Hello humans, hello humans, Saturday the 10th of January and it's 9 25 a.m.
This is a little discussion on reality and all kinds of interesting things, but basically about how reality is defined.
It emerges out of our relationships.
So let me start off by saying I owe Jay Widener an apology.
The other day in the video interview with Brian, I had said inappropriately that Jay Widener was one of the people that tried to foist Corey Good onto the real, the real secret space program conferences, right, that were run by or organized by or organized around Catherine Austin Fitz, dark journalist Richard Dolan, et cetera, right,
where they were examining this idea of $22 trillion gone missing and what the fuck, okay?
So they were going and doing real work.
And so here's the issue.
Jay did not participate in that.
It was wrong for me to say that.
I thought it was factual that he was that individual.
I'll explain why I thought that in a second.
But it was wrong for me to say that, and I said it inappropriately, even within the wrongness of it, okay?
Because the way I said it, you could infer that I was saying that Jay worked for the CIA, and I was not saying that at all.
The CIA would never hire Jay.
They couldn't control him.
They wouldn't hire me either.
So I do apologize for that.
I didn't mean to cast aspersions on Jay, you know, saying that he was working for the CIA or any of that, right?
I personally think that Gaia was being funded to some degree by those people, we can say they're the CIA or military intelligence or whoever the hell, but those people in whose interest it was to derail Catherine Austin Fitz effort, right?
And so they funded a group of useful idiots, and the most useful of them all, he wasn't an idiot, he was just blind to what was going on, but the most useful of all was Jay Widener because he turned the lump of, you know, the lump of lies that was Corey Good and David Wilcock into a very stellar piece of work and boosted Gaia up like you can't imagine.
So I have great respect for Jay.
I have great respect for his skills.
And I blame him in a sense for Corey Good because of those skills.
He didn't know.
So in that sense, I think of Jay Widener like I think of the astronauts that they said went to the moon, right?
When you see the conference, those first guys in the 60s, 69, when they came back, they weren't happy, right?
They were clearly disturbed, mentally disturbed.
And so for a while in the late 60s, I thought there was some kind of thing they went through in leaving Earth that scrambled their brains or something, right?
I didn't realize that it was all part of a great grand deception, and the deception was what was killing them.
And that's what's true of, in my opinion, of Corey Goode and David Wilcock.
Their lives are in the shitter because they had such a magnificently huge deception and ran it so long.
Okay?
So there's blowback on this.
Jesus said, don't lie and don't do what you hate.
This is in the book of Thomas, one of the unaccepted gospels by the authorities, the church, the authority, the controllers, because in there he discusses in these 114 sayings how to liberate yourself from the many traps that such authority put on us.
Anyway, so here's the thing about this.
As usual, all right, so I so Jay bitched at me last night, as he should have, right?
And I said, oh, JG, I'm sorry about that.
And so here's my problem.
Okay, so this is the reason it happened.
It's not an excuse or anything.
I shouldn't have done it.
I apologize, etc.
Jay did not participate at that level.
My problem was, and is to some degree still, that there's a big chunk of time from late 2013 until just about 2018, March or so, right?
And that big chunk of time is all scrambled because I had had such a heavy dose of anesthetics and then had had such a horrifically tough surgery in getting through getting the cancer removed from me.
And there's this condition called anesthesia, or excuse me, yeah, anesthesia, amnesia.
And I have it, right?
I didn't realize I have it.
You don't realize you have it until you start discovering that there's big chunks of your memory that have been wiped out.
You discover them in the process of having them brought up to your awareness.
So it's hugely remarkable.
Okay, so I don't want to betray too much, but this is how powerful it is.
My role in my marriage of some 54 years in those last 30 years had changed into that of a caregiver, okay?
And my wife at the time, in 2013, had received a diagnosis of early onset Alzheimer's.
And it was quite severe.
She had had a bunch of surgeries and then in 2012 had had a heart attack and shortly thereafter had two strokes.
And she was never the same after that.
And my role as a caretaker became quite burdensome.
Anyway, though, so this is all by way of an alibi in a sense, right?
Okay, so anyway, so I'm sitting there last night.
Jay gives me this, sends me an email saying, hey, what the fuck, dude?
And I reply, okay, I'll fix it, I'll fix it, right?
Then I had to go to bed.
I'm an old guy.
I had certain things going on.
I had to get to bed early.
