The Babylon Bee is back this week to talk about Trump losing that civil suit related to allegations of sexual abuse and defamation, Tucker announcing his show is coming over to Twitter, and The Bee reflects on that Hitler joke. You know. That one. They also take a trip down Nostalgia Lane and remember old commercials and toys from the 80s and 90s. This episode is brought to you by our wonderful sponsors who you should absolutely check out: Allegiance Gold: http://protectwithbee.com Patriot Mobile: http://patriotmobile.com/bee2023 or call 878-PATRIOT My Patriot Supply: http://preparewithbee.com Samaritan Ministries: http://samaritanministries.org/thebabylonbee The Babylon Bee talks about other news of the week like George Santos being arrested, Bud Light being boycotted by gay bars—they REALLY can't catch a break!— and the United Kingdom officially crowning their new old king. In the full-length ad-free podcast, subscribers get to hear the guys talk about "cosmic child abuse" and what they think about Abraham being told to sacrific Isaac.They are also in for a treat: there's a special interview with OrangeManBad and something about teen laundry piles from our good friends on We The Beeple, which is the only official podcast of The Babylon Bee community forum! Support the podcast and The Babylon Bee with 20% OFF by using promcode 'PODCAST' at: http://babylonbee.com/plans
Tucker Carlson announced a new show on Twitter, The Controversial Den for Right-Wing Extremists Who Believe in Free Speech, just like someone named Adolf J. Hitler.
George Q. Santos has been charged with 13 felonies and is now in custody.
He's finally acting like a real politician.
Both straight and gay people are trying to distance themselves from Bud Light, making it the first non-binary beer.
Ah, nostalgia.
Doesn't it make you feel nostalgic?
We're going to talk about some old commercials that remind us of the good old days.
And we talked about that Hitler joke.
No, not the one Kyle made about Tucker Carlson.
The one he made about an unarmed black man who was killed on the subway.
Murdered.
All this and more on the Babylon Bees Podcast.
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Hey, everyone, welcome to the Babylon Bee podcast.
Me and Adam are going to hang out and talk about the news and stuff.
Yeah.
Jared's texting.
And look who's here with us.
He's got off his phone now.
Well.
I'm just proud that you weren't using voice to text.
yeah that's the first in the middle of our every text I get from Jared is like a long paragraph with a bunch of typos and I know that he yeah hey Hey, Kyle.
I just always see him wandering around the office doing this.
Can you please get back to me about comma semicolon?
Why would you put a comma there?
How does the voice detect know when you're saying comma that you want it to be a comma and if you were saying a comma is a form of punctuation?
Like period?
Is it just smart?
Like if you said I'm on my period.
The AI is just have a period at the end.
I'm on my.
That's how it would be.
Yes.
So you'd say like trans women have and then it would just go like that.
Yeah.
No, just one dot.
Well, because you'd say periods.
No, you'd say period, period, and then it would be period.
Trans women have a period, too.
It would be like trans women have a number, too.
Number two.
Actually, most likely it would be T-O.
It wouldn't be T-O-O.
He texted me the other day and he's like, asked something about his movie that he was in.
And he's like, the movie The Farius.
And it took me a long time to figure out what it was.
You haven't been in that many movies recently.
Well, no.
So I should have figured it out.
Sounds similar to The Farius.
But the way it's spelled it was like F-A-R-I.
And I'm like, The Fari.
Like, what is The Fari?
Which one?
Be sure to check out Jared's movie, The Fairy.
By the way, by the way, this is kind of like news about that.
It's expanding this weekend.
So usually movies kind of like start off big and then they come on.
Usually they stay the same length, but this one's gotten more.
Yeah, this one's gotten longer somehow.
No, it's actually, it's going into 300 more theaters.
It keeps kind of crescendoing in terms of its exposure.
More people are seeing it.
Nice.
That's awesome.
Yeah, it's kind of cool.
Like, I don't know.
That's kind of fun.
I think it's interesting that some movies do get edited while they're in the theaters.
Do you guys remember that Katz disaster that came out a few years ago?
Oh, yeah, with a dame Judy Dick.
They were fixing CGI errors while it was in the theaters and like sending new reels constantly to the theaters.
I didn't know that.
Because there was like one of the dances, the CGI feet were like clipping through the floor, and so the cats didn't have feet and stuff.
So they really just, they hammered that one out.
Did Sonic's teeth?
We got to get this.
Did they fix Sonic's teeth before that movie came out?
Yeah, they released a trailer.
Everybody hated it.
And then they fixed it.
And they said, okay, we're going to spend $30 million and fix it or whatever.
And they did.
And it was better.
And it wasn't just the teeth.
It was the whole character design.
The teeth were very noticeable.
The teeth were notable.
