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Nov. 21, 2023 - Babylon Bee
35:07
What Is The Squanto In Your Life This Thanksgiving

Kyle, Adam, Travis, and Emma celebrate Thanksgiving and answer soul-searching questions like what is the pilgrim and the squanto in their lives. This episode is brought to you by Alliance Defending Freedom. Become a champion for freedom by standing with ADF today: http://joinadf.com/bee  

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The Babylon Bee Podcast.
Welcome, everyone, to the Babylon Bee Occasional, where today we are celebrating Thanksgiving.
How?
By having Noble Savage.
Did you call him Noble Savage?
He is Noble.
What is the noble savage?
It's like a literary trope, right?
It is.
I've heard it in things.
It's like where there's one, you find one Indian dude that's like, I will help you.
But isn't that a true thing?
I think it's also, it's like a character archetype, but it's also the idea, I think, that man is like good in his primitive state.
Oh, that's what it is.
That man is good outside of society.
And civilization would become evil, but the guys out there know what's up.
I'm thankful for our tech crew who does such a good job.
Hold for editing.
I mean, I assume we just leave that in, right?
Yeah.
They had to fix my camera because apparently I'm too short.
Oh, Adam's distracting me.
Yeah, even with a four-inch feather on my head.
Yeah, you think that would...
You're not even six feet with the four-inch feather.
Isn't that like...
Well, no, no, I'd be just under.
You'd be just under.
Is it...
Is it bears or mountain lions where you're supposed to look bigger?
Mountain lions.
You're supposed to make yourself look as big as possible.
So what do you do?
You just run away, Adam?
No.
I just make myself look as big as possible and then get eaten because it's not big enough.
Bears, that might be.
Bears shouting.
Yeah, because bears shouting and like standing your ground.
Bears, there's two different ones because there's black bears which aren't as dangerous and there's grizzly bears that are dangerous.
And I think it's black bears can climb trees, but grizzly bears don't normally.
Because they're so big.
If it's a black bear, you'll probably get away.
If it's a grizzly bear and it starts to attack you, no matter what you do, you're probably going to die.
So you might as well.
Just ask Leonardo DiCaprio in that movie.
Was that the Revenant?
The Revenant.
Yeah, The Revenant.
It's actually a pretty good movie.
It's a really good movie.
It was one of those movies, by the time I'm watching it, I'm like, that was good.
I don't ever have to watch that whole thing.
Yeah, that's true.
And because it's a true story.
Yeah.
That one frustrates me a little bit, like most true stories.
It is a true story.
I didn't know that.
Yes.
Where you go back and read, oh, the real story.
And I'm like, wow, they added a ton to this.
This is way different.
Like, he was a hunter, and he, well, not a hunter, he was an explorer, and he did get attacked by a bear and almost die, and then crawled his way back to civilization, but he didn't really go on a revenge quest, which is like the primary point of the movie.
Yeah.
That's kind of sad when that happens.
It is sad that he didn't murder a bunch of people, I agree.
Yeah.
And now we have Thanksgiving to celebrate the story of the Revenant.
It's true.
When the man came back from his bear attack.
Yeah, that's the first thing to say.
I'm thankful that I'm not in the movie The Revenant or being attacked by a bear.
You pick two things.
Still, time.
I would like to pepper this whole podcast with things I'm thankful for.
I'm thankful Emma's here.
Yeah, I'm thankful Emma's here too.
I'm thankful that you're thankful that I'm here.
I'm thankful that Travis is wearing a black pope hat.
By the way, we didn't make our own hats.
I came in and there was a hat sitting on my chair, and it says no smallpox with a sad face on it.
So I don't want that to offend anyone.
Are you saying there should be smallpox?
Are you saying yes, smallpox?
I don't know.
I just say no smallpox.
I don't know why it says smallpox on my Indian feather hat.
I feel like that could be offensive, but it was what was here, and I put it on my head.
I mean, that's a fair point, if it is offensive.
I'm sorry, someone wrote that.
I think we need a struggle session where you confess why you wrote smallpox on the Indian.
That's between me and my priest.
Well, you're the Pope, so only the Pope.
Does the Pope have to go to confession?
He does go to confession.
Who does he confess to?
Like the way you're supposed to do it?
Oh, no, I think he just, there's another priest that's.
Does he sit in there and then run around to the other side?
And when they take turns, yeah, he's like a split personality.
