Robert Evans and Brandy Posey debunk myths about Hitler's genitalia, clarifying medical records show normal anatomy despite CIA rumors. They analyze his toxic masculinity, comparing his obsession with Stephanie and manipulative courtship of underage Mimi Reiter to modern "incel" culture. The hosts examine the controversial death of his niece Gelly Raubel, arguing that focusing on alleged sexual perversions overlooks his core nature as an emotionally abusive, angry individual whose inability to handle rejection fueled catastrophic historical outcomes. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
|
Time
Text
Guaranteed Human Podcast Intro00:01:54
This is an iHeart podcast.
Guaranteed human.
When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands.
I vowed I will be his last target.
He is not going to get away with this.
He's going to get what he deserves.
We always say that, trust your girlfriends.
Listen to the girlfriends.
Trust me, babe.
On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I got you.
I got you.
What's up, everyone?
I'm Ego Modern.
My next guest, it's Will Farrell.
My dad gave me the best advice ever.
He goes, just give it a shot.
But if you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit.
If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspiration.
It would not be on a calendar of, you know, the cat just hang in there.
Yeah, it would not be.
Right, it wouldn't be that.
There's a lot of life.
Listen to Thanksgiving on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
In 2023, bachelor star Clayton Eckard was accused of fathering twins, but the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax.
You doctored this particular test twice, Miss Owens, correct?
I doctored the test once.
It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern.
Two more men who'd been through the same thing.
Greg Gillespie and Michael Manchini.
My mind was blown.
I'm Stephanie Young.
This is Love Trapped.
Laura, Scottsdale Police.
As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences.
Listen to the Love Trapped podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Reruns and Romantic Myths00:03:02
Hey, everyone, Robert Evans here, and this is the week we take off for all of Ghoul's own media.
So we do not put out new episodes this week so everyone can actually get a break at the company, take some time.
We've done this before.
We decided this year that we would actually put out reruns of old episodes, you know, with little introductions from us that we recorded more recently.
This is largely stuff that we thought should have gotten more attention.
You know, maybe it came out when we were smaller and we want to put it back in front of folks again.
So there will be episodes, you know, reruns of It Could Happen Here, reruns of politics, reruns of everything that we do.
And this is the rerun of Behind the Bastards.
And, you know, we love talking about guys like Hitler, specifically Hitler over here, you know, like the History Channel of old.
He's always an entertaining fellow.
And I did an episode a few years back, back when we were still working out of LA, still recording from the studio, about his sexuality, right?
Because there's a lot of myths and a lot of just like bullshit that comes out about, you know, Hitler's relationships, his romantic life, all that kind of stuff.
It's usually, you know, nonsense that's kind of deliberately exaggerated to try and get eyeballs on something in order to, you know, for somebody's financial bottom line.
So I did a really deep dive into like what we know about his actual sex life, about his actual, like, how he was as a romantic partner, all that good stuff.
And it's both very different from the story that I think people tend to get in popular media.
And I think more interesting, more useful in understanding the man as a human being and like why he was the kind of guy that he was.
So without further ado, here's how Hitler fucked a series title that they would not let me actually use for these episodes.
Introduction.
I'm Robert Evans.
This is Behind the Bastards, the podcast where we tell you everything you don't know about the very worst people in all of history.
With me today is Brandy Posey.
Hello.
How are you doing, Brandy?
I'm doing pretty great.
Excited to get into this.
Brandy, you are a stand-up comedian.
Get any pluggables to kick off at the start here.
Yeah, I tour around quite a bit.
You can go to brandyposey.com, Brandy with an I-E, Posey with an E-Y for all of my tour dates.
I also have a podcast called Lady to Lady.
That is very, very fun.
We've had a lot of really awesome past guests like Margaret Trow and French Stewart.
So come check that out too.
Normally we work all that out ahead of time and I introduce it, but Sophie isn't here.
And as you can tell, like everything's a nightmare.
It's okay.
You have like a terror in your eyes.
Oh, it's horrifying, the thought of not knowing what to do.
I don't know how to do, I don't know when we're going to do ad breaks.
This is the end for all of us.
Do you want me to count something down for you?
No, no.
Should I put on a Sophie wig of some kind?
What will calm your nerves properly for this recording?
The only possible thing to do in the face of chaos is to just completely yield to the chaos and give up even trying to structure the show.
Serial Killer Parody Confusion00:15:16
Perfect.
Sounds great.
Yeah, I think that's the plan.
Okay.
That explains why you're standing on the table.
Great.
Yeah, perfect.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
Now, Brandy.
Yes.
Today we have a subject that is near and dear to no one's hearts, but more important than I think a lot of people give it credit to.
Today we're talking about how Hitler fucked.
Ooh, so glad you called me for this.
Yeah.
I'm flattered.
Well, I mean, we had you want to talk about Stalin and his love of pranks and DJing and drinking more than anyone else.
Now.
And fucking Hitler feels like a prank.
Yeah.
Well, maybe.
Or maybe not.
I can't.
My predictions out of the gate.
Can I give a prediction?
Oh, yeah, I'm very curious for that.
Not a generous lover.
Okay.
And also going to say this.
Not going to shame somebody for having a small penis because that is outside of your control, but real angry guy.
I have a feeling he probably has a little guy.
The funny thing about Hitler, because Hitler's like the one person people have talked about more than any other single person in history.
More has been written about him and whatnot.
Everything you just talked about, the possibility he had a micropenis, the possibility he was not a generous lover.
This has all been debated by like elderly scholars from Stanford and Cambridge at length.
Like that's one of the fun things about Hitler's studies is that like that question about whether or not he had a micropenis, like the CIA is weighed in.
It's a thing.
Of course.
Imagine dedicating your career to that.
Like mom, dad, I'm majoring in Hitler dick.
Well, just Hitler's studies in general.
If you're going to be into Hitler's studies, you're going to have some questions about his dick.
Yeah.
PH dick.
PH dick in Hitler's.
Fucking.
This is not going to be the most adult episode in certain points, but I think you'll be surprised where it goes.
I think everybody will.
I do like that in front of me on the table while recording, we do have a product called a Purina Busy Bone, which is just right on the table in front of me.
Yep.
Speaking of busy bones, Hitler's, it's debatable.
It's all very, very heavily.
I think his bone didn't get very busy?
Lazy Bone?
It's possible his bone got a lot busier than people give him credit for.
There's a lot of debate around this topic.
There's even a lot of debate about the nature of his genitals, in addition to the question that the OSS, the precursor to the CIA, talked a lot about whether or not he had a micropenis based on some interviews with some people.
There's a hypothesis that a goat bit off his dick when he was very young and that that was the secret of his madness, that he a goat bit his dick.
Want that to be true?
A lot of people did.
Again, where's that goat statue?
I mean, we don't want to celebrate that goat if it's the secret to Hitler's madness.
Yeah, I mean, that's true.
That's true.
Now, and we're not going to get into much of that.
There's also a theory that he had one ball, and there was like a song during the war.
Hitler has only got one ball.
Goering has two but very small nana.
Nana nana nana.
That was like a British diddy, but there were real rumors about it.
Is that where that melody comes from?
No.
Or is that a weird al parody about it was I mean weird al hadn't been conceived of yet.
Yeah.
Like it was a it was a parody of that like tune.
Okay.
It's just an easy tune to mix a song to about Hitler's testicles.
I just wanted to make sure that that wasn't like what that original song was because I was like, how is that not a fact in my lexicon at this point?
We have interviews with a couple of different doctors who palpated Hitler's genitals because that's what doctors do.
And they all say it's perfectly normal.
So there's no hard evidence of that, but it has been debated a lot.
And I do think it's important that people know for historical context that when bombs were raining down on London, people were comforting themselves with songs about Hitler and Gehring's genitalia.
I'm pretty into that for sure.
It's great.
It's great.
The thing cuts to the core quite like a parody song.
No, it doesn't.
Let's dive deeper into this.
Let's get in there.
Let's just get on in there.
So as you might guess by the fact that I wasn't even holding up my notes for that whole discussion about Hitler's genitalia and the rumors about it, I am what you might call a Hitler nerd.
I've read enough biographies of the man that I've started reading books about Hitler biographies that are essentially comparing all of the different biographies of Hitler and like biographies about writing biographies about Hitler.
It's a problem.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's not good.
Do you have like a shelf?
Is it like a shelf in your house or do you have like a cloth in front of it?
You know, I own a couple of physical copies, but for the show, I get too many books.
Like I just have everything on Kindle.
I usually am buying sometimes two or three in a week.
Okay.
It just takes too long.
It's better to have that all digital.
Although I think if you were to actually see the titles laid out in front of you physically, you'd be like, oh.
There's things that would be nicer, but I think it would take a lot longer to put together episodes.
Fair.
Okay, cool.
The point of this is that I tend to be on the cutting edge of new Hitler research in terms of what I'm reading.
I'm not doing new Hitler research, but I'm not sure.
Oh, you Google it.
So speaking of that, a couple of days ago, I was actively looking for new Hitler facts to just see if any had come out in the last couple of months since I checked that.
And I came across an article in the Independent called Hitler was a sexually confused serial killer.
Psychologist claims a new book.
So that's quite a claim.
So I think you could also probably just say serial killer, because I think most serial killers have got their wires crossed.
Yeah, I mean, it's interesting the term confused for a serial killer, because I wonder if a guy like Ted Bundy probably wouldn't be like, no, I wasn't confused.
I just, this is what I wanted to do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
The confusion came from wherever that wiring crossed in the first place.
He's very matter of fact about, yeah.
And the book that apparently makes these claims is titled Hitler I and Hitler II, The Sexual No Man's Land.
It's by a best-selling German author and psychiatrist named Volcker Ellis Pilgrim.
Is that like a new, like that's a very dark cat in the hat.
Hitler I and Hitler II, the cat in the hat, go and they just.
Hitler I and Hitler II.
Yeah.
They can do anything, anything.
Oh, no.
Under the sun and rat.
It's a white supremacist parody right there, for sure.
Yeah, some Nazi listening in is already hard at work on that.
Not the Dr. Seuss version.
I haven't gotten to read that book because it's only in German and I do not read German, which is almost the title of a great podcast.
There's a podcast called I Don't Speak German about the alt-right that people should listen to if they want.
It's kind of like my show, but way more focused on that one narrow group of people.
Great podcast.
Anyway.
And don't read German.
Yeah, I don't read German.
Podcast is called I Don't Speak German.
Cool.
Anyway, I couldn't find the book, but I did find some claims that are in the book in this article.
Adolf Hitler was a sexually confused serial killer whose violence was driven by lust.
In his new book, Mr. Volcker claims the Nazi leader had an orgasm while watching a film in which Austrian soldiers massacre French troops.
Now, this kind of story is a treat for me because I'd never heard of this particular Hitler story before.
I'm always looking out for some new HVACs.
Quote, he quotes Marianne Hoppe, an actress who was an acquaintance of Hitler, describing a time that she went to the cinema in the dictator's Berlin Palace to watch a film called The Rebel.
It featured Austrian troops hurling boulders from a mountain onto the French below.
Hitler got some kind of thrill and rubbed his knees at this event as the stones rolled down on the French and groaned.
I don't know if he was crazy, but he got some kind of orgasm, she said.
I wanted to leave during the show.
The man was creepy.
Yeah, that's people gave Pee-Wee Herman a hard time.
People gave Pee-Wee Herman a hard time.
You know, Hitler.
Yeah, if you compare the two, Pee-Wee should get the statue.
I feel like Pee-Wee should have just been left to masturbate in that theater.
That's what that theater was for.
It's what that theater was for.
It's not like he was showing up at the cinemark to a showing.
Anyway.
Yeah, yeah.
I've been unable to find an English translation.
But in this article, Mr. Which apparently talked to the author, Pilgrim, talks about how he suspects there's a connection between sexuality and violence in Hitler, and that his sexual excitement at the thought of violence gave him the desire to force men into killing.
He says, However, since this lust for killing is the decisive feature of serial killers, the question inevitably arises: was Hitler a serial killer who murdered for the purpose of his gratification?
Hitler's sexuality, I believe, drove the dictator into the most colossal annihilation that man has witnessed.
Now, that's this guy's claims.
Interesting premise.
Interesting premise.
I can see why a lot of people would want to believe that.
Yeah.
Mr. Pilgrim also speculates about Hitler's sex life, claiming he abstained from sexual relations with his mistress and then wife, Eva Brown.
Now, this all sounds, I think, to a lot of people, they might read this and be like, okay, well, this seems, you know, of course he was crazy.
Maybe that makes him.
He was just a serial killer who wound up in charge of a country.
Yeah.
I get why people would want to believe that.
I think what most people looking at that wouldn't dig into is kind of where the guy is basing his claims on.
And most of them come from a dude called Ernst Hanfstangl.
Other nickname was Pootsy.
And Ernst was a classic Pootsy.
Ernst was a friend of Hitler's back in the day who then started hating him.
I'm sure that happened with a lot of Hitler's friends.
That happened.
We're not great at keeping friends.
Not super good at friends.
I'll be like, oh, God, do I have to keep answering this call?
I think that might surprise a lot of people.
Not a good friend.
Yeah.
Dictators in general, not great friends.
No, not so much.
Not great.
They just take and they take and they take.
They take and they take and they take.
Some of them are fun to drink with.
Yeah.
Once or twice.
Yeah.
Like if I could go back in time and just see Stalin and all of his buddies, how drunk they get, of course I would want to try.
I wouldn't want to be drunk around Hitler.
No.
But Hitler didn't get drunk.
He was a teetotaler, right?
He was a teetotaler.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, he was on meth a lot, but that was a doctor giving it to him.
Yeah.
So he, yeah, so he thought that he was being medicated.
He thought that, and that was, you know, we talk about that, and there's a great book called Blitz about that.
Well, I'm sure we'll talk about it someday.
But like, that was mostly later in the war.
Like during his rise to power, he's sober.
Like, every now and then, you'll hear a story of him drinking like part of a glass of champagne.
But he was like.
Yeah, yeah.
Which is, you know, control freaks and whatnot.
So I get the desire to psychoanalyze Hitler, but going to Hampstenl for like advice, because Hansdangle has for a long time been claiming that Hitler was basically a neuter, was like, couldn't get off, couldn't had like no sexual life.
Yeah.
Well, and that is a thing with a lot of serial killers where like they just can't come until they find the thing that makes them.
Right.
Yeah.
And if you think of Hitler as a serial killer, a lot of this stuff makes sense.
But I think what most people don't realize when they hear stories like this, about every year or two, there will be a new rash of Hitler's sex life stories that'll hit like kind of shadier but not entirely bullshit outlets and stuff.
And then every now and then someone like the New Yorker will give it a write-up or whatnot.
None of this is new in the field of Hitlerology.
And in fact, like all of these claims, any claim that you like read about in like a modern paper about like Hitler liking to poop on people or the possibility that Hitler was gay, all that stuff was kicking around in the 1930s.
Yeah.
So there's a lot of myths around this guy.
And so what I want to kind of do today is first give kind of an overview of the myths that people are still telling about Hitler and kind of the latest couple of waves of this.
And then we're going to do a really deep dive into his whole sexual history.
Okay.
His relationships, everything that there is about him in like reputable scholarship.
Geez, so if you if you and Hitler matched on Tinder and you wanted to Google him to find out what was really going on, this would be the episode to listen to.
This would be the episode to listen to.
And spoiler alert, don't date Hitler.
No.
Don't date Hitler.
No, don't.
Probably not going to go well.
Yeah.