Yeah.
But it was like the whole character designed to all kinds of like the video came.
And you can't think that's cheap for a CGI movie to redesign the entire main character.
No, the whole character for the entire film.
Yeah.
Oh, my goodness.
Now it might be.
You could probably go to AI.
Hey, replace old songs with new songs and Sonic.
Just do it.
Yeah.
Telling you.
Well, we got a fun show today.
We're going to talk about Donald Trump's civil suit, Tucker Carlson's new show, Bud Light and George Santos.
Bud Light being hated by gays.
And speaking of Bud Light, George Santos getting arrested.
Old commercials, hate mail.
We got some doozy of some hate mail this week.
Hit like, subscribe, and hit the little bell to keep up with all our podcasts on YouTube and Rumble.
Find our Babylon B podcast page on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.
And hey, if you want the full show here, you want to help support the Babylon B making an independent comedy, become a Babylon B subscriber.
Go to BabylonB.com slash plans and use the promo code podcast to get 20% off, and you're going to get the entire episode.
So let's jump in.
We got feedback from a subscriber after we talked about our t-shirts and how large was too big, but medium was too small because it shows your guts, but doesn't show your arms.
And Clay said, you girls should compare makeup tips, considering you're talking about clothes.
Grr.
Very California.
And his avatar, his image is, what is that, Martin Luther?
It's not Luther.
Is that Calvin?
John Luther.
Is that Calvin?
That's John Calvin.
John Calvin.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was a nice comment.
He called us girls.
You know, I think Doug Wilson thinks it was gay for us to mention beards and things, too.
He had a quote about guys that compliment each other's beards or guys that are like encouraging each other to work out.
Oh, your physique looks nice.
You're working out.
He's like, that's very gay.
I think it depends on the language and tone that you use.
Like, I wouldn't have said your physique is looking nice.
Hey, your physique is quite nice.
But I've heard guys say, oh, have you been working out?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I agree with you.
It also depends like which words you use.
Like, wow, I love your jacket.
You look fabulous.
It's quite fetching.
Oh, yeah.
That may be on the.
It's on the borderline.
That's a borderline.
Your pectorals are quite fabulous.
Fabulous.
That would fall on the other side of the.
All right.
Well, we have a subscriber.
We'll start more of that content for Clay.
He'll enjoy that conversation.
Clay and Doug Wilson if he ever listens to our podcast.
This is subscriber dare.
All right, it's time for a subscriber dare.
This is from Aaron.
Adam, you want to read this?
This is from Aaron Brunel.
It says, if Adam Yenser would come to Nashville, I would become a subscriber for all of eternity.
Am I coming to Nashville anytime soon?
I might be going to Chattanooga this summer.
Okay.
Yeah, that's cool.
I'll make it to Nashville at some point, and then you can subscribe when I make it to Nashville.
Yeah, I don't think it would be worth it for us to buy you a plane ticket to fly to Nashville.
If you want to, I'm not going to say that.
You're going to say no, but I'm just thinking like you fly there, you fly home, and then she subscribes.
For 80 bucks or whatever the official payment is.
Yeah, it would take a long time.
I'm trying to think.
I think there's a Zany's.
I think Zany's is the comedy club in Nashville.
I'll have to try to get in there.
Well, on Aaron, I think the point of this, though, is that so you can meet Aaron.
Yeah.
Oh, you're going to actually meet.
I think that was.
It doesn't say that.
It just says go to Nashville.
Well, that's true.
I went to Nashville.
Oh, she wants to probably go to a comedy show.
That's probably what it is.
Oh yeah, I bet that's what it is.
Aaron, E-R-I-N.
That's a young person's spelling, I just want to point out.
I had a guy friend.
Not a young woman.
Not a boyfriend, but I had a guy.
It's a woman's spelling.
It's not aaron.
It's a woman and a young woman.
I had a guy friend who spelled it that way.
Did you really?
Really?
Yeah.
It's not A-A-Ron?
No, it's E-E-R.
Talk about clothes and physiques a lot.
He complimented my pectorals quite often.
Hey, sweet pecs.
Hey, what's in the?
I'll try to make it to Nashville sometime soon.
Nice lats.
I don't know about you guys.
It takes a lot to shock me these days.
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What's in the news this week?
Well, a federal jury finds Donald Trump liable for sexual abuse and defamation in a civil suit brought by author E. Gene Carroll.
So he hasn't been convicted in a criminal sense, but he owes her $5 million.
The panel in the Manhattan federal courtroom considered Carol's allegations that Trump raped her in a Bergdorf-Goodman lingerie department dressing room in the spring of 1996.
So this is how many years ago?
Like 20, almost 30 years ago?
And then defamed her in a social media post last October.
