April 8, 2015 - Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin
04:35
| 
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Hi! | |
| Hi there! | |
| I'm Anna Akana. | |
| I'm Sargon. | |
| Lovely to meet you. | |
| And I'm here to help women everywhere not get raped. | |
| That is a noble goal and I hope you achieve it. | |
| Because it's totally our responsibility, right? | |
| Right. | |
| I mean, who else's responsibility could it conceivably be? | |
| The best form of rape prevention is to assimilate yourself into society as a man. | |
| I'm pretty sure you mean infiltrate society and not assimilate society? | |
| Now I know what you're thinking. | |
| Anna, rape does not just apply to women. | |
| No, that's not what I was thinking. | |
| I was thinking, what kind of inflated sense of entitlement must you have to think that it's someone else's responsibility for your personal safety? | |
| Rape does not just apply to women. | |
| This is true. | |
| So to ensure the safety of your butt, spread a rumor that you yourself are a rapist, so other rapists will see you as a colleague. | |
| Hey fellas, how them rapes have been lately? | |
| What? | |
| Yeah, you getting any good rapes, dog? | |
| Yeah, we're busy right now. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Busy thinking about the rape. | |
| Hey guys, come on, bro. | |
| Give me some rape tips, dog. | |
| I just want to have rape from you. | |
| No, we're friends. | |
| Dog! | |
| No! | |
| Right, I see what you're attempting here. | |
| You're attempting humor, and I have to inform you that what you've just done is called a rape joke. | |
| And believe me, if there is one thing that a certain group of ideologues don't like, it's rape jokes. | |
| So I do think you should probably be careful about this in the future. | |
| If you absolutely cannot pretend to be a man facading as a rapist, another expensive and fear-induced solution is to hire bodyguards. | |
| Will you protect me from rape? | |
| Yes, ma'am, we will. | |
| But will you rape me? | |
| Yes, ma'am, we will. | |
| I'm just gonna call 911 really quick. | |
| Not to ruin the joke, but most police are rapists, I mean men as well. | |
| But hey, I think your little skits are hilarious, but I'm telling you, you're gonna bring down the ire, the wrath of a certain unnamed group of people. | |
| The problem is you're saying the R word too much, and they're gonna be triggered. | |
| If your bodyguards aren't trustworthy, protect yourself the old American way. | |
| Excuse me, do you have the time? | |
| No, I don't have the time for rape. | |
| 25 rounds, my ass. | |
| But I tell you, I really think that these jokes are gonna be a bit triggering. | |
| We've been conditioned our whole lives to not get raped. | |
| Why are you saying it like it's a bad thing? | |
| My dad put me in martial arts. | |
| My mom gives me knives and pepper spray, and despite the fact that I like that stuff, it's mostly for anti-rape. | |
| We're told by society, never walk alone at night. | |
| Never walk down an alleyway. | |
| If you think you're being followed, make three right turns, because that means they just went in a circle. | |
| Never run upstairs if you're being chased, because then you can get trapped. | |
| Don't stop if you see a car seat on the side of the road. | |
| Hey, here's some nail polish that'll help you identify date rape drugs. | |
| Yeah, fuck doing any of that shit. | |
| Sport this adorable yet fierce keychain so you can gouge someone's eyes out. | |
| Holy shit, do you live in the fucking Congo or something? | |
| And on and on and on. | |
| You know what would be better? | |
| If we just teach men not to rape? | |
| If we just taught young boys that rape isn't even an option. | |
| Okay, Jesus. | |
| I think we need to hear that again. | |
| Rape isn't even an option. | |
| Well, shit. | |
| I was going to take us to dinner, then a movie, and then a good rape. | |
| But that's not even an option. | |
| So now, I don't know what we're going to do from about nine o'clock onwards. | |
| Seriously, though, do you think that rapes happen because people don't know that it's wrong? | |
| If we would stop victim shaming. | |
| Fair enough. | |
| And slut shaming. | |
| I think you're projecting your own issues onto the situation here. | |
| And excusing a rapist because of the clothes his victim wore. | |
| That actually isn't a valid defense. | |
| Or because they were on a date. | |
| Yeah, that's not a valid defense either. | |
| Because I am seriously so fucking tired of being responsible for not getting raped. | |
| Okay, um, should we make it the rapist's responsibility for not raping you? | |
| What do you think the success rate of your new initiative is going to be? | |
| I'm Anna Akana. | |
| You told us that already. | |
| You stay awesome. |
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