John Lovitz and the hosts dissect Michael X. Barton's "Venusian Health Magic," where he claims telepathic contact with master Lanzara cured Jim Lindy's decades of constipation via a raw fruit fast. They critique the book's assertions that cooked food destroys "lifetrans" and that Venusians are ascended humans, noting how these pseudoscientific ideas influenced figures like Steve Jobs. While mocking the absurdity of cleansing rivers in dreams to remove negative atoms, they highlight Lindy's undigitized occult library as a lost treasure trove, ultimately questioning the validity of such esoteric health remedies versus modern medicine. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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John Lovitz Beats Up Andy Dick00:02:55
Cool zone media.
We're back.
And I'm thinking about the time John Lovitz beat up Andy Dick.
I was also thinking about that earlier today.
Why?
Yeah.
Because it's one of, like, it's just a good moment of American history, Molly.
It's a time.
It's like the landings at Normandy, right?
It's one of those moments that just makes me, and I'm proud to be an American.
He had it coming.
I think it happened multiple times.
Oh my gosh.
And that was before Andy Dick got caught hanging out with those neo-Nazis.
No, but that was after Andy Dick played a role in the death of one of the greatest voice actors of any generation.
Kill Phil Hartman.
He did kind of help kill Phil Hartman, yes.
And this is relevant.
It's not relevant, but it's come up because I just saw a clip of that Hassan, the guy with the very popular leftist streamer guy interviewing one of the Pod Save bros.
Yeah, different John Lovett.
John Lovett, who I had all this time in my head been assuming John Lovitz was on Pod Save America and been like, that doesn't make any sense at all.
Isn't he like conservative?
I don't know much about John Lovitz other than that he beat up Andy Dick, but absolutely not.
It's some fucking guy.
Very unimpressive.
I'm talking about that, but I don't know.
100% me too.
Yes.
I wish John Lovitz was on that podcast now.
I don't know any of his opinions.
I assume most of them outside of his Andy Dick opinions are bad, but I just can't hear John Lovitz's voice and not think of the critic.
And that makes me happy.
I mean, what better way to find out all of someone's awful opinions than putting them on a podcast?
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Podcast on the last episode of this podcast.
I promised to show listeners the horseshoe.
Sophie's weird knife.
Yeah.
Robert.
Oh, it shows your cool knife.
This is my cool knife.
Robert got it for me for my birthday a few years back.
Yeah, in the hope that you would find out how to use it.
How do you use that thing?
You can use it for, I use it for primarily for like a cheese board or you can or for herb slicing.
It's a rocking motion.
Yeah, it's got I didn't get any props.
Should I have brought a prop to the part two?
But isn't it stunning?
You should always bring a prop.
By the way, my prop, this sword right here that I brought up in the last episode.
It's nice.
It's nice.
It's actually a direct bladesmith that I know, whose name I'll give you in a minute, read a new fantasy series.
One of the books in it is called The Daughter's War.
It's very good.
You should check it out.
I read them both as well.
And so when I saw he'd made a sword based on those books and it was very reasonably priced, I was like, oh shit, I got to get it.
If you look to our Blademaker, Randall Blademaker on Twitter, you can find his shit.
He's very good.
The Mystery of Valiant Thor's Sword00:03:35
And again, opens a YouTube package like a son of a bitch.
I also pruned a fig tree with this bad boy the other day.
Pretty good time.
Multi-purpose.
Your fig tree is a scary fig tree.
It's massive.
Yeah.
Giant.
Yeah.
So I guess we got to get back to it, huh?
Apparently.
This is an iHeart podcast.
Guaranteed human.
When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands.
I vowed I will be his last target.
He is not going to get away with this.
He's going to get what he deserves.
We always say that.
Trust your girlfriends.
Listen to the girlfriends.
Trust me, babe.
On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
What's up, everyone?
I'm Ego Modern.
Next guest, it's Will Farrell.
My dad gave me the best advice ever.
He goes, just give it a shot.
But if you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit.
If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspiration.
It would not be on a calendar of, you know, the cat just hang in there.
Yeah, it would not be.
Right, it wouldn't be that.
There's a lot of life.
Listen to Thanksgiving on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
In 2023, bachelor star Clayton Eckard was accused of fathering twins, but the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax.
You doctored this particular test twice, Miss Owens, correct?
I doctored the test once.
It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern.
Two more men who'd been through the same thing.
Regalespi and Michael Manchini.
My mind was blown.
I'm Stephanie Young.
This is Love Trapped.
Laura, Scottsdale Police.
As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences.
Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
10-10 shots five, city hall building.
How did this ever happen in City Hall?
Somebody tell me that.
A shocking public murder.
This is one of the most dramatic events that really ever happened in New York City politics.
They screamed, get down, get down.
Those are shots.
A tragedy that's now forgotten.
And a mystery that may or may not have been political.
That may have been about sex.
Listen to Rorschach, murder at City Hall on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
During our, I guess we were gone for several days and or 10 minutes, I did discover that someone has made a LinkedIn page for Valiant Thor.
I don't think he is still alive, but he does have a LinkedIn page that shows he still works at the Space Missile Defense Command.
Oh, that's good.
That's good.
Okay.
What is he doing at this point?
Like, what's the job title?
Advisor to the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Uh-huh.
Yep.
Yeah.
The Space Missile Defense Command is part of the army.
So he advises the Joint Chiefs of Staff in that capacity.
Valiant Thor sitting in.
So Donald Trump is presumably having meetings with Valiant Thor at this point in time.
He's at the table.
That's comforting, actually, you know, because he seems like he's got our best interests at heart.
Reincarnated Venusians Heal Earth00:12:39
Speaking of which, shall we get back into our book, Venusian Health Magic and Venusian Secret Science by Michael X. Barton.
Just a beautiful tome.
I love the word.
Gorgeous.
It smells slightly of incense.
I assume that's because wherever they print these books, a lot of people are burning a lot of incense.
All right.
So are we ready to get back into our friend Michael X Barton and his story, his experiences with Lanzara and Shalana, who have transcended their earthly bodies, but not the patriarchy, as we noted in the last episode, Molly.
I'm ready to get healed.
I'm ready to get healed.
You're ready to get healed?
Well, this is going to tell you how.
Reveal it to me.
Yeah.
And the spoiler is it's just fruit.
It's a shitload of fruit, Molly.
Lanzara.
And so he's talking to, he reaches out after like having a hanging out with his buddy.
You know, they go to bed.
His friend is sick.
You know, he's been, he's been just getting worse and worse over the last couple of years.
