| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
I Need Feminism Now!
00:05:54
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|
| I wasn't actually going to do a video like this. | |
| They're quite quite common, but these things keep popping up on my Facebook feed and on various websites I go to. | |
| And frankly, I'm fucking sick of them. | |
| So enjoy. | |
| I need feminism because I don't want to be noticed just because of my appearance. | |
| Well, you better staple your women's studies diploma to your fucking face then, you moron. | |
| What are people going to notice when they first look at you? | |
| Your fucking appearance. | |
| I need feminism because some people still think they don't. | |
| We are the Borg, you will be assimilated. | |
| I need feminism because society teaches us don't get raped rather than don't rape. | |
| As if don't rape isn't tacitly implied in the law against rape, you fucking stupid woman. | |
| I need feminism because no one debates whether men can have it all. | |
| Possibly because men are not so fucking stupid as to think they can have it all. | |
| They know that there is only so much one can have in a single lifetime. | |
| And so they plan for one thing and not the other because they know they can't have both. | |
| You have been fucking deluded. | |
| You have been deceived. | |
| When someone says, women can, you can have it all. | |
| You could be a six foot five black basketball player. | |
| Look at yourself and think, actually, maybe these people are talking fucking shit. | |
| I need feminism because I was sexually assaulted and it's not okay. | |
| What did the judge say? | |
| He said it was just fine. | |
| Oh, well, if the judge said it's just fine, get the fuck out. | |
| Everyone knows it's not okay, you fucking idiot. | |
| Do you know what a platitude is? | |
| I need feminism because I am tired of feeling safe in the street at night only because I get misgendered. | |
| Now, I'm going to interpret that, that this is a woman who is mistakenly identified as a man. | |
| What is this person arguing for? | |
| What do they think feminism is going to do for them? | |
| make them feel unsafe at the street at night because they get misgendered, or do you think it's going to make criminals and rapists go, wait, that's, ah, I'm glad I took that woman's studies course because that's actually a woman and we can rape her. | |
| Let's get in, lads. | |
| I need feminism because the fact that female students make up 15% of the mechanical engineering department is considered normal and acceptable. | |
| Oh yes, I forgot about the feminist Gestapo that's going to round up women and press gang them into work they don't want to do. | |
| Well done. | |
| I suppose you will need feminism for that because there's literally no other way to make women do these jobs. | |
| I need feminism because my self-worth does not depend on my exterior attractiveness, size or beauty. | |
| Well, if they're the only things you have, it very much does. | |
| If, for example, you're like a man and you're not very beautiful, then yes, your self-worth is going to have to rely on something else. | |
| The reason a lot of women allow their self-worth to depend on their attractiveness is because a lot of the time, these women are naturally attractive. | |
| They just happen to be appealing to men. | |
| This often gives them a free pass in life. | |
| I don't agree with it, but it is the way it is. | |
| We need feminism because, drum roll, women comedians are still treated as second rate. | |
| Sorry, you paratroglodytes. | |
| Were you expecting me to say something to that? | |
| Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps you're not comedians because you're not fucking funny? | |
| No, of course that didn't occur to you. | |
| It's obviously misogyny. | |
| It's obviously that it's not that you're not funny. | |
| It's that everyone else is a misogynist. | |
| And the reason no one laughs is because they're standing there thinking, but I have been socially conditioned to know that women are not funny. | |
| And so I'm not allowed to laugh at any of their jokes. | |
| I tell you what, we'll all have a big meeting and say, right, okay, women are now going to officially be funny. | |
| So now everyone is legally obliged to laugh at a woman's joke. | |
| That is the only way you are going to be comedians. | |
| I need feminism because my female co-worker said she wouldn't work for a company with a female CEO. | |
| Women in power are moody bitches. | |
| Well, that should tell you something, shouldn't it? | |