The jury said that the author did not prove it was rape, but he did commit sexual battery and defamation.
She was awarded $5 million.
His testimony is just hilarious.
Can we play?
Are we able to play his testimony?
I really want to.
That's so funny.
He said, I'll say it with great respect.
Number one, she's not my type.
Number two, it never happened, okay?
Not my type in any way, shape, or form.
And then the lawyer asked him what he meant by not my type.
And then he said, he described as something about, well, not just looks, just the energies, you know.
And then he goes, you wouldn't be a choice of mine either, to be honest with you.
I hope you're not insulted.
Yeah, and I think he was talking about something about hiring people or something.
And she said, so you look, you use looks.
And he's like, well, looks and kind of the overall, you know, I wouldn't hire you either.
I wouldn't, you wouldn't be a choice of mine.
I hope you're not offended by that.
No, you're not my type.
You're not my type.
And then the other, my favorite thing is when they said his comments about you can just move on any woman you want if you're a rock star or whatever.
And he was like, well, you look at the last million years of human history.
It's true.
Fortunately or unfortunately.
Yes.
I think it's the other way.
Unfortunately.
Unfortunately.
He goes, or fortunately.
It's been true for me, is what he was saying.
It's been true for me.
But yeah.
And the important thing is, so it's not a criminal conviction.
And it's also in these types of trials, I think the standard is that you have to prove it's likely that it happened.
It's not beyond a reasonable doubt.
The burden of proof is much lower than in a criminal court.
Yeah.
And Trump's going to appeal it, of course.
Of course.
And sometimes these damages get lowered by the court later on.
But I feel like this is one of those things now.
Every time the left-wing media will mention Trump, they will always say that he was found guilty of sexual abuse.
And I don't think his base is going to care a whole lot.
I'm just going to keep supporting him.
That's probably true, too.
Yeah.
And stuff like this, it's always like, I wouldn't defend Trump on the basis that I couldn't see him doing something like this.
But at the same time, it's like something 30 years old and someone brings it up.
That's just so hard.
It's like, 30 years ago.
It was really great.
You know, she brought it up.
You don't want to say that it definitely didn't happen, but also when you bring something like that up, how do you prove it one way or the other 30 years later?
Yeah.
I mean, at the same time, there are victims who are just scared to come out for years and years.
And then when the climate changes, they do come out.
So it's not just being old doesn't mean it didn't happen either.
But she's not his type.
That's his defense, too.
It is so funny.
And then there's a Bud Light update.
Five gay bars in Chicago are now boycotting Anheuser-Busch for distancing itself from Dylan Harris.
So yeah, so what happened is after Budweiser tried to walk back its comments and make some changes because of this, now there's gay bars that are mad for them not standing by Dylan Mulvaney.
He says, we certainly do not feel proud of a beer or company that chooses hate over acceptance and diversity.
Says Anheuser-Busch does not support us.
We will not support it.
And there's all these bars that are.
So now they lost the other 5% of people that don't like Anheuser.
They had them for a while.
Gay bars do have funny names, though.
Two Bears, Tavern, Jackhammer.
Meeting House.
That's great.
The Sofo tap?
I don't even know.
I like the music.
Two Bears, Tavern, and Jack Hammer.
Those are funny names for gay bars.
Do you want to go to the meeting house?
Where are we going tonight?
Let's go to Jack Hammer.
Let's go to Two Bears.
Go on down to the Two Bears.
I think they got room for two more bears.
What I want to know is, like, if I go to a town and I have, like, I'm on a speaking engagement or something and I go get a beer, how would I tell, like, not to go into one of these?
Oh, I was afraid you were going to be like, how do I find when I'm alone away from my family?
I'm just in a city by myself.
How do I find the gay bars?
Is there a two bears close to here?
Yelp review.
Closest to directions to.
Sometimes, you know, when I was in college and then sometimes in LA, the ones that are exclusively gay bars often have the rainbow flag and stuff outside.
That's how you tell.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm just looking at the jackhammer's icon there.
It's aggressive.
It is.
Wow.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't think.
He's operating a jackhammer.
He is operating a jackhammer.
There's explosions.
Okay, anyways.
So Tucker Carlson's bringing a new version of his show to Twitter.
He made the announcement in a video on Twitter that slammed the mainstream media gatekeepers who manipulate and distort every story every week and don't allow free speech.
His video got 20 million views in 18 hours.
So it looks like Tucker is just going to post videos to Twitter.
Twitter says that they're rolling out monetization options for content creators.
And Musk said that he didn't sign any special deal with Tucker.
He just said we're rolling out monetization and he's going to take advantage of it like anybody else.
That's awesome.
So that's really cool.
That sounds like a pretty good option for people that are content creators.