And Michael convenes with Lanzara to ask him, how do I help my buddy Jim get better?
And Lanzara, when he last communicated with me telepathically, had taught me many astounding facts regarding the wonderful health and amazing longevity of the people of Venus.
To a true student of the occult or hidden side of life, none of the Venusian secret science is the least bit impractical or even fantastic.
You and I know that all the higher teachings of life are far more practical and true than the mere human mind can realize at first.
In time, as the personal vibrations become raised into higher and still higher octaves of being, all limitations vanish, and man's spirit controls matter.
Those of you who have studied Venusian secret science, in which I related my series of contacts with Lanzara, know that he gave me special suggestions to observe in regard to the new age diet as well as other matters.
By applying these suggestions and sticking to them until they become positive habits in my daily life, I discovered to my great joy that my health improved immensely.
But that is not the only practical benefit.
My mental and spiritual faculties became much more keener and active than ever before.
So he's doing well.
And he wakes up his friend Jim Lindy the next day and he's like, Look, I got to tell you about some of this Venusian magic.
I know.
I'm very excited.
And Jim says, You talk as if you really know much more about the space people than you're letting on.
That's that's he does.
He does.
He absolutely does.
So he's happy that Jim is open-minded to his suggestions.
Um, and he takes him to his apartment.
Uh, yeah.
Um, we arrived at my apartment dwelling within 30 minutes from the time we left the airport.
It is a large apartment, not new, but well-constructed and designed for human comfort and convenience.
The rooms are large and cheerfully decorated.
My housekeeper, Lenore, occupies another apartment in the same vicinity.
She is a gentle and gracious soul, deeply interested in the advanced teachings of the Venusians.
By putting their teachings into practice in her own life, Lenore succeeded in outwitting to a great extent the effects of Father Time.
She's how is this Zillow ad helping me understand my life trons?
Unclear.
She is very youthful looking.
In her estimation, mere calendar years are of little importance.
The thing that matters most is biological age, as the flexibility or one's cells and arteries.
By true standards, Lenore is indeed young.
I'm really trying to get a grip on what his relationship with Lenore is, and it is very unclear.
It's his housekeeper, but he seems to know a lot about her flexibility.
And again, within the parlance of these essays, the fact that he's talking about like, she's old, but she doesn't look it much better than what you normally get.
So I'm not going to harp too much on this stuff.
So, yeah, Jim accepts the emotion to stay or the invitation to stay.
They have dinner and it's just fruit salad.
Jim has a great time because, quote, a vital natural diet is Earthman's first step in preparing himself physically and spiritually to meet the space people.
You can't talk to the Venusians otherwise.
Is it possible that these guys just weren't getting enough fiber before and that's why they feel better right away?
That's actually very likely.
They were eating a 60s diet, which consisted of nothing but fried cheese.
Like Salisbury steak and cigarettes.
Like he hasn't shit in days.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's his problem.
Since Michael left in 1953, Jim has not taken a shit.
Doctors can't figure it out.
It hurts so bad.
I just imagine this like conclave.
There's like 30 doctors in lab coats all chain smoking.
Paul Malls.
No idea what's wrong.
What could it be?
I don't know.
Why don't we go get some Salisbury steak?
We brought Robert.
I mean, I don't know if you guys heard the news, but cat turd has a bowel impaction.
So this is a very real problem facing America's men.
So we're returning to tradition on this stuff.
Oh, good times.
So sorry, I skipped ahead a little bit earlier.
Now is where he bids Jim goodnight, saying that, like, you know, tomorrow, tonight I'm going to talk to my Venusian master, and then we're going to, we're going to start your health program.
So I wonder, I know you're wondering, Molly, you know, the question everyone has, how do you get into contact with people from Venus?
Well, thank God, Michael details in this book his regular procedure.
First, he raises the vibratory rate of his psychic brain centers, the pituitary and pineal glands.
Actually, I need a step before that one.
That can't be step one.
That is step one.
Are there substance?
That's the step one.
Substep.
He places psychic gyms, telolith, and lapis lingua directly over his pituitary and pineal glands, and he exerts mild pressure with his hands.
He then visualizes a beam of white light shining from the center of his forehead towards Venus.
On this beam of light, I sent out my call to Master Lanzara and patiently awaited his response to the message.
So he's pressing a crystal.
Two crystals, Molly.
Two crystals.
One crystal is not going to do it.
If you've just got one crystal, you're getting nowhere.
It's like a pituitary gland.
It's somewhere up in your head.
So I imagine he's like pressing a crystal to the front and back of his head.
Yeah, I think that's something like that because the pineal gland's like right here.
If I'm remembering various paintings by Alex Gray about taking DMT.
Yeah, it would make sense if the other one was back here.
So he's got a crystal on either side of his head and he's thinking about a pillar of light and then he sends his message.
You know, it's just like calling ATT, Molly.
Okay, this makes perfect sense to me.
Go on.
No one listening to this podcast has called ATT in their entire lifespan.
I don't know what to tell.
Anyway, a minute passed, two minutes.
Then suddenly I felt the same strange sensation that invariably happens whenever a message is sent to me from the space people.
I can only partially describe it by saying that it is a physical, mental, and spiritual feeling of at one moment with another living, thinking human being whose vibrations are extraordinarily harmonious.
As his dynamic thoughts are conveyed one by one to my mind, I feel a sense of unusual peace, harmony, joyous stimulation, and timelessness.
For a few precious moments, time ceases to be, and I am strongly aware only of his magnetic presence, his consciousness, and the living truth of his vital message.
Briefly, this is the feeling of attunement that came to me after I had sent out my call to Lanzara.
With this feeling, there also came into my awareness the special musical tone in the key of D, with which Lanzara makes his presence known to me by telethought.
Now, Molly, that's a capitalized word.
That's telegram, but with your thoughts, telethought.
Although it is spelled like telegram, but for like thoughts, like the kids talk about, T-H-O-T.
Oh, no.
Yeah, makes me giggle a little bit every time I come across that bad boy.
Yeah.
Yeah, the number of words he's creating and capitalizing is...
He has unique...
The Venusians have a unique attitude towards capitalizing words.
They've ascended from our grammatical system, Molly.
Right.
They've moved beyond it.
They've graduated from it.
Yeah, yeah.
They're much better than us in that way and every other way.
As his dynamic thoughts are conveyed one by one to my mind, I feel a sense of unusual peace, harmony, joyous stimulation, and timelessness.
Where does he feel that?
That's unclear, Molly.
Joyous stimulation could mean a lot of things.
And in this context, most of them aren't things I want to think about Michael X doing.
