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July 27, 2014 - Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin
15:43
This Week in Stupid (27⧸07⧸2014)
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Hello everyone.
This uh second edition of This Week in Stupid comes to you from a very hungover narrator.
So my commentary may not be as sharp and witty as normal, however the material is so stupid, there's very little I can actually say about it to make it more absurd.
Let's begin.
So women against feminism seem to have thrown the entire feminist world into a tizzy.
And finally those women who were probably not convinced about feminism at all, but obviously couldn't be seen to be siding with the men, can actually come out of the woodwork and say look we think feminism's gone too far as well.
Kathy Young says that the charge that feminism stereotypes men as predators while reducing women to helpless victims certainly doesn't apply to all feminists, but it's a reasonably fair description of a large influential and highly visible segment of modern feminism.
Which it is.
In fact, which is entirely feminism's problem.
If these people in feminism were treated roughly the same as far-right, neo-Nazi Aryan parties are treated in Europe, then there would be no problem with feminism.
Luckily for feminism though, Beyoncé shuts down women against feminism with a single snap.
There, she fixed it.
Well this is going to be good, isn't it?
Lucky for us, Beyoncé has stepped in to save the day with a single photo, as she's been known to do.
She posted a photo to Instagram where she's kitted out like Rosie the Riveter, flexing under the words we can do it.
She didn't provide any context for the snap, but we're pretty much assuming that she posted it basically to save the world from itself.
How does this change that there is a large and very vocal man-hating supremacy-seeking minority, I don't even know if it's a minority to be honest, in feminism.
How does that change any of that?
It doesn't!
It's pointless twaddle!
Idiots!
This idiot of the Huffington Post has pointed out that we need to stop the feminist infighting.
Well, that's actually a sign of success.
When any great ideology or empire actually achieves its conquests, then it does begin to turn on itself and the score is settled amongst various factions of the community that were never really in each other's favour anyway, but had a greater enemy to fight against.
You are now going to have to deal with this feminist civil war.
There are indeed feminist apostates in the women against feminism movement, and I'm sure that like all apostates, the sentence is death.
So I like this page called Shoutout Swindon on Facebook.
And my god, it's full of fucking idiots.
I don't know why I do it.
I live in a town with just idiots all over the place.
So some nosy mother was absolutely gobsmacked that a family decided it'd be okay to leave their youngish child in the car when they went shopping in Tesco's in the full sun.
And was even more shocked when I told store security and all they could say was yes we know.
We have called out the car reg over the tannoy.
There is nothing more we can do.
It's five to four so they'll be leaving soon anyway.
You wouldn't leave your dog in a hot car, let alone a child.
Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point.
Are you hysterical enough yet?
Jesus Christ, it's it's not like they're in the Sahara, they're in England, and they'll be gone for a maximum of five minutes.
The child's not going to die.
Unless, of course, you are one of Swindon's hysterical single mothers, in which case this child is in mortal danger and is probably going to get kidnapped any second now.
Fuck me.
Pages and pages of absolute hysteria.
I'm just going to read a selection of my favourite comments.
Nikki says, not even about leaving them in a car.
A child shouldn't be left alone and of.
Ever.
No time alone.
That's terrifying, you weird, oppressive woman.
Vicky says, break the window.
Never leave a child in a car.
Jesus Christ, is that a proportional response to five minutes in Tesco's?
Becky says, I'd have phoned the police, abandoning a child.
Fucking hell, Becky!
They weren't abandoning their child.
They were just popping into Tesco's.
But the hysteria continues.
Heidi continues by saying, disgusting.
And if they'd been called out and the child had been ignored, he could have been hurt or ill or got out of the car or anything.
Yes, and there could have been a meteor strike or maybe an army of paedophiles descended on him.
I don't know.
It could be anything.
Let's look at what it might actually be though.
Calm down.
Or you could follow Grace's example.
She says, I'd have called the police, explained the situation, and then smashed the window while gathering a big crowd of people as I could to witness it.
Grace, that is mental.
What you are actually doing there is confessing that you're about to commit a crime, gathering a big crowd of witnesses to your crime, and then following through with the crime.
Sammy chimes in with, I would deaf smash the window and called the police.
I would not have thought twice.