So back in like March of 2016, I came across an article in the Daily Star with the title, Adolf Hitler was gay and loved teenage boys.
CIA files claim.
There was also a New York Post article around the same time with the title, Adolf Hitler Had a Truly Disgusting Sexual Fetish.
It's equally emblematic of like those types of articles.
Yeah.
These were all like spring of 2016 wave articles, and they were all based on a dossier, the OSS, which is like a precursor to the CIA put together.
Quote from the New York Post, the Nazi leader's bedroom habits included a love of poo sex.
Claims a dossier from the office of yeah.
So which is what shit not dressing up like Winnie the Pooh.
Not dressing up like Winnie the Pooh.
And looking for honey.
Yeah.
The intelligence document says that he liked women to stand over him and defecate because he was turned on by poo.
The New York Post keeps using the word poo instead of feces, which just doesn't seem like great journalism.
It also revealed the Fuhrer had a micropenis and, as the famous song suggests, only one testicle.
It also revealed he liked to be brutally kicked by women as part of his sex games.
So, again, this is always presented whenever it comes up in the media as new.
This is all older than your grandparents.
Yeah, this has been around forever.
It's been around forever.
Yeah, for sure.
This is the root of most of the salacious Hitler fuck myths is that infamous OSS report titled The Mind of Adolf Hitler.
It was compiled by a doctor named Lenger, and it was initially a secret thing that was written up as a brief for FDR at the start of World War II.
It's based on a lot of interviews and original documents, and the source book behind the paper, which is like all of the raw sources that they compiled to write this, is a gold mine of info.
But we should be really critical about the dossier itself.
It has to be taken with as much salt as you'd prescribe something written by a psychologist in the 1940s because it's filled with really debatable conclusions based on bad psychoanalytic theory.
I'm going to read you one excerpt where Dr. Langer tries to explain why Hitler always carried around a whip as a young man.
Quote, anyone who has ever seen Hitler talking in a bashful and puerile way to a woman would easily be led to believe that in marriage he would be the underdog.
But that is manifestly wrong.
It would seem that the whip plays some mysterious role in his relationship to women.
In Dr. Sedgwick's opinion, during the almost 15 years of association with Hitler, the whip with which Hitler loves to gesticulate figures as a kind of substitute or auxiliary symbol for his missing sexual potency.
All this wielding of the whip seems to be connected with a hidden desire on the part of Hitler for some state of erection which would overcome his fundamental sexual inferiority complex.
The truth is that Hitler is in all probability still in the stage of puberty and still in the essential meaning of the word, a virgin.
I want to take that guy to a Renfest.
Just take a look around.
What do you make of this?
Yeah.
What do you think is going on here?
And when he references Dr. Sedgwick, that's Hans Stankle.
Yeah.
So this is, again, all based on that guy.
A lot of this is based on that guy's stuff.
But like, Hitler was definitely not a virgin in 1942.
No, For sure.
How old was he when he went into World War I?
Do you know?
He was in his mid-20s.
He was in the trenches the whole time.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, I gotcha.
So probably not even a virgin at that point.
That's debatable.
We'll get into that a little bit.
So just as we kind of criticize that, whips were really common among German fascists to be used as weapons in street fights at this time.
Hitler's Authoritarian Father Impact00:16:11
And Hitler used his whip in street fights a lot.
He also used it to flirt with girls a lot.
So we'll talk about that some.
That's pretty cool.
It was pretty hardcore.
I love the idea of a drive-by whipping back in the day.
It was more like a bunch of guys that would give speeches in these beer halls because that's a big thing in German culture.
And like a bunch of anti-fascists would crowd around them and like they would start throwing bottles and fighting and like fucking Hitler would pull out his whip and start like swinging whips at people and stuff.
And you can fuck a dude up with that.
Yeah, you can.
You're decent with it.
Holy shit.
It's a good weapon if you're going to like beat on somebody in a bar.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it worked for that purpose.
Man.
Give Antifa all the whips now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, they take a lot of training.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like Indiana Jones reclaiming the whip for the not fascist side of things.
Appreciate that.
I never heard the Hitler whip thing.
Hitler loved whips.
You're going to be hearing a lot about Hitler's whip today.
Okay, gotcha.
Yeah.
So anyway, because of all of this misinformation, because of all of these conclusions that people still tried out based on like fucking 1940s psychoanalytic theory, I have gone through two different Hitler biographies, the ones I consider probably the two best, John Totlin's and Ian Kershaw's, as well as a great book called Explaining Hitler that's like a synthesis of a bunch of different biographies.
And I've tried to present what I think is the most complete picture of the verifiable facts of Hitler's sex life.
So anyway, if we're going to understand how Hitler fucked and how people talk about how Hitler fucked, we have to start with Hitler's sexual prehistory.
Okay.
What we know about how his dad fucked.
Oh.
Or, to be more precise, who his dad fucked.
Ooh.
Well, his mom, at least.
Definitely his mom.
That's a given.
At least twice, right?
Because he had a sister, a younger sister or something, right?
Yeah, I think she was a half-sister.
You know, I don't remember that off the top of my head.
His genealogy is very complicated.
So there was a younger girl.
There was a girl in a room in his house girl.
Yeah, Paula Hitler.
He had a sister.
And he actually, like, one of the nice things Hitler did in his life is that as a younger man, he gave her his inheritance.
Okay.
And like wound up kind of on the street as a result of that because she had a kid and stuff.
Got it.
Okay.
So one thing we leave out a lot when we talk about Hitler's rise to power is the army of crusading journalists who fought a desperate battle to stop him from taking control.
They failed, obviously, and a lot of them died.
But for a while, their investigations scared Hitler.
More than anything, he was frightened that his family history would be exposed.
When he learned about one of the first of these investigations, he allegedly told a party member, people must not know who I am.
They must not know where I come from.
Whoa.
Now, there are a lot of different rumors as to why.
The most salacious rumor is that Hitler secretly had a Jewish background.
We don't know for certain who his father's father was.
His grandmother, Maria Schickelgruber, was a 42-year-old unmarried serving woman when she gave birth to his father, Alois, in 1836.
Some legends say a wealthy Jewish man or a nobleman impregnated her.
We don't know.
The church she was baptized in and the entire town where she was born, Dollarsheim, was obliterated by German artillery, probably on Hitler's orders in order to conceal his background.
Which is serious warlord move right there.
I'll give it to you.
Erase the Schickelgruber's.
Yeah, yeah, get rid of that shit.
Grandma.
One of those things, one of those few places you'll catch like a lot of really serious historians speculating is like, would it have even been possible for a guy with the last name Schickelgruber to have done the things that Hitler did?
Because it was kind of like chance that he wound up with the last name Hitler.
Like his dad adopted it from another guy who probably wasn't his dad.
It's a messy case.
Heidler was the original name, and then they changed it to Hitler.
I see.
Okay.
And I have trouble imagining Heil Schickelgruber.
No.
Because people keep stumbling over it.
Yeah.
Schickelgruber?
It'd be like if Google had, if their name had been like question ask.
Yeah, exactly.
It just probably wouldn't have worked as well.
No, no, no.
It definitely would not.
Yeah.
So historians debate over the exact nature of the genealogy further back than Hitler's dad.
But Hitler's dad was a bastard.
We know that at least.
Maybe.
We don't even know that much.
All of this is still debated.
Got it.
The odds that Hitler was ashamed of a secret Jewish person in his past, though, are lower than the odds that he was just worried people would find out his dad was gross.
Alois Hitler was a mid-level customs official in Braunau, Austria.
He'd been respected in the local community, but his middle management image belied the reality of a man who repeatedly married children.
Alois's sweet.
There it is.
No one's wondering when pedophiles are going to be a part of the story.
They will be a part of this story all the way through.
Well, how am I not surprised by that?
Great.
Nazis and gross sexual stuff?
Wow.
Yeah.
Everybody focuses on the possibility that there was poo sex.
The stuff that we know is so much grosser than pooping.
Like, that's whatever.
People who are perfectly fine can enjoy that sort of thing.
Yeah.
What we're talking about with Hitler and his dad, both cases, fucked up objectively.
Yeah, you can have consensual poo sex.
Whatever.
There's nothing the matter with it.
It's whatever.
Just clean your own sheets.
Clean your own sheets.
Or pay your cleaning lady incredibly well.
Yes, exactly.
I'm sure there's some people who'd take that job.
So Elois' first wife was much, much older than him, and she died after a few years of marriage.
Some of the rumors are that he married her for her money, which, whatever.
While Elois was married, but while his first wife was sick, he moved a 16-year-old girl into their home to be his serving maid.
This girl, Clara, was his niece.
Now, cool.
God, what a loser.
What a fucking loser.
Now, John Toland, who's one of the preeminent Hitler biographers of all times, says that Clara was hot, quote, with abundant dark hair.
He claims that she was, quote, installed with the Hitlers at an end where Alois was already carrying on an affair with the kitchen maid, Francisca.
So when Alois' first wife is alive, he's got this 16-year-old niece who he's hitting on, and also this like 17-year-old kitchen maid named Francisca, both of whom he's like starting up a thing with while his first wife is alive and dying.
So when his first wife died, Alois got her money and married Franziska.
I'm going to quote now from the fantastic book Explaining Hitler.
After his first wife died, developments in the Alois Hitler household began to take on the appearance of a maimed French farce.
After a period of living conjugally, but without the benefit of clergy and with the kitchen maid, while simultaneously enjoying the services of the even younger maid and niece Clara, he married the older one.
Well, good for him.
Good for him picking that 17-year-old, not the 16-year-old, I guess.
How old is he at this point?
He is in his 40s.
Now, according to John Toland, Francisca was, quote, only too aware of how tempting a pretty maid could be to the susceptible Alois.
After the wedding, the first thing she did was get rid of Clara.
Luckily for Alois, his second wife soon died, allowing him to finally realize his true dream of marrying his teenage niece.
Wow.
Do you know how did Francesca earned it?
It was cancer.
Oh, it was.
A lot of cancer in the Hitler family tree.
He was kind of scared about it as a moment.
Not enough cancer among the Hitlers.
Yeah, exactly.
Some juvenile leukemia would have really dealt with some problems for the world.
Would have been pretty great.
Not often I stand for juvenile leukemia, but for Hitler?
Get up in them bones.
Let's do it.
Get up in them bones.
Dick it out.
Oh, so the only thing getting in the way of Alois Hitler and his true love with his teenage niece was the fact that they were very close relatives.
They officially share the same grand uncle, Johann Jorg Heidler.
Now, even in the late 1800s, marrying your teenage niece was sort of frowned upon.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I did see that.
This is not one of those things where, no, it was normal at the time.
Everybody's marrying their 16-year-old serving girl niece.
No.
Alois had to get special dispensation from the Pope to marry and continue fucking his niece.
He wanted to fuck his niece so bad, he got papal approval.
Oh my God.
That's Hitler's dad.
Just dear Pope.
Dear Pope.
My niece, you got to see this girl.
Yeah.
Let me send you a couple of pictures.
I drew some croochers too.
Yeah.
Just because you chose to be a celibate doesn't mean I need to be a celibate, and I'd like to break that with a child.
With a child.
With a child related to.
Related to and kind of morally responsible to.
Can I give a thumb?
Can I get a thumbs up?
Yeah, thumbs up, thumbs down.
What's Catholicism say?
And the Pope just said, go for it?
Go for it.
Yeah, Hitler's dad had official papal permission to fuck his niece.
All popes are great.
Popes have never done anything wrong.
What a great thing to exist, a pope.
Cool.
So Hitler's Catholic?
Oh, yeah.
Hitler didn't really give a shit.
I mean, he was a Hitlerist.
Yeah, I would.
Like, technically, I guess on paper.
Yeah, and at that point in Austria, you're not going to not.
You got to be straight with the Catholic Church.
It's Austria.
It's Austria in the late 1800s.
How did this guy not get the sin-guilt shit worked into him?
I mean, he might have.
I assume there were a lot.
I assume there was talk.
I assume people were like, it's kind of fucked up, right?
Yeah.
I really feel so bad about fucking my niece child.
Well, I don't know if he did, but I'm going to guess people in town.
Yeah.
There were some like, but, you know, those people all died of typhus, you know, so we don't know what they were talking about.
Not enough typhus.
Not enough.
Just get rid of all them Austrians.
Okay.
So to make things even creepier, according to Ron Rosenbaum's explaining Hitler, quote, even after the Vatican granted the dispensation, Clara continued to call her new husband what she called him when she was still his maid mistress, uncle.
So Hitler's mom called his dad uncle the whole time Hitler was a kid.
That's worse than when parents call each other mother and father.
Yeah, that's grosser than that's like Mike Pence shit on another mom.
Yeah.
Oh God.
Yeah.
My uncle.
Yeah, it's gross.
It's really gross.
Really fucking nasty.
Yeah.
This is the relationship Adolf Hitler was born into.
So I'm not going to say in fairness to Hitler because you don't give Hitler credit for anything because he's Hitler.
Yeah.
But as a baby, that's a rough situation to land in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Also, this is some classic uncle bullshit.
Yeah.
You always got a good uncle and a bad uncle.
There's always like a bad uncle.
When you got a bad uncle, it's nothing worse than a bad uncle.
Hitler's dad was like the platonic ideal of a bad uncle.
The uncle that everyone's like, can he not come to Thanksgiving?
Can we not have him around?
Please just cut that uncle out of everything.
Okay.
So Hitler's dad marries two women that Hitler biographer Ian Kershaw describes as young enough to be his children.
As a dad, he's remembered generally as a strict authoritarian figure, but most people who knew the family when his dad was alive say that Alois wasn't, you know, particularly violent or bad by the standards of the time towards his kid or his wife.
We would probably almost certainly call the discipline that Hitler endured child abuse today, but it was not out of the norm for the area.
And most of the boys in Austria who grew up around Hitler didn't grow up to be Hitler.
So you don't want to put too much influence on the fact that his dad was an authoritarian, but a lot of the boys around Hitler did grow up to be Nazis, so let's not discount the impact of authoritarian parenting either.
Yeah, yeah.
But it's probably not what we're looking for if we're looking for the whole reason Hitler went all crazy, the fact that his dad hit him sometimes.
Yeah, exactly.
It's like that's not going to be, that doesn't, that's a real A to Z connection.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
You're leaving out some stuff if you drop it down to that.
My uncle father.
My uncle father.
Uncle Dad Hitler.
My uncle Daddy.
Jesus.
Oh, Hitler.
So we're going to dig into Hitler as a young man and his early love affairs.
Great.
And spoilers, they're as creepy as everything else in this podcast is going to be.
I'm not surprised if you thought Hitler the dad was bad.
No, yeah, there's no way like Hitler Adolph is like a Lothario coming from this place at all.
No, what's surprising is how much like Elliot Roger he is.
Oh, I'm not surprised by that.
How fucking coarse he is.
Oh, he's fucking losers.
He's fucking losers.
Oh, God, of course.
That is the overwhelming thing that you say to yourself when you get into some real deep study of the Nazis.
These fucking losers.
All you can say.
He's fucking losers.
You know who's not losers, though, Brandy?
Who?
The wonderful sponsors who support this show and or program with their products and or services and or add petrodollar ad money.
I'm spinning out of control here.
Products!
We're back.
Boy.
Love those products.
Hate Hitler.
Hate those products as much as I hate it.
Exactly.
And there's nothing that's a squeegee for your brain as well as a solid product or just a nice service, especially on like a hot Hitlerful day.
I just like being told the possibilities.
The possibilities.
You know what?
Nazis didn't like possibilities.
Of course not.
