Kyle, Adam, Emma, and Travis from The Babylon Bee talk about Target's targeting of children, the wild Trump Town Hall on CNN, and how to properly evaluate the Star Trek film canon. Tears of the Kingdom came out, Elon Musk talked to CNBC, and the Durham Report came out. Also, people still send hate mail to the Bee and King Nerd won the headline contest! This episode is brought to you by our wonderful sponsors who you should absolutely check out: Allegiance Gold: http://protectwithbee.com Seven Weeks Coffee: http://sevenweekscoffee.com Patriot Mobile: http://patriotmobile.com/bee2023 Samaritan Ministries: http://samaritanministries.org/thebabylonbee In the full-length ad-free subscribers-only podcast, the Bee discusses Ezekiel bread, a new podcast on The Babylon Bee, and subscriber-submitted headlines of the week. Also subscriber Nicalys sent in a Babylon Bee Bee-tles song parody! Use promocode 'PODCAST' to get 20% off signing up at: http://babylonbee.com/plans
Tears of the Kingdom is finally out and by a strange coincidence half our staff is out with a mysterious illness.
I'm not even here.
Target's Pride Collection is targeting kids.
Fabulous.
Elon Musk talked to CNBC and the reporter pulled a Kathy Newman on him.
I know who that is.
At long last, the Russian collusion conspiracy theory has finally been debunked for the 37th time.
We boldly go where no man, woman, or other has gone before with Star Trek movie rankings.
All this and moron.
Moron.
Moron.
The Babylon Bee Podcast.
All this and Klingon.
Oh, we missed the opportunity.
All this and Klingon.
Why didn't we think of that?
Hey, everyone, welcome to the Babylon Bee Podcast.
I'm your host, Kyle Mann, with my fellow hosts, Adam Yenser.
Emma something.
Say her last name.
I want to hear how you say it.
It's scarce.
Okay.
You know it.
I wanted to make sure.
Her previous last name was also spelled wrong for how it was called.
I tracked down the person who spelled my name wrong.
And killed them.
Wait, who spelled your name wrong?
Someone.
Wait, you tracked them down?
What do you mean?
Someone spelled my name wrong.
On what?
Oh, here.
At Be Live.
Oh.
So if you spell it in a wrong, like a Scarlet.
I thought you traced back historically, like when your ancestors came to Ellis Island and who switched this.
Both words are spelled wrong for both names.
Oh, okay.
The SPES is correct, but because it's German, so you switch I and E.
But scarce, it's supposed to be spelled like the word scarce, but kind of differently.
And then they changed it to.
No, is that just the last name, or is that the word SPES in German?
Is it like German SPES are trying to infiltrate the U.S. government?
No, it means dagger.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, but Germans never mispronounce my name.
No?
No.
What about your first name?
Do they pronounce that correctly?
Yeah.
Didn't they just say Emma, maybe?
It's a little weird.
It sounds pretty German, yeah.
How do Germans pronounce your name, Travis?
Wus that is wonderful.
That was wonderful.
Yeah.
All right, everyone.
Well, we got a fun show today.
We're going to talk about the Durham Report, which is a big report that came out about the Russian collusion thing in the FBI.
We got Target's new Pride Collection.
We talk about the latest Elon Musk interview and lots of weird stuff going on.
So we're also going to rank our favorite Star Trek movies, which Emma was very excited about doing.
So it should be fun.
Yeah.
See what her favorite ones are.
Hey, and I want to plug this quick.
If any of our subscribers or viewers want to come, I'm going to be doing stand-up at the Looney Bin in Tulsa, Oklahoma, May 31st to June 3rd.
And then I'm going to be doing a bunch of shows in Arizona in June.
So you can check out my website if you want to come to those shows.
All right.
Awesome.
You want to have a few yucks?
Yeah.
Come on out.
Maybe a gaffaw.
Maybe a gaffar, too.
A chortle even.
Chortle.
Well, make sure to hit like, subscribe, and hit the little bell to keep up with all our podcasts on YouTube and Rumble.
And you can find our Babylon B podcast page and all the social media platforms.
Hey, we want you to become a Babylon B subscriber to help support the podcast.
Use promo code podcast to get 20% off.
And there's a link there.
Just go to BabylonB.com slash plants.
Show your support.
Or even if not, thanks for watching.
We've also got some merch.
We have this woman shirt.
I thought it was behind me, but it moved.
I stole it from you.
This is the woman definition shirt.
Here, let the woman model it.
In case you don't know, I'm a woman, and this is the definition of woman.
One, an adult human female.
Two, anyone who drinks Bud Light.
Got him.
Got him.
I don't want to debunk our own joke, but never mind.
All right.
Yeah, check it out.
Use the discount code podcast and you get 10% off.
All right, it's time for mailbag.
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Hey, Mr. Postman, what's in the mailbag?
So we got a message from Jared No, and I would like Travis to read it.
Babylon B, did anybody show up at the office on Friday when Tears of the Kingdom was released?
Did Trevor have to come in on Saturday to release his video?
Were any players confused when Zelda got the severed arm of a dead floating dog monster grafted to his shoulder and it gave him superpowers?
In Christ, Jared No.
At Holy Diva.
Well, Trevor, did you have to come in on Saturday?
I did not because as it turns out, we film everything before it happens.
No.
And then we just release it with computers.
You know, and it's all recorded and it's on the computer.
Movie magic.
Movie magic, exactly.
That's what Spielberg calls it when he released Jurassic Park through the internet.
Yeah, I was a little confused about Weird Dog Arm.
I'll go and say that because I don't play this game.
I don't know what this is all about.
I don't know.
Dog arm is kind of a weird trans species thing.
I feel like he would have rejected it.
His body would have rejected it.
His body would have attacked it with the white blood system.
Yeah.
Maybe he's taking medication so that you don't reject the dog thing.
The dog arm, yeah.
Maybe, maybe.
It's, yeah, it's a trans metaphor.
That's what it is.
Oh, I don't like this game anymore.
No, spoilers.
He loses his arm in the first cinematic, and they graft a weird ghost dog person arm onto him.
And that gives him superpowers.
But it's cool.
It's fun to play with.
You get to pick stuff up with your arm.
Yeah, because you can't do that with a normal arm.
You can pick stuff up with a normal arm.
But like, you know, with the force.
With the force, yeah.
It gives you force powers.
I've been enjoying it.
My wife's.
Does dog arm only pick up dog things like bones and squeak toys?
Does it go for things a dog would like?
I can't distracted by a squirrel.
Squirrel.
If only.
But I haven't gotten to play that much yet, sadly.
I was very excited for this game, but my wife is hogging the Switch.
My kids are also all starting their own files, so it's hard for me to get any time with it.
Have you encouraged her to read Proverbs 31?
I'll do that.
Okay.
I'll do it.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
All right.
Well, it's time to check out what's in the news this week.
What's in the news this week?
Target is under attack for their pride collection.
They always put up the pride thing.
