The Babylon Bee celebrates the Christmas season and the end of 2024! Kyle, Travis, and Brandon take a look back at the website's content over the year, discuss the difficulty of modern gift-giving, and go over hard-hitting news topics that really matter. Then, join us in the Battle Box to find out which movie is best: Die Hard or Home Alone? This episode is brought to you by these fine sponsors: Get emergency prepared with My Patriot Supply — http://preparewithbee.com With the dollar uncertain, go with Priority Gold — http://prioritygold.com
Hey everyone, welcome to the Babylon Bee Podcast, the only podcast on the internet that covers the news.
I'm Kyle Mann, the editor-in-chief of the Babylon Bee, and I'm hanging out with my friends today, Travis and Brandon.
I was hoping you guys would say hi.
Hi.
Well, Travis didn't, so I was at that point.
It would just be weird if you did.
I apologize.
Well, guys, it's the Christmas season.
We should have put on Santa hats.
Why did we not?
Yeah.
Oh, well.
It's the Christmas season.
This is our Christmas special, and it is good to be hanging out with you guys.
We hope you're having a great time with your family over the holiday season.
What are your guys' Christmas plans?
I don't know.
I'm staying home.
Yeah, I'm staying home.
I just don't know nothing special.
I think grandpa's coming over.
You know, he'll probably just be like, hey, I got gifts for everybody.
That's what he sounds like.
He's Italian.
Hey, young gifts.
Yeah, but he's not Italian.
This happens every year, but this year in particular was particularly egregious, but just snuck up on me.
The whole Christmas thing.
Like, just being busy.
I guess I was out of the country for part of November, so all of a sudden it's Christmas time, and I don't know what to do.
I don't know.
Me and Brandon have been staying late at the office every night this week, and every night we're like, we should leave and go get our wives Christmas gifts.
And then we don't.
I did.
I did.
You did, and then you didn't get anything, right?
Or you got a couple small things.
Very small things.
I'm very bad at it.
I'm very bad at it.
Sorry, Amy.
I had good intentions this year.
Yeah.
You should wrap those up.
Wrap up the intentions?
Yeah, just have a little note that says I had good intentions.
I had good intentions this year.
Yeah.
In fact, I just texted my mom and said, I had good intentions, but poor follow-up.
I said, we are getting started early this year.
So does your family do Christmas lists or no?
No.
I did growing up.
My wife has been kind of adamant that she doesn't want the kids to have expectations.
They just get what they get, you know?
We have the Amazon lists.
We do the Amazon lists.
So like with the in-laws and with our extended families, we have like Christmas lists with they want to know what to buy for us.
But I just like the element of I didn't just look at a list and say, I'm going to get this for you.
I actually thought of this for you, but I'm also bad at that.
Yeah, but then you get stuff you don't want.
Yeah, so.
But that's no, that's the thing.
It's like you try to get something that they want.
Surprise.
Yeah.
Well, it's if the thought actually counts, then not having a list is good because then no matter what you get, you appreciate it.
Right.
I'm saying that the spirit of gift giving is not just buying something for someone.
I think the spirit of gift giving is trying to decide what they would want.
But I'm just bad at it.
And then buying it.
I also think because shopping has shifted so much to online now, it's not quite the same where you can just wander stores that have weird, quirky stuff and grab random things.
Like there's the mall, but every mall is homogenous.
It's all the same stuff no matter where you go.
They're not as unique as they used to be.
You used to have nice little stores and now everything's just closed.
I saw this little comic book store and there's a giant Funko Pop of playing The Rock Johnson.
Yeah, whether or not it was at the mall or just in downtown, whatever, you know, before the internet, you could just window shop and just be like, that's perfect for so-and-so.
I'm getting it.
And now you can't really do that in the same way.
I think there should be a mix, right?
Like, get me something.
Get me something that you just thought of.
And then, hey, this is also from your Amazon list.
You know, like, that's fair.
So as social media and the internet becomes more invasive into our lives, how long is it going to be till Facebook sells us, hey, you want to get your wife a good gift?
I know exactly what she wants.
I'll sell it to you for $10, or I'll give you the info for $10.
Exactly.
Just the answer.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Because they already do that, but they just show it to you.
That's what I mean.
And soon they'll charge you.
Exactly.
I think you can always tell when the guy's desperate because he just saw a Facebook ad at the last minute and bought something.