For a few precious moments, time ceases to be, and I'm strongly aware only of his magnetic presence, his consciousness, and the living truth of his vital message.
Briefly, this is the feeling of attunement that came to me after I had sent out my call to Lanzara.
With this feeling, there also came into my awareness the special musical tone in the key of D, with which Lanzara makes his presence known to me by telethought.
His masterful thoughts followed the musical tone.
Greetings, Michael X. Blessings of life, love, and ever-increasing light to you and all our loved ones on planet Earth.
Once again, it is our privilege and joy to serve our Earth brothers and sisters and assist them in their upward evolution.
You, beloved brother, were right in reasoning that we know of the serious illness of your dear friend Jim Lindy.
We have been aware of his plight for some time, but it was not until recently.
I love the idea.
Billions of humans.
This is the 60s.
You know, millions of people are being incinerated from the air in Vietnam.
There is so much suffering in the world.
But these Venusians are like, oh, yeah, Jim, of course.
We can't stop talking about Jim Lindy.
Jim's obviously special, right?
Because he's seen the crap.
He is special.
And that wasn't a coincidence.
Look, this is the man who's gone the longest amount of time without shitting.
And as Venus talk of the Liftronic health spot, we can't put people back together when they get blown to shit by a C-130.
But what we can do is help Jim Lindy to shit.
Like, just get him a bowl of honeydew melon.
Yeah, that is literally the prescription.
As much melon as you can fit in your body.
Wow.
We have been aware of his plight for some time, but it was not until recently that we could act in his behalf without interfering with his own will.
Fortunately, Jim Lindy is open-minded regarding us.
That is most important.
We can and shall help him.
We shall point out certain health secrets, which should not be secrets at all, but common knowledge to earthlings.
At the Liftronic Healing Center on Venus, we give out these and other teachings freely so that all Venusians learn how to work with nature's upbuilding measures from infancy on.
So there are native-born Venusians.
They're not all ascended, which means it exists because like our Venus does not grow melons, Molly.
It's not a good melon climate.
I don't know if you spend a lot of time there.
Cosmology here.
So there have been both human beings from Earth who have ascended to Venus.
And become Venusians, yes.
And then there are also human beings on Earth who are reincarnated from native Venusians.
Or are they the reincarnations of humans who ascended to Venus, became Venusian, and then reincarnated back?
It does appear to go birth both ways.
And I would guess it's a matter of here's my guess.
If I'm coming up with a cosmology, is it a punishment if you get born with birth?
Venusians, we split off at some point, right?
The ancient people who traveled into space, some of them wound up in Venus and they stayed smart, whereas we developed daytime television, which really took us, did a number on us.
So the Venusians who were smart and, you know, they still love us.
They still care about us.
And when a human being is like wise and enlightened enough, they're able to see and communicate with his soul and bring it to Venus.
But their interactions with Venusians who humans who have ascended to Venus make some of the nice Venusians feel very empathetic towards Earth.
So they choose to die and be reincarnated on Earth to help us.
And that's where Jesus comes from.
I was going to ask.
I was actually selling this.
That's how I'm selling this.
No, because you said the X is to honor Christ.
And so usually guys that still believe in the existence of Jesus Christ, but are also alien guys, they think Jesus was an alien.
Well, that's exactly it.
And in this, it's a little more complicated that the aliens are humans, but they didn't come from Earth.
So Jesus chose to leave Venus and incarnate on Earth.
Yes, that's my interpretation of this.
I'm up to speed.
I'm on board.
Prions and the Chronic Wasting Disease00:15:18
You're up to speed.
You're good?
All right, let's continue.
So, yeah, they're going to give him some secrets.
In Jim Lindy's case, he must first intensify his desire to be well.
Then he must himself send forth his desire directly to us, and we shall give him a sign of our recognition and illumine, his inner consciousness.
Illumine.
I'm not sure if they were trying to say illuminate.
I don't think illumine is a word.
Illumine him.
Illumine him.
So look that one up, please.
His inner consciousness from time to time.
This we shall do by a series of all caps, dream contacts.
Okay.
I-L-L-U-M-I-N-E.
It is.
So it is.
It can be a literary way of saying to brighten something like illuminate, but also it can be to spiritually or intellectually enlighten.
You know what?
I got to give it to Michael X.
I learned something today.
Yeah.
This is literature, right?
We all learned something today.
You know what?
Why don't we meditate on that?
Get some rocks, stick them on one side of your head and another, push them in a little bit, think of a pillar of light, and listen to these ads.
Do you think the rare earth medals inside my iPhone count?
Should I press that to myself?
It looks like a couple of phones to your head.
It doesn't matter.
Fuck it.
There's two golden rules that any man should live by.
Rule one: never mess with a country girl.
You play stupid games, you get stupid prizes.
And rule two, never mess with her friends either.
We always say, trust your girlfriends.
I'm Anna Sinfield, and in this new season of The Girlfriends.
Oh my God, this is the same man.
A group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist.
I felt like I got hit by a truck.
I thought, how could this happen to me?
The cops didn't seem to care.
So they take matters into their own hands.
I said, oh, hell no.
I vowed I will be his last target.
He's going to get what he deserves.
Listen to the girlfriends.
Trust me, babe.
On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
What's up, everyone?
I'm Ego Modern.
My next guest, you know, from Step Brothers, Anchorman, Saturday Night Live, and the Big Money Players Network.
It's Will Farrell.
My dad gave me the best advice ever.
I went and had lunch with him one day, and I was like, and dad, I think I want to really give this a shot.
I don't know what that means, but I just know the groundlings.
I'm working my way up through and I know it's a place to come look for up and coming talent.
He said, if it was based solely on talent, I wouldn't worry about you, which is really sweet.
Yeah.
He goes, but there's so much luck involved.
And he's like, just give it a shot.
He goes, but if you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit.
If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspiration.
It would not be on a calendar of, you know, the cat just hang in there.
Yeah, it would not be.
Right, it wouldn't be that.
There's a lot of luck.
Listen to Thanks Dad on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
10-10 shots fired.
City hall building.
A silver .40 caliber handgun was recovered at the scene.
From iHeart Podcasts and Best Case Studios, this is Rorschach, murder at City Hall.
How could this have happened in City Hall?
Somebody tell me that!
Jeffrey Hood did.
July 2003, Councilman James E. Davis arrives at New York City Hall with a guest.
Both men are carrying concealed weapons.
And in less than 30 minutes, both of them will be dead.
Everybody in the chamber's ducks.
A shocking public murder.
I scream, get down, get down.
Those are shots.
Those are shots.