And I was also surprised.
I went into Target like the first week in May and they already had their pride displayed.
I didn't even know they do this.
It's like right when you walk in.
I don't go to Target that often.
Right when you walk in, it's like right up front, just this giant.
It's like books and t-shirts and, you know, show your support for pride type stuff.
And is it really targeting kids?
In what way is it targeting kids?
Yeah, well, so here's what it's in the name, Target.
They're now selling chest binders and tuck-friendly swimwear for children.
Tuck-friendly swimwear.
And Charlie Kirk, who has a great face, posted some of these things that they're selling as part of their Pride collection.
The hips on the drag queen go swish, swish, swish.
Oh my gosh.
And I don't like how they didn't even try to make them look pretty on the front.
The one has a full-on beard.
Yeah, it's a drawing.
That's the time to make them look.
You can pretend they're not hideous.
And then there's this Pride Baby bodysuit for Pride, which is a lot of trans flags and whatnot on there.
Bunny Rabbits, very cute.
And then there's a book they're selling called I'm Not a Girl.
Now, are these all online or do they have these actually on sale in all the stores?
I've seen them on the displays like when you go in, yeah.
Wow.
My Sister Daisy, which I assume is about a brother.
That's a fair assumption, giving the trend.
Oh, yeah, it says all about how a brother chooses to react to his younger siblings' gender transformation with compassion.
And I saw some other ones like t-shirts that they're doing for little kids saying like trans rights are human rights.
It is crazy how all these corporations try to push this stuff so hard.
Oh, and the kids, especially.
Yeah.
And when is Pride Month?
It's June.
So they're getting it.
They're getting it to it early, kind of like how they keep moving Christmas earlier.
Yeah.
I oppose the commercialization of Pride Month.
I feel like it used to be.
We used to assume the real reason for the season is kind of gone now.
It used to be about Jesus and disobeying him.
Now they just sell kitschy stuff and it's kind of lost the magic.
Like it's like Women's Month.
Like what are you fighting for in America that you don't already have?
I don't get trans rights.
Yeah.
So Pride Month, I'm like, what else do you want?
You've gone too far.
Yeah.
What else do they want?
Yeah, what do you want?
I know there's the whole go woke, go broke thing where companies will lose money because they get boycotted over this stuff.
Are there any economic data?
Like, are people buying this stuff?
Is it just a push to force this stuff on the culture?
Or when they put these out there, are they actually profiting from putting out all this trans and gay propaganda?
Yeah, I don't.
You've got to think about it.
It doesn't seem like people buying that.
I don't know.
Because I feel like even the people who believe in it, there's only a certain portion of them that are going to go buy this stuff.
And when it comes to the trans stuff, especially, it's such a small fringe percentage of the population.
But it's not that small anymore.
It's growing.
It's like the young kids these days.
Everyone's a day.
It's a high and transgender.
So I think it is profitable.
But I think.
I feel like it's a loss leader that just makes them feel good.
Like, yeah, we got the step up there.
We're doing the right thing.
Yeah.
Because there's like a town.
Does Walmart do this or should we shop at Walmart?
Is Walmart based?
I haven't seen Walmart Pride Collection or big displays.
I'm sure they're super gay, but I don't think they put it out there.
I'm against it in any form.
I don't think it's as bad if it's like somewhere obscure on their website.
You seek it out specifically if you're one of those people that wants that.
But it is weird when they really try to push it hard.
Because Target feels like it's a safer place to go with your kids than Walmart.
Why do you say that?
Just because of the people that shop at Walmart.
Why do you hate Walmart?
What kind of people?
I love the people at Walmart.
People that are not like the Target shoppers.
Are you talking about weight, appearance?
I think even cleanliness, like Target is cleaner.
So if you bring your kids to the store cleaner than Walmart's.
Target has, like, I used to work at Target.
Show us on the bus where Walmart hurt you.
If I get close, just say.
Show us on John Calvin.
Yeah.
I'm not personally affected by Walmart because I'm an adult and not a vulnerable child.
I grew up where I grew up, there was a Walmart nearby before there was a Target, so I just became accustomed to Walmart.
Where was there a Walmart?
In Trexlertown, Pennsylvania.
Wow.
Target has better lighting.
And there's a Target there now, too, but it used to be Walmart.
Oh, really?
I've never seen it.
I don't know if I've seen a Walmart convert into a Target.
No, no, I'm not saying I'm saying they're both there now.
Yeah.
I understand now.
I understand words.
It's a combined Walmart-Target superstore?
Yes, slash Taco Bell slash Burger Pan KFC.
They call it a site.
Yeah.
So Target has wider aisles, better lighting, and they don't leave pallets everywhere.
That's the thing.
You're going to Walmart, there's just pallets everywhere.
Like you're trying to walk in the center of the aisles.
There's just pallets of stuff.
And eventually they just give up and just put a price tag on it.
And they're like, you can buy some of these if you want.
We haven't got to put them away yet.
But Walmart always has that person greeting you.
Yeah, that's nice.
The old guy's always nice.
Yeah, Target doesn't have that.
They have people saying, get out.
Yeah.
They have a Starbucks sometimes at the entrance to Target.
Yeah, that's nice.
Yeah.
Walmart has weird stuff like what's the subway, the subway knockoff?
It's called Subway.
Yeah, they have subways in Walmart.
I don't know.
No, I've seen another one.
It's like Hoagies or something.
There's some other name.
I don't know.
I like Tar.
I go to Walmart more often because it's cheaper.
You know?
If you like it.
But I don't like it.
It's cheaper anymore than people.
Target is very upper class.
Blimpies.
It is.
Blimpies.
That describes the people that walk around Walmart.
Those are the people Emma doesn't like.
I don't think I've heard of Blimpy.
Get out of the way, Blimpy.
Get out of the way, Blimpy.
I need a Blimpy.
It's like you go to Walmart and everything is locked up, which is super annoying.
For Target, I think there's less things that are locked up.
Like socks are locked up at certain Walmarts.
Socks, huh?
Yeah.
Jeez.
That's why it's unsafe.
There's plenty of time on the Target story, I would say.
So here's the thing about Target.
But did you know that Elon Musk was featured in an interview on CNBC?
It's true.
I didn't know that.
He was asked why he compared George Soros to Magneto from X-Men in a tweet.
When it loses him and his company money, Elon replied, this is the text here.
Oh.
You know?
He replied, twitter.com slash.
Sorry.
So he actually said in response to things losing him money, you know, I'm reminded of a scene in The Prince's Bride, great movie, where he confronts the person who kills his father and he says, offer me money, offer me power.
I don't care.
I'll say what I want to say.
And if the consequence of that is losing money, then so be it.
Now, here's the thing, though.
That's not the quote.
He's wrong.
I was going to say, I don't remember that quote.
He didn't say, I don't care.
Offer me everything I ask for.
Yeah, it's when he's got the guy begging for his life.
And then he says, all this and more.
What does he say?