I get weird Facebook ads that have nothing to do with my interests, like bicycling shorts.
You've never bicycled in your life?
Have you ever worn bicycle shorts?
I've.
This is gone.
This is stumping you way more than I expected.
Like, oh, no, they're going to find out my secret bicycle bicycle.
He opens his closet.
20 pairs of bicycle shorts.
I have an addiction to bicycle shorts, but I only skateboard with him.
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But as great as that is, it also means that our enemies still have days left to stir up trouble.
That could mean a cyber attack, an invasion, or God forbid, a nuclear strike.
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Well, we're looking forward to the Christmas season.
Hope you guys are having a great Christmas season as well.
We're going to round up the news today, but first, we're going to talk about the Babylon Bees 2024.
We published, this is our Q music.
Ding, jingle bells.
Oh, wait, can you say that?
It's copyright copyright?
That is copyrighted, yes.
Single Bells is copyrighted.
Single right copyright.
No, Travis is singing.
My version is copyright.
Yes.
All right.
So this is the Babylon Bees wrapped.
This is put together by our social media gal, Morgan, and she wrote, we published 2,108 articles this year, which is 10% increase from the 1929 we published in 2023.
Oh, that's interesting.
Wow.
Sounds like we did a good job.
Yeah, and that's actually, that was a couple weeks ago.
So we've published even more now.
Oh, that's great.
From this year, the top individuals featured on the Babylon Bee were Donald Trump with 222 features.
That's a lot.
And climbing.
Followed by Joseph Robinette Biden at 202 times.
Not as many electoral votes as Donald J. Trump.
Who's third on the list, Travi?
It's Como Harris.
Sorry, Kamala Harris.
Followed by Tim Walz, her actual running mate.
At 129 times and 34 times, respectively.
Thank you.
That's a precipitous drop-off.
And finally, Elon Musk with 26 features.
Honestly, that surprises me.
I thought we did more Elon headlines than that.
Yeah, don't 26.
Average of one every two weeks.
Well, the political stuff is like Biden was saying something dumb every day.
So I was like, oh, here's today's Biden headline.
Pretty much.
Yeah, there's almost a Biden.
That feels about right to me, like once every week or two, putting up a Musk headline.
Yeah, it sounds about right.
Yeah, is it always like sort of wish fulfillment?
Like, huh, I want Elon Musk to do this, so I'm going to write it.
Yeah, Elon Musk gives me $100.
Excellent satire.
So our most controversial headlines are from one to five.
I don't know why I said that.
I don't know if it's in order of controversial.
Is there five the most or is five the least?
I'm assuming five the least.
I would say one is the ones that got the most.
Okay, what is it?
The number one, most controversial.
So let's start with five.
The number five, most controversial headline is Trump as a Kennedy and hopes he will draw all the sniper fire.
All right, our number four is Delta introduces new short plane for special needs pilots.
Number three, Rashida Tlib uninjured after her pager mysteriously explodes.
Nice.
These are all good.
Number two, you're going to be a perpetual what?
Joseph asks Mary on wedding night.
The Catholics going on that one.
And number one, Trump promises Vivek an administration position running the White House 7-Eleven.
Even weighed in on by Vivek himself.
Who liked it?
He liked it.
We made him a little 7-Eleven badge.
Nameplay advantages to him.
Now, I don't know if you know the behind-the-scenes development on these wrapped statistics.
How was controversy?
I assume it was based on engagement and views for those headlines.
And hate mail.
Yeah.
That seems to track.
That seems to be.
Those got a ton of engagement because people were fired up.
All right, here's our 2024 by the numbers.
Two genders read our articles.
All of them.
We got all of them.
Yeah, we got both.
A new record.
We released one feature film.
Nice.
We also released one new book.
And we filed one lawsuit in favor of free speech.
Which created one very mad Gavin Newsome.
Ah, what a great 2024.
What's in the news this week?
Have you heard about these drones?
What's the deal with drones?
I've only heard about them marginally.
I know something's going on, but I don't know what.
They're seeing lights in the sky.
I'm about to sneeze.
I've been very mad about the drones.
Seeing lights in the sky, and I'm hearing everything from, dude, their airplanes to their hobbyist drones to their just U.S. drones.
It does seem weird if they were going to be Iranian spy drones that they would put lights on them.
That seemed a little...
Yeah, but, well, that's how they come out of the box.
They didn't know what they were doing.