I wake up.
There's a shitload of emails from Jay thinking I was dissing him by not replying to his emails.
Fact of the matter was, I'm old.
I've got to get to bed at a certain point because I had things going on today, right?
My schedule was such I needed to go to bed early.
And I did.
And so it wasn't in a diss.
It was part of our shared reality that Jay was taking, this is where we're going to keep coming back to this.
Jay was taking a particular way and had a particular emotional attachment to it that I never intended.
Just like I never intended to slight him by suggesting that he was in any way associated with the CIA as a willing participant or any of that kind of shit.
He was a useful idiot, as we all are.
I'm sure they use my shit too.
In fact, I know they did.
Anyway, so I go to bed, I get up, there's all these emails, the situation with Jay has ballooned out of the range it was in at the previous night.
Okay, this is all part of our reality.
This is all part of our relationships.
They all piggyback on each other and so on, right?
Now, I don't think then I told Jay that it was my misunderstanding because of the amnesia.
I did this morning in an email, and I'm quite certain he'll watch this and he'll understand as well.
I don't know that he had the amnesia from the anesthetic, right?
It's not everybody that gets it.
Some people escape without it.
I didn't know I had it.
So let me get back to that story real quick.
So anyway, so basically 2017, I had occasion to come across Heidi, Heidi Vandenberg, and I fell in love with her.
And it wasn't anything I could do.
I was in denial about it for a long time.
I never said anything to her.
I was involved with this guy, JC, in doing these shows.
This is pertinent.
JC at Beyond Mystic.
So Heidi did some YouTube stuff.
She did some astrology stuff.
And that's really rough, okay?
She does serious astrology stuff.
So she's like the ultimate psychiatrist.
It's not ever pleasant.
There's always something in there you don't want to hear kind of stuff, right?
It's draining on her.
So anyway, she decided, nope, nope, she can't do this YouTube shit, get in too much trouble and all of that, right?
And so she backed out.
This again is pertinent because JC at Beyond Mystic made this little video trying to get her to come back.
He's a happy kind of guy and he does music and stuff, right?
It was just his way of trying to induce her back into this particular part of the Wu life, right?
And at the time, I had fallen in love with her.
This was in 2017.
I'd fallen in love with this woman.
And it irked me that he was trying to bring her back in when clearly it was not for her, right?
Clearly, she did not have the interest to pursue that through all of the crap you get from doing videos like this, right?
So anyway, so I got really pissed at JC.
And we had a fight.
You know, harsh words, right?
And then I was, I'm done with you, JC.
Screw it, right?
I was dying.
2017 was the peak of my ability to be on my feet, that kind of stuff.
I went downhill very rapidly in 2018 after I was able to get us moved, my wife and myself and our dogs, from our situation in Olympia out to the ocean.
And then I was content to die.
I was tired, right?
My body was exhausted.
All of the chemicals from the cancer were corroding me everywhere.
Energy was low, blah, blah, blah.
And it affects your mind and all of that.
And I had spent quite actually thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands maybe of dollars on physicians and tests and stuff over a course of over 40 years.
And these are all beyond any kind of coverage on insurance and stuff, trying to find out what was wrong with me and had no effect, right?
I knew I was dying.
I didn't know from what.
They always said they couldn't find any cancers and blah, Anyway, I actually had people trying to shove stints in my heart, thinking my liver was bad, my pancreas had rotted out, all different kinds of goofy shit from these guys.
And I finally had it.
I was content.
I'd made all the arrangements I could and, you know, everything and had decided I was going to go ahead and die.
Now, I had not had a reproachment with JC.
I was still pissed at him, right?
And so I gone into surgery.
Now, that day in surgery, or that day I went into surgery, on July 13, on a Friday, that morning I woke up.
I knew I was going to go because I was throwing up blood and shaking and 128 pounds and all of that.
And so I had done what I usually had done.
And that is, I did part of my usual routine, which was that morning I went in and had a little bit of coffee.
I had to wait for my wife Kathy to come to, so to speak, you know, wake up from things.
She was heavily medicated, and there were all these issues with her.
Anyway, though, so I take one of these OxyContin things.
Six weeks earlier, I'd had an accident to my elbow trying a blow cart, trying to bring some life back to my life by going out and doing something fun.
I got on this blow cart, went zipping down the beach there.
It started to fall over.
I thought to right myself by sticking my hand out.