It actually seems really exciting that we might have this new video platform with monetization options and less censorship that stuff can be used.
For someone who values free speech running a video platform, that would be awesome.
Can you imagine having here's how CNN handled it?
Right-wing extremist Tucker Carlson will relaunch his program on Twitter, a platform he praised as the only remaining large free speech platform in the world after Fox News fired him last month.
But he's a right-wing extremist.
Right-wing extremist.
I can't think of another large free speech platform, I guess.
You know, if you just took out right-wing extremists, that would be actual reporting.
That would be actual reporting.
It's not actual reporting.
So Jason Howerton said, NBC, will anybody be able to police what Carlson says?
Or is this the point?
It's just a free-for-all.
Oh, yeah.
So this guy isn't with NBC.
He's reporting what NBC said, I think.
Oh, I see.
There we go.
Jason.
On NBC, this host or whatever.
Is that Brian Stilton?
It looks like Stelter, yeah.
He'd look like a tan version of Stelter.
Yeah, it's the potato himself.
But NBC says.
So nobody's going to be able to police him.
He's just going to be able to say whatever he wants.
I read about that in the clip, yeah.
Like, how?
He's just going to say whatever he wants.
Wow.
So George Jay Santos was arrested and charged in a federal probe.
ABC News special report.
New York Representative George Santos is in custody and charged with 13 counts, including wire fraud and money laundering.
The Justice Department unsealed 13 federal charges against New York Representative George Santos, including counts of wire fraud, money laundering, theft of public funds, and lying to the U.S. House.
Prosecutors claim Santos used campaign funds on personal expenses, including luxury designer clothing.
Who wouldn't?
And fraudulently applied for COVID-related unemployment benefits, even though he is a co-sponsor of a bill that would help states recoup fraudulent COVID-19 unemployment insurance.
I want you to read the rest like an NPR host.
Santos, who is now in federal custody, is expected to appear as soon as Wednesday in court in New York Eastern District.
I feel like you read that as New York S. Eastern District, yeah.
So what I know he lied with all the campaign stuff and kept claiming he was things that he wasn't.
And is that kind of how they're getting him?
Is because he made false statements and then raised money?
I don't know enough.
I honestly don't know enough about that.
About George Santos.
I just know he lies about everything, and I think some of it was related to fraud.
All right, let's talk about something we know about.
Okay.
The UK has a new king who has been coronated, King Charles.
Exciting the third.
Hello.
And there they are.
There was a lot of good memes from the coronation.
Look at that kid.
He was kind of holding those two scepter things, which looked cool.
He had the holy hand grenade of Antioch.
Yeah, he did.
Just really genius.
The 101 Dalmatians jacket.
Yep.
Camilla.
The kid glaring in the background.
That guy is glaring right.
That's the smolder.
That's blue steel.
training to become one of those guards he's gonna be they're gonna show this picture when that guy one day rises up and overthrows the king Here he was.
Slighted at the coronation.
This was the Antichrist when he was young.
Whatever that is, we were insulting some society.
We don't know his role.
We don't know that kid.
I'm sorry, kid.
You're not the Antichrist.
All right, it's time for our banger of the week.
Banger of the week.
Biden deploys 1,500 troops at border to help register new voters.
His border story is pretty crazy.
Title 42 is a Trump era rule to justify quickly expelling immigrants based on stopping the spread of COVID.
And that's about to expire.
So apparently there's a bunch of immigrants kind of just like waiting.
It's like when Disneyland opens or there's a show up when the store opens.
Yeah, a new iPhone release or something.
Black Friday.
And it's just, it seems crazy down there.
I've seen some of the videos from El Paso.
There was this car that ran down a group of immigrants.
I saw that, yeah.
I saw it was intentional.
I don't know if that ended up being confirmed, but it's just insane right now.
But at least the troops are going to be there to welcome them in.
Register new voters.
Bum of the week.
AI will be totally great for humanity, says man who has never read a sci-fi novel.
I like that.
I've read a lot of science fiction, and I agree with this headline.
And I like the stock photo we chose of a guy gesturing that he's never read a sci-fi novel.
AI is fine.
Sci-fi?
AI is fine.
Never heard of it.
Yeah.
I barely know her.
I got the chip in my head.
Yeah.
I think there's a tweet that kind of goes viral when stuff like this happens.
It's like where a guy says, classic sci-fi author, I wrote this novel as a cautionary tale of what not to do.
And then it's like scientists 30 years later, we have finally invented the torment nexus from the classic novel, Do Not Create the Torment Nexus.
Throw that on the screen.
It'll be funnier if people can see it.
All right, it's time for our sketch of the week.
It's the Babylon Beach sketch of the week.
This is, we got a peek inside a Canadian doctor's office.