Father back, you son of the.
That's what he says?
Yeah.
You son of a Target.
Offer me money, offer me power.
Money.
You have it or everything.
And what I like about Travis is he does air quotes when it's a quote of a sentence.
You know, air quotes is usually when it's the ironic quotes.
Like the word is, you know, allegedly.
Travis will do the air quotes when he's reading an actual quote.
He says I'm reminded than saying quote and end quote.
Do you do first and then end?
The usual air quote is like, this Taco Bell Taco has beef in it.
Yeah.
But you're like more like, this Taco Bell has beef.
A customer said, I like my taco with beef in it.
I like it.
But I think it's a good attitude that Elon has.
You can kind of tell that he's, it's what kind of makes him fun as this billionaire inventor of our time.
He just kind of does what he wants to do.
Well, his first response was, oh, freedom of speech.
Yeah.
And the interviewer was like, but why?
Like, why are you sharing your opinions?
I got to watch this interview.
I didn't watch this one because I've just been, I've watched the Trump CNN town hall three times in its entirety this week.
It's my new favorite show.
You've seen the whole thing?
I couldn't find the whole thing.
It's so hard to find because I think CNN themselves are burying.
I had to go on Rumble and then find a foreign person's Rumble account, and then they had it posted in its entirety there.
That guy in India had to share it with you.
It's so delightful.
I want to see it.
I saw that clip you posted.
I've watched it.
I've watched it three times.
It's so entertaining.
If only they would do that every week, just have Trump do.
I would watch that.
Whenever anybody's like, what's the new show that you're watching?
I go, oh, the Trump CNN Town Hall.
I hope they do another episode.
It's going to be great.
Come sweet.
But then, okay, he had that great town hall.
And then the next day, he's like, I think pro-lifers don't want a ban on abortion after six weeks or at six weeks.
He's like, I'm like, you were doing well.
And then you went and you said this, where you think that six weeks ban is too extreme.
It's like, well, okay.
Do you want Republicans to vote for you or not?
But if he's going to talk about the lady naming her dog after a vagina, I'll just let him go.
He's won me over already.
I think I missed that.
You have to watch Town Hall.
It's so funny.
We get the club.
We got to watch the club.
It's funny.
The other thing, though, is that at Walmart, you can get your oil changed and it's only like 20 bucks.
And they do it.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know you could do that.
I'm pretty sure it's.
I don't think I would trust that.
You trust Walmart changing your oil?
I do.
Can you still get guns at Walmart?
Probably not in California, but other places, yeah.
Maybe BB guns.
Oh, no.
Didn't they announce that they were going to stop Desmond during one of those masters?
I remember when I used to go into Walmart, they had the big gun section.
I think they've stopped since.
They had to.
So my dad taught me how to change my oil when I was growing up because he's like, you're going to save so much money.
And then I realized that that's not true.
It's much cheaper to just go someplace.
It's pretty good.
It's better for your car.
It's better for your car, though, for you to do it yourself and use the good oil versus going to, they're only charging you $30.
The oil itself is supposed to be like $40 that they're buying.
So they're not giving you good stuff.
You could use it.
Is your car okay?
Not really, but it doesn't have to do with the oil.
Are you sure?
I'm having transmission problems right now.
And that has nothing to do with oil?
That sounds very related.
No, it's transmission fluid.
Which is like oil, but it's not the same.
Okay.
But yeah, this is a cool interview with Musk.
So go check it out.
Wait, hold on.
Did he say something about psyops?
Yeah.
This was about the Texas shooting.
And he was saying that it was incorrectly ascribed to be a white supremacist action.
He said the evidence for it being white supremacy was some obscure Russian website that no one's ever heard of and had no followers.
And the company that found this is Bellingcat.
And you know what Bellingcat does?
Psyops.
I don't know how true you all that are.
I don't know.
I don't want to weigh on on that because I don't know all those details.
Then the reporter said, there's no evidence that he's not a white nationalist.
What?
There's nothing in the rule book that says a dog can't be.
I thought that he had white nationalist tattoos.
I don't know.
I didn't research that story a whole lot, though, so I don't know if you can see it.
Yeah, but what is that?
I don't know all the details.
Like, what's a white nationalist tattoo?
Is it a swastika?
I love white nationalists.
It's like some group.
Because if it's just like a triangle, I would be like, it's not like.
It's like triangles.
No, these.
If the pictures were real that I saw, again, I didn't research this story specifically a whole lot, but they had pictures of like actual swastikas.
And I never went because that stuff always comes out right after a shooting, and then you don't know.
Did someone just dig up some random, like jumping on, oh, this is the perpetrator right away.
Unless we're comparing someone to Hitler.
Oh, yeah.
Then we do it right away.
It's always a good choice.
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Newsmax surpassed CNN in prime time ratings.
On Friday night, CNN averaged 335,000 viewers for all the nightly time slots with Newsmax reaching 357,000 viewers.
So it doesn't sound like CNN is doing too well.
Also, it doesn't sound like Newsmax is doing that much.
I think that's it.
But I think that's a given.
It's like if the Oakland A's beat you in baseball, you're like, right.
Yeah.
It says more about the team that lost.
Wait, who's on Newsmax?
Is that Cuomo guy?
Did he go to Newsmax?
No, Newsmax is like the right-wing one.
But Cuomo?
I know which one you're talking about.
He went somewhere.
He went to one that has a name like that, right?
I don't think it's Newsmax.
News Nation, is there?
Yeah, something like that.
That's the word news, isn't it?
It's a very nice thing.
There's One America.
There's News.
Newsline.
There's some other name.
There's a bunch of those obscure kind of channels that are trying to take off.
Of course, Title 42 expired.
Now, Border is under control of cartels, not the U.S. Yuma residents and officials say as gangs raking billions off human and drug smuggling.
There's a picture of all the tent camps and the crowds lined up at the border.
That's crazy.
Even before Title 242 expired, border crossing encounters with Border Patrol were up 171% between 2021 and 2022, with 2.7 million encounters, or as KJP calls it, 90% down.
Depends on what math.
Yeah, depending on whether you use real math.
So this is, they're already across here.
Is this actually Biden's America or those that are on the Mexican side waiting to get across?
But I don't know for sure.
Biden's America looks pretty clean then if they're all in Mexico.
Yeah.
Good job, Biden.
And I heard a thing where there was migrants trying to reach their cell phones through the border divider to recharge it because they have some app where they can apply for asylum, but the app is all glitchy and doesn't work.
Nice.
Yeah.
I don't know what the fallout from all this is.
Like, how long can you sustain 10,000 people a day?
Dude, it's flooding.
Yeah.
And what effect does that have?
I assume that.
And I also think it's so, you know, they always do this, the media, but the right has been saying that this is going to be a crisis for a long time.
And now you have some Democrats and some other citizens, some in the left-wing media admitting it's a crisis.
But it's like we were saying this was going to happen for a long time and they always want to ignore it and say, no, it's not real.