Get down.
A charismatic politician.
You know, he just bent the rules all the time.
I still have a weapon.
And I could shoot you.
And an outsider with a secret.
He allegedly a victim of flat down.
That may or may not have been political.
That may have been about sex.
Listening to Rorschach, murder at City Hall on the iHeartRadio app.
Apple Podcasts are wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Lori Siegel, and I'm Mostly Human.
I go beyond the headlines with the people building our future.
This week, an interview with one of the most influential figures in Silicon Valley, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman.
I think society is going to decide that creators of AI products bear a tremendous amount of responsibility to products we put out in the world.
From power to parenthood.
Kids, teenagers, I think they will need a lot of guardrails around AI.
This is such a powerful and such a new thing.
From addiction to acceleration.
The world we live in is a competitive world, and I don't think that's going to stop.
Even if you did a lot of redistribution, you know, we have a deep desire to excel and be competitive and gain status and be useful to others.
And it's a multiplayer game.
What does the man who has extraordinary influence over our lives have to say about the weight of that responsibility?
Find out a Mostly Human.
My highest order bit is to not destroy the world of AI.
Listen to Mostly Human on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
We're back.
Actually, Molly, I kind of think the iPhones might do better because obviously the lifeblood of whatever child harvested those rare earth minerals is built into your life phone, so it's haunted.
And the ghost is probably like, that's like, that's like bringing in a guy to tune your TV antenna.
Again, another thing no one has done in fucking 35 years.
Good stuff.
So, Jim Lindy.
I'm illumined.
Yeah, we have all been illumined on the word illumin.
They're going to do this by a series of dream contacts, which will be made by us while Jim is sleeping soundly at night.
He will at those times experience unusually vivid dreams, each containing a vitally important message that's important for him to regain his health.
You believe then, I said quickly, that Jim Lindy can be cured so he will once again be vigorous and healthy?
There are no cures, replied Lanzara.
Jim's present state of painful illness was created by himself through his own unwise actions of eating nothing but Salisbury Steak for 42 years.
I do love the undercurrent of like, well, he can't get better until he actually wants to because he's sick because he doesn't want it bad enough.
There's a degree to which they're kind of being reasonable because what they're literally saying is like, there's a line here.
Those who claim they can cure disease are charlatans.
They're only fooling themselves and those homeist souls who turn to them in misguided trust and confidence.
The simple truth is, humanity, but then we get to this.
The simple truth is humanity does not have to cure disease.
All it needs to do is stop causing it, right?
Which you can do by only eating raw fruit, you know?
I was like, I went through whiplash there.
I was like, oh, maybe this isn't going to be set up.
No, there we go.
Okay.
I feel like a lot of people who are selling you something dangerous will make a valid point about how everyone else who's doing that is pretty bad.
Uh-huh.
But I'm not.
I'm selling you the good lead vitamins.
I'm selling you the good, responsible life advice.
So Jim's got to rebuild, like, rebuild his health by reversing the pattern of disease and being healthy.
And this is a super fast process if you do it right.
Now, normally it's very slow.
The average person on Earth, if they're sick, they have no control over the healing process, right?
You have to replace the thetans with the lifetrons.
Yes, yes.
You must consider the natural time factor and allow for it.
But, and this is Lanzara again, many thousands of years ago, reckoning according to your Earth time, the greatest minds of Venus found that the time factor in nature could be so minimized and reduced that we were able to accomplish results in weeks where formerly years were required.
Then we progressed to a point where we could do so much in only a few days as we used to do in several weeks.
Finally, our greatest breakthrough came when we discovered how to collapse time, all caps, within our own consciousness, so that the positive results were realized in mere seconds and minutes that previously took many hours and days to achieve.
At the Life Tron at Keeling A Center on Venus, we had long studied the simple, marvelous laws of the universe and the forces of nature.
Knowing as we did that these natural laws are designed by the creator for the good of all life, we did not attempt to change the unchangeable.
Instead, we did our best to learn those wonderful laws and attune ourselves with them.
As we ourselves learned higher truths, we taught themselves to all the people and showed them how to apply simple methods that brought health and happiness into their lives.
To study and apply all that we could discover of our creator's simple but wonderful principles brings us all the greatest of joys.
Our delight is, as your psalm has it, in the law of the Lord.
Okay, I think this guy's bullshitting us because he was like, oh, we want to share these secrets to everyone.
They shouldn't even be secrets.
We want to tell them to everyone.
But you knew Jim was sick.
You juju has been waiting for me.
You can hold him out on our boy Jim because he wasn't ready because he liked it.
So you want to share it with everybody you got.
No, he had to come and eat a bowl of fruit.
Lanzara is fucking gaslighting us.
What's left out of this recitation of events is that while Michael is communing with Lanzara, his friend Jim Lindy, who just ate his first fiber in like 20 years, fighting for his life.
You know, those hemorrhoids are hurting.
That poor man.
Oh, man.
Nearly killed him.
Wow.
Our people, Lanzara continued, became aware that health is the physical physical body's normal reaction to a normal environment.
So I know you're wondering how do you make your environment normal so you can cure all your illnesses, right?
Very simple.
Number one, vital air.
Number two, vital sunlight.
Number three, vital food.
And number four, vital water.
That's all you need.
See, there's four supreme essentials to human life, right?
And these are all in vital forms, or as most of us do, you can assume them in dead forms.
What is that?
Vital air.
That means the air is alive, Sophie.
You need to positronically charge it with the crystals.
Obviously, Sophie, keep up.
These are the four essentials, right?
And if you have all of these, you can't get sick, right?
But most people consume dead air, weak sunlight, dead food, and dead water.
I'm over there and charging my air.
Oh, yes.
Okay, so we got crystals.
Got to be live food.
Got to make sure your water is not dead.
Have you heard the conspiracy theory that they replace the sun with a different, weaker sun?
Yes.
And I do believe it.
So I think that's what the problem is: like, we're not consuming vital sun.
We're not getting nearly enough vital shit.
We got this like stupid, fucked-up sun.
Yeah.
The sun sucks.
Our water super juice.
I do.
It is very funny to me that like he has to be talking about like water that comes straight from like a stream and is full of Giardia.
Like it is alive.
There are living things in that.
It's not good for you.
You don't want some.
Yeah.
He does have there's a whole ranch in here about how mineral water is killing you because rocks are dead.
But the crystals are alive.
You know, that is that is a contradiction in his cosmology that I don't think Michael X ever really grapples with.
Man, if I, if I ever get to Venus, I'm going to be there Socrates.
They're going to kill me for being so annoying.
