybody.
It's amazing.
And I think it's because they didn't have good examples to look towards themselves.
So they either settled or they're not happy because either something in their life they didn't settle and get fixed prior to getting married.
They're unequally yoked.
It's sad, but honestly, I feel like, like I talked about, that's a form of spiritual warfare.
Like the enemies will use anybody to keep you from where God needs you to be.
So smile and wave.
Just be like, I'm so sorry that happened to you.
It's not going to happen to me.
And you just, you say, I'll be praying for you.
I mean, marriage is beautiful.
Don't let that deter you.
It's another thing too.
Like, motherhood's the same thing.
There are so many Christian moms who will get on social media and they'll say, I'm so tired.
I need wine.
My child's driving me nuts.
Like, no.
No.
Motherhood is beautiful.
It's exhausting, but it's beautiful.
And it's not going to be those sleepless nights.
Yeah, one day your kid's probably not going to come home until midnight.
So the sleepless nights gets like a little bit construed, but you will sleep again.
You will have, you know, your time again.
But I feel so bad for the women not being able to have people to look towards for marriage and motherhood because they just are complaining about it mostly, which is sad.
If you want to make sense of the change and the chaos happening around us, you're going to need God's help.
That's why Alan Jackson Ministries, a friend of mine, created the Culture and Christianity Podcast, the Culture and Christianity Conference, and their weeknight news show, Alan Jackson Now.
Millions of people also listen to Pastor Alan Jackson's powerful sermons each week.
I do, on radio, television, satellite, and online.
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And Alan Jackson Ministries feels a sense of urgency to deliver God's truth and a biblical perspective to anyone who will listen.
We can't afford to be complacent.
Their mission is to help people become more fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ, which is the most important thing, giving your life to the Lord, including here on the Charlie Kirk Show.
Go to alanjackson.com slash Charlie.
That is alanjackson.com slash Charlie to find recent podcasts, shows, and sermons.
Be informed, find encouragement, hear the truth delivered in a way that just makes sense.
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AlanJackson.com slash Charlie.
This is our time to make a difference.
Check it out right now.
Really, I have to do this before I forget.
Who here knows nobody in the room?
Raise your hand.
Anybody?
Oh, that's cool.
All right.
For those of you that know, keep your hands up.
Keep your hands up.
I like that.
Everybody around the people raising your hands.
Now you have to introduce yourself, and then we fix that problem.
No, seriously, go do that right now and say where you're from.
That's sweet.
That's sweet.
And now you have friends.
You're welcome.
That's what the Young Women's Leadership Summit is all about.
How great is that?
Next question.
Hi, Mr. and Mr. Kirk.
My name is Naveh.
I'm 18 years old, and I was homeschooled my whole life and just graduated last year.
Thank you.
So right now I'm in that period of my life where I'm trying to establish myself.
So I've been working for myself online as a YouTuber and a podcaster from the time I was 15.
I'm actually trying to work for you right now.
So that's what I've been focusing on.
But I do have a really strong desire as a Christian to eventually get married and have children.
And I want to homeschool my kids as well eventually.
So I'm wondering what your advice is for balancing those two desires and what to prioritize at what stage of your life since women can't have it all.
Women can't.
They can have it all, but it's not simultaneously, like different seasons.
Your career, again, like I said, is not going anywhere.
So what you're establishing now on YouTube and your platform and all that stuff, it's not going anywhere.
What I will recommend, though, is when you do have children, do not use your children as pawns for a discount code.
Do not use your child for a free stroller for some influencer thing.
Your children are sacred.
Protect them.
That is your role as a mother.
Your platform was given to you by God, so steward it well and steward properly.
But it's not going to go anywhere.
What you're building now is not going to get destroyed.
I think that's what a lot of people get misconstrued as thinking like, okay, what I'm building now is going to be worthless once I have a family.
No, God will redirect it.
He'll turn it into whatever it needs to turn into.
Pray on it because it's not always super clear, but it will come to you.
And I think that, yes, every season is going to come and have its own time and turn, but if this is what you're focusing on right now, like that's what you're focusing on.
I mean, I don't.
I think you're in a great spot, honestly.