And it's not that two thoughts in one day are too much for people like these either.
What it is, is that she would see a child in a car and just grab a rock and get to work.
For the child.
Think it can't get worse?
Well, you're fucking wrong.
Because these two Emmas say some people don't deserve children.
Disgusting thing to do.
It's social services that need to be called.
Disgusting.
They don't deserve kids.
Yes, let's tear the child away from its parents and put it into the hands of the bureaucracy that is undoubtedly going to home it with another family who really care as much as their own parents.
Absolutely barking.
You can tell they're not taxpayers, can't you?
Shanai says, shocking.
That is against the law.
I have called the police on these occasions, so don't ever think you're wasting your time.
They see a child or dog in a hot car call either 101 or 999 if they in distress.
I don't actually know what 1101 is.
I assume that this is actually a secondary line the police have called to attend to hysterical single mothers who think their feelings dictate what the laws are.
It's probably a really good idea so people with actual emergencies don't get put behind women who have seen a dog tied to a lamppost.
And this really wouldn't be complete without Jackie screaming, Shame on Tesco!
Despite Tesco not being responsible or liable for this.
Luckily, denial has turned up.
Say, let's clear up one thing.
Tesco have no legal right or obligation to do anything.
I would like to know whether you did or not phone the police, or did you just put it on Facebook?
Obviously, they just put it on Facebook.
However, Kim shoots back with, I don't care if Tesco have any legal obligation.
What a cop-out.
That makes me so angry.
It was an act of child neglect on their premises.
What if we all just shunned responsibility?
I was a HR manager for another supermarket chain.
We would never have just put out a tannoy.
Fucking hell, Kim.
Calm the fuck down.
No one got hurt.
Nothing happened.
You're being hysterical.
Boba points out that he saw that, personally.
The windows were wide open.
Yes, the child was not actually trapped in a glass oven.
Sat under the baking sun by its evil parents who have gone out to eat.
I don't know.
Caviar, I suppose.
Doesn't matter to Debbie, though.
Social services and police should have been called.
I think what we're seeing here is the real-world effect of the lack of husbands in Swindon.
I'm not joking.
There are a lot of single mothers in this town.
A lot.
It's really hard to date someone in this town who is not a single mother.
I'm not judging them for that specifically.
But what I'm saying really here is that this is exactly the kind of situation that their husbands are required for.
Socially.
Because the women will have these hysterical feelings of protection over a child, and it will be up to their husbands normally to say, look, calm down.
Nothing happened to the kid, it's alright.
To reassure her, to show her that it's not actually going to be as terrible as it is.
And that's basically what I'm doing now.
I'm playing husband to all the single mothers of Swindon.
Calm the fuck down.
Stop reading the Daily Mail.
Stop going on these stupid net mums forums and fucking go and do something else.
You're going off the deep end.
Cut it out.
Also, none of you could break a car window if you tried.
Jesus Christ, get a grip.
Sticking with Facebook, I discovered a women's rights news page, which was just as hysterical as I imagined.
I just want to point out that I don't want you to go and actually contact any of these people or groups.
There's no point.
They're never going to change their mind.
You're just going to look like an asshole.
So we can just sit here and mock them, because they can't do anything about this, which is a good thing as well.
So yeah.
Can you be a feminist and think that 50 Shades of Grey is alright?
Well, I'm sure we're going to reach a quick consensus on this.
A bunch of them think that yes, feminism is about choice.
And you can certainly be a feminist and be fine with a healthy BDSM relationship.
Obviously, 50 Shades of Grey is not a true Scotsman.
Because apparently, it doesn't represent BDSM.
Now, I don't know whether you can be a feminist and be into being utterly submissive to a man, but I would have thought on the surface that these things are mutually exclusive, so I would classify this as feminists wanting to have their cake and eat it too, as usual.
But my favourite thing on this women's rights news is the stupidest thing they could possibly have posted.
Try it.
The sexism test.
Try replacing gender in a statement with skin colour.
If it sounds racist or ridiculous, it's probably sexist.
Oh, I'm sure it is.
I'm sure this won't blow up in your face in the comments, you idiots.
Kudos to Denise for putting, a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, and then white people need black people like a fish needs a bicycle.
Yep, that is pretty fucking racist.