They are going to poison you.
They're going to make you drink Venusian hemlock because you're like, I don't know, guys, you have a lot of crystals around here.
They seem pretty fucking dead to me.
Just a Socrates of Venus.
Yeah.
So what they're telling, what they're telling our boy Michael is that his friend Jim Lindy, he's been breathing dead air instead of live, fresh, moving air, inactive air.
It's like a stagnant pool of water.
It contains almost no positive electricity.
That's why dogs put their head out the window in the car.
Dogs understand all of this, Molly.
And that's why dogs drink water that is disgusting.
You're looking for the most vital vital water.
They can't.
None of that dead water.
I'm going to drink from a toilet somebody left out in the field filled with water from the rain and moss.
Oh, the best water has stuff wiggling in it.
That's right.
Dogs love that shit.
Cannot get enough of it.
Grabbing all my crystals that are near my desk.
All you have to do is a surprising amount.
I'm pounding a Dr. Pepper Zero sugar, which feels very vital to me.
The bubbles, the bubbles are alive.
I just really want my air to be good.
I wonder, I don't cook my kratom.
Does that count?
Is that vital?
Wait, my juice is alive.
It has to be.
Your juice is alive.
I'm going to guarantee you this guy was pro-bucha.
I'm fucking vital right now.
Although he doesn't mention it.
Maybe kombucha hadn't made it really into like new age stuff in the 60s.
That might have been a little early, the early 60s.
That might have been a little too early for it.
I just want to say.
Oh, yeah.
It's alive.
It's alive.
So, how are we bringing, how are we bringing vitality to our air?
I don't really get a clear example other than like going outside, right?
Like, this is all.
Look, like, like, honestly, like a lot of, especially earlier New Age stuff, if you do like half of what the time, if you do what they're telling you to do, it's like fine because half of what they're telling you to do is like, you need to go outside and get natural sunlight, which, like, yeah, you do.
That's like good for you.
That really hits, if you could do one thing that would hit all four of these to cure you forever so you can become Venusian and get all the lifetrons is, you know, like when you put a watermelon in a stream to cool off.
Yes.
So it's a sunny day, you're outside, it's windy, so the air is very vital.
Cold moving water.
You get that melon in the water full of deer shit, so you definitely get Giardia from eating it.
And you'll live for fucking ever.
That's right.
You get those chronic wasting disease prions in your fucking watermelon.
You're never going to die.
Only eat melon and you have giardia.
You should insist out.
Prions are very vital.
They can't be killed.
I'm going to put out a book called The Prion Driven Life and just try to see how many of the new QAnon people I can get to just consume chronic wasting disease meat.
Look, the government wants to tell you that prions are bad for you, but the more of this stuff you get in your body, if prions can't die, you'll never die.
Eating Cooked Food for Life Energy00:04:14
Probably.
Yeah, there basically was.
Because there was that British mad cow pandemic around the same time.
It spooked a lot of people.
Anyway.
Sorry, I keep bringing up diarrhea.
So, look, if there's one thing this book is going to cause, it's diarrhea.
Like, you are, you are going up to a bunch of very clogged up 50s guys and saying, what if you only ate raw fruit?
Massive quantities of it, as much as you can fit in your body.
These guys did damage to the septic system in Los Angeles.
That was a big part of why the fires got so bad.
Oh, Rob, bro.
Okay, this is actually very serious.
We need to find out if Jim's okay.
So, this is their biggest advice because Jim needs to get live food in his body.
Live.
Vital food in his body.
Vital.
Like the vast majority of humans on planet Earth, Jim Lindy has relied upon cooked food to energize his body.
This is a serious error, for it is impossible to get something vital out of something dead.
Cooked and processed out.
That's right.
As they say, cooked and processed food is nine-tenths dead for the life energy, lifetronic energy that was originally in the food has been forced out of it into the atmosphere by the vibratory action of the fire.
If one knows how to cost.
He does make the molecules move around faster, right?
And that makes me wonder.
So if I sit by a cooking fire and just breathe in, am I okay?
And he kind of says yes, because he's like, there are certain techniques that you can get more life energy out of the air so you could be okay on cooked food.
If the liftrons are like coming off it like a steam, why don't you just huff it?
Huff the steam.
Apparently that does work to a degree.
But as Lanzara notes, no true adept or master on any planet eats cooked food, for it is contrary to natural law and always has a destructive effect.
Always.
Yeah.
Oh, we get to the water here.
Jim has drunk freely from the ordinary reservoir water and of water from mineral springs of this earth.
Although this water contains a certain amount of livronic energy derived through contract with sun and air, it also contains quantities of inorganic minerals.
These minerals are too low in coarse vibration to be used by the human body.
He does kind of explain why it doesn't work like crystals.
So yeah, they just get deposited and deposited in your nerves where it's bad for you.
So they're anti-fluoride for sure.
These guys definitely would not be happy to hear fluoride being in our water.
However, I realized that live organic water is obtained by simply eating fresh, juicy fruits.
Don't drink water.
Get a camel back full of raw fruit.
That's all you need to get you through the bush.
Just the wettest fruits.
The wettest of the fruits.
Nothing but that.
So yeah, that's what keeps you alive, right?
That's what's going to help you live forever.
So folks, if you take nothing from this, eat nothing but raw fruit and you will never die and become God.
Or at least finish.
I did eat like 10 clementines earlier, so I think I'm pretty fucking vital today.
You know, when you came on this, I was like, wow, Molly looks like she has been powered by Venus.
Like, you look like you can never get sick again.
You know, as long as you're...
You definitely don't look like I stayed up all night reading old Hungarian newspapers.
No.
No, nothing goes with an old Hungarian newspaper like a Clementine.
I'm always saying that.
I've said that once, but it's true.
You know what else is true, Molly?
That all atoms are made of liftrons, which descend from the thoughtrons.
This is very funny.
I actually grabbed a couple of my crystals that I keep nearby for just such occasions in between the last couple of sentences that I read.
We cut this out, but I focused on a pillar of light as I pressed it on my head.
And Lanzara actually came down and was like, hey, man, how's it going on?
And I was like, I'm doing good.
I'm just, I'm trying to figure out how can I deliver to my audience the maximum value and joy that they need in these difficult times in order to overcome the dark energy that's constantly assailing all of us.
Musicians Playing Along with Secrets00:04:18
And he was like, I don't know, bro, maybe tell him to get off Twitter.
But then he said, listen to these ads.
There's two golden rules that any man should live by.
Rule one, never mess with a country girl.
You play stupid games, you get stupid prizes.
And rule two, never mess with her friends either.