No, it's not a problem.
Well, now that they're finally admitting that it's a problem, it's like, I don't know how this happened.
Yes.
Yeah.
Who could have predicted it?
Yeah.
So.
Yeah, it's scary.
If only someone had warned us.
If only someone had built it.
Old built some sort of large vertical structure.
Aren't they climbing over the wall?
I mean, walls were made.
Not Trump's big, beautiful wall.
The old wall.
Big wall.
The CNN town hall.
He built the entire thing and it's invincible.
I don't know how you're going to.
If only they let him put it up.
I'm pretty sure.
Apparently, you don't watch Adam's favorite show.
I don't know.
I haven't seen it.
I didn't know to check on that.
He said he finished the wall.
He said he finished the wall.
What?
I thought the whole.
Yeah, the whole point was that he wasn't able to finally.
He didn't finish the wall.
I think he did.
How are all these people coming in then?
From what I can tell from what he said, he's finished the wall.
I'm sure if we elected him, he'd finish the wall again even better.
I don't, why can't Texas just build their own wall?
They do.
Well, they're talking about.
There's places.
I don't know if they're talking about building their own wall, but they're talking about having private militias enforce the border.
Because I know, I guess it's not a, I guess it's a rule where Texas isn't supposed to build their own border wall.
Like, border is supposed to be controlled by the federal government.
But they're not.
But if they're not doing it, just do it.
What are they going to do about it?
They have to build their own wall a little bit further in to protect Texas and not America.
Yeah.
Okay.
The other thing that Walmart used to have the controllers, and then they would, like for the demo video game systems, and the thing would be way up here.
Remember, you'd be like this.
You'd be like trying out a PS2 game when you'd have to be doing this.
What if we put a bulk bargain store across the whole border and call it the border Walmart?
And then Trump can brag that he finished the border Walmart.
Archaeologists just deciphered an ancient tablet for Mount Ebal that contains a curse exactly as the book of Deuteronomy describes to put the curse on Mount Ebal.
Huh.
Would you look at that?
This was interesting.
That's kind of cool.
They used X-ray tomographic scans on a folded lead tablet and found an inscription, you are cursed by the God Yahweh.
You don't want to have that tablet.
You think the guy that found it?
He's like, oh, I can't wait to read what it says.
Ah, crap.
Oh, man.
Deployed the mummy or something.
Yeah, I don't want to dig that one up.
And Deuteronomy 11 says, and when the Lord your God brings you into the land that you are entering to take possession of it, you shall set the blessing on Mount Gerizim and the curse on Mount Ebal.
I didn't know that was literal.
Like they were actually literally supposed to put that.
They set a curse.
Like I thought it was just like, yeah, I curse you.
You know, not, hey, where should I put this curse?
Oh, set it over there.
You see that mountain?
Well, I guess further on in that scripture, it also specifies that Joshua is writing these things on a tablet in front of everybody because he's showboating.
You're like the.
Hey, everybody, come watch me write.
I know the alphabet.
I'm like, you jerks.
Lame that only 10% of people are literate right now that you wish you could write like I can.
Classic Joshua.
And here's a picture of Man Girls.
That's apocryphal.
We don't know if that happened or not.
Here's a picture of Mangir's Mountain Ball.
And they knew which mountain was which because there was a big oval floating above it specified.
Oh, man.
The oval of the Lord floated above the mountain, labeling them by name.
Well, the Durham report has finally come out.
306 pages long.
The special counsel John Durham's report concluding a four-year probe into the FBI's decision to examine the Trump campaign's relationship with Russia.
And they found that he did collude with Russia and it was all true.
It's all true.
All of it.
Not really.
I thought it was not that.
They found you didn't even have a basis to investigate him in the first place.
Didn't we already know this?
This has been proven over and over again.
The earliest one is if you go back to the 2016 election before it even happened in October, there's a New York Times article that says FBI finds no clear link between Trump and Russia.
Then they had, after he was elected, they had the House Republican Committee investigation that found there was no connection.
Then there was the Mueller report that found no collusion.
Then there was some other report that was linked to the Durham report where they found the whole steel dossier was just paid for by the Clinton campaign and none of it was reliable.
And now they have this.
So there's been at least five investigations that have found there was no collusion between Trump and Russia.
What's the definition of insanity?
I think it's trying to.
I ask you, sir, what is same thing over and over again and getting different results?
Oh.
No, I don't think that was very.
It's close.
That's what they're trying to do.
They claim Albert Einstein said it's a good idea.
It's expecting different results.
That's not the real definition of insanity, and I don't think he ever actually said it.
It's just one of those quotes that it's the real definition.
I don't believe it is.
Someone get a dictionary right now.
We need to make a t-shirt with the definition.
What is insanity?
A biological crazy person.
A biological crazy person.
Someone who drinks bloodline.
Someone who drinks bloodline.
Definition number two.
Put it on a shirt.
Let's do it.
Trump called the Durham Report a great vindication.
It's a great vindication.
It's the greatest vindication.
I've never been more vindicated.
And yeah.
That's crazy.
They spent millions of dollars.
And of course, KJP walked out of the press conference.
She ended it very quickly when she was asked about this.
Oh, it's so good.
She's the worst.
And the mainstream media, there's some of them are acknowledging it, and then there's a lot of pundits that are like, this is a nothing burger.
It proves nothing because they're still attached to this.
But what's so crazy about this is when you think about not just the media, but you know, like working in comedy and in entertainment, for four years, every SNL sketch with Alec Baldwin that he won an Emmy for, every single joke was about Trump colluding with Russia.
Every single monologue on Colbert report for four years, continue to this day, it's all about Trump colluding with Russia.
All these news organizations, they won Pulitzer Prizes for articles about this.
It was all a lie.
It was a lie the whole time.
And it's so strange that this isn't a, you know, it's not surprising because the way the mainstream media behaves, but they're just trying to blow this, you know, sweep this away.
And this destroys the entire narrative.
Yeah.
Did you guys watch that bad show, Space Force, with Steve Carell?
I actually kind of like that.
It was terrible.
It was really bad.
It's not that bad.
It's okay.
It was really bad.
It's fine.
The second season's great.
But the plot of the first season is literally that the president is colluding with Russia.
Yeah.
And it's like, I don't think they say it's Trump, but they're like, oh, the president, he's such an idiot, you know, blah, blah, blah.
And it's like clearly a reference to Trump colluding with Russia.
I'll be honest, I just don't remember that part of it.
These people that lied.
Every joke on SNL and Colbert for four years was all based on something that wasn't true.
And they were mocking the people who doubted it.
They were mocking the people who were right.
And now you can buy whole seasons of SNL at Walmart.
Yeah.
Or Target.
Or, you know, they don't sell that many DVDs anymore.
Like, they have the value bin, but there's not the massive section anymore.
Yeah, that's true.
Because nobody buys DVDs anymore.
Time has changed.
I kind of do want some things that are DVDs.