Look at the Canadian healthcare system.
If you guys don't know, they've been pushing aggressively the death by choice type thing in euthanasia over there.
Yeah.
And in Asia.
My favorite, we've talked about on that episode before, too.
It's really sad, but my favorite story of that was like the Paralympics lady.
I'm pantomiming Paralympics lady.
That's sign language.
It's a sign language for Paralympics.
She was asking for a new stair lift to help her get up the stairs at her house, and the Canadian healthcare system kept pushing her off for years and years.
And finally, they sent her a message back, and they were like, we can just offer you euthanasia if you want.
Did they really?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Like, if your life is that uncomfortable, we can offer you assisted death options.
If you need a chairlift, you should probably kill yourself.
It's like Microsoft Clippy.
Have you considered killing yourself?
Have you ever thought of that?
And they said, here's what we can do for you.
And they sent her an illustration of that golden staircase up to heaven, but with a chairlift on it.
Oh, we'll give you a chairlift over here.
Oh, yeah.
We'll help you up.
Oh, we'll help you.
All right.
All right, well, let's take a watch.
Hello, Jim.
Hey.
Sorry about the weight.
No, Doc.
I'm sorry.
Oh, no, no, no.
I insist.
All right.
No, I. I'm sorry.
Oh, looks like we got ourselves in a good old-fashioned sorry off.
Anywho, what brings you in today?
Nothing too serious, but I've always had the sore knee.
Old hockey injury, you know?
Oh, yeah.
Sore knee.
Hmm.
Okay.
Interesting.
Oh!
We're going to euthanize you free of charge.
For a sore knee?
Oh, sure.
Yeah, it clears the pain right up.
And this actually cures your patients?
I haven't gotten any complaints.
Anywho, oh, you give me a moment.
I actually got to go see a poor handicapped woman in room four.
Yeah. Sorry about that.
What was that noise?
Healthcare!
Let's get to work on the details of your treatment plan here.
Do you want like a cremation?
Are you looking for more of a traditional burial?
Ooh, or we can do one of those cool Viking funeral pyres.
Surprisingly popular.
No, I just, I want some painkillers or something.
Nothing kills pain like 800 milligrams of cyanide.
Believe you me.
Powerful stuff.
Sorry to interrupt, Doctor.
What did you want to do about the ingrown toenail in room seven?
Okay, yeah, I'll just give him two aspirin, make sure he elevates his foot, and then kill him.
And what about the lady with the really gross acne?
Oh, yeah.
We're gonna have to kill her, too.
Leaky bowel syndrome?
Oh, no.
Definitely kill him.
Okay, thank you.
Okay.
Sorry about that.
Well, if you're currently happy with your treatment plan, I can get the nurse to work up some outpatient paperwork and we'll get you on your way, you know, to die.
No, this place is crazy.
I mean, hey, hey, well, sir, please.
No.
Oh, there's one thing I didn't mention.
THIS TREATMENT'S MANDATORY!
I WANT TO LEA-
And keep us in mind whenever cold and flu season comes around, eh?
Nice fella, yeah?
Yeah, nice fella.
Oh boy.
Well, that's just too bad.
So, anyway, as you can see, I escaped from that crazy Canadian doctor and came across the border.
Yeah, they're friggin' commies up there.
Anyway, these four ibuprofen will clear that sore knee right up.
So easy.
I love America.
That'll be $570,000.
Pockets team!
Ah, classic.
Classic.
Some good actors in that one, especially the American doctor at the end.
Yeah, he was fantastic.
With the cowboy hat.
It's great.
All right, it's time for weekly news with Adam Yenser.
Yeah, I gotta go write that.
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It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jenser.
This week in New York, an extra from the 90s movie Home Alone 2 was found liable for sexual assault.
A court ordered one Donald Trump to give all the money he just got from Stormy Daniels to author Eugene Carroll after a jury found that Trump did indeed, as he put it, move on her like a b ⁇ .
The jury also found that Trump defamed her, even though he's the only reason she has fame in the first place.
Happy Days star Scott Bayo announced that he is leaving California due to crime and the homelessness crisis.
Shocked America that Scott Bayo himself is not homeless.
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg won gold and silver medals at a jiu-jitsu competition in Northern California.
So he's now able to restrain both people and their speech.
Look how excited he is.
A judge in Ohio ruled that Rachel Glines, a man who thinks he's a woman, didn't commit indecent exposure in a female changing room because, quote, body fat covered the genital area.
Ah, yes, the FUPA defense.
He's now facing the more severe charge, even indecenter exposure.
Speaking of fatties, all-you-can-eat buffets like Golden Corral are making a comeback with sales up 125% since the pandemic ended.
Great news if you didn't get COVID but still want all the symptoms.