We always say, trust your girlfriends.
I'm Anna Sinfield.
And in this new season of The Girlfriends, oh my God, this is the same man.
A group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist.
I felt like I got hit by a truck.
I thought, how could this happen to me?
The cops didn't seem to care.
So they take matters into their own hands.
I said, oh hell no.
I vowed I will be his last target.
He's going to get what he deserves.
Listen to the girlfriends.
Trust me, babe.
On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
What's up, everyone?
I'm Ego Moda.
My next guest, you know, from Step Brothers, Anchorman, Saturday Night Live, and the Big Money Players Network.
It's Will Farrell.
My dad gave me the best advice ever.
I went and had lunch with him one day, and I was like, and dad, I think I want to really give this a shot.
I don't know what that means, but I just know the groundlings.
I'm working my way up through and I know it's a place to come look for up and coming talent.
He said, if it was based solely on talent, I wouldn't worry about you, which is really sweet.
Yeah.
He goes, but there's so much luck involved.
And he's like, just give it a shot.
He goes, but if you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit.
If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspiration.
It would not be on a calendar of, you know, the cat just hang in there.
Yeah, it would not be.
Right, it wouldn't be that.
There's a lot of luck.
Listen to Thanks Dad on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
10-10 shots fired.
City Hall building.
A silver .40 caliber handgun was recovered at the scene.
From iHeart Podcasts and Best Case Studios, this is Rorschach, murder at City Hall.
How could this have happened in City Hall?
Somebody tell me that.
Jeffrey Hood did.
July 2003, Councilman James E. Davis arrives at New York City Hall with a guest.
Both men are carrying concealed weapons.
And in less than 30 minutes, both of them will be dead.
Everybody in the chamber's ducks.
A shocking public murder.
I scream, get down, get down.
Those are shots.
Those are shots.
Get down.
A charismatic politician.
You know, he just bent the rules all the time.
I still have a weapon.
And I could shoot you.
And an outsider with a secret.
He alleged you a victim of flat down.
That may or may not have been political.
That may have been about sex.
Listening to Rorschach, murder at City Hall on the iHeartRadio app.
Apple Podcasts are wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey, I'm Nora Jones, and I love playing music with people so much that my podcast called Playing Along is back.
I sit down with musicians from all musical styles to play songs together in an intimate setting.
Every episode's a little different, but it all involves music and conversation with some of my favorite musicians.
Over the past two seasons, I've had special guests like Dave Grohl, Leve, Mavis Staples, Remy Wolf, Jeff Tweedy, really too many to name.
And this season, I've sat down with Alessia Cara, Sarah McLaughlin, John Legend, and more.
Check out my new episode with Josh Grobin.
He related to the Phantom at that point.
Yeah, I was definitely the Phantom in that.
That's so funny.
Shari, stay with me each night, each morning.
Rivers of Desire and Emotional Fiber00:15:09
Say you love me.
You know I.
So come hang out with us in the studio and listen to Playing Along on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
We're back.
What do you think Lanzara looks like, Molly?
Probably really sexy.
You think he's hot?
I was going to ask.
I was like, no, that's not a responsible thing to ask a colleague.
Do you think he's hot?
I was wanting to ask, do you think he's hot?
Because I think he's hot.
That fake photo of young Stalin.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I just feel like this is the kind of cult where, like, health is beauty, beauty is health, right?
I feel like that's very much sort of baked into the vibe here.
So, like, if what is his name, Lanzara?
If Lanzara is not sexy, like, I'm not taking fruit advice from him.
No, no, you know what?
I bet.
I bet, I bet everyone on Venus looks like those hot Nazis from the Star Trek planet where they tried to kill Wesley.
Yeah, where you can't break the rules.
Yeah, you can't go on grass.
No, that's my favorite planet because they tried to get rid of Wesley, which we should do.
Anyway, that's outside of the point.
I do agree, Molly.
Like, a big unstated part of this is that, like, as silly as all of this sounds, I would do every piece of this if someone who was sufficiently sexy told me to.
Like, if Lee Pace is like, oh, no, my whole secret, nothing but raw fruit.
I'm going to a raw fruit diet.
You know?
What you're describing is what has happened to millions of young women on Instagram.
I know, I know, I know.
Lee Pace has tremendous power right now.
And it really says something about how good a person he is that he just posts videos of himself learning how to build a house with his bare hands.
I don't know who or what Lee Pace is.
I'm just talking about getting bad, bad health advice from a sexy person.
Oh, man.
No, Lee Pace has nothing but good advice, which is largely marry a dude and go live in the woods building a farmhouse.
Also, be in several very good movies and TV shows.
Anyway, I've googled Lee Pace and it's not helping.
He doesn't look familiar.
Oh, you've never seen The Fall?
Oh, Molly, you got to see The Fall.
The TV show with Jillian Anderson?
No, very different thing.
It's a movie.
It's great.
He's also in Foundation, which is a TV show.
Also great.
All men look the same to me.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, not Lee Pace.
Not once you really get a good Lee Pace thing in there.
I'll send you some.
I'll send you some Lee Pace.
I started typing Lee Pace, and Google asked me if I meant Lenny Reef install.
So like, just bad, you're not bad on my computer.
They're bad on my computer.
I can't.
No, no, no.
We can't.
I can't.
I can't let this be.
I can't let this be.
Keep reading to us.
No, no.
We're doing a Lee Pace.
Look, we're doing a Lee Pace.
I got to bring you guys a good Lee Pace.
All right.
All right.
This is a good Lee Pace shot.
Okay.
One sec.
One sec.
I'm doing a control and a plus.
Control.
Yeah, you learned something today.
Uh-huh.
Me being a hack and a fraud.
Robert's just went.
I've just been clipping shit in the earth and view for years.
All right.
Look at that.
Look at that man.
Look at that piece of man.
Look at that shirt he's wearing.
Look at these outfits.
What is this from?
This is Foundation.
It's a great show.
Look at him.
Look at him in that shirt.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'll watch that for sure.
That's right.
You're goddamn right.
I'm not offended.
Anyway.
All right.
Let's vibrate.
Three rivers to cross part three.
Jim Lindy wakes up the morning after probably the finest shit of his life fighting demons on that throne.
He harpooned the dark lord.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
So he's had a dream.
As Lanzara told our narrator, Michael.
Yes.
I'm sorry.
He's had a dream.
In this dream, a message was conveyed to him.
He had three rivers to cross.
And he crossed all these rivers.
He was, you know, felt weak, but then he managed to find the strength and did it.
I'm not going to read this guy's whole dream to you.