And Erica answered it beautifully.
So again, you have to always prioritize what matters most.
And with that, the Lord will open up the right doors.
Thank you.
All right, let's see how quick this one is.
This might be the last question.
Yes.
Okay.
Hi, guys.
My name's Lily.
So One thing is a piece of advice I'd love.
The other is a question, whichever one you guys have time for.
So first of all, with gentle parenting, and then you have like abusive homes, what is the balance of biblical discipline and love?
And also, I would love advice for if you have a godly guy in your life, you guys agree on a lot of things spiritually and politically, but you still feel like there's a little bit more maturity that needs to go, how do you wait on the Lord and how do you go about that?
I'll take the second one.
I'll take the first one too, but I want to hear, I mean, it's powerful to hear from a father.
The most important thing as a parent is that you must instill self-control, not self-esteem, for your kid.
Whatever it takes, you must have them understand the power of restraint, which is a fruit of the spirit.
Remember, self-control is a fruit of the spirit.
It's much easier said than done, right?
I could tell you more about what not to do and what we're not doing than what we're doing, because we're still figuring it out, but we know what not to do.
It is a civilizational tragedy when Eric and I go out with our two kids to eat, and we go look at another family, and everyone has their eyes on a screen.
It's so sad.
I just, it is so beyond.
And I don't want to sound judgmental.
Maybe they had like a long day at work or something.
I really find no excuse whatsoever because these kids put on these headphones and they just escape reality staring at these screens all day long.
And it's really, really bad, everybody.
And it's totally unnecessary.
We have a very hyperactive two-year-old.
You have to just have them color something.
Have them.
I bring an arsenal of a backpack.
I have Play-Doh.
I have paints.
I have anything you can imagine.
Totally.
You just load up that bag, and that's, but you're teaching them.
You make it fun.
Here's your fancy napkin.
You get to order.
Like, this is really special.
If they have to get up and go outside and run around, so be it.
But you're teaching them how to interact with adults.
You're teaching them how to be patient.
If you're putting a screen in front of them, you're teaching them a way to escape.
The data shows this, but we anecdotally can confirm this.
Even like five minutes of screen time, they get brattier.
They get more unruly.
They just kind of get disconnected from where they are.
We could see a total behavioral difference with our daughter as soon as there's like a screen introduced.
Even if it's just Spotify.
Like even if she's like, I want to choose my song.
Do you want to milito man?
But like five minutes later, she's like, you can't.
It's like she's droned in.
So we have one screen for the whole family.
Central, same as Matt Welsh, and I kind of got this from him.
There's agreed upon stuff that we're allowed to watch as a family, and it's a very, very short list, right?
It's like Bob Ross, Mr. Rogers, and then the Chicago Cubs.
And the Charlie Kirk show.
And the Charlie Kirk show.
And we don't allow it later in the day unless the Cubs are playing.
That's a whole separate issue.
They happen to be good this year.
And then maybe some college football.
But that's like, we're so careful because we can do the whole parenting.
But as far as this, this is a very difficult thing.
And it's very hard, actually.
But it must be said.
You are not your kid's friend.
I know that it sounds easy to hear.
You are their parent.
It is an up and down relationship.
It is not a horizontal one.
You are not their equal.
And I see in public sometimes these parenting displays that it's so sad where it's just placation.
The parent is being held hostage by the child.
It is like an ongoing blackmail operation.
No, I'm not kidding, where it's like, give me candy or else I riot.
It's like completely different than like BLM.
It's no different than BLM.
It's like, you know, give me something or else I'm going to tear it down.
Turn the place down.
No, seriously.
It's like, no, you need rules and order.
And like, Erica's been amazing.
You deserve so much credit.
Like, sometimes you leave the restaurant.
Sometimes like, nope, we're done, actually.
You made a fool of yourself.
We're done.
We gave you one last warning, right?
And final thing is that, and Alex Clark has been phenomenal on this.
She deserves a lot of credit.
She does.
And it's informed us, amongst Bobby Kendi and others, what you are putting into your kids really matters.
Especially sugar, carbohydrates, how they behave.
If you feed them good stuff, parenting becomes easier.