Stupid fucking idea.
And the thing rolled over my arm and twisted it back.
Go to the hospital.
They put me in a cast, which I cut off, but they give me these drugs, which six or eight weeks later, I can't remember exactly how long it was, I took, and then I went to the hospital.
Before I took it, I watched this video of Heidi.
I always watched this little video clip.
It was just the one that had the image of her that was appealing to me, that made me feel good, right?
Stalker kind of shit, I know.
Anyway, though, so I take the pill, I go on in, and I have the surgery and blah, blah, blah, I recover and all of that.
Well, all the rest of 2018 and 2019, I don't think I was aware that Heidi existed.
I was aware JC existed, but I didn't have much in the way of any contact with him, right?
It was a very peculiar time for me because my mind was trying to fight its way out of all of the effects of the death, the anesthesia, and so on.
It was some time later that JC reminded me that we had had that big blow-up.
And then it was like, oh my God.
And so that's the way it is with this anesthesia, amnesia.
As soon as that is brought to your attention, the memories come flooding back.
It is as though the cords to those memories have been severed, but they're just hanging there or unplugged.
And as soon as someone mentions it to you, you plug it back in.
And so I had, when JC had said that, it brought all those memories back.
Now, I had previously, before he had said that, I'd rediscovered Heidi again and gone through the whole process again, all over again, you know, of being smitten by her, whatever, right?
Of feeling that emotional response to that image.
Now, I'd never said anything to Heidi.
I never said anything until my wife passed, because it wouldn't have been honorable.
But my point here is that the anesthesia, amnesia, fucked up a whole lot of memories in that period of time leading up to the point of the surgery.
So I lost this very important part of my life that had been going on for over a year before the surgery, right?
And so it's that powerful, this amnesia.
So I had a memory of Jay Widener at the Catherine Austin Fitz conference.
Now, I was sort of involved peripherally with a lot of that stuff because I was in communication with Catherine Austin Fitz occasionally, intermittently, but also more frequently, dark journalist, okay, because we were both being attacked by Corey Good, both being attacked by his doxing crew, and, you know, and it caused me people on the beach trying to chase me down, all of these kind of things.
And so it was a very tumultuous time.
But I had had a knowledge at that time of Jay at that conference.
And in my memory, which was goofy until Jay brought it back, as soon as he said in the email that he had been the moderator on that panel, it's like, oh my God, I remember.
Because I even remember seeing the video of him doing that.
You have to understand, Jay is very articulate.
He's a fucking professional, right?
And very much unlike Corey Goode.
And he's a very erudite public speaker, you know, oratory, you know, all of that kind of stuff.
And very well educated and very skilled.
Anyway, though, so as soon as he said that, the memories come flooding back in, and it's like, that's right.
That's why I had the association of him in those conferences.
Had you asked me what year it was, I would not have been able to say 2015, because the numeric parts of a lot of my attachment to memory were wiped out by the anesthesia.
And so I'm having, I have to rebuild it.
It's less so now, but again, some of this shit comes back and bites you in the ass.
I didn't mean to make Jay think we were going to war or that I was pissed at him or anything, right?
It was just a statement made by a fucked up mind that is still uncovering some of the fucked-uppedness and still working through it.
So, you know, Jay Widener, quite seriously, I apologize, guy.
I mean, I like Jay.
He's one of the very few minds that I will accommodate his opinion over my own.
So if Jay were to come to me and say, I have this opinion on, you know, the space aliens at the bottom of the ocean.
And then he would say, this forms my opinion and here's why.
I would listen to him, right?
Because he is an insightful thinker.
He's not an idiot.
But anyway, so basically from 2014 to 2017, there were holes, and there still probably are holes yet undiscovered.
So I lost vast quantities of my Russian vocabulary.
I lost vast quantities of Italian and German and other linguistic aspects of things, right?
So that was very tough for me to deal with.
It comes back relatively easily, but it's still tedious to have to go and relearn these vast quantities of vocabulary.
You know, and so that kind of stuff really irks me that that happened.
Anyway, so, all right, so I have this, I've often disputed things with Jay.
We have differences of opinion all the time.
It's good to fight with him or tussle with him over these things, right?
Because it makes me think in different ways.
Anyway, one of the things I wanted to tussle with him over this is this idea of reputation.
And this goes exactly to this idea, to the point that reality is formed by our relationships.