They forgot to change the default settings.
It's on the demo mode, so it's always flashing.
Yeah, so I guess there's widespread sightings near infrastructure in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Connecticut, and Maryland.
That's weird.
And the weird thing is the New Jersey governor Phil Murphy weighed in on it and said, the minute you get eyes on them, they go dark.
These are apparently very sophisticated.
This is something we're taking deadly seriously.
Deadly serious.
You look at them and they go dark.
And they go dark.
So that's another weird thing.
It's like, why not just leave the lights off all the time then?
How do they know you're looking at them?
It's just, I know.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Maybe this New Jersey governor is part of a psyop.
And Trump said, the government knows what's happening.
Our military knows where they took off from.
If it's a garage, they can go right into that garage.
They know where it came from and where it went.
And for some reason, they don't want to comment.
And I think they'd be better off saying what it is.
Our military knows and our president knows.
And for some reason, they want to keep people in suspense.
You know what the funny thing is?
As you were saying that, I was imagining Trump saying that and talking about the government and the president.
And I was like, wait, but he's – my brain's already switched over to Trump's – Oh, yeah, but he's the president.
I mean, effectively, Biden is probably the lamest lame duck of all time.
Yeah.
It's pretty bad.
He was a lame duck for the last year or whatever.
People aren't even really asking him about the drones because they're like, yeah, he doesn't know anything.
He doesn't know anything.
Trump also said, I can't imagine it's the enemy because if it was the enemy, they'd blast it out, even if they were late.
Something.
See, they mean the government would blow them up.
Okay, something, oh, they'd blast it out.
Something strange is going on.
For some reason, they don't want to tell the people.
So is Trump going to tell us day one?
You better.
He's promised now.
And he always keeps his promises.
Always.
But so what do you guys think?
I mean, are they just weird people doing gender reveal parties?
Like one of our articles could be suggested?
Or gender review?
I mean, apparently there are so many, and because they're near infrastructure, like military bases and power lines and things like that, that they're like...
Well, how would it not be near?
If you're flying overhead, you're always near infrastructure.
Well, not if you're people are.
Not if you're.
If they're near military installations, it could be the Chinese.
It's very possible.
It could be the Chinese.
Or do you think maybe it's the robots from the hit movie, Batteries Not Included?
I don't know this movie.
Is that these guys?
That is the picture.
On screen.
Okay, so they fly into your bedroom.
Well, and they spy on old people.
Okay.
And then old people go, ah, their batteries are running out.
And they try and fix them.
Is that the whole movie?
No.
No.
I mean, kind of.
It's a kids movie.
I saw it a long time ago.
You've never seen it, Brandon?
I believe I saw it.
I don't remember anything about it.
I just remember it for some reason it really stuck in my mind What was the one with the little alien spaceship and the little creatures on the UFO and the kid sneaks into the little garbage can thing onto the UFO?
What was that movie?
Did I just make it up?
Yeah.
No, it's a movie.
It's called Garbage Alien.
It's a movie.
There was a bunch of movies like that back in the Navigator?
Flight of the Navigator.
That was it.
That was it.
I just thought of them.
Oh, speaking of movies, I saw War of the Rohirim this week in the theater.
Oh, you did?
The Lord of the Rings anime.
Well, I want to hear about that.
I thought it was pretty good.
Now, I'm not going to lie.
How do you feel about anime in general?
I want to like anime, but every anime I've seen is weird.
So I like anime styles.
Sure.
I like anime style.
Like the style, if I see a good piece of anime artwork, I'm like, ah, that looks cool.
But all the anime is just a little weird.
Japan is weird.
Japan is weird.
So I like Avatar the Last Airbender, which is like anime style, but it's American.
Like American anime.
It's a little cleaner.
It's not gross.
So War of the Rohirim?
War of the Rohirrim.
Rohirrim.
Yes.
So you liked it?
I liked it.
It was a little girl bossy because it's like they made up this character that's like only mentioned once in Tolkien and they really fleshed her out.
Okay.
So it didn't quite make her up, but fleshed her out.
They gave her a name.
She's not even named.
Did she stand up to a villain and say, I am no man?
No.
But yes.
They make it like she's the precursor to Ao Wyn.
And Aoin actually narrates the movie.
Oh, awesome.
Maranda Auto.
I would be happy to see it.
I thought the animation was really cool.
And I was like, this feels like a Lord of the Rings story.