I like owning a Disney.
I like owning a DVD.
Because they cancel episodes of things.
Yeah, it's true.
Yeah.
Blazing Saddles.
Blu-ray.
Could never make it today.
Never make it.
People always say it's Dr. Black.
It's never fixed that today.
But I think it's also probably true.
Yeah.
Because Mel Brooks is so old.
I actually watched Blazing Saddles for the first time recently.
I've never seen it before.
No.
And I didn't quite get it.
Yeah, that's.
It's a little like at the time it was probably.
It's very dated.
There's some people that love it and think it holds up.
I think it has its moments.
I haven't watched it in a long time, but my favorite joke from that is Gene Waldis saying, look at my hand and then because he's a gunslinger and he's like, yeah, but I shoot with this one.
It's all shaking one.
That's a classic Melbrook skin right there.
I always like Spaceballs more than Spaceballs more than the other.
It's more accessible.
Well, there's an anti-capitalist pay-what-you-can coffee shop in Toronto.
It's called the Anarchist.
Well, there was.
It has closed its doors after just one year.
Sadly, the anarchist will be closing its doors on May 30th.
They posted on their Facebook or Instagram here.
Sad news, it's been amazing.
Hope to see lots of you between now and the end of the month.
And they have all the hashtags.
Radical socialist socialism, revolutionary, and out of business.
I wonder how did an anti-capitalist.
I don't like it.
I still like it, though, because it, you know, I like when they just do their own thing and perform experiments like that because it seems like it'd be a fun thing to go to, and it also just proves it doesn't work.
Yeah, it's good for people.
I don't mind.
It's good for them.
Good for them for doing that.
I'm really curious what, like, what was the model?
Was it pay what you want?
Or like, how did that?
Yeah, I think that's literally what it was.
It was paying what they were doing.
Oh, because it says right here, pay what you can.
I literally read it.
So if you're poor and you go in, you can just take it for free or a penny or something.
And then I think they hope that altruistic socialist people will come in and pay like $30 to cover other people and offset the cost.
The problem is that it was in Toronto.
If they did it here in LA, this wasn't real anti-capitalist.
I would like to see Walmart try a pay-what-you-can blimpies.
Maybe you can get away with that in Target.
I don't know.
It's funny.
This is the business model that you would dream up when you're like seven years old.
Yes.
Like, I'm going to start it and everything's going to be one penny.
Yes.
And everyone's going to be happy and there'll be no hunger in the world.
And nobody will be happy.
How about we all just agree not to use money and there won't be war?
I want to know if it was good coffee.
You know?
It was pretty nice.
Socialists usually make good coffee.
I feel like every time I go to a barista and there's like a plan in Seattle.
Like if you don't have a pride pen, it's not going to be.
It's a good coffee.
Yeah.
But I tell you, you got to hand it to them.
The coffee.
You ever have like coffee in Texas?
It's terrible.
Coffee in the South, coffee in Florida.
But then if you go far enough south, Guatemala, Costa Rica, amazing coffee.
Well, when we were in Fort Worth, it was good coffee because there was like little, yeah, because there was like socialist style, you know, with the rainbow stuff.
The rainbow coffee.
It wasn't like.
It's not like if you go to Colorado or Seattle or the Northeast, like.
I'm sure the coffee is better there.
I'm just saying it's like there's libs everywhere.
Hey, let's get to the banger of the week because it's about my favorite new show.
I don't know about you guys.
It takes a lot to shock me these days.
But to see our judicial system resemble a third world banana republic, to see trusted American companies embracing insane and destructive woke ideologies, it's all frankly depressing.
We must fight back, and that starts with changing the way we spend our money.
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Banger of the week.
CNN hosts Suze Trump for assault and defamation after Town Hall.
There's Caitlin Collins who kept trying to tell him he was lying and he just plows forward.
I feel like the reporters try to get it like as a badge of honor.
Like if I can get it.
They do.
They think this is their big moment to shine by trying to shut down Dr. Robert.
Well, they're talking about giving her a prime time show.
So it might have been for her.
Trump called Caitlin Collins a nasty person.
Oh, it's so, but you got to watch the whole thing because it builds to that.
You're a nesty.
She interrupts him over and over again.
Yeah.
And the crowd is on his side.
It's a Republican crowd.
So they're all on his side and cheering for him.
And she's just there trying to shut him down and live fact check him and stuff.
I think my favorite part of the aftermath of this whole thing is whatever that guy's name is.
Cooper Anderson Cooper.
That's it.
Cooper Anderson Cooper.
The cowboy.
Saying that I don't blame you if you never want to watch CNN again or whatever.
What is their strategy here?
It's just no.
So what I find very interesting about this, if you watched Anderson Cooper's comments, he is like, you can tell he's outraged and upset by it, but he's also trying to defend the network for airing it.
And what's very interesting about CNN right now, their new head, I forget his name offhand, but there's a war there because he's trying to make CNN credible again.
And that's why they're having this, they're having more balanced stuff.
Like a lot of the mainstream media, for instance, ignored the Durham Report conclusions.
CNN yesterday, their front page said Durham Report finds the FBI had no reason to investigate Trump.
So to their credit, I think CNN has a CEO now and some people in place there that are trying to balance it.
But their established staff and a lot of their on-air pundits are like furious and are rebelling against this.
Yeah, it's one of those things.
I mean, that's why you see them gradually getting rid of Brian Stelt or Don Lemon.
It's just gradually.
Eventually, Anderson Cooper is not going to be there anymore.
Yeah.
What was really funny, Trump after this, he shared a deep fake video of Anderson Cooper on his Truth Social, and it was the end of the Town Hall.
And then it cuts back to Anderson Cooper and he goes, you just watched President Trump rip us a new donkey on our new network.
So you think he knew it was fake?
I'm sure he knew it was fake.
But I'm sure the media will say he didn't know it was fake.
They'll say, oh, look how it's going to be.
He shares about the article.
Yeah, they go, oh, look how dumb he is.
Yeah.
Well, there you go.
So go check out the town hall, best show of the week.
You have to get it on Rumble.
Is that how you got it?
Yes.
Indian guy on Rumble.
If you look on Rumble for Trump CNN Town Hall Full and search, you have to scroll down a little bit, but it was there as of last week.
Bum of the week.
Scientists determine cereal tastes the best at 10 p.m. while watching a true crime doc.
Who eats cereal at 10?
I don't even agree with that.
I think this was a Joel.
This was a Joel Barry.
I admit that I'll wake up at like 3 a.m. for no apparent reason, and I'll be like, bowl of cereal would be right now on occasion at nighttime.
I'm about to go to bed and I haven't eaten dinner or something.
It's like a bowl of cereal does sound like it.
I have this thing where I have to eat breakfast foods for breakfast, lunch foods for lunch, and dinner foods for dinner.
Oh, the food laws.
Is that what it's called?
Yeah.
Where are they written?
On Mount Ebol?
They're on Mount Garrison.