Not easy, but easier.
Truly.
Truly.
I forget what your question is.
Gentle parenting and the maturity of a man.
He's not quite there yet.
He's not as mature as she would like.
I would have him find someone, if you have a solid church that you go to, I would share that with either the pastor or someone within the church that you look up to and have a male figure pour into him.
Not a stranger or not an uncle or not a brother, someone totally a separate party that's not connected.
It can be private, but have him go and get mentored once, twice a week, and really just have someone he can look towards to see, like, this is the way to be a biblical person.
He needs to hear one thing, just one sentence.
You will lose her if you don't grow up.
If he hears that, radical change will happen.
If the right person says that, he doesn't need a whole feeling session.
We don't need that as men.
We don't need emotionality.
No, no.
You need conviction and order and a challenge, and we need like high stakes.
And if we hear you're going to lose what you take for granted if you don't, watch radical change ensue.
Thank you.
Last question.
Sorry?
He looks so handsome.
Hi, guys.
My name is Violet.
I'm from San Antonio.
I'm super emotional as well.
I'm sure I'm not the only one.
And I also know that men are very logical and kind of have a hard time with that.
So I was wondering, Charlie, what do you do to really nurture Erica's emotional side when your boy brain is like trying to answer every question and be logical with her?
It's a great question.
This is why understanding female nature to the best of our ability as men is very important.
And again, we've had like different configurations of a men's summit, but I talk to men a lot on campus and through my content and stuff.
But what I tell them is that you must understand God wired us a lot differently.
Look, the biggest thing is really time.
Time with your spouse, time to have your spouse be able to think or talk about that specific situation that has them maybe fired up, right?
And then also sometimes men look at we have a problem where we think we are the firefighter to put out a fire.
We see problem, we want to fix it, right?
We see broken engine, we come to repair it, right?
Sometimes the solution is just talking about the problem, which for us is like an incomprehensible thing.
It's like, wait, why would you talk about the problem and not solve the problem?
Because sometimes the problem is the fact that it hasn't been talked about.
Am I right?
I understand female nature.
And it's like for men, it's like, it's like, what do you do?
It's like a distant thing.
And similarly for you, when you have husbands, right, it might drive you crazy that you can't, and Eric and I, we talk about this, you can't get out more than three, how was your day?
Fine.
You know, what would you do today?
Stuff.
A lot of stuff.
It's not an insult to you.
No, they're tired.
Tired, and our brains work differently, right?
For women, conversation, especially conversation about nothing, is therapeutic.
Okay?
I'm sorry, it's very cathartic, okay?
For men, it's exhausting.
And for us, we like to unplug, and we like to watch or see somebody else do something hard.
That's what sports is, right?
Or a movie.
Like for us, we either want to do hard things or watch other people do hard things.
That's like men in a nutshell, okay?
We either want to be the ones doing the hard thing, like mowing the lawn or chopping down a tree, right?
Or we want to watch other people do hard things, okay?
For women, they're like, well, let's talk for 45 minutes.
And there's nothing wrong about that.
Emotionality is a beautiful thing.
This is why we are not AI, right?
We're not chat GPT.
We have a soul, right?
And God made us different for a reason.
And I just want to brag on the women of America, because there's a lot of bashing of feminism, and there should be.
There's a lot of bashing of women in the country, of like how they veered off track, some of which honestly is warranted.
But the one thing that is not talked about enough is how women have kept church attendance and the faith alive in the West and a much better job than men the last third.
No, it's a very real thing.
This is why Mother's Day church service is one of the highest attendance of the year besides Easter and Christmas.
Why?
What do you want for Mother's Day, honey?
I want to bring the entire family to church.
What do you want for Father's Day, honey?
I don't know, golf or watch golf.
Remember, do hard things.
Watch people do hard things.
They don't want to go to church.
By the way, let me just say, for men out there that are listening in the internet, if you do not lead your family to church, it is the number one predictor that your children will not also go to church.
But it deserves so, women, you deserve so much credit for keeping church attendance alive, for serving in the churches, for volunteering in the churches, for keeping the entire faith robust.
And now we're seeing a resurgence of young men finally come back.