Denise puts, all blacks are rapists, that's all they are.
Ouch.
Whoever in the entire history of mankind has ever, ever said this in all seriousness?
Nobody.
Seriously, nobody actually believes that every single man is a rapist.
Denise puts, it's a quote from a book by feminist author Marilyn French, and it is, oh dear feminism.
Luckily, Sandrita saves it with, all white people are paedophiles.
Oh shit, I think the immigrants are onto us.
Ian really steals the show though.
The world would be a better place if it were run by black people.
White people are pigs.
White people are from Mars and black people are from Venus.
If a white person speaks in a forest and there are no black people to hear them, are they still wrong?
Why are black people always putting me in the friend zone?
That's black people's work.
That's white people's work.
Black people.
Can't live with them, can't live without them.
Life's a nigger and then you die.
You throw like a black person.
So well done to feminists for actually proving that feminism is indeed sexist.
Hashtag killallnegroes.
But Clara has absolutely no idea why the comments here are so full of hate.
And why do so few people understand that isms are systemic and can't be reversed?
Too many questions, not enough patience.
Bradford, however, knows exactly what the fucking problem is.
Isms are systemic and can't be reversed, is an authoritarian statement based on the theories of an academic elite intent on reshaping society to fit their intellectual framework.
That's absolutely true.
The conclusion has been drawn already, and now they are trying to mold society to fit it.
Clara doesn't know what he's fucking talking about, though, and she says, Okie dokie, idiot.
In other stupid news, unsurprisingly, people don't like having porn filters on their broadband.
Well done, Conservatives, you've finally figured out what everyone already knew.
My problem with this is that the Conservatives, this is a direct and explicit statement to say that we have the power to deny you porn if we want to, and it is by the good grace of the government that you are being allowed something that is not illegal.
This is a problem.
This is a step, another step towards authoritarianism.
I know it seems trivial, but it's really not.
They do not have the power to stop people from watching porn.
This is an opt-out scheme, and it's really insidious.
It's it's disgraceful, to be honest.
I want my fucking porn.
And I am morally outraged.
Those two things rarely go together.
This week I also discovered something called a friendship engagement, which you might think is a silly thing that isn't going to have any consequences or effects.
But apparently, this is spawning an industry of some kind.
So look forward to much beta-ness in the future.
Holy shit, man, get a grip.
You don't need to buy her a fucking ring.
One of the prerequisites for being someone's actual friend is a measure of equality.
Prostrating yourself isn't going to work.
And finally, the one story that feminists should actually have been up in arms about, but didn't really give a fuck about.
The UN spokesperson, Reuters Reports, states that the Islamic State of Syria and Iraq are going to carry out female genital mutilations on all the women they're in control of.
Which could be up to 4 million people, apparently.
This is something very new for Iraq, particularly in this area, and is of grave concern, said the official, one Jacqueline Badcock, the UN humanitarian coordinator in Iraq, Reuters reported.
She was speaking to reporters via a video link from the Iraqi city of Erbil.
Badcock said the extremists had issued a fatwa, or a religious edict, ordering the genital mutilation that could affect some 4 million people.
Well, that sounds awful.
What the hell?
The Islamic State must be a bunch of savages.
ISIS specifically came out saying, what the fuck are you talking about?
Why would we do that?
We're not doing that.
And it turns out it was complete bullshit.
That's right.
People in Mosul, women in Mosul, said, uh, what?
No, no one's touching our genitals.
Thank you very much.
You're talking shit.
Yes, you, Jacqueline Badcock, you're talking shit.
You are a liar, Jacqueline.
And stupid enough to think that people in Iraq don't have the Twitter.
Honestly, as if they can't tell people, which is precisely what they did.
You moron.
I don't know who has decided to create this lie, and I would like to know, because it's an obvious attempt at a smear campaign, because the weird thing about the Islamic State, and I don't even know that much about them at the moment, but the weird thing is that they're holding territory and taking ground.
And if it's not some kind of CIA-sponsored thing, which even if it is, it may well end up being like a homegrown Islamic response to Western imperialism, which I think the Muslim one probably needs.
So, I mean, is that what have they actually done that's true?
You know, so maybe treating them like an actual legitimate state may actually gain a bit of ground in the future.
But who knows?
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