So I was pleasantly surprised.
And I would like to see more of this style of kind of short anime film in the world of Middle Earth.
I would enjoy it.
I do enjoy anime.
I think, yes, the Japanese are very weird, but also it's a medium that captures melancholy and certain human emotions that I feel no other medium does as well as anime.
Sure.
Particularly like melancholy, longing, a sense of wonder.
It's able to blend a combination of a level of realism, like the matte paintings in anime are absolutely gorgeous.
Some of the art direction and their pacing blocking character direction, like unmatched by any other country in animation medium.
And you're able to take certain concepts that wouldn't inherently work in live action.
They're maybe a little too whimsical, and yet there's still a sense of gravity to them.
But yeah, there is a lot of weird stuff out there, too.
Well, hold on.
Have you seen Disney Pixars Up?
Yes.
I cried.
Melancholy.
Yeah.
I'm just saying.
I cried.
I think I almost cried.
I think I wrote a Facebook status update a few years ago saying something along the lines of that the first seven minutes of up are greater than most motion pictures.
It's true.
And all animes and no words.
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So you said that Tolkien created the character, but didn't name her.
So how does she like, is she in the Simarillian?
Like, where does she come from?
This takes place 200 years before Lord of the Rings.
And it's not to spoil too much, but it's Helm Hammerhand, whom Helm's Deep is named after.
So he was named.
Yeah, and he's in the movie, and it's his daughter.
But it's all the characters, but she's kind of the central, has the central dynamic character journey.
So he has like a robot hand that's just a hammer.
And he like his.
I don't know how much of this is in Tolkien's Legendarium, but they basically make it where Hammerhand, he just punches people to death.
Good old Hammerhand.
And it's very anime and it's very cool.
Wham.
Like One Punch Man or something.
Yes.
While we're on the topic of movies, I would like to mention a movie, a movie that I have seen more than anyone else in the world.
Wow.
I've seen this movie more times than anyone else in the world.
And that movie is January 6th, the most deadliest day.
Now available on digital versatile disc.
You can own a copy of this and watch it more times than me.
Because currently I'm the world record holder.
But soon it will be Sue Peterson.
Now, are you counting?
Are you counting only complete watches beginning to end?
Or are you counting both?
I've seen it complete more than anyone else.
And I've seen it.
How many times do you think you've watched it complete?
Several dozen.
Okay.
Yeah, you've probably seen it the most then.
I don't think there's a question.
Yeah, well, I don't know.
Sue Peterson.
She might already be.
I don't really know for it.
But yeah, we got these out on DVD.
So check it out.
If your boomer parents couldn't figure out how to watch it on our website, you can get this at shop.babylonb.com.
It's a beautiful little production.
There's also some director's commentary tracks on here.
Special descriptive audio by Travis for the blind for our blind listeners.
And deleted scenes.
So go to shop.babylonb.com and check this out.
And use Code Podcast for a little discount.
Wow.
That sounds like a great Christmas gift idea.
Yeah.
Well, not now.
But you know where we don't ship?
Canada.
And speaking of Canada, True, I don't know if we ship to Canada or not, but Trudeau.
I think we ship to Canada.
Trudeau might resign or something?
Yeah.
So that's what I'm hearing in the news.
Ben Shapiro was talking about it on his podcast the other day.
And he's feeling pressure.
And his liberal government is kind of falling apart around him, partially because all of his ideas are terrible.
And especially after Trump's pressuring him about tariffs and things just aren't looking good.
But beyond that, I didn't really know much else.
So I tried to get some info.
But I don't understand the Canadian government or who the people are.
He's been in office for like 10 years, right?
I don't think they have term limits.
I don't know.
It's one of those weird fake countries that has a parliament where it's like not a real ruler who's like, I'm the president.
It's like, as long as people like me, I'm here.
Oh, you guys don't.
I guess I'm out.
So he might resign, but if he resigns, that doesn't automatically trigger an election.
It's more like it goes to whoever his vice equivalent is.
So you had Grok explain it to you like you were five?
Yeah, because I was having a hard time with it.
So Grok said, okay, so imagine you have a big house where everyone plays different games.
The leader of the house, who's like the big kid who decides which games we play, is named Justin.
Lately, some friends in the house, even some who used to play with Justin, are saying he's not very good at choosing games anymore.
Just lately.
They're saying they want someone else to pick the games.
Now, there's this one friend, Jagmeet.