So on one level, you could say, well, reputation exists because the reality is formed by the relationships.
And so you could see that in a planet which is one person, there is no such thing as reputation, right?
In a planet with two people, there's no such thing as reputation.
It's just you and that other individual, and their opinion and your opinion could differ on things.
Reputation comes in with the idea of a collective opinion, right?
A collective understanding, a common understanding, a common shared reality.
And then there's this whole legal structure, there's the mythos that the legal structure puts out there, that you could harm a reputation, you could recover a reputation, you could create the reputation, or any of these things.
All of those might be applicable to some stage in an activity around the concept of a reputation, but because a reputation is based on the concept of an aggregated common shared understanding around a subject, how skilled Jay Widener is or whether or not he was involved in trying to pimp Corey Good into the conference, okay, right?
Those things are held by individuals, and I cannot change anybody's mind.
I can't reach into somebody's mind and change their opinion of things.
I could say something that may indeed participate in their mind forming a new opinion.
But I would have no way of knowing ahead of time whether that they would do that and whether or not my effort would be successful if I was trying to achieve that.
So I was not trying to damage Jay's reputation.
I just had a bad thought in my head due to this set of circumstances, which is staggering to go through.
I mean, I'm, you know, I'm not bullshitting you, right?
These amnesia episodes are quite frightening.
You think, what?
What are you saying?
I did what?
And then you, you know, you, so for instance, there was this incident with CentraCoin back when I was doing the reports, and I ended up doing an interview with the head of the Centra, the supposed chief technical officer, Sam Sharma.
And these guys were all frauds.
And I did this interview that basically proved they were all frauds and tanked their coin and all of this.
And it was a very pivotal interview.
They sliced chunks of it for this Netflix documentary.
And I got subpoenaed by the goddamn district courts in New York.
They wanted me to go and testify and stuff.
Fuck that.
All of these things as a result of that episode, right?
And until I came across it and re-saw that interview, I didn't have it in my memory.
And then as I'm watching, it's like, oh yeah, I remember that.
I could see my own intersusception causing these vibrations in my gut as I'm trying to interact with this guy.
It was a very terrible interview to do.
I was basically dying, right?
I'm losing blood every day at that point.
And they still don't know what the hell is going on.
Dumb fucking doctors.
Anyway, so, okay, so the amnesia hits you very hard.
I hope Jay hasn't encountered this at all.
And it has scrambled my years between 2014 and 2017-ish.
A little bit into 2018, but not much.
So I'm on this particular path in my mind.
I think Jay Widener is sort of on that same path in a way that we both walk this same path.
I'm not going to say, I think it's, we can just say it's the path to greater awareness.
And in that awareness, my awareness, it's like, you know, I never watched Corey Good or any of that.
I know that Jay is 100% responsible for Corey Good and David Wilcock looking as good as they did.
I have no idea when he became aware that he was being involved in this deception or that there were powers that were paying to pimp all of this stuff out.
They put a lot of money into advertising for it.
And I'm not saying he's an active participant in any of those aspects of it, right?
He was there, that's all, right?
He did his job.
He responded as he should have in those instances.
Every human is like that.
I may criticize behavior, may criticize actions, but I'm not going to criticize the individual.
So I don't think ill of Corey Goode.
You know, he's a hurt human reacting as a hurt human does.
Same thing with David Wilcock.
They're both expressing their individual reality that blends in with our reality.
Their reality is not particularly harmonious to the rest of us, and it causes a great deal of problems.
In my opinion, they pumped out deception for a long time, and it was, their deception was magnified by the platform, Gaia, and the money, CIA or not, and it magnified that out.
And now they, as individuals, and probably Gaia, certainly Gaia, because of all the money they've had to pay on lawyers and shit, but they're all experiencing the flowback from universe from their actions, all of which was magnified because of the platform of Gaia.
If Corey Good had told five guys at a bar this and kept it going for four or five years at that bar, there wouldn't be much in the way of blowback, right?
It is the magnification of it all that amplifies and gets us to this particular point.
So, and again, it brings us right up to this point of my apology to Jay and how all of this stuff works.
So, you know, Corey Good is acting.
All right, so there's a bunch of people in our past that you could say were on the enlightenment path, right?
Some of the more notable personalities were like Ram Das and Alan Watts and stuff, right?
A lot of these guys in that field, they are alcoholics.
