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Dec. 26, 2018 - Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin
11:45
Advice for Incels
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So I thought I'd do a thing just talking about some, I guess, what I'd say is worldly advice from an older man to younger men to talk to them about their fear of not getting laid, I suppose.
Because I tell you what, there is a lot that older men can teach younger men on this subject, and I wish that more would, to be honest.
Like, there is a great deal of worldly wisdom that can really be, that really does need to be passed down.
And I think that I have got the grey hairs now to say that I've acquired some of it.
So I'm going to roll up my sleeves.
Right, boys, let me tell you about women.
Okay, so seriously, though, it sucks if you're not good looking.
I know this because I'm not good looking.
I've not been good looking my whole life.
And there is a definitive, and I think probably scientifically demonstrable advantage to being good looking.
However, all is not lost, even if you are the guy on the left here and not the guy on the right.
Because women are honestly not very visual creatures.
Women respond to behavior primarily beyond anything else.
And you can see this because their favourite books are rape fantasies.
Hey, I don't buy these books.
It's women that buy these books.
What they're attracted to is masculinity itself.
I think, in my opinion, they're attracted to the physical act and the motions.
The fact that they are being acted upon in many ways is the more attractive thing to a woman I have found in my experience with dating women.
I've had a lot of girlfriends in my life because I'm quite old and I've only been married for a few years.
So I'm pretty certain that this is, I mean, it's more women than not would prefer a man to be manly, physical and active than be a soy boy, frankly, and a weak, passive male feminist.
And I think that this is primarily the reason why male feminists have real trouble getting girlfriends.
Unless they're pretty boys, like the guy on the left and the guy on the right.
But I mean, Elliot Roger was a pretty boy.
And I bet his behavior was fucking passive.
But it's fucking pathetic.
So being a pretty boy is not like the way to be sure that you're not going to be an incel.
Clearly, right?
And then you've got like Alex Mendassian, who was like, not a good looking guy, but not a bad looking guy.
He obviously had personality defects and problems that made him kind of weird.
But it's not really about looks for women.
It's really not.
It's about how you behave.
Now, like, a lot of the thing that makes you attractive to a woman is your career in many respects.
The fact that you do an important or dangerous job is often a turn-on for a woman, even if you're not very good-looking.
You might have to lower your standards.
You're not going to be going for the seven and eights, but you can still find women who will be attracted to you on the basis of what you are, not who you are.
It's the thing that you do that the woman finds attractive.
And I think that's probably the case why men tend to define themselves by what they do, by their careers, which honestly is one of the problems that I have being a YouTuber.
No one knows what a fucking YouTuber is.
You know, everyone thinks I do beauty vlogging or something.
No, Jackie.
But so, yeah, don't worry excessively about your looks.
Honestly, there are women out there who have a distinct fetish for sort of rough and unattractive looking guys.
They don't like pretty boys.
They find them to be effeminate because they're attractive.
Cultivate your maleness and your masculinity is what I would say.
And you might think, well, okay, well, I'm just skinny.
Okay, well, stop being skinny.
It's something you can do something about.
I don't want to have to go to a gym.
Well, stop being lazy.
Don't necessarily go to the gym then.
Get a job that's difficult.
Get a job fucking lifting something.
Do something.
Actually do something.
If you sit there stewing, then nothing will happen.
But it is within your power to change how masculine you are.
Don't worry about grooming yourself so much.
Worry about being an interesting and dynamic person, someone who takes charge and has some initiative.
And that in and of itself is something that women find attractive because they like the sort of action of the role, I think.
I think it's the motion that men provide that women are attracted to.
That kind of experience of having things happen that they can put trust and faith into is something that I think a lot of women are like attracted to.
And, you know, I don't have any fucking studies for any of this.
Like I said, this is just my experience as being a man who has dated a lot of women and is now married with children.
So like, and it's not like I started out as the best looking guy in the world, not like I am now, you know?
And honestly, I think I probably do look better now than when I did when I was younger, but not by much.
Like, by a small amount, you know.
So stop getting hung up on the looks.
It's not about your fucking looks, right?
Seriously, right?
If you really want to get a woman, become like a fireman or a policeman or something.
And if you're like, well, I'm skinny, okay, gain weight.
Bulk up.
You've got to.
You've got to, you can do that for yourself.
And I tell you what, right?
It won't take long before you start seeing the results.
And when you start seeing the results, you will notice how much more confident you are, just even by small degrees.
And before you know it, you focusing on something else will draw women to you.
Because the worst thing is to be desperate and chasing women.
That is the prime turn off for a woman.