But that's what you get with products and services, is possibilities.
Yes.
A lot of good economic discourse coming out of this episode.
Yeah, absolutely.
We should write a book.
Let's write another Hitler book.
There aren't enough of them.
There should be a couple more Hitler books.
Okay.
So most of our...
What would Hitler think about Squarespace?
Yeah, why would Hitler think about Squarespace?
I don't like the free speech of the internet.
You know, I hate to say this because it's what I do to make my living, but Hitler would a thousand percent be a podcaster if he were around today.
Absolutely.
I mean, he like wrote at length about how the best way, the only real way to convince anyone of anything was with the human voice.
Yeah.
And like the power of like radio to isolate someone with a voice and to really influence their thoughts, which is one of the things that scares me about the podcast era, but we're getting weeds.
A whole separate conversation.
Yeah, he would be like an Alex Jones type, but like with his own show.
Yeah, but like, yeah.
He would be a lot more popular than Alex Jones.
Yeah, he would.
Because I don't think Alex has a problem saying the quiet parts loud.
And Hitler was up until the point where he took power, usually pretty good about quietly saying the loud parts.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I mean, that's why he won.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So most of our evidence for young Hitler's early love affairs comes from a dude named August Kubasek.
Now, Kubasek is a heavily debated figure amongst Hitler scholars.
He wrote a book about his childhood with Hitler after the war.
It apparently started during the Third Reich as a pro-Hitler Nazi biography.
And then after the war, he was like, well, I mean, I've already got this stuff down.
People are going to want to know what Hitler was like as a kid, so I'm going to write this book.
Some of what he says is definitely either a lie or stretching the truth.
There's a lot of debate over how much to trust him.
But it's also incontrovertible that he grew up with Hitler, that he was Hitler's really only friend as a kid, and that they lived together.
They were essentially like freshman college roommates in the big city.
So he, no one else has this perspective.
So Kubasek's book is an irreplaceable source for the early years of Hitler's life.
You can't under, like, you have to, you have to be critically read him.
Yeah.
You have to read him.
Yeah.
I've read Kubasek's book, of course, and it's really interesting if you do take it.
Would recommend reading like a John Toland or an Ian Kershaw biography first and then go into Kubasek so you've got some sort of context for it.
Yeah.
I'm going to be quoting from all three of these sources in the next little bit here because it provides, I think, a good synthesis.
And I trust those guys to separate probable truth from probable lie better than I trust myself.
Yeah.
Because they're elderly Hitler scholars and I'm just a Hitler nerd.
Anyway.
Perfect.
Kubasek recalls exactly one romantic focus for Hitler in his young years, a girl named Stephanie who lived in Linz.
That was the small town that he grew up in.
Now, Hitler was madly in love with Stephanie, and we have no evidence that she ever knew anything about him.
In fact, later in life, after the war, when she was told that Adolf Hitler had been in love with her, she was shocked and horrified, which is a dick move to tell anyone that.
Yeah.
Oh, man, what a bummer.
Reddit Post War Frustration00:05:02
Because you're just like, am I responsible for anything?
Like, you get through this horrible war.
She was in Austria.
She saw some shit.
It would have been a nightmare for anyone living in that region.
You get through this horrible war, and then like years later, someone's like, by the way, Hitler wanted to fuck you.
What?
Why would you ever tell anybody that?
Is that baby Hitler popping boners to you?
Don't tell her that.
Yeah, because then that just makes you just rethink everything about your technology.
Is this my fault?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
No, Stephanie, you didn't.
It's definitely not.
You didn't do anything wrong.
Stephanie.
I mean, you've been dead for decades, but you seem fine.
You're listening somewhere.
Yeah.
We get a medium.
You should be doing this podcast with a medium to contact some of these people and be like, hey, it's okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's going to be fine.
Yeah.
That's actually similar to another podcast idea I have, which is using a medium to sexually harass dead bastards.
I really just want to see how uncomfortable I can make Chairman Mao.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Like really, really get in there.
And like Locke has ghost in a room.
Yeah.
Yeah.
See where it goes.
I am 100% on board for that.
I think we all are.
Absolutely.
So if you want to.
So Hitler was in love with this girl who knew nothing about him.
He became convinced.
And this is while they're in like elementary school, essentially, like early high school era, that kind of thing.
Like he's a teenager, young teenager.
So during this.
I know this.
Oh, yeah.
I was in marching band.
I had one of these kids.
I know exactly who this is.
I don't know if there's a woman I've met who didn't have one of these kids in their life.
That's one of the skills.
Yeah, anyway.
So I'm so sorry.
Hitler became convinced that Stephanie was sending him secret signals and messages only he could see.
And he would, yeah, they were destined to be together.
He would rant about all this to Kubasek and Kubasek claims he was pretty like questioning of all this stuff to Hitler, but like only to an extent.
Kubasek did try to convince Hitler that if he needed to at least talk to this girl, if there was going to be any hope of her liking him.
At the very least.
At the very least, he suggested that Hitler should learn to dance because he knew that Stephanie liked dancing, which is like solid advice.
Like, okay, get interested in something this girl's interested in.
Have a similar interest.
Have a similar interest.
Pretty solid advice today.
Okay.
So here's Kubasek.
Quote, all this is no good, Adolph, I replied.
Stephanie is fond of dancing.
If you want to conquer her, you will have to dance around just as aimlessly and idiotically as the others.
That was all that was needed to set him off raving.
No, no, never, he screamed at me.
I shall never dance.
Do you understand?
Stephanie only dances because she is forced to by society on which she unfortunately depends.
Once she is my wife, she won't have the slightest desire to dance.
That is and Kubasek's book's a generally pretty pro-Hitler book.
Not pro the stuff Hitler did is like he's obviously against the Third Reich, but like he presents a sympathetic view of Hitler, and this is how he describes it.
Wow.
What a...
I mean.
What a little maniac.
It isn't even a thesaurus for the word loser.
It's truly insane.
Like, no, I'll never dance.
She'll stop dancing.
She'll stop dancing too.
She's not even dancing because she wants to.
Just society.
It sounds like a Reddit post.
No, it totally sounds like a Reddit post.
He'd be top dog Reddit.
He would be.
He'd love Reddit.
Be so addicted to slash pole like he would.
He would.
He would never get off of that fucking shit.
He'd be an eight-hand.
Like he'd be deep into this shit.
He really would be.
Yeah, i'm not gonna learn to dance.
I'm not gonna learn to dance never, I shall never dance.
Adolf Hitler?
Yeah exactly, there's your fucking t-shirt.
Guilty feet ain't got no rhythm.
Oh shit yeah nice, oh boy, what are the good songs?
They always, they always get it right.
So exactly this is actually about Hitler.
It is about all music is about Hitler.
One way or the other.
Yep, that's my theory.
We'll talk about Toto's Africa.
Yeah it's, it's a, it's a stretch, but i'll get you there now.
I got a diagram.
I got a diagram.
It's about the Desert fox and yeah now obviously, waiting around and being an insane person did not woo Stephanie.
Uh gradually, Hitler started to realize that she wasn't going to fall to him.
According to Kubasek, Hitler reacted like you'd expect a modern-day incel to react, with threats of violence, of course.
Quote, Stephanie was at that time in an unfriendly mood.
She would pass the basically nearby road with her face averted, as though Hitler did not exist at all.
This bought brought him to the verge of despair.
I can't stand it any longer, he exclaimed, I will make an end of it.
It was the first and, as far as I know, the last time that Adolf contemplated suicide seriously.
It was not uh.
He would jump into the river from the Danube bridge, he told me, and then it would be over and done with, but Stephanie would have to die with him.
He insisted on that.
Once more, a plan was thought up in all its details.
Every single phase of the horrifying tragedy was minutely described, including the part I would have to play, even my conduct of this as the sole survivor was ordained.
The somber scene was with me even in my dreams, young Hitler oh god, just the most emo little shit, kill himself.
And a girl who doesn't know him.
Oh god, like.
Bloodlines Homosexuality Despair00:16:05
Had he even talked to her at this point?
No, as far as we know they, he never said a word to her.
Oh my god I, I just, you can't hate him more.
But you you, you find new depths.
You find new depths of yeah like yeah Hitler oh, here's a new cavity of hate to heaven filled for you.
I didn't expect this, you fucking loser.
So you know that he's a loser and then that's just like.
From this age too, you're like, oh god, just go to a toastmaster's class or something, you piece of shit.
This is part of why I get all frustrated when people are like he was a sexual serial killer and that's why no dude, he was just a lame ass dude.
He's for sure like an incel MRE.
Yeah yeah, I am old, I am owed this woman and she doesn't deserve to live if she doesn't like me.
Even though I've never even talked to her like did were his parents together his entire life.
His dad died when he was, you know, in his teens and his mom died and all that.
I mean his dad died when he was pretty young and his mom died also when he was pretty young, like a young adult.
So he his I don't think he had his dad was pretty author, authoritarian, but once his dad kicked off uh, it was kind of just his mom and she was sort of he was a mama's boy, she was sort of a doting mom.
Was that Clara?
Yeah, Clara Hitler, Clara Hitler yeah yeah, Hitler.
Adolf Hitler's mom was Clara.
Okay okay, I see gotcha yeah, so it's.
He's born in incest and then yeah, his dad dies and then Then he's raised weight.
Okay, gotcha.
Yeah, yeah.
So, outside of his obsession with Stephanie, Kubisek says he doesn't know of any individual women in Hitler's life in this period, certainly no one he might have fucked.
When they became young adults and moved to Vienna together, Hitler remained unlaid.
Here's John Toland's coverage of Kubisek's recollection.
Quote: On promenades, girls and women would often slyly glance at them.
At first, Kubisek thought their interest was directed to him, but it soon became apparent that the reserved Adolf was the object.
He coldly ignored their silent invitations.
If the two did nothing about sex, they spent hours at night discussing women, love, and marriage, with Adolph as usual dominating the conversation.
Over and over, he insisted that he must keep the flame of life pure.
That is, he believed, in accordance with his Catholic upbringing.
A man and a woman should keep themselves chaste in body and soul until marriage and just thus be worthy of producing healthy children for the nation.
But the dark side of sex also haunted him, and he talked by the hour about depraved sexual customs.
He railed against prostitution, condemning not only the whores and their customers, but society.
His condemnation approached obsession, and one night after attending a performance of Wedekin's Spring Awakening, he took Gustel's arm and said, We must see the sink of iniquity once.
They turned down a small dark alley.
It was the Spittelberg gasa and walked past a row of small hostels so brightly lit that they could see the girls inside.
In their scanty and slovenly attire, they sat there, recalled Kubasek, making up their faces and combing their hair and looking at themselves in the mirror, without, however, for one moment losing sight of the men strolling by.
Occasionally, a man would stop in front of a house, converse with a girl, and the light would go out.
When the two youths reached the end of the alley, Adolf maneuvered them in an about face and they took another long look at the appalling sight.
Back in their room, Adolf went into a lengthy tirade on the evils of prostitution with, quote, a cold objectivity as though it were a question of his attitude towards the fight against tuberculosis or towards cremation.
Wow.
So this is young Hitler, a celibate, angry about other people not being celibate, and a real thought-audit-level hatred of sex workers.
He is gallons of cum in his sleep at this point in his life.
I mean, every fucking night.
What a shitty little his socks shatter when they're dropped.
No, seriously.
I cannot imagine how many fucking wet dreams this dude is having constantly.
And they're all about the stuff that he says is terrible.
Yeah.
Because that's why you rant about this for hours to your best friend.
Yeah, you're right.
He's like concealing an erection as he yells about prostitution.
I can't believe this prostitutes are just out there trying to make a living of any kind in this world.
Again, we all knew a Hitler.
We've all known this kid.
Oh, God.
No, absolutely.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
He's like the one that...
He's like, that's like one of the names that you text the other people you went to high school with that you just laugh about when you hear their name.
You're like, remember that guy?
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
Oh, that guy.
Yeah.
So, Hitler's mom died right before this point of like a really, really horrifying cancer.
And then, you know, he wound up in Vienna with Kubisek, which is where that happened.
They lived together for a while, but Kubisek was successful, like he was a really good musician.
And Hitler, you know, didn't get into art school.
That's a pretty famous story.
He eventually ran out of money and wound up living in a men's home, which was essentially like a homeless shelter for vagrants.
According to Ian Kershaw, being homeless did not improve Hitler's game.
Yeah, I can't imagine that it would.
No.
Quote.
To be fair, a home wouldn't have improved his game either.
It seems like he was kind of hopeless either way.
Yeah, I don't know if either way would have helped him.
Quote, when his circle of acquaintances got around to discussing women and doubtless their own former girlfriends and sexual experiences, the best Hitler could come up with was a veiled reference to Stephanie, who had been his first love, though she never knew it because he never told her.
The impression left with Reinhold Hanisch was that Hitler had very little respect for the female sex, but very austere ideas about relations between men and women.
Hainisch recalled Hitler telling him of a brief encounter with a milkmaid while he was still at school, ending abruptly when she made advances and he ran away, knocking over a churn of milk in his haste.
This was probably a lie by Hitler.
Hitler described his own ideal woman as is a cute, cuddly, naive little thing, tender, sweet, and stupid.
Cool.
Cool.
That's great.
You want to fuck a baby.
You peaceful.
Well, I mean, yes.
It runs in his blood.
It does run in his blood.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
It's going to be weird how much it runs in his blood.
Yeah.
But first.
We're back.
Okay.
So, Hitler also claimed during this period that women would inherently, quote, rather bow to a strong man than dominate a weakling.
Even for the time, young Hitler was seen as a bit of a prude.
This meant he didn't fit in super well in Turn of the Century Vienna, where erotic art was in vogue and people were starting to do the 1909 version of opening up a little bit.
Well, it's because he's just like popping boners all over the place.
Just popping, everyone could see him.
His leader hosen's just like a fucking arrow.
Yeah.
He's just like constantly just like very sweaty and pink with like a giant bonus.
Angry, erect, terrible artist screaming at everybody and talking about how it's bad to come.
Constantly.
Hitler.
Like, oh, God.
You nerd.
Ugh.
So, one of the things that was happening in Vienna at this time, the turn of the century, is that rules about women's modesty had started to change.
And women were allowed to.
I mean, we're not talking like woke by our standards, but things are improving.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, things are improving, and some women are pushing the envelope, both professionally and in just how they present themselves to the world.
Young Hitler did not like that.
Of course.
Here's an excerpt from Kershaw's book again: quote, where decency demanded that women were scarcely allowed to even show an ankle, Hitler's embarrassment and the rapidity with which he fled with his friend when a prospective landlady during a search for a room for Kubasek let her silk dressing gown fall open to reveal that she was wearing nothing but a pair of knickers.
But his prudishness went far beyond this.
It amounted, according to Kubasek's account, to a deep disgust and repugnance at sexual activity.
Hitler avoided contact with women, meeting with cold indifference during visits to the opera, alleged attempts by young women, probably seeing him as something of an oddity, to flirt with or tease him.
He was repelled by homosexuality.
He refrained from masturbation.
Prostitution horrified but fascinated him.
He associated it with venereal disease, which petrified him.
So it is, again, hard to say how much of Kubasek's account is true.
If Hitler was originally super anti-gay, for example, he definitely got over that shit by the time he was out of the army.
Ernst Röhm, the head of the brown shirts, was a flamboyantly gay man who was flagrant about his love life.
Hitler did eventually kill Rome, but only after he was in power.
And some accounts say he resisted doing so for a very long time and expressed angst over the decision.