I made one promise when I started podcasting.
Two.
One was I won't sell baldness given, and the other was that I won't read anybody's dream extensively.
And I have kept those promises, you know, just to not be like Alex Jones.
That's the only promises that I will keep.
But yeah, so he has this dream and it convinces him that, like, and at the end of it, every cell of his body radiates health.
And he sees the Grim Reaper flee from him in fear.
So he knows.
He's unkillable now.
He's too lifetric.
He's got so much fiber in his diet.
He's just in a lifetronic mech suit.
The Grim Reaper cannot touch him.
That's what the fiber does is it builds like an Iron Man suit around you of like what used to be bananas and melons.
Eagerly, he rushed to, it is really, it is very obvious at this point how deeply this affected Steve Jobs.
Like he truly believed Lanzara was going to save him from fucking pancreatic cancer.
That's so troubling.
Or prostate, whichever one killed him.
One of the pea cancers for sure.
I believe.
Yeah.
I think it was pancreatic.
I think it's what got my mom.
Eagerly, he rushed to a mirror to see if by some magic means the wonderful dream had come true.
So real the experience had been to Jim.
It seemed that surely it must have happened.
But as he gazed into the mirror, he saw at once that no magic had taken place, at least any that was evident immediately to the eyes.
His body was still sickly looking, prematurely old and lacking in vital strength.
An unusually vibrant sparkle, however, shone strongly in his blue eyes, as if he had contacted living forces that could quite easily, if they so willed, transform him into the happy, healthy individual he longed to be.
This briefly was the first inspiring dream contact as Jim related it to Roe while we walked.
So he's had a, he's had a, or I think Ro is supposed to be me.
Someone did a find replace in this manuscript that fucked it up a little bit.
So they have a dinner, which consists of fresh, delicious organic fruit sliced in a generous bowl, topped with sunflower seeds, almond nut cream, and a sprig of mint leaf.
Refreshing.
Yeah, everything is uncooked.
You can tell immediately when foods have been submitted to fire.
And after breakfast, Jim has to write some letters while our author retires to his den.
And then he describes his library, which is very exciting to me.
I went to my library room to catch up on some serious reading.
My library is somewhat unique in that it contains several thousand books, chiefly of an occult or mystical nature.
My collection is flying saucer.
In 1960, he might have been.
I desperately want to see because this is like, I got to think, if he's got thousands of books about like space flight, interplanetary books, flying saucer shit in 1960.
He has every single one.
And most of this shit, like, is gone forever now.
Like, a lot of this did not get digitized.
This man's library was a treasure trove of lost media that I would kill to get my hands on.
We'd be set for years, Molly.
We could do this twice a week.
Think of the content.
Think of how much content we'd get.
Ah, if only.
If you know where fucking Michael X's library went.
Where was this estate sale?
I will fight and kill to get my hands on it.
So he starts looking through his library to find something on the subject of health that he can recommend to Jim.
And he's disappointed.
I think this is his explanation for why he had to write these books.
Because the book he needed didn't exist.
That's why he had to write it.
That's right.
And every self-help book has that piece in the why I had to write it thing.
And then while he's reading, and don't you hate it, Molly?
We all have this experience.
You're deep in some research.
You're in the stacks, as it were, and you get a call.
You know, your phone starts buzzing.
And you're like, that never happens to me.
Mine doesn't ring.
Yeah, mine doesn't ring either, actually.
You simply can't exist that way anymore.
But his phone is not ringing.
He is getting called by telethought communication, which I guess.
Is there like a do not disturb for that?
Actually, that does happen to me.
You turn your telethought back on.
You're like, oh shit, I missed a lot of calls from the fucking arborist who's supposed to come and cut that tree down.
Fuck me, fuck me.
I had one thing to do today.
Do you think the Venusians can leave voicemails?
Maybe that's what the dreams are.
Because I was going to ask, what's the difference between dream communication and telethought?
This one easier.
Maybe the dreams are.
That's like hell.
You just go to sleep and it's like, hey, so Longzara here.
And sorry, I'm in traffic right now.
Hey, hey, come on, speed up, man.
It's the fucking highway.
Sorry.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know.
You're positing a universe in which even our ascended masters get stuck in traffic.
That, yes, because I can only imagine, and I get the feeling Michael imagines that Venus is just like Los Angeles in the stars.
It's just LA.
Everyone's eating an Arawan.
Yeah, it's fucking Whole Foods as far as the eye can goddamn see.
So he gets a call from Lanzara and he's like, hey, good news.
You know, your buddy, we sent him a dream.
The first river he crossed represents the basic primary need to cleanse the mind of negative thoughts, false tradition, or race thinking.
Uh-oh.
What?
Uh-oh.
And the error, he just moves right past it.
And the error of reasoning from false or wrong premises.
As long as Jim Lindy clings to the useless mental habit of worshiping all caps, false gods, he will remain confused and sick.
False gods are those ideas, beliefs, and practices based upon human ignorance, willful deceit, or mystifying complexity.
They invariably, all caps, block the constructive healing power of the natural, all caps, life forces.
This is why most methods of healing human ills on your planet are so ineffective.
Many of them are ridiculous.
Some are actually destructive.
Why?
Because they ignore the divine intelligence or God power within the individual and interfere with its natural activity, which is always working towards good.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, what's there to even say about that?
I mean, what if that's, I mean, the first river seems like it covers a lot of territory.
What are the second two rivers?
The first river covers, yeah, that's a real Ganji's kind of situation there.
So yeah, he goes on.
All these rivers are basically the same thing, which is you've got to cleanse yourself of different things that are bad.
Well, the first river cleansed the mind.
The second river cleansed the body.
The second river is emotional or desire.
The colon got cleansed immediately, Wally.
Oh, shit.
No, the second river is emotional or desire nature.
The third river signifies the great need to cleanse all the cells of the physical body, as well as the atoms of which those cells are composed.
Sounds exhausting.
About once every three years, I manage to clean the baseboards in my house, and I always feel like a fucking god.
So I can't imagine if you got around to cleaning your atoms, you'd feel great.
That would really help.
If the atoms are gunked up, like the liftrons can't.
They're not going to move around.
Yeah.
No, right.
The lifetrons will stagnate.
Yeah.
No, when I'm vacuuming, it makes it sound though like it's like a lifetron reuptake inhibitor, which actually seems like it could be good.
If you don't let the lifetrons leave, then maybe like they stay in you, like an SSRI.
Yeah, you need to re-stimulate the lifetron receptors.
But then if you eat too much fruit, which I think is like the lifetron equivalent of MDMA, you get Liftron syndrome.