Well, there were two people for a while, so maybe they could confess to each other.
I mean, they could have.
There were three for a while.
Yeah.
There were five.
I don't have an idea.
There was actually.
Well, I mean, there's if you go back further enough in history, there's popes and anti-popes and a lot of different people claiming the papacy.
There was a sitchism where a sitch of three popes happened at the same time.
I don't know if that was the sachism that did it.
Yeah.
Well, hey guys, we're excited to celebrate Thanksgiving with you.
We hope you are having a great week with your families.
And we wanted to talk about some interesting Thanksgiving things and things we're thankful for.
So the first prompt for us to discuss is: what is the pilgrim in your life?
What does that mean?
I don't know.
I didn't write these.
What is the pilgrim in your life?
Well, like.
Is that a bad person in this?
Or like a colonizers?
I think they're going to have to fight them off because they're the white nationalist colonists.
What is the colonizer in your life?
Well, like, you know how we all know the sort of elementary school story of the first Thanksgiving?
Yeah.
The pilgrims.
Did you write this question?
No.
Oh, okay.
But he is the pilgrim life right now based on his hat.
You sound defensive about it.
That's fine.
No.
I'm not a pilgrim.
No, I don't care about this question.
Stupid.
Just so you know, pilgrims are really smart.
Well, the whole elementary school idea of the first Thanksgiving and the pilgrims come over and the Indians help them or whatever.
I'm kind of curious, what do you guys know about that story?
Because I can't remember it right now.
I don't even want to tell the real story.
I just want to celebrate Thanksgiving and ignore all the bad history with it.
Well, is that bad history?
If there's any bad history at all, I just all I remember.
No, I'm sure there's modern.
No, that's not how it happened.
But in school, what I remember is the pilgrims came over the Mayflower and they were settling in Plymouth community where Plymouth Rock, which is in real life, just this little crappy rock.
But it is a rock.
Yeah, it's a little rock.
It has the date stamped on it now.
I know.
That's my favorite.
It's a terrible tourist trap.
But then they had a very rough winter their first year in Plymouth Colony.
And the local Native Americans came and helped them to grow food.
I heard they actually ate shellfish, not turkey, but that they helped them to have this feast to celebrate the first Thanksgiving.
Now, that's the story I heard in school.
I don't know that that's what they're doing.
I like that version.
Yeah, but now, would you, if you could, replace the turkey with shellfish?
I like, I like seafood, but I mean, turkey is such a staple of Thanksgiving.
I don't eat turkey much throughout the year, but on Thanksgiving, I think I want turkey.
My Thai family eats crab legs during Thanksgiving.
Do they eat crab rangoons?
Because I would replace every food with crab rubber.
I mean, you can make that with the crab leftover crab.
Really?
If there's any.
But yeah, you can make homemade crab rangoons.
Not that hard.
Yeah.
Which leads me to what I'm thankful for is rangoon.
I like the cream cheese rangoons.
Yes.
With crab in it.
Well, I'm not saying that crab ones aren't better, but the cream cheese ones are a little more economical.
And I like them.
The only thing I'm sure about of Thanksgiving history is that Pocahontas was a fatty.
I can neither confirm nor deny that.
Hey, what are things that are going on in your life that you are most grateful for?
I'm grateful that Travis hasn't been hit by a bus in a year.
Oh, yeah.
It has been a while.
It has been a while.
You know, I've been painting to do that again.
We've got to get back to that.
Yeah.
That was a crazy thing.
That was.
So wacky wild stuff is what that was.
Wacky Wild stuff.
Was that October last year?
I don't remember.
August?
September?
It was September.
That's it.
It was the realm then.
It wasn't Thanksgiving time.
It was Labor Day time.
Really ruined my life.
Oh, it was September because it was like the day our book came out.
Remember, we were doing the big Babylon B Guide to Democracy Court.
And we're just like, where's Travis?
Oh my god, he's coming.
And I was like, no, he's not.
I think I was out of town when that happened.
And then it took me, I was back like a week or so before I actually heard that Travis was hit by a bus.
Because there was just some random reference to it.
And I was like, wait, wait, what happened?
Wait, did I know if it was you or someone else?
Did someone tell you that I died as a joke?
I think Brandon.
Oh, no one told me you died.
Well, I walked in.
I don't know if Brandon said it to me or to the next person.
I don't want to blame Brandon if he didn't do it.