Basically, Rome wanted to replace the German army with the brown shirts, and that's why Hitler had to get rid of him.
And there was definitely like he was willing to kill him because he was gay and he was seen as like a liability.
But Hitler wasn't inherently against the idea of working with like he seems like he moderated on that during his time in the army, at least from like a one point of view or another.
There's debate about how much.
But one thing that didn't change from Kubasek's memory of him was Hitler's obsession with venereal disease.
The subject came up frequently in Mein Kampf, and in Hitler's early speeches, he generally would compare the Jewish refugees immigrating to the country as like a form of venereal disease.
I see.
And there was a lot of anti-Semitic claims that Jewish prostitutes were spreading typhus.
And there's actually a rumor that Hitler himself got syphilis from a prostitute sometime and like when he was a young adult.
Simon Wiesenthal, the famed Nazi hunter, went to his grave believing this, even though there's no good evidence about it.
There's a lot of weird questions as to why people, someone like Wiesenthal, who's a Holocaust survivor himself, would be so much like into wanting to believe this.
I mean, I get that, though.
Yeah, yeah.
You kind of want to syphilis.
It's also, there's like some weird, a lot of the attempts to explain Hitler kind of come across as blaming a single Jewish person for his hatred of Jewish people, which is really problematic.
Yeah, that's an issue.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kubasek, for his part, always claimed that Hitler was, to the best of his knowledge, a normal dude sexually, not homosexual, not into anything weird, just like kind of a sexually frustrated young man.
Kubasek was so emphatic about that because by the 1950s, when he was working on his book, there were numerous rumors that Hitler had been gay.
This conspiracy theory is best embodied by the book The Pink Swastika from 1995.
That book was a major source for Dinesh DeSouza documentary, where Dinesh claims that Democrats are the modern Nazis and that gay people are Nazis.
And Hitler was gay is a regular headline in far-right publications.
I found one on Breitbart from 2016 that just said, New evidence from his doctors shows Hitler was gay.
Obviously, it's not new evidence.
It's just, it's the old OSS reports that suggested Hitler was homosexual.
Of course.
In the OSS document, Dr. Langer wrote, quote, his sex life is as dual as a political outlook.
He is both a homosexual and heterosexual, both socialist and fervent nationalist, both man and woman.
Again, that's just like psychoanalytic bullshit.
There's no evidence that he was homosexual.
He was okay with working with gay men.
Yeah.
But like, there's no evidence beyond that.
And it's like, yeah.
One of the things that's interesting to me is when you read a lot of like the old 1930s and late 20s news articles criticizing Hitler, a lot of these like 1920s German journalists, some of whom are conservative, when they're talking about like homosexuality with the Nazi party, go out of their way to not condemn homosexuality, to just be like that we're condemning the Nazis because their attitudes on homosexuality are so negative, but they have all these gay members, which is more nuanced than I expected out of like 1920s journalists in Germany.
That's very interesting.
Well, it does make a lot of sense, though, because it's like, I mean, coming after World War I, you're in the trenches with men and you need some kind of comfort to probably a lot of dudes fucking in World War I, sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, just to feel like you're a person and not just part of a meat grinder.
Yeah.
You know, so it's like, I'm sure that definitely, you know.
It was part of why attitudes started to open up right until the Nazis clammed them shut again.
Yeah, exactly.
Now, just so we cover the basics of Hitler's life here, Hitler served in World War I, obviously.
He was at the front basically the entire war.
There are rumors, as we covered in our Children of Dictators episode, that he fathered a son with a French woman during this time.
This is very much doubted by historians.
The kind of thing you can't 100% debunk.
But for what it's worth, the son of the guy who thought he was Hitler's son says that Hitler was a gentle lover to his grandma.
I don't know what that's based on.
Seems like a reach.
Seems like a weird flex, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A gentle love.
Here's the thing.
I don't even know.
I feel like he would be just like a petrified guy that would like come really quickly.
I'm going to guess that is more accurate.
Yeah, that feels way like, yeah, he's probably all fucking talk, and then he's just like, oh, okay, I'm so sorry.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
He says, I'm sorry when he comes.
That's the Hitler.
Yep.
Now, when Hitler got back from World War I, he was sent by his military superiors to infiltrate a meeting of the National Socialist Political Party.
And yeah, you know the rest, more or less.
He started giving speeches there, became a figure in the National Socialist Party, consolidated power, and plotted his, you know, not quite meteoric, but eventually total rise to power.
Now, we don't have a whole lot on Hitler's sexuality during the early 1920s or his relationships.
Hansdangl is one of the main sources for the claims that Hitler might have been gay.
And he said stuff like this, quote, obvious prostitutes barely admitted to the Kaiserhof Hotel were fervently admired by him, provided that they appeared in couples or with a man.
A solitary woman is usually ignored by him unless he is in a large crowd and can send in someone to find out her identity.
He always wishes to be a spectator.
Do you know, he once said to Dr. Sedgwick in 1923, the audience at the circus is just like a woman, someone who does not understand that intrinsically feminine character of the mass will never be an effective speaker.
Ask yourself, what does a woman expect from a man?
Clearness, decision, power, action.
Like a woman, the masses fluctuate between extremes.
What we want is to get the masses to act.
This can obviously not be done with an appeal to their selfishness nor to their cowardice, but by an appeal to their idealism, their courage, and their spirit of sacrifice.
Who has more of the spirit of sacrifice than a woman?
If she is talked to properly, she will be proud to sacrifice because no woman will ever feel that her life's sacrifices have received their dual fulfillment.
That's Hitler analyzing the German people.
And interesting.
Yeah, you know, just what a first date.
What a first date.
Hanfstangl claims to have asked him once, why don't you marry?
And he says Hitler answered, quote, Marriage is not for me and never will be.
My only bride is my motherland.
Then seemingly with no sequence of ideas, he added, There are two ways in which a man's character may be judged by the woman he marries and by the way he dies.
In 1923, when Hanstangl once playfully said, If not a bride, you ought to have a mistress, Hitler replied, Politics is a woman.
He who loves her unhappily bites off his head.
So this is one of the versions of Hitler you get that he's just too busy being the embodiment of Germany to flirt with ladies.
God, what a piece of shit.
I think in this state, he continues that line the rest of his life.
I think in this stage, it's not true, but he's not actually dating around that much.
I think in this stage, he's still too awkward.
He starts to have success with women when he gets popular.
Yeah, when he starts getting some power.
Yeah.
Because then it's not about him.
It's about the mythic thing that he's created.
And in that case, he keeps saying that out loud and hiding his relationships with women, but he's also fucking some people.
So anyway, that's the way this goes.
So it's hard, basically impossible to say when Hitler lost his virginity.
We do have one spectacular example of Hitler striking out with a lady.
It happened in 1923, right before Hitler's famous beer hall Putsch, when they were at Berchtesgarten.
Now, the story is related by Hanstangl, who had come to visit Hitler in Berchtesgarten on invitation, but like Hitler didn't own a house there or anything at that point.
They were all staying in a hotel.
The manager of the hotel was a guy named Herr Buchner, who was a German flying ace in World War I, and who had, according to Hanfstangl, a quote, strikingly buxom six-foot-tall blonde wife, which made her taller than Hitler.
This rather vulgar, sensuous, blue-eyed woman had manifestly succeeded in completely inflaming Hitler to a degree that made him seem entirely beyond himself.
His breath was short, his cheeks feverish, his eyes filled with exaltation.
In a swashbuckling manner, Hitler was strutting up and down the large veranda and garden, swinging his whip.
Helena Buckner Many Potions00:06:16
He would stop now and again to talk to Frau Buckner, whip in hand, punctuating his sentences with the whip in a schoolboy fashion.
He was obviously showing off, talking at Frau Buckner in the numerous gallery of admiring females, all party adherents.
He made, however, no impression on Frau Buckner.
On and on he went through the whole afternoon, acting the desperado, the wild man, the man of destiny.
The whole performance seemed hopefully pubescent and empty.
Oh, God.
Hitler's just whacking a whip around.
Swinging a whip, trying to flirt with a girl.
Check out my whip.
Check this shit out.
Look at how good I am with this whip.
Are you impressed?
No.
You think I look good?
Well, that's like the 1920s version of just like watching somebody play video games.
Check it out.
No, check out how good I am.
Let me get this headshot.
I have so many potions.
Think of how many potions I have.
It's not real.
No.
Now, Hitler also had a gigantic crush on his friend Putsy's wife, Helena Hofstangl.
Ian Kershaw writes, quote, on one occasion, he took advantage of Putsy Hompstangle's brief absence from the room to fall on his knees in front of Helena Hompstangle, describing himself as her slave and bemoaning the fate that had led him to her too late.
When Helena told him of the incident, Putzy put it down to Hitler's need to play the role of the languishing troubadour from time to time.
This guy just like needed to be like that.
He's a cuck, is what he actually is.
That I think is what he would have preferred.
He needed a good sex therapist.
He could say, no, dude, just do this.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Just like ask, like, watch some of your friend's bone.
That's what I think you'd probably do.
That's where I think you'd be happiest with Hitler.
Maybe give up politics and just watch your friend's bone.
Yeah, be that guy.
Be that guy.
That's a yeah.
Compared to Hitler, that's a great guy to be.
Yeah, well, and especially like that is the child of a dad uncle.
You know what I mean?
Like, that's what your kid becomes.
Yeah.
So when Putsy later expressed the worry that Hitler was essentially trying to steal his wife's affections, Helena told Putsy not to worry.
Hitler was, quote, an absolute neuter.
Yeah.
So that was Helena's attitude towards him.
Yeah, yeah.
Now, Hitler would later prove them and the OSS wrong, actually, in the early autumn of 1926, when the rising fascist political star met a girl named Mimi Reiter.
We will talk about her, Hitler's courtship process, and his preferences and fucking in part two of this podcast.
But right now, it's the end of the episode until Thursday when we talk about the rest of this stuff.
I see.
Yeah, that was just getting us to this to Mimi.
That's just getting us to Mimi.
Getting us to Mimi.
Maybe the first girl he fucked.
It's really, well, no, not the first girl he fucks, but like the first girl, we have a lot of detail on how he courted her.
I see.
So we're going to be talking a lot about how Hitler flirted with girls.
Cool is finally moving on from his fucking hand.
His fucking hand.
His leader hose him.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, God.
He's such a loser.
He's such a loser.
I just wish.
Ick benign loser.
There needs to be like, what is the people need to know how lame we always do?
Like, it's either like Hitler at the end of the war where he's like a sick old man or like Hitler is this terrifying warlord.
Yeah.
And we miss out on incel Hitler.
You definitely nail the Elliot Roger perspective for sure.
Like, and he, it's so interesting, too, because it seems like he skipped right to incel.
Like, he didn't have this like game phase where he was even trying to make it work.
He just immediately knew that he needed power of any kind to get anybody because he was such a zero.
Because he, yeah, there was otherwise no chance.
Yeah.
Oh, the entitlement.
All of that.
Yeah.
It's hate it.
It's gross.
You know, I try not to like psychoanalyze how much of this was like, did he get into power?
Like, I think it was probably ancillary and everyone does things for a lot of reasons.
But like, you can't look at his backstory and not see that like frustrated kid who just like doesn't understand why some people are good at that and he's not and like he's pissed because of it.
Well, and it's just like the entitlement as opposed to like growing yourself and making yourself a more well-rounded person.
Learning to dance.
Yes, exactly.
I mean, that's exactly it.
It's like all these kind of guys.
It's just like, just get a hobby that isn't just like trying to fuck somebody.
It's like, no, just be if be a well-rounded person in your own regard.
And then people will be interesting for people to be interested in you.
Yeah, because his whole thing, and like in Kubasek's book, it becomes like the way he portrays Hitler is like he loves talking about his opinions on everything.
Of course.
But he's not good at much.
No, no, no.
He just loves to talk about what he thinks about things.
Yeah, of course.
And like, learn to dance, man.
That kind of self-important with nothing to back it up.
It's just.
We don't care.
Learn to dance.
Yeah.
Life's not that serious.
Just like learn to dance a little bit.
Go do something besides yell at people, Hitler.
Yeah.
Get a fucking dog.
Yeah, get a fucking dog.
Well, he did do that.
And we will talk about how dogs play into his flirtation style soon.
Of course they do.
It's going to be gross.
Brandy, you got some pluggables to plug.
Yeah, you can find me on Twitter and Instagram at Brandazzle.
B-R-A-N-D-A-Z-Z-L-E.
I have a podcast called Lady to Lady.
That's very fun every Wednesday.
Me, Barbara, Gray, Tess Barker, with a fourth guest every week.
And then if you are in Los Angeles, I have a monthly show every second Saturday called Picture This.
That is, it's at the Virgil.
It's a $10 show.
It's comedians paired up with animators.
They live animate your jokes during your set.
It's very, very fun.
We just had Pendleton Ward, the creator of Peter Time, on the last one.
Awesome.
Craig Bartlett does our show a lot.
He's the creator of Hey Arnold.
And we have people from like Bojack and Big Mouth and like all sorts of awesome cartoon shows.
It's super sweet.
Oh man, that's crazy.
Yeah, that's awesome.
Yeah, it's really fun.
It's the second Saturday of every month.
It's my favorite thing to do.
And then I tour like half the year.
So brandyposey.com.
And yeah, that sounds so much more gratifying than just talking about Hitler's sex life.
It is.
But if you're into Hitler's sex life, you should follow my Twitter.
Yes.
I'm at IWriteOK.
You should follow the show's Twitter at BastardsPod.
You can find the sources for this episode and every episode on behindthebastards.com.
Look us up on TeePublic, Behind the Bastards.
TeePublic, buy a shirt, wear it, fight Hitler, even though he's dead and you're not actually fighting him.
Just buy a shirt and feel better.
Playing Along Music Conversation00:02:56
Capitalism.
You can find us on Twitter and on Instagram at BastardsPod.
Sophie isn't here, and this is a goddamn train wreck.
Play me out, Johnny.
There's two golden rules that any man should live by.
Rule one: never mess with a country girl.
You play stupid games, you get stupid prizes.
And rule two, never mess with her friends either.
We always say, trust your girlfriends.
I'm Anna Sinfield, and in this new season of The Girlfriends, oh my god, this is the same man.
A group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist.
I felt like I got hit by a truck.
I thought, how could this happen to me?
The cops didn't seem to care.
So they take matters into their own hands.
I said, oh, hell no.
I vowed I will be his last target.
He's going to get what he deserves.
Listen to the girlfriends.
Trust me, babe.
On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Laurie Siegel, and on Mostly Human, I go beyond the headlines with the people building our future.
This week, an interview with one of the most influential figures in Silicon Valley, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman.
I think society is going to decide that creators of AI products bear a tremendous amount of responsibility to products we put out in the world.
From power to parenthood.
Kids, teenagers, I think they will need a lot of guardrails around AI.
This is such a powerful and such a new thing.
From addiction to acceleration.
The world we live in is a competitive world, and I don't think that's going to stop.
Even if you did a lot of redistribution, you know, we have a deep desire to excel and be competitive and gain status and be useful to others.
And it's a multiplayer game.
What does the man who has extraordinary influence over our lives have to say about the weight of that responsibility?
Find out on Mostly Human.
My highest order bit is to not destroy the world with AI.
Listen to Mostly Human on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Hey, I'm Nora Jones, and I love playing music with people so much that my podcast called Playing Along is back.
I sit down with musicians from all musical styles to play songs together in an intimate setting.
Every episode's a little different, but it all involves music and conversation with some of my favorite musicians.