They're on Mount Garrizo.
Yeah.
No matter what time I wake up, like if I sleep in late and wake up at noon or something, I still need breakfast food first and then a few hours later, lunch food.
And I don't like when you mix it up.
I definitely can't do the dinner food for breakfast.
They're like, I don't like pizza dinner.
I like pizza, but I don't like cold pizza for breakfast.
But I could like breakfast food for dinner.
Yeah.
I don't like cold pizza at all.
Cereal would be filling for dinner.
It's not very filling.
But while you're watching a true crime document, did Joel write this or was that his wife?
I don't know who wrote it.
Joel's wait like at 10 p.m.
He must have been doing this and just said, oh, this would be a good headline.
The important thing is I didn't write it.
So everyone has to phone in a Joe Bombs in a while.
How many bombs have you written, Travis?
Speaking of phoning in jokes, it's time for weekly news with Adam Jenser.
It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jenser.
Joe Biden was awarded an honorary doctorate degree by Howard University for his analytical intellect and popularity on both sides of the aisle.
I assume they mean the incontinence aisle at CVS.
Harry and Megan Markle claim that they were in a near-catastrophic car chase with the paparazzi in New York in which they repeatedly narrowly missed getting a bunch of attention.
The U.S. Virgin Islands have issued a subpoena for Elon Musk in connection with the Jeffrey Epstein sex crimes case, which explains why he keeps trying to escape to Mars.
Bite the hand that feeds.
A rare ancient Bible that is over a thousand years old sold at auction for $38.1 million.
But if the owner had read it, he would have found the $38.2 million grandma hid in its pages.
The lead singer of the village people demanded that Donald Trump stop using the song Macho Man at Mar-a-Lago events because he's not a Trump supporter, while Ron DeSantis demanded Trump stop using the song Macho Man at Mar-a-Lago events because you're not allowed to do gay stuff in Florida.
The body of a British man who had set up autopay to pay his rent was found in his apartment six years after he died.
To clean up the body, his landlord charged him an extra month's rent and kept his security deposit.
A new poll found that 61% of people think AI is a threat to the future of humanity, and the other 39% have never read a science fiction book or seen a science fiction movie.
Martha Stewart became the oldest sports illustrated swimsuit cover model ever at the age of 81.
She's also the first sports illustrated cover model whose sports are bridge and shuffleboard.
Martha is featured in a five-page fold-out and that's just her bikini top.
They're long at that age.
Microsoft says its new AI program shows signs of human reasoning.
For instance, when they tried to make it read the new Fast and Furious script, it just said no.
That's it for weekly news.
To see more, subscribe to my YouTube channel and come see me live.
I'll be at the Looney Bin in Tulsa, Oklahoma, May 31st to June 3rd.
Well, thanks, Adam Yenser.
That was great.
Yeah.
Those were all phoned in.
Exactly.
Now it's time for a segment with Travis.
The definitive ranking of Star Trek films.
We're going to start with the worst Star Trek films and work our way up.
That makes it sound like this is my idea.
Well, it's a segment with Travis, too.
Well, Travis is...
Originally, Travis was only going to be here for this segment, but then we all love Travis so much.
I especially fought hard for this to have him here.
Everyone else voted against the whole segment.
You guys were all like F. Travis, whatever the Christian version of F is.
You said that.
Yeah, it's funny.
I said no.
Let's have Travis here for the full episode.
I really appreciated when you were like, I'm walking out unless Travis stays here.
I went to bat for Travis.
And so now we're going to rank all the Star Trek films.
I will say, I did not include the new Chris Pine reboots in mine just because I haven't seen all of them.
Okay.
Those are the only ones I've seen.
I have seen all of the Star Trek films, so I put all of them on here.
So my number 13, worst of them, is Star Trek Beyond, which is the most recent.
Interesting.
Yeah.
I hated that movie with the burning passion.
You know what's going on?
It was literally just a Fast and the Furious movie with a Star Trek skin paste.
There's a movie that's worse than that, though.
It's called Star Trek into Darkness.
Is that your last one?
Yes.
Oh, mine's higher up.
That's one of the new ones, also.
The Chris Pine one.
It was the reimagining of Wrath of Khan.
See, I saw that you.
What was the first Chris Pine one?
Was it just called Star Trek?
It's just called Star Trek.
I did enjoy that one fine, but I didn't put it on here just because I don't count those.
This is Star Trek, not Star Wars.
Correct.
Yes.
But where does Galaxy Quest fall into?
How are we going through?
Are we each reading our list individually?
Are we going to?
I was going to say we could go 13 through 1, but if you guys didn't rank all of them, then.
Galaxy Quest is a Star Wars movie.
Well, we'll just do however we're going.
Oh, okay.
Galaxy Quest is a Star Trek parody.
Or like a parody.
Galaxy Quest is great, though.
It's a parody.
Galaxy Quest is my favorite.
Is that going to be good?
That's my whole list.
I respect that.
You can sit here and look at the pretty artwork on the magic cards then.
The rest of us read.
Okay, so I went 12, 11, 10, Star Trek V, The Final Frontier, Star Trek 3, The Search for Spock, and Star Trek Nemesis.
Those were my bottom of the C tier films.
Search for Spock, and what was the other one?
Nemesis.
And what was the other one?
The other one.
I went.
Okay, so my 10, 11, 12, 13 is Nemesis, Search for Spock, Final Frontier, and Star Trek Beyond.
Interesting.
Yeah.
My bottom three, my lowest ones, are Search for Spock, Insurrection Slash, Nemesis.
I put together because I don't like either of those.
And then Motion Picture, the first one, is so boring.
That's so my bottom is Search for Spock, Insurrection, and Nemesis, and the Motion Picture.
Okay, so my bottom three are Into Darkness, which I already said.
Star Trek the Motion Picture, and Star Trek Generations.
You put that in the bottom, huh?
Number 11.
Okay.
And then number 10, Star Trek 3, The Search for Spock.
Okay.
The only great thing about that movie is McCoy sort of carrying Spock's soul around because McCoy is just great.
See, that's what when I was trying to do my list, I was telling Dan this beforehand.
A lot of these movies I remember, there's a few that I haven't watched in a long time.
And so I just ranked them based on my favorite quotes and moments from it.
Like I put then the next section.
Mid-tier.
Mid-tier.
I have Final Frontier in there.
A lot of people don't like Final Frontier, but I love the scene at the end where they meet the God creature.
Oh, yeah.
And when Kirk says, when Kirk goes, What does God need with a starship?
That whole interaction, there's something about it that's so delightful to me that I love the whole movie.
It's very bad.
And he's like zapping them with lightning bolts.
Yeah, out of his eyes.
It's very strange.
My mid-tier films, so this is like number five through number nine, going from bottom up would be Star Trek the Motion Picture.
I think it's very boring.
I probably would have put it bottom of the heap, but it's hard.
All the bad ones are really bad to me.
And it's hard to rank which ones are bad.