Oh, my chest hurts and my stomach hurts and none of this food tastes right.
With the COVID pandemic over, the obesity epidemic is back on.
China claims that they taught a monkey to operate a robot using a brain implant.
China says the monkey also works well with an ox or a rabbit, but not a snake.
A transgender Starbucks barista was fired after getting in a physical fight because a female customer misgendered him.
So there's now one transgender person who isn't a Starbucks barista.
That's it for weekly news.
To see more, subscribe to my YouTube channel and come see me live.
I'll be at the Comedy Chateau in North Hollywood on May 12th and at the Looney Bin in Tulsa, Oklahoma, May 31st to June 3rd.
And now it's time for Memberberries.
All right.
So good.
Now we're going to look at nostalgic commercials.
All of us have nostalgic commercial jingles bouncing around in our heads.
We were reminiscing about a few of these last week.
Oh, yeah.
Was that in the subscriber portion, maybe?
Yeah, the Quake 2 commercial, I remember and Crocodile Mile.
And Crossfire.
Crossfire.
Yeah.
That's right.
Oh, Creepy Crawlers I see on there already.
I remember that crawlers.
Those were the glow in the dark.
Creepy crawlers.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Remember that one?
This guy wrote in.
Derek wrote in some ideas.
Here's a few classic commercials I thought of.
Forbidden Bridge.
I don't remember that one.
There's a board game that was like the little plastic guys on there and then they would fall off if the bridge fucked or something.
That sounds familiar.
Yeah.
Creepy crawlers, pogs.
I don't remember a specific pog commercial, but advertising them.
I just remember the toy.
Yeah.
I remember I went to Knott's Berry Farm and they had like a whole section set up for the 1994 Pog World Championship tournament, like official table lengths and stuff.
Yeah, Pods.
That was the year Dennis.
No, I'm kidding.
I don't remember who won.
Krager.
Dennis Curve Engine.
I remember the 2600 Atari commercial, which is actually showing how old I am, but it was a great commercial.
And I just watched it with my kids the other day.
It was a rap.
And it was like the 2600 from Atari.
Remember this?
Do you guys remember this?
It sounds vaguely familiar.
I feel like Adam might have caught it at some point, but it was like, I got a 2600 that year.
So, all right, this is a toy commercial for Mighty.
Oh, I remember this one.
This was the boy version of Paulie Pocket.
I remember these Oh, yeah.
Was that like a Hitchcock Zoom on that Frankenstein film?
Very.
To be continued in a television commercial.
You'll have to catch the next.
I had this red one right here.
Oh, yeah.
I remember that.
Yeah.
This also reminds me, it popped in my head now, the fast-talking micro machines guy.
Oh, yeah.
That's a micro machine.
Remember, if it doesn't say microscopes, it's not the real thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't remember that.
I remember that guy.
I had a lot of micro machines.
He was in.
I did too.
Micro machines were huge when I was a kid.
I remember I used to love micro machines.
So Sega Genesis was famous for advertising that they had blast processing.
So what's blast processing do?
Oh, that does look blast processed.
I still don't understand what blast processing is.
It was basically a marketing term for some very small technical difference in the chip.
I figure we can market it by saying it's blast processing.
Sega!
I don't see Sega commercials.
Did they keep that up?
Did they always do?
Is Sega still a company?
Yes, but they don't make, I don't know.
They don't make consoles anymore.
Now they just make video games or publish video games.
So you can play Sonic on an Intel.
Bubble tape, I see, that is six feet of fun for you, not them.
I don't quite remember that one.
This is a compilation.
We don't have to watch all of them.
Okay.
This is looking.
Yes.
I remember these.
Yeah, these were great.
It's kind of an MTV thing.
Nickelodeon.
Oh, yeah.
Where's curlers?
I remember this.
Yeah.
Not them.
I like Saturday morning cartoon stuff.
I like the kind of commercial that's like, those old people, they don't understand you, kids, and you're gum.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then JT, one of our subscribers, said he was more of a fruit stripe guy.
Here's the fruit stripes.
Oh, man.
Yep.
I remember this one.
makes the nerdy kid cool when he eats a cup.
Yes, I remember all this.
Oh, my goodness.
This is very nostalgic.
I wonder how effective these are for kids, like little kid brains, like how much that sticks with you.
Well, the weird thing is, I remember these.
I remember, but it's like, did I ever make any purchasing decisions off of it?
I don't know.
I used to eat bubble tape.
Yeah, I had some bubble tape a couple times.
Probably like two times.
I didn't like fruit stripe crumb as much.
I had it a few times, but I didn't like the fruit flavor of it.
It fades away real quick, doesn't it?
Yeah, and they would say that it lasts, but it really lost its flavor very quickly.