Over the past two seasons, I've had special guests like Dave Grohl, Leve, Mavis Staples, Remy Wolf, Jeff Tweedy, really too many to name.
And this season, I've sat down with Alessia Cara, Sarah McLaughlin, John Legend, and more.
Check out my new episode with Josh Grobin.
You related to the Phantom at that point.
Yeah, I was definitely the Phantom in that.
Mom Grave Wolfie Daughter00:14:27
That's so funny.
Shall we stay with me each night?
Each morning.
Say you love me.
You know I.
So come hang out with us in the studio and listen to Playing Along on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
We're back!
Wait, I mean, I'm Robert Evans.
This is Behind the Bastards podcast.
Bad people, talk about them.
Brandy Posey.
That's me.
We are here.
It's part two.
Part two.
Hitler Fucks.
HitlerFucks.
Boogaloo.
Yes.
Hitler's dick.
Everybody's thinking about it.
Everybody's thinking about it.
Part two of Hitler's stupid dick.
Hitler's stupid.
And I'm going to guess, you know, he doesn't seem like a guy who did a lot of core strengthening exercises.
So I'm going to guess a little low energy.
No.
Yeah.
Hitler is like a five-pump kind of guy.
He's mad at you.
I know what his hair would do.
Because I can imagine like a sweat-drenched fucking Hitler with just like that little thing flipping down on the front of it.
Yeah, he's just constantly just so mad.
Like every organasm makes him mad because it makes him happy.
He just gets angrier and angrier the more he comes.
Yeah, exactly.
Hitler.
Why does it make me feel good?
I don't understand.
Good is bad.
Hitler.
I was going a little Russian there.
A little.
A little.
Yeah, I'm not great at accents.
That's okay.
Anyway, the podcast, the Hitler.
When we left off, we had just sort of established Hitler's youth and his young adulthood, the way his best friends talked about him and his sexual life, although after they were no longer his best friends.
So again, I'll take everything you hear about Hitler with a little bit of salt.
Yeah, exactly.
One thing we know about the guy for sure is that Berchtesgaden was his happy place.
It's basically a quiet mountain town where he had, he eventually built a giant fortress up there, but it was, he had like a room on like to the top of the mountain where he could stare pensively out at the skyline and contemplate being Hitler.
He just needed emo.
I think he just needed like... Elliot Smith would have saved the world a lot of problems.
Yeah, exactly.
I feel so seen.
Yeah, I feel so seen.
He is also right.
Life is pain.
I understand him.
I'm becoming Transylvanian.
The accents are going to be all over the fucking place.
Whoa, I'm Hitler.
Oh, boy.
Now, in autumn of 1926, Hitler took a trip to Berchtesgaden in order to relax and plot the Nazi Party's next series of electoral coups.
Well, he was staying at a fancy hotel.
Oh, a writer's retreat.
Yeah, basically a writer's retreat.
Yeah, he was going up to Big Bear to like write his tight five down.
I wonder if he also took a bunch of spinach with him that he didn't end up eating.
Almost certainly.
That's every writer's retreat I've ever gone on.
I'm just like, I'm bringing nothing but kale.
Nothing gets eaten.
I just go to Taco Bell instead.
Hitler had that experience too.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
Now, while he was staying in a fancy hotel, Hitler met a lady named Maria Ryder, Mimi, to her friends.
Now, young Mimi was in a rough spot in life.
Her mom had died of cancer two weeks earlier.
Her dad, a member of the Social Democratic Party, had pulled her out of her Catholic boarding school to help run the family clothing store.
Now, the store was located in the bottom floor of the hotel where Hitler was staying, and Hitler saw her as soon as he arrived.
Seemingly at once, this 37-year-old politician saw a grieving 16-year-old girl and was like, I got to give me some of that.
Hitler.
It's the only moment his dad's ever been proud of him.
It's like, hell yeah.
There's one more.
Okay, great, of course.
Probably a couple.
Like father, uncle, like son, cousin.
Now, even at the time, 16 was a bit young for a middle-aged man to date a that became a pattern with Hitler.
The older he grew, the age of the girls he flirted with stayed the same.
Yep.
Yep.
This all tracks.
Yeah.
No, here's the thing.
Nothing you've said is surprising to me.
You're just like, yeah, no, that fills in that part of the puzzle.
Fills in that part of the puzzle.
He's just like, picking up little pieces.
This guy's not such a mystery.
I feel like I've known a few of him.
It's mostly, it's one of those, like, it's a puzzle of just like a piece of shit, but with no border.
So the puzzle just keeps expanding in every direction.
Not only do I feel like I know this guy, I feel like I've stood in a police station with several friends and tried to warn the police about this guy.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
It's one of those guys that you're like, just get out of here.
Maybe I should just duck and roll.
Yeah, you just gotta, you just gotta go.
Oh, God.
That was one of the most, like, I was, I was, I've definitely told some gross jokes about women in my time, especially when I was like 17, 18 years old.
Like, I grew up with the same toxic bullshit as everything else.
One of the big things in my change of mind state around this was just the fact that coming to a realization throughout my 20s that like, well, every woman I know has been scared for her life at some point during a date.
I'm just worried about like, am I tipping enough?
Like, is she going to judge?
Yeah, like the stakes are very, very different.
They're really different.
Yeah.
I'm like, oh, I get it.
I'm sorry.
Hitler's one of those guys today who would have made a lot of women scared.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
And then been like, oh, it's your problem.
It's your problem.
It's like, no, man.
I'm not sure what the accents are going.
Just think, have a little bit of empathy for somebody's situation that might be different from yours.
Yeah.
So Ian Kershaw notes, quote, Hitler preferred women much younger than himself, girls he could dominate, who would be obedient, playthings, but not get in his way.
I'm going to guess it seems pretty accurate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hitler waited until he saw Mimi out of work, sitting on a bench in a nearby park with her sister playing with their dog, which, okay, is a better move than flirting at her at work.
Wait till she's out in a social public situation or whatever.
She's not alone, so you're not like, you know.
You cannot interfere with the work.
Yeah.
If you're going to like game question Hitler.
So far, of the opening moves you could have done, not terrible other than the fact that she's a literal teenager.
So he goes up to this girl.
What is this guy, a Republican, potentially a senator from Louisiana?
That's basically what's going on.
It's not like this happens today.
So he's a pretty big name in Germany in 1926, and Mimi recognizes him immediately.
Not a lot of guys look like Hitler.
Yeah, yeah.
That is one of he's Hitler.
Yeah, it's a recognizable little face.
That's a Hitler right there.
Yeah.
Did he have the mustache at this point?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we're about to talk about that.
So Mimi later talked to interviewers, and I'm going to quote the book explaining Hitler's kind of the way it put together her recollection of how Hitler flirted with her during this period.
Quote, she describes the affair in the language of a harlequin romance novel.
Hitler is the stiff, somewhat ruthless stranger who first appears with a dog and a whip, but is later melted into a schoolgirl fantasy lover by her charms.
Quote from Mimi.
There is the famous Hitler recently released from prison, she's told.
He was wearing breeches and a light velour hat, she recalls, and his hand was a writing whip.
He had warm, light gray stockings and a windbreaker that was held together by a leather belt.
Beside him walked a beautiful shepherd.
He sees her, too, and is theatrically captivated.
He asks Mimi's sister, could you introduce me to this bliss?
Mimi is brought over.
He transferred his writing whip from his right hand to his left, gave me his hand, and looked at me with a piercing gaze and praised her dog.
The dog is really beautiful and well-trained.
You are really good at that.
They talked about dogs for an hour.
Hitler, quote, did not take his eyes off of Mimi.
Then he very formally asked her sister, Annie, whether she would permit him to take Mimi for a walk sometime.
At that, she, Mimi, got up and ran away.
So, this is the first meeting.
Still, she was fascinated in a starstruck way.
He looks quite dashing with his breeches and his writing whip.
There is one note that spoils the picture, his mustache.
The funny flies, she calls the black hairy growths beneath Hitler's nose.
He was still figuring out the mustache at this point.
So she's, I mean, she's a literal child, but isn't entirely against it at first, but runs off when she's flirted with, which, again, this is fucking 1926.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, and it's also like at a certain point, having been like a young gal that you kind of have to endure those things.
You're polite until you see an exit, and then you're like, okay, time to go.
I'm not going to, also, I'm not going to like outright rebuke you because you're in a position of power.
Yeah, it's weird because she recalls this as like a positive thing.
Okay, I see.
But it's also like she's recalling this years later and like when she realizes that she essentially hooked up with the most famous man of the 20th century.
Yeah, yeah.
So like some of this is going to be retroactively.
She's going to make it like a thing.
I don't know.
I can't imagine being in that position.
So I'm not going to judge Mimi Ryder.
No, no, no, no.
She's a child also.
She isn't young.
She's 16.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's the 37-year-old approaching her.
So Hitler invited Mimi and her sister to a Nazi party meeting where he was giving a speech.
He wasn't allowed to give public speeches in 1926 as a condition of his parole.
So it's an older man with a parole history who's on parole hitting on a 16-year-old.
What is he?
What is he?
A line chef at a rib place?
That's exactly how he makes his money.
Fucking course he is.
He's got a tram sand.
Oh, God.
Bumpers falling off.
Oh, I know these guys.
I've bought Coke from Hitler.
Oh, man.
Yeah, you absolutely did.
Yeah, that's totally who Hitler is.
Oh, God.
Oh, Hitler.
I remember working in a rib place when I was a teenager in high school.
I know this guy exactly.
And there was this one chef that didn't talk to me at all until on Valentine's Day, he brought me a candy heart that had a picture of a moose on it, and it said, you a moose me.
Okay.
And I remember just being like, thanks.
That's a move.
And then he had like a child.
He had like a baby that he brought to one of my shifts.
I was like, cool.
Glad you introduced me to your baby.
I don't give a shit about this.
So how long have y'all been married?
He's probably dead.
I hope he is.
In a healthy society, that's what happens.
The Hitler-like guy dies of a Coke overdose in his car at age 34.
Yeah, no, exactly.
I just remember, man, no, that's who Hitler was for sure.
That fucking fry cook.
That fry cook.
In a healthy society, all our Hitlers are fry cooks.
And some of our fry cooks become Anthony Bourdains.
But none of our Anthony Bourdains become Hitler's.
No.
None.
No, no, absolutely not.
Yeah, that's a healthy society.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, so yeah, Hitler sensed that this teenager was attracted to his fame, so he like really played that up.
After this big event, he put her and her sister at the head table for dinner and sat them right next to him.
So they felt like they were at the center of this big, important political meeting.
I mean, it was a big, important political meeting.
The Nazis wound up a charge.
But it's funny, like, thinking about like, from the perspective of the other Nazis in the room, just like, oh, and Hitler has two children with him.
The boss is hitting on a teenager.
Cool.
We're on the right side of it.
We're the right ones.
Yeah, we're the good guys.
We're doing great.
Yeah, we got our fucking fucking cook pedophile boss that's running the party.
We're on the right side of history.
I feel like we're the good guys.
Yeah, we totally are.
God.
She later recalled, and I have to remind you, she's talking about Hitler here, quote, I was very embarrassed and blushed.
It was as if he had organized the meeting just for me, as if all that counted for him now was to just conquer me.
She was apparently feeling that.
During dinner, Hitler, quote, fed her pieces of cake like a little child.
He treated her like a child and then again like a grown woman.
After dinner, he talked about her dead mom and told her that she had the same eyes as his dead mom.
Hitler's game is pretty weird.
Wow.
God.
Oh, there's just so many little.
A lot of dead moms coming into how Hitler flirts.
Oh, ma'am.
Show me a picture of your dead mom.
Oh, I hear your muzza is dead.
Show me mine.
I'll show you your dead mother.
Tragically dead muzza.
Yeah, exactly.
Let's put their pictures together and make them kiss.
Does this do anything for you?
Just 69 are dead moms' faces.
Is that what you like, little child?
This is how fuck, yes?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just whipping photos of somebody else's dead mother.
No, no, throw your mother's photo.
Yeah, it watched me cut it in half.
Oh, boy.
God.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
So he followed that with, or he followed with what Mimi described as a coarse sexual advance, although she unfortunately does not give the exact details of that.
Given the 20s, it might have been him complimenting her hands or something.
Yeah, yeah.
Completely innocent like that.
Well, not completely innocent.
She was 16.
He was 37, but you get what I'm saying.
Later in the dinner, a guest asked Hitler why he wasn't married yet.
This was a pretty common question for Hitler to get.
He answered that, of course, he had to save Germany first.
According to Mimi, though, at the exact same time, quote, Hitler touched my legs with his knee and heavily stepped on my toes with his shoe.
A funny and rude hint at what he wanted to say.
This works.
This works on Mimi.
She says it does at least.
You know, who knows how accurate her recollections are.
I mean, I get it.
Because also, like, being a 16-year-old girl at that point, it's this is like this is all intoxicating.
This is all very, it's all very complimentary.
And not that the two men are similar, but he's like a similar level in national politics as someone like Beto Oberwerk, where people are like, seriously talking, this guy might be in charge soon.
So there's that dimension of this.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Well, and it's also like, you know, you've been forced to drop out of school by your dad, like your only mom.
My mom's dead.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Your only way to a better life at this point is probably through a man to another situation.
Like you aren't really probably, you aren't being primed to take over a business of your own or anything.
Your dad's a member of like the opposite political party, so maybe there's a little bit of that going on too, where she's like, my dad's going to really hate this.
I'm bringing home the ultimate bad boy.
I mean, yeah.
I mean, kind of.
There's no better date in a bad boy than literally Hitler.
Yeah, I know, seriously.
Committed Suicide Sweaty Balls00:15:32
Okay.
So based on what you know about Hitler's game so far, what would you expect his next step was after talking about his dead mom and then stomping on a girl's foot?
I mean, maybe just like putting some of his dad's ashes on like lipstick and then asking for a kiss.
That would actually be less creepy.
He chose animal abuse.
Oh, great.
Here's Mimi Reader.
Quote, we went out into the night.
Hitler was about to put his arm around my shoulders and pull me towards him when the two dogs suddenly attacked each other.
Hitler suddenly intervened.
Like a maniac, he hit his dog with his writing whip and shook him violently by the collar.
He was very excited.
I did not expect that he could hit his dog so brutally and ruthlessly, the dog which he had said he could not live without.
Yet he beat up his most loyal companion.
How can you be so brutal and beat your dog like that? I asked.
It was necessary, Hitler said.
Tenderly, he touched my shoulders.
His mouth changed.
His voice sounded sad.
Don't you want to kiss me? He asked.
She forces herself to say no, that they shouldn't see each other again.
Hitler takes the reaction badly.
He turned cold.
Kindness disappeared from his face.
Abruptly, he turned away, said Heil, and left.
Yeah, I mean.
Pro tip, Hitler, don't beat dogs on a first date.
Yeah.
I shouldn't have to say that.
Yeah.
I shouldn't have to say don't beat dogs.
No, no, no.
I shouldn't have to say it anyway.
Maybe not on the first date.
You know, you don't do that.
Most experts say animal abuse is like a third date thing.
Yeah, exactly.
That's when you get that dog whip out.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
You and your goddamn whip.
I spooned that dog that night and just whispered sweet nothings in the poor dog's ear.
Oh, I really feel for that dog.
I have all of Hitler's dogs.
They just saw so many sad masturbations.
Yeah.
Absolutely did.
We don't think enough about the suffering dogkind went through during those years.
No.
It was rough.
I know.
Yeah.
Poor babes.
Yeah.
Now, Hitler, once rejected, was not about to give up on his dreams of conquering this girl, literally less than half of his age.