Insurrection, Into Darkness.
And this is where we start getting to the better ones.
Star Trek VI, The Undiscovered Country, and Star Trek Generations were my five and six.
So with number nine for me was Star Trek Beyond.
So I agree.
It's a weaker film.
Number eight, Star Trek featuring Chris Prine.
Okay, so you could put that in mid-tier.
Yeah.
And then number seven is Star Trek Insurrection.
Okay.
I'm close.
Mine was eight.
Mine was eight for Insurrection.
So you guys found some redeeming value in Insurrection.
Yeah.
I think Insurrection is a decent movie, but it feels like a long episode.
It feels like a long episode of Star Trek.
It doesn't really feel like an epic movie.
The opening with Data beating up people while invisible is pretty great.
Yeah.
Who doesn't love?
And a lot of these I haven't seen in a long time, so I'd have to reevaluate.
Yeah.
If I sat down and watched Insurrection, I might go down.
I don't know.
Also, there's a part of that movie where someone gets killed to death with plastic surgery.
Killed to death.
Yeah, that's right.
So.
Okay.
Did you get all the way up to six there, Travis?
Number six for me, Star Trek V, The Final Frontier.
You put that pretty high for me.
Actually, I like that movie.
See, yeah, it's at the top end of my lower tier ones.
I do enjoy Final for part of that is Adam's point about what has got me with a Starship, but also all this, I don't know, just the history around it and how William Shatner directed it and all the behind-the-scenes stuff really just makes me enjoy that movie.
What was your number five?
Number five is Star Trek 4 The Voyage Home.
Okay.
I had that at four.
That's my four also.
Voyage Home, we all agree.
I think it's a very fun movie.
The Save the Whales thing is heavy-handed and it's very cheesy, but I think it's so much fun.
It's a lot of fun, but yeah, I would just prefer an actual space story with this space team in space.
Yeah, in space.
Oh, I will add for Star Trek Generations, one of the reasons I like it so much is it is the death of Captain Kirk, and his last words are, oh my.
Yeah, that kind of hurts.
Which I just love that, how do we end his life with the proper?
And he just goes, oh my.
He dies.
Okay, so we're going to get to our top four here.
So my four is Voyage Home.
Three is Star Trek First Contact.
Two is Star Trek 2009 with Chris Pine.
I think I liked that a lot more than you guys, it sounds like.
It was a good movie.
It was a good movie.
I just love Next Generation and Original so much that it feels like a new, I don't know, like a reboot.
I might swap that with First Contact, depending on my mood.
And the number one for me is Wrath of Khan.
I have top three because I didn't include the new ones.
Number three for me is Generations.
I know a lot of Star Trek fans don't like Generations.
I love Generations.
I rewatched it over and over again as a kid.
I like the Nexus.
I like the Soren character.
I liked that you saw Picard and Kirk together, which is sort of, you know, it's like a corny crossover gimmick, but I liked it.
Like as a kid, I just enjoyed seeing them together.
So yeah, three was Generations for me.
Two Wrath of Khan and one First Contact.
I think First Contact and Wrath of Khan, they're both movies that even if you're not a Star Trek fan, they're just great sci-fi movies.
They're just, you could watch those and not know Star Trek and still enjoy them.
They're fantastic films.
Was Generations the one where Data's emotion chip is malfunctioning?
Or he gets the emotions or something?
Well, they initialize that in Generations, and then he has the Emotion Chip in First Contact.
Because in First Contact, he like trims it off at will.
Yeah, yeah.
I think in Generations, he was having trouble adjusting to it or something.
And that's where he'd go, I just love scanning for life forms.
The little song.
Scan for life forms or whatever the little song says.
What do you got as your?
Oh, and then there's a great quote in Generations.
I like when Soren's trying to influence Jordi LaForge and he says something about being normal.
And Jordi goes, what's normal?
And he goes, normal is what everyone else is, and you are not.
That's wonderful.
And it's true.
Number four for me is Star Trek First Contact, which is just a superb film.
Number three, The Wrath of Khan, which is just a superb film.
Number two, I'm going to upset everybody in this room, especially Emma.
Galaxy Quills.
Number two for me is Star Trek Nemesis.
I really like that.
Wow.
I love that movie.
Interesting.
I've never liked Nemesis.
Part of that.
Maybe I have to rewatch it.
I went to the movie theater.
Don't put too much credit in my opinion.
That's fine.
I went to movie theater and I'm watching this movie and there's just this part near the end.
And I'm thinking, like, man, if Picard just rams the Enterprise into that ship, this is the best movie ever.
And then he does it.
And I was like, what?
I mean, I guess that's kind of a stupid idea for him to ram a whole ship into that.
Where I can relate to that, what's the bulldoze maneuver?
That's what it is.
Is that from the new Star Wars?
Yeah, see, I hated that Star Wars movie, but that moment was so cool that I kind of liked it.
I remember two things from that movie, and one was that they fly a Starfighter inside of a capital ship for some reason.
They're like flying it down the hallways of one of the enemy ships.
As you do.
As one does.
And they said, no, this is pod racing.
And then they blow it up and go, oops.
And then we, the only time I saw that movie was we, Hollywood Video was going out of business, and we bought it on VHS for like a dollar.
And I was like, this is awesome.
Nice.
A Star Trek movie for a dollar.
But it was the version that was in Spanish with English subtitles.
So that's how I've, that's the only way I've ever seen it.
So it might influence my rating, but I put it in the lower tier.
So if it was in English, it might be the greatest movie ever.
I don't know.
If any of you didn't know that, you just hated that one because it's in Spanish.
I don't know why they did this.
Yeah, it's a strange choice.
It's a very strange artistic choice.
It was like Pan's Labyrinth.
Like, what is going on?
Yeah.
And then number one for me was Star Trek VI, The Undiscovered Country.
That's a good one.
It's a good movie.
I would have put that higher, but I don't remember much about it.
I remember it was very political and Shakespearean.
Shakespearean.
Well, Christopher Plumber's in it.
Yeah.
He doesn't play a plumber.
I think that one would have been higher for me also if I'd seen it more recently.
I remember liking it, but I'm the same.
I don't remember that one real well.
And it kept blending in my mind with Star Trek V with the weird God thing.
So I couldn't remember.
Well, the important thing with Undiscovered Country is when Kirk hits that alien in the knees and you find out the aliens' testicles are the knees.
Oh, I remember that, yeah.
And he's like, oh, you know, I don't know.
Their testicles are in their knees.
Yeah.
That kind of thing.
So, Emma, if you had to pick one movie out of the ones we just talked about, which one sounds the most interesting?
Have you seen any of them?
I saw some of them with Chris Pine.
Okay. That's. Okay.
Um.
But I'm not sure what else I've seen before then.
And I don't know what I would watch.
I would just, I don't know, ask you guys later because I don't remember any of the ones except for Nemesis.
First Contact and Wrath of Khan, I would say, are the two solid choices.