Is that a real person?
Yeah.
Jagmeet.
Who's kind of like, maybe Justin should stop being the leader.
And this is real.
There's this guy named Jagmeat who called for him to resign.
Oh, there's a real guy named Classic Jagmeat.
I don't know if that's how you pronounce it.
But he's not saying we should all go home and pick a new leader right away.
There's also talk that Justin might decide to take a break from being the leader.
Like, he's thinking about it.
But the grown-ups who help Justin, they say he's not leaving the game yet, but they might change some rules or take a little break before deciding on new games.
Everyone in the house is talking about it.
Some are excited.
Some are worried.
And they're all wondering if a new kid, Pierre, might get to pick the games next.
But we don't know for sure yet.
So we're just waiting to see what happens.
That was very reassuring.
I actually really like that.
I've been cutting back on politics just for my mental health and stress levels.
But that was pretty soothing.
So have Twitter's exes explain things as if you are five, and everything will be great.
I think I'm more confused.
Oh, okay.
Well, you see, they live in a big house.
Jack to me.
This house is candid.
The problem to me is that the premise was so already out there.
Like, there's this big house, and all these kids just live in there playing games all day.
Like, what are their games?
I don't.
Now there's another kid.
Let's call him, I don't know.
Jackmeet.
All right.
Anyway, here's a Babylon B headline.
Powerful.
This Broadway production called A Little Retarded Girl up on Stage.
Oh, that is powerful.
That's so sweet.
No, it's not a retarded girl.
It's Katanji Brown Jackson.
It's a play called And Juliet.
Yeah, which is a gay take on Romeo and Juliet where Juliet lives, does not kill herself, and then goes on gay adventures, I guess.
Juliet and her gay adventures.
So KBJ said it was her dream to appear on Broadway and become the first black Supreme Court justice to appear on Broadway.
So I did have a question, Kyle.
Given that Katanji Brown Jackson is a terrible Supreme Court justice and is arguably retarded, is this actually satire?
Or did they actually just invite, hey, the little retard went up?
Sometimes we blur the lines at the Babylon B. Is it B?
Is it not the B?
Who knows?
And so it's a little bit, it's a little bit of a bull.
So I'm just hoping this opens the door for Clarence Thomas to follow in her footsteps.
That would be wonderful.
Yeah.
Maybe he could be like one of the cats.
Yeah.
I just Elba did it.
Or I'll just Elba was a cat?
Yeah.
In the movie Cats?
Yeah.
Oh, look, he was.
Clarence Thomas wow's audiences with starring role in Annie.
Beautiful.
Oh, that's just.
I like traumatizing Bettina, our Photoshop expert.
I understand the appeal.
She gets messages from me at all hours of the day and night.
Can you Photoshop Clarence Thomas in a red dress?
And a curly red wig.
It's not for work.
You know, and she did a great job on this.
So I very much enjoy Clarence Thomas' turn as Annie.
It's a perfect face, too.
He looks so happy.
Like he's really in it.
Like, yeah, I made it to Broadway.
In America, we lose all our differences at the battle box.
Now that's how we do it at the battle box, not with bullets.
This is the time where we go into the battle box.
Two things enter, one thing leaves.
Who will survive the battle box?
Today's battle box is between Die Hard and Home Alone.
Okay.
Which movie is best?
So here's the question I have up front.
If it's the first movies and one of them doesn't exist, does that mean the sequels don't exist because the first movie doesn't exist?
Because I think Die Hard did more in the sequel territory than Home Alone did.
That's true.
Well, if we're going to go that far, would that movie's influence on other films also be gone?
So if you wipe out Die Hard, do you wipe out modern action films?
But you also, if you wipe out Home Alone, that set a huge precedent for family comedy action-oriented films.
That's true.
I don't think the question was, do we go back in time and kill Chris Columbus?
I think the question is, do we, which movie do we like better?
Right.
Well, I propose another question.
Which should we eliminate?
Die Hard?
Home Alone?
From all of this?
Or Chris Columbus?
Chris Columbus or Christopher Columbus?
If there's no Home Alone series, arguably Trump doesn't win the presidency.
Yeah.
I didn't think about that.
Rose to Fame and Home Alone 2.
He did.
That's when people first also launched Pierce Morgan to fame as the homeless lady.
Was he the homeless lady?
No, that's true.
It does look like it.
Also, Rob Schneider.