He sent one of his men to Mimi's store the next day.
This guy told Mimi that he'd never seen the boss so filled with love.
Believe me, the man is on fire.
Now, this got Mimi to give Hitler a second chance.
She agreed to a second, and it wasn't quite a date, but she agreed to hang out with him again.
He picked her up at work and took her in a ride in his Mercedes.
He didn't drive, of course.
His man Maurice handled the driving.
Hitler couldn't drive.
He sat next to Mimi in the back.
Quote, he took my hand and put it into his lap.
Then he took my other hand as well and pressed it.
Now I have your hands and I have you and I will keep you now.
You're not a big fan of Hitler's moves.
I don't like his moves.
Okay.
I don't like what Mimi needed like a Wilson through the fence to give her some advice about her.
Yeah, an older man going like, oh, you shouldn't be dating 37-year-old Nazis.
Yeah, yeah.
She needed somebody to be on her side here.
To be like, hey, girl.
Some good adult advice.
Oh, God.
I guess dad was grieving.
I'm not going to hit on him too hard, but it is kind of a failure of parenting if your daughter dates Hitler.
Yeah.
When she's 16, you know?
Adult kids can date Hitler.
That's their mistake to make.
Yeah, exactly.
There's a couple of lessons that should have been taught.
Better parenting at a few levels in this story would have really helped with some problems.
So for their next date, Hitler took her to a graveyard to see her mom's grave.
What happened next is just so strange that I...
I'm going to read explaining Hitler's description because it's weird.
Quote, Hitler is overcome thinking of his own mother.
Moved by something he did not want to tell me, what he said sounded very grave and utmost distress.
I am not ready yet.
Hitler, holding onto his writing whip, comforts a sobbing Mimi and strangely chooses that moment to tell her, I want you to call me Wolf.
That was his preferred nickname.
Wolf.
So he takes her to his mom's grave or her mom's grave, says he's not ready to fuck, and then asks her to call him Wolf.
That was his favorite nickname.
He thought it sounded cool.
Fucking guy.
He made all his friends call him Wolf.
Secret headquarters during the invasion of Russia was the Wolf's Lair.
I'm just saying he would have been one of those guys with an unironic wolf howling at the moon shirt.
You can't tell people your nickname.
No, then it's not a nickname.
Then it's narcissism.
Yes.
If you get a cool nickname, congratulations.
Yeah.
But you got to earn it.
Yes.
You don't get to pick your own.
Yeah.
Oh, it's bullshit.
You know what you do get to pick of your own?
Is the products and services that you spend your money and or commerce units to purchase?
Ads!
We're back.
Yeah, we are.
We're back.
We just enjoyed the freedom of choice that Hitler would not have approved of.
Although, actually, if we're going to be really honest, the Nazi regime was seriously in bed with the capitalist interest in Germany at the time and phrased a lot of what they were doing as a defense of free trade against unionism.
But That's a whole, that's another podcast.
Products and successes.
Boners.
Yeah.
We're talking about his dick today.
Not the entanglements of fascism and capitalism throughout history.
His little wolf.
Modern day.
Yeah.
His little wolf.
His little wolf.
Wolfie.
Wolfie-Wolfie.
So on their fourth date, Hitler decided to make his move on Mimi Reeder.
He took her out for a walk in the woods and said romantic things to her and then asked her to kiss him, which is, you know, a pretty timeless move.
That's a pretty classic date.
I mean, to be fair, we're going from mom's grave.
Mom's grave.
Well, no, we're going from like a dinner where he's given a sports.
We're going from fascist political meetings, date one, where he beats a dog at the end.
Date two, middle-aged guy takes you on a ride in his Mercedes.
Date three, mom's grave.
Yep.
Tells you to call him Wolf.
Wow.
And then date four, walk in the woods.
Okay.
I mean, the most normal of the dates so far.
Is the walk in the woods.
Yeah, It's a solid fourth date's a decent time to make that move if you're, you know, she's 16.
Jesus, Hitler.
Okay.
So here's Mimi.
Quote, I could feel how he clenched his fists.
I could see how he was fighting with himself.
My child, I could squash you in my arms at this very moment.
I did not resist any longer.
His true self had come out.
Yeah, yeah.
This is what Hitler says in his first kiss.
Maybe his first kiss ever.
Yeah.
Maybe not.
Hitler told her that he wanted her to have his blonde Aryan babies, but whined that he didn't have the time right now.
What with his mission to save Germany?
How many times have you?
I mean, speaking as a man, we've all used that line.
Oh, yeah.
I got to save Germany, baby.
I just can't help it.
I just Germany, you know.
You're going to last 30 seconds, you piece of shit.
Like, please, you've got the time.
Now, Hitler promised to buy an apartment in Berlin for them once he was more successful.
He made promises about the kind of furniture they'd buy and all this stuff.
He told her they'd be together forever.
But then he left Berchtisgaden and ignored her for months.
This is the worst Springsteen song I've ever heard.
He just ghosts her.
Yeah.
Ghosts her for a long time.
When he returned to the mountains finally, he didn't visit her.
Being a teenager, Mimi did not take this very well.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, it's like, hey, buddy, if you're going to, we're going to go here.
Let's do this.
Let's do this.
I mean, all sorts of pictures appeared in my mind.
Faces of other women and Hitler smiling at them.
I did not want to go on living.
Yeah.
So she attempted suicide, trying to hang herself on a door handle with a clothesline.
Oh, damn, Mimi.
Yeah, she went for it.
Her brother-in-law came in at the last minute and saved her.
And according to Mimi, her brother-in-law had came to save her after he had gotten a message from Hitler that Hitler had just sent to him, explaining that he hadn't been seeing Mimi recently because he'd been blackmailed by someone who'd sent a letter to the Nazi Party office claiming that Hitler was seducing underage girls.
So basically, months later, Hitler comes in and is like, you know, somebody was talking about us and I had to like go dark because it would hurt the success of my political party.
Yeah.
If like we'd kept our thing up.
So that's his excuse.
The truth would have come out.
Oh, so it's like he knows he's not supposed to be doing this.
Yes.
And this is not a lot of times when you talk about people dating teenagers or whatever in the past.
It was definitely more normal back then.
But again, this was a political liability for a 37-year-old.
It wouldn't have been weird if he'd been 25 and dating a 16-year-old.
That would have been pretty normal for Austria in 1926.
It's over 20 years.
This is weird.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
What he's doing is weird, and he knows it.
Yeah.
So Mimi claims that she found out later that the letters sent into the Nazi party office were actually written by a woman who was close to Hitler and jealous of his relationship with Mimi.
It was possibly this lady who was like his bodyguard/slash chauffeur who was like in love with him that he may have also fucked.
We don't really know that much about that relationship.
There's a lot of rumored relationships that we don't have confirmation of.
One thing that is confirmed is that the Nazis were unbelievably caddy bitches.
There was tons of drama, tons of blackmail within the Nazis.
Oh, yeah.
Gross, and they were all fucking with each other.
Yeah, and they're all fucking messy, just a bunch of messy bitches for sure.
Messy, messy bitches.
Yeah, that's the Nazis.
So, Mimi and Hitler drifted apart for a while.
The whole relationship was a huge deal for her, but it seems to have been more of a bump on the road for Hitler.
During this time, he repeatedly flirted with his best friend Hanfstengel's wife, as well as Henrietta Hoffman, the daughter of his photographer and fiancé of Baldur von Chirac, one of his top Nazis.
Hitler dated, or at least made moves on, Jenny Haug, one of his drivers, and the bodyguard lady I talked about, maybe the woman who sent the letter.
It's hard to tell how true all the different rumors about women Hitler might have been with, but it seems like by the mid-20s, he's famous enough that a lot of people are falling for his charms.
Yeah, yeah.
Largely for his fame.
According to Ian Kershaw, quote, none of his liaisons, it seems, had been more than superficial.
No deep feelings were ever stirred.
Women were for Hitler a sport, an adornment in a men's world.
Whether in the men's home in Vienna, the regiment during the war, the Munich barracks until his discharge, and his regular gatherings of party cronies in Cafe Neumau or Cafe Heck in the 1920s, Hitler's environment had always been overwhelmingly male.
Very occasionally, a woman would be admitted into our intimate circle, Ricard recalled Heinrich Hoffmann, but she never was allowed to become the center of it and had to remain seen but not heard.
She could occasionally take a small part in the conversation, but never was she allowed to hold forth or to contradict Hitler.
God, I love a silent wife.
Silent and dumb.
That's the way Hitler likes him.
She's nothing better than just a silent quiet woman who's barely alive.
Hitler.
Now, Hitler's next confirmed fling was with Gelly Rauble, his half-niece.
Oh, sick.
Sick.
Here we go.
You can't stop a Hitler male from fucking his own niece.
I cannot stay away from the money.
That's the thing.
What a.
Two generations of guys fucking the same age when they start too.
So he met her when she was 14 years old.
Her father had died when she was young, and her mother worked as a housekeeper.
They were poor.
Hitler did wait until she was 16.
Oh, well, what a gentleman.
What a gentleman.
And that's the age when Uncle Alf, as she called him, asked her and her mom to move to Munich and become his housekeepers.
Now, for them, it would have seemed like a real upgrade because he was a very powerful man by this point.
He set Gelly and Angela up in an apartment, and while her mom cleaned house, Hitler took his teenage niece out on the town.
He found out she wanted to be a singer and, R. Kelly-like, started paying for music lessons and promising to make her famous.
Yeah.
Like, it's all tracks.
It's all tracks.
It's not just the coolest time.
He wasn't just one of these guys.
He was all of them.
Yeah, he's the prototype for, I mean, not the, there's before him, too, but it's like he really is just greatest hits all around.
How many was he into Jell-O?
What's he?
Was he drugging ladies?
Yeah.
Is he like super into Jell-O at any point?
Yeah, I mean, credit where it's due, that might be an area where Cosby innovated on Hitler.
Yeah.
All right.
Although, yeah, there's some other crimes coming up here.
So over the next year or so, Hitler fell increasingly in love with his teenage niece.
This did not go over well with his inner circle.
Hanfstenl hated Gelly, calling her an empty-headed slut with the coarse sort of bloom of a servant girl, which is some real sexist rich guy shit.
Yeah, please blame the child that was brought here by the adult man in power.
Yeah.
Please, please, please.
Yeah.
Also, if he'd known Hitler's family history, he would have known servants were sort of the family thing.
Yeah, that's kind of how it works out for them.
Weird that he and his dad both not only sleep with their nieces, but both bring them in as serving girls.
How aware do you think Hitler was of that relationship?
I don't know.
Okay.
There's a lot of rumors that he was to an extent, and he was trying to keep it hidden from people.
So I'm just wondering if that's like him trying to normalize how his parents got together in some way.
Maybe he even was thinking that consciously.
I'm certain it wasn't conscious, but that may have been a factor.
Yes.
Being like wanting to sort of be like, well, no, if I'm like the biggest man in Germany and this is what I do, then it wasn't messed up how I grew up.
Yeah.
It's fine.
And I don't have to think about it that much.
Yeah, exactly.
No, my mother, aunt, wife.
My mother, aunt, wife, cousin.
Yeah.
That's great.
So Putsy had to admit still that the infatuation his Fuhrer had with this teenage girl was pretty significant.
He said that she, quote, had the effect of making him behave like a man in love.
He hovered at her elbow in a very plausible imitation of adolescent infatuation.
So Gelli wound up having an affair with Hitler's longtime chauffeur, Emil Maurice.
Hitler forgave her, but fired Maurice.
When a local Nazi party leader named Munder whined that Gelly was distracting Hitler from politics, Hitler fired Munder.
For a while, Gelli Raubel threatened to derail the coming of the Third Reich entirely.
Hitler started canceling plans for speeches and meetings to take her on picnics.
Now, Gelli's probably the single most controversial piece of Hitler's backstory.
Off the top of my head, the only thing historians debate more vociferously about Hitler is whether or not he was like an active or passive participant in the Holocaust.
Like, those are like two of the things that are most questioned about this guy.
Interesting.
The relationship is, among other things, the origin of the Hitler-liked poop myth.
So, that's where we're going next.
Oh, hell yeah.
You know, it's just sometimes you think you're just going to have a Friday, and here it is.
And here it is.
Here it is.
It does feel great.
So, in 1929, Hitler bought the gigantic apartment that he'd first promised Mimi Reeder.
But he was over her, so he moved his 17-year-old niece in.
Gelly's mother was sent off to Berchtesgaden to keep Hitler's holiday at home clean and to keep her away from Hitler and her daughter.
So, Gelly and Hitler lived in separate bedrooms, but on the same floor.
Now, our main sources for this particular story about the relationship come from a journalist named Konrad Haydn and our old pal Honfstengel.
They also come from Gregor Strasser, a former Nazi who fell out with Hitler.
So, all these stories are from very anti-Hitler people who have reason to exaggerate things, which is part of why I bring that up.
Yeah, so I just like that they've got a real, like, I love Lucy set up in their house.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's very much that, but with poop.
So, Vanity Fair quotes all of these sources, and I'm going to read their kind of recollection of events, starting with Haydn.
Quote: Hitler wrote the young girl a letter couched in the most unmistakable terms.
It was a letter in which the uncle and lover gave himself completely away.
It expressed feelings which could be expected from a man with masochistic coprophile inclinations bordering on what Havelock Ellis calls undenism.
The letter probably would have been repulsive to Gelli if she had received it, but she never did.
Hitler left the letter lying around and it fell into the hands of his landlady's son, a certain Dr. Rudolph.
Jane Evening Sofa Normalcy00:14:42
The letter was bound to debase Hitler and make him ridiculous in the eyes of anyone who might see it.
Hitler seems to have feared that it was Rudolph's intention to make it public.
So coprophile is obviously loving poop, and Udinism is loving to be urinated on.
So that's how this journalist sort of describes this mythical letter.
Hitler almost sends Gelly, but it gets intercepted, and then another Nazi is like threatening to blackmail Hitler with it.
I see.
Again, that's an intense letter.
How many rough drafts do you go through for telling your niece you want to poop in her?
Yeah.
Or be pooped in by her?
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know, man.
We'd have to ask John McAfee that.
So Putsy Hofstengel told a pretty similar story in his biography, but he claims that the pornographic content was different.
Rather than a letter about his desire to be pooped in by Gelli, Hofstengel claims that the thing that got intercepted was Hitler's nude sketches of his niece.
He describes the drawings as depraved, intimate sketches of Gelli Raubel with every anatomical detail, which could have meant that it was something we'd consider really weird or beyond the pale, or could have meant that he was just drawing porn of a girl he thought was his girlfriend.
I mean, it's gross because she's his 17-year-old niece.
Yeah, yeah.
But it might not have been a poop thing.
Yeah, it could just be like a nude photo or nude drawings.
Now, the most direct story we have or most direct evidence we have of the Hitler-liked poop myth comes from Otto Strasser.
Now, Otto was a leading figure in the Nazi party for a while and then fell afoul of the party.
His brother, who was also a Nazi, was murdered and Otto became like a critic of the regime.
And he wrote about this in a 1940 book that he published after he had fallen out with the party.
So again, grand assault here.
Otto Strasser claims that basically after a period of excitement, Gelli got bored of being Hitler's girlfriend since Hitler believed he had to present an image of being available and married to Germany.
Hitler's handlers kind of thought that Hitler's sex appeal was a big part of Nazism's draw.
And if it was known that he had a girlfriend, like women wouldn't vote for him and then he wouldn't be able to win election, which they may have been right about.
