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Aug. 12, 2014 - Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin
12:52
#IfIWereAFeminist
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Hashtag if I were a boy, the latest rad feminist hashtag campaign.
I assume they mean radical feminist rather than rad as in Bart Simpson Rad.
On Tuesday, twelve Elite Daily staff members took a stand against sexism by starting the hashtag if I were a boy.
I look forward to hearing about how much they simply don't know what it's like to be male.
So Elite Daily, the self-proclaimed voice of Generation Y. Prove me wrong, Generation Y. Twelve women share what they'd do differently if they were treated the same as men.
When we're young, we're told that boys and girls all have the same fair shot to get what they want out of life.
Hang on, hang on.
I'll stop you there.
To get what they want.
Now, it really depends on what you want, isn't it?
If you want a free ride where you don't do any real work, you don't get the qualifications you need, and yet you still get paid over the odds by virtue of birth, then you can't have that.
If getting what you want means an equal shot at being able to work hard and achieve the same things as boys, or men, then you do have that.
But let's continue.
We're told that everyone has the same right to compete for jobs and to achieve those dreams.
They do.
When we are little, we aren't jade enough to believe that we can't aspire to be anything we set our sights on.
Well, some people just don't have the capacity to become brain surgeons.
You know what I mean?
But then, we grow up.
We don't think we'll ever be fighting for our right to be heard, to have a voice.
Fuck yourself.
You're writing, you are part of the media.
You have Twitter just like anyone else.
In every magazine, there is a female section.
Section dedicated to women.
TV channels, you have whole TV channels.
Daytime TV is the purview of women.
But no, you don't have a voice.
No, you need to be heard.
I like this as well.
We don't realise men in power decide how and when and where we do what we want to our bodies.
How when and where you do what you want to your bodies.
How is it what you want if it's being decided by someone else?
You moron.
We don't even think the world will write us a set of different rules.
The problem, you idiot, is that your rules are better.
You're just so entitled, you cannot see that your rules are better because your standards are so absurdly high for how you think you should be treated, you fucking Disney princesses, that you don't understand that you have such a good deal.
Anyone could tell this by simply looking at suicide statistics.
The people who are on top in the society don't commit suicide more often than the people who are suffering.
Let's continue.
Twelve elite daily employees answered what they would do differently if they were men, if they were truly equal, and every answer was different.
Unique, inspiring and encouraging, and that's just the beginning.
I don't know about you, but I have to know more.
If I were a boy, I'd be courteous and remember to put the seat down.
You literally just said in this article, we don't think we'll be fighting for our rights to be heard.
This woman is fighting for her rights to be heard, whinging at her boyfriend.
I imagine this comes under inspirational.
If I were a boy, I wouldn't mistake a woman's kindness for weakness.
Well done, Al Capone!
Jesus Christ, that was said by a mobster.
I imagine this comes under unique.
If I were a boy, I'd take the time to have a conversation.
I want to let you in on a secret.
I don't want you to tell anyone else, this is just between me and you.
Men have conversations all the time.
In fact, every day men have conversations.
But this is a secret between me and you.
I'm breaking my patriarchal oath by telling a woman, so don't tell any other women.
Don't worry, I know I can trust you.
If I were a boy, I'd appreciate a girl's ability to express her emotions.
Well, I would, but this is kinda like saying I appreciate a fish's ability to breathe under water.
They can all do it.
If I were a boy, I'd never tell a woman to smile.
Well, good for you.
Look at you raising the important issues.
Thank God you've spoken out about this, because God knows that if women were ever fighting for their right to be heard, it was definitely their right to be heard.
That they they just look, they just don't want to smile.
That it's fine.
They don't have to.
You can't make them.
Stop asking them.
That's not fair.
That's the biggest problem this woman has.
And you keep perpetuating it, you agent of the patriarchy.
If I were a boy, I wouldn't assume that buying you a drink means you're coming home with me.
Of course not.
She should be thankful she has the privilege of even being able to buy a woman a drink.
If I were a boy, I'd be able to make choices about my own body.
Of course you would.
Just like these ultra orthodox Jewish babies that keep choosing to get herpes.
If I were a boy, I'd never use the phrase like a girl as an insult until I did sports.
So naturally the feminist proles on Twitter were all over this, because they know exactly what it would be like to be a boy and exactly how they'd act.
For example, if I were a boy, my family would be telling me to have fun at college instead of telling me to be careful.
Unless anyone in your family has any experience of feminism, in which case they might well tell you to be careful.
I'm sure she just left that off the end of her tweet.
If I were a boy, my thoughts and opinions would be valued.
I'm sure they would.
Such thoughts as I'm dying my hair dark blue before I go to school and such opinions like feminism is such an amazing cult to be a part of, I honestly don't care that it has a negative connotation.
