All Episodes
Previous Next
April 30, 2014 - Sargon of Akkad - Carl Benjamin
14:18
Guest-starring Laci Green
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Right, back to the yucks.
I haven't actually watched this video yet, but I know by the title, it's gonna be fucking great.
Here's Why I'm a Feminist by Lacey Green.
The rumors are true.
What they've been saying about me.
What, but I need to get legal advice and have the supervision of a police officer or my own parents before I can fondle your tits.
Yeah, everyone saw that video and you look like a fucking idiot.
I have to come clean.
I, Lacey Green, am a feminist.
I think you're the first one.
What?
You're a lesbian now?
Man-hater!
Hairy armpits!
Say it so!
It's gonna be okay, those are just stereotypes.
Yeah, because not every woman has really got the balls to commit to them.
But they do certainly sit around and give a golf clap to any woman who does have the balls to go, I'm actually gonna let my armpit hair grow.
I think that feminism is both kick-ass and super important, and here are a few of my reasons why.
Because feminist supremacy would make you a primary beneficiary of all the benefits it would bring to a privileged class.
Oh, I'm sure that's not it, Lacey.
I'm sure it's not.
I'm a feminist because girls are taught in public school that once she has sex, she'll lose a part of herself.
Do you mean because a woman's hymen breaks the first time she has intercourse?
Because I tell you what, if a part of my foreskin ripped off the first time I had sex, I would like that to be mentioned in advance.
Because women who have a lot of sex are sluts while guys are stunned.
And women who beat up men are considered heroes, and men who beat up women are considered villains.
It's about the balance of power, you pillock.
Amanda Todd, Felicia Garcia, Charisse Morales.
Alright, let's hold it there.
Tormented 15-year-old Felicia Garcia jumped to death in front of a train after bullying over sex with football players.
So someone like you persuaded her to whore herself out to a bunch of football players and when they laughed at her for being a slut, which they were inevitably going to do, she didn't know how to take it because the sort of shit you people are saying doesn't help them.
If she had been persuaded not to have sex with all those football players, she would still be alive.
Chalk another death up to feminism.
Well fucking done.
Because of the sexism that drove them to end their lives.
Alright, stop you there.
If there's one thing that this wasn't, it was sexism.
Sexism is prejudice or discrimination based on a person's sex or gender.
Sexist attitudes may stem from traditional stereotypes of gender roles and may include the belief that person of one sex is intrinsically superior to another.
This is not what happened here.
These guys don't go around bullying every woman they know because they think women are naturally inferior.
They were bullying this woman because of her actions.
She did something really fucking stupid.
And now they think she's a joke.
And they laugh at her and bully her and whatever.
I'm not saying it's right.
I'm just saying this is why it happened.
It was not to do with the fact that she was just a woman and they hate women.
This was not sexism.
It was just regular garden variety bullying, which I agree is unacceptable.
I'm a feminist because I was told the first time I had sex would be painful and bloody.
And because it wasn't painful or bloody for you, it's not painful or bloody for anyone, is it?
I was terrified.
Because one in four young women is assaulted and society still asks, what was she wearing?
Can I interest you in sex?
No, thank you, darling.
I'm not in the mood.
Oh, go on, I really fancy it.
You're a fucking rapist.
And I am now part of one in four women in the world who has been sexually assaulted.
Thanks a fucking lot.
I'm going to sleep.
Because male victims of rape aren't believed since guys want sex all the time anyway, right?
Because of cat calling and street harassment.
Because no, it is not a f ⁇ ing compliment.
You just proved your own fucking point.
Men are so desperate for sex, they will call out to women in the street to try and get it off them.
Fucking idiot!
I'm a feminist because my first boyfriend sexually assaulted me, and when I went to my friends for help, they called me a slut.
Given that you run a YouTube channel exclusively about sex, I'm gonna guess that you've gotten over it.
And I'm actually gonna guess that he didn't actually assault you by any legal definition.
He assaulted you by a feminist definition.
Go on, I want some.
Mo!
You raping me!
I can't even get to sleep.
Now I'm gonna sleep on the couch!
Because when I speak at universities about the absolute necessity of consent, there are people in the audience who laugh.
Because boobs are used to sell everything from burgers to soap, but don't you dare breastfeed out in the open.
Well, they're not bare, and let's be fair, is this not a sign of a sexually healthy and liberated society?