But I walked in.
I think Bettina told me Travis got hit by a bus.
And then I was like, for real?
Is he okay?
And then I think Brandon said, no, he died.
He cannot.
That's not a good joke.
That's not a good joke if someone actually got hit by a bus.
I don't know if it's that's when it happened or if someone else came in or if it wasn't Brandon.
For what it's worth, I think it's fun.
A joke works if he's there with us and he's clearly okay.
Yeah.
But if we still don't know where he is, then you're just like actually tricking someone, like explaining their emotions.
Yeah, if he was fine or if it was like, oh, he just got, you know, he barely got hit by a bus, then I guess that would be better.
Even worse joke is if he did die, but you jokingly say he survived.
Oh, no, he's fine.
He's fine.
Oh, thank goodness.
No, I'm kidding.
Full disclosure, that was a joke.
Get it?
Got him.
Got him.
You should have seen the look on your face when you thought he was still alive and okay.
Yeah, the look of relief.
Well, I'm thankful for getting through this year.
Long year.
Yeah.
Also a short year.
It's hard for me.
It's one of those.
What's the phrase?
The days are long, but the years are short.
Yeah.
Days are long, weeks are short.
I heard that.
I don't think you go out to a year.
I think it's years.
I think it's the days are long.
Or years.
Sorry.
You're getting in my head now.
It's years.
Yeah, because you look back and you're like, holy cow, that was only, you know, that was five years ago or whatever.
I feel like I skipped 2022 and 23.
You just skipped it?
I skipped it.
Like, because the pandemic happened, and so I feel like 2019 happened, and then those two years are just a blur.
I don't know what I did.
I don't know what happened.
But it's because I get it.
I did all the drugs.
Yeah.
Well, so you took drugs and I got hit by a bus.
It's about the same.
It's the same thing.
I should have, but no, I didn't.
I don't know.
You don't feel like that during the pandemic at all?
It did warp time a little bit.
It was weird.
I can't believe how much time has elapsed since the pandemic because it feels like that was such a Big and extended event and period of time in everyone's lives.
Yeah, not that it's on the same caliber as Jesus, but it has a kind of BCAD.
Well, thinking of the BCAD calendar, it's kind of like it's a defining moment where there's before and after.
Yeah, our new black pope is proposing a new dating system before pandemic and after pandemic, which is sometimes misconstrued as associated press.
The new pope has decreed that the pandemic was as big a deal as Jesus.
He's speaking ex-cathedra in this moment.
I'm thankful for this year, though.
It was a good year overall, I feel like.
Got to do a lot of traveling, which was fun.
Yeah, I did a lot of travel this year as well.
And I enjoy that.
I can't believe Be Live.
You were in some snowy place.
Yeah.
Be Live was February.
February was nine months ago.
I keep forgetting that I forget that was a thing that happened.
I remember when Seth there, Dan Dalen, will say, When are we going to do that again?
I'm like, oh, that happened.
Oh, yeah, that actually.
I just have almost no memory of it.
Well, they always say, oh, we're going to do it the next year.
And I still feel like that's this year.
This would be the next year to do it, but it's the same year.
Yeah, we just did it.
Yeah.
We don't know if we're going to do it again.
But if we do, it would be next year, probably.
But probably not.
There's our big announcement, everybody.
We don't know if we'll get it.
If we do, we might, we'll see.
We'll let you know.
But yeah, it's been a fun year at the B.
It has been fun.
Good times.
We released another book.
We did.
Guide to Gender.
We had some fun sketches.
Lots of fun sketches.
That's the book.
Not the sketches.
Is this the real book still, or is this?
It's the real book.
It's still the fake book.
Oh, that's the fake book?
Yeah, because we didn't have our guides to gender for a long time, so we had to put a fake cover on an old.
Finally, the lies come out.
I went to I printed that, and I was worried they were going to look at it.
I don't think anybody ever noticed.
Well, I was worried about the printing people, like the UPS people were going to judge me printing out that.
Oh, I see.
I see.
On their fancy paper.
Did they say anything?
No.
I didn't want to explain it.
So I was shipping Babylon B books one time and somebody said something, but nice.
Like, oh, I love the Babylon.
Oh, okay.
Did they recognize you?
No, they recognized the books that said Babylon B.
Okay.
I was like, oh, yeah, I like them too.
They probably don't assume that you're the editor-in-chief if you're the one going to ship.