There's something.
I mean, there's something there, I guess.
Yeah.
It's hard to say.
This was like pretty soon after women got the vote too.
So like people were, I mean, people were sexist for a lot of reasons then.
Gotta vote for an available man.
Sexy, sexy Hitler.
Maybe if he sees my ballot, I'll get to be Mrs. Hitler.
Yeah, exactly.
Mrs. Hitler.
So basically, Strasser claimed that like Gelly was really bored all the time and was like really frustrated and depressed at not being able to go out with her boyfriend.
And finally, Hitler like allowed him, Strasser, to take Gelly out to a Mardi Gras party because he was like, okay, I'll let you do something, but I can't go with you because it'll look bad.
So you go with my friend.
Yeah, yeah.
So Strasser claims that during this like party, they were sitting down at a table and talking and she opened up to him with a very emotional horror story.
Quote from Strasser.
Hitler made her undress while he would lie down on the floor.
Then she would have to squat down over his face where he could examine her at close range, and this made him very excited.
When the excitement reached its peak, he demanded that she urinate on him, and that gave him his sexual pleasure.
Gelli said the whole performance was extremely disgusting to her, and although it was sexually stimulating, it gave her no gratification.
So.
Cool.
Cool.
What a party.
What a party.
These German parties, man.
God damn.
Yeah.
And again, Strasser hated Hitler by that point and may have just been trying to slander his name.
Other reports of Gelli and Hitler's relationship say that it was about as normal as a sexual liaison between a niece and her uncle could be.
We don't know what they got up to.
What we do know is that in 1931, at the cusp of Hitler reaching power, Mimi Reeder came back into his life.
This is while he's living with Gelly.
She's like a legal age at this time and not even related to him.
Yeah, she's like 18 now.
Wow.
Yeah.
Okay.
So while Hitler's living with and banging his niece, Mimi Reeder comes, you know, into town.
She'd married a guy in the intervening years, but dumped him, you know, a little bit in and basically traveled to Munich for a Hitler booty call.
Yeah, yeah.
So this is her version of events as described by the book explaining Hitler.
She, quote, calls Hitler's adjutant, Julius Schaub, informed that Mimi is in town.
Hitler tells Schaub, bring her over.
Mimi places the episode that follows in the summer of 1931 when Hitler was living in his big new apartment with Gelli Raubel.
Now Mimi claims that during this visit, I let everything happen.
So they had sex.
This is like one of the first confirmations we have.
And she doesn't give us a lot of detail about this.
We know that Hitler has a booty call with Mimi in early summer or whatever, 1931.
And then not a whole long while later, maybe just a couple of weeks, maybe a few days, Gelli Raubel commits suicide.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yikes.
Now, there are a number of theories as to why.
One says she was jealous that Hitler had slept with Mimi and being 19 at the time took the most dramatic revenge she could imagine.
Another theory says she started an affair with a Jewish dance teacher in Vienna and was about to leave Hitler.
And so he had her murdered.
Some of the versions say that he murdered her himself.
Yet another variant is that she wanted to leave for Vienna because she was just bored, but Hitler refused to let her go and she killed herself in protest because, again, she was 19.
Either way, one detail is consistent across all these stories.
Gelli Raubel entered Hitler's room, found his 6.5 millimeter Mauser handgun, and shot herself dead through the chest.
Wow.
Which, again, is part of why people think it might have been a murder because she shot herself.
Yeah, through the chest.
That's a hard shot to take.
But it's also not uncommon for women who commit suicide with guns to avoid shooting themselves in the head.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Wow.
So nobody knows.
This is debated to this day.
There are people right now who are trying to have her body exhumed in order to think that they found out.
It's a big controversy and stuff still.
We don't really know what happened.
It was a massive scandal at the time.
People thought it was going to derail Hitler's political career right on the cusp of rising to power.
The Nazi party immediately responded with basically claiming that she'd killed herself because she was nervous over an upcoming music recital.
The body was taken away, courtesy of the Bavarian Minister of Justice, who was a Nazi sympathizer.
Her death was declared a suicide after a quick inquest.
It was all clearly shushed up by the Nazis and the government and like the fact that law enforcement was fans with the Nazis.
The whole story is, it's really hard to like grasp exactly what happened here.
There's certainly a good chance she was murdered, but there's at least an equally good chance that she was just driven to suicide by her relationship with Hitler.
Well, and she'd also been like so isolated at this point.
Like your whole world is this guy and he doesn't let you leave anywhere.
And it's like, yeah.
I can see learning about him screwing Mimi when she's living with him could have made her commit suicide.
I can see how she might not have known that at all and have just been fed up by it.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
Driving women to suicide, along with flirting via whip, was sort of Hitler's thing.
Robert Waite, a psychologist, wrote a psychoanalytical biography of Hitler titled The Psychopathic God.
Now, Waite is like the first guy who got Langer's OSS report to classify it, and he's definitely a member of the Hitler Was Into Weird Shit Sexually Camp.
So a lot of his conclusions are really debatable, but he makes a decent case to suggest that Hitler was doing something fucked up to the girls he liked.
Quote, the idea that Hitler had a sexual perversion particularly abhorrent to women is further supported by a statistic.
Of the seven women who we can be reasonably sure had intimate relations with Hitler, six committed suicide or seriously attempted so.
Damn.
Yeah.
So something.
Something's fucked up.
God damn.
Yeah.
He's he's up in some bad business.
Doesn't have to be kinky sex.
No, no.
Even more likely, maybe that he's just really emotionally abusive, being Hitler.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Something about, you know, he doesn't seem like a supportive boyfriend.
Does not seem like a supportive boyfriend.
No, no, no.
No, this is a guy.
He's, yeah, he's weaving some bullshit in your ears.
Suicide is the single biggest through line rather than poop of Hitler's sex life.
Yeah.
Ava Brown, who was Hitler's wife eventually, who Hitler met in 1929 while she was 17 years old and he was in his 40s, attempted suicide in 1932 and again in 1935, and then obviously committed suicide with him in 1945.
There were two attempts before that point.
Wow.
While they were still together?
Yeah.
Wow.
Well, ish.
We'll see.
We'll talk about that.
Frau Ingele, another possible Hitler lover, successfully committed suicide.
So did Renate Müller and Susie Liptower.
We don't know a lot about most of these relationships.
Gelli, Mimi, and Eva are the only women we get a lot of detail about, and Mimi is the only lover who survived fucking Hitler long enough to give a detailed interview.
It turns out that being in love with the leader of the German Reich was even more dangerous than fighting in Stalingrad.
So we're going to talk about why that may have been and about some of the things that we do know about his sex life from some of these women, the other details.
But first, is an ad transition.
Yeah, let's do some ads.
Let's do some ads.
Don't think about Hitler's sweaty balls while you think about these products.
Damn it, that's a really bad ad pivot.
Oh, I'm glad Sophie's not here.
She's going to be really pissed at that.
Products!
We're back.
All right.
What a nice break from thinking about his shitty sweaty balls.
His shitty sweaty balls.
Or ball.
Or ball.
Who knows?
Who knows?
Well, his doctor said not, but I don't know.
It's a good song.
So one of the women who committed suicide and is believed to have been a lover of Hitler was Renate Muller.
She was an actress, and she got to tell a little bit of her story before leaping out of a window and falling to her death in 1937.
Damn.
Yeah.
So I'll quote Vanity Fair.
These stories came from the guy who was her director, so we don't have her directly being quoted on this.
The guy who worked with her later told the OSS about what had gone down between them.
Quote, her director, one A. Zeisler, later told the OSS that she had confided in him shortly after spending a night with Hitler in the Reichschancellery, how distressed she was at the nature of the sexual practices Hitler demanded of her, of which, to her mortification, she complied.
She claimed Hitler fell on the floor and begged her to kick him, condemned himself as unworthy, and just groveled in an agonizing manner.
The scene became intolerable to her, and finally she acceded to his wishes.
As she continued to kick him, he became more and more excited.
Yeah.
So that's a really different one.
That's like Hitler liked being, and that's to me more believable than some of the, like, a lot of powerful men and sex workers.
Like, that's what these guys go in for.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Like, they want to be the sub.
I don't have any trouble imagining Hitler wanting a woman to just kick him a bunch while he like masturbates on the floor.
That's yeah, that kind of sounds like the Hitler we know.
Yeah.
No, that's that definitely sounds way more because it's like there's a lot of self-hate going on.
So it's like being able to actually like exercise that part of yourself.
Yeah, that seems I can see how that happened.
Yeah.
Well, and that also just makes a lot of sense with like it would be very difficult to reconcile those two things if you were a woman that like knew that versus the image of the world that of Hitler that you knew.
So that would be, I mean, I can see how that would help with suicide.
Or it's, there's also a lot of people who suspect that she did not commit suicide, that she was murdered because she knew about Hitler's sexual preferences because she was kind of, you know, dropped out of the window in 1937, might have been thrown.
Yeah.
We'll never know.
This whole state was controlled by the Nazis by that point.
So you're not getting a good inquest or anything.
Well, it's like how many of these women, like, was it actually suicide versus murder?
Well, that's the, nobody knows with Gelly either.
Like, it's possible they were all murdered and none of them killed themselves.
Oh, the man with Hitler, I don't have trouble believing.
Like, Eva Brown definitely tried to kill herself beforehand.
So I also, I suspect it's a mix.
I suspect one or two of these women were murdered.
Some of them committed suicide.
Whatever the case, being with Hitler is not great for your long-term survival.
What good?
Again, Mimi Reeder is the only one we get along, which, you know, she's kind of Hitler is the romance character in her recollection of things, but like she lived through it.
That seems to be pretty hard.
Yeah.
Damn.
Really dodged a bullet there.
Yeah, seriously.
Oh, bullet.
Eva Brown did not dodge.
Now, I think people who focus too much on the possibility of sexual deviance in Hitler kind of might have some kind of bad intentions under the surface.
I feel like focusing on that on like the weird sex aspect of things is a way to make him seem less scary.
Like calling him a sexual serial killer actually makes him less scary.
Because if Hitler's like a serial killer doing all of these things because he's just Jeffrey Dahmer in charge of a nation, or if he's some poop fiending sex monster, then he's not a normal human being like all of us.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, and it's also like that's also demonizing those sexual practices where it's like, you know, you're kinks or your kinks as long as they're consensual.
There's nothing the matter with them.
Whether or not Hitler was pooping in people's mouths, a lot of people who didn't become Hitler were pooping in each other's mouths.
Yes.
And it's fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now, Martin Amos, a best-selling English author, is very much a proponent of the weird sex view of Hitler.
He was behind one of these recent waves of Hitler kink stories, one that hit back in 2014, because during a speech, he started making claims that he believed, he basically claimed that this was a typical sexual encounter in the life of Adolf Hitler.
He would fortify his underpants with clean serviettes and napkins, and then he would go into some sort of excitation with Ava Brown staying at a safe distance.
So Amos believes that, and I'm going to quote from an article about him, there are three schools of thought when it comes to Hitler's sexuality.
One is normality, which Amos says that he can be immediately thrown out because it is impossible to see Hitler as a considerate and energetic lover.
The next one is asexuality, and the third is perversion.
Yeah.
Now, this belief is in line with what spurned Nazis like Hanfstengel and Strasser claim, and it is also in line with the Langer report, but very much out of line with the recollections of Mimi Reeder, who probably did fuck him and says that he was pretty normal.
Like he was a weird guy, but like in terms of the way he fucked, nothing that crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
Hitler's sister Paula does believe Mimi Reeder was like the love of Hitler's life, and a lot of other people will say that Gelli was the love of his life.
It's impossible to know.
Maybe he never cared that much about any of them.
I don't know if he's actually capable of love.
That's a great question.
And one of the reasons that Hermann Gohing is one of the people who's like, he was different after Gelly.
Like a lot of people who wound up in trial after World War II were the biggest proponents of the Hitler totally changed after his niece killed herself.
And there's some suspicion among historians that like, well, you're just trying to like make yourself seem less complicit in that like, no, when I got involved with this guy, he was a normal dude and then he went crazy and I, you know, it wasn't, I, I did, you know, it was out of my hands.
Also, what a way to blame it on a woman.
I mean, the somersaults that people will pull to blame everything on a woman.
Teach Sons Dance Means00:07:28
It's amazing.
Wow.
And it comes down to like the ultimate example of that is not to throw a shade on Simon Wiesenthal because he's a hero, but like the Hitler got syphilis from a Jewish prostitute room.
It's like both blame it on a Jewish person and on a woman.
There we go.
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
That just, what a neat little bow.
Neat little bow we wrapped that up in.
He couldn't help it.
He's a victim.
Yeah.
So this, like, the attitude that Hitler was just like sort of irredeemably weird and couldn't possibly have attracted a woman naturally and there was always strange.
It's not only out of line with what like Mimi Reeder reported, it's out of line with like what his friends who didn't go on trial for war crimes reported from this stage of his life.
I found an interview in time with a Carl Wilhelm Krauss who worked as Hitler's valet for five years, from 34 to 39.
They were like friendly.
And here's what Krauss reported: quote, What I can state here is that Hitler certainly did not hate women.
Proof of this are the many actresses who were invited along during the early years to afternoon and evening performances.
Often during our travels, he would suddenly be totally enchanted, exclaiming, My God, isn't that a beautiful girl?
He then turned around, making me, who was behind him, move to the side so that he had an unrestricted view behind him and could follow the lady with his gaze.
If in any given place an exceptionally beautiful woman would catch his eye, Bruckner more often than not had to find out her address.
After that, the lady was invited for coffee, either to Munich, Berlin, or the Ober Salzburg, just so Hitler could have a chat with her.
That sounds like normal famous.
No, no, no, that's normal famous.
That sounds like fucking any rich, famous guy in LA seeing a girl he thinks is cute and having someone from his entourage go down there.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, that's classic.
Sounds like normal famous dude behavior.
John Toland talked to Emil Maurice, Hitler's longtime chauffeur, and this is the guy who made love to Gelly and then got fired.
But he and Hitler were close for a long time.
And despite being exiled by Hitler for fucking his niece, Emil Maurice gave a pretty reasonable appraisal of his old boss's sex life.
Quote, We chased girls together, and I used to follow him like a shadow.
The two would spend time at the art academy and in artist studios admiring models posing in the nude.
Calling himself Herr Wolf, Hitler would occasionally pass an evening with Maurice roaming the night spots and streets for girls.
Since the latter was attractive to women, he would act as a go-between.
Every so often, according to Maurice, Hitler would entertain one of these conquests by proxy in his little room.
He always offered flowers, even when he was penniless, and we used to go out and admire the ballet dancers.
Sounds, again, normal.
No, that's yeah, it's all perfect.
Yes, his hot friend wingman for him.
Yeah, that's all standard.
Again, these are like the, and this is a guy you'd expect Emile Maurice would have bad shit to say about Hitler.
But like, there's nothing about that, I don't believe.
That sounds like a million guys.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there's nothing.
Ultimately, there's nothing special about Hitler whatsoever.
Like, it's like, there's.
That's the conclusion you're drawn to.
Now, the last destination on our tour de Hitler's love life is, of course, his relationship with Eva Brown.
Or Braun.
Eva was, as I stated, 17 when they met.
She had been educated in a convent, like Mimi Reader, and worked at Heinrich Hoffmann, his photographer's shop.
You know, she was working there when Hitler met her in 1929.
Now, this is during the same year that Gelly and Hitler were supposedly in the midst of the greatest romance of his life.
So they were living together in a relationship at this point.