They're just bikinis.
What do you want?
They're all wearing burkers or something.
Because this shocks and terrifies people.
I'm not even kidding.
You should see some of the looks that I get.
From women, may I ask?
Anyway, I've got to give some kudos.
You did have the balls.
I'm sure there are going to be a million golf claps for you now.
And I bet that if you were the first feminist, you wouldn't do that.
I'm a feminist because of how much pressure we put on girls to value their appearance above everything else.
I suppose if you can't think for your fucking self, it must be.
Everything you see must be like propaganda to you.
Males, because of labioplasties, boob jobs, honeymenoplasties.
You are a feminist because some women are both rich and vain.
Because our culture considers it normal to cut off part of an infant's penis.
That's weird.
I've never heard a feminist say that was a feminist goal.
I've heard a lot of feminists saying that it's really not that bad and it's fine and every man should have it done.
But I've never heard it say that.
It's almost like feminism is bullshit and should actually be renamed collective I'm trying to get what I wantism.
I'm a feminist because male orgasm in the movies is rated PG-13 while female orgasm is rated R.
This isn't a point of complaint, but I would point out that they can't show an erect penis.
So, you know, who's more sexist now?
I'm a feminist because in 2013 there were over 700 bills proposed to regulate a woman's body.
And for men, the rightful number, zero.
I agree.
There should be zero legislation that's created that affects only one gender.
I'm a feminist because the political body making decisions about my body is over 80% male.
Wow.
In the words of someone who was actually oppressed, be the change you want to see.
Because men occupy the top realms of not just politics, but every industry in the world.
Yes, there is a kind of dedicated person, and in this case, men, who do work very hard and strive to reach the very top.
I'd say there's nothing holding you back, but...
I'm a feminist because of jobs!
Jobs!
You're 35 years old, playing hide and go seek!
You're living the dream!
You live with the dream!
No time card!
No taxes!
You're off the fing brick!
Women only hold one in four STEM jobs.
But three out of four gender studies degrees?
6% of TV stations.
5% of executive positions in the media.
Because when I was younger and I took on a leadership role, all the adults in my life said, you're being bossy.
A. Bullshit.
I think you're just trying to capitalize on the ban bossy bullshit.
But B, stop being fucking bossy then and fucking lead.
And let's not forget that sneaky little pay gaff.
By the time the average woman reaches 60 years old, she will have made $450,000 less than a man in the same exact position.
You fucking liar.
Why don't you go to the police then?
There are laws that they have broken if that were true.
But you don't because the police would say, you know what, we've investigated it.
It turns out women are just fucking lazy and you're wrong.
Oh, I'm not fucking lazy.
This is discrimination.
Just because I didn't get to the effort of becoming a CEO and earning a good job doesn't mean I should be paid less.
What is this capitalist fucking America or something?
Discrimination!
That's like a fancy ass house!
A truckload of chocolate bars or ten.
Hell, I'm not even surprised by it.
At my first job, I learned that my less qualified male co-worker was making almost twice as much as me.
Hello, police.
Yeah, I'd like to complain because my co-worker's making twice as much money as me.
Really?
On what basis?
On the grounds that he's male and I'm female.
Shit.
Right, okay, that's all.
That's alright.
What company do you work for?
Right, okay, yeah, we'll get right on that.
Hello, hello, is that- is that Lacey Green, yeah?
It turns out it does he doesn't, and you're talking shit.
They'd be in violation, I think, is the 1963 Act.
So, yeah, don't know what you're talking about, but you're full of it.
I'm a feminist because the media told me that women are my competition, destroying my friendships with them for almost 20 years.
Because everything I see on TV is a command and not a suggestion.
It's because gender rolls!
Because that one-size-fits-all binary that shoves us into boxes and erases who we are.
Hello, toys are us.
You put certain toys in one section and certain toys in another based on preferences that children obviously show.
Yes, ma'am, we do that to make it easier for our customers.
Because 99% of those who have boys go to one section, and 99% of those who have girls go to the other.
And nine out of ten times, it's the child leading the parent to these sections.
So, that's fucking discrimination!
That's disgusting.
That's not true.
It's just entirely socialized.
How dare you?
Well, ma'am, it just makes our customer shopping experience much easier.
But fuck you!
You are evil and part of the patriarchy.
I'm a feminist because in 10th grade someone called my best friend a pussy and it tore him up for weeks.