Because you're so handsome, am I right?
So they would assume that the editor-in-chief would be as fat as fat as Pocahontas or something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what you'd think, I guess.
I mean, Pocahontas is pretty mid, but you well, not in the Disney cartoon version of her.
Yeah.
That's true.
Pretty mid.
No, she wasn't.
Now it's time for our segment, ranking the hotness of famous Native American women and Disney princesses.
The next one is Geronimo.
Does Geronimo make you Geronimo?
What?
Should we talk about Squanto?
Geronimo.
Squanto?
Squanto, yes.
Squanto was the one that, according to the traditional story, helped the Indians.
He kind of took the help the pilgrims.
He was a Native American.
I mean, he probably helped the Indians too, but in a different English.
It's Native American, guys.
I'm okay with saying Indians.
Are you guys okay with saying Indians?
I try to say Native American because I think it's more accurate, but I don't, but I don't.
It's not one that I obsess over if somebody says Indian.
Yeah, I tend to say Indians to be old-fashioned, I guess.
But yeah, I mean, technically, everyone thought the New World was what, the East Indies or something.
And that's where when Columbus landed somewhere in the Bahamas.
Yeah, I know.
And then went back.
And I think that drives me too, in a way, because like, ah, Columbus discovered America.
I mean, he didn't even come to America.
He was like, hey, one little island.
Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it was still an achievement, but come on.
Was Columbus mid or S tier?
I haven't seen him lately.
You know.
He's lost a lot of weight.
Isn't Native American offensive now?
Aren't you supposed to say that?
It's indigenous people.
See, I don't like that as much because Indigenous people, I feel like, references all of, like, there's Indigenous people in, you know, other parts of the generic world.
But indigenous is like how you describe plants.
You say that plant is indigenous to America.
So I think it's weird.
Yeah, well, I think people.
And it's Marxist because they're trying to say these people were here first and you weren't.
You don't matter.
I refer to all of them as the Washington Redskins.
There you go.
That was work.
There was a great Simpsons bit in the episode where Apu gets his American citizenship.
Different Indian.
I think we're getting to that, Emma.
That's part of the joke, Emma.
And then Lisa was saying something like, oh, well, he was saying, oh, now I am an American Indian.
I can't remember it.
Cut this.
Leave this in.
It was something about American Indian versus Native American.
And Homer's like, oh, like me.
I'm a Native American because I was born here.
I lived here.
And she's like, no, it's not what I mean.
Oh, that's good.
Trust me, it was funny.
Yeah.
It sounds funny.
Roll chokes Bart.
Yeah.
Wasn't there like fake news recently?
It was a fake where like a random tweet someone put up saying it seemed fake from the start.
I was skeptical because what it was is they made a joke on The Simpsons like several episodes ago.
It was either earlier this year or last year where they were in a situation where Bart's, Homer said, I'm going to choke Bart.
He's like, no, I'm just kidding.
I don't do that anymore.
Times have changed.
But it was a joke within the episode.
It wasn't an announcement that they're not going to do that bit anymore.
But then some people took it and were like, oh, The Simpsons has gone woke.
They're not going to make that joke anymore.
And I like how they responded by drawing Homer choking Bart and saying he will continue to choke Bart.
Don't worry, he will continue to choke his son.
People are upset over that.
They're like, no, they don't have child abuse.
It's woke.
I mean, I think if you depends on what your reason is for taking it out.
I never thought it was a particularly funny bit.
Like, I don't know, him choking Bart.
It's like, I always thought it was a little weird.
It's a little over the morning.
I tuned in every night thinking, I hope he chokes Barton.
But on the other hand, oh man, this is what I'm here for.
You read every episode.
One star.
No, that's not like, I mean, I do get annoyed when they did things like cancel Apu's original voice, the whole Harikan Dabalu thing.
I thought that was stupid.
But no, I don't think a lot of the decisions of The Simpsons aren't really based on being woke or anything like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think I agree.
I think because of the situation with Apu, people are just kind of on edge thinking, oh, they're making a change.
Yeah.
They've gone woke.
And I was like, well, maybe we can calm down a little bit.
And if there is a joke that you're going to cancel because times have changed, maybe the dad choking his son is the one to...
Maybe.
Maybe.
I think he should be.
Like as conservatives, we must preserve this aspect of culture.