It's a well-known trope about the drunk Buddhist monk who is, you know, completely enlightened and just stays drunk all the time.
And I once heard Alan Watts talk about this and also Ram Das, and they both use the same language, and that is, it's all grist for the mill.
And at that level, of course, that is beautifully put and perfectly correct.
And so, you know, Alan Watts could use alcoholism in his advancement into further stages of greater awareness.
I hate the word enlightenment for lots of reasons, mainly propagandizement from it and stuff.
And so his awareness was really good.
Anyway, though, so in my terms right now, this business with Jay, right, this emotional interaction with Jay is just grist for the mill.
Me stepping along, seeing what the hell I had done, how I'd participated in it.
Now, also bear in mind, we can't undo any of this stuff.
So we all harmonize to some degree with irreversibility.
And so as soon as I had done it, this is, you know, once written, you can't unwrite.
So this is a theme that comes up from people with some level of awareness about all of this continuously throughout history.
And at the same time, it is the instant of that action that brings you to that point of participation.
So water moves in a river.
And so there's many, many, many layers to this saying that no foot ever sets, you never step into the same river twice.
And no two people can ever step in the same river.
And that's quite true, because when they step in that river, even if they were to step exactly right behind you in that same spot, it's different water they're stepping through, right?
Entirely different water.
The conditions are not the same as the moment that you put your foot in there.
It flows.
This is the event stream continually flowing.
And this is the way it works.
There's even deeper levels of meaning because the reality is flashing in and out of existence 22 trillion times a second.
So your foot's flashing in and out of existence.
It's going into the water as the water is flashing in and out of existence because it's all a delusion in your brain supported by, or an illusion, supported by supreme consciousness.
And it's not going to be the same in your brain as it is in the guy behind you.
So these things have great deals of depth and meaning to teach us.
I'll be thinking about this thing with Jay for a couple of weeks probably, coming up with, oh yeah, you know, look where it fits there, that sort of thing, right?
So for instance, it's also brought up this idea about irreversibility and time and time travel.
So we define our relationships.
Our common reality define our relationship, or our common reality is defined by our relationships.
If you and I both perceive a thing and point at it and say rock, and we both have sort of the same connotations in our heads as to what a rock means, then we have that common shared reality around that rock.
If, on the other hand, there's five of us and one guy says no, turtle, and everybody says, oh, you're crazy, right?
But then later on, it stands up and walks off.
Well, hey, you know, who was the crazy one, right?
They were just a little bit more perceptive of what our common shared reality had involved there.
But at the time that they said it, there was no relationship support for it, so it wasn't actually part of the common shared reality because the other people didn't believe it.
So this is why Corey Good suing me for defaming him and stuff.
I really, at one point, I didn't want to get out of the trial, but they had such a huge gaping hole in their legal structure there in the federal courts, and I didn't really want to mess with it.
I was tired.
I was recovering from the cancer.
This is 2019.
He sued me.
Then in 2021, I get kicked out of the trial.
Or, excuse me.
I managed to convince the judges to act on my request for a motion to dismiss, that they had no jurisdiction over me.
And the way federal court is, I got into this because my attorney was going to get me involved.
He would have kept me involved in this shit hole all the way to this point, cost millions of fucking dollars, all of that kind of crap.
And it wouldn't have ever aided anything.
I could never have recovered any of this shit from Corey.
I could see how this was headed at the time.
I knew Corey was going to end up destitute and probably homeless and or mentally ill and homeless, whatever, right?
That it was not going to end good.
And so I wanted out of it.
And so I put in a request for a motion to dismiss.
The attorney botched it.
I took it over.
And then at that point, I had to educate myself on what was going on.
I'd had pre-law when I was a kid.
So far back, I still remembered it.
Wasn't affected by my amnesia.
I structured through on all of this.
It's all pre-AI, so I did it on my own.
And I examined their whole basis for their insistence that I participate.
And then I responded and said, no, A, I'm not submitting to your jurisdiction.
And I'm going to dispute in your jurisdiction as to why I don't have to submit to it.
And it took fucking forever for them because procedure rules.
And there were a lot of us involved, so they've got to step through everybody's arguments.
They can't deal with all of them in the same day and all of that kind of stuff.
So it took forever.
And then finally, they were in a bind and they had to address my motion to dismiss.
And the administrative magistrate, judge, the woman there, agreed.
