All Episodes
Previous Next
April 29, 2015 - Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin
11:23
The Protein World Saga
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Gather round ladies and gentlemen because I'd like to tell you about Protein World and the saga of their advertising campaign Are You Beach Body Ready?
Now I don't know about you, but I'm not very fit and I'm not really interested in being all that fit.
Seems like a lot of work.
And so when I see these kind of fitness adverts placed around, I look at them and think, yeah, that's too much work for me.
And so naturally, I just forget all about it and carry on with my day.
What I don't do is take to Twitter to bitch and moan about it.
Unlike Hannah Atkinson, a no-account feminist who saw this advert on the London Underground and just couldn't resist.
She tweeted, this advert pretty much sums up everything that I despise about how we treat and value women's bodies.
Hannah appears to be bitching about good looks and hard work and effort paying off for other people.
But because she's a feminist, wouldn't you know it, BuzzFeed decided to feature her tweet on their shitty ass site.
Sounds like it's time to start a controversy, doesn't it?
Feminists across the Twitterverse were of course shocked, shocked that this was happening.
How could an attractive woman be put on a poster?
So naturally they went to deface them.
This generally involved feminists walking up to the adverts, writing something or scribbling something on them, and then bravely tweeting about it.
And a couple of them even decided to use their own bodies to deface this poster.
And the one on the left looks like she's come straight out of the fucking 50s, doesn't she?
And the feminists really went crazy with this.
They seem to take it on like it's some sort of community activity, like this needed to be done to advance the cause of feminism.
I absolutely adore this.
This insane ad, insane, from Protein World revealed my previously untapped urge to vandalize.
Good for you.
I particularly like this one.
The Vagenda team say, we love London.
Fuck patriarchy.
This, again, is just more proof than I can use to show that the word patriarchy is interchangeable with the word standards.
You see, feminists love mobs.
They love forming mobs.
Because without mobs, they seem crazy.
And so when one of them finds something that they can all get offended by, because all of these feminists are kind of pudgy, the backlash begins.
The backlash, of course, largely took place on Twitter with thousands of feminists taking to a change.org petition.
Remove the are you beach body ready advertisements?
Almost 60,000 fat lazy feminists were like, yeah, yeah, I'll tweet my support for that.
The justification for this was, of course, retarded.
Protein World is directly targeting individuals, aiming to make them feel physically inferior to the unrealistic body image of the bronze model in order to sell their product.
Now this is true.
I mean, if you are in fact a land whale who sits on her ass and uses Twitter all day, then this will be an unrealistic body image.
You will never achieve it.
The bit I found most amusing though is the idea that Protein World were directly targeting individuals.
Well did did it have your fucking name on it or something?
Or is this a case that you are a giant fucking narcissist and you think you are the center of the fucking universe?
Perhaps not everyone's priority is having a beach body.
By the way, what is that?
A toned attractive body they showed you in the picture, you fucking idiots.
And by making someone feel guilty for not prioritizing it by questioning their personal choices is a step too far.
They didn't make you do shit.
This is so fucking subjective, it's retarded.
Listen, dipshit, they don't know who you are.
They didn't know you were going to see their adverts.
Feel bad about yourself for being fat and lazy, and then take up to change.org to write a petition about it.
But you know what, this campaign was a complete, resounding success.
It's been announced that they're taking down the ads, but haven't given a precise reason.
Doesn't matter though, I'm sure that it's been influenced by all your contributions to this cause.
This is a cause now.
And I'm glad to have been part of this.
Naturally, The Guardian got well on board.
Beach body ready tube ads to be taken down ahead of mass protest.
This protest is called Taking Back the Beach, and it's due to happen on May the 2nd.
They want people to turn up at Hyde Park in their bikinis and swim shorts and whatnot.
Which I'm sure won't be the most disgusting thing you've ever fucking seen.
And apparently, this was never about suggesting that people shouldn't try to get fit if they want to.
If having rippling abs is your thing, more power to you.
I bet you rock them.
But I'm so tired of it being an expectation.
What are you fucking talking about?
If it was an expectation, then there would be no need for the advert.
The idea that your body should be covered up and hidden away if it doesn't meet these bizarrely specific requirements.
I'm over it, you guys.
I think you're projecting all over it is what you're doing.
This isn't about the advert, this is about you.
But you know what, my dear feminists?
You shouldn't count your calories before you've eaten them.
Because you might find yourself eating an apple rather than a Mars bar.