I'm a proud cultist.
They're getting them when they're young.
If I were a boy, I would dare to go running alone before 7.30 AM and I wouldn't be afraid that every man I meet is a potential rapist.
Because rapists are well known for their morning wood.
I can't tell whether these statements are conjoined or not, but um to be honest with you, if you're a boy then you probably wouldn't be a feminist and you probably wouldn't then be afraid that every man you meet is a potential rapist because you wouldn't have had feminism put the shits up you about it.
If I were a boy no one would make jokes about me belonging in the kitchen which is true they'd be making jokes about prison rape.
If I were a boy I probably wouldn't be terrified to walk home alone at night.
No violence is done to any men anywhere in the world.
And men don't even have to walk home at night.
We're so organised that we have a special phone number for a patriarchal taxi service that comes and picks us up for free.
The patriarchy is fucking amazing.
If I were a boy, I'd take out my pay slip and just like look at it for ages before I realised that it was exactly the same as what it was when I was a girl because I'd be in the same job.
If I were a boy I'd spare my girl's feelings and not even text my side chick.
If I were a boy I wouldn't have a side chick to begin with.
If I were a boy, I'd leave my side chick alone and not play with her feelings either.
Because if I were a boy, I certainly wouldn't use this hashtag to whine about my boyfriend cheating on me.
If I were a boy, I'd tell you you're the only one for me when I'm really copying and pasting that text to five other girls.
If I were a boy, I'd promise you you're my one and only, but I'd also promise her and her and oh yeah her.
And if I were a boy, I would tell girls I cared about them, then leave them the next week.
Well, for women who didn't think they'd be fighting for their right to be heard, the things they want the world to hear, using that right, are remarkably mundane.
In fact, if I was feeling uncharitable, I would say that these are petty.
Oh, look at this.
The MRAs have turned up to ruin it again with their facts.
Fucking dicks.
If I were a boy, nobody would care if I was raped.
Oh, boohoo!
Have you got some male tears?
You were raped!
Boohoo!
There are women being raped over here, you know.
Women!
They're way more important than what you're getting, even though it is the same thing.
If I were a boy and I had a scar on my genitals, they'd say get over it.
Yes, because that scar would be on a penis.
Nobody cares.
Boo-hoo.
Give me a cup of your...
Well, you're a woman.
You don't have male tears.
What?
In fact, now I think about it, feminists know that men don't express their emotion and therefore men don't cry.
So, oh my god.
I think I've just worked out what male tears is a euphemism for.
If I were a boy, even as a child, I'd be one of the many innocent people that Nina thinks is a rapist.
Except you're not innocent, are you Mike?
Anyone can be a rapist.
There are loads of different kinds of rape.
This young boy is stare-raping this woman.
That makes him a rapist.
They're not there for you to look at Mr. Entitled.
Just because they're falling out of her top doesn't mean you're allowed to look.
If I were a boy, my sexuality would offer me very little leverage.
Meanwhile, on my Facebook feed, six hours before this video was made, woo go me, I'd just use my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket.
Frankly, I'm actually just jealous.
I would use my boobs too, but I can't, because they're too hairy.
If I were a boy, drugged and raped by a woman, the state would hold me accountable for the child that may come from that sexual contact.
Oh, boo-hoo!
You were raped and now you're being fucking extorted for life.
Oh, good grief.
Let me find another picture of Jessica Valenti collecting male tears.
Perfect.
If I were a boy, I would have zero respect for feminists whining about being objectified by men.
God, I wish you disgusting anti-feminist MRAs would just shut your fucking pieholes and listen.
Objectification only occurs when a man looks at a woman and every time a man looks at a woman.
What about this are you not getting?
And last but certainly not least, this one by Razorblade Candy.
Where a very young lady who clearly knows all about the world has posted, if I were a boy, I'd educate myself about feminism.
I rather think that's the problem, love.
Everyone actually has educated themselves about feminism.
Let's ask the most powerful man in the world what he thinks about feminism.
Oh, brilliant.
But they still make 77 cents for every dollar a man earns.
Oh, he's definitely a feminist.
That is wrong.
And in 2014, it's an embarrassment.
Women deserve equal pay for equal work.
Absolutely.
I'm glad someone finally has the bravery to speak out about this.
I hope there are no reprisals.
I hope he doesn't get assassinated by an MRA.
I mean, that is just standing evasion.
Extending ovation.
She deserves to have a baby without sacrificing her job.
Of course she does.
A mother deserves a day off.
They deserve whatever they want.
Hell yeah.
And you know what?
A father does too.
What?
Did you just say the F word?
Well, I think give every woman the opportunity she deserves because I believe when women succeed, America succeeds.
That's what I fucking thought.
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