Yeah, I feel like just, you know, people were much better back in the days when a dad could choke his son in the good old days.
Gotten so politically correct.
We lost our moral way as a country because dads can't choke their sons anymore.
So the next Indian to rank, Sagajuya, your thoughts?
I like the dollar coin.
They never really took off, but they were fun for a little while.
Yeah.
You felt they were bigger, so you felt like Too-Faced, like flipping it around.
That was the Lewis and Clark one.
And they were gold colored.
Like they weren't made of gold, but you felt like a, oh, I have these valuable coins.
The treasure chest.
So silver dollar and then the gold one is different.
They're both worth a dollar, but the Sacaguilla was on the gold dollar one, yeah.
Yeah, well, I think they were around the same size.
The silver dollar was originally called the silver dollar because it was silver.
Made of silver, yeah.
And how much changed it?
It was worth $1.
And then they changed it from being made of silver because silver was like becoming more expensive.
And they're like, well, this isn't worth a dollar anymore, folks.
This has been currency with Travis.
I would watch a whole show on different currency coins.
I don't think you would.
Who's the Squanto in your life?
I don't like, so Squanto's.
The person that helps you out, I guess.
But we've returned.
But specifically as Squanto to the person who helps you out.
Well, I don't know.
We couldn't decide what Pilgrim meant.
Yeah, we just think.
Those together makes me feel like Pilgrim implies negative if Squanto is the good guy.
Oh, Pilgrim implies authoritarian religion.
I think Pilgrim implies someone that comes and has a buckle on their hat.
Yeah.
That's my favorite thing about Pilgrims.
It's the buckle introduces you to freeways and smartphones.
Oh, because they're like, look, we're civilized.
Yeah.
Have a smartphone.
Here's Squanto.
Have a smartphone.
The pilgrim in my life who comes in and like disrupts everything and destroys it would be the army.
That would be my pilgrim.
I like how we're finding out how woke Emma is in this episode.
I don't think I like pilgrims.
Oh, the evil.
Pilgrims are bad.
I'm just saying, if I'm looking at it from the Native Americans being like having their whole life change, it's not necessarily a bad thing, you know?
The person who comes and gives you a casino.
That's.
You mean it gives you money and then you invented it.
If you can build a casino, I don't think they invented casino.
Well, they make a casino and then well, that's only what the white men want you to think.
They didn't really invent it.
They invented the casino.
Oh, and the white man took it from the took the idea.
And then the good white people were like, I'm banning gambling.
And now it's only on reservations.
Except Vegas and Atlanta City.
It did help the Indians.
They banned it everywhere except in the world.
It depends on what land.
What area.
Because if you don't have a touristy spot, you don't have, you're not going to make money, you know.
Like Southeast Oklahoma or something.
It's probably hard to.
Like the Navajo tribe doesn't really have anything in Arizona for you to go.
I think we should start doing the podcast weekly again so that we're a little more in practice than this.
That's my favorite episode.
This is my favorite episode.
That kind of makes sense, though.
Well, who's Squanto?
Yeah.
Don't avoid the question.
Avoid the question.
Who is a Squanto in your life?
Go.
Someone who helps me?
Yeah, someone who helps you.
Yeah, who's your person?
Give me a different definition of pilgrim.
Is it someone who shows you how to use an iPhone?
Is that.
Yeah.
I don't.
Who helped you with iPhones?
Who showed you your first smartphone?
My last job, my previous job, we got iPhones as part of our job when the iPhone came out.
So it would be my boss at the office.
And are you thankful for them?
His name was Julio.
Wow.
Julio is the pilgrim in my life.
Squanto in my life is all of you.
The Squanto is really the friends that we've made along the way.
Oh, wow.
Deep.
Will you accept that answer?
Sure.
I was going to single out and just say Bettina.
Oh, wow.
Not all of you, but Bettina would be higher ranking.
What did she help you do?
She's just helpful in general.
She's the Squanto.
She does love things.
If Pilgrim is someone who introduces new things to you, then my great-grandpa won the lottery and then gave me as a child, what do you call them?
Like a CD.
And then when I turned 15 years ago, won the lottery.
Oh, it's got that money.
I thought you were a music CD.
Not a music CD, the bank.
How much money did he win in the lottery?
I don't know.
But I got $2,000 from that, and then I used that to buy my first computer.
Oh, I know a lot of people who won the lottery.
So that was the Pilgrim in Life?