Because it turns out that these posters were being removed from the underground as they are at the end of their advertising cycle in quotes as if that is a made-up excuse.
But on top of that, they had only actually received one complaint about the advert.
All of this noise on Twitter by angry, indignant, self-righteous feminists.
One complaint.
But they do have a zero tolerance policy towards graffiti and take action to prevent and remove it.
I wonder if that involves prosecuting any of the fuckwits who put their pictures on Twitter saying, hey, I did this.
Probably not, to be honest, because feminists are so pathetically childlike that everyone looks at them and goes, oh, do we have to deal with them?
Let's just let them go.
They're pointless.
They can't effect any kind of change.
Except for body shaming more attractive women, which is almost every woman, really.
The model said, I think nearly every ad campaign you have ever seen is open to interpretation.
But saying the ad is body shaming by body shaming the image is very contradictory.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Well, that's true, but I have to warn you, feminists are not in any way concerned with being in the right.
What they're concerned with is projecting their own fears and insecurities onto this attractive young woman.
And we can see this in the example of Miranda Faye.
Stop encouraging women to starve themselves.
How dare you?
How very dare you?
Well, it turns out that the model behind this is a strict vegan.
She says, I'm a real person behind the image.
I work very hard and live a healthy and active lifestyle, which is why Protein World chose me for their campaign.
I couldn't work every day as a full-time model by starving myself, dieting or not looking after my body.
Nourish your body, be kind to it, and it will love you right back, no matter your size.
What the fuck is this shit?
Eat healthily, do exercise, feel good about yourself.
That sounds like the fucking patriarchy, doesn't it?
This model seems to be a real success story, in fact.
She works out four to five times a week, including beach running and Pilates with weights, and she's always been a bit on the skinny side.
But yeah, that's right, feminists.
You shame her into saying that she starves herself.
She finishes the interview by saying, I work hard to keep my body looking healthy and fit, which means eating six times a day, which is strange for someone who's starving themselves, isn't it?
And working out with resistance and weight to make sure I maintain lean muscle.
Yeah, to be honest with you, you've lost them already.
Trust me, the feminists are not following at this point.
All they're hearing is fat shaming.
Because they're fat.
This even rallied other celebrities to come out against feminism.
Louisa Zisman slams bra-burning feminists against Protein World Bikini Body Adverts after she's announced as their ambassador.
Her opinion is that the controversy surrounding Protein World is the extreme feminist brigade letting off some bra-burning steam once again.
How very right you are.
The most accurate bit about this is characterizing them as extremists, because they absolutely are.
You're reading that correctly.
Protein World actually received bomb threats from feminists.
Richard Staverley, the head of global marketing for Protein World, told ITV's Good Morning Britain that there had been violent and physical threats on the company's head office.
He said, we've had a bomb threat that's been reported to the police and is currently being investigated, but I can't say any more than that.
Holy fucking shit.
Unsurprisingly, this led Protein World to label these feminist campaigners as terrorists.
Probably because they're acting like terrorists.
What would be the point of calling it a bomb threat if not to spread terror?
Which, of course, makes feminism look more and more like Islamism.
This isn't even a joke either.
I mean, it's not the fact that they've got unquestionable dogma.
It's not the fact that they're sending bomb threats and terrorizing people in order to get their way.
In this instance, it's that feminists have done exactly what Muslims have done.
Seriously, what the fuck modern feminism?
What do you want them to wear fucking burkhas or something?
Jesus fucking Christ.
Would you just stop for five minutes and take a fucking look at yourselves?
Of course, commentators on the internet found this wildly hilarious, and feminists just look like a raving pack of lunatics, projecting their own insecurities over everything, on everything, regardless of common sense or decency.
But do you know who the real winners here were?
The real winners were Protein World.
By a fucking landslide.
So far, their £250,000 media campaign has reaped a million pounds in direct sales revenue.
Protein World have made out like fucking bandits because of feminist outrage.
And the very best part of this is that they've done it with the most rare form of Ilan I have ever seen.
They simply do not give a fuck.
Seriously, if you want a good laugh, go to the Protein World Twitter feed and watch them rip the piss out of feminists.
Because like all things with modern day radical feminism and pretty much all feminism is radical these days, they don't realize how deeply, deeply unpopular they are.
Nobody is on their side.
Just their little fucking echo chamber.
That's it.
And as we can clearly see, pandering to feminists and social justice warriors gets you nothing.
▲
Export Selection