It was also kind of like a time, like just the aesthetic for kids was a weird thing because it was almost like Peter Gabriel's sledgehammer.
That's right.
I had that.
I had that set.
They were so much fun.
Oh man, they were so cool.
From Galoob.
From Galoob.
Micro machines.
Is there anything cooler than toys that have a little moving part, like a garage door that opens?
Oh, when you're a kid.
Yeah, it's just like the real thing.
Yeah.
I had a garage.
It was like a whole thing, like a loop, and then there was a garage at the bottom.
Oh, the classic grey coupon.
Oh, yeah.
See, I remember that commercial a little bit, but I remember it more because they parodied it.
I remember it.
Yeah, I remember saying the Fairfighters.
The Foo Fighters had a video.
I remember more of the parodies of that one than the actual.
I remember though.
Yeah.
So one of our subscribers might be dating herself with this reference, but she remembers Pepsodent toothpaste.
Your teeth look whiter than no, no, no.
My teeth aren't new, but my toothpaste is new Pepsodent.
Get with it, kid.
Yeah, I don't remember this.
Would have been before my time, I think.
You'll wonder where the yellow went when you bite your teeth with the bottom of the corner.
Pepsodent.
Oh, that's.
IMP.
IMP.
Erium.
I feel like this is the type of commercial that then you cut to 20 years in the future, and it's like doctors have found that Erium, your IMP, causes pancreatic cancer.
Cancer.
That product had cocaine.
Your teeth to rot out of your head.
So, what else we got here?
Folger's best part of waking up.
That's a classic.
I have to remember that one.
That one was good.
I don't remember chock full of nuts, at least in terms of a commercial.
Maybe I do if I saw it.
Heavy coffee.
Heavenly coffee.
Heavenly coffee.
Oh, man.
Did they go to the same ad agency as Sizzler?
Chock full of nuts, and that lady had to sing it.
She got paid well.
Oh, remember, I think there's a documentary about her now, but the Call Me Now, Miss Cleo, they would always advertise those psychic hotlines.
Oh, yeah.
She was a total fraud or something.
Yeah.
Was she a total fraud?
You know, a lot of the ones I remember are local commercials, and I'm not sure how widespread they went beyond the LA area.
But there was like Larry H. Parker.
He was always on there.
I'll fight for you.
Yeah, that was a good one.
That was the local.
When you were homeschooled from sick, those were all the commercials you would see.
When I remember from Pennsylvania, the local commercial, there was a company called Jack Lair Electric, and they were like the local electricians.
And there's a commercial.
And then it was this sort of well-produced commercial of what they do and the sort of technical side of their products.
And then it would end with like, they clearly shot just on a handheld camera their employees standing outside the building.
And it's this real high-energy commercial because they go, that's Jack Lair Electric.
They're just standing there and it's so low energy and weird.
That was awesome.
That's like cutaway.
I know those local commercials, the low-budget local commercials.
That's some of my favorite stuff.
Oh, they're so good.
It's always an auto, like auto repair shop or like a, I don't know, like a car salesman.
There was always like a local car salesman in Colorado that had one.
He always wore like a big hat.
It's like kind of like some kind of gimmick every time there was like a zebra with him or something.
So funny.
There's Mario with some cereal.
Oh, Tootsie Pops.
Did they have that one with the owl?
Oh, yeah.
How many books would it take?
Two.
Three.
Three.
David the Gnome, Ghost Rider, Square One.
I don't know what some of these are.
Oh, where's the beef?
Where's the beef?
Where's the beef?
That's another one I know more from the parodies than from the original.
All right.
Well, if you have any other nostalgic commercials you guys can think of, send them our way.
Maybe we'll talk about them in a future segment.
Now it's time for hate mail.
Hey guys, Kyle here.
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Slash Thebabylon BE.
You used to be good.
And four, I really miss Adam Ford.
We had an article Hitler exonerated after footage discovered of him moonwalking on the subway.
And Hitler, here he's.
Uh, he's moonwalking, moonwalking.
He actually looks more like he's in.
Uh, he's in the producers.
Remember that show?
Oh yeah, that's it where spring, springtime for Hitler, springtime for Hitler and Germany yeah, that one, Uh, so this article got some hate, and I understand it.
This one was one we were kind of on the fence about publishing or not.
I was against this one.
I was like, Yeah.
I was like, I think I pitched it, and then I was like, it's going to go too far.
Some people are going to get upset.
It could get misunderstood.
And so we pitched some alternatives that were softer.
And I'm like, you know what?
Either go for it and do it or just don't, like, let's just not touch it.
And we decided to publish it.
So what's the, what's for those who don't know?
So this is referencing.
What's the reference?