When he meets and invites Eva Brown out to the opera, he probably started fucking her on the side while he was still with his niece and then at one point fooling around with Mimi.
So there's a point in time when Hitler's like fooling around with three ladies, one of whom lives with him and not telling any of them about this.
I mean, that's also standard.
Standard rich guy.
Yeah, that's standard rich guy.
Yeah, exactly.
None of this is weird.
Yeah, yeah.
You're in the power that you've craved for so long.
So you're going to like, you know.
Fuck a bunch of ladies.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
And like the Eva Brown's two suicide attempts, one of them coincides with like when Mimi would have come over and when like Gelly would have killed herself.
And one of them coincides with another potential person that we think Hitler might have been fucking around with.
So it's very possible that Eva Brown's early suicide attempts in 32 and 35 were because she was a teenager hooking up with an angry man in his 40s who played mind games with her and fucked around on the sly.
Yeah.
No, I mean that all that tracks.
It tracks so much better than sexual serial killer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
Now, Eva Brown makes is someone who I'd never really had make sense to me as a historical character before, but she makes so much sense if you think of her as a sensitive, artistic young woman dating a really, really abusive dude that she's in love with.
Yeah.
Erich Kempe, another Hitler chauffeur, called her the unhappiest woman in Germany.
I really like Eva Brown as portrayed by the author Jane Tyne.
Now, Jane is a romance writer, mostly romantic historical fiction from what I can tell, but she's also written some serious historic essays.
And the one of hers that I read was pretty good.
I like the way she presents Eva because, as a general rule, brilliant as they are, most of the great Hitler biographers are male and kind of suck at getting into Eva Brown's head even a little bit.
So I'm going to read a quote from Jane, kind of describing Eva Brown a little differently than I'd heard her describe before.
Quote, From Eva's letters, we learned that her parents disapproved and that Hitler would frequently ignore her in public, merely passing her an envelope of money until at the end of the evening.
When she was finally allotted a room in the Berlin Chancellery, she was forced to use a back entrance in case anyone saw her.
Hitler and his henchmen tried their hardest to keep Eva out of the spotlight and forbade any picture of her to be published because they were keen to project the idea that he was married to Germany.
Yet Eva herself ensured the opposite for posterity.
She was an early adopter of cinefilm and made endless home movies.
Today, she would have been constantly on Facebook, Instagramming her meals and taking selfies at the Berghoff.
One of her more astonishing ambitions was to star one day in a biopic of her life with the man she always called Wolf.
So yeah, she's sounds like a pretty normal teenager dating a famous guy.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I also like what Jane has to say about the Hitler is weird at sex myths, because I think what she says rings true with an awful lot of the other research I've read.
Quote, it is impossible to peer behind the bedroom door, but suggestions that Hitler was sexually avoid because of his obsession with hygiene is contradicted by observers of the time who suggest that Hitler and Eva did share a bed as a couple.
They had interconnecting bedrooms at the Berghof and Hitler's valet.
Heinz Ling attests that they would go to bed together.
While Hitler's maid, Pauline Kohler, wrote that Hitler is not strongly sexed, Eva Brown's correspondence reveals nothing unusual, certainly not on the lines of fully clothed sex, except that once war had broken out, Hitler was unable to get interested.
She used to show her friends a 1938 photograph of Neville Chamberlain on a sofa in Hitler's Munich flat, saying, if only he knew what goings on that sofa has seen.
Like, we fucked on the sofa and then the Prime Minister of England sat on it.
That sounds like a novel.
Teenager.
Yeah.
Like, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So if you're still on the fence, if you're still on team, Hitler was a kind of demonic sexual force rather than just a gross shitty dude who wound up in power through cunning and luck and the cowardice of arrogant men.
Well, I'd like to read one more Hitler story.
Okay.
Mimi Reeder came back to Hitler after their 1931 liaison.
This was in 1934 when Hitler was in power.
Gilly had been dead for three years.
Her room had been turned into a shrine, and Hitler was unofficially with Ava Brown.
Now, Ava doesn't live with him at this point because, of course, he's got to appear married to Germany.
That old ball and chain.
That old ball in chain.
Germany.
This gave Derfuhrer the ability to invite Mimi in when she knocked on his door.
I'm going to quote from explaining Hitler's write-up of Mimi's recollections.
Quote, once again, the relationship came to life.
Once again, he asked her to stay with him as his lover.
She insists she will not be part of an illicit relationship.
She wanted to be married and to have children.
Suddenly, Hitler had a fit of rage.
Finish Job Coolzone Media00:06:35
He shouted, Why do you women only think of having children?
He kept shouting.
It was around 3 a.m. that he could not take care of a woman.
He shouted that he had a big mission to fulfill.
They argued for two more hours, then they departed, never to see each other again.
Whew!
Yeah.
Dodged several bullets, Mimi.
You really did.
And yeah.
It's also so crazy because it's like, okay, you're going after women that are raised in convents, motherfucker.
Like, the only purpose for sex in the Catholic Church is procreation.
And then you're mad at them.
Like, you're taught all the same shit.
Oh, God.
Yeah, I think what, like, maybe Hitler was into poop and pee.
Maybe he liked sex with clothes on.
Maybe not.
At the end of the day, the overwhelming picture I'm left with of Hitler is that he was the same, like every woman has dated a shitty guy just like Hitler.
They just didn't wind up in charge of the country.
Yeah, exactly.
He's like a selfish fucking idiot dude that needs to go to therapy.
He's selfish.
He's famous and he's going to take as much advantage of that as he can.
He's a habitual liar because he's fucking Hitler.
And he's emotionally abusive and he screams when he doesn't get his way.
Yeah.
Like, he's a gaslighting piece of shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's a, yeah.
Hitler turns out.
Piece of shit.
Hitler turns out piece of shit, but not like, of course he's a bad person, but he's not.
Like, what's scarier to me about this is that, like, there's nothing special about him.
Yeah, he's just a classic piece of shit.
He's just a normal piece of shit.
Yeah, it's nothing out of the ordinary.
And that means, like, the good thing that means is that, like, we as human beings will never deal with supernatural evil settling down upon the world and forcing a nightmare regime on us.
Yeah.
But it also means that there's millions of guys like this walking around who, if they ever gotten to power, have that kind of potential.
Oh, exactly.
This is the blueprint for those kind of guys.
Yeah, yeah.
And that's why when you look at the fucking evolution of incel culture on the internet, they're really into Nazis.
Yeah.
And they're really into ISIS too.
They love them both.
No, yeah.
They love the murder and the hatred and like the ability to do violence on like a world you feel is wrong to you.
And they all have issues with women and none of them fuck.
Yeah, and none of them like ask why a woman might not be into them immediately.
They all have that reaction when like a buddy's like, maybe just learned to dance or whatever.
I do not learn to dance.
I do not learn to dance.
That's the fucking Hitler I want people to like think about when they imagine what kind of man could do the things he did.
He's the kind of guy whose friend is like, well, maybe learn to dance and that girl who likes dancing will be interested in you.
And he just starts screaming.
Yeah.
Like, there's as if I could improve.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm already a perfect being.
I am a perfect being.
Me, 14-year-old horny Hitler is.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
No, that's.
Fucking Hitler.
Yeah.
I mean.
Fucking Hitler.
He's the worst.
I mean, but he's not is the thing.
Exactly.
Yeah, he's not.
He's like.
He's perfectly average.
Yeah, he's a perfectly average, shitty person who wound up in a position of power and did the kind of things that like comparing him to a serial killer is wrong.
Comparing him to one of these incel kids who goes on a mass shooting rampage or drives a van into a sorority house or whatever to kill.
That's who to compare him to.
Yeah, that's much more accurate.
Yeah.
For sure.
And I think that that is one way to look at sort of the Holocaust is that like it was a reaction of like anger at not winning this war and like wanting to do as much damage as you could.
And there's like an attitude of that about like the destruction of Berlin that like the reason he didn't pull out of Berlin or the reason he didn't surrender and just shoot himself that way and spare the city and people is he was like, no, if we're going to lose, all of us are going to die.
Yeah.
Fuck Germany.
Taking everybody with me.
You didn't fight hard enough for me.
Exactly.
Like that was literally like some of the shit he would say is that like if Germany doesn't win, we deserve to be destroyed.
Yeah, yeah.
Like he's just a shitty, angry little prick with a temper who, you know, if, I mean, fuck it, man.
Like to get really dark on you, maybe in a society where young men like that go on mass shooting sprees, they're less likely to become Hitler.
Like, I don't know if that's like good or whatever, but like Hitler doesn't have that option and just becomes Hitler.
Yeah.
Like we're in dark territory here, but I do think he's that kind of guy.
Yeah.
Well, and it's also like it's being raised to think that you were special and then having the having that lie.
Yeah.
Because nobody's special.
There's really no problem.
Nobody's special.
There's a lot of people out there, Hitler.
Well, and like that's, that's the big thing about so many of these incel guys is like they're raised to think that they are like the princes of their own little kingdoms.
A lot of mama's boys.
A lot of mama's boys.
Brush V, that pickup artist guy living in his mom's basement.
Oh, yeah.
Talking about how the Jews are behind everything.
Like, it just keeps happening.
Well, and then they're mad at, they desperately need a woman, but they're mad at a woman because they think a woman sees them as weak because they need them to feel special.
Yeah, the idea that like a relationship would have give and take and that you both have things to teach each other.
Like he doesn't want to be taught anything.
No, He just wants pure allegiance.
Yeah, which is why he goes after 16-year-olds.
Yeah.
Probably why his dad went after 16-year-olds.
Absolutely.
Repeatedly.
Yeah, it's a power trip.
It's a power trip.
Yeah, you don't want an equal of any kind.
No.
Fucking cat.
That's terrifying.
Yeah.
No, just a real piece of shit.
So if you've ever wondered what happens if you give one of those incels on Reddit the most powerful military force in continental Europe, it was World War II.
Yeah.
That's what happens.
Yeah, no, exactly.
They'll just keep pushing.
Boy howdy.
Hitler.
Yeah, so teach your sons to dance.
Teach your sons to dance.
And that's the only thing we've learned today.
It's teach your sons to dance.
You can dance if you want to.
Yeah.
Make sure if you vote for someone, they don't date teenagers.
At the very least.
At the very least.
At the very least, make sure they're not dating teenagers.
Because that's how you get Hitlers.
Yeah.
That's how you get Hitler's.
Don't let them fuck their niece.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can you make eye contact with a woman of your age without being filled with rage?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Are you capable of like having a conversation with a woman without screaming?
Michael Manchini Mind Cat00:04:12
Yeah, exactly.
So it's also, are you capable of like seeing your dog misbehave without beating it and choking it and scaring a teenager?
Yep.
Hitler.
God, just kind of mad his German Shepherd didn't finish the job early.
Yeah, no, I mean, it was a goat that supposedly bit off his dick.
I wish that goat had just ate the whole Hitler.
Yeah, exactly.
Chew that tin can up.
Spit him in.
How different the world would be if we just had like a weird.
Did you know that back in like the 1909, a goat ate a boy?
What if like in the future, the only animals that can time travel are goats?
So we did try to kill Hitler, but he only bit his dick off.
The goat only just got part of his dick.
Yeah.
And we actually just really made it worse than it was in the first place.
Yeah, it would have been fine otherwise.
He would have just went on to become a, I don't know, like a sub in a dungeon.
Yeah.
I feel like that's the thing Hitler might have been happy with.
Yeah.
He's really gotten in touch with his demons.
Yeah, for sure.
He just wanted to be whipped.
That's why he carried a whip with him everywhere.
Yeah, yeah.
Somebody whipped me.
Admitting that takes some courage, though.
It does.
It does.
I mean, it still does in 2019.
You know, like it's the more open people can be about their kinks and stuff like that, and the more open sexually the world can be and more accepting.
Then I think the less.
That's why I say this every day.
I say it a lot to my roommates, to police officers during traffic stops.
More dominatrixes is the only thing that will protect us from more Hitlers.
Truly.
Absolutely.
That's, I think, the note we're going to end on.
Brandy.
You want to plug your pluggables.
Yeah.
You can find me on Twitter and Instagram at Brandazzle.
My website is brandyposey.com.
Brandy with an IE, Posey with an EY.
I have an album available wherever you listen to albums.
It's called Opinion Cave.
It's very funny.
Feel free to buy it.
And then I have a podcast called Lady to Lady.
It's me, Barbara Gray and Tess Barker.
And then we have a fourth guest on every week.
Past guests have included people like Karen Kogareff or French Stewart or Margaret Cho.
It's a really, really fun podcast.
And then I have a monthly show here in Los Angeles on the second Saturday of every month called Picture This.
And that's a show that I've hosted for six years where we pair up comedians with animators.
We live animate your jokes behind you during your set.
It's like you riffing within your own bits.
And we get like really insane artists to come do the show all the time.
Like we've had Pendleton Ward from Adventure Time, Craig Bartlett, the creator of Hey Arnold, has been on recently.
And then we have people from amazing shows like Bojack Horseman and Big Mouth and Mr. Pickles.
And it's a real great fun time.
That's the second Saturday.
Saturday.
And that's some music.
That's my alarm that's set at 4.30 for no good reason.
Oh, boy.
But yeah, those are my plugs.
Come see me and all the shit, guys.
Well, if you currently know a young man who you worried is going down a Hitlery path, tune him into those shows.
Maybe open up his mind a little bit.
Listen to some progressive comedy.
Get him some dance lessons.
Come on to listen to my podcast.
Have a couple of men, hear a couple of men laugh at themselves and realize that it's okay.
Yeah.
Let's get him out there and just give him a hug.
Or hire a goat to bite his dick off.
Either way, you know, it's up to you to fight the Hitlers in your life.
We all encounter a couple of Hitlers out there.
Hey, you time-traveling goats listening out there.
Finish the job next time.
Finish the job and retroactively render this episode pointless.
I am Robert Evans.
You can find us online at behindthebastards.com.
You can find me on Twitter at IWriteOK.
The book called A Brief History of Vice, where I do drugs, which if Hitler had done more of when he was young and not when he was old, he might have also come to some better conclusions about his ego.
I'm a podcast at BastardsPod on Twitter and Instagram.
Buy a t-shirt, Behind the Bastards, TeePublic.
Fuck Hitler.
I love 40% of you.
Behind the Bastards is a production of CoolZone Media.
For more from CoolZone Media, visit our website, coolzonemedia.com or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Laura Owens Faces Consequences00:01:53
When a group of women discover they've all dated the same prolific con artist, they take matters into their own hands.
I vowed I will be his last target.
He is not going to get away with this.
He's going to get what he deserves.
We always say that, trust your girlfriends.
Listen to the girlfriends.
Trust me, babe.
On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
What's up, everyone?
I'm Ago Modern.
My next guest, it's Will Farrell.
My dad gave me the best advice ever.
He goes, just give it a shot.
But if you ever reach a point where you're banging your head against the wall and it doesn't feel fun anymore, it's okay to quit.
If you saw it written down, it would not be an inspiration.
It would not be on a calendar of, you know, the cat just hanging in there.
Yeah, it would not be.
Right, it wouldn't be that.
There's a lot of life.
Listen to Thanks Dad on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
In 2023, bachelor star Clayton Eckard was accused of fathering twins, but the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax.
You doctored this particular test twice, Miss Owens, correct?
I doctored the test once.
It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern.
Two more men who'd been through the same thing.
Greg Gillespie and Michael Mancini.
My mind was blown.
I'm Stephanie Young.
This is Love Trapped.
Laura, Scottsdale Police.
As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences.
Listen to the Love Trapped podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.