And she was kind of pissy about it, right?
She didn't want to let me out because there was some potential for still for RICO to have some level of jurisdiction over me.
The RICO would fall apart anyway because Corey was not able to really press the idea of a racketeering kind of a thing going.
I was just bitching at him on X, and that's why I got on Twitter, and that's why I got hauled into this shit by First Say.
And he was, you know, lying.
He was a sack of shit.
The phrase is, you're a lying sack of shit, right?
That kind of thing.
Anyway, though, so our reality is framed by these relationships that we have all the time.
And so This brought up, this whole business here, brought up the idea of the irreversibility of it all, right?
Stepping into the river and the river is instantly changed by your stepping into it, as is your life, from that point on.
And all of it is irreversible.
So without the ability of, without reversibility, there is no time.
It proves time doesn't exist and you can't have time travel because nothing can be reversed.
My consciousness is not still existent in a past that's a couple of days old and it could choose at that point to not insult Jay by misspeaking, right?
That can't happen.
I can't reverse that.
It cannot be undone.
So in my opinion, if you had a reputation, if it was a thing, it could be defined in the moment.
This is what I was going to bring up in trial, that Corey Good was full of shit.
So, you know, at what point was his reputation damaged by me defaming him?
He would have to prove how I defamed him, that I wanted to do it, that I was malicious intent and all of that.
And then I was going to hammer on him as to define the point in your reputation where my action supposedly caused you harm and get into that because he could not.
He's such a stupid idiot and his attorney is so lame.
His attorney is so lame, she left one of the rules and procedures and an argument or a stipulation unaddressed is assumed to be true.
So in other words, she would pop up with five things against me and I would respond to all five and I would respond back with another seven.
She would respond to two of them.
And so the judge assumed the other five were true if she's not disputing it.
Stupid bitch.
Anyway, she's not well suited for that work, right, in my opinion.
You know, old man with amnesia, you know, getting kicked out of that thing.
None of the other attorneys were able to get motions to dismiss pressed.
So I was the only one let out of that.
There was such a shitload of people involved in there, millions of dollars worth of attorney fees, the court time.
Oh my God.
You know, they've got better things to do than to deal with Corey Good's mental illness being expressed into our common shared reality.
So anyway, so we can't have time travel.
Anybody coming up to you and telling you time travel can exist and that you can go back or forward in time is entirely unanalytically involved with our reality because they have not examined that idea for the facts of it.
So as soon as I hear somebody say, you know, time traveling, humans from the future, grays are humans from the future, horseshit, you know, all of that's bogus.
You cannot come back from a future consciousness state.
It doesn't exist that way.
One of the points of this, the way our reality is structured, is the irreversibility.
It's so hammered into everything, I can't understand why the academics don't grasp this.
I can understand why the, you know, the minor dabblers in science, you know, the David Wilcox and all of these other kind of personalities that discuss this, they don't think about it.
They're just trying to get a spew to get money from it, but they never really examine what they're talking about.
So don't accept the idea that time travel can exist.
They're going to really push that, by the way, in my opinion, the deep state, because they're deluded, because they're participating in the illusion, magnifying it with their own thoughts, thinking it's real, not examining these things, et cetera, they become deluded.
You know, they become involved in it.
They're swimming in the illusion.
And they don't know they're swimming in it.
Anyway, though, so they will be pushing time travel in this near term, like maybe a year, year and a half, as potentially, I don't know how much effort they'll put into it, as potentially an explanation for some of the shit we're going to be going through.
So I think that'll be quite fascinating personally.
Anyway, so in my opinion, those astronauts in 1969 in that first press conference when they came back from, supposedly came back from the moon, knew they were participating in a deception.
There was some very heavy mental stuff weighing down on them.
They were acting totally out of character for humans that would have done such a thing.
And also, in my opinion, Jay Weidner was not aware of the level of deception that was being pushed through him for some period of time.
Now, bear in mind, I didn't ever watch any of those shows.
So I couldn't know it over time that way, right?
And Jay and I fought about this.
He was actually, he's a stand-up guy, right?
We fought about this way the fuck back when the Corey Good stuff was starting up.
And then I got involved with the battle with the great interstellar butthead, Corey Goode, and his blue spacey bird cult.
And then the doxing and all of that kind of stuff, right?
So I sort of, you know, sort of left Jay alone, left him out of it.