For my money, I would rather watch Home Alone than Die Hard.
Interesting.
I enjoy both movies.
Die Hard's kind of violent.
Is there nudity?
I forget.
There is nudity for like a split second.
And so for me.
It's when the terrorists first raid the offices and someone's having like, you know, office nookie.
You know.
Sometimes I don't know if movies have nudity on them because I saw them on TV or I have like I couldn't remember.
I bought many years ago.
I went to China and I purchased movies and China is notoriously censorial.
I also have censored movies from China.
Yeah, I wish you could just buy the TV edits of some movies.
I mean, that's pretty much how Vidangel makes their money because they can't.
You can't sell those, but I wish you could.
I, yeah, I'm just sitting down with my kids watching a movie, it's like Home Alone.
It's like, I'm not going to.
And Die Hard is, to me, Die Hard is a more crowded genre.
Like, that's true.
Action movie, you know, I have other options in that vein.
Home Alone, like, they don't really make those kinds of movies anymore.
Like 90s, you know, kind of feel-good kid.
Well, I mean, a little bit of wish fulfillment, like being alone.
And here's, you know, all the stuff that I get to do.
Right, Die Hard is a lot of fun, but it's an action movie.
The premise, there's nothing crazy about it.
Home Alone really thought outside the box.
Yeah, it is an interesting premise, you know.
And every kid watched that trailer or whatever and was like, I need to see that movie.
Like, Home Alone.
You know what I would do if it was Home Alone?
Like, order pizza.
I'm going to admit something terrible I did as a child because partially because of Home Alone.
I once set up a trap on the stairs.
It was a needle just facing up in the carpet.
Oh, my mom stepped on it.
Oh, my God.
And I felt so bad.
But to me, like, having no developed prefrontal cortex, I was just thinking, I'm setting a trap for the bad guys.
And my mom stepped on it.
Oh, my gosh.
Friendly fire.
So did she comically, like, step on it and then fly off?
Let me tell you, there was nothing comical about it.
Okay, so you might be carrying a little baggage into this discussion.
Yeah.
But I would still go with Home Alone.
Really?
Okay.
What about you?
You know, I have to say I would go with Die Hard.
Okay.
Die Hard is one of the greatest action movies ever made.
Home Alone is a great movie, a great classic, but I wouldn't say it's one of the greatest kids' movies.
I think it is one of the great kid movies.
I agree with you about Die Hard.
I do think it is one of the great action movies.
Also, where would Bruce Willis be today if without Die Hard?
It's true.
Now, I do kind of wish, but what if we just swapped the premises of the films?
Okay.
We have Bruce Willis Home Alone defending his home against terrorists.
Okay.
And then you, and then you could take Home Alone and say Kevin McAllister goes to this Christmas party and ends up having to crawl through the vents.
I mean, both of them have them kind of setting traps in some way.
Well, that's the thing.
So some people even call Home Alone like the kid version of Die Hard.
In some ways, yeah, in some ways.
It's a little different because it's more defending than it is.
It is more defending.
Yes.
But the idea that they don't know where Kevin is and just these things are happening.
Whoa.
Whoa.
And then there's that part when Marv gets thrown down the stairs in this bag over his head and it says, ho, ho, ho, I've got a machine gun on him.
Ah, yes.
You know, you remember that part of Home Alone.
The other thing with Home Alone is it kind of had the Rube Goldberg fantasy for us.
Like it wasn't much, right?
It was like bowling ball into bucket or something.
I mean, but as kids, that's like fantastic.
And just like, oh my gosh, you could roll something into something and knock something out of it.
And just his level of innovation with like the train set and the cardboard cutout.
Why did they have cardboard cutouts in their house?
Why didn't you just have them?
Like Michael Jordan or something?
They had Michael Jordan.
I understood having like one, but he had like a bunch of different things.
And then mannequins, I'm like, I have the perfect thing for this.
My parents' collection of mannequins.
It's like when we visited the Women's Republican Club for the J6 movie and they had not one, but multiple Trump cutouts.
Standies of Trump.
Yeah.
Also, I completely understand Kevin's, you know, the reasoning, like, oh, I just need to turn the lights on, pretend people are home, robbers go away.
As a kid, that's perfect.
That's what you think.
But it's weird to me that he never thinks, I'm going to call the police.
Well, wasn't, didn't they?
Yeah, isn't there something where the...