But do I have to go back and Three Generations, two Wrath of Conference?
Would I have to go back and watch five movies in order to understand those movies?
There would be things you could appreciate in them if you know the, but you could enjoy those.
So the way I approach the Star Trek movies, I had never watched Next Generation.
I had seen a few of the old, old ones, but I didn't remember much about them.
And I just watched all the Next Generation cast movies.
And I didn't need to know anything about Star Trek.
And it does a pretty good job of easing you into them.
I think the only movies you need to watch in order are two and three.
Because three is a direct sequel to Wrath of Khan.
Yeah, and you probably don't need to watch three.
Yeah.
Okay.
Frankly.
And then I can go back and watch Galaxy Quest and have even more actually.
I think you would appreciate some of the references and jokes in it.
You would appreciate it more.
Yeah.
Our Galaxy Quest is so good.
I love that movie.
Snape.
Yep.
Snape is in it.
Tony Shalub.
Woody.
Woody's in it.
Yep.
Scorney Weaver or whatever.
Sam Rockwell.
No, it's not Woody.
It's Buzz Lighter.
Okay, it's time for hate mail.
Hey guys, Kyle here.
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So we did our sketch, how Disney comes up with new movie ideas.
And one of the comments from Robert Copter is, why does the main guy look exactly like Salty Cracker?
And then someone else responded, do you mean that in a derogatory way or as a pirate kind of way or just like a soda soup cracker way?
I have questions.
I don't know any of these references.
Salty Cracker is a fairy.
Is that a character?
Yeah, what is Salty Cracker?
I don't know.
And also, what is soda soup?
Soda soup.
Like a soda cracker for soup, but why would you say it's soda soup cracker?
Can I have a packet of soda soup cracker?
And what is the pirate?
How is salty?
Like salty dog.
I've heard of like a salty dog, like a sea dog.
But I don't know about salty cracker.
I don't understand what's going on here.
And then we also don't know whether they're referring to Jarrett or Travis.
It says, why does the main guy?
Travis is like the straight man in the sketch, but Jarrett's kind of running the things.
Also, in terms of behind the scenes stuff right now, I remember having a confusing time with that sketch because like I'm the straight man, but then you're like, okay, now say this dumb stuff about Sonic the Hedgehog fanfiction.
And I'm like, the straight man wouldn't do that because it's kind of a reversal.
It's a subversion at the end because it's like, oh, you think you have an original idea.
That's your original idea.
You're the good guy all along.
And you're like, actually, this whole time, it was a Sonic the Hedgehog fanfic that I've been trying to pitch people on.
I've been trying to get off the ground for years.
Yeah.
And your ad-lib of that Sonic fanfic was just beautiful.
Thank you.
All right, it's time for some...
Oh, we're still on hate mail.
But it's time for another hate mail.
This is a comment on our Doug Wilson interview from Zephaniah L. How embarrassing to inflict a joker with an inverted baseball cap upon Faster Wilson.
This is the Jarrett hate mail hour.
Fortunately, Wilson's humility saved this interview, but why should he have to deal with such apes?
Whoa.
It's really not the flex he thinks it is.
It's not flex.
I never had a problem with people wearing reverse baseball caps, but it seems like a lot of our viewers and commenters really offends me.
I don't understand.
I've never thought about it.
Oh, the other thing is.
I don't know if this is the place to mention this, but it popped in my head that I think we should address.
We found old clips of commercials for Super Mario Brothers and the opening to the Mario TV show.
And I've been saying it perfectly acceptably the whole time.
So I think that settles it.
We're the Mario Brothers.
Yeah.
They did have a Brooklyn accent.
There's a great video, if you look it up on YouTube, where a linguist broke down the two ways people say Mario and Mario.
And it has to do with the original Italian sound of the A. Doesn't translate exactly into British or American English.
So different people hear it different ways and say it.
They either keep the vowel quality or the length.
And then you wind up with either Mario or Mario.
But it's because you can't replicate the Italian pronunciation.
Yeah, this is so interesting.
Discussion there is about that.
Oh, it's fantastic.
I'm just glad that I was right the whole time.
That's so much work just to find out that you're right and no one cares.
But I'll sleep well tonight knowing I was right.
Watch the CNN town hall again.
Oh, maybe I will.
I should have a viewing party.
Well, here's a blog that someone wrote.
Some guy named Nathan.
And he said, Elon Musk pretty much spent $44 billion for Twitter so that the Babylon Bee could make the same abysmal joke over and over again and be free to disseminate its lazy transphobic hate on the biggest social media site in the world without consequences.
Cool.
That's nice.
All right.
I don't think Twitter is the biggest social media site in the world.
And then we have a comment from someone named Julio on one of our ads on Facebook.
And Julio says, Emma, you want to read this one?
My wife and I would enjoy all of your work, except you insulted the one thing we hold dear, our Catholic faith.
Which ad was that on?
It was on the Satan one, but I don't think it made fun of it.
Oh, it didn't make fun of Catholics.
Maybe, did it say the Pope?
I don't think so.
I don't think we did a Pope joke in that.
So maybe there was some.
Yeah, he knows of our other insults.
Yeah.
So, all right.
Hey, we did a stock photo headline contest on the site, and we had this picture of Joe Biden with these children who were dressed up like Secret Service detail in front of him.
And we had people submit headlines for it.
So King Nerd took home the gold with this submission.
Biden introduces the team who have been running things this whole time.
They're children.
So it's kids that are running them.
The joke is that they're kids.
The joke is that kids are running there.
Good job, Mr. Nerd.
That's a good headline for that one.
If you want to get on the fun, become a Babylon B subscriber.
We're doing some more headline contests and that kind of stuff.
So babylonb.com slash plans and subscribe and use code podcasts.
Yeah, if you subscribe, then you can enter.
It's like the New Yorker when they have the caption contest.
Caption Babylon B and you can enter and maybe you'll hear yourself.
We should have Bettina just draw pictures in the hobby.
And the cap and caption.
Yeah.
And we should just call it the New Yorker caption content.
You know, I actually first got into writing parody news headlines because we would have newspapers at my warehouse jump and they would like have, you know, there'd be the picture and we just take a marker and write like we'd make fun of different people in the warehouse and we'd write some headline that have to do with the interesting story.
Your origin story.
Story of writing parody headlines.
That's cool.
And then you got bit by a radioactive caption.
Yeah.
Cool.
And then I used to draw like fake cartoons that I wanted to submit to the newspapers for the funnies.
So, and now I'm doing video editing, which is completely unrelated.
Hey, thanks for joining us this week, everybody.
If you're a paying subscriber, jump in and continue and don't turn off the channel because we're going to continue with our subscriber lounge.
If you're not a subscriber, go to babylonb.com slash plans and use the promo code podcast to join for 20% off today.
And you can hang out with us for a few minutes longer.
Here we go.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
And she's, you know, she's kind of on a health kick right now, which, you know, I can appreciate.