This is referencing the death of Jordan Neely.
So Jordan Neely was killed on the subway this week as he apparently had been erratically either assaulting or threatening to assault people on the subway.
And a Marine, I believe, held him in a headlock.
Held him in like a chokehold.
He had him in a rear-naked choke.
I saw this video.
Yes.
That technical term is either that or the lion choke.
Yeah, and I don't know all of the details.
It sounds like, it sounds like some people were saying you should stop.
Other people were like, other people on the train are coming out and saying, no, he was still, you know.
He was fighting the whole time.
He was fighting.
He had to try to subdue him.
Or some people said it was too much.
You could have just restrained his hands or something.
You didn't need to.
Yeah.
Those people have obviously never been in a life-threatening situation.
But what this article was trying to parody was that immediately people like AOC and a lot of the people on the left started posting old videos of Jordan Neely where he would perform on the subway as MJ, as Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson and doing moonwalking and stuff on the subway.
And it was kind of like this guy was, it was one of those things where you pull up like a childhood photo and say like, see, why were they killed?
They, you know, they weren't doing anything bad.
So that's what that's supposed to be.
Okay, I got you.
Yeah, because I saw that story and we had a conversation because I do jiu-jitsu.
So we were all talking about it at jiu-jitsu class because that's a jiu-jitsu move.
The guy had his legs in, like, he had his hooks in around the guy, and he had him wrapped up.
So it was like a classic sort of, you know, and so we were all kind of talking about it because you kind of play around with it at jiu-jitsu and you're like, you know, this stuff is actually really dangerous.
You have to be very careful.
But the guy, I mean, I don't know if he was high.
I don't know what was going on.
See, that's one of the reasons I was against this is because I think in these cases where there's an unarmed person who's killed, whether it's by the police or in this case, by bystanders who stepped in, I always think there's, I see, I don't know all the facts and I don't think we knew all the facts at the time.
And I always think there's a chance what came out was that he was yelling and some of the people on the subway train were moving away from him, that they were intimidated or scared by what he was saying, that he threw his jacket down.
But it was unclear, and I still don't know whether he actually physically attacked someone first or verbally said he was going to physically attack someone, or if this guy restrained him because he was just acting sort of erratic.
And I think all of that matters.
And then I also just don't think, like, it's a weird structure for a joke, and it's a big swing to reference Hitler in a joke.
That's an obscure reference to a controversial story.
That's true.
All the pieces are there for.
Yeah, I can see why there's a problem here.
Yeah.
Yeah, because you want to be circumspect about some of these things.
And I think it's always possible, like, maybe information will come out that he was physically attacking someone first or it was justified.
Yeah, I agree.
It could be jumping the gun.
It's, you know.
But we got some real angry hate.
Here's one from James.
It's physically impossible for conservatives to make jokes.
It can't be done.
Check out my special on dry bar instead.
Adam's pretty good at it, actually.
So's Kyle.
King Josiah said, imagine if the Babylon Bee actually believed in God.
I don't understand that one.
I don't know what King Josiah said.
Jane Sims wrote, you people at the Babylon B are probably big fans of Hitler's work, huh?
Why would we make that joke if we were fans of Solid Burn?
Solid burn.
Well, in his artwork.
E-Raid said, man, I love it when Christians compare a homeless man yelling at people to Hitler.
It reminds me of all those times Jesus definitely didn't yell at people.
I get the first part of the criticism.
I don't get the second.
Yeah, it's interesting.
He doesn't stick with his satire.
He shouldn't.
Reminds me of all those times Jesus definitely didn't.
Oh, because Jesus was, so he's saying Jesus was like Jordan Neely because he was a homeless man yelling at people.
Because he used to yell at people.
Yeah, see how they're the same.
Here's okay.
So here was the most bizarre one.
This guy said, arguing online isn't enough.
We need to start killing these people.
I cannot express this enough.
Right-wingers are way too comfortable expressing their views.
That should very much change.
So a little death threat.
That's a threat of violence.
That does seem very ominous.
I hope he doesn't know our address.
Yeah, you should do that.
Don't say it.
All right, on that exciting note, thanks for watching, everyone.
Stay tuned if you're a subscriber.
If you're not a subscriber, please subscribe to BabylonB.com slash plans.
20% off if you use the code podcast to join and you get to hang out with us the rest of the time.
We got some subscriber headlines this week.
We have someone who wrote in the mailbag and asked us a deep theological question about God.
So that's going to be fun.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
Why did God ask Abraham to sacrifice Isaac?
It kind of feels like one of those edgy atheist arguments like, yeah, child sacrifices bad, but God killed Jesus.
New ultra odor buster Snazzle Max with Bleach Alternative.
I like that old clip of him when he was debating SORAP.