I think the mom calls the police from Europe, sends them over there, and he's just afraid to answer the door.
But that's different than him.
No, but there was also, didn't they have something about, like, because one of the thieves, he, like, scopes out the place pretending to be a police officer.
Right, right.
Right.
Did they somehow see a reason why he couldn't call the cops there?
I don't think they really cemented that that is the reason, but that actually makes sense.
But also, I don't remember enough of the movie, but I think there is some kind of plot reason that he can't call the cops.
But also, another point in Home Alone's favor is Catherine O'Hara, whom I recently learned was also in Nightmare Before Christmas as Sally.
Yeah, she is Sally.
Didn't realize that.
And Beetlejuice.
That's Beetlejuice.
Did you, going off topic, did you see Beetlejuice Beetlejuice?
I did not.
It's actually really good.
Oh, I was really impressed with it.
Nice.
I don't think I've ever seen the full-length full movie.
The original Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, I think I've seen clips on TV as a kid.
I wasn't allowed to watch it.
Yeah.
But my wife did show it to me.
Did you like it?
Not really.
I also wasn't allowed to watch Nightmare Before Christmas.
I saw that.
My wife showed that one to me, too.
Did you like it?
Not really.
I never was into the Halloween aesthetic.
As a kid, like movies that are like, oh, look how goofy and quirky and Tim Burton, everybody's pale.
Specifically, Tim Burton asked that.
Yeah, I was never really into that.
I was surprised that we were allowed to see Hocus Pocus.
I was not allowed to see that.
And did you like it?
I did not like that one.
And looking back on it, I was like, there's a lot of sexual innuendo in this, especially for a kid's movie.
And the second movie is even worse.
And I think everybody in the movie is a terrible person.
So I don't know.
But it had Marshall from Erie, Indiana.
Yes, that's who that is.
Erie Indiana.
Man, that show, I haven't thought about that show.
Do you remember the ATM that gave his best friend Simon?
He gave him money?
Like, it was an artificial intelligence ATM, and it made friends with Marshall's best friend and was just giving him money.
I don't think I saw that episode.
It's a good one.
Well, to be fair, I might have.
I only remember one episode, even though I've watched it before.
The Tupperware one?
I do remember that one.
Yes.
Oh, man.
So, yeah, they were sealing women in Tupperware.
Boys and Tupperware.
Like, these boys always stayed young because they were sealed in Tupperware.
I wasn't allowed to go to Erie in Indiana.
Did your wife take you there?
Did you like it?
I did.
No, the episode I remember was that there was some kid who had a pencil and whatever they drew on paper came true.
It was called Harold and the Purple Crayon.
Yes.
Starring Technology.
You know what?
I watched that movie with my kids, and I'll say better than I expected.
No, that's good.
Also, is that the premise of the movie?
I kind of extracted it.
That it's better than I expected.
No, no, that he draws things and they come to life.
Yes, but it's weird because it's like, you know, there's that picture book, Harold and the Purple Crayon.
So the premise is that that picture book is real, and then that world in the picture book is real, and that Harold grows up in the book and then comes out of the book.
So he was drawn by the purple crayon.
No, he was drawn by the author of the book, who is Alfred Molina, and then he draws his way out to go see the author, but the power of the book kill God.
It's not the best movie in the world, but I was pleasantly surprised because it didn't do very well.
They didn't market it very well.
I remember seeing, like, this is kind of strange, like, the older guy playing Harold.
I don't get it.
Well, yeah, I thought, like, why is he just being a kid again?
But it's because he's not a real person.
Yeah.
That is the answer.
All right.
Just like the real Zachary.
He plays kids a lot.
Shazam.
Yeah.
He was in Shazam.
Old Shazam.
It's true.
All right.
Well, Home Alone wins.
Moving on to the end of the podcast, which is the subscriber portion of the podcast.
So, guys, if you're not a subscriber, become a subscriber to the Babylon B at plans.babylonbee.com.
You'll get all our exclusive content, use code podcast, and you'll get a little discount to join us.
We're going to go to the rest of the podcast now for subscribers where we are going to recount some of our subscribers' favorite and most beloved Christmas stories.
Wow.
I'm excited.
For the rest of you, Merry Christmas.
Hope you guys have a great new year.
We'll probably take a couple weeks off for the holidays, so you might not see us for a little bit.
We'll see you guys next time.
This has been a taste of a special episode of the Babylon B podcast.