That's something I don't think that's always articulated of how the American church has really been saved and strengthened by women in America.
Final thoughts?
So something that he does to pour into me emotionally is, or to just check in from that standpoint, is if he comes home, he's tired, how's your day?
Great, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm still cooking whatever.
On his Sabbath, when he has a moment, he writes me a note.
He has not missed one.
He writes me a note, either leaves it on my pillow, hands it to me.
I have saved every single one of them.
And those notes are what refill me emotionally if I need that filling.
He's very good about that.
So when you're in a relationship, how it's important to know your spouse's nature, it's also important to know your own.
What do you want him to do to help pour into your emotional side?
What is something that makes you tick and your heart tick?
Do you want him to write you a note?
Do you want him to tell you you're beautiful?
Do you want him to take you on a date?
Do you want him to bring you flowers?
Do you hate flowers?
Do you want a cake?
Like you learn what will speak to you so that you can check that box in your head.
Even on a day where he says five words, but he brought you flowers and you're like, wow, I feel loved.
I get it.
Just like be sure to communicate that though.
He can't read your brain.
It's the famous thing of, where do you want to go eat for dinner?
I don't care.
We'll go to Chipotle.
I don't want Chipotle.
Like, you need to be able to know your own nature to tell your husband, not train him, but as a team, this is what I want.
This is what I expect.
I love you so much.
Please, this is how you can pour into me.
How can I pour into you?
Charlie and I check in with each other every single day.
How can I serve you better?
What can I do for you to make it better when you get home?
Is there anything that you need me to have ready for you when you come back from the office or this trip?
XYZ.
He asks me the same thing if I'm out doing something or even if I'm out with the kids.
What can I do?
How can I make your day better?
You're a team and you guys are not at ends with each other.
Work together, communicate, and grow together as equally yoked partnership.
It's beautiful.
And thank you for that.
I want to plug one thing, and then I will say one last thing to the whole audience, and thank you.
I want all of you to start a Turning Point USA chapter at your high school or college.
Who's here at Turning Point USA chapter leader?
Raise your hand.
We need more of you to go start Turning Point USA chapters.
You could do so out there.
There's amazing giveaways associated.
I'll say two final things.
And then Eric, do you have any final thoughts before I get to my two final things?
I'll go quick while you think about it.
The first of which is we're going to have a whole Q ⁇ A for politics or whatever you want tomorrow or more relationship stuff if you want.
Do not talk down to men.
Do not engage in this toxic masculinity bashing of men.
Not only do we need men, the civilization is, God created man and women.
And it's very tempting to get into the whole kind of girl-dominant society.
You do not want to live in that world.
I'm telling you right now, You do not.
You want to live in a world where the best of both sexes are equally balanced.
The other thing I'll say, which is just kind of funnier, it's hard to put into words how much men want just like a return to normal things, like cooking a meal, like serving in those fundamental ways.
Like that stuff as a husband or even a boyfriend goes beyond measure than I can put into words.
And make it fun.
Be like, what do you want to eat?
And then like have them make a menu.
And then it's a good challenge for you.
So like I cooked swordfish the other night.
It was okay.
It wasn't my best.
But like.
That's great.
But that goes to say, just make things fun.
Don't, again, don't look at it as I have to.
I get to serve my husband.
I get to submit unto my husband because he's submitting himself to the Lord.
There is a balance and there's something really beautiful about that balance.
If you have a situation where you don't have someone in your life that you can look towards as a healthy marriage, find, seek that out, whether that's in your church, whether that's in your community, whether that's something online.
Hold on to that so that you can have some form of an understanding of, okay, this is what I have to look forward to.
I'm so excited.
And God will make sure that the right man will come in your path.
He won't walk past you.
He won't miss you.
God is always on time and so is your future husband.
So just wait on the Lord and you'll get everything that you've prayed for and more.
Stuff that you prayed for that you thought you needed, you'll get way beyond that because God knows truly the desires of your heart.
If you see anybody that looks lonely, go introduce yourself.
Totally.
Make sure you counsel them and make a friend out of them.
We want people to leave friends for a lifetime here and we are just getting started.
The next couple days are going to be life-changing.