I figured he had his own problems at that point.
Plus, I had my own, right?
I was dealing with all the cancer problems and these kind of things.
So this is just a way of saying that, of making a little video to apologize to Jay.
And hopefully I didn't.
So anyway, so I never said anything to Heidi until last year.
And I was shocked.
What I needed to do was I needed to express and get beyond it.
I never expected her to be open to it at all, right?
To any of it.
And as we went forward in discussing things, I told her that I'd been in love with her for years.
And she said, oh, you know, a bunch of horseshit, right?
And then later on, and, you know, I laughed.
It was true.
I didn't, it wasn't, you know, it's part of our factual shared reality.
But there was no need for me to try and convince her of that, right?
I just said it and let it go.
And later on, universe provided proof to her in the form of JC discussing the big blow-up we had had over it and some of those aspects of that common shared reality.
All of which is formed by our relationships, our thoughts, et cetera, et cetera.
This is a highly complex eternal now in which we live.
In my opinion, the best way to proceed on it is this sort of an analytical thing where you understand that everything is gristed for the mill, that all of this is universe, right?
I did not intend to piss off Jay.
Universe obviously wanted us to have, Jay and myself, to have that interaction.
Obviously, to some extent, it wanted to motivate me to get into this position to discuss about all of these things.
So there are no accidents in this universe.
So it was a mistake on my part, but it wasn't an accident of speech.
It was a mistake of speech and a mistake of my mind.
You know, I mistook a part of my understanding as factual.
And I really should have vetted it.
So that was a failure on my part because anything, usually now, anything in that period of time, 2014 to a certain part in 2017, I do go back and see if, okay, now am I correct about how I remember this?
You know, because as in this instance, there are those times where I'm not remembering it appropriately.
As I recall, there was an effort to, and now I've got to go back and investigate to see what was going on.
You know, as I recall, there was an effort to foist Corey Good onto the conference series that Catherine Austin Fitz, Dark Journalist, and Richard Dolan were involved in, right?
And it happened during that period of time.
My memory is all sketchy.
But I do recall discussing with someone the attempts by someone involved.
So maybe it was dark journalist, I can't remember, right?
And I could have probably gone back to my old PC and recovered emails and things, but I'm too lazy to do that at this stage.
Anyway, though, so there was an attempt to foist him on there.
In my opinion, it was done to derail the work that they were doing because I thought they were just like one year away from a major blowout of all of this stuff, right?
We're there now, but it's taken us this additional 10, 15 years, or 10 years.
So anyway, you know, so it's all gris for a mill, it's all going to come out, and there are no accidents involved in any of this.
And we're all constantly creating our common shared reality.
And we have to watch out for how we do it, right?
So it's not only an aspect of my own personal self-respect that I apologize to Jay.
I respect myself too much to let it go, right?
I erred.
I have to own it.
I have to acknowledge that.
But it's also that it mends, to some degree, a relationship between Jay and myself and provides us with a further platform for going ahead in our common shared reality here.
So it's worthwhile.
It's an aspect of being honorable.
Honor is, a man has honor who has self-respect, who respects himself enough to not lie, not do what they hate, right?
So this was an aspect of honor.
I had to do this for myself and as, you know, as an attempt at a repair in the relationship that is part of my common shared reality.
So anyway, a goofy Saturday, guys.
Now I'm looking forward to see what else is going to happen.
So you guys take care.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
So there are no accidents.
Frequently things are designed.
I am up-leveling how I am doing these video things for my own purposes, right?
So everybody was freaking out over the tie and the clothing last time.
Well, here's how bad that amnesia is.
I couldn't remember how to tie the tie.
It had been so long.
I used to wear ties quite frequently, even as a kid, because of being an Army brat, you would have to present when your father's getting medals and shit, right?
You got to dress up even as a little kid.
And so I knew all of the knots and everything in the ties and how to do Windsors, half Windsors, et cetera, all these various different type of knots.
I prefer what's known as the military brogue, okay?
But it's tight, it holds well, you don't have to fiddle with it.
The tie I had on last time, the knot was inappropriate.
And I didn't remember.
It was another one of those episodes of amnesia.
And so today when I brought it up, it's like, boom, boom, boom.
All the, oh yeah, yeah, I know how to tie that.
So anyway, as I say, goofy reality.
And the clothing and stuff is on my own for my own reasons.