Because a woman, in my opinion, is probably at least subconsciously looking for, I mean, I guess the stable provider.
You know, it sounds like a trope, doesn't it?
But I think that is something that is kind of built into most women, unless they've been brainwashed to become feminists, I suppose.
And so look like you can provide.
Again, you don't have to be like a giant hulking guy.
You don't even have to be good looking.
But you have to focus on yourself and work on yourself and improve yourself in some aspects.
Because women always take on men as a project, right?
They always take on men.
They go, right, okay, he'll do, but I'll improve him in this regard and this regard and this regard.
For example, my wife is desperately trying to make me less of a messy bastard.
You can't say all my mess is in front of me, but like, that's her goal.
That's her project in me to improve me, to make me less messy, right?
Women are forgiving of faults as long as the direction is correct.
And you have to be heading in that direction.
But if you're sat there on a forum whining that you're ugly or your weird face or something, that's not you improving yourself.
And that is unattractive to women.
And then obsessing about women all day, every day, that's massively unattractive to women because you don't look like you're going somewhere.
You don't look like you're succeeding.
You're not going to be a winner.
And that's something I think a lot of women are disappointed in their men about.
I think a lot of women take pride in the fact that their men are successful.
And why not?
And I'm not saying it's not the other way either.
But to be honest with you, success seems to not be a factor in most men's decision on who they're with.
They seem to look for other things.
Fucking life is not very gender equal in many ways.
I know there are going to be people who whine and scream about it, but it's just true.
So, but see, okay, but seriously, so forget, forget how you look, concentrate on what you're going to achieve.
And on the journey, you don't have to watch out for women.
Women will be watching you.
They're all very aware about what the men around them are doing, where they're going in their lives and stuff like this.
And there will be women who will find something about you attractive.
And it won't necessarily be the thing that you find unattractive.
That might not be a particular factor in whether they care whether you're attractive or not.
And think of that in the same way for yourself.
I mean, you might not be into big asses, but you happen to be really into big tits.
So you just don't really care about the big ass, right?
Imagine it like that.
And then think from the woman's perspective.
You might not be the best looking guy, but you might be dependable and reliable.
And so when there's a crisis, she feels safe and secure.
And that might be something that really matters to her.
So the fact that you're not that great looking, so what?
You know, you make her feel safe and secure and loved and cherished or something, you know.
So that doesn't bother her, the fact that you're not that good looking.
Or you might even be in an ugly or something.
She doesn't care.
What she cares about is listening, but she has a different set of priorities to you.
And I think that incels get hung up on this because they're male.
Because they are concerned about looks.
And, you know, men are.
But, like, I don't, I think most women just aren't, guys.
So I don't think you need to worry about that at all.
And I know that you sit there and go, well, I'll never look like a Chad.
Therefore, there's no chance of me.
There's no point in me improving myself.
And it's like, well, look, you don't have to look like a Chad to get girls, man.
You don't have to look that way.
You have to be on your way somewhere.
You have to be doing stuff.
You have to be trying to improve yourself and building something.
Because I think that women are attracted to men who build things.
You know, successful men.
They don't always have to, you know, most of them are not Chads, but they are really rich and successful.
And that's something that attracts women.
It's status.
You'll be giving yourself status in society.
Even ugly guys can have status.
I mean, look at Harvey fucking Weinstein.
He looks like a horror.
And yet he has status.
And, you know, he may have abused many women, but I bet there are many more women whom he didn't abuse who are willing to take advantage of his status.
When I've seen like incel message boards and stuff like that, it looks like incels have effectively just taken the black pill and gone, right, okay, I'm ugly, I'm fat and useless, I'm unattractive to women, and I will always be so.
And so I will not do anything and I'll get really angry and resentful.
It's like, okay, but it's not all about that.
I think it comes from a misunderstanding of what women's actual goals are.
And like I said, you're not going to be landing any stases, but you will be able to actually form relationships.
And if that's what you're actually looking for, then I think you'll actually be able to do that.
You will get women who are interested in you.
So don't just stew into like this kind of pathological self-hatred and hatred of others.
I don't think it's very healthy.
And it's really frustrating to see when I think there are demonstrable ways out of this hole.
Because I tell you what, man, being trapped in that hole must be fucking awful.
Really fucking awful.
So I think anything that people can do to get others out of that is a good thing.
I'm saying this.
I know I've joked about incels in the past and mocked it.
Because I'm a mean person.
But if I was going to give real advice, this would be it.
Like, this would be it.
Don't just become hopeless and passive.
Because I think that a passive man is the antithesis of what a woman is looking for.
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