Thanks for showing us exactly why they called him a pussy.
And I realized the worst insult was to be compared to a woman.
Yeah, because nobody actually wants to be called what they are.
They want to be told they are actually the opposite.
Because boys are shamed for being emotionally open, because that's a girl thing, and womanhood is weak.
Weak?
By comparison to men, yes.
If we were to have a fight, Lacey, it'd go like this.
What do you want, Lacey?
I want to fight you.
Alright, we can fight if you want.
I'm gonna hit you back, though.
You're not allowed to hit me back.
I'm a woman, and boys are stronger than girls, so they're not allowed to hit them.
Oh, I thought you weren't weak, though.
I'm not weak.
But you're making it so I can't hit you back, meaning this isn't a fair competition.
It's not fair competition because you're stronger than me.
That means you're weak, then, doesn't it?
No.
Never mind the fact that it was most likely a woman who pushed your body out of her vagina.
So?
That's not evidence of strength.
That's evidence of biological fucking function.
I'm a feminist because my father never once did the laundry, made dinner, or cleaned the house.
I bet he had a fucking job, though, didn't he?
When I suggested he help, my grandpa told me I was out of my damn mind.
Wow.
Wow.
Out of my mind.
Am I taking crazy pills?
Yes, you fucking are.
Because he's worked 40 hours a week and your mother probably didn't have a job going by the sound of this example.
So it would have gone like this.
Dad, why didn't you help mum with the dishes?
Because I've been fucking at work all day and I want to relax.
I've had a hard fucking day.
Well, that's no excuse.
Mum's had a hard day too.
She's mopped a few floors.
And she caught up with all her favourite soaps on daytime TV.
You can't compare with that.
Oh, fucking hell.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I am serious.
You're a terrible.
Lucy, come on.
He has been at work all day.
Your mother hasn't.
Let him have a rest.
Oh, Granddad, what are you talking about?
Lucy, are you out of your damn mind?
I'm out of my mind.
I'm buying crazy pills or something.
I'm a feminist because people still say that asexual, bisexual, and trans folk don't exist.
Which are totally relevant to equality for women.
I'm a feminist because same-sex marriage is a no-brainer.
Because in 34 states, it's legal to discriminate against someone who's transgender.
Really?
Really?
You don't have to be a feminist to oppose this.
I think it's wrong to discriminate against gays and transsexuals too.
And I think the last thing anyone would call me is a fucking feminist.
I'm a feminist because representation!
It matters!
In LGBT votes, women, and particularly women of colour, hardly ever have their stories told on screen.
And how much of the audience come into that category?
I doubt it's five fucking percent.
I'm a feminist because I believe that the world should be safe for girls.
But not men because all men are rapists.
Everywhere.
Because half the girls in Yemen will become child brides.
Because 65% of Brazilians believe that a woman who dresses in revealing clothes deserves to be raped.
Because in Saudi Arabia, women still can't vote or drive.
Thanks for pointing out the places that I may likely move to.
Seriously though, well done for actually getting to the places that actually need feminism.
Notice the disparity between the toys in Toys R Us and the fact that women aren't allowed out by themselves, not able to drive, and they have to wear incredibly covering clothing and whatnot.
Do you see the difference?
This is called false equivalency.
These aren't the same fucking thing.
This didn't happen because Saudi Arabia actually was a really liberal and open society.
And then Toys R Us came in, started dividing the toys into gender-specific aisles, and then boom, women aren't allowed out of the house, they're not allowed to drive, and they're not treated as people.
I'm a feminist because in every corner of the world, every day, women's bodies are used as a battleground in wars started by men.
Raped, beaten, sold into slavery, mutilated, burned with acid.
I'm a feminist.
I'm a feminist because I'm so fucking stupid to think that the consequences of a war are the causes of a war.
And it's because when I dare to get pissed off at injustice, I'm just another angry feminist who's on her period.
If you had some actual injustices, people wouldn't dismiss you.
I'm a feminist because of the reality that there are people who would take these words more seriously.
If they are coming out of my mouth.
He hasn't said anything stupid yet.
If he said loads of stupid stuff, we wouldn't listen to him either.
Most of all, I'm a feminist because I believe in gender equality.
And my eyes are open.
My mind is active.
Liar.
I know.
We're not there yet.
Yet, obviously being unchallengeable female superiority.
▲
Export Selection