| If that is the honest observation of one of your female co-workers, maybe it's not that she inherently hates women. | |
| Maybe she's just looked at her female bosses and thought, these women are really poorly equipped for rule. | |
| They are not good at managing people. | |
| They are self-centered, egotistical, and vain, and these qualities do not a good leader make. | |
| My fucking God, you need feminism, and you need feminism now to stop people making honest and valid criticisms about women who are probably in power because of gender quotas. | |
| Yes, that's right, you definitely need feminism. | |
| I need feminism because little girls are still being told that boys hitting or teasing them means he likes you. | |
|
Feminism and Male Expression
00:04:01
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|
| You know what? | |
| It does. | |
| Little boys are not great at expressing themselves. | |
| I don't think children in general are great at expressing themselves. | |
| And so when a boy gives a girl attention like this, it means he does like her. | |
| I remember doing this to girls in the playground myself. | |
| I remember seeing other boys do it. | |
| I'm sure that little boys now still do it. | |
| I think they probably did it when we were in caves banging rocks together. | |
| It's just how boys are. | |
| But yeah, let's have feminism what? | |
| Change the very nature of men. | |
| Yeah, good luck with that. | |
| I need feminism because I don't know how to cook and I don't want to. | |
| Revel in your stupidity. | |
| That's right. | |
| I don't know how to do this and I don't want to. | |
| I'm proud of not knowing how to do something. | |
| Well, fucking done. | |
| I need feminism because I didn't come here to get a Mrs. degree. | |
| I'm guessing that you're at university and they don't do Mrs. degrees. | |
| I don't think any university before or after feminism ever will, so pointless. | |
| But obviously you're trying to say, look, I'm a strong independent fish who doesn't need a bicycle and therefore I'm not going to get a bicycle. | |
| Well, don't. | |
| It's your choice, but you're quite a good-looking girl, so I'm going to guess you're going to eventually give in to your feminine instincts, get a husband, and then be like, well, shit, I wasn't meant to get a husband. | |
| Then you're going to ruin your marriage. | |
| By splitting up, you'll probably have an affair with some random guy, and then he'll fuck off, and you'll be all on your own with your cats. | |
| And then you'll think, how has this happened? | |
| How has I cannot believe feminism has led me so astray? | |
| But it'll be too late by then because you'll be old and unattractive and no one will care. | |
| You could use a bit of foresight now and plan the life that you are going to want later because every fucking woman seems to want it. | |
| But no, you know what? | |
| You carry on flopping around on the floor. | |
| I need feminism because my culture stigmatizes emotional expression. | |
| So sometimes I hate being a girl because I cry more easily. | |
| Oh, boo fucking who? | |
| It's not that your culture stigmatises emotional expression, it's that emotions are personal and therefore everyone is dealing with them. | |
| They're dealing with their own. | |
| They don't want to deal with yours. | |
| They expect you to deal with yours because you are an adult, or I would have guessed anyway, and you are meant to deal with these things yourself. | |
| If you're going to cry, that's fine. | |
| Go and cry. | |
| But don't cry about it. | |
| I need feminism because I'm tired of feeling unmanly for enjoying my girlfriend's strap on. | |
| The best bit about this picture isn't just the words, it's the earnest look on his face. | |
| Oh mate, are you tired of feeling unmanly for enjoying your girlfriend's strap-on? | |
| That's terrible. | |
| But I tell you what, your girlfriend pinning you down to the bed and fucking your asshole is not manly. | |
| So, you know what? | |
| You're going to have to just feel unmanly when she's reaming your butt. | |
| I need feminism because no means no. | |
| But sometimes yes doesn't mean yes. | |
| Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have come to the crowning turd in the punch bowl. | |
| This is exactly why people need feminism. | |
| Because sometimes I want to have my fucking cake and eat it at the same time. | |
| My God, no woman. | |
| Fuck you. | |
| Fuck you. | |
| Yes means yes. | |
| If you say yes, then you consent. | |
| If you don't consent, don't say yes. | |
| Anyway, fuck these idiots. | |
| They are literally all fucking idiots. | |