Yeah.
I'm vibrating at a too high.
I'm just imagining kids at the club eating fruit, like passing out.
They have to get like fruit and our canned, which I guess is just a steak.
Oh my God.
I'm vibrating such a high frequency.
Yeah, you keep like some McDonald's fries in a breakaway glass thing in order to bring them down if they get too high up into space.
There's a guy in a booth watching the surveillance camera.
And if you disappear from the footage, you know your vibrational frequency is too high.
You're too high.
Hit him with the beef tallow.
Yeah, they're coming in there with a fucking sloppy joe.
Yeah, the sprinklers just start dropping.
Like in Blade, except it's like in Blade.
It's just one tallow.
But the second before you said that, I thought of Blade, Molly.
Speaking of vibrations, you and I are clearly, we're clearly writing a similar wave right now.
Oh, fuck.
Anyway.
We'll move away from Jim's boring dream and to the prescription that Lanzara actually gives Michael while he's just trying to read a goddamn book.
And it's that.
Well, the answers weren't in the fucking book.
It's a cleansing fast, Molly.
It's a cleansing fast.
So day one.
But how are you going to get any life trons that way?
Well, that's kind of the thing.
The first, you've got to get out the bad stuff that's blocking the live drons.
All you get on day one, distilled water with a little bit of lemon or orange juice in it.
1% of the body is the most dead water you can get.
It's the deadest water.
Well, not according to this guy.
I don't know, Molly.
Do you know any guys from Venus?
I'm just saying, if we're talking about like vital forces, distilled water.
They're in LA.
This book wouldn't have gotten written if they drink it from the LA River.
That is just a solid mass of Giardia.
It's too vital.
It's too vital.
The LA River is in fact too alive.
Oh, man.
It's so funny.
L.A. has a river and it's just concrete.
The whole riverbed, everything's concrete.
Yeah.
No, there was a river going through LA and we just kind of made it all concrete.
If you've watched Terminator 2, the great chase scene where Terminator's on the motorcycle, that's the Los Angeles River.
They're driving on the riverbed.
There's some water.
Not a lot usually.
Where did they put the river?
They didn't put it anywhere.
Everyone just moved to Southern California and bought cars and nature took its course.
So we've got this cleansing fast.
Day three, finally, is when you actually start to eat again and you get all you can eat of one fruit, right?
Fruit of your choice, like dealer's choice.
Fruit of your choice, yes, including tomatoes.
He reminds us those are a fruit.
What fruit are you picking?
I want to say cherries, but I know that we lost a president that way.
You can only eat so many of those.
I think probably mangoes because I feel like that's going to actually, or mangoes or pears are going to like at least do the most to make me not miserable, right?
That's feel like they have the most body to them.
So mango's a really good choice.
Honestly, though, I tend to be a savory guy, so I think I might just be craving a tomato by that fucking point.
Yeah.
Naked Showers and Raw Watermelon00:03:14
This is before all these guys were straight.
Watermelon, pineapple.
Oh, I can destroy.
Oh, I got to tell you.
You know what?
We're going to close out on this, but I got to tell you my watermelon story.
So the other day or other year, my buddy's hanging out.
He's from Berlin.
He's back in the States.
And he's the kind of guy.
He's the guy who I had my muscle eating contest with.
And every time one of us hears about a new weird eating thing thing, we do it together.
And the thing I read about was someone being like, hey, if you ever freeze a watermelon, then get naked in the shower and just start eating it.
Like literally shove it into your face.
Like get really hot outside on a summer day, like doing yard work, heavy outdoor labor to where you're like exhausted.
You've been out for hours.
You're like sweaty and sunburnt.
Then grab a half of a frozen watermelon, walk into the shower and shove it into your face as you turn on the water.
It's an ecstatic experience.
And it actually does rule.
Definitely try that out, folks.
Eat a watermelon after coming in from the heat, a frozen watermelon in the shower.
It rules just with your face, washing the juices off.
It's a great thing.
Eating fruit should not have this many steps.
This sounds like some Venusian bullshit on the street.
You're not gonna say that.
I just dreamed, Molly.
The Venusians called me when I was trying to read a book and they told me to do this.
And so my buddy Lenny and I did it, and we both agreed pretty good time.
Together or separately?
Separately.
There's not enough room.
There's not enough room to eat.
The second you started to talk about this, I was like, it's fucking Lenny.
We had a good time.
Anyway, try that.
Try that, folks.
Okay.
Is that the episode?
That's the episode.
This is fine.
This is good enough.
I don't know that we're returning to this particular book of Venusian health magic.
But if people like this, there's some more old alien shit we can get.
Yeah.
The cover can be covered.
Yeah, the cover.
I mean, I always worry about our listeners.
Great.
Not seeing this.
But like, yeah, it's just like, it's clearly a crayon drawing of a spacecraft shooting rainbows at a woman with long golden hair and flowers in her hair.
It's not a, it does look like a child's illustration.
It looks like the cover of a coloring book.
It looks like the color of a color.
It looks like a Lisa Frank original coloring book.
Yes.
Oh, man.
I want that was.
I learned a lot about how to heal myself with vibrations and fruit.
Are you going to do it?
I'm probably going to go eat some clementines because I buy them in a big bag from Costco.
So if I don't eat them 15 at a time, they go bad and then I feel bad.
So I make myself feel bad by eating too many fruits.
House those fucking clementines.
Look, you know, until next time.
Now, here's my question.
What about because I do kind of wonder if raw meat guys are descended from this, where they're like, he's right about cooking stuff, but it doesn't have to be fruit.
You know, there's a lot of bacteria on raw meat.
Why not?
It's very vital.
House Those Clementines and Tartare00:03:09
Yeah, especially if you're as obsessed with game as these guys are.
There's a lot of parasites in there, too.
It's extremely alive.
I mean, I do like a raw meat, but under a very specific circumstance.
Yeah, nice sushi.
Oh, I don't eat fish.
I'm afraid of the ocean.
I'm talking about steak tartare.
Oh, steak tartare can't be broken.
Well, Molly, where can people find you in your work?
The steak tartare of writing about weird little guys.
Wow, true.
Just raw, raw and uncut.
Raw and uncut.
Yeah, you can listen to weird little guys every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts.
It's fun and it won't make you sad.
Probably.
It will make you sad.
It'll make you sad.
But you'll like it.
Yeah.
All right, everybody.
Well, this has been Behind the Bastards, a podcast that this week was about Venus.
Next week, I'm sure we'll be back with somebody more problematic.
Behind the Bastards is a production of CoolZone Media.
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