That was the Pilgrim.
He's the Pilgrim.
I assume the lower amount of life.
I assume the lower amounts of lottery, like a real public people know, people want it.
Pilgrims are.
Maybe I shouldn't give him too much credit, but whatever.
That's pretty cool.
Next person.
No, that's really neat.
Grandpa Pilgrim.
Who's your Squanto, Adam?
Squanto?
I mean, it's hard to say because I feel like currently, if it's just like the person in your life who like helps you out, I do appreciate all of our staff here.
Like you, Bettina, Brandon, because it's all these people that I feel like I get to do the fun thing, which is like write comedy.
And then I am completely inept at organizing people, at doing technical stuff, setting up light.
No, it's not.
But I guess I agree.
No, I agree.
It's 100%.
I feel the same way about it.
Like lights and cameras and scheduling people.
Like I'm just not that person.
And when I see the sketches come together, it's so fun to see how it all came together.
And I appreciate, I'm very thankful for everyone here who does the sort of organizing and the technical work that I feel incapable of doing.
I can't believe this story is happening in America is what the teleprompter says, even though stuff like this is happening more and more in America.
In Oregon State, state officials are stopping a Christian mother, Jessica Bates, from adopting children in need just because of her religious beliefs.
This is blatant discrimination.
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Now, in the sense of like a Squanto throughout my life, I feel like when I first kind of got into the entertainment industry and I was like an assistant and an intern, it was all the sort of producers and stuff that I, that were already established in the industry that kind of I was able to learn from.
And it's like, you want to do this, but you have no idea what you're doing.
And I kind of feel like that's like the Squanto role for the Pilgrims.
It's like they're trying to survive in this new environment and they have no idea what they're doing.
And he's kind of showing them the ropes.
So I think those producers that I worked as an assistant for were the people that I like kind of a mentor.
What about right now?
I already answered that part.
Not us, though.
I don't have a mentor now.
I'm the master.
I've become the master.
When we last met, I was the student.
Yeah.
Okay.
Who's your Squanto, Travis?
These are all good answers.
So I'm going to copy that.
No, no, no.
You can't choose everyone in the office.
You have to.
Oh, that's the benefit of waiting to go last.
You get to say, oh, I agree.
Yeah.
Do you remember the George W. Bush and Al Gore debates where they were just back when politics, politics were great and it was just like I agree with my opponent and it was like, oh yeah, what he said?
That's right.
People don't do that as much as they used to is that he said the same person?
I agree with scum, but they're the moderator.
Did you watch the Republican debates?
I watched about the first, I watched the first two and then the most recent one.
I watched about the first 20 minutes of it and then I kind of got tuned out.
I didn't watch them.
Hey Travis, your hat is slowly turning sideways like a real pilgrim, it's.
It's migrating to the new world.
Is that better?
You don't have a squanto?
You're gonna say everyone in the office, everyone here can't say everyone in the office, and then me only have one person.
Um, can't make me.
Look, I said it first.
So no, I think I mean, that's I I, that's a fair point.
I mean, the majority of our time is spent working and we have great staff here, so I wouldn't yeah, you know.
No well, don't defend his answer.
Well, i'll say I.
I appreciate Adam for letting me pick his brain about screenwriting and stuff because um, I keep trying to develop that skill and I don't know if it'll get to a point where it's useful, but I enjoy doing it.
So I still haven't gotten to that point.
So no, well then oh, maybe I should be talking to someone else um, but I, i've appreciated Adam as a Squanto in my life.
Thank you for singling out someone, so I don't feel bad about it.
I would like to take Emma off my list of squantos.
That's fine, i'll be the Pilgrim.
And if squanto is the person who serves you shellfish, then there's a restaurant in eastern Pennsylvania called Third And Ferry, which is my favorite place to go for shellfish.
they give me a feast of shellfish man i do love shellfish so there's a waiter at red lobster actually named squanto cool pure coincidence i'm pretty sure he's just a white man but his name is squanto dave squanto Oh man hey, can someone scroll the notes down?
I have no control here.
Oh, and Kyle is the pilgrim.
I mean, we can talk about this for a while Walker, if we want.
The bee could be the.
Is there anything after Gk Chesterton quotes?
No, I don't think we'll discover it.
Okay, we'll discover it, like we, the pilgrims, discovered the New World.
We're scrolling down this document yeah, exploring the unknown.
Yeah, for the notes that we haven't read right.
So oh, there's nothing.
We found back around to India yeah, sad.
Well everyone, I think this is a good place to stop.
Wait, aren't we gonna do the Gk Chesterton quotes or do we eat it?
I feel like we've read.
I feel like we've read all these on previous episodes.
Oh okay, that's fair if you think so.
So also if you guys want to.
He was I.
I was reading about Gk Chesterton a little bit this morning um, and I didn't realize how overweight he was.
He was very, he was fatty yeah, that's like just like pokemon, and so part of me was like that's perfect for thanksgiving, because he was just big.
He's just a big man yeah, just like people.
Gk Chesterton, I mean, that's the thing where it's like you, you have your thanksgiving meal right, and it's like the one time of year it's like you know what gluttony's?
Okay yeah, just just eat everything.
We should do that for all the students.
A holiday free sin.
Well, if we think, if we limited it to the seven deadly sins.
Yeah, so this gluttony was thanksgiving okay um, greed could be.
Christmas is already there, that's good, it's already there.
Okay, I expect you to know all the seven sins because you are the pope.
Yeah, what would sloth be like labor and anti-pope.
So labor day where you just don't work, oh yeah, labor day works, um lust.
Valentine's Day, it's already there man oh, this is working a little too well.
I was thinking how many Costumes and stuff.
Well, sexy pilgrims.
Mars likes to take over every holiday a little bit.
Yeah.
So that's four.
It's avarice.
I'm sorry.
I hate walking to like a spirit Halloween store and you see all the sexy costumes mixed with all the scary costumes.
And it's like, I don't know how to feel right now.
Okay, what's the next one?
The next one.
Like malice, right?
Malice.
Yeah, violent malice.
Would that be Halloween?
Wrath is malice.
Is it wrath?
I haven't seen seven in a long time.
That's where I learned.
Every day we're mad at like Columbus Day, maybe?
Because we hate him.
Well, that's the woke people use Columbus Day.
Every day is Wrath Day for them.
I know.
I just wish we could have Thanksgiving and not have time to do it.
I feel like the purge is wrath.
There was a purge.
Actually, it's like Wrath Day.
There's not actually a purge?
No.
What have I been doing?
Oh, no.
I need to make some calls.
Oh, man.
I don't know the other sins.
I don't even know if we did last.
So Envy.
Envy.
Isn't that one of them?
It is.
That could also be Christmas.
It could, but let's.
Or Black Friday.
Black Friday is not a holiday.
So the secular world it is, I guess.
It is.
Was it Cyber Monday?
Cyber Monday is actually.
You say that Black Friday's not a holiday, and then you do.
I feel like that's closer to greed.
Yeah, it is.
I just think.
I don't know that there's an Envy holiday.
Well, we should come up with one.
June, July, August.
Oh, Memorial Day.
Why is that envy?
Oh, they gave their lives for our country.
And I envy.
I'm sorry.
I wish I too could have died in glory.
No, leave it in.
Leave it in.
I had to stay here with smallpox.
Veterans Day works better.
I don't think either of them work well for envy.
Okay, well, are you jealous of that?
I envy their discounts.
Do you do the stolen valor thing where you dress as a member of the military to get honor for it?
Yeah.
You just tell them you're an RTC veteran.
You're right.
It doesn't quite work, but we can reposition it to work.
If you believe.
Okay, maybe Trans Awareness Day or something would be.
Envy.
Because they want to be.
What did you say, Emma?
Which one's first?
I mean, Veterans Day would work because if you're jealous of the free meals, you know, or the freeze.
Because the veterans get all the free meals.
They get free meals.
But I feel like that's more an emotion that could come up that day.
It's not a celebration of that thing.
We should have just read the GK Trust, which is great.
Maybe.
I'm sorry for all the veterans I offended.
And the Indians.
We now need to film an apology video with black folks.
It doesn't help that I keep laughing.
I'm not going to be accused of stolen valor for posing as a pilgrim when he wasn't one.
That's true.
All right.
Well, Babylon Bee, fans, listeners, subscribers, viewers, etc., we appreciate you.
We're thankful for you.
Thankful for everything we get to do with the B. Thank you guys for listening.
And we will be back soon with another episode, hopefully-ish, occasional.
So look out for that.
And we hope you guys have a happy Thanksgiving.
Eat a lot.
Be gluttonous.
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